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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:00:39 GMT -5
A video pans out to show what looks like a gym, somewhere in Delaware...
In the ring, Bryce Larson is sparring with 4 unknowns. He is hitting different moves on each, with his partners getting breaks, but him getting none.
He then notices the camera crew after about 3 minutes of footage is shot.
BL: You see this? Everyone in the OOWF, take notice. Don't call me the next big thing, because I won't sputter out in the end. I have staying power most of you could only wish for. Drew Kriz-wicky, take a good, long hard look. This will be you on Wednesday.
Bryce then starts hitting his finishers on each sparring partner, including "Harry, Ron & Hermoine," "Shinobi's Rage," and he dreaded "Dela-Ware Special!" While the guillotine is locked in, he looks at the camera, which zooms in on his face...
BL: It's my time now, my time.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:01:02 GMT -5
**Fear Us, having dealt with The Heels, are sitting at the bar in the Destroyitarium, watching OOWF TV.**
LDW: “Wow.”
OBJ: <belches> “Australian for ‘you can say that again.’”
LDW: “I mean, I manage to type ‘We’re gonna kick your ass,’ on a good week. That…that’s just…”
OBJ: “Epic?”
LDW: “Exactly.”
OBJ: “So…how do we follow that up?”
LDW: “Drink a lot more and wait for next week?”
OBJ: “Well, we could do something with that ‘wrestling drunk’ bit you started.”
LDW: “That would only work if I was writing all our mat-”
OBJ: “Oh. Hi Kay!”
**LDW turns to look at Kay Fabe, standing behind him wielding a chair.”
LDW: “What? Fred Solomon and Michael Hodge show up here in Bill &Ted’s freakin’ phone booth and your coming after me?”
KF: “You fight the battles you can win. Besides, you’re not nearly as entertaining.”
LDW: <sighs> “How about I buy you a bottle to drown your sorrows and we call it even?”
KF: “Done.”
**LD hands Kay the bottle and a glass. She pours herself a shot and walks to the chalk line that appears on the floor and faces the fireplace.**
KF: “To stolen plots.”
**With a sob, Kay hurls her glass into the fireplace. She grabs the bottle from the bar and slinks off to her usual table.**
OBJ: “The fireplace is a nice touch.”
LDW: “Ten to one nobody knows where I stole it from.”
OBJ: “I guess we should at least mention our match this week.”
LDW: “Well, we tried to intimidate Seamus, which went about as well as expected, and Moose took care of us interacting with the heels, so that would leave Damon Wrath. Any idea where we find him?”
OBJ: “Not a clue. Hallway of Random Encounters would seem the best bet.”
LDW: “Right. One more drink and we’ll think about looking.”
OBJ: <belches> “Australian for ‘My kind of thinking.’”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:01:27 GMT -5
**Still in the Destroyitarium**
LDW: "Less than half-an-hour. I'm glad you didn't take that bet."
OBJ: "We're a literate bunch mate. But, the least you can do is buy a round."
LDW: "Fair enough. What am I buying?"
Tall Bar Patron: "Bless us father, for we have thirst."
LDW: "You heard the man."
**Even Kay manages to crack a smile as the camera fades.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:01:35 GMT -5
Firewoman is sitting in the RunDEA hot tub (sponsorship pending) relaxing her sore muscles after a five-six hour martial arts workout. Phantos comes in, not at first realizing she is there.
P: Oh, I'm sorry!! Phantos averts his eyes
FW: Huh? Oh, don't be silly, I have a bathing suit on.
P: You do? Really?
FW: Um yeah? You never know when a ninja cam will come in, and there's that whole PG-13 rating.
P: [still averting his eyes] Oh, okay, I see... I mean, no I don't.
FW: Sooo..... did you want to also use the hot tub? There's plenty of room...
P: [Still averting] No no, that's okay. I can wait.
FW: Don't be silly. Get in.
Phantos, who is also wearing a bathing suit, you perverts, reluctantly turns back around, and thinks for a moment. He looks around...
P: So....did he go back to WWE?
FW: Chris? Yes, he left after Mayhem.
P: Really? [He jumps in faster than we have ever seen him move] Cool!
FW: Are you leaving that on?
P: What? This? I could take it off, I suppose.
He stands and starts to remove his suit
FW: NO! I meant your mask.
P: Oh...well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?
FW: No reason....
The two sit in the hot tub, Phantos a bit awkwardly, Firewoman relaxed.
P: So...uh...big match this week huh? Intercontinental championship! Against Spin Freakin' Hansen!
FW: Yes. The man whose nose I broke in our first meeting. The man who won the IC, but appears to be lost and drifting since his partner D.H. left.... Now, D.H., he was a friend to me when he thought I needed one, but Spin? Spin wouldn't give me the time of day, even when we were on the same side in stupid civil war? If he's lucky I'll break his nose again. If he's unlucky, I'll break his nose and take his belt. And that [she leans back, stretching] would really really sparkle with me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:01:57 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack walks down the hallway of random encounters, but surprisingly doesn't encounter anyone, so he heads into the cafeteria. As he rounds the corner, he sees Curt "The Golden God" Schilling standing there. After a brief staredown, both men run toward one another>
B: WE DID IT!!!!!! WE DID IT!!!!!!! WE DID IT!!!!!! WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
C"TGG"S: You know, I wasn't a part of this......
MHJ: You will ALWAYS be part of Philly Curt.
C"TGG"S: So how does it feel?
MHJ: Unbelievable. I got to see Helloween AND see the Phillies win the world series in the same year.
C"TGG"S: Have you stopped smiling yet?
MHJ: Nope. Especially since I know it pisses off the Mets fans
C"TGG"S: Well who gives a fuck about them anyway?
<after another brief pause the two begin celebrating again wildly. They stop after a few minutes when the realize the entire cafeteria has stopped eating and is staring at them. The place is silent, until Eric O'Mac walks in, points at them>
EOM: HA!
<Moose snarls and starts toward him but Schilling stops him, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a baseball and FIRES it at Eric. Before Eric can react, the ball bounces off his head, sending him to the floor>
MHJ: Your control is kind of off Curt
C"TGG"S: Was it?
MHJ: You should come to Philly. You and Moyer on the back end of the rotation.......
C"TGG"S: As long as you don't sign Manny
MHJ: We better not, I fucking hate that douche
C"TGG"S: Me too Moose, me too
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:02:24 GMT -5
Cameras cut to Neil Patrick Harris standing in the Hallway of Random Encounters. [image] NPH: Hello, THE NPH here. I’m excited to be here and interviewing your favorite OOWF stars and asking the tough questions.
Just then, Poe comes down the Hallway with Selena clinging to his arm.
NPH: Hey…Poe!
Harris runs up to Poe and then stops dead in his tracks at the stare Poe gives him.
NPH: hey, I’m sorry man; I’m just looking for a few quick words, that’s all.
Poe: What do you want?
NPH: I just wanna get your thoughts on ridding OOWF of IHOP once and for all.
We hear a small audible whine from Selena. Both Harris and Poe look at her before Poe answers.
Poe: They’re vermin, plain and simple. SYB can go back to jobbing to the stars. Skurge can…well he can go back up to Canada and drink his sorrows away if he likes. The Amnesiac won’t remember any of this after Mayhem anyway.
NPH: Thank you Poe. I appreciate it. You’re my first interview here.
Poe nods his head and is about to go when Harris puts out his hand to stop him.
NPH: I was actually hoping I could get a word with Selena as well…
Poe stares at Harris again.
NPH: If you don’t mind…sir…
SG: What?
NPH: Selena, the backstage area is buzzing about some incident you had in the locker room, some overdose that led to some weird psychedelic dream…
Selena clings close to Poe again.
NPH: I hear it was…wait for it…AWESOME!
SG: No…it was scary.
NPH: I’m sorry to hear that, but it leads me to a very important question.
Selena says nothing, but signals for him to go ahead.
NPH: Do you have any blow?
Poe: Okay, we’re done here…
Poe pushes past Harris as Selena follows, still clinging to his arm.
Harris watches them leave.
NPH: Okay, I understand! How ‘bout some acid then?!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:03:13 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen, wearing his facepaint as usual, is in the boiler room speaking directly into the camera. The orange glow of said boiler lights up the room...)
SH: Lost? Drifting? Oh, Firewoman. You make me laugh. While I've been "drifting", I've managed to defeat Moosehead Jack, shut up your fearless leader Davin-- if only for a second-- and gain focus... something that a lifetime's worth of meditation, yoga, and association with WWEers will NEVER give you.
And as for our association during the war, when you fooled us with that pregnancy bullshit? I thought that you were strong enough that you didn't need anyone to tell you that everything was going to be better. I thought that you were a mature woman who was capable of dealing with her own problems. I thought that you were a competitor who was worthy of respect.
Then I hear what amounts to "boo-fucking-hoo, Spin didn't want to be friends with me, WAAAAAH" and idle threats that you'll break my nose. You like the fact that you did that, don't you? It "sparkles" with you?
Two things. One? I still have beaten you more times than you've beaten me. That's not gonna change this week.
Two? There's only one person in the history of the OOWF who has "Fire" in their name that's worth a damn, and that person is FireCHILD.
(He exhales deeply as the camera fades...)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:03:28 GMT -5
*GM the Rick is SITTING~! at his desk with the door closed, doing some actual work, surprisingly. Suddenly, there's a large crash followed by giggling and some loud talking. Rick pokes his head out of the office, and sees that Davin has crashed through the catering table, and is being helped up by Samantha Darling. They're both clearly intoxicated, and finally get underway again, swaying by Rick's Office*
DM: Hey cockbag! We're early, motherfucker!
SD: *laughing* No shit. Nothing to bitch about today.
GMtR: I see you've been prepping for your match with Concrete TG.
DM: It's worked like a charm so far. Proves that all the superheropower in the World can't stop the Champ.
SD: You tell him, baby.
GMtR: You need to be careful, Davin. You'll end up losing that belt.
DM: Oh fucking really? Who's gonna take it from me? You?
SD: Yeah, why don't you fucking go back in there and have Erlana tell you what to do.
DM: Erlana's a funny name.
SD: It IS a funny name.
GMtR: Ok you two, thank you for getting here early. Be ready for your match on Wednesday.
*Rick goes back in his office, but the other two are yelling at the office door as if it were a cloud.*
DM: Fuck being ready! I can show up fucking blindfolded and still win. How about some competition!
SD: No shit! Way to bury the best thing that ever happened to this company you dumb fuck!
DM: C'mon babe. Let's get to the Suites
SD: You ok to walk?
DM: Of course, I'm just gonna lean on you a little, ok?
SD: Ok, good luck with that.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:03:56 GMT -5
Firewoman and Phantos are still in the hot tub. It really HASN'T been several hours, it's just a few minutes from when we last left them.
FW: So....the wedding was nice, huh?
P: Oh...yeah!!! It was great!!!! It was nice to ... you know... talk outside of the arena and stuff.
FW: Yeah, see when you asked me to go, I didn't know that meant Lucios--
Suddenly, the door opens.
P: Lucios!!! You should get in here the water's great. Very relaxing. Fire doesn't mind, do you?
FW: Uh...you gonna keep your mask on too, I suppose?
L: Why wouldn't I?
Lucios gets into the hot tub, pseudo cannonball style, splashing water everywhere.
L: Say....I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
FW: Well, that's what I was trying to find out--
P: Naw, we were just talking about the wedding, and how it was great to get out of the arena, just be people and stuff... we should do that more often!
L: Yeah! We should go see a movie!
P: We can take Firewoman's motorcycle!!
FW: Um, there's only room for one other person.
L: Oh yeah...that's right...Well, I'll stay home, you guys go.
P: What? No, we'll take one of our trucks, that way...OW! Lucios, why did you kick me?
L: You're an idiot.
Firewoman tries not to giggle.
L: Spin Freakin' Hansen responded to you, Fire.
FW: I know, I saw. And I only have one thing to say to that. Spin, you--
AD: Hey, group tub!! Great!!! Lexie, get in here!
Alexander and Alexis come in and get in the tub also.
L: Actually, I was kind of thinking of leaving... [and he tries to make some sort of sign to Alexander and Alexis that they should do the same.]
AD: Don't be fucking ridiculous. There's plenty of room, right? Get in Lexie.
LD: [who has picked up on what Lucios is trying to convey] Um, no, I think I'll just head back to my room.
FW: I'll go too.
AD: Sit down, I want to talk about your match with Spin [he grabs her arm and pulls her back into the water.] Now, you know he's got a sensitive nose, so I think you should target that.
FW: Unless you lend him your own nose guard, that's exactly what the plan was. In fact, I was just going to respond when--
Lucios has been whispering into Phantos's ear, when suddenly he bursts out.
P: If you want, we can come down to the ring and be in you corner.
L: [whispering] Not we, YOU!
P: I mean, not we...YOU!
AD: What are you talking about. She doesn't NEED anyone. That much, Spin got right. The rest of it....
[The door bursts open again, almost flying off its hinges, and in staggers Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling. They stagger across the room.]
SD: Alright!!!! I'm so in!!!!
DM: Me too!!!
Davin and Samantha get in the hot tub, fully clothed. And now, nearly all of RunDEA is in the hot tub (sponsorship pending). Alexander is still trying to talk strategy with Firewoman who is trying to ignore Samantha. Phantos is looking despondent, and Lucios is mostly just annoyed. Davin and Samantha try to sing a sea chanty, but fail.
P: Um, this is fun, but I think I'm going to go watch tape, or play with Spirios.
He gets out and grabs a towel.
FW: Yeah, I'm outta here. There's one too many Darlings in here.
She also gets out and grabs a towel. Lucios starts to get out too, but then Phantos stops him with a look.
Firewoman and Phantos leave the hot tub room, and stand outside after closing the door.
FW: Well, see ya later, Captain.
P: Um yeah...see you later.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:04:38 GMT -5
*Backstage in Springfield, North Carolina* The camera turns on and we see holding a microphone. Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson: Hello OOWF viewers, the only gold medalist in this company's history is here to bring you another exclusive interview. Normally you'd have to pay lots of money to be in the same world with someone as great as myself and my guest, but today is your lucky day. I'm Shawn Johnson, I'm Run DEA, and this is our time...now, everyone welcome my guest at this time, Alexander Darling. As always, accompanied by the beautiful and talented Alexis Darling.Alexander: As always it's a pleasure to see my favorite gold medalist. How are you today Shawn?OGMSJ: Oh you know Alex, I had to go give a boring speech to some losers from a local high school that will never amount to anything. It's pathetic actually, some of em actually thought they'd become something if they worked really, really hard.Alexis: They could Shawn...they can become maids, butlers, and drivers. Darling Enterprise is always looking for new, cheap labor.OGMSJ: I should have remembered that. Seriously, now that I'm working with you guys, you have to get me out of this endorsement deal. These hicks actually wanted to touch me. I felt so gross.Alexander: So that's where you were? I was looking for you when we went in the hot tub before.OGMSJ: Yea, I saw that on my drive in. Seemed like a party I didn't want to miss. But I gots to pays the bills, yas knows.Alexander: You're clearly insane Shawn. No wonder why you fit in so well.Alexis: Isn't that sweet? Not to rush you two or anything, but we have another training session with Tyler brother dear. You're still not hitting that combo clean. You need it for this week.Alexander: Don't you think I fucking know that Lexie? I'm trying for christ sakes.OGMSJ: Hey now guys, chillax for me. Alex, can you let us in on what it is you're working on?Alexander: I wish I could Shawn, but I have to keep this under wraps. Cole's been getting damn lucky to hold onto that Onslaught Championship and I'm not going to waste another opportunity at it.OGMSJ: Speaking of one Chris Cole, he said some interesting things earlier this week.Alexander: Yea, I saw what he had to say. He's fucking delusional.OGMSJ: Really, it almost seemed like he respects Run DEA and what you guys are accomplishing.Alexander: Good for him. I don't give two flying fucks who and what Chris Cole respects or admires. He wants to hold on to his past successes whether it was as a member of The 3 Piece Set or when he was the world champion, but he knows it's fading. Respect, god I fucking hate that word. Way too many people have throw that word around this company and it's become a meaningless word of importance.OGMSJ: Well, is there anyone you do admire Alex? It seems like you've taken exception with that word from the start...there must be something or someone you respect, isn't there?Alexander: It's funny Shawn because at the moment I have no choice but to respect something about Cole.OGMSJ: And what's that?Alexander reaches over towards Shawn's chest and just when it looks like he's going to be completely inappropriate he takes a hold of Shawn's gold medal. He holds it in his hand for a minute or two and looks at it, Alexander: Gold, Shawn...I respect gold. Right now Chris Cole holds some and I have to respect that to a point. I will never respect the man, but I can respect what he has...no, I can respect what I will take from him.OGMSJ: You seem awfully confident, some may even say overconfident. How would you respond?Alexander: The same way you would anytime you go into a meet. How can you be overconfident when you're clearly better than those you compete against. Chris Cole had his day. But his days are over. I've proved it once before with him and it looks like he needs a second lesson. It's time to step aside and let greatness through the door.OGMSJ: But, he did pin you last week Alex.Alexander: An unfortunate miscalculation on my part. Besides I had something else on my mind.Alexis: Well, maybe if you just fucking...Alexander: Alexis, STOP. I said I'd handle it and I will. WHEN it becomes an issue.Alexis: Like it's not already.Alexander just shakes his head and walks off the set towards the Run DEA Training Facility sponsored by New York Sports Clubs.OGMSJ: Trouble?Alexis: Just a conflict of interest. Walk me back to the suites, maybe you can help me through it. Show me what I'm not seeing.OGMSJ: I'll show you anything you want Alexis.Alexis: Yea, you'll fit in quite nicely around here.*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:04:58 GMT -5
(Davin and Samantha are LEANING~! on each other as they walk down the Hallway of Silly but Somehow continuity related encounters when they hear a not-so ominous sound....)
Davin: ? did you hear something?
Samantha: (Giggling) just your voice
DM: not sure, I thought I heard something else.....
SD: come on, I'll make you hear something..... (hangs on Davin)
DM: (grins for a moment and looks down at her, then he hears the strange sound again)
SD: ....gonna listen to me or to the ghosts?
DM: I just realized, we're in a hallway of encounters.....
SD: (sly lil grin) and.....?
??: All your base are belong to me
SD: huh?
DM: crap
??: You cannot survive, make your time!
DM: (turning around) what the f--
(Davin gets a water balloon square in the face)
CTG: (standing on a roadcase, brandishing a SuperSoaker Max Infusion Flash Flood water cannon supported with the SuperSoaker Max Infusion Backpack resevoir ) Someone set you up the bomb
SD: what the fuck?
CTG: (grin) Soon all his gold are belong to me (starts firing)
SD: (Shrieks cause that water(?) is really really cold)
DM: (finally recovering) You can't take me out with geek talk or a water gun. That only worked in drug induced dreams
CTG: (hops down off the roadcase) well, citizen, if you prefer, try and stop me
DM: (Tries to lunge for Crete and slips, pulling Samantha down with him)
CTG: (grins) Move zig! for that title will be mine! (bows with a flourish and bounds off)
DM: (can't get his footing)
SD: (trying to brush off the water) water and baby oil....?
DM: fuck (slip) fuck (slide) fuck (stumble) fuck (flop)
SD: (shouts down the hall) GEEK~!
(Crete's laughter echoes through the hallway)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:05:27 GMT -5
[The Chickenshit Heels are at the Destroyatorium, oblivious to the week's promos, drinking some beer and chatting up some random Sexy Female Journalist.]
AA: ...and that's when I stormed the ring. 115,000 people blew the roof off the place.
JA: Literally, we had to pay for the damages.
AA: Fuckin' Japs... anyway, I came down, laid out all the bad guys and slammed Andre right there in the middle of the ring.
JA: With one arm.
RSFJ: Wow......
AA: We need to promo this week, don't we?
JA: Yup... that's why we're here. Now where are Stank and Lock?
AA: Um... we don't have them this week?
JA: WHAT??
AA: Nope.
JA: But why break up guaranteed gate like that?
AA: Because our booker is a dumbass.
JA: Oh yeah, that's right. Well, who do we have?
AA: We're in a triple threat match with Fear Us and Seamus and Damon.
JA: Well, Williams and Jack are right over there. Wanna go kick the shit out of them?
AA: Are you kidding? We can't do that in front of a lady!
JA: Good point.
[Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Kevin Garnett walks in the Destroyatorium and sits down next to TCH. Johnny and AA are clueless as to who he is.]
JA: [to KG] Hey man, check this out. When the beer is cold, the mountains turn blue.
KG: Man, I'm so... I'm so hype right now.
AA: One day, the bottle will actually talk to you and tell you when the beer's ready to drink.
KG: Anything's possible.
JA: Huh?
KG: ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!!! [incoherent gibberish] I'm sorry.
AA: Someone get this guy a drink.
[bartender slides a 40 to Garnett]
KG: [holds up drink] This for everybody in 'Sota. This for everybody in Chicago. V.V.! This for everybody!! South K! Basswood! My momma! Peanut! See everyone I love! And my momma! My momma mangin', Ma! TOP OF THE WORLD! TOP OF THE WORLD! You have no idea...
JA: Did you know that they brew Coors Light at the top of the world in Colorado?
KG: Man... I'm so happy right now. I'm not fixin' to sleep for a week. Poe had some great promos this week. IHOP, everybody. I can't even take all this, man. [downs the 40]
AA: Whoa, you watch the OOWF?
KG: I'm certified. I'm certified. [to RSFJ] You look good tonight, girl.
RSFJ: Ooh thanks...
KG: [leaves with RSFJ] Whatcha gonna say now? What can you say now?
JA: Did he just walk out with your ass for tonight?
AA: That son of a bitch. Next time I'm taking L.A.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:06:03 GMT -5
Share Post On Facebook Re: MidWeek Mayhem (11-12) Live! From Springfield, « Reply #50 on Nov 11, 2008, 11:56am »
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:06:33 GMT -5
<the OOWF wrestlers are assembling for the weekly production meeting/lunch buffet. Everyone is there, from the local workers who will get murdered this week to every member of DEA. The only one missing is GM the Rick. The crowd is busy looking at one another suspiciously. Some are wolfing down their food, others are sitting there nursing hangovers. Suddenly someone walks into the room, but its not GM the Rick>
Hi it’s Vince with ShamWOW, you’ll be saying wow every time you use this towel. It’s like a shammy, it’s like a towel, its like a sponge. A regular towel doesn’t work wet, this works wet or dry. This is for the house, the car, the boat, the RV.
OBJ:<belching> Who the fuck is this guy?
LDW: It’s Vince
OBJ: McMahon?
LDW: No, Vince the ShamWow guy
Tytan: What the fuck is a ShamWow?
Vince: ShamWOW holds twenty times its weight in liquid. Lookit this it just does the work. Why do you wanna work twice as hard? Doesn’t drip, doesn’t make a mess. You wring it out, you wash it in the washing machine.
DM: I DON’T want to work twice as hard!
SM: Why are you yelling?
CTG: Citizen Moreland you should be ashamed of yourself!
DM: Someone kill super jerk for me
Stank: How bout vomit. What does it do for cleaning up puke?
FFC: Look, I had been drinking all day and YOU were the one that wanted to do shots of Everclear……
Vince: Made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff.
SYB: Hrmph
Skurge: You still bitter over that?
SYB: Seriously?
Fezzik: Stupid Germans
AA: Baron Von Raschke was from Germany
JA: Did you learn the claw from him?
AA: No, I taught it to him. I wonder if he has anything to do with the shamWow?
Nash: I headlined Germany with Von Rashcke once. It was the autumn of 1984, I was working Otto Wanz’s promotion and he needed……….
V: You can cut it in half, use one as a bath mat, drain your dishes with the other one, use one as a towel. Olympic divers, they use it as a towel, lookit that completely dry. Put a wet sweater , roll it up, it dries your sweaters.
Bunny: What about a bunny suit? I have a hell of a time keeping this clean
Wrath: That would come in handy for my MMA training!
Kincaid: Are you back again?
Wrath: What? Don’t you have an island promo to write or something?
<Kincaid and Wrath give each other the mutual stare of great distrust and dislike, but nothing happens>
V: Here’s some cola, wine, coffee, pet stains.
<everyone looks at Phantos and Lucios>
P: What? Spirios is housebroken!
L: <glancing to Sam and Davin> Yeah but are they?
V: Not only is the damage going to be on top, there’s your mildew. That is gonna smell, see that? The most, now we’re gonna do this in real time, lookit this, put it on the spill, turn it over, without even putting any pressure, fifty percent of the cola right there, you following me camera guy?
<the invisible ninja cameraman nods>
V: The other fifty percent, the color starts to come up. No other towel is going to do that, it acts as a vacuum, and lookit this, its virtually dry on the bottom. See what I’m tellin ya? ShamWOW you’ll be sayin wow everytime.
Russ: FIFTY PERCENT!!!! BAH GAWD FIFTY PERCENT!!
Razz: THAT’S OFF THA HOOK!
Firewoman: I can’t live without it! I just love it! Wait, why the fuck did I just say that?
The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth: Oh my gosh, I don’t even buy paper towels anymore!
Moose: If you’re going to wash your cars or any kind of vehicle, or sop up blood from a wrestling mat, you’d be out of your mind not to own one of these
Alexis Darling and Shawn Johnson: All I can say is Sham……..WOW
Vince: You’re gonna spend twenty dollars a month on paper towels anyway, you’re throwing your money away.
Alexander: Who the fuck spends twenty dollars a month on paper towels?
Poe: Shut up boy, let him finish.
CC: I could use one of those to finish mopping the ring with you Darling
SH: Does it remove facepaint? Seriously, this stuff won’t come off
V: The mini shamWOW’s are for everything for everyday use. This lasts ten years, this lasts a week, I dunno, it sells itself. The shamWOW sells for $19.95 but you get one for the house, one for the car, two for the kitchen or bathroom, but if you call now, within the next twenty minutes, cause we can’t do this all day, we’ll give you a second set, absolutely free. That’s EIGHT ShamWOW’s for $19.95 it comes with a ten year warranty, here’s how to order. SYB: Eight is more than four!
Lucky: By my calculations, that is quite the savings! Look! I have a spreadsheet!
The Amnesiac: What is he selling again?
EOM: HA!
Voice: Call 1-800-951-7807, that’s 1-800-951-7807, ShamWOW is not available in stores and is made in Germany. Beware of ShamWOW imitators, call 1-800-951-7807, call NOW!
<no one moves to call, in fact, everyone stares at Vince. Vince starts to look a little uncomfortable when suddenly the doors to the cafeteria burst open and Seamus McNasty screeches in on the Forklift of Fun! Before anyone can move, Seamus and Rory man the gun and begin pelting OOWFers with SHAMWOWS! After several minutes, bodies and Shamwow’s cover the floor>
Seamus: the man said CALL NOW!
<we hear several cell phones being dialed……thank you for buying ShamWOW! You’ll be saying wow everytime you use this towel!>
Bryce Larson: Hey guys sorry I am late, I am new here and……….wow, what the hell <POW! Larson gets blasted with a shamWOW>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:07:28 GMT -5
*Fade into…THE FUTURE~! The year is 2015. Fred Solomon and Michael Hodge are searching high and low (mostly low) for Nate Corbitt, who recently stole their copy of Gray’s Almanac – The Complete History of the OOWF: 2004-2014. They see a man with wild white hair attempting to attach a large wire to a lamppost. They approach him to ask whether he’s seen Nate Corbitt…
MH: Excuse me, sir, but we were wondering if you’d seen a very small man with a very large almanac pass by. Man: … FS: Um, my friend here asked you a question, chief. You might want to supply an answer before we have to force one out of you. Man: … MH: Look, we’re not going to force anything oot of anybody, okay? We just need to know if you saw the guy we’re looking for. Possibly entering a phone booth and disappearing into the past? Man: Wait, did you just say that a man traveled through time in a phone booth? That’s preposterous! MH: First off, it really isn’t. We did it ourselves. Secondly, what the hell do you know aboot it? Man: Allow me to introduce myself. Doctor Emmet Brown. I’m a scientist who specializes in time travel. FS: Does that mean you can help us get back to the past, Doc? DB: Well, I might be able to help, but I still think the idea of traveling through time in a phone booth is ridiculous. MH: How would you travel through time? DB: In a 1980s sports car, naturally. Now, just to clarify, did you say that this Corbitt fellow took an almanac back to the past? MH: He suuure did. It was Gray’s Almanac – The Complete History of the OOWF: 2004-2014. DB: Great Scot! FS: What? Is that bad? DB: Not necessarily. It’s just that the OOWF from 2009-2014 was entirely dominated by Stuart Little, a.k.a. the Great Scot. MH: Good to know. We’ll have to be sure to include him in our promos. DB: Wait, you write for the OOWF? FS: We’re IHOP. Well, parts of IHOP anyway. DB: Hold on…a Jew and a Canadian…no, it can’t be…SYB and Skurge? MH: Bingo, Doc. DB: Wow. You guys are legends. I mean, those guys are legends. You probably don’t know this, but the promos you guys wrote led directly to world peace, the eradication of all diseases, and contact with alien life. FS: Holy shit. No fucking way. DB: It’s true. Those Chimpanzee belts you created were the key. In IHOP’s hands, they became a rallying symbol for humanity. No one on Earth could look at an image of a chimp on a tricycle and not smile, at the very least. With everyone being so happy, all wars ended, which freed up the necessary money and personnel to work on curing diseases. MH: But what aboot the aliens? DB: Oh them? They loved the belts too. But it was when the word “Chimpionship” caught on that they figured we were worth their time. MH: Huh. When did that happen? DB: I remember it like it was yesterday. It was after you won the Chimpionships back from Gods & Monsters & Eric at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem, Live! From Springfield, North Carolina on November 12, 2008. The aliens appeared shortly after the match and said that they were about to blow up the Earth, but your love of those belts showed them that there was more to humanity than just the various sins and vices that they’d seen. It was them who took over every TV station in the world to show everyone the Chimpionships, which, as I explained, led to the utopia you see around you. FS: So if everyone’s so happy, why did Nate steal the almanac? DB: Even in the future, some people are just asses. Now, let’s figure out a way to get you guys back to your time so that you can keep writing those promos and make sure that things run smoothly.
*Doc Brown, Michael, and Fred head to Doc Brown’s house to devise a plan for returning Michael and Fred to the past. Meanwhile, a Delorean speeds down the street that they were just on and a pole on the back of the car catches the overhead wire going across the street at the exact instant that lightning strikes the nearby clock tower. Unfortunately, Doc Brown got distracted and didn’t connect the wires, so the Delorean doesn’t vanish into time. Instead, it slams into the building in front of it, killing the driver instantly. Doc Brown will later lament the fact that he didn’t think to add airbags to the outdated vehicle…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:07:55 GMT -5
<Stank and FF Capslock are sitting in the Destroyita--- >
FFC - WHOA! WHOA! I hate to break up your little narrative preamble but, we got ourselves a tag-team title match come Wednesday.
Stank - Who are you talking to? Me?
FFC - Yeah.
Stank - What preamble?
FFC - Huh?
Stank - What the fuck are you talking about?
FFC - You were talking.
Stank - When?
FFC - You know... like you always do at the beginning of most of our promos. I never understood why you were always so literal... descriptive.
Stank - I'm not following you.
FFC - Stank and FF Capslock are sitting at the bar, in the Destroyitarium, drinking beer, when suddenly...
JA - HEY! What's up guys?
AA - How's tricks?
FFC - ... THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS SHOW UP!!
AA - ...
JA - ... Yeah... duh.
Stank - I meant I'm not following you down that path. That way leads to madness.
FFC - Oh.
Stank - Sorry Johnny, Alan. We're not working together this week. Maybe we can pick up this feud later... now beat it.
AA - Awww, MAN!
JA - STUPID bookerman!
<The Chickenshit Heels leave.>
FFC - See? There you go again.
Stank - What?
FFC - Why did you say "The Chickenshit Heels leave?"
Stank - That wasn't me.
<That was me... the narrator.>
FFC - What the fuck? You got a split personality like OBJ?
Stank - You talking to me?
FFC - Fuck yes!
Stank - What is your PROBLEM!
FFC - MY problem? You just said "That was me... the narrator." And DON'T bother denying it! I SAW your lips move.
<You're mistaken. Stank is not the narrator... I am. We don't even sound alike.>
FFC - You're creeping me out.
Stank - I'M creeping YOU out?
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
FFC - ... say YO! YO! YO! IT's CRYME TIME!
Stank - I most certainly will NOT!
FFC - Just say it!
Stank - NO!
FFC - Say in a British accent... So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic. And the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred, to connect. And to know in our hearts... that we are not alone.
Stank - That's kind of profound... where did you-- ?
FFC - Heroes season one.
Stank - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FFC - Say... Space... the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starsh--
Stank - LOCK??
FFC - YOU said the narrator and YOURSELF have different voices! So I'm just having you say different lines until we find YOUR voice!
Stank - ...
FFC - Then you and yourself will both know that you are the same.
Stank - What are you drinking?
FFC - I'll have you know... I've only had two beers today. This is my third.
<Stank grabs a shamwow! from behind the counter, soaks up Lock's beer from out of his mug, holds the amazing towel over his own empty mug and wrings out the contents, without wasting a drop.>
Stank - No more for you. You've had enough.
FFC - I think we both could have done without you doing that with the running commentary.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:08:34 GMT -5
(Tytan sits alone as usual. Kind of funny when you think about it knowing that he is in a Tag-Team and holding a title for another. But still he sits alone.)
Lola enters the shot to her music.
Tytan:(Suprised) They're giving you theme music now?
Lola: Well that last pay-per-view's revenue went through the roof and since I am a major part of your interviews they figured to take a chance and make me a little bit more important.
Tytan: Wow, cool. So were you a show girl?
Lola: Another life and another time sugar. There is business at hand to discuss.
Tytan: (standing up) Well fire away.
Lola: So what about the absence of the rest of the team.
Tytan: Well it seems Selena had an interesting experience when she found some pills in my bag and had one hell of a trip. Now she is "Unsure" about me.
Lola: Well that's what they get when "The Mickey Mouse Club" goes rogue.
Tytan tries not to laugh...
Tytan: So that leaves me to train alone and go back to business as usual until Mayhem.
Lola: Then what?
Tytan: The same thing we do every night?
Tytan: It's simple IHOP we will just kill you and put everyone out of their misery.
Lola: And The Amnesiac?
(Tytan and Lola look at each other and bust out laughing.)
Lola: I know he'll forget we even had this conversation.
Tytan: True. Then after that we go after Phantos and Lucios one-on-one no other shit to worry about. Now I don't mean to cut you shot but I have some work to do.
(Lola smiles and motions to her crew that it's time to leave.)
Lola: Thanks and Good luck Tytan.
She leaves....and then Tytan's cell rings.
Tytan:(On the phone)...he's coming and crashing at my place for a couple of days. I know he's got that movie coming out and stuff but he's got other friends....no...he doesn't...fine...he can stay with me....
(He then clicks off his phone and Lola is standing there listening for some good dirt.)
Lola: Who's staying with you?
Tytan: My buddie's cousin Bruce.
(Just then the door to Tytan's training area opens up and Bruce Campbell walks in.)
Bruce: Hey buddy how the hell are you?
(Fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:09:14 GMT -5
AA and JA are just kinda hanging out. Where is really inmaterial. Seriously. It just doesn't matter.
AA: So we're not facing Drink & Destroy this week.
JA: Correct.
AA: Then why even show up? I'm sure Fear Us and whatever that other team is will produce a 5-star match without us.
JA and AA stare at each other, trying to keep straight faces. It doesn't work.
AA & JA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JA: Good one, AA.
AA: Thanks, Johnny. But seriously, why show up if we're not facing D&D?
JA: Well, we can always insert ourself into their match with Phantos and Lucios.
AA: That would be fun. Isn't that what they call in this business a...
AA & JA: RUN-IN!!!!!
AA: But didn't we do a promo a couple weeks ago asking D&D not to interfere in OUR match with Phantos and Lucios?
JA: I do believe we did.
AA: And did they?
JA: I don’t recall. Let’s go to the videotape!
AA: Do we still use videotape, or is all the stuff on DVDs now?
JA: Actually I think it’s just on server storage. See, I have to back out of this thread, go back to the main OOWF link, then search back a couple weeks to October 29.
AA: Look, we were in Springfield, Georgia!
(nothing happens)
AA: No cheap pop?
JA: I guess that only works when we’re coming to a town, not talking about a town we’ve already been to.
AA: Huh.
JA: Anyway, so I find our match, then I put this little “quote with brackets” thing around it...
AA: Why didn’t you just say “
AA: Awesome!
JA: Why do I work with you?
AA: Because I give you free winners! Like tonight! Just call 1-800-AABOOKIE and get your free 100-star winner on tonight’s Georgia Southern-Duke game! It’s a can’t miss guaranteed winner! I have insider information! You can’t get this anywhere else!
JA: Do you really have insider information?
AA: Sure!
JA: What is it?
AA: The Duke backup point guard told me they were going to win.
JA: Great...
AA: So what’s up with this promo?
JA: We’re going to show what D&D did to us when we last faced Lucios and Phantos. MONKEYS IN THE TRUCK, ROLL THE VIDEOTAPE!
JA looks amazed at his own footage, while AA stands next to him, smug.
JA: Did you do that?
AA: Nice piece of editing, huh? I can make it look like we win any match.
JA: But D&D didn’t attack us until after the match.
AA: Oh, here, I can fix that.
JA: Man, that’s beautiful.
AA: So Drink & Destroy, since you messed with our title shot, we might just mess with yours. You don’t have just Phantos and Lucios to watch, you have The Heels. And if you’re lucky enough to win those titles this week at Midweek Mayhem in Springfield, North Carolina (cheap pop!)
JA: See, that time it worked.
AA: Just remember who you owe that victory to. It will be us.
JA: That’s right. The Heels! And we’ll expect your utmost gratitude in return.
AA: Plus, think of all the money we’ll make main eventing.
JA: Where’s Kayfabe when I need her?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:09:44 GMT -5
[Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Kevin Garnett walks in the Destroyatorium and sits down next to TCH. Johnny and AA are clueless as to who he is.] JA: [to KG] Hey man, check this out. When the beer is cold, the mountains turn blue. KG: Man, I'm so... I'm so hype right now. AA: One day, the bottle will actually talk to you and tell you when the beer's ready to drink. KG: Anything's possible. JA: Huh? KG: ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!!! [incoherent gibberish] I'm sorry. AA: Someone get this guy a drink. [bartender slides a 40 to Garnett] KG: [holds up drink] This for everybody in 'Sota. This for everybody in Chicago. V.V.! This for everybody!! South K! Basswood! My momma! Peanut! See everyone I love! And my momma! My momma mangin', Ma! TOP OF THE WORLD! TOP OF THE WORLD! You have no idea... JA: Did you know that they brew Coors Light at the top of the world in Colorado? KG: Man... I'm so happy right now. I'm not fixin' to sleep for a week. Poe had some great promos this week. IHOP, everybody. I can't even take all this, man. [downs the 40] AA: Whoa, you watch the OOWF? KG: I'm certified. I'm certified. [to RSFJ] You look good tonight, girl. RSFJ: Ooh thanks... KG: [leaves with RSFJ] Whatcha gonna say now? What can you say now? *sniff* That was beautiful.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:10:07 GMT -5
Poe enters Tytan’s training room and sees him talking with Bruce Campbell.
Poe: Tytan? Who’s your friend?
T: Poe, this is my cousin, Bruce.
Poe and Bruce shake hands.
BC: Hey…are you that guy that runs around with the jailbait?
Poe eyes Tytan.
Poe: She’d be jailbait if we were…nevermind.
T: Nice one Bruce.
Poe sits down on the Military Press and begins to lift.
Poe: Do you have a sec partner?
T: Bruce, can you give us a moment?
BC: Sure, I’ll go down to that sandwich shop with the old guy that acts like a whack job.
Poe: Ric Flair?
BC: Yeah, him.
Bruce leaves.
T: So what’s up?
Poe: I know things have been weird with Selena lately, but don’t worry. She’ll get over it.
T: And you? You’re wrapped around her little finger.
Poe: I know it appears that way. I like to see her happy. But my decisions are my own. We are Gods and Monsters. We are the dominant force in this company and this business. Tonight, we kill IHOP once and for all. Then we take the tag team titles. No one can stop us.
T: And Selena?
Poe: Whatever she saw in her dream, she’ll have to move past. We’re a team and whether she likes it or not she’s a part of that as well.
T: You know I’d never do anything to her.
Poe: Yes, I do know this. You’ll just have to convince her and I will help you with that.
T: Just wish I know what I did.
Poe: Don’t worry about it. In time I’m sure she’ll forget all of it. Maybe I’ll get her a pet of something.
T: You’re so whipped…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:10:41 GMT -5
Firewoman is WALKING~! down the hall when all of a sudden, it appears something has dawned on her.
FW: OH!!!!! I got it...Ninjacam...get over here. Metrosexual Male Journalist #8. You too.
MMJ8: Um, yes ma'am. I take it you have a comment?
FW: Indeed I do. Spin, you mentioned someone in your latest rant, and I knew they sounded familiar... it's just now come to me. FIRECHILD! Yes, I do remember reading about him. He's one of the old-timers around here, right? Well, he was...
So, THAT'S why I didn't remember the name. I guess I should be honored to be compared to such a legend, but I'm just not as familiar with all you... um, let's be polite and say "more seasoned veterans," as I am with the fresh, young, energetic talent. I haven't been here as long as you have, Spin. See ya, tonight, Pops.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:11:08 GMT -5
FW: FIRECHILD! Yes, I do remember reading about him. He's one of the old-timers around here, right? Well, he was... So, THAT'S why I didn't remember the name. I guess I should be honored to be compared to such a legend...CTG: (peeks into the shot) you're welcome FW: Go AWAY!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:11:28 GMT -5
Bryce Larson, already in gear, is walking down an empty hallway backstage, talking to himself.
BL: My first fucking meeting, and I'm late ... I didn't even know what time it started ... Drew Krizwicky? I'm a damn indy superstar, and they give me Drew Krizwicky? ... Damn I hope they don't hold this meeting thing against me ... I did buy 40 of those Sham-wow things, maybe that will make up for it ... I'll show them later tonight, I'll show them ...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:11:50 GMT -5
*Inside the Run DEA Training Facility sponsored by New York Sports Clubs*
The camera turns on to the sight of the oh so precious face of Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson. She's sitting on a couch and next to her is a very sweaty Alexis Darling. In the background we can see and hear the sparring of Alexander Darling and Firewoman as they team up to take on Tyler Black and Austin Aries.
OGMSJ: Alexis, I'd like to thank you for taking some time from your busy schedule to give me a few words about your match tonight.
Alexis: Anything for you Shawn. At least you know what it means to be a winner, unlike someone else around here.
Alexander: I can fucking hear you sister darling. Fucking bitch.
Alexis: And I can hear you brother dear. Don't call me a bitch...you really wouldn't like to see that side of me.
OGMSJ: Hey, why the animosity?
Alexis: Just the competitive spirit...Drop him on his head Fire.
Firewoman: He's my partner.
Alexis: So...
Firewoman: Just because he pinned you, don't get mad at me.
Alexis: That's not the fucking point....grrrrr
OGMSJ: Oh, now I see...I wish Alex would pin me.
Alexis: Oh come on now, it's my brother. I don't need to hear that.
OGMSJ: Like you haven't thought about...
Alexis: Excuse me???
OGMSJ: What I meant to say was, how about Bunny?
Alexis: Bunny has always, currently is, and will always be a fucking joke. We've made concessions here in DEA twice to allow him to attempt to grow up and be a true wrestler. And he's failed both times. There will be no third chance. Hell, there won't even be a rematch. Tonight endeth the career of Bunny.
OGMSJ: Why have you and your brother always had such disdain for Bunny?
Alexis: It's like I just said Shawn; he's a joke and embarrassment to all of us who are willing to sweat and bleed to be the best. Bunny thinks that just because he was given certain abilities, that he doesn't have to work hard. That he can skate by and pander to the masses. Well fuck him.
OGMSJ: Last week, you pinned Carl and this week you look to pin Bunny...what is next for Alexis Darling?
Alexis: I know what it is I want, but it seems like the incompetent GM around here wants to put these stupid fucking hurdles in my way. So I will keep jumping them and sooner or later, he won't be able to avoid giving me what I want.
OGMSJ: And what is it you want?
Alexis leans over and she starts to caress Shawn's gold medal.
Alexis: The same thing everyone wants...Gold.
Obviously flustered, OGMSJ: Right, right...any specific gold in mind?
Alexis: Let's just say that there's a few dear old friends of mine walking around with something I desire. And neither of them have ever refused to give me what I want.
OGMSJ: You can't possibly mean...
Alexis: You'll find out soon enough my dear.
And just as Alexis finishes up, Alexander, Tyler, and Austin walk over looking very sweaty.
Alexis: Ugh, you smell brother dear. And where did Fire go?
Alexander: She said she had some stuff to talk about with Phantos and Lucios. Do you know what's going on there?
Alexis: There's a lot you don't know.
Alexander: Cute...anyways, we were gonna go take a few laps in the pool to cool down. Was wondering if you'd like to join us?
Alexis: On one condition...
Alexander: Fine...what?
Alexis: Keep practicing that combo. I have a feeling it's going to be key in your match tonight.
Alexander: FINE...even though it's obvious I'm never going to hit it right.
OGMSJ: I got something you can hit right.
Everyone just turns and stares at Shawn. She just shrugs and pulls her shirt off to show an American Flag bathing suit top and rushes off towards the pool. Last one in is a dirty Chink!
Everyone is just speechless...
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 24, 2008 14:12:19 GMT -5
<Stank and Lock are sitting in the Destroyitarium... I'm not Stank>
FFC - We get it.
Stank - Get what?
FFC - Never mind.
Stank - Never mind the fact that we now have the opportunity to become FOUR TIME OOWF Tag Team CHAMPIONS!!??
FFC - No not that... Speaking of John McCain, did you get a chance to see him on The Tonight Show last night?
Stank - I don't watch The Tonight Show.
FFC - Neither do I.
Stank - ...
FFC -
Stank - You've been acting weird, lately. You're not about to flip out, lose your mind, or disappear for a few months, are you?
FFC - I hadn't planned on it.
Stank - What does John McCain got to do with--
FFC - Clearly our Tag Team Champions are from---
Stank - Whoa! Wait! Forget I asked. I don't do politics.
FFC - You spent the last month and a half wearing a dress shirt and tie in support of Obama!
Stank - I thought it best that I kept up appearances. It wasn't the time for dressing down, or any crazy shenanigans coming from me. I felt as the OOWF's only black member, I was obligated, you know?
FFC - Then you probably shouldn't have carved that backwards "B", in that chick's face, a while back.
Stank - HEY!
FFC - HA! HA! HA!
Stank - That's funny coming from a man who shot JFK!
FFC - THERE'S NO PROOF OF THAT!
<Johnny and Alan discreetly finish off their beers, and quietly walk out of the Destroyitarium.>
Stank - Anyway...! Not only do we have the opportunity to become World Tag Team Champions, again... we get to do it by finally getting some long overdue PAYBACK on two members from Run DEA!
FFC - And I want to be World Champion!
Stank - THAT'S RIGHT! AND--- wait. Hold on. You never told me you wanted to be World Champion.
FFC - I'm pretty sure I did. Remember about a year and half ago, just before our match with The Chickenshit Heels, we were standing by Ric's sandwich stand, and I said "You know what would be really cool?" and you were like "What?" and I said "If I started a feud with The Heroes Guild." and you were like "Whaa... really?" and I said "Yeah... I know they're faces, but they've been acting real hypocritical lately. They got Glaw in their back pocket." and you were like "true dat.--"
Stank - Stop it.
FFC - And I was like "THEN we bring Outback Jack into our group." and you were like "Outback Jack? The lunatic Aussie? THAT Outback Jack?" and I was like "Yeah." and you were like "Whoa." and then I said "Then we can join forces with Moosehead Jack." and you were like DOUBLE "WHOA!" and I was like "FUCK YEAH!" and then you said "Then what?" and I said "Then D&D with Moose could eliminate each member of The Heroes Guild, one by one, until only Crete is left." and you were like "Wow." and I was like, "I KNOW, RIGHT?" and you said, "Then what?", and I was like "THEN I could go on to defeat Crete, in a GAUNTLET MATCH, with ME, Spin and Moose, to become the OOWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!" Then YOU were like "What about me? Where do I fit in this wacky plan?" and I was like "You could get injured in our match with TCH and disappear for a few months, while I go on to dominate the World Title scene, with a seven month reign, breaking Chris Cole's record to become the longest reigning OOWF World Champion!" Then you said "That plan is stupid! It will NEVER work!" and I was like "You're probably right."
Stank - ... ... Oh yeah.
FFC - Anyway... let's go take us a piece of some Run DEA ASS!
Stank - ummm... you're probably talking about the Darling sisters, or Fire, right?
FFC - That DID sound kind of gay, huh?
Stank - I'm shocked Donnie didn't do a run in.
FFC - I meant, you better watch your ass buddy.
Stank - Yeah. Much better.
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