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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:04:43 GMT -5
<Moose and The Dead are walking down the hall>
TD: So it looks like that tool Darling signed the entire DEA up on Rick's side
MHJ: Seems that way
TD: And I thought I was making some headway with Fire too
MHJ: I think you were. I still don't get what Fire sees in working with Darling. They worked together in Japan under Poe and she was miserable. Now he has her coming out to ridiculous pop tart music and dressing like a cheerleader, but because he tosses some money her way she puts up with it
TD: Seems kind of ridiculous to me. Where does this leave Eric and the DEA?
MHJ: Well, if Darling is really going through with this, it looks like it is Darling and Fire with Rick and Eric with Bennett
TD: Yeah that will work. So when are you going after Darling for what he did to you?
MHJ: In time. If he really signs on with Rick, that makes him a fair target. Alexis too.
TD: <in a mocking tone> but Moooooooose you can't TOUCH Lexie! Or you get suspended for 60 days!!!
MHJ: Hey I never said I was going to touch her. Maybe its time to put a call in to Mexico
TD: El Muerte?
MHJ: Hell yes
<Dead and Moose walk off laughing and we fade to black>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:05:07 GMT -5
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:05:28 GMT -5
*Fade into IHOP’s lockerroom. Skurge and SYB are still in the makeshift trauma center because of the beating they took last week at the hands of Damon and Seamus. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is pacing the lockerroom. She’s 25% worried about the health of her team and 75% worried about the prospect of unemployment if their condition doesn’t improve. There’s a knock on the door, so she goes to answer it…
DM: Who is it? Voice On the Other Side of the Door: You can’t see me? DM: No. There’s no peephole. VOOSD: I’m a doctor. I’m here to see IHOP.
*The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth opens the door and sees…
DM: John Cena? JC: Word life. DM: But we need a doctor, not a…well…um… JC: I’m Tha Doctor of Thuganomics. DM: Well, I was really hoping for a medical doctor, but I guess you should go see what you can do.
*As Cena goes to check on IHOP, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth gets out her cellphone and calls another doctor…
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:05:52 GMT -5
*The DEA Luxury Suite*
Alexis Darling enters the main room of the suite and sees Firewoman over on one side doing her yoga exercises and then close by she notices Eric getting a massage from some guy in a Jets jersey, it kinda has skid marks on it too. Rushing around the room on a cell phone is...is that Kevin Smith? Oh no, it's just Firewoman's new assistant, Lucky. And sitting on the couch, not doing a damn thing as usual is Alexis' brother Alexander listening to his damn Apple 80 GB Video iPod on his Bose Quiet Comfort 2 Noise-Cancelling Acoustic Headphones.
Alexis walks over towards her brother and slaps him on the back of his head.
Alexander Darling: What the fuck Lexie?
Alexis Darling: That was for your stupid idea of trying to protect me. I told ya once that I know what this business is like and I don't need you treating me like I'm a fragile, delicate girl.
Alexander: And I told you that after what happened last time, I'm never going to let anything happen to you again. Hate me all you want for it, but you're my sister and I'm not going to let you get hurt again if I can stop it in any way.
Alexis: Look, that's nice and sweet and all, but you can't be doing this all the time. Hell, you won't even let me get back in the gym to even be able to defend myself if something happened.
Alexander: You always have gotten everything you've wanted, haven't ya? Fine, I'll compromise. You can start working out again on the condition you don't go looking for trouble.
Alexis: No need for me to look for any. You bring enough for everyone. And as to the other thing you said...yes I do get everything I want and today we got exactly what we wanted.
Alexander: You mean???
Alexis: Yup; hook, line, and sinker. They didn't even ask us to show our bluff. They must be really desperate at this point.
Alexander: Hell yea they are...Eric, Fire can you guys come over here?
Firewoman and Eric both grumble a little as they move from their relaxation rituals before the show tonight and join the Darlings in the center of the room. Alexis motions for Alexander to get on with it.
Alexander: The trap has been set and phase 1 is complete.
Firewoman: What the hell does that mean? Does he always speak in code...Code does not sparkle damn it. Lucky get me a protein shake. Andalay!
Eric O'Mac: What it means, I think...correct me if I'm wrong; is that Rick is now competing with Davin for the Sting award.
Alexander: Exactly right Eric. Myself and Lexis had our meetings with Rick and Davin, respectively and they caved to every single one of our demands.
Eric: That's fucking awesome news partner. I'll have you meeting with Bennett this weekend to finalize your role and everything. In fact, I'm going to head over there now and let him know. I'll see you guys before the show tonight.
Eric picks up a few things and orders his new assistant to follow him as they head on over to Bennett's office.
Firewoman: That was a bunch of bullshit, right?
Alexander: Basically. I have no intention of signing our lives away to Bennett to do with as he pleases, but then again I have no intention of letting Rick do the same.
Firewoman: So, our position hasn't changed then? We're still "free agents" as you declared.
Alexis: In a manner of speaking, yes we are. But now we know just how far Rick is willing to go to fight Bennett. We already have a good idea of how far Bennett is willing to go and hopefully, once Alex does sit down with him, we'll get a bigger picture from him.
Firewoman: All I'm saying is it seems like a lot of maneuvering to wind up right back where we started.
Alexander: Au contraire Mademoiselle Firewoman. If you learned anything from Japan, always remember that a fight is not won with what you do in the ring, but it's won long before that with the knowledge of those you fight.
Firewoman: That's my damn point. Who the hell are we fighting?
Alexander: Anyone who stands in our damn way. This week it's Bunny, MacCappington, Dead and Viper. Next week it may be Davin, Cole, and Stank. A month from now it could be Moose, Williams, and Ecosystem. So, while Eric may be telling Bennett we're with him and while Rick and Davin may think we're with them, at the end of the day the only people I'm with are with me. And right now that's The DEA.
Firewoman: You scare me sometimes. I truly wonder just how devious you can be.
Alexander: You haven't seen anything yet. I'm just getting started. BOOYAH, Bitches!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:06:13 GMT -5
*Fade in to IHOP’s lockerroom. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is waiting by the door for a new doctor to arrive. Meanwhile, John Cena is examining Skurge and SYB. He can’t find any blade marks or pectoral surgery scars, so he wears a puzzled expression…
JC: Yo, yo yo… I can’t see what’s wrong Must have rocks in my brain You guys act like you got hit With my pimpin’ steel chain You two are good friends And Dorothy Mantooth wears a big bra Do you think I could watch If you have a menage a trois? By the time I figure out your injuries There’ll be an empty arena I don’t have a medical degree But they call me Dr. John Cena
SYB: Who calls you Dr. John Cena, eh? JC: Well, they actually call me Tha Doctor of Thuganomics… SYB: Really, eh? Who calls you that? JC: Well, uh, they used to… SYB: That’s what I thought. JC: THE CHAMP IS… Skurge: HEEEEERRRRE!!! SYB: Seriously? You’re going to encourage him? Skurge: What? It’s fun. I like catchphrases. JC: Look, yo, what’s wrong with you two anyway? SYB: Nothing, eh? Why do people think there’s something wrong? Sure we took a beating last week, but we recovered. It’s all aboot the training programme I’ve got SYB on. JC: You mean Skurge. SYB: No, I’ve been on the programme for years, eh? Now I’ve got SYB on it too. We both recovered within a few days. Skurge: Yeah. Skurge and I are fine. I don’t know what everyone’s so worried about. SYB: Aboot. Skurge: Aboot. Right. Sorry. JC: Man, you homies are wack. I’m…
*Just then the lockerroom door opens, and a new doctor comes in. He looks the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth up and down, nods approvingly, then makes his way toward the three men at the back of the room…
JC: Oh my god…I don’t believe it…It’s really you! I am such a huge fan. Could I please have your autograph? Please? You inspired me to live the thug life. You’re my hero! New Doctor: Shut yo ass up, bitch! JC: But…you’re my hero…you…you insp… ND: I said, shut the fuck up, bitch. JC: But you and Snoop and Nate Dogg – all of Death Row – I want to be just like you guys, Dre… Dr. Dre: Bitch, that’s it.
*With that, Dr. Dre lays into Cena, and the two wind up rolling around on the floor pounding on each other. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth decides it’s time to try another doctor, so she gets out her cellphone again…
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:06:42 GMT -5
<Firewoman is meditating in the middle of the room when Lucky walks in holding a box>
L: Um Fire.....
Fire:<clearly annoyed by the disturbance> What is it Lucky
L: This was left outside the locker room <Lucky holds up a box>
Fire: A box? And this is news why?
L: Well, I think there is something inside
<long irritating silence>
F: Well OPEN it
<Lucky opens the box and his eyes get wide, and he looks back to Fire>
F: Well, what is it?
L:<holding the gift up> Its a Philadelphia Phillies Jimmy Rollins home jersey, and a 2007 NL East Champion Philadelphia Phillies t-shirt
F: OOOOOH! Lemme see! That is NICE! They fit GREAT too! Who's it from?
L: It doesn't say, there is a note, but all it says is "thought you would like this, you should wear it to the next DEA meeting, I am sure Darling will love it. Maybe it will make up for the Gwen Stefani junk"
F: Huh, wonder who that was from? Doesn't matter does it? Free stuff is always great right?
L: Of course
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:07:03 GMT -5
*Fade into the IHOP lockerroom yet again. John Cena and Dr. Dre are still pummeling each other on the floor. Skurge and SYB are enjoying the show. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is waiting patiently by the door for yet another doctor, when it opens for a third time…
DM: Finally. A real doctor. I was starting to think Dial-A-Doctor was a bogus service. Most Recent Doctor: Oh no, don’t think that. They’re great. They used to book all my matches. DM: Your matches? Wait, aren’t you… MRD: That’s right, “Dr. Death” Steve Williams. DM: Oh, god. Not again. DDSW: What’s wrong? DM: Well, two things, actually. First off, I still don’t have the medical doctor I requested. Secondly, I used to date a Stephen Williams. He turned out to be a complete jackass. Guess that’s what I get for dating a Texan. DDSW: Yeah, Texans are assholes. SYB: Tell me aboot it. I knew a Stephen Williams back in my heyday, eh? Dude was a real hoser. Kept going on aboot the Republic, USC, Reagan and whatnot. Skurge: Oh that guy? He got booted out of California for shooting illegals and beating up hippies. True story. SYB: What does he do now, eh? Skurge: He’s still in Texas... where men are men and sheep are nervous. Rumor is he has a farm where he rapes chickens and babies. In that order. SYB: Rumour. Skurge: Easy there, #99. DM: Oh dear. Do you see what I’m dealing with? DDSW: Anyhoo…where are my opponents? DM: Not opponents. Patients. God, you’re as stupid as the other Stephen Williams. DDSW: Madam, I will not have my legacy besmirched in this manner. Good day to you.
*And with that, Dr. Death leaves. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is nearing the end of her patience. She decides to give Dial-A-Doctor one last shot…
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:07:23 GMT -5
<Moose, LD and Bennett are walking thought the halls>
LJB: So I have a meeting with Darling later
MHJ: Why bother?
LJB: What?
MHJ: I don't trust that bastard at all I.....
LJB: Well Moose, its not like you don't have a personal vendetta against him or anything.....
LDW: Yeah well I don't
<Bennett and Moose stop and look at Williams>
LDW: Look, you see what he is doing right? He is playing both sides, and has no allegiance to either. Darling is trying to position himself to come out on top in all of this, and I am not going to help HIM get to the top.
LJB: What are you saying?
LDW: What I am saying is that I want no part of the Alexander Darling. Either he is in this to win it WITH us, or leave him out in the cold all together
LJB: But then he could sign with Rick's side.....
LDW: GOOD! That's probably the best thing that could happen to us! With his political bullshit going on, he will cause so much disorder over there that we will win in a walkover!
MHJ: LD has a point there is no such thing as a legit deal with Darling, he is trying to outmaneuver everyone, and I think its time he got a bit of his own medicine. If he wants to make all kinds of demands, despite him only being here a few months, then screw him. Let him go to Rick's side, it won't make any difference in the end
LJB: You two have a point, but what about Eric?
MHJ: Eric will NEVER side with Rick, you know that
LJB: Lemme think on this for a bit
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:07:44 GMT -5
*Fade into, you guessed it, IHOP’s lockerroom. John Cena and Dr. Dre are taking a break from pummeling each other. Dre is smoking “the chronic,” while Cena stares at him with adoration. Skurge and SYB have left the makeshift trauma center. They head over to the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, who is waiting for a fourth doctor to arrive…
Skurge: What’s happenin, hot stuff? SYB: Why do you have to do that? Why can’t you show some respect, eh? DM: Don’t worry about it right now, Solly. I’ve got bigger problems. Skurge: Don’t worry about what? About what’s happenin? DM: No. I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to…oh, forget it.
*Just then, there’s a knock on the door. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth goes to answer it, shaking her head and mumbling something about Jamie Lee Curtis movies…
DM: Who is it? Unidentified Voice: It’s Dr. Rumack. DM (opening the door): Rumack? That name sounds familiar. DR: Yes, well, I was in the news several years ago. I’d rather not get into it. Sorry it took me so long to get here. I don’t fly anymore. DM: Really? Why not? DR: Like I said, I’d rather not get into it. Now, you have some patients for me to see? DM: Right this way, doctor.
*The lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth leads Dr. Rumack over to Skurge and SYB. He does a cursory examination, then speaks with them for a minute...
DR: Skurge, you’re crying – are you all right? Skurge: Oh, Dr. Rumack, I’m scared. I’ve never been so scared. And besides, I’m 32, and I’m not married. DR: You’re going to make it, you’ve got to believe that. SYB: Dr. Rumack, do you have any idea when we’ll be cleared to wrestle? DR: Pretty soon, how are you bearing up? SYB: Well, to be honest, I’ve never been so scared. But at least I have a wife.
*Dr. Rumack goes over to the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth and takes her aside…
DR: Dorothy, you’re a member of this team. Can you face some unpleasant facts? DM: No. DR: Skurge and SYB have what’s referred to in the medical community as “Freaky Friday Syndrome,” or “FFS.” DM: So, what the hell is FFS? DR: Each man has completely taken on the other’s personality. It’s as if they’ve switched bodies. DM: Is it like schizophrenia? DR: No. It’s a different type of condition all together. DM, Skurge, and SYB: It’s a different type of condition. DM: When will they snap out of it? DR: There’s simply no way to tell. DM: Surely you can’t be serious. DR: I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley. DM: Is there anything I can do? DR: Well, I don’t have anything to say. You’ve done the best you could. You really have – the best you could. You can’t expect to win ‘em all. But I want to tell you something I’ve kept to myself through these years. I was in wrestling myself – medical corps. I was on late duty one night when they brought in a badly wounded wrestler from one of the matches. He could barely talk. He looked at me and said, “The odds were against us out there, but we went in anyway.” I’m glad IHOP made the right decision. The wrestler’s name was George Zip. DM: George Zip said that? Wow. I used to manage George Zip. DR: The last thing he said to me, “Doc,” he said, “sometime when IHOP is up against it, the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then doc,” he said, “but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.” DM: Excuse me doc, I got a team to prepare. DR: Dorothy, how soon will they be ready? DM: I can’t tell. DR: You can tell me. I’m a doctor. DM: No. I mean I’m just not sure. DR: Can’t you take a guess? DM: Well…not for another two hours. DR: You can’t take a guess for another two hours? DM: *sigh* Thank you for your help, Dr. Rumack. DR. Any time. Skurge and SYB are perfectly fine, physically. I see no reason why they shouldn’t wrestle tonight – if you think they can compete using each other’s personalities. DM: It’s nothing a little change of strategy won’t fix. Thanks again.
*The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth goes over to Skurge and SYB to work on a new strategy for their match. Dre and Cena seem to have settled their differences. Cena is giggling uncontrollably…
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:08:09 GMT -5
The members of DEA are preparing for their matches. Firewoman is near her locker room with Lucky, who is gathering things like towels and water bottles. Eric O' Mac lays his things on the sofa and then goes back to get something from one of the other rooms. Firewoman decides to wear the NL East Jersey she just got anonymously, after checking it thoroughly for shenanigans. She spies Eric's Onslaught Championship belt.
FW: Lucky, watch the door, will ya?
Lucky nods. Firewoman walks over and picks up the belt and tries it on her shoulder, looking at various poses in the mirror. She puts it around her waist, holds it up, back over the other shoulder....
EoM: I believe that is MINE.
Firewoman jumps.
FW: Lucky, which part of "watch the door" did you not understand?
Lucky: Oh....sorry.
EoM: I'll take that. In one stride, Eric O' Mac crosses the room and snatches the belt angrily from Firewoman. There's only one way you get your hands on this.
FW: Yeah? Don't let yourself think I couldn't have it if I wanted it.
EoM: God, you're a bitch when you don't get your weekend getaways.
Alexander: Okay, enough you two. Fire, the Intercontinental Championship is above the Onslaught anyway. So just focus on that one for now.
EoM: For now? What the fuck does that mean?
Alexander goes over to Eric and whispers "Let me handle this, okay?" Eric nods reluctantly and grabs the rest of his stuff, walking angrily out of the room.
AD: Where did you get that?
FW: The belt? He just laid it here on the sofa....
AD: No, the jersey!
FW: Oh, I dunno. Anonymous gift. She does a bit of modeling I'm thinking of wearing it to the ring.
AD: No, you most certainly are NOT.
FW: I don't think you can really stop me, Alex.
AD: Actually I can....Alexis....ALEXIS!!
Alexis comes in. What?
AD; Can you please bring me Firewoman's contract, there's something I want to show her.
Alexander is giving off crazy-angry vibes, but Firewoman is of course not gonna back down from that, because she's got her own crazy-angry vibes starting
Alexis: Oh, Alexander, I really don't think it's time for that...
FW: You can show me whatever you want, but I read the same contract and I can wear whatever the fuck I want, especially if I get accompanied by marching bands, or juggling midgets, or whatever stupidity you have planned for me this week.
Alexis: Now I think we need to calm down....
FW: I think you need to stay out of it. Firewoman throws a full water bottle that barely misses Alexis's head. She bats it away at the last minute, and it hits Lucky in the head instead.
There's a brief moment where things could get terribly out of hand very quickly. Finally, Alexis lays a hand on Alexander's shoulder. Her touch calms him, and pulls him back from the brink.
Alexis: It's not time....
AD: You're right. Fire, I apologize. I thought the ring entrances were funny. I'll cancel all the ring entrance shenanigans at Mayhem. Just please don't wear that jersey.
Firewoman has no one to pull her back from the brink, but relents anyway.
FW: Fine. I don't see the big deal, it's not like it's a Flyers jersey.
She storms out, followed by Lucky. Alexis rubs her brother's shoulders.
Alexis: I know you had to do that, but darn it, she gets her way again.
AD: Yep. No more silly ring entrances.... at Mayhem. Alexander winks at Alexis.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:08:32 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is shown arriving back to the arena in serious disguise so the Yankees fans don't kill him on the way in. He gets to GM the Rick's office and the crowd from nowhere pops as he goes in*
GMtR: So...how'd it go?
DM: *drops the papers on his desk* Just like you wanted it to, Rick. You caved and gave him everything he wanted without making him do a goddamned thing. Are you really this dumb?
GMtR: Now listen...
DM: No Rick, You listen. I have no idea how you got this job, because it becomes clear every minute that passes that you have NO idea what's really going on here.
GMtR: Bullshit.
DM: Look, you see what he is doing right? He is playing both sides, and has no allegiance to either. Darling is trying to position himself to come out on top in all of this, and I, Rick, I am Not going to help HIM get to the top. Not on my shoulders. For Christ's sake Rick, I already put the rest of his stable over.
GMtR: What are you saying?
DM: What I am saying is that I want no part of the Alexander Darling. Either he is in this to win it WITH us, or leave him out in the cold all together, which is the direction he's headed in anyway. This was a stupid move on your part, Rick.
GMtR: It doesn't matter. We need numbers. Whatever it takes.
DM: Whatever it takes. Genius. And if you think DEA is any more on our side today than he was yesterday, you're dumber than you look; which at this point Rick, is pretty dumb. I'm leaving.
GMtR: Where are you going?
DM: Out. I'll be back for Mayhem.
*Davin leaves and heads toward the Dunkin' Donuts Limousine but stops and pulls out his Sprint PCS phone.*
DM: Hey...what did you find out? No Dallas, I AM serious about this...Don't tell me about obligation Dallas...I have no obligation to these people, and I've done everything I could...All I know is this isn't working how it is. So tell me...really? Listen...make a call for me then, and we'll try to set something up...alright. Later
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:08:58 GMT -5
*Outback Jack and Wally B. King are talking in the Destroyitarium*
OBJ: Well, Stank seems to be losing it, The Rick, and Bennett are still going at it, but on the bright side, the Midnight Sons seem really focussed.
WBK: Right, well, I've been busy lately....wait a sec... *Wally answers his cell phone* Sorry, Governor...yes, I know it's been an hour...I've got another girl on the way...nothing personal, mate, but don't you ever have some work to do?...sorry, stupid question...right...I'll try to send the twins over right away.
OBJ: Kind of makes you nostalgic for the days when a governor only needed his wife and a limo driver to get the job done, doesn't it, Wally?
WBK: No profit in that for me, mate. Anyways, I've been busy, what with my second biggest customer becoming Governor of New York.
OBJ: Second biggest?
WBK: Well, the US Navy does have him outnumbered. Anyways, I did manage to find some things about Bennett.
OBJ: Well, that could come in handy. He doesn't seem like the type who would want his name in the tabloids.
WBK: No doubt about that, mate. But let's sit tight for now.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:09:47 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Sparta, New Jersey!
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. BLITZ & VOLTAGE – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
P&L clean house at the bell, and the heels powder out to the floor to regroup. Back in, and Volt starts off, getting nowhere with Lucios. Tag to Blitz, and he fares little better. Lucios grabs a headlock and segues to an armdrag. Shoulderblock takes Blitz down and tag to Phantos. Some legal double teaming and Phantos sends Blitz to the ropes. Back elbow, then a running legdrop, right into an Oklahoma Roll for two. Blitz rakes the mask to break the flow and gets a drop toehold. Tag to Volt, but Phantos picks his leg and catapults him back to the corner. Tag to Lucios, and Lucios murders Volt with a clothesline, turning him inside out. Volt staggers to his feet, and Lucios MEASURES him with a mafia kick, sending Volt tumbling thru the ropes and to the floor. Blitz around to help out, but Phantos nails both of them with an Asai Moonsault. Phantos rolls Volt back in and Lucios hits an overhead belly to belly throw. Delayed brainbuster kills Volt dead. Tag to Phantos… ROCKET LAUNCHER~! The three count is academic, as Lucios decks Blitz off the apron for good measure. WINNERS in 4:02 - Phantos & Lucios
DAVIN MORELAND vs. CAPELLAN vs. RYAN HARDCORE
The Jumbotron comes to life as fan-favorite Capellan comes down the ramp in his trademark sunglasses. He slaps hands with and plays to the crowd before he makes his way into the ring, posing on all four turnbuckles. Finally, with a smile, he folds his sunglasses up and sticks them in Junior Hale’s pocket, retreating to a corner.
Ryan Hardcore’s music fires up and he slowly limps his way down the ramp (sans Lauren Phoenix). Surely he must be selling feeling the beating he got from Firechild previously. Hardcore, to his credit, looks like he’ll compete here, but he’s nowhere near 100%. He actually has to call Hale over to hold the ropes so he can get into the ring. Hardcore hobbles over to another turnbuckle and leans against it.
“Pull Me Under” fires up to a noticeable mixed reaction. Davin Moreland apparently was expecting this, and has dressed accordingly; appearing with a Tim Wakefield Home Jersey and a classic Boston Red Sox cap. New Jersey. Gotta love it. He tosses the hat into the crowd, where it’s instantly lit on fire. He does have his supporters here however, so things should be interesting. All three competitors get closer to Hale as he has a couple things to say it looks like, and then calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!!!
Immediately at the bell, Davin dives at Ryan Hardcore’s knees with a sick chop block; and Hardcore eats mat. Davin quickly rolls him up: 1, 2, and Capellan breaks up the cover. Both Davin and Cap are on their feet as they lock up; Davin easily gets the advantage and shoves Cap into the corner. Before Hale can call for the count, Davin whips Capellan across the ring, following close behind. As Cap hits the turnbuckle, Davin wipes him out with a HUGE SPLASH! Moreland looks for another whip, and it’s an Irish whip reversal. Davin flies into the turnbuckle closely followed by Capellan…and also Hardcore! Both drill him with stereo knees to the back. Davin turns in pain into a Double Mudhole Stomp; Hale calls for the break at 4. Capellan turns back to Davin in the corner, to continue the assault, but Hardcore hits him with a STIFF Short Spear, spearing Capellan into the ropes. Hardcore with a couple of right hands to the face; a couple of head smashes to the mat, and he dumps Capellan to the outside; Hardcore slides out to follow. The limping Hardcore pulls Capellan up by the hair, doing more punchy-choppy stuff. Capellan hulks up a bit though, and follows with some choppy stuff of his own. The two now go back and forth with chops and punches, neither gaining an advantage. No one is aware enough of their surroundings to notice the 6’10” Moreland setting up for a MOONSAULT to the outside; he flies and WIPES them all out. Hale starts a count.
Davin is first up at the count of 5, and starts tossing bodies into the ring. That means from the floor over the top rope. Hardcore first, then Cap, and then Davin slides in looking to do some damage. He spots Hardcore first, and drops a couple of stiff elbows to the back of his head. Then quickly, it’s the ANKLE LOCK! Davin’s got it locked, and Hardcore isn’t going to last long in his condition. Hale slides in to check on Hardcore, and he’s in TROUBLE. He’s got the hand up…but just as he’s about to slap the mat, Capellan DRILLS Moreland with a MISSILE DROPKICK! That’s enough to break the hold, but not drop the big man. Capellan works his advantage quickly; side kick, side kick, Enziguri, and THAT will drop Davin. Capellan hops the turnbuckle again, and hits a MACHO MAN ELBOW! Cover: 1, 2, NO! Moreland kicked out. Hardcore charges the pair, but somehow Capellan saw him coming, and drills him with a Mule Kick to the mush. Capellan moves quickly again and goes up to the turnbuckle and faces the crowd. MOONSAULT, but he lands into the waiting arms of Davin Moreland, who has got Cap on his shoulder like a battering ram. He Military Presses him up…oh no…it’s gonna be an Elevated Diamond Cutter. Moreland tosses Capellan up, and...Capellan manages to pull back and land on his feet behind Moreland! SUN-TSU KICK! Cover! 1, 2, 3!!!!! Capellan grabs the win out of nowhere before Hardcore can crawl in to break the cover, and right as Moreland’s shoulder was rolling up! WINNER in 8:17 by PINFALL – CAPELLAN!!
OUTBACK JACK vs. THE NERVE AGENT
Outback Jack walks through the curtain, gulping down the last of his beer. He lets out a HUGE belch before making his way down the ramp. He slides into the ring to await his opponent. The Nerve Agent walks onto the stage and shoots nasty looks to the crowd. After nearly killing Blitz last week, in a 6 second match that seemed to go on for at least 20-30 minutes, the fans can only imagine what kind of beating he is about to lay on Outback Jack. Nerve gets to the bottom of the ramp and rolls under the bottom rope. He gets to his feet and locks eyes with Outback. The bell sounds and this match is underway. Outback goes to grab a headlock, but Nerve ducks it and puts Outback in a headlock of his own. Outback lifts Nerve up for a back suplex, but Nerve back flips out of it. He pushes Outback into the ropes. Outback bounces off and ducks a dropkick on the rebound. He bounces off the opposite ropes as Nerve gets to his feet. He CRUSHES Nerve with a HUGE clothesline. He grabs a dazed Nerve and pulls him to his feet. He tosses him into a corner and runs at him. Nerve gets his foot up and nails Outback with it. Outback is down and Nerve hops up to the top rope. He goes for a shooting star press, but Outback rolls to the outside of the ring. Nerve completes the gainer and lands on his feet. He rolls through, then runs at the ropes and dives over them. Outback dodges the attack and Nerve SPLATS on the floor. Outback pulls Nerve to his feet and KILLS him with a POWERBOMB ONTO THE APRON! Nerve slams hard and bounces off. Outback rolls into the ring and waits for Nerve to get up. Nerve slides himself into the ring and gets met by the boot of Outback. After stomping on Nerve's face, Outback grabs Nerve and picks him up over his head. He tosses him over the top rope and he lands RIB-FIRST ON THE GUARDRAIL! Nerve is able to push himself off the guardrail. Blood begins to pour from Nerve's mouth. Possible internal injuries are a worry, at this point. Outback drops down and rolls to the outside of the ring. He grabs Nerve and slams his face into the guardrail. He does this a few more times before Nerve is able to block a shot. He blocks, hits Outback with an uppercut, then leaps onto the guardrail and hits a MOONSAULT OUT OF NOWHERE! Nerve has taken Outback off his feet and capitalizes on it. He jumps back up onto the guardrail and lands on Outback with a somersault leg drop. He pulls Outback to his feet and pushes him into the ring. He rolls in afterwards and goes for the pin. Outback kicks out at 1. He grabs Nerve by the throat and keeps hold of him while he gets to his feet. Once on his feet, he picks Nerve up into the air with one arm. He holds him up for a few seconds before CHOKESLAMMING HIM TO THE MAT! Nerve slams, then scoots himself into a corner. Outback runs at him and hits him with an ass bump. Nerve's head whips back. Outback pulls Nerve up and sets him up on the top rope. He climbs to the top rope for what looks like a superplex. But Nerve is able to land a few punches, sending Outback falling to the mat. Nerve gets to his feet and goes for a 450! But Outback gets his knees up! Nerve hits hard, probably causing further damage to his already injured ribs. Outback is up to his feet in no time and is quick to hit Nerve with a series of attacks. Suplex. Belly-to-belly suplex. Fisherman buster. He gets Nerve up on his shoulders and drops him over the top rope with an OMG F-U! Well, ok. It was just a fireman's carry. Nevertheless, Nerve flops onto the floor and Outback steps through the ropes and pulls Nerve back to his feet to continue the beating. He hits Nerve with a PILEDRIVER ON THE FLOOR! That looked painful. He keeps at it and pummels Nerve with a string of tough offense. He pushes Nerve into the ring and rolls in after him. He goes for a choke slam, but Nerve reverses it in mid-air, going for a DDT. But Outback stays on his feet and tosses Nerve over his head. Nerve lands on his feet and is immediately perched on the top rope. Outback turns around and Nerve goes for a SHOOTING STAR DDT! Nerve lands the gainer on his feet, in position to DDT Outback. But Outback WON'T GO DOWN! He gets a quick reversal and DDT! 1... 2... 3! Outback wins it with a DDT. WINNER in 8:24 - Outback Jack
FIRECHILD vs. ECOSYSTEM
Ecosystem enters the ring first, and he looks a little confused as to his whereabouts. He slowly makes his way to the ring with a somewhat vacant look in his eyes. Firechild enters next to hearty cheers and this match is underway.
Eco kick starts the match with a running knee lift which stuns Firechild. Before Firechild can regroup Eco nails him with a back body drop. Firechild quickly gets back to his feet and locks up with Ecosystem. Fire locks in a wristlock, but Eco reverses it into a wristlock of his own. Ecosystem whips Firechild into the ropes, but Fire hooks his arms over the top rope to stop his momentum. Seeing this, Eco charges at Fire but Fire counters and tosses Eco over the top rope and onto the floor. The crowd cheers and Firechild motions for Eco to get to his feet and fight. Ecosystem finally makes his way to his feet and climbs the apron. Firechild and Eco start throwing punches back and forth, each trying to gain an advantage. Eco finally nails Firechild cleanly with a right hand and attempts a sunset flip into the ring. Firechild quickly grabs the ropes to prevent being pinned and springboards off the second rope and hits a splash on Ecosystem. Cover....One....Two....Eco kicks outs. Firechild continues the assault, and whips Ecosystem into the ropes. As Eco bounces back Fire hits him with a flying forearm. Firechild picks up Ecosystem once again and this time whips him into the corner. As Fire charges in Eco drills him with an elbow to the face. Firechild staggers backwards and Eco hits a swinging neck breaker. Ecosystem goes for the cover...One...Two...Firechild kicks out. Both men make their way back to their feet and Eco gains a momentary advantage. Ecosystem lifts Firechild onto his shoulders, but Fire slips out and shoves Eco toward the ropes. Eco bounces back and jumps over Firechild, but on the rebound Fire catches Ecosystem with a back elbow. Firechild quickly hits a modified version of the Codebreaker and goes for the pin. One...Two...Thr...Ecosystem kicks out! Unbelievable! Firechild tries to keep the momentum up, but Eco nails him with a low blow and the referee was checking out the blonde in the fourth row. Ecosystem is now on the offensive and drops Firechild with a clothesline. He picks up Fire and drops him with another clothesline. He picks him up for a third time and attempts another clothesline, but Firechild ducks, spins around, and nails the DevilDriver! Cover...One...Two...Three. WINNER in 7:27 - Firechild
THE HEELS vs. THE MIDNIGHT SONS vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY & DAMON WRATH vs. IHOP – Tag Team Turmoil: Winner Gets a Tag Team Title Shot Next Week
General Manager the Rick appears on the OOTron before the introductions are made in what is clearly a pre-taped announcement.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. After conferring with my Assistant General Manager, Davin Moreland, We have decided to change this match from Tag Team Turmoil, to a Four-Way Dance. First pinfall or submission wins the match and the title shot next week. No Disqualifications. With all the carnage that is bound to ensue, I am assigning a second referee .
Referee Junior Hale walks down the ramp, accompanied by…. Puck Dupp! Dupp’s first official appearance as a temporary member of the OOWF roster is as an official. All four teams make their full entrances, and then take their corners. Hale calls for the bell and suddenly Skurge, SYB, Spin Hansen, DH Magnusson, Damon Wrath and Seamus McNasty attack Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster. The Heels try to run, but are tracked down and dragged to the ring. DH and Damon set tables up on the outside as Spin and Skurge stomp Adjuster in one corner and Seamus and SYB plaster Johnny with chops in the other one. Hale and Dupp take refuge at the timekeepers table. Seamus tosses Adrenaline to the outside, where Damon sets him on the table. Damon climbs back on the apron, and the BAD hit a double leg drop through the table! Adjuster gets tossed outside, and Spin places him on the second table. SYB and Skurge set up for a Rocket Launcher to the table outside. Just as Skurge goes airborne, AA slides off the table and Skurge takes the full impact himself! Spin alertly grabs Skurge and tosses him into the ring, where DH immediately hits the Dream Street! Skurge is ready to tap, but Damon breaks the move up. Wrath is met by Spin and they go toe to toe inside the ring. Adrenaline is up and catches SYB from behind on the outside. ADRENALINE RUSH! SYB goes down in a heap. AA poses over SYB for a moment, only to be crushed from behind with a trash can by DH! DH ducks an attack from AA, and tosses him in the ring and Spin goes to lock in the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, but Damon prevents him from locking the move on. Another table has been set up on the outside, as we see Johnny Adrenaline crawling back in the ring. He schoolboys Wrath from behind and gets a 2 count from Hale. Spin Gorilla Presses Johnny, and DH joins him as they toss Johnny outside and through the table! Adrenaline is out again! Skurge is back up and has introduced a trash can to the ring. He gets stuffed inside it by Seamus and tossed outside the ring. AA climbs back in and takes Spin out with a chair. He swings the chair at Damon, who blocks it and kicks AA in the gut. DDT ON THE CHAIR! Damon gets a two count, but DH grabs hale and tosses him into the corner. Seamus and Spin found Kendo sticks and are taking turns smashing them across Skurge’s back and skull. Adrenaline starts to crawl back in the ring. but is stopped by DH. DH hooks Johnny, and suplexes him through the announce table! Damon hooks AA in a cross-face chicken wing in the middle of the ring. Spin crawls in and smashes him with the Kendo stick, and AA crumples to the mat. Seamus and grabs the ring bell and attacks DH with it. Damon is alone in the ring with Hale for a moment, when Skurge climbs to the top and hits a body press on Damon, getting a 2 count from hale when Hale is dragged from the ring and thrown into the ring post by Hansen. Spin drags Johnny Adrenaline in the ring and throws him @ Damon. Wrath catches JA and hits a Fall away slam. Spin spears Damon out of the ring. SYB drags Puck Dupp into the ring, and he blasts Spin with a chair. Before Dupp make s a count, Seamus hits SYB with the ring bell across the back of the head. Dupp makes a count 1…2…3! WINNERS in 19:19 BAD!
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. DONOVAN VIPER
Donovan Viper enters the arena with L.O.A.D.E.D., poses at the top of the ramp, and makes his way to the ring alone as the others return to the back. As Viper warms up, the lights dim and ”There Can Be Only One” starts to play. Alexander and Alexis Darling walk onto the stage, pause while ”Prelude 12/21” plays, and head to the ring to the strains of ”Princes of the Universe”. Alexis stays on the floor and Alex removes his jacket and slides into the ring. Referee Junior Hale calls for the bell and we’re underway. They lock up and Viper applies a hammerlock. Alex reverses. Viper re-reverses, switches to a waist lock, and hits a belly to back suplex. Viper rolls to his feet, kicks Alex in the side as he gets up, and blasts him in the face with a forearm. Whip to the corner. Viper follows him in with an elbow, but Alex moves and he hits the turnbuckle. Alex kicks Viper’s knee, and Viper falls against the ropes. Alex kips up and slingshots to the outside, grabbing Viper’s head and clotheslining him on the top rope. Viper falls backwards, and Alex slides back into the ring. Alex drops a leg across Viper’s throat and covers, but only gets one. Alex pulls Viper to his feet and rocks him with European uppercuts. He pushes Viper into the corner and drives a shoulder into his midsection. He pulls Viper out of the corner for a DDT, but Viper reverses into a release northern lights suplex. Alex hits the turnbuckles hard and lands on his head. Viper slides out of the ring and pulls Alex under the ropes. With Alex’s head hanging over the ring apron, Viper drives an elbow into his throat, then drags him out of the ring. Viper grabs Alex’s legs and catapults him into the ring post face-first. Blood is pouring down Alex’s face by the time he hits the floor. Viper slides into the ring to break the count, and returns to the floor. He drags Alex over and tosses him onto the Slovak announce table. Viper sets up a pile driver on the table, but Alex blocks. Alex starts to backdrop out, but grabs Viper’s legs and turns it into an Alabama Slam through the table! Junior gives up the count and leaves the ring to check on both men. He backs off as they men start to stir, but moves back in when they start to throw punches. Junior tries to get them to return to the ring and steps in front of a Viper punch. Junior dodges, but slips in the rubble and goes down, hitting his head and knocking himself out. Viper gets a sick smile on his face, knocks Alex down, and goes for his chain. Viper wraps the chain around his forearm, but Alexis grabs the end to stop him. Viper yanks the chain away from her and turns around into a chair shot that sounds (and Viper reacts to) like a gunshot. As blood starts to pool around Viper’s head, a still dazed Alex lays the chair over his face and climbs onto the apron. Alex leaps – and stomps the chair into Viper’s face! Alex pulls Viper to his feet and whips him into the ring post. He picks up the chair and gets a running start but Viper moves and the chair slams into the steel. Alex drops the chair as Viper catches him from behind with a low blow. Viper shoves Alex under the ropes and crawls in himself as Junior climbs back into the ring. Viper covers, and Alex kicks out at two. Both men drag themselves to their feet. Alex drives a knee into Viper’s stomach, and then his face. He nails the Darling Driver and makes the cover, One…Two…Thr- Viper just kicks out in time. Alex springs to his feet and drives a knee into Viper’s bloody face. He rolls Viper over and grabs his arms – Curbstomp! Alex kicks Viper onto his back and slaps him across the face before making the cover. One…Two…Thr- Viper rolls a shoulder. Alex is incensed. He pulls Viper to his feet and drives him into the corner. After a series of body shots, Alex lifts Viper onto the top turnbuckle. Alex climbs up as well, and tries to set up the Deal Breaker, but Viper punches free. He doubles Alex over with a punch to the stomach, and leaps over him into a sunset flip power bomb! Both men bounce on impact, and it takes Viper a few moments to cover. Junior counts One…Two…Thr- Alex kicks out! Viper punches the mat and slides to the outside. He grabs a chair and tries to get back in the ring, but Junior stops him on the apron and tries to convince him to drop it. Behind Junior’s back, Alex gets slowly to his feet. He lunges across the ring – and Viper pulls Junior out of harm’s way with one hand while holding up the chair to collide with Alex’s skull with the other. Junior somehow misses both the sight and the sound of steel on skull. Alex staggers backwards and Viper drops the chair. Junior slides it out of the ring and pulls himself to his feet. While he’s distracted, Viper grabs his chain. Alex looks up – Chain Assisted Death Elbow! Viper tosses the chain and falls on Alex for the cover as Junior turns around. One…Two…Three. WINNER, in 23:46, Donovan Viper.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:10:21 GMT -5
CHRIS COLE vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK
Cole is out first, making his way to the ring slapping hands with the fans and posing for pictures along the way. Cole climbs between the ropes and salutes the fans then runs the ropes for a minute waiting on Moose. He doesn’t have to wait long. Moosehead Jack is announced and makes his way to the ring, slowly and deliberately, never taking his icy stare off of Cole. Moose slithers into the ring as the crowd boos loudly, Cole’s expression immediately changes from having fun with the crowd to deadly seriousness as he charges across the ring and he and Moose immediately begin throwing haymakers at each other. Cole gets the advantage and throws Moose between the ropes to the floor, then follows him to the outside, pulls him to his feet and slams him face first into the ring post. Moose hits the floor and comes up a bloody mess, that didn’t take long. Cole grabs Moose and throws him shoulder first into the guard rail then snapmares him over to the floor and lands a stiff kick to the back of the head that puts Moose down on the floor. Cole rolls in to break the count, then comes back to the floor. As Moose gets to his feet Cole nails him with a hard clothesline that sends him right back to the floor. Cole gets a few well placed kicks in, then takes one of the cords on the floor and wraps it around Moose’s throat and chokes him, then breaks the hold at the threat of disqualification and rolls Moose under the ropes back into the ring. Moose struggles to his feet and tries a wild swing, but Cole easily ducks and slams Moose with a side Russian leg sweep, floats over and gets a two count. Cole pulls Moose back to his feet and whips him to the ropes, Cole lowers his head a moment too soon and Moose drops an elbow down on the back of Cole’s head, then stands him up and PASTES him with a clothesline. Moose drives an elbow into Cole’s throat, then chokes him until the referee threatens disqualification. Moose pulls Cole to his feet and whips him into the corner and follows him in with a high knee to the face. Cole staggers a bit and Moose grabs him and spins him around and slams him shoulder first into the ring post, then dumps him out of the ring to the floor. Moose mounts Cole and hammers him in the face with short rights, opening a gash on Cole’s forehead. Moose pulls Cole to his feet and slams him back first into the ring post, then pulls him to his feet and rolls him under the bottom ropes then pulls him to his feet and sets him on the top rope and sets up for a superplex. Moose climbs onto the second rope, but Cole fights him off with several headbuts, the final one sends Moose crashing to the mat. Cole leaps off the top rope and drives an elbow into Moose’s sternum. Cole covers again and gets a two count before Moose reaches out and grabs the bottom rope. Cole pulls Moose to his feet and hits a spinning heel kick that sends Moose back into the corner, Cole charges in and Moose gets a boot up that catches Cole in the jaw and stuns him. Moose grabs Cole’s legs and rolls him up, and puts his feet on the bottom rope and gets the one, two, three just as Cole kicks out. WINNER in 12:01 – Moosehead Jack
After the match Cole grabs a mic and climbs on the ropes and screams at Moose as he backs up the ramp:
You know Moose, I had you pegged all wrong, I said you wouldn’t be content with cheap wins, that you wanted to fight me like a man, but so far, all you have done is cheap win after cheap win. Well next week, we are going to settle this once and for all in a death match, that’s right, the only way to win is to beat your opponent so senseless that he cannot answer the ten count. <Moose is grinning on the outside> but I am not done there Jack, not at all. You keep taking the cowards way you, so I want something that is more befitting of your actions. So here it is, WHEN I win, you have to wear a diaper and carry a bottle for one month! <the crowd cheers loudly and Moose seethes on the outside, Cole drops the mic and pumps up the crowd>
MHJ: Cole, you want your match, you got it, and you want your stip? You got it. But then I want a stip of my own. When I beat you I want a one on one steel cage match.
CC: Hey if you want to be humiliated by the Main Event again, be my guest I…..
MHJ: No no, Cole, I wasn’t finished, WHEN I win the match, I don’t want a cage match against YOU
CC: Then who……
MHJ: GM the Rick
<Moose gets a smug look on his face and tosses the mic down. Inside the ring Cole looks a little hesitant for a second, then rolls out of the ring and heads to the back>
ERIC O’MAC vs. BUNNY – OOWF Onslaught Championship 15 Minute Beat the Clock Match
This one hits high gear even before the bell rings. The E is still mid-entrance, standing on the floor just outside the ropes, and soaking up the abuse of the crowd, when Bunny charges across the ring. SPACE FLYING TIGER DRIVER~! The crowd acknowledges this as divine excrement. Bunny staggers to his feet and punches the air, then rolls a stunned O'Mac inside and covers as soon as the bell rings, but it only gets a 2 count. Clearly Bunny remembers The E squeaking out a time limit draw in the past, and wants this one over fast. He hauls O'Mac to his feet, hits a couple of surprisingly stiff forearms, then whips Eric into the far corner. Bunny charges: somersault dropkick slams O'Mac back into the turnbuckle! Bunny kips up! Enzugiri~! O'Mac staggers out of the corner and flair flops on his face. Bunny struggles to roll him over, but finally makes the cover. 1! 2! O'Mac gets his foot on the ropes. Bunny beats the mat with his fist ... paws ... whatever. He looks to haul Eric to his feet again, but The E hits a thumb to the eyes and then a schoolboy which gets 2.99995 before Bunny squeaks his shoulders out of the pin. Bunny's momentum is broken now, and the match segues into a more back and forth exchange as O'Mac resorts to mat wrestling (and the ever present Chinlocks, bitches~!) to counter Bunny's bouncing barrage of bombastic brutality. The momentum shifts to be squarely with O'Mac when Bunny whiffs on a springboard leg lariat. The high flyer still manages to land on his feet, but only for as long as it takes O'Mac to bitch slap him into next week. The E leg sweeps Bunny onto his face, then drops his weight on Bunny's back and hooks in a reverse crab. Bunny claws for the ropes as O'Mac leans right forward, dragging Bunny's arching body over until he can make the smaller competitor kick himself in the back of his own head. Yes, they totally stole that spot from MsChif and Cheerleader Melissa, but it is still awesome. Bunny finally kicks free and rolls to the outside, his knees and back clearly troubling him. Good move from O'Mac, as that will slow his opponent down. In fact, The E seems so confident of his edge that he slides out of the ring to pursue Bunny. He looks to whip Bunny into the barricade but Bunny reverse and O'Mac gets introduced to the steel steps instead. Bunny presses the advantage by bouncing The E's head off the top step, and then the apron. O'Mac comes up bleeding. Bunny manhandles The E back into the ring and stomps the forehead a few times before making a fist drop. A cover only gets 2, however, as Eric shows the resilience that has let him keep the belt through so many tough encounters. It looks like Bunny's in control again, but we're already at the twelve minute mark and O'Mac is fighting as long and as hard as he always does. Bunny's back simply means he's not quite as agile as he would normally be and O'Mac gains from that: he dodges some moves that might have connected, and every blow he lands works the back, breaking Bunny's rhythm and eating up extra seconds on the clock. Finally he gets an edge out of one such hit and scoops Bunny up into a thunderous POWER BOMB~! But it seems one is not enough ... O'Mac looks for a second! And then Bunny hooks his legs around his opponents next and hurricanrana's him into the mat~! Both men are down and the ref starts to count. He hits 6 as the two slowly make it upright once more, but before they can continue their battle, the bell goes for the expiration of the time limit. RESULT – TIME LIMIT DRAW AFTER 15:00 – ERIC O'MAC IS STILL YOUR ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION!
F. FONZWERTH MACCAPPINGTON III vs. FIREWOMAN vs. THE DEAD – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
This match will be for the OOWF Intercontinental Championship. Senior Referee Mel Creech will be calling this one. The Dead comes out to the ring to The Dead’s Music. The Dead ignores The Dead’s fans as The Dead gets into The Dead’s ring. The Dead waits in The Dead’s corner for the Dead’s opponents to come down. “This shit is Bananas…B-A-N-A-N-A-S!” explodes through the PA as Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl” announces Firewoman’s arrival. She is flanked by the Incest Twins Darling Siblings and they all go down toward the ring together. As they get there, the Darlings apparently say supportive things to Firewoman as she nods and gets in the ring. As they’re on their way down the ramp, My Mom’s ringtone Vivaldi is pumped through the speakers, as FFMIII and Lance arrive at the top of the ramp. As they meander their way to the ring, they pass the Darlings. No physical contact is made, but there are all sorts of eye contact and vague nodding of heads. Lance escorts the Intercontinental Champ into the ring, and they make a show of handing the belt to Creech, who handles it like a million pounds of plutonium. He raises it to the sky for the World to see, and hands it to the timekeeper. He looks around at all three competitors, and WE’RE UNDERWAY!!!
The Dead and Firewoman immediately run across the ring to FFMIII, who tries to step out, but can’t, and he’s assaulted with punches, chops and kicks. With FFMIII slumped in the corner after a brutal beat down, Dead runs back out to the middle of the ring. Fire drags FFMIII up by his hair, and whips him out of the corner…Dead sets up to CLOSE THE CASKET~! He…WHIFFS! FFMIII saw it coming and ducks the kick! He goes behind The Dead and unleashes a wicked GERMAN SUPLEX that takes The Dead out of the ring.
Fire and FFMIII smirk at one another and look to lockup, harkening back to their previous matchup. They just about lockup, but Fire ducks down quickly looking for a Double Leg Takedown; she gets the legs, but FFMIII has seen this movie before, and grabs her hips just before she can take him down. FFMIII hoists Fire up…PILEDRIVER~! FFMIII poses momentarily before turning to cover. Before he can, however, The Dead hits CLOSE THE CASKET OUT OF NOWHERE from the top rope right to the back of FFMIII’s head. Fonzie hits the canvas and Dead is first to his feet, and goes to check on Firewoman. Dumb. Firewoman appears to come to, and The Dead turns his attention to FFMIII just in time to eat a CHOKESLAM. FFMIII wastes no time as he takes Dead to the top rope. GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS~! ~!! It’s over. FFMIII Covers: 1, 2, NO! Firewoman came over to break up the pin just at the last second. FFMIII is displeased, but Fire is simply too quick, and runs around to hook on the FIRETAMER~! (Or Walls of Fire, whatever). She’s got it cinched in, and FFMIII is in the dead center of the ring! FFMIII motions for Lance to do something, so he hops on the apron. Creech goes over for a chat, but all it does is stall FFMIII, who STARTS TO TAP OUT! Creech, of course, sees nothing, and the crowd no likey. The Dead finally coming back to life, sees the injustice going on, and immediately runs over to Creech, arguing he’s missing something. They argue, a lot, and there’s much pointing to the OOWF Logo on Creech’s shirt and Dead making the tapping out signal. While the two are in discussion, Lance is able to whack Fire in the back of the dome with his Walking Stick and slide back out. Fire is possibly done, and FFMIII probably has broken vertebrae. The Dead finally sees all the crap has uncrapped itself and runs over to cover the wounded FFMIII. Cover: 1, 2, Th..NO! FFMIII just did roll the shoulder. Dead runs to the nearest corner, climbs the turnbuckle and hits a BIG LEGDROP to the back of FFMIII’S head. That might do it! Cover: 1, 2, NO! Firewoman dragged The Dead off the cover, and now The Dead complains to Firewoman, who seems like she really doesn’t care what he has to say.
The argument continues, with much fingerpointing and threatening, all the while Firewoman is backing The Dead closer and closer to the corner. FFMIII has come to, and is grabbing at the pant leg of Mel Creech, who seems sympathetic. Meanwhile, this allows Lance to work magic with the Walking Stick again, this time with the ol’ SWING FOR THE FENCES! The low blow cripples The Dead, and Magically, FFMIII nearly sprints across the ring. Firewoman chops The Dead into the corner just as FFMIII reaches the top. He grabs The Dead; GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS! FFMIII rolls off needing a second or two to recover, but in the interim, Fire ascends the top rope: BFE! The impact forces her across the ring, and FFMIII appears to take advantage as he goes in to cover: 1, 2, 3…It’s Over. WINNER by PINFALL (Through Nefarious Means and Questionable Alliances) in 18:28– and STILL OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION…F. Fonzworth MacCappington III.
After the match, Firewoman seems disappointed and has some words with FFMIII. Alexander comes to meet her in the ring. He nods to the Intercontinental Champ and leads Firewoman to the back.
STANK vs. LD WILLIAMS – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
LD Williams makes his way to the ring, all business as usual. He climbs between the Stank ropes and waits in the corner. The OOWF World Heavyweight Champion Stank is announced next, and he comes to the top of the ramp flanked by the rest of Drink & Destroy. They stay a the top of the ramp for a moment while Stank heads toward the ring, then they melt back into the backstage area. Stank makes his way to the ring, also completely focused on the task at hand. Stank hands the title to the referee and we are ready to go. The bell rings and the two men slowly circle in the center of the ring. Collar and elbow tie up and Stank shoves Williams off and to the mat. Williams rolls right through and gets to his feet and comes right back at Stank, Stank moves to lock up, but Williams stuns him with a right cross to the jaw. With Stank stunned for just that moment, Williams connects with a kick to the knee, then slips behind Stank and lands several stiff shots to his hamstrings bringing him to one knee. LD hits the ropes and connects with a knee to the back of the head that sends Stank to the mat. Williams drops several elbows across the back of Stank’s head, then drives his knee into Stank’s neck and pulls back. Stank quickly works his way back to his feet and backs into the corner forcing the break. Williams doesn’t immediately break, so Stank forces the break with an elbow to the mouth. Stank turns around in the corner and grabs Williams by the head and slams him with several head buts that drops LD in the corner. The referee backs Stank away for a moment, then Stank is right back on it with several stiff kicks to the mouth. Stank pulls LD to his feet and whips him across the ring to the opposite corner. Stank charges in, but LD moves out of the way at the last second and slams shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Stank howls in pain and Williams grabs him and sends him shoulder first into the corner post. The thud of Stank’s shoulder meeting steel can be heard echoing all across the arena. Williams pulls Stank back to his feet and grabs his arm, then leaves the ring and guillotines the arm on the top rope. Stank staggers back to the middle of the ring and drops to one knee in pain. Williams slides back in under the bottom rope and grabs Stank’s arm as he turns around and drops him with an arm breaker DDT. Williams rolls Stank over but only gets a one count. LD grabs the arm and twists it, bringing a look of serious pain to Stank’s face. Stank struggles for a minute, then works his way to his feet and catches Williams with several stiff punches to the side of the head that draw a warning from the referee, but also force the break. Stank whips Williams to the ropes and elevates him with a high back body drop, but only uses one arm to do it. Williams hits the mat and howls in pain, Stank immediately follows that up with an elbow drop to the small of Williams back, but can’t follow it up any further because the jolt of hitting the mat sends pain shooting through his shoulder. Stank rolls under the bottom rope and falls to his knees on the floor grabbing his shoulder and for the first time, perhaps in his entire run as the champ, we see a look of concern in Stank’s eyes. LD Williams sees it too and immediately comes to the outside and tries to press his attack, but Stank grabs a handful of tights and sends LD face first into the steps. Williams takes the bump badly and comes up with a NASTY gash in his forehead that is spewing blood. And not just a little, like, 1 on the Muta scale here, covering his chest and dripping onto his legs. Williams snarls as he gets to his feet and tries to wipe the blood out of his eyes. Stank charges but Williams ducks and sends him shoulder first into the steel again. Williams rolls into the ring to stop the count, the referee checks on him and almost looks like he is going to call the match, but Williams apparently threatens his life if he even considers it. Williams leaves the ring again just as Stank is getting to his feet, Williams goes to the opposite side of the ring post and pulls Stank’s arm through, then holds on to it and slips behind him, pulling back on his arm and driving his shoulder into the ring post with one arm, and twisting Stank’s head in the opposite direction with the other! Sort of a standing crossface using the ring post! Stank howls in agony, but a tap out here does no good. Though if he snaps his arm, that could make continuing difficult. The referee nears the ten count and Williams releases the hold and breaks the count. Stank falls to the mat, clutching at his shoulder clearly in horrible pain. LD Williams leans down and talks a bit of trash, and Stank answers with a couple of stiff shots to the head with his good arm that rock Williams and sends him to one knee. Stank gets to his feet and his arm is hanging limply by his side. Stank grabs Williams and rolls him under the bottom rope into the ring. Stank slowly, carefully, follows him into the ring and lands a couple of stiff kicks to Williams head. LD is having trouble getting to his feet from loss of blood, but he crawls to the ropes and pulls himself to his feet. Stank grabs LD and runs him down the ropes into the turnbuckle face first, then lifts him onto his shoulder for the STANK-U! But LD fights out of it and slips off of Stank’s shoulder and lands on his feet and grabs Stank’s injured arm and rides him to the mat and locks on the CROSSFACE!! Stank is trapped in the middle of the ring! His eyes are glazing over with pain! He is either going to pass out or tap there is no way he can escape! Stank raises his arm, it is just about to fall when WHAM! Donovan Viper NAILS LD Williams with a chain assisted Death Elbow to the back of the head! Viper wastes no time in rolling a barely conscious Williams off of Stank, he grabs Stank’s arm and locks on a Fujiwara Armbar, and pulls back, and back, and back until we see Stank’s arm pull back just a bit TOO far and he howls in a mix of rage and pain. Stank rolls to the floor and grabs his arm and shoulder in agony. Donovan Viper gets to his feet and stares out at the prone figure of Stank. He should be paying attention to LD Williams though, who is on his feet and is PISSED! He grabs Viper’s chain and wraps it around his fist and waits for Viper to turn around and BLASTS him between the eyes, then plants him on the mat with a DDT. LD Williams looks at the chain, then throws it down on Viper’s chest, then staggers out of the ring and grabs the OOWF world title and looks at it, then walks over and throws it down on Stank’s chest. WINNER – No Contest in 30:33
Medical officials head to the ring and help Stank to his feet, carefully keeping his shoulder immobilized and head up the ramp. They get about halfway up the ramp when we hear…..
STANK!!!! STAAAAAAAAAANK!!!! <The Champ turns around and sees Donovan Viper leaning on the middle rope, rage in his eyes> THIS ENDS!!! I WANT THIS TO END AT THE PAY PER VIEW!!! You bring that title, I get one last title shot. When I win, I walk away the new champion, and you go to the bottom of the ladder. If you win…….I don’t get any more title shots as long as you hold the title. <Stank glares at Viper and nods his head and heads to the back, inside the ring Viper grins like a Cheshire cat>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 12:10:58 GMT -5
DAVIN MORELAND vs. LUCIOS – Phantos Special Guest RefereePhantos is out to the ring first, in a ref shirt with his cape. He comes out to “Follow Me” by Jamie Lynn Spears, and it takes the crowd a minute to figure out who it is, because Phantos never comes out by himself. He looks both nervous and upset as he awaits his two friends. “Born in the USA” fires up, and a pissed-off looking Lucios saunters to the ring, not acknowledging the crowd, although they pop anyway. Immediately upon entering the ring, Phantos is on him, talking, pleading with him, presumably to change his mind. Lucios will have none of it, and does his pre-match routine and waits in the far corner. “Pull Me Under” fires up, and a cautious Davin Moreland appears at the top of the ramp. It looks like he wants none of this either. He slaps hands with the crowd who popped nicely for him. He makes his way to the apron and between the ropes, when Phantos is on HIM begging and pleading for this not to happen. Davin seems receptive, but broadly gestures across the ring to Lucios as if to say “It’s his idea”. Davin and Lucios make eye contact and draw closer to each other, and yes, they’re talking trash to one another while Phantos is pleading with them to stop. Finally both Davin and Lucios tell Phantos to ring the bell. He hesitantly calls for the bell, and WE’RE UNDERWAY! The two go to lock up, but Phantos stands in between the two big men, not allowing them to do so. Both Davin and Lucios are warning him to get out of the way, but Phantos stubbornly refuses. Davin gets heated and rolls out to the floor, getting a microphone and rolling back in. As he does so, Lucios calls for two microphones, and tosses one to Phantos. DM: Let us go, Phantos. P: NO! You’re NOT doing this you two! L: This has nothing to do with you. This has been a long time coming. P: NO! Darn it you two, stop it! DM: Why? Obviously Lucios has a problem with me. Let’s settle it here once and for all. L: I have a problem with you? Are you nuts? You’re Mr. Big Time, Mr. Assistant GM, Mr. Too Good for Me and Phantos. P: I didn’t say that, Davin… DM: I know you didn’t. Mr. I’m a Champ Now, and I’m gonna Beat My Chest and Crap on Everything We’ve Worked for because I’m too damned important now is trying to run me from MY OWN DAMNED STABLE. L: Our Stable. There was no stable without us. DM: Who approached you, huh? Who said he wouldn’t rest until you became champs? Who’s followed through on every promise he’s ever made you? This is how you express your thanks? L: Everything we’ve done we would have done without you. P: Lucios, that’s not true… L: It IS true Phantos. DM: Then why are you still here, Lucios? Why haven’t you left DLP? You’re under no contract. You can leave whenever you want. L: I dunno why. P: STOP IT! STOP IT BOTH OF YOU! I’M SICK OF THIS! Davin, Lucios is mad because you’re never around anymore, and you’re not running stuff by us like you used to. Lucios, Davin has different responsibilities now. He’s got enough to worry about without you giving him a hard time. And BOTH of you need to stop this stuff. I am the Captain of this team, and I refuse to let DLP fall apart from this stupid nonsense. L: Why can’t you run stuff by us? DM: You’ve never asked. And I’m not really flush with extra time; but if you need something, you have my Sprint PCS number. Any time, day or night, you can call or text; just like always. I mean geez you two; half the reason I’m doing what I’m doing is for you guys. You’re too good to let Bennett hold you down. I won’t accept it; not in any OOWF I’m a part of. I had an opportunity to help, and I took it. And, I’m helping; it may not seem like it right now, but I am. And the three of us; together, UNITED, can take on anything Bennett can throw at us. I know we can. We’ve done it before. I just need you guys to trust me and believe in me; and I’ve never given you a reason to do otherwise. So I need to know. Are you with me? P: I’m with you Davin. Right to the end, I’m with you. *They do the shake hands and clap each other’s shoulders thing* DM: Lucios? L: Since Phantos and I were doing Indy Shows in suburban San Antonio; from Mexico, to Canada, to Japan to New Zealand and to the OOWF; I’ve never trusted anyone but my best friend, Phantos. When we first decided to do this “mutual protection society” thing; I didn’t know you from anyone; and I knew you were crazy and I was afraid that I was making a mistake. Phantos convinced me, and we joined up. And you’re right…you’re right Davin. You’ve never done anything without the best interests of DLP in mind. Sometimes, I guess, when you spend a lot of time with someone; you get irritated at little things. Heck, look at me and Phantos; we bicker like old women all the time. I think that this is what this is. Davin, I feel like you’re our third tag partner now; and not just another guy we work with. I’m sorry this went down tonight. DM: I’m sorry too, man. I’ll try to make an effort to keep you guys in the loop more with everything. It’s just…it’s a lot. But yeah, let’s not do this anymore. We’re Run Fuckin’ DLP man, the best Stable in the damned company! *They also do the shake hands and clap each other’s shoulders thing* P: As team captain, I declare this match a draw. RING THE BELL! YOUR DECISION IN 8:16 – DRAW They all raise each other’s arms to the cheers of the crowd as Run DMC’s “Walk This Way” blasts from the PA. After the ring has cleared and the lights have come up in the arena, the fans start to exit the arena when suddenly the lights dim and Moosehead Jack's music plays! He enters the ring alongside LJ Bennett. He walks into the ring and takes a mic.MHJ- No no, you can keep exiting if you want to. I only want to talk to one man. Rick! Get out here! The Rick comes out and reluctantly gets into the ring. TR- What do you want? The show's over. Go home. Everyone wants to leave. Let the guys tear the ring down so we can get out of here. MHJ- Well, I wanted to address something. Bennett? LJB- I have a contract here to buy you out of the OOWF. Name your price and we'll do this civilly. Because if you don't I guarantee the takeover will be violent. People will get hurt. You will get hurt. Last chance for peace Rick. What's it gonna cost? Rick looks around at the people. They're yelling at him not to do it. He looks like he's thinking deeply. TR- Well...hmmm...GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! The crowd erupts. Moose grabs Rick and hooks his arm around preparing for a Heart Punch. Suddenly his is interrupted by the music of...F. Fonzworth MacCappington!? MacCappington comes out and slides into the ring and towers over Moose. He takes the mic.FFM- Enough! There's a way to do things, Moose. You know me, I'm all about bullying others to take what I want, but this has gone too far. You aren't gonna attack Rick. Not as long as I'm around. MHJ- What!? You're gonna stand up for HIM!? What the fuck are you thinking? There's a line in the sand here, Fonzie. And if you go to that side, there's no coming back. FFM- I know what I'm doing. Believe me. I know where my bread is buttered. I have Rick's back and if you want to stand on that side of the line then fine, but you better know that I'm on this side and....you better watch your ass, buddy. The crowd explodes in applause and starts chanting "CAPSLOCK! CAPSLOCK! CAPSLOCK!" MHJ- I'll take you down, big man. I've done it before and I'll do it again. I'll hurt you. I'll embarrass you and I'll take that title from you. Trust me. FFM- Yeah? You want this? Well come and get it! Right...fucking...now! Get a ref out here! F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match FFM grabs Jack around the head, drops to one knee, kicking Jack's feet backwards with his other leg bashing Jack's knee off of his knee, blasting his nose open immediately. FFM laughs at how easy that was and kicks Jack in the stomach on the ground. Jack gets up with a head butt to FFM's face and blasts his nose open right back. They tie up, and both start punching each other in the head. Moose ducks under one bog lumbering blow from FFM and German suplexes him. He gets up and wipes his own blood from his eyes. He drops a kick with onto FFM's head and hits the ropes, runs up and drops a knee onto FFM's head in the same spot. He rolls him onto his back and drops a knee on his face attempting to blast FFM's face open more. Fonz grab's Moose's leg and trips him onto the ground and dropping a few forearms into Moose's side. He pulls Moose up and belly to belly suplexes him across the ring. He runs forward and baseball slides into Moose knocking him under the ropes outside of the ring. Fonzie backs up, waiting for Moose to get up, then runs, dives over the ropes and lands on top of Moose. The crowd goes nuts as MacCappington stands up and appears to be soaking in the cheers. He picks Moose up, throws him onto the announcers table and climbs up onto the apron, then to the top rope. He dives forward attempting to crush Moose, who moves at the last second. FFM smashes through the table. Moose gets up slowly and grabs a broken piece of table and jabs it into FFM's arm drawing blood. Fonzie gets up with a jolt and tackles Moose into the side of the ring. He pulls out a broken piece of table out and decides to toss Moose back into the ring where there weren't so many things Moose will try to murder him with. Fonz gets back into the ring and picks Moose up and scoops him onto his shoulder. He runs to the corner slamming Moose into the turnbuckle then runs to the other turnbuckle and smashes him into the opposite turnbuckle and hooks him in a tree of woe. He runs back, runs forward and flies knee first into Moose's face, busting his lips open adding to the blood already covering his face. Moose falls down in a heap and the ref comes and checks on him. Fonzie runs to the opposite corner and charges at Moose. Mosse ducks out of the way as Fonz comes in for a big corner splash and Fonz crashes into the ref. Moose sees the opportunity and dives out of the ring and starts looking underneath it. MacCappington realizes what’s going on and scrambles to the side to try to stop him, but its too late. Moose comes out with a .44 and shoots MacCappington in the shoulder. Moose shouts “THAT’S REVENGE BITCH!” MacCappington falls to the mat clutching his shoulder and Moose slides back into the ring. Apparently the noise startled the ref because he has woken up and is looking around. Moose pulls MacCappington up and Heartpunches him, then pins him. 1…2…3! WINNER and NEW Intercontinental Champion…MOOSEHEAD JACK!!! The ref hands Moose the belt and he celebrates while boos adorn him. His celebration is cut off by Rick however. TR- Bull! Fucking! Shit! MHJ- Oh come on, I won that fair and square. TR- You shot him! MHJ- He shot me once. TR- In a league no one gave a fuck about! This will not stand, Moose. You have to give him a rematch. MHJ- Okay, I’ll give him a rematch…but it has to be right now, or never! TR- Oh, come on! He’s just been shot! FFM- No! Its fine. I want him now. I’m not afraid. I’ll take him on, right fucking now, if that’s what he wants. MHJ- Really? I admire you balls. FFM- You would admire my balls…fag! Ref- Do you seriously want to do this again? FFM- Yeah, fuck it. I’ll do this shit right now. Ref- Did you really get shot? FFM- Yeah. Thanks for paying attention. The ref rings to bell and Moose immediately punches FFM in the bullet wounded arm. FFM falls down in pain and Moose runs in to capitalize, but FFM was slightly playing possum and he tackles upwards into his chest. He grabs the tipsy Moosehead Jack and slings him towards the ropes then ducks a clothesline from Moose, Moose hits the back rope, FFM grabs him and hits the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS!!! He drops the on Moose and Moose kicks out at two! FFM climbs up the ropes and delivers The Pride Of Pacific Heights!!! He stays on for the pin. 1! 2! 3! WINNER and NEW Intercontinental Champion…F. Fonzworth MacCappinngton III!!! FFM- That’s how you fuckin’ wrestle, douchebag! MacCappington runs up the ramp with his IC title to a roar of cheers leaving Moose fuming.Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF MADNESS Pay Per View! Live March 30th From Warminster, Pennsylvania! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! March 26th from Longneck, Delaware!
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