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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:02:45 GMT -5
8:02 PM viper finally arrives home having successfully out run the beast.
Viper: oh man. what a day. i just could not lose the beast. and what was with endo? i dont know why he started chasing me. at least he tired out pretty quickly. but anyway, time for dinner. yup. time for a good ol' Mama Celeste Microwave Pizza!
viper pops the mama celseste, sets the time, then head over to see whats on TV.
8:06 PM *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
V: nice. pizza's done.
viper heads over to the microwave. he opens the microwave door and SUDDENLY THE BEAST JUMPS OUT FROM INSIDE!!!
V: FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!!!!"
the chase continues, the camer fades.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:03:12 GMT -5
(CTG is relaxing at his condo, a spacious affair at 123 Outtamy Way in Lookout City, Minnesota. He watches Moose and LD Williams debate and discuss imminent doom)
Well, now...... I think I've established to everyone just why I am STILL IC champion. Moose has stomped me, AA has branded me, LD made me tap at a houseshow that maybe 50 people saw....
I look forward to showing LDW That I'm not someone suceptible to submission holds. One learns the counter to counters to counters and I could turn your submission into a Scaffold or Wheelbarrow and listen quietly to the rhythmic tapping of both hands.
Moose - Are you insane or just frustrated? You realize the definition of Futility is "pursuing success when one has forgotten his aim." I thought you wanted the belt.... but you just like hurting people.
Tell you what I'm gonna do - you want that Last Man Standing, I'm up for it, belt or no belt. I just need to put LDW in his place first.
(Viper suddenly runs between Concrete and the camera)
V: CALL HIM OFF~! CALL HIM OFF~!
(Beast isn't too far behind him)
B: RRRAAAUUUUGH~!!!
(CTG smirks, then calls to the individuals)
Guys, quit tracking snow in the living room!!
(CTG is then run over by Endo)
OOF~!!
(okay, NOW Concrete isn't happy)
Hey, I'm not the carpet in here!! (Joins the chase)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:03:42 GMT -5
(Camera cuts to a dark room lit only with a single dim lightbulb, MHJ sits iquietly staring at the floor)
Long silence
MHJ - you know, I hate to say this, I really hate to say this, but Concrete, you have a point, and you are right. I keep telling myself that I don't care about that stupid title and that I just want to hurt people.
I finally realize that that just isn't true, well not completely.
I now realize that I Want That Title
I see Johnny metling down because he can't get it. I see LDW killing himself just to keep his shot. I see Attitude Adjuster coming out of nowhere, and what does he do first? Does he target microplay and the world title? No, he wants the intercontinental title as well. I now realize, that I want the gold. I had my chance to step up at the PPV and get my shot, but your boy Semaj B put an end to that, I will deal with him later.
Fortunately for me, in a moment of sheer stupidity, you challenged me to a no DQ, Last Man Standing Match, and then to top it all off, you offer to put the title on the line as well. WEll now, concrete sounds like you have yourself a match.
BUT.....
I am not going to fall for your crap. YOu challenged me to that match before LDW won the three way dance, before he became the #1 contender. I am not waiting until after you fight LDW. I see you are backtracking a bit, and that's understandable, I have the Establishment watching my back, you have.....who DO you have anyway? Semaj hightailed it out of here after the PPV, both Dragons are on the shelf, and Beast is doing his best Wile E. Coyote impression chasing Viper all over creation. Looks like you got nobody.
Thats ok, I don't need the Establishment interfering to beat you. I have beaten you before, I WILL do it again. And when I do, I will be the champion, and people will come to ME! They will line up in a nice line, one by one for me to slaughter.
At the next show Concrete, its me and you, last man standing, no dq, you will have to kill me to beat me, you will have to go to a place deep in your soul and touch evil to beat me, and you don't have it in you, I, on the other hand, do, I live for this moment.
Trust me
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:04:37 GMT -5
Hardbody Harris and Sexy Female Journalist are cuddling on the couch when things begin to get a little intimate. Hardbody kisser her neck, her chest, her bellybutton; it's very erotic. He moves down ever so slowly, licking just above her pantline. She wants it, and he can feel the rumble between her thighs.
Ever so delicately, he moves his hand to her pants button and unclasps it with a flick of his wrists. Satisfied, he gives her a smile, and starts to move the zipper when he hears some familiar screams, and realizes where the rumbling is really coming from...
"Aw, FUCK! I knew this was going to happen!" he says as he moves out of the way. He stands and waits with washcloths, knowing that the unwelcome guests will probably need a bit of cleaning up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:05:07 GMT -5
Corax and Hellion are sitting at a traffic light. Corax is behind the wheel of Hellion’s fully restored 1969 Plymouth Roadrunner 440 Six Pack with air grabber hood. Although Corax is getting some strange looks from passing motorists due to driving with his maskon, he is stuck doing all of the driving because of Hellion’s lack of depth perception.
There they sit waiting for the light to change when a screaming blur goes tearing through the cross walk.
Hellion: What the hell was that?
Corax: That was viper.
The Beast comes roaring through the intersection next.
Hellion: What the hell was that?
Corax: That was the Beast! And he looks exceptionally clean for some odd reason.
Endo and Concrete go racing by.
Hellion: What the hell was that?
Corax: What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking blind?
Hellion (pointing to his eye patch): Well, um…..
Corax: Never mind. The light’s green.
He hangs a hard left and joins the chase. Corax screams up behind Concrete and lays on the horn. Concrete looks over his shoulder in time to see the two ton hotrod bearing down on him. Since Concrete is neither slow nor stupid, he quickly dives out of the way, tucks, rolls and comes back up running behind the car. Now he’s really really mad.
Endo is concentrating so hard on catching the Beast that he never sees it coming. Corax guns the motor and knocks Endo off his feet. Endo instinctively curls up into a fetal position and incredibly rolls up over the hood across the roof and slides down off the trunk. Fortunately for Endo, Concrete is there to break his fall. Unfortunately for Concrete, Concrete is there to break his fall. Both men crash to the ground in a heap.
Corax keeps going until he catches up with the Beast. He pulls up along side and Hellion leans out the window with a tire iron. One quick swing and the big man goes down like a felled oak. Corax nails the brakes and H & C jump out of the car. Viper realizes he’s no longer being chased and turns around to join his friends. They surround the Beast and commence the beating of a lifetime. Multiple kicks to the junk and ribs by Hellion and Viper starts using the tire iron, laying in shots everywhere but the soles of the big man’s feet. Finally the beating stops.
Viper: You shoulda just quit while you were ahead Bitch!
The three men jump back in their car and take off. The Beast is left bloody and bruised and unconscious in the gutter.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:05:45 GMT -5
We cut backstage to see Eric-O-Mac standing backstage with a random backstage interviewer.
RBI: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm standing here with Eric-O-Mac. Eric, first things first, what's up with you and your tag team partner Canadian Dragon?
EOM: I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea what his problem is. He just flips out on me during one match, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I eliminated him from some battle royal, or maybe it's because I got a parking ticket on his rental car and he had to pay it. Whatever, whenever he wants to get his head out of his ass, I'll be here to team again, but right now, I'm moving on to better things.
RBI: What better things would those be?
EOM: Well, I gave the Intercontinental Champion pretty much all he can take in our match a couple of weeks ago So, I'll be willing to take him on again, if he's cool with it. I had a hell of a 2/3 falls match tonight too, with Blade. He got the better of me, but did you hear that crowd reaction? Pretty f' n awesome. I haven't won lately, and I'm kinda frustrated with that, but it's all good, because I'm rebounding back to the top.
RBI: Any other thoughts?
EOM: Yeah, actually, recently, someone called Ax-Man called me ou t and insulted me in a live interview. If it's a fight he's looking for, a fight I'll bring. He wants to take on The Mac? Well, he'll be a victim of everyone's favorite superstar, EricOMac. Anytime, any place, I'll light up the arena knocking you out!
So, bottom line: To Ax-Man, Blade, Johnny Adrenaline, L.D. Williams, or who ever wants some, anyplace, anytime, I'll make sure you meet your final destination!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:07:40 GMT -5
* LD Williams is working out at a local gym. A man dressed in a three-piece suit, obviously out of place in the weight room, walks up to LDW. *
Well-dressed man: "LD Williams."
LDW: "Yeah?"
WDM: "LD Williams, you have been served with court papers detailing the wrongful, illegal and egregious assault upon my client, Attitude Adjuster. My client is suing you for his loss of advertising and celebrity income due to the head injury suffered by a deadly weapon directed by a Mr. LD Williams."
LDW: "10 million dollars???"
WDM: "You'll have you say in court, sir. Have a nice day."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:08:12 GMT -5
back at the hotel...
Viper: Thanks for getting me out of that bind, guys.
Corax: Don't mention it.
Viper: Glad to see you're up and about.
Hellion: Well, I'm blind in one eye, but this patch makes me look really cool. Even better than when Scotty Riggs wore an eypatch.
V: Ugh.... Riggs...
H: Tell me about it.
V: You know, I was fully blind for a little while, it wasn't as bad as I thought.
C: Wasn't Underdawg the guy who did that to you?
V: Well, yeah, but when my eyes healed, my vision was so much better. I mean, I can now see that there are actually decent looking women that go to our shows.
C: There are? Damn mask kind of gets in the way sometimes, you know.
H: They really aren't that good looking. A couple fatties here and there, too.
V: Hey, more cushion for the pushin! (Hellion gives a look of 'eew gross'. So yeah, maybe Dawg can help you out with that Hell.
H: If we ever find out where he went. Do you think he's really dead?
C: I dunno, I heard there was some vignette with some fire or something.
V: Well, I would've been watching it in the back on the monitor if that damn Beast didn't keep chasing me. He needs to pay dearly. He cost the Ministry the world championship, you know.
C: Definitely. We need to get our belts back, too.
H: And you need to get yourself a championship soon, Donnie.
V: Fo sho. So what does this mean for the Ministry? What are we gonna do without the Big Dawg around?
Corax and Hellion look at each other almost dejectedly. Then they both smile and look at Viper.
H: It means we have free reign to wreck havoc.
C: And kick a lot of ass.
Viper smiles: I can dig it. We've been kicking ass before we got together with the BossDawg. We can rule the roost without him too. The three of us, we'll show the OOWF how ferocious we can be without the boss around. Fueled by....
C: Anger
H: Vengeance
V: and Madness.
They all look menacingly into the camera and sit still for a few seconds.
Ding! Viper gets up. V: Celeste pizza time!
C: Hey, cameraman. Are we done? Smallville's on.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:08:43 GMT -5
viper opens a closet door and THE BEAST POPS OUT!
cut to: viper is in the locker room getting ready for a match. he opens his gym bag and THE BEAST POPS OUT!
cut to: viper is at the breakfast table, then suddenly out of his cereal bowl THE BEAST POPS OUT!
cut to: viper is driving in his car. he hits a patch of ices and loses control, he slams head on into a telephone pole, but instead of the airbag, out of his steering wheel THE BEAST POPS OUT!
suddenly the beast wakes up and realizes that he is in fact no longer chasing viper but is lying bloody and bruised and unconscious in a ditch. then he realizes he is no longer unconscious, and is just bloody and bruised... and in a ditch. and just as fast has he realizes he is not unconscious, he once again becomes unconscious. and through all this remains bloody and bruised and in a ditch.
cut to: viper is masterbating to cheetah porn, and when it's time to ejaculate THE BEAST POPS OUT!
fade out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:09:16 GMT -5
Hardbody Harris decides to go out for a walk, but within 20 minutes he's already thirsty; some juice would hit the spot. Again, he hears a rumbling from behind the wall. "It's the Beast again," he thinks. The sound gets closer and more violent. "OH NO!" Hardbody cries. OH YEAH! Grapeasaurus Rex is enjoyed by all.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:10:01 GMT -5
(nice SIX HOUR PPV! HAH!)
***GatorBait, OutBack Jack, Morte, & Li are still sprawled on the hood and through the windshield of Mark Vander's car, all barely conscoius... the camera zooms in on GatorBait who is just coming to***
man, we ALL got the holy-loving shit beat out of us tonight... but this is FAR from over... at the next PPV, when all 4 of us are recovered, I'm adding a new stipulation to our rematch... it will again be in the Blue Steel Cage of Doom, but this time, it will also be a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match!... OBJ and I will prove once and for all why we deserve the next title shot... but I'm not telling you anything you don't already know... just remember:
Don't hate the Gator, HATE THE... AAAAAARGH!!!
***GatorBait screams out in pain before he can finish his catchphrase due to a ruptured vessel on his forehead spraying a streamlined fountain of blood all over Mark Vander's mohair seat covers in his 1986 Pinto***
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:10:32 GMT -5
A camera crew catches up with L.D. Williams:
“A lawsuit? There’re no lawsuits in wrestling! What the heck is wrong with you Attitude Adjuster? Do you think you’re Jack Doan or something? You are, or at least claim to be, a professional wrestler. There is a certain amount of violence inherent in that job description AA. When you get into the ring with guys like me and Moose, getting hurt is kind of to be expected.
As far as this lawsuit goes, I wish I’d known before our match that you were this much of a momma’s boy. If I’d known I was gonna get sued…well I still would’ve hit you with that chair, but I would’ve kept wailing on your sorry carcass until I got my money’s worth. I don’t know what kind of twisted world you grew up in AA, but where I’m from, we settle our problems man to man. If you want to get back at me for messing up your face, lets get in the ring at the next pay per view and settle it the right way. Since I’m such a nice guy, and since you’re such a pathetic twerp, I’ll let you chose the stipulations. None of that ‘sharpie on a pole’ crap though – save that for Concrete.
So go ahead AA. You chose the match, I beat the crap out of you, then I’ll take those court papers and shove them straight up your candy [This catchprase censored by Vince McMahon, the WWE, Dwayne Johnson, and the letter R]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 12:11:00 GMT -5
Some obscure autograph signing venue
Black Dragon makes his way through the ten or so fans lined up at Concrete's table. A walking endorsement for Band-Aid, the tag champion's entire head is bandaged save for his eyes and nose. His his right arm is encased in a hard cast. In his left hand he clutches at a printout of some sort. He slams them on the table and startles the uncharacteristally attractive female standing before Concrete in the act of signing the top of her apple-sized breasts. The small band of fans disperse as BD mumbles incoherrently and stares at his ally.
BD: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
CTG: Shouldn't you be in the hospital?
BD: Dont' change the subject.
CTG: What?
Stone Cold Val Venis: WHAT!?
BD (slows down, and is able to speak clearer): I said that this (points to the printout) is all your fault. And why is Val Venis here? I thought he still had a job with that other federation.
CTG: (without looking up from the document) I have no idea why he's here, as for this. you are aligned with me now. It's to be expected.
BD: But I'm a bad man. I don't want fan admiration. I want them to hate what I do to their favorites. For God's sake, I kick puppies.
CTG: No you don't. In fact, you supplex some poor guy for doing just that. How much longer are you on probabtion for anyway?
BD: Three more months. But that's not the point. We are the bad guys. We are to be feared. FEARED! you hear me? Now think about that and we'll work on a plan for your match with Moosey.
CTG: But....
BD:Eh, eh, eh, don't go pulling that lone ranger crap on me. You joined my group and thus aligning your championship with the group's collective assets. So if you think I'm going to let some sadistic bastard nearly kill you again, just so you can lose the belt to Johnny's whipping boy, then you my friend need to reevaluate your priorities.
BD leaves Concrete to his thoughts and attempts to scare away a few kids with his mummy-like looks. The kids giggle and demand more and BD sighs in contempt.
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