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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:42:14 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Toowoomba, Australia
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Stank vs. Capellan
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] Donovan Viper vs. LD Williams
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] DH Magnusson & Spin Hansen vs. Los Defenestrators
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Davin Moreland vs. Knife
Chris Cole vs. JW Westgaard Outback Jack vs. Canadian Dragon F. Fonzworth MacCappington III & Firechild vs. Apocalyptic Bastards Phantos & Lucios vs. The Defenestrators Eric O'Mac vs. Ryan Hardcore Rabbxt vs. Blitz vs. The Dead Firewoman vs. The Nerve Agent vs. Seamus McNasty Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Card subject to official intraweb approval
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:42:54 GMT -5
(CTG is sitting in a chair next to GM The Rick's desk. The OOWF GM is reading through a very large stack of paperwork, eyebrows raised)
CTG: It seems that Battleground did do something to Vince.
GMtR: I knew about the visitors and someone clued me in about the phone calls. Points for the contacts, but minus several million on where you're headed.
CTG: So no one else in OOWF has received an offer from Up North?
GMtR: If they have, I'm not hearing about it. And no one is getting the Heavy Recruiting that you are, What about your Mission? What happened to that Dogged Determination to run Moosehead Jack out of here on a rail? What about that Steely Resolve to bring justice and light to this organization?
CTG: For a few months, Rick, I had - as your Champion, and the man behind the whole invasion Up North for Battleground. But this wasn't a result I expected.
GMtR: You didn't answer my question.
CTG: How many people have joined the OOWF since Battleground, Rick? 6? 8?
GMtR: Twelve, and I know of at least half of them who will be sticking around. Your point?
CTG: Moosehead Jack has that many more potential allies... or potential problems. Up North, there's an ever larger share of corruption and darkness afoot that can be vanquished - and my message will be seen all over the world, and perhaps make this world a better place.
GMtR: Dammit, Concrete, this is WRESTLING --
CTG: And if I go, I know I have a crack at a certain beer-fruiting, Line-Mangling, Chin-Locking, Bag-Pooping, rage-ridden, Metrosexual Mantard.
GMtR: (jaw drops)
CTG: And THAT is a bigger evil than Moosehead Jack could ever be.
GMtR: (reads through a couple parts of the contract again) ... fine. I hate to see you leaving us, you've been here since Day One.
CTG: The timing is good, Rick - I finish here and I can make it to the Rumble. I will fulfill my duties through the end of the year.
GMtR: I think this is the part where I wish you the best in your future endeavors?
CTG: I'm not done here yet - first, Moosehead Jack. I'm not terribly picky about what we do for this week's show, but as a final gesture of goodwill to my worthy opponent he can make my farewell match anything he wants.
GMtR: Are you sure about that?
CTG: I'm positive, Rick. This would be my final test - no matter what Moosehead Jack throws at me, if I survive that I'll survive ANYTHING they can throw at me Up North. So if I live through the PPV.... well, Then I can start working on "Furture Endeavors".
(the two shake hands)
GMtR: thank you, Takaken
CTG: Anything for the OOWF, Rick. Always remember that,
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:43:40 GMT -5
Fire: Yo, Evan. Good work out there against the Apocalyptic Bastards.
Rabbxt: Thanks, Fire. You did awesome, too.
Fire: We're in separate matches next week, though. You think you can handle it out there by yourself?
Rabbxt: Hell, yea, Fire. I don't need you to win matches.
Fire: Excuse me?
Rabbxt: No, I mean, I can win the match without you to help me. Just like you can totally get the win in your match next week. Right?
Fire: Yea, yea. I get it. Just hope you and "you know who" don't get into it again.
Rabbxt: Again? Fire, we barely got into shit at Mayhem. Nothing happened.
Fire: Ev, you got destroyed out there in the post-match brawl. Out of nowhere.
Rabbxt: I barely got touched, Fire. Don't tell me that I got destroyed.
Fire: Whatever you say. I mean, he took you OUT, but it's whatever.
Rabbxt: Fire, don't start shit.
Fire: I didn't start anything. I don't know what's happening with the two of you, but if you don't quit, you're going to lose your concentration on our spot as a tag team.
Rabbxt: Nah, yo. I'm totally focused on our team. He ain't no big deal or nothing.
Fire: I just hope I can trust you.
Rabbxt: Oh, no doubt. Talk to you later, Fire. I'm needing some of that Mountain Dew.
Fire: Take it easy.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:43:58 GMT -5
[The Dead is backstage after the show. Blood is still dripping from his face.]
The Dead: You know, The Dead is glad that the GM, in his infinite wisdom, gave Fire and little rabbit the job squad of the OOWF this week. Meanwhile, The Dead and Seamus went toe to toe with an established team. Makes it pretty obvious which team the GM thinks is ready for the big time, eh?
[The camera bobs up and down as the cameraman nods in agreement.]
The Dead: Not to mention, Seamus and The Dead took out both other teams. Hell, Team Dead Drunk essentially wrestled three matches tonight. The Dead knows that Rabbxt thinks he can hang with the big boys, but all he's done is beat up curtain-jerkers. As soon as someone with experience gets in the ring, Rabbxt collapses faster than a lawn chair under Rush Limbaugh. Not too impressive. Hell, Firewoman is the only one on that team with any balls.
As for next week, The Dead finally gets back to a little singles wrestling against the aforementioned rodent and Blitz. The Dead looks forward to making a statement before the pay-per-view. A statement The Dead will make all over the battered bodies of Blitz and Rabbxt.
[The Dead spits some blood onto the floor and walks away.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:44:24 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack hears a knock on his door.>
MHJ – Who is it!
<There’s no answer. Moose opens the door to find Stank standing there with the OOWF Title slung over his shoulder.>
MHJ – Oh it’s you. Are you ready to go?
Stank - ...
MHJ – Stank?
Stank - ...
MHJ - ... Ghost of Wrestling Past?
Stank - ...
MHJ - ...
Stank - ... I’m just fucking with you.
MHJ – Cute. Let’s go. You’re driving.
Stank – We just got here.
MHJ – Where’s the other you?
Stank – He’s in his hotel room.
MHJ – I’m anxious to get this over with. I figure it’s about an hour’s drive out there, we get Stank zapped back to his when, an hour’s drive back, then another three hour flight back to Brisbane from Auckland.
Stank – I still don’t know about this guy Moose.
MHJ – Rick already called and told him what’s up. We were very fortunate that he still owed Rick a favor after his unceremonious dumping from the OOWF. Not that it mattered. We would have made him fix this one way or other.
Stank – He’s so annoying!
MHJ – Hopefully this won’t take long.
Stank – Hey guys. This is beautiful country, New Zealand.
MHJ – Good you’re here. Let’s go Stanks. Time’s a wastin.
<Moose walks two doors down and knocks.>
LDW – We ready? Hold on I got to go grab my wallet.
MHJ – Hurry.
Stank – I still don’t understand why HE had to come.
MHJ – He wanted come. He’s a grown man who can do what he likes.
<LD Williams returns, closes his room door, turns and meets the glare of the OOWF Champ.>
LDW – What’s your problem?
Stank – LD you lost. WHY are you fucking here?
LDW – First I don’t need you to remind ME of the LUCKY break you caught in our match. Second, I don’t do comedy, but I want to see this through. I was there when this started, after all. Third, fuck you.
MHJ – People we can settle this later. The man is here. There’s nothing to do about it. Let’s go.
<Stank, Stank, LD Williams and Moosehead Jack walk out to the hotel parking lot and enter their rented SUV. The World Champ sits behind the wheel with Moose riding shotgun. Stank and LD settle in the back. 45 minutes later, over hills, and through valleys, the men arrive at a bridge, in a mountain pass, too narrow for the SUV.>
Moose – Looks like we’re walking.
Stank – How much farther?
MHJ – According to the map, it’s about a mile through those woods, after we cross this bridge.
LDW – Well let’s get goin.
<The men exit the vehicle and start to cross the narrow bridge on foot with Moose, trailing about 2 yards behind the other three, lost in looking at the map. About halfway across *POOF!* The Evil Wizard appears between Moose and the rest of the party who have already made it across.>
EW – Hellooo what brings you here?
MHJ – Oh good. You’re saving us a hike.
EW – None may approach my lair without the proper invite.
MHJ – I thought Rick squared this with you?
EW – Did he not give you the invitations I sent?
MHJ – What invitations?
EW – Oh dear. I’m so sorry. I’m afraid without the proper invitations you shall not pass.
MHJ – Look, we don’t have time for this sh-
EW – YOOOOOOUUUUU SHALL NOT PASSS!!!!!!
<With that declaration, The Evil Wizard raises his staff and slams it down on the bridge, collapsing the section where Moosehead Jack stands. Jack begins to fall. He reaches out at the last second, snagging the hem of The Evil Wizard’s robe. The weight is too much for the wizard, as he loses his footing and is dragged over the edge of the broken bridge. The wizard hangs on for dear life at the jagged periphery, with Moose hanging just below, by the fraying threads of the wizard’s robe. Stank and LD Williams hurry over to the two men dangling over the edge.>
EW – Fly, you fools!
<Stank and LD stop short.>
EW – I mean RUN! Hurry UP and COME GET ME!
<LD and Stank are two feet out when the wizard loses his grip... Moosehead Jack and The Evil Wizard fall into the mist below.>
Stank - ...
LDW - ...
Stank – What. The. Fuck.
<Meanwhile as Moose and The Wizard fall...>
MHJ - ...
EW - ...
MHJ – You FUCKING MORON!!! What THE FUCK???!?!??!?
EW – THERE’S NO NEED FOR NAME CALLING!
MHJ - ... FUCK!?!?
<Moosehead Jack reaches out and grabs The Evil Wizard by his throat.>
MHJ – BEFORE I DIE I WILL SEE YOU BLOODY and DEAD!!
EW – BACK OFF ME VILE CREATURE!!
<Falling at a rapid rate, The Evil Wizard uses his staff to pry Moosehead Jack loose. Jack struggles and catches a new hold on the wizard robe. HEARTPUNCH! and THE Evil Wizard nearly loses consciousness. Moose raises his fist again for another heartpunch settling for a hammer blow to the wizards head. The two men continue to fall, engaged in combat.>
<Meanwhile back up top.>
Stank - ...
LDW - ...
Stank – Holy. Shit.
__________________
<Two days later.> __________________
LDW – Well, it’s been two days. Maybe we should try and find that Evil bastard’s Lair. He might have a working phone.
Stank – Holy. Shit.
LDW – Dammit Stank you’ve been saying THAT for the last two days. Give it a rest. We got to get out of here.
Stank – Moose had the map.
MHJ – Yeah, I got the map. C’mon people. The Evil Asshat lives this way.
LDW - !!!
Stank - !!!
Stank - !!!
MHJ – ... What?
Stank - ... Aren't you dead?
MHJ – No.
LDW – Um... we saw you fall.
MHJ – Oh that. Yeah... that’s a funny story, actually. Remind me to tell you about it sometime.
Stank – Excuse me?
MHJ – Look, I don’t have time to explain. We can all be freaked out later. Right now, I need the August Stank to come with me... Would it have KILLED you two not to wear the same outfit today?
Stank – He’s the August Stank.
Stank – Yeah, and I’m very anxious to get this over with. ANYTHING to make me forget any of this craziness has happened.
MHJ – Will happen.
Stank – Yeah. Right.
<Later, on the drive back to Toowoomba from Brisbane airport...>
Stank - ...
LDW - ...
MHJ - ...
LDW - ... That was...
Stank – That was... some convoluted shit.
LDW – I was going to say... batshit insane.
Stank – I mean when he-
MHJ – I know.
Stank – and you-
MHJ – I know.
LDW – Then when that other guy showed up-
MHJ – I know.
Stank – AND when the other me finally made it back he-
MHJ – I know.
LDW – And what was with all the singing?
Stank – and dancing.
LDW – The midgets
MHJ – and the naked... um...
LDW - ...
MHJ - ...
Stank – Gentleman, let’s agree never to speak of this again. If it can be helped, I just as soon never again travel with you two.
MHJ – Works for me.
LDW – Ditto.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:44:47 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack and LD Williams are walking down the hall>
LDW: I am glad THAT is over
MHJ: Yeah, that was some shit. Next time we are in New Zealand remind me to beat the hell out of Wizard
LDW: Why?
MHJ: I can't stand him
LDW: So what the hell were you talking about when you asked if I could see you? I thought that douche up north was the only one who did that?
MHJ: Never mind, hey is that Voltage over there?
Volt: WHOO HOO ROCK AND ROLL! I AM THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMPION EVER!!
Eco: Didn't you lose the title to Moose?
Volt: I did, but when I woke up this morning, there it was! I can only imagine that Moose forfeited the title rather than face my mighty wrath!
MHJ: I am gonna kill him!
LDW: Wait! Not again! You can't go into that promo again!
MHJ: No, look, its just Volt and Eco, CCappington isn't there, Los Def isn't there, Stank isn't there. Its not the never ending promo
LDW: Well what happened to that?
MHJ: I don't know, I guess we destroyed it
LDW: At least SOMETHING good came from all this
MHJ: Some more good is going to come from this too
<Moose leaves and walks up behind Voltage, spins him around, HEARTPUNCH, DDT ON THE FLOOR! Moose grabs a chair and slams it down on Voltage, covers, a referee appears and makes the three count, NEW HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - MOOSEHEAD JACK. Moose gets up, grabs the title and heads back to where Williams is standing shaking his head>
LDW: You just couldn't leave it alone could you?
MHJ: It was a matter of principle
LDW: YOU are going to talk about principle?
MHJ: shut up
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:45:09 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is in the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina. He looks oddly tanned, rested and fit. He holds a microphone, and stares into a ninja camera*
DM: I've been pretty quiet the last couple weeks, but some things around here have gone too far for me to stand idly by and let continue.
*Davin takes a tug off his Dunkin' Donuts Double Brewed Iced Coffee*
DM: The first thing I'd like to address would be the corporate natured direction of Run DLP. Well, n00bs, in case you didn't notice your paychecks, it ain't like you're getting rich around here yet. What Phantos and Lucios have done, is revolutionized the way the OOWF makes money, giving you n00bs a job for the next 20 years. You're welcome. And are we personal spokesman for several products? Sure. Money is good. It's significantly better than, you know, no money. I don't see how it's affected our performance one iota.
*Davin pulls up his Onslaught Title and slings it over his shoulder*
DM: Now, it's shout out time. Number one. n00bs. You want to call out my boys Phantos and Lucios? I guess you seem to have forgotten there is a 3rd member of Run DLP; the most dangerous man in the OOWF. We started out as business partners, and now I think of them as brothers. You screw with them, you screw with me, capisce? You kids want to make a name off us, good luck. We've been doing this a lot longer than you think.
DM: Number two. Knife. Nice to see you back ol' pal. I guess you finally have your first shot at me for your title since you've come back. That's very nice. In case you weren't aware, the Onslaught Title means something very different now, so you better bring your big boy pants; this isn't the Eric O'Mac Memorial Sissy Division anymore. It won't be pretty, and it won't be nicey-nice. It will be brutal. It will be bloody. This title used to be a goal for me, and now it's defined who I am. Knife, you're gonna have to kill me to take it.
*Davin finishes off his Dunkin Donuts Double Brewed Iced Coffee*
DM: Number three. Look who decided to show his pathetic face back in my Fed again. Chris Mothafuckin Cole. You think I forgot, did ya? You think I don't remember laying in that hospital bed, near death, because of what YOU did? You think I don't remember sending you on your way from this place? A Disgraced Champion? Cole, the way I figure it, I owe you a decent beating. Of course, I think I owe everyone a decent beating, but you especially. What do you say you go back to your good ol' buddy GM the Rick, and request a Non-Sanctioned I Quit match? I know it won't be for a while Cole but...I'm already looking forward to it.
DM: Number 4. Moose. *extends a blurred finger to the camera*.
DM: Number 5. Eric O'PussyMac. You think this bullshit is gonna win you any points? You've proved nothing. You've proved you're nothing but an opportunist jobber, who doesn't have the ability, or the stones to compete in a main-event level. You have nothing "The E". You've got some sorry idea from up North that your Chinlock Wrestling is WORTH TWO SHITS!
DM: So Eric, don't go running to Rick demanding a title shot. Don't embarass yourself. He may just give it to you, to humiliate you. You're not ready to compete on my level yet, "The E". You're sorry. You're sad. You're a pitiable shadow of your former self. I don't want to be responsible for ending your career, but I'll do it if I have to. I don't have a threshold, and I don't have an off-switch. I won't stop. I won't stop beating you until your career, such as it is, is over.
DM: Davin Moreland is NOT your bitch...and I never have been. I never will be. I don't just want to handful-of-tights-foot-the ropes beat you, I don't just want hear you Quit...I want to end your career, take away your livelihood, and send a loud and clear message to anyone up North who thinks they can be a hero. You have to deal with me.
DM: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to return to my undisclosed location, and enjoy the rest of my holiday retreat; just don't think I've forgotten, or I'm not training. See, the thing about the Islands is...You can train outside all day. So Happy Holidays to all, and to Phantos and Lucios, Thanks. And don't forget, I always got your back. See ya at Mayhem kiddies.
*Davin throws down the mic, and makes a call on his Sprint PCS phone. Within Moments, he's on his way to Parts Unknown.*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:45:26 GMT -5
Leaving Moose and LD behind as fast as he can, Stank rounds a corner in the corridor and nearly runs straight over Capellan.
"Dude, save the splashes for the ring."
"Cap, if I splash you, you won't be in any shape to make wise-ass remarks after it."
"If you splash me."
"You're sounding very confident for a man who just won his first match in about two months."
"Not a lot of point going into the match thinking I'm going to lose, is there?"
A ghost of a smile flickers around Stank's lips for a moment, but is just as quickly gone.
"Good to see you're full of seasonal spirit. But let's get one thing straight -" Stank steps right up into Cap's face, emphasizing his massive size advantage, "- come Wednesday, your winning streak ends at one, and your Xmas Fairytale is over."
The champ strides off, leaving a slightly pensive looking Cap behind. Then he shrugs and grins and mutters to himself,
"Screw it. You only live once."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:46:09 GMT -5
Capellan is in his locker room. Viper is at the door.
DV: Hey.
Cap: What the hell do you want?
DV: I wanted to wish you luck.
Cap: Yeah? Why is that?
DV: Because I want you to beat Stank.
Cap: Why is that? Is it because you can't beat Stank but you think you can beat me? Is that it? Let me tell you something, asshat. You may think you're hot shit now, but let me tell you something. If.... I mean... WHEN I become champion, let me assure you. You will not beat me.
DV: See, I wish you had this attitude when were tag team partners. But let me tell you. I CAN beat Stank and I CAN beat you. But... I'm not here to posture. I just want you to win because I want you to win.
Cap: You are NOT running in on my match.
DV: Dude, I know you don't want to win that way, so don't worry.
Cap: Then why are you here?
DV: You know, I understand that you're still pissed. I don't blame you. But honestly the only reason why I'm here is to tell you that I'm rooting for you and to wish you luck. That's it.
Cap: That's it?
DV: That's it.
Cap: Good. Then you're done. Get the hell out of here.
DV: All right then.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:47:40 GMT -5
Hello everyone, it is I Jamie Lynn Spears, OOWF’s best knocked up 16-year old backstage reporter. We have just received word from a reliable source that Alexander Darling is going to make an appearance tonight. Let’s go down into the parking lot and wait for him.
After a few moments, a stretch black hummer limo pulls up.
Jamie Lynn Spears: Oh My Goodness Gracious, Alexander Darling has just arrived and I am going to be the first OOWF presence to speak to him. Maybe he can be baby daddy #2. Hold on, I see a door opening.
The ninja cameraman gets into position as the door opens, but instead of the high class style of Alexander Darling stepping out; we see a long pair of beautiful female legs. It’s a stunning knockout and right before she closes the door, we see her lean in and grab something.
Jamie Lynn Spears: Excuse me, excuse me. Is that Mr. Darling in that limo? Do you think…?
Stunning Knockout: Shut up trailer trash. Mr. Darling, my amazing employer has sent me out into the arena with two missions tonight and I don’t need you getting in my way. Just have your ninja cameraman follow me and try to keep your Spears plague away from me.
The beautiful woman starts to walk away, but Jamie Lynn doesn’t follow.
Stunning Knockout: Trashy girl, follow me now if you ever want to speak to Mr. Darling. I need to find Ryan Hardcore.
We see Jamie Lynn follow the beautiful woman out of the parking lot and into the back hallways of the arena. She looks over her shoulder one last time before running to catch up with Mr. Darling’s woman.
JLS: If you don’t mind my asking, who are you and what is your relationship to Alex…
SK: First of all, it’s Mr. Darling until he sees fit to meet you in person. And secondly, who I am…well let’s just say Alexander, isn’t the only Darling that may be around the OOWF.
JLS: Are you saying?
SK: I’m not saying anything. And it looks like we’re here.
Jamie Lynn and the woman arrive outside LOADED’S locker-room. We hear the woman mumble something under her breath, “The things I do for him.”
SK: I’ll be out it a little bit trailer trash. For now, take this to the boys in the truck and have them roll footage.
JLS: but I….
Before she can continue, Lauren Phoenix opens the locker-room door.
LP: Who the hell are you?
SK: Hello there Lauren. I was sent by a mutual friend of ours to congratulate you and Ryan on a lengthy DDT title reign.
LP: And just who is this friend?
SK: Why the lovely Brianna Banks.
LP: Ohmigod, why didn’t you say so. Come on in. Ryan and I are in the back trying to have some fun, but these ninja camera guys are everywhere.
We see the associate of Alexander Darling walk into the room and shut the door with a wink to Jamie Lynn as she walks further inside. But luckily for us, the ninja snuck in and will be relaying back any breaking news. For now, let’s see what’s on this DVD.
A few seconds pass and the screen gets fuzzy before becoming clear again. We start to see a montage of wrestling shows and we get closer and closer to the ring after each flash. When we can focus on the ring again, we see Alexander Darling standing in the middle of the ring with a title slung over his shoulder.
AD: I have to say that it was a long hard road to win this prestigious title. I was such a fan of the wrestling business as a kid that it was my dream to one day become a world champion. To wear gold like my heroes, Hulk Hogan (loud reign of boos) and Sting (mixed cheers and boos) and guys like that. Ya know what happened on my way to the top. On my path to win this belt. None of it matters to you people.
The crowd gets silent for a second before they start reigning boos on Darling and throwing garbage into the ring.
This is exactly what I mean. I didn’t have to become a wrestler. I have more money than everyone in this building combined and then some. I entered this business because I thought I could your respect. Guess what I realized. I don’t fucking need or want your respect.
More and more garbage is being thrown towards the ring and security is trying to get Alexander out of the ring before it escalates even further. He notices them entering the ring.
If any of you step foot in this ring, I guarantee you that I will spend every dime of my family’s money to make sure you never work again. Now where was I…Oh right, the respect of you ungrateful fucks. I worked my ass off and rose to the top of this shitty promotion to win your precious world title. Ya wanna know what I think of this belt and all of you fans.
Darling takes the belt off his shoulder and looks at his reflection in the gold plate for a brief second. He fixes a few strands of hair and then he takes the belt and spits on it. He’s not quite done yet. He now takes the belt and starts wiping his ass with the belt. What a miserable son-of-a-bitch.
So, that’s what I think of you people and this company. And before they get the chance in the back to fire me. I’ll do it for them. I fucking quit this shithole. I’ve been offered a lucrative deal elsewhere.
The wrestlers from the back start storming towards the ring to get at Darling. He’s going to be too quick for them as he’s already started escaping out through the crowd with some help from people we don’t know.
One last thing, I’ll be appearing weekly in OOWF. See me there. His voice gets lower and a bit more ominous, ”BOOYAH, bitches.
The video gets staticy before we start seeing a montage of Alexander Darling’s history inside the wrestling ring. It starts with a vanilla baby face doing simple basic moves and looking like a chump. As the video progresses, we see Darling start getting better and better, but the fans react the same way. Then we see Darling start getting more and more vicious. Dropping people on their heads, putting people in incapacitating submission moves. Until we see his run for the title. It ends with a close up of a bloodied Darling putting his opponent in a Texas Cloverleaf. The sound gets really low when all of a sudden there is a loud crack.
Darling gets a sadistic smile on his face as the bell rings and the video fades to black.
Alexander Darling Debuts 12/30
JLS: Oh my lord. He just snapped that poor guy’s leg like a twig. I think I’m gonna be sick. Stop kicking me baby. I will abort you like the last two if you don’t stop. Oh, I’m on…oops. I’m getting word that out ninja camera guy has some footage.
We see a night vision camera with mostly everything blurred out. But we do Lauren Phoenix passed out on a chair in the corner of the room while the woman with Mr. Darling is kissing Ryan Hardcore. She slowly puts her arms around his head…that looks like a front face-lock. She slowly pulls him down onto the bed…what the fuck…that was a DDT. She now rolls over on top of Hardcore and we see her point to the camera guy and she whispers, “Count now.”
We see that the camera guy is actually one of OOWF’s refs as he walks over to the bed and slams his hand down 3 times.
We have a new DDT Champ. I can’t believe it. We don’t even know who this woman is, but she’s now the OOWF DDT Champ.
She jumps off Ryan and starts to get dressed. I don’t even think he realizes what happened.
SK: Well, that was something Ryan. Oh, is this your DDT belt. It looks pretty. Can I hold it?
Hardcore is basically out of it and Phoenix is completely passed out. The woman picks up the belt and starts to walk out of the locker-room. She starts to see the rest of the LOADED stable in the room.
FFM: Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing with that belt?
SK: Ah, Mr. MacCappington. It’s a pleasure to meet you. My…well Mr. Darling has said good things about you and sends his regards. He wants no trouble with you. This is just business. If you want specifics, ask the two-minute man in the back. Tootles.
DV: Who the hell was that?
FFM: Not exactly sure, but she was smoking. And I’ve heard of this Darling guy. I wanna see where this goes.
As the woman steps back into the hallway, we see Jamie Lynn run up to her.
JLS: I’m here just like you requested.
SK: Good, follow me.
The two walk back into the parking lot and approach the hummer limo. The window rolls down slowly, “Is it done?”
SK: Of course, do you doubt my abilities? I can’t believe I have to get in their and lay down for you. It’s just so wrong.
AD: You know I could never doubt ya, now get in here and let’s get this over with. Stage 1 needs to finish.
JLS: But you said I could…
SK: I said nothing of the sort, but I feel bad for you. Your family is garbage and you’re turning into it as well. Alex, what do you say about giving Jamie Lynn here an exclusive?
AD: Fine, but no cameras and I mean it. I’ve seen how you camera guys work. Here’s $1,000.00. Go away ninja.
The ninja looks between the money and Jamie before taking the money and running off. We see the woman get into the now opened door of the limo.
SK: You want this interview or not?
Jamie Lynn nods her head up and down before sliding into the limo as well. The door shuts and the screen starts to fade to black. But the window rolls down first,
AD: Hey Bunny Boy. Just in case you wanted an answer as to why. Truthfully, there is no reason. You’re there and that’s all I need to know. It’s nothing personal, it’s just business. Darling takes a deep breath in and his voice takes on that sadistic tone again,
”BOOYAH, BITCH."
Screen fades to black
Alexander Darling Debuts 12/30
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:48:01 GMT -5
Rabbxt: See, Fire. The guy's got nothing against me.
Fire: You sure, Ev?
Rabbxt: Yea, 100% sure.
Fire: And you're not going to try to get back at him with any kind of sneak attack or anything, are you?
Rabbxt: No way. If I hit the guy, he'll sue me. And, not sure if you know this or not, but I think he'd like to break my legs.
Fire: But he said he had nothing personal against you...
Rabbxt: Yea, I don't know. But I just want to concentrate on us as a team.
Fire: Right. How do you feel about a triple threat?
Rabbxt: Fun match.
Fire: How do you feel about going up against your ex-partner and friend?
Rabbxt: He was never my friend, Fire. He was only my partner. And now that it's over, I have no problem taking him out.
Fire: And what about The Dead? He's been on you for a while now.
Rabbxt: Dead? Come on... The guy's a...
**Rabbxt gets jumped from behind by The Dead. Fire tries to pull Dead off Rabbxt, but Seamus runs in and spears Fire to the floor. The Dead Drunks dominate Team RabbxtFire until Nerve and Blitz run in and break it up, sending Dead and Seamus running. With Nerve and Blitz watching Dead and Seamus take off, Rabbxt and Fire hit Nerve and Blitz with dual lungblowers.**
Rabbxt: The guy's a bitch.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:48:24 GMT -5
*Donovan Viper is walking when a series of shots from a barbed wire-wrapped kendo stick knock him to the ground. The camera pans back to reveal Outback Jack halting the attack to accept a can of beer from Wally B King. OBJ drinks some beer, hands the can back to Wally, and takes a few more swings.*
OBJ: That's for stealing my title! And that's for the low blow! And that's for being a snake! And that's for bringing in Paul Roma!
Wally: Worst Horseman ever! Hit him again for that.
OBJ: Not to mention he laughed at me when I asked him for a Vegemite wrap!
*OBJ reaches back for another swing but he notices LD Williams and Moosehead Jack approaching. Moose smirks while LD maintains a neutral expression.*
OBJ: Got a problem with this?
MHJ: This doesn't concern me. MacCappington might not like this, but that's your problem.
OBJ: I can deal with Fat Bastard if I have to.
LDW: Actually, I'd appreciate it if you'd lay off now.
OBJ: Why the hell should I do that?
LDW: Because I want to be sure Viper makes it to the ring for our match.
OBJ: Fair enough. I know if you win the belt you won't be ducking anybody, so you deserve a shot at it. Besides, I'm getting hungry. Hey Wally, lets see if Stank has opened up the sandwich shop.
WBK: Right, and you could beat up Roma again.
OBJ (drinking and belching): Australian for I love it when a plan comes together!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:48:45 GMT -5
Camera zooms in to find Seamus sitting in corner of backstage area talking into cell phone...
Semaus: "Yeah, I hear you man, I'm doing ok though...I'm stuck in this stupid feud with what they are calling the noobs....I fucking hate it, I have been fighting me whole life and I'm stuck with a blow up doll, a Furby with a caffine addiction, a get smart agent and some idiot called the ditz or something...the only one who has any skill is my partner and he walks around talking about himself in third person...."
muffled male voice on the phone
Seamus: "hahahahaha ain't that the truth, but you know I'm doing Ok, I mean shit you gotta have boobs to get a push around here but Vince is the same way"
muffled voice
Seamus: "Wow, no shit, hey have you heard from Kevin?...What the fuck was that with Scott?"
muffled voice
Seamus: "No I haven't talked to Jeff since the funeral...so is this it for Ric?
muffled voice
Seamus: "Really, well buy him and Dave a drink for me..."
muffled voice
Seamus: "Fuck Randy...I told you before he is not worth the hassle...man I don't get it...his mic skills suck, his work rate sucks, the guys finisher is a rest hold..."
muffled voice
Seamus" Yeah I gotto go too...Kiss Steph and the baby for me....Merry Christmas Paul..."
phone goes to dial tone, Seamus hangs up and stares off into space
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:49:09 GMT -5
[We're LIVE! From Sydney, Australia! We are inside the hotel room of The E, also known as Eric O'Mac. He's chilling on the couch, wearing an expensive fur coat and Oakley shades. He looks ready to roll.]
E: That's why you're here Ninja Camera Man. This will only take a few minutes of your time. I've got a meeting in a few minutes that you're not allowed to go to.
It seems that I have a match with the great unkown, Ryan Hardcore. You see, this makes no sense to me. This is why the OOWF is in need of some kind of saving. Why put me in another match with a guy I decisively beat? I destroyed him, and that's about it. I should be moving on. But instead, I have to face him at least two more times, at Mayhem, and then at the PPV. It makes no sense, and rematches are only entertaining if there is a DQ involved in the first match. So, I'll make short work of Mr. Hardcore, if that is in fact his real name.
Onto another matter. Gavin BOREland has started running his mouth again. Why does he even care to talk about me? In his eyes, I'm a jobber. I'm lower than trash. I'm not worth his time, yet he continues to talk about me. He's obsessed. He's worried. This so called jobber has a victory over him. Sure, it's not by pinfall. But he was in the match, and he was a LOSER!
I've proved nothing? I've proved time and time again that I am the most entertaining thing walking around in this hellhole of a company. I'm undefeated since my return, hell, I've even defeated a former World Champion. I'm a two time Onslaught Title holder, and, when the time's right, I'll go after the title again, BOREland. But I don't want the title right now. You see, the entertainment is in the chase. I'll "chase" you for as long as it's entertaining.
You can call me all the names you would like, Gavin. You see, what I'm doing? I'm calling you names too! It means we both have personalities! It means that you aren't completely lost! I means that you CAN be saved! By the way, Ninja Camera Man, did we get rid of the censors this time?
[Uh....yeah. Say what you would like.]
Awesome. Anyways, Gavin, you can be saved. But you need to cut this shit out about winning the right way. Winning by destroying an opponent. Don't you know that nobody gives a fuck about how you beat someone? All that matters is the W. You want to to be about morals, go to church and practice your morals there. As it stands now, you're in the church of The E, and Sports Entertainment reigns here.
Bottom line? YOU'RE WORRIED GAVIN! Hell, you wouldn't give two shits about me had I not called your ass out when I made my return. So you can cut out this "if you want to be a hero from up North, you have to deal me" crap. If I had made my return and called out Moose - oh by the way, MOOOOSE!!!! - or LD Williams, you wouldn't have any thoughts about me. You wouldn't want to protect the OOWF in that case. But because I called you out, you're the protector of a sinking ship. You're full of bullshit, Gavin. And for as much crap you talk about, you sure as hell didn't back it up when it mattered last Wednesday.
So you continue to talk shit about me, Gavin Boreland. I may be coming to take your Onslaught Title, but you won't decide that. The Rick won't decide that. *I* WILL! Because when the smoke clears, when all of the cliches have been said, when all of the adrenaline has been pumped through, I'm going to change your attitude, Gavin. I'm not here to beat you. I'm here to save you. I will be taking over the OOWF, and you can make the decision, Gavin. Don't be a hero, Billy, and all of that stuff. You can either side with the cesspool of idiots in the OOWF and be an atheist, or you can put away your swords, stop spewing your bullshit, and you can save your self an ass kicking whenever I deem neccsarry by aligning with a SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT GOD!
You're right about one thing Gavin. I'm not at your level. I've surpassed that level before I even had my first professional wrestling match. Call me all the names you'd like, but I know you're worried. So watch your back, champ. And catch my match with Ryan Hardcore on Mayhem. Let me show you how to create an entertaining matchup.
Now, Ninja Camera Man, you've got to go. I'm making a phone call.
[The E picks up his cell phone and starts to dial. The camera backs up, but is still catching the moment.]
E: Hey, can you meet me at the pool here in Sydney? You name time. Hang on a sec. Damn you, Ninja Camera Man, get the hell out of here!
[OK! OK! We're leaving. Fade to black as The E says one last thing.]
E: Yeah, Carl Coolname will be meeting us too! No, he's not the same person as Carl from Fresno....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:49:52 GMT -5
Phantos and Lucios are, oddly, NOT in the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room, but are standing beside a Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist in a pre-set interview area. Both men are drinking from 1-litre bottles of Aquafina as the RNSFJ begins to speak.
RNSFJ: I'm here with Phantos and Lucios, The 'Uncrowned Champions' of the OOWF. Guys, you two spent quite a bit of time here in Australia before coming to the OOWF, does that give you any advantage in your match tongith against The Defenstrators?
Phantos: What kind of question is that? We don't need any advantage to beat those turdbuckets. We've done that enough times already.
Lucios: It's real simple. Echosystem, Voltage, you two think think this is just a warm up for your big match at New Year's Evil..
Phantos: (Cuts his partner off) LIVE! on Pay Per View THIS SUNDAY!
(Lucios smacks Phantos on the back of the head and continues)
Lucios: Well think again boys. When we're through with you, you won't even be able to drag your bloody carcases back to Hawaii for the big match. Whatever is left we will feed to Drink and Destroy Junior as an appetizer before we force them to EAT their words; TASTE their own blood; and SWALLOW their pride as they hand over the Double-O Double-U F World Tag Team Championships!! (both men mime the 'belt around the waist' )
Phantos: And Man, if you don't like THAT,, lets settle it in the ring!
(The RNSFJ and camera man wrap up, and the Uncrowned Champions walk away. They turn a corner and walk straight into Spin Hansen and DH Magnusson.)
Phantos: Well look what we have here Drink and Destroy Lite. You know what lite beer is, don't you Spin? It's just a watered down version of the origional.
(Outback Jack and Stank suddenly materialize on the other side of the masked men. Spin grabs Phantos by the throat and hoists him up against the wall. Stank and OBJ struggle to hold Lucios back while Spin gets in the smaller man's face)
Spin: (grabs Phantos' water bottle and pours it out on his head) Who's watered down now PUNK? Run your little mouth all you want boy, but the fact is that WE got the job done and won these belts while you two cried on Moreland's shoulders every night about how you came up short AGAIN!
DHM: Once we dispatch of those Defenstrators, we plan on giving you two a serious lesson in getting your ASSES whipped!
(Stank turns to Lucios and speaks quietly and intensly in his face)
Stank: And if you two denegrate the Drink & Destroy name one more time, you will have more than Spin and DH to tangle with.
(Suddenly, General Manager the Rick walks into view and seperates the two groups.)
GMtR: What THE HELL are you morons doing? Get back to your dressing rooms! (he turns to Stank) Normally, I'd let you guys tear these two limb from limb, but I have a Pay Per View main event to think about! I don't need my World Champion, my Tag Team Champions and an Intercontinental Title contender to get hurt in a lousy backstage brawl!
GMtR: Spin, DH, you want these two? YOU GOT THEM. right after New Year's Evil, I promise. NOW SCRAM!
OBJ: (belches loudly in Lucios face as he walks away) That's Australian for watch your bloody mouthes, mates.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:50:14 GMT -5
(Ecosystem and Voltage are at a political fundraiser in Australia.)
Voltage: I hate you. Why are we here?
Ecosystem: Dude, we're in your home country! What could be more fun than going to a political event?
Voltage: Maybe seeing my family?
Eco: Well, I invited them, but they didn't come.
Volt: You know my family?
Eco: ...Well, I asked the first few people I saw. I didn't realize there were so many Australians.
Volt: Urgh.
(Former Prime Minister John Howard ambles over.)
Howard: Ecosystem! Good to see you!
Eco: And you too, my old friend.
Howard: Voltage! Glad to be back home, eh?
Volt: Oh yes, especially now that Kevin Rudd has replaced you.
(Awkward pause.)
Howard: (turning to Eco.) I find your friend unpleasant.
Volt: And I find your opposition to Native Title disgusting.
Howard: Are you going to let him speak to me like that?
Eco: Of course not.
(Eco superkicks John Howard in the face. John Howard falls to the ground.)
Volt: Huh. That was unexpected.
Eco: Yeah. I thought it would be cool to pull a swerve.
Volt: You realize you just superkicked the second-longest serving Australian Prime Minister at a fundraiser for his political party.
(Angry upper-class white Liberals are closing in on the Defenstrators.)
Eco: Well, I guess there's only one thing to do.
(Ecosystem reaches under the table and pulls out a machine gun. People scream.)
Eco: IF I HAVE TO GO, I'M TAKING YOU ALL DOWN WITH ME!!!
Volt: I was thinking we could just run.
Eco: Ah. Right then.
(Eco drops the gun and the Defenstrators run away, and are being pursued by the Liberals.)
Eco: (while running) So, we're facing Phantos and Lucios.
Volt: We've faced them before, haven't we?
Eco: I think so.
(Eco, Voltage, and ninja cameraman jump in their car. It is set upon by angry fundraisers, but they are thrown off the hood as they continue driving.)
Volt: Did we win last time?
Eco: Let's say yes.
(There is a crash heard. Voltage sticks his head out the window to see Eric O'Mac in a hotel lobby.)
Volt: That's funny. Why is the hotel lobby outside?
Eco: It seems as though we have driven through the front door of a very nice Sydney Hotel.
Eric: WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
Volt: Hey Eric! We have a few hours free? Can we come to the pool with you?
Eric: How do you--NO!
Hotel Manager: YOU JUST DROVE THROUGH OUR FRONT DOOR!
Eco: Don't worry, sir. We're with the FBI.
(Eco flashes a Borders gift certificate.)
Volt: Undercover Agent Eric O'Mac will pay for the damage. Thanks again, mate!
(Eco puts the car in reverse and the Defenstrators drive off.)
Hotel Manager: So, Agent O'Mac....
Eric: You can't be serious.
Manager: I see no reason to disbelieve a man with a Borders gift certificate.
Eric: (mumbling) I hate those guys...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:50:33 GMT -5
(Phantos is sleeping on a couch in the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room he wakes up suddenly....)
Phantos: Hey Lucios, I just had this strange dream. I threw my Sprint PCS phone at Rabbxt, Stormy Daniels pinned me and Someone was doing handstands with a title belt between their feet.... Weird huh?
Lucios: I told you eating that deep-fried Vegemite was a bad idea. Go drink some Aquafina and play on your trampoline.
(fade)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:50:53 GMT -5
SMJ-1 knocks on the door of Firewoman's Locker Room. He waits. And waits. And waits.
Eventually, Firewoman comes walking (but not WALKING~!) down the hall on her cell phone, talking to someone.
FW: Hm, endorsement deal would be how much? .... Ah, yes, I get it. Thing is, OOWF travels WAY more than most of the other promotions, so I don't know that I'd be available for appearances.... Mmm. .... Mmm-hmmmm. I could probably work the Arnold into the schedule, I'd just have to talk to GMtheRick about it. .... Yeah, I didn't know they really called him that either. I'm sure there's a way to work it out. The guys down the hall have Aquafina footing their bills. Okay, just talk to them about it and get back to me. Thanks!
SMJ-1: Big things happening for you career wise?
FW: Huh? What, being a hot new talent in the hottest wrestling promotion most folks have never EVAR! heard of isn't enough?
SMJ-1: Uh.... you always get me all flustered and speechless!
FW: You might want to get that checked out. I'm pretty sure that's not in the job description of "journalist."
SMJ-1: sighs with exasperation
FW: Look, I know why you're here. It's to talk about my upcoming Three Way match on this week's Mayhem. I've already beaten TheNervesAgent. I can beat him again. Seamus McNasty, now there's an interesting fellow. Someone may want to do a background check on him. But that's beside the point. Seamus is a brawler, and a good one, but wrestling is about using your brains to outwit and outmaneuver your opponent. And I'm pretty confident I can do that. It doesn't take a mental giant to launch a chair at someone behind their back, after all.
SMJ-1: (looking shocked) Aren't you afraid he'll hear you?!?!
FW: Dude, there are Ninja Cams and monitors all over the place. Am I the only one who notices these things? Of course he'll hear me. Just like I heard his crack about 'only people with boobs get a push.' Hey, Seamus. Whatever excuse you want to use to compensate....
SMJ-1: Wow.... So, are you going to be at ringside for your partner Rabbxt's match.
Rabbxt comes walking up Look, I know I missed yoga this morning, but I was up really late...
FW: No problem. Hey, I might have scored an endorsement deal with MuscleMilk Protein Powder. Which means we can get it for free now!
Rabbxt: Wow....that's....I'm speechless!
FW: I know it's awesome!!
Rabbxt: Yeah...that's one word for it...
FW: Anyway, as to your question, Luke, damn straight I'll be ringside for Rabbxt's win...I mean match! He can handle himself, but I'll just make sure there are no shenanigans involved. And he'll be there for mine, I trust?
Rabbxt: (still somewhat thinking about what unlimited supplies of MuscleMilk actually means) What? Oh, definitely
SMJ-1: And what about your two matches at the upcoming PPV?
FW: What?
Rabbxt: Haven't you seen the posting on GMtheRick's door?
FW: No...
Rabbxt: Well, then you better go take a look.
Firewoman walks briskly towards GMtheRick's office
Rabbxt: I don't think that's going to sparkle with her at all....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:51:13 GMT -5
Firewoman walks briskly towards GMtheRick's office.
Rabbxt: I don't think that's going to sparkle with her at all...
SMJ-1: I'm guessing not.
Rabbxt: And there was something else that I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't build up the courage to tell her after she told me about the offer from that MuslceMilk shit. Whatever the hell that is.
SMJ-1: You should know what it is by now. You've been drinking it for this past week, right?
Rabbxt: Well, not exactly. I've kind of been pouring that stuff down the drain for this past week. I can't force myself to taste it. I mean, have you seen that stuff?
SMJ-1: Actually, no. I haven't. But, um, what else were you going to tell Fire that you couldn't build up the courage to do?
Rabbxt: Oh, yea. Well, you see, you know how Fire's into this MuscleMilk shit and I'm totally favorable of Mountain Dew?
SMJ-1: Yea, I've noticed this.
Rabbxt: Well, I got an offer from the Mountain Dew company, wanting to sponsor me.
SMJ-1: Just you? Not Fire, too?
Rabbxt: They said we could discuss the terms, but they're not too into that MuscleMilk crap, either.
SMJ-1: Are you going to tell her?
Rabbxt: Well, this just made it easier. She'll see this promo and then she'll know. And I didn't even have to tell her to her face. Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to my closet to get some Mountain Dew into my veins.
SMJ-1: You... Inject your...
Rabbxt: What!? No, no! I was just saying that I'm going to drink a bunch of it. You know, and get hyper or whatever. Anyways, peace.
Rabbxt walks away to his closet for some Mountain Dew.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:51:35 GMT -5
Seamus sees Firewoman walking to the GMs office and yells for her
Seamus: "Fire, wait up..."
Firewoman turns to Seamus
FW: "What the fuck do you want?"
Seamus" Easy now, if I wanted to attack you I wouldn't have yelled for you..."
FW: "Okayyyyyyy"
Seamus catching up with her and kicks her to the stomach and grabs her and pops a DDT off
Seamus: "Outwit? that was pretty stupid...look twisted sister this isn't survivior, so quit your horseshit outwit, outplay and out last promos...I warned you years ago that I was a better friend than enemy but you've never listened."
Rabbxt hits Seamus from behind with a chair, Seamus drops to the ground
Rabbxt:" Fire you ok?"
FW: "Yeah the bastard hit me off guard, I know better too"
Rabbxt: " Come on I'll help you back to the locker room"
Fire walks away rubbing her neck as Rabbxt helps her
Seamus struggles to his hands and knees
Seamus: "ohhhhhh, I hate that rabbit!"
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:52:46 GMT -5
*Sexy Santa's Little Helper # 1 and Sexy Santa's Little Helper # 2 are sitting on ladder to the left of Canadian Dragon who is looking intently at his iPhone.*
SSLH # 1: "Ummm...I thought the iPhone wasn't out in Canada yet?"
CD: "A fan from France got me an unlocked one. It's great. You can watch YouTube videos whenever you want. Like this one of Outback Jack."
SSLH # 2: "He didn't even mention you or your match."
SSLH # 1: "Wow. And isn't Stank not even mentioning your title match?"
SSLH # 2: "Why the hell are we dressed up like North Pole Hookers if nobody even mentions this guy in promos. I mean, seriously, these things aren't cheap."
SSLH # 1: "Tell me about it...I mean on the plus side, as long as we are Sexy Santa's Little Helpers and not Sexy Female Journalist we don't have to worry about getting a Canadian Destroyer off the ladder."
SSLH # 2: "Sweet! I'd like to go a week without my ass getting po..."
*SSLH # 2 stops speaking mid sentence as the Rick comes out dressed as Santa Claus.*
GMTR: "OK, which of you girls wants to sit on Ricky Claus' lap?"
CD: "WTF? It's on thing when I'm getting ignored for decent promos...but Ricky Claus? Fuck that!"
*Dragon jump up and in one motion delivers a Canadian Destroyer to SSLH # 1 crashing her head first in to The Rick's crotch. Just then Ron Simmons comes by. He looks up at SSLH # 1 and then down at the pile and then at Dragon.*
CD: "No need to say it Ron, her head has been there before."
*Ron Simmons just points up the ladder at SSLH # 2.*
CD: "What Ron? What about a girl on top of a ladder makes you want to say damn? The up skirt? I mean, she's one of Rick's girls...just google her name and I'm sure you'll see a lot more."
*Ron keeps pointing. Dragon looks up again and barely as time to move out of the way as a midget dressed up like Canadian Dragon gives SSLH # 2 a modified Canadian Destroyer.*
CD: "Oh yeah that...ummm....yeah, go ahead and say it."
*Simmons just looks at Dragon. Looks at the midget. Looks at the SSLH in The Rick's crotch and the other one laying across a broken table.*
RS: "DAMN!"
*Fade to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:53:11 GMT -5
(CTG is WALKING! in the hallway, not noticing Moose talking to LDW)
MHJ: (turns away from LDW when Concrete doesn't stop) not finished with your christmas shopping?
CTG: (stops) ?
MHJ: I don't think I've ever seen you that distracted.
CTG: (thinks a moment) ok, do you know what today is?
MHJ: It's the day of the show
CTG: (grins) Then I'm glad I took care of things. I have two presents for you this time around.
MHJ: (puzzled)
CTG: Despite my imminent departure, I'm going to make sure you get two things before I leave - this week, I defeat you in the middle of the ring. At the PPV, I let you pick any stip you want.
MHJ: have you lost your mind?
CTG: (Still smiling) I've never been so happy in my life about something like this. Once I'm done with you, I'll have accomplished everything I needed to do here in the OOWF.
MHJ: (steps up real close to Concrete) Do you honestly think this is how things will end in our war?
CTG: Who said it was over? There's no such thing as "Forever", Moose.
MHJ: There will be.... when we're done here, you won't make the PPV. And even if you do, you won't walk away in good enough shape for Vince, Dixie, or anyone else who runs a wrestling league. Even Rick might hesitate, but give you your job back out of sympathy.
Trust me.
(Moose walks away, leaving CTG to consider)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 15:25:04 GMT -5
<I know this has been done before – and done better – but I thought I would give it a shot>
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the coliseum Not a creature was stirring, not even Scheme Gene. The tables were stacked at ringside with care, In hopes that Magnusson and Spin Hansen soon would be there.
The faces were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of championship glory danced in their heads. And Rick in his Reds jersey Erlana in his lap, Had just watched Armageddon “man who books this crap?”
When out on the hallway there arose such a clatter, Rick sprang from his desk to see what was the matter. Away to the door he stumbled and crashed, Tore open the door as he heard something smash.
Two men fighting outside, blood starting to flow Beating each other with foreign objects in the new fallen snow When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, Outback Jack, former IC champion holding a beer.
Along with Wally, his faithful side kick They saw one man fall, hit in the head with a brick To all the commotion, the rest of the roster came, They whistled and shouted, so I called them by name!
“Now Dead! Now Rabbit, now, Fire and Viper! Hey Moreland, hey Cole, hey Cappington and Blitz! Get your asses back in here! Get back down the hall the insurance won’t pay, back to your rooms all!
they shuffled their feet and one by one walked by like scolded children none looked me in the eye the final two men, from which all the violence grew got up off the ground and walked into the arena too
and then a sinister clinking I heard on the roof the clanking and banging of chains, I tell ya the truth As I arched up my neck, and was looking around There on the roof, Moosehead Jack and Crete were struggling around
They were tangled in barbed wire, from head to foot Their clothes all stained with blood and some soot A bundle of weapons, cookie sheets and tacks Straps and leather lashes, for whipping their backs
Their eyes burned with rage! But somehow looked merry Beating each other senseless, both eyed each other wary Moose’s mouth was drawn up in a sneer And Crete eyes burned, showing no fear
The stump of a pipe held tight in his fist Blood flowed from his mouth from some missing front teeth Moose wanted to pummel his face into jelly I yelled to them to stop, as Crete took a shot in the belly
I was furious and angry, not my normal pleasant self And I screamed and I cussed which is bad for my health My threats seemed to work, they both hung their heads They came from the roof, and I ordered them to bed
I spoke not another word, but went straight back to work I would show them, I am the boss, I am the big jerk And tapping my pencil along side my nose The idea hit me, so stunning I froze
I sprang from my seat and gave a mighty shout From all of their rooms the wrestlers came out My gift to you all, is the gift of a good fight Happy Christmas to all, beat the hell out of each other tonight!
<The camera pans back and we see Moosehead Jack, wearing a Santa hat wrapped in barbed wire, and a blood stained beard>
Since this is the season of giving, this is what everyone in the OOWF gets from me.
Spin Hansen and DH Magnusson – a team name. You need it Los Defenestrators – and identity. Seriously, who ARE you guys? Rabbxt, Blitz and The Nerves Agent – every episode of DeGrassi High ever Firewoman – A leash for Rabbxt Seamus McNasty – Tommy O’Neil Irish Speech Lessons The Dead – The ability to speak in something other than third person Stank – Mark Henry “Mah Stank” Body Spray Capellan – a new taxi Firechild – hair extensions F. Fonzworth MacCappington III – A Framed picture of the Uncle With Bees Living In His Beard SYB – One “Get Out Of An Asskicking Free” Card Apocalyptic Existence – a new tag team partner. Ok not really Phantos & Lucios – An endorsement deal with the makers of wrestling title belts Defenestrators – a coupon from Wallside Windows Eric O’Mac – The Hulk Hogan Workout Set Davin Moreland – The Best of The New England Patriots 1988-1993 – the Steve Grogan Years Ryan Hardcore – The Best of Nikki Dial and a box of tissues Outback Jack – A date with LD’s mom Donovan Viper – acceptance LD Williams – a one on one match with Arn Anderson Knife – a new gimmick Chris Cole – redemption The BFF – The Rise and Fall of the New Age Outlaws JW Westgaard – Season tickets to the Phoenix Coyotes Alexander Darling – Straight Pimpin for Beginners but Katt Williams and Ice-T Concrete TG – Pain
And to everyone in the OOWF, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, I hope everything goes great for everyone. Thanks again to all of you for making the OOWF so much fun
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 15:26:28 GMT -5
**Rabbxt and Firewoman arrive at Fire's locker room.**
Fire: Thanks for the help, Ev. That Seamus guy is one mean drunk.
Rabbxt: No problem, Fire. The guy's all over you, though. It's almost like the two of you are married. Ha.
Fire: ...
Rabbxt: Ha?
Fire: Um, yea. Ha.
**The two are interupted when Rabbxt's cell phone rings.**
Rabbxt: Yo, what's up?
**Muffled voice says some things.**
Rabbxt: Yea, man. The OOWF.
**Muffled voice says some more things.**
Rabbxt: That's right. Firewoman. She's...
**Muffled voice says even more things.**
Rabbxt: Alright, man. Hold on. Here, Fire. He wants to say hello.
**Fire takes the phone from Rabbxt.**
Fire: Um, hello?
**Muffled voice says some things.**
Fire: You sound so familiar, but...
**Muffled voice says some more things.**
Fire: Ah, Jack! What's been up, man?
**Muffled voice says even more things.**
Fire: That's sweet, dude.
**Muffled voice says things again.**
Fire: Yea, keep it up. Here, I'll put Evan back on with you.
**Fire hands Rabbxt the phone.**
Rabbxt: Yo.
**Muffled voice says some things.**
Rabbxt: Yea, dog. She really is. We're holding it down around here.
**Muffled voice says some more things.**
Rabbxt: Alright, man. Peace.
**Rabbxt hangs up the phone.**
Rabbxt: I'm glad he called me. I've been wondering how he's been doing, actually.
Fire: He's a cool guy. You know, you remind me a lot of him.
Rabbxt: It's been said before, Fire. Haha. Alright, yo. I guess I'll go sort out my Mountain Dew.
Fire: Sort it out?
Rabbxt: Well, yea. I have to separate the regular Mountain Dew from the Code Red, and separate the LiveWire from the Pitch Black. And the Baja Blast has its own little section...
Fire: Alright, alright! I got it. Haha. You got do that. Just watch your back.
Rabbxt: Will do, Fire. Peace.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 15:26:58 GMT -5
Sexy Female Journalist #4 is standing by with "The Main Event" Chris Cole.
SFJ: Cole, you were successful in your second match back against JW Westgaurd. How does it feel to be back on the winning track.
CC: It feels great. You know right before I left the OOWF I was on a terrible losing streak. The more I tried to win the worse it got. Now I'm just relaxed and enjoying the ride. And as a result I'm winning again.
SFJ: Something else we noticed was a change in your style. Westguard gave you a cheap shot to start the match but when given a chance at retaliation you chose not to.
CC: Well, I'd aldread won the match. How would more punishment have helped either myself or Westguard?
SFJ: Some are saying you have gone soft.
A random stagehand comes up
RSH: Mr. Cole. This came for you. hands Cole a note. Cole reads the note and his face shows concern.
CC: I have to go.
SFJ: Is everything alright.
CC: It's my former BTW Tag Team partner. He has been in a serious car crash. I have to go to the hospital.
Cole leaves and SFJ is left with a dumb look on her face.
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