OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live From Hat Dokeo, Laos
CHRIS COLE vs. OUBONLAMPHAHN SOUPHANOUSINPHONEOubonlamphanah Souphanousinphone is the Laotian Cruiserweight champion, and for our purposes tonight, he will be referred to as OS. He waits in the middle of the ring after getting a nice ovation from the crowd. The Main Event Chris Cole comes out to a chorus of boos. He snarls at the crowd and steps between the ropes and immediately charges across the ring and catches OS with a forearm to the side of the head that sends him back to the corner. Cole traps OS in the corner and blisters him with knife edge chops and straight punches to the jaw. Cole whips OS to the opposite corner, OS climbs the ropes and springs backward and catches Cole with a cross body block for a one count. Cole gets to his feet and OS catches him with a drop kick that sends him staggering back into the corner. OS charges and springs into the corner and tries to monkey flip Cole out, but Cole holds on to the ropes and OS falls backward and slams the back of his head on the canvas. Cole waits for him to get to his feet, then charges out of the corner and nearly decapitates him with a clothesline. The Main Event drags OS to the ropes and chokes him on the middle rope, while arguing with the referee. The crowd boos loudly as their native son is being manhandled by the former OOWF world champion. Cole releases the choke and bounds off the ropes and charges back and lands on OS’s back, choking him on the ropes and nearly breaking his back at the same time. With OS still hung on the ropes, Cole slips to the outside and drills him with an uppercut that knocks OS off the ropes into the ring. Cole slips back into the ring and knows he is in control. He picks OS up and drops him ribs first across his knee, then pulls him up and locks him into an abdominal stretch, digging his elbow into OS’s side, and using the ropes for additional leverage, nearly causing the crowd to riot. Finally the referee catches Cole using the ropes and forces the break, Cole refuses to break and OS frees himself with a hip toss. Cole immediately springs to his feet, and OS catches him with an enzugiru that staggers Cole. OS grabs him and plants him on the mat with a belly to belly suplex, then points to the corner. The crowd goes nuts as OS climbs to the top ropes and pauses there for a moment, before leaping with a superfly splash! OS soars through the air, but Cole was playing possum, and he gets his knees up at the last minute, catching OS in the ribs and face. OS is stunned on the mat gasping for breath. Cole gets to his feet, grabs OS and jerks him to his feet and DESTROYS him with THE HEADLINER! OS is out. Cole makes the arrogant cover and gets the one, two, three.
WINNER in 3:51 – “The Main Event” Chris Cole
GAELIC STORM vs. CARL FROM FRESNO & BUNNYGaelic Storm hits the ring first. Seamus walks out from the back and motions to his partner to make his way out. Instead of Damon Wrath, it's Conner McNasty representing Gaelic Storm this week. The two make their way down the ramp and into the ring. They seem to be psyching each other up as they await their opponents.
Carl From Fresno is next up and he waits on the ramp for his partner. Bunny's music hits and the two immediately rush down the ramp and charge into the ring. This fight is on!
Seamus starts of against Bunny, who seems to be using his quickness very well here at the beginning of the match. An agile Bunny deftly avoids what would have been a monster clothesline and catches Seamus with a neck breaker. Seamus quickly gets back to his feet, but it's not quick enough as Bunny connects with another neck breaker. Seamus slaps the mat in frustration and gets to his feet one more time. Again Bunny charges at him, but this time Seamus is ready and destroys him with a clothesline. Bunny hits the mat hard and Seamus makes the tag to Conner. Conner picks up Bunny and immediately dumps him with a scoop slam. Bunny gets back to his feet and is able to narrowly dodge a running elbow from Conner. Bunny uses this opportunity to tag in Carl and get a breather on the apron. Carl and Conner lock up and Carl sends Conner into the corner. Conner bounces out and Carl hits a nice capture suplex. He goes for the cover. One...Two...Conner kicks out. Both men get to their feet and begin trading blows in the middle of the ring. Carl gets the upper hand for a moment but a well-timed duck by Conner allows him to regain control. Conner forces Carl into his corner and tags Seamus back in. Seamus puts the boots to Carl in the corner, causing him to slump into a seated position. Seamus backs into the opposite corner and charges in, connecting with a vicious knee strike to the face. Carl's head snaps back violently. Seamus picks him up and just tosses him across the ring. Carl doesn't look to be in good shape at the moment, and sensing this, Seamus goes for the cover. One...Two...Th..Carl kicks out! Seamus drags him back up by his head and attempts to power bomb him. Carl somehow gets himself free and tries to make it back to his corner, but Seamus catches him at the last second and drops him with a modified Burning Hammer. I think Carl may have just broken his freakin' neck. Cover. One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 6:02 - Gaelic Storm
BLITZ vs. KNIFEBoth men already in the ring, and both men wearing OOWF T-Shirts...This can't bode well for their careers. The bells rings and Knife comes out fast, peppering Blitz with alternating knife edge chops and forearm shivers. Blitz trying to cover up, but he's not doing a good enough job of it as Knife's shots drive him back into the corner. Knife is relentless, changing up to kicks as Blitz slumps into the corner. Knife takes a moment to remind to remind the Laotian fans that they're all sinners bound for hell, but failing to notice to notice Blitz grabbing the top ropes from his seated position, Knife moves back in, only for Blitz to pull himself up in a somersault motion, landing seated on the top rope and coming off the second turnbuckle with a diving clothesline that turns Knife inside out! If it was a desperation move, it sure was pretty one!
Blitz to his feet first, and he begins pelting the self-styled messiah of the OOWF with a series of stiff kicks to the back and chest. Knife is stunned on the mat, and Blitz shoots the ropes, coming back with a high elevation basement dropkick! Kip up by Blitz, and he's feeling it now, playing to the crowd for a moment before picking up Knife and whipping him into the turnbuckle. Blitz charges in behind, monkey flip to The Knife! Blitz back on him quickly, whips him into the opposite corner, charges in behind, and crashes and burns on the second attempt when Knife hooks the ropes! Blitz up to his feet a bit slowly, and eats a running knee lift from Knife. European uppercut from Knife sends Blitz crashing to the mat, and a diving knee drop keeps him there. Knife back in control, now hitting a lightning fast snap suplex, floating over and hooking the leg.
1...
2...
Blitz rolls a shoulder at two and half, and Knife grabs the arm locking a in a deep arm bar and planting his knee deep into Blitz's ribs. Blitz screams in pain, Knife screams "REPENT!" just as loudly. Blitz to his feet slowly, and Knife pours on the pressure to the arm. Blitz finds the ropes and grabs hold, and uses them to perform a standing front flip, landing on his feet and quickly reversing Knife's arm bar into an arm drag that sends Knife between the ropes and crashing into the barricade!
Angelo Barros starts the ten count on Knife, as Blitz gathers himself inside the ring. At 4, Knife is slowly getting to his feet. At 6, Blitz is looking at the crowd, jumping in place. At 7 Knife is to his feet, and Blitz hits the far side ropes, coming off and launching through the air with a CORKSCREW SEATED SENTON TO THE OUTSIDE~! Thank god Mike Tenay doesn't work here, or he'd have been forced to make up some name for it, like the Zambullida de la estrella del mono del fuego del espacio del vuelo. Blitz lands on his feet and turns to the crowd, who go absolutely mild. Blitz rolls Knife into the ring, lateral press,
1...
2...
Knife slings a foot on to the ropes, and Barros sees it, breaking the pin fall. Little bit of frustration showing through from Blitz, as he drags Knife towards the corner. Blitz leaps to the top rope quickly, signals for the Blitz Flip...NOBODY HOME! Blitz looks like he wiped hard on that one, and as he's drawing himself up he takes a nasty Hennig neck snap from a recovered Knife. Knife pulls Blitz to his feet, and with his left hand still holding up Blitz by his hair, hits the HAND OF GOD! Blitz legs go out from beneath him, but Knife's still holding him up as he backs up into the turnbuckle. Knife climbs backwards up the turnbuckles, dragging Blitz with him to the top, setting up the DIVINE JUDGEMENT...
NO! Blitz counters the setup with backdrop off the top rope! Knife crashes and burns on the canvas, but Blitz has managed to keep his balance up top! BLITZ FLIP CONNECTS~! Blitz hooks the leg this time, and Barros slides into position.
1...
2...
3!
WINNER VIA PINFALL at 7:43 - BLITZ!
STANK vs. ALEXIS DARLINGThis one is going to be interesting and could undo all of the good that has been done recently that’s unified Team Rick in the past few days. We have this match because everyone from Alexis ‘ own partners in Run DEA to Stank have blamed her for the loss of the Campeonas de Trios and then Stank felt that Alexis would be more valuable behind the scenes. Alexis didn’t disagree, but also didn’t like how everyone was treating her and requested this match with Stank as a going-away present for herself. So let’s see what happens here when the Rage Against the Machine remix of “Bombs over Baghdad” starts and the longest-reigning OOWF World Champion in the history of the company. He steps out from the back and he looks focused if a bit annoyed that he even has to have his this match but he’s not one to back down. The crowd cheers wildly for him as he gets into the ring.
A few moments later the lights dim and “Life is Beautiful” by Sixx AM starts to be heard over the sound system. Out steps Alexis Darling and she looks like the perfect picture of Beautiful Death. Decked out in complete black with specks of red and gold she looks totally intense and walking a few steps behind her is Alexander Darling. He either looks really worn out from his match earlier with Viper or he looks fresh and ready to go for his match with Viper later in the evening. Alexander gets in the ring first and he walks over to Stank and the two share a few words and a handshake before Alexis gets into the ring and the crowd seems wary of cheering for her against one of their faves in Stank. Alexander has some last second words for Alexis as well before he steps down from the ring to the floor. Alexis has her back to Stank as she prepares in her corner for the match and it doesn’t seem like she’s going to come out for any pre-match talk from Davis Hightower. Stank just shrugs and Hightower calls for the bell.
Alexis finishes her preparation and jumps out of the corner and meets Stank in the center of the ring and she looks him eye to stomach before looking up and staring him in the eyes. A few tense moments pass between the two and you could cut it with a knife here in Laos, but then out of nowhere Alexis extends her hand. Stank looks down and the two shake hands and now we’re underway. Alexis attempts to lock-up but Stank really wants nothing to do with this match and he just pushes Alexis away. Alexis jumps back up and starts trying to slug away at Stank but they aren’t having much of an effect as he just pushes her away again. She slams the mat in frustration and charges Stank again and this time tries to try kicking Stank down to size. This has some effect as Stank staggers some as Alexis knows right where to kick, but Stank has enough and pushes Alexis away.
She slams the mat again in frustration and just before she charges Stank again Alexander calls her over and she growls but acquiesces and heads over to the corner and her brother offers her some ideas and she nods while Stank just looks on. He seems to be shaking his legs out and realizing that Alexis is taking this seriously. Lexie gets up and charges at Stank full speed and he catches her…BLACK HOLE SLAM and he almost puts Darling through the mat as the crowd and her brother cringe. Stank figures at least this is over and covers Alexis…
1…
2…
NO…Lexie kicks out and Stank just sighs.
Stank gets back to his feet and he pulls Darling up with him and he goes for a scoop slam but she wiggles out of his grasp and drop kick to the knee and Stank staggers back. Alexis continues to try and bring Stank down and she utilizes a unique offense to do so with kicks and even a “How Low Can You Go” Clothesline to the inside of Stank’s knee. Stank has staggered back to the corner and Alexis charges one more time but Stank catches her coming and slams her down to the mat with the STO. This time he doesn’t go for the cover but instead picks Lexie up by the hair and seems to loudly telling her that she asked for this as he picks her up straight over his head into a press slam and he shakes his head in apparent remorse as he just drops Lexie to the mat from a very big height. He makes the cover again…
1,,,
2,,,
2 and a half and Lexie barely rolls her shoulder.
Stank looks shocked and seems to just want to end this. He picks Lexie up and brings her close for a massive BEAR HUG. And she is in pain. And he is squeezing. Oh this won’t go on for much longer. The crowd starts to cheer as Davin Moreland steps out from the back and makes his way down to the ring. Stank gives him the eyes as Davin joins Alexander and the two bump knuckles and start banging on the ring to get Lexie to fight back. She’s struggling, but she’s also weakening even with the added boost the crowd is giving her. Alexander yells something in Japanese and Alexis snaps to attention and goes right to the eyes and Stank has to break the hold.
Alexis struggles back to the corner where her brother is and she notices Davin for the first time and he just nods and for now all seems forgiven as the two start to give her pointers when the crowd erupts again as Firewoman steps out from the back and makes her way down to the ring but surprisingly she walks to the opposite side of her Run DEA partners and gets in Stank’s corner. She yells up at him and he leans down as she seems to be giving him pointers as to Alexis’ weaknesses and we all know Firewoman knows those. Alexis notices this and then she notices the little wink from Firewoman and Alexis just shakes her head and calls Stank back to the center of the ring.
Just as they’re about to lock-up again another eruption from the crowd as The Midnight Sons and Team Aquafina come out on to the ramp together and they make their way down to the ring as well but when they get there Magnusson and Lucios head over towards Alexander and Davin’s half of the ring, while Phantos and Spin head over towards Stank and they fan out around the ring and everyone in unison starts cheering on both sides of this match. Stank and Alexis just nod and Stank actually locks up with her this time and it’s obvious he has the power advantage, but Lexie is a slippery type and starts using her quickness and catching Stank from different angles. She’s actually putting up a fight and Stank is having trouble grabbing her and taking advantage of his strength. Alexis has Stank staggered and in one fluid motion she jumps up to the top rope and waits for Stank to turn and face her…he does…ALEXIS-GO-ROUND…Stank is down.
Stank is down…
Alexis on top for the cover…
1…
And no, Stank tosses her off with authority.
Alexis back up to her feet and she waits for Stank to get up and as soon as he does Alexis rushes in…NEW JERSEY HAMMER. Stank down to a knee and he looks to the outside where DH is and DH just shrugs. Stank sighs and starts to get back to his feet but Alexis is running full blast at him…STANDING ENZUIGURI. Stank’s down again…
1…
2…
And another kick out with authority. But that was too close for Stank.
Stank gets back to his feet and he sees Lexis running at him and picks her straight up in the air…STANK BOMB…Holy fuck…Alexis may be dead. Stank sighs and makes the cover…academic cover at that…
1…
2…
Thre….NO…Alexis kicked out. And the crowd erupts as every single wrestler around the ring starts banging on the mat harder and harder and now they’re joined by the rest of Team Rick as they all come down to ringside and I do mean all of Team Rick, Outback Jack, Concrete Gryfon, Carl from Fresno, Justin Sane, Bunny, Samantha Darling, LonelyGirl15, Spiros, Smokey, Emma…if you name someone from Team Rick they are now at ringside and everyone is slamming the mat in rhythmic unison as Alexis gets back to her feet and motions for Stank to come at her. Stank really seems to be getting into this and he starts slugging away at Darling who is taking every blow and we can see that they’re hurting her but she takes them each and fires back with one of her own and they actually ARE having an effect on Stank.
Stank finally goes for the big right, but Lexie is too fast and ducks under it and dives right at Stank’s leg and takes him down to a knee. Off the ropes and beautiful SHINING WIZARD and Stank is down on his stomach. Alexis looks over to her brother who nods and Lexie smiles as she walks towards Stank’s legs. She crosses them and grabs him by the back of his head…MOTHERFUCKIN’ CURBSTOMP. I cannot believe this but Stank may be in trouble here. Lexie realizes this and flips Stank over and just as she’s about to cover she looks up and thinks of something. She is slowly, ever so slowly dragging Stank near one of the corners. This is taking a lot of time. She finally gets him into position and she climbs the ropes…she takes one look over her shoulder to make sure Stank is still down. You can almost sense the adrenaline running through Alexis right now. She takes one deep breath…and goes for it…
PHOENIX SPLASH…
And it connects, sorta…it looks like she actually overshot it by a bit but she hit enough and she makes the cover…is that it?
ONE…
TWO…
TH…NOOOOOOO
Stank kicks out. The crowd is going fucking nuts as is every single wrestler in the ringside area. Alexis slams the mat and heads back over to Stank as she contemplates her next move, but she took long and she’s rolled up into a small package…no, Stank rolls all the way up to his feet and he has Alexis on his shoulders. Oh lord, he’s got her in position and there it is…
STANK-U.
This match is over…Stank makes the cover…
ONE…
TWO…
THREE.
Yes there it is folks, the bell rings and there is some disappointment in the crowd, but it’s unnoticed by the absolute thunderous ovation that drowns it out. Stank gets to his feet and falls back against the ropes as Alexander Darling is the first one in the ring after the match and he’s checking on his sister. He’s given her some water and she seems to be getting coherent again and the rest of Team Rick has now gotten in the ring just as Alexander helps his sister to her feet. He places her in one corner and he steps back and he starts clapping. First to his sister, and then also to Stank for one hell of a show. One by one each member in the ring has followed and begun to applaud as well and this is one hell of a show of Team Unity, if I do say so myself. Finally, Alexis nods in thanks to everyone and then she starts to clap as well in Stank’s direction and in a not so surprising move at all Stank returns the favor and meets Alexis in the center of the ring and raises her hand as well. He whispers a few last words to her as Team Rick surrounds the two of them to an obscene amount of applause.
WINNER as a result of pin fall in 16:22…STANK.
But really the winner of this match….TEAM RICK.
PHANTOS, LUCIOS, CONCRETE TG & JUSTIN SANE vs. ERIC O’MAC, TYSON KINCAID, THE AMNESIAC & MOOSEHEAD JACKConcrete TG, Justin Sane and Team Aquafina make their separate entrances. Eric O’Mac and Tyson Kincaid come down next. The Amnesiac’s music strikes up and he comes charging down to the ring. He slides under the ropes and heads straight for CTG. They begin brawling and tumble to the floor. Eric and Tyson charge in and go toe to toe with Team Aquafina. Justin stands in the ring facing the ramp waiting for Moosehead Jack to appear. He pumps his fists and shadow boxes for a few moments, not seeing MHJ slide into the ring from behind him. Moose taps Justin on the shoulder and HEART PUNCHES him out of the ring. MHJ rushes to join The Amnesiac in beating on CTG. It takes several agents and all 5 referees to come down and restore order. Referee Angelo Barros manages to separate Team Aquafina from Eric and TK and get the match officially started. Phantos and Tyson lock up and get underway. Wristlock by Tyson. Phantos reverses it and backs into his corner. Lucios tags in and head butts TK. An Irish whip and Lucios levels Tyson with a forearm. Tyson backs up and tags in Moose. Moose locks up with Lucios and backs him into enemy territory. Moose pounds away with his right hand. Lucios fights back, but gets hit from behind by Eric. Moose short-arm clotheslines Lucios and plants him with a DDT. Tag to The Amnesiac. Amnesiac slingshots in with a leg drop and gets a 2 count. Lucios gets to his feet and backdrops a charging Amnesiac. Gorilla Press Slam. Tag to Concrete TG. CTG rushes in and begins to pepper Amnesiac with Tajiri-style kicks. Crete gets a deep arm drag and catches Amnesiac with a Lung Blower. Crete covers for a 2 count, and tags in Justin. Sane body slams Amnesiac and hits a fist drop. Sane bounces off the ropes and goes for a big splash, but Amnesiac rolls out of the way and Sane eats canvas. Tag into Eric O’Mac. Eric suplexes Justin and waits for him to get back to his feet. ROCK BOTTOM! Eric makes a lazy cover and gets 1…2…and Justin Kicks Out! Eric is PISSED and rushes in to delivery the Randy Orton Concussion Kick. Justin rolls out of the way, and Eric ends up whiffing on the kick and falling on his ass. Tag to Phantos. Dropkick. Eric grabs the ropes to avoid a second dropkick, and gets backdroppped. Back elbow floors O’Mac. Flying Burrito. Slingshot suplex. Tag to Lucios and Team Aquafina hits the DOUBLE DROPKICK! Lucios covers. 1…2… and Tyson dives in to break up the pin. Crete charges in, which draws Moose in and they go toe to toe exchanging punches. Justin climbs to the top and hits the charging Amnesiac with a body press and they tumble to the outside. They end up trading chair shots into the crowd, with arena security scrambling to clear fans away from the combatants. Moose and Crete battle up the ramp with the ring bell and a trash can lid. Eric, Tyson and Team Aquafina end up brawling all around the ringside area. During the Melee, Eric gets Border Tosses into the Micronesian Announce Table. Phantos ends up on the top Turnbuckle and dives at Tyson, who ducks and lets Phantos crash into the ringside barrier. Tyson loops a microphone cord around Lucios neck, gets hit with a monitor, and finally Agents and the rest of the referees come down again and get all 8 men to the locker rooms.
WINNERS in 12:43; NO CONTEST
DAVIN MORELAND vs. POE“For Whom the Bell Tolls” starts and Poe (accompanied by Selena) makes his way down to the ring to the now-usual chorus of boos. Poe seems unaffected by this now, and solemnly climbs into the ring, handing his duster to Selena on the outside. Backstage, we see Davin Moreland (sans sound) gesturing in such a way that he looks like he’s imploring the rest of Run DEA to stay backstage. They reluctantly agree and “Pull Me Under” starts up. The crowd jumps to their feet roaring with cheers as Davin Moreland marches down the ramp with his arms raised. He’s not really playing to the crowd, but he IS pointing right at Poe, who just smirks at him. Davin one hops the apron, then the ropes and walks directly over to Poe. Glaw is pretty flustered by being rushed, and quickly calls for the bell. WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Quick lockup, and the two manhandle each other to a stalemate. Davin gives Poe some fake applause, and the crowd laughs. Poe charges and Davin catches him with an Atomic Drop. Davin goes for the quick Diamond Cutter, but Poe shoves him off and hits him with a clothesline. Davin staggers, and Poe hits a quick GERMAN SUPLEX. Poe’s not wasting any time, and hits a Standing Leg drop. He pulls Davin to his feet, and hits a BIG DDT. Poe’s cover barely gets two. Poe takes off running for the ropes and hits a LOW BASEMENT DROPKICK to Moreland’s head. A couple more kicks to the head, and Poe decides it’s time for the DESERT SCORPION! He’s got it locked on, and its effective; but poorly placed. After about 20 seconds Davin gets the rope and Glaw calls for the break, finally getting it at 4.
Poe is on top of Moreland immediately, punching away at the back of his head, forcing Moreland to grab the ropes again. Glaw pulls Poe off this time and threatens disqualification. Poe glares and stalks Moreland again. He hoists Davin up and hits a PILEDRIVER! Cover: 1, 2, th…FOOT ON THE ROPES! Poe slams the mat with his fists. He picks Moreland up again and gives him some rough turnbuckle treatment, finally lifting him up on his shoulders. I think he’s looking for The Pendulum! He spins Davin around and IT’S REVERSED TO A TOR-NA-DO DDT! What a move! Both men are down and Glaw is forced to start a count. Backstage, we see Run DEA with 6 members of Team Rick laid out on the floor. They’re all on their stomachs…MOTHERFUCKIN’ CURBSTOMPS FOR EVERYONE! Concrete TG then appears and (again sans sound) looks to try to get ringside, but is held at bay by Run DEA. Crete looks crestfallen as he looked like he wanted to make up for last week.
Back in the ring, and both men are up at 8, but Poe is fresher. He works a headlock, but is shoved off to the ropes. BEAUTIFUL Dropkick by Moreland staggers Poe. BIG BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX sends Poe across the ring. SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! The cover gets a weak 2. Moreland lifts Poe up…WAY up…and hits a MILITARY PRESS SLAM to the rope, which catches Poe across the throat. His momentum sends him into Moreland’s arms, and Davin puts Poe on his shoulders and carries him to the top rope. Davin sets him up…ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER!
Russ: BAH GAWD!
Glaw expects a cover and slides in, but Moreland has other plans. He moves to the unconscious big man’s leg, and locks in an ANKLE LOCK ON POE’S SURGICALLY REPAIRED ANKLE! He GRAPEVINES THE LEG! Poe has no chance here. Selena jumps on the apron trying to buy time for help to arrive…but none is coming. Poe is awake and SCREAMING and tapping for all he’s worth. Selena finally fears for her Master’s help and sadly hops off the apron. Glaw sees the tapping and immediately calls for the bell.
WINNER by SUBMISSION in 19:14…DAVIN MORELAND!
Post-match, Moreland refuses to break the hold, and it takes a flood of referees and indie workers to pull him off. Poe does the stretcher job, threatening death.
TYTAN vs. OUTBACK JACK – Last Man Standing MatchTytan enters the arena first, accompanied by Mr. Steel and Dr. Podvod. Tytan looks more intense than usual, if that’s possible. They enter he ring and Tytan poses menacingly. He glares up the aisle as Outback Jack and Wally B King make their way to the ring. Strangely, Jack isn’t carrying a beer, and as the camera zooms in, it focuses on his eyes for a moment and we see why – Jack of the Hinterlands has come out to play. From about halfway up the aisle, Jack sprints to the ring and dives in, sliding across the mat and taking Tytan out at the knees. Steel and Podvod scatter, and referee Junior Hale calls for the bell. Jack continues his assault, pulling Tytan to his feet and backing him to the ropes with punches. Jack whips Tytan across the ring, and greets him with a head butt that echoes like a gunshot. Tytan crumples, and Jack lets out a roar that scatters the first few rows. He throws Tytan back to the ropes and plants him with a power slam before hitting the ropes himself and driving a knee into his face. Jack pulls a dazed Tytan to his feet, hits the ropes behind him, and levels him with the Boomerang! Junior moves in to count:
1…2…3…4…
Tytan gets to his knees and Jack moves in, but Tytan catches him with a shot to the midsection. Jack doubles over, and Tytan drives a rising knee into his face. As Jack’s nose starts to pour blood, Tytan whips him to the ropes and hits a Decapitator. He presses the advantage with a series of stomps and kicks as Jack rolls to the ropes. Tytan gets behind Jack as he gets up, slamming a series of blows into his kidneys and back. Tytan hooks Jack from behind and pulls him to the middle of the ring, planting him with a reverse DDT. Junior Counts
1…2…3…
Tytan moves in as Jack gets up, but Jack meets him with a punch to the midsection. Jack keeps Tytan off-balance with punches as he works his way to his feet, then comes off the ropes and hits a neck breaker. Jack goes back to the ropes and drives an elbow into Tytan’s throat, then sits him up and hooks a reverse chin lock. Tytan tries to power out, and Jack subdues him with a series of cross faces. He switches his grip to a Dragon Sleeper and pulls Tytan to his feet, still in the hold. Inverted Suplex! Jack steps back and Junior counts.
1…2…3…4…5…6…
Tytan slowly staggers to his feet, and Jack greets him with a kick to the head. He drives Tytan back to the ropes with punches and whips him across the ring. Tytan chooses discretion and grabs the ropes, sliding out to the floor. Steel and Podvod join him to discuss strategy, but the meeting is adjourned early on account of a flying Jack, who dives through the ropes and levels all three.
Jack is up first and moves toward Tytan, who rolls to his knees and pastes him with a steel chair. Jack is knocked off balance, but does not go down so Tytan gets to his feet and swings again. Jack staggers, but keeps his feet. Tytan, visibly frustrated, winds up, and literally wraps the chair around Jack’s head. Jack’s eyes roll back in his head, and he collapses face-first on the floor. Junior makes sure he’s still breathing, then starts the count.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…
Jack rolls to his knees and fixes Tytan with a glare of death. Tytan swallows visibly, and takes a step back. Steel hands Tytan another chair as Jack gets to his feet. Jack launches himself at Tytan, ducks under the chair swing, and spears him into the ring apron hard enough to move the ring. Tytan’s legs are driven back, and he lands facedown, partially under the ring. Jack sets the chair up and lifts Tytan’s face high enough to slam it into the chair seat once, twice, three times. Blood is pouring from Tytan’s face now as well, as Jack drops him and Junior counts.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…
Steel steps in front of Junior, arguing with him about the count. He draws him away allowing Dr. Podvod to “check” on Tytan. She drops something into his mouth and moves away as his eyes start to flutter rapidly. Jack, who’s been following Junior and Steel’s argument, finally decides he’s had enough. He pitches Steel into the ringside barrier and turns Junior back toward Tytan. Unfortunately, this puts his back to Podvod, who takes advantage with a soprano-inducing low blow. Tytan springs to his feet and grabs Jack as he doubles over, lifting him for a power bomb. While he has Jack in the air, Tytan runs him spine-first into the ring post before turning and driving him through the Canadian announce Table. Wally, who’s been keeping Steel at bay, rushes to check on him, but Junior holds him back and starts the count.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10!
WINNER and last man standing, in 18:56, Tytan!
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER & THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM vs. MARK VANDER & CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS – Campeonas de Trios Championship MatchVander and the Cape Town Cannibals make their way to the ring accompanied by ECW and ZK DeBeers. DeBeers gives them some last minute instructions, then heads to the back, presumably to prepare for his world title match later tonight. The four huddle in the corner and seem to be debating the price of oil and how it reflects on the global economy, when the Worlds Greatest Fag Team (we have to get that fixed) and Attitude Adjuster make their way to the ring. They climb between the ropes and wait for a moment, but Vander and the Cape Town Cannibals appear to be deep in discussion and don’t even notice them. Finally MacCappington, Hardcore and AA walk across the ring and trap their opponents in the corner. They finally end their debate and look up and realize they are trapped. The Trios champions hammer away at their opponents sending them to the canvas. Attitude Adjuster dumps TNA over the top rope and follows him to the outside where he slams his head into the Croatian Announce Table. Inside the ring, FFM whips WWE to the ropes and catches him with a Samoan drop. Vander gets to his feet only to get caught by an enzuguri from Hardcore that sends him to the mat. Hardcore grabs Vander’s arms and sets him up for a curb stomp, but not before MacCappington catches him with a stiff kick to the face. With Vander dazed, Hardcore DRIVES his face into the mat. The WGFT pull WWE to his feet and throw him out of the ring. On the opposite side, AA catches TNA with an old school pile driver on the concrete floor. AA rolls into the ring and it appears that he will be the legal man. AA pulls Vander to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a knee to the mid-section. AA bounds off the ropes and drops a knee across his head, then tags in Hardcore. Ryan comes in and waits for Vander to get to his feet, then hits him with a spinning heel kick that doubles him over in pain, then hits the ropes and catches him with an axe kick to the back of the head. Hardcore covers, but Vander kicks out at two. Ryan pulls Vander to his feet and sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon and gets a clubbing forearm to the back of the head. Vander tags in TNA, and he charges into the ring, yelling the whole way, Hardcore easily sidesteps the charge and catches TNA on the rebound with a super kick to the mouth. Hardcore tags in MacCappington, he comes in and pulls TNA to his feet, sends him to the ropes and hits the GREETINGS FROM FRESNO! TNA is dead, but they are not done yet. FFM scrapes him off the mat and adds a POWERBOMB! MacCappington tags in AA and he steps between the ropes, adjusts his orthopedic glove, then slaps on THE IRON CLAW!!! MacCappington and Hardcore rush the ring and attack Vander and WWE, sending them out of the ring. TNA’s head starts to bleed, the referee takes a good look, then calls the match.
WINNERS in 8:48 and STILL OOWF Campeonas de Trios Champions – The Worlds Greatest Fag Team & Attitude Adjuster
THE DEAD vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Last Chance Match“Fuel” by Metallica starts to blast through the speakers and as the crowd starts raucously cheering, the lights in the arena go red. As Firewoman appears at the top of the ramp with her hands raised in the air looking SERIOUSLY pissed off, the crowd starts a “FIRE GOT SCREWED” chant. Fire acknowledges it a bit as she climbs into the ring, just staring daggers down the ramp. There’s a long pause before “Doomsday Clock” starts, and The Dead makes his way to the top of the ramp, and he’s flanked by Eric O’Mac and THE Amnesiac. Dead holds his belt to the crowd in a taunting manner, and Fire takes notice of the extra backup Dead brought, but doesn’t seem to care much. Dead rolls in and hands his belt to Davis Hightower. He holds it high in the air. This match is for the OOWF Onslaught Championship, if Firewoman loses, she will NEVER get another shot at the title. Hightower hands the belt to the timekeeper and calls for the bell…and WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Fire and Dead circle each other and talk massive trash. Somewhere in the middle of it, “Ladies and Gentlemen” starts up and we see Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling SPRINTING~! Down the ramp. They jaw with O’Mac and THE Amnesiac, but take the opposite side of the ring. As the music hit, Dead was distracted, and took a look up the ramp. Fire didn’t, and caught Dead with a STIFF left hook. With Dead taken off guard, Fire just ROCKS Dead with lefts and rights…
Russ: IT’S A SLOBBERKNOCKER!
Fire forces Dead to the ropes and snaps off a SPINNING HEEL KICK spilling Dead to the outside. He’s fortunate that he landed amongst friends, and they help him back in. Fire is on Dead immediately, and just stomps away mercilessly.
Russ: This is NOT a catch-as-catch-can style match…
Fire is absolutely RAGING and eventually degenerates to taking Dead by the back of the head and repeatedly smashing his face into the mat. Finally Hightower (after letting this go a little bit) starts a count, and Fire just DOES stop at 4. She gives the break, but jumps immediately back in, and hooks Dead up for a BIG Suplex. Cover gets 2. Fire checks Dead’s weakened state, and decides that NOW would be a good time to hook Dead into a FIRETAMER. They’re in the middle of the ring, and Dead is in BIG TROUBLE! After a good minute, THE Amnesiac rushes in like he’s going to break up the hold, but is cutoff by Hightower. Dead starts tapping. O’Mac comes charging in, and he is cut off by Hightower, Darling and Moreland. Dead is STILL tapping. Amnesiac, using the distraction, kicks Firewoman into next week in the head, and the hold is finally broken. O’Mac retreats to the mat, and a seriously pissed off Moreland and Darling retreat as well, although they look to be plotting as they hit the mat.
Russ: This is just a TRAVESTY…This match should be over and WE should have a new Champion…BAH GAWD!
Hightower turns around in time to see both wrestlers down, so he starts a 10 count. Dead’s up first at 7, and moves to Fire, stomping away. Fire looks just about done. Dead sets Fire up…CURBSTOMP! He moves to cover and gets 2. He pulls Fire to her feet…SPRINGBOARD DDT! Another cover, and that gets 2 and a half. Dead pulls Fire up again, and RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX into the corner. He motions for Fire to get up, stalking her. On the floor, Davin has sprinted around the other side of the ring, right into O’Mac and THE Amnesiac’s grill. As they back away, they walk right into VICIOUS CHAIR SHOTS from Darling. Darling and Moreland nod at each other, and Moreland hops the apron, drawing Hightower’s attention, and they start discussing Obama’s chances of winning the Mountain West states. Dead is so focused on the just-starting-to-stir Firewoman, that he doesn’t see Alexander Darling and is too late to react to the DARLING DRIVER! Dead is done. Darling now joins in the conversation with Davin and Davis, and allows Davin to slip away as Dead starts to stir a bit. Fire starts to collect herself in the corner and sees Davin hit Dead with a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! She gets a pissed off look for two seconds, but then smiles and nods, while Davin returns the nod. Davin makes eye contact with Darling, and they both immediately climb their respective turnbuckles. Hightower admonishes them to get down. With his back turned, Fire is able to deliver a LOW BLOW, and a sick one. Darling and Moreland hit STEREO MOONSAULTS to the outside on O’Mac and THE Amnesiac. Hightower turns around just in time to see Firewoman rolling up The Dead. She’s got her feet on the ropes and a handful of tights! Higtower counts…1, 2, 3…just as Dead kicks out…NEW CHAMP!
WINNER by Darling Finish in 18:21 and NEW OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION…FIREWOMAN!!!
Post-match, Fire isn’t done and hits 3 more low blows on The Dead, and he crumples in a heap. Moreland and Darling lift their respective carcasses from the outside. They roll all 3 men onto their stomachs and trade sick smiles with each other…TRIPLE MOTHERFUCKING CURBSTOMPS! Hightower retrieves the belt and hands it to Firewoman who holds it high into the air to the approval of the crowd. She gets her hands raised by Darling and Moreland, both just BEAMING with pride as the rest of Run DEA makes it out to the mat. Maybe Team Rick WILL do anything to win?
[IHOP vs. THE MIDNIGHT SONS – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchSpin and DHM are in a bad mood as SYB and Skurge cautiously make their way to the ring. The Sons aren't in the mood for bullshit, so they meet em halfway in the aisle and the fight is ON! Spin and Magnusson pound the champs down. Spin tosses Skurge over the rail and into the crowd. DHM with an overhead throw on SYB on the concrete, and Spin peels him up and tosses him in the ring. Skurge climbs over the rail, but only gets halfway when DHM boots him back into the fans. SYB to the eyes of Spin to catch a break, and a kneelift takes him down. SYB goes to drag him back up, but Spin sucker punches him. Sloppy suplex sends SYB flying across the ring. Tag to DHM as Skurge drags his ass back down the aisle. Magnusson works over SYB in the corner, and an avalanche clothesline drops SYB like a sack of potatoes. Stiff spinebuster and a cover, but Skurge drags DHM out of the ring to break it. Magnusson decks Skurge, but SYB snaps DHM's neck off the ropes as he gets back in. SYB and Skurge put the boots to him on the floor, and Spin is around to break up that fracas. Back in, and IHOP gets some double teaming in via a tag. Skurge peppers DHM in the corner, but Magnusson fights out until SYB yanks hm down from behind. To the ropes, but Skurge puts his head down early and gets the shit kicked out of him. Powerslam and tag to Spin, and Hansen storms in with a big lariat that turns Skurge inside out. SYB steps in, but steps back out as Spin charges. SYB reaches in to grab his feet, but Spin sees him and steps on his fingers instead. HIGH TIMES for Skurge!! One, two... and the bell rings?? The ref turns to see why the bell rung, and SYB is walking away from the timekeeper with the bell in his hand. Spin and DHM follow out and chase SYB back into the ring. Spin catches him and they set up for 100 PROOF~! But Skurge grabs the bell and decks Magnusson with it to draw the cheap DQ!!
WINNERS by DISQUALIFICATION in 9:02: THE MIDNIGHT SONS
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. DONOVAN VIPER – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchThe time has come for the IC Title Match and the first thing we hear are the familiar beats of Viper’s entrance, “Angry Chair” by Alice in Chains. He does not look like a happy camper as he makes his way into the ring and awaits the entrance of the new Champion who is set to begin his second reign with the IC Belt. “There Can Be Only One” booms over the sound system and the crowd actually erupts as they begin to clap in unison to the hypnotic beat of “Prelude 12/21.” Alexander Darling steps out and like a true champion he is wearing his belt around his waist. He seems confused by the reaction of the crowd but seems to get into it as his sister, no not Alexis, the new one Samantha joins him as he walks down the aisle as the crowd starts to sing along to Queen’s “Princes of the Universe.” He gets into the ring while Sam chooses to stay on the outside.
Darling takes off the IC Belt and hands it to our referee for the match, Sterling Glaw. Glaw turns his back to hand the belt to the timekeeper and Darling takes the opportunity to flip Viper the double finger salute. Viper jumps Darling at that and Sterling tries to break it up, but decides to forget about it and starts the match off. Viper is trying to get at Alexander but he’s continuing to let DV’s frustration cloud his judgment and this keeps AD a step ahead. AD’s attitude hasn’t changed much though and you can still sense his arrogance as it costs him when Viper makes a move but changes direction at the last moment after Darling was already gloating and DV hits a beautiful leg lariat.
Viper takes his time with the advantage and really tries to begin to wear down Alexander with a slow methodical move set that was seemingly planned to take away the high-impact offense that Darling has become known for. People can say all they want about Donnie’s lifestyle choices…
DV: I’M NOT A HOMO!
…right, as I was saying. People can believe whatever they want about Viper but he is one of the greats here in the OOWF and he’s showing us why tonight. He is giving AD everything in his arsenal and seems to have come up with a strategy to defeat Alexander and reclaim the Intercontinental Title for yet another reign. Samantha is cheering her brother on and then the crowd starts getting into it and Darling is using the crowd as a driving force as he starts to fight back. Viper is trying to put AD back down, but Alex blocks a punch and returns. He blocks a kick and returns with one of his own. Viper attempts an Irish whip, but a reversal from Darling and DV bounces off the ropes into a beautiful standing dropkick from Darling. Darling is quick to stay on Viper, Snap mare sets Viper up for a hard kick to his spine and Darling bounces off the ropes, SHINING WIZARD puts DV down. AD jumps down to make the cover…
1…
2…
Kick out.
Alexander looks to stay on the offensive and goes to pick up Donovan, but the cagey veteran still knows enough and he tosses Darling to the outside. He refuses to listen to Glaw and follows Darling to the outside. He attempts a double axe-handle off the apron but AD sees him coming and catches him coming off with a shot to the stomach and Viper does a full flip. Darling drags DV up by the hair and attempts to slide him back into the ring but Viper hits the ropes and rebounds off and catches AD with a lariat…beautiful REBOUND LARIAT from Donovan there and Glaw jumps down from the ring to try and get both back into the ring. DV shrugs him off and takes Darling and whips him hard into the guardrail.
Viper follows up and takes Alexander and whips him the other way right into the steel steps. Glaw’s had enough and gets back into the ring and starts his count. Viper looks back into the ring and seems to be contemplating what’s more important and he decides it’s to inflict more punishment on Darling. He heads back towards Darling who has recovered enough and catches the advancing DV with a kick to the midsection and he quickly tosses him back into the ring and follows him just as Glaw was getting to 8.
Viper and Darling are both back in the ring and standing face to face it looks like we’re about to start phase 2 of this match. And it starts with a bang when Viper winds up and straight up slaps Alexander across the face. Alexander’s head snaps back and he turns back to face DV and he has a huge smile on his face. Donovan seems perturbed by that reaction and attempts to do it again, but Alexander catches his arm and in some of the quickest, fluid moves we’ve seen from him…front kick to the stomach, inverted atomic drop, right into the BRAINBUSTA. And Viper is down. AD goes for the cover…
1…
2…
Viper rolls his shoulder to stop the count.
Darling is on now and he picks Viper up. Irish whip, but DV grabs onto the ropes and slides out of the ring to try and recover. He’s gathering himself and he has no time to notice as he’s walked around the ring that Samantha is now standing in his way. Viper seems to be blathering about showing her a real man when she just points towards the ring. Viper motions that he’s too smart for that and advances a step on the elder Darling which puts him in the perfect position for TOPE CON HILO by Alexander and the crowd erupts as AD stays on his feet. Viper is in trouble now. AD picks him up and looks like he’s about to toss him back in the ring but then realizes he can have some fun with DV on the outside.
He looks around under the ring and he pulls out a garbage can of toys. Glaw has basically said fuck it and is taking a nap inside the ring not caring if these two kill each other at this point. Darling is looking around in the can and he doesn’t realize that DV has gotten up behind him. Viper takes AD and slams him head first into the post. Darling is down and he’s bleeding. Viper reaches down to pick up Darling, but there was no need as he’s already getting to his feet. Donovan is shocked as Darling has a look of pure hatred in his eyes. DV starts to back up when Darling reaches up and feels the blood pouring down his face. AD looks at his hands like they are new and different and Viper is getting freaked. He attempts to scurry back in the ring but Alexander grabs his legs and drags him back to the outside and spins him right around and full contact head butt and for possibly the first time AD breaks someone else’s nose as Viper’s face explodes into a ball of red.
Viper staggers back but he’s as tough as they come and he and Alexander are now just slugging it out on the floor. Glaw has rolled over in the ring and gotten a seemingly better position for his nap. Viper goes to slam AD into the post again but Darling reverses and pulls Donovan back and yet another kick to the stomach. Viper is bent over and Darling reaches down and gets him up in the air, arms spread nice and wide…CRUCIFIX BOMB into the guardrail. Darling wipes his face again and gets an even more sadistic look as he wipes it over his chest. He looks around and sees the Avalon announce table. Darling clears it off and drags Viper over to it and places him on top of the table. Viper is trying to fight back and it looks like he has and he gets Alexander into position for the SIDEWINDER.
Alex fights it off though and straight up kills Donnie with a right cross and just as Viper is about to fall, Alexander picks him up, places the arm across the throat…
OH….
MY….
GOD…
DARLING DRIVER….
THROUGH THE TABLE…
Both men are dead and the crowd is going fucking ape-shit and this finally wakes Glaw up. He sees the carnage and decides to start the count. Samantha has rushed over and is trying to get through the broken pieces of the table. Glaw is up to five when we see our first sign of movement from Alexander. Sam is dragging him to his feet as Glaw gets to seven. Darling looks down with a look of contempt at Donovan as he backs up towards the ring. Glaw is at 9 when Alexander arrogantly rolls back into the ring and Glaw hits 10.
Alexander gets to his feet as Sterling hands him his Intercontinental Ti…no CHAMPIONSHIP. The crowd cheers as Samantha joins her brother in the ring and Alexander Darling holds the Championship Belt high above his head as medics are checking on Viper through the broken table at ringside.
WINNER in 17:43 as a result of count out and STILL OOWF Intercontinental Champion…. Alexander Darling.
LD WILLIAMS vs. ZK DEBEERS – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchThe bell rings, as ZK DeBeers and LD Williams walk towards each other. ZK DeBeers, showing no respect all for the champion, immediately throws an open hand slap across LD's face! LD's demeanor goes from calm to pissed, as he grits his teeth, and as ZK prepares to throw another blow, LD catches his hand, twists his arm which sends ZK to the ground, and sits on ZK's shoulder, creating a very basic, but also very painful arm bar submission! ZK starts screaming, scrambling for the ropes. He gets their and the referee for our feature main event "Blind" Sterling Glaw, reminds LD that he has a 5 count. LD breaks the hold right away, bouncing off the opposite ropes, and hitting ZK De Beers with a B-E-A-UTIFUL baseball slide that sends ZK DeBeers out of the ring and into the steel barricade! As ZK DeBeers struggles to find out where he is, LD runs and OHMYGOD! SUICIDE DIVE THROUGH THE ROPES!
Glaw starts his ten count, reaching 4, before both men start stirring. LD Williams gets up first, grabs ZK by his back and basically throws him into the ring, beating Glaw's 10 count with plenty of time. LD rolls back into the ring, but DeBeers has recovered, and delivers the boots to LD as he enters the ring. As LD gets up, ZK hits him with double leg take down, jacking LD up and onto his back. In a quick reflex, ZK uses this opportunity to roll up LD, and he GRABS the tights! Glaw counts 1, 2, and a KICKOUT by LD, who looks pissed - even more so now. Glaw did catch the tights being grabbed at the end, but before he can warn ZK (because the OOWF doesn't DQ wrestlers for shit like that), LD EXPLODES towards ZK with a wicked clothesline! ZK flips upon impact, and rolls out of the ring to catch his breath. LD doesn't like this and is in hot pursuit of ZK. ZK notices this, and gets in the ring. LD follows, and ZK attempts to lay the boots to LD once more, but LD, having already once been taken advantaged of like that, sees it coming, and is able to grab ZK's boots and turns it into an ankle lock! ZK, more than just a pompous ass, is in considerable pain, but quickly reverses by using his leg strength to roll LD forward and into a pin position! Glaw counts again 1......2....and LD kicks out!
ZK, feeling more confident seeing how he has two near falls on the champion, doesn't waste time in getting LD up for a back breaker, as LD clutches his back. ZK follows up with an abdominal stretch, with puts even more pressure to the already tender back of the the World Heavyweight Champion. Glaw asks LD if he wants to submit, and LD doesn't even justify that with a response. He's able to power out into a standing position, where he gets one arm free, and uses his other arm to whip ZK into the turnbuckle! He then follows with heavy, stiff clubs to the head area, while the crowd counts along..1....2....3....4.....5!! LD then drops ZK down with a drop toe hold, which leads into the STF! ZK is fighting the hold, but LD clinches in! ZK is in no position to get to the ropes! Glaw is talking to ZK, asking him if he wants to continue! LD doesn't let go...and ZK is out of it. Sterling Glaw calls for the bell, ladies and gentlemen, this one is OVER!
WINNER in 9:19, via referees decision/knock out: LD WILLIAMS!
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