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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:36:59 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From La Paz, Mexico
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Four Way Dance[/u]
Stank vs. LD Williams vs. Capellan vs. Canadian Dragon
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Donovan Viper vs. Seamus McNasty
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Defenestrators vs. The Nerve Agent & Blitz
OOWF Onslaught Championship I Quit Match[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Firewoman
OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship Unification Match[/u]
Alexander Darling vs. Moosehead Jack vs. Rabbxt
Phantos & Lucios vs. DH Magnusson & Spin Hansen
Outback Jack vs. Ryan Hardcore
Chris Cole vs. The Knife
Eric O'Mac vs. The Dead
F. Fonzworth MacCappington & Firechild vs. Apocalyptic Bastards
Card subject to official audit
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:37:27 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is lying on a gurney, next to Firewoman, who is also on a gurney. They are both being transported to La Paz via Mobile Infirmary, as opposed to the Dunkin Donuts Limousine*
DM: *weakly* Fire...
FW: *also weakly* What?
DM: Almost...
FW: No shit...
DM: Fire...
FW: *sighs* What?
DM: You're one ballsy son of a bitch, you know that?
FW: *grins* Yeah, I knew that...
DM: Fire...
FW: *getting aggravated* Yes, Davin? What?
DM: We get to do it again this week...
FW: I saw...
DM: Fire...
FW: I think I get why some people hate you now...
DM: Don't make me get up...ow...
FW: You couldn't get up if you tried...
DM: Neither can you...
FW: Touche...
DM: Fire...
FW: Seriously, Davin?
DM: No...Fucking FIRE!
*The Mobile Infirmary seems to have caught fire, and Davin manages to drag Firewoman out of the burning Winnebago. They both collapse on the ground*
DM: Fire...
FW: Yeah, I saw.
DM: Not that one.
FW: Oh.
DM: I don't know if I would have done what you did...*pause for breath*...2 brutal matches in the same night...I don't know if I COULD have done it...All I know is...you deserve this shot...You fucking earned it. You're a true badass, and damn did we put on a show or what?
FW: Yes...Yes we did...
DM: Is this pavement sparkling for you right now?
FW: I can't say it is...but I don't see an alternative at the moment.
DM: BOOKERMAN!!!!!!!!
*Moosehead Jack rolls out of the arena doors, in his totally awesome Steven Hawking chair, complete with mechanical voice box*
MHJ: *mechanically* I would kill you if I wasn't in this chair.
DM: Moose, we have really good insurance. You mean to tell me that we can't do any better than writhing in pain in the parking lot of some arena in Mexico next to a charred Winnebago?
MHJ: *mechanically* Ha. Ha. Ha. You think I care about your stupid problems? I'm in a Hawking chair, and I have to wrestle this week.
DM: The Pavement is not sparkling with her.
MHJ: Is this true, Firewoman?
FM: Yeah, not so much on the sparkle.
*Moosehead Jack manages to press some sort of button on his chair. A Rolls Royce ambulance rolls up, with two EMTs*
EMT1: Este? (This one)
MHJ: *mechanically* Si.
*The EMTs scoop up Firewoman and usher into the super-luxury Ambulance. They take off*
DM: Umm, Moose? What about me?
MHJ: *starts to drive his chair toward the doors, all that's heard is the mechanical voice* Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha....
DM: *writhes in pain* That is SO the last time I'm getting you a Christmas Present. Jerl. Ow.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:37:49 GMT -5
Phantos and Lucios are standing with a Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist in an undisclosed backstage location
RNSFJ: I'm here with The Uncrowned Champions, Phantos and Lucios. Guys, I understand you two asked for the rematch with Spin ans DH before you even left Hawai'i.
Lucios: Not just a rematch, but a way to prove which is the better team. A series of matches. A Best-of-Seven Series. Because I KNOW neither team will concede defeat with one loss. You two are tough sons of guns, there's no doubt about it. But a better team? You'll have to beat us FOUR TIMES to prove it.
Phantos: (whispering to the RNSFJ) I can get you a free Sprint PCS phone, why dont you come and see me later on, wear something skimpy.
(Lucios smacks his partner on the back of the head)
Phantos: OWW! Right, Remember we are the measuring stick, and so far, Magnusson, Hansen, you two simply haven't measured up!
(fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:39:32 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson are standing in front of the INTERVIEW CHAN LINK FENCE OF DOOM. SFJ #1040 has her microphone in hand.)
SFJ: Spin... D.H... what are your thoughts on the recent challenge that the Uncrowned Champions, Phantos and Lucios, have offered you?
DHM: Listen here, Shannon... don't you EVER call those jagoffs the "Uncrowned Champions." The three of us here all know that they're not fit to even glance sideways at those replacement belts, let alone have 'em around their waists.
SH (holding a crowbar): But as much as those corproate-branded assholes run their mouths, they actually had a bit of a point... if they want to try to see if they can beat us in a best-of-seven series, good luck. Challenge accepted... with a catch.
DHM: Yeah. We've talked to The Rick about this, and he added a bit of sauce to the offer... the winner will get title shots all throughout next month... and the loser won't see sight of the titles until March .
SH: Oh, and boys... let me show you how a measuring stick... (D.H. holds a yardstick in front of him with two hands) holds up against a crowbar.
(Spin SHATTERS the yardstick with a shot from the crowbar!)
DHM: That's all we've got to say, Shannon. Spin' an I are goin' to get a drink.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:39:56 GMT -5
Rabbxt: So, Fire. No tag team match this week.
Fire: Yea. And look at that, we've both got title matches.
Rabbxt: Damn straight. Another shot at the Onslaught Championship, Fire!
Fire: Yea, totally. Another I Quit, too...
Rabbxt: You're a tough chick, though. You can totally take Davin fucking Moreland.
Fire: Yea, you're right. Sunday's win over me was nothing. I've got nothing else to worry about until this match happens. No decisions to make, no people to talk to...
Rabbxt: Right. And how about me? I'm getting a shot to unify the DDT, Iron Ma...
Fire: ...
Rabbxt: Iron Person... And Heavy Metal Championships into one!
Fire: That could be quite the accomplishment. Just think if both members of Team RabbxtFire win gold at Mayhem.
Rabbxt: That'd be fucking sweet. Oh, and check this out. Nerve and Blitz are getting a shot at the tag straps. The fuck?
Fire: Well, they did win the cage match, Evan.
Rabbxt: Yea, but we performed so much better than those two fucking losers.
Fire: I don't know you can be calling them losers when they won the match. The Dead Drunks, on the other hand...
Rabbxt: Total fucking losers. But what the fuck is this? Seamus is being handed an Intercontinental Title match. Seriously? What in the hell has he ever done to earn this match? I'd do double duty if I could take his place in that match. I deserve that much better than he does.
Fire: Woa, there. Don't just toss these words around without thinking about them. I had to work two matches on Sunday. Trust me, it isn't easy.
Rabbxt: Apparently. You lost both of them.
Fire: Shut the hell up! You could've done better in the cage match, too!
Rabbxt: Alright, alright! No fighting! The important thing is that we performed the craziest move of the night. The Rapid Fire from the top of the cage.
Fire: That was cool, but that isn't what's important. What's important is if we won or lost. And we lost.
Rabbxt: Maybe if you would've gotten the fuck up after hitting your 450.
Fire: Well, maybe you should've stood right up after your Shooting Star Leg Drop. Why didn't you kip right up and climb out of the cage?
Rabbxt: Fine. I get it, Fire. But, look where Dead's at on the card.
Fire: Aw, no title shot for The Dead?
Rabbxt: Hey, girl. He got fucking destroyed in that cage. Rapid Fire hit perfectly. He'll be lucky if he can even get the win on Eric.
Fire: That Eric's a character, ain't he?
Rabbxt: Oh, yea. Cool guy, though.
Fire: Yea, yea. Cool enough to score a win over Dead?
Rabbxt: Fire... Who can't score a win over The Dead?
Fire: SYB?
Rabbxt: That's possible. But I'd be routing for SYB.
Fire: Totally. Oh, and just try to inflict as much pain on that Darling guy as you can. Him and his enterprise have been bugging the shit out of me to join them or something.
Rabbxt: You're not going to, right? It's me and you, Fire. Team RabbxtFire. Sticking together.
Fire: ...
Rabbxt: Right?
Fire: Oh, yea... Yea...
Rabbxt: Alright, Fire. I guess I'll be seeing you around.
Fire: Sure thing. MuscleMilk Protein Powder?
Rabbxt: Um, no thanks. I've got loads of Mountain Dew in my closet. Peace.
Fire: See ya.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:40:18 GMT -5
[The Dead is at an all night tattoo parlor after his pay-per-view match. He's getting some ink on his left side when, shockingly!, an OOWF reporter spots him and comes in.]
Random Reporter: Hi, my name is...
The Dead: Look, The Dead doesn't care what your name is. The Dead knows he's supposed to make up a different name for you every time he uses it, but so many "superstars" here use that lame gimmick that it's gotten stale. So, what do you want?
RR: Well, for starters, what are your thoughts about the match that just took place?
The Dead: First of all, let The Dead ask you something. Why the hell was that match the first one on the card?
RR: I don't know...
The Dead: Exactly. The Dead doesn't deserve to be curtain-jerking in a Triple Threat cage match! That rookie, Darling, gets a higher spot on the card wrestler some no name loser? Ridiculous.
RR: Well, maybe it was to preserve Firewoman for her match later...
The Dead: That must be it. She bitches and moans about not wanting two matches in one night and what does the GM do? He bends over backwards to help her out. Not only that, but she gets a rematch next week! Hell, everyone The Dead was in the ring with tonight gets a title shot except The Dead. No wonder people are leaving this fed for the one up north. Or the one down south, for that matter.
RR: Ok, so...
The Dead: Wait, The Dead is not finished with this, not by a long shot. You see, The Dead has yet to lose a singles match since he came here. The Dead won the gauntlet match. The Dead beat every single wrestler in that ring, and they all get title shots?
RR: But you didn't win the match tonight...
The Dead: You are right about that. The Dead didn't win the match tonight, even though a member of Dead Drunk escaped the cage first. I bet you also noticed that it took all four other wrestlers to take out The Dead. Four! It takes four wrestlers to take The Dead out, but The Dead can't get a one on one match for a title? And hell, two of those wrestlers had to be ringers from somewhere else.
RR: Ringers?
The Dead: Yeah, there is no way that was Nerve and Blitz in that ring. They haven't even been on OOWF-TV for two and a half weeks! SYB has been more compelling!
RR: Speaking of OOWF-TV, Rabbxt made some pretty harsh comments about you after the match.
The Dead: Of course he did. He's afraid of The Dead. Can you name a single big match Rodent has won since he's been here?
RR: Well, um no...oh wait! He and Fire did beat the Apocalyptic Bastards.
The Dead: Exactly. Until he can actually beat someone, that little puke needs to keep his mouth shut. Firewoman is doing all the heavy lifting on that team, and everyone in the locker room knows it.
RR: Okay, so now, at Mayhem, you have a match with Eric O'Mac.
The Dead: Who?
RR: Eric O'Mac, the "Sports Entertainment God".
The Dead: Oh, that guy. The Dead is glad that he identifies himself with sports entertainment. At least he's being honest. He's clearly not a real wrestler.
RR: Care to elaborate on that statement?
The Dead: Actually, no. The Dead thinks that was perfectly clear. Now get the hell out of here, the tattoo is done and so is this interview.
[The cameraman gets a shot of The Dead's tattoo, a zombie on his ribs, as The Dead throws them both out.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:40:46 GMT -5
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:41:24 GMT -5
<Moose is sitting in the back, in a darkened room lit by a single light bulb. Moose looks like he has been through hell and back, heavily bandaged, cuts scabbed over, blood still stained on the gear he wore during the match. After several minutes of Moose just staring at the screen, trembling slightly, snarling with rage, Moose speaks in a low menacing tone>
This is not over
<Moose shatters the lightbulb casting the room into total darkness>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:41:44 GMT -5
The Knife is training in the gym when his opponent for this week's Midweek Mayhem "The Main Event" Chris Cole walks on screen. The Knife stops his lifting and looks at Cole very cautiously.
The Knife: What are you doing here?
Chris Cole: Calm down, sport. I just looked at the match lineup for this week and we are paired against each other.
TK: Are you here to attack me?
CC: No. Honestly I didn't even know who the hell you were. I had to look you up on OOWF.com. Then I realized you are the guy I fought on my first night back. You see they just told me I was going to fight again and I really didn’t care who it was. Anyway, I read your bio and I want to help you out a little.
TK: Help me out? What are you talking about?
CC: Midwest kid who doesn’t like the city? I’m going to show you a little tast of city life. Look, I’m former World Champion and was the leader of the 3 Piece Set, the most rocking stable in OOWF history. We knew how to live it up in the city. Now, I’m not suggesting me go that far but I few drinks can’t hurt. We will go hit downtown La Paz, and have some cervezas or tequilas or something.
TK: Why should I trust you?
CC: Well the last time we fought I beat you in 5 minutes. You have talent but you are lacking something. I wanted to spend some time with you and see if I could put my finger on what that is exactly that you are lacking.
TK: I’ll tell you what I was lacking. I was lacking any preparation. How do you prepare for a mystery opponent? This time I have two days to prepare and I’m going to beat you.
CC: I’ll still help you out. Let’s see if you’re right. Here is a copy of my new best of DVD collection. On the first disc is my dominating run in BTW. On disc 2 is my rise to Tag Champion in OOWF. And Disc 3 is the longest reign as OOWF World Champ. Study the tapes and let’s see what you got? Also, you might want to watch the extras on the disc to see how a little extra city activities can loosen you up. Just be warned that too much can also ruin you. You’ll have to find a balance that works for you. Now I’ll let you go back to your workout. I have to make a phone call to my buddy in the hospital. But I look forward to seeing you again on Wednesday Night.
TK: OOOO-kay
CC: Oh, and one more thing. Those tapes won’t really get you prepared. This isn’t like wrestling cows back on the farm. I’m the greatest World Champion in OOWF history. You better bring all you have or else you’ll be embarrassed.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:42:04 GMT -5
Capellan enters the Destroyatarium. Stank folds his arms.
"You got your rematch. DOn't come bitching to me because it's not one-on-one."
"Don't worry, that's not why I'm here."
"Then you're interrupting my valuable drinking and macking on SFJs time because ... ?"
"Because I figured you might want to talk strategy."
"Strategy? This isn't a tag match. It's every man for himself."
"And those men are?"
"Me, you, Williams and Dragon."
"Also known as me, you, and Weapon X. You think they won't use that to their advantage? This isn't just a four-way, it's a de facto handicap match against one of the toughest men in the OOWF, and Candian Dragon."
"... I seem to recall Dragon kicking your ass a couple of times, but when he faced me, I got the pin."
"I can beat Dragon, and he knows it. Why else has he been ducking me since our draw? But let's not get sidetracked. There's a bigger problem than just the numbers game."
"Which is?"
"Do you even need to be in the ring to lose your belt? Or could LD or Dragon take it by pinning oh, say his partner?"
"Are you suggesting one of Weapon X would lie down for the other?"
"In exchange for a guaranteed one-on-one shot at the belt? Are you telling me it's impossible?"
Stank frowns for a moment, then turns to the Invisible Ninja Cameraman.
"You. Out. Capellan and I need to talk."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:42:25 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams is backstage with SFJ27.**
LD: “I am a lot of things – a miserable bastard, a tough son-of-a-gun, and, sometimes to my detriment, an honest man. Capellan, you beat me fair and square at New Year’s Evil. For one night, you were the better man. But, you didn’t earn my respect Cap – you already had that. I know how good you are, and I know how tough you are. A string of losses isn’t enough to change that.
Now this week you have a chance to run with the big dogs. Hell, you’ve even got a shot at winning the World Title…but it’s not going to happen. I have said that 2008 will be the year of L.D. Williams, and I’m a man of my word. No one, not you, not Stank, and not even Dragon, is going to stand in my way.
And Stank, you don’t need to worry about getting screwed over. Will Dragon and I work together to take out you and Cap? – damn right we will. But neither one of us is about to lay down and give up the belt. Not under any circumstances.
At Midweek Mayhem, there will be a new OOWF World Heavyweight Champion – and his name is L.D. Williams.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:42:47 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is walking through the back clearly not in a good mood. He is still looking like shit after his match with Crete, and still has not changed out of his bloody gear from that night. As he rounds the corner he is stopped by SFJ13>
SFJ13: Moose, can I have a word with you for a moment?
<Moose just glares>
SFJ: Your match with Crete was one of the most brutal in OOWF history. He beat you fair and square and then headed to the WWE, what are your comments on that
<Moose just stares at her for a moment, and doesn't say a word>
SFJ13: Um, ok, then would you like to comment on your match this week?
MHJ: This week. This week i face two men that I have absolutely no issues with. I have no problem with them, but both of them have a problem. A severe problem. You see, given what happened this past week, I am not in a good mood, at all. And this week, I am going to take it out on both of them. You think you have seen violent and brutal before, you haven't seen anything.
SFJ13: So you are saying you are going to win the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title?
MHJ: I don't care about winning the title, the only promise I make this week is that Darling and Rabbxt are going to suffer.
Trust me
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:43:34 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is in the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina. He seems to have miraculously recovered from his injuries, and is doing some flippy shit on Phantos' Trampoline, presented by Dunkin' Donuts Coffee. Lucios walks in with an armful of match tapes (Because VCRs are SO state of the art)*
L: Wow, D...You look a million times better.
DM: *Does a jumping back tuck on the trampoline*. Yeah, never better. What ya got there?
L: DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen tapes.
DM: *stops, and gets off the trampoline* Dude, they've been a tag team for like a month.
L: So? Spin Hansen's been in the OOWF for a long time. I think it's obvious that we need more work.
DM: *grabs a towel* I don't think it's OBVIOUS, man. But, I think you guys really need this one. You guys have been bumped out of the title picture again. I don't want to see you stuck in a feud that's going nowhere.
P: *from out of nowhere* I HATE those guys.
L: What he said.
DM: Ok, I get that...They're very hatable. But listen guys, you gotta re-focus on what's important. The Belts.
L: *ahem*
DM: Sorry, the TITLES.
P: *ahem*
DM: Fine...The CHAMPIONSHIPS.
L: Speaking of Championships, where's yours?
DM: Mine? Oh, it's over there on the chair. *Davin picks it up and slings it over his shoulder*
L: Such disrespect.
P: For real, what, were you raised in a barn?
DM: What?
L: Wear that like a real Champion, would you?
DM: Guys, it's a fake piece of plastic thing, it's not designed to...
P: WEAR IT!
DM: All right, all right...*puts it around his waist*. It is IMPOSSIBLE to sit with this thing on.
L: You're a champion. Get over it.
DM: Damn you guys are bitchy. Who shit in your Cheerios?
P: Oh, Your agent called, the sponsorship deal with General Mills is a go...
DM: Ok then. Who shit in your Cheerios?
P: Well I lost my Iron Man Championship to Stormy Weathers...
L: A Cardboard cutout of Stormy Weathers
P: SHUT UP!
DM: *laughs* Really?
P: YES, REALLY! If I recall, a dead sparrow won that four times.
DM: I won it 5 times.
L: No, you didn't.
DM: Sure I did.
L: NO YOU DIDN'T
DM: Pretty sure I did.
P: Dude, you didn't win it 5 times just because you say you did.
DM: Why not?
L: 3.
DM: What?
L: 3 times.
DM: Really?
P: That's what I count.
DM: Hm. Go figure. I thought it was 5. I suppose I should go beat the sparrow at some point. Who's got it now?
L: Rabbxt.
DM: Damn it.
P: What? Go beat that gum-swatting jerky-head.
DM: *laughs* I love you guys.
P: What?
DM: Anyway, I can't; the last thing I want to do is piss off Firewoman.
L: Yeah, she gave you quite the match last week.
DM: I thought she might. And apparently, they liked it so much, I get a rematch this week.
P: You're a good Champ, Davin; I think you'll get it done.
DM: I do too, but I need your help.
L: Our Help?
DM: Nope, just P-Dawg.
P: Me? What can I do?
DM: Speed, bro. Make me faster. Hell, might even make yourself faster in the process.
L: How many times did you watch your tape? It's amazing how you scouted yourself that quickly.
DM: That would be zero times.
L: NONE??
DM: Nope. I could tell in the match that I somewhere got WAY too sluggish. I've been in with too many plodders I think. Firewoman is even faster than Phantos.
P: Bullpoop.
DM: Kiss your mother with that mouth?
L: THAT joke never gets old *rolls eyes*.
P: Nope, just Stormy Weathers and hot SFJs...Hellllllooooooooooooooo Nurse!!!
DM: Anyway, are you gonna help me or what?
P: Yeah, let's go to the D'Angelo's Track and get crack-a-lackin.
L: See you guys later. I'm gonna watch this tape.
DM: Hey, before you do that...Let me show you something from OOWF-TV I saw earlier...
DM: I wonder if 5 consecutive losses to Davin Moreland are on there?
L: He looks to be returning to "The Main Event" again.
DM: That's ok, I got something for him if he crosses my path. Just like an elephant, I never forget.
L: All right, I'm gonna watch this now. You boys have fun.
P: Yes Mom.
L: It would be so easy for me to kill you. You wear a mask. No one would identify you.
P: Yeah, yeah.
*Lucios is watching Spin Hansen matches on the Sony DLP Multimedia Center, when he hears noises and yelling from the track*
*bang*
DM: WHAT THE FUCK!
P: *inaudible*
*bang*
DM: YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAVE THAT!
P: *inaudible*
*bang*
DM: DAMMIT, GIVE ME THAT!
P: NO!
DM: I BETTER NOT CATCH UP TO YOU...I WILL KILL YOU LITTLE MAN...
L: *chuckling to himself* Nice training program. That Phantos is a genius.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:43:55 GMT -5
(Ecosystem is looking at his tag title.)
Eco: DUDE!
Volt: Yeah?
Eco: WE'RE TAG CHAMPIONS!!
Volt: So? We've been champions before.
Eco: Really?
Volt: Yeah--oh wait, NO WE HAVEN'T!!!
Eco: YEAH!!!!
Volt: DUDE!!!!
Eco: YEAH!!!
Volt: We cheated though.
Eco: But we're heels.
Volt: Yeah!
Eco: So it's okay!
Volt: YEAH!
Eco: YEAH!
Volt: Hey Eco?
Eco: Yeah.
Volt: Could we maybe, you know, not lose these titles tomorrow?
Eco: Oh yeah.
Volt: Because that would, you know, suck.
Eco: Yeah. Let's not do that.
Volt: Yeah.
Eco: Okay.
(Pause.)
(Eco and Volt hug their titles.)
Eco: You want to watch I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry again?
Volt: Sure.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:44:16 GMT -5
Firewoman is WALKING~! past a seemingly-randomly-but-not-really placed TV monitor and watches the exchange in the Run DLP Locker Room.
Hmmm...that was good coffee.
The Dead enters the scene.
D: Nice matches last week.
FW: Yeah. Although I was not happy with losing twice in the same day. Losing does not sparkle with me.
D: Me neither. You know, you really took it to Moreland. If you hadn't worn yourself out with the steel cage match, you probably would have won.
FW: Well, that thought has crossed my mind. But I couldn't abandon my partner, either.
D: I don't know why not. You seem....well, I thought you'd be more angry about that.
FW: Hmm...must be the painkillers.
D: Are you sure? Or is it that kind of calm before the storm thing that some people get?
FW: I don't know...Say something sexist.
D: Oh, I don't know.....
FW: Go ahead.
D: Uh...okay....you fight like a girl?
FW: Hm...nothing. Must be the Sweet Sweet Lady Codeine.
D: So the docs cleared you for this week?
FW: Oh yeah...of course not with out a lot of talking. Blah blah 'be careful' blah blah 'potential career shortener' blah blah 'adrenaline can be deceiving'...Then they write the script and say 'go ahead.' Whatever.
D: Yeah...I didn't see you at the New Year's Eve party last night
FW: No, I was in Greensboro.
D: Oh yeah....date, eh?
FW: I believe the rule of 'Firewoman's personal life is off limits' does still apply in 2008.
D: Oh, right. Well, good luck on your rematch this week.
FW: Thanks. But I don't think I'll need it. I'll be rested and ready. And since I now have some experience with him now, I know some weaknesses I can exploit. And Rabbxt will be in my corner.
D: Hey, I've been in more than a few hardcore matches, and I got some ideas while watching yours last week. Got a minute?
FW: Sure!
Firewoman and TheDead head towards the sparring ring.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:44:47 GMT -5
[We're LIVE! in Spain! A SFJ is near by, ready to pretend to report!]
SFJ: Hello! I am her ein Hawaii where I was scheduled to interview Eric O'Mac! But he has not arrived! I wonder where he could be?
[The SFJ walks down a hall in what we can presume to be a Spanish Hotel. She goes to the front desk.]
SFJ: Excuse me? Have you seen Eric O'Mac?
[The receptionist looks blanky at the SFJ.]
SFJ: Oh right, you don't speak English. Ummm... Yo Quiero Eric O'Mac!
Receptionist: No, I speak English fluently. It's just that the OOWF is in Mexico, not Spain. You must have gotten confused when The E told you to meet him in the country where everyone speaks Spanish.
SFJ: Oh. I didn't know they spoke Spanish in Mexico. I thought they spoke Mexican!
Receptionist: [rolls eyes] Anyways, because The E anticipated you would be an idiot, he sent a letter here for you to read.
SFJ: Oh, thanks! Let's read it!
[Insert The E Voiceover to read the letter.]
Dear Sexy Female Journalist,
If you are reading this, then a friend of mine owes me 20 bucks. We placed a little bet. Of course, I won. You're an idiot. I figured you would show up in the Mariott in Madrid, Spain instead of Mexico City, Mexico.
Anyways, it's a shame you don't have the chance to interview me and do some real work. I was looking forward to seducing you with cliched catchphrases. Instead, you get to read this letter live on OOWF TV, and I get to watch Hawaii play Georgia in the Sugar Bowl. Maybe I'll place a few more bets? We'll see.
Nonetheless, I'm expected to cut a promo on The Dead. However, I know nothing about this kid. His promos put me in a state of boredom. I guess the kid lives up to his name.
To make this letter more entertaining, I've hired the receptionist to put you in a chinlock after the letter is over.
Anyways, this match just shows how little the OOWF thinks of my services. My match this past Sunday on Pay Per View was a classic. That is until I got "knocked out" and needed "medical attention." I then watched as Ryan Hardcore and Outback Jack proceeded to turn off millions of potential fans. It was the least entertaining match up on the card up to that point. I decided to go in and save the matchup from being a buyrate killer, and early reports indicate that because of my heroics, I saved the pay per view and brought in many more purchasers who bought the pay per view just to see the aftermath of my match. So how does The Rick award me? By giving me a meaningless match against a rookie who wouldn't know entertainment if it resurrected him.
Never fear, sexy female journalist! I will save this edition of OOWF Midweek Mayhem from boredom once again. I will carry my undefeated record to Mayhem, tear the house down with this dead weight. It'll be the most entertaining matchup since The E vs. Carl from Fresno I! I'm hoping I'll be able to work in at least 5 chinlocks. I've also been working on a gimmick move. Maybe I could hit the Five Knucle Shuffle? It's just a thought.
I hope The Dead gets a chance to read or listen to you read this letter. I want him to know that he is not a lost cause. He, too, can be entertaining if he follows my advice.
Take this from a Sports Entertainment God: when it all comes down to, entertainment sales big. There's a reason the WWE is a multi-million dollar company and the OOWF is lucky to be touring countries that have no access to the great company up North. Look at its champions. The two most recent champions, Orton and Cena, are the most entertaining champions ever. They've completely erased the debacle and boredom of the Benoit and Guerrero reigns. And now look at the OOWF. With champions like Gavin Boreland, it's a surprise the OOWF is still garnering ridiculous sponsorships from overrated product companies.
The bottom line is this: as much crap as I talk about the OOWF, it is my first love. It gave me my first opportunity. But it is suffering. It is dying of boredom. And there are so many jackasses in this company that the problem refuses to be acknowledged. But I know ther eis a problem. And I plan on doing something about it. The first step of my plan is near completetion. I've given OOWF fans just a taste of how entertaining the show can be if performers like myself were put in prime positions. And I'll continue to be as entertaining as I can be, and The Dead, the most entertaining thing that can happen, bar a Finger Poke of Doom match, is for me to beat you in the most entertaining fashion possible.
And when I do, you too will know what entertainment feels like. It will then be up to you if you want to be one of those jackasses or if you want to be a sports entertainer. If it's the former, you'll hear from me again.
Sexy female journalist, I do apologize for leading you astray. Perhaps you can meet me in that country where they speak English?
Signed,
The E
A Sports Entertainment God
[SFJ looks up at the receptionist.]
SFJ: I guess I'm going to England!!!
[The receptionist, remembering her hiring, puts the SFJ in a chinlock as the camera fades to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:45:13 GMT -5
Within a super sweet luxury box high above the OOWF Arena, a ninja cameraman turns his camera on and pans around the room. We see quite a few plasma TV’s, computers, a bar with a wide variety of alcohol and numerous other perks. Sitting in front of one of the computers we see the beautiful blonde hair of Alexis Darling. She seems to be busy at work and the camera pans away from her to the couch that overlooks the arena. There in the center of the couch is Alexander Darling sitting in a fabulous Armani outfit with two beautiful brunettes on either side of him. And off to the side on a chair is Jamie Lynn Spears holding a microphone.
Jamie Lynn: Well Mr. Darling, this is the first time I’ve had the opportunity to sit with you and ask you some questions about the OOWF and your place in it. I guess we can start at the beginning. Tell me why you’ve decided on Rabbxt as your first adversary.
Alexander Darling: See JLS, the thing here is I just don’t like the bunny bitch.
Jamie Lynn: But why? What did he ever…
Alexander: He didn’t have to do a thing to me or to anyone. It’s everything he represents and portrays to the world.
JLS: What does that mean exactly?
Alexander: What it means, Ms. Spears is that Rabbxt is a phony and a fake. I may be an arrogant son-of-a-bitch, but I don’t hide what I am now. Bunny boy tries to act like he doesn’t care what the moronic smark fans of the OOWF think of him, but you can see it in everything he does. All he cares about are how they respond to him.
JLS: How can you explain his matches with Nerves and Blitz then, the fans seem to be favorites of those two and Rabbxt has turned on them?
Alexander: Nerves and Blitz are fucking specks of dirt in the grand scheme of things. Rabbxt’s turning on them was just common sense and I don’t even think it was his idea. We all know FireWoman is both the brains and brawn of their team. The only thing Bunny probably contributed was the dumbest fucking team name in the history of the wrestling business. Hell, I heard he even turned down a fabulous name in The Burning Bunnies.
JLS: So you believe Fire was the reason behind the attack on Nerves and Blitz. Is that why you’ve been aggressively recruiting her to join Darling Enterprise, Inc?
Alexander: First, Darling Enterprise, Inc. is the name for the total empire that I will one day run with my sister. Within the wrestling world, it is known as The Darling Enterprise Agency.
JLS: Forgive me Mr. Darling, but you didn’t actually answer the question about FireWoman.
Alexander: I explained it Sunday and I’ll explain it again now. The DEA respects your ability inside the ring down there and beyond that we respect that you will do whatever it takes to get it done. You mentioned that there would be a price that comes along with joining us and that goes without saying. But that price isn’t anything you shouldn’t want anywhere. All that price is, is a guarantee that you support myself, Alexander Darling, and anyone else associated with The DEA the same way we will do the same for you. If you don’t think Davin will have his Run DLP around, you’re mistaken. If you don’t think McCappington and company are ever far away from LOADED, you’re mistaken. Moosehead could always bring back The Establishment…Everyone needs backup, and trust me, the Bunny Bitch won’t be around for long.
JLS: Are you saying?
Alexander: That’s exactly what I’m saying. As I’ve said before, the issues I have with Rabbxt aren’t personal, but that’s not entirely true. I personally hate the guy because he’s everything that’s wrong. He’s a pandering fuck. His Mountain Dew endorsement that I can have squashed at a moment’s notice; the flips and flops that he thinks will get him over with the crowd; and he’s just not good for business.
JLS: What do you mean by that exactly?
Alexander: Truthfully Jamie, he’s too fucking reckless for his own good. I understand the concept of taking risks. That’s what business is all about, but as I’ve proven twice already and as I will prove again this week. A man without foundation cannot stand and when I destroy Bunny’s knees for good, his entire arsenal is out the window. And that’s not good for business. He’s someone who can’t be counted on and it’s time I show that to the OOWF and the world on Wednesday night.
Alexander starts to stand when Jamie Lynn looks up at him and seems hesitant to say something. Darling sits back down and looks at her and motions for her to go ahead.
JLS: I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just go ahead and do it. You’ve mentioned Rabbxt and FireWoman quite a bit, but it seems like you haven’t talked about your other opponent Moosehead Jack at all. Why is that?
Alexander Darling gets a very serious look on his face and turns his head to look at Alexis who seems to be shaking a little as soon as Moosehead’s name was said. Darling gets his breathing under control and begins to speak in a low, solemn voice.
Alexander: Personally, physically, financially; I have no issues with Moosehead Jack but the thing is he’s a reminder of what myself and Alexis have come from. Moose is the embodiment of who I used to look up to. I’ll admit Moose is a monster and he has no feelings whatsoever about what happens to me. But for those of you that haven’t followed my career, I’ve snapped someone like Moose’s ankle before and I have no problems doing it again.
JLS: Is that all you have to say about Moosehead Jack and your match this week?
Alexander: Not quite. Truthfully, I had originally thought that the DDT would mean little to me and it was a means to get Rabbxt in the ring because I knew this unification was coming. But that’s not the case anymore. I know there are bigger and better things ahead of me here in the OOWF…but for right now, those two will have to pry this belt out of my cold, dead hands.
We hear Alexis’ phone ring in the background and she seems to have calmed down her shaking. She answers the phone as Alexander continues to speak.
I was originally going to offer Moose money to walk out of this match and look back, but then I thought about it and I need this opportunity to prove myself within the OOWF just like I’ve proven myself everywhere else. Moose, Bunny…DDT, Iron Person, Heavy Metal bring it all together this week at Mayhem and you will truly find out why I am ”The Darling of Professional Wrestling”
Alexis has now walked over to Alexander and is whispering in his ear. We see them both begin to smile, a very big smile.
Alexander: Well isn’t that fucking wonderful news. Jamie, I’m sorry to cut this short, but it seems as if I have a meeting with someone I dropped off a contract with last week.
JLS: Well, thank you for your time Mr. Darling. I guess that’s…
Alexander: Actually, there is one more thing…Rabbxt, Moosehead Jack, I’m coming for you and your belts and if you don’t like it, well I got two words for ya,
BOOYAH, Bitches
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:45:41 GMT -5
*Outback Jack is cutting a promo, with Wally strutting around behind him*
OBJ: Hardcore, you got lucky the last time we met. If some random jobber hadn't done a run-in...*Wally stops strutting and whispers somwthing to OBJ*...oh, it was that what's-his-name guy? Well, I'll deal with him later. Anyways, Hardcore, you're going down at Mayhem. Then I've got some unfinished business to take care of.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:46:03 GMT -5
[Firewoman and The Dead finish sparring and head out the door. They leave going separate ways and The Dead runs into Rabbxt.]
Rabbxt: What the hell do you think you're doing?
The Dead: Hahaha, take it easy little rabbit...
Rabbxt: Again with the nicknames! I hate that! You're going down.
[Rabbxt lunges at The Dead, but The Dead sidesteps. Rabbxt gets ready to charge again, but The Dead cuts him off.]
The Dead: Look, if The Dead wanted to fight you, you'd already be on the ground. Now, The Dead needs to get ready for tonight's match, so why don't you be a good little rodent and go drink your Mountain Dew.
[The Dead begins to walk away.]
Rabbxt: But what about you and...?
[The Dead laughs and continues to walk away until he's out of sight.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:46:21 GMT -5
Capellan - So are we cool?
Stank - We have an understanding, yes.
Cap - ... I guess that will have to do.
<Capellan leaves the Destroyitarium. Stank notices the ninja cameraman is back and in walks SFJ#1>
Stank - Nicole.
SFJ#1 - I'm standing in the Destroyitarium with the OOWF World Champion, Stank. Stank you're in a fatal four way dance with three men with whom you've had major issues. The match is for your World Title in which you do not have to be pinned or submitted to lose your belt.
Stank - Ok, you have a good grasp on the situation.
SFJ#1 - Furthermore you face Weapon X and a reinvigorated Capellan.
Stank - Let me stop you right there. I know the score. It's them vs me and that suits me just fine. At some point during the match it could be me against Weapon X. It could be Me and Cap vs Weapon X. Hell, it could be Me vs Weapon X AND Capellan. Who knows? We just as easily could see Williams and Dragon facing each other.
SFJ#1 - So how do you prepare for a match like this.
Stank - I do what I do. I dominate. I fight and I don't let up. Look, Williams dropped a few guarantees and ANYTHING could happen and probably will. But, allow me to lay out a few guarantees of my own. Whether it's one, two or three on one. I WILL not bow down. You may knock me down, but WHEN I get up you WILL get BEAT down. Williams you THINK you will be champion after Mayhem. Maybe someday but NOT tonight! I am and will be after tonight... the CHAMP! This ain't no fluke! THIS is reality!
<Stank takes the mic from SFJ#1>
Stank - Lately we've had people arriving in the OOWF making bold claims about being Sport Entertainment Gods and Darlings of Wrestling, being the MAIN EVENT and uncrowned champions. You all come to the OOWF and you lay out your challenges to each other and talk 12 kinds of SHIT! Well, tonight, after you've licked your wounds from your own matches I WANT YOU to WATCH my match! I want you WATCH and SEE why they call me the OOWF Champion! I want you to watch as the ref declares me your winner and STILL the OOWF World Champion, Stank!
Then tremble. Because you can talk all the shit you want. Cut the promos, hand out the contracts, make the deals, sneak attacks, endorsements, name it, claim it, I don't give a DAMN! NOTHING you do HERE... NONE OF IT is worth a flying SHIT... until you BEAT... ME!
<camera fades>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:46:48 GMT -5
<Stank walks back into the Destroyatarium clearly needing another drink, when he spots Moosehead Jack sitting at the bar>
Stank: Why are you here?
MHJ: Why not.
Stank: Is this a set up for something, you running interference for Williams?
MHJ: no
Stank:<clearly getting annoyed> Then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE
MHJ: Just drinking
Stank: Look.....have you changed since Sunday? You are still covered in dried blood!
MHJ: Looks that way, yeah
Stank............
MHJ: I'll buy you a drink, have a seat
<Stank hesitates for a moment, but he is never one to pass up a free drink so he sits down>
Stank: Ok, you gonna talk about your match tonight?
MHJ: Already did. Got no real beef with either of them.
Stank: You seem.......calm
MHJ: He's gone. But its not over
Stank: Ah Christ, not this again. Look Moose, you wanted him gone, and now he's gone. Its over, let it go and move on. I know you want a shot at this title.
MHJ: In time.
Stank: In time? What until then?
MHJ: I don't know. Right now, drinking. Tonight, a match. From there, we'll see.
Stank: You are creepin me out.
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:47:09 GMT -5
We see GMtheRick in his office getting a pedicure from Erlana.
GMtR - Ah... 2008. You know what my resolution is? Control my temper. I need to relax more. And there ain't nothing more relaxing than having clean toes.
Just then the door opens.
GMtR: YOU! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU INTERRUPTING MY PEDICURE?!?
Viper walks in with Intercontinental Championship slung over his shoulder.
DV: When are you going to stop fucking with me?
GMtR: What the hell are you talking about?
DV: At the PPV, I fought The Knife? And this week, this McNasty guy? I don't even know who the fuck he is? You're feeding me these no-name jobbers to keep me from getting the gold.
GMtR: First off, these rookies are NOT no-name jobbers. They are young, hungry, up-and-coming superstars who deserve a chance to shine. Second, you HAVE gold.
DV: I have Intercontinental gold. I want World Championship gold. I WANT STANK.
GMtR: Well, too bad. The rookies deserve their shot at the Intercontinental Championship and the World Championship scene is full right now.
DV: Full of losers. Full of guys like LD Williams and Capellan, who couldn't beat me when they had their chance, but yet get shots against Stank, while I get thrown cannon fodder.
GMtR: THESE GUYS ARE NOT CANNON FODDER! THEY'RE NOT JOBBERS! THEY ARE THE FUTURE OF THIS COMPANY!!!
DV: Fuck the future. We're in the present and *I* am the present. *I* am the best in this business, and *I* should be facing the World Champion.
GMtR: You're going to face who you face, Viper. Now get the HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!
Viper leaves pissed and theRick is enraged.
Erlana: I guess you're not keeping your resolution.
GMtR: HOW CAN I WITH THAT ASSHOLE IN MY COMPANY!?!?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:47:29 GMT -5
D.H. Magnusson is standing outside the boiler room, banging on the door.
DHM: Yo, Spin!
nothing
DHM: Yo, SPIN!
muffled sounds
DHM: SPIN! Get out here! It's go time, partner!
the sounds from within the boiler room stop, and Spin Hansen slips out the door.
DHM: You ready? We gotta get this win tonight. We ain't gonna shut them up with anything else.
SH: We'll shut them up.
DHM: Damned straight. We take care of Phantos and Lucios, and we'll be back on track for those straps, and the respect we deserve around here.
SH: We'll take care of them. Shut them up. Take care of them. Get respect.
DHM: Ummm...You feeling okay, bro?
SH: Yeah, why?
DHM: Nothin' you just seem a liitle out of it.
SH: I'm good. Let's go take care of our problem.
Spin looks at the boiler room door for a long moment, and walks away.
DHM: What the hell is wrong with him?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:48:52 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From La Paz, Mexico <The pyro for the event starts and we see Moosehead Jack, still clearly sporting his wounds from his brutal match with Crete, heading to the ring. Moose winces in pain as he rolls under the bottom rope and stands in the center of the ring. The crowd chants YOU GOT BEAT! YOU GOT BEAT! Moose snarls at them, but otherwise ignores them> You know, several weeks ago, I made Crete an offer I knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse. I told Crete that if he took Vince’s blood money and left the OOWF, I would come to the center of this ring and tell the world that he was the better man.
<The crowd cheers wildly waiting for Moose to admit this>
I lied.
<the cheers immediately turn to boos>
I will admit a lot of things in this world, I will admit to being a bloodthirsty bastard, I will admit to enjoying the screams of pain from my opponents, I will admit that Sunday night Crete showed a side of himself that I ALWAYS knew he had in him. But admit Crete was a better man than me? Not a chance.
See Crete, I don’t give a damn what you……..
WHOAH WOAH WOAH WHOAH
<GM the Rick is out to the top of the ramp>
GMtR: You know Moose; I am not surprised that you went back on your word. To me and everyone else who runs this place, your word means shit. I hold YOU directly responsible for Crete leaving the OOWF….
MHJ: Damn right
GMtR: ENOUGH! You know, I asked you, I begged you to back off. I tried to explain that there was no reason for it all to come to this, but would you back off? No. And now, Crete is gone. And no matter what you think Moose, Crete moved merchandise; Crete made money for the OOWF. That is a big void for us to fill, and until we fill it, I am holding you personally responsible.
MHJ: And just what is that supposed to mean?
GMtR: What that means is that as far as I am concerned, you are persona non grata in the OOWF. Whatever influence you think you had at one time is now gone. Title shots? Forget it. Barbed wire fence Taipei matches? Yeah that’s not happening anymore either. Moose, you made your decisions, and now I have made mine. You took things too far, and now YOU are going to be the one to pay. HIT MY MUSIC MONKEYS!
<GM the Rick tosses his mic down and heads to the back, Moose is left steaming in the center of the ring.>F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III & FIRECHILD vs. APOCALYPTIC BASTARDSApocalyptic Bastards come to the ring first, AE looks like his normal self, evidently happy to still have a job here in the OOWF. SYB however, looks…….different. Almost as if something unspeakably bad happened to him. Anyway SYB climbs between the ropes and immediately steps back out and waits on the apron. AE shrugs and gets ready to start the match. F. Fonzworth MacCappington III and Lance are out first, Firechild, as is the custom, is forced to trail both of them. As they get to the ring, Firechild holds the ropes for both of them. MacCappington backs Firechild into the corner and berates him, telling him he will show him how he wants things done with this team. Firechild collects MacCappington’s ring jacket and hands it to the attendant, then holds the ropes while Lance leaves the ring. Firechild leaves the ring and waits on the apron, the bell rings and MacCappington immediately charges across the ring and attacks Apocalyptic Existence hammering him down to the mat with forearms. FFM3 pulls AE to his feet and slams him in the face with a double sledge. FFM3 walks over to SYB and glares at him, and SYB seems to shrink in fear a bit. FFM turns back to AE and scoops him up and plants him on the mat with a slam, then hits the ropes and drops a big Dusty elbow across his chest. FFM pulls AE to the ropes and chokes him across the middle rope and yells at Firechild the whole time. He tells Firechild to do something, then turns and distracts the referee and Firechild walks down the apron and gives AE a weak kick to the face. FFM turns back around and sees that Firechild didn’t even try and he seethes a little. He pulls AE up and drops him on the mat with an over the shoulder neck breaker, then yells at Firechild a little more in the corner. AE gets to his feet and FFM turns around and gets planted with a big boot to the face. AE tags in SYB and he comes in and looks a little timid, and makes the cover, but FFM kicks out at two. SYB pulls him to his feet and tries to whip him to the ropes, but FFM reverses it and catches SYB on the rebound with a black hole slam. FFM pulls SYB to his feet and hauls him up and drops him with a Greetings From Pacific Heights! FFM pulls SYB to their corner and tags in Firechild. MacCappington orders Firechild to hit him with a Firedriver. At first Firechild refuses, then MacCappington threatens Firechild with something again and Firechild pulls him to his feet and destroys him with a Firedriver! Firechild goes to make the cover, but MacCappington yells at him to hit another one. Firechild glares at him, then pulls SYB to his feet and hits a second Firedriver. Firechild covers, but MacCappington comes in and breaks up the pin. Firechild stares at MacCappington as MacCappington leaves the ring. FFM puts his hand out and demands the tag. Firechild tags, MacCappington comes in and drops an elbow across SYB, covers and gets the three count. WINNERS in 3:31 – F. Fonzworth MacCappington III & Firechild OUTBACK JACK vs. RYAN HARDCOREMel Creech is YOUR referee! Slow circle to start. Mel raises an eyebrow; this is going to be a wrestling match? The two lock up for a moment before Hardcore pushes clear and slaps OBJ! Crowd is as stunned as Jack is, but he rubs his jaw and nods, grinning slightly. Hardcore lets his guard down and is flattened by a straight punch from Outback. Hardcore hits the mat hard, followed quickly by OBJ punishing him with lefts and rights. Mel tells OBJ to knock it off so Jack climbs off and hauls Ryan to his feet. Jack slings Ryan to the corner - hard - and watches with a grin as Hardcore hits it hardcore and he falls on his face. OBJ walks on Hardcore's back and hits the ropes by the entrance way and makes a very shrill whistle. Wally B King strides out with some cold Foster's for Outback while he stomps away at Hardcore. He puts his foot on Ryan's neck while Mel starts a five count, but Mel is interrupted when Wally hands Outback a beer and Outback hands it to Mel! They toast and have a few sips and a chat while Hardcore is flailing under OBJ's foot. Wally reminds Outback that there's still a match going on. Outback belches ("that's Australian for 'bummah' ") and gathers Ryan off the mat again. He slings Ryan back into the corner and splatters him with a corner clothesline. Mel finishes his beer and asks Wally to leave the ring so he doesn't get hurt. Wally nods and graciously steps out just as Ryan falls into the ropes on the same side, becoming entangled. OBJ finishes his beer and turns to Mel, who hands over his empty can. With encouragement from the crowd, OBJ crushes BOTH cans on Ryan's forehead, busting him open and knocking him unconscious. Mel gets him out of the ropes for an academic cover. WINNER in 4:34 Outback Jack CHRIS COLE vs. THE KNIFELockup to start things off, and Cole gets the upper hand, ripping off a stiff arm drag. Cole tries another, but Knife slips out low and takes CC down. Knife hops over for a headlock, but Cole fights to his feet. Belly to back suplex is countered as Knife flips off and lands on his feet. Rollup up gets a long two and Cole pops up quickly. Another lockup and Cole backs Knife to the corner. Irish whip to the other corner, but Knife gets a Jack Brisco rollup on Cole's charge for another two count. This time Cole pops up and clotheslines Knife down. Cole drags Knife up and gets a vertical suplex. Elbow drop misses though and Knife gets an Oklahoma Roll, but Cole blocks this one and rolls all the way thru for a cover of his own, getting two. Both guys up and Knife DRILLS Cole in he head with a picture perfect enziguri. Over the top rope goes Cole and Knife follows out, putting the beats on CC on the floor. To the railing, but Cole backdrops Knife over the rail and into the crowd. CC back to the ring and Knife drags himself back as well. Cole tries to suplex Knife back in, but Knife shoulders him in the gut and gets a sunset flip... but Cole rolls thru that and gets the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF~! Knife immediately grabs the ropes and gets a break. Before Cole can follow up, Knife dropkicks him in the back, then gets a release German suplex that lands Cole on the back of his head. DDT gets two. Knife looks for THE STAB, but Cole catches his foot, trips him up and looks for the Cloverleaf again, but Knife kicks him off an to the corner. Knife looks for TOP ROPE DIVINE JUDGMENT~! But Cole backdrops Knife off the top rope in a huge bump! Cole shrugs like what the hell and follows down with a Macho Man elbow. One, two, THREE! That sorta came out of nowhere. WINNER in 10:09: CHRIS COLE ERIC O’MAC vs. THE DEAD ”Zero” by the Smashing Pumpkins fires up on the sound system, and the crowd collectively stands as The Dead slowly wanders down the ramp, focused solely on the ring, ignoring the crowd. He stretches against the ropes a couple times until…The House Lights fade to black, Huge Pyro Fires up. There’s a pause…All My Life” fires up, and Eric O’Mac…”The E” saunters down the ramp with a huge smile on his face, faking like he’s going to slap hands with the crowd a couple times; by using the “pull-your-hand-away-and-run-it-through-your-hair” trick. He spends another 5 minutes taunting the crowd before eventually getting into the ring. The Dead nudges Referee Hale, who apparently had fallen asleep during the entrance. “The E” does the 4-corners pose, and looks over to the timekeeper, presumably looking for a mic. Thankfully, The Dead has had enough of this noise, and Pearl Harbors O’Mac with a double axe handle to the back of the domepiece, and Referee Hale is more than happy to call for the bell and start the match. The Dead tries to press his advantage, and drills “The E” up against the corner with a series of rights and lefts, to the head and then to the gut. The Dead then drives his shoulder into O’Mac’s midsection, once, twice...But “The E” wises up and does the classic stick-your-head-under-the-top-rope-and-put-your-hands-up. The Dead shows no sign of slowing up, but Hale is forced to start the count, and The Dead finally backs away. “The E” looks at the crowd and points to his head, apparently indicating that he’s “wicked smaht”. O’Mac slowly moves to the center of the ring, and sets himself up for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, but The Dead fakes it, and delivers a solid kick to the gut. The Dead follows it up with a swinging neck breaker, he runs the ropes and hits a big knee drop. Cover gets 2. The Dead pulls up O’Mac, and tosses him into the nearest corner, sprints to him, jumps once and hits a hurricarana. As O’Mac is sitting up, The Dead runs the ropes again and hits a Basement Drop Kick to “The E’s” back. O’Mac rolls onto his stomach, and the Dead tries to lock on a SHARPSHOOTER. He manages to get the legs hooked, but before he can lock it in, “The E” grabs the bottom rope, forcing the break. As Hale pushes The Dead away, Eric O’Mac rolls out of the ring onto the floor, looks to the ring, gives the “Screw This” handwave, and starts up the ramp. The Dead, apparently not satisfied with a count out victory, slides out of the ring and sprints after “The E”. Unfortunately for him, “The E” is playing possum, and levels the Dead with a wicked clothesline onto the ramp. O’Mac seizes the advantage, and hits a couple of straddle punches, before pulling The Dead to his feet, beating him up some while dragging him to the ring and rolling him in. “The E” casually rolls in himself, steps on The Dead, and gives up a “C’Mon Baby!” cover for 1. O’Mac, looking to put his opponent away, locks in a vicious CHINLOCK~! Minutes pass. Finally, The Dead has recovered enough to stand. O’Mac shoves him into the ropes, and The Dead hits a SPRINGBOARD DDT! Ouch. The Dead is unable to cover after surviving the grueling chin lock, and Hale gives us a double count. O’Mac gets up nanoseconds before The Dead does, but it’s enough time to allow “The E” to shove The Dead into the ropes, and hit him with a devastating SPINEBUSTER. He preens to the crowd for a minute, before locking on a soul-crushing ARMBAR. O’Mac starts to scream “TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!”. From the back, someone screams: “THAT’S GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT YOU BASTARD!!!”. The Dead…Somehow…Someway…Manages to rise from the ARMBAR, and shoves “The E” away into the ropes. O’Mac bounces off, and is greeted with a Drop Toe Hold by The Dead. As “The E” is stunned by his face plant, The Dead runs around and tries for the SHARPSHOOTER again, and this time he LOCKS IT IN! Eric O’Mac is in SERIOUS trouble! O’Mac struggles to get near the ropes, but The Dead pulls him back to the middle of the ring! The n00b may pull this off against the 2-time Onslaught Champion. O’Mac, desperate and in pain, grabs the pant leg of Referee Hale, and pulls him down. Hale falls across the legs of O’Mac and The Dead, and forces the hold to be broken. The Dead is incensed! He runs the ropes and notices “The E” dragging Hale from the ring. The Dead tries a basement dropkick through the bottom rope, but O’Mac throws Hale in the way, who takes it in the noggin. Hale has been REF BUMPED! The Dead hesitates momentarily, and it’s all the time “The E” needs. He shimmies the ropes and DRILLS~! The Dead with a Missile Dropkick off the Top Rope. The Dead is OUT! O’Mac goes for the cover, because there’s no referee in the ring, of course. “The E” is frustrated, and rolls out to pull a still unconscious Hale back into the ring. The Dead starts to stir and stands up on SPAGHETTI LEGS. O’Mac gestures to the crowd, and hits THE SMACKDOWN!!! The Dead is D-U-N done. “The E” with another cover for the unconscious Hale to not count. “The E” goes over to the poor, fallen Hale, and peppers him with face slaps. The Dead starts to rise, and gets in position to hit the CTC. O’Mac sees him at the last possible second, and shoves The Dead into the far turnbuckle, and follows him in. Then, out of NOWHERE, BLITZ comes SCREWING~! Down the ramp with a STEEL CHAIR!!! He Double-Jumps onto the Turnbuckle, and aims for the one on the far side. Out of the corner of his eye at the last second, Eric O’Mac sees it, and throws The Dead in front of him as a Human Shield, just as Blitz launches himself into a 450 Missile Dropkick + STEEL CHAIR! The Dead looks up too late, and eats the Brutal Move full on. The Dead is The done. “The E” takes this opportunity to toss Blitz out of the ring, and rushes over for the cover just as Hale begins to regain his senses. The Dramatic Slow Count. 1. 2. 3. Eric O’Mac jumps around the ring jubilantly momentarily, and then decides discretion is the better part of valor, and high-tails it up the ramp. WINNER in 22:48 by PINFALL with a SIDE of SHENNANIGANS – Eric “The E” O’Mac PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. DH MAGNUSSON & SPIN HANSEN – Best of Seven Series Match 1Phantos and Lucios make their way to the ring. Spin Hansen and DH Magnusson follow suit. The four men eye each other suspiciously. Referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell, and we are underway! Lucios and Spin Hansen start us off. They lock up and after a few moments, neither man has gained the advantage. They separate and circle around each other. A second lockup leads to another stalemate seconds later. Barros points at the two men and orders instructions for them to lock up again. Phantos is bouncing up and down on the apron and begins to taunt Hansen. Hansen turns to reply and leaves himself open to a charging clothesline from Lucios. Lucios locks in an arm bar and twists away. He turns it into a hammer lock, and then shoots Spin into the ropes. Both men lower their shoulders upon impact. The ring ropes rattle, but neither man moves. Phantos jumps up and down laughing. Lucios and Spin both take off towards the ropes, and collide mid-ring a second time. Again, the ropes vibrate and begin to sway, but neither man loses his footing. A third bounce off the ropes results in another collision, this one shifting the ring several inches and causing Phantos to tumble to the floor. Lucios looks over at his partner, and gets clubbed in the back with Hansen’s beefy forearms. Spin takes control with a full nelson. Lucios powers out. Spin connects with a bionic elbow and follows up with a series of rights and lefts. Lucios staggers into enemy territory and Magnusson gets tagged in. Spin and DH use the numbers game to pound away at Lucios as Barros makes a 5 count. Phantos charges in and tries to get involved. Predictably, he ends up getting shooed out of the ring and lectured by the referee, allowing Hansen and Magnusson to double-team Lucios for longer. Spin exits as Barros turns around, and DH takes over on Lucios. Magnusson traps Lucios in a headlock, then measures him and sends a fist right to the chin of the masked man. DH wrenches Lucios into another headlock, but Lucios immediately pushes DH into the ropes and nails him with a clothesline. Spin gets up and is met with an elbow smash, followed up with a head butt that staggers both men. Lucios stumbles towards his corner, but DH knocks him down with a chop block and drags Lucios back to the former-champions’ corner. Magnusson takes control of Luicos’ legs, dropping an elbow to the thigh and locking Lucios in a leg vise. While Angelo Barros checks Lucios for a submission, DH pounds away at the knee of the trapped leg. Magnusson relents and tags in Spin Hansen. Spin hits a nice power slam and delivers several knee drops to Lucios neck. Lucios struggles to his feet and gets plowed over by a charging clothesline. The blow lands Lucios in a neutral corner, so Spin grabs Lucios’ mask and begins to pound his head into the top turnbuckle. Lucios finally block the barrage, and back-elbows Hansen. A knee to the gut is followed by a quick pile driver. Lucios makes a cover, but only nets a 1 count before Spin gets a shoulder up. Lucios rolls into his corner and tags in Phantos! Phantos leaps the top rope and begins to chop away at Hansen. A quick Irish whip results in a spinning heel kick, then a dropkick. Spin staggers back from the kick and slumps into the ropes, getting his arms tangled up in the ropes. Phantos bounces off the far rope and connects with a dropkick straight to the chin of the trapped Hansen. The blow causes Spin to tumble to the arena floor. DH is down quickly to check on his partner. Phantos scales the turnbuckles and hits a high-arcing moonsault onto both men. DH is to his feet first, and swings at Phantos, who leapfrogs him onto the apron, just in time for Lucios to slide between Phantos’ legs and nail Magnusson in the back of the head with a baseball slide dropkick! DH goes down hard! Lucios grabs Hansen and rolls him back into the ring, where Phantos is waiting. The smallest man in the match takes control, chopping Spin into a corner. Phantos mounts the bottom buckle and pounds away, with the crowd counting all the way to twelve. Spin pushes Phantos off of him, and charges, only to have Phantos dive under a forearm smash and take Hansen’s feet out from under him. Phantos traps Spin in a surfboard, using all his strength to pull Hansen’s arms backwards. Spin powers up and tosses Phantos aside. Spin turns around and reaches out to tag DH, who is groggy, but back on the apron finally. As the tag is made, Phantos dropkicks Hansen into Magnusson, causing the teammates to crack skulls. DH tumbles back to the floor, and Spin turns around to retaliate, but is thwarted by referee Barros, who orders Hansen out of the ring. They bicker, and in the meantime, Lucios has made his way around the floor to Magnusson. He stomps on DH a couple of times and then rolls Magnusson back into the ring. Phantos hits a quick leg drop and drags DH into a corner. Phantos scales the turnbuckles and somersaults off with a perfect 450 splash, but NOBODY’S HOME! Magnusson rolls into the corner and avoids the move. Stumbling to his feet, DH connects with a kick and DDT’s Phantos. DH makes a slow cover, and nets barely a 2 count. Magnusson drags Phantos to his feet and into position for a Russian Leg sweep, Phantos ducks down and takes DH’s feet out from under him, causing Magnusson to land on the back of his head. DH writhes on the mat while Phantos makes a tag to Lucios. Lucios enters the ring, scoops up DH and powers him down with a slam. He drags DH back to his feet and executes a delay-vertical suplex. DH’s head bounces off the mat again. Spin charges in and eats a clothesline. As Angelo Barros send Hansen out of the ring, DH reaches up and low-blows Lucios. Back on his feet, DH knees Lucios in the gut and drags him back to his corner. DH finally tags out, and Spin Hansen is in and begins a flurry of punches, rights, lefts, uppercuts, body shots, and a final strike to the jaw send Lucios to the mat. Barros lectures Spin for using fists, and Lucios rolls to his corner to tag in Phantos. Hansen manages to block the tag and scoops up Lucios for a thunderous fall away slam. Spin grabs his adversary in a bear hug, and then powers him into a neutral corner. DH hoists his boot onto the turnbuckle in front of him, and Spin grabs Lucios mask and throws him into Magnusson’s boot. Lucios crumples to the mat and is covered for a 2 count. DH tags back in and Irish whips Lucios into the ropes, connecting with a big boot. Magnusson follows with a leg drop, and covers him for 2. DH drags Lucios back to his feet to scoop him up and lay him out in an over-the-knee backbreaker. Spin climbs the turnbuckle and delivers an elbow drop. DH tags in Hansen, who locks in the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Luicos makes it to the ropes and forces a break. Spin drags Lucios back to the middle of the ring and tries to lock in a sharpshooter, but Lucios is ready for it and catapults Hansen backwards, dives out and hakes the HOT TAG! Phantos come in and peppers Hansen with chops, then a dropkick. Magnusson is in and eats an enziguri. Spin reverses an Irish whip and throws Phantos into his corner. Magnusson climbs back on the apron and clubs Phantos from behind before tagging in himself. Magnusson whips Phantos into the ropes, but Phantos ducks the clothesline and hits the opposite rope, and lands a cross body. Phantos up first and delivers a dropkick that send Magnusson onto the back of his head again. DH is slow to get up, and Luicos gets tagged back in. Luicos puts DH on the turnbuckles and climbs up top. He hoists DH up and both men come crashing down with a superplex! The ring shifts with the impact, and Barros falls to the mat from the vibrations. Lucios is up first. He hoists DH up in the Electric Chair position. Phantos hops to the top buckle, and is ready for the Dropkick Device! Suddenly, Spin Hansen is on the floor beside Phantos. Phantos looks at his partner and hits a moonsault, knocking Hansen to the ground. In the ring, Lucios takes two steps forward, and then falls backwards, dropping Magnusson in the Electric Chair Drop, landing him again on the back of his head. Lucios locks a Cobra Clutch, forces DH to the mat, straddles his back, and wrenches back. Magnusson tries to fight out of the Death Grip, but he is locked in the center of the ring. Spin tries to make it into the ring to break the hold, but gets caught from behind by Phantos and after several agonizing moments, Magnusson passes out. Angelo Barros lifts DH’s arm and it drops 1, 2 and 3 times! WINNERS in 27:02 – Phantos & Lucios <Alexander Darling comes out of GM the Rick’s office and is met by Alexis Darling> Alexis: Well?
AD: It’s what I thought
A: You going to go through with it?
AD: I have no choice. It makes sense for my future
A: That is a powerful enemy to have
AD: Well, he of all people should understand that it is nothing but business, and after tonight I am not sure how powerful he will be anymore.MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. ALEXANDER DARLING vs. RABBXT – OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship Title Unification MatchThe rules of the match are as follows: The only way to officially win the match and unify all three championships is to successfully capture all three championships at any one time during the course of the match. When a pin fall occurs, the match continues until a single competitor captures all three championships. Alexander Darling is the first champion to walk down the ramp. He steps onto the apron and enters the ring to a symphony of boos from the hostile crowd. Rabbxt comes running onto the stage as the second champion competing in the title match. He earns himself more cheers than Mr. Darling. He makes it about halfway down the ramp, then a crazed fan jumps the guard rail and tackles him. Security runs in to try to break up the brawl. They tell Rabbxt not to swing any punches and they will pull the guy off of him. A sneaky little referee makes his way into the scuffle and makes a three count. The crazed fan is the new Iron Man Champion! Security pulls the fan off of Rabbxt, but the fan keeps fighting them off. One security member tackles the fan to the ground and struggles to get a tazor from his belt. The same referee gets on his knees and makes the second count of the match. The new Iron Man Champion, the security guy! With the fan screaming at the security guy to not taze him, Moosehead Jack runs down the ramp with a steel chair and cracks it off of the security guy's skull. He quickly covers the security guy and the referee begins the count. The crazed fan kicks the referee in the head. He wants to count the pin fall himself. Moose gets the three count and now has control of both the Heavy Metal belt and the Iron Man belt. Alexander Darling has been patiently waiting in the ring, watching the events that have taken place thus far. Security helps Rabbxt up and he immediately hits the fan with a Superkick to the jaw, knocking him into Moosehead, who hoists him into the air and tosses him over the guard rail and back into his seat, head first. Rabbxt puts his hand out towards Moose, expecting a handshake of friendship. Moose grabs a hold of Rabbxt's hand, then pulls him towards him and takes him down with a hard clothesline. With Rabbxt down on the ramp, Moose runs and slides into the ring. Before he even gets to his feet, Darling stomps him repeatedly. He picks him up off the mat and puts him right back down with a spike pile driver. He goes for the pin with an attempt to unify all three belts, but Rabbxt hops onto the ring apron and springboards off the ropes. He flips 450 degrees and splashes onto the pin attempt to break it up. He rolls Mr. Darling off of Moose and goes for the double pin. The referee counts to one before both men kick out. They get to their feet and hoist Rabbxt into the air. They run across the ring, then toss him over the top rope, over the guard rail, and land him in the fourth row. The crowd passes him around the arena as he takes his time to recover. Moosehead and Darling tie up in the middle of the ring. Moose forces Darling into a corner and follows up with right hand after right hand. Darling falls to a seated position and Moose stomps away at him. He rolls out of the ring and grabs a ladder from under it. Darling regains his strength and baseball slides the ladder into Moose's face. Moose falls to the floor and the ladder falls on top of him. The referee slides out of the ring and counts the pin fall. The ladder is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. Alexander Darling rolls out of the ring and stomps Moosehead a few times to keep him down. He awkwardly lies on top of the ladder as the referee begins to count. His hand almost counts the three, but Rabbxt gets tossed back over the railing and lands on top of Darling, breaking up the pin. Darling's face slams into the ladder and he rolls off. Rabbxt sits up and looks around while the referee counts the three. Rabbxt is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. Moosehead Jack gets to his feet and yanks Rabbxt up off the ladder and rolls him into the ring. Moose gets on the ring apron, but is power bombed back to the floor by Mr. Darling. Alexander rolls into the ring and ties up with Rabbxt. He pushes Rabbxt into a corner, but Rabbxt ducks a punch and turns it around. He hits a dropkick to the chest of Darling, back flipping off of him and landing on his feet. He runs in and spears Darling into the corner. Darling falls to the mat and Rabbxt goes up top. Right before he takes the leap, Phantos runs in with the life-size cardboard cut-out of a nude Stormy Daniels. He swings the cut-out at Rabbxt, knocking him off of the top rope and onto the floor outside of the ring. Phantos heads up top and hits Alexander Darling with a Suicide Legdrop, getting at least 3 seconds of hang-time. He goes for the pin and the referee counts it. Phantos is the new DDT Champion. He gets up and turns around into a Heartpunch by Moosehead Jack. Moose kneels down and gets the easy pin on Phantos. Moosehead Jack is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt hops onto the apron and springboards off the ropes towards Moose, but Moose side-steps the attack and Rabbxt lands on top of Phantos with a leg drop. Moosehead pulls Rabbxt to his feet and pile drives him on top of the cardboard cut-out of Stormy Daniels. He turns Rabbxt over and goes for the pin, but Alexander Darling gets to his feet and breaks up the pin. He pulls Moose to his feet and hits a brain buster suplex, dropping Jack on the top of his head. Darling pins Moose. Alexander Darling is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt rolls Phantos out of the ring and throws his cardboard cut-out at him. He turns around into a boot to the face by Mr. Darling. Darling rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under it. He slides the table into the ring, but is attacked by SYB out of nowhere. SYB hits a lung blower on Darling, then hops onto the apron, then the top rope. He hits a frog splash on Rabbxt and scores the pin fall. SYB is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. SYB stands up and raises his hands in victory. He turns around and is speared to the mat by Moosehead. Moose gets the easy pin on SYB. Moosehead Jack is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. Moose hoists SYB into the air and tosses him over the top rope and into the crowd. Instead of catching him, the crowd separates and SYB slams onto the concrete floor. A team of medical staff run in and carry SYB away on a stretcher. As they try to climb over the guard rail with the stretcher, one of the medical staff members falls down and lands on top of Mr. Darling. The referee counts the three count. The medical staff member is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt kips up to his feet and dives over the top rope, taking the staff member out with a Fosbury Flop. He covers the staff member and picks up the belt. Rabbxt is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt steps onto the ring apron, but is yanked back off by Alexander. He is hoisted onto Darling's shoulders, then slammed to the mat with the Darling Driver. Mr. Darling scores the easy pin fall. Alexander Darling is the new DDT Champion. He rolls into the ring and gets stomped by Moose. Moose pulls him to his feet and Irish-whips him into the ropes. The rope gets pulled down by a second referee on the outside and Darling falls backwards to the floor. The referee rolls into the ring, then leaps over the top rope and lands on top of Darling. He counts the pin fall on his own. The referee is the new DDT Champion. The regular referee doesn't like this and leaps over the top rope himself, landing on top of the DDT Champion. He follows up with straight punches to the side of the head and counts the pin fall for himself. The referee is the new DDT Champion. The referee rolls back into the ring and gets immediately knocked to the mat with a flying kick by Rabbxt. Rabbxt goes to the top and hits a 630 on the referee. Moose glances around, then gets on his knees and counts the pin for Rabbxt. Rabbxt is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt stands up and extends his hand to Moose once again. Moose kicks Rabbxt in the mid-section, then hits an uppercut to the face. Moose goes for the pin on Rabbxt to unify all three belts, but the referee is still out from the 630. Moose realizes this and gets to his feet. He yanks Rabbxt up off the mat and tosses him over the top rope. Alexander Darling moves just in time to avoid being landed on. He reaches under the bottom rope and pulls Moose to the outside of the ring by his ankles. The two trade punches, then Moose gets clothes lined over the guard rail and into the crowd. The crowd splits and makes room for Moose and Alexander to fight up the aisle. They get to the door and Alexander slams Moosehead's head into it, forcing it open. They continue trading blows in the main hallway as fans with popcorn and t-shirts look on in excitement. Mr. Darling puts Moose on the floor with a snapping DDT, cracking Moose's skull off the concrete. Alexander covers Moose and gets the three count. Alexander Darling is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. A drunk and angry fan tosses a full bottle of smuggled booze at Mr. Darling, which shatters over his head. He goes limp and falls to the floor. Suddenly, every head in the crowd turns to see Rabbxt standing on top of a Mountain Dew vending machine. They all cheer as he signals for a flippy move. He leaps off the vending machine and lands on top of Alexander Darling with a Shooting Star Senton. The crowd goes wild as a random fan runs in and counts the three. The referee runs in and kicks the fan in the head. Rabbxt stands up and goes face to face with the referee, yacking back and forth. The referee swings, but Rabbxt ducks it and kicks the referee in the balls. The referee gets on his knees and Rabbxt dropkicks him in the face. Rabbxt stands up and turns around into a huge boot to the face by Moose. Moose grabs the referee and rips the shirt off of him, then throws the shirt onto the random fan, who just now recovers from the referee's attack. Moose goes for the pin and the new referee counts it. Moosehead Jack is the new DDT Champion. Moose gets to his feet, then picks Alexander Darling up off the floor. He runs his head into the wall a few times, then swings him into the arena door. The door cracks open and Moose pushes Darling to the outside of the arena. Moose picks Mr. Darling up and slams him onto the sidewalk with a sidewalk slam. Alexander Darling rolls into the middle of the street in pain. Moose follows after him and shoves his forearm into his face as he pins him. A car is forced to a stop as the pin fall occurs right in front of it. The horn beeps one, twice, but then the driver of the car hops out of his car and starts yelling at Moose and Darling. Moose gets to his feet and goes face to face with the driver of the car. From behind, Alexander Darling hits a neckbreaker on Moose, then climbs onto the car and hits a Moonsault onto Moose. He covers him and the driver of the car yells even louder about his car being used as a turnbuckle. He says the f-word once, twice, then three times. Alexander Darling is the new DDT Champion. He stands up, but the driver of the car is so enraged that he punches Mr. Darling right between the eyes. Alexander Darling falls onto the street. The driver gets back into his car and swerves around Moose and Alexander. Before it gets too far away, Rabbxt runs up the car's windshield, runs on the top of the car, down the back of it, then leaps off of it and hits Alexander Darling with a Senton Bomb. He lies on top of Mr. Darling, but no one is there to count the pin. Rabbxt realizes this and gets to his feet. He pulls Darling to his feet and drags him back into the arena. They make their way through the crowd and to a pizza shop. Rabbxt kicks Darling in the balls and Darling falls to his feet. Rabbxt places an order for a large sausage pizza as Moosehead walks back into the arena. Rabbxt jumps behind the counter and hides. Moose picks Darling up off the floor and tosses him onto the counter. He pulls him all the way down the counter to the end, knocking everyone's food off until he reaches the end of the counter and slides off, covered in sauce. The store-worker places Rabbxt's large pizza on the counter and tells him that his order is up. Rabbxt hops onto the counter and grabs the pizza. Moosehead glances up and Rabbxt flies off the counter and kicks the pizza into his face with a Van Pizzanator. Moose falls to the floor, his face covered in sausage and cheese. Rabbxt hops back up onto the counter, but is pushed off by the store-worker. The store-worker runs out from behind the counter and pins Rabbxt. The store-workers manager runs out and counts the pin fall. The store-worker is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. The store-worker raises his hands in victory. Alexander Darling gets to his feet and punches the store-worker in the side of the head. His manager runs off in fear. Mr. Darling hoists the store-worker onto the counter and climbs up with him. He gets the store-worker in position, then hits a brutal DealBreaker, all the way to the concrete floor. The store-worker is knocked out and Alexander goes for the pin. Moosehead Jack gets to his knees and has one, two, three pieces of sausage stuck to his face with cheese acting as the glue. Alexander Darling is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion, as well as the already DDT Champion. Alexander Darling has officially unified all three 24/7 championship belts. Alexander Darling, covered in pizza sauce, gets to his feet and raises up all three belts, which magically appeared by his side, into the air. WINNER in 41:28 - Alexander Darling Darling gets to his feet in celebration and slowly makes his way to the ring where he is met by Alexis. The grab a couple of chairs and sit at ringside and wait for the next match. DAVIN MORELAND vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchFirewoman walks down the ramp first. When she gets about halfway down the ramp, Rabbxt runs out onto the stage and catches up with Fire, as Fire simply stands there, looking slightly annoyed. The two exchange some words, then Rabbxt hangs his head and drags his feet back up the ramp. This gets a mixed reaction from the crowd. Half of them are cheering for Fire, glad that she sent the asshole backstage, while the other half are booing Fire, thinking they would see some flippy shit go down. Firewoman rolls into the ring and waits. Davin Moreland makes his way down the ramp and into the ring, where he locks eyes with Fire. The two step around a bit before locking up in the center of the ring. Moreland overpowers Fire and pins her shoulders to the mat, but she bridges up, breaking the count. Moreland kicks her in the stomach and goes for the pin again. Fire kips up to her feet and twists Moreland's arm. Moreland reverses it and goes behind Fire. He hits her with a forearm shot across the back, then picks her up and slams her to the mat with a back suplex. Fire receives a few stomps, followed by a soccer kick to the back after sitting up. Moreland picks Fire up off the mat and goes for the DDT, but Fire stays up. She jumps onto Moreland and delivers a series of right hands. She goes for the pin, but Davin is able to kick out after 1. Fire pulls Moreland up to his feet, then drops him again with a DDT of her own. She heads to the top, but Davin is quick to his feet. He leaps to the top rope and tosses Fire off with one swift movement. Both competitors are down and the referee begins the count. Moreland is up at 6 and pulls Fire to her feet. He gets her into a power bomb position and lifts her into the air, but she reverses it into a huracanrana. Davin hits the mat and rolls under the bottom rope to the outside of the ring. Fire stands up and looks to the crowd. She cartwheels for momentum, then leaps over the top rope with a moonsault, taking Moreland out and landing on her feet. The crowd shows their appreciation, while Fire rolls Moreland back into the ring. She gets onto the apron, then up to the top rope. She waits for Davin to get to his feet, then leaps off the top rope with a missile dropkick, connecting perfectly to the forehead of Moreland. She goes for the pin, but Moreland kicks out at 2. Fire is shocked. She lifts Davin up, but Davin breaks away and hits a kick to the mid-section. She leans forward and gets hoisted onto Moreland's shoulders. He slams her down with a Dominator. She cringes in pain, while Moreland locks in the Rear Naked Choke. Fire holds in for as long as she can, but the pain is too much. She yells out to quit and the bell sounds. WINNER in 9:22 - Davin Moreland DEFENESTRATORS vs. THE NERVE AGENT & BLITZ – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchBlitz and the Nerve Agent enter the ring first, warming up as the Champions make their entrance. Voltage slides into the ring and stops the Ring Announcer before he leaves the ring. V: “Say it again.” RA: “Excuse me?” V: “Say that last part again.” RA: (sighs) “The NEW OOWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD – VOLTAGE AND ECOSYSTEM – THE DEFENESTRATORS!” V: “Whoooo! Rock and Roll! We’re the gn-” Blitz and TNA nail the champs from behind with stereo dropkicks. The Ring Announcer vacates, and referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell as Blitz and TNA toss Eco to the outside and go to work on Volt. An Irish whip is followed by a flapjack, and Barros forces TNA to leave the ring. Blitz connects with a series of kicks, and pulls Volt up for a suplex. Eco climbs onto the apron at this point and flags down the ref, which allows Volt to drop to his knees and connect with a low blow. As Blitz stumbles back, Volt springs to his feet and into a dropkick to the face. Volt comes off the ropes with a knee drop and covers for two. Volt throws Blitz into the Defenestrators’ corner and makes the tag. Eco comes off the top rope with an elbow to the head, then stomps Blitz before picking him up and planting him with a suplex. He pulls Blitz up and locks on a Dragon Sleeper. Eco goes for the Endgame, but Blitz twists free, catches Eco with a single-leg takedown, and drives an elbow into the back of his head. Blitz dives for his corner, but Eco manages to grab his ankle and pull him back. As Eco drags Blitz to the champions’ corner, Blitz flips around and kicks him in the face with his free leg. Blitz rolls into his corner and makes the tag. TNA comes in, and Voltage tags in as well. They meet in center ring and TNA catches Volt with a kick to the midsection. He tries to follow up with a DDT but Volt drops to one knee to block, so TNA drives a knee into his face, pulls him up, and then hits the DDT. TNA comes off the ropes with a leg drop and covers, but Volt kicks out just as Eco comes in for the save. The Defenestrators take advantage of the five count and stagger TNA with punches. Blitz tries to come in, but Barros cuts him off. Volt goes to the apron as Eco hits the opposite ropes. Eco hits a chop block as Volt hits a springboard clothesline – Total Defenestration! Volt makes the cover as Barros turns around, but Blitz springboards off the top rope and hits a somersault senton on Volt, breaking the count. Blitz rolls to his feet and is leveled by a clothesline from Eco. Barros sends Eco back to his corner, then rolls Blitz to his. Eco and Blitz both shout encouragement as Volt and TNA start to stir. As they crawl to their corners, Volt is moving a little faster. Suddenly, TNA springs forward, and makes the tag just as Volt does. Blitz and Eco both sprint from their corners. At the last second, Eco goes low, catching Blitz in the midsection. Eco hits the ropes and goes for a bulldog, but Blitz reverses into a spinning belly-to-back suplex. Blitz kips up and runs to the corner. Blitz springs to the top rope for a moonsault, but before he can leap Seamus McNasty and The Dead (who came through the crowd and hopped the railing) each grab a leg and drop off the apron, driving Blitz into the floor with a Flapjack. Angelo Barros calls for the bell and the Champions grab their belts and take their leave. WINNERS, by Disqualification in 24:46, Blitz and The Nerve Agent. The Defenestrators retain the OOWF Tag Team Championship. After the match: TNA sprints across the ring, springboards off the top rope, and levels Seamus and The Dead. TNA puts up a good fight, but is eventually overcome. SM and TD back up the aisle, arms raised, as EMTs and trainers flood ringside to check on Blitz and TNA DONOVAN VIPER vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchViper stalls on the outside as the crowd fires up a "YOU'RE A HOMO" chant. McNasty isn't in the mood to wait, however. Baseball slide dropkick sends Viper – distracted by jawing with the fans – into the guardrails. McNasty gives Viper a good kickin', both literally and figuratively, then rolls him inside. Cover gets 2. McNasty hauls Viper to his feet, but DV hits a thumb to the eyes and slips free. Okano roll from Viper gets two. Seamus's blood is up now, and he forearms Viper to the mat, but DV nips to his feet and fires back with an elbow. Forearm and elbow exchange in the middle of the ring! Viper and his steel plate eventually get the better of that. He whips McNasty to the ropes, but Seamus holds on. Viper charges for the Death Elbow! But McNasty stops him short with a hard right hand, whips Viper back in the other direction, hits the drop toe hold, and floats over for a cross face – Irish Car Bomb~! But Viper's too close to the ropes for this to be anything more than a wear-down move. McNasty breaks on four. Both men to their feet. Intense collar and elbow tie-up as they both jockey for position. McNasty's size advantage lets him force Viper into the corner. He fakes a slap as the two men break, causing Viper to flinch. The crowd gets on DV's case about it, and the IC champ goes on a chop tear, driving McNasty into the opposite corner. Viper fakes a slap – no reaction from McNasty! The crowd cheers lustily, so Viper rakes the eyes and flips off the fans. Seamus comes out swinging, and we have nearly ten minutes of back and forth action: McNasty's size and power against Viper's speed and ... well, his willingness to take cheap shots, frankly. All of which sets up the endgame quite nicely: McNasty has Viper in a full nelson, looking for a dragon suplex, but Viper mulekicks back, right into the McNasties! It's right in front of the ref, but what's he going to do? A DQ would simply let Viper retain. DV runs the ropes -- DEATH ELBOW takes McNasty out of his boots! But the impact throws Seamus into the referee! OMGREFBUMP~! Viper curses and stomps his foot as the crowd suggests that he may have committed an error. DV ponders for a second, then climbs the turnbuckle. Clearly he plans to do as much damage to McNasty as possible while the ref is out. But the big Irishman is more resilient than Viper expected. Just as DV stands in the corner, McNasty rolls to his feet and grabs the ropes to pull himself upright. Viper loses his balance and crotches himself HARD in the corner! Seamus spots him and climbs woozily up to the second rope ... turns around ... CELTIC CROSS~! Viper is DEAD~! But the ref's still down! Seamus staggers over to try and rouse him, when THE NERVES AGENT comes flying out of the crowd! Running dropkick to the side of McNasty's head! Nerves Agent up the turnbuckle ... Shooting Star Press! The ref is just starting to stir, but both McNasty and Viper are out cold, so Nerves Agent hauls DV on top of Seamus and slides to the outside. The official makes a bleary three count just before both wrestlers start to come to their senses. WINNER BY PINFALL IN 15:31 AND STILL OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION – DONOVAN VIPER! STANK vs. CAPELLAN vs. CANADIAN DRAGON vs. LD WILLIAMS – Fatal Four Way OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchAll four men assemble in the ring and stare ominously. Canadian Dragon and LD Williams discuss strategy and Stank and Capellan just eye each other. Without warning Williams and Dragon charge across the ring and attack. Canadian Dragon catches Capellan with a glancing forearm to the side of the head before he and Williams both pounce on Stank and hammer him to the mat with punches and kicks. Capellan is quickly back to his feet and he peels Canadian Dragon off of Stank and spins him around and tries a clothesline, but CD ducks and catches Cap with a Canadian uppercut and tosses him out of the ring. Before Dragon can turn back around, LD Williams hits the ropes and PASTES him on the back of the head with a clothesline and throws him between the ropes. Williams turns back to Stank, who is on one knee and plants him on the mat with a DDT, rolls him over and covers, but Stank rolls his shoulder at two. On the outside Capellan gets to his feet and walks part way around the ring, gets a running start and leaps off the stairs and catches Canadian Dragon as he gets to his feet and plants him with a spike DDT on the floor. Capellan rolls into the ring and sits on the top rope as LD Williams is trying to set Stank up for a pile driver. Cap makes the motion for a spike pile driver, and LD Williams grins and struggles to get him to his feet, then Cap leaps and nails Williams in the chest with a missile dropkick. Cap is quickly back up and small packages Stank and gets a two count, that is broken up by Williams. Williams grabs Capellan and pulls him to his feet and shoves him into the corner and charges in and buries a knee into his midsection. Williams sets Cap on the top rope and pops him with a hard open hand slap, then climbs to the top and nails him with a superplex. Canadian Dragon makes it back into the ring and they set him up for the Canadian Death Sentence, but Stank gets to his feet and nails Dragon in the side of the head with a big boot. Dragon falls between the ropes and Stank follows him to the outside. Outside the ring Stank pulls Dragon up and slams him on the floor, then gets a running start and drops an elbow across his chest. Inside the ring, LD Williams grabs Capellan and sends him to the corner, but Cap climbs the turnbuckle and launches himself, spinning in mid air to take Williams off his feet with a clothesline. Cap shows some uncharacteristic aggressiveness by grabbing Williams head and hammering him with forearms before pulling him to his feet and locking him in a triangle choke! LD Williams is in trouble! LD is starting to fade, it looks like Capellan has the OOWF title in his grasp, when Stank gets back into the ring and breaks it up with a big boot to the chest. Stank pulls Cap up and sends him to the ropes and plants him with a big power slam, and covers, but Canadian Dragon is back in the ring again and he charges and catches Stank in the temple with a knee. The bit man staggers for a moment then falls over to the mat, his eyes glazed over. Canadian Dragon springs off the bottom rope and lands a moonsault and gets the one, two, thr…NO! LD Williams grabs him and locks him in a sleeper! But before he can get the win, Capellan gets up and puts a sleeper on LD Williams! All three men fight while Stank gets to his feet. Stank is still staggering a bit from that knee to the head, but the big man hits the ropes and charges and SPEARS ALL THREE MEN!! All four tumble to the floor. The crowd pops with the appropriate HOLY SHIT chant. As LD Williams gets to his feet, Canadian Dragon shoves him and the two argue, then come to blows. Stank sits back and looks amused for a moment, then Capellan springs from the guardrail and catches Stank in the mouth with a big boot! Cap and Stank start to brawl around ring side, and before you know it, the referee has hit ten and counted all of them out! WINNER – no contest at 18:12 Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Dance of Death IV Pay Per View! Live January 27th From Hell, Michigan! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! January 9th from Angel Fire, New Mexico!
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This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Tar-Jack-Fire-Crete-Cap Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd. |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 9:49:44 GMT -5
Camera fades to locker room, currently being destroyed by Seamus
Seamus: " Nerves, what the fuck do you think your doing! You want to play, then let's play...Dead get ready, Dead Drunk is going to run rough shot over everyone!...I'm done playing nice, I don't need friends, just someone as pissed off as I am..."
continues to rip apart locker room
Seamus: " Nerves, you better take your wallet out....now look at those photos of your family...get on the phone...tell them how much you love them...tell them to be good for mama...Blitz you better call home...tell you dad you love him...boys you better tie up your business and get your affairs in order...I don't give a rabbxts ass about wrestling...in the ring, at the barber, down at the quicky mart, at your nambla convention...where-ever...you boys think you can fuck with us...you were wrong...dead wrong!"
go's back to tearing up locker room
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