OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Springfield, New Hampshire
SYB vs. ALEXIS DARLINGRun DEA member Alexis Darling makes her way to the ring amid very little fanfare. The crowd boos her heartily, as they would anything that has anything to do with DEA it seems. She steps between the ropes and waits for SYB to make his appearance. “Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap” blares over the sound system, though the lyrics sound like they have been changed somewhat, hard to make out. Anyway, SYB makes his way to the ring with his Chimpionship strapped around his waist. Surprisingly SYB comes to the ring alone. SYB slides under the ropes and drops the title and steps right to the middle of the ring where he and Alexis go nose to considerable nose. Alexis gives SYB a shove, and surprisingly SYB comes right back and catches her with a forearm to the jaw that sends Alexis to the mat in the corner. Darling snarls and gets to her feet and charges to the middle of the ring and they lock up and shove each other around the ring like a couple of bulls. Darling pins SYB in the corner and tries a knife edge chop, but SYB side steps her chop and catches her with a flying neck breaker out of the corner. Darling grabs her head and rolls out of the ring, but SYB presses the attack and follows her to the outside. Outside, SYB pulls Alexis to her feet and tries a whip into the stairs, but Darling reverses it and SYB slams into the steps shoulder first. Darling charges in while SYB is sitting there in pain and catches him with a boot to the side of the head that sends his skull into the steel. SYB slumps to the floor and Darling lands a few good kicks before pulling him up and rolling him into the ring. Alexis pulls SYB to his feet and tries a bridging suplex, and gets a two count, but SYB rolls his shoulder just before the three count. Alexis pulls SYB up again and sets him on the top rope, then climbs to the middle rope and takes him over with a top rope frankensteiner. Alexis covers, but once again SYB kicks out at two. Alexis grabs SYB’s legs and sets him up for a figure four, but SYB grabs an inside cradle and gets a two count. Alexis is up to her feet quickly and tries a kick to the side of SYB’s head, but he ducks and pops to his feet as she spin around. SYB grabs Alexis from behind and hits a release German suplex that folds Alexis in half! The crowd pops as SYB gets to his feet and calls for the Hebrew Hammer. As soon as Alexis is up, SYB whips her to the ropes and catches her on the rebound with a BRUTAL double sledge to the face! Alexis’ nose EXPLODES across her face! Blood pours from what CERTAINLY has to be a broken nose, and Darling hits the mat and falls out of the ring. SYB gets to his feet and stares at the crowd for a moment, then heads to the outside to get Darling. On the floor, Darling notices the blood pouring from her nose, and I would imagine the blinding pain, so she grabs a chair from under the ring, and in a fit of rage, PASTES SYB as soon as he hits the floor! The thud of steel meeting skull echoes across the arena and SYB goes down faster than usual. He could be dead. The referee immediately calls for the bell.
WINNER in 6:27 by disqualification – SYB
After the match Darling is still on a barely conscious SYB, hammering him with shots to the face. Finally security, members of Run DEA and IHOP come out and separate the two of them and herd them to the back
DAMON WRATH vs. CONCRETE TGWe have the face enter the ring to the standard face pop, as “With Jupiter in Mind” plays over the Springfield High P.A. System. Concrete poses to the fans from the second rope before hopping down and making essential preparations such as shaking his head back and forth and grabbing the top rope. Then Damon Wrath enters the ring and the crowd is silent because they are in awe over his cool new gimmick. Concrete wants a handshake but Damon doesn’t move a muscle. Crete shrugs and backs off. He circles around Damon, but Damon doesn’t move an inch. Heroically, Crete decides not to attack him from behind and completes the circle, deciding to open with a chop, which is blocked and countered by a stiff round kick by Wrath. Crete turns around in pain and Wrath moves in with a jab to the back of the skull. Irish whip by Wrath, looks for a standing punch but Crete slides underneath him and goes for a backslide. Gets a one count. Wrath up, Crete hits an arm drag. Crete charges in with a nice leg scissors takedown. He charges in again but Wrath quickly gets up and hits a leaping knee to the chest which bowls over Crete.
Wrath picks up Crete and hits some knees to the gut before hitting a powerful elbow to the face. Goes for a stiff front kick but Crete out of nowhere grabs the leg and pulls off a dragon screw leg whip. Wrath is up quickly but is met with a standing dropkick from Crete. Rubbing his face, Crete picks up Wrath for a suplex. Crete quickly climbs to the top rope and springs off with a moonsault for a two count.
Crete hauls up Wrath and but is met with some shots to the gut. Uppercut connects and Crete stumbles away dazed. Wrath screams and hits a spinning kick to the jaw that drops Crete. He begins a brutal beat down of Crete which continues for some time until he attempts a high hick which Crete blocks, and he spins the leg around, grabbing Wrath in a wheelbarrow and hitting the Backwall! Both men are down. Wrath gets up first however, due to the immense amount of punishment he had previously inflicted on Concrete. Yessir, this is amazingly well thought out match psychology. He makes Chris Benoit’s old “I am going to kill you with a flying head butt” gesture and advances on Crete. However, as he closes the distance Crete suddenly kips up and lays in with some forearms. Springboard bulldog, and Damon rolls out of the ring to recuperate.
The crowd is massively behind Crete as he grabs the ropes and slingshots over with a huge plancha. The fans cheer Crete to his feet as Referee Junior Hale starts the count. Crete chases down Wrath with some chops and open hand slaps, then attempts an Irish whip, but Wrath reverses and sends him into the gymnasium bleachers! The crowd obscures Hale’s view as Wrath grabs a student’s geography textbook and beats Crete senseless with it. People scramble to get out of his way as he calmly walks back to the ring at, just narrowly avoiding being counted out. Hale finishes the count, and this one is over. Pretty lame.
WINNER in 12:45 by Count out – Damon Wrath
IHOP vs. THE CHICKENSHIT HEELSJohnny and Skurge start things off, trading headlocks, hammerlocks, knife edge chops, and going to a stalemate. Both tag out to their partners, and Amnesiac and AA are in. No stalemate here as AA goes to the eyes immediately, then works a headlock, grabbing the tights for a hip toss when Amnesiac gets near the ropes. AA charges and misses though, winding up in the IHOP corner for some double teaming. Johnny's in, and the ref sends him packing, allowing for more double teaming. They pinball AA back and forth and Amnesiac puts him down with a standing dropkick. Second rope splash gets two, and Skurge is back in. AA misses a wild swing and it’s an atomic drop into a bulldog. Sucker punch sends Johnny to the floor. AA looks for a tag and there's nobody there, and Skurge flies in with a Stinger splash from behind. Schoolboy rollup gets a LONG two. Backdrop, back elbow, and butterfly power bomb and Skurge covers again, with Johnny sliding in to make the save. Amnesiac chases Johnny around the ring, and everyone ends up in the ring before the ref shoos Amnesiac away, allowing Johnny to nail Skurge from behind for some TCH double teaming. Fake tag brings Johnny in for real, and JA stomps the hell out of Skurge. Gut wrench suplex and Johnny wants a sharpshooter, but Skurge twists out of that, sending JA to the turnbuckle. Johnny tumbles down, but hooks Skurge's ankle and tags AA. AA drops an elbow to break that fun up, dragging Skurge back to the TCH corner. Johnny distracts the ref long enough for AA to drill Skurge in the face with a closed fist, then claiming it was open palm. Hot shot gets two. Gut buster gets two. Scoop slam to a cover and AA puts his feet on the ropes and that gets only two. AA's irritated and tags Johnny back in. Johnny takes his time lining Skurge up and rather drops Amnesiac with a right hand - in return for Skurge's cheap shot earlier - but when Johnny charges in for a soccer kick, Skurge sweeps him down and applies the sharpshooter! Johnny reaches for the ropes unsuccessfully, then grabs a leg out of desperation and reverses the hold. But Skurge crawls up the turnbuckle and reverses the hold again! Hot tag Amnesiac! AA comes in preemptively and gets clobbered. Johnny gets kicked in the gut before he can get to his feet. Clothesline for AA. Johnny gets kicked in the gut again, and sends him to the floor. AA begs off and gets mugged in the corner. Irish whip to the corner. Amnesiac puts him up for a superplex, tagging Skurge first... and it’s a POWERPLEX~! One, two... but Johnny pulls the ref out to the floor. Amnesiac gets a suicide dive, taking out Johnny, and they brawl on the floor. Skurge with a delayed vertical on AA... but he drops him forward onto the ropes. Uppercut drops AA to the apron. Meanwhile on the floor, Johnny goes low on Amnesiac. Skurge suplexes AA back in, but Johnny grabs Skurge's leg and holds on. AA lands on top and gets the cheap three count victory!
WINNERS in 12:36: THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS
GODS & MONSTERS vs. BRYCE LARSON & NAYRGods and Monsters are announced first. Despite being a team, there seems to be very little communication between them. Poe pauses at the top of the ramp and turns to Selena and brushes her cheek with the back of his hand. Selena looks down, very disappointed and slowly walks to the back. Poe looks at Tytan, who can barely conceal a grin, and the two men head to the ring. “The King of the Indies” Bryce “The Bad Ass Dragon” Larson and Nayr are announced and the two of them sprint to the ring, slide under the ropes, and make the mistake of attempting an attack on Poe and Tytan. The two much smaller men get in a couple of forearms to the back of the head, then try whips, but both Tytan and Poe reverse it and send them to the ropes. Tytan elevates Nayr on the rebound, but Nayr shifts his weight in mid-air and manages to knock Tytan somewhat off balance with a drop kick. Larson, however, is not so lucky. He is nearly decapitated by a big boot from Poe. Poe pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes and lifts him in a military press, but Larson slithers down Poe’s back and tries a sunset flip, but Poe grabs him by the throat and pulls him into the air with a double choke, before throwing him to the mat. Meanwhile, Nayr hits the ropes and tries a spinning heel kick on Tytan, but Tytan catches him and throws him over the top rope to the floor. Tytan steps onto the apron and we finally have Larson and Poe as the legal men in the ring. Poe pulls Larson to his feet and sends him into the corner and charges in and kills him with a clothesline and keeps him there, then tags in Tytan. Tytan steps in and lays some brutal shoulders into Larson’s midsection before sending him to the ropes and catching him on the rebound with a thunderous power slam. Tytan covers, but only gets a two count. Tytan yells at the referee and pulls Larson up and sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon. Larson catches Tytan and plants him on the mat with a DDT, then, instead of heading to his corner for a tag, he heads to a neutral corner and waits for Tytan to get to his feet, and catches him in the face with a missile drop kick. Larson covers, but Tytan powers out at one. Larson thinks better of things and tags Nayr into the match. Nayr comes in and hits Tytan with some lightning fast kicks to the side, and finishes it off with a leaping spin kick to the face that sends Tytan against the ropes. Nayr tries a whip, but Tytan reverses it, but doesn’t let go, instead he pulls him back and nearly takes his head off with a clothesline. Tytan pulls Nayr up and hauls him up into a back breaker, then drops him in a shock treatment. Tytan tags in Poe, and Poe sends Nayr to the ropes and tries a tilt-a-whirl back breaker, but somehow Nayr reverses it into a hurracarana sending Poe across the ring. Nayr leaps across the ring and tags in Larson. Larson waits on the apron for Poe to get to his feet, as he does, Larson springs off the top rope and tries…..something, but it doesn’t work. Poe catches him by the throat and DRIVES him to the mat with a choke slam, sending Larson to the mat right on the back of his head. Poe hooks the leg and covers Larson, still folded in half. Nary runs in to try and save his partner, but Tytan comes in and catches him and throws him out of the ring. The referee counts three, and this one is history.
WINNERS in 10:11 – Gods & Monsters
TYSON KINCAID vs. MOOSEHEAD JACKThe Gutter Twins “Idle Hands” fires up and Tyson Kincaid appears at the top of the entrance ramp. He soaks in the cheers of the crowd, and goes slowly to the ring. Not his usual ring entrance, as he takes the time to high five fans and appreciate their support during this most recent trying time. He steps in and goes to the four sides of the ring, and the mutual appreciation society continues, until the lights darken, and the strobe lights begin, and “Scarecrow” plays. Moose comes down the ramp, almost stalking, ignoring the fans’ boos. He comes in and does his characteristic slump into the corner. Referee Barros begins with the pre-match stuff when… “Firewoman” by the Cult fires up and Firewoman comes down, glaring at both wrestlers in the ring. As she’s half way down, GM the Rick appears at the top of the ramp:
GMtR: Dammit, Firewoman….after last week, there is no way I am letting you at ringside. If I have to send you to the back again, you’ll be suspended and –Firewoman turns with perfect glare towards Rick, and holds up a ticket. She turn back, and continues on her way down the ramp, hops over the guard rail, and takes up a seat next to the tall, dark, and handsome cowboy she met earlier in the week. The usher checks her ticket and indicates that it is legit.
GMtR: Fine. But if you interfere at all, that’s it.Firewoman gives him a wave of dismissal, and grabs a handful of popcorn from her companion. Rick goes to the back, and Barros, with a warning in Firewoman’s general direction, signals for the bell. Tyson glares at her, and then turns back to Moose, who appears generally amused, and golf-claps in her general direction. The two men finally turn back to the matter at hand, and we’re off.
Tyson has the upper hand early with some clean strikes and punches, which drive Moose backwards. He hits the rope and propels himself forward with a big clothesline, knocking Tyson down. Tyson is up in a flash, smiling. But the time has given Moose a bit of a head start, and he gives Tyson a receipt for each of his earlier punches. It appears there is going to be no “alliance” between these two anytime soon, as Moose’s punches are a bit stiff. He drives Tyson back into the ropes, and keeps wailing away. Tyson eventually has to duck under the top rope to get Barros to start the count. He does, and Moose times his punches in with the count until it gets to four. Moose backs off smiling, with his hands up in the International Sign of “My Bad.” Tyson ducks back in as Moose backs up to give him room. Tyson raises his arms in the International Sign of “What the Fuck?” as he’s not sure what is so funny. Moose points to the beer sales guy who is taking care of people in the front row, and asks Tyson if he’d like one. He gets the beer vendors attention, and holds up two fingers. The beer vendor is kind of confused by this. Tyson is enraged, and rushes Moose, who of course sees it coming, and drop toe holds Tyson to the mat. He leaps onto Tyson’s back and tries to lock in the ji-endo. Tyson moves heaven and earth to fight him off, but Moose eventually gets it. Barros gets down next to Tyson and asks him if he wants to quit. Moose must have a plane to catch, as he really cranks the hold, trying to end the match sooner, rather than later. But, the toe-hold took them both close to the ropes, and Tyson is able to reach out. Barros taps Moose on the shoulder to remind him to let go, and Moose turns menacingly towards Barros as he releases. Barros points to his stripes to remind Moose not to touch him. Tyson tries to stretch out his neck and shoulders, but this only gives Moose a target, as he grabs Tyson’s arm and stretches it back, pushing down on his jaw. He swings Tyson’s body back down to the mat, and puts a knee in his back, still stretching the head and shoulder away from each other. Moose is not letting up, and he signals to Firewoman sitting in the front row. It’s not clear if he’s saying “This one’s for you” or “You’re next.” Firewoman no sells it completely. Moose gets bored with that and wrenches back one more time, practically lifting Tyson off the canvas, and then drops the hold roughly. He stands up, soaking in the boos of the crowd. Tyson holds his neck in pain, and Moose puts the boots to him. Barros pushes him off and Moose argues. If this was the WWE, we’d be cutting to commercial right now, but OOWF has way better time management, and only runs commercials in between matches.
Tyson crawls to his corner while Barros is explaining the rules again to Moose, and hoists himself up using the turnbuckles. He slumps in the corner, in Moose-like fashion and tries to shake the cobwebs. Barros is done with Moose, who stalks around the ring, waiting for Tyson to get back into it. He gets impatient, and walks straight up to Tyson, who is pretty much back on two feet now, and gets right in his face. He says something, we can’t quite pick up what, and whatever it is, it’s just what Tyson needed to hear, as he pushes Moose away with a hard shove, followed by a big Bitchslap of Disrespect. He runs the ropes and catches Moose with a Running Leg Lariat, which knocks Moose down. Not sure if Moose wanted to inspire Tyson like this, but if he did, he’s certainly getting more than he bargained for. Tyson grabs Moose and gets him up and over with a Northern Lights Suplex. Barros begins the count…but Moose is up in one. Tyson seizes the opportunity while Moose gets his wind back to go up top. He waits for his moment and flies, a big moonsault into a DDT (Thin Air!). But Barros is in the way, and while Tyson hits the DDT on Moose, he knocks Barros down in the process. He rolls Moose over and locks the leg… but Barros is still out. Tyson counts to three himself, aided by the crowd, then let’s go to check on Barros. While he’s doing that, Moose crawls over to the far side of the ring, near where Firewoman is sitting. He rolls out of the ring, eyeballs her for a bit, then turns to spy his barbed-wire covered ball bat propped up against the ring steps. He grabs it and smiles, and heads back in the ring. Tyson turns away from Barros just in time to take the bat to the gut, doubling him over. Moose follows up by driving the handle straight down to the back of Tyson’s head. Tyson is down. Moose takes the bat across Tyson’s throat, and uses it for a cross face. The barbed wire cuts into Tyson’s skin. Moose smiles, and rolls the bat slowly up Tyson’s face, stopping at the forehead where he really digs the barbed wire in. The blood slowly starts to flow down Tyson’s face. From out of the corner of his eye, Moose sees Barros start to stir, and tosses the bat back out of the ring. Barros is up and Moose picks up Tyson with a cobra clutch, and holds him for a bit. Tyson is out of it, and Moose gets him up and Pile Driver down! Tyson flops over, and Moose makes the cover. One…Two … Three. Winner: Moosehead Jack.
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. DH MAGNUSSON“Calm Before the Storm” blasts throughout the Springfield Arena, and fan favorite D.H. Magnusson makes his way down the ramp. He spends a LOT of time getting to the ring – slapping hands and signing autographs for the kids, as well as handing out ASPCA stickers to everyone. Aw, look at the big, tough guy with the heart of gold! D.H. rolls into the ring and gestures some; getting a huge reaction. He nods to Angelo Barros and rests against the ropes as the music dies down. The music starts a white strobe light begins to bounce through the arena and the first thing heard is ”There Can Be Only One.” That leads directly into ”Prelude 12/21.” The drum beat of Prelude hits and Darling takes a step onto the ramp. Oh looky here, he’s wearing a ridiculous bedazzled blue fuzzy coat thing, and now his entrance in brought to you in SLOW-MOTION. Awesome. What a douche. He doesn’t move until it finishes and a blue spotlight focuses on him and ”Princes of the Universe” starts up. Alexis Darling is on her brother’s arm, obviously enjoying the new Slo-Mo entrance. Darling takes his sweet fucking time getting to the ring before sharing an uncomfortable kiss with his sister before rolling into the ring. Referee Angelo Barros glances at both competitors and is satisfied that both are ready as this battle for New Jersey begins! Barros calls for the bell, and WE’RE UNDERWAY!
D.H. starts clapping his hands, and the crowd rhythmically joins in. Darling rolls his eyes and looks bored. D.H. gets a look of pure anger in his eyes suddenly and charges looking for a lockup. He gets on, and easily shoves Darling all the way to the corner. Barros calls for a break and Magnusson does indeed give a clean break. Sucker. Darling hits a Flash Kick to the gut, a Flash Kick to the face, and a Jumping Spin Kick to the side of Magnusson’s head before he even realizes what just happened. Magnusson looks glassy-eyed, and while he doesn’t fall, he starts to stumble around in place. Alexander is still working, and hits a 2nd Rope BLOCKBUSTER, scampers back over to assess the situation, and tries to get the big man up in a LIONTAMER.
Darling plants his knee into Magnusson’s neck, but he has difficulty getting the big man’s tree-trunk like legs over. Just as it looks like he’s going to get the hold locked in, Magnusson manages to get one leg free; and hits a HARD KICK TO THE FACE. Darling doesn’t stop his effort, but Magnusson hits ANOTHER HARD KICK TO THE FACE, and this time Darling has to back up, and he takes a knee. D.H. rolls to his feet holding the back of his neck. Darling is slow to get to his feet, and Magnusson hits a THUNDERCRACK right to the side of Darling’s head, and now Darling looks out of it. D.H. rolls to his feet, and hits a JERSEY HAMMER on Darling. D.H. makes the quick cover; but Darling is able to kick out at 2 ½. Magnusson is unfazed, and hits an INVERTED BRAINBUSTER on Darling. Mags covers again, and Darling rolls the shoulder at 2. D.H. pulls Darling up again, and hits a HANGMAN’S NECKBREAKER! That was a sharply snapped-off move, and D.H. hits the cover; this gets a loooooong 2-count before Darling manages to get his foot on the rope.
Now Magnusson starts to show a bit of frustration by slapping the mat a couple of times. D.H. looks at the wounded Darling and gets a snarl-grin-thing on his face. He PICKS up Darling this time, and slings him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He pushes Darling up a bit, and hits a CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB! That HAS to be it. Magnusson covers. 1….2….thre…NO! Darling gets the shoulder up and D.H. can’t believe it. D.H. pulls a spaghetti-legged Darling to his feet and Magnusson moves around and stands next to him. He’s looking for DREAM STREET! Just as Mags is going to hit the Russian Leg Sweep, Darling snaps back into consciousness. He drops to his knees out of the grasp of Magnusson and quickly rolls out to the floor. He signals for a 20-second timeout (nice variation) and backs away from the ring a bit. D.H., just catching on to what’s going on it appears, starts yelling to the outside, and gives chase.
Darling puts his hands up in the “begging off” position; but Magnusson is undeterred. He does NOT see Alexis Darling jump on his back with the good ol’ Pearl Harbor attack. She starts clubbering Mags about the head and shoulders; but D.H. grabs the back of her head, and with one hand FLINGS her off his back, and into the guardrail. Ouch. She’s a great sister; taking the bullet for her brother, because Magnusson isn’t prepared for the VICIOUS CHOP BLOCK by Darling. Geez, he could have taken out his knee with that one. Darling briefly looks over at his sister with legitimate concern, but rolls into the ring and implores Barros to count. He does, and D.H. isn’t able to reach the ring apron until 5. He’s limping slightly; but it doesn’t look like there’s any permanent damage there. Mags slowly pulls his way up the ropes; but Darling hits the far ropes and hits a FLYING AJ SPLASH on Magnusson, sending him back out to the floor, landing on the back of his head. Darling looks like he’s going to follow; but again he declines, and tells Barros to count.
Barros gets to 7 this time, and Magnusson uses the stairs this time to get into the ring. Barros holds Darling off until Mags is all the way in; so when Darling rushes across the ring to attack, Magnusson CATCHES him by the throat and WHIPS him into the corner! Mags mounts him on the top turnbuckle. 10-PUNCH! D.H. is going HIGH RISK and is setting up for a SUPERPLEX! Just as D.H. gets Darling up to fling him across the ring, you can hear a sickening SNAP~! And Magnusson’s left leg doesn’t look like it did before. Darling goes flying across the ring; and is able to protect himself by doing a full somersault and landing on his feet. He turns back to Magnusson and sees he’s fallen off the turnbuckle, and is HOWLING in pain, holding what’s left of his leg, trying to put it back into place. Darling has a flash of concern momentarily; but then sneers and walks over to the injured Magnusson. Oh, this is SICK! What a SICK individual! Darling locks on the DARLING MONEY CLIP! Disgusting! Magnusson IMMEDIATELY taps out.
WINNER by SUBMISSION in 12:46…ALEXANDER DARLING!
Barros starts yelling at Darling to break the hold with urgency, and Darling complies and rolls to the outside to check on his sister. Barros starts flashing the DREADED X SIGNAL to the back with as much urgency as he can. Paramedics (real ones) flood the ring and try to stabilize Magnusson’s leg. This looks really bad. Meanwhile; Darling has gotten his sister to her feet, and helps her to the back to uproarious boos.
CHRIS COLE vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match“Rebels of the Sacred Heart” blasts over the PA, and the crowd goes batshit. Seamus McNasty nods in acknowledgement to the fans, but he’s apparently not to the point where he’s going to be doing autographs for the kids anytime soon. Seamus rolls into the ring and screams a loud "faugh a ballaugh", to which the crowd parrots back to him. How cute. “Master of Puppets” fires up now, and “The Main Event” Chris Cole, accompanied to the ring by his OOWF Onslaught Championship makes his way down the ramp to a somewhat mixed reaction. Cole climbs in and poses before handing the belt to Referee Angelo Barros. Barros raises the belt high in the air. This match is for the OOWF Onslaught Championship. Barros hands the bell to the timekeeper and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Lockup to start, and while Cole shows great strength; McNasty, the bigger man, eventually shoves him away. McNasty tries to follow up, but is greeted with some big elbows to the gut from Cole. Cole goes for a BULLDOG, but is shoved off. However, Cole, showing great reflexes, hits a picture-perfect dropkick which knocks McNasty off his feet. Cole hustles over and starts to works Seamus’ left leg, eventually straightening himself out enough to lock in a SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB. McNasty is hurting; but the big man is strong enough to drag himself to the ropes and Barros calls for the break. Cole breaks but immediately starts working on the knee again with elbow drops. There are four in all; but on the fifth attempt, McNasty rolls out of the way and LAUNCHES himself into Cole, almost a SPEAR from his knees.
The crowd roars with approval at this turn of events, and McNasty assumes the Lou Thesz Position and starts beating the crap out of Cole. The crowd counts along to about 16 or so (not because McNasty stopped punching but because they really all can’t count that high). Satisfied, McNasty rolls off and pulls Cole up, but not for long when he hits an AA SPINEBUSTER! McNasty covers, and that gets a quick 2. McNasty doesn’t waste any time, and pulls up Cole again…and now he pulls him ALL the way up and hits a SIT-OUT POWERBOMB! This time the cover gets a LONG 2, and results in McNasty slapping the mat in frustration. McNasty pulls up Cole again; but before he can figure out what to do – Cole hits him with the GRECO-ROMAN THUMB TO THE EYE! McNasty staggers backward; and Cole uses his advantage to hit a RUNNING CLOTHESLINE on McNasty, and McNasty goes over the top rope and out of the ring.
Cole appears to have been playing a little possum, as he is quickly out to attack McNasty, and easily gets the upper hand. Cole grabs McNasty’s head…FACE SMASH into the retaining wall. FACE SMASH into the apron. FACE SMASH into the STEEL STEPS. Cole finishes it off with a SWEET DROPKICK which sends McNasty flying into some camera equipment which makes some really cool smashing sounds. Cole rolls back into the ring at 5, and poses for the crowd, before resting in the corner. Barros continues his count, and McNasty starts stirring at 7…and starts crawling at 8. Cole doesn’t even bother to interfere, because it doesn’t look like McNasty’s going to answer the count. However, Barros may have slowed up a bit between 9 and 10, because McNasty does indeed roll into the ring, much to Cole’s surprise. Cole is shocked, but hits the ropes and looks for a KNEE DROP TO THE FACE, but McNasty just does roll out of the way. Now both men are on their feet, and Cole grabs McNasty’s arm and tries to whip him into the ropes; but reversed and it’s an IRISH WHIP for Cole. Cole hits the ropes and McNasty hits a DROP TOE HOLD…IT’S THE IRISH CAR BOMB! Seamus has the cross face locked on and Cole is in a HEAP of trouble. Cole is displaying inhuman strength for even budging the big man; but I don’t think Cole can get to the ropes in time!
Cole is STILL trying to drag McNasty and at the same time still tries to work out of the hold, but he’s only making it harder on himself. A close-up on Cole’s face reveals that he’s clearly losing consciousness; fading in and out now. The ropes are getting closer and closer; but how much longer can he stand this pain for. Suddenly Cole stops dragging McNasty! He’s not touching the ropes! Barros gets a closer look, and Cole is whispering “No” to Barros’ requests that Cole quits. McNasty is SCREAMING “Tap!” He’s clearly using every ounce of effort to keep this hold on. Finally, Cole raises his free arm up. He’s gonna tap! AND HE DOES! Right after the bell rings. Huh?
YOUR DECISION in 15:00 – Time Limit Draw!
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. FEAR US – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchFear Us come to the ring first, and get in a bit of last minute stretching. Phantos & Lucios make their entrance, flanked by Firewoman. Before they even get off the ramp, GM the Rick’s face appears on the OOWFTron.
GMtR: I’m afraid, after last week’s events, that I simply cannot allow Firewoman to be at ringside with Phantos & Lucios. Head back to the back now, or forfeit your Intercontinental Title.
The Run DEA delegation is PISSED. Lucios grabs Firewoman’s arm and tries to calm her down. Firewoman flips off the screen as she heads back to the back. The tag champs gesture broadly on their way to the ring. They climb through the ropes and Fear Us attack! Angelo Barros tries to separate the teams, and succeeds only after threatening FU with a DQ loss. LD steps out of the ring and OBJ goes to wailing on Phantos. Barros ushers Lucios out and we’re underway!
Hard whip into the corner by OBJ. Charging clothesline. Phantos stumbles forward and Flair Flops to the mat. Quick, repeating elbow drops to the back by OBJ. Huge scoop slam. OBJ throws Phantos into the FU corner and tags in LD. Williams sends Phantos into the ropes. Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker. Abdominal stretch. Phantos hip tosses out of it and dropkicks LD before he is back on his feet. Phantos crawls over to his corner, just in time for LD to recover and drag him back across the ring. Wheelbarrow suplex. Perfectplex for a 2 count. Phantos catches LD with a kick and stumbles over to tag in Lucios.
House of fire entrance as LD eats a bionic elbow. OBJ comes in for his dose as well. Lucios catches LD with a fall away slam. Lucios sets up LD and proceeds to hit a Slingshot, High Delay Vertical, and finally a Gordbuster to finish off the trio of suplexes. LD is set up and Border tossed across the ring. A cover gets a 2 ¾ count. LD reverses an Irish whip and ducks a charging clothesline. Williams rebounds and hits a body press. He only gets a 1 count, but Lucios’ kick out sends LD into his own corner, and OBJ enters the ring. Jack and Lucios stand nose to nose and begin jawing at each other. Lucios shoves OBJ, OBJ shoves back, and then its ON! The two big men begin trading punches at each other. OBJ backs Lucios into a corner and continues wailing on him. Lucios blocks a blow and reverses positions, and begins to lay into Jack. LD and Phantos rush the ring and Barros now has his hands full! Phantos grabs Jack and tries to lock in a cobra clutch. LD doves at Lucios and they begin to tussle on the mat. Phantos reverses an Irish whip and sends OBJ towards the ropes. Referee Angelo Barros backs up, watching Lucios and LD slug it out and OBJ crashes right into him and sends Barros crashing to the floor. Phantos catches the surprised Jack with a lightning quick dropkick that staggers him into the corner. Phantos pops and turns LD around. Williams pops Phantos in the jaw, and then Lucios spears him from behind. Jack charges out of the corner, but Phantos arm drags him across the ring. Lucios sends Jack into the ropes.. DOUBLE DROPKICK! Phantos covers OBJ, but Barros is still stirring on the floor. Lucios drops down to revive him.
Junior Hale comes running to ringside, and slides into the ring. 1….2……. and LD pulls Hale out of the ring. Hale tries to lecture Williams, but LD ignores him and climbs back in the ring. Lucios has dragged Barros back to his feet, and climbs back in and grabs OBJ. Phantos Whips LD into the ropes. Lucios hits a bulldog on OBJ. Phantos tries a backdrop. BLOCKED. Suplex lift by Lucios on OBJ. LD kicks Phantos in the gut. CANADIAN DESTROYER. Lucios sends OBJ crashing to the mat. JACKHAMMER. LD covers. Lucios covers 1…2….3! Both LD and Lucios celebrate. Hale raises Williams hand. Barros raises Lucios’ hand.
Russ: Bah GAWD! What’s going on here? Do we have new champs?Hale and Barros are both at the announce table. They appear to be watching a replay on Razz’s monitor. They argue incoherently for a few minutes. Both teams are huddled around them pleading their respective cases. Senior referee Davis Hightower comes down to ringside and joins the conversation. And his deep baritone booms out above the fray
Hightower: Angelo, this was your match. Two pinfalls happened simultaneously. You have to make a decision. Barros whispers in the ring announcer’s ear, and she booms out over the PA “Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match, in a time of 14:32; and STILL OOWF World Tag Team Champions; Phantos & Lucios!”
FIREWOMAN vs. SPIN HANSEN – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match“Exterminate, Annihilate and Destroy” blasts through the arena and the crowd erupts as Spin “Freakin’’ Hansen, decked out in face paint, steps onto the stage. Spin radiates a calm intensity as he marches to the ring and warms up. The crowd's mood changes as “Firewoman” by The Cult takes over the PA and the Intercontinental Champion enters the arena. Firewoman strides confidently to the ring, stopping along the way to berate some fans. She enters the ring and holds her title high before handing it to referee Davis Hightower, who displays it to the crowd and calls for the bell.
Spin and fire meet calmly in center ring, which for these two is not a good sign. After a moment of eye contact, they circle and lock up. Spin backs Fire into the corner and makes a clean break. They lock up again and Spin tries to repeat the trick, but Fire snaps off an arm drag that sends him to the corner. Spin rolls to his knees, and eats a running knee that drives his head into the middle turnbuckle. Fire springs off the second rope and into a DDT, then drags Spin away from the ropes and covers, but only gets two.
Fire rolls Spin over with a kick and grabs his arms – Curb stomp!! Instead of letting go, Fire decides to try another one, bit Spin yanks an arm free, using the other to pull Fire off balance. Fire stumbles, and Spin rolls through, sweeping her legs and knocking Fire to the mat. Spin rolls to his feet and drives a forearm into Fire’s throat, then pulls her up and plants her with a body slam. Spin pulls Fire up into a front face lock, no-sells several punches as she tries to break free, then hooks her arms and delivers a double-arm DDT. Spin rolls Fire over for a cover, but she kicks out at two-and-a-half.
Spin pulls Fire up and tries for a full nelson, but when he tries to hook her second arm, Fire manages to reverse and flip Spin over her shoulder. She hangs on to the arm and twists Spin into a cross-arm breaker. Spin, as is tradition, works is way to his feet and lifts her off the mat. As he does, however, she unhooks one of her legs and kicks him square in the nose. Spin reels, and Fire releases the hold and lands on her feet. Fire delivers a brutal kick to the ribs, and springboards off the second turnbuckle into a bulldog. She bounces back to her feet and springs to the top rope into the BFE. She hooks both legs, and Hightower counts One…Two…Thr-Spin kicks out!
Fire gets up and aims a viscous kick at Spin’s head, but spin catches it, hangs on as he gets to his feet, and pulls her into a trapped-leg suplex. Fire rolls to her feet and gets leveled by a clothesline. She gets up and ducks the clothesline this time. She aims a dropkick at Spin’s face, but he brushes it away. Spin grabs Fire and hurls her into the corner, then crushes her with an avalanche. Fire stumbles out of the corner and Spin starts an Irish whip, then pivots and drives her back into the corner. Spin sits Fire on the top turnbuckle, and climbs up after her. Fire recovers enough to start throwing punches, but Spin brushes them off. Spin gets to the top rope and pulls Fire up as well so that they’re both standing on the top turnbuckle. Spin grabs her for a belly-to-belly suplex, but Fire drives an elbow into his temple. Spin is knocked off balance and lets go, but Fire keeps him from falling. She leaps up and hooks her legs around his neck, then spins him around into the Flamethrower! Fire dives on top and hooks the leg, and Hightower counts One…Two…Three!
WINNER, and still Intercontinental Champion, in 15:27, Firewoman.
After the match: Spin rolls out of the ring and heads to the back, leaving Firewoman to celebrate her victory. She holds the Intercontinental Championship high, then turns around, only to be turned inside out by a clothesline form Tytan! Tytan picks up the title and looks at it for a moment before tossing it aside. He pulls Fire to her feet, knees her in the stomach, and lifts her for a power bomb. Tytan holds her in the air and sprints into the corner, driving her back into the turnbuckles, then falls back, slamming her face-first into the mat. Tytan admires his handiwork for a moment, then makes himself scarce as the rest of Run DEA hit the ring.
DAVIN MORELAND vs. STANK – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchIt’s time for the main event, and the house lights go completely out. On the Jumbotron, we see a video clip of Davin Moreland hitting Diamond Cutter after Diamond Cutter over the beginning strains of “Lux Aeterna”. The crowd immediately boos, and it is DEAFENING. Finally after 2 ½ minutes of the Jumbotron Video, the second violin section (with the main theme) kicks in, and a bright, focused spotlight flashes on the top of the ramp. Still waiting, and EVENTUALLY Davin Moreland, along with Samantha Darling, shows up at the top of the ramp. Davin’s wearing his usual “Run DEA” jacket along with his tights; but this week has added his douchetastic glasses. Awesome. Samantha is definitely more conservatively dressed; wearing a knee length dress and her chest completely covered. Weird. They make their way to the ring slowly (of course) amid the boos and trash being thrown. They both climb in the ring and pose (to more boos) before they share a kiss and Davin holds the ropes open for Samantha to go to the outside. Then Davin calls for a mic. Oh fucking goody.
Quickly Davin’s entrance is stopped and the lights come back on, and “Skin” blasts over the PA, and Stank gets to the platform and down the ramp with a purpose. He’s not running (he’d probably pass out) but he’s Mark Henry Running, which to everyone else is walking. He’s flanked by Spin Hansen and Outback Jack, and they all have serious purpose in their eyes. The crowd is going batshit; but just before Stank gets to the ring area, Davin starts working the STICK~! (see what I did there?)
DM: Woah, woah, woah, hang on there fatboy.Stank is INCENSED and is about to climb into the ring.
DM: Stank doesn’t want to do that yet. Trust Davin Moreland. Just give Davin Moreland a minute to explain.Stank reluctantly stays on the floor.
DM: Davin Moreland thanks Stank for Stank’s patience. See, earlier this week, Stank thought Stank got one over and pulled a fast one on Davin Moreland. Stank said Davin Moreland walked right into Stank’s trap and gave Stank exactly what Stank wanted.Stank nods his head and claps his hands. The cheers roll up from the crowd.
DM: Stank apparently thinks Davin Moreland is a moron. *Batistalaughs* Davin Moreland is not a moron. Davin Moreland is a well-educated man. Davin Moreland is a thinker. Davin Moreland is always one step ahead of the game.
Stank: *from the floor* Get the fuck on with it!
DM: Ah yes, Davin Moreland forgets Stank’s impatience sometimes. Davin Moreland allowed Stank to believe Stank got everything Stank wanted all week long; but as per usual, Stank underestimated Davin Moreland. This is because Stank is, and will always be, like Davin Moreland said at Hell on Earth, Stank is a stupid son-of-a-bitch.
Crowd: BOO~!Stank again looks to make his way into the ring again, but Davin again begs him off.
DM: Hold on there fatboy, Davin Moreland isn’t done speaking. Davin Moreland is a World Champion, and Davin Moreland will speak as long as Davin Moreland wants when Davin Moreland is in Davin Moreland’s ring.
Crowd: BOO~! (plus trash throwing)
DM: See, by continuing to interrupt Davin Moreland; Davin Moreland’s fans prolong this explanation.The crowd immediately shuts up.
DM: Here it is Stank. Stank thinks he’s smart, but Davin Moreland is far smarter. Far Smarter. Davin Moreland KNEW Stank would bring goons to the ring with Stank, in order to teach Davin Moreland a lesson. *Batistalaughs* Unfortunately for Stank, it is Davin Moreland who is doing the schooling; and just like always, Davin Moreland is one step ahead of Stank. Gentlemen?Davin snaps his fingers and a black cloth hiding a STEEL CAGE falls down all the way to the crowd and the cage begins to lower to the ring.
DM: Davin Moreland told GM the Rick that this was going to be a Steel Cage match. Stank knows…Pinfall, Submission or *Batistalaughs* Escape? Oh, that’s funny. Stank can’t escape anything unless there’s cheeseburgers on the other side. Anyway Stank. Stank’s plan is foiled. Stank has to do this himself. And Davin Moreland will take Stank down, once and for all.The Cage is lowered all the way to the floor, and Stank sends Spin and OBJ to the back. He won’t be needing them. He climbs through the door and into the ring. Senior Referee Davis Hightower calls for the bell… but just before it rings, the lights go out and we hear an innocent little girl's voice sing "one, two, Eric's comin' for you. The little girl starts to laugh, and that innocence quickly turns sinister, then the lights come back on. Davin looks somewhat confused, but qucickly regains focus when the referee calls for the bell. WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Davin is clapping to himself and has a big smile on his face. Stank’s face shows only the desire to kill. Davin does the point-to-your-own-head thing, and this sets Stank off. Stank charges across the ring, but Davin sidesteps and hits a DROP TOE HOLD. Stank face plants on the mat and Davin doesn’t follow up, but just backs away, laughing his Douchebag ass off. Stank gets to his feet and nods his head, giving Davin a token applause. Davin does a full-on bow to Stank, accepting the praise. Dumbass. Stank immediately goes over and KICKS Davin SQUARE IN THE FACE. Davin is stood straight up, and is turned halfway around. Stank charges and CHOP BLOCKS Davin with a full head of steam. Ouch. Stank quickly locks on a SINGLE-LEG BOSTON CRAB ON THE BAD LEG! Somewhere Lance Storm is smiling even though the Single-Leg is stupid. Anyway, no rope breaks in the Cage Match; so Davin needs to find a way out of this. And now we find out why the Single-Leg is stupid; as Davin uses his free leg to kick at Stank; and he catches him quite a few times, including to the jaw and the temple, and Stank finally has to break the hold. Davin pulls himself up by the ropes, and he is SERIOUSLY favoring his leg. A recovered Stank sees this, and tries to SPEAR his knee again; but Davin spins out of the way. Stank’s momentum takes him all the way through the turnbuckle and into the STEEL POST!
Davin hobbles over and tries to capitalize. He ties up Stank’s legs in opposite ropes as he still lies between the turnbuckles. Davin climbs (doesn’t jump) to the top turnbuckle, and then climbs about 5 feet up the cage. He jumps back with a Beautiful MOONSAULT! He puts in an extra quarter-rotation and drops his KNEES IN STANK’S BACK! Stank yells out, but Davin rolls over on the mat and rubs his tender knee. Stank is still unable to get free of the ropes, and Davin gets the “I have a plan” look on his face. Davin walks over to Stank, and spots the knee with the brace on it; the one Davin Injured months ago. He gets a horrifically evil grin on his face, and JUMPS and DROPS AN ELBOW ON THE KNEE! Stank yells with a mix of pain and horror. Davin lathers, rinses and repeats probably half a dozen times. Davin doesn’t notice that Stank’s other leg has gotten free, and Stank has pulled himself away from the Steel Post as well. Stank has to twist himself, but as Davin tries to drop another Elbow, Stank just punches him in the face. Stank untangles himself just as Davin turns around.
Davin literally SNARLS and starts RAINING HAYMAKERS on Stank, and Stank retaliates with HAYMAKERS OF HIS OWN! We’ve got ourselves a HOCKEY FIGHT! It’s a real hockey fight too, as it’s not long before blood starts flowing from both men’s faces. God this is brutal. Eventually, it’s Davin who switches up the formula and drives a BIG KNEE into Stank’s gut. KNEE-LIFT FACEBUSTER to Stank. Stank staggers back against the turnbuckle. Davin tries to put Stank up on the top turnbuckle. He tucks Stank’s head under his arm…He’s looking for SWEET DREAMS! Just as Davin takes off from the turnbuckle, Stank is able to shove him off, and Davin hits the mat HARD on the back of his head. Both men are down. Hightower starts a count.
Stank is up first at 4, and goes over to Moreland in the middle of the ring just starting to stir. He pulls Davin to his wobbly feet and locks on SOUTHERN COMFORT! This is HUGE TROUBLE for the Champ! Davin is in pain, bleeding, and now he’s starting to fade. He’s flailing with his free arm, but it’s no use at all. Hightower is in to check on Moreland! We’re gonna have a new Champ! Hightower is in to do the three-arm-drop spot! He drops the arm the first time, and it falls limply down. Hightower looks in again and takes a second before dropping the arm a second time. It was well falls like a dead fish to his side. I think this one is over! Hightower looks in one more time, and picks up the arm. As its on the way back down to end the match, we all hear a DEAFENING PRIMAL SCREAM and Davin is running in full reverse after he somehow broke free! He jumps and Stank SMASHES into the STEEL CAGE! Davin uses the momentum from the crash and, with Stank still on his back, does a RUNNING SOMERSAULT and lands with his full body weight on Stank’s neck! Quick cover…and that gets 2 ½ before Stank rolls the shoulder.
Davin moves off of the cover, and he’s crawling, still apparently not in any shape to stand. He drags himself over to the corner, and takes the pad off the turnbuckle. Nothing Hightower can do…it’s all legal! This apparently took a lot out of the Champ, and he slumps against the ropes. Stank is just now starting to stir; and he’s going to have a hell of a headache tomorrow as he runs the back of his neck. Stank makes it to his feet, and sees Davin facing the other way. He CHARGES looking to SPLASH him in the corner, but Davin at the last second SMASHES Stank’s face into the CAGE! Without stopping, Davin grabs Stank’s hair, and SMASHES his face into the other side of the CAGE! Repeat a third time and Stank’s face is hamburger. Davin tries for number four, but Stank BLOCKS it and smashes Davin’s FACE INTO THE CAGE! He does the CHEESE GRATER SPOT and Davin is bleeding like a stuck pig. Davin collapses against the rope. Stank sees an opening! He gets the exhausted Davin on his shoulders and holds him there to present him to the crowd! He’s going for the STANK-U! He gets him up…and DAVIN REVERSES INTO A TORNADO DDT! He hit that one pure, and both men are down!
Davin is first up this time, barely, at 6, and looks to the top of the cage. He grins, and starts to climb up! Stank hasn’t moved yet! Davin’s going to escape! Davin is about 3/4ths of the way up when Stank finally starts to budge. It’s slow going for the Champ; obviously the blood loss is getting to him. This allows Stank to start to climb too! Davin feels Stank coming and tries to go faster, but it’s just not happening like he wants. Stank catches up to Davin at the top of the cage, and tries to fling him back down to the mat. Davin blocks, and tries to fling Stank down! Stank blocks! Both men are trying to use every ounce of strength to kill the other! Eventually there’s a small lull, and Davin starts raining punches on Stank! Stank counterpunches, and we’ve got a HOCKEY FIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE CAGE! Right hand after right hand after right hand! Both men are nearly unconscious; but SOMEHOW Davin is able to get the upper hand and catch Stank with a PERFECT RIGHT HOOK TO THE POINT OF THE JAW! Stank wobbles and is completely knocked out, but he’s still somehow hanging onto the cage. Davin does the “Chris Benoit Throat Slash” and grabs Stank around the head! He’s going for a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE! But Stank is a little stuck on the cage! Davin loses his balance! Davin manages to get Stank into a fall, but Davin has completely let go and is totally out of control on the way down! Davin falls first and catches the EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE TO THE TEMPLE! Stank SMASHES into the Cage a couple of times on the way down, and lands awkwardly on his head! Samantha Darling is right at the door looking on in horror! Hightower needs a second to catch his breath before rushing a 10-count. He immediately calls for the cage to be lifted.
WINNER in 26:16 by DOUBLE COUNTOUT…NO CONTEST!
Hightower is flashing the DREADED X sign as fast as he can, and REAL PARAMEDICS rush the ring. The crowd is dead silent. Both men are places on gurneys. First being wheeled out is Stank, and he gives the crowd a double-thumbs-up to thunderous applause. The Paramedics are taking extra care with Davin, hooking up some plasma and fitting him with a neck brace. Samantha is trying her best to stay composed, but tears are flowing from her eyes. Phantos, Lucios, Firewoman, and Alexis and Alexander Darling all slowly walk to ringside. The crowd is silent again. Samantha grabs Davin’s hand and this looks really bad. The Paramedics are ready to move, and move VERY slowly up the ramp. Just as they reach the top of the ramp, Davin manages to barely move his hand with a halfway-thumbs-up sign. There’s no booing, no applause, simply a “THAT WAS AWESOME!” chant which is in perfect unison and LOUD! This is what we hear as the screen goes black and the OOWF Logo comes up.
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