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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 18:29:44 GMT -5
(Well, I would've replied before, but I've been busy for the holidays. But hey, I made it worth the wait!)
(Scene: Blade and Ayaka are in the locker room. Blade is doing his one-handed upside down pushups again, obviously cognizant of the hidden camera.)
Ayaka: Okay, Blade, you gotta do it. This is your big chance. Do you realise how much merchandise you'll sell as World Champion? Merchandise -I- get a cut of?
Blade: ...
Ayaka: What?
(Blade folds his arms, a gesture which causes him to fall on his head. He appears unperturbed by this, however, rotating to a sitting position.)
Blade: I'm the greatest athlete in the OOWF. I'll win, but I don't care about the merchandise. Unless... it's my collection of UFO Catcher Dolls!
(Blade jumps up and runs over to a shelf full of cute little Japanese plush toys. He slightly rearranges the position of a disturbingly cute Vegeta, smiling beatifically.)
Ayaka: (facepalm) Blade... if you sell more merchandise, you get a (slightly smaller) cut too... meaning you can get MORE Japanese merchandise.
Blade: ...
Ayaka: NOW what?
Blade: You didn't say the magic words.
Ayaka: (sigh) (deep breath) (suddenly develops high, squeaky voice) DOUZO, BLADE-SAMA! Umm... KONNICHI WA! SUGOI! SOBA!
Blade: (smiles) That's much better. I have no idea what you actually said, but I'm sure it was meaningful, inspiring Japanese wisdom. You know I once trained at the feet of a Japanese wrestling master?
Ayaka: Yes. And I'm still telling you Yokozuna wasn't Japanese. Also, I really doubt he taught you much of his style.
Blade: Of course he was Japanese. He said "banzai!". And I learned many things from him. For instance, how to say "banzai!". And also... yes, there were many things... such as...
Ayaka: Such as?
Blade: Such as...
(At this point, the door to the locker room bursts open. Blade looks faintly relieved, but then annoyed at the interruption as Grunt and LI walk in, and then starry-eyed as he notices WHO LI is.)
Blade: My god! It's LI! The Japanese Triple-Crown Champion! Sir, it's an honour!
Grunt: (grunts)
LI: (smiles thinly) Yes, of course. We've come here on behalf of the Establishment in order to have a chat with you, Mr. Blade.
Blade: (all smiles) Of course, of course! Please, call me "Blade-san!" Here, have a seat! Douzo! Err, domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!
LI: (smiles even more thinly) Yes. Well, I hope our business will not take long.
Ayaka: (suspiciously) So what's the Establishment want with us?
Grunt: (grunts)
LI: Yes, well, as to that, we've been sent here on behalf of Ecosystem. He thinks you are clearly a rising star in the OOWF.
Blade: (nod) Well, obviously.
LI: Indeed. And you have, by dint of your recent string of very impressive victories, earned yourself a title shot at the champion Microplay at the next pay-per-view.
Blade: So, does Eco want me to be his "Corporate Champion" or something? Tell him thanks, but I don't really need the help. I'd be totally honoured if YOU, LI-san, would come to the ring and cheer me on, though. I've got a Japanese flag you can wave!
LI: (smiles so thinly his mouth is a line) Well, in actuality, Ecosystem and ourselves are requesting that you... how shall one say... not give 100% in your match with Microplay.
Blade: Yeah, I'll hold something back to really wow 'em in my first few defences. I figure I can only go out there at 30% before Microplay'd start giving me real trouble.
LI: You seem to misunderstand. We are asking you to refrain from winning the title. Or the match.
Blade: ...what? How am I supposed to do that?
LI: By being beaten.
Blade: (blinks) I'm not following you...
Grunt: (grunts)
LI: (puts a hand to his forehead) In other words, Blade...-san... we would like you to throw the match.
Blade: Yeah, sure, no problem, I'll throw Microplay out of the ring, into the ring, into the audience, whatever you want. No prob.
Grunt: (grunts) (slaps forehead)
LI: Let me use smaller words. Blade. Lose. To. Microplay.
Blade: But how-
LI: ON. PURPOSE.
Blade: ...okay. Why?
LI: Well, you see, while no one can deny your impressive skills, it is our feeling, and this is panned out by the ratings, that Microplay is, for the moment, the most worthy champion, in terms of-
Ayaka: So you want Blade to lose 'cause you think MP will make you more money?
LI: Essentially. (smiles slightly less thinly) I'm glad to see you grasp the situation.
Blade: Yeah, but my "why" was more... why should I give a damn what Ecosystem wants me to do?
LI: Blade, Blade, Blade...san... you must understand that I am Japanese. And I agree with this idea. You ought to listen, because I am Japanese. And because I am Japanese, I must know best. Therefore, you should lose, and I am Japanese.
Blade: (rubs chin thoughtfully) Hmm. You make a good argument.
Ayaka: (smacks Blade lightly in the back of the head with her baseball bat) Blade!
Blade: Ow! (rubs his head, looks at her indignantly) What was that for?
Ayaka: You're the greatest athlete in the OOWF, right?
Blade: Well, yeah.
Ayaka: So who exactly do you lie down to?
Blade: Nobody, obviously!
Ayaka: So why are you listening to this jackass?
LI: I'm Japanese!
Ayaka: So am I! Or at least, I look like I am!
Blade: She has a good point, too.
LI: Blade-san, Blade-san, Blade-san, you must think of the long term. Certainly, you'll lose this one match. But, in exchange, Ecosystem will give you the full support of the Establishment in your future, non-world-title-winning endeavours. Eventually, Microplay's ratings will drop... and then it will be YOUR turn to shine! Also, I am Japanese.
Blade: (stands up, and walks over to LI) A good argument. After giving it careful thought, I have, however, been reminded of something.
LI: Oh?
Blade: I remembered you're a total jobber. And thus you're obviously not as Japanese as you'd like to think.
LI: ...what?
Blade: Besides, I wouldn't join any organisation that would have a total jobber as a member. ESPECIALLY one which cheats constantly, is only built to support the ego of some power-mad owner of a federation who tries to suppress competition in support of his bottom line, and is totally outclassed by the Ministry anyway.
Grunt: (grunts angrily)
Blade: So, in conclusion... I think it's time I showed you what I learned from my distinguished mentor of years past. A true Japanese warrior, until he lost the title and turned into a big jobber. BANZAI! Also, RYUUJINSEN!
(Blade yanks LI out of the chair, kicks him in the gut, and begins to perform his ultra cool floating Asai DDT finisher! Unfortunately, he neglected to consider that the locker room has a considerably lower ceiling than the average wrestling arena, a fact he is painfully reminded of when midway through the move, his knees smash into the ceiling, causing him to fall on LI in an undignified heap. Grunt sees this as an excellent opportunity to beat Blade into a bloody pulp, and proceeds to start doing so. LI extricates himself quickly and starts kicking at him as well.
Then THEY are reminded of the factor they had neglected to consider, that being the "Hot Asian Chick With Baseball Bat" factor.)
Ayaka: STOP BEATING MY MEAL TICKET! (smashes LI in the fact with her bat; he goes down like the proverbial sack of bricks)
Grunt: (grunts, turns to face Ayaka)
Ayaka: You want some too? (smashes him in the head with the bat)
Grunt: (grunts, rubs side of head, seems otherwise unaffected)
Ayaka: Oh. Crap.
(Grunt grabs her bat arm with one hand, and casually hauls her in the air before starting to apply pressure. The bat falls from Ayaka's fingers and she cries out in pain.)
Blade: Hands off my adorable female sidekick! (he kippups to his feat; Grunt glances at him unconcernedly) Oh, you think you're too big for me to take down, huh? Well, I'll show you what else I learned from my venerable master!
(Blade ducks under a punch from Grunt, and then leaps up, trapping the giant's head in a headlock. Grunt reaches up with his free hand to grab Blade, but the cruiserweight has spun around his neck, propelling himself by running against the wall. With a cry Blade kicks off the wall, and the momentum drags the massive Grunt over in a super DDT, his head smashing directly into the fallen bat. This causes the bat to flip into the air, and Blade casually catches it as he lands on his feet. Then he hits Grunt with it again. Can't be too careful.)
Blade: Hmph. I have too much pride in my work to let myself and my fans down like that. Take THAT back to Ecosystem.
Ayaka: A little... help... please...
(Blade looks down, to see Ayaka half-buried under Grunt's massive bulk.)
Blade: Whoops. Eheh. I'm still working on that move.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Apr 28, 2008 18:32:03 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live from Boring, Maryland
Camera starts backstage, the lovely Miss Ayaka is sitting in a locker room, beside a box that has apparently been freshly delivered. She tears it open, tossing packaging and bubble wrap aside, and then carefully pulls out a t-shirt with Blade's face on the front, and the phrase "Ancient Japanese Proverb: The Key To Victory Is WINNING" in the back. She stares at Blade's features for a moment, an odd expression on her face. Then she pulls out her cell phone, pushes a quick-dial button, and starts yelling.)
Ayaka: What the HELL is this garbage? You incompetent idiots! You got his eye color wrong! YES, people will notice! Do you know how much money I'll lose by not being able to sell to the fans TONIGHT? This is the night he wins the WORLD TITLE! There'll be a run on these shirts like you wouldn't believe... if they didn't SUCK! And what kind of idiotic catchphrase is "THE KEY TO VICTORY IS WINNING!?" (pauses) I don't CARE if he told you to put it on the shirt! How many times have I told you not to listen to anything he says!?
(There's a knock on the door.)
Ayaka: Yes, you better have the replacements ready in less than two hours or I'll come there myself! And I speak LOUDLY, and carry a big metal STICK, which hits baseballs, and the HEADS of stupid people who can't follow simple instructions!
(There is a slightly more insistent knock.)
Ayaka: Look, I have to go. No, I don't know what catchphrase! Look at the Art of War or something. No, wait, that's Chinese. Well, come up with something mysterious and pretentious! Like "A true athlete is the one whose heart is like a chrysanthemum" or some crap! Or just stick a random Japanese kanji on it!
(There is a very loud knocking.)
Ayaka: Just do it! Have them done to sell at concessions before the main event! Or else!
(She clicks shut the phone and walks over to the door, muttering to herself.)
Door: BANG BANG BANG.
Ayaka: Yeah yeah, I'm coming- (she opens the door) Aw, shit.
(She attempts to slam the door shut, but a leg prevents it, and the door slams open, knocking her back. Revealed in the doorway are Morte and LI, the latter still sporting a bandage on his head from the bat shot earlier.)
LI: Hello again. (smiles thinly) <Camera fades to black>
PYRO AND OPENING!
JW WESTGAARD vs. THE MARYLAND MAULER JWW is making his OOWF debut, The Maryland Mauler is a local enhancement talent. The match lasts about a minute. JWW storms the ring and levels MM with a boot to the face. Scoop slam and a big Flying knee drop JWW covers, but only gets two. MM tries to throw down and square off with JWW, but a right cross and a jab to the nose and MM is down. JWW scoops him up again, hits a spinning pile driver, and that is it, already. WINNER in 1:17 JW Westgaard
ANTOINE CUTTER vs. SALTY DAWG
AC hits the ring and immediately attacks Dawg. AC levels SD with several stiff kicks to the head and face. Once SD is on the mat, AC springs off the ropes for a dragon senton bomb. Cover gets two. AC waits for SD to get to his feet, then scales the corner and catches SD with a hurracarana sending SD to the floor. Once outside, SD staggers for a moment, AC connects with a breathtaking springboard asai moonsault. AC slides under the ropes, SD barely gets in before ten. AC helps SD to his feet, Dawg rakes the eyes and clubs Ac on the back of the neck, AC is on one knee. Dawg plays to the crowd a bit, Cutter seizes the opportunity and sweeps the legs and leaps on Dawg, AC applies the full nelson camel clutch, the Neck Fusion (??) and quickly gets the submission. WINNER in 2:15 – Antoine Cutter
CHRIS COLE vs. ENDO
Stare down to start, lockup ends when both men go to the eyes. Cole gets the advantage by kicking Endo in the midsection and clubbing him across the neck. CC throws Endo out of the ring, and follows him to the outside. The two exchange chops and punches, Endo gains the upper hand when he reverses an attempted Cole whip and sends him into the steel barricade. Endo chokes CC against the railing, pausing just long enough to roll back into the ring and break the ten count. Outside Endo picks up Cole and slams him on the floor. Endo climbs to the apron and when CC gets up he nails a flying clothesline off of the ring apron. CC sprawls to the floor. Endo gets up with a sick grin on his face. Once again he scoops up CC to slam him, but turns it into an attempted tombstone pile driver on the floor! CC frantically tries to escape, finally working his way over Endo’s shoulder and to the floor behind him. To escape, CC clotheslines Endo from behind, sending him face first into the ring post. CC rolls back into the ring breaking the count. Outside Endo is laying on the floor, blood pouring from a gash n his forehead. Endo sits up on the floor and stares at the pool of blood that collected from his dripping forehead. After a few seconds he realizes that he is bleeding. He runs his hand across his forehead and sees blood coating his hands. Endo’s eyes roll into his head and he begins trembling uncontrollably. Endo screams and charges the ring. CC quickly escapes to the outside, without warning, Endo grabs the ref in a claw hold and applies pressure. In no time the ref is flat on his back screaming, it is not long before blood pours from between Endo’s fingers, after a few more seconds the ref stops thrashing and lays still, blood pooling around his head. Officials storm the ring and pull Endo off of the ref and force him to the back. WINNER in 4:19 by DQ – Chris Cole
MARK VANDER & BEAST vs. SMARK & “NATURE BISCUIT” BRAD SMOLEY
Vander and Beast come to the ring first; as they are waiting the lights go dim, and the music for 2001 A Space Oddity starts! Is it Flair? Smark come out first, the spotlight shines on the entrance ramp and out comes… Brad Smoley? Fully dressed in a Ric Flair robe and matching tights and boots…oooookaaaaay. Smark tells Smoley that he is the Nature Boy, for some reason Biscuit holds up four fingers and yells WHOOOOO! a lot. Beast and Vander have to suppress hysterical laughter as Smoley makes it into the ring and struts across from one corner to another. The fans are laughing, Smoley calls them Fat Boy. Finally Smoley disrobes, high fives Smark, turns toward a waiting Vander, runs his fingers through his hair and yells another WHOOO, Vander punches him in the mouth, dropping him on his backside. BS is quickly to his feet and the two lock up, BS whips MV to the ropes, Vander ducks a clothesline and rebounds with one of his own. With Smoley down, Vander tags in Beast. Beast storms the ring, Smoley tries to beg off, Beast laughs and pounds on Smoley. Beast gets him to his feet and sends him to the ropes, when Smoley comes off; Beast lifts him high for a press slam. Beast slams Smoley to the mat and he screams in pain. Beast gets Smoley to his feet again, before he can do anything, Smoley pokes him in the eyes and makes the quick tag to Smark. Smark charges into the ring and eats a big boot. Beast follows that with a running leg drop. Tag to Vander who comes in and whips Smark to the ropes, belly-to-belly suplex gets two. Tag back to Beast, Beast comes in and sends Smark in, and catches him with a power slam. Cover is broken up at two by Smoley. Smark gets the upper hand by low blowing Beast, then makes a fast tag to Smoley. Smoley comes in and lays chop after chop into Beast, he just smiles and laughs. Beast knees Smoley in the midsection and sends him to the corner. Smoley hits the corner upside down, flips over the top rope, runs across the apron, climbs the ropes and leaps. Well, Beast has seen THAT move before, so as Smoley is climbing the ropes, Beast hits the opposite ropes and when Smoley lands on his feet, Beast nearly cuts him in half with a spear. Smoley is dead. Beast tags Vander, then charges across the ring and slams into Smark sending him flying off the ring apron. Vander picks up a semi-conscious Smoley, goes behind and hits a perfect dragon suplex. Outside the ring, Beast grabs Smark and nails a club o’death. Back inside, Smoley has no chance to kick out, the ref makes the three count. WINNERS in 5:01 Beast and Mark Vander
After the match, Vander’s management team congratulate the pair and announce that thanks to Beasts efforts, Vander is now in sole possession of the Maryland Athletic Commission World Tidewater Tag Team Championship! Beast looks at them puzzled, slaps Vander on the back and leaves the ring. Vander looks embarrassed and quickly follows. His management team quickly catches up with him and they argue about something, Melissa is heard screaming something about more product placement. Vander shakes his head as Melissa produces a tube of Murphy’s Genital Wart Remover ointment. Vander grabs the tube, smiles real big for the camera then hangs his head and walks to the back.
DONOVAN VIPER vs. ERIC O’MAC Before the match can start, we cut to the back where Viper is arguing with Ecosystem DV: You’re the general manager right? What is this crap, why am I fighting Eric O’Mac? I should be fighting Microplay for that world title not this glorified jobber, what the hell has he ever done anyway? E: Well, he was in a tag team with Canadian Dragon for a bit. DV: And… E: Well, that’s about it. DV: You’re kidding? Look, I don’t care about the Intercontinental title, you and your Establishment flunkies can fight over that, I have bigger things in mind, I want, no I DEMAND to be in the World Title mix, and if you don’t give me what I want…. E: WHAT? What are you gonna do? You gonna get the Ministry after us? Seems like the Ministry is pretty withered these days, I wouldn’t go running your mouth too much with that as your only back up. Now, as far as the World Title goes, knock yourself out, you can be in the mix all you want… DV: Great that’s damn right… E: AFTER you take care of Eric O’Mac. After that, you can knock yourself our, enjoy losing to Niles and the rest of them DV: Look, you just announced that at the Dance of Death pay per view only the top three contenders can be involved in the match, well right now, I am not in the top three, I can not be wasting my time with chumps like Eric, I need to be kicking some ass with the big boys so I can take my rightful spot at the top. E: Well then its simple, take care of O’Mac, and you are well on your way <Viper glares at Eco and storms off> <Camera cuts to EOM talking to SFJ#7 (Special Holiday Edition)> EOM – so, after I take care of that Viper dude, how bout me and you go catch some waves on my van waterbed? SFJ7 giggles From out of nowhere Donovan Viper attacks, viciously slamming EOM’s head into the concrete wall and floor. With EOM down, DV wraps his elbow in chain and slams EOM in the head with his Death Elbow. EOM is on the floor bleeding and grabbing his head in pain. DV stares at his handy work for a second, then for good measure he picks up EOM and drops him with a sidewinder on the floor. EOM lays motionless as officials flood the back. DV laughs maniacally for a moment then walks away. <Eco is watching a replay of the attack on the monitor when Donovan Viper storms into his office> E: What the hell are you doing? What was that all about? DV: You said take care of Eric, so I did, he is out of action for the night, now I want in on that three way dance, you put me into that match or…. E: Or else what? DV <Wrapping the chain around his elbow> Or else you get taken care of the same way Eric did E: Fine, it’s your career. You’re in the match. Just a word of warning <Eco steps real close to DV> This time you got away with it, in the future, don’t make it a habit of threatening the Establishment, or else, YOU will be the one being taken care of. <the two stare at each other for a moment, then Viper leaves the room>
GRUNT & ECOSYSTEM vs. OUTBACK JACK & GATORBAIT
Gator and OBJ start strong taking it to Grunt and Eco. GB squares off against Grunt and rocks the big man with a series of chops and punches. OBJ sends eco into the ropes and floors him with a right cross to the mouth that leaves Eco with a bloody mouth. OBJ slams Eco’s head into the corner until eco slumps into a heap in the corner. GB drops Grunt with a diamond cutter. With Grunt on his back the two take turns stomping away. Eco tries to make the save, but gets shoved aside; Gator turns to Eco and throws him over the top rope. The two get Grunt to his feet and hit a total elimination move. GB goes outside and brawls with Eco, OBJ makes the cover on Grunt; he gets two before Grunt powers out. Grunt gets to his feet, OBJ hits him with a lariat to the back of the head, Grunt is staggering around the ring. Jack climbs the ropes and hits a flying bulldog. In perfect position, Jack locks on a cross face trying to get Grunt to tap. Outside the ring, Eco sees his partner is in trouble; he gets the upper hand on GB by going to the eyes and super kicking GB. Gator sprawls across the floor and slams face first into the ring steps. Eco is quickly under the ropes and breaks the cross face just as it looked like Grunt might tap by dropkicking Jack in the back of the head. Grunt rolls to the outside, and Eco and Jack are finally the two legal men. The two brawl for a bit, with Jack getting the upper hand when Eco went for an enzuguri, Jack ducks and nearly takes off Eco’s head with a clothesline. Jack tags GB who comes in and drops a knee across Eco’s face. Cover gets two. Both men back to their feet, GB sends Eco to the ropes, but puts his head down too soon; Eco grabs him, and hits an inverted twist of fate. Cover is broken up at two by OBJ. Quick tag to Grunt who comes in and scoop slams Gator. Grunt charges across the ring and knocks Jack off the apron, Jack crashes into the railing. Eco quickly runs over to Jack and hits another inverted twist of fate; Jack is out on the floor. Back in the ring, Gator gained the upper hand by elbowing Grunt in the nose when he went for a choke slam. Gator hits the ropes and Eco grabs at his ankle. Gator turns to argue with Eco, who jumps to the apron, grabs Gator and drops him neck first over the top rope. Gator falls back, flat on the mat; Grunt comes off the far ropes with a thunderous big splash and covers. Eco reaches in and holds Gators legs down ensuring that he cannot kick out. The ref cannot see over Grunt’s massiveness and never sees it, he makes the three count. WINNERS in 7:45 Ecosystem & Grunt
HARDBODY HARRIS vs. AX-MAN – WEAPONS MATCH
Harris comes to the ring to a chorus of cheers from the fans. Axe comes to the ring next, accompanied by a masked gentleman he introduces as The Chairman. Ax grabs the mic and tells Harris that if he wants the bloody chair back, he will have to beat him for it. Axe tries to attack from behind but HH avoids the attack and clotheslines Ax out of the ring. The two brawl around the ringside area, looking for weapons. HH grabs the house mic and slams it into Ax’s ear. With Axe knocked goofy, HH grabs a chair and slams it across Ax’s back. With Ax down, HH walks over to The Chairman, who sits and stares, he doesn’t move a muscle. While HH is trying to figure out what his deal is, Ax tries to attack from behind, HH sees him at the last moment and back body drops him through the Portuguese Announce table. Ax crashes through the table to the floor. HH mounts him and rains punches down on his face. Ax, comes up bloody. HH rolls him back into the ring, and tosses a kendo stick in after him. HH waits for Ax to get to his feet, then lays him out with a kendo shot to the head. The blood flows a little more freely now. HH gets Axe back to his feet and sends him to the ropes, HH tries a clothesline with the kendo stick, but Ax ducks it and rebounds by spearing HH in that injured knee. HH is down, grabbing his knee and yelling in pain, Ax is also down, trying to shake off the cobwebs. Both men to their feet, Ax grabs the kendo stick and slams it across HH’s injured knee. HH’s knee buckles and he tumbles to the mat. Ax spends several minutes working on HH’s knee. At one point, Ax locked on and Indian Death Lock for several minutes, HH would not submit, he nearly passed out from the pain several times, but would not give up, he kept screaming something about Fievel or something. Finally HH works his way to his feet, but Ax grabs one leg and dragon leg whips HH across the ring. Ax slides out of the ring and grabs a steel chair. Back in, he takes the chair and wears out HH’s knee, slamming it over and over again across the wounded knee. Then for good measure he slams the chair down across HH’s skull, drawing blood in the process. Ax grabs HH’s leg and screams REMEMBER THIS, BITCH? And slaps on a figure four in the center of the ring. HH is desperately looking for an escape, the crowd is roaring his name, the ref looks very concerned, as if he is contemplating stopping the match. HH finally collapses, his shoulders are down, his arms stretched straight out above his head, the ref counts one, two, before the ref can count three, HH grabs the nearby kendo stick, sits up, and slams it across Ax’s head, once, twice, three times. Finally Ax breaks the hold. HH is still down clutching his knee. Ax is back to his feet and attacks; HH fends him off by jabbing him in the midsection with the kendo stick. When Ax’s back is to HH, he puts the stick between Ax’s legs and crotches him. Now both men are down and bloody. HH uses the ropes to get to his feet first. Ax is up and charges at HH, HH hits a sloppy, but effective TO BE EDITED IN LATER. Before HH can move to make the cover, The Chairman, who had not moved one bit the entire match springs to his feet, slides into the ring with the bloodstained chair, and absolutely crushes HH’s head with the chair. The Chairman drops the chair, picks up HH and tombstone pile drives him on the chair. HH is out cold. He drags Ax over to HH and drapes his arm across him. The ref has no choice but to count, anything goes. Three seconds later, we have a winner. WINNER in 20:25 Ax-Man
After the match, The Chairman helps Ax-Man to his feet; the two shake hands and embrace. TC raises Ax’s hand in victory, then unmasks to reveal…. CHRIS COLE!?! What the hell is this? The two take a few parting kicks at HH then leave the ring together amid a chorus of boos and debris. What is this all about?
MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER
Moose is not wearing his usual ring attire; it appears that somehow his luggage was mysteriously misplaced, so instead he appears to be wearing coveralls or something. AA makes it to the ring, and gets right in Jack’s face going on about how after this match Jack WILL respect him and such, Jack ends the debate by punching AA in the mouth, and it’s on. Jack keeps the upper hand with a series of clotheslines and punches to the face. Jack chokes AA on the top rope, breaking only when the ref threatens a DQ. Jack slingshots AA back into the middle of the ring. Jack hits the ropes and drops a knee across AA’s throat. Cover for one. Jack sends AA into the corner and follows with a clothesline. AA bails out of the ring, Jack follows. Outside, AA goes to the eyes and slams Jack on the floor. AA measures MHJ and levels him with a running elbow as he gets to his feet. AA slides into the ring, Jack follows before getting counted out. AA chokes MHJ, and screams at the ref when he is threatened with a DQ. Jack shakes off the choke, but AA hits the ropes and nails a bulldog, cover gets two. AA picks up Jack and starts working on the neck, he hits a spinning neck breaker, and then locks on a chin lock of doom, pulling back with all his strength on Jack’s neck. Jack makes it to the ropes and the ref forces a break. As Jack gets to his feet, AA kicks him in the midsection and hits a DDT. For good measure, AA picks up Jack and hits a twisting brain buster, Jack looks out. Cover gets two as Jack gets his foot on the ropes before the three count. AA sets up Jack for a pile driver, but Jack is able to reverse it into a backdrop. Jack is unable to capitalize, and AA comes back and drops Jack once again with a rude awakening neck breaker. Cover gets another two count. AA sends Jack to the ropes, catches him and hotshots him across the top rope. AA smirks, and yells to the crowd “THIS <pointing at MHJ> is the tough guy around here? Double A is the REAL tough guy, not this chump.” AA climbs to the top rope, calling for a flying elbow. AA leaps, but Jack is able to move before he connects. AA is down; Jack slowly gets to his knees. As AA stands up, Jack springs forward and levels AA with a brutal clothesline. Jack goes nuts, and mounts AA pounding on him repeated shots to the head and face leave AA stunned. Another whip to the corner followed by a wicked death elbow across AA’s nose. AA slumps down in the corner and Jack stomps away. AA is dazed as MHJ pulls him to his feet, after a belly to back suplex; Jack stands AA up again, and hits a heart punch. AA tumbles out of the ring in pain. Jack follows and slams AA’s face into the railing and ring post drawing a stream of blood. As AA gets to his feet, Jack charges but AA catches him and turns it into a spine buster through the Samoan Announce Table. Both men are down, the ref starts the count, AA is able to get in the ring enough to break the count, then roll back out to continue the punishment. AA gets Jack to his feet and tries a suplex; Jack reverses it in midair, comes down behind AA and shoves him into the ring post again. Jack notices the count and rolls in to break it. Jack gets on the apron, and hits an elbow drop across AA’s throat. Jack grabs AA and begins biting his forehead, turning the trickle of blood into a heavy flow of blood. Jack gets AA to his feet, kicks him in the midsection, and pile drives him on the concrete floor. AA is out. Jack rolls him back into the ring, makes the cover and gets three. WINNER in 12:48 Moosehead Jack After the match, Jack gets close to AA’s ear and says, “Welcome to the OOWF, my friend.” Punches him in the mouth, and rolls out of the ring and heads to the back.
CANADIAN DRAGON vs. GIMMICKMAN vs. NILES ANDERSON vs. DONOVAN VIPER – TEXAS TORNADO MATCH
Dragon, Gimmick and Niles look a bit perturbed that Viper forced his way into the match, DV looks supremely confident. The three attack at once, and pounce on DV showering him with punches and kicks. While NA and GM are stomping away, CD retreats a bit and watches the action. Gimmick turns from the beating and eats a drop kick from CD. Niles turns to see what happened and eats a Dragon spin kick to the mouth. CD grabs Niles and sends him to the ropes, he catches him on the rebound with a frankensteiner and Niles tumbles out of the ring, CD follows that with a headfirst suicide dive. Back inside, Gimmick is back to his feet, where he is speared by DV. Viper is quickly to his feet once again, gets Gimmick back to his feet and goes behind for a release German suplex. DV goes for a cover and gets two before CD comes back inside and breaks it up. CD slams Viper, and goes to the top rope, where he is caught by Gimmick. GM superplexes CD off the top rope, before he can move, Niles elbow drops Gimmick and goes for the cover, Donovan Viper breaks up that pin attempt. Viper picks up Niles and throws him over the top rope. When Viper turns his attention back to the ring, Gimmick kicks him in the mid section and European uppercut’s him over the top rope. Niles and DV are outside the ring, back inside, CD tries to kick GM, GM catches his foot. Dragon tries for a ghetto blaster, GM ducks, then dragon suplexes CD, GM bridges for a pin, but CD rolls the shoulder at two. Outside the ring, Niles is after Viper, the two take turns trading chops and punches. They are standing on top of the Lithuanian Announce Table; Niles musters his strength and dropkicks DV off of the table and into the crowd (HOLY SHIT!) unfortunately for NA he crashes through the table as he lands. Viper gets to his feet first, climbs back over the railing and is about to brain Niles with a chair. MHJ runs out, grabs the chair from DV and slams it across his head, DV collapses in a heap outside the ring. Officials mob Jack and force him to the back. Inside the ring, CD tried a moonsault after laying Gimmick out with a running power bomb, but missed. GM was quick to lock on the STF in the middle of the ring, as CD was about to tap, Niles makes it to the ring and clotheslines GM off of Dragon. Niles sends GM to the ropes and hits a belly-to-belly suplex; pin is broken up at two. DV is still on the outside, barely moving. All three men are slowly to their feet, CD super kicks GM, but before he can go for a pin, Niles attacks and DDT’s CD. The ref gets to two, but CD gets his foot on the ropes before he can make it to three. Outside, Viper is on his knees trying to climb on to the apron. Niles whips dragon into the ropes, CD ducks a clothesline, and baseball slides slamming DV right in the face, knocking him out of the ring again. Inside, GM attacks Niles, sending him to the ropes and connecting with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Niles bails from the ring, GM follows. Outside, Niles charges but GM catches him with a Spartan Plunge onto the German Announce table, the table, oddly, does not break. GM goes back inside the ring, where he is met by CD. Dragon charges, GM sidesteps, then catches CD as he comes back, and whips him into the ropes harder. Dragon sees Niles coming to his senses on the German announce table, springs to the top rope, jumps, does a 180 and springs off the top rope connecting on Niles and the German announce table with an unbelievable Dragonsault. The crowd erupts, even GM stands and stares as Niles and Dragon crash through the table to the floor. With GM and the ref distracted, DV slides into the ring and blasts GM with his chain wrapped elbow o’ death. DV quickly discards the chain and makes the cover on the unconscious GimmickMan, three seconds later an its over. WINNER in 25:25 Donovan Viper
CONCRETE TG vs. LD WILLIAMS
Feeling out process to start, the two lock up several times, each time they make it to the ropes, LDW surprisingly gives CTG a clean break. CTG looks a bit confused by this, expecting more of a brawl than a wrestling match. Another lockup and this time LDW takes CTG over with a deep arm drag. After a few minutes of this, the two settle into a technical masterpiece, they exchange moves and counter moves. LDW gets several near falls with pinning combinations. At one point he thought the match was over when he reversed a CTG fireman’s carry into a crucifix pin. CTG retaliates with a backslide that would have gotten three, but LDW’s feet were on the ropes. Finally at the 20-minute mark, CTG makes his first big mistake. He lowers his head too soon and LDW capitalizes with a vicious spinning neck breaker. LDW works over the neck. At one point, LDW sets up CTG and delivers a Diamond Cutter from the top rope. CTG manages to kick out at two. After 30 minutes both men are nearing exhaustion. CTG gained the advantage by working over LDW’s back. CTG has a Boston crab locked on in the middle of the ring, but cannot get the submission. He releases the hold and hits a lionsault off the ropes, only a two count. CTG uses a crab variation, a lion tamer, and LDW is screaming in pain. Williams struggles but makes it to the ropes. CTG picks up LDW in a drop down backbreaker, the ref counts three, but then notices that LDW’s foot was on the ropes and calls off the result. The end comes around the fifty-minute mark. Both men are battling on the top rope, LDW has his back to the ring, CTG has his back to the crowd. CTG is able to kick LDW’s foot off the ropes, LDW falls and crotches himself; CTG leaps over LDW’s head grabbing him around the waist hitting a top rope power bomb. LDW is out; CTG is able to muster just enough strength to drape his arm across LDW. The ref counts three. WINNER in 52:31 Concrete TG After the match, Attitude Adjuster hits the ring and begins wailing on CTG with a chair. LDW gets to his feet and AA lays him out as well. He picks up LDW and DDT’s him on the steel chair. CTG gets up a bit and AA lays him out with a chair shot. AA puts LDW’s neck in the chair and climbs the ropes (like Kane – HBK), from the back, Johnny Adrenaline comes out to make the save. He grabs AA and nails an Adrenaline Rush. AA bails out of the ring. The crowd is going wild. CTG is to his feet; he stares at LDW and CTG, could they unite? No. JA kicks CTG in the midsection and picks him up for a pile driver, LDW climbs the ropes and the two deliver a spike pile driver to the champion. They leave to a massive chorus of boos.
CARL COOLNAME & CHRIS ALT vs. HELLION & CORAX
Hellion and Corax do not look enthused about facing this new team, and it shows in the ring. Carl and Chris are able to take advantage of several mental mistakes by the former champions and reverse moves. Alt nearly gets the pin on Hellion when Hellion’s attempted power bomb is reversed into a pinning position. A frustrated Hellion whips Alt into the corner; Alt springs to the top rope, flips over a charging Hellion, and rolls him up for a two count. Corax comes in and ends Alt’s run by tajiri kicking him in the face. Alt is down, Corax tags in. Corax super kicks Alt in the mouth, climbs the ropes and connects with a leg drop from the top. Cover is broken up by Cool. As Alt gets to his feet, Corax nails a shining wizard and tags in Hellion, Hellion climbs the ropes and as Alt stands up again, Hellion hits a flying clothesline. Cool breaks up the count again, Corax charges into the ring and throws Cool over the top rope to the floor. As Alt once again struggles to his feet, Hellion and Corax hit total elimination. Then things go to hell. Morte and LI come out on the ramp; Hellion and Corax are distracted by the pair and take their attention off of Alt and Cool. The Dragons come through the crowd and attack from behind; Hellion and Corax are battling the Dragons, trading punch for punch. Morte and LI make their way to the ring; they attack the Dragons, now it is a six man free for all. Not to be left out of the fray, Outback Jack and GatorBait hit the ring, as the eight men are battling, and the ref is struggling to maintain control, Alt and Cool seize their opportunity. Coolname waits for Corax to turn around, then blasts him with a super kick to the mouth, Alt, who was still the legal man, rolls up a stunned Corax from behind, and the ref makes the three count. WINNERS in 8:19 Chris Alt & Carl Coolname After the match, Alt and Coolname quickly disappear from the ring, so as not to get sucked into the wild brawl. The four teams are still tearing at each other like a bunch of savages. Finally officials are able to separate the teams and get them back to their locker rooms.
(Blade is watching the events of Midweek Mayhem on the locker room TV.)
Blade: Huh. Well, maybe Coolname and Alt aren’t so bad. Either one could maybe give me a challenge. Or maybe I'll take them under my wing someday, teach them the skills a wrestler truly needs, like my master did for me. (softly) Banzai, master. Banzai.
(There is a knock at the door.)
Blade: Oh hey, she must be here! (getting up, he walks over to the door) What were you doing, any-
(He cuts off, because Ayaka is in fact not there. Nor is anyone else. Instead, there is a note taped to the door. Blade blinks, then shrugs, takes the note, and opens it. The message inside, in true bad detective movie fashion, is composed entirely of letters cut out from magazines: primarily the OOWF magazine! CHEAP PLUG!)
Message: bLade: wE hAve Your wOMan. lose yOur MAtch agaInst MicRoplaY oR eLse.
sinCereLy, THe esTaBlishmenT
Blade: (scratches head) Why would they bother signing it if they wanted to hide their identity using clippings? (pauses) Oh, wait. (crumples the note in his hands) Those bastards have Ayaka! If I don't... don't... wait, what'd they want? (he uncrumples the note again and looks at it) Oh, right. Throw the match. Throw the match? My world title match?
(A long moment passes in silence. Finally, Blade's face darkens, and he tucks the note into the pocket of his pants.)
Blade: Obviously, they don't know how important this match is to me.
(He turns around and walks back into the locker room.)
DRAGONS vs. MORTE & LI
Back to live action after the promo, The Dragons and Morte & LI are in the ring, the bell has not rung and they are already brawling with each other, BD and LI square off outside the ring, SD throws chairs into the ring at a waiting Morte. As SD tries to come into the ring with a chair, Morte baseball slides and slams the chair into his face. Outside, Blackdragon slams LI into the steel guardrail and chokes him with the microphone cord. Just when it seems like it cannot get any worse, Hellion and Corax, and Outback Jack and GatorBait rejoin the fracas. They bring their own weapons with them Hellion has Donovan Viper’s chain, which he is using to bloody LI, Outback Jack is working over BD with a bat, Gatorbait and Morte are battling over a kendo stick, and Corax has a piece of splintered wood and is trying to gouge out SD’s eye. The ref tries to maintain order, but somewhere in the melee he is slammed in the face with a chair. Once again officials flood the ring and separate the four teams. Even the GM is out there trying to maintain some order. As the teams are separated, and things begin to calm down, Eco grabs the mic. E-“OK, enough of this! Hellion, Corax, Outback Jack and you, GatorBait, you just caused The Establishment the World Tag Team Titles. I mean, c’mon, there was NO doubt that Morte and LI would have brought home the gold. Since you guys cannot keep your noses out of each other’s matches, here’s what is going to happen. Right now, at Dance of Death on January 30th, it is The Dragons defending the titles against Hellion and Corax, Outback Jack and GatorBait, and Morte and LI, BUT, from this moment on, if ANY of you interfere in the others matches, that’s it, you lose your spot in the Dance of Death. No interference, no backstage attacks, no parking lot attacks, nothing. When my boys take those titles, I don’t want to hear any excuses from any of you. Does everyone understand that? Good, now clear out.”
MICROPLAY vs. BLADE
Blade comes to the ring first; he has a look of grim determination on his face. MP comes out next and taunts Blade, asking him what he thinks the Establishment is doing with Ayaka. Blade attacks with a vengeance. Blade sends MP to the ropes and connects with a back elbow. Quick cover gets one. MP is to his feet; Blade sweeps his legs and gets a quick two. MP tries to scurry out of the ring, but Blade catches him by the tights and pulls him back into the ring. MP tries a clothesline, but Blade side steps it and hits a side Russian leg sweep for another two count. Blade suplexes MP then floats over for another two. MP is finally able to stop Blades momentum with a rake to the eyes. Double axe handle to the back of the neck sends Blade sprawling into the corner. MP follows it up by choking Blade with his boot, then choking him on the top rope, and finally running his face across the top rope. As Blade struggles to regain his composure MP runs behind him and high knees him in the back sending Blade over the top rope. MP follows him outside and slams him face first into the timekeeper’s bell. MP tries to pick Blade up off the floor, but Blade is able to snap up and hit a T-Bone suplex. Blade rolls into the ring, MP makes it back in just before the ten count. Blade sends MP to the ropes and hits a solo 3D. Cover gets two. Blade is feeling it now. He stalks MP and traps him in an abdominal stretch. MP quickly makes it to the ropes and Blade reverses it to a pinning attempt. Blade drops MP with a belly-to-back suplex and climbs the ropes. As MP gets to his feet, Blade hits a perfect missile dropkick. Cover gets two. Blade half nelson’s MP and throws him backward, half nelson suplex I suppose. Cover for two. Blade motions to the crowd and waits. The crowd is firmly on Blade’s side. Blade grabs MP and lifts him, and drops him headfirst, brain buster! It’s Over! Pin him! Before he can make the cover, the Establishment comes out on the stage with Ayaka in tow. Blade stops and stares at the group. MP recovers enough to bail out of the ring. Eco has a mic. E-“Blade, remember our agreement.” Blade just stares and shakes his head no. Outside the ring, MP has grabbed his world title and is heading toward the ring. Out of the crowd comes…. Canadian Dragon? He attacks Micro from behind, grabs him and power bombs him on the concrete floor. After a few kicks, CD grabs the world title and disappears through the crowd. The ref never saw a thing. The ref turns around and begins to count out MP. Blade keeps yelling at Establishment members. Blade turns around and realizes what is going on when the ref hits nine, but it is too late to stop him. WINNER by count out in 15:49 Blade After the ref raises his arm in victory, the Establishment hits the ring and starts beating on Blade. Grunt and LI hold Blade by the arms and Eco repeatedly slaps him across the face, yelling something about not obeying the Establishment. Morte has Ayaka trapped in one corner. MHJ steps up and heart punches Blade, dropping him to the mat and sending him into convulsions. Niles picks up Blade and drives him into the mat with a brutal DDT. Eco hits an inverted twist of fate. Blade is now helpless, no longer able to defend himself. Grunt grabs Blade and lifts him for a choke slam slamming him to the canvas. Eco whips Blade to one corner and Grunt follows him with a massive splash, as Blade falls helplessly, Grunt bounds off the ropes and thunders down with a big splash. The fans are near riot, trash fills the ring. At some point Microplay wakes up and realizes what has happened, he looks frantically for the title, then heads to the back. Finally Morte lets Ayaka go, she runs to Blade’s aid and the Establishment leaves the ring. The camera focuses on an unconscious Blade and a weeping Ayaka and fades to black.
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