OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Kashkinen, Finland
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. BLITZ & VOLTAGEJunior Hale is YOUR referee!
Phantos and Blitz start. The two circle a couple of times before Blitz lunges forward. Phantos drops to the mat and Blitz tumbles to his feet and in one motion hits the ropes, stops over Phantos and tries to drop a fist but Phantos rolls clear. Blitz grabs Phantos' arm and slings him back across the ring - reversed - Blitz is elevated with a huge back body drop. Phantos bows to the crowd and accepts their cheers. Blitz gets up and stomps around the mat before clubbering Phantos in the back of the head. Phantos staggers and looks back at Blitz, who hops from foot to foot and offers fisticuffs. Phantos shrugs and tags Lucios in. Blitz panics and leaps for Voltage. Volt springboards off the top rope and Lucios catches him. He presses Volt a few times overhead and just tosses him at Blitz and both tumble to the floor in a heap. Lucios climbs out of the ring and picks up one in each hand and carries them to the ramp and just drops them there and shoos em off. Crowd cheers again, and the two heels get back to their feet and start yelling at Lucios. Phantos yells back at them to leave Lucios alone but Lucios waves his partner off. He snags them both and throws them at the ring apron. Both slam hard and stagger away. Lucios points to them and climbs back in the ring JUST as Hale reaches 9. As Voltage and Blitz try to get back to the ring but Lucios just waves at them - only to get splattered by Phantos. Lucios claps and the crowd rallies. Phantos keeps Blitz busy while Lucios hauls Volt in with one hand and throws him over his head. Volt lands in the center of the ring hard. Lucios takes out his Sprint PCS Phone and sits on Volt for the three counts while he calls in
Dominos Pizza.WINNER in 6:38 Phantos and Lucios
MARK VANDER vs. CAPELLANMark Vander comes to the ring and the Kashkinen crowd gives him a nice ovation. He acknowledges their cheers and waits in the corner. Capellan’s music hits and he comes to the top of the ramp and the place explodes. The Finnish folks stand and cheer for Capellan, he seems a little bit overwhelmed by all of it, but he makes his way to the ring, slapping hands and hugging little girls. Finally he makes it to the ring and springs over the top rope. The two men meet in the center of the ring and shake hands, which draws another big pop from the crowd. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. The two men circle and lock up in the center of the ring, Vander grabs a side head lock and Capellan shoves him to the ropes and drops to the mat on the rebound. When Vander comes back, Capellan catches him and tries a hip toss, but Vander blocks it and tries a clothesline. Cap ducks the clothesline and takes Vander to the mat with a back slide for a two count. Both men spin to their feet and Capellan catches Vander with a drop kick to the jaw that sends him to the ropes, Cap springs back to his feet. And takes Vander over with a deep arm drag and holds the arm for a second, but Vander is back to his feet quickly and rocks Cap with a forearm to the jaw, then scoops him up and plants him on the mat and drops a knee across his chest and covers, but Cap is out at one. Vander pulls him to his feet and catches him with a spinning fist to the side of the head, then hits the ropes and nearly takes Caps head off with a clothesline. Vander covers, but Cap manages to kick out at two. Vander pulls Cap to his feet and whips him into the corner and follows him in with a running elbow to the jaw, then sets him up on the top rope and climbs the corner himself. MV hooks Cap and hauls him into the air for a superplex and leaves him there for over a minute before falling backward and crashing to the mat. Vander floats over and hooks the leg, but Cap still manages to kick out at two. Vander pulls Cap to his feet and scoops him up and runs across the ring and plants him with a power slam, covers again and hooks the leg, but once again Cap is out at two. Vander shows a little bit of frustration now as he slaps the mat, then pulls Capellan up again and hauls him up for a suplex, but Capellan slips out of it and drops Vander with a lung blower. Capellan springs off the bottom rope and connects with a moon sault that gets him a two count, then tries the move again, but Vander gets his knees up and Cap crashes and burns. Vander pulls Capellan off the mat and sends him to the corner, but Capellan scales the corner, leaps off and spins in mid air and catches Vander up side the head with a dragon kick. Vander falls to the mat, dazed, Capellan grabs him and rolls him over in a Mahistrol cradle and gets the one, two three!
WINNER in 8:52 - Capellan
OUTBACK JACK vs. ECOSYSTEMEco comes down to the ring first, surrounded by a bevy of security. He must be worried that his betrayal of Bennett's forces will lead to payback of some kind. OBJ comes out next, and the so-called 'security' wastes no time in getting out of his way. The two men meet in the middle of the king and kick things off with a real donnybrook, throwing punches and forearms with pretty much no regard for the bell, the referee, or anyone in the audience. OBJ starts to dominate after a few exchanges, but Eco hits a thumb to the eye to break that up. Jack charges, and Eco ducks and flips him to the outside, where a couple of the security "assist" OBJ back into the ring with a couple of cheap shots. Who knew this was a lumberjack match? Jack doesn't take kindly to that and fights back with haymakers, then power bombs one of the security guards through the Lithuanian Announce Table. One of the other guards takes offense at this and hops on the apron to remonstrate with the referee. As soon as the official is distracted, Eco slides out and NAILS Jack with a steel chair. OBJ drops like a sack of potatoes, and spasms a few times as he lies on the floor. Eco slams the chair across the other man's back a few times for good measure, then slides back inside the ring. The ref finally extricates himself from the security guard and begins a ten count, but a bloody-faced OBJ is on his feet at 7 and in the ring at 9. Fury drives the larger man now and he dominates the next few exchanges with a brutal power game, slamming Eco repeatedly into the mat and turnbuckles, and wiping his own blood on the Asian man's face. One such moment of grandstanding leaves him open for a low blow, however, and now Eco takes control, gouging at the cut on OBJ's face while dragging him across the ring. The ref follows, and one of the security guys hops onto the apron and undoes the turnbuckle pad. He hops down again just in time for Eco to drag Jack back to that corner, but OBJ blocks the attempted face to the iron-bolt, whips Eco into the corner, and lights him up with some chops. The crowd WOOOs along enthusiastically, until Eco slips free and returns the favor. That draws more Boos than Woos. Eco takes the time to flip the crowd the bird, then turns back into a THUNDEROUS CLOTHESLINE from OBJ. The security guards rush the ring dumb-ninja style, and each eat a clothesline of their own, but since none of them actually lay a hand on OBJ, the ref doesn't call the DQ. The guards spill to the floor and OBJ chases them, wreaking havoc and destruction as bodies fly left and right into the barriers. Meanwhile, Eco has recovered, and – after waiting for a distracted Jack to move into the right position – hits a HUGE plancha~! Both men are down amidst a sea of bodies. The ref goes out to check on them, but both men are soon on their feet and brawling around the ringside area. The official remonstrates for them to go back into the ring, but their brawl knocks him to the floor as the two men tumble over the guardrail and into the crowd. Finally getting back on his feet, the official starts into the crowd, then thinks better of it and simply calls for the bell.
WINNER - MATCH RULED A NO CONTEST AFTER 11:27
DONOVAN VIPER vs. FIRECHILDThis upcoming match was requested by Firechild since he still can not get his hands on F. Fonzworth MacCappington; getting his hands on LOADED’s second in line is good enough for him, I suppose. And here he comes to Machine Head’s “Beautiful Morning.” Firechild steps out onto the entrance ramp and he looks focused and ready. He starts making his way down to the ring but when he gets halfway down the ramp, he’s jumped from behind by Donovan Viper. Looks like he wanted to get a head start on this one and he’s really taking it to Firechild on the outside. And look who’s coming down to join Viper, the new manager of Bennett’s Army; Moosehead Jack. Viper takes Firechild and whips him into the guardrail. He charges but Firechild finally gets his wits and side steps the running Viper and hits a beautiful drop toe-hold right into the barricade. FC hits him with a few kicks before taking off his shirt and sliding into the ring to get this match started for real. Moose walks over to Viper and helps him to his feet, gives him some last words, and then sends him into the ring to take care of Firechild once and for all.
Donovan slides into the ring and gets to his feet which allows for referee Creech to ring the bell and get this match started. As soon as the bell rings Firechild is charging Viper like a house afire, but Viper quickly slides his head between the ropes to keep Firechild away. And Creech being such a huge follower of the rules has no choice but to try and push Firechild back away from Viper and this lets Viper sneak up behind Creech and poke FC right between the eyes. And Viper’s back on the offensive. Creech is trying to get him to break when he uses the tag rope to choke FC and once he pushes DV back, there’s Moose on the outside with some shots to FC of his own. Viper methodically begins to wear down Firechild now. Scoop slam and an elbow drop leading into an attempted cover that gets a 1 count. Delayed vertical suplex and fist drop gets another 1 count. Viper is just going through a very simple offense here but it seems to be working as every time FC tries to make a comeback either Viper hits him with some illegal move or DV distracts Creech to allow Moose to make himself influence the match.
DV seems to have had enough of this though and starts going harder after FC and it costs him rather quickly as Fire uses the momentum of a rushing Viper and hits a sweet spinning back kick on him. Fire is now on the offensive and starts to initiate a nice high-impact offense going so far as to hit Viper’s own Sidewinder on him. He goes for the cover…1….2…and Moose gets Viper’s leg onto the bottom rope. Firechild is pissed but he doesn’t let it distract him as he stays focused on working DV over. FC whips DV into the corner and quickly follows with a high knee and drives him down with a bulldog. He places Viper into position and heads up to the top rope. It looks like he’s going to try and hit Aerial: the Fall. He has him set-up for it, but something is stopping him from attempting the move. Moosehead Jack has his leg and is holding him. Creech gets into Moose’s face and tries to get him off the apron giving Viper a little time to recover.
Donovan thinks he has Firechild right where he wants him and goes to pick him up for the G2S but Firechild slides out of it and hits a big kick to DV’s gut. He gets him into a front face-lock and looks like he’s going to go for the Devil Driver but he lets him go when he sees MacCappington and The Heels running down to ringside. Creech is trying to maintain order, but he can’t do anything about as no one has really laid a finger on Firechild yet. Firechild lets go of Viper and heads to the ropes to yell at MacCappington. FFM makes the universal sign that he can’t be touched but it doesn’t stop him from getting right into Fire’s face. The two are arguing back and forth as Viper recovers in the ring. Meanwhile Johnny Adrenaline has slid Viper’s chain into the ring. DV picks it up and wraps it around his arm and is now just waiting for FC to turn around. And that happens as soon as FFM gives him a little shove and instead of attacking MacCappington like he wants to, Firechild turns around to go back after Viper leaving Creech’s back turned as he tries to get FFM off the apron. The second that Firechild turns around though, it’s all over as Chain-Assisted Death Elbow connects square to Firechild’s face. Viper unwraps the chain and tosses it to AA just as Fonzworth hops off the apron. Creech turns around just to see Firechild completely laid out in the center of the ring as he starts to bleed profusely. Viper makes the absolutely lazy cover and places his boot on FC’s chest.
1…
This is such a travesty…
2…
Is there no one on the back willing to even the odds?
3…
And as soon as Creech calls for the bell signaling the end of the match, the soldiers of Bennett’s Army that were ringside jump into the ring. The ref realizing that discretion is the better part of valor hightails it out of the ring. And as he heads up the ramp he passes by most of the rest of Bennett’s Army as Chris Cole, Eric O’Mac, LD Williams, The Dead and IHoP make their way down into the ring. MacCappington is lightly kicking Firechild as a sign of disrespect as he waits for everyone else to get in the ring. Cole just shakes his head sadly at his former partner as he takes his perch on one of the turnbuckles and Eric O’Mac does the same. It seems like the two leaders of Bennett’s Army are leaving this one in MacCappington’s hands. FFM takes this is a sign and he has IHoP pick up Firechild and he points at The Dead who kills Firechild dead with a CLOSING THE CASKET. IHoP keeps Firechild up instead of letting him fall to the mat they toss him to Johnny and Alan. Johnny climbs up to the second rope and waits as AA picks up Firechild for a SPIKED PILEDRIVER. And they plant him with it.
This is absolutely disgusting and it doesn’t look like Bennett’s Army is done yet as MacCappington is telling “Skurge” to pick up Firechild again. He looks a little tentative, but does it anyway and hands him over to MacCappington who gives him a hard slap across the face. This is too much; he’s going for Greetings from Asbury Park, but why is the crowd cheering….
OH MY GOD….here comes Davin Moreland and…it’s just Davin Moreland. Oh this isn’t going to go well. He’s in the ring and gets a few punches in on SYB and The Dead but Cole, Eric, and Williams are there to meet him as soon as he slides into the ring and his trusty “clangy pole” goes flying to the floor. The three men are truly giving it to Moreland as the rest keep beating down on Firechild. Davin is trying everything to help, but even he can’t overcome the odds as Cole catches him from behind with Viper’s chain. And even Moreland has to sell a roaring elbow to the back of the skull aided by a chain. LD Williams is the first to get Davin and he plants him with a DDT right onto the chain. LD picks him up and Eric has been waiting for this opportunity for a few weeks and he plants Davin, again onto the chain, with the SMACKDOWN…This has to be enough…but no. Now Cole and MacCappington share a nod and they pick up Moreland and Firechild respectively before absolutely killing them with the HEADLINER and GREETINGS FROM ASBURY PARK…
Bennett’s Army finally seems to have done enough damage and the 11 men stand strong in the ring over the beaten bodies of Firechild and Davin Moreland.
Is there anyway to stop Bennett’s Army???
WINNER as a result of pin fall in 13:39 – Donovan Viper! *
CHRIS COLE vs. CONCRETE TGFiery exchange of words at the bell and Crete shoves Cole away and goes to work on him. To the corner and CTG with chops and elbows and forearms. Suplex out of the corner and an elbow drop. Second elbow drop misses and Cole grabs a front facelock. To their feet and CTG blocks a suplex. Cole then blocks a suplex and gets a swinging neckbreaker, then into an armbar. Crete to his feet and Cole shifts to a hammerlock, but Crete runs and uses momentum to send Cole thru the ropes and to the floor. Crete follows out and kicks the shit out of Cole on the floor. All around ringside, until CC gets a flapjack onto the stairs out of desperation. Crete shakes it off, but Cole pulls him up from behind and sends him to the apron, then back in. But CTG gets a fireman's carry as Cole steps back in, up into an airplane spin... and a TKO. As Crete walks off the dizziness, Moosehead Jack sulks out from behind the curtain... sporting a steel chair. Crete sees him and stares him down, and Moose calmly opens up the chair and sits down to watch the festivities from afar. The diversion allows Cole to strike from behind, sending Crete tot he corner. Up top they go, and Cole nails CTG with a top rope belly to back suplex!! Two count and Crete gets a foot on the rope. Delayed suplex for Cole, and CC follows up with a measured kneedrop. Back up and Cole chops Concrete back to the ropes. Irish whip, but CTG reverses... and puts his head down early, allowing Cole to get a facebuster and a big clothesline. That gets two. Double arm DDT gets two, and Cole is frustrated. CC misses a running knee drop, and before he can walk it off, Crete chop blocks him from behind. SCAFFOLD in blocked via the ropes, but Crete applies the hold nevertheless and the ref forces a break. CTG argues with the ref, and that allows Cole to get a kick to the gut. HEADLINER~! But Crete pushes out and falls off the back... right into the CEMENT MIXER~! But Cole bounces off the mat and thru the bottom ropes and to the floor. Crete waits on the count, and the ref gets to 5... and Crete opts for another route, following out and putting the beats on Cole some more. CEMENT MIXER ON THE FLOOR~! But Cole blocks that with a blind kick to the groin out of desperation. Cole rolls in at 7... but rolls back out rather than take the countout win. Cole looks for a HEADLINER ON THE FLOOR~! But Crete counters that into his own, and rather than piledrive him, he drives him backfirst into the announce table. Cole sells it on the table and Crete rolls back in. The ref starts another count as Crete climbs the turnbuckle to pose for the fans. Count gets to five and Crete looks back down at Cole... SIX... back at Moose... SEVEN... back down at Cole... EIGHT... back at Moose... NINE... and Crete leaps off the top rope with a CORKSCREW SPLASH THRU THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~! The ref just says fuck it and calls for the bell.
WINNER in 18:56: NO CONTEST.
IHOP vs. BADMatch to be added, IHOP gets the surprise win
THE MIDNIGHT SONS vs. THE HEELSThe Midnight Sons hit the ring first. They stretch and check the tape on their hands as The Heels make their way to the ring. Hansen and Adrenaline start the match off. Johnny gets in a cheap shot and traps Spin in an abdominal stretch. Spin shifts and hip-tosses Adrenaline to the mat. Spin drops an elbow, but no one is home. Attitude Adjuster tags in and The Heels send Hansen into the ropes and try a double clothesline. Spin ducks and rebounds, catching Johnny with a shoulderblock that sends him out of the ring. Capps snares a headlock and gets belly-to-back suplexed for his troubles. Spin slams Capps to the mat and hits a fistdrop. A Running Powerslam and a 2 count follow. Spin drags Alan to his feet and hurls him into the Sons’ corner. DH gets the tag and begins to use AA as a punching bag. The referee stops DH from killing Capps further, and AA uses the break up to poke DH in the eyes. Capps hits a couple of Bionic Elbows and hits the ropes. Magnusson is ready and turns AA’s clothesline into a Black Hole Slam! DH covers, but only gets a 2 count. DH pops up and hoists Capps onto the turnbuckle. Capps tries to fight off Magnusson, but to no avail. DH sets up for a superplex, but Johnny rushes over and pushes DH to the mat. Alan connects with the World’s ugliest cross body block ever, and covers for a 1 count. AA tags out and Adrenaline comes in with a series of chops and back elbows, sending DH staggering into a corner. Johnny climbs the bottom buckle and starts peppering Magnusson with rights and lefts. Johnny pauses after punch 9 and winds up for # 10, when DH snatches him and delivers a big Spinebuster. DH tags in Spin, and Hansen levels Johnny with a belly-to-belly suplex and traps him in the Whisky Tango Fotxtrot. Adrenaline looks ready to submit! Capps charges in and kicks Spin in the back of the head. That draws in DH, which causes the referee to turn his head to get Magnusson back onto the apron. A well placed knee low blow and a chair shot later, and the referee turns and sees Johnny pinning Spin. 1…2…No! Hansen gets a shoulder up and sweeps Johnny’s legs as he headed back to The Heels’ corner. Hansen hurls Adrenaline into the Midnight’s corner and tags in Magnusson. The Sons Dh mounts the middle turnbuckle and Spin lays Johnny over his knee and DH levels him with a legdrop! DH attempts a cover, but AA is in to break it up. Spin drags Capps out of the ring and pummels him on the floor. Magnusson argues with the referee about the interference, when Johnny suddenly rolls DH up from behind, grabs a handful of trunks and uses the ropes for leverage as the referee counts 1…2…3!
WINNERS in 9:19; The Heels.
BUNNY vs. FIREWOMAN vs. BEAST vs. THE DEAD – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match Russ: "Four combatants will enter the ring but only one can be declared champion! Who will that be? Find out next!"
[Nine minutes of inane, boring commercials later...]
Russ: "We're back ladies and gentlemen. This match is sure to be a knobber-slocker!"
The camera zooms to a bottle sitting at the top of the entrance ramp. For a moment nothing happens and then BOOM! Beast pops out of the bottle as his music hits and the pyro explodes around him. Fans along the aisle take a step back as Beast makes his way down the ramp pulling a cage with an unshaven, unkempt Lucky sitting inside sorting through papers and calling out stats.. A small child in the third row cries in fear. Beast finally makes his way into the ring and he is showered with boo's. Well, actually, it's silent. He would be showered in boo's if the crowd wasn't afraid that he'd pop up next to them and eat their faces.
"Doomsday Clock" hits the PA system and the crowd immediately begins to boo. By the time The Dead appears the entire crowd is screaming their lungs out. The Dead just laughs as he slowly makes his way down the ramp and toward the ring. The Dead is rocking a pretty wicked mohawk this evening, which I must say looks awesome. Someone throws a beer directly into the face of The Dead, which causes him to stop. The Dead turns toward the crowd and sees that everyone is pointing at one guy. Unlucky bastard. The Dead leans over the railing and smacks the taste out of his mouth and smirks. Eventually, after soaking in the hatred for a few more minutes, The Dead steps into the ring and slumps into a corner.
The opening notes of the Cult hit the speakers, and Firewoman appears at the top of the ramp, accompanied by Alexis. Alexis grabs Firewoman’s hand and raises it, post-match victory style, and then the two begin to head towards the ring, Firewoman a little ahead, as she is clearly thinking about ways to annihilate Beast and Bunny for their backstage shenanigans. She high fives a few fans on her way down, but her eyes are locked on the ring. Firewoman jumps on the apron, and then … holds the ropes open for Alexis? Not their usual behavior, but neither of them seem to notice. Firewoman poses on the turnbuckle that is her corner for the fans, and then hops down towards the center of the ring, so Alexis again can raise her hand. As the music stops, the two head to Firewoman’s corner, still holding hands until they are part-way there. Okay, whatever… Alexis gives Firewoman some last minute words of encouragement, and Firewoman pushes a lock of hair out of Alexis’s eyes. They high five, and Alexis steps out to stand ringside. Firewoman glances over at The Dead and the two exchange slight nods.
Finally, Eminem lyrics are piped through the speakers. Everyone's favorite half-man, half-fluff ball hits the entrance ramp. Love to hate him or hate to love him, there's no denying he has a punchable face, it's Bunny! Bunny hops and flips his way down the ramp as he tosses cans of Mountain Dew into the crowd. More than a few cans hit unsuspecting fans squarely in the temple, rendering them unconscious. Bunny pays no attention to the plight of the crowd as he hops up onto the apron and then front flips into the ring. The referee holds up the belt for all to see and then signals for the bell.
All four wrestlers begin to move in a large circle, waiting for the right opening to attack. The Dead and Beast stare each other down as Firewoman locks eyes with Bunny. For a few moments it looks like no one is willing to make the first move, but all of a sudden everyone attacks Bunny. The boy wonder is pushed back into the corner as Dead, Fire, and Beast take turns delivering huge shots to Bunny. Beast then whips Bunny into the opposite corner hard. Firewoman gets on her hands and knees in front of Bunny as The Dead runs toward them. The Dead launches off of Firewoman...Whisper in the Wind! (Or, as Russ calls it, "A Fire and Dead type maneuver") Bunny stumbles out of the corner just in time to be laid out by a vicious clothesline from Beast! Things are going south in a hurry for the reigning champion. With Bunny out of commission for the moment both The Dead and Firewoman turn their attention towards Beast. Fire lands a stiff looking forearm squarely into the jaw of Beast. The Dead goes for a kick to the gut but Beast catches his foot. The Dead is quick to react, however, and drops Beast with a modified enzuguiri. Firewoman and The Dead now stare each other down, ready to lock up. Out of nowhere Bunny kips up to his feet and drops The Dead with a swinging neckbreaker. He follows it up with a standing corkscrew splash and makes the cover. Firewoman quickly pulls Bunny off before the referee can even make a one count. Now Firewoman and Bunny tie-up and Fire drops our fluffy friend with a jawbreaker. Beast gets to his feet and charges toward Firewoman, but The Dead gets there just in time and flattens Beast with a drop toe hold. No one sees Bunny as he climbs to the top rope and hits a crossbody on both Firewoman and The Dead. Bunny flips back to his feet and locks up with Beast. Beast uses his size to over-power Bunny and lands a few hard punches to the mid-section. Beast sends Bunny into the ropes and drops him with a huge fall-away slam. Firewoman charges at Beast and drops him with a bulldog. The Dead gets to his feet and charges at Firewoman, but Fire puts him to the mat with a hip toss. Firewoman looks to be in complete control of this match at the moment. Bunny gets to his feet first and catches Firewoman with a spinning heel kick that sends Fire down to the mat. Beast and The Dead both get up to their feet and begin to pummel Bunny. I mean, Bunny is really taking quite the beating. Firewoman makes her way back to her feet and joins in. A big right hand from Beast opens a cut above Bunny's right eye. That can't be good. Beast sets Bunny up on the top turnbuckle, but instead of going for a superplex he simply shoves Bunny off the top rope. Bunny crashes hard onto the unforgiving cement floor and looks like he may be unconscious. Beast begins to make his way down the ropes, but The Dead and Firewoman each grab a leg and sending him crashing to the mat. The Dead goes for the pin but Firewoman pulls him off and looks to secure the pin for herself. The Dead pulls Firewoman off and the two begin to exchange words. This gives Beast all the time he needs as he gets to his feet and drops both wrestlers with a double clothesline. Beast stands tall in the middle of the ring as we go to commercial.
[Annoying mid-match commercial. Probably a Geico ad or something.]
And we're back. During the break (which you can see exclusively at oowf.com) Bunny slowly made his way back into the ring, only to be dominated by Beast. Beast hits an amazing tilt-a-whirl powerbomb that damn near snaps Bunny's spine in two. Before Beast can capitalize, however, The Dead and Firewoman attack. The Dead hits a chop block to the back of Beast's leg. Beast goes down to one knee as Firewoman connects with a basement dropkick to Beast's other leg sending him face first into the mat. The Dead drops an elbow on the back of Beast and then Firewoman charges and grabs Beast's head as she flips over him. Firewoman bridges over and holds on to the underside of Beast's chin, leaving him in a very precarious position as The Dead charges in and drills Beast right in the nose with a flying knee. What a brilliant display of team wrestling by The Dead and Firewoman. Bunny is back on his feet near the ropes and Firewoman and The Dead charge at him with a double clothesline, but Bunny springs off the second rope and does a backflip over them. Even more amazingly, Bunny catches their heads during the flip and drops both of them with reverse DDTs. Bunny seems in complete control but the cut on his eyebrow is causing blood to drip into his right eye. As he tries to clear his vision he doesn't see Beast charging at him. Spear! Beast makes the cover. One...Two...Firewoman breaks up the pin. Bunny rolls out of the ring to catch his breath. The Dead gets to his feet and attempts a suicide dive to the outside, but Bunny backflips out of the way and The Dead goes chest-first into the barrier. Now Firewoman and Beast are going at it on the inside as Bunny is pummeling The Dead out on the floor. Beast picks up Firewoman in a powerbomb position but Firewoman throws a flurry of punches that find their mark right between the eyes of Beast. Firewoman slips out of Beast's grip and plants him with a DDT. Firewoman goes for the cover as Bunny scrambles up the turnbuckle and dives to break up the pin. Firewoman catches a glimpse of Bunny out of the corner of her eye and moves just in time. Beast takes the full force of Double Corkscrew 630 and Bunny covers. One...Two...The Dead grabs Bunny's leg and pulls him back outside the ring. Firewoman goes for the pin on Beast as The Dead and Bunny trade punches on the outside. One...Two...Beast gets his foot on the ropes. So close. On the outside, The Dead is getting the better of Bunny. He whips Bunny toward the steel steps, but Bunny does a handspring off the steps and lands on his feet on the other side. Bunny taps his own head, giving the universal sign of "I am so smart"(S-M-R-T!). Unfortunately, this causes him to miss The Dead launching himself off the steps right at him. Bunny turns around a second too late and The Dead catches him with a flying elbow to the face. A cut forms over Bunny's left eye. Now he's really in trouble. Bunny's face quickly becomes a crimson mask, and some of the blood has now stained his bunny suit. Back inside the ring both Beast and Firewoman get to their feet and charge at one another. Fire goes for a Thesz press. Uh-oh. Beast catches her in mid-air and delivers a bone-rattling spinebuster! Beast goes for the cover. One...Two...The Dead breaks up the pin. The Dead pulls Beast to his feet and starts to go to work. A few knife-edge chops elicit a "Whoooo" or two from the crowd as The Dead backs Beast against the ropes. The Dead tries to whip Beast, but Beast reverses it. Apparently Beast didn't read the scouting report too well because everyone but him seems to know what's coming. Springboard DDT! Beast's spine compacts as his head gets drilled into the mat. The Dead goes for the cover. One...Two...Bunny just barely gets there in time to break up the pin. The Dead quickly gets back to his feet as Bunny continues to try and clear his vision. Instead of going right at Bunny, The Dead helps Firewoman to her feet. The Dead then whips Firewoman toward Bunny and she drops him with a vicious forearm shot. Firewoman picks up Bunny and it looks like she's going for the FireDriver! Bunny wiggles his way out and shoves Firewoman, sending her into the ropes. Fire bounces back with fury in her eyes but Bunny jumps over her. He's not quite quick enough the second time through as Fire bounces off the ropes one more time and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Beast gets back to his feet and The Dead slugs it out with him in the corner of the ring. Firewoman stands over Bunny. She gives a sly smirk and BOOM! FireStomp! Not content to leave it at that, Firewoman climbs to the top rope. She looks like she's going for something big! Beast realizes what's about to happen and dives at the ring ropes in an attempt to trip-up Firewoman. Beast hits the ropes a split-second before Fire can take off, and Fire gets crotched on the turnbuckle. As the referee goes to check on Firewoman, The Dead quickly grabs a chair and throws it Beast. Beast catches it. Van Deadinator! Beast goes down in a heap as The Dead tosses the chair out of the ring. Firewoman quickly recovers (Oh my god! She was playing the ref for a fool!) and soars off the top rope. Firesault on Beast! At this moment Bunny staggers to his feet. He's virtually blinded from the blood in eyes his as he feels around for someone to attack. The Dead yells "Over here!" and as Bunny turns his head toward the sound his neck snaps back! The Dead just Closed the Casket on Bunny! Bunny staggers around on rubber legs, about to fall at any minute. Seeing as it's just the two of them left, Firewoman and The Dead lock up to determine who the new champ is going to be. Bunny finally falls over...right on top of Beast! Before either Firewoman or The Dead can react, the referee has counted to three! Bunny retains!
WINNER in 24:31 and STILL Onslaught Champion - Bunny
The Dead and Firewoman look on in disbelief as the referee helps Bunny to his feet and hands him the belt. Beast slowly comes to and, upon seeing Bunny with the belt, goes into a rage. Beast runs backstage looking for someone to rape! The Dead says a few choice words (involving the phrases "turkey baster", "four goats", and "your mother" in some order or another) but Bunny looks too out of it to hear anything. Alexis comes over to console Firewoman and the two embrace long enough for it to be considered a little uncomfortable. Everyone makes their way to the back as Bunny, who is still bleeding profusely, staggers around the ring in an attempt to find the way out.
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III – OOWF Intercontinental Title Steel Cage MatchF. Fonzworth MacCappington II steps onto the stage first, accompanied by Lan- wait, that’s not Lance, that’s…Moosehead Jack?!? FFMC III and his manager make their way down the aisle and pause for a moment to inspect the cage before FFMC steps in through the door. As he does, the lights go out, and a spotlight shines on the stage. ”There Can Be Only One” starts to play as Alexander and Alexis Darling walk onto the stage. Alexis sees Jack at ringside and pales. The Darlings have a heated discussion as ”Prelude 12/21” plays. Alexander points repeatedly to the back, and Alexis shakes her head. As they discuss, Firewoman steps onto the stage and says something to the siblings. Alex nods, and the DEA head to the ring to the strains of ”Princes of the Universe”. The Darlings reach the ring, and Alex takes a moment to test the strength of the cage before handing the Intercontinental title to his sister and climbing into the ring. Referee Mel Creech calls for the bell and we’re under way.Darling and FFMC circle and lock up, and FFMC shoves Darling to the mat. Darling rolls to his feet and moves in for a second lock up, and FFMC shoves him to the mat again. Darling rolls to his feet and moves in a third time, but ducks the lock up and clips FFMC’s knee. FFMC goes down and Darling pounces, stomping on the knee and twisting it around the bottom rope. With a final wrench on the leg, Darling darts for the cage door. Mel opens the door and Darling gets half way out before FFMC catches up with him, grabbing his ankle and dragging him back in.
FFMC pounds Darling with a series of forearms, then spins him around and runs him face-first into the cage. FFMC plants Darling with a reverse DDT, and orders Mel to open the door. Darling just manages to catch him in time, nails him with a low blow, and drags him back into the ring. Darling takes advantage with a few shots, but FFMC goes to the eyes. FFMC hurls Darling to the ropes and plants him with a spinebuster, but seems to further tweak his knee in the process. He pulls darling to his feet and tosses him to the ropes. Darling ducks a clothesline and comes back with a flying forearm that knocks FFMC into the ropes. Darling attacks with punches and kicks, driving FFMC through the ropes and onto the apron. Darling pulls FFMC to his feet and guillotines him on the top rope, which causes FFMC’s head to snap back against the cage. Darling comes off the opposite ropes and hits a beautiful dropkick to the face that drives FFMC into the cage. Darling climbs up onto the ropes and kicks FFMC to the mat, then climbs up the cage. He’s just about to the top before FFMC catches his leg. Darling tries to kick him off but FFMC hangs on, throwing his weight into it, inexorably dragging him down. Darling gives in and lets go, bringing his free foot down on FFMC’s face in the process.
Darling pulls FFMC to his feet facing the cage. He tries to slam his face into the cage, but FFMC manages to block. FFMC grabs Darling and slams his face into the cage. Darling bounces back against the ropes and FFMC slams his face into the cage again. Using the ropes for assistance, FFMC gets a good rhythm going, until Darling’s face is a bloody mess. He scoops Darling up and dumps him into the ring, then walks over to the door. He pauses for a moment in the open door, basking in the crowd’s boos. Firewoman steps around Mel and stands in front of FFMC, daring him to try to exit. FFMC says something and Firewoman looks like she’s about to attack, but catches sight of Moosehead Jack advancing on Alexis and moves to head him off. FFMC laughs and goes to step out of the cage, but stops as Darling wraps a tag rope around his neck from behind. FFMC turns blue as Darling pulls back, his blood dripping down onto FFMC’s shoulders and chest. Darling drags FFMC back through the ropes and Mel closes the door. With FFMC on the mat, Darling releases the choke and rolls FFMC over. He grabs his arms and hits the Curbstomp, grinding FFMC’s face into the mat. He pulls FFMC over to the ropes and ties his wrist to the bottom rope, then heads for the door. He reaches it and comes face-to-face with Moosehead Jack. Mel yells at Moose to move so he can open the door, but Moose just glares at Darling with a smirk on his face. Firewoman steps up behind Moose and spins him around. Moose simply raises his hands and moves away, laughing. The delay was enough for FFMC to free himself, and he avalanches Darling into the corner.
FFMC spins Darling around and hammers him with punches. He hits an Irish whip and tries for another avalanche, Darling slips out of the way. Darling drops to his knees and hits another low blow, then hooks FFMC’s head and spikes him with a DDT. Darling climbs onto the top turnbuckle and starts up the cage, and FFMC pulls himself up with the ropes and follows. FFMC reaches the top turnbuckle and gets between Darling and the cage – Top Rope Powerbomb!! Both men land in a heap, and neither is moving.
Mel Creech stares at the broken bodies in the ring, trying to decide whether to check on them. He opens the door, but both men start to stir, so he closes it. FFMC drags himself toward the corner, while Darling heads to the side of the cage. FFMC sees Darling and changes direction. He catches up with Darling near the top of the cage, and they exchange blows as they climb, and both men end up straddling the cage. FFMC gets the better of things, knocking Darling off balance. Darling starts to fall to the outside, but FFMC catches him and pulls him back up. Darling follows through with the movement and hits FFMC with a haymaker. FFMC is overbalanced and topples into the ring, while Darling goes the opposite direction, barely managing to grab the top of the cage and slow his fall before dropping to the floor. Alexis and Firewoman rush to check on him as Mel Creech calls for the bell.
WINNER in 33:03 and still Intercontinental Champion, by escaping the cage, Alexander Darling.
DAVIN MORELAND & STANK vs. LD WILLIAMS & ERIC O’MACThe crowd is buzzing in anticipation for this star-studded Main Event. Senior Referee Mel Creech waits in the ring for the participants to enter, presumably ninja-style because these aren’t regular teams. “Jekyll and Hyde” fires up and L.D. Williams is greeted to a chorus of boos, which L.D. loves and is grinning as he makes his way into the ring. He nods to Mel Creech who returns the nod and rests against the turnbuckle. “Move Bitch” by Ludacris explodes through the PA system and the crowd murmurs wondering who this could be. A sullen and dark-haired Eric O’Mac strolls down the ramp. He looks like he’s going to interact with the fans, but instead he just pushes bitches out of the way. Boo. He slides into the ring, nods to Creech, and bumps knuckles with LD. They bounce from one foot to the other as if to warm up. The Best English-Speaker in all of Finland gets into the ring with a mic to make the announcement.
BESIAOF: Ladies and Gentlemen in the ring first, at a combined weight of 470 lbs., the team of Eric O’ Mac…and L.D. Williams!!!
The crowd boos lustily.
BESIAOF: And their opponents…
The crowd rises to their feet as one in anticipation, waiting for the ninja-style announcements. They are thrown for a big loop as
www.youtube.com/watch?v=260GMGFqdkI&feature=related] This [/url] comes on the Jumbotron. Huh? Does this mean?
BESIAOF: Weighing in at a combined weight of 650 lbs…the team of Davin Moreland and the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion…Stank!
Somewhere, Firewoman is smiling as a tag team comes out TOGETHER…LIKE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO!
Davin Moreland and Stank appear in matching green singlets with gold trim, grin at each other and head down quickly toward the ring. The slap hands with the fans in speedy fashion. O’Mac and Williams bail and Davin and Stank pose on opposite turnbuckles, jump down to the mat, and do a choreographed stereo pose before bumping knuckles and Stank going to the outside. Eric O’Mac grins and will start first for his team. Creech snaps to life a bit, and calls for the bell, and WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Davin and O’Mac go nose to nose in the center of the ring, Davin saying something like “wristlock” and Eric saying something like “timekeeper”. Eventually this leads to a shove from O’Mac which moves Davin exactly zero inches. Davin smirks and delivers a double palm thrust that shoves Eric halfway across the ring. Davin charges but Eric is able to sidestep and drill him with a knee to the gut. With Davin doubled over, Eric quickly moves around and locks his hands around Davin’s waist…GERMAN SUPLEX! He keeps them locked…GERMAN SUPLEX…still locked…TRIPLE GERMAN SUPLEX! O’Mac releases on the last German, and looks to cover: 1, 2, no, and Davin kicked out pretty easily. O’Mac takes Moreland by the hair and drags him to his corner. He tags LD Williams who delivers a big boot to the midsection with Eric holding Davin prone. Williams stacks Davin in the corner and assaults him with chops and uppercuts, and a huge standing kick to the face. Another chop and he tags in Eric. LD makes a motion, and Eric stands in the middle of the ring. LD gets to him and WHIPS him into Davin. Eric holds Davin in place, as LD charges, and hits a BIG SPLASH! Eric gets on top of the turnbuckle, and LD gets behind Davin, and holds him prone. LD ducks out of the way just as Eric delivers a BIG MISSLE DROPKICK! Stank hops into the ring to stop the shenanigans, but Creech cuts him off. This allows for some stomping double-teaming on Davin.
Once Creech gets Stank back to holding the tag rope, Eric is the legal man. He pulls a woozy Davin to his feet and whips him into the ropes, and snaps off a flying hurricarana. O’Mac runs the ropes and delivers a Basement Dropkick to Davin, forcing him to the outside. Eric walks over to Creech to talk to him about…something, and this allows LD Williams to drop off the apron and do some beatdown stuff. A couple of kicks, a couple of chops, a whip to the Barrier and a WHIP TO THE STEEL STEPS does big damage. Stank’s had enough of this happy horseshit and runs over to break it up, but Creech yells manically for Stank to get back to his corner. This allows for some outside the ring double-teaming, including a WHIP INTO THE RINGPOST and another WHIP INTO THE STEEL STEPS! Eric finally gets Davin into the ring and covers: 1, 2, NO! Eric pulls Davin up and whips him to the ropes. Davin ducks a clothesline and runs the opposite ropes. O’Mac ducks a clothesline and Davin is still running. Off the ropes a third time, Davin ducks a clothesline but stops, and as Eric turns around, he eats a HUGE Belly-to-Belly Suplex. Eric is down, and LD is pounding on his turnbuckle. Davin is down and likely doesn’t know where he is. Creech starts a count, but his heart isn’t in it. Eric is up way before Davin, and rushes over to tag in LD. LD hurries in as soon as Davin starts to stir, and looks to lock in an STF, but Davin manages to fight him off. Davin tries to get to the corner, but LD still has the leg, ENZIGUIRI! LD drops and is stunned. Davin is crawling, trying to tag in the fresh Stank. Davin is reaching and is almost there, and LD GRABS HIS LEG AGAIN! He grabs both legs, and Davin MONKEY FLIPS him throat first into the ropes. Davin struggles to Stank and gets the HOT TAG!
In the meantime, Eric has been tagged in by a desperate LD. Clothesline. Clothesline. Punch to the head. Stank is a HOUSE O’ FIRE! LD wants some, so he comes and gets some. Clothesline. Clothesline. Punch to the head. Bad guys powder out. Stank asks Creech “Who’s Legal?” to which Creech just shrugs. He pulls Eric in THE HARD WAY from outside, and goes to stompin’ Stompity stomp stomp. Stank picks up Eric and tosses him into the corner for the STANKONIA 2.0! Eric is sufficiently disgusted. LD runs in to try to break up the momentum but gets PRESS SLAMMED ONTO THE FLOOR! Stank looks over to his corner for Davin, who has sufficiently recovered enough to be standing. Stank nods, shoots him a huge grin, and tags Davin in. Davin climbs through the ropes just as Stank hoists the near-dead Eric onto his shoulders. He’s looking for a Stank-U! He’s got him up and Davin’s running the ropes…it’s a STANK-U DIAMOND CUTTER~!~!
Russ: BAH GAWD!
Joey: Oh. My. God.
Eric’s probably dead. Stank stares down Creech until he slides in to cover: 1, 2, 3. It’s over.
WINNER by PINFALL in 19:46…STANK and DAVIN MORELAND!
Their music fires up again and the two celebrate and play to the crowd. The don’t see the waves of people flying down the ramp until it’s too late…Dead, Viper, Cole, Attitude Adjuster, Johnny Adrenaline, F. Fonzworth MacCappington, Skurge and SYB all fly down to the ring with Bennett and Moosehead Jack both standing at the top of the ramp. The six do not attack ninja-style, but somehow Stank and Davin manage to fight everyone off to the roar of the crowd, and they raise their arms in victory. Unfortunately, they don’t see Eric and LD behind them with chairs and they both get pasted with chairs, over and over. Finally, all of the other 10 members near the ring fall in, and join in on a brutal 12 on 2 beatdown with Moose and Bennett just sneering from the top of the ramp.
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Blood on the Great Wall Pay Per View! Live April 27th From Beijing, China! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! April 16th from Omsk, Russia!
For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts
Join us for OOWF Chat on Wednesday nights!
This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Tar-Jack-Fire-Crete-Cap-Tommy-Tex-Bunny- Dead-Sop Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd.
