|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:05:34 GMT -5
We see newly crowned DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, Nayr cautiously walk into the Heroes Guild locker room.
CTG: Young Nayr! Congratulations on your championship victory!
FC: Yeah. Good job Nayr!
Nayr: This is nothing to be pleased about, guys.
CTG: Why say that young padawan?
Nayr: This championship makes me a target. Everywhere I go, any time of the day, I could get ambushed just for this championship title.
FC: Or you could slip and fall and have a dead sparrow land on you.
Nayr: Exactly. They make this thing way too easy to win and lose. I'll bet that by the end of this promo, I won't even have the belt.
CTG: Don't worry your little heroic heart. You're with allies. Just stay here and you'll be ok.
FC: In fact, I've got something that will cheer you up.
Nayr: What's that?
FC: Ice cream cone!
Nayr: OMGFG~!@ Chocolate chip cookie dough! My favorite. You guys are the bestest!
CTG: Just make sure not to slip and fall on a banana peel and have it land on you. HAHAHAH!
FC: HAHAHAHA! That Viper, what a homo *POP*! Hey, how did he get in here?
CTG: I don't kn *POP*! Hey! I didn't say anything of a sexually deviant manner!
Nayr: See? I told you I wouldn'... *POP*!
Nayr crumples to the ground as Viper stands over him. He puts his foot on Nayr's chest as Mel Creech comes into the locker room (by way of bathroom) and counts the 1, 2, 3 as Firechild and Concrete stand there stunned.
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL AND NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... DONOVAN VIPER!
DV: Ha! Bitches!
CTG: You villain! Blackdragon was right about you!
FC: Why didn't we stop him?
CTG: I was still flabergasted that he got into our locker room. What's your excuse?
FC: He hit me really hard, man.
DV: GOLD! CHAMPIONSHIP GOLD! And lookie here, an ice cream cone.
CTG: YOU THIEF!
DV: Hey, he took my ice cream cone earlier, ok?
CTG: Well, I guess that's ok then.
FC: Why are we just standing here while he stands over Nayr eating an ice cream cone?
CTG: Good point. Let's get him!
FC: Too late. He's gone.
----
Outside of the Heroes Guild locker room, Viper laughs as he holds his DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship belt over his shoulder while eating his chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream cone.
DV: What a good day. I got some gold and some ice cream. This is sweet.
As Viper says that, he licks too hard *POP*! OW! Come on , I'm the narrator!, anyways, he licks his ice cream too hard and it falls off the cone. As that happens, THE BEAST POPS OUT! He lands right on Viper who has fallen over.
Beast: Hey, Donnie. You miss me?
DV: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?
Beast: YOUR FACE!
Razz: Did he just say he wanted to fuck his face?
Russ: Razz! This is a family show.
Kevin Nash: I remember in a match in Texas 1984 that ended when I jizzed on a family of faces. The Von Erichs, I believe. It was when I was the mysterious 4th Freebird, Leonard Skinnerd. Man, that crowd wanted to kill me! The gimmick didn't last too long since Fritz wouldn't pay me the money I deserved...
MC: 1, 2, 3...
YOUR WINNER BY PINFALL AND NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... THE BEAST!!!!
Beast looks at the camera as he holds the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship up high.
B: Suck on THAT! FAGS! *POP* OW!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:05:53 GMT -5
<Beast walks down the hall with a satisfied grin on his face, and the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship slung over his shoulder, he comes across a soda machine>
B: Ahhh, I think I will celebrate my title victory with a refreshing Diet Fresca! Bout time that stupid bookerman gives me the title I deserve!
<Beast gets the refreshing Diet Fresca and pops the top and HIS IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER MONSTER POPS OUT WITH A MALLET AND SLAMS HIM IN THE HEAD!! Beast falls to the floor and Monster covers, Angel Barros appears from nowhere and makes the three count!>
AB: WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION MONSTER!
<Monster grabs the title and rushes off giggling to himself, then comes back and steals Beast's refreshing Diet Fresca>
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:06:15 GMT -5
*Monster, knowing full well the required duties of the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, is walking down a hallway. suddenly he is smashed over the head with a glass bottle. the contents of the bottle drip down his head and to his mouth. the taste of cheap whisky makes it no surprise when he turns around to see brad "the biscuit" smoley behind him, broken bottle in hand.*
Monster: SMOLEY??!? i heard you were dead?
Brad "The Biscuit" Smoley: nope, the rumors are false. i was just passed out.
M: what about the rumors that you're gay?
B"TB"S: ...
M: and that you once purposely ran into a burning building so that a stapping buff fireman could come save you--
B"TB"S: NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!!! all that matters here is that DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship is gonna be mine!!
M: you think you can take me?
B"TB"S: by myself, no. but i brought FRIENDS!!
*monster turns around to find that robot-space-zombie-pirate phil, longtime onlineonslaught.com pOOster angstboy, and the daddymonkeylives.com monkey have all joined the biscuit.*
M: did i just walk into the gay pride parade?
*at once, the many smoleys piled on to monster. hardbody harris runs out and counts the ONE, TWO THREE!!
HH: WINNERS, AND NEW CO-DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPIONS.... PHIL, ANGSTBOY, AND THE DADDYMONKEYLIVES.COM MONKEY!!!
B"TB"S: WHAT? why aren't i co-champion?
HH: sorry, no part of you was touching any part of monster when the pin took place. plus, you're terrible and no one likes you.
*just then, as phil, angstboy, and the daddymonkeylives.com monkey start to separate to enjoy their co-championness, they are suddenly attacked by donovan viper, FF cappington III, and moosehead jack, seprately and individually. hardbody harris goes for the count again..*
HH: ONE, TWO, THREE! WINNERS!!!
DV: fuck that! none of this "winners" crap! one of us pinned first! i'm not being a co-champion!
MJ: yeah!
FFC: double yeah!!
*in walks GM the rick*
GMtR: none of you pinned first, but there will also be no co-chapions. i hearby degree that the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship will be SPLIT!!! viper, you are now the DDT Champion, moose, you're the Iron Man Champion, and FFC, you're the Heavy Metal Champion! THRICE THE BELTS, THRICE THE MAYHEM!!! now get out of here you crazy kids!
*the 3 champions run their seperate way as the camera fades...*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:06:38 GMT -5
Viper, Cappington, and Jack run off. But then, they stop running and turn back.
MHJ: Why am I running? I'm no coward.
DV: Neither am I.
FFC: I have courage like I do money!
MHJ: Well, what's to stop us from reunifying the three titles at once?
DV: It's split into three pieces - which makes it really hard to wear around the waist.
FFC: I could buy us a welding gun and put them back into one piece. But I'd have to be crowned champion, of course.
MHJ: Absolutely not...
DV: So what, all three of these belts are 24/7 Hardcore titles?
MHJ: That could be fun.
FFC: But messy. I have a cleaning bill to think of.
GMtR: Why am I still here?
DV: Hey, GMtheRick is still here. I got an idea.
GMtR: What makes you think I want to listen to YOUR ideas, Viper?
DV: Hey, fuckface. I know you don't like me because I used to fuck your hooker, but listen to what I have to say.
GMtR: No. Fuck you, Viper. You say another word and I'll strip your title right now!
MHJ: Shut the hell up, GMtheRick. I'm curious to see what Viper has to say. He was once as sadistic as me, you know.
FFC: Hurry up. I have a money-burning party to attend, and time's-a-wasting!
DV: Well, how about the three titles have different stipulations? I'm the DDT champion, right? So perhaps the only way someone can win the title from me is following a DDT...
FFC: Isn't the DDT one of your moves, Viper?
DV: Well yeah, but who the hell can't do a DDT?
MHJ: Go on...
DV: Moosehead is the Iron Man champion, so how about the only way he can lose the title is in an Iron Man match?
MHJ: Oh ho... I like that one.
FFC: What about myself, the Heavy Metal Champion? If you say I have to listen to some horrid metal band like Helloween during one of my matches just to keep the title, you might as well just take the title from me.
MHJ: Fuck you. Helloween kicks ass!
DV: I was actually thinking that you can only lose your title by way of metal weapons.
MHJ: I like that too. Although, I was thinking cage matches, myself.
DV: How about weapons in the cage?
MHJ: Viper, you've still got the edge in you. *POP* JESUS CHRIST I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR SADISTIC MIND NOT ABOUT U2's GUITAR PLAYER FUCKING YOU UP YOUR ASS YOU OVERDEFENSIVE PRICK!
DV: Oh... Sorry.
FFC: I don't like it. Not one bit. Why do you get to make the rules, Viper? I should make the rules for my belt. I say to win my belt you have to be able to raise one million dolla...
GMtR: You don't make the rules, Cappington, and neither do you Viper. I do. However, I will take your ideas into consideration. Until I make that decision, I declare that the hardcore 24/7 edict on the previous DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship is no more. So you three lucky stiffs get to keep your belts until I figure out what to do with them.
DV: Well, I guess this means I won't be losing to a scoop of ice cream again.
FFC: It's not as bad as losing to a pocketfull of glitter.
MHJ: Didn't you lose to the actual belt itself?
FFC: True.
GMtR: Not to mention the time you lost it to the Corona with Lime! Ha! Fag!
MHJ, DV, and GMtR: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
FFC: STOP LAUGHING AT ME! I HAVE MONEY! Viper, aren't you going to hit him?
DV: No, he called you a fag. Not me.
FFC: I hate you all.
GMtR: As do I. Now get the hell out of here. I have title stipulations to think of.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:07:24 GMT -5
***OOC***
Okay, so the official ruling is-
OOWF DDT Championship- Must be won via a DDT
OOWF Iron Man Championship- Will have the same rules as the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship
OOWF Heavy Metal Championship- They only weapons allowed must be made of metal
******************************************
F. Fonzworth Cappington III is explaining all the new rules and titles to the Defenestrators.
Eco- Wait, so you telling me that to lose that title, you can only be hit with a metal weapon?
FFCIII- Exacl...
Voltage smashes a vinyl album into Cappington's head and he flies sideways and is defenestrated. He goes for the pin and Junior Hale slides in and makes the three count.
JH- Your winner and NEW OOWF Heavy Metal Champion, VOLTAGE!
FFCIII- What the hell, man?! How is that a metal weapon!
Volt- It was a Slayer album.
JH- It don't get much more metal than that.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:07:45 GMT -5
Ecosystem is walking around in a field. We're in Jamaica, so you can figure out what kind of field it is...
Eco: Dammit, my partner has championship gold but I don't. There must be a way to rectify this.
Eco: Hee hee. Rectify. Hee hee.
Eco: Oh my, I do believe that is the new DDT Champion, Dangerous Donovan Viper standing there in the distance with some guy with a ponytail. I wonder what he's doing here. Oh, I could use this coincidence to get that title of his. Now if I could only remember the stipulation...
Eco throws BRICK~! at Viper, knocking him out! Eco covers, but no referee comes out.
Eco: Dammit! Oh, wait. I have to use an actual move. Now which one was it?
Ecosystem gives Viper an F5 to the floor! He pins Viper but no ref comes out.
Eco: Dammit. Wrong move. Oh wait, DDT championship? Of course!
Ecosystem gives Viper a PILEDRIVER! to the concrete! He pins Viper, but no ref comes out.
Eco: Oh, of course!
Ecosystem puts Viper in a front face lock. Uh oh, we're going to see it! SHAKE RATTLE AND ROLL!!! Pin, but still no ref.
Eco: Dammit! I'm going to have to review some tape.
Ecosystem leaves.
The pony-tailed man grabs a canister from a jamaican farmer labelled "DDT" and sprays the unconcious Viper with it. He pins Viper!
Mel Creech (obviously stoned) counts a slow one.... two.... three.....
THE WINNER AND NEW OOWF DDT CHAMPION, ROB VAN DAM!
RVD: Sweet!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:08:05 GMT -5
Capellan & Viper get attacked by the Defenestrators with steel chairs in the back in an attempt to market their match at Mayhem this week! The Defs have laid C&V out cold! As this goes on, Ecosystem keeps trying to pin Viper.
V: What are you doing?
Eco: I'm trying to win this damn DDT title!
V: Dude, you can only get it after you perform a DDT on the champ!
Eco: Really?
V: Yes! Like my Heavy Metal title, someone can only beat me if they strike me with a metal weapon!
Eco: Oh wow! So if I, say, use whack you on the head with this steel chair, I can win your title?
V: Exactly.
Eco: Hmm...
V:....
Ecosystem stares at the chair.
V: What are you?
Ecosystem raises his chair at Voltage
V: But... but... we're partners!
Eco: yeah, but that's a singles title.
V: But... but... we're friends!
Eco: Oh DRAT!
Eco smashes Viper's face with the chair. Picks up Viper and delivers a DDT to Viper on the chair! Ecosystem pins Viper!
Eco: WHERE'S THE GODDAMN REF??!??
RVD: Duuude! That's because I'm the champ, duuude! Ain't that right Sabu?
Sabu nods.
Van Dam takes a toke off his spliff and passes it on to Sabu. Sabu takes a hit, Sabu takes a hit, DDTs RVD on the concrete, removes his turban and really convincing Sabu mask to reveal himself as Ecosistema from Los Defenestrators!
Creech: 1, 2, 3 WINNER AND NEW OOWF DDT CHAMPION, ECOSISTEMA!!!
El Voltaje runs in and hugs Ecosistema as they do that "ay yay yay yay yay yay", break pinatas, dance over sombreros, listen to mariachi, yell "arriba" and whatever else luchadors do when they celebrate.
V: Yeah, just like that.
Eco: Well now I know!
V: Sweet. Now let's go get some sandwiches.
Eco: Ok.
As they walk off....
Eco: I seem to be forgetting something... OH YEAH! I want the DDT Championship!
Ecosystem runs back to where Los Defenstrators were having a fiesta, but now they're gone.
Eco: Oh DOUBLE DRAT!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:08:29 GMT -5
(El Ecosistema and El Voltaje are partying at an Undisclosed Location.)
Ecosistema: Para Victoria!
Voltaje: Victoria!
(Los Defenstratores toast, and drink their El Pepsi Diet. Suddenly, the door opens.)
Lance: Hello? Who are you all?
Ecosistema: Uh...
Lance: What are you doing in the poolroom of the FFC mansion?
Ecosistema: Eh...somos limpiadors?
Lance: What?
Voltaje: We are the cleaners.
Lance: Oh yes! I should have assumed, seeing as how you speak Spanish.
Ecosistema: Si.
Lance: I say, you two have an awful resemblance to Mr. Cappington's friends.
Voltaje: Well, we're certainly not the same people.
Sen. Larry Craig: DARNED RIGHT! AND I'M NOT GAY!
Ecosistema: Tu eres homosexual?
(Senator Larry Craig has a heart attack. Because in addition to being in the closet, he is very old.)
Lance: Senator!
(Voltage enters the room.)
Voltage: Hey, have you guys seen Larry around here?
Voltaje: Ay! Tu pareces de yo. (Hey! You do look like me.)
Lance: The cleaner here just gave him a heart attack because he called him gay.
Voltage: That's no cleaner! (Voltage rips off Ecosistema's mask to reveal another identical mask.) That's Ecosistema!
Eco: Si.
Lance: He really needs CPR.
Voltage: And you are the new DDT Champion, are you not?
Eco: Si.
Lance: I'm not sure if he's breathing.
(Voltage DDTs Eco on his title belt and pins him. El Voltaje counts the pin and Voltage is the new DDT champion!.)
Voltage: Woo-hoo! I'm the champ!
Ecosistema: Por que, Voltaje? [Why, Voltaje]
Voltaje: Por que Voltage es mas guapo que tu. [Because Voltage is more handsome than you.]
Lance: I think he's dead...
(Everyone looks around awkwardly.)
Voltage: Serves him right. Soliciting a police officer and all.
Lance: Didn't you invite him over?
Voltage: Um...yes, but....um....(raises DDT belt)..THE CHAMP IS HERE!!!
(Everyone cheers.)
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:08:50 GMT -5
[Voltage, Eco, F. Fonzworth Cappington III and Los Defenestratores are standing around.]
Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem: Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt: Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco: OK.
Volt: So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Cappington: The Black Sabbath title?
Volt: Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco: ...
Volt: Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
El Voltaje: Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt: Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco: What does that mean again?
Volt: Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco: I like that, let's go with it.
Volt: Just go stand in the corner, OK?
El Ecosistema: Si.
[Ecosistema and Ecosystem go off to the corner.]
Volt: So, once I've won the Black Sabbath ti-
El Voltage: ¿Quién son Black Sabbath?
Volt: ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC: Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt: SHUT UP, ECO!
Eco: [from the corner] HEY!
Volt: So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC: Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt: Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
FFC: Is that really wise?
Volt: WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER
[Moosehead Jack runs in.]
Volt: Uh, it was him. [points at El Voltaje]
El Voltaje: ¿Era?
(It was?!)
[MHJ heartpunches Voltage.]
FFC: So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ: Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:09:19 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is walking through the back, he rounds the corner and there stands Voltage with four gentlemen>
MHJ: Volt
Volt: Moose?
MHJ: Yeah, you expect someone else?
Volt: How did you get out of the Neverending Promo?
MHJ: I left.
Volt: Does that mean I am out of it too?
MHJ: You’re standing here aren’t you?
Volt: But. But how did I get out of the Neverending Promo?
MHJ: You’re not really, see, look over there
<Volt looks down the hall and we see Moose heart punch Voltage knocking him to the floor, Moose then turns and talks to Eco>
Volt: Wait, how the hell is that even possible?
MHJ: Does it matter? You are here for a reason I assume?
Volt: Yeah but you are writing this promo so…
<Moose glares at Voltage>
Volt: I mean <looking at who is standing with him> I AM HERE TO TAKE YOUR IRON MAN TITLE!
MHJ: And you brought Black Sabbath?
Volt: It seemed appropriate enough <ready boys, NOW!>
<Black Sabbath all mysteriously produce instruments and we get the awesome intro to Iron Man, Voltage slowly circles Moose…>
Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind?
Can he walk at all,
Or if he moves will he fall?
<Volt darts in to attack but Moose hits him in the face with the title, DOWN GOES VOLTAGE!>
Is he alive or dead?
<The music stops>
Ozzy: Bloody ‘ell is that it?
MHJ: looks like it, hey you guys ever heard of the Brown Note?
Geezer: Of course, we practically invented it
MHJ: Does it work?
Tony: Does a Welshman knock back a pint before using the loo?
MHJ: I’ll take that as a yes. When I say so, hit the note
<Moose drags Volt over to the massive speakers>
MHJ: NOW!
<BRAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN>
<Volt jumps back to consciousness, a shocked, stunned look on his face as things let loose literally everywhere, on the floor on the speakers etc. Moose and Black Sabbath are doubled over in laughter, Volt jumps to his feet in rage>
Volt: YOU THINK THAT WAS FUNNY? I’ll SHOW YOU!!
<Voltage pops Moose in the mouth, Moose goes from laughter to rage in about two seconds, he comes after Voltage but slips on the excrement on the floor, falls and smacks his head on the speaker, Voltage seizes the opportunity and covers Moose, Mel Creech appears out of nowhere and makes the three count NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION – VOLTAGE>
Volt: <Jumping to his feet in celebration> I DID IT! I DID IT!!!!! I AM A TRIPLE CHAMPION!! You guys, play something appropriate!
Ozzy: Fairies Wear Boots?
Volt: YEAH THAT ON….are you making fun of me?
Ozzy: Well mate, you’re covered in shit, wearing spandex and holding a piece of some title
Volt: THAT’S IT!
<Volt grabs Ozzy by the shirt and is about to slam him when Geezer Butler slams him in the back of the head with a guitar. Volt staggers and Ozzy bites his head like he was a bat! They fall to the floor with Ozzy on top, Creech appears again and counts one, two, three NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION OZZY OSBOURNE!!!>
Ozzy: What the hell just happened there?
Bill: Looks like you won his title.
Ozzy: I’m a wrestler now?
Tommy: Looks like it mate
Voice From the Distance: OZZY WHAT ARE YOU DOING OZZY!! ARE YOU GETTING IN TROUBLE?
Ozzy: SHA-RON I am a wrestling champion now! I won the title!
Sharon: Oh no you don’t! What did I say about being a wrestler! You give that title back right now!
OZZY: BUT SHARON I’M THE PRINCE OF FUCKING DARKNESS!!!
Sharon: Unless the Prince wants to sleep on the couch, you give that title back right now, no more of this wrestling foolishness!
Ozzy: Bloody ‘ell. Any of you guys want this?
Tommy: No
Bill: Not really
Geezer: If I wore that, I would look like I belonged in KISS
All: EWWWWWWW
Ozzy: Well there’s no bloody way in hell I am keeping this NOW
<Moose recovers and is sitting watching all this rather amused>
Ozzy: Hey, Moose, you want this back?
Moose: Sure
Ozzy: Well here, take it then
Moose: Well I can’t just take it, I have to beat you for it
Ozzy: I can’t fight you <Whispering> Sharon will kill me!
Moose: Fine, lets do this,<Moose grabs Ozzy in an arm bar> Now just say you submit
Ozzy: I submit?
Moose: Say it with a little more passion
Ozzy: I submit
Moose: You need to sound like you are in tremendous pain, imagine you are listening to The Backstreet Boys
Ozzy: I QUIT!! I FUCKING BLOODY QUIT!! NO MORE! I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE!!!
<Referee Mel Creech appears again and raises Moosehead Jack’s arm in victory, WINNER BY SUBMISSION AND NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION – MOOSEHEAD JACK!>
Ozzy: Well that was fun
Tommy: We better get out of here
Bill: Yeah, we have to go kick the shit out of the Stones in a few hours
Geezer: That was today?
Ozzy: Well let’s go then!
Moose: Later guys, stop by anytime
<Black Sabbath and all their equipment quickly disappears>
<Moose takes a seat with the title and watches Voltage wake up>
Volt: What the hell happened? Where’s….why do YOU have the title?
MHJ: I beat Ozzy
Volt: DAMMIT! I am covered in SHIT!
Moose: Yeah, you might want to clean up a bit
Volt: This isn’t over Moose!
<Volt storms away and walks past Ecosystem>
Eco: Wait, how are you here? You are right there, you just got heartpunched by Moose!
Volt: Don’t ask
Eco: Are you covered in shit?
Volt: I SAID DON’T ASK!!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:09:44 GMT -5
(Voltage and Ecosystem run into the L.O.A.D.E.D. Fortress of Snobbery! A mysterious figure is squatting over a bag...)
Voltage: What the fuck is going on here?
Ecosystem: Dude, that's your bag!
Voltage: NO! I'm the gnarliest double champion EVER, and I'm not gonna let someone run off with the belt!
(Voltage hits the assailant with the ELECTRIC SHOCK... but the squatting vagabond counters into a DDT and gets the pin! Both men are covered in what can only be described as "an ample amount of shit!" The camera focuses on the assailant... and it's none other than RANDY ORTON!)
Mel Creech: One, Two, Three, that's it... YOUR NEW DDT CHAMPION, RANDY ORTON!
(Orton does the cocky hands-out pose. Shit drips from his arms and stains a very expensive rug further.)
Eco: Weak! You're supposed to be getting married, aren't you?
Orton: Why, yes, I am to be marriaged!
Voltage: FUCK, NOT AGAIN! WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SHIT?
(Orton grabs a signed football from a stand and starts furiously humping it.)
Voltage: That one's all yours. I'm washing up.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:10:03 GMT -5
<Voltage, Ecosystem and F. Fonzworth Cappington III are all sitting in the LOADED Fortress of Snobbery>
Volt: Ok, you guys are down with the plan, right?
Eco: Yeah, we can do that!
FFCIII: Why do I have to go up in the rafters again?
Volt: Because it will be comical to see a 300lb trying to balance on on a tiny ledge! Come on, think of the fans!
FFCIII: But what if I fall......
Volt: Don't be a baby, you have full medical and all that. Ok, you guys need to head up, he will be coming soon
<Lock and Eco disappear>
TIME PASSES
<we see Randy Orton walking down the hall with the DDT Title over his shoulder. He walks up to Voltage>
RO: Looks like I started what I finished when I fulfilled my density by beating you
Volt: Uhh, sure Randy. Hey LOOK!
<Just then FFCIII and Eco lower a huge ball of yarn down from the rafters>
RO: OH BOY YARN! <Randy falls on his back and pays at the string like a little kitten (MHJ note - this is where I wanted a pic of Orton from RAW, but dammit I couldn't find one>
<Orton plays with the string for a few minutes completely oblivious to Voltage standing there. FFC3 and ECo let go of the string and Randy bats it down the hall, when he gets to his feet to chase it, Voltage grabs him, spins him around and PLANTS him with a DDT!>
Volt: Hale! Get out here!
<Gavin Hale appears and Volt covers an unconscious Randy Orton, 1,2,3! WINNER AND NEW DDT CHAMPION VOLTAGE!>
Volt: <Jumping to his feet holding the belts> Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:10:23 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is WALKING~! down the hallway with his belt slung over his shoulder. He spots Voltage near Ric's*
DM: Hey, Voltage...What's good?
V: Um...nothing. Aren't you a face or something? Are you gonna F5 me with 2 fingers? 'Cause if so, there's gonna be trouble....
DM: Umm...Yeah...So anyway, no, I just wanted to congratulate you for winning the "Breakthrough Star of the Year award"
V: Oh...*taken aback kinda* Well, yeah. Thanks.
DM: And you really ARE the Gnarliest Double Champ Ever.
V: Haha...Yeah. I am, aren't I?
DM: You sure are. Hey, let me buy you a sandwich.
V: Yeah, that's cool of you, thanks.
Ric: That'll be WHOOOOOOOO 5 Dollars and 28....28 BAH GAWD CENTS!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!
DM: *pays, and digs through his pockets* Hey Voltage, you have a quarter? I don't wanna break this 20.
V: Sure, I think so *digs through pockets*
*Davin Moreland smiles at Ric, and then KICK! WHAM! A SICK DDT on the CEMENT FLOOR!*
DM: CREEEEEEECH!
*Mel Creech comes flying around the corner. Moreland has both legs hooked, feet up on the counter, and is pulling Voltage's pants. Creech quick-counts to 3.*
MC: WINNER and the NEW DDT CHAMPION, DAVIN MORELAND!
*Davin gives Creech a $20 and he slinks away*
*Voltage comes to a little and looks up at Davin with an expression of shock*
DM: WHOOOOOO!! I'M the Gnarliest Double Champ EVER...
V: But...b...
DM: *Digs in his pockets, and pulls out a coin*
DM: Whaddya know? Had a quarter the whole time. *pays Ric* Enjoy that sandwich Voltage. It's fit for a "Breakthrough Star"
*Moreland snickers as he walks away*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:10:44 GMT -5
[Voltage pops up.]
Voltage: Wow, that was kinda uncalled for. Also a pretty pathetic attempt at humour.
Davin Moreland: Say what?
[Kayfabe falls from the ceiling onto Davin, but he just shrugs her off and throws her to Japan. By coincidence, Pro Wrestling NOAH now has a purpose.]
Voltage: You heard me. I wasn't a fan of that promo, and I dictated a certain level of quality.
DM: [throwing kayfabe back to Japan] GRR ME NO LIKEY SMART ARSE AUSSIE GRRR
Voltage: Yes, thats right, just a little further!
[SYB pops out of nowhere with a DDT on Davin Moreland!!! 1, 2, 3!]
Mel Creech: Your winner and NEWWWW DDT CHAMPION, SYB!
Voltage: Wait, what?
Mel Creech: He won the title.
SYB: WOOO, ROCK N ROLL! GNARLIEST SINGLES CHAMP EVER!
Voltage: HE'S STEALING MY LINE!
[Voltage DDTs SYB. 1, 2, 3!]
Mel Creech: Winner and NEW DDT Champion, Voltage!
Voltage: Woo, rock n roll! Gnarliest multiple time double champ EVER!
Ecosystem: Way to go dude, totally bitchin'.
Voltage: Don't steal my...wait, why are you here?
Ecosystem: Uh.
[Ecosystem hits Voltage with a brick, then DDTs him. 1, 2, 3!]
Mel Creech: Your winner and NEW DDT Champion, ECOSYSTEM!
Ecosystem: Wait, isnt that Davin? How the fuck did you beat him?
SYB: With the power of someone else besides him writing a promo.
Voltage: Ah, good call, good call. Wait, Davin?
Davin Moreland: Yeah?
Voltage: Why are you always unrealistically beating the shit out of everyone?
Davin: Because...because, DAVIN MORELAND AIN'T YOUR BITCH NO MORE!
Ecosystem: Who's bitch are you then?
Davin: Uh, his.
[Pat Patterson walks up, and he and Davin walk off hand in hand. How sweet.]
Volt: And now for something completely different.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:11:08 GMT -5
(originally posted in 10/10 Mayhem thread)
Viper walks into the Fortress of Snobbery.
FFC3: Hey! You're late! I just finished up my promo!
DV: Sorry. I had some loose ends to tie up.
FFC3: No worries. Glad to have you as part of the team, Viper.
DV: Sure, whatever, Cap. You just better keep your end of the bargain.
FFC3: Viper, when you have money like I do, everythings a bargain. Including making sure you get championship gold.
DV: Sounds good.
Viper leaves.
Eco: I still can't believe Fonzworth brought Viper into LOADED. I really didn't think he'd sell out.
Volt: You mean like us?
Eco: Exactly. I'm a total sell out.
Volt: So am I. I guess Viper's a sell out too--- *POP!*
Voltage goes down like a ton of bricks.
Eco: Oh come on, man! He didn't say anything REMOTELY homosexual.
DV: I am NOT A SELLOUT!
Eco: That's why you knocked him out?
DV: No. I just remembered that I still don't like him.
Eco: Oh.
DV: I still don't like you either.
Eco: What did I do?
DV: I DID just have a feud with you?
Eco: That was Los Def! Not us! I SWEAR!
DV: Cappington?
FFC3: Um.... I don't.... Hey, we don't need to hit each other, man.
DV: You keep those damn masks off when you're around me, ok, Eco?
Eco: WE'RE NOT LOS DEF!
DV: You keep saying that.
Viper leaves again.
FFC3 (points in Viper's direction): See that, Eco? That's the kind of badassery we need in this faction!
Just then, Ryan Hardcore pins Voltage. Mel Creech runs in. ONE! TWO! THREE! Ladies and Gentlemen your NEW Heavy Metal Champion! RYAN HARDCORE!!!!
Eco: Wait, how did you do that? He just punched Voltage.
RH: With a chain-wrapped fist. Chains are metal, you know. Heh, I'm beginning to like this place already.
FFC3 (points at Ryan Hardcore): See that, Eco? That's the kind of intuitiveness we need in this faction!
Eco: Man. Viper REALLY must not like us. Shit!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:11:29 GMT -5
In the Fortress of Snobbery
FFCIII- Okay fellas, I think its time to unify these titles. You all have one, when I say go you all scramble to beat each other and we'll just have one title, because this is complicated.
Lauren Phoenix- So these three men are gonna roll around on the ground all sweaty fighting each other?
FFCIII- Yeah, pretty much Lauren.
LP- That's pretty hot.
FFCIII- And...go!
Ecosystem, Voltage and Ryan Hardcore all attack each other with flurries of punches, kicks, chairshots, ddts and holds. F. Fonzworth Cappington III looks behind him to see Lauren Phoenix masturbating furiously. Suddenly the ref slides in.
Ref- The winner, and NEW DDT Champion, RYAN HARDCORE! And the NEW Iron Man Champion, ECOSYSTEM! And the NEW Heavy Metal Champion, VOLTAGE!
Volt- What the hell just happened?
Eco- I think we all just traded titles...um...what's she doing?
LP- Keep going, I'm almost there!
RH- I gotta take care of something.
Ryan jumps onto the table with Lauren.
FFCIII- Christ, Ryan! Could you do that in the bathroom or something?!
Eco- No wait...I wanna watch. What's he doing there!? That's gotta be some crazy new sex thing there, right? That's insane! What is that!?
FFCIII- A kiss.
Eco- Wow! That's cool!
Volt- Move Eco! I wanna see!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:12:23 GMT -5
Phantos is walking down a backstage hallway and turns a corner. He turns to see Ryan Hardcore engaged in sexual intercourse (missionary style) with Lauren Phoenix. He stops, watches for a moment. He sees the DDT Championship on top of a pile of clothes. Then Phantos rushes up, grabs Hardcore in mid-thrust, DDT’s him, and covers. A Referee slides in and counts 1, 2, 3!!
Announcer Voice: Your Winner, and New DDT Champion, Phantos!
(Lauren Phoenix immediately straddles the prone Hardcore and resumes screwing.)
Phantos grabs the DDT Belt and runs into the Run DLP Aquafina locker room.
Lucios (looking up): What in the world do you have there?
Phantos: Lucios! I’m the new DDT Champion!
Lucios (rolling his eyes): Well at least wear the belt around your waist like a real champion should. Good luck not getting killed every day as people try to take it from you.
(Davin Moreland walks in)
Phantos: Davin! Look!! (Points to the shiny new title belt around his waist)
Davin: Well, I’ll be damned. How did that happen?
Phantos: I got lost looking for Rick’s office. I turned a corner and saw Ryan Hardcore (giggles slightly) having sex with a naked lady!
Davin (laughs) See anything good?
Phantos: It was cool! She has nice knockers! Anyway, I saw the belt lying in a pile with their clothes, and I got the idea to pin him and win it!
Lucios: You pinned a naked man. (Shakes his head slowly)
Phantos: I pinned his shoulders down; I was looking at her boobs the whole time.
Davin: Well congratulations buddy.
(Davin walks over to shake Phantos hand. Once Phantos extends his hand, Davin kicks him in the gut, DDT’s him, and pins Phantos. Lucios makes the count of 1, 2, and 3!)
Announcer Voice: Your winner, and New DDT Champion, Davin Moreland
(Lucios pulls Phantos to his feet)
Phantos: Partner, go get a shower. Davin, I’d have that belt disinfected if I were you.
Davin: WHOOOOOO!! I’m the Gnarliest Double Champ EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Lucios shakes his head and open a bottle of Aquafina. Davin walks out of the locker room door to be greeted by a still-unclothed Lauren Phoenix)
Davin: (startled): Hello
(Ryan Hardcore hits Davin from behind, pulls him up, Kick! Wham! DDT! He covers Davin. Lauren Phoenix makes the sexiest 3 count EVAR!!!
Announcer Voice: Your Winner, and new DDT Champion, Ryan Hardcore
(Phoenix gets on her knees and Hardcore resumes screwing her, DDT title resting on her back as we fade to black)
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:43:30 GMT -5
*Ecosystema is chilling in the L.O.A.D.E.D locker room with Volt and Lauren Pheonix.*
LP: Hey Eco, wanna have sex?
E: Sure.
*Lauren straddles Eco, Creech slides in, 1, 2, 3! New OOWF Iron Man Champion, Lauren Pheonix!*
*Lauren happily skips off to the hallway where she meets Ryan Hardcore and they instantly start screwing missionary style. 1, 2, no, Lauren raised her shoulder to meet Hardcore’s thrusts. They finish screwing, but Pheonix decides this title sucks, and deliberately lets the belt pin her. 1, 2, 3! New OOWF Iron Man Champion, The OOWF Iron Man Championship belt! Lauren leaves the belt in the hallway.*
*Blitz spots the champion, and delivers a devastating Blitz Flip to the belt, busting Blitz’s face wide open, 1, 2, 3! New OOWF Iron Man Champion, Blitz!*
*Paramedics rush Blitz onto a stretcher as he has a concussion, and a female EMT checks if he is okay. 1, 2, 3! New OOWF Iron Man champion, EMT#46! Blitz desperately tried to get the EMT off him by delivering a suplex from the stretcher into the wall, but he was too late. GM The Rick is walking by, and can’t help but grope the unconscious girl’s magnificent chest. 1, 2, 3! New OOWF Iron Man Champion, GM The Rick!*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:43:48 GMT -5
Moments later, Erlana walks out of GM the Rick's office with the Iron Man Title slung over her shoulder.
Details are sketchy, but we have a new champion
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:44:17 GMT -5
From the 12-5-07 MM
DEFENESTRATORS vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. APOCALYPTIC BASTARDS vs. RABBXT & BLITZ
Each team makes it’s entrance and claims a corner of the ring to wait in. referee Angelo Barros points to Blitz and SYB, indicating they are to begin the match, when General Manager the Rick’s Music fires up and he appears on the top of the ramp, accompanied by Erlana, holding her Iron Man Title. (How DID she win that title, anyway)
“Gentlemen, I have decided to change this match. It will still be a four team match, but now it will be a Four Corners Elimination Match. If your partner is eliminated, you are gone too. Elimination can be via Pinfall, Submission, Disqualification or Countout. And finally, the man who makes the decisive elimination will be crowned the NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION.”
Barros calls for the bell, and we are underway. SYB charges in at Blitz and pounds away. Blitz ducks a left hook and sends SYB sprawling into his corner. AE slaps his partners back and enters the ring. Blitz greets him with a dropkick. He follows up with clothesline and a running high knee. AE rolls into a corner and reaches up. Ecosystem and Voltage look at each other and both men turn their backs on AE. Blitz uses the pause to rev up and charges in with a huge spear! He drags AE to the center of the ring and tags in Rabbxt. Rabbxt mounts the top rope and flies off, connecting with a high, arcing moonsault. His cover nets only a two-count, as SYB is in to break up the pin. SYB hurls Rabbxt into another corner, where Lucios tags himself in. Angelo Barros is busy getting SYB out of the ring, so Phantos joins the fray, and Team Aquafina double teams AE in their corner. Lucios overpowers AE for a few minutes, with a side slam, stiff clothesline, gorilla press slam, snap suplex and a Border toss. He grabs AE and slings him into the Defenstrator corner, where AE desperately reaches out and makes contact with Voltage’s arm. Voltage and Eco argue loudly with Barros that there was no tag, but the referee forces Volt in or face immediate disqualification and elimination. Voltage comes in and is met with a HUGE dropkick from the 300 pound masked man! He tags in Phantos and he connects with a dropkick. As Volt staggers to his feet, Phantos hit a him with a second dropkick. Volt stays down, so Phantos hits the ropes and hits him with a baseball slide dropkick, sending Voltage out of the ring. Eco charges at Phantos immediately and is tossed out on top of his partner. Rabbxt and Blitz are quickly up top and they dive down with stereo planchas on the helpless Defenstrators. Barros backs up Phantos and Lucios and begins to count Voltage out of the ring. Both Defenstrators hit their feet at 4, and Voltage starts to climb back in the ring, but Ecosystem drags him down and is heard whispering something about ‘saving it for their title match.’ Voltage nods and the #1 contenders start to walk up the ramp as Barros reaches 10! The Defenstrators are Eliminated! Phantos raises his arms in triumph, turns his attention to the ring and is met with a slap to the face from Rabbxt. Rabb fires away with a series of fists and chops, backing Phantos into the abandoned corner and DDT’s him to the ground. Rabb climbs the buckle and sets up for a Shooting Star Press. He flips, But Phantos rolls out of the way and charges into AE in the next corner. Barros calls it a tag and orders him into the ring. AE wearily climbs in, only to be knocked out by a dropkick. Rabbxt slingshots himself onto AE, and Blitz and SYB enter the fray on the floor. Barros begins to count, and SYB throws his partner in at 6, while Blitz slaps Rabbxt to get his attention, he points to Barros, who has reached 9, and Rabb slides in under the rope just nanosecond before the 10 count. Rabb sliding in gives AE the advantage, and the veteran stomps away at the newcomer. SYB gets tagged in, and he hurls Rabb into his own corner. Blitz tags himself in, and he and SYB lock up. Blitz gets the upper hand with a headlock, which is reversed into a hammerlock. SYB points to his head, trying to indicate his superior brainpower, but that pause allows Blitz to duck under and reverse into a hammerlock of his own. Blitz clubs SYB in the back of the head and send him sprawling into the P & L corner.
Phantos enters and charges at Blitz, backing him into the neutral corner. Phantos hoists Blitz onto the top turnbuckle, and climbs up and begins peppering him with rights and lefts. With the crowd chanting along, Phantos hits 9, pauses, hits 10, drops down to his feet, elbows Blitz in the gut and climbs to the top turnbuckle with him, hitting a Top Rope Franken Steiner! As they land though, Blitz rolls forward and catches Phantos in a Sunset Flip, Barros is in Perfect position to make the 1, 2, & 3! Phantos and Lucios are Eliminated! SYB Charges in and is decked with a clothesline. AE enters and eats a dropkick from Blitz and tumbles to the outside. Rabbxt runs along the apron and dives on AE, sending him into the announce desk. Back in the ring, Blitz is peppering SYB with chops in a corner. SYB fights back, hitting a backdrop and scoop slam. SYB gestures to the crowd that he is ready for the Jersey Turnpike! Blitz blocks the kick and grabs SYB, but SYB gets in a low blow. SYB sets Blitz up for a power bomb, and everyone knows what’s coming next. Blitz reverses it into the You Can’t Power Bomb Kidman Face Buster. He hoists SYB onto his shoulders and hits a standing Lambeau Leap on SYB, landing him right in front of his partner’s corner, Rabbxt tags in, climbs the top and executes a Perfect 450 Splash and earns an academic 1,2,3!
Winners: Rabbxt and Blitz! Your new Iron Man Champion, Rabbxt!
Erlana appears at the top of the ramp and walks down to the ring. She enters the ring and hands Rabbxt the belt. Suddenly, GM the Rick’s voice is heard in the arena. Rabbxt turns to the Big screen and sees the Boss in his office.
“Congratulations Rabbit, you are now the Iron Man Champion. Just remember, That title is defended 24/7. Better watch your back, Buddy.”
Rabbxt turns around and sees Firewoman standing in the ring. She reaches out to shake Rabbxt’s hand, but kicks him in the balls instead. A quick Double-arm DDT and she is covering Rabbxt for 1,2,3! The announcer grabs his microphone and proclaims “The New Iron Ma..(stammers, seeing Firewoman’s angry glare) The New Iron Person Champion, Firewoman!
From the 12-12-07 MM Lineup
[The Dead is walking! down the hall when he is AGAIN interrupted by Androgynous Mic Stand.]
The Dead: Aw, dammit, you again?
AMS: Sorry, I just wanted to tell you how impressive your victory was last night.
The Dead: It was, wasn't it?
AMS: Of course, and I was wondering if you had any thoughts from last night's event or the posting of next week's card. You are in a gauntlet match, after all...
The Dead: First things first. Last night was a preview of things to come. You saw innovation in that ring. You saw domination. You were all witnesses to the beginning of what will no doubt be a historic career here in OOWF for The Dead.
AMS: Any other thoughts on last night?
The Dead: Yeah, these other "stars" may talk a big game, but what did they do in the ring? It took "The E" twice as long to beat a homeless man as it took The Dead to beat an established wrestler from the HWF.
AMS: I don't know if he was an "established"...
The Dead: And Nerve Agent loses in 45 seconds and wants to call himself a professional? Sure, Firewoman picked up the win, but Harris did all the work for her. Hell, The Dead put more of a beating on Blood Bath than most everyone else last night. The Dead wasn't afraid to come out early and lay him out with a Van Deadinator. And then Rabbxt actually surprises everyone and wins a match, only to lose his belt 10 seconds later. It's laughable.
AMS: Ok, so on to next week. You're scheduled to participate in a "nOOb" gauntlet match. Your thoughts?
The Dead: Already the higher-ups and trying to keep The Dead down. Sure, put The Dead in a gauntlet match. Fine. But four of The Dead's five opponents are "buddies". You don't think they're gonna work together to take The Dead out? Of course they're afraid of what The Dead can do. Doesn't matter though, because next week you will all be witnesses to what The Dead can...
[The Dead notices Firewoman exit the locker room with the Iron Man, er Person, Championship belt. A moment later Nerve Agent leaves the room and walks the opposite way.]
The Dead: Come on, you're going to want to see this.
[Androgynous Mic Stand follows The Dead down the hall where he meets up with Firewoman.]
The Dead: Excuse me...
[Firewoman turns around and BOOM! is nailed with the CTC!]
The Dead: Let that be a warning to you and your little friends.
[The Dead covers Firewoman]
The Dead: Count it!
AMS: 1, 2, 3! Your new Iron Person Champion, The Dead!
[The Dead snatches the belt and walks away.]
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:44:35 GMT -5
Pasted from MidWeek Mayhem 12-12 (Didn't think I should paste the whole match, since the match itself wasn't for the belt)
After the match Rabbxt and Firewoman enter the ring and each raise one of The Dead's hands. Were they planning this together all along? Suddenly, they both kick The Dead in the stomach and hit a double DDT on the chair still in the ring. Rabbxt goes for the cover and Firewoman counts it. 1, 2, 3! A voice booms over the PA system, “Your new Iron Person Champion, Rabbxt!”
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:45:05 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack and LD Williams are walking down the hall> MHJ: So you got Stank in a cage LDW: Yeah, Stank is a tough bastard, a cage just makes him tougher MHJ: Like wrestling a caged bear LDW: an injured caged bear MHJ: You know, I know you have your issues with Stank, and I have mine with Crete, but I think we should reform KZ for one night LDW: Really? Why? MHJ: Cause I would love to face Spin and Magnusson LDW: Hell yeah. That match would be BRUTAL MHJ: And a ton of fun too. We could beat them LDW: Of course we could <As LD and Moose round the corner they see MacCappington and the Defenestrators> LDW: What the hell? He's not even the Iron Man champion anymore MHJ: This seems to be the last thing they did of any real importance LDW: Well Cappington has that whole thing with Firechild MHJ: True, so why is he here? LDW: Isn't this where you run in? MHJ: I am not getting involved in this again LDW: Well, Stank is in there too, and he just did a great promo MHJ: I know. Seems odd that he should be in there. Think we should pull him out? LDW: give it a minute. Why are Los Def and Def hanging out? I thought they hated each other? MHJ: Seems like they are stuck in promo purgatory LDW: Sounds like something Morte would be responsible for LDW: This whole thing is about to come spinning apart isn't it? MHJ: Looks that way, watch this Sta: WHAT. THE. FUCK? LDW: You were trapped in that promo again, Moose pulled you out of it Sta: What the? And why the hell am I talking to YOU? MHJ: Look, I pulled you out of the promo so LD could beat you for the title this week Sta: YOU WANNA THROW DOWN NOW SON? LDW: Dude, calm down, watch the promo, this is a trainwreck of epic proportions here Sta: But how is this even..... MHJ: Don't ask LDW: Though you said you weren't getting involved MHJ: I couldn't resist, beside, a title is a title Sta: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO THAT Stank: Ok what the hell, you just walked in there and won a title from......August? MHJ: Not really, I just won the title, THEY are stuck in August, but since I walked into the promo I am not bound by the promo Sta: But......then how are they going off the script? LDW: Moose screwed with the fabric of the promo |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:45:45 GMT -5
Posted from this week's MM thread (just the title relevant parts)
We see a night vision camera with mostly everything blurred out. But we do Lauren Phoenix passed out on a chair in the corner of the room while the woman with Mr. Darling is kissing Ryan Hardcore. She slowly puts her arms around his head…that looks like a front face-lock. She slowly pulls him down onto the bed…what the fuck…that was a DDT. She now rolls over on top of Hardcore and we see her point to the camera guy and she whispers, “Count now.”
We see that the camera guy is actually one of OOWF’s refs as he walks over to the bed and slams his hand down 3 times.
We have a new DDT Champ. I can’t believe it. We don’t even know who this woman is, but she’s now the OOWF DDT Champ.
She jumps off Ryan and starts to get dressed. I don’t even think he realizes what happened.
Stunning Knockout: Well, that was something Ryan. Oh, is this your DDT belt. It looks pretty. Can I hold it?
Hardcore is basically out of it and Phoenix is completely passed out. The woman picks up the belt and starts to walk out of the locker-room. She starts to see the rest of the LOADED stable in the room.
FFM: Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing with that belt?
SK: Ah, Mr. MacCappington. It’s a pleasure to meet you. My…well Mr. Darling has said good things about you and sends his regards. He wants no trouble with you. This is just business. If you want specifics, ask the two-minute man in the back. Tootles.
DV: Who the hell was that?
FFM: Not exactly sure, but she was smoking. And I’ve heard of this Darling guy. I wanna see where this goes.
Later on....
The two walk back into the parking lot and approach the hummer limo. The window rolls down slowly, “Is it done?”
SK: Of course, do you doubt my abilities? I can’t believe I have to get in their and lay down for you. It’s just so wrong.
Alexander Darling: You know I could never doubt ya, now get in here and let’s get this over with. Stage 1 needs to finish.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:46:07 GMT -5
We see Rabbxt walking down the hallway on his hands. Phantos approached him, talking on his Sprint PCS phone. Rabbxt hops to his feet and reaches for Phantos' phone
Rabbxt: Lemme see that.
Phantos: (pulling it away) No man, I'm using it
Rabbxt: Just for a second bro (lunges for it again.)
(Phantos holds it back and Rabbxt backs off)
Rabbxt: Dude, don't be such a douche. Hey, where'd you learn to do an 810?
Phantos: I didn't learn it anywhere. I just practied somersaulting as fast and as quickly as possible, I didn't even know it had a name till I saw that other new guy do one.
Rabbxt: Cool, hey lemme make a call now (reaches for the phone again)
(Phantos reacts quickly, hurling the phone at Rabbxt and hitting hit directly between the eyes. HE cover Rabbxt and the phone rings Once, Twice, Three times!)
Mysterious Announcer Voice: The NEW Iron Man Champion, Phantos!
Phantos: Man, that Theft Deterrant really works!. (he puts his new belt around his waist the way a REAL champion should, and walks away)
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:46:35 GMT -5
Rabbxt gets up and has a slight blood trickle running down his nose from his forehead. He sees Phantos rounding a corner and takes a short-cut to through a different hallway. He places a life-size cardboard cutout of Stormy Daniels in her birthday suit in the middle of the hallway, then ducks around a corner and waits. Phantos rounds a corner and sees the figure standing in the middle of the hallway. He closes in on the figure, then plants her with a kiss. The figure wobbles back and forth, then falls on top of Phantos. Phantos is so giddy that "Stormy Daniels" is on top of him that he let's her take control. Rabbxt is about to run in and pin Phantos, but finishes his Mountain Dew first. He takes ONE... TWO... THREE sips, then tosses the can over his shoulder.
Mysterious Announcer Voice: The NEW Iron Object Champion, the life-size cardboard cut-out of a nude Stormy Daniels!
Rabbxt hears the voice and immediately runs in and tackles the cardboard cut-out off of Phantos. He lays on top of it and counts the pinfall himself.
Mysterious Announcer Voice: The NEW Iron Person Champion, Rabbxt!
Rabbxt kips up to his feet and takes his belt with him as he runs around the corner to escape any further title changes.
"I just fucking pinned a cardboard cut-out of a naked chick to get this belt back. Do I really want this belt?"
Rabbxt glances back at Phantos, still laying on the floor, day-dreaming.
"I think I'll at least keep it away from that guy. I've still got energy, though..."
Rabbxt does a standing back tuck, then transfers onto his hands and walks away on his hands, holding the belt in the air with his feet.
|
|
