OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 07-02-08

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster is back in the United States, in a locker room with Lex Luger, preparing for tonight’s OOWF Championship Committee Seat match. For some reason, even though Luger told AA about the contract days ago, he’s never fully explained the content.

AA: Why, even though you told me about the contract days ago, have you never fully explained the contents?

LL: Because we haven’t been on TV since. Nothing happens in wrestling unless it’s on TV.

AA: Good point. So what’s in the contract?

LL: The match tonight isn’t just between Sting and Assassin #2.

AA: It’s not?

LL: Nope. It’s a tag team match. With the winner of the fall getting the OOWF Championship Committee seat.

AA: And Sting doesn’t know this yet?

LL: Nah. Sting never reads anything he signs. Once, I told him he was signing a book contract. Instead, he signed over possession of his house to me! Man, Sting’s an idiot.

AA: So if it’s a tag team match, I assume Assassin #2’s partner is Assassin #1.

LL: Yep, he’s already backstage.

AA: And Sting’s partner is…

LL: ME!!

AA: And if either you or Sting win the match, you’ll vote for me, right?

LL: I don’t know about Sting, but I can be persuaded to vote for you with a little Andrew Jackson, if you know what I mean.

AA: You’d make sure you win the match and vote for me, for just $20?

LL: Well, it would have to be more than one.

AA whispers something in LL’s ear.

LL: That would do it.

AA: Cool. Now just sign this and we’ll have a binding deal.

LL: OK! (Luger signs AA’s document without reading it.)

******* LATER THAT NIGHT ********

Jim Ross: We’re here in Nashville, TN for a special night of wrestling, capped by a first-ever tag team match between The Assassins versus Sting and Lex Luger. The winner of the match wins the vacant OOWF Championship Committee seat to determine if Attitude Adjuster can get a title shot. Even though he currently has a title. Earlier tonight, AA sought revenge on the Iron Sheik, who attacked AA with his Persian Clubs in the Sheik’s house last week. Ehh, AA probably deserved it. He’s a weasel who’ll do anything to get what he wants. But at the same time, Iron Sheik is from Iran and hates Americans. I’m so confused. Let’s go to the final moments of that match.

(VIDEO FROM EARLIER TONIGHT WITH COMMENTARY FROM JIM ROSS AND DAVID CROCKETT.)

JR: Iron Sheik looks to have the upper hand here.

DC: Here he goes. Jim, now watch this! Wow! Oh! OK, now watch this! Oh, wow! OK, now watch this!

JR: What David is trying to say is the Iron Sheik just nailed AA with a huge body slam and then a suplex, and now he’s going for the Camel Clutch! It could be all over for AA. Iron Sheik locks it in and AA’s fighting hard but looks like he’s about to pass out. Wait, here comes Nikolai Volkoff to the ring. Iron Sheik’s long-time partner and best friend. This can’t be good for AA. Iron Sheik breaks the hold and calls for Volkoff to grab the Persian Club. Volkoff has the Persian Club and Iron Sheik is telling Volkoff to hit AA with it. Volkoff swings, BUT HE HITS IRON SHEIK! WHY! WHY! DAG GUM IT, WHY!! I NEVER SAW THAT COMING! For some reason the ref never saw it either. Volkoff pulls AA on top of Iron Sheik, the ref returns from the popcorn stand, and there’s the three count! Unbelievable!

(BACK TO LIVE ACTION WITH JIM ROSS)

JR: So AA’s already got partial revenge, but I’m not sure how I feel. Iron Sheik got what he deserved, but AA’s always been a heel. But he’s siding with Sting, so he must be a face. But he’s got a secret contract with Lex Luger, so that can’t be good. Why can’t wrestling be simple black and white like the old days?

JR: Anyway, back to the ring and the surprises keep coming. AA has come out to second Luger and Sting. Sting seems a little confused. But AA shows him a contract, so Sting must have signed something else earlier today. Sting really is the dumbest man in wrestling. That's a well established fact. I'd personally find it offensive and out of character if Sting didn't volunteer to do the stupid thing. Now since all four of these guys are either retired or should be retired, we’re going right to end-game. We’re not going to embarrass ourselves like The Ultimate Warrior and get all blown up just running to ringside.

JR: Lex Luger is the face-in-peril, which is good because that’s really the only thing he does well except for being a smarmy heel. But as a face, he pretty much sucks. Luger makes the hot tag to Sting, and Sting is all house-o-fire! Stinger splash to Assassin #1. Stinger splash to Assassin #2. Sting whips Assassin #2 into Assassin #1, causing Assassin #1 to powder out. Sting goes for the Stinger Splash on #2 again, but #2 moves at the last second! Assassin #2 is putting something into his mask! It must be the Headbutt Metal Plate that everyone but referees know about! Assassin #2 whips Sting into the corner, and now charges for a RUNNING LOADED MASK HEADBUTT! But wait! Luger steps in front of Sting and CREAMS ASSASSIN #2 WITH HIS LOADED METAL FOREARM! METAL MEETS METAL and Assassin #2 is out cold! Luger turns back to Sting and lifts him to is feet. Will Luger really do the right thing? Luger carries Sting over to Assassin #2 and lays him over the unconscious man for the cover. ONE, TWO, NO!!!!! Luger himself breaks up the pinfall and tosses Sting over the top rope! Sting, when will you ever learn?? Luger walks over to AA, who’s standing on the apron. They exchange knuckle bumps (because that’s what’s cool now. High fives are so passé). Luger walks over to pin Assassin #2, but AA calls him back. Luger looks a bit confused, but walks back to AA AND RIGHT INTO A CHLOROFORM FILLED RAG!!!! Luger struggles for a bit but eventually falls to the ground. AA hops into the ring, covers Assassin #2 and demands the referee count. ONE, TWO, THREE! Attitude Adjuster wins the match? And the OOWF Championship Committee Seat??? Is that possible?? Let’s have a word with our winner.

JR: That’s the most despicable act I’ve ever seen in my entire life!!!

AA: Most despicable ever? Wait a second. Kane set you on fire. Triple H broke your arm. Vince McMahon fired you, like, four hundred times. And that doesn’t even get into all that Hutu and Tutsi shit over in Rwanda. No other recent conflict in Africa has taken as high a toll in such a short period of time as the Rwanda genocide, in which between half a million and a million people were massacred. From April to July 1994, extremist political groups organized the massacre, directed primarily at the minority Tutsi ethnic group, but also against those from the Hutu majority who opposed the killings or had been active in the pro-democracy movement. The slaughter ended when rebel forces of the Rwandese Patriotic Front (RPF) overthrew the genocidal government. However, ongoing political tensions, guerrilla warfare and massive refugee movements have continued to sow political instability and humanitarian crises throughout the Great Lakes region, including in neighboring Burundi and the Democratic Republic of Congo (formerly Zaire).

JR: No, this was the most despicable act I’ve ever seen.

AA: Cool. Well, Lex Luger doesn’t learn much from his own shenanigans. What he signed for me was a contract that made me a member of that match. So what I did was perfectly legal and binding. I am now on the OOWF Championship Committee! And with that, I vote that I get a championship match! And that makes the vote 6-5 in favor of me!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

JR: Wait a second. To become a member of the match, didn’t Sting and The Assassins have to sign off as well?

AA: Yeah, and they did. I told them all this was the start-up of a new wrestling federation, and they would be the new stars. All of them signed immediately. I never realized all wrestlers were so stupid.

JR: That’s despicable!!

AA: Well, that’s the breaks. Now I have to get back to the OOWF. Before I go, though, can you autograph this for the guys back in the OOWF? They’re all big fans.

JR: Sure, no problem. (JR signs something without reading it.)

AA: Ha! Now I own your house! Everyone in wrestling is so stupid!!!

JR: That’s the most despicable act I’ve ever seen in my entire life!!!

[mooseheadjack]

*Someone!!@~!~! wanders toward Ric's Sandwich Shop and spots Moosehead Jack eating a sandwich, with his trusty logging chain*

S: He had it coming, I would have done the same thing. But you know, I can't let this slide.

MHJ: I know.

S: So now?

MHJ: Yeah.

*With that Moosehead Jack swings the logging chain at Someone. The darkened figure ducks and whacks Moose's jaw with a piece of rebar. Moose no likey and drives SOMEONE into the wall. Moose is TOSSED behind the counter. Moose retaliates by squirting MUSTARD~!@ in Someone's eyes. Someone grabs a nearby coffee pot and SMASHES it into Moose's face and he howls in pain. We finally get a closeup of "Someone" and it's, you guessed it, Davin Moreland, who pulls up a bloody Moose and rubs his face on the hot grill. Moose connects with a low blow, and dunks Davin's head in the fryolator. Davin is screaming in pain and trying not to drown at the same time. He powers himself up somehow and hits a HOT OIL HEADBUTT! Moose no-sells it (DAMN YOU!) and pulls Davin into the walk-in and SLAMS Davin's head in the door dozens of times. Davin staggers and Moose unleashes a HEARTPUNCH~!*

Ox Baker: Man, you need to learn how to actually DO that.

*Davin kinda looks strangely and starts to rush Moose. Moose ole's him into the back wall. He grabs a ham and rushes toward Davin, but gets a knee to the balls for his trouble. REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER ON THE FLOOR but Davin WHIFFS ON IT! Moose grabs the ham, but eats a Beef Tenderloin to the dome piece. Davin grabs a carton of Tomatoes and smashes it on Moose's head. A couple of head smashes on the back wall and Davin tries to hip toss Moose out of the fridge, but Moose reverses with his OWN Hip-Toss, right into the dishwashing area. They trade blows back and forth until Moose MASHES Davin's Face against the Industrial Dishwasher (ouch). Davin screams in pain, but manages to fight out of it. He slams Moose's head in the Dishwasher door a couple times, before it starts to cycle on. Moose is SCREAMING as the near-boiling water falls on him. Satisfied, Davin grabs Moose again and looks for a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! He's shoved off! Moose IRISH WHIPS Davin into the cash register. Moose grabs the register and starts to smash Davin with it. Surely Davin's Dead! Davin finally mule kicks Moose in the balls again and gets away, returning with a couple of tables. By this time, most of the roster has gathered around to see this one. Davin attacks, but Moose POWERBOMBS Davin into the Sandwich Station, sending vegetables everywhere as it collapses. Moose goes to lock on the Ji-endo, but Davin reverses and drags Moose to the highest point in the sandwich shop, and REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER THROUGH THE TABLES! Both men are likely dead and people scatter to call the paramedics. In all the confusion, Davin and Moose are lying, dead, near each other, and appear to be whispering...was that a fist bump?*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

(Concrete TG is walking (WALKING!) down the 'Hallway of Completely Expected Encounters' [just around the corner from the Hallway of Random Encounters, past the bathrooms, but before the snack machine]. He seems to be looking for someone. Out of an adjoining hallway comes an intern. Crete jumps, nervously.)

Intern: Oh, hello Mr. Gryfon.

CTG: Citizen Intern!

Intern: Did I scare you?

CTG: Oh, no. It's nothing. I just wasn't expecting you.

(The other end of the hallway darkens, as a shadowed figure steps into it. CTG looks at the figure, squinting to see him through the light in the hallway. The intern sees the figure, and walks in the other direction, almost hurriedly.)

CTG: Hello? Who is that?

(The shadow steps closer. The light reveals him, showing this:



Crete gasps.)

CTG: Citizen Amnesiac? Is that you?

(The man standing before Concrete TG is, in fact, The Amnesiac. His eyes are red, obviously from contacts, but his demeanor has definitely changed. He looks at Crete very threateningly.)

Amn: I swear to god, if you call me Citizen Amnesiac one more goddamn time, I'm gonna put you through a fuckin wall. My name is THE Amnesiac.

(Crete regains his composure, and stands a little taller.)

CTG: It doesn't matter what you call yourself. Evil will be overcome by the goodness of men!

Amn: Blah blah blah... words. That's all you have left in your war against Moose. Well, I'm here to ensure I add a new level to your war. You will be stepping into the ring this week with myself, Moosehead Jack, Eric O'Mac and Tyson Kincaid. Don't expect to leave that ring unscathed. I have plans for you, Gryfon.

CTG: Tell me what your plans are.

Amn: Well, I thought I'd start off with, HEY! I might be a supervillain, but I'm not as stupid as the ones in the movies. They give away their big plans for world domination... but not me. I will destroy you HOW I want to, and WHEN I want to.

(Crete stands, blocking the hallway, as does The Amnesiac.)

CTG: Well... what now?

(The Amnesiac acts as though he was actually expecting this question, leaping forward.)

Amn: THIS!

(The Amnesiac LEVELS CTG with a clothesline, and then picks him up. He then lays him out with PURE AMNESIA! He leaves CTG lying in a pile on the floor, and continues walking. He laughs maniacally as he walks away.)

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank walks up to a prone Davin Moreland. He glances over at Moose, then back to Davin.>

Stank - I had a feeling you might do this.

DM - You should have done it. Help me up.

<Stank extends his hand and pulls Davin to his feet. Davin pulls a wood splinter from the back of his arm. Stank looks down at Moose.>

Stank - Are you kidding me? Ric's sandwich stand? It's like you WANTED to get attacked.

<Moose coughs up blood and spits to the side.>

MHJ - Man's gotta eat.

<Stank turns to Davin.>

Stank - You up for another fight?

DM - With who?

Stank - The traitor is walking the halls stalking Crete. Normally I wouldn't care, but you know... "Team Unity" and whatnot.

<Davin limps over and picks up the piece of rebar.>

DM - Let's go.

[mooseheadjack]

*Stank is WALKING and Davin is LIMPING BADLY in the 'Hallway of Completely Expected Encounters'. They come up behind THE Amnesiac, who is walking away*

DM: YO! AMNESIAC!

*THE Amnesiac turns around slowly*

TA: That's THE Amn...oh fuck...

*Davin dives and takes out THE Amnesiac's knee with the rebar. As THE Amnesiac stumbles, Stank easily hoists THE Amnesiac on his shoulders and delivers a WICKED STANK-U ON THE FLOOR!*

DM: Hold his leg.

S: What?

DM: Hold his leg!

*Stank holds THE Amnesiac's leg, and Davin start walloping it with the rebar, clearly trying to take his knee out. Eventually Stank lets go.*

DM: The fuck, Stank?

S: Enough, man.

DM: I could have taken it out!

S: Y'Know, we can be using "any means necessary", but we don't have to be total dicks.

DM: *slumps on the floor* Yes we DO!

S: Not total.

*Davin starts to cough up blood*

S: You're a fucking psycho, you know that?

DM: I do. Hence the pills.

S: You LIKE this, don't you.

DM: *grins manaically* Kinda.

S: Ok, let's get you to the locker room...c'mon.

*Stank heaves up Davin who leans on Stank, limping to the locker room*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is sitting in his locker room. So far he's been relatively unaffected by the chaos happening in the hallways. The camera is zoomed in close on his face. He stares directly at the camera and begins to speak.]

Dead: After everything that has happened in the last few months, every twist and turn along the road, it's good to know that things work out the way they're supposed to. Isn't that right, Fire?

You see, you can hobble me before a match, you can send the wonder twins knocking at my door, you can have your lackey save your ass, you can practice your hokey little rituals, but when it comes down to it...? When it's just you and me in the ring. When there is no one to save you. When it truly comes down to who is better? Well, only one thing happens then.

[The camera zooms out and we see the Onslaught Title slung over The Dead's shoulder. The Dead glances at it before turning his attention back to the camera.]

Dead: See what I mean, Fire? When it's all on the line, this is the only possible outcome.

[The Dead pats the belt and grins.]

Dead: So now you've made a deal for one more shot. One more chance at glory. You'd better make it a good show, because after I beat you, you'll never get a shot at this belt again.

[The Dead stands up and heads to the door. He opens it and sees Stank and Davin Moreland making their way down the hall. Davin is limping pretty badly. In their efforts to get back to their locker rooms, they miss seeing The Dead. The Dead thinks about going after them, but then he sees a bloody Moosehead Jack coming down the hall. It seems as if he's following Stank and Davin.]

Dead: Rough night?

Moose: Heh. You got a few minutes?

Dead: Yeah. What's up?

Moose: Follow me. We've got a few loose ends to tie up.

[The Dead follows Moosehead Jack down the hall as the camera fades to black.]

[mooseheadjack]

*As Stank and Davin Moreland turn the corner, they are blasted in the face by Eric O'Mac and Tyson Kincaid! Tyson hits Stank with multiple chairshots, and he goes down. Eric hits Davin with a set of brass knuckles - and Davin is still standing, although dazed.*

Eric: I really fucknig hate you, you know that?

*Eric blasts Davin a few more times with brass knuckles - and Davin FINALLY goes does.*

Eric: Get that fat bastard Stank up!

*Tyson struggles to get Stank up but gets Stank to his feet. Stank, clearly out of it, stands there as Kincaid and Eric get on either side of Stank - SUPERKICK TO BOTH SIDES OF THE JAW!*

Eric: X Marks The Spot, Motherfuckers. Tyson, let's show Davin the same way we showed Stank - if you mess with one member of Revolution XXX, you mess with ALL of them.

*Tyson and Eric get Moreland, who's FINALLY knocked out. They lean Davin on a wall - X MARKS THE SPOT!*

Eric: Ha.

*Eric and Tyson go down the ahll, and get THE Amnesiac off the ground.*

Eric: Alright, lets get the fuck out of here. Next thing we know, The Midnight Sons will be on our ass.

Tyson: I know an island we can go...

Eric and THE Amnesiac: NO!

Tyson: Fine, bitches.

*The trio head to an unknown location. Fade out.*

[mooseheadjack]

<Dead and Moose round the corner and see that Stank and Moreland are laid out>

MHJ: Huh, looks like someone beat us to it

Dead: Damn, I really wanted to get a couple of shots in.

MHJ: Yeah, I know. Of course, you know this means we are out in the open, and Team Unity will want MORE revenge.

Dead: Now would probably be a good time to leave then

MHJ: Yeah, let's go

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose and Dead turn around and get PLASTARD! by chairs and chains by The Midnight Sons and Outback Jack! Tyson and Eric hear the commotion run over to help but are cutoff by Carl from Fresno, Phantos, and Lucious>

Eric - *sigh*

Tyson - Wonderful.

<Eric and Tyson fight valiantly, but the numbers game catches up as D&D, having finished off Dead and Moose, join CFF, P&L, making it a 6 on two BEATDOWN. By this time Davin and Stank have stirred and watch the carnage all around.>

DM - T... to .. t, t, team unity, huh Stank?

Stank - S... someone... help me ... u.. up.

[mooseheadjack]

*Minutes later*

*Eric wakes up and sees the carnage around him.*

Eric:...Ha.

*Eric collapses and passes back out.*

[mooseheadjack]

<ZK DeBeers wanders by and sees Amnesiac lying on the floor, a victim of Davin and Stank's attack earlier.>

ZKD - Ha.

<ZK continues down the hall and sees Dead and Moose.>

ZKD - Ha. Ha.

<ZK then sees Eric and Tyson lying on the floor. He points at Eric.>

ZKD - Ha!

<Eric opens his eyes, jumps to his feet and FLOORS ZK with THE SMACKDOWN! Eric then rolls up to his hands and knees and points at ZK DeBeers.>

Eric - Ha.

[mooseheadjack]

Outside the door that says Firewoman’s Locker Room…

Phantos: Out of the way, Lucky…

Lucky: It’s really not a good idea…

Phantos: [knocking loudly on the door] Come on…open up. Or I’ll just come in anyway. [there is no answer, so Phantos enters the locker room. It’s completely black, so he flips on the light.]

FW: Get out.

Phantos: I’m allowed in—

FW: Remind me to rescind that.

P: Are you done sulking?

FW: What makes you think I’m sulking?

P: Oh I don’t know. You’ve locked yourself in here except for matches and meetings in opium dens, beginning slightly after you made your big speech about winning gold, the same day you lost yours. I would guess sulking.

FW: I’m trying to have some peace and quiet so I can regain my focus.

P: Do you think another match with Dead is the solution? He nearly broke you in half Sunday night. Shouldn’t you still be in the hospital?

FW: Probably. Besides, no one seemed to care about my little speech, so I’m done with the teamwork.

Phantos starts to say something, but a scream from Alexis calls him away from Firewoman’s door, into the larger common room of the Run-DEA Suites sponsored by Aquafina. Alexander Darling has staggered in, covered in blood and being barely supported by a nearly-as-bloody LonelyGirl15

P: What the heck?

LD: Was it him? Was it Poe???

AD: No….Moose…..

Samantha runs to get the first aid supplies, despite the fact they will likely be woefully inadequate. There is a flurry of activity in the suites, but Firewoman stands still…thinking. Or is that planning.

FW: Okay. Phantos, you are right.

P: I’m glad you…wait, about what?

FW: [ignoring him] Sam, get him bandaged and then take him to the trainer’s room…see what they think. Phantos, you should probably grab Luscious and go with them.

P: It’s Lucio….Hey, aren’t I in charge?

FW: Of course you are. Lexie, you’re with me.

LD: But…Alex..

FW: Is in good hands with Samantha. You wanted me to have your brother’s back, right?

LD: Yes, but….

FW: Well, you wanted to run with the big dogs, now’s your chance. You ready?

The two women’s eyes meet. Alexis nods.

FW: Okay, let’s go.

Phantos: What about—

FW: Back off. This isn’t about teams or titles. This is about family.

Phantos backs off as the two women leave…

* * * * * * * * * *

Firewoman and Alexis Darling are WALKING~! down the hallway, keeping their eyes open for Moosehead Jack. Instead, they run into Tytan.

FW: Well, well, well….hey muscles….

LD: You know, I never noticed it before, but you are definitely built.

Firewoman and Alexis stand on either side of Tytan, linking their arms with his, and feeling his muscles.

Tytan: Ladies…what can I do for you?

LD: We are sooooo bored. And Firewoman knows this club…

Tytan: Oh really? I know the kinds of clubs you like. I heard about Thailand.

FW: You are so smart! Yes, but this one is even better. There’s all sorts of private rooms—

LD: You know…in case we need some privacy….but we need a third. An escort….

Tytan: [looking around and then looking down at the two women who are looking up at him with their eyes all wide and smiling] Well, I suppose—we won’t tell anyone from Ultimo, Inc., right?

FW: Of course not [she takes him by the hand and starts to lead him down the hall]

LD: It’ll be our little secret. [They walk a bit down the hall] Oh wait, Firewoman, we forgot something.

Tytan: What?

FW: This…

Firewoman drops down as Lexie leaps into the air, turning and grabbing Tytan around the neck, into a RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP/NECKBREAKER combo. Firewoman stands astride over Tytan.

FW: Be sure to tell your bosses we are done playing now.

Lexie kicks Tytan in the ribs as the two women continue down the hall

* * * * * * * * * *
Still walking, the women run into Blitz.

B: Ladies.

FW: Shut up. Where’s your boss?

B: Which one?

LD: Oooo….sorry. Wrong answer--

The women move with lightning speed, Firewoman getting Blitz into a PENDULUM BACKBREAKER, and Lexie follows up with a DIVING ELBOW DROP. Blitz drops to the ground.

LD: But thank you for playing….

* * * * * * * * * *

And the duo continues down the hall way. They round a corner and come face to face with Poe and Selena. Firewoman instinctively puts Lexie behind her (despite Lexie’s protests)

P: Out having a little fun are we, Akashi?

FW: It doesn’t concern you.

P: You’re technique has improved, girl.

Firewoman doesn’t answer but she doesn’t budge either. It’s a tense few moments, until finally Poe smiles

P: Come Selena. Let’s leave these two to their … recreation.

Poe continues past them down the hall.

LD: I don’t need you to—

FW: Shut up….

* * * * * * * * * *

By now the hallways are fairly clear of production assistants and staff who are trying to stay out of the carnage that seems to have erupted all over. As they near Ric’s Sandwich Shop, they meet up with Attitude Adjuster.

AA: Hey, it’s the Firebug. I can’t wait for Johnny to get back and—

*WHAM* Lexie hits AA in the back with a chair, and as he falls forward, Firewoman catches him with a lifting knee to the jaw.

AA: Dammit, you fucking bitches…

FW: Shut up. [She grabs him by the face….] You all wanted a war. Now you got one. […and pushes him backwards].

* * * * * * * * * *
[They round another corner and come to Dead’s locker room]

FW: Now we’re getting somewhere. Ready?

LD: Ready.

Firewoman and Lexie double kick the door in to the locker room and enter, but… there is no one there.

LD: Now what. Do we trash the place?

FW: Naw, no one sells locker room vandalism, anyway. I’ll deal with him in the ring.

As they turn to leave they run into Skurge and SYB.

SYB: Well, well, well. Who would have thought such nice ladies would be responsible for such carnage.

Skurge: And who would have thought they would have been stupid enough to get themselves cornered, eh?

LD: And who would have thought, that you two would continue to underestimate us?

Firewoman and Lexie try for the double super kicks. Lexie lands hers on Skurge, but Firewoman misses SYB, who is too fast for her. He grabs her leg and pushes her back against the wall. Lexie jumps on his back, distracting him momentarily from Firewoman. She uses her momentum to pull him down into a LUNGBLOWER. SYB is down, but Skurge has recovered. He charges at Lexie and Firewoman, who are ready for him, and they hit DOUBLE WHEELCHAIR FACEBUSTER.

LD: No sign of Moose anywhere.

FW: Well, we’ve probably done enough, let’s get back.

Firewoman and Lexie start back for the suites, but Firewoman is sucking wind pretty hard.

LD: Yeah, you’re fiiiiiine.

FW: For the last time, shut—

LD: Get a new line.

* * * * * * * * * *
The two women make their way back to the Run DEA Suites by Aquafina.

SD: Where have you been. And wow, you don’t look so good, Fire.

FW: Thanks. [she sits slowly and carefully down on the sofa. You should have been to the medical people by now.

AD: Speak for yourself. I had to make sure you brought my sister back in one piece.

FW: Always. We didn’t find Moose, but we found damn near everyone else.

AD: Good.

FW: You know, after you hit Jericho in the head with the chair, and we had our little…

AD: Altercation?

FW: Yeah. That. I told you I would do the same thing to anyone who attacked a member of my team and my family like that. Believe me now?

AD: Yeah. Thanks.

FW: Don’t mention it. I’ll be in my locker room…laying down…..

[mooseheadjack]

Alexander has finally recovered enough and after getting reassurances from Fire that she's okay he's sent LG15 along with Samantha to an undisclosed location with the member of the Gaelic Storm who are still loyal to Seamus. Lucios and Phantos are still milling about the suite, basically keeping guard over Alexis and Fire for now. Alexander meets up with Seamus are they are ~WALKING through the hallways when they come across a bloody DH and Spin.

Alexander points at some of the blood.
Alexander: Yours or theirs?

DH: Theirs.

Alexander: Good, want some more?

Spin: I ain't saying no to that. Who ya got in mind?

Seamus: Fortress right around the corner. I hear MacCappington restocked his personal liquor collection.

DH and Spin nod,
Sounds good to us.

Alexander is about to toss the Midnight Sons some weapons when two logging chains (god lord are there a lot of chains) spontaneously appear in their hands.
We're set.

Alexander twirls his trusty SIGNED (Thanks Eric) sledgehammer while Seamus has some weapon of Irish heritage.

Seamus walks up to the Fortress of Snobbery's door and being a "neutral" Lance doesn't bat an eye at opening the door and Seamus along with Alexander and The Sons bust in. Donovan Viper and The World's Gayest Fag (someone please fix this) Team are watching Lauren Phoenix do interesting things with some vegetables. The four new guys stop for a moment and stare before everyone realizes a pier-6 brawl is about to start. MacCappington leaps at Seamus but he gets cut off by a sledgehammer slamming into the side of his skull.

Darling leaps on top of FFM and starts punching him senseless while DH, Spin, and Viper are all at a stalemate with each other as they all twirl the chains menacingly in the air. DH feigns one way and Viper bites (cause he's a HOMO) which allows Spin to whip the chain around Donnie's neck and they drag him over towards them as they start really laying into him with the chains and fists and assorted Fortress items.

Meanwhile Ryan has tried to use Lauren as a shield but Seamus finally has enough and he takes a long chug of whiskey from his flask before spitting it into Lauren's eyes. While used to getting shots in the eye, the whiskey burns more than the fluid she's used to and she falls to the ground. Seamus leaps over her and takes Ryan down with his weapon of Irish heritage and cuts him open rather quickly.

Alexander, Seamus, and The Sons continue to take their frustrations out on the member of LOADED culminating in a 101 PROOF on Viper, a WILD ROVER on Hardcore, and a CRUCIFIX BOMB on MacCappington.

All three men of Team Bennett are busted open and laying near unconsciousness.

Sons: God damn today's been fun.

Seamus: Aye, it has.

Alexander: It's not over yet. They'll all be looking for retribution.

DHM: Good. I'm tired of this war happening behind closed doors with secret meetings. Their best against our best. We'll see who's left standing.

Alexander: Speaking of standing, I probably shouldn't be just yet. Moose really did a number on me.

Seamus: Pussy, you just need a drink.

Spin: Destroyatorium?

All nod in agreement as they head off. DH looks at Darling,
DHM: You're paying right?

Alexander: Yea, I'll pay. I owe you for my sister too. Thanks.

DHM: Don't mention it. She's an interesting woman. She's also going to get killed tomorrow, but interesting.

Alexander: We'll see.

*Fade until the next attack*

[mooseheadjack]

(Steel and Dr. Podvod have enter the Hallway of Random Encouters and see the carnage all over.)

Steel: What in the Hell?

Podovod: It looks like the 82nd went through here.

(They make their way down the hall and see Tytan slowly trying to get up.)

Steel: (Heading to help him up) How many were there and how did they get you?

Tytan: It was two of them and it was a total sneak attack.

Steel: JAck and Stank?

Tytan:No.

Podvod:Who then?

Tytan: Firewoman and Alexis.

(Podvod busts out laughing. Steel lets Tytan go and he stumbles back down.)

Podvod: Don't tell me they seduced you?

Tytan: (No responds)

Steel: Are you really that dumb?

Tytan:What they're hot! You would have done it too.

(Podvod continues to laugh as she walks off)

Steel: Where are you going?

Podvod: The only one that can beat a woman at her own game is a woman!

(Fade Out)

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan and Steel are left in the hallway. Tytan is sitting against the wall and Steel is standing over him)

Steel: So what are you planning on doing about this?

(Tytan shrugs.)

Tytan: I can't hit a woman.

Steel: So then take someone else out.

Tytan: First I got to get something for my head.

(Fade Out)

[mooseheadjack]

<LJ Bennett is sitting behind his desk when in limps Moose and The Dead.>

LJB - What the HELL is going on!??

MHJ - War.

LJB - Well WHAT are YOU two doing standing in HERE? Go FIGHT!

Dead - Then WHO is going to guard YOU, numbnuts?

LJB - Oh. Yeah. You got a point.

MHJ - Watch the door.

<Dead stands by the door with a lead pipe in his hand.>

***Meanwhile in Rick's office***

<There's a knock on the door. Rick rises to see who it is. Just before he gets there the door is SMASHED open by JUSTIN SANE?>

GMtR - What the HELL?

JS - You gotta HIDE BOSS! They're COMING!

GMtR - Who?

<Before Sane can answer... bloody and bruised Eric O'Mac, Tyson Kincaid and The Amnesiac walk in carrying weapons. Sane dives at them, but is quickly taken down by The Amnesiac.>

EOM - Hello... Rick!

GMtR - You fuckers CAN'T touch me!

EOM - Ask me if I give a shit!

<The three men slowly advance on Rick.>

<Fade.>

[mooseheadjack]

(Dr. Podvod is walking down the hallway to Bennett's Office and runs into Mooshead Jack and The Dead.)

Podvod: Hello boys.

Dead: Dr. P

Moose: (smiles) Diana.

Podvod: Tytan is heading out to cause some trouble in this little war of yours.

(Moose and Dead smile)

Moose: So how does that matter to us?

Podovd: He's going after Outback Jack and Stank. A little backup night be good for him. He might only have Steel with him so some more muscle might be good.

(Moose and The Dead look at each other nod in aggrement and walk off)

Moose: We'll think about it.

(Podvod smiles)

Podvod: That's all I need to do they can't resist a good fight. Now for the next step.

[mooseheadjack]

*We fade back in to see GM the Rick backing slowly away from Revolution XXX, when very suddenly, all three fall quickly to the floor. The camera pans back and we see first, a piece of bloody rebar, and then a beaten, bloodied, battered and beaten Davin Moreland, noticibly limping and with his right eye swollen completely shut.*

GMtR: Jesus, you look like shit.

DM: Thanks. You need ot get the fuck out of here, boss.

GMtR: Yeah, no kidding...Erlana!

*Erlana comes running out*

DM: Don't come back until Mayhem.

GMtR: Davin...thanks...

DM: My job, boss. Now GO!

*GM the Rick and Erlana hop into a conveniently placed cab and make their escape. Davin takes a moment to rest. He opens his eyes quickly and we see OOWF World Heavyweight Champion LD Williams*

DM: Hi LD!

LDW: Hi Davin!

DM: Had to come to this eventually, right?

LDW: Yeah. You look like hell.

DM: Well, lots of people don't like me. Looks like you've managed to avoid the fray.

LDW: Until now.

DM: Go time?

LDW: Oh yeah...It's fucking go time.

*The two lunge at each other, but simultaneously, Revolution XXX jumps Davin and Carl From Fresno, Phantos and Lucios jump LD Williams and take him down. Eventually, Revolution XXX and DLP Classic fight each other to a draw, and powder out of the area, leaving the camera panning away from the Champ and the number 1 contender, bloody and laid out on the floor by the GMs office*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose and Dead walk by GM The Rick's office and see LD and Davin. They help Davin to his feet and limp off down the hall, but before they leave, Dead turns and gets in a nice kick to Davin's face.

The three make their way to the Destroyitarium where they are met by Kincaid, Eric and THE Amnesiac (who are busted up pretty good) IHOP, Tytan, AA and WGFT, each man brandishing a weapon

MHJ: This is gonna get ugly

LDW: All the better

<Bennett's Army storms the Destroyitarium, the INC stays outside and catches the bartender and the few innocent bystanders left fleeing for their lives. Inside we hear the sounds of broken glass, broken furniture, and a brawl that is CLEARLY out of control>

[mooseheadjack]

Justin stumbles to his feet, still clutching the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title. He quickly realizes that their is no way someone won't steal the belt from him in all this Madness. As he attempts to leave, he spots GMTheRicks Car being blocked by Blitz (who has recovered from Firewoman's and Lexies earlier attack) holding a baseball bat threateningly. Justin seems conflicted as he looks at his belt and than his boss: his belt, his boss, his belt, his boss. Finally he let's out a deep sigh.

JS: Fuck it, Team Unity.

With that Justin charges straight at Blitz screaming his name at the top of his lungs . Blitz turns and See's Justin coming. As Justin swings the Title at Blitz's head, Blitz casually steps back and Justin's own momentum carries him headfirst into a near bye production truck. This distraction is enough, however for GMTheRick to be able to peel out and make his escape. Blitz looks pissed until he spots the DDT belt laying next to Justin. Blitz smiles and makes the cover, a ref slides in and makes the count

ONE

TWO

THR...NO suddenly Blitz is pulled off before the count is completed. He turns and finds himself face to mask with Phantos and Lucios.

B: What?

Before Blitz can react, team Aquafina nail him with ~TOTAL ELIMINATION~ Blitz is knocked senseless. P and L help Justin to his feet.

JS: Why'd you help me?

P: We saw what you did, You choose the team over your championship.

L: You help us we help you, That is team unity.

P: Now lets get back to the others, I'm sure things are only going to get more hectic.

[mooseheadjack]

Later

<Davin makes his way over to the Destroyitarium. All is quiet. Out in the hall lies Tytan who apparently was thrown through a very large hole in the wall. Outback Jack lies close by. Davin tip toes over Tytan and sees DHM and Carl laid out. Eric and Kincaid lie close to them. Everything is busted up inside and bodies lie EVERYWHERE. Spin lies unconscious by the piano. Dead is moaning over in the corner. Firewoman and Alexis are knocked out on top of a broken table. FFM sits up and Davin pops him in the head with the piece of rebar, knocking him back down. Davin steps over several more bodies and spies Viper and Alex unconscious, their hands still locked around each other's throats, seemingly choking each other out. Davin Makes his over by the bar. From behind it Stank wobbles to his feet, pouring a drink. Moosehead Jack is seated, his arms folded on the bar. Stank pours Jack a drink. LD Williams stirs and makes his way over to the bar. Davin seats himself. Stank pours himself and the other two men a drink. All four men look like shit. They raise their glasses in a toast. Down the drinks then observe the carnage all around them.>

Stank - It's been a hell of a day.

[mooseheadjack]

In JR's former house

FFM- Damn...is there anything else besides barbeque sauce in this fridge?

RH- I found a couple two-dollar steaks. They really are tough. JR knows what he's talking about.

AA- So yeah...I'm glad you guys decided to drop in, but I was gonna try on a couple of these hats and start committing acts of raging hyperbole. So...y'know...leave.

FFM- Well, there's something I wanted to talk to you about actually. Are you unhappy with our little arrangement? I thought we had a good thing going here. You and me, two of the greatest tag team wrestlers in the history of the business, teamed with this young up-and-cummer over here.

RH- Did you spell that "cummer" like ejaculating?

FFM- Yeah! I did!

RH- You rule.

FFM- So yeah, why are you going around trying to get a title shot at another title?

AA- Double gold, baby.

FFM- Really? You think Moose will stand for that? You tell him you have a title shot and we're on the first train to Jobbersville. You gotta think about the team here.

Kayfabe- Hey guys, I'm back! I just stepped out for a sec.

AA- I'm sure these titles work differently. I'm sure he'd let me hold another title while holding the Campeonas de Trios titles with you guys.

Kayfabe- Who would?

AA- Moose. When he's booking this stuff.

Kayfabe gets raped by bears.

FFM- You think he'd go for that? I'd like a shot at that fucker Darling. I want to get my IC title back. He lied to me in chat about a team-up and screwed me out of the belt.

Bricks fall out of the walls and blast Kayfabe open leaving a 3XHBK puddle on JR's imported rug.

AA- Well...I was kinda thinkin' about the IC Title...

FFM- Well...yeah, but...I just assumed you meant the World title...why would you go to all that trouble for the IC Title?

AA- Entertaining promos?

FFM- Good point. Well fine, but don't put the team at risk for your own personal gain.

AA- Why are you telling me what to do? Who made you the team captain?

FFM- Someone's gotta make the decisions while you're out galavanting about the country talking to all these has-beens!

AA- Quit being such an assho...OH! I get it...slow burn team tension. I always like this angle. Let's see...um...well, you better stay out of my way! I'll do what I want!

Kayfabe's bowels fall out and he starts vomiting blood.

FFM- I just need to know that you aren't gonna sacrifice our team for a shot at a singles title!

AA- Wait...hey, I don't wanna break up yet.

FFM- No, me neither, but this tension gets people talking and we get better buyrates and stuff.

AA- Buyrates? We're on a messageboard!

Kayfabe get eaten alive by fire ants.

RH- I just watch the stream usually.

FFM- You stream a show you're on? And how do you stream text!?

The ants that ate Kayfabe are snorted by Ozzy Osbourne

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ #140 knocks on Poe’s dressing room door. She opens the door into a darkened room with a few solitary candles for light.

SFJ: Poe? Selena? Are either of you in here?

As her eyes adjust to the darkened room, she sees Poe sitting on a couch with Selena lying with her head in his lap as he feeds her grapes. They are watching clips of the various attacks and laughing at the carnage.

SFJ: Poe, can I have a word or two from you regarding the incidents we’ve seen this week or your upcoming match with Davin Moreland?

Selena springs to her feet and stands next to SFJ as Poe walks to SFJ with a slight limp.

Poe: Of course, you lovely, lovely girl. What is it you’d like to know?

SFJ looks uncomfortable as Selena is practically rubbing up against her.

SFJ: I’m curious how you’ve managed to survive the chaos that has taken place in OOWF this week?

Poe: It’s quite simple really. I have not involved myself in this petty feud between the two sides here in OOWF. While I think that this Bennett has a better vision than GMtheRick, and I do believe I can consider Moosehead Jack perhaps the closest thing I have to an ally in this backwater federation, it is none of my concern. I came here to the OOWF for one purpose. That was to exact my revenge from Alexander Darling…and anyone who protected that scum.

SFJ: Such as Davin Moreland, who you’ll face at this week’s Midweek Mayhem.

Poe: You pay attention…good. Yes, Davin has aligned himself with Alexander and will soon pay the price.

Poe stares into the camera for the first time.

Poe: You see Davin, while you involve yourself in these silly squabbles and get jumped from behind, attacked repeatedly, and injured in who knows what ways…I’m fully recuperated from our last encounter. Please, by all means, allow yourself to be weakened. My goal is that as of this Wednesday, I’ll finally be rid of you and my focus will be back on the Boy. So enjoy your little games with everyone else. Your focus should be on me…and it is not. That will be your downfall.

SFJ: So you're actually saying your ankle is okay after the abuse it took from Davin in your match in Saigon? You seem to have a slight limp when you walked over here.

Selena hisses at SFJ. Poe looks to Selena who’s still uncomfortably close to SFJ.

Poe: Selena, my dear, are you still hungry?

Selena smiles and licks the face of SFJ, causing SFJ to make an ‘ew’ face.

SG: Yummy.

Poe extends his hand to Selena.

Poe: Come, my darling. Let the lovely micstand go in peace.

Selena pouts, but takes Poe’s hand as he leads her back to the couch.

Poe: Oh…pretty girl…

SFJ looks back at Poe as she’s about to leave the locker room.

Poe: Namasdeh.

Selena then crawls like a cat on the couch, looking at SFJ.

SG: *breathful whisper* Nevermore.

[mooseheadjack]

Inside the remains of the DESTROYITARIUM~! D.H. Magnusson stirs. After two attempts, he gives up standing, and instead claws his way towards Eric O'Mac.

DHM: Eric...coughcoughcough...Yo, Eric!

EOM stirs, lolling his head towards DHM

DHM: Ha.

DHM collapses.

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose, LD, Davin and Stank are still sitting at the bar downing about their tenth bottle of whiskey, DH's laugh stirs them back to reality and they look behind them at the carnage>

MHJ: Someone is gonna have to clean this up I s'pose

DM: Well, I ain't fuckin doin it

Stank: Here Here

LDW: Hey, whaddya say, we should get that Zeke DaBears guy to do it!

Stank, Moose, Davin: DA BEARS

<All four bust into uproarious laughter>

Sta: Naw man, seriously, don't we have a pay per mayhem to do or something? Like tomorrow?

LDW: Where the hell are we anyway? Is this Manitoba? Have we been in Canada and no one told me?

DM: Naw, this is Laos, the people here are Laotian

MHJ: What ocean?

<More laughter>

MHJ: Wai, wai, wai........shhhhhhh.....aren't we supposed to be trying to kill each other or something?

Sta: Imma kill this bottle of whiskey, thats what Imma kill

LDW: What's that bottle of whishkey ever done to you?

Sta: Hey, hey, you guys wanna help?

all: HELL YEAH!!

<Stank pours them all about quadruple shots, they sloppily toast each other then down the hatch>

MHJ: Ok ok ok, now, something about killing each other

Sta: HEY! You guys are in team Bendit! Bandit, Beckett........YOU GUYS ARE THE ENEMY! Get 'Em Davin!

<All four men lunge at one another, miss terribly, and fall off their stools to the floor, out cold>