OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 05-21-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Taipei, Taiwan!

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Ecosystem

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Donovan Viper vs. Beast

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
The Midnight Sons vs. Gaelic Storm

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Firewoman vs. Blitz

Best Of Seven Series Match 6: Chris Cole leads 3-2[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Chris Cole

Eric O'Mac & Tyson Kincaid vs. Stank & Concrete TG
Attitude Adjuster vs. Carl From Fresno
Moosehead Jack vs. Capellan
Firechild & Phantos & Lucios vs. The Dead & Worlds Greatest Fag Team
IHOP vs. Voltage & THe Nerve Agent
Outback Jack vs. Mark Vander vs. Amnesiac
Bunny vs. Knife
Alexis Darling vs. Muerte
Poe vs. TBA

Card subject to epiphany

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose is standing in a locker room, bloody and bruised, and not happy>

DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE TONIGHT? Rick's men took out Johnny. We all know that Phantos and Lucios are accomplished wrestlers! We know they have been a team for YEARS! That was no mistake. That was an intentional shot to take out one of our members. Well this week, we need to make a statement. They want to put one of ours out? Thats fine, we will put ALL of them out. In fact, it starts NOW

<Moose storms out of the room grabbing a barbed wire bat on his way and storms down the hall, the Invisible Ninja Cameraman struggles to keep up with him. Moose rounds a corner and sees Capellan reading the lineup card and he charges, before Cap can react, Moose catches him upside the head with the barbed wire bat, then repeatedly brings the bat crashing down on Cap's chest. Finally Moose pulls Capellan to his feet and DRILLS him with a heart punch that sends Cap staggering back against the wall. As he stumbles forward, Moose kicks him in the guy and DRIVES him to the floor with a DDT. Capellan is out cold and blood spreads around his head>

YOU SEE THAT? You fired the first shot, you purposely injured Johnny, now you have hell to pay. Capellan is one of those names on my list. Bennett said it before, you are either WITH us, or you are AGAINST us. I am going to make an example out of this son of a bitch, but rest assured, when we are done, his blood will not be the only blood spilled.

<Moose gets to his feet and leaves, but not before a few more well placed kicks to the unconscious Capellan>

[mooseheadjack]

An OOWF.COM exclusive!~:

The Midnight Sons are backstage, receiving some much needed medical attention, when BAD enter the medical area~~~

Damon Wrath: Well well well....Hot off the heels of squeaking past another team of washed-up has beens, boys?

Random Medical Caregiver: Please, gentlemen, we need to attend to these, men. If I could ask you to -

Seamus McNasty: Y'can ask anything y'want, lad...But I cannae say we'd be carin'.

Still bleeding severely, Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson slowly draw themselves up to stand

SMcN: There y'be...all up you're feet like a pair of men.

DW: You see, boys...WE aren't some pair of has-beens. We aren't some booking stunt. We aren't some post-prime team looking to collect a paycheck...

At that last, Seamus LAUNCHES at Hansen, driving him backwards through a conspicuously placed glass fronted cabinet. Magnusson tries to make the save, only to be caught be Wrath and rammed headfirst into a different glass-fronted cabinet. Both members of BAD grab broken shards of glass, trying to drive them deep into the foreheads of the Midnight Sons as referees and security finally arrive to break things up.

SMcN: What we are, we are the next champions. See you next week, lads.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland, Alexander Darling and Alexis Darling are all in hospital beds. Joining them, Firewoman and Lucky are sitting in between The Twins, and Lucios, Phantos, Carl From Fresno and Emma are sitting next to Davin.*

P: I TOLD you not to do this.

DM: Shut UP Phantos.

P: No. Because of HER *points at Alexis* you're in this bed.

DM: No, because of ME I'm in this bed. And you're out of line.

F: Besides, not like she killed somebody. Unlike SOME people.

P: THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!

AD: *taking great pains to speak* Sure it wasn't. You've been feuding with the Heels forever. You just got over-aggressive.

L: He Didn't. It was an accident!

E: Yeah, Phantos couldn't hurt a fly.

Lucky: Actually, statistically he could easily hurt a fly. And kill somebody.

LD: Shut up, Lucky.

Lucky: I'm just dispassionately and unemotionally evaluating the statistics and what they tell me.

LD: And I said shut up.

F: Leave him alone, Lexie.

LD: *coughs as she tries to sit up and fails* You leave him alone. And you can shut the fuck up too, Fire, while you're at it.

*Lucky stands in front of Firewoman before she can lunge at Alexis*

DM: Ok seriously, *cough* everyone needs to shut the fuck up. That's not an order, it's a request. I'm selling being hurt, you know this has to be serious.

*everyone solemnly nods and quietly agrees that it must be serious*

E: How are we all in the same room, anyway?

AD: It's Japan. Normally they'd have us all in beds in here.

F: He's right.

CFF: What are you, his parrot?

F: Listen Homeless guy, I am not above kicking your ass on general principle.

L: You'll have to get through us first.

F: I guess I will then, freakshow...

LD & DM: ENOUGH!

*everyone goes silent as the odd pairing went all stereo on their asses*

DM: *groans as he tries to sit up* We're all going to have to get along sooner or later anyway.

LD: Especially if we're going to be together.

AD: *catches the look on Phantos' face* WORKING together...that is.

DM: That's right.

L: What do you mean...working together?

F: Yeah, I mean, ok, say after this we decide to join Rick...

CFF: You have a QUESTION now? No one would have done what Davin did. Hell, he asked EVERYONE and no one did. It was a token of good faith toward all of you, and now you're going to take it as if it was nothing? All Davin does is sacrifice, and most of it goes unnoticed, and he gets involved in a fight that ISN'T his, just to prove his loyalty, and now you're just going to stand there and question it? Have none of you souls? When you are cut, do you not bleed? How DARE you even dignify your sentence with an "if"?

*Everyone in the room stares at Carl after his outburst*

CFF: *reverts to his usual somewhat disconnected manner* I'm....imma go get a sandwich.

*Carl leaves*

AD: Besides, he's talking about more than just joining Rick.

L: Wait...what?

LD: He's talking about joining forces...all of us...

P: You can't possibly mean...

*Super Mario - Attorney-at-law enters*

SMAAL: IT'S-A ME!

*Phantos and Lucios kind of creep back toward the wall, remembering getting shrunk the last time they saw Mario*

DM: It's ok. I invited him here. Mario...

SMAAL: SUPER Mario...

DM: SUPER Mario...did you bring the papers?

SMALL: I-A Brought-a the PAPERS!

DM: Who's POA for DEA?

LD: That'd be me.

DM: Can you sign?

LD: Uh-huh.

F: Wait a second...I didn't agree to...

DM: Fire, you DON'T want to be aligned with us?

F: Well, I'm not saying that really; I just...how are things going to change?

AD: For the better. It can only be better.

DM: Just think of it. All this assembled talent in one area, all of us making each other better? All of us working toward the same goal? How isn't that better, Fire?

P: It's not better because Alexander's a jerk.

DM: So?

P: So. I don't want him.

L: I have to admit Davin, I think Phantos is right.

AD: Guys, I don't expect you to trust me. I've made a lot of people not trust me since I've been here. Hell, I don't even think Davin trusts me, fully; but he believes I'm sincere about wanting to help Rick and wanting to work together; and I think I've shown over the last few months that I can be trusted with people I trust. I understand that won't happen with you guys right away; but just give me a chance, and I'll prove it to you.

DM: We have mutual enemies everyone. It makes more sense to work together than to stay separated like this.

LD: *holding a pen to the papers* Guys, I need to know, yes or no.

AD: Yes.

F: *waits a second, and then nods* Yes.

Lucky: *under his breath* dammit.

F: What was that?

Lucky: Nothing.

*Super Mario - Attorney-At-Law brings the papers to Davin just as Carl From Fresno comes into the room*

DM: Guys. I really think this is the best for all of us, but if you don't want me to do it, all you have to do is tell me. Carl?

CFF: Yes, sign it Davin.

DM: Lucios?

L: You haven't let me down yet, Davin. *smiles* Yes.

DM: Emma?

E: I have a vote?

DM: Sure. You've been a part of our little dysfunctional family for a while now. What say you?

E: Well, cool. Then I vote yes. I think this can only help you guys.

DM: Phantos?

P: ...

DM: Phantos?

P: ...

DM: P-Dawg?

L: Phantos.

E: C'Mon Phantos...

P: Fine. Yes. But don't touch any of my stuff. Or my dog.

LD: I think we can handle that, Phantos.

*Davin signs the paper and hands it to Super Mario*

SMAAL: IT'S A DONE!

*He leaves after picking up a turnip he dropped on the way in. Davin rolls over on his side and reaches out his hand to Alexis, who returns the favor*

DM: To Run DEA?

LD: To Run DEA.

*they shake hands as everyone else kind of looks warily at each other, and Carl From Fresno munches on his sandwich*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

The Knife is standing on top of a church wearing his pope robes

TK- Bunny...you beat me this weekend. I'm not gonna pull a cop-out and say that it was luck or accuse you of cheating, sometimes a man must be tested. And right now I'm being tested. I know that it is my destiny to defeat you and to defeat everyone else in the OOWF to show them that my path is the only path to follow. They will only see this when they realize that the Lord shines his light upon me and casts a shadow upon all of you. I am a man who will show the Lord's light through my superior skills in the ring and I was simply set back and I need to prove myself to God Almighty by defeating you, Bunny.

Bunny, you are of questionable sexual orientation. You do some weird furry thing that I cannot allow in my wrestling ring. Plus, I have this theory that, and I can't back this up, but let's just say that a guy got too busy to write promos, his friend took over for him and then that friend handed over the reigns of that character to you, that you'd completely drop the ball and make my character look like a chump and get dropped from the OOWF entirely making my friend look like an idiot for trusting you to handle it. I mean, not like that ever happened, but its just a feeling that I get.

Well anyways....I AM THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD!!!

THE THAT HAND WILL COME CRASHING DOWN UPON YOU!!!

[mooseheadjack]

**Bunny sees The Knife's promo.**

Bunny: I ended you once, Knife, and I can sure as Hell do it again.

**Bunny lawlz. Fade to black.**

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan is checking out of hospital, flirting with the pretty nurse and asking her if they have a "frequent visitor" loyalty plan, when he detects the almost undetectable presence of an Invisible Ninja Cameraman.

"The week's started with a barbed wire bat beatdown, and that can only mean one thing: I'm fighting Moosehead Jack. Let me save you and the folks at home some time, Moose, and give a synopsis of how this goes: you'll lurk in dark rooms with single light bulbs, muttering dire threats and saying 'Trust Me', trying to get into my head. It won't work. Then you'll scream and bitch and throw another tantrum and I'll probably pay the lovely Evelyn here -" he gestures at the nurse "- another visit. And again, it'll be about getting into my head. And again, it won't work. And then we'll repeat the process. Maybe a couple of times. Because that's how you work, Moose. It's the same tired, song and dance routine every week. 'I'm tough. I'm scary. I'm entitled, and if I don't get my way I'll bitch and moan and carry on like a homicidal maniac. So you'd better respect me, and you better bring every ounce of hate and rage and blah blah blah blah blah'." Cap waves his hand dismissively. "Fact of the matter is, Moose, we've danced this dance once before. I didn't buy your games then, and at the end of the night, you were the one on your back, counting lights." Cap grins. "So yeah, this week is going to be deja vu for all of us ... and on Wednesday night, it'll be deja vu for you, too."

[mooseheadjack]

(We catch The Amnesiac walking out from behind the gorilla position curtain after his match. Monkh is there to greet him wearing a t-shirt that says "Two wrongs don't make a right... but three rights make a left".)

Monkh: What happened out there, boss?

Amn: What happened?

(The Amnesiac is suddenly, and uncharacteristically, angry. His voice intensifies.)

Amn: What happened?! That Muerte is a goddamn coward, that's what happened! I had him beat! I had him dead to rights, and he pulls this shit?!

(The Amnesiac looks around for the ninja cameraman, and locates him. He walks over to the camera and looks into it.)

Amn: Muerte, you have done your country a great disservice today. Mexico's most highly decorated singles COWARD! Next time we meet, you will not be able to escape me.

(The Amnesiac takes a breath.)

Amn: And The Dead? You decided to send this guy after me? An insult! You thought that somehow, this guy would keep me away from you? Not with that attitude he won't.

(The Amnesiac storms off down the Hallway of Random Encounters, with Monkh at his side. As he's walking, he turns a corner, and literally runs into Outback Jack.

OBJ: Hey man, watch where you're headed!

(The Amnesiac's fury suddenly becomes too much for him to bear. He shoves Jack out of his way up against the wall, and continues walking. Monkh looks apologetically at Outback Jack, but follows along behind Amnesiac. Jack begins muttering to himself, glares after the duo, but decides better and continues on his original path.)

[mooseheadjack]

Still in the same Japanese medical center with the newly aligned DEA and RUN DLP...

FW: I'm sorry, but that's a deal breaker. NO one allowed in my locker room.

AD: Oh god would you just say okay so she will shut the hell up about it?

P&L: Fine.

DM: Well, if we need to have a conversation...

FW: There are plenty of places in these arenas where that can happen, and you have your Assistant GM office.

DM: Fine.

FW: And Lucky is supposed to get a raise and a few more perqs....

AD: Whatever.. Anything....Just...stop.

FW: And I'd like to donate some money to the Senso-Ji and Asakusa Shrine for them to have a media center....

AD: What the hell would they need with that?

FW: ...to thank them for their help last week. They were woefully uninformed about important events...

DM: I don't know if the details of OOWF and your career qualify as...

AD: Yes...please, whatever you want, just stop talking.

FW: Fine thanks for someone who tried to not let you get a 4 on 2 beating after being bloodied up once already....

AD: I told you to not get involved anyway.

FW: Right...I'm going to start listening now....

DM: Are they always like this?

LD: Pretty much...haven't you been paying attention?

AD: Well...now you're on his radar, so I hope you're happy...... But....thanks.

A very attractive male orderly from the hospital comes in

VAMO: Um...Firewoman? Time for stitches....come with me, please....

FW: Well, hello there....gladly.....

Firewoman links her arm through the startled orderly's arm, as they wander into the next room. Those members of DEA and RUN DLP who notice roll their eyes.

P: I bet he'll be allowed in her locker room....

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack walks along, muttering about how Amnesiac is lucky that he's got something better to do, meets Wally outside the arena. and gets in a cab.*

*OOWF TV cuts to the steps of Taipei City Hall, where LJ Bennett is about to receive the ceremonial key to the city. The Mayor makes a speech, then 3 Asian men in business suits join him and Bennett at the podium.*

Mayor: Mr. Bennett, may I present 3 of our leading industrialists. First, here is Mr. Wang of the Taipei Barbed Wire Company.

A voice from the crowd, with an Australian accent: Is that Long Wang up there?

*Bennett glares as the crowd parts for Outback Jack to walk up the steps, followed by Wally. He looks ready to blow a gasket, but the Asian businessmen smile and bow at OBJ*

Long Wang: We are honored, Outback Jack. Your promotion of the Taipei Fence Match has brought great face to our company.

OBJ: Well, you make a quality product, mate, and I've got the scars to prove it.

LW: Thank you. Please allow me to present my associates, Mr. Hung Lo and Mr. Enormous Genitals.

OBJ: I assume you guys recognize my cousin Wally.

LW: Indeed, his reputation precedes him. Come, gentlemen, let me introduce you to some lovely young ladies whose names have sexual connotations when pronounced in English.

*Long Wang leads them away, while the Mayor looks embarassed and Bennett looks annoyed.*

[mooseheadjack]

Stank - WHAT do you MEAN HALF COCKED!?!? I PLAN on HURTING HIM, CRETE! I PLAN on HURTING BOTH of THEM!

CTG - I know cit- Stank! But I'm just saying there's a way to go about this where we don't have to sacrifice our honor or integrity.

Stank - Oh for FUCK'S SAKE! I thought you understood, Crete. I THOUGHT you were finally turning around. THIS is FUCKING WAR! That asshole ERIC is in the THICK of it! FUCK! He orchestrated IT! I'm taking that BITCH out! And that other guy Kincaid... needs to recognize he's on the WRONG side! An asswhoopin is what THEY BOTH got coming to em!

CTG - I give up. I can't talk to you when you're like this. When you've calmed down and are ready to talk sound strategy, You may find me at the Gui- in my locker room.

<CTG leaves>

Stank - Shit! Whose idea was it to team me with THAT fucker... not that it matters any. I don't think I've WON a single TAG match since Lock left D&D.

Bartender - Uh... You won when you teamed with Davin.

Stank - I did?

Bartender - Yeah, I remember cause that was the day you and he wore matching singlets and came out to WGTT's theme music.

Stank - Oh fuck me.

Bartender - You know what this means?

Stank - What?

Bartender - You're teaming with Crete, right?

Stank - Yeah?

Bartender - ...

Stank - ...

Bartender - ...

Stank - ... wha- OH...! Oh HELL no!

Bartender - It worked with Davin.

Stank - Fuck you bartender. Fuck you for even suggesting it.

Bartender - Yeah you're right... I'm not even sure Crete has anything in your size anyway.

Stank - Shut the fuck up and pour me a drink.

[mooseheadjack]

mobile fortress of snobbery

DV: Fonz!

....

DV: FONZ!?!?

....

DV: RYAN!!!

...

DV: FONZ! RYAN! IS ANYONE HERE?

Lance: I am here as always, sir.

DV: Where are Fonzworth and Hardcore?

Lance: They are off doing gay things.

DV: Jesus christ, the one time I need them the most, they're not around.

Lance: Is there anything I can do?

DV: No, Jeeves. I don't think there is.

Lance: I was an accomplished pugilist in London, sir.

DV: No. I need Fonz and Ryan right now. They are my stablemates, and for once I really need their backup

Lance: There's still a stable?

DV: I... I think so....

Lance: Sir, I believe the only reason you still hang around the Fortress is because you still have the key.

DV: So what are you saying?

Lance: LOADED is done, sir.

DV: Fuck. This is not cool.

Lance: I have the perfect remedy. Would you like some tea, sir?

DV: Yeah, tea would be gr... NO DON'T OPEN THE TEA KETTLE!!!

Lance opens the tea kettle and BEAST POPS OUT!!!! Beast starts pummeling at Viper, throwing him against furniture, destroying the nice glass coffee table, the bar, McCappington's ship in a bottle, Ryan and Lauren's Liberator, and assorted other things. Basically, the Mobile Fortress is completely shattered, and Viper is a bloody mess. After Beast surveys the carnage, he smiles and leaves, but not without saying...

B: I really missed this, Donnie. Thanks!

DV (on the floor barely conscious): Jeeves.... why did you just stand there and watch?

Lance: Because sir, you're a prick.

[mooseheadjack]

We fade into the empty locker room of Eric O’Mac. The camera is focused on the door and we can hear loud, boisterous voices coming towards it. The door opens and Tyson Kincaid and Eric O’Mac walk into the room, fresh off the victory of Kincaid and Donovan Viper against Stank and Carl From Fresno. EOM still carries the difference maker in the match - his steel chain - in his right hand.

EOM: [laughing] So now do you see what friends are for? We embarrassed those assholes tonight.

TK: [also laughing] And I got my revenge on that drunken fat fuck. I’ve got to admit, this was a good night.

EOM: I had a feeling it would be.

EOM walks over to the cooler and grabs a Holsten, which he hands to Kincaid before taking one for himself. The two men toast themselves on a job well done as they change out of their ring gear and into their street clothes.

EOM: So what do you think about this new Campeonas de Trios title?

TK: I love it. It’s just another way for Team Bennett to assert its dominance.

EOM: Exactly. Do you have anyone in mind for your partners?

TK: To be honest, I think we proved tonight that you and I can work well as a unit.

EOM: That’s true. And we’ve got another chance to show that next week when we take on your new buddy Stank and Concrete TG. You remember what I told you about that guy, right?

TK: Delusional crack head? Thinks he’s a superhero? Am I in the ballpark?

EOM: Yeah, that’s pretty much all there is to it. He should be easy prey for us.

Kincaid, who has now finished changing into his street clothes (jeans and an Affliction t-shirt), glances at his watch (an Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean with steel case, black dial and black rubber strap) and gets to his feet. He finishes his beer, laying it on the floor beside him and grabs his bag. He turns to leave.

EOM: Where are you going? This promo isn’t finished.

TK: I’ve got a Queens show to go to.

EOM: Oh yeah, right. You’ve been talking about that for months. You’d suck Josh Homme’s dick, wouldn’t you?

TK: With a gun to my head, definitely.

EOM: Whose dick wouldn’t you suck with a gun to your head?

TK: …

Fade.

[mooseheadjack]

<somewhere else in the arena Moose and LD Williams are walking, we join them in the middle of a conversation>

LD: Yeah.....but why Capellan? I mean I figured you would be going after a title or something, but.....Capellan?

MHJ: He's a tough little shit

LD: Come on. Did you see his promo? He seems to think he has you all figured out, Moosehead Jack, all about the mind games

MHJ: well he has a point, the last time we crossed it was fun screwing with his mind a bit, but not this time

LD: No?

MHJ: Nope. Not worth the effort. <Moose stops and turns and looks directly at a conveniently placed Invisible Ninja Cameraman> Cap, you got it all wrong. No mind games this time. No bullshit. Just me and you in the ring. See, the last time, you were worth the effort. You were on a roll, you were someone worth taking the time and effort to mess with. But now? Now, something has changed with you. Ever since your buddies in WCW turned tail and left the OOWF, you have been going through the motions, and frankly, the fact that you have decided to skate by for so many months and not give a shit about anything while others are busting their ass night after night pisses me off. So, now you have a choice. Now, you can either snap out of it, be a man, and face me in that ring with a little fire..........or they are going to carry you out of that ring on a stretcher.

<Moose turns and starts walking with LD again>

LD: Those Invisible Ninja Cameramen sure are handy sometimes

MHJ: No kidding. You know, you have an opportunity to make a statement this week.

LD: Oh?

MHJ: You have Eco, he is some sort of co-GM or something for Rick and his men.

LD: Is he aware of this?

MHJ: I doubt it. You could really send a message to Rick and his boys by putting Eco out

LD: Look Moose, the only thing that I care about is leaving that ring with this title <pats the belt>

MHJ: Yeah but.....

LD: And if Eco happens to get his career ended in the process, thats the way it goes, right?

MHJ: Damn right

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman and Lucky are WALKING~! down the hall of the arena in Taiwan, heading towards this week’s version of Firewoman’s Locker Room. Lucky has his trusty clipboard.

FW: So, what did I miss while I was gone last week?

L: The usual stuff. Oh, you have a gazillion messages from—

FW: I figured.

L: And a bunch after the match, too. Do you want them all?

FW: Can I just have a synopsis? Although I bet I can guess.

L: Um, let’s see, in order from Korea Mayhem, to Japan…”not what I meant” probably about first match against Dead…..”call me”…lots of those….then after last night “Okay message sent, now stop”….. You should really return these.

FW: Next time he calls tell him I told you so, about Michaels’ ankle. I can’t believe he fell for that.

The two pause outside of a door that says “Eric O’ Mac” on it. Firewoman takes her blood soaked clothes from out of her bag and throws them into a waste bin just outside the door. Really close to the door, in fact.

L: So, Blitz won a shot.

FW: Yeah, I suppose I’ll need tape on him, but I still remember a lot from when we all first started.

L: So, he shouldn’t be a problem.

Firewoman takes her Zippo lighter and lights a cigarette.

FW: Never underestimate the opposition, Lucky. Dead does that all the time. See where that got him? He had to have Blitz’s help after the match.

L: I don’t think you can smoke in here…

FW: You can, but I wasn’t lighting it to smoke.

She tosses the cigarette into the trashcan right outside Eric O’ Mac’s locker room, and it ignites the ring clothing, which may have also had something besides blood on it. They continue walking, although Lucky keeps looking behind him. They get to her locker room, and enter, closing the door.

FW: How’s the research coming.

L: It’s weird…there is next to nothing on Eric O’ Mac.

FW: Well, keep digging…

L: So….I take it we can take The Dead of the list?

FW: No one is ever off the list.

L: Oh…so…are we adding Poe?

FW: No…Not unless he wants to be on it. I’m sure there will be no question if he does, but I doubt it. I don’t think he thinks of me as anything of significance.

L: Um…okay…and what about…[He pauses, unsure of how to ask the next question.]

FW: Spit it out, sunshine, I don’t have all day.

L: Well, … the clippings…your ringside visitor…that all over?

FW: [laughing] Not even by a long shot. That? That was just a little notice to say “Hey, I remember you.” As if they would have forgotten. No, this is the first step in a very ritualized dance. He will be back. But strangely, I’m not in the same place I was before the temple. When he comes back? I’m ready. Now, I need to get some rest though. [she yawns.]

L: Shouldn’t have stayed out so late with that orderly. You barely made the plane again.

FW: Go away, Lucky. [but she’s smiling.]

Lucky leaves and Firewoman goes to sleep.]

[mooseheadjack]

We see Lucios at the Sony Multimedia Center. Emma slowly walk up behind him, Interrupting his film study (1986 Koloffs v Rock n Roll Express)

Emma: Lucios, I’m worried

Lucios: (holds up a hand, not looking away from the screen) Wait. Remember hun, we don’t interrupt the wrestlers while they’re preparing.

Emma: It’s Phantos. He hasn’t moved or spoken in hours. I’m worried

Lucios: (turning around) Hours?

Emma: Hours. He’s sitting on the edge of his trampoline and petting Spirios. He hasn’t moved, or even said a word since we got up this morning.

Lucios: Did he say anything last night?

Emma: No. We got back from the merger, he hasn’t eaten or spoken since then.

Lucios: He hasn’t eaten either?

Emma: I’ve tried talking to him, I tried holding him. I even offered to let him watch his Stormy Daniels DVD collection while I was in the room. Nothing. He’s got this empty look in his eyes. It’s not good.

Lucios: Let me make a couple of phone calls. I’ll see if I can get thru to him.

(We see Lucios pull out his Sprint PCS HTC Touch and we fade to black.)

[mooseheadjack]

Camera fades to the backstage area where we see Gaelic Storm celebrating their victories. SFJ #13 walks up to Seamus

SFJ # 13: “Excuse me Seamus…”

Sean Scott grabs the mic from SFJ # 13 and pushes her away

Sean: “You’re excused”

Hands mic to Seamus

Seamus: “ I called out to the four winds to bring my brothers to me. People wondered where BAD went, why we hadn’t promoed…You see we went to the mountain, we danced in the sacred fire, we bathed in the well of fate, we stood against the out-dwellers united, brothers in arms. The druids chanted and danced in the silver moon and the mist of magic swirled about us and the winds of change gathered at our feet…and when the thunder rolled, lighting cracked, and the hounds of hell howled to the moon…and an unease fell about the earth for all the creatures big and small knew that a storm was brewing.”

Connor: “That storm is here! As me brother said, BAD is gone, Gaelic Storm is here. Sean, Tommy, Liam, Rory, Damon, Seamus and I are the 7 Celtic nations and we are here to wreck havoc on anyone who gets in our way”

Damon: “Sons, you got the only warning you’re going to get, so be ready!”

Sean: “Everyones worried about taking sides, Rick’s side, Bennett’s side, well I guess nobody thought there would be a third choice.”

Tommy and Liam start fighting for who gets the mic next, Rory grabs the mic from them both

Rory: “Faugh a ballaugh!”

Seamus: “For those of you that don’t speak Irish that’s clear the way

Seamus drops the mic and Gaelic Storm walk away

[mooseheadjack]

(Stank comes stomping down the hall looking for Crete's locker room. He pauses just outside the door)

Stank: ...... fuck this..... (pounds on the door) Yo CRETE! We got a tag match, let me get this promo over with!

(Kayfabe walks by and punches Stank in the arm)

Stank: (grumbles).... Crete, open the damn door!

CTG: (opens the door) no need to shout, Stank

Stank: You realize this is a one-shot deal, right?

CTG: Of course! and as a Super Hero In -

Stank: DON'T GO THERE

CTG: but it would be the most appropriate

Stank: YOU THINK THIS IS MY FIRST FUCKING RODEO? Come on, Crete, this is for a match and not for a comic book!

CTG: But I was prepared for you......



Stank: NO! FUCK NO!

CTG: I took all the brown out of the outfit

Stank: FUCK THAT

CTG: Even Moosehead Jack wore his costume.... once or twice....

Stank: Moose is fucked up

CTG: (more to himself) and the GM wasn't terribly pleased about that.

Stank: (looks at the costume again) i'm not a superhero, Crete

CTG: You're a Super Hero In -

Stank: CRETE.....

CTG: ... SHIT stank?

Stank: (Punches Crete's lights out and leaves) I need another fucking drink......

[mooseheadjack]

Alexis, Alexander, and LonelyGirl15 are getting to the arena a few minutes after Firewoman. They make their way through the halls before all of a sudden getting very hot. They turn the corner and see a small fire starting in a garbage can outside one of the locker rooms.

Alexis and Alexander look at each other before they both saying the same thing, Firewoman!

Alexander grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out the the fire.

After the fire goes out, Alex notices whose locker room it was near.

Alexander: Hey LG, hand me that thing in the bag. I need to return it.

LG15 takes out a sledgehammer and hands it to Alex. He uses it to knock on the door and Tyson Kincaid answers the door. Alexander plants the sledgehammer between Kincaid's eyes.

Alexander: Tell your new best friend I was just returning that to him. And say thanks, it sure was handy.

*Fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*Back at the Destroyitarium, the Taipei Barbed Wire Company executives and Wally are dancing with a dozen attractive women, while the members of Drink & Destroy are discussing business at the bar*

Stank: I can't believe the nerve of that guy! Super Hero In Training my...

OBJ: Keep it together, mate. We've got an opportunity. Erlana told me there might be a 6-man tag tournament coming up, and we should get ready for it. Problem is, the Sons won't be eligible, since they've got belts right now.

Stank: What about Gator?

OBJ: Benett put him on double secret probation, after he took a few too many liberties with our female party guests. He's on his way to the airport now.

Spin: Too bad.

OBJ: Good news for you, though, mate.

Spin: Oh?

OBJ: How do you think Gaelic Storm will want to celebrate their upcoming title shot?

DHM Drinking and carousing?

Spin: Sounds right.

OBJ: Well, Gator has a masters' degree in forklift management. He delivered them kegs of O'Douls, with Harp labels slapped on them.

Spin: That won't fool them for long.

OBJ: Right, but he parked the forklift right outside their locker room door.

DHM: Let me guess. It opens outward?

OBJ: Right. Which leaves us back to the business at hand. Stank, you should figure out with whom you and I should team.

Stank: "With whom:?

OBJ: I thought it would sound classy.

Stank: And why should I decide?

OBJ (drinks beer and belches): That was Australian for...

Stank: Never mind. I'll think about it.

[mooseheadjack]

Tommy:” Connor the door won’t open”

Connor: “What are you talking about?”

Liam: “Why would someone bring us Harp?”

Sean: “It’s like piss water, not as bad as American beer but pretty weak”

Connor tries to open door, but it is jammed

Rory does a spit take spitting beer all over the place

Rory: “That taste like crap, friends wouldn’t let friends drink that shit”

Seamus walks over to the door and look at it, examining the door and the frame, he begins tapping down the wall beside the door…then he breaks thru the dry wall about 4 feet away from the door

Seamus: “It’s a basic inside dry wall non-support wall, fuck the door Rory the studs are 22 inches apart, crawl thru the wall and find out what is jamming the door”

Rory: “Ahh fuck why me?”

Connor: “You’re the smallest!”

Rory: “Right, go ahead and make fun of me, little Rory, I’m sick of the fucking….”

Tommy:” Rory shut up and remember, good beer awaits you on the other side”

Rory squeezes thru the wall and moments later we hear the sounds of a fork lift starting, and Connor opens the door and Gaelic Storm come rumbling out of the room

Damon: “Sweet we have a ride”

Everyone jumps on the forklift and Rory starts driving around backstage running over things and chasing people

Storm (singing): “What do you do with a druckin’ sailor, shave his balls with a rusty razor, oh what do you do with a drunkin’ sailor….”

Camera fades as we see Blitz being chased down the hall by a forklift full of fun

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is again WALKING~! in the halls of the arena. She hears some commotion, and sees Blitz running down the hallway. She waits for her moment, and then steps out and clotheslines Blitz.

FW: Did your mom never teach you to not run in the halls?

The forklift full of fun comes around the corner. Firewoman jumps out of the way, (slowly, since it is just a forklift, after all) and watches them continue on down the hall, drinking and yelling Celtic battle cries. She shakes her head and continues on to the Destroyitarium. She knocks on the door. Stank opens it.

S: Oh great. What do you want?

FW: Outback Jack invited me for a beer, but I had to take a raincheck. I'm cashing it in now.

S: C'mon in. Hey, mate, you got someone here to see you.

[mooseheadjack]

Spin Hansen is LOOKING!~ Around the hallway outside the GM's Office:

SH: Man....There's gotta be one around here somewhere...

Spin continues to look around frantically, as muffled shouts can be heard from inside the office.

SH: How in the hell can there not be...HEY!

Hansen collars a Ninja Cameraman, pulling the lens to his suddenly grinning face.

SH: There you are. C'mere, you got to see this. You know my partner, right? Magnusson? The guy that's supposed to be the calm one of us? Check THIS out...

Hansen cracks open the door to the office, still grinning as he pushes the NCM into the doorway. Inside D.H. Magnusson, still heavily bandaged, is looming over Ecosystem and Erlana:

DHM: I don't give a damn! Make it happen! They wanna play with glass, we're gonna play with glass! They ran down me, they ran down Spin, they ran down Jack an' Gator...We're gonna do it this way!

Er: Mr. Magnusson, please. Booking that kind of match, right after the -

DHM: BOOK THE DAMNED MATCH!

Eco: D.H., you and Spin are still pretty banged up from the match with Empty Team, we can't run the risk of -

DHM: We'll sign off! We'll clear the damned company! One way or t'other this is gonna happen. You don't book it, we'll make it happen anyway! And YOU, little boy...Don't think for a second I forgot the beatin' that you and that hairball Voltage still got comin'!

Eco: ...We just can't. I'm sorry, Ma-

DHM flips the desk over, sending papers and Eco flying. Erlana looks on, unperterbed.

DHM: If you don't book this, there's gonna be...

Spin pulls the cameraman from the office, smiling into the lens again.

SH: And remember....I'm the hotheaded one.

[mooseheadjack]

The Heels are in a very rare place—a hospital room. AA is sitting next to Johnny, who’s laying in a hospital bed wrapped pretty much head-to-toe in bandages and with dozens of tubes and wires attached to his body.

AA: Hey, Phantos! (AA reaches up and knocks against the camera lens.) Yeah, you big ugly goof, I’m talking to you. Turn off your damn videotapes of the Rock n Job Express. Put down that damn dog and cat and pet squirrel and whatever else you hide up your ass and listen to me. Because you need to understand what you just did to yourself at last week’s Midweek Mayhem.

You see, no one has ever taken The Heels out of commission. No one! Not Drink & Destroy, not Weapons X, not Three Piece Set, not the Best Friends Forever, not even Moosehead Jack and whoever his partner of choice happened to be. We were the guys putting people out of business. We broke Antoine Cutter’s neck—twice. We broke Beast’s arm when no one could even pin him. We killed the Indian Medicine Man and can no longer wrestle in Canada! And don’t even make me remind you of what we did to Sam Houston! Right, Johnny?

(JA slows lifts his arm and gives a thumbs up.)

AA: But the difference is that we meant to hurt people, and we admitted it. You, on the other hand, you saggy bag of grapefruits, won’t even admit that you went all Randy Savage on Johnny. Won’t even admit it! Look, I don’t like you and that waste of talent partner you got. I don’t like your perceived Old School style, your Kiss The Babies face life, your dog, your cat, or your 17-page long promos that just drag on and on. You know who reads those? Your Momma, and that’s it! But there’s one thing I know about you guys. You know how to wrestle. You’re good. Not as good as The Heels, mind you, but maybe good enough to make the Top 10 in the OOWF. So I know one thing—YOU DON’T MAKE MISTAKES!!!!!!!

You intentionally kneedropped Johnny across his throat. And now he’s laying in the hospital, in intensive care, near death. Doctors say he only has a 25 percent chance of ever walking again! In fact, if we hadn’t purchased the best surgeons in the world and flew them here to Tokyo on the Concorde (and don’t think you won’t be getting the bill for that, Phantos) for (AA picks up a medical chart and reads it aloud) emergency Diastrophic dysplasia of the fourth peptide histoplasmosis, he could have had a Thoracic aneurysm. (Puts down the chart.) And you don’t want that on your hands.

But Johnny’s past the worst of it, aren’t you Johnny?

(JA slows lifts his arm and gives a thumbs up.)

But don’t think that makes me any less angry right now. No, no. In fact, I’ve already talked to my good friend Manny Fernandez about how to take revenge. And if there’s anyone who knows how to take revenge, it’s Manny. Just ask Invader #3 about Manny Fernandez and revenge. Monkeys in the Waiting Room, fire up my video!

www.wrestlinggonewrong.com/video/manny_fernandez_kneedrop.html

That’s what’s coming to you, Phantos. And Lucios, I have not forgot about you either, you deadbeat. And Johnny, this week I start the Carnival of Carnage with Carl from Fresno. I never liked Fresno anyway. Nothing there but hillbilly truckdrivers and wannabe fantasy wrestlers.

(JA slows lifts his arm and gives a thumbs up.)

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#14: "You know this is going to piss off Moosehead Jack, right?"

Capellan: "Doy."





Capellan Theater Presents:

Moosehead Jack's Promo: The Cliff Notes Version

Moose: "This time is different."
Moose: *same tired old shit*

The End.