Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:00:34 GMT -5
Backstage at the Angel Fire Recreation Center or wherever this week’s show is being held we see a stretch white hummer limousine pull up. The backdoor opens and we see the long legs of Alexis Darling step out. She makes sure the coast is clear for the reigning DDT Iron Person Heavy Metal Champion to enter the building. It is and she motions for Alexander to exit the limo. We see him step out dressed in pure, hand-made Italian clothes with sunglasses covering his black eye and he looks stylin’; especially with a belt around his waist and one over each shoulder. It seems like he’d rather keep all 3 belts instead of getting 1 single belt specially made. We can see that Alexander is moving a bit gingerly after last week’s brutal unification match, but he refuses to let the world see the damage. Wait, there are more people stepping out of the limo…there’s Jamie Lynn Spears, already with microphone in hand and twin beautiful brunettes step out and join Alexander on each side.
Alexander Darling: Well, this place is a fucking dump. Let’s not spend anytime more than is absolutely necessary here Alexis. Make sure the driver knows to keep the engine running after Mayhem. I want to get out of here as soon as possible and get back to the hotel.
Alexis Darling: About that brother dearest; since you refuse to actually do any research on the history of this place yourself and asked me to do it, I found out that cars in the OOWF parking lot get destroyed rather easily. There’s bombs, graffiti, golf clubs, even a helicopter causing havoc back here. So I told the driver to get out of here and we’ll call him as soon as we need him.
Alexander looks a little upset at this and is about to say something to Alexis when he responds with a confused look.
Alexander: A helicopter, really? That’s kind of strange. Why was a helicopter in the parking lot?
Alexis: You really don’t want to know. And trust me, you really don’t want to know anything about the ass-munching porn.
Alexander looks at his sister with a look of total disbelief. He shakes his head a few times and looks like he’s about to say something every time until he finally shakes his head no.
Alexander: Ya know what, just forget I even asked. You handle it and I’ll trust ya. Jamie Lynn, join me up here. We’ll do the whole “Alexander Darling is WALKING and TALKING bit” on our way to The DEA private luxury box.
Alexander, with Jamie Lynn on his side begins the long, slow walk through the hallways of the OOWF Arena for the week. His entourage of women follows behind him and we see that the twins are now carrying a belt each. And Alexis has already taken her cell phone out and is dialing a few numbers.
Jamie Lynn: Well, Mr. Darling I think we shou…
Alexander: Sweetie, don’t try to think too much. The last time that happened you wound up pregnant at 16. Not the best move ever. And speaking of which, make sure you keep that weight down, the minute you gain 10 pounds, remember I have Hannah, I mean Miley Cyrus’ number on speed dial.
Jamie Lynn looks, well she looks like trailer trash, but she’s on the verge of tears here.
Alexander: Buck up little girl. You probably got a good 3 weeks left here. And maybe if you lose the baby weight quickly afterwards, there’ll be a place for you in The DEA. You know what a rat is, right? Anyway, continuing on to business. Jamie, why don’t you tell me where you want to start?
Jamie wipes a tear out of her face, She sniffles as she begins;
Jamie Lynn: Right. I guess we can start with the lingering issue with yourself and Rabbxt which could lead into last week’s match against him and Moosehead Jack.
Alexander: It really confuses me as to how you were the smart one and still got knocked up. And the sad thing is even with that, you’re still smarter than the Bunny Bitch. He’s a disgrace to this business and he makes me sick. I wasn’t going to make this personal when I arrived in the OOWF. I was going to pick and choose my spots to make sure the world knew who ALEXANDER DARLING was. But then floppy mcflipperson (*no gimmick infringement intended Mr. McCappington*) has to be the leader of “Saved by the Bell: Class of 2010” or Degrassi or some shit and just be a complete joke.
As they continue their walk through the backstage area, all of a sudden they stop in front of a door and the ninja cameraman pans his camera up to the nameplate and we see RabbXt written on a piece of tape. Darling rips the tape off the door and it now reads “Supply Closet.” Darling shakes his head in annoyance and opens the door. We see the room is empty.
Alexander: I mean look at this place. Is this where a professional, in any field, conducts his business? No, of course not; But bunny boy lives here because it’s a “thing.” What the fuck does that even mean? FireWoman is just lucky she took him for some training because if he was leashed up here like the bitch he is, well I’d do a lot more than what I plan on doing.
Jamie: And just what are you planning on?
Alexander starts cackling and snaps his fingers in Alexis’ direction.
Alexis: Did you just fucking snap your fingers at me? Tell me you didn’t snap your fingers at me.
Alexander’s eyes start darting around the room and he looks like he has a twitch as his head keeps bobbing toward Jamie Lynn. He’s also subtly pointing at her.
Alexis: Whatever brother. You’re such a jackass. But I guess this is what you wanted.
She reaches into her bag and pulls out a few DVD’s and places them on top of the mini-TV that’s positioned within Rabbxt’s locker room closet. Jamie Lynn points to the cameraman and has him pan over the titles.
BEST OF ODB, Vol. 1-6, UNCUT and UNCENSORED, 30 Hours of pure ODB action. Including her private home videos where we find out exactly what parts of ODB are DIRTY.
Alexander starts laughing as the entourage leaves the closet and continues on their backstage walk. They pass another locker room where we hear a loud commotion inside. The camera pans up and we see that it is Moosehead Jack’s room.
Jamie Lynn: Any comments about your other opponent from last week’s match?
We see Alexander quickly stop laughing and look over his shoulder at his sister. She’s visibly shaking as they stand here.
Alexander: Moose stays out of my business, I stay out of his and neither one of us will have an issue. If that changes….let’s hope it never changes.
Jamie Lynn: But…
Alexander: No buts. Let’s move on now.
The group moves on from Moose’s locker room and we see Alexis sigh in relief and get herself under control. Alexander has a mixed look of fear, anger, and reflection on his face as he continues to look over his shoulder back-and-forth between Alexis and Moose’s door.
Alexander: Alexis, you know he’s not here right. Moose may be similar, but he’s gone. He won’t be back again. I made sure of that.
Alexis: I know, I know…but it’s just that he…and Moose is so…I just wish you had finished him for good in Japan.
Alexander: I would have, but having the Yakuza(will be changed soon) after my ass didn’t seem like the best idea in the world. I wanted to, you know I wanted to but it didn’t make sense. Besides he knows better than to chase after me. Let’s move on, how are our deliveries going?
Alexis: Almost finished. We’re just sending the DVD’s for now and not the individual training sessions because of a mix-up in Stamford. Bunch of amateurs doing business up there. The rest of it’s been taken care of, now it’s a matter of whether they all accept.
Alexander nods his in satisfaction as they come up to another room where it sounds like World War III(not the cheesy PPV) is happening. Alexander motions for the ladies to continue on without him as he stands outside the door. He looks it up and down and makes sure it’s clearly locked.
Alexander: Davin….hey Davin Moreland. Can you hear me in there?
Davin: GROWL...CWI...KILL...KILL...CWI...GROWL
Alexander: Good, you can hear me. I want you to listen and listen closely, you fucking psycho. I don’t care what names you call me. You can think I’m a completely worthless idiot until the cows come home. It doesn’t fucking matter to me. I’ve been called every possible name in the history of mankind and none of it fazes me. Do you want to know why? It’s because I’m ALEXANDER FUCKING DARLING, ”The Darling of Professional Wrestling” and you Davin Moreland will just be another fucking stepping stone. Up until a week ago, you weren’t even on my radar and now you’re sitting dead center.
Darling gets his breathing back under control and seems ready to just walk away from the room when he changes direction and steps right up to the door and starts banging on it.
You think because you stopped taking your meds that I’m going to be scared of you. I’ve been through hell and back. You don’t know the things I’ve seen, you have no clue the things I’m capable of Davin. And all I’ve seen from you is you beat up a resident jobber and an over-the-hill pitcher with a bloody ankle. You think that because you have a few cronies like Phantom and Lucifer that I’m going to quake in my $800.00 Armani shoes. It doesn’t scare me Davin. I’ve been beaten to within an inch of my life and I’m standing here and you’re locked inside a closet like an animal.
Darling steps back from the door as he hears Moreland going nuts on the other side of the door. Darling has a look of serenity on his face as he steps up to the door one last time.
Davin, I’d calm down if you want to hear the rest of this. See, I’m not afraid of you and this week you’ll find out why. And next week, when I’m still standing strong with a victory over the Onslaught Champion, I’ll be coming for that belt too. But before that, maybe, just maybe I take a flight up to Boston and I find out just how strong Mr. Brady’s arms are when I snap them off his body. And, to borrow a phrase from a friend of mine…”If you don’t like that, I got two words for ya.”
BOOYAH, Bitch!
Alexander cracks his neck and pats his belt as he walks further down the hall trying to get to the Darling Luxury Suite when he comes upon his entourage stopped in front of another locker room. He looks up at the name plate and sees that it’s The E ric O’Mac.
Alexis: We don’t have any issues with The E as of now so why don’t we skip him for now. *OOC (Besides, it’s not like people are going to read this long ass-promo anyway)*OOC. If something happens with him, we can always do something.
Alexander: Sounds like a good plan Lis. The E actually seems like an entertaining fellow. He knows the bottom line is wins and he’ll do what’s necessary to get them. I’ve also heard he’s got some friends in high places, so he might be someone we don’t want to piss off. In fact, Jamie Lynn, why don’t you come back later and keep E company and give him a hand if he needs one.
Jamie Lynn: Sure Mr. Darling. Anything for The DEA. So, do you want to share why you needed to catch up to us?
Alexander: I just needed to let Davin know what the score was and inform him of who exactly was playing the game with him. And speaking of the game, look what we have here.
The ninja camera man turns from walking backwards and looks to see what’s going on. There at the end of the hallway is Chris Cole. “The Main Event” himself is standing at the end of the hallway for no other reason than to be part of this promo.
Alexander: Well, look at this. It’s Mr. Main Event. It’s the leader of the almighty 3 Piece Set. A former world tag team champion. A former world heavyweight champion. It’s motherfuckin’ Chris Cole. Ladies, you know according to him you two should be down on your knees pleasuring him right now.
Cole smirks, ”You know, he’s right. Back in my day…”
Alexander: That’s exactly the point Cole. It’s no longer your day. Your day has come and gone. Stop living in the past and embrace the future. The future that is standing right in front of you. And normally, I’d attack you just to prove a point, but just this once I’m going to let you off with a freebie.
CC: You are going to let me off. That’s cute. Do you realize who I am? Do you realize what I’m capable of?
Alexander: I’ve already said who you are. You’re a washed-up relic living off past successes. I don’t see Ax-Man around to save your ass. All I see from Firechild is McCappington owning him like a bitch. And after this week’s Mayhem, maybe he won’t be the only 3 Piece Set member that’s treated like a bitch. Your time has past Cole. It’s time you realize it and step aside for the future.
Cole takes a few steps forward and Darling meets him nose to nose. It seems like we’re just moments away from this situation blowing up. Cole’s the first one to speak;
Cole: Go head Alex, make a move. It’s just you and me right here. 3 Piece Set’s gone, the DEA doesn’t exist yet. Show me what kind of man you are.
Alexander gets a smile on his face as his takes his DDT Belt off from around his waist. He hands it off to his sister and turns back to face Cole. We can see his fists clenching and unclenching. He’s about to take a swing when he stops himself and starts smiling.
Alexander: You know, you’re not the pansy I thought you were. I can see you won’t back down and I like that. I still think you’re washed-up and it’s no longer your time. But I’m willing to find out for myself this week. In the meantime, since you gave me a present last time, I figured I could return the favor.
Alexander reaches behind him and we see Alexis place a DVD into his hand. Alexander motions for his entourage to finish up their journey to The Darling Luxury Suite while he lingers for a second tossing the DVD into Cole’s hand.
Alexander: You want to see a real best of video, watch that and just try to realize what is stepping into that ring against ya. Because if you don’t focus for even just one second, you will be caught and you will be ended. If you don’t like it, deal with it.
Alexander starts walking away as Cole looks at the DVD in his hand. He turns his head to get one last look at Darling when we see Darling is right in his face again,
BOOYAH, Bitch
Alexander starts laughing again as he walks down the hall away from Cole, who we can see is fuming at being disrespected by the newcomer within the OOWF. Darling turns the corner and we leave Cole standing in the hallway.
Alexander Darling: Well, this place is a fucking dump. Let’s not spend anytime more than is absolutely necessary here Alexis. Make sure the driver knows to keep the engine running after Mayhem. I want to get out of here as soon as possible and get back to the hotel.
Alexis Darling: About that brother dearest; since you refuse to actually do any research on the history of this place yourself and asked me to do it, I found out that cars in the OOWF parking lot get destroyed rather easily. There’s bombs, graffiti, golf clubs, even a helicopter causing havoc back here. So I told the driver to get out of here and we’ll call him as soon as we need him.
Alexander looks a little upset at this and is about to say something to Alexis when he responds with a confused look.
Alexander: A helicopter, really? That’s kind of strange. Why was a helicopter in the parking lot?
Alexis: You really don’t want to know. And trust me, you really don’t want to know anything about the ass-munching porn.
Alexander looks at his sister with a look of total disbelief. He shakes his head a few times and looks like he’s about to say something every time until he finally shakes his head no.
Alexander: Ya know what, just forget I even asked. You handle it and I’ll trust ya. Jamie Lynn, join me up here. We’ll do the whole “Alexander Darling is WALKING and TALKING bit” on our way to The DEA private luxury box.
Alexander, with Jamie Lynn on his side begins the long, slow walk through the hallways of the OOWF Arena for the week. His entourage of women follows behind him and we see that the twins are now carrying a belt each. And Alexis has already taken her cell phone out and is dialing a few numbers.
Jamie Lynn: Well, Mr. Darling I think we shou…
Alexander: Sweetie, don’t try to think too much. The last time that happened you wound up pregnant at 16. Not the best move ever. And speaking of which, make sure you keep that weight down, the minute you gain 10 pounds, remember I have Hannah, I mean Miley Cyrus’ number on speed dial.
Jamie Lynn looks, well she looks like trailer trash, but she’s on the verge of tears here.
Alexander: Buck up little girl. You probably got a good 3 weeks left here. And maybe if you lose the baby weight quickly afterwards, there’ll be a place for you in The DEA. You know what a rat is, right? Anyway, continuing on to business. Jamie, why don’t you tell me where you want to start?
Jamie wipes a tear out of her face, She sniffles as she begins;
Jamie Lynn: Right. I guess we can start with the lingering issue with yourself and Rabbxt which could lead into last week’s match against him and Moosehead Jack.
Alexander: It really confuses me as to how you were the smart one and still got knocked up. And the sad thing is even with that, you’re still smarter than the Bunny Bitch. He’s a disgrace to this business and he makes me sick. I wasn’t going to make this personal when I arrived in the OOWF. I was going to pick and choose my spots to make sure the world knew who ALEXANDER DARLING was. But then floppy mcflipperson (*no gimmick infringement intended Mr. McCappington*) has to be the leader of “Saved by the Bell: Class of 2010” or Degrassi or some shit and just be a complete joke.
As they continue their walk through the backstage area, all of a sudden they stop in front of a door and the ninja cameraman pans his camera up to the nameplate and we see RabbXt written on a piece of tape. Darling rips the tape off the door and it now reads “Supply Closet.” Darling shakes his head in annoyance and opens the door. We see the room is empty.
Alexander: I mean look at this place. Is this where a professional, in any field, conducts his business? No, of course not; But bunny boy lives here because it’s a “thing.” What the fuck does that even mean? FireWoman is just lucky she took him for some training because if he was leashed up here like the bitch he is, well I’d do a lot more than what I plan on doing.
Jamie: And just what are you planning on?
Alexander starts cackling and snaps his fingers in Alexis’ direction.
Alexis: Did you just fucking snap your fingers at me? Tell me you didn’t snap your fingers at me.
Alexander’s eyes start darting around the room and he looks like he has a twitch as his head keeps bobbing toward Jamie Lynn. He’s also subtly pointing at her.
Alexis: Whatever brother. You’re such a jackass. But I guess this is what you wanted.
She reaches into her bag and pulls out a few DVD’s and places them on top of the mini-TV that’s positioned within Rabbxt’s locker room closet. Jamie Lynn points to the cameraman and has him pan over the titles.
BEST OF ODB, Vol. 1-6, UNCUT and UNCENSORED, 30 Hours of pure ODB action. Including her private home videos where we find out exactly what parts of ODB are DIRTY.
Alexander starts laughing as the entourage leaves the closet and continues on their backstage walk. They pass another locker room where we hear a loud commotion inside. The camera pans up and we see that it is Moosehead Jack’s room.
Jamie Lynn: Any comments about your other opponent from last week’s match?
We see Alexander quickly stop laughing and look over his shoulder at his sister. She’s visibly shaking as they stand here.
Alexander: Moose stays out of my business, I stay out of his and neither one of us will have an issue. If that changes….let’s hope it never changes.
Jamie Lynn: But…
Alexander: No buts. Let’s move on now.
The group moves on from Moose’s locker room and we see Alexis sigh in relief and get herself under control. Alexander has a mixed look of fear, anger, and reflection on his face as he continues to look over his shoulder back-and-forth between Alexis and Moose’s door.
Alexander: Alexis, you know he’s not here right. Moose may be similar, but he’s gone. He won’t be back again. I made sure of that.
Alexis: I know, I know…but it’s just that he…and Moose is so…I just wish you had finished him for good in Japan.
Alexander: I would have, but having the Yakuza(will be changed soon) after my ass didn’t seem like the best idea in the world. I wanted to, you know I wanted to but it didn’t make sense. Besides he knows better than to chase after me. Let’s move on, how are our deliveries going?
Alexis: Almost finished. We’re just sending the DVD’s for now and not the individual training sessions because of a mix-up in Stamford. Bunch of amateurs doing business up there. The rest of it’s been taken care of, now it’s a matter of whether they all accept.
Alexander nods his in satisfaction as they come up to another room where it sounds like World War III(not the cheesy PPV) is happening. Alexander motions for the ladies to continue on without him as he stands outside the door. He looks it up and down and makes sure it’s clearly locked.
Alexander: Davin….hey Davin Moreland. Can you hear me in there?
Davin: GROWL...CWI...KILL...KILL...CWI...GROWL
Alexander: Good, you can hear me. I want you to listen and listen closely, you fucking psycho. I don’t care what names you call me. You can think I’m a completely worthless idiot until the cows come home. It doesn’t fucking matter to me. I’ve been called every possible name in the history of mankind and none of it fazes me. Do you want to know why? It’s because I’m ALEXANDER FUCKING DARLING, ”The Darling of Professional Wrestling” and you Davin Moreland will just be another fucking stepping stone. Up until a week ago, you weren’t even on my radar and now you’re sitting dead center.
Darling gets his breathing back under control and seems ready to just walk away from the room when he changes direction and steps right up to the door and starts banging on it.
You think because you stopped taking your meds that I’m going to be scared of you. I’ve been through hell and back. You don’t know the things I’ve seen, you have no clue the things I’m capable of Davin. And all I’ve seen from you is you beat up a resident jobber and an over-the-hill pitcher with a bloody ankle. You think that because you have a few cronies like Phantom and Lucifer that I’m going to quake in my $800.00 Armani shoes. It doesn’t scare me Davin. I’ve been beaten to within an inch of my life and I’m standing here and you’re locked inside a closet like an animal.
Darling steps back from the door as he hears Moreland going nuts on the other side of the door. Darling has a look of serenity on his face as he steps up to the door one last time.
Davin, I’d calm down if you want to hear the rest of this. See, I’m not afraid of you and this week you’ll find out why. And next week, when I’m still standing strong with a victory over the Onslaught Champion, I’ll be coming for that belt too. But before that, maybe, just maybe I take a flight up to Boston and I find out just how strong Mr. Brady’s arms are when I snap them off his body. And, to borrow a phrase from a friend of mine…”If you don’t like that, I got two words for ya.”
BOOYAH, Bitch!
Alexander cracks his neck and pats his belt as he walks further down the hall trying to get to the Darling Luxury Suite when he comes upon his entourage stopped in front of another locker room. He looks up at the name plate and sees that it’s The E ric O’Mac.
Alexis: We don’t have any issues with The E as of now so why don’t we skip him for now. *OOC (Besides, it’s not like people are going to read this long ass-promo anyway)*OOC. If something happens with him, we can always do something.
Alexander: Sounds like a good plan Lis. The E actually seems like an entertaining fellow. He knows the bottom line is wins and he’ll do what’s necessary to get them. I’ve also heard he’s got some friends in high places, so he might be someone we don’t want to piss off. In fact, Jamie Lynn, why don’t you come back later and keep E company and give him a hand if he needs one.
Jamie Lynn: Sure Mr. Darling. Anything for The DEA. So, do you want to share why you needed to catch up to us?
Alexander: I just needed to let Davin know what the score was and inform him of who exactly was playing the game with him. And speaking of the game, look what we have here.
The ninja camera man turns from walking backwards and looks to see what’s going on. There at the end of the hallway is Chris Cole. “The Main Event” himself is standing at the end of the hallway for no other reason than to be part of this promo.
Alexander: Well, look at this. It’s Mr. Main Event. It’s the leader of the almighty 3 Piece Set. A former world tag team champion. A former world heavyweight champion. It’s motherfuckin’ Chris Cole. Ladies, you know according to him you two should be down on your knees pleasuring him right now.
Cole smirks, ”You know, he’s right. Back in my day…”
Alexander: That’s exactly the point Cole. It’s no longer your day. Your day has come and gone. Stop living in the past and embrace the future. The future that is standing right in front of you. And normally, I’d attack you just to prove a point, but just this once I’m going to let you off with a freebie.
CC: You are going to let me off. That’s cute. Do you realize who I am? Do you realize what I’m capable of?
Alexander: I’ve already said who you are. You’re a washed-up relic living off past successes. I don’t see Ax-Man around to save your ass. All I see from Firechild is McCappington owning him like a bitch. And after this week’s Mayhem, maybe he won’t be the only 3 Piece Set member that’s treated like a bitch. Your time has past Cole. It’s time you realize it and step aside for the future.
Cole takes a few steps forward and Darling meets him nose to nose. It seems like we’re just moments away from this situation blowing up. Cole’s the first one to speak;
Cole: Go head Alex, make a move. It’s just you and me right here. 3 Piece Set’s gone, the DEA doesn’t exist yet. Show me what kind of man you are.
Alexander gets a smile on his face as his takes his DDT Belt off from around his waist. He hands it off to his sister and turns back to face Cole. We can see his fists clenching and unclenching. He’s about to take a swing when he stops himself and starts smiling.
Alexander: You know, you’re not the pansy I thought you were. I can see you won’t back down and I like that. I still think you’re washed-up and it’s no longer your time. But I’m willing to find out for myself this week. In the meantime, since you gave me a present last time, I figured I could return the favor.
Alexander reaches behind him and we see Alexis place a DVD into his hand. Alexander motions for his entourage to finish up their journey to The Darling Luxury Suite while he lingers for a second tossing the DVD into Cole’s hand.
Alexander: You want to see a real best of video, watch that and just try to realize what is stepping into that ring against ya. Because if you don’t focus for even just one second, you will be caught and you will be ended. If you don’t like it, deal with it.
Alexander starts walking away as Cole looks at the DVD in his hand. He turns his head to get one last look at Darling when we see Darling is right in his face again,
BOOYAH, Bitch
Alexander starts laughing again as he walks down the hall away from Cole, who we can see is fuming at being disrespected by the newcomer within the OOWF. Darling turns the corner and we leave Cole standing in the hallway.