Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 11:50:50 GMT -5
OOWF - Twas the Night Before Pay Per View
[Note: the poem is better if read aloud.]
Scene: A common living room at Christmas time. The walls are adorned with wreaths and decorations, a delightful mix of red, white, and green. A dazzling Christmas tree stands to the left, festive and green, covered with the most elegant and classy of ornaments. In the back a fireplace can be seen, stocking hung with care, and a orangish fire burning. The occasional crackle and pop of the logs can be heard, and, making the scene even more serene, a corner window shows a lightly falling snow. In the foreground sits a cushy recliner, upright, with an OOWF blanket splayed across the top. After a moment, a tall, muscular and handsome Santa Claus walks into the living room and has a seat. He reaches under the cushion and calmly begins reading.
Twas the night before Pay Per View, when all through the Fed
Not a wrestler was stirring, UnderDawg was dead,
The titles were held by the timekeeper with care,
In hopes that Hardbody soon would be there.
The grapplers were nestled all snug in their tights,
While visions of championships danced in their sights,
And Endo in his pajamas, and Microplay in the nude,
Had just settled together, to get nasty and rude
When out in the ring there arose such a clatter,
Micro stopped spooning Endo to see what was the matter.
Down the entrance ramp he waddled like a duck,
He got to the ring and shouted, "Oh, what the FUCK?"
The crowd getting ready for a hell of a show
Started throwing trash at Microplay below,
When, what to his beady little eyes should appear,
But Hardbody Harris drinking a holiday beer
With a muscular body, so lively and ripped,
Playing to the crowd with each beer he sipped.
"I've beaten everybody," Hardbody claimed
And he flexed, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Viper! now, Morte! now Moosehead and Dragon!
Yes, Eco! And Endo! And Biscuit and...uh, the other Dragon!
I've beaten you each, from pillar to post!
But you, Microplay; I want to crush you the most!"
"You've never beaten me son, you know this is true,
So come down to the ring, bitch, and start paying your dues
You've ducked me for months for a one-on-one match
When it's you and me alone, sonny, I'm gonna kick your MicroAss."
Microplay stared, afraid to be baited
He moved not an inch, like a wussy he waited
The crowd became antsy, showering Micro with chants,
So the champ walked to the ring, visibly wetting his pants.
He hemmed and he hawed, shaking from his head to his boots,
So he looked to the back for his only recruit
But Endo laid bloody in a pile of tires and fenders
Beaten to a pulp by Gimmick's suspenders.
Hardbody's eyes -- how they twinkled -- his smile, how scary!
He motioned for the belt that Microplay carried!
He picked up the mic with a question for the crowd,
"If you think Micro's a pussy, just shout it out loud!".
The audience lost it as they hollered and hooted
Microplay in tears begged and disputed.
"I'm barely a man" he cried, pointing below his belly
"I lost my virginity to a bowl full of jelly!"
Hardbody laughed, then put on his game face
There was no time to spare, not a second to waste.
He jumped out of the ring and grabbed Microplay's head
Now between the ropes Micro paled like white bread.
Harris spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He kicked the champ's ass and beat the hell out of that jerk,
It took only an instant for the deed to be done
A TO BE EDITED IN LATER! and the match was won.
Hardbody celebrated and gestured for the belt
Falling to his knees, our hero wept as he knelt
The #1 Face shouted with his hand raised by the ref
"I'M FINALLY THE CHAMPION OF THE OOWF!"
"Santa," whose voice grew in intensity during the reading, throws the book in the fire as he stands up. "Unlike Santa, Microplay, I'm for real!" he whispers as he takes off his beard and hat. He walks to the fireplace, puts a finger to his nose, and rises up the chimney.
[Note: the poem is better if read aloud.]
Scene: A common living room at Christmas time. The walls are adorned with wreaths and decorations, a delightful mix of red, white, and green. A dazzling Christmas tree stands to the left, festive and green, covered with the most elegant and classy of ornaments. In the back a fireplace can be seen, stocking hung with care, and a orangish fire burning. The occasional crackle and pop of the logs can be heard, and, making the scene even more serene, a corner window shows a lightly falling snow. In the foreground sits a cushy recliner, upright, with an OOWF blanket splayed across the top. After a moment, a tall, muscular and handsome Santa Claus walks into the living room and has a seat. He reaches under the cushion and calmly begins reading.
Twas the night before Pay Per View, when all through the Fed
Not a wrestler was stirring, UnderDawg was dead,
The titles were held by the timekeeper with care,
In hopes that Hardbody soon would be there.
The grapplers were nestled all snug in their tights,
While visions of championships danced in their sights,
And Endo in his pajamas, and Microplay in the nude,
Had just settled together, to get nasty and rude
When out in the ring there arose such a clatter,
Micro stopped spooning Endo to see what was the matter.
Down the entrance ramp he waddled like a duck,
He got to the ring and shouted, "Oh, what the FUCK?"
The crowd getting ready for a hell of a show
Started throwing trash at Microplay below,
When, what to his beady little eyes should appear,
But Hardbody Harris drinking a holiday beer
With a muscular body, so lively and ripped,
Playing to the crowd with each beer he sipped.
"I've beaten everybody," Hardbody claimed
And he flexed, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Viper! now, Morte! now Moosehead and Dragon!
Yes, Eco! And Endo! And Biscuit and...uh, the other Dragon!
I've beaten you each, from pillar to post!
But you, Microplay; I want to crush you the most!"
"You've never beaten me son, you know this is true,
So come down to the ring, bitch, and start paying your dues
You've ducked me for months for a one-on-one match
When it's you and me alone, sonny, I'm gonna kick your MicroAss."
Microplay stared, afraid to be baited
He moved not an inch, like a wussy he waited
The crowd became antsy, showering Micro with chants,
So the champ walked to the ring, visibly wetting his pants.
He hemmed and he hawed, shaking from his head to his boots,
So he looked to the back for his only recruit
But Endo laid bloody in a pile of tires and fenders
Beaten to a pulp by Gimmick's suspenders.
Hardbody's eyes -- how they twinkled -- his smile, how scary!
He motioned for the belt that Microplay carried!
He picked up the mic with a question for the crowd,
"If you think Micro's a pussy, just shout it out loud!".
The audience lost it as they hollered and hooted
Microplay in tears begged and disputed.
"I'm barely a man" he cried, pointing below his belly
"I lost my virginity to a bowl full of jelly!"
Hardbody laughed, then put on his game face
There was no time to spare, not a second to waste.
He jumped out of the ring and grabbed Microplay's head
Now between the ropes Micro paled like white bread.
Harris spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He kicked the champ's ass and beat the hell out of that jerk,
It took only an instant for the deed to be done
A TO BE EDITED IN LATER! and the match was won.
Hardbody celebrated and gestured for the belt
Falling to his knees, our hero wept as he knelt
The #1 Face shouted with his hand raised by the ref
"I'M FINALLY THE CHAMPION OF THE OOWF!"
"Santa," whose voice grew in intensity during the reading, throws the book in the fire as he stands up. "Unlike Santa, Microplay, I'm for real!" he whispers as he takes off his beard and hat. He walks to the fireplace, puts a finger to his nose, and rises up the chimney.