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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:41:51 GMT -5
Nerves: Fire doesn't want us to back her up anymore.
Rabbxt: What do you mean? Is she not going to follow the plan?
Nerves: I don't know. She said that she'll follow the plan, as long as we all follow it, too.
Rabbxt: We already agreed on it, so of course we're all going to follow it.
Nerves: That's what I thought...
Rabbxt: Maybe she's just about losing the belt?
Nerves: She seemed more mad at us for trying to back her up than she was at The Dead for taking her belt.
Rabbxt: Well, if she doesn't want us backing her up, then we won't. Just let shit happen to her, I guess.
Nerves: Yea... She said she expected one of us to play dirty out there in the gauntlet and that she's going to be ready for it.
Rabbxt: That may be the most important thing that she told you. If she's actually planning on having to watch out for one of us turning on her, then I think she might take any opportunity given to take one of us, or all three of us out.
Nerves: Do you really think...
Rabbxt: Yea, Nerves. I do. Maybe we should let Blitz in on this little bit of information. If Fire's going to accuse us of being backstabbers, I don't think we have any reason to trust her out there.
Nerves: I guess you might be right on this whole thing. Where's Blitz at?
Rabbxt: I sent him to Walmart. We decided to put a trampoline outside of our locker room. See, we've got this back door that leads out there to a swimming pool...
Nerves: The pool isn't frozen?
Rabbxt: That's what makes it even more awesome. It's indoor! And it's ours. Yay!
Nerves: Sweet. Well, just tell Blitz when he gets back.
Rabbxt: Will do, Nerves. And thanks.
Nerves: No problem...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:42:15 GMT -5
[The Nerves Agent is walking down the hall when he sees Blitz carrying a big box.]
TNA: Hey Blitz!
Blitz: Oh hey Nerves. What's up?
TNA: Nothing much..Uh..There was something I was supposed to tell you. I forget though, so I guess Rabbxt will tell you when you get back to the locker room.
Blitz: Oh, thanks, I guess. Was it important.
TNA: I don't really remember. When he tells you, you'll know.
Blitz: Oh okay.
TNA: Yeah..Oh hey is that your guys new trampoline?!
Blitz: Yeah, it's so heavy to carry by myself.
TNA: Oh that sucks.
Blitz: Yeah and it was expensive. Rabbxt made me pay for it all by myself.
TNA: Good for him. I would've..
Blitz: ...
TNA: I mean, he shouldn't have done that. I totally would've helped pay.
Blitz: Well you still can. Just give me $100 and we'll be even.
TNA: Actually you know what, I'd love to, but I really have to get back to my locker room. It's kinda important.
Blitz: Well what do you...
TNA: See ya, gotta go.
Blitz [screaming at Nerves Agent as he runs away.]: Wait, could you at least help me carry this?!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:42:41 GMT -5
Blitz: Hey, Rabbxt. Nerves said that you had something to tell me?
Rabbxt: I told him, too. Why didn't he tell you?
Blitz: I don't know. He said he forgot what it was.
Rabbxt: How could he forget!?
Blitz: Again, I don't know. Just tell me what's up.
Rabbxt: Alright, well... Fire isn't completely trusting us out there in the gauntlet. So I told Nerves that we shouldn't be trusting her, either.
Blitz: Why doesn't she trust us?
Rabbxt: Because she... You know what? Why don't you just go and watch the promos from earlier. You'll get it. Come to think of it, maybe Nerves should have re-watched some of the promos he was in and he would have remembered everything.
Blitz: Totally. Well, I'm going to go put this damn trampoline next to our pool. You wanna help me?
Rabbxt: I would, but I can't.
Blitz: Ugh... Why not?
Rabbxt: You see, I'm going out tonight. And I'll actually be out for a few days.
Blitz: Where are you going?
Rabbxt: Training facility.
Blitz: Why can't you just train in the ring we've got here?
Rabbxt: I've got to train in more categories than just wrestling, Blitz.
Blitz: Oh, yea. Flips, breakdancing...
Rabbxt: The works! That's right, Blitz. So, yea... You go and set that trampoline up. Remember, it's our trampoline. No one else jumps on it. They might break it and I'm pretty sure you didn't pay for the insurance on it.
Blitz: They didn't offer any insurance. Anyway, our room's always locked, so no one will get in, anyway. It is just a trampoline, though. Don't know why you're so worried about it.
Rabbxt: Blitz... I... love... trampolines...
Blitz: Alright, well... I guess I'll see you later, then?
Rabbxt: On second though, do you want to come with me? I'm sure you could have some fun training with me. We could maybe work some stuff out for that gauntlet?
Blitz: Sure, Rabbxt. I guess that'd be cool.
**Rabbxt and Blitz set the trampoline up, lock their door, and head off to the training facility.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:43:02 GMT -5
Viper is watching the monitor...
DV: Hey, Big Dawg... I mean, Double F! Check this out!
FFM3: What's up?
DV: How did those kids get a swimming pool right by their locker room? We're supposed to have money, where's our swimming pool?
FFM3: Hey, we have a swimming pool at the Fortress of Snobbery. Both the olympic sized one that you requested for training and the vagina shaped one for Ryan and Lauren.
DV: But that's at the fortress. We're at the arena locker room right now but we have no pool.
FFM3: They have a little kiddie pool, Donnie. Not suitable for rich people like us. And besides, we have a jacuzzi that shoots flakes of gold into the water.
DV: Yeah, but Ryan and Lauren are always in there.
FFM3: So?
DV: I love watching people have sex, but come on, it's all the damn time with them.
FFM3: So?
DV: *shrugs shoulders* Ok. Spa time.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:43:23 GMT -5
<Viper walks into the spa and allows the hot steam to open up his pores. He sits and relaxes, wearing only a towel around his waist. He starts to whistle a tune which echoes throughout the Spa chamber. He stops the tune short when he spots a large, dark, mass of a man, emanate from the mist.>
DV - AHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!?!
<Stank stands before Viper wearing only a towel around his waist. He then sits next to Viper.>
DV - Get AWAY FROM ME!
Stank - What? I'm not your type?
DV - FOR THE LAST TIME-!
<Stank scooches closer to Viper cutting his retort short. He leans over and with a beefy hand he grabs Viper around his throat!>
Stank - I TOLD YOU you would SEE this COMING!
<With his other hand Stank grabs Vipers towel and yanks it off!>
DV - AHHHHH! DON'T RAPE ME, BRO!
<Stank stands up and starts snapping the wet towel at Viper's face!>
DV - OW! *SNAP!* OW! QUIT! *SNAP!* OW!!
<Viper tries to make a run for it, but Stank whips the towel around Viper's legs, which causes him to fall. Stank grabs at Viper's shoulders, but Donovan slips out of his grip and runs out the spa naked.
He runs out into the backstage corridors of the arena, turns and sees Stank naked, wielding a towel in his hand and giving chase. Stank's own towel must have slipped off in his pursuit.>
DV - CHRIST He's FAST!
<Viper turns on the speed and runs into a conference room occupied by an assembly dairy farmers at their 3rd annual New Zealand Dairy Conference. Viper hurtles a table and heads toward the stage. Stank busts through the table and catches up to Viper, whipping his wet towel at Viper's backside!>
DV - OW! OW!
Stank - I LOST my match against LD because of YOU!
DV - OW! YOU lost BECAUSE YOU SUCK! OW!
<Stank tackles Viper and they roll around on stage to the horror of the audience!>
DV - DAMMIT!! DO YOU have ANY IDEA how GAY this LOOKS?!!?
<Stank and Viper both get to their feet. Viper tries a kick to Stank's ribs, which Stank catches between his side and his arm. Viper, now hopping on one leg, pleads with Stank to no avail. Stank lifts Viper and slings him against a nearby wall! Viper slowly slides down and slumps to the floor... in perfect position for a...
Viper slowly opens his eyes and spots a large, dark, hairy ASS making it's way to his face! Stank spreads his cheeks...>
DV - AHHHHH!! NOOOOOOOOO!!! AHHHHHH! OK! OK!!! I'M sorry, I'M SORRY!! I'M SOOOOO FUCKING SORRY!!!
Stank - Sorry FOR WHAT?!!
DV - I'M SORRY I CRACKED YOUR RIBS!! GET YOUR ASSHOLE AWAY FROM ME!!!!
<Stank releases his cheeks and turns to face Viper.>
DV - OH GOD!! GET your WANG out of my FACE!
<Stank backs away slowly and grabs a nearby tablecloth to cover himself, leaving an exhausted and disgusted Viper slumped on the stage floor. Stank makes his way over the Destroyitarium where he sees Spin Hansen and DH Magnuson. They look at Stank, dressed only in a tablecloth.>
Stank - What?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:43:45 GMT -5
(We see a Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist and her cameraman approach the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room. She knocks and is granted entrance. We see Lucios and Davin seated in recliners watching the Sony Multimedia Center apparently watching some tag team matches, and Phantos is in the background, bouncing away on the Trampoline. )
RNSFJ: Lucios, you and your partner ready for your promo?
Lucios: Sure thing. Davin, watch the finish during this match, it’s amazing. We should think about using that move this week.
(Lucios throws an Aquafina bottle @ Phantos, who looks up and somersaults off the trampoline, landing beside the RNSFJ.)
Phantos: (Howls like a wolf) Damn!!! You’re Hot!
Lucios (Smacking his partner across the back of the head) Shut up; we got a promo to do. (Both men take long drinks out of 20 oz. bottles of Aquafina)
RNSFJ: Ready Boys? (holds microphone up and cues cameraman) Phantos, Lucios, this will be the third straight week DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen are getting Title shots. Any thoughts about why you two have been passed over?
Lucios: DH, Spin, Good Luck out there tonight. I hope you beat those two snakes. Just remember gentlemen, whether you two win them, or Ecosystem and Voltage get the job done @ New Year’s Evil…
Phantos: (cutting his partner off).. Live on Pay Per View!
Lucios: (Smacks him on the back of the head again): No matter who ends up with those Championships, We will be waiting for you. The Uncrowned Champions will not be denied much longer. Remember, WE are the measuring stick, WE are the standard by which all of you will be judged. And We WILL be coming after OUR Championships
Phantos: And before you get too uppity and think about challenging US, think about this, We chased Alt and Harris for those titles, and they haven’t been heard from in weeks, haven’t teamed up in weeks, and are in the process of jobbing to the entire roster on their way out. Before that, we chased Adrenaline and Capps. Where are they? Unemployed. You’re better off staying out of our way.
Lucios: Speaking of Capps & Adrenaline, Boys, you two go ahead and keep those belts. When we bring the Double-O Double-U F Tag Team Championships home to Run DLP, One of our sponsors will have new belts made.
RNSFJ: Any thoughts about the 6-man match this week?
Phantos: Run DLP will run wild on those LOADED freaks. Davin has made Ryan Hardcore quit so many times lately, he won’t even want to get in the ring
Lucios: And Defenstrators, No vandalizing windows tonight, you will actually have to wrestle in that ring. You know as well as we do, that makes US the odds on favorites. You have a problem with that? Let’s settle it in the ring!!
(Phantos puts his fists on his hips super-hero style and Lucios flexes for that camera. Phantos cape flutters in the breeze and we fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:44:04 GMT -5
**Rabbxt and Blitz are fighting. Ooh...**
Blitz: How could you do that, Rabbxt!?
Rabbxt: I don't know. I really did think I could land it.
Blitz: Rabbxt... A standing double back tuck? Really?
Rabbxt: Well, I can do standing Shooting Star Leg Drops. I just figured that a standing double back tuck would be easy to pull off.
Blitz: Maybe a double back tuck after a few back handsprings. But just standing there?
Rabbxt: Blitz, I could do a full twisting double back layout if I did a few back handsprings first.
Blitz: Exactly my point! You should've made that bet instead.
Rabbxt: Ok, Blitz. I said I was sorry. What more do you want?
Blitz: I want that money that you bet away back.
Rabbxt: I don't know how to get it back, Blitz. It's gone.
Blitz: Oh, no it isn't. I know how to get it back. You know that trampoline you made me buy?
Rabbxt: No, Blitz! Not the trampoline!
Blitz: You did this to yourself, Rabbxt. That trampoline is out of there.
Rabbxt: No!
Blitz: And you know what else has to go?
Rabbxt: Not the...
Blitz: That's right. The pool.
Rabbxt: How are we going to sell our pool? It's in-ground, Blitz.
Blitz: I noticed. We've got to sell our locker room to someone else who wants it more than us... In fact, if anyone in the OOWF is watching this right now and wants a large locker room with secret in-ground pool slash trampoline room, just text me or Rabbxt about it and we can work out a deal. We can move into that empty locker room down the hall, Rabbxt.
Rabbxt: That one is half the size, though!
Blitz: It works for what we need it for. And less ninja cameramen fit into it.
Rabbxt: I hate you for this, Blitz.
Blitz: I know, Rabbxt. You'll get over it.
Rabbxt: I hope so...
**Rabbxt and Blitz continue their training, which consists of gymnastics floor exercises, trampoline flipping, in-ring wrestling, and more!**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:44:32 GMT -5
Firewoman is observing the happenings in the OOWF Arena on one of the many television monitors conveniently scattered around the arena
FW: That is NOT what I said.
looking around, she grabs a random wandering mic stand and stealth camera
You...come here...
Alright, fellow newbies.
I make you the same promise I make all my tag team partners. Scroll through the previous history! I have your backs, you have mine. You don't, I don't.
And if it's any or all four of us left standing in there? Well, we have to go against each other. And we know each other's movesets, so to win, we'll have to be tricky.
I don't know about you all, but I'm here to win. That means, eventually, beating all of you. And I fully expect you to bring it. And I'll be looking for surprises and I'll be ready.
As far as backing me up in the hallways, The Dead may be a jerk, but he actually GETS it. Roll the clip, trunk monkeys:
Now, the Dead is just trying to save face, probably, since you all teased him for 'beating up a girl.' Still he beat me fair and square, and he'll have to deal with whatever threat I am to his masculinity on his own.
I don't need my teammates giving him or anyone else ammo. That's all I'm saying.
Now to YOU, The Dead. You did beat me fair and square. I'm kind of surprised no one has gotten YOU yet. Usually that kind of thing happens willy nilly, but I guess they're all busy fielding calls from the competition and trying to figure out ways to get swimming pools and endorsements. But I bet someone will...sometime. And we will meet in the ring again.
If not before.
Either way, I was the first female OOWF IRONMA...er, IRONPERSON CHAMPION. And that most certainly DOES sparkle with me.
*cut.* Thanks...SFJ...whatever your number is. I'm off to yoga.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:45:05 GMT -5
Rabbxt: Hey, Blitz. We got a new promo update.
Blitz: New promo update?
Rabbxt: Yea. It must be a cool OOWF feature on these Sprint phones.
Blitz: Alright. Let's watch it, I guess.
Blitz: She's a tough one.
Rabbxt: I got this one, Blitz. Fire, I'm with you. I agree with everything you said. As long as you're watching out for us in the gauntlet, we'll be watching out for you. After Seamus and The Dead are taken out, it will be just the four of us left in there. We do know each others' movesets and we will have to be tricky. We might have to bring out some new moves, even. And I'm here to win, too, Fire. No doubt about it. And if you, Nerves, or even my own partner, Blitz, get booked in a match with me, there's no taking it easy out there. You're an awesome chick, Fire.
Rabbxt: Fire, we've got no endorsements. We no longer even have a swimming pool or a trampoline... Blitz! But the one thing Blitz and I do have is the desire to win. Same as you, Fire. I'm not all about the sneak attacks, though, despite my heelishness. If you're fine with The Dead doing what he does, I'm fine with it, too. No more backing you up against it. Sorry about the misunderstanding, Fire. That gauntlet match... It'll be an interesting one.
**Rabbxt and Blitz again continue their training, which consists of gymnastics floor exercises, trampoline flipping, in-ring wrestling, and more!**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:45:33 GMT -5
[The Nerves Agent is watching what Rabbxt and Firewoman said on one of the many televisions that are conveniently scattered around the areana.]
TNA: Well said. Both of you. I agree with you both. We will need to get a little sneaky and tricky when it comes down to the four of us. Like Rabbxt said, we may even need to show some new moves. But also like Rabbxt said, I don't like the way The Dead thinks he can sneak attack anyone and say he is the champion, but if Fire is okay with it, then I guess I have to be okay with it too. No more sticking up for Firewoman, even if she is jumped in her own locker room. Not because I don't like her, but because she asked for it. And when it comes down to the gauntlet on Wednesday, don't expect me to stick up for her in the match either when it comes down to me, Blitz, her, and Rabbxt. It's gonna be a war. And it's gonna be fun!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:45:52 GMT -5
(Lucios and Davin are at a small New Zealand Gym working out and discussing their 6-man match)
Davin: I KNOW you've been working on that dropkick. If we get a chance, we should all three get in the ring and hit a triple dropkick!
Lucios: I don't know, I don't get the right height on mine. I usually end up connecting with the guys sternum. Why don't I set up the Dropkick Device and both you and Phantos go up top, like Michaels and Janetty used to? A Double Dropkick Device.
Davin: That would work too.
(They work out in silence for a moment)
Lucios: Any word from Bookerman on who you get @ New Year's Evil?
Davin: No, I'm assuming Firewoman.
Lucios: Going to be tough to beat up on a girl?
Davin: It might, but as soon as she gets a few shots in I'll get over it. Any ideas who you two face?
Lucios: No, I'd like a match with Drink & Destroy's JV squad, but I'm sure Phantos wants a crack at Rabbit & Blitz. We'll probably get them.
(Both men stand and wipe their faces with towels.)
Davin: You ready?
Lucios: Yeah, I think so. Let me go get Phantos. He's in the lobby on that new Sony Vaio Laptop.
Davin: (laughs) He's probably downloaded every Stormy pic he could find.
Lucios (shaking his head) You're probably right.
(fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:46:17 GMT -5
What is it around here...hickbillies, butter knifes and now I've got to go against the island of misfit wrestlers...a bunny, a nervous pervous, and firechick ...what is this the three amigos? Look kids, pick up your legos and move aside while the grown ups go to work...dead I'm coming for you, good, bad or indifferent me ma told me long ago you don't treat a lady like you did...not that shes much of a lady...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:46:35 GMT -5
**Rabbxt sees his phone light up and notices he has a new promo update. He immediately watched the promo, eventually being disgusted by what he's seeing and hearing.**
Rabbxt: Seamus... Mr. McNasty. I haven't been paying much attention to you lately. Maybe it's about time I start. You called me a bunny. Do you know how many times I've heard that one? It's totally old, dude. Get some new shit. The Nerves Agent, a nervous person? He's the agent, yo. He carries out the action. He controls your nerves, Seamus. He makes you nervous. And then you make the big leap and call Firewoman, Firechick. Ho-ly-shit. That's hardcore, man. Seriously. Firechick? I mean, damn. At least take a few minutes to think of shit to say before making a complete ass our of yourself. And what did you mean, not that she's much of a lady? She may be able to kick your ass twice as hard as any guy around here, but that just makes her a better person than you. You, you're just a waste of roster space. The Dead did a wrong thing. He attacked Fire and took her belt. Sure, she took it off me, first. But I dealt with it. But what you're lacking to see is this: The Dead taking the belt off Fire should have nothing to do with treating a lady wrong. Whether he did it to a man or woman, The Dead acted like a complete pussy by attacking a person out of nowhere and basically stealing their belt from them. You've got a lot to learn about the business, Seamus. I'm thinking it's about time you try to start reading up on it. I hope this is the last I hear of you, 'cause this shit's fucking weak...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:46:54 GMT -5
(El Ecosistema and El Voltaje are watching all the promos from this week in sequence.)
El Ecosistema: Rabbxt hablaba mucho, si? (Rabbxt talked a lot, didn't he?)
El Voltaje: Si. Y Run DLP, y Firewoman, y todos los luchadores nuevos. (Yes. And Run DLP, and Firewoman, and all the new guys.)
El Ecosistema: Debemos hacer algo divertido para el publico. (We should do something entertaining for the public.)
(El Voltaje begins to do the Soulja Boy dance.)
El Ecosistema: Soulja Boy ofende una prostituta! Por que el arranca, por que hace rodar? Por que arranca Soulja Boy para Superhombre esta prostituta?
(Soulja Boy offend a ho! Why he crank that, why he roll? Why he crank that Soulja Boy to superman that ho?)
Voltaje: Estas son las letras? (Those are the lyrics?)
Ecosistema: Si, mas o menos. (More or less.)
Voltaje: Lucharemos contra quien? (Who are we wrestling against?)
Ecosistema: Yo sepa, salvo que los nuevos hicieron muchos promos y la pagina dice "This is a long topic, click here to review it." (I would know, except that the n00bs made so many promos and the page says "This is a long topic, click here to review it."
Voltaje: Puedes hacer clic? (Can you click?)
Ecosistema: Si, pero no lo quiero. (Yes, but I don't want to.)
Voltaje: Ellos son douches vaginales. (They are douchebags.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:47:16 GMT -5
hehehee weak you say, read up on it you say....let me explain something rodent, while you were wanking off to a Bill Apter article, I was in bloodbaths in the streets of Belfast, fighting along side men, so don't try to dress me down hamster dick, so I'm not not a good person...no please I want to be held, I want to be loved, what is this Doctor Phil, ohhh your right Every-ready I might need to learn about the business but I know a few things about ass kicking, and your alligator ass is writing checks your gerbil ass can't cover...so your right you need to pay attention to me...ohh it 's time to pay...and let me ask you this Elmer...Is it Rabbit season?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:47:34 GMT -5
Rabbxt: I see now that you really want my attention, Seamus. Well, you got it. Not because of the things you're saying to me in your lame-ass promos, but because of your instant obsession with me and the other new wrestlers around here. Blitz, Nerves, Fire... They're all my friends. I'm not going to sit back and watch you insult them. And I'm sure as hell not going to sit back and watch you insult me. Or, try to insult me, that is. How many animals do you try to write into your promos? Rodent, hamster, alligator, gerbil, rabbit, and Dr. Phil? Alright, I get it. My name almost sounds like "rabbit". It's old. I'm past it. As long as I'm proving myself, I can choose any name I want. And tust me, in this gauntlet, I'll prove myself to you. I've got some things planned out, Seamus. You... No... Everyone, will be surprised. I'd get prepared, Seamus. This is going to be a match that you won't forget. Thank you, though, for having the balls to try to intimidate me. I guess I'll be seeing you later, Seamus. Come Wednesday, you'll see a new side of me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:47:53 GMT -5
The Nerves Agent [after watching Seamus and Rabbxt go at it]: Damn dude, that Seamus guys is nuts. Like Rabbxt said, so many animals to insult one guy. You must feel special Rabbxt you're the whole fucking animal kingdom. As for you Seamus, I won't let you insult me. What was it you called me? Nervous pervous? That's real cute and all, but if I were you, I'd be getting a little nervous myself. Cause come Wednesday your ass will hit that mat so hard, we'll make it feel like you're right back in fucking Ireland when you got knocked the fuck out in bar fights too. And it won't stop once you hit the mat either. Even when you're on the mat begging to be pinned, you'll get the worst ass kicking you ever received. So when you call me nervous pervous, remember what happens to you in this gauntlet.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:48:14 GMT -5
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III brings a pair of warm-up pants to Donovan Viper.
FFM3- Damn, that's rough, dude. I'm...I'm sorry that had to happen to you.
DV- You used to be his partner, how'd you deal with that?
FFM3- Deal with what?
DV- You know...you shared a lockerroom. You had to see that nasty ass all the time.
FFM3- Well, never spread open and flying towards my face. What kind of lockerroom's have you been in?
DV- What are you implying?
FFM3- Nothing. That's just not normal lockerroom behavior.
DV- Okay, because I don't like when people imply stuff like that about me. The only asses I like flying at my face are hairless and female and 16.
FFM3- That's not legal.
DV- Where are we wrestling this week?
FFM3- New Zealand.
DV- Hey, Dev, what's the age of consent in New Zealand?
DevilSoprano- 16.
DV- Sweet! Let's go eat some 16-year-old ass!
FFM3- Shall we cowboy up beforehand?
DV- But, of course!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:48:41 GMT -5
*Blitz finds Rabbxt backstage after selling their locker room.*
Blitz: What are you up to?
Rabbxt: I’m battle-rapping with that Irish punk.
Blitz: You can flip and battle-rap? Man, you’re awesome. Let me see your stuff.
*Blitz watches OOWF TV.*
Blitz: There is no way that counts. It didn’t even rhyme.
Rabbxt: Whatever, stop being such a hater. Dude, we need a place to chill at before Mayhem.
Blitz: Damn man, you totally fucked us over with your big headedness.
Rabbxt: Whatever, we can go chill at the spa. It’s a great place to just relax.
*Rabbxt and Blitz enter the spa to see the nude Stank towel-whipping a few unnamed yet tender n00blets.*
Blitz: Damn.
Rabbxt: *Shivers.*
Blitz: Okay, we go with Plan B. Go find the smaller locker room down the hallway.
*They enter, only to find Ryan Hardcore and Lauren Pheonix having sex. Phantos is watching, sipping coke and munching popcorn.
Rabbxt: Weird. Do you know anywhere else we can go?
Blitz: We can search.
*Blitz and Rabbxt talk whilst Walking!*
Blitz: Man, it has been a crazy week.
Rabbxt: You’re telling me.
Blitz: You, TNA and Fire breaking up and making up every 15 minutes. I think I was supposed to go to Canada sometime, but now Nerves can already land some flips, and he’s not even jealous anymore.
Rabbxt: Shit, it looks like this is our only option left.
*They stand before an old, musky closet.*
Blitz: Aw shit. I ain’t staying in a closet.
Rabbxt: Is that a gay joke?
Blitz: Possibly.
*They open it, and the closet is even smaller than it looked like from the outside. Spider webs are everywhere, and there is no light. Everything is covered in filth.*
Rabbxt: God, I’m going to vomit. We need to get out of here. What the? Who’s that?
SYB: Hey. We haven’t seen the light of day in a long time.
Blitz: Sweet Jesus. Is this your locker room?
SYB: Yeah well, the OOWF doesn’t want to spend any money on us. We’re just jobbers.
Blitz: Haven’t you gone crazy yet? I know I would have.
SYB: He already has (motions to Apocalyptic Existence).
*AE is munching his own foot.* *Rabbxt and Blitz leave.*
Blitz: Doesn’t the OOWF have any humanity?
Rabbxt: It seems not. Anyway, let’s just go to the gym. At least it will have a ring to practice in.
*They arrive at the gym.*
Rabbxt: So are you ready for our match tonight?
Blitz: Hell yeah. And remember: We’ve got each other’s backs. Right?
Rabbxt: Of course. You know, even though we might be a 4-way alliance, you and me have an advantage over Firewoman and Nerves; we are a tag team. When we are the four left, you and me can still watch each other’s backs. They won’t have allies.
Blitz: Hey, we shouldn’t be strategizing against other members of our own faction.
Rabbxt: Blitz, it’s always possible to have alliances within alliances. And sometimes, you have to get rid of the dead weight. You are only as strong as your weakest link. Just remember that kid.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:48:59 GMT -5
The camera is in Firechild's warehouse, and we see a clip from last week's show on the big screen, with Firechild lying bleeding and down in the ring, as MacCappington gloats over him.......
"You see, the GM responded favorably to my generous donation to his favorite charity - Daytonians Against FruiT in Drinks (DAFt) and has allowed me to pick the stipulations for our next match - which is, as of now, going to be a ladder match, with the thing I love most and the thing you most want to take from me at the top. That's right, the rights to all my financial assets are on the line in this match, but also if I win, then I get a contract for you to be my indentured servant. Heres your chance to break me, to send me homeward to think again. But you know you can't do it, because you know im better than you. I'm bigger, richer and more successful. You can't measure up to me 'Child, and as of next week, everyone will know it!"
As MacCappington finishes, the screen burns up and Firechidl steps through the gap, standing in the full light of the projector.
"So that's how its going to be? Fine with me, because it doesn't matter what devious plan you have, it doesn't matter how beat up I am. I am going to bring the fire of justice to mayhem, I am going to beat you senseless, then I am going to take your money, in full view of the roster, and the fans. I shall take you down, amid a great bruning and you shall not recover. Don't say I didn't warn you......"
Fade to black.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:49:20 GMT -5
(CTG is on his way to the arena (apparently with a Ninja Cameraman in his car) when his cellphone rings. Being a good citizen, he has his Bluetooth headset on)
CTG: This is Gryfon
??: Kid, you're gonna miss out on a hell of a show. Sorry uou won' be here.
CTG: ? who is this?
??: Let's just say a buddy of mine is trying to get you to come back, too.
CTG: Shawn?
HBK: Yes, you CAN be taught!
CTG: I'd love to be at the anniversary show, Shawn, but I'm halfway around the planet right now.
HBK: uh oh... what time is it there?
CTG: It's ok, Shawn, I'm almost exactly one day ahead of you.
HBK: so...(DX overacting mode) it's... already happened there?
CTG: (smirks) mayybe.
HBK: Were you... on the show?
CTG: not this week.
HBK: was .... you know.... "he" on the show?
CTG: Are you gonna be on the show?
HBK: Of COURSE I am!
CTG: then no, "he" isn't.... but he's sending family, so watch your back.
HBK: (back to normal voice) kid, I really hope you take vince's offer, I've heard some of the details. You know you'd be welcome here.
CTG: I'll keep that in mind, Shawn - see if you can swing a tag match with me, I'd be honored.
HBK: you got it - whoops, gotta go <click>
CTG: (shakes head and continues driving)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:49:39 GMT -5
[The Dead is walking! down the hallway, past the other wrestlers locker rooms.]
The Dead: What a crazy week. The drama in this place is unbelievable. The Dead came here to wrestle. Everywhere he's gone, The Dead has only had one objective. To kick ass and step over everyone if that's what it took to win. But when The Dead showed up here in the OOWF, everything seemed to change.
[The Dead walks past the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room. Empty boxes from a few Sony products are outside the door.]
The Dead: We have guys here that are more worried about corporate sponsorships and silicon-inflated women than wrestling.
[He walks past Rabbxt's storage closet.]
The Dead: We have guys more concerned about recreating their favorite soap-opera and trying to buy a bigger trampoline than wrestling.
[The Dead walks past ConcreteTG's room.]
The Dead: And even guys who spend more time talking to other promotions than worrying about the one they're in.
What The Dead said when he first arrived here hasn't changed. The Dead see's nothing but a bunch of self-promoters, and hell [looking back at the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room] even a few self-lovers, but not many wrestlers. This week on Mayhem you will get another glimpse of the future of this business. You are all witness...
[Stank goes running down the hall, barely covered in a towel.]
The Dead: Nevermind...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:50:01 GMT -5
*Outback Jack and Wally are in the Destroyitarium at the bar, with a row of small glasses in front of them. SFJ 53 appraches them.*
SFJ: Hey, what are you drinking? Shots?
OBJ: Actually, we're sampling a flight of Sauvignon Blancs from the Marlborough region.
SFJ: I get it. You're making fun of Donovan Viper for being gay.
OBJ: Not at all. *Takes a sip* Ah, slightly grassy with a pleasant hint of lemon, wouldn't you say Wally?
WBK: And maybe some floral overtones. Now maybe we should try a flight of Chardonnay.
SFJ: Are you sure you're not making fun of Viper for being gay?
OBJ: Really, no, we're not making fun of anybody. I'm just trying to expand my horizons in the drinking department beyond beer and hard liquor.
SFJ: Oh. Because after Viper and Stank were running around naked I figured you'd be making fun of him.
OBJ: I have no intention of making fun of....er, what did you say about Viper and Stank?
SFJ: They were running around naked and doing stuff.
OBJ (drinks a big swig straight from a wine bottle and belches): That's Kiwi for I don't think I want to hear anymore about it.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:50:29 GMT -5
(The camera cuts to the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room. Phantos is watching OOWF-TV on the Sony Multimedia center. Lucios is on a couch, apparently asleep.)
Phantos: (just finished watching The Dead's promo) This guys is strange.
Lucios: (looking up slightly,) What?
Phantos: This Dead guy. He's blabbering about all the newbies, us, and Concrete TG.
Lucios: Anything to concern us?
Phantos: Not really, just going on about corporate sponsors & stuff being more important to us than wrestling.
(Lucios sits up and presses rewind. He watches The Dead's solioquy, then turns the TV off.)
Lucios: As long as he doesn't stick his nose to far into RUN DLP business. otherwise I could care less what some nobody has to say.
Phantos: Can I hook up the Guitar Hero now?
Lucios: Fine. I'd rather you wasted time on that than the 'other stuff' Deadboy mentioned.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:50:49 GMT -5
<Having gotten dressed and settled in a booth with a beer, SFJ#53, and some pretzels, Stank addresses Spin Hansen as he approaches.> Stank - So this is DH Magnusson. DHM - That's me. Spin - He's good people Stank. Stank - You thinking about joining us? DHM - Not necessarily. Stank - No? DHM - No, not really. My interest lies in capturing my first bit of gold in the OOWF with your mate here. Stank - The tag titles were my first taste of championship gold. You think you got what it takes? DHM - That and then some. Stank - How bout you, Spin? Spin - It'll earn me some respect around here. Stank - I respect you plenty, Spin. Spin - ... I'm not sure you do. Stank - Spin - I'm not ungrateful... I just need to carve out my own niche. Stank - What the hell do you mean by that? Spin - ... You wouldn't understand. Stank - ... Well, do whatever you think you need to do. It speaks volumes to me, Magnusson that you're competing for a championship rather than being placed in that noob gauntlet match. DHM - Yeah they are a chatty bunch. Stank - Well never let it be said that the OOWF doesn't care about their midcard. DHM - I'd rather do my talking in the ring. Stank - Fair enough. Listen, you're welcome to the Destroyitarium anytime. Should you decide to join us full time... we'll work something out. Now if you'll excuse me Nicole wants to conduct an interview. <Spin and DH Magnusson join Outback Jack at the bar.> SFJ#53 - How are your ribs? Stank - They're fine. Thanks for asking. SFJ#33 - How do you think you and your partner, the IC Champ Outback Jack, will do against Weapon X this week. Stank - Jack and I come from two of the greatest tag teams in OOWF history, a total of five tag title reigns between the two of us. So we're no strangers to tag wrestling. Weapon X were amongst the elite teams here. They had a long run with the titles. So let me flip the question back your way. How do YOU think our match will go? I'll tell you. It will blow the roof off the place. I guarantee it will be match of the night. There's too much talent in the ring for it not to be. SFJ#28 - Would a win here settle your issues with LD Williams? Stank - No, but it will further demonstrate the position I hold is one I deserve. I have an issue with both members of Weapon X. I've been campaigning for a submission match with LD and a ladder match for the title with Canadian Dragon. I'm a fighting champion, a proud one. I hide from no one. Anyone who thinks they can come take this from me... come try me. SFJ#24 - Thank you for your time. Stank - Whoa whoa whoa Nicole, you and I aren't done yet... what's the deal with your number? SFJ#22 - What do you mean? Stank - Your number gets lower every time you talk to me. SFJ#21 - Well the deal was with each question I ask you, I get closer to becoming the #1 Sexy Female Journalist. Stank - Wow, really? Charlotte is not gonna like that. SFJ#20 - Well as the current #1 she should be here now, shouldn't she? Anyway Lucas, I gotta go. I've got two more interviews... Stank - Wait, WAIT! NICOLE! C'mon BABE! C'MONNNN! <SFJ#18 blows Stank a kiss then walks out.> Stank - Ahh she's such a tease.
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