OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 08-13-08

[mooseheadjack]

<We cut to the GM's door where the lineup is normally posted, but instead we see LJ Bennett standing there holding a sheet of paper>

LJB: Well well weeeell. Davin, you certainly got more of a match from Justin Sane than you thought you would! Another performance like that on your end, and you will be at the bottom of the ranks and you will never even SNIFF another title shot.

Now, Justin Sane is a fine competitor and all, but the man is kind of small in size. I think this week, this week you will get someone a little larger. Now, I could certainly call Beast, or bring Grunt back from the orient, but that would just be another match to you. No Davin, I think this week, you are going to have to face a large man that is near and dear to you. A man you trust and respect. A man you repeatedly went to bat for so he could earn a spot in the OOWF. Yes Davin, this week you are facing.......

Carl From Fresno

You have fun with that.

<Bennett turns and pins the lineup sheet to the GM's door and walks away laughing>


OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Cordoba, Spain

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Whoever is Eliminated in the Tournament Royal Elimination Match

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Alexander Darling vs. Chris Cole

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. The Worlds Greatest Fag Team

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Attitude Adjuster vs. Firewoman

Tournament Royal Elimination Match[/u]
The Dead vs. Blitz vs. Spin Hansen vs. Tytan

#1 Contenders Match[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Carl From Fresno

IHOP vs. Justin Sane & Bunny
Apocalyptic Existence vs. ZK DeBeers
Concrete TG & Stank vs. Moosehead Jack & The Amnesiac
DH Magnusson vs. Tyson Kincaid
Seamus McNasty vs. Outback Jack
Eric O'Mac & Poe vs. Cape Town Cannibals

Card subject to Spanish Galleons

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade into the palatial IHOP lockerroom, which, incidentally, is significantly less palatial than the palatial IHOP Championship lockerroom. That said, it’s still pretty nice. I mean, it’s got a decent-sized TV for keeping up to date on OOWFTV – LJ Bennett still hasn’t given IHOP back their video game privileges, so they’re stuck watching what everyone else is doing. And you know what really pisses IHOP off (SYB especially)? The OOWF ninja cameramen never, ever seem to catch any of the OOWF’s female participants in, shall we say, "compromising" positions. Are these guys not being paid enough? Are they eunuchs? Seriously, what gives? Um, but getting back to the fade-in, we see…wait…where is everyone? Skurge? SYB? The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth? Hello? Guys? Huh. I guess they lost interest. My bad. I’ll fade in more quickly next time. *FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

Tytan is walking out of the arena after his victory into the Final Four in the Royal Tournament. Not-so-Dumb Blond Interviewer shows up with her Ninjacameraman.

NsDBI: Tytan can we have a word with you?

Tytan: Sure. By the way you must be new, what's your name?

NSDBI: I'm Sylvia. Also, I am not new now that you moved up the food chain they stopped sending the Dumb Interviewers to talk to you.

Tytan: I see. Well, that's pretty cool. What do you want to ask?

NSDBI: Well, it's seems like your luck has been changing. Your recent loss of your handlers. Now, you have made it to the Final Four in the Royal Tourney. It actually even seemed like some of the fans are starting to cheer you.What are you contributing to your recent change?

Tytan: It's simple Sylvia. I have gotten the chance to do things my way. Don't get me wrong Ultimo Inc. was an amazing experience. But I was still under control of Steel.

NSDBI: Speaking of Steel, any update on his condition?

Tytan: It's still bad. There has been no improvement for the last several weeks.

NSDBI: That's to bad. Any updates on who ran him over?

Tytan: No....there has been some small leads but everything else has turned out to be a dead end.

NSDBI: So then what do you have to say to your opponents in the Final Four Match next week.

Tytan: Well it seems Spin we have a problem. It looks like the other two members of the four of use already have an alliance. So why don't you and I watch each others back and eliminate one of the two next week. After that it becomes every man for himself!
Now as far as Dead and Blitz remember who I am. You know what I can do. So be ready I want that title show at the Pay-per-view. I will go through all of you and destroy each one of you for the one-two-three.

NSDBI: Strong words from Tytan. Well that's all here--

(Just then a car pulls up to the spot where they are interviewing. Tytan looks and thinks he sees who is sitting in the passenger seat.)

Tytan: Diana!

(The car then speeds off as Tytan tries to give chase.)

NSDBI: Wow! We may have just seen the return of Dr. Diana Podvod back to you Jake!

Fade

[mooseheadjack]

It’s been a long grueling night at the Casablanca General Hospital. Alexander Darling is sitting in a hallway, trying to sleep, and failing. A nurse walks by to go into a nearby room

AD: Can you please let me know if she’s awake? And let her know I’m still here?

N: Yes, sir.

He settles back down and closes his eyes. A figure walks up, and his eyes instinctively open again. He sees DH Magnusson there, standing over him.

DHM: Long night?

AD : Yeah…kinda….

DHM: So…..

AD: I don’t know. [yawns] Haven’t seen her since we brought her in.

DHM: Did you get a hold of –

AD: Yeah, like he takes my calls. I called Alexis and she’s going to track him down. I think they were headed towards New Jersey. What are you doing here?

DHM: Got a call from the hospital, said to come down, she wants to see me.

AD: Oh? [raises an eyebrow] Just how close did you guys get while she was “managing” you? [and he makes the little quote marks with his fingers]

DHM: You’re lucky we got a cease fire goin’ or I’d—

He is interrupted by the nurse who comes out of the room and walks up to them. Alexander stands.

N: Mr. Darling? You can go in now. Are you Mr. Magnusson?

DHM: I am.

N: You can too. But make it quick, Ms…. Uh….Firewoman needs her rest.

[Alexander and DH enter the room to find Firewoman almost totally dressed and ready to check out.]

AD: What are you doing? Get back in bed! She said you needed your rest.

FW: I rested. I’m fine.

DHM: But…what about…

FW: I said I’m fine. We have work to do, and I’m going to need your….fine, I’m going to need your help.

AD: Really? Mark this down on the calendar.

FW: Shut up. Attitude Adjuster tried to take something very important from me. And he has to pay. DH, you said you’d be there for me if I needed you right?

DHM: Well, yeah..

FW: Good…hey, who brought the NinjaCam?

AD: I dunno, they’re everywhere these days.

FW: You… get back to the monkeys in the truck. NOW!

The NinjaCam makes a hasty retreat as the door closes to block his view and the sound from the NinjaMic. The scene holds for a bit, as if he thinks their going to change their mind. When it’s obvious they are not, we fade out.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan sits alone in the dark as the cameraman makes his way toward him.)

Tytan: (TO the camera) Blitz I want you to think about this when you step into the ring next week at Mayhem. I want you to think about your buddy Blitz. Do yo think Dead really gives a crap about you? To him you are that annoying little brother that you can't get rid of. Do you think that if the time is right is wouldn't hesitate and feed you to the two wolves that are going to be standing on the opposite side of the ring.

I will tell you he wouldn't even flinch as we pound the life out of you so he can move on to the next week. He wants his title shot and he wants it his way. So he doesn't care if you get the beating of your life because it's all about him. Think about that and think about it all week. So when the time comes next week maybe you will beat him to the bunch and feed him to the wolves instead.

Just think about it Blitz...

(Smiles) I'm just watching out for you buddy.

See you soon Boys.

(Fade out)

[mooseheadjack]

**SFJ#47 approaches L.D. Williams.**

SFJ# 47: “L.D., this week at mayhem you will be facing one of the participants in the Tournament Royal Elimination match. You won’t know who your opponent is until that night. Are you concerned?”

LD: “I’m sorry, have we met? I’m L.D. Williams, the most decorated man in OOWF history. The Canadian Original. The OOWF World Heavyweight Champion! And you ask me if I’m concerned? Concern is for when Ma’s in town. Concern is for when Moose is in a good mood. A mystery opponent? – Not so much.

Don’t get me wrong. I respect every man woman and SYB who gets in that ring, and the one mistake you’ll never see me make is underestimating an opponent. My one goal as champion is to meet and defeat all comers. Dead, Blitz, Spin, Tytan, none of them have gotten a title shot yet, so they’re all on my list. Whatever order I face them in, my goal is the same – win.”

[mooseheadjack]

**Bunny lays on the ground, still hurting from the master beating he received from the Fags at Mayhem.**

[mooseheadjack]

Tytan is walking down the Hall of Random Encounters when he meets up with Sylvia and her ninjacamera man.)

Sylvia: Tytan! Did you happen to catch any of LD Williams comments?

Tytan: (Stopping) In fact I did and this is what I have to say to him. LD I respect you as the champ but you aren't worried about any of us that are coming at you. Well you should be! Don't you realize that we have the one thing that you are lacking these days...Hunger! You talk about being the most decorated champ in the OOWF History. Big Freaken deal! These guys that I am going to square off with come Mayhem have hunger and drive to take you down. So I would watch out because I am the first to tell you that one of us will take you down. And as far as the Pay-per-view and the winner choosing his own stipulations. (Tytan laughs) I have an idea that just might make sure that there is no crap and it will be a straight out fight.

Sylvia: Strong words Tytan. How do you plan on backing them up?

Tytan: Sylvia, it's simple. LD Williams hasn't faced someone like me. I am a man-made monster.

Sylvia: So you are putting yourself as the one that will face him in the Pay-per-view.

Tytan: (Smirks at the camera) What do you think? Right now it looks like I'm the only one that plans to bring it to the fight. Now I am sorry Sylvia but I got to get going.

(Tytan walks off)

Sylvia: Well there he goes and back to you...

(Fade)

[mooseheadjack]

The World's Greatest Fag Team are doing their best to look manly while sipping Spanish Margaritas

FFM- Didn't you quit drinking?

RH- I did, my character didn't.

FFM- Oh okay, cool.

RH- So where the hell have you been?

FFM- Winnemucca, Nevada. I'm gonna move there.

RH- Winnemucca? That;s not very ritzy.

FFM- Oh. Well, My character is still gonna live in Pacific Heights, but I'm moving.

RH- Oh, I see.

FFM- Where the hell have you been?

RH- I lost my internet connection at my place. Apparently they make you pay for it now?

FFM- Yeah! What the fuck is up with that!?

RH- I don't know. Its weird.

FFM- So we're challenging Phantos & Lucios this week.

RH- Think we'll win?

FFM- Of course not. Moose has never put us over them ever. They're the one team we'll never beat, especially now that they have the titles.

RH- True. Oh well, let's go bang some Spanish whores!

FFM- Are there a lot of Spanish whores down there in Riverside?

RH- No, scroll up.

FFM- Oh right! We're "in Spain." Whoops. So yeah, I'm moving a week from Tuesday.

RH- Cool. Well, good luck in Nevada.

FFM- Thanks, man.

Kayfabe- I was in the bathroom, did you guys need me for anything?

RH- Actually...no. Not a damn thing.

[mooseheadjack]

Camera fades into locker room and we see Seamus McNasty on the phone drying off and preparing to leave the arena

Voice on Phone: “So what the hell dude, you’ve been quiet, what’s up?”

Seamus: “Well, the rumor is Firewoman’s with child, so I’ve been laying low after what happened last time”

VOP: “What? Well it’s not yours is it? Is it Irvine’s?”

Seamus: “First no it’s not mine and I’m don’t know or care whose it is…if it’s like the old days then it’s like the meat counter – take a number”

VOP: “I thought she changed and all that.”

Seamus: “Maybe so but Virgin Mary she’s not”

VOP: “Wow that ought to put a cramp on her in ring action”

Seamus: “Yeah and her out of ring action”

VOP: “hahahahaha…so she’s preggers?”

Seamus: “Maybe, I’m not convinced we don’t have Russo writing this shit and it’s all a swerve.”

VOP: “Ahhhh is there anything worse than a Russo treatment?”

Seamus: “Dirty Dutch?”

VOP: “Oh yeah”

at that moment Kayfabe storms into the room, Seamus stands up quickly dropping his towel and reveling his little Seamie…Kayfabe stares at Seamus….Seamus stares at Kayfabe….seconds seem like hours….and Kayfabe jumps at Seamus kissing him with a deep French kiss and then turns and leaves

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack and Wally are standing in a backstage area at the local TV station in Cordoba*

OBJ: I'm not sure about this.

WBK: Relax, it's just a little local PR opportunity. OK, I think they're ready for you.

*OBJ walks through a curtain onto a talk show set and sits down on a couch next to the host, who conveniently speaks English, although with a Spanish accent*

OBJ: G'day, mate.

Host: Outback Jack, you look mahvelous!!!

OBJ: Er, thanks. Um, so do you.

Host: Thank. It is better to look good than to feel good. Don't you agree?

OBJ: Right, I guess so. Hey, nice couch you got here.

Host: Of course! It is made from rich Corinthian leather...

* Ricardo Mantalban and "Fernando" rush in and beat down the host, as a confused OBJ looks on. Wally walks on the set and hands OBJ a beer, which he drains, followed by the usual belch, as the beatdown ends.*

OBJ: That was Australian for why'd you do that?

RM: If someone's going to steal my catchphrase, in Cordoba of all places, they'd better get it right. I said "soft Corinthian leather" dammit!

F: Indeed. But you do look mahvelous!

[mooseheadjack]

(Sylvia Tytan's newest interviewer catches up with Tytan in training.)

Sylvia: Tytan do you have anything to say to LD Williams or any of the other Final Four?

Tytan: Sylvia, sweetheart relax. The whole point of cutting a promo is to have something for the others to run with. And that then builds up the heat to the match that week.

(Kayfabe steps out of a nearby locker room, and makes her way over and into the ring. Tytan notices this but continues.)

Now, in order to generate heat for a match. The other people involved need to do some of the talking, and as you can see that is what is going on.

(Kayfabe begins to stretch out and warm up. Tytan looks over and smiles.)

(To Kayfabe:) I'll be right there.

(Back to Sylvia:) So I have nothing to continue the heat for this match.

Sylvia: Not even the slightest word?

Tytan: Not until these guys decided to play along.

(Kayfabe looks like she is getting pissed off. Tytan seems amused.)

Sylvia: (Starts to pack up her stuff) Last chance?

Tytan: All right I'll give you this much. LD you know I'm the one that's coming for you--and I'll be ready to take that belt you hold most dear.
Blitz. I'd watch out The Dead may be playing nice with you but he will sell you down the river if given the chance.
Dead...enough said.
Spin my offer is still out there and waiting your response. Let's take care of the Evil Dead and make this you and me.

Now, is that enough for you?

(Just then Kayfabe can't take it any more she lets out a scream launches herself over the top rope and lands on top of Tytan where she begins to throw Haymakers onto him.)

Sylvia: That was perfect...

(fade out)

[mooseheadjack]

(The Amnesiac walks by Bunny, lying on the floor in a heap. He kicks the body. There is no movement. The Amnesiac points.)

Amn: Ha.

(The Amnesiac starts to walk away, when he is accosted by THREE SFJ's.)

Amn: What the hell? You're interrupting my Laugh'n'Leave (tm, Eric).

SFJ#291: The Amnesiac. Where have you been?

Amn: I've been right here. Where would you think I've been?

SFJ#292: Well, YOU'VE been right here, but your handler has been busy lately, hasn't he?

Amn: I'm sorry, my what?

SFJ#293: Your handler. That weird Demko guy.

(Kayfabe peeks out from behind a door.)

Amn: I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about. Please take this up with Moose, if there's an issue.

SFJ#291: AH HA! So you acknowledge Moose as the booker of the OOWF!

(Kayfabe looks like she's ready to pounce out from behind the door.)

Amn: Booker? No... I just think he'd be a better person to talk over all this stuff with. I've got a match with him this week. He's much better at this promo stuff than I am.

SFJ#292: But what about Demko's upcoming wedding? Do you think that will affect his ability to write promos for you in the coming weeks?

(The Amnesiac just stands and stares at the three identical SFJs, confused. Kayfabe jumps out from behind the door, and proceeds to lay a major asswhoopin on all three of them. The Amnesiac just points.)

Amn: Ha.

(The Amnesiac turns and walks away. Bunny's body twitches on the floor.)

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster is Old School tennis gear (think too-tight shorts and a polo sweater) in front of an Old School OOWF banner. He wears the Onslaught title belt around his waist and carries his tennis racket, which has a sticker that reads “Jim Cornette Fears AA.” SFJ #22 is just there to hold the microphone and look disgusted at the right moments.

AA: Firewoman, you say it’s time for me to pay? Pay?! Me?! Pay?! I don’t pay for anything! And especially I don’t pay you for anything I may have done!

SFJ #22: Don’t you think you went a little too far last week in hitting Firewoman in the stomach with a tennis racket, especially in her “condition”?

AA: Condition? What condition? You mean because she’s a woman and shouldn’t be in the ring with men? That’s just stupidity on her part. But look, Firewoman, if you think I need to pay, fine. (Pulls a wad of bills out of his pocket and starts tossing them toward the camera.) Here’s $100, $200, $300. Is that enough? You want more? $400, $500. Look, I’m sorry you hurt your little tummy last week at Midweek Mayhem in Casablanca, Monaco (cheap pop!). You got in the way. I was taking a break from the match and wanted to practice my backhand. I can’t help it if you were stumbling around outside the ring. And the same goes for that nameless referee who’s probably still dead. You...just...got...in...the...way. It’s that simple.

SFJ #22: That’s the most disgusting and deceitful thing I’ve ever heard.

AA: Most disgusting and deceitful? Come on. Didn’t you ever watch NWA wrestling in the 1990s? Disgusting and deceitful was telling us about a great main event at the start of the show, then starting that main event with two minutes left and having Tony Sciovone scream “We’re out of time!” Damn it, show the main event at the start of the show! Now that’s deceitful and disgusting. What I did to Firewoman—even if it was an accident—is far less devious.

SFJ #22: Are you trying to say that potentially ending a life is less disgusting than not showing a main event wrestling match?

AA: In this world? Damn straight.

SFJ #22: That’s the most disgusting and deceitful thing I’ve ever heard.

AA: Gawd. You’re all alike. Firewoman, this week at Midweek Mayhem in Cordoba, Spain (cheap pop!), we go at it again for MY Onslaught title belt. And if you think last week’s little incident landed you in the hospital with some internal bleeding, just imagine what I have in store for you this week. You may never wrestle again! Service! (AA mimics a serve and volley while the SFJ looks disgusted.)

[mooseheadjack]

DHM - So How'd it go in Vegas?

Stank - What?

DHM - Er... sorry. Everyone around here has been hassling Kayfabe lately. I thought I'd tr-

<DH Magnusson gets SPEARED off of his barstool by the woman known as Kay Fabe! They brawl off camera as Stank turns back to his beer nonplussed. OBJ walks over, sits up the turned over bar stool, and seats himself next to Stank.>

OBJ - ...

Stank - That was a strange interview.

OBJ - Wha? Oh. Yeah, mate. I guess... this is the OOWF.

Stank - True.

OBJ - I've been meaning to talk to you about what's going on between you and Moose.

Stank - Ain't nothing going on.

OBJ - So why didn't you guys tear the house down?

Stank - Honestly...? I'm as surprised by that as anyone else... I mean when I proposed the idea I was just testing Moose to see if he would hold up his end... and he did. It's got me thinking.

OBJ - What?

Stank - Someone from our side really did want me taken out.

OBJ - Or you're buying in to Moose's mind games still.

Stank - Oh come ON Jack. When have you EVER seen Moose pass up an opportunity to KILL someone in the ring? Hell, Moose doesn't hold back against anyone... including LD.

OBJ - Unless it doesn't fit his bottom line.

Stank - And what would his bottom line be?

OBJ - To divide and conquer.

Stank - Oh that's ridiculous...

OBJ - Is it..? It's seems to be working with you.

Stank - Jack...? Do you honestly think Moose is lying about this?

OBJ - I wouldn't put anything past him.

Stank - Well... I've got to look into this. I'm going to go find Crete.

<Camera Fades>

[mooseheadjack]

Blitz: You've been silent this week...

Dead: Really? That? Coming from you?

Blitz: Well I, uhh...ok, fine. Anyway, what's up?

Dead: You're a lousy promo device, you know that?

Blitz: Yeah...

Dead: So here's what's up. Last week not only did you and I kick the hell out of those Midnight Sons chumps, we also both made it to the final four of the battle royal.

Blitz: Yeah, did you see that move I did where I...

Dead: And now those aforementioned final four are in an elimination match. A match that I am going to win.

Blitz: Yeah! I mean, it's not out of the question that I could...

Dead: Anyone who crosses me will wind up dead. Count on it.

Blitz: *gulp*

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland and Carl from Fresno are SITTING in the Run DEA Suites, presented by Aquafina. We're joining them mid-conversation*

CFF: Davin man, you're the reason I'm here right now...I mean, without you; I'm jobbing every three months for a cheeseburger.

DM: Bullshit dude. YOU did this. You just needed the opportunity. I'd do it again.

CFF: So I don't know HOW I'm supposed to fight you on Wednesday. I can't do it.

DM: Of course you can. Don't you want to be number 1 contender?

CFF: Obviously

DM: Then you don't really have a choice, do you? I'm just some other dude that's blocking your way. That's hould be more than enough motivation.

CFF: I can't be held responsible for what happens then.

DM: *claps Carl on the shoulder* That's what I like to hear and remember; I can't be held responsible either. You know how I get.

CFF: Hey, have you heard about this Moose and Stank thing?

DM: What thing?

CFF: Apparently, Moose says someone on Team Rick is looking to take out Stank.

DM: Huh. Wonder who it is?

CFF: You believe him?

DM: Moose doesn't lie much. At least, not about stuff like this.

CFF: Who do you think it is?

DM: I wouldn't have any idea.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

While Carl and Davin are deep in conversation in a corner of the room, a man in dark sunglasses with an obviously fake beard comes in to the Run-DEA Suites sponsored by Aquafina. He is carrying a large box.

Man: Delivery for a Mrs. … [He looks at his clip board] … make that Ms. Fire Woman?

Samantha Darling: It’s all one word. What is it?

Man: I just deliver them. Sign here?

Samantha signs the clip board and hands it back to him.

Man: Where should I put this. Her room?

He starts to walk back to her locker room.

SD: Wait, you can’t go back there! She’s resting, and she’s kinda funny about who’s allowed … how did you know that’s where it was?

The man ignores her and walks to the door. He knocks. Firewoman opens the door.

FW: [looking] That is the worst disguise I’ve ever seen.

Lucky: Huh? It fooled everyone else.

FW: Get in here.

Lucky comes in with the box

FW: What are you doing here? How did you get to Spain?

L: A special friend of yours in a larger, more popular, but crappier wrestling promotion helped.

FW: Aw, he’s a doll. What’s in the box?

L: Coca cola. Caffeine free. I know it’s the only thing that settles your stomach when you’re sick, and I got caffeine-free cos I know that's important right now.

FW: Great, I haven’t been able to find it anywhere! [she tears into the box and grabs one, goes into another room to get a glass with ice, and comes back]

Lucky: Glad you like it.

FW: Wait…what makes you think…

Lucky: I wasn’t banned from watching OOWF-TV. So… I know. Are you okay after the match with Attitude Adjuster? Is … uh. … everything okay?

FW: I don’t know whether to smack you for listening to gossip or hug you for being so nice. Everything is fine. As for, Attitude Adjuster, you saw his latest promo?

Lucky: I did. I can’t believe…

FW: You know what I can’t believe? Of all the heels I’ve known, no one would have pulled a move like Attitude Adjuster did with that tennis racket. There are just certain lines you don’t cross. None of them would say on camera of course, but off camera, even folks from Bennett’s side have told me they thought it was out of line.

Lucky: He seems to have a real problem with women.

FW: Yes. I’ve run into that a lot. Usually that means they are overcompensating, if you know what I mean.

Lucky: No, I –

FW: Oh geez, you really are innocent sometimes. Just watch how he holds that tennis racket. [she cues up the latest promo on her Sony Multimedia Center (a similar but smaller version of the one in the main part of their suites)]. See? With his hand like that?

Lucky: Oooohhh….yeah…..

FW: So he beat me. Of course, he had to do it by cheating, and by taking advantage of –

Lucky: Your condition.

FW: I wish people would stop saying that!

Lucky: So, you’re … um, okay to wrestle?

FW: Why wouldn’t I be? Look, you better get out of here before someone sees this and calls security.

Lucky: Right. See you later!

Lucky leaves. Firewoman drinks her Caffeine Free Coca Cola as if she has been waiting for it for days.

FW: Attitude Adjuster, be ready. You surprised me with how low you were willing to last week, but you won’t be so fortunate this week. And that totally sparkles with me.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is on a nice morning run for training he is enjoying some of the Spanish architecture when he is met by a surprised visitor.)

Tytan: Diana.

Podvod: Jason.

Tytan: What are you doing here? And why are you trying to be so secretive? Don't you know this is being broadcasted on OOWF TV. Everyone knows you are here.

Podovd: I know and I don't care. No one know how much of a monster Steel was becoming.

Tytan: So you ran him down?

Podvod: That wasn't me. I swear to you!

Tytan:Then why did you come here?

Podvod: I came back to see you. (She tries to hug him)

Tytan: No Diana, I can't...not here not now. Things are different, I am not the same as I was with Steel.

(Diana pulls back)

Podvod: How so?

Tytan: I am seeing things differently now. I am starting to have people cheer for me and I like it!

Podvod: Tytan is becoming his own man...I'm impressed.

Tytan: I do want to talk though.

Podvod: So do I.

Tytan: But not until after the Pay-Per-View. I want that title shot and I need to be focusing on that and only that.

(Diana realizing that she not going to get anywhere backs off.)

Podvod: Then I will find you after you win the title.

Tytan: That works for me.

Podvod: Goodbye then.

Tytan: Bye!

(Podvod runs off and leave Tytan alone.)

fade

[mooseheadjack]

(Later on that evening Sylvia finds Tytan alone in the Hotel bar. She approaches him with camerman ready to go.)

Sylvia: Tytan, any words for your match at Mayhem?

Tytan: Since Blitz and the Dead are the only ones starting to play along I will give you something. Blitz what did I tell you Dead will throw you under the bus the first chance he gets. He's not your friend the only thing you have left to do is jump him before he jumps you.

But now let's move on to other things. Mr. Williams you need to start to realize that the clock is ticking. Your days as champ are coming to an end. You see the Final Four will be your Final Four. One of us will walk out with your belt. Just face it the odds aren't in your favor. You have four men that are hungry for your belt coming at you hard. You don't know who to prepare for and what they are bringing it the table. So my friend, I would be ready if I were you.

Now, as far as the Pay-Per-view is concerned you might as well start getting ready for it now. It's going to be me...and I will tell you this much. I have a trick or two up my sleeve already. So start shining that belt up nice LD because the Final Four are getting ready to take it from you.

(Looks at Sylvia.)

Now are you going to shut that camera off and let me buy you a drink.

Sylvia: I thought you would never ask.

Camera fades....

[mooseheadjack]

*Yet another area of the Run DEA Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels*

While Carl and Davin are deep in conversation in one corner of the suite and an obviously fake-bearded man enters Firewoman’s locker room, which in and of itself isn’t uncommon, but in her delicate state, having such wanton visits may just be a tad much, it is a small room in the back that we are focusing on for the first time. The stealthy ninja cameraman makes his way through the room trying not to disturb a sleeping Justin Sane and Smokey on his lap and trying to avoid the nipping Spiros at his feet.

Smokey: Meow.

Spiros: Bark.

The cameraman shakes his head as he slowly enters this new back room and the lights are off in the room except for the faint glow emanating from the two Hollywood Tans High-Performance Tanning Booths. The cameraman tries to stay quiet, but it’s tough as he catches a small glimpse of LonelyGirl15 in one of the beds and it causes him to stumble. Alexander throws open his bed and thank god that OOWF cameras are not equipped to deal with ultraviolet light. Alexander realizes who it is and tells LG15 to finish up.

LonelyGirl15: What? Who’s out there?

Alexander Darling: Just another OOWF ninja peeping Tom. I guess it’s required I speak about my match or something.

LG15: But I still have tan lines from that beach we went to last month.

Alexander: And I don’t??? Look, let’s just get this over with. Talking about Cole bores me to tears.

LG15: Fine, hand me a towel so I can at least cover up.

Alexander slides a towel into the small crack of the tanning booth and stares down the ninja cameraman. Finally, LG15’s booth opens and she takes off her eye goggles and seems really annoyed that her personal. She throws them at the ninja cameraman…

LG15: Put that on a fucking tripod and get out of here. Nasty perverted cameraman. I’m sick of you people being everywhere. GET OUT NOW!!!

The cameraman doesn’t move for a moment until Alexander starts to stand up menacingly and then the ninja finally starts scurrying and he sets up the tripod before bolting out of the tanning room.

Alexander: So, what crawled up your ass and got you all pissy?

LG15: I’m just tired of being under the microscope all the time and always have to be on the lookout for someone attacking you or even me from behind.

Alexander: Stop right there. Nothing is going to happen to you. We have a complete cease-fire and no one…

LG15: What about…

Alexander: Don’t even say his name. He knows better than to go there or else his little moon goddess will pay for his sins. So, don’t worry about that and I promise once I deal with Cole again on Wednesday, I’ll take you somewhere special.

LG15: Take care of Cole again? Didn’t he win last week?

Alexander: Results don’t matter to me. What matters is that I walked into Casablanca as the Intercontinental Champion and I walked out of Casablanca as the Intercontinental Champion.

LG15: Are you saying you got intentionally disqualified?

Alexander: What I’m saying is that I didn’t go into last week to pin Chris Cole and move on to my next challenger. That could have been done without me even breaking a sweat. I knew that if he won the match without winning the belt, the booking committee would have no choice but to put us against each other again.

LG15: But why would you take such a risk? Chris Cole is one of the greatest wrestlers in the history of the OOWF.

Alexander: Don’t tell me you’re starting to buy into that load of bullshit that Cole has been spewing. Cole is a tired excuse for a main-event caliber wrestler. He’s the old and busted model. I am the new hotness of the OOWF. I am the 3-time, 3-time, 3-time OOWF Intercontinental Champion.

LG15: So, what are your plans for this week’s encounter with Cole then?

Alexander: I actually haven’t decided yet. I could show the world what a joke he really is take everything Davin has told me about him and finish his run as a player in the OOWF. Or I could continue to make him feel like he has a chance and break him at my will. It’s all based on a whim LG.

LG15: Why the games with Chris Cole?

Alexander: What else am I going to do? I’ve been through hell with Moose and I wound up with the belt at the end of the day and he seems to be happy with the pound of blood and flesh he got from me. Our day will come again. I could try and reconnect with my former mentor, but we both understand the tides of war and know that our time isn’t of the here and now. But one day it will be, and I’ll be ready for that.

LG15: It doesn’t explain why Cole though.

Alexander: Because LJ Bennett hand picked Chris Cole as one his lead soldiers and it’s time I show him, the guys on his side, and the guys on my side that I’m not here to stand in the shadows anymore. The time is coming and I plan on being front and center when Bennett is begging to be saved. See, I’ve heard some mighty interesting information from my sister LJ…tsk, tsk, tsk. What goes around, comes around boy. And your day is coming…and I will start by picking Chris “The Opening Act” Cole apart piece by motherfucking piece.

LG15: You wanna do it, don’t ya?

Alexander: Oh yea, it’s time to hit it. Chris Cole, this Wednesday, I continue to step on, over, and pass you and there ain’t a goddamn thing you can do about it.


BOOYAH, BITCH!!!

*Fade*

[mooseheadjack]

<AE is enthusiatically celebrating his victory with Chad Patton at the local watering hole>

AE: Did you see when I gave him that Vertebreaker...agh, do you know what that feels like.

CP: To perform it or take it?

<AE gives Chad a sideways glance>

CP: Uh, its been done to me before.

AE: Yeah, I meant to dish it out. Chad, I've been thinking that we need to toughen you up. You never know when you might accidentally become embroiled in a vicious manager's feud or a Tuxedo Match or something.

CP: No, I dont think thats a good idead AE, I have really bad asthma.

AE: I wont take no for an answer, now get up and give me a Vertebreaker.

<CP sheepishly stands up and approaches AE, with great difficulty he gets in the preliminary position>

AE: Ok, now just turn and lift, then sit.

<CP awkwardly falls forward upon exertion>

AE: Okay, bad idea. Maybe we should have started with an armbar.

CP: Dude, did you not notice my arm bent backwards!!!

AE: Erhm, yeah, maybe we should get you to a hospital.

[mooseheadjack]

(Spin Hansen is sitting in what is obviously the boiler room.)

I've been quiet about everything that took place last week. About the fact that I'll be getting a title shot as the only representative of Team Rick.

Some people think that I intentionally got Concrete TG disqualified. I didn't. Personal differences aside, I'm not going to screw a teammate over like that. That being said, I still think that I'm the right man to be one of the four.

Which leads me to my next point. Two of the people that I'm going against are pissing me off. I'm not going to go into into why. Their actions over the past two weeks have been proof enough.

And L.D.? All of this political bullshit aside, I know you're gonna give me the match of my life when we do end up meeting, and I'm gonna use every trick that I know of to beat you. I respect you, and that's not something that I can say about most people.

Oh, and one more thing...

I've been training with someone who has faced you many, many times. Got a few tips from him. I'm gonna use 'em.

[mooseheadjack]

At the Generic Backstage Interview Backdrop

SFJ33&1/3: I'm here with D.H. Magnusson, and D.H. you've been oddly quiet this week. Does that have anything to do with the stunning upset win by Blitz and The Dead over you and your partner Spin Hansen last week? Or maybe the heinous attack on your former "manager" Firewoman at the hands of Attitude Adjuster? Or is it because you and Spin have declered yourselves out of the civil war, and you're planning your next move?

DHM: Actually Shannon it's because th' last time I opened my mouth this week, I got speared outta boots by the bit -

Kayfabe hangs her head over the top of the backdrop, staring down at Magnusson

DHM: I mean yeah, all of them things.

SFJ33&1/3: At Mayhem this week, you're back in singles action this time against Tyson Kincaid. What are your thoughts going into the match.

DHM: "Riot Act" huh? Good lookin' kid. Techinically gifted. Hell of a flyer. Sharp in th' ring, an' he's gots the guts of a burgular outta it. An' me? I ain't th' prettiest. I'd rather throw a punch instead 'a' arm drag. I go airborne an' I'm gonna land like a ton a bricks, more often than not. An' maybe I slickest in th' ring, but I get the job done. An' these days, I ain't in the besta moods.

DHM: So I'm sorry as all hell about what might happen in that ring, Kincaid. You might be a Riot Act, but this week you're facin' off against a walkin' crime scene. I got somethin' t'prove, an' I got some frustrations t'get out. That ain't gonna pretty for you.

DHM: An' Attitude Adjuster? Don't think fer a second I forgot about you. You had a good day at the track, ya wanna flash a little cash, make a little joke about what you done? Firewoman, she's a friend a mine, an' I ain't got many. You took somethin' from her in way that makes me sick t'my stomach, and you're gonna pay for it. Not in cash, not in gold...you're gonna pay in blood.

DHM stalks off, leaving the SFJ frozen on place

[mooseheadjack]

Yet again inside the Run DEA Aquafina Luxury Suites; Lucios is watching OOWF-TV On Demand on the Sony Multimedia Center. Phantos is bouncing on his trampoline. Phantos flippy-saults off the trampoline and taps Lucios on the shoulder.

Phantos: Luc, what are you doing?

Lucios: Scouting our opponents. Here, watch this. You see that? he does that the same way every time.

Phantos: Hey! you're right!

Lucios: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Phantos: Probably Luc, but where are we going to find giant pinwheels at this hour of the night?

(Lucios glares @ Phantos and turns back to his studies. Phantos turns around momentarily, then taps Lucios on the shoulder again.)

Phantos: What are going to do this week Luc?

Lucios: Same thing we do every week Phantos, wrestle for the Tag Team Championships of the World.