Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 18, 2008 20:12:03 GMT -5
Just for the record, I will have to change my screen name soon due to a lost bet on Current Events. Just as I reach Legend Killer status *sigh*.
(The trOOptron is split in half. One image shows Bush fresh off the Mission Accomplished run, and images from Farenheit 9/11. The other shows H. Ross Perot during his 1992 and 1996 campaign runs. There is a blast of fireworks, and "It's The End Of The World" by R.E.M. plays over the PA System.)
JP: This is OOWF Live! We are LIVE in Crawford, Texas, just a hop, skip, and a jump from Uncertain! Welcom to Apocalypse "W"!
Razz: For all you conservatives, that's "Perot2008"! Now let's get to our first grudge match of the night-"Dangerous" Donnie Viper vs. Maximo Morte!
JP: They both cost each other the match against Gimmickman for teh #1 contendership, let's see how this turns out!
"Dangerous" Donnie Viper vs. Maximo Morte
Morte and Viper start off with some scare tactics, neither of which phase the other. A lightning bolt from Morte startles Viper long enough for Morte to gain the advantage with a series of armdrags. Quick reversal of holds back and forth culminates in Viper giving Morte a Reverse Unprettier/Bodyslam for a two-count. Viper stays in control with boots and punches until he is tripped up and driven crotch-first into the ringpost. Morte climbs the turnbuckle and comes off with a MaxiMorte into a pin cover, but Donnie Viper gets his foot on the bottom rope. Morte pulls Donnie farther out and goes up top again, but Viper raises his arm and the lights go out as he comes off and crashes to the mat. The lights come back on, and Viper puts Morte in a Dangerlock. Morte reaches for the ropes, but is forced to tap out.
Winner-"Dangerous" Donovan Viper in 4:02
Ecosystem comes out and calls to Viper from atop the ramp. Viper turns to him, and beckons for Eco to come to the ring. The crowd cheers as Ecosystem comes down, but Viper is blindsided by a chair shot from behind by Maximo Morte. Morte walks outside the ring and is greeted with a smile and a handshake/hug by Eco, who walks back with him smiling.
JP: I don't believe it! Do you think Ecosystem planned...
Razz: Yes. Stupid question.
JP: Yeah. Up next is the newly formed team of Blade and Black Dragon against the newly REformed team of Outback Jack and Gator Bait!
Blade/Blackdragon vs. Outback Jack/GatorBait
Blade starts off against GatorBait, with Blade reversing into headlocks and armbars, but suddenly getting switched over into a small package by GatorBait. Blade kicks out, surprised. Gator Bait dodges a lariat and hits a standing Boomerang, but only gets a one count. Blade starts fighting back with a series of punches followed by an Olympic Slam that gets a decent pop. Blade goes for the cover, but it's reversed, rereversed, rerereversed, and finally the 2-count series is broken up. Gator and Blade try for a test of strength, but Blade reverses to a heart dropkick sending Gator Bait down. Blade tags in Black Dragon, who immediately starts off with martial arts kicks to Gator Bait's sternum. Gator catches one and ratches in a half-Boston Crab. Black Dragon struggles, but finally reaches the ropes after unsuccessful reversal attempts. Dragon manages to send Gator down with a few more martial arts shots after regaining footing, and attempts a Descending Dragon. Bait rolls out of the way, and Dragon crashes to the mat. Outback Jack gets the tag to a huge pop. He throws Black Dragon with a belly-to-belly, decapitates Blade with a frontward Boomerang, and locks in a Croc Hunter on Black Dragon, pulling the leg into it. Black Dragon is forced to tap.
Winner: Outback Jack/Gator Bait in 6:07
JP: We'll be right back after these commercials!
Hillary Clinton For President: We're Not Jumping The Gun, Are We?
Razz: We're back, and L.D. Williams is finally getting his hands on the corrupt GM, Ecosystem! Oddly enough, Ecosystem agreed to this NO Interference Match!
LD Williams vs. Ecosystem-No Interference Match
LD starts off as a man possessed, with Rock-like punching, stomping, and chopping flurries. Eco manages to neutralize LD with a series of full nelsons and unorthodox chokes from his amateur wrestling background, but he is forced to break most by either rope grabs or illegal choking. LD whips Eco into the ropes, and he flips over them a'la Ric Flair, just in time to avoid a Stinger Splash. Eco comes off the ropes with an Acid Drop to LD, which garners him a two-count. Eco begins to gain the advantage, working over LD's neck with a series of neckbreakers and nelsons to set up for the Endgame. "The System" locks in the Endgame hold, but LD manages to leverage despite the torqued neck and piledrives Eco. Williams takes a moment to regain his senses, and goes to the top rope. He nails a flying crossbody on a dazed Eco, but Eco rolls through into the standing position, where he bodyslams LD and drops a leg. Eco goes up top and comes off with a missle dropkick to LD's face, but LD grabs the foot and trips Eco. He pulls the GM into the STF, and in moments, Ecosystem is forced to tap out.
Winner-LD Williams in 7:42
After the match, Grunt and LI comes out for their match, and take the opportunity to attack LD WIlliams. Williams manages to stop LI with a boot and DDT, but Grunt stops him with a powerbomb. They are about to continue the assault when Hellion and Corax come out to stop the mugging.
Hellion/Corax vs. Grunt/LI
Grunt starts off against Hellion, keeping him down with a series of forearms and chops. Hellion tries to trip Grunt up, but doesn't have the body mass to do it. Grunt laughs and whips Hellion into the ropes for a huge Lou Thesz Press. Hellion ducks, Grunt
stumbles, and Hellion comes off the ropes with a spinning heel kick. Grunt stumbles, balancing on one foot, and Hellion kicks out the other. Hellion goes for the cover, 1-2-kickout. Hellion tags in Corax, and they attempt to double suplex Grunt. Instead
he suplexes both of them simultanieously. Grunt stumbles over and tags in LI, who hooks Hellion up and brainbusters him, rolling him out of the ring. Corax is up, however, and catches LI in a Trickster's Trap. Grunt kicks Hellion off LI, however. While
the referee admonishes Grunt, LI pulls out a bully club from his pocket, and nails Corax with it before hiding it. The referee turns around to see LI's cover, but Corax kicks out at two. LI tags in Grunt, who goes to the top rope. The turnbuckle post bends
, however, and Grunt crashes into the steel steps outside the ring. Hellion hops up to the ring and gives LI a Hell's Fury off the ring apron. The referee makes the countout.
Winners: Hellion and Corax in 4:02
(Ecosystem comes back out)
Eco: Hey ref! I'm not liking the job you're doing! So for the next match, I'm going to help out as a special enforcer, got it?
Hardbody Harris vs. UnderDawg-#1 Contendership
Eco tries to start off giving the rules in a nerdy fashion, but they both push him to the side and start brawling. Harris goes over the top, and UnderDawg goes to the top rope. UnderDawg leaps off with a crossbody, but Hardbody catches him with a powerslam. Harris rolls in the ring, ref counting UnderDawg out, UnderDawg sits up and rolls back in. Harris attacks UnderDawg with forearms and kicks, but eh Dawg no-sells. UnderDawg lifts Harris and delivers a series of vertical suplexes, but the third is reversed by Harris into a brainbuster. Harris begins to work over the arm of UnderDawg with a side armbar, but UnderDawg manages to throw Harris off. UnderDawg attempts a goozle, misses, and takes the TO BE EDITER IN LATER right to his arm! Harris twists the arm and goes up for his own version of Dawg School. UnderDawg follows and grabs the goozle with the other arm. Harris jumps off with the TO BE EDITED IN LATER as Underdawg executes the chokeslam! Both hit the ground at the same time, with Harris's leg covering UnderDawg and UnderDawg's arm covering Harris. The referee and Ecosystem make the count. 1-2-3
Winner: Both~? at 4:37
Eco: Your winner is Hardbody Harris, people! (The referee begin to argue with Eco) Come on! UnderDawg? I don't care what you saw I'm not giving the #1 contendership to that mutt-(he turns around to stare UnderDawg in the face)-uh, I mean, I suppose both of them will advance to a triple threat as #1 contenders. Sound good?
Crowd: YEAH!!!!
Intelligent Crowd That Just Realizes They've Been Ripped Off: BOO!!!
Random Microplay Fan: MICROPLAY!
Eco: All righty then. I believe the next match is also an Establishment match-
(UnderDawg cracks his knuckles.)
Eco: -against Concrete Takaken Gryfon. Chill, big Dawg.
UnderDawg chokeslams Ecosystem just for the heck of it. Hardbody Harris attacks UnderDawg and sends him out of the ring, but then realizes defending a heel is probably not a face thing in the post-Stone Cold era, so he beats on Eco for a second before leaving.
JP: Can't Eco fire these people?
Razz: Not unless they lose a retirement match. Vinnie Mac set the precedent.
Moosehead Jack vs. TG-Non-Title Bounty Match
The audience realizes that the match being non-title basically implies how it is booked, and leave to buy popcorn. Dadgum smarks. Moosehead starts off using the "ground-and-pound" Samoa Joe technique. Concrete manages to slide out of the ring and pull moosehead out behind him. Moosehead swings at Concrete, but gets drop toeholded into the announcers' table. Takaken slides back into the ring, but MJ gets back in before 5. MJ dodges a spinning kick and yanks Concrete up for a piledriver. 1-2-foot on ropes. Jack, after spouting off at the referee, tries another piledriver, but recieves a hurricarana for his trouble. Concrete leapfrogs a charging Moosehead and reverse dropkicks him into the turnbuckle post. Gryfon locks in the Scaffold, but Jack reaches the ropes. Jack nails a DDT, but Concrete kicks out of the ensuing pin. Jack sets up for a third piledriver attempt, but Takaken flips him over and delivers a snake eyes. Takaken attempts to roll Jack up, but Jack falls foward and grabs his crotch in false pain. The referee rings the bell, assuming a low blow.
Winner: Mooshead Jack in 5:02
While Takaken explains to the referee that Moosehead Jack faked it, Jack comes rushing out with a series of steel chair shots to Takaken Gryfon. The referee pulls Moosehead off, who opts to give the referee a piledriver on the steel chair. Grunt and LI come back out as the crowd boos, and Grunt hoists Takaken up. LI climbs the top rope, and comes down with Grunt delivering a powerbomb/clothesline combo. The Establishment celebration is quickly broken up by Microplay, who is running in swinging a steel pole. He nails Grunt from outside the ring, but LI rolls outside and kicks the pole out of his hand. Microplay punches LI over and over in the head while Moosehead Jack does something under the ring. LI ducks a punch, and as Microplay spins around, he takes a flaming 2x4 to the head. Microplay goes down as Grunt steps off onto the apron and splashes him.
JP: Hmm. Microplay's out. That can't be good if he's defending his World Title.
Razz: I doubt it. Have we done a commercial for a while?
JP: Not really. I guess it's because great products like Stacker 75: Less Heart Problems, Same Great Flavor don't need shilling.
Razz: Yeah. And I'm definitely sure the new Hondza 2006 needs no sell job either.
JP: Hondza 2006?
Razz: Well, by then, both companies will-I've said too much.
Brad "The Biscuit" Gryfonsyrenwyverndragon vs. Eric O'Mac vs. Semaj B. vs. Canadian Dragon vs. Johnny Adrenaline vs. The Beast
-Battle Royale Championship
All 5 people team up on Brad at the beginning just to not be embarassed again. Brad fights back, nailing Semaj B. with a beer bottle. Brad does get tossed over, and in an expression of camraderie, they eliminate their fallen teammate Semaj B. as well. Canadian Dragon starts trading rights with Johnny, as does Eric O'Mac and The Beast. Suddenly, The Beast and Canadian Dragon remember they're left-handed, and their opponents go down. Canadian Dragon stares at The Beast, and he falls over. That's his MOVE! (Sorry) Canadian Dragon goes up top for a...you know....one of those hundred Dragonsault thingys. Only Semaj got back in the ring (rules? What rules?) and pushes Canadian Dragon off to the mat. Ouchie. The Beast gets up and spears Semaj in his back, and throws him over the top rope. The Beast stands on the second rope and growls to gloat, and Eric O'Mac sends him over. The Beast gets angry and runs back in. Johnny Adrenaline yells at Eric O'Mac to hop the ropes and grab a steel chair for a Mac Drop. Only after he touches the floor does Eric realized he's been tricked.
Winner and NEW Battle Royale Champion-Johnny Adrenaline in 3:42
Razz: Wow. Our guys are not very smart.
JP: You have one wrestling move, Razz. I beat you when I figured out how to reverse it. And I'm a 60-year old fat man.
Razz: ....
JP: Razz?
Razz: ....
JP: Are you CRYING?
Microplay vs. Gimmickman-World Title Rematch
Microplay stumbles out, bandaged from the beating from before. Microplay tries to fend off Gimmickman with punches and kicks, but Gimmick takes control with a swinging backbreaker. GM drives the knee into MP's back, but MP reverses and delivers a headbutt to GM's sternum. Hardbody Harris comes out, and begins to circle the ring. MP nails a DDT, but is too slow in making the cover and only gets a two count. MP goes up top, but GM gets up, and MP wisely comes back down. MP attempts a boot to the gut, caught, GM spins him around and nails a clothesline. Gimmick hooks Play up for a Torture rack as UnderDawg comes out. Gimmick is momentarily distracted by UD's apparance, and MP reverses into a flying snapmare. MP nails a standing Throwback, but lands on his back in pain. GM locks in a full nelson as MP howls in pain. Microplay makes it to the ropes and elbows GM off. UnderDawg stares Microplay down for a moment, but Microplay ducks quick enough to avoid a Gimmickman charge. Gimmickman comes out of the corner dazed, and MP nails a Super Splash Elbow from the top into GM's jaw. GM goes down, but MP is again too slow to cover and only gets a one-count. MP goes for a Lou Thesz Press, but GM turns it into a sit-out powerbomb. MP somehow manages to kick out of the ensuing cover. As GM argues with the referee, MP puts him down with a brass knuckle shot in plain sight in desperation.
Winner-Gimmickman by DQ in 7:04
A pained Microplay grabs his title, but is confronted in the ring, but is confronted by hardbody Harris and UnderDawg all three combatants stare at each other as we...
-Fade to OOWF Logo-
Random Microplay Fan: MICROPLAY!
Post PPV:
Backstage in the locker room, Blade seems unaffected by his team's loss, as he's whooping it up with...none other than AYAKA, the winner of the Quarter Dollar Hooker Search! Well, maybe "whooping it up" isn't quite the right term...
Blade: C'mon, baby, just give it a try.
Ayaka: Why do I have to? It's stupid.
Blade: Maybe, but... (waves around a handful of bills) ...this is more than a quarter, isn't it?
Ayaka: (sniffs) Canadian money. I'm not so sure.
Blade: (shrugs; takes out more money) That better?
Ayaka: Oh, all right. (takes a deep breath, and begins speaking in a fakey Japanese accent) Ohhhh, Missa Blade, I rike so much to be the new valet of...
Blade: Geisha.
Ayaka: Gesiha? I don't even have makeup or...
Blade: GEISHA.
Ayaka: Gotcha. (coughs; resumes accent) I rike so much to be geisha of the gleatest ath-uu-reete in the OOWF!
Blade: Aww, yeah, baby, I love it when you talk like that!
Ayaka: Fanboy.
Blade: (raises eyebrow)
Ayaka: Uh..."baka otaku"?
Blade: Better.
(At that moment, Black Dragon stomps in, obviously steamed.)
BD: Hey, Blade, we gotta talk.
Blade: Oh yeah? What's up, partner?
BD: Well, that's just it. Man, you left me out to dry out there. We gotta work on our teamwork if we're gonna beat Hellion
and Corax.
Blade: Yeah, you're right. But I got a plan. Listen close...
(Black Dragon leans forward. This is probably an unfortunate decision on his part, since that provides ample opportunity for the aluminum baseball bat swung by Ayaka to connect solidly with the back of his skull. Blade gets up and grins at the fallen Black Dragon.)
Blade: Leave you out to dry? You pathetic little nobody. Who do you think I am? I'm BLADE, goddamnit. I am undefeated in
one on one competition in the OOWF. I am the HOPE of this federation. There's nobody here who even deserves to lick my boots. Help you? Who were we up against? Outback Jack and some jobber who's been around for a cup of coffee. Let me tell you something, shounen... I fought Outback Jack. And, just like every time I haven't been teamed up against two-on-one, I BEAT his ass, 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. Now if you have a problem defeating the likes of them, I clearly overestimated you when I permitted you to be my partner.
(Black Dragon is just slowly rising to his feet when Blade and Ayaka lay into him viciously with kicks and bat swings, respectively. After a few moments of this, Blade picks up the chair he was sitting in a moment before and swings it directly
down on his former partner's head. Black Dragon goes down in a bloody heap, and lies still.)
Blade: Heh... don't try to hold me back, punk. (turning around, he addresses the camera) At first, I was a little ticked
that half the federation intervened to keep me from winning my world title. But I get it, now. The chase is more exciting,
right? That's fine. Don't worry, kiddies... I'll keep you in suspense just a little longer. First off, I'm going to start
with the belt that was first stolen from me by some sore loser and his buddies... the Intercontinental Championship.
Ayaka: Hey, Missa Blade...
Blade: What?
Ayaka: (hefts bat) Mind if I keep this? That was kind of... liberating.
Blade: (smirks) Sure. With all the jealousy towards me around here, you'll probably need it.
Ayaka: Sugoi!
(The trOOptron is split in half. One image shows Bush fresh off the Mission Accomplished run, and images from Farenheit 9/11. The other shows H. Ross Perot during his 1992 and 1996 campaign runs. There is a blast of fireworks, and "It's The End Of The World" by R.E.M. plays over the PA System.)
JP: This is OOWF Live! We are LIVE in Crawford, Texas, just a hop, skip, and a jump from Uncertain! Welcom to Apocalypse "W"!
Razz: For all you conservatives, that's "Perot2008"! Now let's get to our first grudge match of the night-"Dangerous" Donnie Viper vs. Maximo Morte!
JP: They both cost each other the match against Gimmickman for teh #1 contendership, let's see how this turns out!
"Dangerous" Donnie Viper vs. Maximo Morte
Morte and Viper start off with some scare tactics, neither of which phase the other. A lightning bolt from Morte startles Viper long enough for Morte to gain the advantage with a series of armdrags. Quick reversal of holds back and forth culminates in Viper giving Morte a Reverse Unprettier/Bodyslam for a two-count. Viper stays in control with boots and punches until he is tripped up and driven crotch-first into the ringpost. Morte climbs the turnbuckle and comes off with a MaxiMorte into a pin cover, but Donnie Viper gets his foot on the bottom rope. Morte pulls Donnie farther out and goes up top again, but Viper raises his arm and the lights go out as he comes off and crashes to the mat. The lights come back on, and Viper puts Morte in a Dangerlock. Morte reaches for the ropes, but is forced to tap out.
Winner-"Dangerous" Donovan Viper in 4:02
Ecosystem comes out and calls to Viper from atop the ramp. Viper turns to him, and beckons for Eco to come to the ring. The crowd cheers as Ecosystem comes down, but Viper is blindsided by a chair shot from behind by Maximo Morte. Morte walks outside the ring and is greeted with a smile and a handshake/hug by Eco, who walks back with him smiling.
JP: I don't believe it! Do you think Ecosystem planned...
Razz: Yes. Stupid question.
JP: Yeah. Up next is the newly formed team of Blade and Black Dragon against the newly REformed team of Outback Jack and Gator Bait!
Blade/Blackdragon vs. Outback Jack/GatorBait
Blade starts off against GatorBait, with Blade reversing into headlocks and armbars, but suddenly getting switched over into a small package by GatorBait. Blade kicks out, surprised. Gator Bait dodges a lariat and hits a standing Boomerang, but only gets a one count. Blade starts fighting back with a series of punches followed by an Olympic Slam that gets a decent pop. Blade goes for the cover, but it's reversed, rereversed, rerereversed, and finally the 2-count series is broken up. Gator and Blade try for a test of strength, but Blade reverses to a heart dropkick sending Gator Bait down. Blade tags in Black Dragon, who immediately starts off with martial arts kicks to Gator Bait's sternum. Gator catches one and ratches in a half-Boston Crab. Black Dragon struggles, but finally reaches the ropes after unsuccessful reversal attempts. Dragon manages to send Gator down with a few more martial arts shots after regaining footing, and attempts a Descending Dragon. Bait rolls out of the way, and Dragon crashes to the mat. Outback Jack gets the tag to a huge pop. He throws Black Dragon with a belly-to-belly, decapitates Blade with a frontward Boomerang, and locks in a Croc Hunter on Black Dragon, pulling the leg into it. Black Dragon is forced to tap.
Winner: Outback Jack/Gator Bait in 6:07
JP: We'll be right back after these commercials!
Hillary Clinton For President: We're Not Jumping The Gun, Are We?
Razz: We're back, and L.D. Williams is finally getting his hands on the corrupt GM, Ecosystem! Oddly enough, Ecosystem agreed to this NO Interference Match!
LD Williams vs. Ecosystem-No Interference Match
LD starts off as a man possessed, with Rock-like punching, stomping, and chopping flurries. Eco manages to neutralize LD with a series of full nelsons and unorthodox chokes from his amateur wrestling background, but he is forced to break most by either rope grabs or illegal choking. LD whips Eco into the ropes, and he flips over them a'la Ric Flair, just in time to avoid a Stinger Splash. Eco comes off the ropes with an Acid Drop to LD, which garners him a two-count. Eco begins to gain the advantage, working over LD's neck with a series of neckbreakers and nelsons to set up for the Endgame. "The System" locks in the Endgame hold, but LD manages to leverage despite the torqued neck and piledrives Eco. Williams takes a moment to regain his senses, and goes to the top rope. He nails a flying crossbody on a dazed Eco, but Eco rolls through into the standing position, where he bodyslams LD and drops a leg. Eco goes up top and comes off with a missle dropkick to LD's face, but LD grabs the foot and trips Eco. He pulls the GM into the STF, and in moments, Ecosystem is forced to tap out.
Winner-LD Williams in 7:42
After the match, Grunt and LI comes out for their match, and take the opportunity to attack LD WIlliams. Williams manages to stop LI with a boot and DDT, but Grunt stops him with a powerbomb. They are about to continue the assault when Hellion and Corax come out to stop the mugging.
Hellion/Corax vs. Grunt/LI
Grunt starts off against Hellion, keeping him down with a series of forearms and chops. Hellion tries to trip Grunt up, but doesn't have the body mass to do it. Grunt laughs and whips Hellion into the ropes for a huge Lou Thesz Press. Hellion ducks, Grunt
stumbles, and Hellion comes off the ropes with a spinning heel kick. Grunt stumbles, balancing on one foot, and Hellion kicks out the other. Hellion goes for the cover, 1-2-kickout. Hellion tags in Corax, and they attempt to double suplex Grunt. Instead
he suplexes both of them simultanieously. Grunt stumbles over and tags in LI, who hooks Hellion up and brainbusters him, rolling him out of the ring. Corax is up, however, and catches LI in a Trickster's Trap. Grunt kicks Hellion off LI, however. While
the referee admonishes Grunt, LI pulls out a bully club from his pocket, and nails Corax with it before hiding it. The referee turns around to see LI's cover, but Corax kicks out at two. LI tags in Grunt, who goes to the top rope. The turnbuckle post bends
, however, and Grunt crashes into the steel steps outside the ring. Hellion hops up to the ring and gives LI a Hell's Fury off the ring apron. The referee makes the countout.
Winners: Hellion and Corax in 4:02
(Ecosystem comes back out)
Eco: Hey ref! I'm not liking the job you're doing! So for the next match, I'm going to help out as a special enforcer, got it?
Hardbody Harris vs. UnderDawg-#1 Contendership
Eco tries to start off giving the rules in a nerdy fashion, but they both push him to the side and start brawling. Harris goes over the top, and UnderDawg goes to the top rope. UnderDawg leaps off with a crossbody, but Hardbody catches him with a powerslam. Harris rolls in the ring, ref counting UnderDawg out, UnderDawg sits up and rolls back in. Harris attacks UnderDawg with forearms and kicks, but eh Dawg no-sells. UnderDawg lifts Harris and delivers a series of vertical suplexes, but the third is reversed by Harris into a brainbuster. Harris begins to work over the arm of UnderDawg with a side armbar, but UnderDawg manages to throw Harris off. UnderDawg attempts a goozle, misses, and takes the TO BE EDITER IN LATER right to his arm! Harris twists the arm and goes up for his own version of Dawg School. UnderDawg follows and grabs the goozle with the other arm. Harris jumps off with the TO BE EDITED IN LATER as Underdawg executes the chokeslam! Both hit the ground at the same time, with Harris's leg covering UnderDawg and UnderDawg's arm covering Harris. The referee and Ecosystem make the count. 1-2-3
Winner: Both~? at 4:37
Eco: Your winner is Hardbody Harris, people! (The referee begin to argue with Eco) Come on! UnderDawg? I don't care what you saw I'm not giving the #1 contendership to that mutt-(he turns around to stare UnderDawg in the face)-uh, I mean, I suppose both of them will advance to a triple threat as #1 contenders. Sound good?
Crowd: YEAH!!!!
Intelligent Crowd That Just Realizes They've Been Ripped Off: BOO!!!
Random Microplay Fan: MICROPLAY!
Eco: All righty then. I believe the next match is also an Establishment match-
(UnderDawg cracks his knuckles.)
Eco: -against Concrete Takaken Gryfon. Chill, big Dawg.
UnderDawg chokeslams Ecosystem just for the heck of it. Hardbody Harris attacks UnderDawg and sends him out of the ring, but then realizes defending a heel is probably not a face thing in the post-Stone Cold era, so he beats on Eco for a second before leaving.
JP: Can't Eco fire these people?
Razz: Not unless they lose a retirement match. Vinnie Mac set the precedent.
Moosehead Jack vs. TG-Non-Title Bounty Match
The audience realizes that the match being non-title basically implies how it is booked, and leave to buy popcorn. Dadgum smarks. Moosehead starts off using the "ground-and-pound" Samoa Joe technique. Concrete manages to slide out of the ring and pull moosehead out behind him. Moosehead swings at Concrete, but gets drop toeholded into the announcers' table. Takaken slides back into the ring, but MJ gets back in before 5. MJ dodges a spinning kick and yanks Concrete up for a piledriver. 1-2-foot on ropes. Jack, after spouting off at the referee, tries another piledriver, but recieves a hurricarana for his trouble. Concrete leapfrogs a charging Moosehead and reverse dropkicks him into the turnbuckle post. Gryfon locks in the Scaffold, but Jack reaches the ropes. Jack nails a DDT, but Concrete kicks out of the ensuing pin. Jack sets up for a third piledriver attempt, but Takaken flips him over and delivers a snake eyes. Takaken attempts to roll Jack up, but Jack falls foward and grabs his crotch in false pain. The referee rings the bell, assuming a low blow.
Winner: Mooshead Jack in 5:02
While Takaken explains to the referee that Moosehead Jack faked it, Jack comes rushing out with a series of steel chair shots to Takaken Gryfon. The referee pulls Moosehead off, who opts to give the referee a piledriver on the steel chair. Grunt and LI come back out as the crowd boos, and Grunt hoists Takaken up. LI climbs the top rope, and comes down with Grunt delivering a powerbomb/clothesline combo. The Establishment celebration is quickly broken up by Microplay, who is running in swinging a steel pole. He nails Grunt from outside the ring, but LI rolls outside and kicks the pole out of his hand. Microplay punches LI over and over in the head while Moosehead Jack does something under the ring. LI ducks a punch, and as Microplay spins around, he takes a flaming 2x4 to the head. Microplay goes down as Grunt steps off onto the apron and splashes him.
JP: Hmm. Microplay's out. That can't be good if he's defending his World Title.
Razz: I doubt it. Have we done a commercial for a while?
JP: Not really. I guess it's because great products like Stacker 75: Less Heart Problems, Same Great Flavor don't need shilling.
Razz: Yeah. And I'm definitely sure the new Hondza 2006 needs no sell job either.
JP: Hondza 2006?
Razz: Well, by then, both companies will-I've said too much.
Brad "The Biscuit" Gryfonsyrenwyverndragon vs. Eric O'Mac vs. Semaj B. vs. Canadian Dragon vs. Johnny Adrenaline vs. The Beast
-Battle Royale Championship
All 5 people team up on Brad at the beginning just to not be embarassed again. Brad fights back, nailing Semaj B. with a beer bottle. Brad does get tossed over, and in an expression of camraderie, they eliminate their fallen teammate Semaj B. as well. Canadian Dragon starts trading rights with Johnny, as does Eric O'Mac and The Beast. Suddenly, The Beast and Canadian Dragon remember they're left-handed, and their opponents go down. Canadian Dragon stares at The Beast, and he falls over. That's his MOVE! (Sorry) Canadian Dragon goes up top for a...you know....one of those hundred Dragonsault thingys. Only Semaj got back in the ring (rules? What rules?) and pushes Canadian Dragon off to the mat. Ouchie. The Beast gets up and spears Semaj in his back, and throws him over the top rope. The Beast stands on the second rope and growls to gloat, and Eric O'Mac sends him over. The Beast gets angry and runs back in. Johnny Adrenaline yells at Eric O'Mac to hop the ropes and grab a steel chair for a Mac Drop. Only after he touches the floor does Eric realized he's been tricked.
Winner and NEW Battle Royale Champion-Johnny Adrenaline in 3:42
Razz: Wow. Our guys are not very smart.
JP: You have one wrestling move, Razz. I beat you when I figured out how to reverse it. And I'm a 60-year old fat man.
Razz: ....
JP: Razz?
Razz: ....
JP: Are you CRYING?
Microplay vs. Gimmickman-World Title Rematch
Microplay stumbles out, bandaged from the beating from before. Microplay tries to fend off Gimmickman with punches and kicks, but Gimmick takes control with a swinging backbreaker. GM drives the knee into MP's back, but MP reverses and delivers a headbutt to GM's sternum. Hardbody Harris comes out, and begins to circle the ring. MP nails a DDT, but is too slow in making the cover and only gets a two count. MP goes up top, but GM gets up, and MP wisely comes back down. MP attempts a boot to the gut, caught, GM spins him around and nails a clothesline. Gimmick hooks Play up for a Torture rack as UnderDawg comes out. Gimmick is momentarily distracted by UD's apparance, and MP reverses into a flying snapmare. MP nails a standing Throwback, but lands on his back in pain. GM locks in a full nelson as MP howls in pain. Microplay makes it to the ropes and elbows GM off. UnderDawg stares Microplay down for a moment, but Microplay ducks quick enough to avoid a Gimmickman charge. Gimmickman comes out of the corner dazed, and MP nails a Super Splash Elbow from the top into GM's jaw. GM goes down, but MP is again too slow to cover and only gets a one-count. MP goes for a Lou Thesz Press, but GM turns it into a sit-out powerbomb. MP somehow manages to kick out of the ensuing cover. As GM argues with the referee, MP puts him down with a brass knuckle shot in plain sight in desperation.
Winner-Gimmickman by DQ in 7:04
A pained Microplay grabs his title, but is confronted in the ring, but is confronted by hardbody Harris and UnderDawg all three combatants stare at each other as we...
-Fade to OOWF Logo-
Random Microplay Fan: MICROPLAY!
Post PPV:
Backstage in the locker room, Blade seems unaffected by his team's loss, as he's whooping it up with...none other than AYAKA, the winner of the Quarter Dollar Hooker Search! Well, maybe "whooping it up" isn't quite the right term...
Blade: C'mon, baby, just give it a try.
Ayaka: Why do I have to? It's stupid.
Blade: Maybe, but... (waves around a handful of bills) ...this is more than a quarter, isn't it?
Ayaka: (sniffs) Canadian money. I'm not so sure.
Blade: (shrugs; takes out more money) That better?
Ayaka: Oh, all right. (takes a deep breath, and begins speaking in a fakey Japanese accent) Ohhhh, Missa Blade, I rike so much to be the new valet of...
Blade: Geisha.
Ayaka: Gesiha? I don't even have makeup or...
Blade: GEISHA.
Ayaka: Gotcha. (coughs; resumes accent) I rike so much to be geisha of the gleatest ath-uu-reete in the OOWF!
Blade: Aww, yeah, baby, I love it when you talk like that!
Ayaka: Fanboy.
Blade: (raises eyebrow)
Ayaka: Uh..."baka otaku"?
Blade: Better.
(At that moment, Black Dragon stomps in, obviously steamed.)
BD: Hey, Blade, we gotta talk.
Blade: Oh yeah? What's up, partner?
BD: Well, that's just it. Man, you left me out to dry out there. We gotta work on our teamwork if we're gonna beat Hellion
and Corax.
Blade: Yeah, you're right. But I got a plan. Listen close...
(Black Dragon leans forward. This is probably an unfortunate decision on his part, since that provides ample opportunity for the aluminum baseball bat swung by Ayaka to connect solidly with the back of his skull. Blade gets up and grins at the fallen Black Dragon.)
Blade: Leave you out to dry? You pathetic little nobody. Who do you think I am? I'm BLADE, goddamnit. I am undefeated in
one on one competition in the OOWF. I am the HOPE of this federation. There's nobody here who even deserves to lick my boots. Help you? Who were we up against? Outback Jack and some jobber who's been around for a cup of coffee. Let me tell you something, shounen... I fought Outback Jack. And, just like every time I haven't been teamed up against two-on-one, I BEAT his ass, 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. Now if you have a problem defeating the likes of them, I clearly overestimated you when I permitted you to be my partner.
(Black Dragon is just slowly rising to his feet when Blade and Ayaka lay into him viciously with kicks and bat swings, respectively. After a few moments of this, Blade picks up the chair he was sitting in a moment before and swings it directly
down on his former partner's head. Black Dragon goes down in a bloody heap, and lies still.)
Blade: Heh... don't try to hold me back, punk. (turning around, he addresses the camera) At first, I was a little ticked
that half the federation intervened to keep me from winning my world title. But I get it, now. The chase is more exciting,
right? That's fine. Don't worry, kiddies... I'll keep you in suspense just a little longer. First off, I'm going to start
with the belt that was first stolen from me by some sore loser and his buddies... the Intercontinental Championship.
Ayaka: Hey, Missa Blade...
Blade: What?
Ayaka: (hefts bat) Mind if I keep this? That was kind of... liberating.
Blade: (smirks) Sure. With all the jealousy towards me around here, you'll probably need it.
Ayaka: Sugoi!