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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:40:18 GMT -5
(Meanwhile somewhere else on the ship....Tytan is wandering the ship.)
Tytan: Tie me Kangaroo down sport. Tie me Kangaroo--damn that song just won' tleave my head. I can't stand it anymore! Damn that song and damn that Outback Jack! I will just have to kick his ass for being the only Australian I can get my hands on for creating that stupid song.!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:41:01 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM* <Skurge and The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are RESTING~!> Skurge: So how was your night with Bennett? DM: (blushing) Now Skurge, a lady reveals nothing. Let’s just say you won’t have to worry about Phantos and Lucios at Mayhem. Skurge: That’s easy for you to say – we won and defended these belts by hook and by crook. Speaking of which, (looks around) where are the belts and more importantly, where is SYB? DM: I saw him a minute ago. He said he had a surprise for you. He’ll be back soon. <Skurge thinks about this for a second and goes back to watching OOWF-TV> Skurge: What do you think of The Amnesiac? Personally I liked it better when it was called Memento but whatever. I wonder if he writes doon notes like Pearce did. DM: I saw him naked once.... once. Skurge: And? DM: And I can see why he wants to forget. Skurge: Awesome… what the hell is this? <SYB comes racing in, wearing a big round red costume and hums a familiar tune> Skurge: What’s that? SYB: The Raiders March by John Williams. Skurge: I know THAT, I meant what’s with the costume? You look like Kool-Aid’s gay brother, Fool-Aid. SYB: Wrong again Zod. I’m the red dot Spielberg uses to show where Indy goes. <He starts running to the other side of the room> SYB: I’m in Cambodia now. Get it? Skurge: I think we all get it. Where are our OOWF World Tag Team Title belts that we won at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, eh? SYB: Oh yeah, those. I wasn’t too thrilled with how they look so I decided to spruce them up. Skurge: Spruce them up? What the fuck is wrong with you? SYB: HEY! A Joo knows what gold should look like, aight? We’re the champs, we should look the part. Check it oot, my Canadian brother.   Skurge: Well done. DM: Nice work, Solly. SYB: Thanks. Now get me out of this thing. It itches like a mother. *FADE OUT* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:41:26 GMT -5
The Scene comes up on the bow of the ship where SFJ #138 is walking towards Justin Sane who appears to be ~FISHING~. As she gets closer we see that he isn't actually fishing, but seems to be tangled up in the fishing pole in what appears to be a crossface chickenwing. Justin begins to tap, as an OOWF ref slides into declare the fishing pole winner by submission. The ref and SFJ #138 help untangle Justin, who finally turns to the camera, where we see his battered and bruised face for the first time. SFJ #138 gasps.
JS: Yeah I know I look pretty bad, but you should see the other guy.
SFJ: I have, and Jack looks fine.
JS: Last week was a war, Mousehead took me too my limit. I won't lie it was the most brutal match of my career, and if not for a time limit draw who is to say who would have won. This minor setback has only furthered my resolve to recapture my OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal World Intercontinental Onslaught Tag Triple Threat King of the Ring Mountain Knockout Title!
SFJ: Umm sure, anyways... You face Moosehead Jack again this week this time non title (under her breath) although technically the belt is defended 24/7 so every Moosehead match should be for the title.
JS: I guess Jane feels I need to prove myself worthy of another title shot, So be it. MooseFeet I've told you before I'll go through whatever I have to to reclaim my title, and that includes you, So bring your A game. I am taking this match seriously, and I don't have a war to keep me distracted. Between now and Mayhem nothing will distract me at all.
With that Justin pushes past SFJ #138 and heads down the side deck. As he turns the corner he comes face to face with the members of Gaelic Storm.
DW: What do you want boyo?
JS: The OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal World Intercontinental Onslaught Tag Triple Threat King of the Ring Mountain Knockout Championship.
SM: And what does this have to do with Gaelic Storm?
JS: Nothing
DW: Then why tell us?
JS: You asked?
SM: (looking confused) What is going on here?
Rory taps Seamus's arm and points to a sign on the wall that reads Deck of Random Encounters. As the group is reading the sign Liam grabs Justin in a schoolboy role up, an OOWF ref pops out of a porthole to count the three and declare Liam the winner by pin fall.
DW: Liam why'd you do that lad?
L: (shrugs his shoulders) It just felt right.
SM: Well this was definitely random.
With that Gaelic Storm exits the camera scene singing a rousing rendition of YO HO HO. Meanwhile Justin notices a piece of paper on the ground and picks it up as he stands.
JS: (reading from the paper) Knife I know you've beaten me twice, but you got Lucky, Lucky. (to the side) actually I don't think I've ever fought Knight.hmmm (continues reading) But that was before I had this. (Justin holds his arm above his head and is surprise to find himself holding the OOWF World Championship)
Suddenly L.D.Williams storms into the scene, and snatches the paper from Justin and tears it to shreds.
LD: That's enough of that. (point to the belt) And I believe that is mine.
JS: (hands the belt to LD) Don't worry KC someday you'll win a real title.
LD: First it's L.D., and second this is the World Championship.
JS: I know, but you have talent someday you'll get a belt with more than a one word name.
L.D. seems to want to argue this point, but than thinks better of it and shakes his head and walk past Justin off camera. Justin shrugs his shoulders and continues walking, bumping right into Tytan. Tytan glares daggers into the Sane one.
JS: Harper Camby?
With that Tytan grabs Justin and tosses him over the side of the deck. We hear a loud splash as the camera fades to black.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:41:43 GMT -5
...to finish the scene...
Tytan walks off whistling "Tie me Kangaroo Down". He stops realizes what he is doing then tosses the IPOD overboard.
(He then turns to the camera.)
Tytan: A few more days Outback Jack...I am beginning to hate everything you represent. Your crappy music, your crappy actors, and most of all you drink like those bums Gaelic Storm.
So Outback Jack come Wednesday at Mayhem. I know it's going to be a fight and I know you can fight. That's about the only thing I respect about you. And that's going to make it that much sweeter when I beat you for the 1-2-3.
(He turns and starts to walk off..)
Tytan: "I come from the land down under..." Damn! (He stops and punches the wall. He then starts to walk off again.)
(Fade to Black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:42:04 GMT -5
**SFJ#138 stops L.D. Williams after his encounter with Justin Sane.**
SFJ#138: “L.D. Do you have any comments on your match this week?”
LD: “Well I did, but Justin stole AA’s promo and the screwed up name bit, so I’ll have to wing it.”
SFJ#138: “This week you’re facing the former champion, Stank, but he’s not the only one after your Championship.”
LD: “Stank’s championship, to hear him tell it. You know, last week I learned that not only are there a lot of people around here willing to write my promo’s for me, there are a lot more who want this belt. Truthfully, that’s just the way I like it…promos be damned, I am the greatest wrestler on the face of this planet, bar none. AA, Viper, Eric, Cole, Jack, and especially our number one contender (Hi Davin!) – If you want this belt, come try and take it. Before Stank’s match, after Stank’s match. during Stank’s match, makes no difference to me. Walk your sorry ass to the ring, and somebody will carry it back out.
And Stank, no point in mincing words, we’ve been here before. You can beat met, I can beat you, you can beat me, I can beat you, round and round we go, might as well flip a coin, ‘cause nobody knows… But I will tell you this – the man who walks out of the ring Wednesday will be the man who goes a little further, who pushes the envelope a little bit more, who does something completely unexpected. And Stank my friend, and I mean that sincerely, that man will be me.”
**Williams turns to walk away, then turns back.**
LD: “Oh, and Stank…
FEAR me!”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:42:25 GMT -5
(Dr. Podvod a little bit nervous makes her way down to the bowels of the ship. She looks around and see the normal crap that goes on on an OOWF travel day, she shakes her head and walks in. Some of the wrestlers stop and notice her.)
Firewoman: What do you think you are doing down here? Aren't you suppose to be somewhere being Steel's little puppet.
(Podvod gets a little irritated but then she remembered she had a job to do and regains composure. She notices Outback Jack and heads over in his direction.)
Podvod: I'm sorry, I think I just made a wrong turn I will just turn around and get on my way.
(Firewoman smiles)
Firewoman: Well you better get going before someone decides its better to throw you out.
(Firewoman Gets up. Outback Jack notices and decides to step in.)
Outback: I got a better idea, why don't I just escort this little lady back up to the top of the ship so no one gets hurt.
(Firewoman backs down.)
Firewoman: Fine...Fine.
Podvod:(Smiles and Jack) My knight in shining armor.
Outback: Well Dr. Podvod shall we get going.
Podvod: Please call me Diana.
Outback:Okay Diana, shall we get going.
Podvod:Sure.
(The two walk off and Firewoman watches with interest and notices that Seamus McNasty is watching the two leave also.)
Firewoman: There's something about that I just don't like.
(Fade to Black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:42:49 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster has flown to an undisclosed location to meet with the Iron Sheik about the OOWF Championship Committee vote. AA: Why did you fly me to this undisclosed location to meet, Iron Sheik? IS: In this day and age, must be very secretive about my location. You never know when evil Americans try to arrest me for being terrorist! America! Hack, puey! AA: Oh, man, you are so cool. Have I ever told you I’m a big fan of yours? (AA goes to shake Iron Sheik’s hand, but Iron Sheik no sells.) IS: So what you need? You need my vote to get O! O! W! F! title shot? AA: Yeah, that’s pretty much it. The vote’s pretty close, so I’d appreciate your endorsement. But I have to make this quick because I have to get back to the OOWF for Midweek Mayhem, where this week I’m defending the Campeonas de Trios titles along with The World Greatest Fag Team (we really need to fix that) against Gaelic Storm & Alexis Darling in Phnom Pehn, Cambodia! (from a distance, we hear a crowd cheer). IS: How you get that cheap pop?!? There no one else here! AA: I’m just that damn good. IS (stare of disbelief): Whatever. So who voting for you right now? AA: Well (AA starts sorting through a bundle of letters), Stan Hansen and Bruiser Brody are voting for me... IS: Bruiser Brody is dead! AA: I know, but Hansen is voting for him in proxy. IS: That makes sense. This is wrestling. AA: Bruno Sammartino and Verne Gagne voted no. IS: Sammartino is dead, no? AA: Actually, he’s alive. Just looks dead. IS: Oh. Piece of shit American! AA: Actually, I think he’s Italian. IS: Whatever. Who else? AA: I got Yes votes from Dory Funk Jr. and Tommy Rich. IS: Tommy Rich? He got fat, look like you! Ha ha ha! AA: Dude, look at yourself! IS: I’m not fat! Cameraman, zoom in on abs! Playboy Buddy Rose: Actually, Sheik, you are looking a little bulky. IS: Shut up, stupid American! (IS waves his arms to control the non-existent crowd.) AA: And I got No votes from Rick Martel and Andre the Giant. IS: You lie! I know Andre the Giant is dead! AA: Yeah, but I got this from his living trust incorporation. (AA holds up a letter from Andre the Giant, Incorporated. It has just one word. “NO!”) IS: Tight vote. AA: Well, I also got the approval of The Ding Dongs. IS: Ding Dongs? AA: Yeah, you know that great tag team from WCW with the bells on their feet? IS: They unmasked by Dan Spivey and Sid Vicious! Jobbers! AA: Hey, they beat Cougar Jay and George South on Clash of the Champions! IS: I can beat Cougar Jay and George South! OK, I tell you what I do. We take Persian Club Challenge. If you win Persian Club Challenge, you get my vote. AA: Umm, isn’t this where the guy swings your clubs and then you attack him? IS: Yes, usually. But this will be on up-and-up. AA: Oh, OK! IS: So I show you Persian Club Challenge. (Suddenly, some Jobber to the Stars walks in to second Iron Sheik.) I show everyone! Jim Ross (circa 1989): This takes a lot of strength and balance to execute this feat! (Iron Sheik starts swinging the clubs above his head.) The only active wrestler we have seen who can perform this test of strength. OK, that’s enough of the demonstration there, Sheik. (IS puts down the clubs.) AA, are you ready to try it? AA stands behind the clubs and picks them up. For some reason a crowd is cheering, and IS gives the universal signal for the crowd to be quiet, which of course just makes them cheer louder. AA: Wait a second. Wait a second. Sheik, can you show me how to do this one more time? I just want to make sure I got this right. IS: What matter with you?! Stupid American! I come here and show you once, and now I have to show you again. Stupid! Stupid! You better pay attention this time! IS once again does the Persian Club Challenge. He’s getting more winded by the end of this session. AA steps forward, stands next to the clubs, gets them in his hands, then steps back again. AA: Sheik, Sheik. I apologize. Can you just show this to me one more time? If you do this one more time I’m sure I got it. IS: Jim Ross! Can you imagine if this Iran and the Ayatollah here what kind of champion he be?!? Stupid American! AA: That just made no sense. JR: Well, this isn’t the Ayatollah and this isn’t Iran, so if you want to do it one more time… IS: You pay attention one more time. You are an idiot! Last time I show you! IS does the clubs one more time and is visibly straining when he finishes. AA: Iron Sheik, I got it now. And I’ll tell you, you are the absolute best at swinging the Persian Clubs. But what I’m best at is cutting promos, and that’s what I’m going to do right now! IS: I can’t believe this! Sting did the same thing to me in WCW in 1989! www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iz_IgcEXAcc I can’t believe I fell for that again! AA: Wait, Sting actually fooled someone? Really? And it was you?!? I mean, Sting is the dumbest man in wrestling. That's a well established fact. I'd personally find it offensive and out of character if Sting didn't volunteer to do the stupid thing. And he fooled you?!? That’s hilarious! IS: You find that funny?!? I don’t see this funny! You didn’t have the guts! June 28, Nashville, Tennessee. I show you who toughest! With that Iron Sheik attacks AA from behind, stomping and kicking him, then grabbing the Persian Clubs and beating AA over the head with them. IS: Ha, that what you get for making Iron Sheik look like fool! I will never vote for you to get O! O! W! F! title shot! Cameraman, zoom in on abs! As Iron Sheik leaves, AA struggles to his feet. A Mysterious Big Man walks in and helps him up. AA: What? Who? What are you doing here? And where’s here, anyway? MBM: You’re in Fayetteville, Georgia, in the Iron Sheik’s house. AA: And why are you here? MBM: I live in the next state over. Come on, I have something I think will interest you. AA: What would you have that I want? MBM: How about a contract with special stipulations for the Assassin #2 vs. Sting match for the OOWF Championship Committee seat? AA stares up at the Mysterious Big Man. As we follow AA’s stare we see the Mysterious Big Man is… LEX LUGER! |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:43:14 GMT -5
After an uneventful docking in Cambodia, the various members of OOWF have disembarked and been shuttled via limos to their hotel or the arena. Firewoman has opted to go straight to the arena, probably to get a work out in. She emerges from her limo with Lucky and walks towards the arena that has been decorated with promotional posters.
FW: God damn I hate boats almost as much as I hate planes.
L: Or buses.
FW: Or buses.
L: Or trains.
FW: Yep.
L: Basically anything that forces you to be in close proximity to other human beings, really.
FW: Okay, that's enough.
Firewoman lights up her post-travel smoke as they walk into the arena. Firewoman stops and points at the posters. In all cases, the Team Bennett wrestler is standing in front of their Team Rick opponent.
L: That's pretty tacky.
FW: It's sad when men feel the need to compensate for their shortcomings in other areas.
She especially glares at the poster for her match with Dead and Eric O' Mac's tag team. They continue into the arena where they are stopped by an arena employee, waving his hands dramatically and speaking Cambodian.
FW: What is his problem?
L: He says you can't smoke in here.
FW: You speak Cambodian?
L: I have many talents. The point here is...
FW: Since when is there no smoking in...fine, whatever.
Firewoman goes back outside to finish, while Lucky continues to the gym to set up towels, water bottles, and appropriate music (Disturbed's new CD). A few minutes later, Firewoman comes in. As the work out starts there's a huge commotion.
FW: Dammit, now what.
L: I'll go see.
After a few minutes, Lucky comes back.
L: Huh. Seems there was some minor property damage out front.
FW: Really?
L: Yeah, some passing street kid set fire to some of the OOWF posters. Unfortunately yours was one of them.
FW: Bastard. Did they get him?
L: Naw, as usual with such things, "no one saw anything." Only other one was Concrete/Amnesiac v. Eric/Tyson.
FW: Huh. That's a damn shame. Okay, start the music back up again.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:43:34 GMT -5
(The Amnesiac and CTG arrive at the Cambodian arena. They see the two burnt posters as they walk by, and The Amnesiac just shakes his head and sighs. As they arrive, they head straight into the Team Rick locker room. CTG puts down his travel duffel bag and excitedly opens it.)
CTG: I have something for you, Citizen Amnesiac. Everyone else received theirs last week, but since we were teaming up this week, I thought I'd hold yours for your personally.
(The Amnesiac looks excitedly on, as CTG grabs a costume from his back. The Amnesiac is stitched into the back of the shirt. The shirt is green and the pants are black. The outfit looks very superhero-esque, and seems to match up nicely with what CTG is wearing.)
CTG: Here. I wanted to seal our team and our friendship, by personally making sure that this costume matched mine.
Amn: That's awesome, Gryf. Let me try it on.
(CTG hands over the clothing, and The Amnesiac goes behind the lockers. He comes back out immediately, through the ninja camerman magic, and looks dashing in his new costume.)
CTG: Our combination of power and style is going to make us unstoppable. I could potentially see us challenging for the tag team titles at some point in our future.
Amn: Well, I'm glad you see such potential in our team. I too think we could be a tough force to reckon with.
CTG: Eric O'Man and Tyson Kincaid don't stand a chance against us this week. I'm going to start our workout. Meet me in the gym when you're ready.
Amn: You got it. I'll catch up in just a minute.
(As CTG leaves the locker room, The Amnesiac stands in front of a full length mirror and admires the costume. After a few moments of staring into the mirror, he turns and leaves the locker room as well. The camera remains in the locker room and fades to black.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:44:31 GMT -5
[The Dead sees Firewoman walking down the hall.] Dead: Thought you might need this, you know, after Mayhem... [The Dead hands Firewoman a piece of paper and walks away. Fire looks down at the sheet.]  |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:45:11 GMT -5
Firewoman slams out of a hotel room door in the morning, with Alexis Darling following her into the hallway.
FW: So, just like that. Because some jerkwad says you don't belong here.
LD: No, that's not it at all. I mean, it is... But Stank is right about helping in Bosto-
FW: Whatever.
LD: I challenged him to a match, so he'll see that he was mistaken about--
FW: Great. You haven't been in the gym for weeks.
LD: Well, I was hoping we could--
FW: I don't know if I have time. I have to prep for yet another match with Dead.
LD: Don't get like that. This isn't about --
Firewoman wheels around and faces Alexis
FW: And what about your brother? You going to leave him here alone with Poe around? Great loyalty you got there.
LD: You really expect me to believe that that is why you're mad? Besides, I'm not leaving Alex alone. He has--
FW: Sam is no wrestler. She's great and all, but --
LD: Yes, but that's not who I meant, I meant he has--
FW: Davin can barely stand him. I'm surprised you'd trust he'd have Alex's back in a pinch.
LD: Would you shut up already? I don't mean Davin.
Alexis stares at Firewoman for a moment, until it dawns on Firewoman just who Alexis expects
FW: Oh, no. No way. I avoided Poe in Japan, and I don't intend to change that policy now.
LD: Hm. Too bad. [icily] I would have thought after everything Alex has done for you, and I do mean everything, you'd want to repay him....
FW: I've seen the ice princess routine, and you can just knock it off now. It doesn't work on me.
LD: You playing the jilted lover doesn't work either. I'm going.
The two women stand in the hallway for a bit.
LD: But I'll be back. As soon as I do what I can in the States.
FW: Fine.
LD: ...
FW: ...
LD: So....gym?
FW: Fine.
LD: Good. I'll go change and meet you there. And don't worry, it'll be fine. Alex probably won't need anything anyway.
Alexis walks back to the room and closes the door.
FW: Yeah....right.
Firewoman turns and walks down the hallway, and runs into The Dead.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:45:33 GMT -5
[DeBeers comes out to address the crowd from the ring. He's joined by Effrom]
ZK: Hello my peasants. For those who don't know me, My name is Zales. Kay. DeBeers. While traveling through this shit-hole you all call a country, I realized that I apparently needed to reintroduce myself to the OOWF public. Why you say? Well, it seems those in control of matches here are even stupider than you Chinamen. They have yet to realize what a talent they have on their hands. I am strong. I am intelligent. I am rich as fuck. And most importantly, I am white.
[Boos]
ZK: These traits, these are not the traits of ones who have to face pieces of garbage from Kuala Lumpur, and stupid flippy shits that wear rabbit costumes. I am upper class, and I deserve upper class type of competition. This is why I have gone to management and requested my own match for this week. All I do when looking around here are see stupid Irish drunks, and samoans, and foreigners, and jews, and...ugh...no offense Effrom...but your people.
[Effrom nods like a good worker]
ZK: So naturally, I can't imagine any of these inferior people could put up much of a fight on their own. Thus, you will bear witness to a gauntlet match this Wednesday. Yes, you all will have the honor of seeing me, ZK DeBeers, wrestle in not 1, but maybe 2, maybe 3, maybe 4...or even more matches. Who knows how many. Will my record be 3-0? 4-0? 10-0 by the end of the night? To whoever dares to cross my path, though, there's only one thing I know for sure...I WILL OWN YOU!
[music hits and they leaves as we fade out]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:45:55 GMT -5
(Meanwhile as Dr. Podvod is walking with Outback Jack.) OBJ: So tell me the truth Diana, what in the neck were you doing wandering down to where the others were, when you should be giving Tytan his latest rounds of injections. Podvod:(Tries to do a playful look and barely pulls it off.) Let's just say that I was curious. OBJ: Curious? About what? Podvod: I heard your promo where you mentioned me and I wanted to see if you were really like that. OBJ: And...  Podvod: You proved me wrong. Thanks for the escort back to the top of the ship. (Looks around) And just in the nick of time it seems like we are here. OBJ: Damn it and it's daylight. I need to get some sleep. (He turns and sees that Podvod is gone.) OBJ: Damn Sheila is a slippery one. (Looks around and can't find her.) Guess I better go find the team. (He walks off. Fade to black.) (Camera picks up Dr. Podvod taking a call.) Dr. Podvod: Yes, I did it. The plan has started and the ball is now in his court. We will see what he does. Steel: Good. Now I got another part to the plan, I got someone for you to meet up with. Podvod:For what? Steel: We are going to introduce something new to the Ultimo Inc line. Podvod: Are you going to clue me in? Steel: A calender. Podvod: What! Steel: Featuring the sexiest brain in the OOWF. Podvod: You can't be serious? Besides I have never done anything like that before. Steel: I will text you the address, and besides what a better way to get girls to look up to you. A woman that can be smart and hot. It will sell millions. Besides, I really think you can use a makeover. Podvod: Has any woman ever tell you that you can be such a pig? Steel: Many times baby, many times. Now go do what I told you to do. (He hangs up.) Podvod: It sounds like this adventure is only starting. I just better be back before Mayhem. (She walks off looking for a taxi.) Fade to black |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:46:18 GMT -5
*Outback Jack wanders back into the Destroyitarium, singing "I Just Met a Girl Named Diana" kinda like the song from West Side Story, then sits down and drinks beer. He flinches and spins around when a hand grabs his neck, but he relaxes when he sees it's Firewoman, which seems to annoy her further*
FW: What the hell were you doing with her!
OBJ: (Drains beer and belches): Australian for fucking, Fire. Couldn't you guess?
FW: Thank you, Captain Obvious. I meant, moron, why were you associating with someone allied with your opponent?
OBJ: Because we were fucking. Hello?
FW: How fucking stupid are you?
OBJ: Well, I'm the one who was getting laid, and you're the one who told Jericho to hit the bricks, so...
*FW was about to hit OBJ when Stank pulled her back and Wally strutted between her and OBJ*
FW: Get your hands off me!
Stank: Sorry, but we didn't want you to break the spell.
FW: What?
WBK: Steel sent Podvod to seduce OBJ.
FW: Seemed to have worked.
Stank: Worked like a charm. Hook, line, and sinker. But...
WBK: We're taking a calculated risk. She might distract Outback Jack, but one of his other personalities is still likely to go batshit insane over what happened to Monkh. Tytan has no chance against Jack of the Hinterlands.
FW: Jack of the Hinterlands?
WBK: Think of a heavily liquored up version of Moosehead Jack, with really bad personal hygiene, so psychotic that if they got loaded up on crystal meth no one would notice.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:46:56 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is standing in the back talking to LD Williams when Justin Sane comes up>
JS: Hey! Have either of you seen Moosehead Jack?
<Moose and LD look at each other in amazement>
JS: No? Hmmmmm. Well then <looking at Moosehead Jack> You must be one of those Sexy Female Journalists I have heard about. <Moose stares too stunned to speak> Here, hold this mic, I am going to cut a promo on Moosehead Jack for our match coming up on Wednesday
<LD Williams can no longer stifle the laughter and staggers away laughing hysterically, leaving Moose to hold the mic for Sane>
JS: Huh. Wonder what got into Elbie Williams there? Anyway, you ready? Good.
JS: Moosehead Jack! <Justin Sane snorts and stares at his hands> If you cannot stand in the hard times, in the bad times, in the dark times, with JUSTIN SANE…THEN LET GO NOW!!!! Let go of the body parts and flow in the pathways of all the normal people. Because where I come from, where only creatures of bad habit live, beasts that you can only imagine, I will not return until my mission has been accomplished. But, you, Moosehead Jack, seem to think that laughter is the best medicine for the feat you have accomplished. Let me remind you that the venom, the poison of the Saniacs has been injected into your frail, weak body, and if you become slow and lethargic, Justin Sane will only squash you into the pulp that you already are. Because you understand that there is no one in the OOWF or the entire universe that can deal or handle.. JUSTIN SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!
MHJ: What the hell are you doing?
JS: That didn't work? I am trying to cut a promo that will put over how much I want my OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal World Intercontinental Onslaught Tag Triple Threat King of the Ring Mountain Knockout Championship back.
MHJ: You are really insane
JS: Let me try this one. MOOSE! look in their eyes, man, have you seen the fear in all those little Insaniacs? They realize that when I get Moosehead Jack cinched up in the launch position, when I SLAM him through the Phnom Pehn Arena, brother!---from Tokyo, down to Sydney, the fault line is gonna break off! And as Moosehead Jack falls into the ocean!---as I win the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal World Intercontinental Onslaught Tag Triple Threat King of the Ring Mountain Knockout Championship all my opponents will fall to the ocean floor where I will pin ‘em, so will LJ BENNETT and ALL THE INSANIACS! But as GM THE RICK hangs on to the top of the Phnom Pehn Arena, with all the members of Team Rick under his other arm, as they SINK, to the BOTTOM OF THE SEA---THANK GOD GM the Rick is an INSANIAC! He’ll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the Phantos and Moreland, DOG PADDLE with his life all the way to safety! But Rick, if somethin’ happens, if you run outta gas, and all those little INSANIACS, just hang on to the LARGEST BACK in the world, and I’ll dog paddle us, backstroke all of us to safety!
MHJ: I don't think I could hate you more than I do right now....
JS: Hmm, that didn't seem to work. I expected Moosehead Jack to come out here and surrender the title to me. I have one more...
MHJ: No, don't....
JS: It's ok Sexy Female Random Number! THIS will do it, I guarantee it! Ahem......Well everybody is still here and still ready to ROCK! Lord knows that I am standing right here, so what's it gonna be? The reason everyone is here, is because everyone wants to see me WHIP YOUR ASS! So whaddya say? What excuse could you have now Moose? Is this some sort of special night? You got some title around your waist bit it is not special. I am gonna put this in some perspective. HEre's the bottom line. Moose, you don't have what I like to call a very good defense. What this means is a lot of men have kicked your ass. And as a matter of fact, you are red, really experienced, and it has eleven guys beating on you at once! HA! Wait wait wait wait. If you all got a few dollars and bus fare, all of you can beat Moosehead Jack. Not bad, huh, but think of the doctor bills. Wait, uh, they would be HIS doctor bills, not yours, so......uh......this promo is kinda falling apart here. Hey Sexy Female Journalist what should I <OOOOOF>
<Moose takes the mic and slams it into Sane's head sending him staggering around. Moose grabs him and pins the arm, and HAMMERS him with a heart punch! Sane gasps for breath, Moose kicks him and DRIVES him to the floor with a DDT. Sane is barely conscious. Moose stands over him for a moment, then turns and walks away>
JS: oooooooowwww, when did the Sexy Female Journalists get so MEAN
<Sane drops off into unconsciousness>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:47:18 GMT -5
<Stank walks out the Destroyitarium. He walks down the hall of Random encounters, turns left and enters General Manager The Rick's office.>
GMtR - Hey man.
Stank - ... HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GOT DAMN MIND??
GMtR - What now?
Stank - Alexis Darling!
GMtR - Hey she walked in here all full of piss and vinegar demanding a match with you.
Stank - And you GAVE it to HER??
GMtR - I didn't think you'd object.
Stank - What!?? Look, THIS is all a huge misunderstanding.
GMtR - What, are you afraid to fight a woman?
Stank - I AM NOT AFRAID to fight a WOMAN!
GMtR - Then what's the problem?
Stank - Look, I know I told her I wouldn't go easy on her. But I only said that in the hopes that she would back off.
GMtR - And did she?
Stank - No... but she was drunk.
GMtR - Well she wasn't drunk when she asked for the match.
Stank - Dammit Rick! What are you doing to me?
GMtR - Look she's a contracted wrestler for the OOWF. This isn't TNA. Women can wrestle men here. If she wants to fight you it's her funeral.
Stank - It DAMN well could be. Which is why I want you to call it off.
GMtR - I'm not doing that.
Stank - Rick we NEED her!
GMtR - What are you going on about?
Stank - You've seen how she works in the DEA. She's just the type of person we need to help get Bennett out of our lives. You said there is something you and Nate know about Bennett, but you're having trouble finding it back in Boston. With all due respect... neither you or Nate are the types to get that job done. Alexis is. I'm confident that if you tell her what it is you need, SHE can get it for you... through ANY means necessary. I mean... neither one of you have pulled the trigger so far.
GMtR - It's only hearsay from what Nate told me. But he's confident that it's true. PROVING it is the problem and... I'm not sure I want to... get my hands dirty, so to speak, with what we'd have to do.
Stank - What is it? Whatcha got?
GMtR - I can't talk about it. Especially with the Ninja Camera Crew around.
Stank - Then tell Alexis and let her get her hands dirty. I just wish she'd back off with this match against me nonsense. You've got to do something about that.
GMtR - You can forfeit?
Stank - I ain't doing that.
GMtR - Then my hands are tied.
Stank - Fuck! This is the LAST thing I need on my mind with Williams on my plate!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:47:39 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland JUST SO HAPPENS to walk in as Stank is finishing his sentence*
DM: Team Unity? Keep it together? I'm getting real sick and tired of your version of "team unity".
S: What? I've got a match with LD.
DM: I'M THE NUMBER ONE FUCKING CONTENDER! Or had you forgotten already? You HAD your chance at LD. Now it's time for the people who deserve to be there.
S: Deserve it? I'm the longest reigning World Champ in this fed.
DM: And I'M the longest reigning Onslaught Champ, and, oh yeah, THE NUMBER ONE FUCKING CONTENDER!
*The two go almost nose to nose*
GMtR: ENOUGH of This. Davin, you've got a match with Poe this week.
DM: I have a meaningless tag match, as per usual. Instead of, you know, USING my #1 Contender's spot, I'm stuck slumming it with the curtain-jerkers.
GMtR: Poe is a very decorated...
DM: Poe ain't won SHIT here yet. I'm so tried of this. When did "OMG I WON SOMETHING IN JAPAN" mean anything more than getting laughed at like you were Mark Vander? I'm the Central Massachusetts Heavyweight Champ. Should I carry that belt around, or brag about it like it means anything. I'm TIRED of this direction.
S: I have to agree with Psycho here. I'm tired of "I won something somewhere else". It's meaningless.
DM: Like the IWA-Mid South Women's Championship.
S: You went too far with that, Davin.
DM: And you can go FUCK yourself, former champ. Do me a favor, prove your worth and beat the shit out of her, so I don't feel as bad with you HHH-ing me.
S: I've really had enough of you Davin.
DM: And I've had enough of you and Crete flying in to play hero. While he was being a traitor up North, and you were being a pussy in "neutral-land", it was ME who held this shit together; at the cost of my title, at the cost of my damned health. I've taken YEARS off my career by doing this. But I don't bitch; you know why? As much as this guy *points to Rick* pisses me off; it's the right thing to do. I didn't wait until the lines were drawn to pick a side. So if you and Crete want to come in and play "Davin Doesn't Exist" that's your deal. I'll still be here and I'll still have your back; just don't expect me to forget it.
S: I can't even fathom where to begin telling you where you're wrong in all this.
DM: Whatever. I don't have time for this. Do me a favor. At least beat up LD a little bit before you lose, former champ.
*He leaves. Stank and GM the Rick exchange looks, and Rick simply pulls out another glass for Stank as he pours the Johnnie Walker Blue Label*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:48:02 GMT -5
(Tytan walks into Ultimo Inc.'s hotel room. He sees Dr. Podvod sitting in the corner crying.)
Tytan: Dr. Podvod what's the matter.
Podvod: Didn't you see Outback Jack's last promo? He told the world that we are sleeping together.
(Shocked)Tytan: Well are you?
Podvod: What do you think? Why would I want to sleep with a drunk moron like him. All I did was what Johnathan wanted me to do.
Tytan: (getting pissed) Which was what?
Podovd: He saw that Jack has a liking for me so it was decided to play on that. See if I can distract him enough so you could be guaranteed the win.
Tytan: What doesn't Steel think that I could beat him?
Podvod: I don't know. But he told me if I didn't do it that he would replace me.
Tytan: The bastard.
Podvod: Which one?
Tytan:Exactly. I can't decide which one I want to kill more right now. Steel or the idiot Outback Jack.
(He punches the wall and puts a hole in it.)
Podovd: Tytan you need to worry about your match right now. Kill Outback Jack first then we will worry about Steel. Besides all Steel was doing was business.
Tytan: He may have been but I don't like it. But as for Outback Jack listen up this isn't the high school locker room you just don't start crap like that. But since you started it, I finishing it let's up the stakes a bit, and no we aren't going to have a cook out. Let's make our match on Wednesday a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH!!!
Since you like to fight let's make it a good one. You piece of Kangaroo Shit!
So Bennett, Rick, The Bookerman, let's make this one happen!
And Jack you will experience what is Ultimate!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:48:22 GMT -5
Sexy Female Journalist #37: Hi everybody! I'm Wyndee, and I'm here with the Midnight Sons! D.H., Spin? What are your thoughts on your match coming up the the Cape Town Cannibals at Mayhem?
D.H. Magnusson: Who?
SFJ37: The Cape Town Cannibals!
DHM: Who in hell are the Cape Town Cannibals?
Spin Hansen: I think it's Voltage and the Nerve Agent, bro. New guy bought their contracts, slapped some face paint on them and made 'em Samoans.
DHM: Voltage and the Nerve Agent?
SH: Yeah, they got new names too. Wu Wu E-
DHM: Voltage and the goddamned Nerve Agent?
SH: Guess someone upstairs wanted to give us an easy night, what with the Drinking Cont-
DHM: Yeah, yeah...You want a soundbyte, Shannon? He-
SFJ37: Wyndee.
DHM: What?
SFJ37: I'm Wyndee!
DHM: Whatever. Okay, Shannon, get that mic up here. Volt, Nerve? Wrong place, absolutely the wrong fucking time. Sorry about what's gonna happen.
SH: And after we destroy those two losers, we're gonna life up to the other part of the name, and show all those lightweights in the lockerroom how to drink like MEN. Ain't that right, Mags?
Hansen turns, to see himself standing alone.
SH: What the hell?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:48:51 GMT -5
*Fade in. Well not really. It's a dark screen, but there is an OOWF logo in the corner, so we know the camera is on.*
Voice: What you've been hearing about this war is a complete fabrication.
*We hear the voice, and we immedietely recognize it as Eric O'Mac's.*
Eric: When I came back to the OOWF, I came back with a purpose and that was to replace GM The Rick with LJ Bennett. I had worked a few years under Rick and he didn't jsut give me my due, he went out of his way to screw me out of opportunities. I was the longest reigning Onslaught Champion, and we never had a chance to see how long that reign could be because Rick, the asshole, stripped me of my title WITHOUT reason. Sure, I was a prick then, but it wasn't like I set people on fire, set locker rooms on fire, and you better fucking believe I'm talking about you Firewoman. If you had wrestled in the OOWF 3 years ago, you wouldn't be here anymore, because back then, Rick had the balls to run a fucking company, even if he did it the wrong way.
*A flicker of light flashes, and we see Eric's face, faint behind the flame of a Bic (TM) lighter.*
Eric: Firewoman. An ironic name, because you are feisty, you are hot, and you've got heat with almost everyone. And you know something, I think you are a DAMN good wrestler who has a future in this company and in this business. There's a reason we recruited you hard for Bennett's side - it's not because we wanted the eye candy or the fact that you were a title holder - it's because, quiet frankly, Bennett's side would have been much stronger with you.
Now, you seem to have an issue with me, and it seems to stem from the fact that after you busted my eyebrow open 24 fucking hours before my first blood match with Concrete, I hit the ring with some of my friends and had them kick the shit out of you.
*Eric chuckles.*
Fire, I did what I did to show you that I was serious. For all of the shit that is said about this war, for all of the lies being thrown around, this war is important to me. This war is for the guys like me who've been fucked around so many times in this company that something HAD to be done for them to get a fair shake. And you sat there, saying "I'll be neutral" and you fucking draw blood on me without being provoked. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. But you did, and that's when you crossed the line from awesome talent to miserable cunt. And it turns out, you're a fucking liar, because you aren't neutral anymore. And if you don't think the guy's on Rick's team wouldn't have done it too, you are mistaken. The moment someone on that team grew some balls or th emoment you had treated, say, Stank the way you treated me, you'd be on my side instead of his. But far be it for me to point out stupid shit like that. The bottom line is this, and I'll only say this once: If you've got a fucking problem with me, then stop pretending to set accidental fires near my locker room, and claim innocence - be a FUCKING WOMAN and we can settle some things in the ring. I know you've got issues now with Dead, and with everyone in DEA because even in unity, you can't escape the drama, but if you want to know some "secret" shit on me, just ask. I'm not hard to find. I'll give you all the information on me you need. And if need me, we can throw a few. But that's another issue.
*The light flickers out.*
Eric: And as the light dims down, so does Concrete TG's career. You see, for every downfall of my OOWF career, Concrete reaped the benefit. I was here from the beginning, but Crete got all of the glory. I was just as talented as Crete, if not more, but Crete kissed The Rick's ass the moment Rick got in power. Now, I had a good career in the OOWF. I was in a damn good tag team, winners of the ONLY Tag Team Invitational. And of course, my Onslaught Title reign. But Rick insisted on giving the opportunities to guys like the Underdawg, guys like Microplay, guys like Canadian Dragon and guys like Concrete TG.
Don't chalk this up to jealously. I'm bitter, but I'm far form jealous, Concrete. I think that it's clear that while you are a tremendous talent, I offer a WEALTH of talent you can't come close to touching because you insist on wearing your little masks and your capes. But, that's all in the past, so I'm not too worried about it. There's a reason I left. And I wanted to come back.
*A spotlight comes on and the camera fades into the PHWF Championship.*
Eric: But I wanted to come back HERE. To the PHWF. Where I would get the respect and the opportunity I deserved. But once again, Rick made sure that didn't happen.
So I came back, and you took off to Stamford, my home away from home, and you abandoned the company you loved. You think I would have switched places with you? Listen, Crete, Mr. McMahon has my number and I have his, and if I wanted a job in WWE, I'd call tell him. It's not a matter of jealously. I'm glad you enjoyed your cup of tea, but you abandoned this company and you came back and instantly sided with Rick.
Let me tell you something, LJ Bennett is NOT a bad man. He is NOT an evil man. In fact, you probably worked for a man more evil than Mr. Bennett will ever be. The fact of the matter is that LJ Bennett wants to change the OOWF for the good. Give everyone equal oportunity. Not play favorites. And I promise you the moment this war is over and The Rick is out of power, LJ Bennett will treat you stupid sons of bitches who defended Rick with respect and give you all the same opportunity that we'll get. And the OOWF will be better for it.
The Rick has a HISTORY of playing favorites and screwing people over. He stripped me of my Onslaught Title, he stacked about 60 wrestlers against Moose, and don't think for a second he won't do it again. Just get on his bad side.
Sure, Mr. Bennett is being somewhat rough, but we're just treading water until the inevitable happens. But when that inevitable happens, I'll make sure you'll never get another job in wrestling, Crete. You have no sense of fairness, loyalty, or accomplishment, which is fucking weird, because you claim to be a hero. But, like I said, you can wear all your capes and masks, and I don't have a problem as long as you act like a man, but you're acting like a fan boy, and your subjective opinions really piss me off. Your definition of good is my definition of evil because your definition of good means screwing me over and I am NOT ok with that.
*Spot light goes out.*
Eric: So me and Tyson Kincaid have you and the Amnesiac tomorrow night, and I have to tell you, Crete, instead of fucking around on the islands, getting freaked out by midgets and assasins,a nd the freakiest shit I've ever seen, me and Kincaid have been studying. Not just your tapes, but tapes of Revolution XX. Me and Carl Coolname, one of the great tag teams in the OOWF Past. And when it comes to our match tomorrow night, we're going to be ready.
As for THE Amnesiac, you better just stay the fuck out of the way. Because we don't know you, but if you stick around too long, when we're done, you won't know who the fuck you're representing anymore.
*The lights come on, and Eric's in an all white room, wearing a black suit, PHWF Championship around his waist.*
Eric: The bottom line is Crete, this war is about opportunity and fairness. It's a war you started, and it's a war you'll be a casualty in. Honestly, if you were a fair man, you would see that the Rick represents everything you despise, but since you insist on being loyal to him, I'll wear the black of the devil, but this an ending you won't find in the Bible. Instead of walking the pearly white gates aurrounding Rick's office, you'll be suffering form the burns in hell created by your ignorance.
I'm simply doing what you did to me. The revolution is coming and I'm claiming my stake in this company, and I'll do anything to get what should be mine to begin with. And if I have to take you out of the equation, I'll do it. So when you're looking at me, on the mat, blood gushing out of head, tears swlling in your eye, and you look at me while you writhe in pain, you'll want my forgiveness, you'll want me to help you, to reconsider the wrongs I had committed to you.
I can't wait til that day comes and I can look you in the eye and tell you one thing.
*Eric pauses.*
Ask me if a I give shit.
*Eric smiles, as the lights behind him get brighter until Eric fades out.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:49:25 GMT -5
Firewoman starts to leave the RunDEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Starwood Hotels, but Lucios catches up with her. L: Where are you going? FW: Out. Why? L: Not supposed to go anywhere alone, remember? P: Who’s going somewhere alone? FW: Me. See ya. L: No, we’re coming too. FW: Really? Last time I took you guys somewhere it ended up with a bar fight and hangovers from drinking too much Aquafina, which I can’t even figure out how that happened. And I think Phantos’s eyes have just now gone back to normal size. P: So…we’re going to another place like that? FW: NO. Well, at least not yet. Alright, if you are going, let’s go. The three get into a cab and take a ride to the oldest cemetery in Phnom Penh. It is, of course night time, because what other time would you go to a cemetery? The cab stops, and the three get out. Firewoman pays the cab driver some extra money to wait. The gates are closed, since it is after dark, but this does not deter Firewoman, as she finds a somewhat low place in the fence, and pulls herself over it. Phantos and Lucios look at each other, shrug, and follow her. Once inside the cemetery, Phantos and Lucios follow close behind Firewoman.P: Do you think she knows where she’s going? FW: She not only knows where she’s going, she can also hear you. L: So…where are we going? FW: What’s the matter, Lucious? Afraid of ghosts? L: For the last time, it’s not Lucious, it’s— FW: Hush, we’re here. The group stops before a large mausoleum that looks like this: P: What’s this? FW: This, gentlemen is the oldest grave in the cemetery. The oldest grave is believed to be the abode of Baron Samedi, for a man, and Maman Brigitte for a woman. This one appears to house one of each. P: And who are they? FW: The two loa in charge of the dead, the Ghede. The ancestors. Phantos and Lucios exchange a look. L: Soooo….mind if we wait back at the cab? FW: Not at all. Ninjacam here? Good, make sure you get all of this. Phantos and Lucios head back towards the cab. Firewoman first takes some cascarilla out of the bag she is holding and draws the following on the ground. She takes some rum and pours three generous splashes on the ground as she sings.FW: Papa Legba, Papa Legba Open the Gates. Papa Legba, Papa Legba Open the Gates. After a short period of time, Firewoman takes the cascarilla again and draws two more symbols on the ground in front of the mausoleum:  Firewoman does some more singing, but it a language that sounds like a mix of French, English, and something else. She splashes more rum on the ground at various points.FW: Okay. NinjaCam, come over here. Get a good shot of this. Firewoman shows the camera her necklace, that looks like this: FW: See this, Dead? That was a cute flyer your gave me, but I’m already well acquainted with cemeteries, coffins, and the REAL Dead. Not just people play-acting. I have long conversations with them, they give me advice, and blessings, and will even go after my enemies if I want them too. Of course, I don’t need them too. Not in this case. Only reason I’m here is to show you that a casket match holds no fear for me, and because it’s time for me to thank them for everything they’ve done for me so far. With that, Firewoman pulls two live black chickens out of her bag. One rooster and one hen. And a big knife.FW: Oh, uh, you may want to turn away for this. The camera nods enthusiastically, and turns away. The microphone picks up a couple of strange, tearing sounds, and then nothing. The camera turns back around to see Firewoman splashing some more rum on the ground.FW: Okay, let’s go. Firewoman gets back to the gate and climbs over the fence to the cab where Phantos and Lucios are waiting.P: It’s about time. Is that…blood? FW: Maybe a little. Let’s go. They get in the cabP: You know, maybe we can amend that no one goes anywhere alone rule. Everyone needs their alone time sometimes… |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:49:51 GMT -5
Stank - Was he seriously just in here giving us the "What about me. ME!" treatment?
GMtR - Let it go, Stank.
Stank - Just when I thought I might be getting through to the prick...
GMtR - Stank, seriously just let it-
Stank - I mean what the fuck?
GMtR - You know Davin. He-
Stank - Where the fuck is this shit coming from? Is he off his medication?
GMtR - DON'T mention his medi-
Stank - Tell me why he hasn't gotten his shot at the world title, yet.
GMtR - Well DLP went for the Trio-
Stank - THAT'S RIGHT. He got involved in the Trios Titles scene.
GMtR - Yeah?
Stank - So it was more important to him that he become a tag champion with his boys... than to try and become World Heavyweight Champion.
GMtR - Well he doesn't book the matches so I wouldn't put it exactly like tha-
Stank - Why NOT? That's EXACTLY what he's doing to ME!
GMtR - Just because he is talk-
Stank - I mean, why didn't he get in Outback's face? Why didn't he bitch about it when Knife got a shot at LD before him? Where was he then?
GMtR - Stank this is counter productive. It's not imp-
Stank - I tell you Rick I'm starting to take this shit personally.
GMtR - Maybe he's upset he hasn't beaten you.
Stank - You know what... I don't care about his motivations. He needs to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a petulant brat. Give him my fucking match if he wants it so bad. I'll take Poe.
GMtR - Now YOU are acting like a child.
Stank - No Rick I'm sick of his shit. Maybe if he was really holding it down as he claims this fucking war wouldn't have gotten as far as it has. Maybe if he were doing his fucking job I wouldn't have to step in and do it for him. I didn't ASK for any of this shit. And I'm having a hard enough time trying to keep your shit-
GMtR - OUR shit...
Stank - Our shit together without having to deal with Davin's four year old act! Do me a favor and keep that ungrateful shit the hell away from me. I back him up with Alexis and THIS is the thanks I get? A brat and a match with Alexis Darling?
GMtR - Ok listen. You're getting all worked up. Sit down. Have a drink. Calm the fuck down.
<Stank makes his way toward the door.>
Stank - Fuck this Rick. I've had it.
GMtR - Get BACK here Lucas!
<Stank stops short, turns, and glares at the GM.>
GMtR - Sit.
Stank - I'll stand.
GMtR - Suit yourself... this crap going on between you and Davin plays right into Bennett's hands.
Stank - Fuck that. Davin is determined to make me hate him!
GMtR - Lucas... please.
Stank - I can't help how Davin feels. He's obviously got a hair up his ass that he thinks I put there. He's about as deluded as Eric.
GMtR - I don't care. You two need to get along. And personally I don't care which of you two brings the OOWF World title back to our camp. Just get it done. I need you both to keep your heads in the game.
Stank - My head has been in nothing BUT the game... Davin thinks HE is the ONLY one who has sacrific-
GMtR - BOTH of you are being hardheaded! Let me deal with Davin. You go-
Stank - No! NO! NO ONE should have to DEAL with Davin Moreland. You talk about me... YOU keep on task and get that asshole Bennett out of our lives! Let Alexis in your inner circle, and just let Davin deal with Davin.
GMtR - I'll take your suggestion under advisement.
Stank - With who?
GMtR - ...
Stank - ...
GMtR - ...
Stank - Are you going to tell me or leave me hangin?
GMtR - Leave you hanging.
Stank - Ok well then I'm going back to the Destroyitarium. I have a World title match to try and win... and if I do... I look forward to defending it against your boy.
GMtR - Oh so now he's my boy?
Stank - You're the one who took him on as your assistant.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:50:18 GMT -5
[The Dead is preparing for his match and watching a little OOWF-TV.]
Dead: Did she really just say that? Hold on...
[Thanks to the wonders of tivo-like technology, The Dead is able to rewind and watch a certain part again.]
Dead: Seriously?
[The Dead hits rewind and starts it again.]
Dead: Hmm, I guess Fire and that kid from the Sixth Sense have something in common then...
[The Dead continues to watch.]
Dead: Spooky stuff, I guess. Apparently a little blood makes you a badass. Fire, maybe instead of trying to threaten me with livestock, you should go ahead and take a look at some of my old footage. The torture and pain I've inflicted in the ring makes your little sideshow look like a children's bedtime story. I've worn the blood of several of my competitors. A little barnyard blood isn't going to scare me.
[The Dead turns off the TV and stands up.]
Dead: Fire, your little rituals and seances may disturb some of the more weak-willed among us here, but it won't work on me. You might be wearing a little rooster blood, but by the time I close you in that cold, dark casket, I'll be wearing your blood.
[Fade.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:51:00 GMT -5
<Stank storms out of GM the Rick's office and heads down the hall where he sees Moosehead Jack sitting with his feet up on a table watching OOWFtv on a monitor and grinning like the cat that ate the canary. Stank pauses>
Stank: Something funny?
MHJ: I love your "team unity"
Stank: Fuck you Moose.
MHJ: All I am saying is we don't have those problems on our side
Stank: Bullshit
MHJ: Really? Cole got a shot at Williams in Japan. You didn't see that tearing us apart did you? Look we know that keeping the title in camp is the most important thing there is, so Cole getting a shot, me getting a shot, Eric, whoever, its all good. You would think Moreland would think along those same lines. Seems like he has been hanging around Darling a little too much
Stank: Moose, I am not getting into this with you. I know you and your head games. If Davin wants some of me, I can beat him and we can.....
<just then Davin Moreland walks by, he stops and stares at Stank and Moose>
DM: I figured as much. You can beat me huh. Maybe get Moose there to make SURE you beat me
Stank: Davin, thats NOT what I was fucking saying.........
DM: Fuck you
<Moreland walks off and heads toward GM the Rick's office>
Stank: Where the hell is he going?
MHJ: Let's watch
<Through the miracle of Invisible Ninja Cameramen and OOWFtv we see Davin Moreland walk into GM the Rick's office>
DM: What did you want Rick?
GMtR: Have a seat Davin
DM: I'll stand
GMtR: HAVE A GODDAMNED SEAT
<Davin looks at Rick warily then takes a seat>
DM: What did you want?
GMtR: Look, I understand you have been under a great deal of stress lately, with the whole war and all that....
DM: You have NO idea. Seriously, you don't have a fucking clue
GMtR: Look Moreland, I am trying, I am doing what I can. I admit that for a bit, my head wasn't in the game....
DM: For a bit?
GMtR: INTERRUPT ME AGAIN AND SEE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS
<Davin looks a little shocked at first, then gets a sly smile across his face and leans back in his chair>
GMtR: ANYway, I am trying to get back into the swing of things here. Bennett really blindsided me with his accusations. Whether they are true or not is irrelevant....
<Davin opens his mouth to speak but a glare from Rick stops him>
GMtR: The fact is, we are on the ropes right now. I have to rally the troops, not you, not Crete, not Stank, as GM I have to do it. Bennett has almost all the titles, and their team is getting along. So the first thing I need from you, is you have to make peace with Stank
DM: No
GMtR: Davin, I am not asking you.
DM: You threatening me?
GMtR: Does it really have to come to that? You are in line for a title shot. You will get it in time. Bennett is doing his best to delay it. Until then, as long as the shot is going to someone on OUR side, what is the harm?
DM: I have been here for a long time, and I haven't had SHIT for title shots
GMtR: you are due, I don't doubt that
DM: But that fat fuck Stank can just step in and get title shots whenever the fuck he wants? BULL shit.
<Davin gets up and flips the chair over and puts his fist through the wall>
GMtR: That's another issue
<Rick leans over and hits the intercom - "Erlana, please send in Mrs. Huckabee." Davin stops and spins around and stares at Rick>
DM: What the fuck is she doing here?
<Mrs. Huckabee walks into the room, clearly she is an important woman>
GMtR: Davin, I believe you know Mrs. Huckabee
<Davin just snorts in her direction>
GMtR: Mrs. Huckabee has been evaluating your mental state over the last several weeks, and I believe she has come to her conclusion
MH: Mr. Moreland, from what I have seen, I believe that increasing your medication by half would bring your emotions back into check where we were all comfortable with them. Given the stress caused by this.......war, we understand that emotions are running higher than normal. We feel that your behavior is borderline out of control, this will help reign in those emotions somewhat
DM: No
GMtR: Davin, management agrees with Mrs. Huckabee. We fear that you are on the verge of becoming a danger to yourself and others. We feel that this is what is best for you.
DM: YOU are going to decide what is best for ME? Go fuck yourself, hows that?
GMtR: Mr. Moreland, while I cannot force you to take the medication that has been recommended it is STRONGLY in your best interests to do so
DM: You threatening me......again?
GMtR: Davin, you gotta think about the bigger picture here. You are a valuable asset to us at the OOWF. You know what happened last time you went off your medications. We don't want to see that happen to you again.
<Davin contemplates this for a minute then snatches the pills out of Mrs. Huckabee's hands>
DM: I won't promise a damn thing
<Davin slams the door open and leaves the office, leaving Rick and Mrs. Huckabee alone. Down the hallway we cut back to Moose and Stank>
MHJ: Niiiiiiiice
Stank: Fuck you Moose
<Stank walks away toward the Destroyitarium>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:51:23 GMT -5
(The Amnesiac is seen coming out of GM: The Rick's office. He doesn't look happy. Immediately, a sexy female journalist who was chosen for her brains, not her assets, runs up and sticks a microphone in The Amnesiac's face.)
SFJWWCFHBNHA: The Amnesiac, I see you're coming out of GM: The Rick's office. What was going on in there?
Amn: I don't know that it's any of your business. Where did you come from?
SFJWWCFHBNHA: Oh, we have a breakroom right across the hall. (She points to a door immediately facing GM:TR's office door.)
Amn: Interesting. So what else can I help you with?
SFJWWCFHBNHA: Well, you have a match with Concrete Takaken Gryfon versus Eric O'Mac and Tyson Kincaid tonight. Do you have any final comments before the match?
Amn: Well, Eric mentioned some random threats in my direction a little earlier... I guess he halfheartedly wants me to stay out of the way or some such. I can't make a promise like that. I will try, though. I mean, I wouldn't want to get in the way of two very strong and very admirable people destroying a man who I call my friend, now would I?
SFJWWCFHBNHA: Ah, sarcasm. I know it well.
Amn: Sarcasm? What's that?
(The SFJWWCFHBNHA just rolls her eyes.)
SFJWWCFHBNHA: Do you have anything else to say?
Amn: Well, I've been thinking things over lately, and I just wanted The Rick to know that I'd like to give my 110% support to his efforts here in the OOWF. I think what he's doing here is very admirable. I see my teammates like Crete, Stank, Davin... and it makes me wonder how we're not winning this war already. I'm going to make sure that I end up on the winning side.
SFJWWCFHBNHA: Thanks to you, The Amnesiac. And good luck tonight.
Amn: Thanks.
(The Amnesiac walks off. The ninja cameraman seems to follow along behind him, winding through the hallways (including the Hallway of No Encounters, which we don't see nearly often enough), and as he turns a corner, we see him walk into Moosehead Jack's office, closing the door behind him. The camera remains outside the door for a few moments, then fades to black.)
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