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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:53:26 GMT -5
Firewoman and Lucky walk the empty arena before the start of Mayhem. Everything is set up for the various matches, including the casket for Firewoman’s casket match. The workers have all gone to take a break before the show, so there is no one except Firewoman, Lucky, and the ninja cam, of course. Firewoman runs her hands down the side of the casket.
L: What was that?
FW: What? I didn’t hear anything.
L: No, that look…are you okay?
FW: Don’t be silly.
L: No, seriously…with the memo from Bennett, Alexis leaving, and Dead’s latest…plus … it’s a casket.
FW: So?
L: So, it’s a dark small confined space. And you know how you are--
FW: I’ll get something from Samantha. It’ll be fine.
L: That’s a terrible idea. Between all that and then Eric’s thing--
FW: Alright, that is enough. Fuck Eric, I don’t have time to deal with him this week. [Lucky is shocked that Firewoman would raise her voice to him.] I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—Look, did you get the message to everyone?
L: Yeah, they should be here shortly. They weren’t happy.
FW: Who is, these days. [She pulls the Ninja Cam around]. The chickens weren’t for you, Dead, and I care very little what you think about it. Just something I am obligated to do. And we’ve worn each other’s blood plenty, and I’ve beaten you one-on-one way more than the reverse, so unless you have something new to bring to the ring, shut up and wrestle. We’ll have the same great match we always do, as you are one of the few that can go toe-to-toe with me. But just barely.
As Firewoman finishes her promo, the members of Team Rick wander in, looking a bit confused. Stank and Davin walk in at the same time, eyeball each other as neither will go in front of the other one. Phantos and Lucios come down between them and that breaks the staredown so they can wander down towards the ring too. They all mill about, and finally, after several deep breaths, Firewoman hops onto the ring step, so she can actually be seen.
FW: Alright. I know this is… well, this is weird. But the shit needs to stop. Last week’s Mayhem was great in terms of having each other’s back and all, but that’s not enough to win this stupid war thing. We have to win actual matches that--
Amn: Hey, now. I won last week.
OBJ: So did I.
Stank: [Walking up to Firewoman] I’m sorry, who do you think you are, calling a meeting? You’ve barely been here a year.
FW: [Jumping down so she can be… uh, eye to chest? with Stank.] I think I’m the only one on this side actually holding any gold now. So as I was saying…
Davin: Back the fuck off and let her talk.
Stank: This doesn’t concern you…
FW: I don’t need you to speak for me, Davin. And both of you can Shut The Fuck Up. You are two of the biggest problems we have right now. So you can both back the fuck off.
Stank puts his hands up, in the universal symbol for “no problem.” Davin however…
DM: I don’t have to stand here and take this.
FW: Davin, I swear to gods that if you take one step out of this arena before I’m done, that coffee cup I smashed in your face will feel like a love tap when I’m done with you. Now shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.
Davin considers taking Firewoman up on her offer, but thinks again. He sits down, as apparently that new dosage is working pretty well for him.
FW: Now, I’m aware that Amnesiac and Outback Jack won last week. But we lost belts. And that is a trend that needs to reverse itself now. Tonight.
Concrete: Citizen Firewoman is right.
FW: Uh…yeah. Now we need to still make sure we have each other’s backs, but we should focus on the title matches, and make sure there are no interferences there. And those of us in title matches need to be sure to conserve their energy for their matches.
DHM: That’s convenient. So you’re not backing up anyone?
FW: That’s not what I mean, and you know it. It means being smarter about it, that’s all.
The general assembly nods and murmers in agreement.
FW: There’s more. It’s entirely possible that I could lose this belt tonight. Not likely, but possible. But I’m not going down alone, I’ll be taking Dead with me. Even if he wins the match, and that’s a pretty damn big if, I’m winning the battle. Because, good things happen when you’re aggressive, and the rules are officially out the window. [sighs] That’s it. Thanks for listening.
Firewoman walks out through Team Rick to the top of the ramp, as the Team Rick members watch. At the top, she runs into GMtheRick. They lock eyes for a moment, and then Rick sticks his hand out. Fire hesitates for a moment, and then takes his hand. They both continue back stage.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:54:49 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live From Phnom Penh, Cambodia
ZK DEBEERS GAUNTLET MATCH
ZK DeBeers strolls to the ring with his full entourage. He grabs the mic and addresses the crowd.
You savages have NOT shown me the proper respect. I am from South Africa! I am White! I am superior to ALL of you! I have arranged for this little demonstration of my athletic superiority.
DeBeers throws the mic down and awaits his first competitor. Mohammed Abdul Malik-Shabaz, from The Ivory Coast, makes his way to the ring. DeBeers refuses to shake his opponents hand. DeBeers attacks before the bell and begins to stomp Mohammed to the mat. Scoop Slam. Elbow Drop. Middle-rope fist drop. DeBeers goes for the cover. 1…2…and DeBeers pulls his man up for more punishment. Short-arm Clothesline. Irish Whip. Samoan Drop. DeBeers taunts the crowd as Mohammed struggles to his feet. DeBeers kicks him in the gut. Grabs the legs and locks in the EMU TAMER! Mohammed doesn’t fight long and taps out.
Jose Manuel Ramirez Ortiz Cuervo from Guadalajara, Mexico comes to the ring next. DeBeers greets him with a right hand and an arm drag. DeBeers stalks his man and levels him with a bionic elbow. High delay-vertical suplex. DeBeers locks in a Cobra Clutch, but Cuervo makes it to the ropes. Referee calls for the break and DeBeers backs up slowly, then kicks Cuervo in the gut. He set him up, DIAMOND DRIVER! DeBeers stand on his opponent’s chest as the count is made.1…2…3.
Sammy ‘Firewater’ Blackfoot is up next, coming down in full Navajo Indian garb. DeBeers blasts Sammy right away, ripping the headdress off him and stomping on it. This enrages Sammy, who charges in and swings wildly at ZK. DeBeers ducks the punches, and belly-to-back suplexes Blackfoot. DeBeers rinses, lathers, and repeats the suplex 3 more times before releasing Sammy. DeBeers covers Sammy and gets 1…2… and ZK pulls his man up, telling the referee “He needs more pain” Irish whip. Backdrop. FACE-FIRST PILDRIVER. That’s the end of this one 1…2….3.
Hi-Vo Sakamoto is announced next, wearing stereotypical ninja garb with the Rising Sun logo on the headband. Hi-Vo leaps in the ring and assumes a karate stance. DeBeers chuckles at his opponent and bull rushes him. Sakamoto side-steps the charge and delivers a stiff kick to the jaw. ZK staggers around the ring, rubbing his jaw. Sakamoto chops ZK and he slumps in a corner, wide eyed and shocked. Hi-Vo backs up and assumes the Crane position. ZK approaches slowly, and catches Hi-Vo’s leg as he attempts the Crane Kick. He spins Hi-Vo around, catches him with a big boot and grabs Sakamoto. DIAMOND DRIVER! 1…2…3
DeBeers wipes the sweat off his brow and waits. Rap Master MC Freestlye is announced to the crowd. HE comes down the ramp with a microphone and plenty of bling around his neck. MC starts up a little rap for the crowd, but ZK will have none of it. He attacks MC and ponds away on Freestyle. Snap Suplex. DDT. He traps the legs and locks in the EMU TAMER! MC taps out (or would it be raps out?) quickly. WINNER; in 5:24 via 3 pin falls and 2 submissions; ZK DeBeers
ZK calls for a mic. You See? Five men! Five inferior human beings. And not one of them was capable of beating me. NOONE IS! I challenge any Man, Woman, or Child in this arena to prove that they are superior to me!
Suddenly, familiar music cranks up. The crowd goes wild and STANK comes running to ringside. ZX tries to make a run for it, but Stank catches him outside the ring and hurls ZK into the barricade. Stank power slams DeBeers through the Micronesian Announce table. Stank tosses ZK into the ring and hits the STANKTONIA! ZK is probably dead. Stank hoists DeBeers up and delivers a THUNDEROUS STANK-U! ZK doesn’t move at all. Stank raises both arms in triumph and the crowd eats it up.
CHRIS COLE & BLITZ vs. KNIFE & MARK VANDER
Angelo Barros is YOUR referee!
Blitz and Knife start, the two circling slowly. Vander gets the crowd clapping and cheering as the two lighter wrestlers lock up and push each other around a bit. Knife with the early advantage as he hammerlocks Blitz and chains into a headlock. Blitz tries to push off but Knife just sits down and holds him there. Blitz struggles and flails, turning his body to get a foot hooked over the bottom rope and demanding Knife release him. Knife releases quickly and gets to his feet while Blitz rolls on the mat a little, holding his head and complaining that Knife had him by the hair. Knife did no such thing and the ref lets it go. The two circle again, but as Knife circles a little too close to the opposing corner, Cole takes a swipe at him. Knife admonishes Cole, only to have Blitz blindside him into the corner. Tag made, the two stomp Knife down mercilessly, only to have Vander dog pile them from the opposite corner. Vander brawls with both of them as Knife pulls himself back to his feet. It takes Barros a few moments to sort it all out but Vander's still not happy as he's escorted to his corner. Blitz happily makes the "hell tag clap" and lets Cole pound on Knife a bit. Cole hauls Knife to his feet and whips him across the ring, catching Knife on the rebound with a huge clothesline. Cole stomps Knife a few times, tell him "He BETTER pray" while he's down. He stomps over to Vander and socks him in the mouth, prompting Vander to climb into the ring after Cole. Barros backs him up as Cole drags Knife closer to the corner so Blitz can hit a quick leg drop on him. Blitz rolls out as Cole covers, and Barros dives over to count 1, 2, shoulder up~!
Cole hauls knife to his feet for another run at the ropes. Cole sets too early for a back body drop and misses the blind tag. Knife takes the body drop anyway but rolls clear as Vander kicks Cole in the ribs. He gathers Cole for a basic vertical suplex, getting a cover and a quick 2 count. Vander stomps on Cole, cussing up a storm at him. Knife frowns at the language but says nothing. Vander hauls Cole up and throws him in a corner, but eats boot when he charges. Vander is staggered, then gets clothes lined down. Cole then gets up and socks Knife clean off the apron, turning back to the recovering Vander. He gathers him up in a gut wrench suplex, getting another two count. Cole slaps the mat before grabbing Vander's legs and tying them into an Indian deathlock. Vander screams and claws at the mat, but refuses to tap. Vander manages to power toward the ropes, cheered on as Knife rallies the fans again. Cole struggles to keep Vander in place but he closes in on the ropes. Blitz sees this and drops down to the floor to gently pull the ropes out of Vander's reach. As Barros admonishes Blitz, Cole drops the hold and stomps on Vander's neck. Vander flails from the shot, but twitches and flails too close to the wrong corner. Cole tags Blitz, who waves to the crowd as he climbs up. Knife starts to climb in but Cole blocks the way as Vander is put out with the BLITZ FLIP!! 1, 2, this one's in the books!
WINNER in 7:24 Cole and Blitz
THE MIDNIGHT SONS vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS
The Cape Town Cannibals are already shown in the ring. The Nerve Agent and the wrestler formerly known as Jobber Voltage wait in the ring nervously, sporting the black paint that makes them "Samoan." There's no sign of ZK DeBeers, as he is getting ready for his match later.
“Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin hits the PA system, and the crowd stands on their feet as The Midnight Sons come out. Spin "Freakin" Hansen and D.H. Magnusson make their way to the ring, recognizing the positive reaction they receive. The Cape Town Cannibals exit the ring as the Sons get in. The referee has the tag teams ready in their corner, and it looks like Hansen and The Nerve Agent will be starting this one off. The bell rings and this one is UNDERWAY~!
The Nerve Agent, still with a nervous look on his face, seems to want to circle the ring with Hansen and lock up. Hansen isn't having any of it though, as he rushes TNA's side of the ring and takes off TNA's head with a MASSIVE clothesline. TNA flips upon receiving the devastating blow, but Hansen doesn't let up there. He whips TNA into the corner and TNA meets another Hansen clothesline in the corner. Hansen pounds TNA with his fists until the referee gets to a 5 count. Hansen lets up, but only for a moment. As TNA gets to his feet, Hansen grabs him and drops him with a power slam! As TNA screams out in pain, Hansen tags in D.H. Magnusson.
Magnusson waits for TNA to get to his feet. While TNA seems a bit dazed out, Magnusson sets him up for a belly to belly suplex and quickly goes for the cover. The referee counts 1..........2........but notices that TNA's foot is under the ropes. Magnusson puts up no argument as TNA gets to his feet. Magnusson takes TNA and hits him with a bulldog. While TNA is on his stomach, he puts TNA in Boston Crab! TNA screams out in more pain, but manages to make it to the ropes. TNA gets to his feet as Magnusson takes a breather. Magnusson whips TNA into the ropes again, and as TNA hits the ropes, his tag team partner, Wu Wu Ehunga, slaps his back, indicating a tag. Magnusson doesn't notice this as he finishes the Irish whip move to TNA with a wrap around head lock. As the headlock is locked in, WWE comes in. Magnusson notices and lets TNA out of the head lock, ready to hit WWE with a clothesline. WWE ducks under, and him and TNA bounce off the ropes with a double team clothesline of their own! TNA exits the ring, and Magnusson is not amused. He gets up while WWE is celebrating, taps him on the shoulder, and hits him with a snap suplex! Magnusson tags Spin Hansen in and Hansen gets in the ring with bad intentions on his mind.
Hansen was none too pleased with WWE and TNA's attempt at an offense and he lets WWE know it with a Lou Thez press, combined with a few good shots to the head. TNA doesn't like this and he rushes the ring, but Hansen takes TNA and throws him out of the ring! TNA lands awkwardly in a "HOLY SHIT!" type moment. WWE gets to his feet and Spin Hansen picks him up.......POWERBOMB! Magnusson comes off the top rope to hit the FIST DROP, completing the tag team finishing move 100 PROOF! Hansen hooks WWE's leg, and the referee makes the anticlimatic count...1...........2..........3! The Midnight Sons win this one!
WINNERS in 3:18....THE MIDNIGHT SONS!
OUTBACK JACK vs. TYTAN
Tytan to the ring first, accompanied by Diana Podvod...It seems someone didn't receive Bennett's memo. "Tie Me Kangaroo Down" comes across the PA (as Tytan begins kicking the bottom turnbuckle viciously) and Outback Jack makes his way down the ramp, smiling and circling the ring as the crowd cheers. Jack takes a second and seems to be saying to Podvod, as gets a smile from Tytan's handler! Well THAT could prove to be interesting, fans. Jack finally climbs into the ring, downs the remainder of the Fosters in his hand and at Marcus Hightower's signal, WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Collar and Elbow tie up to start, and Tytan quickly powers Jack to the mat. Jack back to his feet quickly and ties back up, same result. Tytan looking to make it three in a row as they tie up again, but Jack uses a hair pull assist to send big man down. Podvod is instantly up on the apron to complain, and when Hightower asks Jack smiles and nods yes! Hightower seems confused as what to do for a second, then orders the match to continue. Back to the collar and elbow, which Jack transitions into a side headlock. Tytan shoots him into the ropes, and both men collide with shoulder tackles, neither one budging. Tytan gestures to Jack, who rebounds off the ropes again, both men clash again, but neither budge. Now it's Jack taunting Tytan, and the powerhouse hits the ropes, slams into to Jack...both men refuse to budge! Jack back into the ropes, comes off with the shoulder out, but stops short and thumbs Tytan in the eye! Jack back to the side headlock over the admonitions of Hightower, wrenching it down and smiling to Podvod the whole time.
Tytan works out of the hold with a top wristlock, converting it to a standing arm bar and then stepping on the inside of the Aussie's knee to put him onto the mat. Stepping over Jack's body, Tytan quickly switches the arm bar into a cross arm breaker! Jack quickly throws a leg over the rope before Tytan gets it locked in fully, and there might be signs of frustration showing on Tytan's face.
Back on their feet, back to the collar and elbow, and Tytan quickly powers Jack into the corner. Hightower calling for a clean break, and Tytan begins peppering heavy left hands into Jack. Irish whip to the far corner reversed by Jack, who follows in with a corner clothesline before sending Tytan across the ring again. Another clothesline attempt, Tytan brings up the knee, staggering Jack backwards. Mafia Kick by Tytan sends Jack crashing to the mat, and Tytan pounces on him driving several hard knees to the side of the prone Aussie's head. Pickup by Tytan, followed by a quick vertical suplex and a cover, only earning a two count before Jack gets a shoulder up. Tytan fires Jack into the ropes, missing a clothesline as Jack ducks under it and hits the far side ropes, only to be met by a thundering power slam on his way back! No cover, as Tytan opts for a leaping fist drop! Nice elevation, and Tytan follows up by locking in a sitting sleeper! Jack fading fast, and Hightower goes in to check the arm. Jack's arm drops once, drops twice, drops thr- No! Jack's arm shoots up before hitting the mat, fist clenching as his legs start moving on the mat. Fans SOLIDLY behind the Aussie, and he's feeding of them, drawing up to his feet and turning inside the sleeper. One elbow from Jack, two elbows from Jack, a third elbow lifts Tytan off of his feet, and Jack shoots him off into the ropes, following close behind and burying a knee into Tytans midsection on the ropes. Jack raining forearms down on Tytan, quick whip into the ropes, SPINEBUSTER by Outback Jack! He hooks the leg, One, two, Tytan rolls a shoulder at the last possible second, but that's about all as he's met with a diving knee by Jack as he starts to get up. That's enough to daze Tytan as Jack sets up for the BOOMERANG~ Tytan up to his feet as Jack shoots past him, hits, the far side ropes and...AND CRASHES into Diana Podvod on the ring apron! Podvod lands in a heap on the outside, and it looks pretty bad - she's not moving. Jack is leaning out between the ropes as Hightower slides out of the ring to check on Tytan's handler, and she' starting to stir a bit as a concerned Outback Jack looks on. Hightower helps Podvod to her feet, and she still looks VERY shaken up, but otherwise fine. Hightower continues to check on Podvod as Jack turns his attention back to Tytan...WHO BLASTS HIM WITH A STEEL CHAIR! Jack goes down like a sack of wet cement, and Tytan tosses the chair back outside, covering Outback Jack. Hightower turns around in time to see the cover, slides in quickly to make the academic three count, and Tytan has stolen this one!
WINNER BY PINFALL IN 11:04 - TYTAN
AMNESIAC & CONCRETE TG vs. ERIC O’MAC & TYSON KINCAID
The Amnesiac starts things off against Eric O'Mac. They meet in the middle of the ring and Eric looks at The Amnesiac and then slaps the taste out of his mouth and begins to laugh. A none-too-happy Amnesiac then goes on the attack with a series of punches and kicks and then grabs O'Mac and whips him into the ropes and as Eric bounces off The Amnesiac arm drags him to the mat and locks in on his arm and applies pressure. Eric quickly breaks out of the hold and then gets to his feet. The Amnesiac hits a beautiful looking dropkick out of nowhere and then tags in Concrete TG. Crete comes in and delivers a series of vicious chops to the chest of Eric O'Mac. Crete then grabs Eric and whips him into the ropes and hits him with a nice high-angle suplex sending Eric to the mat. Crete goes for the quick cover. One...Two...Eric O'Mac kicks out. Crete moves in to pick up Eric but Eric cheap shots Crete with a blatant thumb to the eye. Eric gets to his feet and then throws a vicious right that connects squarely to the jaw of Crete. Eric seizes the momentum and whips Crete into the ropes. Crete bounces back and Eric hits him with an front atomic drop. Eric moves toward his corner and tags in Tyson Kincaid. Kincaid runs in and hits a still-staggering Crete with a vicious clothesline and then drops down and goes for the cover. One...Two...Crete kicks out! Kincaid begins to blatantly choke Crete, forcing the referee to start a five-count. Kincaid breaks the hold at four and yells at Crete to get up. Crete finally obliges and catches a glimpse of Kincaid charging at him. Crete is able to step out of the way just in time and sends Kincaid to the mat with a drop-toe hold. Crete uses this opportunity to tag The Amnesiac back in. The Amnesiac hits a quick senton on a still-prone Kincaid and then heads to the top rope. Kincaid quickly gets to his feet and charges up the ropes as well. The two begin to slug it out, each looking as if he's about to topple off the top. The two continue to trade blows until finally The Amnesiac knocks Kincaid off the ropes and toward the mat. Somehow Kincaid lands on his feet and immediately crotches The Amnesiac, sending him into a world of pain. Kincaid moves back to his corner and tags in Eric O'Mac. Seeing as how a vulnerable Amnesiac is in his team's corner, Concrete TG tags himself in and immediately begins to brawl with O'Mac. The two rock each other with haymakers, but neither man has any intention of going down. Suddenly, Tyson Kincaid distracts the referee just long enough for Eric O'Mac to connect with a vicious low-blow to Crete. The referee turns back around a split-second too late and misses the whole thing (what are the chances of that happening?). Eric whips Crete into his corner and tags in Kincaid. The two of them begin to stomp the living hell out of Crete, causing The Amnesiac to come in and try to make the save. The referee cuts him off in the middle of the ring, which allows O'Mac the opportunity to choke Crete. Eric makes his way back onto the apron as the referee gets The Amnesiac settled back in his corner. Kincaid has a huge upper-hand, as it seems Crete is just depleted after enduring this much illegal abuse. Kincaid stomps on Crete a few times and then picks him up and whips him into the ropes. Kincaid connects with a neck breaker and goes for the cover. One...Two...Crete kicks out! Kincaid picks him up again, whips him into the ropes, and connects with a springboard spinning wheel kick! Crete goes down in a heap! Cover. One...Two...Thr...Crete kicks out! Tyson Kincaid is clearly frustrated at this point as he picks Crete up one more time. This time he whips Crete hard into the corner and charges in after him. Kincaid jumps into the air looking to land a splash, but somehow Crete is able to muster-up enough strength to get out of the way just in time. Kincaid hits the turnbuckle stomach-first and appears to have the wind knocked out of him. This is Crete's chance. He staggers into the corner where The Amnesiac awaits the tag. Slowly he gets closer and closer until with his last ounce of strength, he dives for the hand of The Amnesiac. Except he tags nothing but air. Crete looks up and sees The Amnesiac backing his way up the entrance ramp. Crete looks confused. At the same time, Tyson Kincaid catches his breath and pulls a completely exhausted Crete to his feet. He plants Crete in the middle of the ring with a DDT and then tags in Eric O'Mac. Eric immediately climbs to the top rope and connects with a picture-perfect Mac Attack frog splash. The one is over. One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 10:07 - Eric O'Mac and Tyson Kincaid.
DAVIN MORELAND & ALEXANDER DARLING vs. POE & DONOVAN VIPER
Time for a tag team war here in the OOWF as two members of Run DEA, former Onslaught Champion and current #1 contender to World Title; Davin Moreland is set to team with former Intercontinental Champion; Alexander Darling. Their opponents this week will be the current Intercontinental Champion, Donovan Viper and his partner, the monster known as Poe. It’s a very interesting pairing, but one I’m sure Poe actually loves considering his history with Darling and his current issues with Davin Moreland. But enough with the preliminaries, let’s get this one started.
“Thump thump thump thump thump…Hey hey hey hey hey;” the unmistakable opening of Metallica’s S&M Version of “For Whom The Bell Tolls” starts to play as part of the stage lights up in flames while the rest of the arena is bathed in a dark red light. Poe rises from below in a circle of fire with the sadistic Selena attached to his leg, as we have been accustomed to seeing. He makes his way down to the ring and stands up on the turnbuckle as he shoots a deep red mist straight up in the air while waiting for his partner to arrive. And his partner does arrive to Alice in Chains’ “Angry Chair. Viper gets in the ring and looks at the corner where Selena is crawling all over Viper and he gets a dirty look on his face that gets wiped off as soon Poe notices. Viper just shrugs and nods at his partner for this match and they look toward the entrance.
Alexander Darling’s now familiar entrance of “There Can Be Only One” into “Prelude 12/21” starts to play and the spotlight of electric blue circles the arena. The Darling twins step out from the back and wait on top of the entrance as “Pull Me Under” by Dream Theatre begins to play and Davin Moreland steps out from the back to a thunderous ovation. He comes up to stand beside Alexander Darling and it’s quite obvious that Alexis has stepped to the other side of her brother to be as far away from Davin as possible. He doesn’t seem to notice as the music mashes into a SICK combination of Davin’s “Pull Me Under” and Alexander’s “Princes of the Universe.” The two men make their way down to the ring and Davin does his Lashley entrance, which Alexander tries to copy and he doesn’t even come close, and instead just slides under the bottom rope. Alexis takes position outside the ring, directly opposite from Selena and eyes her down.
Davis Hightower knows better than to call these four to the center of the ring and instead goes right to calling for the bell. As soon as the bell does ring, the faces charge the heels but it seems as if they got their signals crossed and both wind up charging Poe and get in each other’s way enough that Poe just steps out onto the apron and Viper is free to charge them both from behind and he tosses Moreland to the floor. Alexis is yelling for him to get up because things are not starting well inside the ring as Alexander is being dropkicked into wrong corner. In a surprising display, Poe and Donovan are working really well as a team in the early portion here with quick tags and fluid teamwork between the two. Currently Viper is holding Darling in the corner as Poe keeps kicking in the gut. On the opposite side of the ring there is yet another loud argument between Alexis and Davin as to what one or the other should be doing.
It looks like Davin has had enough and is about to really lay into Alexis when he says fuck it and steps into the ring and charges Poe at full speed and crushes him into Alexander and in turn knocks Viper flying off the apron. Davin reaches down and picks Darling up over his shoulder as he carries him back to their corner. Davin steps back onto the apron and reaches down to legally tag himself into this match for the first time as Alexander rolls to the outside and looks to recover with the help of his sister. Meanwhile, inside the ring Davin is standing in the center of the ring as Poe gets to his feet and the two big men start to stare each other down. Right from Davin, right from Poe, left from Davin, left from Poe and these two men are just slugging it out. Davin finally blocks one and grabs Poe’s hand and whips him towards the ropes. Poe lowers the shoulder, but Davin doesn’t budge. Poe sneers and grabs Davin’s hand to do the same. Davin lowers the shoulder and Poe doesn’t move. Poe goes to grab Davin’s hand once again, but this time Davin slaps it down and then SLAP of DISRESPECT right to Poe’s face. And that looks like it was the wrong move as Poe fakes a return slap and instead plants an elbow between Davin’s eyes.
Moreland is finally staggered and Poe jumps on the attack. He scoops DM up and plants him hard on the mat with a power slam. He drops the elbows in quick succession on the mat and on the third one, he goes for the cover but only gets two as AD pulls Poe off for the save. Maybe we can get some order in this match now as Poe drags Moreland to his corner and tags out to Viper. Viper’s in and he’s getting right to work as he drives his knee right into Moreland’s face. Viper and Poe stay on the offensive for a few more minutes until Viper is back in the ring and he whips Moreland into the corner and looks to follow him in but instead DM explodes out of the corner with a clothesline that sends Viper flipping to the mat. Both men are down on the mat as Davis Hightower begins a 10 count. He gets to 6 before Viper makes the tag to Poe and only a fraction of a second later Moreland is making the tag to Alexander. Poe looks to take Darling down with a clothesline, but AD ducks under and executes a chop block right to the back of Poe’s previously injured ankle. Poe crumples to the mat as he shakes his leg trying to get feeling back.
AD refuses to allow that possibility as he starts to drop the fastest elbow drops we’ve seen in a while right to Poe’s knee and ankle. Poe is struggling and finally does enough and he sends Darling flying back into a now standing Donovan Viper. Alexander Darling is on his fucking game tonight though because as soon as he bumps into Viper he grabs him and drops straight down…STUNNER by Darling. Meanwhile on the opposite side of the ring Poe is standing up and he’s actually fucking hopping on the leg that Darling was just attacking. He gives Darling a two-finger salute and just as it looks like Darling is about to charge we see that Selena has grabbed him around the ankle. He tries shaking her off but he’s distracted long enough for Poe to charge and nearly take AD’s head off with a YAKUZA KICK that sends Alexander crashing down into the corner.
On the outside of the ring, Alexis has finally had enough of Selena and is stalking her on the outside. Davis Hightower notices and he jumps to the outside as well as he’s chasing Alexis from behind trying to get her to stop. Selena has turned the corner and crouching behind waiting for Alexis to make the turn. Selena is rubbing her throat; we’ve seen this before. Alexis turns the corner and Selena jumps up into Alexis’ face and sprays that red mist, but no…Alexis drops down into a split so the spray misses her…it does not, however miss Davis Hightower who starts screaming in pain. Selena realizes that Alexis is getting back to her feet and Selena hightails it back up the ramp with Alexis in hot pursuit.
Inside the ring Poe is going to town on Darling’s legs now and drags him to the center of the ring. Poe raises Darling’s legs and steps between them, crosses them, and flips Darling over as he’s now got AD in the SHARPSHOOTER. Poe really fucking leans back and Darling screams in pain and he has no choice but to start TAPPING as Poe is trying to break his ankle. But there’s no ref as Hightower has been taken out. That’s the first lucky break for AD and the second is that Poe doesn’t have him in the hold for long though because Davin Moreland is back and bouncing off the ropes. He grabs Poe around the neck and hits the REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER…only it wasn’t actually REALLY GOOD…it was more like a MEDIOCRE RKO. What is wrong with Davin Moreland tonight? He has been totally off his game, but it was still enough here to save his partner. Not enough for him to notice Viper stalking him from behind…LUNGBLOWER by Viper. DV goes for the cover…
Unfortunately there is no ref; wait…here comes Sterling Glaw running in from the back.
1…
2…
And no, Davin gets his leg onto the bottom rope. Poe has rolled to the outside as Viper reaches down to grab Davin and picks him up to his feet. Somehow Davin Moreland pushes DV away with one hand to get enough distance and Moreland strikes with a SUPERKICK that sends Viper flying back into the now standing Alexander Darling who grabs Donovan around the waist…RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX and DV goes flying over the top rope crashing to the floor. Alex walks over to Moreland to make sure he’s doing okay and he nods his head as the two bump fists. Darling motions to the floor where Poe and Viper are recovering on opposite sides of the ring. Moreland nods and Alexander whips Moreland towards the side of the ring where Viper is and Moreland flies over the top rope. SOMERSAULT PLANCHA and Donovan Viper may be dead. Alexander follows Moreland to that side of the ring, but bounces off the ropes for extra momentum and goes flying through the ropes on the other side. TOPE CON HILO and Poe crashes back into the guardrail. The crowd goes nuts. And in a sight I never thought I’d see Alexander Darling is trying to get the crowd to go even louder as he slams the guardrail up and down.
Darling gets back in the ring as Moreland tosses Viper back in as well. Darling makes the cover…but only gets a two as Viper barely slides a shoulder out. AD picks Viper up by the hair and sends Viper crashing into the corner. There’s no one there for either one to tag as DM has stalked Poe on the outside and is picking him up and sends him crashing into the steel post shoulder first. Moreland quickly gets in the ring with Darling and nods at him. Darling sees this and picks up Viper and gets him into position for the Darling Driver. Davin bounces off the ropes just as Alexander flips DV down and there it is…EXCELLENT DARLING DRIVER CUTTER COMBO. That should be it…
1…
2…
Where the fuck did Poe come from to save his partner? He gives Darling a few kicks for good measure before he sees Davin charging him and he back body drops him over the top, but Davin had enough momentum to carry Poe over the top as well and those two are AGAIN battling on the outside. Inside the ring, Darling has placed DV on the top turnbuckle and looks to follow him up, but Viper is fighting back and sends AD crashing back to the mat. Viper flies off the top and hits Darling with a somersault leg drop. He stays on top for the cover…
1…
2…
And Darling kicks out. Donovan picks Alexander up and as he does, he yells out “Here It Is.” And yes…Viper hits Alexander with the HERE IT IS DRIVER. And he goes for another cover…
1…
2…
And no. It’s another kick out by Darling. Viper is getting frustrated now, but figures it’s time to end this match. It looks like this match has broken down to just Viper and Darling inside the ring as Poe and Moreland continue to fight around the outside. Poe currently has the advantage as he’s picked DM up in the air and drops him throat first across the guardrail. Poe stays on the attack as he tosses one of the Stonehenge Announcers out of their chair and places it directly across Moreland’s throat as he tries to choke him to death. Meanwhile, inside the ring Viper picks Alexander up once again and he tries to get him in position for the Go2Sleep. AD struggles to avoid the hold and even though Viper gets him up on his shoulders, Alexander is able to shift his weight just enough so DV misses the kick to complete the G2S. This puts him in an awkward position and Darling takes advantage and kicks Viper right in the gut and he takes the now bent over Viper and picks him up in the air. He gets Viper in position and as he does so, he turns to face Poe on the outside and yells out “POE.”
Darling with the CRUCIFIX BOMB on Viper right in Poe’s face. Poe is about to charge into the ring, but somehow, miraculously, Davin has enough in him to pick up the chair Poe was just using to choke the life out of him and he throws it right at Poe and it crashes into the back of his skull. It shakes Poe and he falls to one knee and AD realizes he needs to take advantage of the situation now before anything else happens. He reaches down and picks Viper up once again. Viper’s trying to fight back, but he’s had a lot taken out of him tonight and Darling is able to get him up…DEAL BREAKER and Viper may be dead. Darling doesn’t go for the cover though; instead he gets Viper in position.
DEATH by DARLING is locked in. Viper is in serious trouble as he’s taken a great deal of punishment and Poe is still busy on the outside as he and Moreland are actually both back up and slugging away again. During the midst of their fight, they have cleared off the Stonehenge announce table and are now fighting on top of it. Donovan is in SERIOUS trouble now as he’s caught in the center of the ring and can’t get the leverage to find a way out of the submission move. Moreland points this out to Poe and Poe looks to try and get off the table but Moreland grabs Poe and looks to put Poe through another table with his finisher, but Poe blocks the attempt at the Diamond Cutter and he grabs Davin around the neck with both hands. CHOKE BOMB through the table and both men on the outside may be dead. And inside the ring, it’s also the last straw for Viper as he can’t get out of the hold and no one can save him now.
Viper quits…this match is over.
Darling quickly releases the hold and rushes to the outside to check on his partner. Poe rolls away while in serious pain himself and he locks eyes with his former pupil and it’s obvious there is still unfinished business there, but the current business is with Davin Moreland who does not look good as medics are starting to tend to him. We also have a medic or two inside the ring checking on Viper as he stands up and it’s quite visible he’s in bad shape as one of his arms is just hanging limply at his side. Alexander may have separated or dislocated Viper’s shoulder with that move taught to him by Charlie Haas. It’s been another battle here in the OOWF as more and more people are getting injured by the day as this war escalates. We have no idea who or what may happen next, but what we do know is that Alexander Darling just made the Intercontinental Champion tap as he and his partner Davin Moreland are victorious tonight over Donovan Viper and Poe.
WINNERS via submission in 33:39…Alexander Darling & Davin Moreland.
MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. JUSTIN SANE – OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship Title Match
Justin Sane comes to the ring first, and pauses for a moment and asks one of the children in the crowd to hold the ropes for him, naturally the young girl struggles and the ropes snap back and catch Sane in the nether regions, sending him to the mat, tapping in pain. Moosehead Jack is announced and he comes to the ring with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title around his waist and stands over Sane. Justin Sane apparently doesn’t realize who it is and reaches up for a helping hand. Moose grabs him by the hand and pulls him off the mat, then pulls him right into a short clothesline. Sane is stunned on the mat, and gets a second to recover while Moose takes off the title and tosses it down on the ring. Moose pulls Sane off the mat and hauls him up for a vertical suplex, then drops him straight down on his head, BRAIN BUSTER! Sane is barely moving in the middle of the ring, Moose slides out of ring and pulls something from under the ring, it is Justin Sane’s old nemesis Ladder! Moose sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring and starts to climb it, no doubt with bad intentions in mind, but Sane summons his last bit of strength and gets to his feet and hits a BACKCRACKER on Moose! Moose is actually down on the mat and in pain! Sane gets to his feet and soaks in the cheers of the Insaniacs. Sane slowly turns around and sees Ladder in the center of the ring. Sane stares wide eyed at his ancient rival and slowly walks toward ladder, Sane is hulking up (Saning up?) and does the YOU point of doom to Ladder, then gets completely blind sided by a forearm to the side of the head from Moose. Moose pulls Sane up and throws him into Ladder, and on the rebound scoops him up and ties him into the tree of woe. Moose folds Ladder and gets a running start and slams Ladder into Sane’s face. Justin Sane falls of the corner and grabs his face in agony. Moose pulls him up again and sets Sane on the top rope and climbs up after him, Sane manages to get a couple of shots in on Moose, and pushes him off the top rope to the mat. Justin climbs to the top rope and steadies himself and leaps, trying for a cross body block, but Moose catches him, spins him up and slams him onto the ladder! Sane is out. Moose looks out at the crowd and sneers at the crowd, then pulls Ladder up and stands it up in the corner, whips Sane into Ladder and follows him in with a back elbow to the chest. As Sane staggers out, Moose grabs his arm and hits a heart punch, Sane falls back, hits Ladder, staggers forward and catches a kick to the mid section, and eats a PILE DRIVER! Sane is out. Moose pounces on him and locks him in a completely unnecessary ji-endo. Sane is too far gone to even tap, so the referee stops the match and calls for the bell.
WINNER in 6:12 – Moosehead Jack
WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM & ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. GAELIC STORM & ALEXIS DARLING – OOWF Campeonas De Trios Championship Match
It’s time for the trio’s titles to be defended here in the OOWF. Last week we saw the titles defended for the first time since they were created and we saw a title change occur when Team Bennett’s guys found a way to isolate Alexis Darling from Phantos & Lucios and steal a victory from the jaws of defeat. That one little incident has caused major havoc for Team Rick’s forces, but that could all change tonight as Fonzworth MacCappington, Ryan Hardcore, and Attitude Adjuster defend those belts against the very same Alexis Darling. But tonight she is going to be tagging with sometimes associates, The Gaelic Storm of Seamus McNasty and Damon Wrath.
We’re going to forego the introductions here and just get this baby started. In the ring to start are Damon Wrath and Attitude Adjuster and there is Junior Hale to call for the bell and we’re underway. AA and DW lock up and they spin around the ring until they get tied up in the ropes and Hale calls for the break. AA being the awesome heel goes right for the eye poke of doom and he nails it. Damon took that shot right in the left eye. AA has the advantage and tosses Wrath over to his partner’s corner and they start stomping a mud hole in him. Seamus and Alexis both try to rush in and stop the shenanigans but only get a blow or two in before Hale escorts them back to their corner.
Behind the ref’s back AA and FFM do the fake tag slap and Ryan Hardcore enters the ring this time. He picks up Wrath and hits a nice fall away slam that leaves Damon lying in the center of the ring. Hardcore heads to the top rope and goes for a splash, but DW gets his knees up and Hardcore takes one in the gut. DW rolls to his corner and tags in his partner Seamus and he’s a house afire. Clothesline to Ryan, elbow to the top of MacCappington’s head, beautiful scoop slam on AA. Seamus heads back to the legal man in the ring and picks up Ryan up onto his shoulders. From the outside Alexis jumps up to the top rope and SPRINGBOARD DOOMSDAY DROPKICK sends RH flying. He rolls all the way to the outside where FFM is holding him. Inside the ring, the part of a pinball is being played by AA tonight as Seamus and Damon alternate punches before Seamus distracts Hale and Alexis goes low on AA with a field goal kick that would have been good from 50 yards.
AA crumbles to the mat and FFM and RH reach in to drag him to the outside as well. The Fags (seriously, it’s getting fixed) and AA try to recover while the crowd is giving them their business. Alexis gets tagged in inside the ring and F. Fonzworth MacCappington joins her and this is a decided mismatch for the female Darling. She uses her speed for a few moments, but while attempting a leapfrog, Fonzie just stands there and slams Alexis down to the mat. The Fags and AA are all accomplished tag wrestler and we can see that kick in now as Alexis Darling becomes the literal face-in-peril. Quick tags and just a fabulous ass-kicking going on here, but Alexis refuses to be put down for the three.
No matter what’s been thrown at her, she has not stayed down for the 3 count. AA has hit her with everything, and I’m pretty sure there was a moment behind the ref’s back when a kitchen sink actually appeared in the ring. But even that hasn’t been enough. Damon and Seamus have done everything to get her back to their corner and we can see DW getting more and more frustrated even as Seamus continues to cheer Alexis on and will her to make a tag. MacCappington has just been tagged in and he hits a slam right in the corner and he walks over AD to add insult to injury.
He jumps up on the second rope and starts bouncing up and down…Alexis would be crushed if Fonzworth can hit the MacCAPPINGTON BOMP. Bounce, bounce, bounce, and MacCappington comes off the ropes but no one is home as Darling rolls back away. MacCappington recovers quickly enough and goes to hit Alexis with an elbow drop, but she again rolls closer to her corner. AA and Hardcore rush in to try and stop her, but with one last dive, Seamus gets the HOT TAG and he has all the momentum. IRISH CAR BOMB on Ryan Hardcore…LOWLANDS OF HOLLAND on Attitude Adjuster…and to finish the trifecta, BLACK AND TAN on F. Fonzworth MacCappington.
Hale is trying to get the two legal’s back into the ring and he’s pushing AA and RH back to their corner while Seamus is busy covering MacCappington. But no one is there to make the count…we should have new champions right now. We’re back to the two legal men as Seamus finally gets off Mac and goes to make the tag to Damon. Damon goes for his finisher, but RH and AA rush into the ring and they’re joined by SM and AD…we have a donnybrook here as Junior is struggling to get control…He’s pushing AA back to the corner when Seamus gets Ryan Hardcore up in the air…WILD ROVER…Hardcore is finished.
But it seems like his opponents aren’t done with him…Alexis has jumped up to the top rope with her back to the ring…PHOENIX SPLASH. That is it. Hale turns around and sees Alexis lying on Ryan.
1…
2…
3.
YES!!! They’ve done it. Alexis Darling and The Gaelic Storm have won the OOWF Trios Titles. And here is your official announcement as Junior Hale starts to hand the belts to Alexis, Seamus, and Damon…
Announcer: Your winners and NEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW OOWF…
Suddenly a figure appears on the ramp, it’s LJ Bennett.
LJ Bennett: If you can stop right there. I don’t normally like doing this, but what we’re about to see is a miscarriage of justice. I’m sorry to inform you that we do not have new Trios Champions as of this moment because Alexis and Ryan were not the legal participants. So, Mr. Hale if you’d like to keep your job, I’d restart this match right now.
Hale has no choice and he calls for the bell to restart the match. As soon as the bell rings, Ryan Hardcore drags Seamus down to the mat and AA hits Alexis with a ROARING ELBOW that knocks her backwards right into Damon Wrath and their two heads collide with a sickening thud. Damon stumbles right into F. Fonzworth MacCappington and gets him right up into GETTINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS. This is totally unfair…
1…Seamus is being held down by Ryan
2…Alexis is woozy and can’t crawl over
3.
And there’s the bell. What a crock from LJ Bennett, The Gaelic Storm and Alexis Darling had those belts and Bennett finds yet another way to screw anyone associated with Team Rick. Meanwhile, FFM, Ryan, and Attitude have grabbed their belts and headed towards the back holding them up high. But there is a situation brewing inside the ring as Damon Wrath has staggered to his feet and he’s getting in Alexis Darling’s face. The two are arguing and we can pick up that Damon blames Alexis for the loss and she’s not backing down at all pointing out that he was the one who got pinned and she actually had Hardcore down for three. Seamus tries to step in between them to cool things off, but Damon pushes him out of the way…and that’s a mistake as now Seamus is in Damon’s face and the two members of Gaelic Storm start arguing. Before anything physical can happen, the rest of The Storm heads down the aisle and step between the two big guys. Alexis is holding Seamus back as well and it seems like cooler heads will prevail as the Storm head to the back, knowing they had the champs beat. But the results will show something else.
WINNERS in 19:12 and STILL OOWF CAMPEONAS de TRIOS…
FIREWOMAN vs. THE DEAD – OOWF Onslaught Championship Casket Match
“Doomsday Clock” by the Smashing Pumpkins is heard throughout the arena. The Dead comes down the ramp to a loud chorus of boos; and Deadly is soaking them in. Dead walks right up to the open casket in front of the ring. He looks inside and pats the casket before rolling into the ring, to a smattering of boos. “Fuel” by Metallica starts to blast and Firewoman appears at the top of the ramp, holding her Onslaught Title belt high above her head before she stomps down the ramp to her alternate music. She simply points at The Dead, talking trash all the way to the ring before handing her belt to Referee Junior Hale. The trash talk starts flying again as Hale raises the belt in the air. This match will be for the OOWF Onslaught Championship. He hands the belt to the timekeeper and calls for the belt…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
The two waste no time and lock up quickly. Dead’s quickly got the headlock on, but Fire pushes him off and hits a dropkick on the rebound. Both competitors seem to be in really high gear for this one. Dead’s up quickly and charges Fire, who’s just getting up. He hits a shitty bulldog and starts whaling away on the back of Fire’s head. Sick of that, he takes off for the far ropes. He bounces off and takes to the air, looking to land something; but Fire DRILLS him in the balls with a big kick. Dead is unhappy to say the least and in a lot of pain. As he’s rolling around in pain, Fire is up and hits a Springboard Firesault. She goes to the top turnbuckle and hits a BFE! She follows that up with a Standing SHOOTING STAR PRESS. Then she locks in a SICK FIRETAMER.
Dead is in huge trouble and eventually starts tapping. Hale just shrugs and leans against the ropes, because, well, tapping is meaningless. Fire is relentless and just torques back on the hold; and Dead might end up passing out from the pain. Perhaps that’s the idea. Finally, Dead stops tapping and seems to be lifeless on the mat. Fire takes this as her cue, and starts to hoist Dead toward the casket. Suddenly, the World’s Gayest Fag Team and AA come flying down the ramp. Hale immediately takes notice and starts yelling, but is eventually engaged in conversation with AA; something about the merits of The Ding Dongs as a tag team. Just as Fire is about to shove Dead into the casket, FFMIII and Ryan Hardcore attack and just clubber the crap out of her, relentlessly kicking her into the corner. HERE COMES THE CAVALRY! Davin Moreland, Alexander Darling, Phantos, Lucios and Carl From Fresno all hit the ring and start cleaning house. THIS draws out Eric O’Mac, Tyson Kincaid, Chris Cole and Moosehead Jack. They all hit the ring and start to regain control. Somewhere in the melee, Referee Junior Hale gets NAILED with a CLOSE THE CASKET from Dead. Stank, Concrete TG, and Bunny all hit the ring now, and this is just a free-for-all.
Eventually, all the fighting spills to the outside, leaving Fire, Dead and an unconscious Junior Hale in the ring. Dead, holding his back and limping, pulls a nearly-dead Fire to her feet and rests her against the ropes. Gingerly, he steps back, and hits a CLOSE THE CASKET! Fire’s momentum carries her directly into the casket. Dead straightens her out, and slams the lid shut. But Hale is still out! Never fear, Senior Referee Mel Creech jogs down the ramp and calls for the bell. It’s over, you bunch of cheaters.
WINNER by CLOSED CASKET in 13:51…and NEW OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION…THE DEAD!
Post-match the brawling continues, neither side able to get an advantage. Eventually security (indie workers) have to flood the ring area to get everyone separated. Once the decision is announced, the crowd boos mercilessly and floods the ring with trash. The Dead comes back to the top of the ramp and holds up his Onslaught title just to taunt the crowd.
As Dead is celebrating up the ramp with the Onslaught Championship Belt, Firewoman busts out of the casket like a vampire rising at sundown. She climbs out and flies up the ramp, attacking Dead in a fury. Dead tries to defend but the surprise has Firewoman overcoming him for now. OOWF security comes out to separate the two, but the brawl continues through the curtain and into the backstage area. The camera angle changes to backstage as the two former partners continue to trade punches. Firewoman lays her hand on a trashcan and throws it at Dead. Security impedes her throw so it’s not very accurate, but Dead also dodges it neatly. Dead finds a lead pipe and grabs it, swinging at Firewoman, who ducks. Dead nails a security person instead. More brawling continues down the hall to right outside Bennett’s temporary offices. Dead shoves Firewoman against the door with a loud BANG. Fire grabs Dead’s hair in two large clumps and pulls him in, to….is she going to bite him? At just that moment, the door opens and the two wrestlers and the remaining members of Josh O’Neal’s Inept Security Force all topple into the office.
LJB: ALRIGHT ENOUGH!!
The various personnel disentangle themselves and security manages to keep Dead and Firewoman separate, as they glare at each other.
LJB: Fire, I had no idea what a sore loser you were.
FW: Then you’ve not been paying attention. Besides, your team cheated.
TD: Yeah? Let’s talk cheating…
LJB: Okay fine. Fire, I suppose you’ll want your rematch clause?
FW: Damn straight.
LJB: Fine. At the PPV it’ll be a match that guarantees no outside interference from either side. Hell In a Cell. Just you two, no one else.
TD: Perfect. Can’t wait.
LJB: And you? Does that sparkle with you?
FW: You know, Dead. One day you’ll find that Bennett and Moose and Eric have no further use for you, and you’ll be left high and dry. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize that you made the wrong choice.
LJB: That’s enough drama out of you. Now both of you hit the showers, there’s still a show going on, and like it or not, it doesn’t revolve around you.
Security “escorts” Firewoman out the door first.
IHOP vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
Phantos and Lucios head to ringside. They high-five fans along the way and prepare for their title match. IHOP heads to ringside second, accompanied by the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth. SYB has a microphone. Babies cry and women hold their ears as Solly speaks
You complain about not getting title shots? While YOU were champions, you know who never got a title shot? US! So as of now, this is a NON-TITLE match. Suck on that you posers.
< Phantos grabs the Mic next>
You can’t do that! We have a contract!
Suddenly, from the top of the ramp LJ Bennett appears, holding his own Microphone and what appears to be a contract.
You are right you masked fool, SYB cannot simply declare a non-title match. BUT I CAN. The contract allows for executive discretion on WHEN your title match occurs. You will receive it. When I say so. Ring the bell.
SYB and Skurge attack simultaneously. Lucios is sent flying out of the ring by Skurge. SYB pounds away on Phantos with left and rights. Skurge on the outside plants Lucios with a belly to belly suplex. He jumps up and gets tagged in. Phantos ducks a clothesline and tries a cross body. Skurge catches him and delivers a fall away slam. Skurge traps Phantos in an abdominal stretch. Tag to SYB, who comes off the far ropes with a momentous left had to Phantos’ gut. Irish whip and SYB delivers a nice back elbow. Jumping leg drop. Cover for 1..2… and Phantos rolls the shoulder up. An Irish Whip is reversed by Phantos. He catches SYB with a deep arm drag. Phantos crawls to his corner and tags in Lucios. Lucios charges ion and spears SYB into a corner. Repeated shoulder charges have SYB doubled over. Lucios powers SYB up and Border Tosses SYB INTO Skurge in the corner. The referee decides this is a tag and orders Skurge into the ring. Lucios beckons Skurge to ‘Bring It’ The two big men lock up and they push back and forth across the ring. Nether man can get the advantage. And the referee calls for a break. Skurge slaps Lucios, who responds with a left hand. Skurge replies with a right hand. Lucios Chop Whooooo’s Skurge. Right Hook from Skurge. CHOP WHOOOO. RIGHT HOOK. CHOP WHOOOO. RIGHT HOOK. CHOP WHOOOO. RIGHT HOOK. CHOP WHOOOO. Skurge ends the sequence with a kick to the gut. Double underhook suplex. floors Lucios. Skurge drops a knee. Tag to SYB and they set up the INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT. Lucios manages to squirm out of the way, and SYB and Skurge collide violently. Lucios pops up and grabs SYB. Gordbuster. Lucios keeps the front chancery locked on. Slingshot Suplex! Lucios whips SYB into the ropes. Big Boot. Gorilla Press Slam. Phantos scrambles up top as Lucios sets SYB in the Electric chair position. DROPKICK DEVICE. Phantos makes the cover and gets the easy 1…2…3!
WINNERS in 8:43; Phantos & Lucios!
As the ring announcer is declaring Team Aquafina the winners, LJ Bennett re-appears on the ramp with a microphone.
Not so fast gentlemen. That was an illegal finish. The legal man did not make the pinfall. There was never a tag, and this win does not count. Referee, re-start this match.
Phantos and Lucios turn around and catch SYB and Skurge’s attack. Lucios begins to pound away on Skurge as Phantos hurls SYB out of the ring. Tag to Phantos. He hits Skurge with the Triple Dropkick. Springboard Moonsault for a 2 count. Skurge ducks a flying Phantos and hits a backdrop. Power bomb set up, but Lucios scrambles down Skurge's back and tries a sunset flip. Skurge blocks the momentum and drags Phantos to his feet. Skurge tries a two handed choke slam, but Phantos delivers a kick to the gut and hits an Irish whip. Handspring back elbow. Tag into Lucios. They Whip Skurge into the ropes and hit the DOUBLE DROPKICK! Lucios covers and this win is official. Winners; in 3:22; Phantos & Lucios.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:55:27 GMT -5
LD WILLIAMS vs. STANK – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchStank enters the arena first and waits calmly in the ring as L.D. Williams makes his entrance. They meet in center ring and referee Davis Hightower takes the OOWF World Heavyweight Title and displays it to the crowd before giving the combatants their instructions. They bump knuckles and return to their corners, and Hightower calls for the bell. They lock up and Williams immediately drives a knee into Stank’s midsection. He tries for an Irish whip but Stank reverses. Williams reverses again, and Stank re-reverses, driving Williams into the turnbuckles with an avalanche clothesline. Williams staggers out of the corner and Stank plants him with a belly-to-belly suplex for a one count. Stank pulls Williams to his feet, slings him to the ropes, and drives him to the mat with a spine buster. He covers, and gets a two count. Stank attacks with punches as Williams gets up, backing him into the corner. He doubles Williams over with body shots, and pulls him onto his shoulders for the Stank-U. Williams shifts his weight and lands behind Stank, hitting an inverted DDT. He covers, but Hightower can’t even get into position before Stank kicks out. Both men get to their feet and circle. Williams tries to shoot the leg, but Stank sidesteps and hits a forearm smash to Williams’ back. He pulls Williams up and hits a suplex, then comes off the ropes for a leg drop. Williams rolls out of the way and rebounds off the ropes, hitting a dropkick to the face. Williams covers, and this time gets one. Williams springs to his feet and drives an elbow into Stank’s face. After a series of punches, he rolls Stank over and stomps at his legs. He tries to tie on the STF, but Stank kicks him off. Williams moves back in as Stank gets to his knees, and Stank grabs his tights, levering him through the ropes to the floor and rolling out after him. Williams greets Stank on the floor with a punch to the midsection. He tries for an Irish whip but Stank reverses, slamming him into the barrier. Stank tries a clothesline but Williams moves and he hits the steel. Williams delivers a vicious kick to the kidneys and climbs onto the apron. He leaps, but Stank moves and he slams into the barrier. Williams bounces off, and Stank is right there to level him with a clothesline. Stank pulls Williams up and stuffs him back into the ring. Stank hoists Williams up in the middle of the ring and plants him with a running power slam into the corner. He climbs onto the second turnbuckle, bounces for momentum, Vader Splash – nobody home! Williams rolls to his feet and stomps away at Stank’s legs and back before dragging him out of the corner. This time he succeeds in tying on the STF. Stank refuses to submit and, roaring with the effort, manages to drag himself to the ropes and force the break. Williams moves in as Stank gets to his knees. Stank lashes out and catches him in the midsection, then pulls him over his shoulders. Stank climbs to his feet, still holding Williams, and hits the Stank-U! He falls across Williams for the cover, and gets two before Williams puts his foot on the ropes. Stank pulls him up and drags him to the middle of the ring. He doubles Williams over with a punch, then hits the ropes behind him – Boomerang! Stank covers: One…Two…Thr-Kickout! Stank backs Williams to the corner and hits a series of punches. He steps back and moves back in, but Williams brings his feet up and kicks him in the face. Williams climbs onto the second turnbuckle and leaps – Canadian Destroyer! One…Two…Thr-Stank kicks out! Both men are slow to get to their feet. They exchange punches and Stank gains the advantage. He whips Williams across the ring and attempts a clothesline, but Williams ducks, catching his arm and swinging up into a crucifix. Stank fights it and keeps his feet, then turns it into a Samoan drop for 2.999. Stank pulls him up and tries for a suplex but Williams blocks. Stank releases him and decides to use simpler tactics, throwing haymakers that drive the champion back. Williams covers up, then manages to sidestep a punch, catching Stank’s arm and twisting it up – Heartpunch! He falls on Stank for the cover, but Stank slips out before the three. Williams, a mixture of amusement and frustration on his face, pulls Stank to his feet and slings him to the ropes. Stank ducks a clothesline and hits the opposite ropes – Close Approximation of A Really Good Diamond Cutter! Stank has to shake off the cobwebs, and is slow to cover, so Williams is able to roll a shoulder before Hightower reaches three. Now, Stank is the one who looks frustrated. He grabs Williams legs before he can get up, muscles him off the mat, and hits the Final Justice. He hooks the leg – One…Two…Thr-Williams kicks out! Stank pulls Williams to his feet and Williams rocks him with a European Uppercut. Williams steps back, Stank turns towards him, and Williams Closes the Casket! Williams goes to the corner and climbs the ropes – Mac Attack! He covers: One…Two…Three! WINNER and still OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, in 29:46, L.D. Williams. After the match: both men drag themselves to opposite sides of the ring and use the ropes to pull themselves up. They meet in center ring and lock eyes. Without a word, they exchange a handshake and head to the locker room. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Brawl of Saigon PPV, Live June 29th from Saigon, Vietnam! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! July 2nd from Hat Dokeo, Laos!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 3, 2008 11:55:59 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson come to the ring to Drink & Destroy's theme, "Alcohaulin' Ass." A table is set up with a twelve-pack of beer in front of all five places.)
SH: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a rare treat for you... the first ever Spin Hansen Drinking Challenge! Tonight, livers will be put to the test in a display of alcoholic excess the likes of which haven't been since since... well, last night at the Destroyitarium. So without further ado, let's bring out our first competitor... OUTBACK JACK!
(Outback Jack comes to the ring to the cheers of the crowd. Spin passes him the mic once he gets into the ring.)
OBJ: Glad to be here, mate. Here's my second...
("Bullets" by Creed plays, and out comes GATORBAIT!)
SH: Welcome back! (The two shake hands.) Now, the next challenger... SEAMUS McNASTY!
(An angry looking Seamus McNasty comes to the ring, followed by Damon Wrath.)
DHM: Sorry about your match. Shame that you got screwed too.
SM: Let's get this started. I need a drink.
Next up, representing Run-DEA, FIREWOMAN!
(Firewoman comes to the ring flanked by members of Josh O'Neal's inept security force. They all enter the ring, and Spin moves threateningly towards them. They scatter.)
FW: Since you said that TheRick gave you carte blanche to run this thing, here's my second... and he's here on his own dime, Bennett.
("Break The Walls Down" plays and out comes CHRIS JERICHO! The crowd goes nuts!)
SH: And finally, here's SYB.
(SYB comes into the ring, wearing a trenchcoat, dark sunglasses, and a fedora.)
DHM: Workin' undercover, huh? Maybe you're just scared you're gonna lose?
SH: Anyway, here are tonight's rules. All of us have twelve bottles of beer in front of us. Either the first person to down all twelve or the last person standing is the winner of the prestigious Beeramid. In case of stoppage by our judge, our seconds can take over but have to start from the beginning with a fresh twelve beers. Additionally, our seconds are here to keep an eye on all of the other competitors to assure that there's no cheating. Here to be our judge is the ever-even handed GM TheRick!
(TheRick enters the ring.)
GMtR: Let's get this over with. I've got better things to be doing.
(The five drinkers sit down and start polishing off beers. Outback Jack pulls out to an early lead, being briefly overtaken by Seamus McNasty and Firewoman. Spin is lagging slightly behind until he grabs two bottles at once and starts drinking from both of them! SYB, strangely, is holding his own with the rest of the group and after the beers are about halfway gone, pulls ahead of everyone! All of the rest of the drinkers redouble their efforts and at the end, there is an apparent TIE between SYB and Firewoman!)
SYB: Firewoman didn't win! I beat her fair and square, eh!
(Spin drops his last beer and stands up, suspicious. He walks over and knocks the fedora off of SYB and pulls his glasses off, revealing... SKURGE!)
SH: THIS IS BULLSHIT!
(Spin grabs Skurge and immediately hits THE REVOLUTION THROUGH THE TABLE! Beer is everywhere as Spin moves from the seated powerbomb position into a full mount and starts raining blows down on Skurge's face. Bennett's Army rushes the ring, and start attacking the members of Team Rick, bringing the remaining members of Team Rick out and we have a PIER SIX BRAWL! The referees run to the ring and attempt to break up the battles between the competitors, when TheRick grabs the microphone!)
GMtR: Enough! Since I'm judging this thing and SYB wasn't really SYB, the first winner of the Spin Hansen Annual Drinking Challenge is... FIREWOMAN!
(The crowd cheers as the two factions gather to either side of the ring, eventually being forced to the back by the referees.)
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