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Post by mooseheadjack on Feb 16, 2009 11:58:17 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Springfield, South Dakota
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. DH Magnusson
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Firewoman vs. Tyson Kincaid
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
The Team From Down Under vs. Phantos & Lucios
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Seamus McNasty vs. Matte
OOWF Invitational Round 3[/u]
Poe vs. Stank
Blitz vs. Chris Evans
Bryce Larson vs. Moosehead Jack
Skurge vs. FF Capslock
Winner Gets A MITB Intercontinental Title Shot[/u]
SYB vs. Chris Cole vs. Tytan vs. The Dead
OOWF Jobber Invitational Finals
Dr. Stone Cold Death Von Erich vs. Hi-Vo Sakamoto vs. Fumunda Mung
The Amnesiac vs. Eric O’Mac
Alexis Darling, Alexander Darling & Davin Moreland vs. Concrete TG, Nayr & Damon Wrath
Thim Reynolds vs. TBA
Card subject to Sioux attack
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 3, 2009 13:18:27 GMT -5
(Ultimo Inc. is in the Locke room post Mayhem. There are happy and celebrating. Lola enters and looks surprised.)
Lola: Steele Tytan lost his match but you are celebrating care to elaborate on this?
Steele: It's simple. Part one of my plan went off perfectly. Firewoman wants a piece of Tytan again.
Tytan: And I am ready for her? Did you like my new move the other day Corporate Red Tape. I got you tangled up pretty good, I like the fact that I was that close to snapping you in half. Oh by the way didn't the move look familiar. Took a page out of your boyfriend's book.
Biggs: Oh and by the way my sources are telling me...your boyfriend and that little attack was all set up by his employer.
Steele: Speaking of sources what was the deal with you getting jumped by those two Japanese guys?
Biggs:....uh...can we talk about that later. I also think that it has something to do with that Johnny guy.
Steele:(Smiles) Excellent.
Lola: Now Tytan the brutal beat down of Chris Evans what was that all about?
Tytan: Haven't you been watching Lola? I warned the kid. I told him watch who you run with because it can come back to haunt you. Someone will beat you down, I never told him that someone was going to be me.
Steele: You see that was a message to Firewoman. You came out and helped "Cubbie" in his match. Now look what happened to him. His blood is on your hands!
Tytan: This is only the beginning Fire. Ultimo Inc. is back at full strength and we are going to take you out.
Steele: That title will be around Tytan's waist.
Biggs: That is the truth!
Tytan: Firewoman I am the one that is going to take the title away from you and after Money in the Bank I will have a chance to do it.
Lola: As for Chris they said there is a chance that he might not make it to the match next week.
Steele: Sweetheart that is just a casualty of war. And Firewoman there will be more of that coming, and there will be more blood on your hands.
(Biggs answers his headset.)
Biggs: (To Steele and Tytan) The limo is waiting for us. It's time to go.
Steele: Good, Lola care to join us the night is young.
Lola: Sure why not, I got nothing else to do until then.
(They all leave)
Fade
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 3, 2009 13:18:52 GMT -5
It's just a few hours after Mayhem and the wrestlers are congregating in their locker rooms to try and avoid any attacks. Inside The Heroes Guild locker room, we see that Nayr and Crete are having a heated discussion.
CTG: I'm sorry Citizen Paladin. Bryce made his final choice tonight. He has sworn allegiance with the enemy.
Nayr: Hero Gryfon. I just know that if we get a chance.
CTG: I'm going to have to put my foot down Citizen Nayr. Maybe before today.
Nayr: But what if those evil-doers in Run DEA are just manipulating Bryce.
Blitz: He made his choice Nayr. Let it go.
Nayr is about to go put when there is a pounding at the door.
CTG: Heroes guild into defensive positions.
Wrath and Blitz just look at CTG like he's a bit loony, but Nayr strikes a pose right next to Concrete. CTG and Nayr are just standing there and Blitz and Damon share a look realizing that neither one of them are going to answer the door. So Damon gets up and he's about to swing the door open when it opens and slams him in the face.
From somewhere in the arena...Eric O'Mac: HA!
And Alexander Darling steps into The Heroes Guild locker room. And he takes a deep breath. And then we see that's carrying one of Concrete's capes.
CTG: Evil-doer Darling. Walking into enemy territory is never wise. State your business.
Alexander looks around the room and nods his head a few times.
Alexander: This will do, I suppose.
Nayr: Stand back Alex. We have prepared for this moment. The Heroes Guild will stand and fight against the evilness of Run DEA.
Alexander turns and looks down the hallway.
Alexander: I don't see any Run DEA around here.
CTG: You will not fool us with your games Darling.
Alexander: No games Gryfon. Things have been happening in Run DEA that I want no part of. So, I've done some thinking and in the course of my thinking and contemplating, I came across this box in the locker room. A box of capes.
CTG: Yes, I do believe evil-doer Moreland stole those from me.
Alexander: Right. Whatever. The point is, I was tired of being looked at like Davin's lackey. And now to add Bryce. Well I just can't compete with that star power. So I thought to myself, what should I do next?
Blitz: You're not saying what I think you're saying, are you?
Alexander: That's exactly what I'm saying Nerve Agent.
CTG: I'll have you know that that is Citizen Blitz.
Alexander: Isn't that what I said? Eh, it doesn't matter. The fact is...you're looking at the newest member of The Heroes Guild. For I am to be known as DARLINGMAN!!!
Alexander walks past Crete and Nayr and takes a seat with Blitz and Damon. And he rips the PS3 controller out of Damon's hand and starts to take over the game.
Nayr: Hero Gryfon...
CTG: I know Paladin Nayr, but he is a very capable competitor and in these trying times. Maybe he has seen the error of his ways.
Meanwhile, Alexander slaps Blitz hard on the shoulder.
Alexander: So, when did you get back Rabbxt?
Crete sighs.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 3, 2009 13:19:18 GMT -5
Fade in to the backstage area, where Davin Moreland and Bryce Larson are TALKING~!
BL: [Holding the Run DEA t-shirt] What is this? I didn't ask for this.
DM: Davin Moreland thought Bryce Larson might like the t-shirt. Davin Moreland things it might fit Bryce Larson well.
BL: Well it doesn't. I'm YOUR partner, not THEIR partner. And judging by how they looked at you, they feel that way too. You made Fire give me the shirt, didn't you?
DM: The membership of Run DEA will come around on Bryce Larson.
BL: Maybe they will, maybe they won't. That's not my concern. Not Run DEA, not The Heroes Guild. My concern is winning a championship, Bryce & Davin winning a championship.
DM: Davin Moreland apologizes to Bryce Larson, Davin Moreland just assumed that--
BL: Listen, I appreciate that Davin Moreland orchestrated that whole t-shirt thing for Bryce Larson. It sure beats repeated Really Great Diamond Cutters. Right now I'm trying to make a run in the invitational, and you've got Run DEA business to worry about. That's the great thing about this title shot. I can cash it in whenever I want to, when the time is right. Right for us.
DM: Davin Moreland likes Bryce Larson's thinking. Davin Moreland will hang on to this t-shirt for Bryce Larson. Bryce Larson will wear the t-shirt eventually.
BL: Right. I'm off to get some rest. Phantos is one hell of a competitor, and that was one hell of a match.
DM: Indeed, Phantos and Bryce Larson pushed each other to the limit tonight. Congratulations on Bryce Larson's win. Davin Moreland will talk to Bryce Larson later.
Bryce & Davin head their separate ways, and the camera man turns to leave. In doing so, he that catches Nayr was listening in on the whole conversation.
N: [To himself] There is hope! I have to talk to 'Crete.
Fade out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 3, 2009 13:19:42 GMT -5
Chris Evans is seen walking out of a nearby hospital with a neck brace on. A random SFJ approaches him.
SFJ: Lionheart, how are you feeling?
E: 'Tis just a flesh wound. Ha, always wanted to use that in a sentence. But seriously sweetie, I just took a Steiner screwdriver on a steel chair a few hours ago. How the fuck do you think I'm feeling?! I almost got a BROKEN FREAKING NECK and I'm lucky to be alive after the shit Tytan pulled.
SFJ: Geez, sorry to have bothered you.
E: *sigh* Look, I'm sorry about that. Anything else you need to know right now?
SFJ: How do you feel knowing that you have to face Blitz in the next round?
E: Well, Blitz and I have similar styles to one another. He put on one hell of a show last night, and I'm sure we'll tear the house down next week.
SFJ: In the chance that you beat Blitz, you face the winner of Poe vs Stank in the next round. Your thoughts?
E: My thoughts are simply this: I came to this federation looking for competition. No matter who I face out of those two, I'm facing two huge powerhouses so I guarantee I'm gonna get exactly that.
SFJ: And also, do you have any idea why Firewoman got involved in your match, basically giving you the win?
E: Wait what? What do you mean, gave me the win? Firewoman didn't get involved in my match, she just came out to watch. Its not my fault that walking billboard for HGH (human growth hormone) took his eye off the ball. I just did what anyone would do: I took advantage of the situation. Also, its not like I used any illegal moves. I made him tap cleanly with the STF.
SFJ: Well, do you have any thoughts on next week's IC title match between Firewoman and Tyson Kincaid?
E: All I know is that by the end of that matchup, at least one of them is ending up back in the hospital.
SFJ: Will you get involved in any way?
E: Why should I? Its none of my concern what they do to each other. Besides, Fire would put me back in the hospital if I tried to fight her battles for her.
SFJ: Good point. So where are you going now?
E: I'm heading back to the Destroyatorium. I need to rest up a bit.
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:21:35 GMT -5
*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room. Skurge, SYB, and The Amnesiac are ruminating on last night’s OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 2 Live! From Springfield, MN, and going over the card for the upcoming OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 3 Live! From Springfield, SD…
Skurge: …and then I locked in the Executioner, and it was all over.
SYB: I was in the palatial IHOP locker room’s medical unit under heavy anesthesia at the time. What’s the Executioner?
Amn: It’s a cobra clutch.
SYB: *shudder* Why did it have to be snakes?
Skurge: Good to see you’ve got your sense of humour back already. I figured you’d be oot of commission for a while, chiefy.
SYB: Nah, I bounce back pretty well.
Amn: Yeah, but MooseheadJack really laid into you last night. The cheese grater was an…interesting…touch.
Skurge: It was fucking sick is what it was. You need to get that face of yours fixed. That man has some serious issues. I think they need to start carting him around Lecter-style for everyone’s safety.
Amn: Couldn’t hurt. But I wouldn’t talk too much shit about him, Skurge. You’re the only one of us left in the Invitational. If you and MooseheadJack both win at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 3 Live! From Springfield, SD, you could face each other in the semifinals.
Skurge: That’s fine by me. It’d give me a chance to get some revenge for what that sick fuck did to Solly. I mean, he pretty much left him for dead.
SYB: Speaking of which, weren’t you and one of the refs carrying The Dead around before OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 2 Live! From Springfield, MN, last night?
Skurge: We suuure were.
SYB: But he wrestled last night. What happened?
Skurge: Well…
*The scene fades almost to black, then fades back in to the Hallway of Unknown Whereabouts, where we see Skurge and an OOWF referee carrying the lifeless body of The Dead…
Skurge: This dude’s getting heavy. I don’t remember the Hallway of Random Encounters being so far away from the palatial IHOP locker room.
Ref: No kidding. Any idea where we are?
Skurge: No. This looks like the Hallway of Unknoon Whereaboots, so our whereaboots are currently unknoon.
Ref: Great. How do we get out of here?
Skurge: Take a left, eh?
*As the two men exit the Hallway of Unknown Whereabouts, Skurge notices a nearby training gym. This gives him an idea…
Ref: You’re going to do what now?
Skurge: Well, he’s The Dead, isn’t he?
Ref: Well yeah, but I don’t think you can…oh forget it. Let’s go.
*Skurge and the referee carry The Dead into the gym and up to the registration desk…
Skurge: Hello, I wish to register a complaint. Hello, miss?
Man Behind Counter: What do you mean “miss”?
Skurge: Oh, I’m sorry. I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
MBC: Sorry, we’re closing for lunch.
Skurge: Nevermind that. I wish to complain aboot this wrestler, whom I recruited not half an hour ago from this very gym.
MBC: As yes, The Dead. Well, what’s wrong with him?
Skurge: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with him. He’s dead. That’s what’s wrong with him.
MBC: No, no. He’s resting, look.
Skurge: I know a dead wrestler when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
MBC: No, he’s not dead. He’s resting.
Skurge: Resting?
MBC: Yeah. Remarkable wrestler, The Dead, isn’t he? Great tights.
Skurge: The tights don’t enter into it, eh? He’s still dead.
MBC: No, no. He’s resting.
Skurge: Alright, then. If he’s resting, I’ll wake him up. [to The Dead] Hellooooo, The Dead! I’ve got a nice cod fish for you when you wake up, The Dead!
MBC: [slapping TD] There, he moved.
Skurge: No he didn’t! That was you slapping him!
MBC: I did not!
Skurge: Yes you did. [screaming in TD’s ear] HELLOOOOO THE DEAD! THEEEEE DEAAAAAAD! THE DEAAAAD! WAKE UP! THEEEE DEEEEAAAADDDDD! [to MBC] Now that’s what I call a dead wrestler.
MBC: No no no…he’s stunned.
Skurge: Look, I’ve had just aboot enough of this. That wrestler is deceased, eh? And when I recruited him not half an hour ago, you assured me that his lack of movement was due to him being tired from a long training session.
MBC: He’s probably pining for the fjords.
Skurge: Pining for the fjords? He’s not pining, he’s passed on. This wrestler is no more. He has ceased to be. He’s expired and gone to meet his maker. This is a late wrestler. He’s a stiff. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. This is an ex-wrestler.
MBC: Well, I’d better replace him then. [after looking under the registration desk] Sorry, sir, but we’re right out of wrestlers.
Skurge: I see.
MBC: What about a boxer?
Skurge: Does he wrestle?
MBC: No.
Skurge: Then he’s hardly a replacement, is he?
MBC: Tell you what. If you go to my brother’s training gym in the Hallway of No Significance Whatsoever, he’ll replace your wrestler for you.
Skurge: The Hallway of No Significance Whatsoever, eh? Alright.
*The two men leave the training gym and soon find themselves entering the Hallway of No Significance Whatsoever, where they immediately encounter FF Capslock…
FFC: Hey! What are you doing in my hallway?
Skurge: This is your hallway? FF Cockslap’s hallway is the Hallway of No Significance Whatsoever?
FFC: It’s Capslock, and yes, this is my hallway. Now what the hell do you want?
Skurge: Easy there, Mr. Cockslap. We’re just trying to get The Dead’s corpse to the Hallway of Random Encounters before he starts to stink up the joint.
FFC: Well, it just so happens that there’s a guy who comes by with a cart every day to collect the dead.
Skurge: He collects The Dead every day?
FFC: No, not The Dead, the dead.
Skurge: Ah. Got it.
*Just then, a man comes by pulling a cart that appears to be laden with dead bodies. Every few steps he bangs a cowbell with a club and shouts…
Man: Bring out your dead!…Bring out your dead!…Bring out–
Skurge: Here’s one.
Man: That’ll be $5.
The Dead: I’m not dead.
Man: What?
Skurge: Nothing. Here’s your $5.
TD: I’m not dead!
Man: Hey, he says he’s not dead.
Skurge: Yes he is.
TD: I’m not.
Man: He isn’t?
Skurge: Well, he will be soon, he took a beer bottle to the skull, eh?
TD: I’m getting better.
Skurge: [to TD] No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.
Man: I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations.
TD: I don’t want to go on the cart.
Skurge: [to TD] Oh, don’t be such a baby.
Man: I can’t take him.
TD: I feel fine!
Skurge: [to Man] Oh, do us a favour.
Man: I can’t.
Skurge: Well, can you wait around a couple of minutes? He won’t be long.
Man: No, I’ve got to go to MooseheadJack’s locker room. He’s killed nine today.
Skurge: When’s your next round?
Man: Next Thursday.
TD: I think I’ll go for a walk.
Skurge: [to TD] You’re not fooling anyone, you know. [to man] Isn’t there something you can do?
TD: I feel happy! I feel happ–
*The man’s club comes down on The Dead’s skull, rendering his body lifeless once more. Skurge thanks the man as he loads The Dead’s corpse onto the cart, and we…
*Fade back into the palatial IHOP locker room in the present time…
Skurge: …and that’s the last I saw of The Dead. I didn’t expect him to no-sell death and show up at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 2 Live! From Springfield, MN, last night.
SYB: That’s fucking awesome!
Skurge: What is?
SYB: That Cockslap is an anagram for Capslock! How long have you been holding onto that one?
Skurge: A looong time, my friend. A very long time.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:22:21 GMT -5
*Samantha Darling is DRIVING~! a Rental Toyota Camry on I-90 Westbound en route to Springfield, SD. Davin Moreland is fidgeting in the passenger seat, apparently trying to get comfortable. Samantha appears a bit annoyed.*
SD: God this place sucks.
DM: *fidget* Why?
SD: Why? There's nothing fucking HERE, that's why. OOH! SIOUX FALLS 10 MILES! Who fucking gives a fucking fuck?
DM: Davin Moreland sees Samantha Darling went to the Darling School of Vocabulary.
SD: Fuck off. And why are you suddenly talking like that?
DM: *points at a red light on a little box on the dash* Cameras, sweetheart.
SD: *sighs and fucks with the ring on her finger* Why didn't we just take the fucking plane? And why do *I* have to drive? And why do *I* have to drive this piece of shit car? And why are YOU in such a foul mood? And what was up with that Larson thing? And what the fuck is up with my brother? And...
DM: Shh. Silence, Goddess. Davin Moreland will explain everyhing.
SD: Ooh, nice Poe, honey.
DM: DID YOU HEAR THAT HONEY? HONEY? DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID HONEY? THAT WAS POE HONEY! THAT DONKEY WENT ALL IN WITH A 2-7 OFF HONEY! HONEY? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HONEY? IF IT WEREN'T FOR LUCK HONEY, HONEY, I'D ALWAYS WIN HONEY!
SD: Nice, and now Hellmuth. Well done.
DM: Does Samantha Darling want Samantha Darling's questions answered? Or was Samantha Darling just bitching?
SD: SIOUX FALLS! 5 MILES!
DM: Davin Moreland will take that as a yes.
*Samantha gives Davin the fakest smile possibly on record in human history*
DM: *sighs* First, Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling didn't take the plane, because Davin Moreland didn't feel like socializing and being Davin Moreland for a little while.
SD: You're being Davin Moreland right now.
DM: Well...cameras. That and...Davin Moreland doesn't know...Davin Moreland senses that something is going on that Davin Moreland doesn't like. Davin Moreland needed some time to clear Davin Moreland's head. Davin Moreland just got pinned clean twice by the Legendary LD Williams. Davin Moreland isn't used to losing. Davin Moreland needs to figure out what went wrong.
SD: You have like eleventy billion broken ribs and a ridiculous tape wrap that might as well be a neon sign.
DM: Davin Moreland won the OOWF World Championship FROM the Legendary LD Williams with broken ribs. When the Legendary LD Williams threw Davin Moreland down the stairs from the top of the arena?
SD: *winces* Oh yeah.
DM: So, it's not that.
SD: So what do you think it is?
DM: Dunno. That's why Davin Moreland is driving to Springfield, SD! *cheap pop*
SD: Samantha DARLING is driving, which leads me to my next question...
DM: Davin Moreland knows HOW to drive, but Davin Moreland can't sit still due to Davin Moreland's godforsaken ribs. Davin Moreland doesn't feel that that's a save driving situation. Davin Moreland is safety conscious. Davin Moreland cares about other motorists. Davin Moreland is always considering Davin Moreland's fellow man. Davin Moreland is a humanitarian.
SD: You done?
DM: Yeah. To Samantha Darling's next question...*batistalaughs* Davin Moreland drove a Toyota Camry for years, if Samantha Darling will recall. The Toyota Camry is NOT a piece of shit. The Toyota Camry is a reliable automobile with fantastic gas mileage.
SD: It doesn't go fast. It sucks.
DM: That is Samantha Darling's opinion. Davin Moreland enjoys the Vanquish. Davin Moreland enjoys driving the Vanquish. However, the Vanquish gets like 4 miles per gallon, and isn't very practical to take with Davin Moreland on the road. Renting the Toyota Camry makes much more sense, economically.
SD: Since when do YOU care about being economically prudent?
DM: Since Samantha Darling questioned Davin Moreland's abilities as a bread-winner a couple of weeks ago when The Dead trashed the locker room, and Monkh cleaned it.
SD: *is quiet for a second, and then sighs* Ok.
DM: Davin Moreland is in a foul mood because Davin Moreland lost Davin Moreland's OOWF World Heavyweight Championship, and also lost Davin Moreland's rematch. Davin Moreland is NOT next in line in the rankings, so Davin Moreland now must WAIT to get another title shot.
SD: Fair enough. But tagging with my brother this week?
DM: It's a title shot, Davin Moreland guesses. However, Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling's record as a tag team is, well, *batistalaughs* not all that impressive.
SD: It's not. You guys are like, way better than your record.
DM: *clears throat* You are what your record says you are.
SD: Ooh, Bill Parcells. Good one, honey.
DM: Davin Moreland thanks Samantha Darling.
SD: Wow, look at the bustling metropolis of SIOUX FALLS! It must be rush hour! I can count 9 cars on the road!
DM: Samantha Darling's point has been made ad nauseum.
SD: This place sucks.
DM: Samantha Darling has made Samantha Darling's point very clear. Enough already.
SD: *grumbles*
DM: Davin Moreland needs to explain Larson. Davin Moreland is clearly trying to recruit King of the Indies Bryce Larson into Run DEA. However, Davin Moreland has not offered King of the Indies Bryce Larson anything resembling membership in Run DEA. Davin Moreland still needs to see how King of the Indies Bryce Larson can handle top-notch OOWF Competition. King of the Indies Bryce Larson hasn't ventured off the midcard yet.
SD: What about the stupid t-shirts?
DM: Oh. Davin Moreland got a box of them from Dunkin Donuts last week. They say "Run DEA Runs on Dunkin'."
SD: That's it?
DM: *batistalaughs* That's it. The t-shirts are available at oowf.com for a nominal donation of $24.95. Of course, Run DEA members can hand them out to anyone. Promo Swag...that's all.
SD: All that...for that?
DM: Sometimes it's the simplest explanations.
SD: Heh. All that reminded me of the time we were in Newark...
DM: NO CUTE ROMANTIC FLASHBACKS! Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling are heels.
SD: But...the life-sized cut-out...
DM: HEELS!
SD: *sigh* Fine.
DM: To answer Samantha Darling's final question, who knows what is EVER "up" with Alexander Darling? Alexander Darling wants to be a Superhero? Alexander Darling can be a superhero. Alexander Darling just better make sure Alexander Darling takes the superhero shit off come Mayhem.
SD: He's so fucking weird. I thought Lexie was always the weird one...but...
DM: Samantha Darling should stop talking about Alexander Darling. Samantha Darling should focus on finding a National Chain Hamburger Restaurant.
SD: Like a M -
DM: SHHHHH! Not a sponsor. Davin Moreland means National Chain Hamburger Restaurant.
SD: Well, there were like 3 in the important Economic and Financial Center of Sioux Fucking Falls, but sign we just passed said 10 more miles until a.....National Chain Hamburger Restaurant.
DM: Well done. Davin Moreland is starving.
SD: Samantha Darling needs a nap.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:25:19 GMT -5
*Camera fades in to reveal the inside of Wally B. King's green and yellow stretch Subaru Outback limousine. Wally, Outback Jack, and GatorBait are flanked by 5 female "relaxation experts", and FF Capslock and Stank are at the other end thumb-wrestling...*
Wally: Welcome back, Gator!
Gator: Thanks, Wally. Man, I missed these limo rides.
Wally: Did you enjoy the protection I sent you away with?
Gator: Yeah, the ladies loved the kiwi-flavored Australian tickler condoms you sent.
OBJ: BEEELAAAAAAAAAAARP!!! You got kiwi-flavored ones? The sheilas weren't as fond of the Vegemite-flavored ones I got. And you should've seen the awful rash they gave me.
Wally:...
Gator:...
*OBJ takes another gulp of his Foster's, then looks up to see the blank stares on the others' faces*
OBJ: What? You don't think it was the condoms?
Gator: If it was those couple girls from Sioux Falls a few years back, then no, I don't think it was the condoms.
Wally: Aaaaaaaaanyway, fellas. Gator, I wasn't talking about THAT protection. I was referring to the bodyguard I sent you.
Gator: Ohhhhhhhhhhh, you mean HIM!
*At the sound of Gator's mere referencing of him, a cybernetically reconstructed Steve Irwin shows up outside the window running alongside the limo.*
Steve Irbot: CRIKEY! This limo is moving fast! #BLEEP# #BLORP#
Gator: Irbot, have you been running behind us all this time?
Irbot: Yeah, mate! This is like hunting rabid cheetahs in the Serengeti! #blorp# #bleep# #bloop#
Wally: Well, I heard he came in handy when Kimbo Slice tried to rape you during your training with Bas Ruten.
Gator: Yeah, Kimbo's always walking around with a harem of women. Kind of like you, Wally. But he's got more of a taste for the trouser snake than the little kitty.
Irbot: OI!!! Dem trouser snakes and little kitties are usually the best of friends. #blip# #blorp# But sometimes the trouser snakes prefer the company of others!
OBJ: BLAAUUUUUURP!!!
Irbot: #blip# #blip# #bleeeeeeeeep#
OBJ: FLEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUP!!!
Irbot: #BLEEEEEP# #blop# #blop# #BLEEEop#
OBJ: YEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWFFFFFLLLLLLLLLAAAAAARP!!!!!
Irbot: ...
Wally:...
Gator:...
*Shouts heard from the other end of the limo*
FFC: SNEAK ATTACK! 1! 2! 3!!!
Stank: FUCKER!!! Why does that always get me?!?
*Fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:25:47 GMT -5
Disembodied Voice of Lord Alfred Hayes: PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING!!
[Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline hop into a white backdrop from either side of the screen]
JA: ASPIRING WRESTLERS!!
AA: Trapped under the glass ceiling?
JA: The big promotions won't give ya a look?
AA: Wanna get a cult following?
JA: The Chickenshit Heels are here to turn you from enhancement talent into world class talent!
AA: World Class? They folded years ago.
JA: YOU can learn all the tricks of the trade that have made the Chickenshit Heels the best tag team in the world!
AA: Johnny and I are thrilled to introduce our brand new book: Getting Yourself Over - The Super Duper Book of Neverending Promos, Interviews, & Shoots!!
[Johnny and AA exert themselves and lift up a huge, thick book]
JA: Captured within these 744 pages are transcripts of over 1500 promos conducted by the Chickenshit Heels.
AA: In here, you'll find classics such as the Barbershop Quartet, the Western Canadian Indian Elixir man, the Flight from hell with Drink & Destroy, the saga of the TCH Box O'Promos, the legend of Cowboy Johnathan Adrenaline, the Chickenshit Heels Tryout Tape, and an endless supply of sneak attacks, contract signings, and other nuggets of tag team excellence.
JA: Wow, Alan..... 744 pages, millions of promo ideas, invaluable tips and tactics from the greatest tag team ever... a treasure such as this must be worth thousands of dollars!
AA: You would think, Johnny. But get this, for a limited time only, you can get Getting Yourself Over: The Super Duper Book of Neverending Promos, Interviews, & Shoots for the bargain basement price of only $699!! Or, just three easy payments of $233!!
JA: GET OUT OF HERE!
AA: For real, Johnny! All you gotta do is call 1-570-3 3 6-6643. All major credit cards accepted. Talk to our man, Jesus, and he'll take care of you.
JA: BUT! If you call in the next ten minutes, we'll throw in the official Chickenshit Heels promo outline template FOR FREE!!
AA: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Since when are we doing that??
JA: Since right now!
AA: Oh, it's like that? Okay, in that case, if you call in the next ten minutes, you'll get the book, the promo template, AND this classified ad [holds up newspaper with various highlighted spots, obviously having been job hunting] autographed by me, Attitude Adjuster!
JA: The book, the template, the autographed job ad, all this for ONLY $699.
AA: Call now: 1-570-3 3 6-6643!! Operators, um... Jesus, standing by!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:26:20 GMT -5
Fade in as OOWF cameras catch Bryce Larson, sitting on the bed in his hotel room, talking on his cell phone. But it doesn't seem like he's talking to "Paul."
BL: ...... Yes, the name on the card reads Erlana. E ... R ... L ... A ... N ... A ...... No--no last name, just Erlana ...... What? ...... Oh! October, 2012 ...... Um..what's the fastest option available? ...... Overnight for an additional $225? ...... That seems a little high! ...... Right, I'm not the one paying anyway ...... Okay, overnight shipping it is ...... I'll watch out for it, thanks Jesus!
Bryce hangs up.
BL: Erlana! Farrah! Come quick, you have to see what I ordered!
We hear random female voices yelling back.
BL: No, better than the Sham-Wow!
More female voices...
BL: I don't care if it's made in Germany! This is better!
Still more female voices...
BL: No, I'd say it's even a notch above the Snuggie!
Yet more female voices...
BL: Yes, a whole notch above! Not a partial notch, a whole notch!
Fade out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:27:04 GMT -5
We catch up with The Amnesiac, sitting at a long table. He's dressed in a suit and tie, but still continues to wear his red and blue mask. Sitting next to him is another man in a suit, with a briefcase opened in front of him. On the other side of what looks to be a conference room, a man in an official uniform of some sort stands ready at the door. After a few moments of quiet whispering between the two suited men, there is a knock at the door. The man at the door opens it, inwards. Eric O'Mac stands there, looking confused.
EOM: Hi, GM The Rick told me to be here, so here I am. What the hell is going on here?
Suited Man: Hi, Mr. McMahon. I'm Marcus Hamilton, of the law firm of Wolfram & Hart. I represent Michael L. Riddick in a civil lawsuit against you, sir.
EOM: I'm sorry, Michael L. who?
The Amnesiac stands up.
AMN: That'd be me, Eric. You didn't think my name was actually The Amnesiac, did you?
EOM: Hey, I thought you luchador-types couldn't reveal your true identity.
AMN: I'm not in Mexico, and although I was trained there, I never subscribed to that theory. But we digress... maybe you should listen to what this man has to say.
Eric takes a seat at the long table, and The Amnesiac sits down across from him.
EOM: Listen, if this is some sort of stipulation on our upcoming match, you can forget it.
MH: I'm sorry, Mr. McMahon. This is nothing to do with the OOWF, although the outcome of this case may very seriously affect your ability to work here. Let me explain. Firstly, at the end of this meeting, you are effectively served with a restraining order, disallowing you to come within 50 yards of Mr. Riddick.
Hamilton hands a piece of paper across the table to an incredulous Eric O'Mac.
MH: Secondly, Mr. Riddick is suing you for public humiliation and emotional stress caused by you, Mr. Eric O. McMahon.
EOM: Public humiliation? What the hell?
MH: Well, it seems that Mr. Riddick here has been the victim of misfortune lately. Each of these instances were caught on camera, and each of these instances were followed up by this:
Hamilton picks up a remote control and presses a button on it. A large TV turns on, and on it plays the following scenes -
Finally, Eric speaks up.
EOM: Okay, okay, I get the point. So I was always there to point and laugh? So what?
MH: Well, Mr. McMahon, so what is that your actions over the past few weeks constitute a hostile work environment. So Mr. Riddick is suing you for emotional distress. And I'd have to say he has a pretty damn strong case against you, considering all the video evidence.
EOM: *sighs* Are we done here? I've gotta go talk with my fleet of lawyers, so that we can get this all sewed up before next week, because there's no way in hell I'm not getting into that ring with you and beating your ass, Amnesiac. You can pussy out all you want, but you and me? We're gonna lock horns next week, and if you aren't ready for that... then I'm afraid you're gonna get the business end of The Smackdown.
Eric gets up and begins to storm out of the conference room. As he approaches the door, it suddenly opens inwards and smacks him in the face, sending him crashing to the ground. SYB comes in.
SYB: Hey, am I too late to be a character witness?
AMN: Solly, the courtroom date isn't for a few weeks. Dude... you seriously need to fix your face.
SYB: Oh. Sorry.
SYB leaves. The man in the uniform points down at Eric O'Mac, writhing in pain on the floor.
MIU: HA!
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:27:41 GMT -5
[The Dead is sitting on a plane on the way to Springfield, South Dakota~! In the seat to his immediate right is Chris Cole. They appear to be in the middle of a conversation.]
The Dead: Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Chris Cole: No, I did not know that; is that true?
Dead: That's right... One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.
Cole: Really...?
Dead: If one were so inclined...
Cole: Deadly, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met... see I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving...
Dead: Oh I get it, it's very clever.
Cole: Thank you.
Dead: How's that working out for you?
Cole: What?
Dead: Being clever.
Cole: Great.
Dead: Keep it up then... Right up.
[The Dead gets up from his airplane seat.]
Dead: Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
[The scene fades. Apparently quite some time has passed. Chris Cole is standing next to the desk of an Aiport Security Officer.]
Cole: Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Cole: Sorry, throwers?
ASO: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Cole: My suitcase was vibrating?
ASO: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...
[whispering]
ASO: it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.
Cole: I don't own...
[The Security Officer waves Chris Cole off. In the distance we hear a familiar voice.]
HA!
[Fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:28:33 GMT -5
<Moose is walking through the back in a more foul mood than usual when he is stopped by SFJ13> SFJ13: Moose MHJ: What SFJ13: Answer my questions MHJ: Go to hell SFJ13: Excuse me? MHJ: You heard me SFJ13: So you aren't going to comment on the butcher job you did to SYB this week? MHJ: <pauses for a moment> It wasn't enough SFJ13: You almost killed him MHJ: Like I said..... SFJ13: You have Bryce Larson this week, What are your thoughts? MHJ: Larson, you can play slap dick with DEA all you want. I don't give a shit. This week, you can have all the DEA back up you want, you can have Davin Moreland in your back pocket for all I care. It won't make a bit of difference. I have seen your kind before, I don't give a shit if you were the king of the Indies, in the OOWF, your are just another victim, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it Trust me <Moose turns and walks away> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:28:56 GMT -5
Poe and Selena are once again in private gym in an undisclosed location. Poe is lying on the floor with his knees up. Selena has her knees on his feet and is resting her arms on his knees as Poe does sit-ups.
SG: So you face Stank next right?
Poe: Yes.
SG: This is the…
Poe: Quarters.
SG: Why do you need quarters? Wow, are these machines coin operated?
Poe: QuarterFinals goddess.
SG: Omigod, my bad.
Poe says nothing as he continues to do quick sit-ups.
SG: So, why is he called Stank? He doesn’t smell…not really anyway. He’s a dude so he smells a little…
Poe: I don’t think it has anything to do with his aroma goddess.
SG: Okay, I don’t get it then.
Poe: Regardless of the origins of his name, he’s going to be a stern test. I need to keep my momentum up to get another shot at the World Title.
SG: And you’ll win.
Poe: That’s the plan.
SG: …so what else do you have planned? Like for tonight?
Poe: Same thing we do every night.
SG: Try to take over the world?
Poe stops in mid sit-up, inches away from Selena’s face as she smiles.
Poe: We train goddess.
Selena sighs.
SG: Guess there really is nothing better to do here. Beats the Corn Palace and that giant rock with the heads on it.
Poe: South Dakota has its charms…
SG: Really? What?
Poe: I don’t know. Some people like corn and farm animals.
SG: Sounds like a typical Saturday night for SYB. Oh! Up top!
Selena holds up her hand and Poe gives her a five as he continues his sit-ups.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:29:23 GMT -5
*There's a party going on in the Destroyitarium, with the usual festivities. SFJ 96 has pulled OBJ aside for an interview*
SFJ: Looks like Drink and Destroy is living up to its name tonight!
OBJ: Well, we've got the world title, the tag team titles, and 2 guys in the third round of the invitational.
SFJ: Where's your partner?
OBJ: Well, Gator had some special needs that Wally arranged some help for, but I can assure you that he's a happy man.
SFJ: And I assume you're happy too?
OBJ: Of course I ...*his eyes roll up, then he gets a somewhat familiar deranged look on his face*...I'll be happy when I'm making someone bleed...*face goes back to normal*
SFJ: Um, are you OK?
OBJ: Oh, nothing for a pretty sheilah like you to worry about.
SFJ: You know my name is Sheilah!
OBJ: Er, right, Lucas told me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:29:55 GMT -5
Lucios is once again storming into Rick's office.
GMtR: Listen, It's over and done with OBJ and Gator are the tag champs
Lucios: Listen Mr. Jumping to conclusions. I have no comment about your bastardization of Our World Tag Team Championships. I am refering to another injustoce you allowed to unfold upon us.
GMtR: I can't wait to hear this....
Lucios: You put us in a Trios match against The Heoroes Guild. Why is this Not a Championship opportunity?
GMtR: Well, Damon isn't one of the Campeonas de Trios.
Lucios: And...? It's not as if allowing substitutions is a New concept here...
GMtR: Concrete wasn't given...
Lucios: (cutting him off) a Choice? I seem to remember the Inagural Campeonas de Trios being Davin Moreland, Phantos & Lucios. I seem to recall Not being given the option of replacing davin with Alexis. I seem to recall Not being given the option of making that match a non-title match.
GMtR: Exectutive Discression. I told you..
Lucios: I AM TALKING ABOUT CONSISTENCY HERE!!! I WANT THAT MATCH TO BE DECLARED A CAMPEONAS DE TRIOS MATCH, AND I WANT IT NOW!
(Lucios clears Rick's desk with a swipe if his hand; reaches across and grabs him by the collar and drags him across to go nose to nose with. )
Lucios: (In a heated whisper) Make. It. Happen.
(Rick gets tossed back into his chair, and Lucios storms out.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:30:19 GMT -5
*Fade in to a seedy part of Springfield, South Dakota*
<We open on a rundown building with broken windows and graffiti on the walls. The camera zooms in past one of the windows to what appears to be an inept doctor’s office, complete with rats and a flickering lightbulb. Several dull and blood-soaked instruments are on the floor as we now see a patient and his heavily bandaged face. The nervous doctor slowly approaches his patient.>
Doctor: OK let’s see what we have.
<From the patient’s point of view, we see the doctor begin to snip away at the bandages. The doctor gasps as the last bandage is unraveled.>
Doctor: Oh my god.
Patient: Mirror.
Doctor: …
Patient: MIRROR!
<The doctor just stands there, mesmerized at his patient’s face>
Patient: Give me a fucking mirror, you fucking cunt!
<The doctor scrambles for a mirror, knocking over some bottles and instruments. He kicks a rat away as he hands a mirror over to his patient’s outstretched hand. The patient’s face is still hidden from view.>
Doctor: Well?
Patient: <lets out a moan and softly cries> Oy!
<He lets go out of the mirror and the doctor jumps as the glass breaks>
Doctor: You have to understand, the nerves were completely severed, Mr. Ya Bastard…
<SYB begins to laugh>
Doctor: Given the amount of blood and tissue loss, there wasn’t much I could do. You're lucky to be alive actually.
<SYB laughs even harder as he gets out of the chair>
Doctor: I’m sure that with reconstructive… <He still can’t manage to look at SYB> reconstructive surgery, you should be fine.
<SYB’s laugh now resembles Robert DeNiro’s in Cape Fear - loud, booming, and menacing. The shadows still cover his face as he exits the office and makes his way back to the OOWF arena.>
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:30:57 GMT -5
*Inside The Heroes Guild Locker Room* At the moment, all 4 members of The Heroes Guild are relaxing in their locker room and taking care of their own things. Damon Wrath is sitting at a table as he pours over books about sinning and punishment and plans of a “big” nature. Blitz is searching websites trying to find movies at bargain budgets for some reason. Nayr is watching episodes of “Lost” and completely missing the point on a number of things. And Concrete is on the phone finalizing plans for meetings with her friends from Stamford. All seems good in the locker room when all of a sudden a loud song is heard. Everyone looks around as they hear this… As The Heroes Guild looks around trying to figure out what is going around, you can see the smiles on their faces as this song brings them joy. The song continues to play and everyone is bopping along with it and as it ends, we hear a loud… *WHOOSH*And we see this…  Darling Man: Yes, Heroes Guild…it is I, Darling Man here to save the day.Nayr: Hero Gryfon, how much longer do we have to pretend.Blitz: Crete, the midget may have a point.Nayr: Would you stop calling me that? You’re like a whole 2 inches taller than me.Blitz: In more ways than one from what I hear.Nayr: I don’t get it…hey, wait…that’s uncalled for.CTG: Paladin Nayr, Citizen Blitz…that’s enough. Alexander,Darling Man: Excuse me Hero Gryfon that is my former name. A name I am none too happy with at this time. Please refer to me as Darling Man from now on.CTG: Fair enough. So, Darling Man, what brings you to our humble abode on this luxurious day?Darling Man: Well, Hero Gryfon, I can’t help but see that you are facing the dastardly Run DEA this week. And as a new hero, I know I’d like to prove myself against such nefarious evil doers.Nayr: You cannot be serious. Takaken, you cannot seriously be listening to him.Damon Wrath: I could not help but overhear and I must wonder why you were all so willing to accept me on my journey, but cannot do the same for Alex…forgive me, Darling Man here. It seems we have both found the path of the righteous and are willing to fight for it.Nayr: HE”S CARRYING A BASEBALL BAT WITH THUMBTACKS FOR CHRIST SAKES!!!Darling Man: That language is unnecessary Paladin Nayr. My sidekick is not use to such harsh words.CTG: I do have to agree with Darling Man about the language…wait, your what now?Darling Man: I am sorry. Where are my manners? Let me introduce you to my sidekick and personal interviewer…this is GOLDIE GIRL!-From Off screen- Goldie Girl: Alex, do I really have to do this? I look like an idiot.Darling Man: One, we’ve gone over this and you should call me Darling Man. And two, you look fabulous and this is where we should be. You have to believe in me. Don’t you believe in me?Goldie Girl: Of course. Okay, here I come.Darling Man: Don’t forget what to say…Goldie Girl: Ugh…*WHOOSH*And now The Heroes Guild lays their eyes on…  Darling Man: As I was saying, let me introduce you and the rest of the world to the amazing and beautiful GOLDIE GIRL. Nayr, stop drooling.Nayr: Hey, I wasn’t…well maybe a little. Stop changing the subject. How can we trust him Crete? He’s a Darling…Darling Man: That may be Paladin, but as your leader is far too aware, trust is a very fragile thing in this world. And more than anything else, you should be able to ‘trust me’ because your leader and I have been through the same war with the same person.CTG: Paladin, I understand your concerns after the heinous Mr. Larson turned his backs on us.Nayr: I still think…Darling Man: Wake up and smell the coffee. He’s in the Run DEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels as we speak.Blitz: Hey, if you’ve left Run DEA, why are you still sponsoring…Darling Man: When did you get hear Rabbxt?Blitz: MY NAME IS…Goldie Girl: IT DOESN’T MATTER…Darling Man: Goldie, what did I tell you?Goldie Girl: But come on, why do I have to be nice? I don’t wanna be a useless black hole like Lana Lang. Stupid chink bitch.Everyone gasps at the language… Goldie Girl: What? Oh don’t tell me I can’t make fun of those stupid 12-year old chi…Darling Man: Ixnay Goldie.Goldie: Girl: FINE. Maybe I should have hung out with Michael Phelps. I bet he’s having fun right now, but noooooooooo….he calls Moonbeam. What’s up witdat?CTG: That reminds me, I should call Citizen Helms.Darling Man: Look, you’ve got to let the past go Goldie. Even if I agree that Lana Lang is a useless waste of suck, it’s time to grow into our new roles as heroes.Goldie Girl: Oh, like Hayden? I could totally be your new Hayden…Darling Man: Mmmmmm Hayden…wait, no. Not that Heroes.Nayr: Since it seems like I’m being outvoted for now, tell is what it is you want Darling Man.Darling Man: I know the only way I’m going to be able to prove myself to you is by my actions. So, what I’m suggesting is, look, we all know Damon’s not ready for what you are about to face. No offense Damon.Damon: None taken lad. I happen to agree with you, but what is is what is. My path has brought me here and I shall step up and try to take vengeance upon those.CTG: Citizen Wrath, I have tried to tell you we are not about revenge.Darling Man: I agree with you Gryfon and that’s why I suggest I replace Mr. Wrath in your 6-person match next week.Nayr: You CAN NOT be serious.Darling Man: I know what you’re going to say.CTG: I am doubtful that you would truly be on our side in such a match Darling Man. I mean your sister…Darling Man: Darling Man has NO sister.And then there is silence… … … CTG: I will think about it.Nayr: WHAT???CTG: Paladin, if you want to we can discuss this more. Darling Man…Darling Man: I understand Hero Gryfon. I will leave your space for now while you discuss this with your guild. You can reach me at anytime. Just send me a signal.Darling Man nods to Goldie Girl and she smashes something on the ground and suddenly there is a loud puff of smoke and the members of The Heroes Guild hear a loud… *WHOOSH*The smoke clears and Darling Man and Goldie Girl have vanished. Takaken closes the doors of The Heroes Guild locker room to conduct a meeting. … … -Moments pass- A ninja camera man catches up with Darling Man and Goldie Girl as they turn a corner and enter the Run DEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Resorts. From inside we hear very loud laughter. Alexander: Oh shut the fuck up sister Darling…*Fade* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:31:34 GMT -5
(Meanwhile, back at the Heroes' Guild locker room.....)
Nayr: C'mon Crete, you can't be considering this...
CTG: Citizen Midg- er, Paladin, I'm well aware this may well, be a plot to infiltrate our organization. Run DEA cannot change their stripes overnight.
Blitz: they didn't drop their sponsorship, that's a clue right there
Wrath: (rolling eyes) Jinkies, they still want to make money....
CTG: Heroes, we must consider the remote possibility that this could be a new beginning for them. Choosing a new path is difficult, as Citizen Job- um, Blitz has been undertaking. We have welcomed him here, but Darlingman and Goldie Girl need at least to be tested.
Nayr: It's not worth losing the Trios titles over, Crete. Besides, you know that Lexie will be with Phantos and Lucios when we face them.
CTG: Then I suggest a compromise. I will speak to the commissioner about Darlingman and his bid for the Guild. If the request is reasonable, we will test him further on his loyalties. He is not permitted his full initiation until he passes.....
the GEEK GAUNTLET!
(dramatic music and gasps from the others)
CTG: He must show proof of his geekdom in order to qualify as a member. He will be asked to quote from several science fiction movies, he will have to identify anime from simple pictures, he will have to defeat us all at Street Fighter II Tournament.
Blitz: YOU can get a Street Fighter II Tournament setup? All FOUR machines?
CTG: Citizen Blitz, we have the technology.
Bryce Larson: (peeking in) he's already got you ALL beat. At least HE's not a virgin.
CTG: OUT~!!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:31:58 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is BARGING~! into GM the Rick's office*
GMtR: I remember when you used to knock. I miss those days.
DM: GM the Weak, Davin Moreland has a proposition.
GMtR: Can't wait for this. What is it, asshat?
DM: That is no way to speak to a 2-time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion.
GMtR: Not champ now though, are ya, asshole?
DM: So much for GM the Weak's "neutrality".
GMtR: Fine, what the fuck do you want? I don't have all day.
DM: GM the Weak has all day.
GMtR: WHAT IS IT?
DM: *batistalaughs* GM the Weak is very high-strung today. Davin Moreland has a proposition for GM the Weak that might solve some of GM the Weak's problems.
GMtR: Such as?
DM: Such as the Greatest Tag Team in the History of Recorded Time constantly harassing GM the Weak for a tag title shot.
GMtR: And how would you propose to fix this?
DM: Swap Phantos and Lucios out of the meaningless Trios match, and swap them into the Tag Title Match against the Team from Down Under.
GMtR: At least that way they can't harass me anymore.
DM: That's the idea.
GMtR: Why are you giving up a tag title shot?
DM: Davin Moreland has bigger plans in mind. Besides, Davin Moreland is supposed to have a tag title shot ALREADY with Bryce Larson.
GMtR: So we're looking at OBJ and Gatorbait vs. Phantos and Lucios and Takaken, Nayr and Damon Wrath vs. The Wonder Twins and Davin Moreland?
DM: Seems to work.
GMtR: What about DARLINGMAN
DM: GM the Weak forgot the "WHOOSH"
GMtR: I did.
DM: Well, if "Darlingman" isn't an option; Alexis Darling and Davin Moreland will find a suitable replacement. Besides, it's Alexis Darling in a Trios match...it's not like we're winning.
GMtR: You still haven't let that go?
DM: Davin Moreland isn't angry about it; but no, Davin Moreland hasn't forgotten. Interesting, suddenly that "Freebird Rules" only apply when Alexis Darling is involved?
GMtR: Let's not start this...that was YOUR...
DM: No. That was GM the Weak's idea. Davin Moreland just went along with it because Davin Moreland was a team player. Davin Moreland will not be that stupid in the future. These days, Davin Moreland only cares about one team, Run DEA. But like Davin Moreland always says...make no mistake...Davin Moreland's first priority is always to Davin Moreland.
GMtR: Seems like your priority is to Phantos and Lucios, here.
DM: Get the fucking cameras out of here for a second.
*Ninja cam gets all shaky and goes into the hallway, but Ninja mic remains behind*
DM: Listen Rick, you know what the deal is with those two. Just get them a title shot. You've screwed them as faces. You've screwed them as heels. How about just one fucking time you do something FOR them. I mean, my God Rick, they've done nothing but put asses in the seats since they got here. Hell, I wouldn't be me if it weren't for them.
GMtR: What are you going to do about Darling though. He seems committed to this retarded Super Hero thing.
DM: HandiMan?
GMtR: HA! Good one.
DM: Well, what's the difference if he's tagging with me in the tag match or in the trios match? If he's going to be fucking Darlingman, he's going to be fucking Darlingman either way.
GMtR: But the trios match is against Heroes Guild.
DM: So? I don't care. I really don't. He does it, he does it. He doesn't we'll find someone else. Carl. Kiwi Joo. Someone You know damn well it won't matter anyway.
GMtR: I tell you what, I'll give it a preliminary yes, verbally. If I can make it work, I'll make the official changes on the card by tomorrow.
DM: Thanks.
GMtR: How are the ribs?
DM: How do you think? They fucking hurt. Maybe I'll do some heel shit and not let Alexis tag me in or something to take the night off? I dunno, that's probably a bad idea; but at least I won't be up against people who want to kill me.
GMtR: You've done a fine job of that.
DM: I know. Good to know I can do it should the opportunity present itself again.
GMtR: All right. So, we're done here?
DM: Yeah. However, we'll see how things go; I might have a little something for you next week too.
GMtR: Can't wait.
DM: Don't forget the "Get the hell out of my office" thing. Cameras are still rolling.
GMtR: Oh. Right. *clears throat* NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!
*Davin opens the door with a really douchey smirk*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:32:23 GMT -5
Phantos comes CRASHING~~~ through the doors of The Suites. He ends up on the floor beside Lucios, who is watching tape of the Heores Guild in action.
Lucios: What in the world....
Phantos: Luc, we got it! We got it! WE GOT IT!
Lucios: Calm yourself and then make some sense.
Phantos: This week on Midweek Mayhem, LIVE! from Springfield, Phantos & Lucios take on Gatorbait & Outback Jack for the OOWF World Tag Team Championships!!!
Lucios: How did that happen?
Phantos: Davin went to bat for us I LOVE that guy! Do you realize what this means?
Lucios: It means we have work to do. partner, let's go get ready to get Our Championships back.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:32:49 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL BUT DARKLY LIT IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
<Skurge, The Amnesiac, Fezzik, and The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are replaying the latest legal matter between The Amnesiac and Eric O’Mac on OOWF-TV>
Skurge: This is hogshit. I could be playing Rock Band 2 but am forced to watch The Chronicles of Riddick.
Amn: Wow. That sounds like something Solly would say.
Skurge: Don’t act like you’re not impressed.
Amn: Sadly, he would say that too.
Fezzik: Where is Ole Hook Nose, anyway?
Skurge: Getting worked on, eh? His fucking nose exploded or some shit.
DM: Why didn’t we take him to a doctor ourselves?
Skurge: Because he’s too cheap to buy insurance, remember?
DM: So that doesn’t really leave him with a lot of options, huh?
Skurge: It suuuure doesn’t.
Amn: Silence! Keep watching.
Skurge: Sorry Mr. Riddler.
Amn: That’s Riddick, you douche.
<They continue to watch tv for a bit until the locker room doors swing open and a shape appears in the shadows>
Skurge: Close the door, peckerhead. The light’s coming in, eh?
DM: <squints> Solly, is that you?
<SYB shuffles his way in, still hidden by the shadows>
SYB: Solly is dead. You can call me…JOOKER.
<He steps in the light and the members of IHOP scream at his appearance. His face resembles a baseball, complete with white makeup and red stitches. His once prominent nose has been reduced to a flap of skin that constantly flutters as he tries to inhale oxygen.>
Skurge: Ho…
DM: Lee…
Amn: Shit.
Skurge: What the fuck?
SYB: Problem?
Amn: You look what would happen if a Garbage Pail Kid fucked a Mad Ball.
Skurge: <taking a closer look> Huh. That was nice of the doctor to remove Moose’s knuckle prints from your face.
DM: And the shards of glass from those lights.
Fezzik: Solly, did you put on some weight?
SYB: I don’t know, the doctor gave me something called flaxseed oil to help with the pain.
Skurge: Perfect. So now you can get ready for OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Springfield, South Dakota and your Winner Gets A MITB Intercontinental Title Shot against Kriss Kross, Tyson, and Bring Oot Your Dead.
DM: I do have some sad news for you, Mr. Jooker.
SYB: Oh?
DM: Well we were going to have a celebration for you if you beat Moose last week. We had balloons and a cake and everything. But now…
<She points to a corner in the palatial IHOP locker room where we see an empty cake box and several deflated balloons.>
SYB: My balloons!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:33:11 GMT -5
(CTG is KNOCKING~! on the door of GM The Rick's office when he notices the updated card)
GMtR: (heard inside) No one's knocked on that damn thing in so long I don't know if I have to answer it or just wait for it to be kicked in.
CTG: (reading the new card) Holy Happenstance, this alone may help gain us further insight.
GMtR: Are you coming in? I'm not a Butler.
CTG: (shakes his head clear and enters the office) My apologies, Commissioner. My original intent was to come here and discuss with you this situation with DarlingMan and Goldie Girl
GMtR: Goldie Girl? (facepalms)
CTG: this is a most bizarre turn of events, and my Hero sense tells me there is more to this ruse. I should commend you on the change in the schedule, but in the case of Citizen Darling, I must ask..... wassupwiddat?
(A "Hurri-pop" appears)
Helms: While I appreciate the homage, you're pushin it toward parody
CTG: Not my intention, Citizen Helms.
Helms: I'm just sayin (the "Hurri-pop" closes)
GMtR: Look, hero, if I had any Real Idea of what was going on in Alexander Darling's head, I'd find out what brought all this on. He's too rich to be a geek
CTG: Bill Gates?
GMtR: ... that's different. You think your "Geek Gauntlet" is really going to smoke him out?
CTG: that may be merely the tip of the iceberg. My Hero senses have been going off since Goldie Girl walked into our locker room. Rare is the female geek, much less one as *ahem* "well-proportioned" as she.
GMtR: Geek.
CTG: The new arrangements will further prove to me that Darlingman is merely a ruse. Commissioner, I commend you on your foresight on this matter.
GMtR: You're welcome. NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
CTG: (Salute!) at once, commissioner (*whoosh*es out of the office)
GMtR: (gets up and closes the door) ....before any of that geek sticks in here.....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:33:40 GMT -5
Firewoman is enjoying a wonderful cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee. Seriously, it is the best in the world. It is to coffee what the heartpunch is to wrestling moves. She is joined by Chris 'Lionheart' Evans.
C'L'E: Mind if I have a seat?
FW: .....
C'L'E: Fire?
FW:: Huh? Oh, I was kinda stunned. People usually don't ask.
C'L'E: People?
FW: Never mind. Sit, Cub.
Evans pulls up a chair and has a seat. Firewoman goes back to contemplating how fantastic her coffee is, and Evans looks around awkwardly.
FW: So....did you just want a seat? Or did you want something?
C'L'E: Nothing really. You've been kinda quiet this week. Actually since you got back from ... well, wherever you went with D.H.
FW: Hm.. I guess I have.
C'L'E: Not quiet in that creepy way you get when you're getting ready to kill someone. Just...quiet.
FW: Uh, thanks?
C'L'E: So...uh....where'd you guys go?
FW: Seriously?
C'L'E: Well, I...
FW: Look, I didn't tell Alexander, or Alexis, or Davin, so I'm sure as hell not going to tell you.
C'L'E: Why not?
FW: Cos when we go again, I don't need you following--
C'L'E: Oh. So you're going again, eh? Sounds to me like--
FW: Sounds to me like you'll be changing the subject to mind your own business right about now.
C'L'E: Okay, okay. Well, wherever you went, and whatever you did, it sure worked. That was a great tag team match last week.
FW: Of course it was. When you've worked together as much as Alexander and I have--
C'L'E: I've been watching OOWF for a while, now, and I don't recall--
FW: Naw, not much here, but before. Philly, Japan. It's always lots of fun, and it's always awesome.
C'L'E: You also cheated.
FW: Details, details.
C'L'E: It's kind of amazing, really.
FW: I agree, but we're just that good.
C'L'E: No, I mean....I've watched the OOWF promos. You and Alexander don't always get along.
FW: No, no we don't.
C'L'E: He curbstomped you during practice, for real.
FW: Indeed he did.
C'L'E: And you put him through a table.
FW: Indeed I did. Good times.
C'L'E: And you and Davin were--
FW: Get to the point.
C'L'E: It's just that.... well, you can work with them, and you clearly have conflicts with them from time to time, and maybe they've let you down and stuff, but ...
FW: Oh, don't even go there--
C'L'E: No, I have to say it. You guys were better in the ring than you and Darling, so why can't you just--
FW: Let bygone be bygones? Put our differences aside? I don't know if you noticed, but even if I wanted to, Tyson doesn't. I don't know if you caught last week's Mayhem, but he and his new best friend, the walking steroid did quite the tapdance on my ribs. That doesn't sound to me like someone who wants to make up.
C'L'E: Well, before that he was--
FW: He was picking a fight over Jericho's...uh, situation. Which is just about typical really, he never did like that I was with--
Firewoman stops talking, and takes a deep breath.
C'L'E: With Jericho? If you guys were friends, then--
FW: Look, life goes on. I have moved on. I am focused on my goal, and that is to defeat Tyson once and for all, so he can never EVAR mess with my life again. So if you don't mind getting out of my face about it, so I can go back to drinking this wonderful coffee in peace--
DH Magnusson comes up behind Evans, casting a shadow over him.
DHM: This kid buggin' you, Sparky?
FW: You did not seriously just ask me that.
Firewoman and DH glare at each other for a bit, and then start laughing. Evans looks around and then joins in. DH claps his hands down on Evans' shoulders.
DHM: Just messin' with ya, kid. If Fire here didn't wanna talk t'ya, ya wouldn't be still settin' here. You 'bout ready t'go?
FW: Sure. See you around Evans.
They get up and walk away, followed by the ninja cams.
DHM: What'd he want, anyway?
FW: Taking me on a trip down memory lane.
DHM: And?
FW: And are we going or not?
DHM: Fine. But ya know you'll tell me 'ventually.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 9, 2009 9:34:02 GMT -5
(Tytan is busy training when Lola who is no longer dressed like the typical interviewer makes her way to where he is. Steele and Biggs watch as she enters.)
Steele: So Biggs what do you think of Lola version 2?
Biggs(scopes her out): That is what you call a total upgrade!
Lola: (Looks over and smiles.) Biggs put your eyes back in your sockets. I am now Ultimo Inc. you don't mix business with pleasure.
Tytan: (Stops what he is doing.) As long as that business is kicking people's asses then we are all good.
Lola: So Tytan let's get down to business. Money in the bank. What do you have to say?
Tytan: It's simple. There was a time a while back when a certain partner, Tyson Kincaid told me not to take my eyes off the prize. That prize is the Intercontinental title that is around Firewoman's waist. So when I win this match. I get another shot to finish what no one has been able to do.
Lola: Which is?
Tytan: Finish Firewoman!
Lola: But what happens if Tyson does get the win?
(Ultimo Inc. Laughs collectively)
Lola: No seriously.
Tytan: There are ways to make sure I will be the one that will put the final nail in her coffin.
Steele: (Jumping in) You see. The attacks on her ribs and everything that has been going on have all been for what will happen after Money in the Bank. Tytan wins, he gets a title shot that he can cash in at any time. So Fire, how are those ribs holding up? I know there not fine.
Tytan: Oh and by the way how is the Cub doing?
Steele: You know there are others. We have ways to get to all that are close to you.
Biggs: (Checking a nearby Laptop.) I have Alexis on my screen right now. I know exactly where she is.
Steele: Good...good. We have plenty of ways to keep you occupied. The plan is finally getting back on track and soon we will put the Fire out once and for all.
Tytan: And that so sparkles with me.
(Fade)
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