OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Luxor, Egypt
AUSTIN CAGE vs. THE DARK PRINCEThe Dark Prince is part of the Egyptian Wrestling Federation, and is one large man, standing almost seven feet tall and weighing in at almost 350 lbs. He slowly makes his way to the ring and steps over the top rope. Austin Cage is announced and he walks to the ring completely focused on the task at hand. Cage is making his OOWF debut, but has experience in MMA, so he is no stranger to being in the ring. Cage steps between the ropes and the two men meet in the center of the ring. The Dark Prince towers over Cage, but Cage doesn’t look a bit intimidated. The bell rings and the two men slowly circle, TDP shoves Cage, and Cage immediately comes back with a shot to the nose that evidently breaks TDP’s nose, because blood pours down his face. TDP falls to one knee and Cage catches him with a spinning heel kick to the jaw that sends the big man to the mat. Cage immediately pounces on TDP, and tries to lock him in a rear naked choke, but TDP covers up and won’t let him get his arms around his neck. Cage hammers the back of Prince’s head with forearms, beating him mercilessly. TDP finally makes it to the ropes forcing the break. The Dark Prince gets to his feet and wobbles a bit from the shots to the back of the head. They meet in the center of the ring again and lock up and TDP buries a knee into Cage’s midsection, doubling him over in pain. TRP sends him to the ropes and tries a big boot to the face, but Cage side steps the boot, grabs the leg in the air and sweeps the other leg sending The Dark Prince to the mat. Cage immediately locks on the ankle lock, grapevines the leg and falls to the mat. The Dark Prince, despite his size advantage, cannot make it to the ropes and he is forced to tap before Cage breaks his ankle. Quiet an impressive debut for Cage!
WINNER in 2:12 – Austin Cage
CONCRETE TG vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCESterling Glaw is YOUR Referee!
Concrete down first, slapping hands with the crowd and shaking hands with Glaw once Crete is done posing on the corners. AE walks out with Chad Patton at his side, Patton is carrying a very innocent-looking gym bag. AE enters the ring and stares down at Crete, who doesn't seem fazed by AE's intimidating presence. Glaw takes a moment to speak to Patton, who doesn't have a straight answer to why he'd steal Chioda's gym bag. Glaw lets it go for the moment and calls for the bell.
Lockup to start, Crete with a power disadvantage this time around. AE gets Crete to the corner, Glaw calls for a break and gets a clean one. AE swings at Crete, who ducks out of the way gets get AE stuck in the corner. He stuns AE with a few blistering chops before slinging him to the opposite corner. Crete charges but AE catches him with a back elbow, stunning him long enough to get run over by an AE power clothesline. First cover of the match only gets a one count, Patton applauding AE's progress. Glaw gives Patton an odd look as AE pulls Crete off the mat and body slams him in the middle of the ring. He stomps away until he's pulled off by Glaw. Crete rolls toward the corner, where Patton just smiles at Crete and looks over at the gym bag. Crete shakes his head clear and tries to pull himself to his feet when AE stomps on his back again and presses him in place. AE stands on Crete's back and pulls the ropes, adding pressing and angering Glaw, who has to force himself not to count fast on the five-count to get AE to let go. AE climbs down while Crete gasps for breath. AE argues with Glaw for a few seconds, allowing Patton to choke CTG on the bottom rope. AE turns back around and Glaw ALMOST catches Patton at work. He gives Patton a dark look before having to get AE break Crete from another choke. AE stands and poses, angering the crowd. Crete catches his breath for a few seconds and Glaw checks on him. Crete pushes to all fours and gets a nasty kick to the ribs. AE goes for the arrogant pin but Crete kicks out at 2. AE gets Crete off the mat and slings him to the ropes, catching him on the rebound for a gorilla press. When he tries to drop Crete, CTG catches AE's shoulders and plants him with a DDT! Crowd starts perking up as Crete pushes unsteadily to his feet. AE is still down! HEROES' TAUNT! Glaw hides a smile as CTG rolls AE over for the WALK-UP MOONSAULT! Crete hooks the outside leg but ONLY A TWO COUNT! Crete is a little surprised but doesn't waste time as he gets AE off the mat again. The two start brawling as AE gets the cobwebs cleared from his head. He slams Crete in the corner and looks for Patton - but Patton is being dragged up the ramp by his ear? Is that Chad's father, WWE Truck Driver BILL PATTON? AE watches this in shock and calls after Chad, trying not to mention the brick. He's forgotten his opponent, who rams AE in the gut with the C-T-G! AE falls back to the mat as Crete slips back in. AE is now flat on his face! Crete grabs for AE and punishes him with FINAL JUSTICE! Winded and barely conscious, AE doesn't move as Glaw counts 3.
WINNER in 8:24 Concrete TG
After the match, Crete gathers the duffel bag and hands it to Glaw. Glaw takes out his cell phone to call Chioda and let him know where his bags ended up from the last overseas tour.
WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM & TYTAN vs. ZK DEBEERS & CAPT TOWN CANNIBALSDeBeers sends out WWE to start things off against Tytan. Tytan uses his considerable size and strength advantage to quickly trap WWE in a corner. Tytan pummels him with a series of forearm shots before whipping him into the opposite turnbuckle. WWE hits the corner so hard that he bounces out and Tytan wrecks him with a clothesline. Tytan laughs and then tags in Ryan Hardcore. Hardcore keeps the pressure on with a series of stomps to the prone WWE. Hardcore picks him up and slings him into the ropes. WWE comes bouncing back and is promptly dropped with a dropkick. Hardcore goes for the cover. One...Two...WWE kicks out. Hardcore gets to his feet and tags in MacCappington. WWE is crawling to his corner, but instead of stopping him MacCappington just allows TNA to get the tag. TNA charges directly at MacCappington while screaming wildly. Bad idea. MacCappington delivers a massive belly-to-belly suplex that takes the air completely out of TNA. Instead of going for the cover, MacCappington picks up TNA and slings him into the corner. After a few heavy right hands, FF backs up and charges across the ring. TNA has no energy left and is destroyed by a huge splash. MacCappington backs out of the corner and TNA falls face first onto the mat. MacCappington goes for the cover. One...Two...Thr...DeBeers breaks up the pin! FF gets to his feet and looks a little less than pleased. He looks at DeBeers and seems to say, "Big mistake". The referee sends DeBeers back to the apron and MacCappington tags in Tytan. MacCappington whispers something to Tytan before Tytan picks up TNA and drops him on his head. Tytan whips TNA into his own corner, but instead of following him in, he just waits. DeBeers tags himself in and the Fag Team and Tytan smile. DeBeers rushes Tytan and tries to take him down with a clothesline, but Tytan absorbs it. DeBeers tries again, but this time Tytan catches him and delivers a brain-rattling head butt. Tytan tags in MacCappington who immediately splashes down on DeBeers. Cover. One...Two...DeBeers kicks out. FF picks him up sends him into the corner. MacCappington connects with a few vicious back elbows and then drops DeBeers with a DDT. MacCappington picks up DeBeers, who is barely able to stay on his feet. FF nods towards Hardcore and Tytan and then picks up DeBeers. Greetings from Pacific Heights! MacCappington with the cover. WWE and TNA can't make the cover because they are getting pummeled on the outside by Ryan Hardcore and Tytan! One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 6:38 - The World's Greatest Fag Team and Tytan
SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. POE“Fields of Athenry” fires up and Seamus McNasty makes his way down to the ring, yapping with fans along the way. He gets in and nods to Davis Hightower before “For Whom the Bell Tolls” start up, and Poe is roundly booed as he makes his way to the ring with Selena; still sporting bandages from his encounter at the PPV on Sunday. He gingerly makes his way into the ring. Hightower nods to both corners and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
The two big men lock up to a stalemate, before Seamus works an Arm bar into a hammerlock. Two shoulder slaps later, Poe reverses into his own hammerlock for a bit before shoving Seamus into the ropes. Seamus ducks a clothesline, but Poe beautifully counters a Flying Burrito with a Snap-Mare Takeover into a headlock. Seamus doesn’t waste much time getting to his feet, and is able to twist around and get his leverage back. He shoves Poe off, and delivers a low kick to Poe’s ankle, and Poe immediately collapses to the ground. Seamus covers, but that only gets one. Poe is VISIBLY pissed off. He charges after Seamus and starts unleashing wicked rights and lefts and I think that will conclude our “wrestling” portion of the match. Poe beats Seamus all the way into the corner, and seems to have opened up a cut over Seamus’ eye the hard way. Poe unleashes some chops before hitting Seamus in the chin with a high knee lift that may have knocked him out. Seamus collapses to the mat and Poe covers, which gets a long two count. Poe drags Seamus up to his feet, and lifts him up for a DOMINATOR. He covers again; that gets two.
Poe picks Seamus up again, but now Seamus battles back with chops and punches. He whips Poe into the far ropes and chases after him, hitting a FINNEGAN’S WAKE. Both men are down and Hightower starts a count. Seamus is up first at 4, and starts a ROCKY ROAD TO DUBLIN on Poe. Seamus covers, and that gets two. He hauls a hurting Poe up to his feet. He hefts him onto his shoulders…LOWLANDS OF HOLLAND! Cover: 1, 2, NO! Seamus can’t believe it, but it did appear Poe kicked out in time. Seamus screams to the crowd “NO! NAY! NEVER!” and gets the familiar response from the crowd. He gets Poe up…he’s looking for the WILD ROVER! Poe REVERSES and HANGS ON hitting a modified DDT! He picks Seamus up…PENDULUM! He picks Seamus up one more time… CRUCIFIXION! It’s Over!
WINNER in 11:16 by PINFALL…POE!
ERIC O’MAC vs. SPIN HANSENSpin Hansen comes to the ring first, with a disturbing far away look in his eyes. He steps between the ropes and paces inside the ring like a caged animal. Eric O’Mac is announced and he comes out to the top of the ramp with a disturbed look on his face and his trusty sledgehammer in his hands. Eric makes his way to the ring, but before he can get into the ring, the referee demands that he put the sledge away at ring side. After threatening the referee Eric finally sets the sledge down and slides into the ring. The second he gets to his feet he and Spin go at it trading rights and lefts to the head and face. Neither man shows a bit of expression as they take out their frustrations and building dementia on one another. Finally Spin catches Eric with a knee to the gut, then throws him into the corner. Spin charges, but Eric side steps and Spin crashes into the turnbuckle. Eric takes Spin to the mat with a Randy Orton backbreaker then does the good old fashioned double choke right in front of the referee. The ref gets to four before Eric breaks the hold, then pulls Spin to his feet and throws him out of the ring to the floor. Eric steps out of the ring and catches Spin with a clothesline off the apron as he gets to his feet, the back of Spin’s head slams into the floor and he is knocked a little loopy. Eric mounts Spin and hammers him with shots to the face, finally Spin seems to regain his senses and he shoves Eric to one side and tries to get to his feet. As he does, Eric charges at him, but this time it is Spin’s turns to side step and Eric crashes face first into the ring post. Spin grabs him and shoots him back into the ring the follows. As Eric gets to his feet, Spin scoops him up and plants him on the mat with a slam, then drops an elbow across his sternum. Spin tries to lock in the Anaconda vice, but Eric scoots around the ring and gets his foot on the bottom rope forcing the break. Spin releases him, then pulls Eric to his feet and sends him to the ropes and kills Eric with a snap power slam, Spin covers and gets a two count before Eric can roll his shoulder. Eric kicks out and gets to his feet and stumbles into the corner, Spin charges and avalanches him in the corner and Eric staggers out and falls to the mat. Spin pounces on Eric and tries to lock him in the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, but Eric slithers away and escapes out of the ring. Inside the ring Spin yells at the referee for letting Eric make it out of the ring, kind of not the referee’s fault there Spin. While Spin is doing that, Eric grabs the trusty sledge and waits outside the ring. Finally Spin gets done arguing and reaches between the ropes to pull Eric back into the ring, Eric turns and BLASTS Spin between the eyes with the sledgehammer! Spin just slumps on the ropes, barely conscious and blood pouring from a nasty gash on his head. The referee somehow never saw a thing. Eric connects with a European uppercut that sends Spin back into the ring. Eric hops onto the apron and then right to the top rope and hits the MAC ATTACK! Hooks the leg, and the pin is academic.
WINNER in 10:08 – Eric O’Mac
After the match Eric grabs his sledgehammer and slides back into the ring waiting for Spin to get to his feet. Before he can do anything though, Chris Cole, Moosehead Jack and The Dead all hit the ring and pull Eric away, attacking Spin would have violated the Cease Fire and earned Eric a 30 day suspension. Eric just grins maniacally as the others lead him up the ramp.
STANK & DAVIN MORELAND vs. CHRIS COLE & TYSON KINCAIDThe crowd is buzzing in anticipation for this next match. Senior Referee Mel Creech waits in the ring for the participants to enter, presumably ninja-style because these aren’t regular teams. Tyson Kincaid is greeted to a chorus of boos,. He nods to Mel Creech who returns the nod and rests against the turnbuckle. Chris Cole comes out next and is booed even more. They bounce from one foot to the other as if to warm up. The Best English-Speaker in all of Egypt gets into the ring with a mic to make the announcement.
BESIAOE: Ladies and Gentlemen, representing Revolution XXX, Tyson Kincaid, and his partner, The Main Event, Chris Cole!!!!!
The crowd boos lustily.
BESIAOE: And their opponents…
The crowd rises to their feet as one in anticipation, waiting for the ninja-style announcements. They are thrown for a big loop as...
...his comes on the Jumbotron. Huh? Does this mean?
BESIAOE: Weighing in at a combined weight of 650 lbs…the team of Davin Moreland and the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion…Stank!
Somewhere, Firewoman is smiling as a tag team comes out TOGETHER…LIKE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO!
Davin Moreland and Stank appear in matching red singlets with silver trim, grin at each other and head down quickly toward the ring. The slap hands with the fans in speedy fashion. Cole and Kincaid bail and Davin and Stank pose on opposite turnbuckles, jump down to the mat, and do a choreographed stereo pose before bumping knuckles and Stank going to the outside.
Sound familiar? It should. This is the EXACT same thing that happened last time.
Anyways, it looks like Kincaid will start against Stank. Kincaid goes at Stank wither clubbering blows to the chest, while Stank just absorbs it all and then unleashed a big right that knocks Kincaid down! Kincaid scrambles to get up quickly and he meets another! Chris Cole gets in and he meets a right of his own! While the referee is content with getting Cole out of the ring, Kincaid hits Stank with a low blow! Davin tries to get into retaliate, but Creech, successful in getting Cole to his corner, gets in Moreland's face, points to his OOWF patch on his shirt and orders Moreland out of the ring. Meanwhile, behind the referee's back, Cole and Kincaid are putting the boots to Stank, and Kincaid locks in a single crab leg lock! Moreland finally realizes that the double team attack will never end if he doesn't leave the ring and goes back to his corner. Kincaid tags Cole in while Stank is on the ground, holding his leg. Chris Cole comes in the ring, with bad intentions.
Cole goes for a cover, 1, 2, but a kick out by Stank. Cole gets up and locks Stank into a headlock, adding intense pressure to Cole's mandible area! Stank tries to get to his feet, but Kincaid seemingly did a number to his right leg with the single leg leg lock...eventually Stank is able to elbow his way out and delivers a power slam! Cole is able to get up and he delivers a dropkick to Stank's right leg! Stank goes down like Bambi's mother, and Cole tags Kincaid back in.
Kincaid goes to the top rope and delivers a DOUBLE STOMP to Stank's ailing right leg! Kincaid locks Stank back into the single leg lock and Stank is in pain! He's in the middle of the ring! Creech keeps asking Stank if he wants to give up, but Stank waves him off and tries to crawl for the ropes! The crowd starts clapping and Davin is yelling encouragement as Stank is inches from the ropes! Suddenly, Cole gets into the ring and distracts Mel Creech, as Stank makes the ropes! Kincaid keeps the hold on, because Creech is dealing with Kincaid....and Davin has seen enough. He gets the ring and delivers a stiff kick to Kincaid's mouth! POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER! He picks Kincaid and throws him over the top rope! Creech notices and tells Moreland to get back to his ring, or face disqualification! Remember, #1 rule is to obey the ref's commands at all times. Moreland knows this, and as much as he hates it, he obeys. While Creech is dealing with Moreland, Cole gets in the ring and puts the boots to Stank's right leg! Finally, order is restored, and Kincaid slides back into the ring, Cole and Moreland are in their respective corners, and Stank is on the ground, holding on to his leg. Kincaid goes for the corner, intentionally hooking Stank's right leg to add pain to the pin fall.........1....................2.................and STANK GETS THE SHOULDER UP! Kincaid is livid, and he gets Stank to his feet...and while Stank is up, Kincaid flips off the second rope...looks like he is going to attempt the THIN AIR... BUT STANK CATCHES HIM AND DELIVERS A HUGE SPINEBUSTER! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!
Each man is trying to get to their own corner...Kincaid crawls and tags Cole! Cole gets in and attempts to stop Stank but Stank reaches Moreland's tag and Moreland gets in! Cole immediately backtracks and puts his hands up and Moreland hits Cole with a big right! Another big right! CONSEQUENCES SHUFFLE...without the split, and HUGE LEFT! Kincaid jumps on Moreland's back....but Moreland flips him over and Kincaid lands on his back! Moreland drops a DOUBLE ELBOW and goes for the pin on Cole! 1.........2....and Kincaid breaks up the attempted. Moreland throws a right in Kincaid's direction...BUT CATCHES REFEREE MEL CREECH RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
Stank is back to his feet and he clotheslines Kincaid out of the ring! Stank gets Cole to his feet and puts him in a fireman's carry position...Davin goes off the ropes....A REALLY GOOD STANK U DIAMOND CUTTER! CHRIS COLE IS DEAD! Davin goes for the cover.......and nothing. Creech is knocked out. Moreland picks Cole up...and motions for Stank...and Stank does the STANK U to COLE! Cole ain't getting up from that. Moreland takes the opportunity to get Cole up to his feet...and to deliver ANOTHER REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! While this is going on, Kincaid pulls Stank out of the ring and delivers chair shots to Stank's right leg! Already injured, Stank goes down, and Kincaid goes in the ring, and NAILS Davin with a chair shot to the head! Kincaid goes crazy with the chair shots to Davin's body, hitting, 7, 8 different chair shots! Both Cole and Davin are out of it and Stank is on the outside, unable to put weight on his leg! Kincaid puts Cole over Moreland and wakes up the referee....who counts............1..................2.......................................3!!! Kincaid and Cole win!
WINNERS IN 10:14....TYSON KINCAID AND CHRIS COLE!
Cole and Kincaid immediately slip out of the ring and head to the back. Stank remains on the floor while officials look at his leg. Davin Moreland slowly gets to his feet in the center of the ring when we hear the sarcastic slow clap of someone mocking Davin Moreland. The camera pans up the ramp and we see LJ Bennett at the top of the ramp with a mic:
Bravo, bravo, braaaaaaaaaaavo, Mr. Moreland, I have to say that was one HELL of a performance right there. <Davin starts toward the ropes to come after Bennett> I would seriously reconsider what is going through your mind right now, in fact, if I were you I would drag my ass back to the middle of that ring, stand there, keep your mouth shut, and listen to what I have to say. <Moreland is furious in the middle of the ring just staring icily at Bennett>. Well done Mr. Moreland. Now, let’s begin. You see, Davin, we have a very few basic rules here in the OOWF, I am quite sure you know them very well by now given your tenure and status with the OOWF. That is why, on Sunday, after you LOST your match to Poe, your decision to then throw a fireball in his face perplexes me. Now, I know you knew we would see it, and I know you knew there would be repercussions over it, and yet you chose to do it anyway. And do you know WHY you chose to do it anyway? Because, Davin, you have no respect for the rules around here. You are a lose cannon and a threat to yourself and to those around you <big asshole chant starts that Davin acknowledges and encourages>. Now, I am well within my rights to suspend you without pay for thirty days. Send you off to fester in your own anger and rage, but you know what? I am not going o do that. No, I think I have something much better in mind that just might teach you a lesson on when to fall in line and do what you’re told. You know that #1 contender’s spot you won from Chris Cole a few months ago? <with the mention of the contender’s spot Davin’s eyes bug and he looks like he is ready to murder someone> Well, as of right now, you have been stripped of that number one contender’s spot. <massive boos from the crowd> Now, being the fair man that I am, I am going to give you a chance to earn your spot back. So, over the next five weeks, you will face five opponents handpicked by me. You lose even one match and you go to the bottom of the barrel and you will have to fight your way back to the top. And if you do lose, whoever it is that beats you, becomes the new #1 contender. How ya like that Davin? <Davin seethes in the middle of the ring> I told you Davin, you are not above authority here in the OOWF. You WILL fall in line like the rest. Next week, you will face…………Justin Sane. Let’s see how Team Unity does with thatBennett flips the mic aside and walks to the back, inside the ring Davin trembles with rage, then steps between the ropes and marches to the back, not even noticing those around him.
INSANE HOMELESS BUNNY vs. THE DEAD, BLITZ & THE AMNESIAC – Campeonas de Trios Championship MatchSmashing Pumpkin's "Doomsday Clock" keys up, and since the OOWF is a real wrestling company, the contenders enter first. The threesome enter together, with Blitz still talking rather animatedly to The Dead, who seems to be reassuring him about something. Blitz makes a few animated gestures towards The Amnesiac, who no-sells them like he was from the Northeast or something. The trio enter the ring, and just as they do, a voice cuts off the music: Ayo, Carl - Give them some of the NASTY stuff! The arena fills with what could be generously beat boxing, and the champions are on the ramp!
Bunny: I was born to brew up storms and stir up shit
Kick up dust, cuss 'til I slur up spit
Grew up - too quick went through too much do too much shit
Corrupt, and I'm a pour it on like syrup bitch!
Thick and rich, sick and twisted, Mr. Buttersworth
Davin told me to milk the shit for what it's worth
'til the cow just tilts and tips and stumbles to earth
And if I fumble the verse, keep goin
First take, I make mistakes, just keep it
No punches pulled no punches that's weak shit
Fake shit, if I ever take shit I'll EAT shit
think you're getting these straps, your heads are fulla shit!
The champions make their way to the ring, led by a rapping Bunny and a beat boxing Carl From Fresno to the delight of fans and the obvious consternation of the threesome awaiting them.
Justin: I'm an Average Homeb-
Justin's would be attempt at rapping is cut off (perhaps mercifully) by an irate Blitz, and Glaw rings the bell! The rest of the wrestlers are ushered back to their respective corners as Blitz lights up Sane with a dazzling array of chops and low legs kicks. sane starts to fire off with a couple of right hands before getting cut by a thumb to the eye. Glaw warns Blitz, who SWEARS it was accidental as he drags Justin to his corner and tags in The Dead, who takes the free shot to the ribs that Blitz offers up. Blitz leaves the ring at 4 and The Dead takes over with a few heavy right hands before shooting Justin hard into the rope and connecting with a huge boot. Scoop and a slam by The Dead, who quickly heads to the second turnbuckle, lines up the elbow, and connects with the canvas as Justin barely rolls away. Both men to their feet, and a series of hard European Uppercuts have The Dead rocked! Justin off the ropes, misses the clothesline and hits the far side ropes before colliding head to head with The Dead. Both men down and Glaw begins the count as they struggle to their corners. Tag by the Dead to THE Amnesiac, who charges in just as Justin makes the HOT TAG TO CARL FROM FRESNO~! Carl comes in with a springboard dropkick that sends THE Amnesiac crashing to the mat, kips up and delivers a standing dropkick to the incoming Blitz! And one to the still dazed Dead on the outside for good measure! Carl From Fresno is a HOUSE OF FIRE! Leaping forearm to THE Amnesiac has his against the ropes and Carl launches with a flying body attack that sends both men to the outside! Carl drags THE Amnesiac to his feet and looks up just in time to see Blitz airborne as he crashes into both men with Asai Moonsault to the outside! Bodies are in heap on the ground, and it looks like Bunny has seen enough inaction as he hops to the ring post and looks to the crowd, who show the appropriate reaction as he comes off with 820 SHOOTING STAR PRESS onto the
pile of bodies! Bunny hops up and looks to the crowd, soaking in the applause before getting DECAPITATED by a running elbow from THE DEAD! Dead rains down a series of punches on Bunny's head before picking him...AND THE DEAD CLOSES THE CASKET~! Bunny might be dead! The Dead grabs Bunny's lifeless body, and looks to rolling him into the ring before Carl SPEARS him back to the floor! Standing Blitz Flip onto Carl! Justin is back up, and he lays back into Blitz with a series of leg kicks before hitting a diving lariat! This one is clearly out of control and Glaw knows it, as he calls for the bell!
WINNERS - NO CONTEST in 7:54 JUSTIN SANE, BUNNY, and CARL FROM FRESNO retain
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. DH MAGNUSSON (w/Firewoman) – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchThere’s a ruckus backstage, as backstage personnel are trying to get Attitude adjuster to go out to the ring first. AA is having none of that, since he knows that champs always enter the ring last unless there is something devious in store that he has to see from the ring. AA jaws with security, who finally picks him up and carry him in front of the curtain and forces him down the entry ramp. AA gets into the ring but continues to argue, now with the ref. Finally, Magnusson’s music plays, and AA watches the entry ramp with dread. But of course like all good heels, AA is so tuned into the entry ramp that he doesn’t see Magnusson come into the ring behind him from the crowd. And he has Firewoman with him!!!!!! AA hears the crowd cheer and does that “Oh shit, what’s behind me?” look, and slowly turns to see Magnusson AND Firewoman. AA goes apeshit, shaking and kicking the ropes and generally behaving like an 8-year-old who didn’t get a candy bar at the grocery store. The ref, having seen enough, calls for the bell. AA instantly bails from the ring and continues complaining. For some reason, he gives the universal sign for “He pulled my hair,” but in the middle of it realizes that he hasn’t even touched Magnusson and sheepishly takes his hand out of his hair. AA threatens to walk, but as he gets near the entry ramp he’s met by Firewoman. AA beats a hasty retreat, and finally decides to get in the ring a good 10 minutes since he walked down the ramp. Somewhere Larry Zbyszko is smiling. Magnusson and AA slowly circle and lock up. Magnusson grabs an arm wringer, then immediately grabs a side head lock and takes AA to the mat, getting in a few closed fist punches for good measure. AA fights to his feet and backs Magnusson into the ropes and forces the break. AA complains to the referee about a hair pull, so Magnusson does grab AA by the hair and drags him around the ring, slamming AA’s head into all four corners. If Magnusson is implying a chain match is the future, doesn’t he realize those are feud killers? Name one decent chain match in the last 20 years. It always ends with both guys tagging three corners at the same time, and then the face getting either a smart or lucky chance at the fourth corner. Chain matches suck. What? There’s a match going on? Oh yeah. The ref finally gets Magnusson to let go of AA’s hair, and AA responds with his trusty Greco-Roman Thumb to the Eye. Someone ought to make that their finisher. AA takes a second to give a crotch chop to Firewoman, and she responds with one of her own, which for some reason freaks out AA. With Magnusson still blinded by the devastating Thumb to the Eye, AA chokes Magnusson on the top rope. AA releases the hold and Magnusson staggers back to the center of the ring. AA pursues him, but Magnusson catches him with a spinning elbow to the face that sends AA out of the ring to the floor. Magnusson pulls the ref aside to discuss the economy, which gives Firewoman a chance to give AA a lesson in Econ 101. No, I don’t know what that means, but AA’s lying on the floor when the ref turns around. The ref admonishes Firewoman, who claims she did nothing. Magnusson goes out of the ring and SUPLEXES AA on the concrete floor, then tosses him back in the ring. Magnusson pulls AA to a sitting position and tries to twist his head off, occasionally dropping punishing elbows down onto the top of AA’s skull. Magnusson pulls AA to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face. Magnusson bounds off the ropes and drops a big knee across AA’s chest, covers, pulls the tights, but only gets a two count. AA struggles to his feet and stumbles back into the corner and tries to call a time out, but Magnusson kicks him in the mouth. As Magnusson closes in again, AA catches him with a shot to the jewels that doubles him over in pain. AA, for some reason, climbs to the top rope and tries a cross body block, but Firewoman runs up on the apron to grab his foot. That sends AA off the top rope awkwardly, but he still hits the cross body. Magnusson, however, rolls through and is in the pinning position. The ref counts: 1, is AA holding Magnusson’s tights?, 2, 3! Magnusson pins AA! AA quickly lets go of Magnusson and grabs the ref for a discussion on health care in Zambia. The ref shakes his head in disbelief, then goes to the timekeeper, grabs the belt and disgustedly hands it to AA.
WINNER IN 18:29...AND STILL CHAMPION DUE TO LACK OF CHEATING...ATTITUDE ADJUSTER!
AA mocks Firewoman from the ring, pointing to his belt and his brain. But he’s not smart enough to notice a furious Magnusson behind him. At least until Magnusson drives a knee into AA’s back, sending him over the top rope and piled in a heap at Firewoman’s feet. Firewoman instantly starts the attack, and Magnusson joins in. Magnusson slings AA into the ring post, and AA pirouettes away from that and staggers up the entry ramp, falling numerous times along the way. Magnusson and Firewoman share the cheers in the middle of the ring.
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. IHOP – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchKid Rock blares through the loudspeakers, as IHOP makes their way to the ring, ready to reclaim the tag titles. They mill about ringside as the song fades and “Born in the USA” fills the arena. Phantos and Lucios appear on the ramp, Championship Belts around their waists (Like all champions should). Phantos jumps and flips his way to the ring, Lucios taking deliberate steps. Phantos starts out against SYB. They trade chops for a moment, then SYB uses a drop toe hold to ground Phantos. He goes for a cross-face, but Phantos rolls through it and reaches the ropes. Phantos is up first and catches SYB with a clothesline. Tag in to Lucios, who bull rushes SYB, pinning him in the corner. A hip toss sends SYB to the mat. Leg drop. Irish Whip, Snap power slam for a 2 count. SYB crawls to his corner, but Lucios cuts him off, dragging him back behind enemy lines. Tag to Phantos, who scales the turnbuckles. Lucios whips SYB into the ropes, and Phantos springs off, catching SYB with a Flying Lariat. Cover nets a 2 count, as Skurge charges in and breaks the pin attempt up. Lucios comes in to even the score, and Creech backs him up. Skurge plants Phantos with a brain buster and slaps the air. He rolls SYB to the floor, where Dorothy Mantooth tries her best to revive SYB. Skurge goes on the offensive. Butterfly suplex. Backdrop. 3 deep arm drags. Over the knee back breaker. SYB appears on the apron, apparently conscious. Skurge holds Phantos up and tags in SYB. JERSEY TURNPIKE! Creech scolds SYB, but the match continues. Scoop Slam. Middle rope fist drop for a 2 count. Phantos crawls to his corner, and it’s SYB’s turn to drag someone back across the ring. SYB with a spinning toe hold. Elbow drop to the crotch. Tag into Skurge. They set up the INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT! IT connects and Skurge goes for the cover. 1…2... and Lucios breaks up the fall. SYB forearms Lucios in the back, and Lucios NO SELLS! Lucios grabs SYB by the neck and tosses him over the ropes and onto Miss Mantooth. Phantos clips Skurge from behind and locks in an Indian Deathlock. Lucios gets coaxed to the apron by our referee. Phantos pops up and tags Lucios in. Lucios hits Skurge with a Gordbuster and the locks in the DEATHGRIP (cobra clutch/camel clutch combo). Skurge fights off submission for what seems like 10 minutes, but eventually passes out. The referee checks the arm, and calls for the bell.
WINNERS, Via (involuntary) Submission; in 12:56; PHANTOS AND LUCIOS!
After the bell, Lucios refuses to release the grip. Phantos and the referee try to pull him off Skurge, but Lucios has him locked up and refuses top release him. The rest of Run-DEA had come to ringside to celebrate, now begin to pry Lucios off of his opponent. It takes the combined efforts of Moreland, Darling, Sane, Phantos and the entire refereeing crew to break Lucios grip.
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchMoosehead Jack enters the arena and stalks to the ring, almost managing to hide the fact that he’s wincing. Jack slowly paces the ring as the Intercontinental Champion makes his entrance. Alexander Darling steps onto the stage as the drum beat of ”Prelude 12/21” hits. He waits until it finishes and a blue spotlight focuses on him and ”Princes of the Universe” starts to play. Alex makes his way to the ring very slowly, possibly due to his injuries, and possibly just to annoy Jack. Alex steps into the ring and hands the title to referee Mel Creech, who displays it briefly and calls for the bell. Alex and Jack meet in center ring and exchange words. Mel backs off, anticipating the explosion, and it comes as Ales and Jack LOCK UP?? They struggle for a moment and Alex snaps off a beautiful arm drag. Jack rolls to his feet and walks into another one. Alex tries for a dropkick, but Jack brushes it aside and grabs a headlock as Alex gets up. Alex shoots him off and drops under Moose’s first pass, trying a clothesline on the second. Jack ducks it and hooks Alex’s waist, hitting a German suplex. Creech, startled by the display of actual wrestling, is a step slow getting into position, and Alex kicks out at two. Both men get slowly to their feet, feeling the effects of trying to chain wrestle three days after their attempted manslaughter-fest at the PPV. They lock up again, and Jack drives a knee into Alex’s midsection, and follows with a DDT. He covers, but Alex kicks out at two. Jack pulls Alex to his feet and attempts a suplex, but Alex blocks and reverses. He drives a knee into Jack’s temple, then pulls him up and slings him to the ropes. Alex spears Jack as he comes back, sending both of them into the ropes and tumbling to the outside. Alex, having landed on top, is first to his feet. He gets in some savage kicks at Jack, then pulls him up and throws him into the ring post. Jack ducks a punch, and Alex hits the post. Jack attacks with punches and kicks as Alex cradles his injured hand, then sets up the Heart Punch, but Alex twists free. Alex darts over to the timekeeper’s table and grabs his title, but Mel is out to keep him from using it. As they argue, Moose approaches from behind as Alex turns, Moose SMASHES a glass bottle across his face! Alex falls to his knees in pain grabbing his face! Blood runs between his fingers. Moose grabs a piece of the bottle and slashes at Alex, but he manages to move back just enough, instead of putting his eye out, it leaves a jagged tear under his eye running across his face almost back to his ear. Alex falls to the floor writing in pain. Finally the referee steps in and admonishes Moose. Moose shoves him aside and goes after Alex again, but Alex senses him coming and drops down, sweeping Jack’s legs. Jack tumbles forward into Mel, driving him into the ring apron. Moose disentangles himself and gets up, only to be blindsided with the belt. Alex shoves Jack under the ropes and follows him into the ring. He hits the ropes as Jack gets up, and levels him with a shot to the face with the belt. Alex tosses the belt out of the ring as Mel crawls back in. He picks Jack up and plants him with the Darling Driver. He covers, and Mel drags himself over to count One…Two…Three.
WINNER, and still Intercontinental Champion, in 11:43, Alexander Darling.
After the match: Alex grabs his title and leaves the ring. Holding his face as blood pours out of the nasty gash on his face. He backs up the aisle holding the belt high as Jack sits up and glares daggers at him, then sees the cut on Darling’s face and grins.
LD WILLIAMS vs. OUTBACK JACK – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match“Thunderstruck” starts to blast through the sound system, and all the soldiers get to their feel, welcoming the fan favorite, Outback Jack. He kills his Foster’s and makes his way into the ring, nodding at Sterling Glaw before making his way into the corner. “Jekyll and Hyde” fires up, and the World Champ makes his way down to the ring to a surprisingly mixed reaction. He even gets a little pop when he holds his belt up. He hands it to Glaw, and raises it high into the air. This match will be for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. Glaw hands the belt to the timekeeper. He calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Lockup to start, and the bigger OBJ gets the advantage, shoving the Champ into the corner. Glaw calls for a clean break, and gets it; but LD Williams fires out of the corner with lefts and rights, rocking OBJ back into the corner. Chops from LD. Snap-Mare takeover from LD, followed up by a Standing Double-Axe Handle. Quick cover is good for one. Both men are back to their feet, and engage in some decent chain wrestling, Armbar for LD, reversed to a hammerlock for OBJ, reversed to a hammerlock for LD. OBJ slaps his shoulder twice (obviously) and is able to reverse to an Arm bar, then a hammerlock, and then gets LD up, hitting a Hammerlock Belly-to-Back Suplex. The cover gets a weak two. LD tries to get up, but OBJ just assaults him with some highly-technical stomping. He pulls LD up, and looks to pay tribute to his former tag team partner, and goes for the CHOMP, but LD counters and hits a nice Samoan Drop. OBJ recovers quickly, and the two men lock up again. This time, LD lets himself be shoved across the ring, and right before they go to the turnbuckle, LD hits his knees, and OBJ face plants into the turnbuckle. LD goes with some Greco-Roman face smashes to the turnbuckle, and a couple of shoulders into OBJ’s spine, and a sweet RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX which sends OBJ all the way to the middle of the ring. The cover gets 2.
LD pulls OBJ up to his feet, and KICK-WHAM, he’s looking for the ROBERTS DDT! But LD takes a second too long, and OBJ is able to counter into a sweet SPINEBUSTER. Both men take a bit to get to their feet, prompting a count from Glaw. OBJ is up first at 3, and stalks LD. When LD finally gets upright, OBJ flies across the ring looking for the BOOMERANG, but LD is able to counter with a SPINEBUSTER of his own. LD does a throat-slash, signaling the end, but in completing his follow through of the motion, he clips Sterling Glaw, probably standing to close to the action, in the side of the head. LD pulls OBJ up and KICK-WHAM-ROBERTS DDT! But, before LD covers, the bell sounds?
WINNER by DISQUALIFICATION in 9:16…OUTBACK JACK!
LD hears the official decision over the PA and starts to go BATSHIT on Glaw, who simply makes some gestures leading one to believe LD punched Glaw’s head completely off, and it’s still there only due to duct tape or something. LD is VERY close to actually punching Glaw, and making it worth the DQ, but thinks better of it, grabs his belt, and head up the ramp, swearing.
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Judgment Eve III, Live August 30 from Qeqetarsauq, Greenland! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! August 6th, from Casablanca, Morocco!
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