OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 12-30

[mooseheadjack]

Ok here is the lineup for the next MidWeek Mayhem show, it will be up sometime between the 29th and the 5th, I will be in NC for a week or so, so I won't have time to work on it. Anyway here are the matches, so you guys can stew in your hatred and plot ways to himuliate and maim each other thought promos

1. Dragons vs. Morte & LI vs. Hellion & Corax vs. Outback Jack & GatorBait ECW style elimination match (you can get pinned but your partner stays and can win the titles for the team) for the OOWF World Tag Team Titles
2. LD Williams vs. Concrete TG for the OOWF Intercontinental Title
3. Blade vs. Microplay for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title
4. Hardbody Harris vs. Ax-Man Weapons Match
5. Carl Coolname & Chris Alt vs. Brad Smoley & Smark
6. Canadian Dragon vs. GimmickMan vs. Niles Anderson
7. Mark Vander & Beast vs. Grunt & Ecosystem
8. Viper vs. Eric O'Mac
9. Endo vs. Chris Cole
10. Moosehead Jack vs. Attitude Adjuster

As usual the card is subject to change

[mooseheadjack]

beast is sitting in his locker room, noticably upset that viper cost him the OOWF title. in walks mark vander's associates alex and melissa. they have perminent, condesending smiles on through this meeting.

Melissa: hi, mr. beast?
Alex: alex bensouir and melissa lane. management and PR for mark vander and mark vander inc.
ML: and how are you today?
Beast: what do you want?
AB: yes, of course. straight to business, huh?
ML: would expect otherwise?
AB: with this one? of course not [fake laugh]
B: WELL?!
AB: ummm, yes. see, we see that you have tag match coming up with our client mark vander against grunt and ecosystem.
ML: and we just have some papers we'd like you to sign before the match.
AB: it's nothing important, just a formality really.
B: papers? like what, a contract?
ML: a standard release form is all.
B: and what exactly am i releasing? besides a Big Monster Hammer Club Of Death on both of you in about 2 minutes, of course.
AB: heh heh. well, it basically says that you relinquish all rights to any titles that may or may not be won in this match, and that they become the sole proporty of mark vander.
ML: and that neither mark vander, or mark vander inc, it's associates or subsidiaries are responsible for any damages that may occur to you in this match. and... well...
B: AND?
AB: ahem. well, you see, since this match is against the GM of the federation, it is very possible that a win on our part could bring forth future punishments towards you and/or our client from a not-so-happy ecosystem.
ML: it basically says that you agree to take any punishments or repricussions thrown in our clients direction.
B: so let me get this straight... first i have to agree to give up any fake titles that you two claim are on the line in the match, then i have to say that mark vander isn't responsible for any injuries that may occur to me, even though he's my partner so he wouldn't be hitting me anyway, THEN i have to agree to perform and punishments eco throws mark's way if we win, so that mark doesn't have to. is that correct?
AB and ML: that's right!

the beast thinks for a moment. then his face lights up as he gets an idea.

B: alright. i'll sign your paper. but only AFTER you guys do something for me.
AB: and what would that be?

alex and melissa move in closer as the beast starts to tell them something quetly. they start to nod in agreement and the camera...


(fades out)

[mooseheadjack]

[Chris Cole is packing up his bag about to leave the arena when token female interviewer enters]

FI: Chris Cole, at next weeks Midweek Mayhem you have your match against Endo. What are your thoughts?

CC: First of all, address me as "The Main Event" Chris Cole. The way I performed out there you damn well better believe I earned that much respect. As far as my match with Endo, I couldn't be more happy (a smile appears on Cole's face). I'm starting to like the way things work around here. I don't have to wait long to get my hands on that pasty freak who cost me my truimphant debut. Endo, your nothing more then a sideshow. Why don't you pay Smark a visit if you want to find out what lies in your future. We will go one and one and there is nowhere for you to hide. You better spend the next few days with loved ones because after Midweek Mayhem your quality of life is about to decline. Yuo have angered me and now you will feel my wrath. Endo, I don't like seeing my own blood. When that happens I get mad and when I get mad people get hurt. Your blood will be the one spilled next week. I guarentee that."

[Chris Cole walks out of room while Female Interviewer does the quizzical, stupid look followed by slight head bob]

[mooseheadjack]

So Mr. Mooseheadjack has decided that I am good enough for his resume. Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Jack…hey, can I call you moosehead, maybe just “head”? Hey, head, let me tell you something: A loss to Attitude Adjuster looks pretty good on anyone’s resume, so I can see why you want to get in the ring with me again. Just having my name on your resume brightens it up a bit. And from I can tell, your resume needs refreshing. Let’s see: Lost to Attitude Adjuster, lost to Concrete TG, lost to…oh, this just gets boring!

So let’s go back to less than a month ago, when I pinned you in the middle of the ring. 1, 2, 3. I bet that went right to the top of the resume: Pinned by Attitude Adjuster, the Great American Icon. Hey, don’t get upset now. Concrete TG’s made a nice career out of being defeated by Double A. If you’re lucky, someone at Denny’s might recognize you and ask you to get my autograph for them.

Head, I have an attorney because I’m a big star. I’m From Hollywood! The last time you probably had an attorney it was court-appointed and plea bargaining for time served for the Great Slurpee Theft in Mt. Pissoff, South Carolina.

“I took Concrete to hell and back.” “I earned the respect of the guys in the back.” “Your blood flows next.” Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…. That and a $20 bill gets you a transvestite for 15 minutes two blocks from this run-down high school gymnasium we’re at this week. I really need to assess the financial gain these towns are achieving by having me within the city limits. Hotels are selling out nightly due to the rabid fan base that follows me everywhere.

Mr. Head, even with this broken hand and 64 stitches in my head, defeating you will be the easiest victory of my career.

[mooseheadjack]

Dangerous Donovan Viper is walking down the hallway where he finds Mean Refried Bean Okerland.

DDV: Give me the mic you bald little bitch.

Bean: My word! I'll have you know

Viper smashes Mean Refried Bean Okerlund with a death elbow and then gives him a sidewinder. Picks up the mic.

DDV: Hey, Beast! As you can tell, I certainly have not forgotten about you. I will NEVER forget about the torment you have caused me in the past few weeks. But Beast, dear boy, you don't know the first thing about torment. But don't worry, I'll show you. You think keeping you from winning the world title was something? Hah! Wait til you see what I've got in store for you.

Viper pulls out an inflatable doll, a jar of pickles, a ball of twine, a giant rubber band and a yardstick from a bag.

DDV: You're wondering what all this is, Beast? Well, let me tell you how this equates to your torture....

At that point, Mark Vander's associates Alexander Bensoir and Melissa Lane come in and interrupt.

AB: Donovan Viper? We need to talk.

DDV: Hey! You're interrupting my promo!

AB: Doesn't matter, we have more pressing issues.

DDV: But, but, I was just going to show Beast what an inflatable doll, a jar of pickles, a ball of twine, a giant rubber band and a yardstick has to do with his demise. It's good, I swear.

ML: I'm sorry, but we have business matters to discuss. Did you say, a jar of pickles?

DDV: Uh, yeah...

ML: Are they Vlasic?

DDV: Always The Perfect Pickle.

Melissa opens the jar and takes a bite.

ML: Goddamn these are good pickles! Ahem, Mr. Viper, come to our office, let us talk.

Viper walks off with Lane and Bensoir..

[mooseheadjack]

I get to face a heel?? Cool.

I've beaten Blade once before, and i can surely do it again...

Just a piece of cake.

[mooseheadjack]

*Chris Alt is signing autographs at a photo-op in his hometown of Little Rock when OOWF's token unnamed female interviewer and a cameraman arrive*

FI: Chris Alt, the card for this week's edition of Midweek Mayhem has been announced, and it's going to be you and Carl Coolname against the team of Brad Smoley and Smark.

CA (laughing): Are you serious? I might as well call Carl and tell him to take the night off. I mean, Smoley I respect, but Smark? He may not be able to wrestle, his teeny-weenie may be throbbing from beating off to Benoit's last match.

FI: Are you sure it's such a good idea to underestimate your upcoming opponents?

CA (rolling his eyes): Oh, geez, are you kidding me? I'm the hottest thing to come into this company-- hell, I'm the hottest thing to come into this INDUSTRY-- in a long, long time, sweetheart. You think I'm sweating Brad Smoley and some guy that falls asleep at night masturbating to the Hard Knocks DVD? Absolutely not. And when I've got a guy almost as awesome as myself in Carl Coolname backing my play... well, do I really have to break this down to you?

FI: I suppose not... you two certainly looked like a formidable team at the pay-per-view.

CA: LOOKED LIKE? Wrong-o, doll. Carl Coolname and I will have a tag team title shot by February, tops, and we're going to show everybody what all the hype is about. Now, get out of here, before being too close to me makes you cream your panties and you embarass yourself.

[mooseheadjack]

[Carl Coolname walks up to where Alt is sitting and asks for an autograph.]

CC: "Allright Chris Alt, can I have your autograph?"

CA: "We're a team, why do you want my autograph?"

CC: "I need it to impress the ladies, OH YEAH!!!!"

CA: "Ok then?"

[Alt autographs a photo and hands it to Carl. He walks up to some random ladies and holds the photo up.]

CC: "So ladies do you want to hang out with a hot stuf? OH YEAH!!!"

RL: "Sure!!"

CC: "SCORE!!!!"

[The ladies push Carl to the side and run to Chris Alt and start kissing all over him.]

CC "DEEEEENIED!!!!"

[Carl goes about looking for more ladies as Alt and the girls mingle.]

[mooseheadjack]

(At an undisclosed hospital, which just so happens to have a set-up that allows for a camera and sound crew to film in the rooms....)

Mark Vander: Oh, god. What would it take to get another ice cream cup in here?

(Alex and Mellissa enter in a flourish)

Alex: Up and at 'em!
Mellissa: You've got a big match coming up.
Mark: Err...Match? I'm not even medically cleared to compete. I lost a LOT of blood at the PPV.
Alex: Ah, but you WON!
Melissa: You have a reputation to uphold. Besides, you're HARDCORE!!
Mark: Ugh...Do me a favor, and go get me an ice cream cup.

(Melissa exits. Alex sits down next to the bed)

Alex: We've signed your release in your sted. It's time for you to get out there and make us some money.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. We'll...it's a tag match? I think I'll be all right. Beast can hold up his end.
Alex: About that...We've got some issues to discuss.
Mark: What?
Alex: It's just a little paperwork. No biggie.
Mark: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell are you talking about.
Melissa: Who wants ICE CREAM?!

(Mark stares blankly into his ice cream cup, as Alex and Melissa look patronizingly on. Fade to black....)

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles is backstage with Grunt, obviously distraught about the listings*

Niles - I mean, a triple threat match? Come on. I already beat Dragon. I should be going against just Gimmickman. I'm a SINGLES competitor. That means one on one! Not Triple Threat!

Grunt - ugh

Niles - I know you got my back Grunt. It's just unnerving. I'm always getting screwed out of the win in matches like these. I'm like a crab in a bucket. Just because I'm the one on top, everyone feels the need to pull me down.

Grunt - ugh

Niles - It's a good thing I had a plan going into this. I mean, what would I do without you Grunt?

*Niles starts chuckling in a sinister way. As he and Grunt pull away, we see Gimmickman in the background lying in heap, all bloodied up.*

[mooseheadjack]

hellion an corax go into their locker room to find donnie viper tied up hanging upside down from the ceiling with a dead squirrell shoved in his mouth.

Hellion: OH JEEZ!!
Corax: oh man. help me get him down.

hellion and corax lower viper down and un-tie him.

Donnie Viper: angs ah-fha
H: try taking the dead squirrell out of your mouth first.
DV: *p-tewey* sorry. thanks alot i said.
C: who did this to you?
DV: those managers or agents or whatever they are of mark vander's.
C: well let's kick their asses!
H: yeah!

hellion and corax start heading for the door.

DV: wait! stop!
H: what?
DV: we can't touch them.
C: why not?
DV: if we can do, they can sue us.
C: what?
DV: they made me sign a paper saying all blame for their actions go to the beast, and that if i retaliate in any way towards them or mark vander thay can sue.
H: well we didn't sign any paper. you stay here, we'll get em.
DV: unfotunately the clause extends to any ministry members past and present.
C: well what the hell did you sign this for?
DV: i didn't want to. they did after i was tied up. the put a pen in my hand and signed my name for me.
H: they signed it?
DV: with my hand.
H: that'll never hold up in court.
DV: maybe not in the real world, but this is the wrestling world. here you can sign a binding contract even if it's not even your name on the contract.
H: hmm... that's true.
C: so what are we supposed to do?
DV: well i guess we're contractually obligated to blame the beast for this and retaliate against him.
C: god damn beast!
H: seriously! he's out of control.

the three of them stand there in silence for a moment.

DV: well, this is a complicated situation. i think maybe we should take a minute and come up with a plan before doing anything...



(camera fades)

[mooseheadjack]

DV: I can't believe that bitch ate all my pickles. This would never have happened if the Big Dawg was around.

C: Never mind that. We've all got matches to prepare for.

H: Those were some good pickles though. Listen, me and Corax have a huge match coming up at Midweek Mayhem. What have you got for yourself? Title match? Revenge match to the Beast? #1 Contender's match?

DV: I don't know. I've been so preoccupied with Beast, I haven't bothered to check. Let me go see.

They walk over to the schedule in the hallway. They see Mark Vander.

MV: Y-y-y... you know you guys can't touch me!

Corax and Hellion start running towards him making faces and hooting and hollering sounds as Vander runs in fear of his life.

C: fuckin pussy. Let's see what you got here...

DV: Are you fucking kidding me? Eric O'Mac? Who the hell is this guy?

H: He used to be Canadian Dragon's tag team partner until they split up recently.

DV: Is he any good? Has he done anything of note lately?

C: Nah, he sucks.

DV: Well, what the hell is this? last month I fought for the World Heavyweight Title. I was in the title hunt for the IC title not too long ago. And now I'm just in these early-card matches with these nobodies? And matches with Blade? What the hell is going on here?

H: No doubt. Although, you might want to win one of these matches one of these days. If it makes you feel better, Blade did get a World Title shot after beating you.

DV: No, that does not make me feel any better. I gotta go find Eco. I ain't wasting my time with this Eric O'Mac guy.

Viper heads towards Eco's office as we fade to commercials.

[mooseheadjack]

A close up of blood-stained chair, the chair is taken away to reveal the Ax-man

Boo! Heh heh, did I scare you? No.

Well look, here is chair with the blood of Hardbody Harris and it is still in my possession, so Harris, when are you coming to collect your property, hmm? Remember now it’s with me, and not at the lost property desk. The way I see it Harris you’re a real lucky fella, because you see, you caused me to lose a match, I lost something, something that I can’t get back, and then I caused you to lose something, your blood, the difference is I’m willing to give back what I took, see I’m a considerate guy.

But as a result I’ve been walking around everywhere with this chair. And I’ve realised that I can’t do my normal daily activities, and carry around this chair, so I’ve gotten some help, calls someone over into shot, come on over, A wrestler wearing a black mask walks over.

Now let me introduce you all to… well for the lack of a better term, “my insurance policy”. This man right here will look after the chair when I’m not available. That’s right I’ve hired a bodyguard for the chair, he is in all purpose’s a chair-bodyguard. Say I gotta take a piss, he holds the chair, well it was either that he holds the hatchet for me while I pee.

So if I want to pick wild daisies in a field, do some volunteer work in an old folks home or have some quality time with the lady or ladies of my choice, my chair-bodyguard, will take care of the chair, and any questions you may have. I sincerely hope that helps.

But don’t worry too much because, if you’re worried that I might be a tad angry and seek revenge and you feel too scared to come and claim your blood, that’s ok, cause I’ll bring the chair and it’s bodyguard to our weapons match, at Mid-week Mayhem, and I’ll give to you then. So, you know, there’s no rush, your blood is in very good hands.

And one last thing, as I’ve requested to the fans before, it’s a weapons match, so kids lose the big ol’ pieces of card and throw away your magic markers, and bring something useful… and constructive, like baseball bats and barb-wire, hell even thumb tacks. That’s it, I’m done, for now. Come on, chair guard let’s check out the local hardware stores.

[mooseheadjack]

(Concrete is resting up at home. He's still covered in bandages but doesn't look all that uncomfortable)

It's been a rough week..... miles of bandages, hours of rehab, days of barely conscious mumbling.....

Moose knows he was in a fight at Violent Resolutions...

And trust me, facing anyone ELSE right now will be a picnic.....

No offense, LDW.

I hope to be a lot closer to 100% once this match goes down. and I won't disappoint.

Cause after all Moose did to me I've proven it.....

This Concrete Don't Crack.

[mooseheadjack]

*For the first time, we see Hardbody's living room, which consists only of a reclining chair and 37 mirrors. Hardbody sits back in the chair, his legs elevated and his arms crossed behind his head. He's as relaxed as can be as he begins to speak.*

"Ax-Man, Ax-Man, Ax-Man. You are one silly little hatchet, aren't you? You're taunting me with a steel chair? You hired a FREAKING BODY GUARD to hold it while you sit down to pee? Why do you think I want it that bad, if at all? Because you hit me with it? Please. I've been kabonged with every weapon the OOWF has to offer, and it's not as if I tried to collect the broken shards of the whiskey bottle The Biscuit hit me with. However, if you hit me with a delicious Triscuit cracker, I might try to claim that. Those are tasty. Where was I?

Oh. Perhaps you think I'm coming after that chair because it has my blood on it. Son, have you been paying attention? My blood flows like wine. I blade at HOUSE SHOWS, for Pete's Sake. My blood coats the ringropes in Walla Walla, buckets still soak the gymnasium floor in Pierre, and I even cut myself shaving, RIGHT HERE, IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM!

*The cameraman says, "YAY!"*

"Ax, I don't want your chair, and I care even less about my blood. Clone me, for all I care. You can keep it as a souvenir, like I do. Walk with me for a second."

*The camera follows Hardbody down the hallway to a door marked "Trophy Room." They enter, and the wall is adorned with all sorts of wrestling artifacts.*

"See this? This is the boot I used to kick Ecosystem's ass last night. Oh, right here? This is the tooth I knocked out of Mick Foley's mouth. Oh, this bent iron pipe? I wrapped it around Wendi Richter's head. She deserved it. I have trophies upon trophies, and Ax, you better keep that chair. I'm thinking you're not going to get many more."

"Make your little trip to Builders Square (wait, they're out of business), or Lowe's, or Home Depot, or wherever the hell you're going to get your little tackhammer and you're itty bitty step stool. At Midweek Mayhem, I'm going to bring the pain like never before. Just wait and see."

"Oh, I have one more trophy to show you."

*Hardbody reaches in his pants and pulls out a pair of panties, and then sniffs them. Twice. Okay, three times. Oh, great, now he's licking them. Hardbody, stop that, oh, that's just...wait, who's writing this? Ahem...*

"Your girlfriend gave these to me last night. We had our own little "weapons" match. You see, I inserted my penis in her vagina and thrusted, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Yes, she certainly found out what it was like to fornicate with the #1 FACE IN THE OOWF!"

[mooseheadjack]

The camera focuses on L.D. Williams:

“Well, Mr. Alan Capps, I hope that after our match at Violent Resolutions your attitude has been adjusted. I hope you realize that we don’t play games here in the OOWF. I let you set the stipulations of our match, Mr Capps. I allowed you to break those same stipulations, and still, I defeated you. You seem to believe we have unfinished business, but remember; No legal action. For Anything. Ever.

The truth is, AA, I have no interest in you any more. You’re Moosehead Jack’s plaything now. Have fun. I have bigger things on my mind. Things like Concrete TG and the IC title.

I’m glad you’re looking forward to our match Concrete. The truth is, it should be a different experience for you. Because I’m not after your career. I’m not after your life. All I want is the Intercontinental Title. I would advise you not to make the same mistake that a lot of other people around here have. Do not take me lightly. I may not be after blood, Concrete, but I will take that title…any way I can.”

[mooseheadjack]

*Camera cuts to a home decked out in Christmas decorations. Canadian Dragon walks in front of the camera and picks up a china Santa*

CD: "It's odd how much this fat little man means to people at Christmas. But the truth is that Mr.Claus here means so much to keeping the charade of what Christmas is about. See Christmas is not about the holiday spirit, and being goog to your fellow man...Christmas is about greed and desire."

*CD drops the doll, which shatters on impact.*

CD: "Such a powerfull symbol, but one that is so fragile...much like the OOWF World Title. See, as long as The Establishment has the title to market and promote, they are able to convince people that the OOWF is something that it is not. For the OOWF stopped being about WRESTLING and COMPETITION the moment that Eco and Jack were given control."

*CD walks in front of a TV that show Microplay poses with the World Title*

CD: "But much like Saint Nick, it's a fragile image. See without a World Title to promote, the OOWF will be exposed as nothing more but a tool to feed the greed and ego of the men running it."

*The camera zooms in on the TV which is showing a close up of the OOWF Wolrd Title*

CD: "Your farce will be over soon Establishment. And when it ends, the nightmare begins....sleep well."

[mooseheadjack]

* “The Attitude Adjuster” Alan Capps sits in a director’s chair on a soundstage. A woman is putting the final touches on his makeup while his ever-present attorney stands behind him. A stage hand walks over and brings AA coffee and a bagel. *

"Mooseheadjack has decided that a holiday trip to New York City was more important than preparing for his match with me, Double A. Well, that’s fine, because I too have no reason to prepare for Mr. Head. See, I’m a major movie and television star. My persona is known worldwide. I flew my Leer jet to Hollywood today, at this director’s expense, because he wanted my pretty face in his show. My attorney negotiated a fine contract, in which I have to be here for only 47 minutes. They are allowed only four takes, though (hehe) I can do this in just one.

The rest of the time I have before my match with Mr. Head, I will spend here, in Hollywood, with my many friends and associates, who have more class in their right hand than you, Mr. Head, or the entire OOWF fanbase. If it weren’t for the apparent prestige of the OOWF titles, I would never set foot in that part of the country. In fact, my attorney is currently working with OOWF officials to have as many house shows and PPVs as possible moved to California or Las Vegas.

Mr. Head, you have a merry little Christmas in New York. Because when you (loudspeaker in the background: Extras to the set! Extras to the set!) get in the ring with me, your days of happiness will be over. I will reign…

The director walks in front of the camera, irritated: “OK, look Mr. Adjuster. How many times have I told you to get this camera and your freak show attorney away from here. (AA looks to the camera with a look of concern.) Lana, how many times do I have to tell you: Extras don’t need makeup! (AA starts making throat-slashing motions to the camera.) Bobby, make sure this guy doesn’t raid the buffet table like yesterday. (AA tries to shush the director.) I don’t know who you are or who you think you are, but to me you’re “Man on the Street #17” and you need to be on the set right now!”

* Attitude Adjuster walks away from the camera, speaking with his attorney. *

“Make sure that doesn’t make it on the promo tape we send to the OOWF. Who does that director guy think he is anyway? Oh, go see if you can scam me another blueberry bagel, huh? And find out when the bus leaves for Corona so we can get to Mom’s in time for dinner.”

[mooseheadjack]

Ax-man and the Chairbody guard are happly sitting in front of a roaring fire place, sipping on eggnog, wrapping presents and singing Christmas carols

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the on… Oh hello boys and girls, I didn’t see you come in. I hope you all have a jolly Christmas. Chairguard and I are busy wrapping Christmas gifts for all are chums in the OOWF. Show the boys and girls Chairguard.

The Chairguard holds up a gift, which looks suspiciously like a bear trap tightly in Christmas paper.

Can you guess who this gift is for boys and girls, that’s right it’s for Hardbody Harris, Sadly I won’t be seeing him for Christmas, but don’t worry, I’ll catch up with him at Midweek Mayhem next week and give it to him then. What other gifts have we got to give out?

Chairguard pulls out a tightly wraped Baseball bat with nails through the hitting end

Wow. I wonder what that could be? Who is it for Chairguard?

Chairguard holds out that name tag which says Hardbody Harris

My goodness another present for Hardbody, what a lucky little boy he must be. And look another present for him Ax-man holds up a shot gun wrap tightly in Christmas paper another gift for Hardbody Harris, I think someone’s been a good little boy to deserve all these gifts, Don’t you think so Chairguard? the Chairguard nods in agreement

I think Harris is going to love these gifts… Chairguard interrupts Ax-man and passes him some reindeer antlers wrapped up Oh deer, what ever it could this be, is this a gift for me Chairguard? Nods yes. Should I open it now boys and girls, or wait for Christmas morning? You want to open it now? Oh all right then. Ax-man open’s the gift Well isn’t that nice antlers, that’s a very Christmassy gift isn’t? And here Chairguard I have a Christmas themed gift for you, he hands the Chairguard a box, of which the Chairguard pull out a pair of woman’s panties. The Chairguard writes down on a large piece of card (for he is mute) “what’s so Christmassy about panties?”

Why silly, they’re Carol’s.

And speaking of which I think that it’s time to get back singing (Using he’s blood stained chair as an air guitar). Ok every one a1, a2
1, 2, 3, 4,

It's christmas time in hollis queens
Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens
Rice and stuffing, macaroni and cheese
And santa put gifts under christmas trees
Decorate the house with lights at night
Snow's on the ground, snow white so bright
In the fireplace is the yule log
Beneath the mistle toe as we drink egg nog
The rhymes you hear are the rhymes of darryl's
But each and every year we bust chrsitmas carrols

[Edited on 24/12/2004 by Katie Vick killer]

[mooseheadjack]

Soul Dragon paces back and forth, an agitated expression adorning his usually composed face. A few moments pass and the sound of humming catches his attention. Without turning off-screen towards the door, he smirks.

SD: What the hell are you so Jolly about? The holiday was Saturday.

BD: Doesn’t mean I have to stop celebrating.

Soul Dragon is taken aback slightly by the non-characteristic jubilance in his partner’s voice.

SD: What’s gotten into you? And what’s with the bag?

BD: Can’t a guy just be happy? (He sets his huge black duffle bag on the bench)

SD: Not you. (takes a seat next to the bag) So Mr. Season’s Greetings, where the hell
have you been? I haven’t seen or heard from you since the pay-per-view. You
remember the pay-per-view right? Where we got beat down by six guys. Six guys,
who by the grace of Eco, are allowed to challenge us for our titles at Midweek
Mayhem at the same damn time. Not to mention a certain somebody who doesn’t
know his role.

BD: Be easy. One thing at a time, my friend. Reach into the bag. Got a little something
for you.

SD: (throws him a bemused look before retrieving a DVD) “The Rise and Fall of
Graveyard Championship Wrestling?”

BD: That’s for Gryphon. See, he’s even on the cover. (points to a battered Concrete
holding up a blood stained contract) I got you San Andreas.

SD: Seriously dude? (Begins throwing various items aside including a set of Bow Flex
adjustable weights, a Disney World vacation package, and five of the new, sleeker
PS2s) Time to play the game, bitches. (kisses the cellophane wrapping, then quickly
changes expressions from ecstatic to serious) Okay, so what about our problem?

BD: The tag titles?

SD: Always, but I’m thinking more about Concrete.

BD: What about him? He in the hospital again?

SD: Who knows? Between Harris and Concrete, we could start a pool on who goes to
ICU the most next month. But this isn’t about his fragile body. This is about him
thinking he’s the leader or something. If I’m not mistaken, we put together this l
little alliance. Now he’s playing some game of chess with Moose and treating us
like pawns. Hell, he even has figurines. And Beast, damn that guy is getting on my
nerves. It’s bad enough we have to contend with Hellion and Corax, and now he
goes and gets Viper involved as well. Let’s just say the outlook for our little group is
not looking rosy.

BD: Like I said bruh, be easy. We’ll get together with those two and possibly Semaj if he
ever makes it back into the country and have a little team meeting. I’m sure we can
air our grievances and hell, maybe Jen could make some pie.

SD: Pie’s always good. Wait, who the hell is Jen?

BD: Jennifer Lytle. You know, Sexy Female Journalist 2.

SD: You mean they have names?

BD: I’ll pretend you were just kidding around. Anyway as for the tag titles, history is on
our side. It’s as if there is some unwritten law that states anytime a champion, or
champions as is our case, is met with seemingly insurmountable odds, they will
triumph. Reach into the bag and show our opponents what I got them for
Christmas.

SD: There’s nothing left inside.

BD: Exactly. (Smiles and waits for SD to reciprocate) Now let’s play some Grand Theft.

[mooseheadjack]

[All that is heard is waves crashing on the beach, and the occasional seagull, as the camera fades into a shot of a luxurious beachfront home. The camera slowly zooms into a sign at the foot of the deck...

SOLD.

Camera fades to black.]

[mooseheadjack]

(A RapdXpress courier walks into the locker room.... and almost gets run over by Beast who crashes between walls out of boredom)

RXP: Excuse me, is there a Mr. Dragon here?

Blackdragon/Souldragon: Yes?

RXP: oh, I didn't realize there was two of you.... (checks notes) oh, I have two packages. (Hands one to BD) please sign here, then hand it to your brother to sign on the next line.

SD: But I'm not-

BD: (gives SD a look)

SD: (sigh) okay.....

RXP: (hands each one a box) enjoy the rest of your holiday. (hurries out before Beast comes back)

BD: hey, this is from Concrete......

SD: you thought he forgot, huh?

BD: after all the abuse HE's been getting? I'm surprised he remembers how he gets home some nights.

SD: (opens his) this is weird.... it's a figurine

BD: (opens his) yeah, mine too.......

SD: (holds it up) It's a....dragon with a figure in its mouth

BD: (holds his up) so's mine..... (looks back in the box) there's a card here, too.

SD: (puts the figure down and digs out the card) oh.....

(the cards read, in some very sloppy handwriting.....)

To the Dragons: Best of Luck at Midweek Mayhem. I thought you'd like these tokens to inspire you for your match. Soul's dragon is evicerating Morte, and Black's dragon is mauling LI. I don't play chess, so I don't need them.

See you at Midweek Mayhem

ConcreteTG

PS - hey, if we're a faction, howcome we don't have a name yet?

BD: (shrugs) Merry Christmas, I guess.

SD: Surprised he remembered.... these are kinda cool, tho.

(the Dragons place their figurines on top of the tv and get back to playing San Andreas)

[mooseheadjack]

CTG is in his locker room thinking about how much the dragons must love their christmas presents. suddenly the beast comes calling through the ceiling much like judd nelson in the breakfast club. he stands up and shakes off the dust.

Beast: hey concrete. i got a couple things i need to talk to you about.
ConcreteTG: sure thing. what's on your mind?
B: first off, why the hell didn't i get a christmas present? i saw you got the dragons something, but i got nothing.
CTG: i just wanted to with them luck in their big match with morte and LI.
B: yeah, well that kinda brings me to my other thing i wanted to discuss.
CTG: okay...
B: i'm having some issues with our as-yet-unnamed-face-faction.
CTG: is it that it's as-yet-unnamed? i think we should go with KNIGHTS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE!
B: that name's hella gay man. so gay in fact that i actually had to say "hella." but no, it's as-yet-unnamed-ness doesn't bother me. it's an organizational thing.
CTG: what do you mean?
B: well for starters we dont have our own lockerroom yet. hell, i dont even think all five of us have ever even been in the same room together.
CTG: hmmm... well maybe once.
B: dude, i havent even MET that semaj b guy yet.
CTG: oh. well that's certainly an issue
B: and beyond that, you're so focused on the establiment--
CTG: well that who i put us together to fight.
B: i know. but you're so focused on them that you dont realize that for the rest of us it's the ministry that's the big issue.
CTG: well i know you have your thing with viper, but semaj and i in it with the establishment hardcore. and the dragons are have a match with morte and LI.
B: and hellion and corax and some other guys. and if you'd been paying any attention at all, you'd see that hellion and corax have been giving them a hell of a lot more crap trying to get their tag titles back.
CTG: well what do you want?
B: the ministry is weak right now. underdawg is missing. smoley is doing other stuff. it's just hellion corax and viper. now's the time. as a team lets take them out.
CTG: then you'll focus on the estblishment?
B: YES! come on man. be a leader. get us a lockerroom. introduce me to semaj b. help me take care of my business so i can help you take care of yours. and do it quick or i'm gonna start cursing and getting all sexy so you get in trouble at work.
CTG: fine fine. can we start by picking a name?


(fade out)

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG and Beast are contemplating a name)

CtG: see, I can't get us a lockerroom of our own if we don't have a proper name.

Beast: well, you didn't get me anything for christmas.

CTG: I can't afford a contractor to follow you everywhere, man... would you like a crash helmet instead? You don't strike me as a figurines guy.

Beast: I don't need a crash helmet.

CTG: point.... hmmm... our name should be one or two words and preferably something really cool.... you know, like "Evolution", "four horsemen".....

Beast: Or "Wrecking Crew"....

CTG: does that fit the dragons, tho? Or semaj?

Beast: I HAVEN'T MET SEMAJ, HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?

CTG: (falls off the bench)

Beast: (grumbles)

CTG: (getting up) since you're teaming with Mark Vander, I figured you're getting a crack at Eco. Maybe we should barter with him that if you and Vander beat Grunt and eco (and you will), we get a lockerroom, we take the name "Wrecking Crew", and I'll see where semaj is hiding. fair enough?

Beast: hmm.....

CTG: I'll throw in the figurine... (pulls out an ogre figurine spearing a troll figurine)

Beast: ooooo.....

CTG: what d'ya say?

[mooseheadjack]

Beast: when did you learn vantriloquism?

CTG: huh?

B: well you must've been throwing your voice cuz you made it look like I suggested "wrecking crew" as a name. i would NEVER. god that's awful.

CTG: well what do you think it should be, since you're so smart?

B: ...

CTG: well??

B: well...

CTG: what?

B: ...well i didn't want to come out and say it, cuz it kills the joke, but quite frankly as-yet-unnammed-face-faction is a much more entertaining name than anything you've come up with.

CTG: that's not a name!

B: it's better than wrecking crew or knights of the squared circle, that's for sure.

CTG: well like i said you're not--

B: oh, and dont you think maybe this conversaion should be held with the rest of the group here? how could we come up with a name with less than 50% of the group? jeez man.

CTG: fine. get the rest of them here.

(the beast gets on the stadium intercom)

B: *kkshh* ALL MEMBERS OF THE AS-YET-UNNAMMED-FACE-FACTION PLEASE COME TO CONCRETE'S LOCKER ROOM *kkshh*