OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 01-09-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Angel Fire, New Mexico

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Stank vs. Capellan

Best of Seven Series - Match Two: Submission Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. DH Magnusson & Spin Hansen (P&L lead 1-0)

OOWF Intercontinental Title No Disqualification Four Way Dance[/u]
Donovan Viper vs. The Dead vs. Seamus McNasty vs. Outback Jack

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Defenestrators vs. Apocalyptic Bastards

OOWF Onslaught Championship Non-Title Four Way Dance[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Chris Cole vs. Alexander Darling vs. Eric O'Mac

Winner Gets a Title Shot Next Week[/u]
LD Williams vs. Canadian Dragon

F. Fonzworth MacCappington & Firechild vs. The Nerve Agent & Blitz
RabbitFire vs. Knife & Ryan Hardcore

card subject to college football overload

[mooseheadjack]

SYB is hobbling backstage.

SYB: FINALLY! A. Motherfucking. Title. Match.

He heads to the weight room and spies on the Defenestrators working out.

Voltage: Uhhhh!

Eco: Feel the burn baby!

SYB: You know I hear it's better when you actually pump iron instead of each other.

Voltage: Spot!

SYB: Moondog's here?

Voltage and Eco: Huh?

Eco: What are you doing here, little man? This room is for wrestlers. You can kindly take your 150-lb, no bench-pressing, gay ass the fuck outta here!

SYB: Please. Add a zero to what you just benched and get back to me. You think these guns just showed up overnight? I just wanted to apologize in advance when we beat you next week and take our rightful spot as OOWF World Tag Team Championsssss.

Eco: We?

Voltage: Our?

SYB: Yeah, me and my partner.

Voltage: Oh, the mute guy.

SYB: Hey, he does his talking with his fists, just like me.

Eco lunges for SYB, who shrieks and runs down the hall screaming.

Voltage: Come back here, silly. You're not done yet.

Eco: Yeah, he's right though. It really does work better with actual weights.

Voltage: Shhh. No more speaky...

[mooseheadjack]

(GM The Rick looks over the lineup and nods)

That should shut Moose up, he gets this week off.

(Rick is about to go back in his office when a courier walks up)

Courier: Mr. Skaya?

Rick: Close enough

Courier: Package for you

Rick: (signs for it) so what is it?

Courier: Not sure, sir, but the return address is in Connecticut

Rick: (takes the package) thanks

(Rick hurries into his office and opens the package. Inside is a DVD marked "GM The Rick EYES ONLY".... but Erlana can stay)

GMtR: (smirks) so he thinks I'm Sterling Glaw.... (puts the DVD in his laptop)

((as triumphant music plays, the scene opens to a sparking, static-y monitor. It looks suspiciously like the remains of a Heroes' Guild communications center)

Voice: I wasn't expecting to hear this.....

(cuts to a shot of Orton in the arena, posing with the belt)

Orton's voice: Someone told me this man is a legend for his heroics.....

(cuts back to the monitor)

Voice: I wanted to thank him for putting this in your hands.

(cuts back to Orton)

Orton: He thinks he's a legend

(video of Orton kicking people's heads off)

Orton: I can kill him, just like I did your other heroes.

(screen goes back. A new voice speaks up)

CTG's Voice: That's where you're wrong.

(screen flashes to life of someone beating the tar out of Orton)

CTG's Voice: Where I'm from, Legends remind men that it takes more than a good look to be a Legend Killer.

(orton is shown down on the mat)

CTG's Voice: I will prove my ability! I will prove that Justice CAN be brought to the WWE. Because
I.....

(Orton is rocked by a punch. A quick cut of a silhouette standing proud is seen)

CTG's voice: DON'T.....

(Orton is bloodied on the mat with someone standing over him. Another flash of the silhouette)

CTG's Voice: STOP

(the screen flashes, and as the music dies down a lion's roar, followed by an eagle's call is heard. A Lion silhouette and an eagle silhoutte slam together, emerging as a shimmering, silvered griffon rampant )

Text: GRYFON

(The logo sweeps out of the shot, leaving the screen black)

CTG's voice: Justice........

GMtR: (as he turns the DVD off) good luck with that.

[Edited on 1-3-2008 by ConcreteTG]

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose storms into GM the Rick's office>

MHJ: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

GMtR: DON'T storm into MY office, you GOT THAT?

MHJ: Go to hell Rick, what the hell was that all about out there? You DO NOT want to piss me off!

GMtR: This isn't about you Moose, and quite honestly I don't give a shit about you being pissed off right now, in fact I have a little something for you

<Rick shows Moose the video, Moose watches it and snarls>

MHJ: You know what Rick, you can kiss my ass, you are not going to threaten me. I am not Cole, I am not someone you are going to push around. I see you left me off the card. Fine. I have some unfinished business in Japan, I don't need your sh.....

GMtR: On no, you are wrestling next week

MHJ: Who?

GMtR: Don't worry about it

MHJ: Don't pull this bullshit with me Rick.

GMtR: You are in no position to complain, just make sure you are here next week

MHJ: Or else?

GMtR: Or else you are in breach of contract, we will sue, and you will never work in wrestling again, at least not in any fed worth a shit. You remember that little premonition you had? You remember, the fat broken down Moosehead Jack who was getting schooled by a rookie? You screw with me Moose and so help me you will be there a lot sooner than you think.

<Moose glares at Rick and seems to pale a bit at this thought>

GMtR: Now, have I made myself clear on this, or am I being too obtuse? You will show up, you will wrestle who I tell you to wrestle, where I put you on the card. And this will keep up until I decide you have paid for driving Crete off.

Trust me

<Moose lunges at Rick, but pulls up slightly short>

GMtR: Get out of my office

[mooseheadjack]

Rabbxt: We've got Knife and Hardcore next week, huh?

Fire: Who are they?

Rabbxt: ...

Fire: ...

Rabbxt: Yea, I don't know. But at least we can beat them.

Fire: But they aren't even a challenge.

Rabbxt: Fire, we both had challenges last night. And we both lost. This will be an easy match for us, though. Tack one more win onto our record.

Fire: But what's the point of winning a throw-away match? At least with a challenge presented, like last night, you can give it everything you've got and lose with dignity.

Rabbxt: But winning is winning. That's it. We win this match and people see our record get better. A better record gives us a higher standing in the tag team ranks, which in turn gets us closer to those tag team belts.

Fire: But why couldn't we have been tossed into that tag team title match instead of the Apocalyptic Bastards? They'll obviously be the losing team in that match. Why not give the Defenestrators someone to give them a run for their money?

**Just then, The Dead clotheslines Fire to the floor. Rabbxt hits him with a forearm across the back, but Blitz runs in and tackles Rabbxt to the floor. The Dead pulls Blitz off of Rabbxt and goes for a right hand, but Nerve runs in and spears Dead to the floor. Nerve gets up, but gets kicked in the face by Seamus. Seamus turns back around, but gets a nut-shot by Blitz. Fire just now gets up and piledrives Blitz onto the concrete. Fire helps Rabbxt up and they quietly leave, letting the other four guys fight it out.**

Fire: Ok, ok. I see why we're not in that title match yet. But soon?

Rabbxt: I don't know, Fire. I mean, look at the card. RabbitFire vs. Knife & Ryan Hardcore?

Fire: RabbitFire?

Rabbxt: Exactly. GMtR doesn't even know our team name. It's Team RabbxtFire, damn it!

Fire: Relax, man. He'll get it sooner or later.

Rabbxt: Relax? How can I rela...

Fire: Mountain Dew?

Rabbxt: You got it.

**Rabbxt goes to his closet for some Mountain Dew to calm his nerves.**

[mooseheadjack]

SYB sees Moose storming out of The Rick's office.

SYB: Huh. I've seen a wet pussy, a big pussy, a small pussy, but never an angry pussy.

MHJ: You talkin' to me queer?

SYB: Queer? Is this queer? These queer?
[slapping muscles]

MHJ: Know what? You're pretty funny. Let me buy you a drink.

SYB: That's OK, I'm cool.

MHJ: No you're not.

Moose walks away laughing.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is in the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina. He once again and is doing some flippy shit on Phantos' Trampoline, presented by Dunkin' Donuts Coffee. The Main Event Chris Cole walks in with a two cups of Starbucks Coffee*

CC: Hey Davin, I hear you like Coffee?

DM: I only drink Dunkin Donuts coffee. I have the same exclusive contract as Rachel Ray. What brings you here?

CC: You know I’m not deaf. I have heard what you’ve been claiming about me for the past few months. You think you drive me out of the OOWF.

DM: Seems to me the five straight losses by me followed by your exit means that I did.

CC: You can believe that. But trust me that man you faced and defeated repeatedly was NOT The Main Event. That man you defeated was a shell of a former Champ. I was so consumed by the World Championship that I lost myself. Davin, that is no longer a problem.

DM: So you think you can come back and challenge me? Well if you haven’t noticed I’m the top dog now. I’m the OOWF Onslaught Champion and you can’t take that from me.

CC: Davin, I have no interest in your title, for now. I have interest in showing you, the fans, the rest of the locker room, and myself that I’m back and ready to compete at the top level. I’m ready to show them that the man you faced was not the real Chris Cole. Davin, I’m going to beat you in that ring and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.

DM: Your time is done.

CC: My time has only just begun.

DM: We’ll see.

CC: (switching to a lighter tone) Anyway, I hear you like watching film so here is a copy of my Best of DVD. And you might want to stay hydrated so I’m going to leave you this bottle of Dasani.

**Cole smiles and pats Davin on the shoulder and heads out of the locker room.

DM: Win number six coming real soon, Cole.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is walking down the hallway when he runs into Firewoman. She looks pissed.]

Firewoman: Just what exactly was that? A clothesline out of nowhere?!?

The Dead: Yeah, about that. You see, The Dead was aiming for Rabbxt, tripped, and inadvertently hit you. It almost felt as if someone else was controlling The Dead's actions.

[The Dead looks directly into the camera for a second before turning back to Firewoman.]

The Dead: So, yeah, The Dead's mistake.

Firewoman: Well, ok, but make sure it doesn't happen again.

The Dead: There is one thing The Dead wanted to talk to you about.

Firewoman: Ok...

The Dead: You need to tell your boy Rabbxt that whatever little games he's playing with Blitz and Nerve, or as The Dead likes to call them, the "Future Job Squad", he needs to leave The Dead and Seamus out of it. This high school bullshit has gone on for too long.

Firewoman: Yeah, I'll see what I can do.

[Firewoman walks away and The Dead turns toward the camera.]

The Dead: The Dead just wants to say a quick thank you to Eric O'Mac. That's right, a thank you. "The E" proved The Dead's words true when he showed that he couldn't actually wrestle with The Dead. He needed to take the ref out and get help from one of the Degrassi High boys to get the win.

Now, as much as The Dead has questioned the GM's match-making abilities, it seems this week he got it right. Both Seamus and The Dead get a title shot next week based on our performances. It seems our GM realized that had it not been for some shenanigans, both Seamus and The Dead would have walked out of that ring victorious. Eric O'Mac, on the other hand, is in a non-title match. Everything is how it should be.

[The Dead begins to walk away before turning around and coming back to the camera.]

The Dead: Oh, and since The Dead didn't say anything about his future opponents, we'll just leave it at this. Viper, Jack, at Mayhem next week YOU ARE DEAD!

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is in the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina. Davin is talking on his Sprint PCS phone animatedly to someone. He looks a little...off...*

DM: Dude, I dunno...I dunno what I'm gonna do...No...no...Well, it's an option...I know what would happen...I know...Well, I'll get back to you then...Of course I can't see you, you're never on TV. Yeah...alright...later.

*Davin snaps his phone shut and turns on OOWF-TV, and sees this...*

:Originally posted by rabbxt
Rabbxt: We've got Knife and Hardcore next week, huh?

Fire: Who are they?

Rabbxt: ...

Fire: ...

Rabbxt: Yea, I don't know. But at least we can beat them.

Fire: But they aren't even a challenge.

DM: Heh. n00bs. Knife's a 2-time Onslaught Champ, and Hardcore gave me probably my best match ever. Hope Fire re-thinks her position.

*Phantos and Lucios come in, with Phantos literally jumping around Lucios, and yapping*

P: Did you see it?

L: Yes.

P: But did you SEE it?

L: YES I SAW IT. I think you were dumb for running in with a cardboard cut-out, ESPECIALLY without ME.

P: Aww man.

L: Yeah, aww man. What the heck were you thinking?

P: It's just that...I can't STAND that rabbxt guy...

L: Why?

P: Gum spit and swat.

L: Really? That's what has you so fired up?

P: Yeah, plus he says he can do an 810, even though no one has ever seen it.

L: You need to stop with that. We have our own problems. Like, hi, Best of 7 series with Magnusson and Hansen? Remember? Locked in this stupid feud with no title shots.

P: Only cause you kept losing.

L: Shut up. That's not true. You're just mad.

P: It is true.

DM: HEY!

*Phantos and Lucios turn around*

DM: Both of you shut the fuck up please.

P: I thought Randy Orton was here.

L: I can't let him get away with that.

P: Why not, it's true.

*Davin has to get up and physically separate the two masked men*

DM: Phantos, I have an idea. Why don't you go see my Mommy. She'll get you some nice sushi, and you can lay it all out for her. She'll tell you what to do.

P: Without you?

DM: Yeah. Hold on. *pulls out his Sprint PCS Phone* Ma? Yeah. Hey, you want some company? No, I won't be BRINGING Phantos, he's going to go all by himself, is that ok? Yeah, lots of Sushi. Alright, he should be there in a few hours. K. Love ya. Bye.

DM: There ya go, P-Dawg, all set. She's all excited for you to show up.

P: Hellllllloooooooooooo Nurse!

DM: Ok, 1) She's like 55, 2) SHE'S MY FUCKING MOTHER.

P: So?

DM: Leave. Now, before I have to twist your neck off your head.

P: Ok, I'll leave you and the loser alone.

L: KILL YOU!! *chases him out, Davin stops him*

DM: Wait. I want to run something by you.

L: *goes over to the Sony Multimedia Center Area* You believe him?

DM: Listen, he's just frustrated, and taking it out on you. He's got a lot of irons in the fire right now.

L: And few have to do with the team.

DM: I think Mommy will set him straight. She's wicked smaht.

L: SO anyway, what did you want to talk to me about?

DM: My match this week.

L: What about it?

DM: Dude, have you seen what the match is?

L: Yeah, non-title 4-way.

DM: Yeah, but did you see who was IN it?

L: No, you got the copy of the lineup sheet?

*Davin hands it over*

L: Holy crap!

DM: Yup. Chris Cole AND Eric O'Mac, plus, for good measure, Alexander Darling, who's nothing more than another CWI.

L: CWI?

DM: Completely Worthless Idiot.

L: So...what are you gonna do?

DM: Well, obviously it's going to be 3 on 1...

L: Likely.

DM: So, I think I need to take extraordinary measures. I don't even care about winning; I need to send a message to Cole and "The E" about what Davin Moreland is really about.

L: *nodding* Sponsorships.

DM: NO!

L: Kidding.

DM: No, I still feel like I need to prove myself, especially against the guy who almost ended my career, and the guy who was the longest reigning Onslaught Champ.

L: And Alexander Darling.

DM: The CWI.

L: Right. I hear he's a Mets fan too.

DM: Proving my assessment correct.

L: Think so. So, Davin, what are you going to do?

DM: Well, first, I need you two ringside; no going out back after my intro.

L: Ok, done.

DM: 2, I need to bring some back up. *goes to grab "Clangy Pole" from the closet*

L: You sure you want to do that?

DM: It's fine. Besides, this thing hurts.

L: True. So that will help.

DM: And I'm not going to take my meds this week.

L: WHAT?? No, Davin, I can't let you do that.

DM: It's the only way Luc.

L: No, Davin, Listen, it's a non-title match; It's not that big a deal; Heck, don't even show up for the match, it doesn't matter.

DM: Sometimes it's not about titles, Lucios; sometimes it's simply about respect. And I need to be good and crazy and fearless and feel indestructible to get it done, I just know it.

L: Maybe you can get it done without taking that step. Heck, you took out the whole roster once. You were on meds then.

DM: That was different; that wasn't personal.

L: Sure looked personal.

DM: No, it wasn't personal. It was Moose. That's not personal; that's...I dunno what that is. But it's not personal. Cole? Is personal. Eric? Is personal. Darling? A CWI, makes it personal. All will be after me. 3 on 1. THEY won't care about the match; they'll just be looking to injure me; looking to end my career. I have to be prepared to do the same thing, just to live, to survive. Lucios, it's the only way. I have to survive. I have to walk out of there with my career.

L: We'll me out there...

DM: Not enough man, Sorry; besides in the end, it's my battle, and I have to be willing to do whatever it takes...WHATEVER it takes to get it won.

*Davin is all red and breathing heavily*

L: You already stopped, didn't you?

DM: Yeah. Right after I saw the lineup.

L: DARN IT DAVIN! WHY?

DM: Because it's the way it's gotta be. Cole must be stopped. "The E" must be stopped. The CWI must be stopped. No one else in the OOWF seems to care except me. So if it's on my shoulder, so be it. Just be warned Lucios, this isn't going to be a match; this will be a bloodbath. This is my calling. This is my test. I must pass. I can't lose. I just can't.

L: Dude, I...I don't think you can stay in the locker room this week...

DM: Fine. There's a big closet down the hall. Not a problem. It will help. Remind me where I came from.

L: It's nothing personal...

DM: No no...Of course not. Listen, you'll still be there Wednesday, right?

L: Yeah.

DM: Ok. One favor, after the match, have the Dunkin Donuts Limousine ready to take me to the hospital.

L: For your injuries?

DM: No, to give me some emergency meds, and get me back on track.

L: This is dangerous, Davin.

DM: I know.

L: What if...

DM: Can't worry about "What if." I just have to do this. It's the only way.

L: Good luck, D.

DM: Thanks Luc. Make sure to fill Phantos in.

*They bump knuckles and Davin leaves with Clangy Pole. Lucios looks worried, but looks around and sees he's alone. Smiling, he grabs old tapes, and watches some New Zealand Wrestling from 10 years ago*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is in Firewoman's Locker Room watching the Really Coincidentally Conveniently Placed monitor where MOMENTS AGO~! her conversation with Rabbxt is played, and then...

: DM: Heh. n00bs. Knife's a 2-time Onslaught Champ, and Hardcore gave me probably my best match ever. Hope Fire re-thinks her position.

Hm...He's probably right. I did beat Hardcore before, but that's no reason to discount him. I wonder if Moreland has any advice...or coffee... But damn, those cameras are everywhere!

As if on cue, Sparky, the Sexy Male Journalist knocks on the door

FW: What do you want?

Sparky: I just wondered how you were doing? After...uh...well, I don't know how to bring it up....

FW: You mean after losing not one, not two, but THREE MATCHES in less than a week? IS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT?

Sparky: Now....don't get mad, sir....I mean....ma'am?

FW: breathing deeply, as if doing some sort of calming techniques I... am .... not.... MAD.

Sparky: Oh...okay....easy now...

FW: DON'T give me 'easy now.'

Sparky: Well, okay, yell at me all you want then.

FW: Fine.

Sparky: So...about last week...why did you send Rabbxt away before your match? And then you weren't there for his?

FW: I have no idea why I did that. It was so out of character....It was out of Rabbxt's character too, or so I thought....SEE WHAT I MEAN!! Nothing makes SENSE. I just want to break...SOMETHING!!!

She grabs the clipboard out of Sparky's hand and throws it against the wall.

Sparky: Um...okay...that had my next question on it....

FW: Well, wing it!

Sparky: Um...oh, yeah, what about the offer given to you by Alexander Darling?

FW: Not up for discussion. See that wad of paper over there on the floor? That's where that contract is. Now, I'm as shocked as anyone that they bothered to move that to the next venue when they moved my sign and all that other stuff, but there it is.

I will talk about my upcoming match with Rabbxt against Knife and Hardcore. I've beaten Hardcore once already, but given my performance the past couple of shows, I'll need to really get my head in the game, and that means ignoring all the teen angst drama my partner seems drawn to.

to the NinjaCam So Hardcore, Knife....I'm ready for you. Ryan, try to keep that bimbo that hangs around you out of my way, too. Maybe let her come up for air, or for gods' sakes shower. I'm not sure what Knife brings to the table, but I'll be ready. Seriously, don't underestimate me or my partner.

Sparky: So you have no qualms about being in two back-to-back championship matches and now beign buried on the undercard?

FW: Oh, I have qualms. I'm damn pissed about it. In fact, I may just head to GMtheRick's office right now and let him know.... deep breathing. but I won't. I'll focus on my next target, and that target is Hardcore and Knife. And once that is done, I'll refocus on the title picture. Either tag team or the Onslaught championship. Because really, Moreland, each time we tangle, I get a little closer to beating you. And one day, I will. But I can be patient...

Sparky starts to say something, but one icy stare from Firewoman, and he thinks better of it.

I can be patient because I respect you. But I will beat you one day. And yeah, that'll sparkle with me.

Okay, Sparky, we are DONE here.

Sparky leaves, muttering something about 'not my name.' Firewoman picks up the clipboard, reviews the line up for the week, and throws it back across the room. She picks up the wadded up contract, still amused that it made it to the new locker room, and unwads it to read it.

[mooseheadjack]

Rabbxt: Look, Fire. I've been watching your promos and I saw your conversation with Dead and the one with Sparky. I don't want you to be mad at me or anything. I'm going to try to set everything straight with Nerve and Blitz. The Dead annoys the shit out of me, but at least he's separated himself from this teen drama shit. And his partner was never really in it. Come to think of it, Seamus is a pretty cool guy. He doesn't like Dead, but he'll go along with him and help him out when he needs it. I hate that he does that, seeing as how much of an ass Dead is, but it's like how you protect me. I would say it's like me protecting you, but you've never seemed to need my protection. You're a tough one. But like I said, I'm going to go try to set things straight with Nerve and Blitz.

**Rabbxt leaves his closet and walks into his old locker room, where he finds Nerve and Blitz.**

Nerve: What the hell are you doing here?

Rabbxt: Look, guys. I just wanted to...

Blitz: You could've at least knocked.

Rabbxt: Sorry about that, but I just wanted to set things straight between us.

Nerve: Don't listen to him, Blitz.

Blitz: No way, man. You're not here to set things straight. You're here to get an advantage over us.

Rabbxt: An advantage over you? For what reason? We don't have a match against each other next week.

Nerve: We've still got heat, Evan. There's no way either of us are trusting you to set things straight. If I wasn't one half of this face team, I'd knock you the fuck out.

Blitz: Evan's the heel, right?

Nerve: Exactly. So that basically proves that he isn't trying to set everything straight between us. He's louring us in, then he'll get a few cheap shots in.

Rabbxt: No, for real. I actually want to end all this shit between us.

Blitz: Dude, we're not buying it.

Rabbxt: Come on! I don't want to pull Fire into any of this stuff, but she's my team mate and she's being caught in the middle of it all the time.

Blitz: Isn't she a heel, too, though?

Nerve: You know, I'm not quite sure. I mean, she's got a lot of face personalities.

Blitz: That's true. She can talk to someone who beat her in a match without getting into a fight. And she can actually respect pure competition instead of only wanting wins.

Rabbxt: Hey, a win's a win.

Nerve: And that's why you're the heel.

Blitz: And that's why nothing between us is ending.

Rabbxt: Come on! Fire's going to...

Nerve: Bye!

**Nerve slams the door in Rabbxt's face.**

Rabbxt: Fuck!

**Rabbxt pounds his fists on the door repeatedly, annoying Nerve and Blitz. They eventually unlock their door and push it open. But it nails Rabbxt in the head and he falls to the floor, knocked out cold. Nerve and Blitz shrug their shoulders and shut the door. Rabbxt wakes up, Fire standing over top of her.**

Fire: What the hell are you doing?

Rabbxt: I was trying to solve things between Nerve and Blitz and myself.

Fire: I saw that.

Rabbxt: How did you...

Fire: Monitors everywhere.

Rabbxt: Oh, yea. So you saw how it went?

Fire: Yea, I did. It didn't go as you planned, huh?

Rabbxt: Not at all.

Fire: And you actually thought it would work out that easily?

Rabbxt: Yes?

Fire: There's no way it could be solved just like that. You're going to have to keep fighting it out with them.

Rabbxt: You'll be by my side, right?

Fire: Look, Evan. I don't want to be pulled into all this DeGrassi shit, but I'm your partner and I'm going to be by your side no matter what.

Rabbxt: Really?

Fire: Yea. Well, unless you totally fuck up or just do something I don't like.

Rabbxt: Oh. I'll try to not do anything to make you mad at me.

Fire: Good. That'll make my job easier.

Rabbxt: Your job?

Fire: Carrying this team. And keeping you out of things you shouldn't be getting into, also. Come to think of it, what was it that Moose gave me at Christmas?

Rabbxt: A leash?

Fire: Yea, that's it!

**Fire pulls the leash out of her pocket and places it around Rabbxt's neck.**

Rabbxt: You're not really going to...

Fire: Come, Evan!

**Fire pulls on the leash and Rabbxt follows Fire as she pulls him to his closet.**

Fire: Now, listen. You stay in here and keep yourself out of trouble. Don't go back to Nerve and Blitz's place and don't go out trying to find Dead or Seamus, either. Or Alexander Darling, for that matter.

Rabbxt: Alright, fine. I'll just sit in here.

Fire: Good boy. Now, look. I won't keep you on this leash forever, but until all of this feuding with your little buddies ends, it's staying on.

Rabbxt: Fine...

**Fire ties the other end of the leash to a pipe inside the closet, then closes the closet door and locks it from the outside.**

[mooseheadjack]

(moments before the previous promo...)

DV: What the fuck is this?!!?

GMtR: What the fuck is what?

DV: Putting me in this 4-way dance with these losers? Seamus JUST lost to me, Outback had his rematch clause and he lost, and who the fuck is The Dead? What the fuck kind of name is that?

GMtR: It's the fuck kind of name of one of your opponents you have this Wednesday is what it is. The Dead is one of our hungriest competitors and the other two are at your level.

DV: FUCK YOU! I am a former world heavyweight champion, and have held every belt in this company outside of the tag team belt, which as we all know is Capellan's fault for why I never won the title. And what the HELL do you have him facing Stank for the title this week? He hasn't won SHIT since we broke up. I should be the former member of C&V to face Stank, NOT him!

GMtR: I don't care WHAT the hell you think. I make the matches, you live with them. Now get the FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE before I STRIP of your title for insubordination!

Viper leaves The Rick's office.

Right outside, Capellan is standing there.

Cap: So, that's what you really think, huh?

DV: Yeah. It is. We were good but not good enough.

Cap: That's not what you said. You said I wasn't good enough. You said I don't deserve to face Stank this week, but that you do. You think you're better than me.

DV: As a person? No. In the ring, yes. You lost to Stank a few weeks ago, while I was winning the Intercontinental Championship.

Cap: Uh huh.

DV: Sorry, I'm calling a spade a spade. But at the same time, I still want you to beat Stank this week.

Cap: You're just saying that because you think you can beat me.

DV: I know I can beat you. But I can beat Stank, too. Hey, I'd beat Stank than see you beat Stank, but I'd still rather see you beat Stank than Stank beat you. You get it?

Cap: Because I'm easier to beat than Stank? Is that what you think?

DV: No. Because I want you to prove me wrong, Cap. I want to know that you DO deserve to face Stank. And the only way I know that is if you BEAT Stank. And if you do, then you know what?

Cap: What?

DV: Then I'd know for sure that splitting the team was the right thing to do. And that it wasn't you holding me down. That we were holding each other down.

Rabbxt (walking by): Ha ha! That's so gay! *POP* OW!

DV: Who the fuck is this guy?

Cap: Rabbit. He's even more of a flippy-shit guy than Nayr was.

Rx: It's pronounced Rabbxt!

Cap: Viper, don't even think you can butter me up to try get a title shot when I win the championship.

Rabbxt: Ha! That sounded gay too! *POP* OW! Capellan! You're a face! What the hell?

Cap: Shut up, kid.

DV: Butter you up for a title shot? Shit, The Rick will keep having me fight this Rabbit fucker months before facing you anyway.

Cap: Heh. Right.

DV: Wow. First time I saw you crack a smile since we split. So, are we cool?

Cap: (frowns) No. We're not.

DV: Well, whatever. Good luck against Stank. I mean that.

Cap: Uh huh.

Capellan walks away.

Rx: Man, you guys got a LOT of tension to work out don't you?

DV: If you even say what I think you're going to say, then you better not fucking say it.

Rx: What, that you two should get a room and fuck? No, I was thinking you should have some refreshing relaxing Mountain D... *VIPER CRUSHES THE CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW INTO RABBXT'S FACE WITH A DEATH ELBOW!*

DV (to Rabbxt's limp body on the floor): I fucking hate soda, you little bitch.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Nerves Agent and Blitz are sitting in their locker room talking]

TNA: This shit's pissing me the hell off.

Blitz: Dude..you just used three cuss words in one sentence and you hardly ever cuss.

TNA: That's because of this stupid noob feud with Rabbxt, Fire, Dead, and Seamus. It's getting us no where.

Blitz: Who knows, maybe it will all be over soon.

TNA: I doubt it. Rabbxt, even though he pretends to want to end, will not let this drop so easily. If ever there was a time I agreed with The Dead, it's now. This Degrassi high school shit is getting old. We're all grown-ups here, with the exception of Rabbxt who, I believe, is currently on a leash.

Blitz: But Firewoman will put a stop to this feud with Rabbxt.

TNA: I don't think so. Didn't you just see those two talking outside our own door?

Blitz: No, I kinda was just kinda zoning out.

TNA: Well pay attention. You can't just sit back while the other teams are out there bashing us. Like The Dead. He calls you and I the future jobbers or whatever. If anyone out of this feud will become the jobbers, it'll be Seamus and The Dead. They're complete bullshit. They're not even a real team. They were just put together because you and I got together and Rabbxt and Fire got together. Call us the jobbers, that's shit.

Blitz: Dude, what's with you? You're in a bad mood. You wanna train with Wii Sports?

TNA: No, I don't wanna waste my time playing with your Wii...

Blitz: ...ha..playing with my Wii.

TNA: Dude. Could you just focus? We're going to train, but we are going to the weight room instead. That way we can lift weights, and practice on the trampoline.

Blitz: Ugh..okay.

[The Nerves Agent and Blitz leave their locker room headed for the gym.]

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams storms into The Rick’s office.”

GMTR: “Great, another one. What the hell do you want?”

LDW: “You to answer one simple question.”

GMTR: “If you’re trying to help your friend Moose-”

LDW: “This isn’t about Jack. He made his bed. This is about me and Stank.”

GMTR: “I’ve given you title shots. What more do you want?”

LDW: “I’ve lost by countout, I’ve lost by disqualification, I’ve lost because other people got pinned, I’ve even lost because his fat ass fell faster than mine. I want off the treadmill Rick. What’s it going to take to get you to book a one-on-one match, no countouts, no disqualifications, no cages, no stupid stipulations to get screwed by, just me and Stank – first man to get a three count takes the belt?”

GMTR: “You know, I’m getting really tired of people making demands...”

LDW: “Please. You know damn well that I don’t make demands and I don’t make threats. I do what I’m told, and I do my job better than anyone else you’ve got. It’s a simple question: What do I have to do to get the match?”

GMTR: “You can start by beating your buddy Dragon this week. Do that and you’ll get a title shot. The rest? I’ll take that under advisement. Now, get the hell out of my office!”

**Williams shakes his head and walks out.”

[mooseheadjack]

**Rabbxt is sitting in his closet watching a conveniently placed television monitor when he sees Nerve and Blitz's promo.**

Rabbxt: But... Wait. You just said that all this teen high drama shit has to end. Why wouldn't you let me end it earlier? If you're serious about wanting it to end, you should have just let me talk it out with you two. And by the way, since you two have both been somewhere more important then in the OOWF for the past few weeks, Dead and Seamus are barely in this feud. Sure, we've got heat with them, but they're totally not included in this DeGrassi storyline. And don't add Fire into that, either. The only reason her name should appear is because she's my partner. But she doesn't need to have her name tacked onto this. She's wanting me to end all of it and I went for it, but you guys kept it going. But it's whatever. If you guys want to keep it going, then there's no way for me to end it. Basically, guys, it's me and you two who are still connected to this shitty story. I tried to end it, you said you want it to end, yet you won't let me go through with ending it. Whatever.

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack and DH Magnusson are walking*

DHM: It was so frustrating!

OBJ: Listen, mate. Gator and I had a lot of tough times in the OOWF. The tag team division is not easy. You guys are representing D&D well. It takes time to get a tag team working smoothly. Be patient, mate.

DHM: It's easy for you to say that.

OBJ: Well, as long as I've been in the business, it's a little easier to be philosophical...hold up...can you hold this for a minute?

*OBJ hands his beer to DHM, and lunges across the hallway to pin Moosehead Jack against the wall. OBJ suddenly looks much more deranged than usual.

OBJ: I heard something that pissed me off!

MHJ: Like I should give a rat's ass about what pisses you off?

OBJ: I heard that The Rick doesn't plan on allowing Taipei Fence matches anymore!

*MHJ maintains a poker face*

OBJ: If that's true, Jack of the Hinterlands will hold you responsible, you son of a bitch!

*MHJ looks back without blinking*

*OBJ slams a beer and belches, then looks calmer.*

DHM: Aren't you supposed to say "Australian for ' something?

OBJ: Er, right, I guess I forgot about that, mate.

[mooseheadjack]

<Sometime later...>

Outback Jack - Fold.

Capellan - Check.

Stank - Bet.

Spin - I'm out.

DHM - Me too.

Viper - ...

Cap - ... well I'm out.

Stank - ...

Viper - ...

Stank - DO something asswipe!

Viper - Shut the fuck up! I'm thinking!

Stank - Look at your pot. You ain't got nothing left to bet anyways.

<Donovan Viper looks at his hand, looks at the flop Ace of Hearts, Queen of Spades, King of Hearts and the turn card of 10 of hearts. Viper doesn't like his chances, but might risk a bluff.>

Cap - C'mon Donnie. Did you just follow me in here to waste our time?

Spin - He followed you in here because he wanted t- *POP*OW! I WAS GONNA SAY PLAY POKER!

OBJ - C'mon Viper. Make YOUR bet!

Viper - I've got something. I'll match you Stank and raise...

Stank - With what?

Viper - The IC Belt.

Stank - You gotta be fucking kidding me?

Viper - Nope.

Stank - ... Alright then, Check!

<Magnuson turns over the river and it's a King of spades.>

Stank - I'm all in.

Viper - ... what?

Stank - I'm. All. In.

Viper - Ha, ha... DROWN in the river! Read 'em and weep!

<Viper lays down pocket Kings.>

Viper - Four of a Kind! In the immortal words of Alexander Darling... BOOYA BITCH! Ha HA!

OBJ - Ooooh

Spin - Wow!

Cap - Well, well.

DHM - ...

<Stank folds his arms on the table and drops his head in frustration.>

Viper - Gimmie my mo-naaay heh heh...

Stank - Hold it wait! What's this...?

<Stank lays down a Queen of hearts and a Jack of hearts.>

Spin - Ho. Lee. Shit.

OBJ - NICE!

DHM - Good job.

Cap - Well you know what THIS means...

Stank - WOO HOO! ROCK N ROLL! I'm the GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EVER!!

Viper - I... I.. I don't BELIEVE IT!!

<Stank collects the pot and the IC Belt!>

Stank - Here Jack. You want this?

OBJ - Thanks, mate! Save me a bit of trouble.

Viper - YOU CAN'T GIVE HIM THE IC BELT!!!

Stank - Why the fuck not? I won it. I can do with it as I see fit.

Viper - BUT-

Stank - YOU DIDN'T WANT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Viper - BUT...

Stank - LOOK! If you want it back, you're just going to have to beat Jack, The Dead and Seamus for it at Mayhem.

Viper - BUT...

Stank - NAH! No more BUTS! Now git the fuck out of my Destroyitarium!

Viper - It's a PUBLIC BAR! I can BE here if I WANT!

<Stank, OBJ, Spin and Magnuson all stand and look down at Viper.>

Viper - ... ... you're lucky there's four of you.

<Viper stands and exits without his belt. Stank turns to look at Capellan who is still seated.>

Stank - What's the matter with YOU?

Cap - I was hoping to compete for two belts.

Stank - Greedy ass bastard, why don't you go follow your old partner out where he went.

Cap - Don't I get a chance to win back some of my money?

Stank - Sure... don't expect me to bet my World Title belt, though.

<Seamus McNasty walks in and sits at the bar. He orders a beer and spots D&D, Magnuson and Capellan sitting in the back. Something else catches his eye.>

SM - HEY! What are YOU doing with the Intercontinental TITLE???

<Outback Jack gets a glint in his eye.>

OBJ - You wanna chance to win this thing before Mayhem, mate?

Stank - What are you doing?

OBJ - Hopefully pissing Donnie off.

Stank - ... ... Pull up a chair, Seamus.

[mooseheadjack]

Seamus pulls up a chair, sets his 12 pack on the table, lights up a cuban...

Seamus: " Deal me in gents"

[mooseheadjack]

[Scene opens to an unspecified paradise island and a wideshot of a country club at the base of a tropical mountain. However, rather than zoom into the palatial clubhouse, the camera pans around and zooms down and in to a crappy looking green just outside the country club gates, where a guy who LOOKS like Johnny Adrenaline - with scruffy hair and a five o'clock shadow from hell - is forking over a wad of cash to some guy. The guy takes off happily, and Johnny is pissed off.]

JA: [talking to his clubs] What the hell was that? I rescue you from the confines of that Jamaican pawn shop and this is what I get in return?

[Johnny slings his putter end over end acros the green and into the greenside pond, which is more like a swamp. JA turns around and sees Invisible Ninja Cameraman filming.]

JA: How long you been here? ... Long wnough, huh? Hadn't seen you in a while, where you been? ... Yeah, yeah, I know. You don't work for free. ... Well we got you that damn job in the first place, remember?

[Johnny's cell phone rings, and he checks the call and then ignores it.]

JA: Fucking bill collectors. They're not getting this though... [Johnny pulls out one of the OOWF Tag Team Title belts] Here Ninji... here's a $20, that's all I got. I need a favor. [pulls a CD out of his golf bag] Take this back to Scaia.

[The camera makes a nodding motion and we fade out from the run down golf course and back into the Rick's office, where we see the GM pick up a DVD with "Tryout Tape" sharpied on it. Rick shrugs and puts it in his DVD player and we go to a full screen of the video.]

[We get obvious voiceovers from Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline as we get some generic footage of them competing as the OOWF Tag Team champions.]

JA: Hey boss, Johnny here.

AA: And Alan. We got your belts, like you asked several months ago. We got your attorney's letters... wouldn't ya know, the mail doesn't ship from Vegas, cause what happens in Vegas...

JA: ...stays in Vegas. We just want to bury the hatchet, boss. No hard feelings. We've got the titles and will gladly return them upon our re-hiring.

AA: Since our, um, unpaid vacation, me and Johnny have been training hard, getting back into tip top shape, and we've actually been competing the world over.

JA: Just to remind you of the talents we are, we've put together this video conglamoration especially for you. Please give it a look, and if you reconsider your hatred for us, please give us a call.

AA: Let's roll it.

JA: Where'd we go first?

AA: Right after we... left. We went to... Dallas, right?

JA: Yeah, and they didn't wanna keep us together. No clue why really.

AA: Anyway, they tried Johnny as a babyface. Teamed him with Chris Adams.



JA: Total asshole. Didn't give me shit to work with. All about him. We finally had it out backstage one night, you probably read about it in the dirtsheets. Next thing I know, he kills himself.

AA: That's only cause they took the book from him and they had him jobbing to you at the fairgrounds the next week.

JA: Well yeah, but...

AA: I got the good end of it...



JA: Badstreet, USA. You're the epitome of bad, Alan.

AA: Thanks, Johnny. We headlined shows all over the circuit in 8 man tags with the Von Erichs.

JA: Well, how many of them were actually Von Erichs?

AA: Well yeah, but, you know. The fans don't know that.

JA: We didn't stay long there. Actually went to Mexico for a cup of coffee.

AA: Lucha wasn't our style at all...



JA: We wrestled what, two matches there?

AA: Match and a half. We walked out of the second one, remember?

JA: Oh yeah, that's right. Had to call the man and get in on the Thanksgiving night game.

AA: Colts/Falcons... money in the bank. We had to. I'm sure we won more on that game than however many pesos Pedro Martinez or whoever the hell he is was gonna pay us.

JA: Anyway, we went to New Japan and were instant stars.



AA: Probably the best time I've ever had as a wrestler.

JA: Was a blast.

AA: For those who can't speak Japanese, that caption reads "Shanghai Badasses." We were booked as Japanese defectors to Communist China. Angle was HUGE.

JA: Unfortunately, we had some problems with our visas...

AA: Kept declining for whatever reason.

JA: And we had to leave the country mid-angle. I don't think the Japanese market will ever recover.

AA: Lucky us, we were picked up by a small time promotion and became big hits.

JA: Here's me in a controversial angle...



AA: You got into some shit over that one, didn't ya?

JA: First time ever a wrestler had to apologize to a live crowd. Raven didn't wanna do it, but I talked him into it. Paul buried me immediately afterward, but the fans still kept me over.

AA: I was actually lucky to fall into a shit angle with guys in camouflauge and glasses. But thanks to my efforts, we ended up the biggest heels in the company. I mean, you see this...



AA: ...and how weren't we the most popular guys in the promotion?

JA: Right after that, Alan got a call from Vince. Offered him a big deal, but Tude only agreed to the deal if I got brought along... thanks bro.

AA: I guess Vince immediately took a liking to Johnny....

JA: Not THAT kind of liking.

AA: And immediately put him in a program with Hogan.

JA: Great paydays... was the special ringside enofrcer for Hogan/Bundy...



JA: ...and that led to a Triple Threat match at WrestleMania that is still lauded to this day....



JA: But I got injured in that match, big setback.

AA: It was actually a break for me, and they moved me into Johnny's spot.



AA: And Vince had so much faith in me, I was an integral part of the Montreal screwjob. Watch me right here...



JA: That was great, Alan. People still dissect the video to this day and they don't pick up your relay to Hebner.

AA: Due to that favor I did for Vince, I was booked to win the Royal Rumble...



JA: Classic. Just classic.

AA: Best Rumble ever. What can I say? Won the Rumble, but the booking changed and they wanted to go with some guy named Cena, so after doing the job at WrestleMania, we left the company on good terms.

JA: No, hold up, we made one last appearance remember?

AA: Oh yeah, a one shot deal that went over huge.

JA: The two most notorious tag teams ever... in one ring:



AA: Of course, they were over the hill at the time.

JA: Well yeah... From there, down south we went. Now Japan was great, but this was fun, too.

AA: They booked us with a couple of other guys, including Ric Flair, and we did monster business in Georgia and the Carolinas.



JA: Don't forget our Six Man Tag Title win.

AA: Oh yeah, beat the Rock and Roll Express and Sam Houston in a five star classic. Remember this promo?



JA: And we pretty much ran roughshod over the entire territory as the biggest heels of all time. Just beat up jobbers week after week after week.



JA: You throw him thru the wall?

AA: Damn right I did.

JA: Politics flared up and they broke us all up. Push come to shove, they put us under hoods as a new tag team and we won the tag team titles.



JA: We're great workers, we're great characters, we're over with live crowds.

AA: And we're medically cleared. Here's Johnny at his last doctor's appointment.



JA: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO CUT THAT ONE!

AA: I'm sorry. I thought I did.

JA: Go back to the last one...

[AA, obviously in charge of editing, botches the edit and it cuts straight back to the previous picture as the sound cuts out.]



[The Rick grabs the remote, but before he can flip it off, Ron Simmons walks in.]

RS: So am I gonna be getting a paycheck for the... is that?

[Rick nods]

RS: Damn.

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman opens a closet door, and wakes up Rabbxt

FW: C'mon.

R: Where we going?

FW: To get our act together. We were NOT a team last Mayhem, so...

R: You told me to leave!

FW: You didn't let me come out for your match!

A staredown commences. Firewoman wins

FW: Okay, regardless, we need to get our shit together. Let's hit the practice ring to practice some double team moves. C'mon.

Firewoman walks away, then notices Rabbxt not following her

FW: You know, I am having a real hard time with my temper today, so what the hell is wrong, NOW?

R: Well, it's this leash....it's tied to the pipe.

FW: Oh....

Firewoman unties it, and takes it off Rabbxt's neck

You know, once I opened the door, you had your hands free, you could have done that yourself. And why do you stay in the closet anyway, OOWF has a freakin' hotel for everyone!

R: It's a thing.

FW: Whatever.... C'mon. Let's get this team back on track.

[mooseheadjack]

Alexander Darling is strolling through the backstage hallways with a blond on his left arm and a brunette on his right.

AD: Ladies, you two are in for a treat.

Darling stops dead in his tracks.

AD: What do you want?

Camera pans out and we see "The Main Event" Chris Cole blocking the path.

CC: So you're Alexander Darling.

AD: Ugh, Yeah. Now piss off, can't you see I'm busy. I'll deal with you at Mayhem.

CC: I see you are living the great life. You remind me of myself from just a few years back. Enjoy it. But don't let it consume you.

AD: Whatever, you're just a washed up has been. Get lost.

CC: Has-been? In case you haven't noticed I'm undefeated since my return. I've never been better. I'm refocused and that is not good for you. But I'm here not only to prove that I'm the best but also to show this next generation of OOWF superstars a thing or two. So here. Hands Darling a copy of his DVD. I gave this to The Knife last week. He either didn't watch or it else it didn't really help him. Perhaps you'll have better luck.

AD: Luck has nothing to do with it.

CC: You are one cocky son of a bitch aren't you.

AD: I'm better then you ever were.

CC: Oh really?

AD: Yeah, really.

CC: I don't think so. You see the 3 Piece Set were like Rock Stars. You are like a C Level Pre-Tween Douche. Look at you. You look ridiculous. Have you been shopping for your wardrobe with Fly?

AD: Who?

CC: Fly. You don't remember him. Look it up. Points to Darling's oversized gold $ Charm. That's large. Are you over compensating for something?

AD: I'll kill you Cole.

CC: You're a poser, Alex. You could hold the Set's jock. Go out and pretend you are a star. Until you get better in the ring you will not come near my legacy. I'm "The Main Event" in every way. Winks for the ladies. See you at Mayhem, Alex.

[mooseheadjack]

*Hard open and we see a bloody and lifeless carcass on the floor near the Dunkin Donuts Hospitality Kiosk. It is what's left of Curt "The Golden God" Schilling, coupled with a smashed and battered Kiosk. Firewoman happens by*

FW: I wonder if I can still get free c...Oh my God...Curt? CURT!

C'TGG'S: ...

FW: Curt? What happened? Talk to me Curt...

C'TGG'S: Dav....in....

FW: DAVIN did this to you?

C'TGG'S: Call Chandra...Post something...on...SOSH...

*Firewoman calls 911 on her crappy non-Sprint PCS cell phone, and the paramedics arrive, and tend to the 2-time Cy Young award winner. She carefully goes to the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina and knocks. Lucios answers*

L: Oh. Hey.

FW: Hey. Where's Davin? Curt just got...

L: Come in.

*They both go over to the Sony Multimedia Center. OOWF-TV (Now Presented in Fabulous High Definition) is on*

L: *points at the screen* Look.

*On screen, Davin is beating the ever-living shit out of SYB with Clangy Pole, just a brutal, relentless, unprovoked beating.*

FW: What the hell?

*Davin looks over in the direction of the Ninja Cameraman, and runs over; eyes wild, looking very similar to Reche Caldwell, sweating, bleeding, and completely out of control*

DM: DAVIN SMASH!!!!!!!!

*He goes back to beating the lifeless SYB, who could be dead, but if he was, who would care?*

DM: *yelling from across the room* COLE! KILL COLE! E! KILL E! CWI! KILL CWI!

FW: What. The. Fuck?

L: *hands Firewoman a copy of "Davin Moreland, The Early Years"* Watch it. You'll get it. He stopped.

FW: Stopped what?

L: Stopped taking his pills.

FW: Oh no. This is bad, isn't it?

L: Curt and SYB think so...

FW: Can't we do something?

L: You want to get in the way of that? Heck, he's bigger than ME, and he's, well, psycho.

FW: All right...well...I'm gonna leave. Which way should I go?

L: Here *walks her over to the fire exit* Out the back; try to stay away as much as you can until Wednesday.

FW: What about you? What about Phantos?

L: Phantos is at Davin's mother's house, and me? Well, I have to stay. He'd do it for me.

FW: Good luck, Lucios

L: Thanks.

*The camera pans away from the two and over to the monitor. Apparently Davin has found Apacolyptic Existence, and has started another attempted murder.*

*We cut to Moosehead Jack, in a room with a single light bulb, and apparently, a monitor tuned to OOWF-TV*

MHJ: The Golden God? That's not right. *cracks his neck* Now you've got my attention. *pulls the string and the light goes out*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem and Voltage are watching the Tryout Tape from earlier.)

Eco: Wow. I totally forgot that Johnny was in the match with Hogan and Rock.

Voltage: Yeah, well, I think he got injured early on in the match.

Eco: Anyway, we're going one on one with the Apocalyptic Bastards this week.

Voltage: Right. Did SYB stop by earlier?

Eco: I think so...

Voltage: What were we doing then?

Eco: I think we were jacking each other off.

Volt: Really?

Eco: Yeah.

Volt: But....we're....not....gay.

Eco: Right, but SYB was writing the promo.

(Moosehead Jack runs in and heart-punches Eco.)

Eco: Ouch. Right, kayfabe.

Volt: Shouldn't the Rick be doing that now? I thought you were persona non grata.

MHJ: The one time I don't heart-punch you, you're trying to provoke me?

Volt: Well, it's just...it was always our thing.

MHJ: Just for that, I'm not giving you the satisfaction.

(Moose leaves.)

Eco: I think he may have just unblocked one of my arteries.

Volt: So you're telling me that because it's our promo, we can make other wrestlers do whatever we want?

Eco: Sort of. Kind of. In a subtle way.

(Firewoman and Rabbxt walk by.)

Volt: Hey! Could you show me your bazoombas?

Firewoman: Eh?

Volt: You know. Knockers!

Firewoman: Maybe he's talking to you?

Rabbxt: Are you talking to me?

Volt: Am I saying something wrong?

Eco: Stop speaking Australian.

Volt: Oh. Your breasts.

Firewoman: Ah. No, you cannot.

Volt: (turning to Eco) This doesn't seem to work very well.

Eco: (getting up) Let me try something.

(Ecosystem punches Rabbxt in the face.)

Rabbxt: OW!

Eco: Yikes! I'm sorry! I thought I had turned it into gelatin!

Rabbxt: WHAT?

Firewoman: C'mon. We're leaving.

(Rabbxt and Firewoman hurry off.)

Volt: Were you really trying to turn his face into gelatin with your mind?

Eco: No. I just wanted to hit him in the face and not get hit back.

Volt: I think we should end this with a hip pop culture reference.

Governor Mike Huckabee: Say guys, want to jam?

Defenstrators: SURE!

(Mike starts playing his bass guitar while Eco hammers the drums and Voltage plays the didgeridoo.)

[mooseheadjack]

(Phantos has returned from Cummaquid, and has a to-go sack from Papa Ginos in his hand. He wanders backstage, apparently lost in the labrynth of corridors and hallways.)

Phantos: Man! The food's gonna get cold if I can't get to the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room soon. I wonder which way to turn?

(He takes a right and sees Moosehead Jack down the hall in front of him, still covered in Concrete TGs blood. Jack looks up and glares @ Phantos and begins to walk towards him.)

Phantos: (screaming): No!! Not him!!!!!

(Phantos turns and runs to the end of the corridor, taking a left turn and rushing through the first door he opens. He seees Intercontinental Champion Donovan Viper alone, shirtless, and watching Will & Grace on the CW network.)

Phantos: Sorry man, wait, are you sure you aren't gay?

Viper: GET OUT OF MY LOCKER ROOM!!!!

(Viper lunges @ Phantos, who scurries out into the hallway and takes another left turn. He runs into into DH Magnusson, who was walking with his head down, holding an icepack to his head. Both men tumble to the floor. )

Magnusson: You little pipsqueak! I'm going to KILL you!!!

(Phantos makes it to his feet and races down the corridor, making a right turn at the nearest opportunity. He sees a broom closet and tries to hide inside.)

Davin Moreland: WHo Are YOU?? WHY ARE YOU IN MY CLOSET!!!

Phantos: Davin, it's me, P-Dawg. Your mom was pretty mad you didn't come with me.

Moreland: WHAT DID YOU SAY ABUT MY MOTHER!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!

(Davin lunges at Phantos swinging the Clangy Pole wildly. Phantos turns and rushes out of the closet, racing down the next corridor. He sees what he thinks is a partially obscured fire exit sign. He races towards it and bursts through the door. Instead of the arena parking lot, Phantos finds Firewoman, loosely wrapped in a towel, doing her yoga routine. She sees the intruder and screams.)

Firewoman: PERVERT! GET OUT OF MY LOCKER ROOM NOW!!!

Phantos: Sorry! And by the way, nice bod!

(Phantos ducks a box of MuscleMilk Protien Powder that goes whizzing past his ear and explodes against the wall. With a cloud of powder blocking Firewoman's view, he races out into the hallway again and races to the opposite end and takes another right turn.

He Sees the OOWF World Tag Team Champions walking towards him, engaged in a witty dialogue. He ducks in the nearest door and finds a hooded figure clad in leather using a cat'o nine tails on a large man.)

F. Fonzworth MacCappingtonIII: Harder Slave Harder!!!! remmebr, I own you. Now whip me HARDER! Use the paddle if you have to!!!!!

Hooded Figure: Dammit. (begins to strike FFMacIII with a wooden paddle.)

Phantos: Oh. My. God. My Retina's are Scarred!!

FFMacIII: Who's tha.... GET OUT OF HERE!!! FIRECHILD, GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!!

(Phantos retreats out the door and begins to run down the corridor again, making a right turn and finally, he sees the door to the Aquafina Locker Room Just before he reaches it, Rabbxt walk in front of him, chewing his gum and sipping a Mountain Dew

Rabbxt: Phantos, whats in the bag man?

Phantos: None of your dang business, now MOVE!

Rabbxt: (casually sidestepping Phantos) Chill out man. The Dunkin Donuts Hospitality Tent got wrecked and I was looking for Davin to get some grub.

Phantos: He's down one of the other hallways in a broom closet. He'd be GLAD to see you.

(Phantos walks in his locker room and finds his partner watching tape on the Sony Multimedia Center and drinking from a 1-liter bottle of Aquafina)

Lucios: Where the heck ahve you been? We have work to do. Who's voice did I hear outside?

Phantos: That little prick Rabbit's

Lucios: Bunny Boy, eh? We'd better get used to him being around. If Pepsico went and sponsored him too, he's likely not going anywhere.

What's in the bag?

Phantos: A Number 9 Steak and Cheese It's probably cold. I got lost in the hallways again.

Lucios: Idiot. I TOLD you, next time you're lost, text me on your Sprint PCS phone and I'll come find you. Grab an Aquafina and lets get to work...

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild looks at the line up for this week and starts swearing. An as yet unnumbered SFJ wanders up and tries to get a story.

SFJ- Firechild, you seem upset about your match this week, is it cause you don't want to be teaming with Cappington?

FC- Well yeah, but more that the team we beat the past two weeks are getting a title shot are we are facing two newbies.

SFJ- So you are referring to you and Cappington as 'we' now?

Firechild catches himself, swears under his breath, composes himself and addresses the camera directly, ignoring the fame-hungry wannabe babbling into her mike.

FC- It's like this, I HAVE to tag with Cappington, because it was a stipulation in a match that I agreed to, and I don't welch on my stipulations. BUT, that doesn't mean that when I'm tagging with him, I don't want to win, winning is nice, whoever I need to tag with, and for the length of time I need to do this, it would be a LOT nicer if I could be tag team champion. That is all.

Firechild turns to storm away from the SFJ and Cappington and Lance are right behind him. Firechild goes nose to nose with Cappington, who merely smiles a wide Cheshire-cat smile...

FFC: Wonderful, such spirit in this one, don't you think Lance?

Lance: Quite, Sir.

FFC: Now Lance, don't you think that Christopher here should use some of this spirit in.......polishing my wrestling boots?

Lance: At once Sir, come along Christopher.

Firechild looks at Cappington, and the smirking SFJ with his almost customary look of barely contained rage, then sighs and meekly follows Lance....