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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:53:01 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Springfield, Colorado
OOWF World Heavyweight Title, Non-Title Weapons Match
Poe vs. Alexander Darling
OOWF Intercontinental Title, Non-Title Three Way Dance
Tytan vs. Firewoman vs. Chris Cole – Non-Title Match
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
DH Magnusson vs. Matte
OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match
The Heroes Guild vs. IHOP
KZ & Seamus McNasty vs. The Team From Down Under & Thim Reynolds
Davin Moreland vs. Bryce Larson
Chris Evans vs. The Dead
Stank & Spin Hansen vs. Damon Wrath & Hi-Vo Sakamoto
Card subject to how much of a whiny bitch Jay Cutler wants to be.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:53:19 GMT -5
(Tytan is post match with Lola talking about his VICTORY over Firewoman.)
Tytan: Fire! Wow, I really have to say you were outsmarted once again. Man, and you were calling me dumb! I got in your head and that caused you to beat yourself. Face it Fire you are your own worse enemy.
So that makes it two in a row with you. Now for those playing at home that puts Firewoman offcially out of the title picture. No more title shots for you! It's time to let someone else have a chance at the glory.
This brings me to Chris Cole. Welcome to mine and Fire's little party. Our own little piece of Hell. You want to step into our little war, then be prepared to pay the price. That price is your own suffering.
(Fade)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:57:15 GMT -5
*Fade back in*
As quick as Tytan's quick comments backstage ended and his promo fades out, it fades right back in to a loud crash and we see Alexander Darling slam Tytan into the wall. He grabs Tytan by the head and starts pounding his head into the cement floor and we see a small pool of blood start to form. OOWF security races to the scene and tries to calm down the screams of Lola...wait, that's not OOWF Security...that's DH Magnusson and Davin Moreland.
Davin: Couldn't save a piece of him?
DHM: I was promised carnage, and this isn't carnage.
Alexander: Give him a second. Remember he's genetically and chemically enhanced and that won't keep him down long. Did you find Biggs?
Davin: Yea, he's in the Ultimo locker room. He thinks there are two security guards outside the door.
DHM: As you can see, we've left. He's all alone for ya.
Alexander: Perfect, now you two play nice here with Tytan.
Tytan is beginning to stir.
DHM: Oh we can be nice, can't we?
Davin: Davin Moreland thinks our niceties are well-known. But maybe Tytan the Roid Head doesn't know about them. Davin Moreland thinks we should should how "nice" Run DEA can be when provoked.
Alexander leaves Davin and DH to do whatever damage they want as he avoids both the Hallway of Random Encounters and Matte's Hallway as he makes his way to the Ultimo Inc. locker room. Alexander knocks and there is some scuffling on the other side of the door.
Biggs: I said I was not to be interrupted. Do your jobs and just stand there.
Alexander: I don't think I can do that.
Alexander kicks in the door and is about to attack when he sees that Biggs is fucking a Real Doll. A Real Doll that is dressed up remarkably like GMtR.
Oh my god...what the fuck are you doing?
Biggs scurries back to his feet and is in the process of pulling up his pants and stammering out a response.
Biggs: What I do in my spare time...
Alexander: I truly don't care what you do. Now I'm just waiting for something.
Biggs finishes pulling up his pants...
Biggs: What are you waiting for?
Alexander: For you to finish so I can do this...
YAKUZA KICK and Biggs goes slamming back into the wall.
That was for going to Japan and looking into things that were none of your business.
Alexander walks over and picks Biggs up and hits a BRAINBUSTER on the floor.
That was for attacking me earlier tonight before a world fucking title match.
He picks up Biggs yet and again and places him across his shoulders. Hand across throat. DARLING DRIVER and that may have broken Biggs neck.
That was for Firewoman.
And one would think that it might be over. But no. Alexander gets down on the floor next to Biggs and he just starts choking him. Not wrestling choke either. A full trying to kill him choke.
And this is for putting my sister in harm's way. Your life is over Biggs. If I truly wanted, I'd fucking kill you right here and now and you know I'd get away with it too. Money has that power, but I have bigger things to deal with than you. So, I'm giving you one last warning...Do anything to ANYONE I am associated with and that means Firewoman, Alexis, Davin, ANY OF THEM especially my family and I WILL KILL YOU. Your best course of action would be to leave quietly tonight. If you choose to stay, heed my warning...stay away from Run DEA...FOREVER.
Oh, and one more thing...BOOYAH, BITCH!!!
*Now Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:57:37 GMT -5
**Matte is walking through a string of random hallways, the Onslaught belt draped over his shoulder. A journalist catches up to him (which wasn't hard since he was walking so damn slow).**
J: Matte, hey.
Matte: Sup?
J: How'd it feel winning the contendership match?
Matte: It was alright.
J: You're facing DH Magnusson next week, in hopes of earning back the title.
Matte: Yup.
J: Do you think you'll be able to do that?
Matte: Probably.
J: Alright, thanks for your time.
Matte: No problem.
**Blah, Matte continues walking.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:58:11 GMT -5
Skurge and SYB are walking down the Hallway of Just Plain Weird. As they walk, a door in the hallway opens. Through it step The Amnesiac and Moosehead Jack. Both men shake hands. Moose walks in the opposite direction, while The Amnesiac join Skurge and Solly in continuing to walk down the hall.
SYB: What the fuck?
Skurge: Yeah, what the hell was that all aboot?
The Amnesiac shrugs.
AMN: I got hungry. Moose and I just had dinner. I mean, he really hates you, Solly, but he and I don't have any serious problems. We hang out all the time.
SYB: Fuck that shit! You just had dinner with my nemesis!
AMN: Nemesis? What the fuck? You're starting to sound like those Hero geeks.
Skurge: Speaking of which, we need to seriously prepare this week. We need to get those Chimpionships back around these sveldt waists of ours.
SYB and The Amnesiac stop walking, and stare at Skurge.
SYB: Did you say sveldt?
Skurge: Uh, yeah.
AMN: Yeah dude... we are ANYTHING but sveldt. But I agree, we need to get those Chimpionships back. And soon.
The three walk out of the Hallway of Just Plain Weird.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:58:45 GMT -5
Lola is RUNNING~! down the hallway, away from the carnage happening around Ultimo, Inc. She turns a corner and then freezes, as she comes face-to-face with Firewoman, who is walking down the hall with Alexis.
FW: Well, well.....
LD: Now, Fire....
Lol: Um, I was just.....
FW: Just what, Lola?
Firewoman starts to slowly walk in a circle around Lola.
LD: Fire, I don't think you should take advantage of this situation.
Alexis begins to circle her also, about 180 degrees from Fire.
Lol: Please.....I ...... can you help?
FW: Oh suuuuure....I can be all kinds of help.......
Lol: Well, I think ... your brother, he's gone crazy.....
FW: Huh?
LD: She's talking to me......
FW: Oh......
Lol: So can you stop him?.....them?
LD: Them?
FW: Ah....I do so love my partners.
Firewoman and Alexis continue to circle Lola slowly. Lola looks quickly back and forth between the two of them, very nervously.
LD: Lola, I am afraid that we have very little control over our partners' behaviors. Even if we wanted to....
FW: Which we don't.
Lol: But I.....
FW: Bored now.....
LD: Me too.
In an instant, Firewoman has positioned herself so that she can kick Lola right in the stomach. Lola doubles over in pain, as she's no wrestler, and Firewoman isn't holding back. She grabs Lola by her hair and yanks her head up, then signals to Alexis. They get her up and DUDLEY DROP her onto the floor. Fire leaps on her, rolls her over, and begins hammering her with punches. With each punch, Fire lets her barely-inner rage out as she screams in anger. Lola is crying and trying to defend herself, but it's no use. Alexis stands by and checks her manicure.
Finally, Fire grabs Lola by the hair and Jamie-Spears-whips her into the wall, and then pins her there with a hand to the throat, and gets right in her face.
FW: You take this message to your boss. I have had it with him, and the whole entire company. You want to play mind games? Go right ahead. I've played with the best there is, and you don't come close. You keep attacking those close to me and you will live to regret it, and wish you were dead. You wanted the Angel of Death?
And she gets even closer to Lola's face
FW: YOU GOT IT.
She removes her hand and Lola crumples to the floor.
FW: Go on. Deliver the message.
Lola gets up and runs down the hall crying. Firewoman and Alexis head back down the hall to the RunDEA Suites.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:01:35 GMT -5
It’s an early, misty morning in Amarillo, Texas. Poe and Selena have been driving all night (and are still in Texas, geez this state is huge). Poe and Selena stop off at a Tru-Value™ in Amarillo. Selena hops out of the car and skips towards the store. Poe (for once in street clothes, ie jeans and a t-shirt) follows her in.
Once inside, Selena’s eyes grow wide.
SG: So…many…toys…
Selena rushes off down an aisle with Poe in tow. Selena stops and points at a trash can.
SG: We need one of these first. One of the heavy duty ones, not those cheap aluminum ones at all the shows.
Poe: I agree.
Poe grabs the trashcan and they continue down the aisle. Selena grabs a sledgehammer…and the head drops to the ground.
SG: Wow these things are heavy.
Poe takes it from her, eyeing it.
Poe: This is a good one. I’m sure the Boy will bring his signed sledgehammer. It has some weird significance to him.
SG: Who cares, he’s a loser.
Selena continues down the aisle before stopping at the ‘regular’ hammers.
SG: How many?
Poe: Not sure I need a regular hammer.
SG: But look how pretty they are!
Poe shrugs and takes Selena’s hammer and throws it in the trash can with the sledgehammer. Just then a redneck worker at the store approaches them.
RDW: Can I heeelp yooo?
Poe: No thank you.
RDW: Whatcha be needin’ all this there stuff fer? Yur not buildin’ one of them there bombs there are yas?
Poe pulls out the sledgehammer. The Redneck Worker takes a few steps back.
Poe: Would I need a sledgehammer for a bomb? Now if you don’t mind…
The Redneck Worker chews his tobacco visibly and walks away.
SG: He smelled like butt.
Poe nods and they continue to look around. They reach Lawn & Garden. Selena rushes to and grabs a pitchfork.
SG: Gotta have one of these.
Poe: A pitchfork? Have you ever watched a hardcore match?
Selena holds it up next to her and smiles devilishly.
SG: C’mon! Cute huh?
Poe: You’re not growing a pointy tail are you?
Selena fells her ass.
SG: Nope.
Poe: Throw it in.
Selena smiles and throws the pitchfork in the trashcan. Poe sees a spade. He grabs it and throws it in. He then sees a batch of fluorescent light bulbs.
Poe: Now THIS is what I’m talking about.
Poe adds them to the can.
SG: 2x4’s!!!
Selena rushes over to a pile of lumber. Poe follows her and puts three of them into the can. They then continue to look around and then both suddenly stop. They both smile and look at each other.
SG: The mother load…
They both go to a display of barbed wire. Poe grabs a binding of barbed wire and adds it to the can.
Poe: I think that’s everything we can get here.
SG: We could get some fertilizer to pour on him.
Poe: Why?
SG: ‘Cuz it’d be funny. Alexander Darling…a pile of crap…literally.
Poe: I’d rather not handle fertilizer.
Selena shrugs and they make their way to the check out.
SG: Where we goin’ next?
Poe: Sporting goods store.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:02:37 GMT -5
Evans is seen WALKING down the hallway when he sees the SFJ he was with last week.
SFJ: Hey Lionheart, thanks for last week.
Evans: Glad to oblige. So what can I do for you?
SFJ: Of course. I see that you're once again facing The Dead this week. Your thoughts?
E: Well, I'm pretty sure he's still pissed at me, what with me nearly taking him out a few weeks ago. But thats past me right now and I hope he understands it wasn't personal, as hard as that may be to believe. As of right now, I've got nothing against him. Also wanted to congratulate him on beating Stank.
SFJ: What are your opinions on tonight's tag match?
E: To tell you the truth, I have no idea. I was trying to get Blitz's head in the match since he seemed to be pre-occupied with something else, and before ya know it, we're beating the shit outta each other. Thats what cost us the match, cause I know that jobber Sakamoto or whatever the fuck his name is couldn't have been able to get the job done right like we could've done.
SFJ: Speaking of the Heroes Guild, what are your thoughts on Bryce Larson and his actions?
E: Bryce, I saw your little stunt last night aligning yourself with the Heroes Guild. I gotta say, that is a decent little group to associate yourself with, what with them being the current OOWF Trios champs and Concrete being a former World Champion. But always remember, they're no Run DEA.
I hate to say it man, but with me being prepared for a possible spot in Run DEA, it looks like our paths will cross again sooner than I expected. Just to let you know though, even if I'll then technically be considered your enemy, there's one thing that''ll never change, and that the fact that I'll always have respect for you, your abilities and your accomplishments. The rest of them though, will become targets, and thats all there is to it. Nothing personal Bryce, its just business.
SFJ: One last thing, how do you feel about these latest attacks on Ultimo Inc.
E: Well, there's only one thing I can say.
*looks into the camera*
Hey Tytan, ain't payback a bitch? Like I told you last week, Fire still has allies and these attacks prove it. You may wanna keep Steele nice and close, cause he's next on the list. And when he gets taken out and by who? Well, you'll find that out soon enough.
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:02:59 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is sitting in the Destroyitarium, grinning like a madman. He addresses the camera directly as he sips bourbon from a rocks glass.)
SH: So, Magnusson... I'm washed up, a curtain jerker? I bet the hell out of you last night. I won the match, which is all that matters. Above and beyond all, though... I took your blood. Just what me and the "vampires" want, you Jersey prick.
And as for the one who "couldn't quite make it?" I took YOU under MY wing, you ungrateful bastard. If I wouldn't have talked to GM TheRick about keeping his tag team experiment up and running, you'd be the same place that Voltage, Fly, and The Knife are... promising talent that fucked up and either got fired or left, afterthoughts in the history of the OOWF.
So let's play a little game, afterthought. It's called "Count the title reigns." I'm going to ignore anything that the Sons won to be fair. Let's start.
Magnusson... Intercontiental, Onslaught. That's two.
Hansen... Onslaught, Onslaught, Intercontinental. That's THREE... not including any of my time with the Heavy Metal championship. Now, I'm not sure if you know this but three is MORE than two, which means that if I say "Go fuck yourself", you're obligated to say "Yes sir" and go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself, Mangusson.
Oh, and Wrath? Sakomoto? Tonight you're taking on two of the greatest competitors in the OOWF. Eat your Wheaties.
You'll need all the help you can get.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:03:19 GMT -5
Steele is seen WALKING backstage. He is seen reading a note, which seems to be directions of some sort.
S: Okay, go down the stairs and turn right here. *sigh* I don’t get this. Why the hell would Tytan tell me to meet him here? And for that matter, where the hell am I anyway?
Steele looks up, and to his horror, he reads the sign on the wall: Stairway of Horrible Violence. He tries to leave, but he hears a voice behind him.
Voice: Welcome to the end of your life. I promise, it’s gonna hurt.
Steele turns around and the person behind him, who turns out to be Chris Evans, nails him with the Heavy Metal Championship belt. He waits for Steele to regain himself, then hits a stunned Steele with the Codebreaker, and locks on the Gogoplata! Steele is fading fast, when all of a sudden, Tytan runs out of nowhere to save his associate by kicking Evans in the head, causing him to release the hold.
Evans gets to his knees and goes for a low-blow on Tytan in order to stop the big man, but the, um, side effects, to Tytan’s “chemical enhancing” allows him to no-sell this involuntarily. He sneers at Evans, and grabs him by the neck, attempting for a choke bomb. Evans uses his technical wrestling prowess and counters with a basic front-face lock. After Tytan starts fading, Evans starts peppering Tytan with knees to the head for good measure.
Tytan is now on the ground holding his head, but Evans isn’t finished.
Evans: Now its time for some payback. This one’s for trying to take me out!
Evans gets behind Tytan and hits a German suplex. He continues holding onto Tytan’s waist and follows up with a Tiger Suplex. Evans then sends Tytan flying with a release Dragon suplex, the Chimera-plex!
Tytan is really hurting at this point, but Evans is just getting started. He walks over to Tytan, who is hurting on the ground.
E: This one is for those who Ultimo Inc has hurt in order to get to Fire.
Evans puts his Heavy Metal Championship on his shoulder. He picks up Tytan’s dazed carcass off the ground and hooks him in a double underhook position. He lifts him and…Canadian Backbreaker on the title!
Tytan is now screaming in pain and holding his back
E: And this one…is for Fire herself!
Evans puts the title on the ground and picks up Tytan a third time. He cronches down and picks up Tytan on his shoulders. Whats he’s doing? No, no he…he wouldn’t do this. Not on the concrete like this. HOLY SHIT! Poseidon’s Rage on the concrete and the title! Tytan is dead!
Evans looks down on Tytan with disdain. He gets a smirk on his face now.
E: Be thankful sunshine. With my big move, I could’ve ended your career right here and now. Normally I would, given what you did to me, but I’d never hear the end of it from Fire.
Steele comes running from behind with a chair. Evans counters this with a drop toehold, sending Steele crashing into the steel (no pun intended). Evans puts his foot on the back of Steele's head, crushing it into the chair.
E: Same goes for you. But for now, I've gotten my revenge, so I'll let Fire finish the both of you off later.
Evans walks off with the Heavy Metal title over his shoulder.
Evans then turns back towards Steele, whose head is still on the chair.
E: No….no, I'm not finished yet.
Evans walks over to Steele. What’s he thinking? He puts his foot on Steele's back.
E: This one...IS FOR RUN DEA!
Evans pulls Steele's arms behind him. He takes a page out of Run DEA's book, and hits the DEA Curbstomp! Blood is now coming out of Steele's skull.
E: Okay, NOW I'm done.
Evans turns to leave. He takes a few steps and turns his head
Heh, told ya I had a sadistic side.
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:03:43 GMT -5
Poe and Selena pull up to a Dick’s Sporting Goods™. Selena skips into the store with Poe once again behind her. Selena heads immediately to the golf section. She grabs the first club she sees.
SG: Wham!
Selena makes a motion as if striking someone in the head.
SG: And he’s down! 1! 2! 3! Fore!
Selena hands the club to Poe.
Poe: You’re enjoying this aren’t you?
SG: Beats being in the car for hours.
Selena leads Poe to the baseball section. She grabs a bat and tosses it to Poe. She then grabs a couple of baseballs.
SG: You can chuck these at his head.
Poe takes one of the balls.
Poe: Or pack one hell of a punch. Good thinking goddess.
Selena grins widely before heading to the hockey section. She grabs two hockey sticks.
SG: H…E…Double hockey sticks!
Selena makes the sticks a ‘V’ and smiles.
Poe: Well aren’t you creative?
SG: Cute too.
Poe: Anything else you can think of little one?
Selena puts her finger to her mouth and thinks.
SG: Tennis rackets!
Selena rushes over to the tennis section and grabs a racket.
SG: Okay, we’re good.
Poe leads Selena to the check out. Selena dances with the racket as they approach the counter. The cute blonde check out girl smiles at Poe. Selena stops dancing and cuts her eyes at her.
CBCOG: Wow, you must play a lot of sports.
SG: He’s gonna beat someone with them.
The cute blonde check out girl looks warily at Poe.
Poe: It’s an entertainment act.
CBCOG: Oh…oh hey, you’re Poe! The World Champ! I love OOWF! Can I get an autograph?
Poe nods as the girl grabs a piece of paper.
CBCOG: You’re awesome! You’re gonna beat Alexander Darling this week right?
Poe: Yes.
CBCOG: Is that what these are for?
Poe: Yes.
Poe signs the cute blonde check out girl’s scrap of paper.
CBCOG: Good luck!
SG: He won’t need it. He’s the champ!
Poe: Come goddess. It’s still a good ways to Colorado.
Selena shoots daggers with her eyes at the cute blonde check out girl as they leave.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:04:06 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is FINISHING~! his workout, and comes out of the gym with a towel around his shoulders, and he's mopping himself up. Moonbeam is waiting there expectantly with her microphone, and Davin visibly looks like he's going to ignore her, and then changes his mind.*
DM: What?
SFJ420: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm here with the 3-time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, 2-Time OOWF Onslaught Champion, OOWF Trios de Campeanos Champion and 11-Time OOWF Iron Man DDT Heavy Metal Champion Davin Moreland. Davin? Everyone wants to know your reaction to you being punked out by Bryce Larson this week at Mayhem?
DM: *bristles for a second and then regains his composure* Everyone?
SFJ420: Uh huh.
DM: Well, "EVERYONE" knows that clearly Indy King Wanker Dragon Larson made a terrible mistake this past Wednesday. Davin Moreland was trying to give the new kid some rub, and do the new kid a favor. That wasn't good enough for Indy Dragon King Wanker. Indy Wanker King Dragon Larson decided that Larson was going to punk out Davin Moreland, in front of God, the World, and the OOWF Universe. King Wanker Dragon Indy Larson, it's just not that simple. In case Wanker Dragon hadn't noticed; this isn't some Middle-School Gym the OOWF performs in. The OOWF doesn't do no-selling spotfests. And, yes, people actually give a shit about the OOWF, and the first time they heard of Wanker Indy was when Wanker Indy debuted in OOWF.
DM: No one cares what Larson Dragon did before. No one. Right now, King Indy's legacy consists of exactly one moment: turning on Davin Moreland and joining the faction formerly known as the Heroes' Guild, excuse Davin Moreland, formerly CARED about as The Heroes' Guild. It's now just a laughing stock. Even more so now. And Dragon Larson decided to use Davin Moreland as Larson Wanker's statement to the World....
DM: Mistake. Mistake King Wanker. King Wanker made a mistake. See, in a former life, perhaps Davin Moreland would run endless backstage attacks on King Wanker and King Wanker's worthless stable. Davin Moreland would make sure King Dragon suffered physically. But, Davin Moreland has information. Davin Moreland has insight. Davin Moreland is prescient. Davin Moreland is wise beyond Davin Moreland's years. Davin Moreland knows how to take care of Dragon Wanker, in such a way that Dragon Wanker will be irreparably harmed, and the ego and psyche will be permanently scarred.
DM: Larson Dragon, Larson Dragon has never been in the ring with an opponent as quality as Davin Moreland. At Davin Moreland's elite level; there demands a certain skillset that Davin Moreland doesn't think Wanker Larson has. Davin Moreland has put on several match of the year ***** classics, most recent of which were with Legendary LD Williams and Poe the Kid-Toucher. Davin Moreland has torn the house down with both of them. Davin Moreland has torn the house down with Alexander Darling. Davin Moreland has wowed audiences in matches with Stank. Davin Moreland has gone to war to all 4 corners of the globe with "The Lower Midcard" Chris Cole. Outback Jack. Moosehead Jack. Eric O'Mac. DH Magnusson. Firewoman. Love or Hate Davin Moreland, Davin Moreland has always brought the very best to the ring each week since Davin Moreland has been here, and that is undeniable.
DM: Davin Moreland wonders if Dragon Indy can do the same thing. For someone who prides himself on competition and excellence and achievement; it would be a shame if Indy Larson couldn't hang with the big dogs, and slummed with Midget Boy and the Once Great Concrete TG; curtain-jerking arenas for the rest of your miserable OOWF career. Davin Moreland won't lose to 2 elbows. Davin Moreland has a good relationship with Davis Hightower, and Davin Moreland can assure you that that will not happen. This is not MMA. This is OOWF. We'll all see if Wanker Dragon can hang at Mayhem. Davin Moreland has Davin Moreland's doubts. And Davin Moreland will make sure that Wanker Indy corrects Wanker Indy's mistake.
SFJ420: Uh, thank you, Davin.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:04:59 GMT -5
<The Team From Down Under, Spin Hansen and Stank are sitting in the Destroyitarium seething>
Stank: He SPIT BLOOD at me! That FUCKER SPIT BLOOD at me!
Gator: Those two got lucky this time, next time, they won't be so lucky
OBJ: <belches loudly> Fuck that, let's not wait till next time
<Spin doesn't say a word, instead he reaches behind the bar and grabs a crowbar and nods at the rest. They get off their bar stools and make it halfway to the door, when kz and Seamus McNasty burst through the door with barbed wire bats, chairs, and a shillelagh, also wrapped in barbed wire
Williams throws the chair at Stank, catching him right on the temple. Stank falls to one knee, and a swing of the shillelagh sends him to the floor. Jack and Gator rush kz and get in close enough that the weapon is no use anymore. Jack grabs Moose and throws him over the bar while LD slams Gator's face down on a chair. Meanwhile Seamus and Spin go toe to toe, circling slowly. Finally Spin lunges, and Seamus side steps, catching him on the side of the face with the barbed wire shillelagh, leaving a nice cut.
Meanwhile, Moose is back on his feet, and Jack lunges at him and Moose slams him in the face with a bottle of booze, shattering it, and busting Jack open. Williams and Gator are wrestling around on the floor, then back to their feet, Gator tries to pin LD on a table, but LD kicks him off against the wall, knocking the dartboard down. LD charges at Gator, but Gator reaches down and picks up a dart and JAMS it in LD's thigh as he gets closer, then takes another dart and STICKS IT IN LD'S FOREHEAD! LD reels in pain, and Gator grabs him and SLAMS him through a table.
Meanwhile behind the bar, Moose pulls Jack up and SUPLEXES him into the mirror behind the bar, shattering it, and knocking all the booze off the shelves! Seamus and Spin are hammering at one another when Stank finally regains his senses. The big man gets to his feet and grabs chair and BREAKS it across Seamus' back! Moose shouts something to Williams, then ducks as another chair sails through the air and crashes into whats left of the mirror. Stank screams bloody murder and lunges at Moose, but Moose moves, and races around the bar. Williams low blows a distracted Gator and gets to his feet and heads toward the door. Spin is still fighting with Seamus, and has his back to the approaching KZ. Spin reaches back for a punch, but Moose hooks his arm, and when he spins around, LD BLASTS him in the face with a beer bottle, and Seamus SLAMS him on the back of the head with the shillelagh. Spin falls to the floor, and Stank and The Aussies are heading in that direction, so KZ and Seamus decide enough is enough and beat a hasty retreat.
Stank, Gator and Jack stop at Spin and pull him to his feet. Spin is bloody, but otherwise fine. They turn around and look at the Destroyitarium, which is now in ruins. Stank and Spin are seething, the Aussies have a calm look on their faces, looks that look a little too much like Empty Team>
Fade
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:05:26 GMT -5
*Scheme Gene enters the Destroyitatium and heads for the Aussies*
SG: Gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, I have been investigating Empty Team!
Jack of the Hinterlands: So what?
SG: I tracked down Doctor Halfrunt!
JH: Erlana already told Rick what he had to say about me.
SG: But I asked him about Feed of Gator!
JH:...?
FG:...?
SG: Roll the tape!
*Scheme Gene is interviewing a man in a white coat*
SG: Doctor Gag Halfrunt, tell us about Feed of Gator!
DGH: Gator? He's just zis guy!
*back to the Destroyitarium*
SG: Fans, call the hotline to learn more!
*Empty Team glare at Scheme Gene, who drops the microphone and runs away. Wally B King struts in and picks up the microphone*
FG: Next time someone messes in our business they won't get off so easy.
JH: Thim Reynolds, we need to talk. There isn't a better competitor in the history of this company than yourself, but if you aren't prepared to go to war against Moosehead Jack, just say the word and we won't think the worst of you. No hard feelings, mate. But if you come on board with us, it's all or nothing!
FG: Thim, it's decision time, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:05:48 GMT -5
*Stank gulps down another shot of Jack Daniels then rubs the back of his head. He looks down at the bar and spies FFC's still unopened note lying there. Ignoring it, he turns to the other men in the room. Empty team stands before him as does a severely pissed off Spin Hansen. Stank tosses his empty shot glass.*
Stank - Let's go.
*Stank on his way out nonchalantly picks up a cue ball from the pool table and wraps it in a large cloth napkin. Empty Team carry a six-pack of beer and Spin grabs one of Magnusson's old logger chains from behind the bar. Stank stoops down and picks up the steel chair LD Williams threw at him earlier and Drink and Destroy are out and on the hunt.
Minutes later they arrive at Moose's locker room. Which to no one's surprise is empty of prey. They go to Seamus McNasty's locker room next. No one, not even Gaelic Storm. LD Williams locker room is next where they find... Seamus McNasty walking out... all by himself. McNasty looks up and sees Drink and Destroy walking purposefully down the hall toward him. A brief look of panic registers on his face before he turns to barricade himself back within the safer confines of LD William's locker room. He doesn't make it, as he is struck in the back of the head by a cue ball thrown with pinpoint accuracy by Stank. McNasty's hand was inches from the door before he falls hard to the floor. Empty Team rush ahead and each grabs a foot, dragging the unconscious Seamus into a nearby empty room. Stank scoops up the cue ball as it rolls back toward him having ricocheted off of Seamus's dome. He wraps the cue ball back into the cloth napkin as Spin opens LD William's door. Spin peeks in and turns back toward Stank nodding his head. No one else is inside. Stank scowls.
Stank - Go get the dingos. We're headed to Poe's.
Spin walks back to the empty room where Empty Team dragged Seamus. Outback and Gator walk out with blood on their hands. They nonchalantly shut the door behind them and meet Spin halfway. The three men then turn to Stank who gestures for them to follow.
Drink and Destroy 30 seconds later arrive at Poe's locker room. The door is open and we can hear LD Williams just inside.
LDW - I told Seamus it wasn't worth it. You JUST KNOW Stank and the rest of them will be out for our blood. He shouldn't have gone out on his own.
Stank - Ain't that the truth.
*LD Williams whirls around as Stank brings the steel chair down HARD onto LD Williams head. The steel chair molds itself around Williams' dome where it stays, stuck to the man's head. Moosehead Jack has a barbed wire baseball bat and swings for the fences. The blow glances off of Stanks arm taking flesh with it. Empty Team RUSH into the room and tackle Moosehead Jack smashing beer bottles down over his skull. Spin walks further back into the room searching for the OOWF World Champion. Stank inspects his arm, turns, and ducks just in time to avoid a steel chair with an LD Williams size dent in it. Williams groggily heads over to help his partner, not paying attention to see if he had hit his target or not. Stank turns and finds Spin walking out from the back of the locker room.
No sign of Poe.
Stank stands up and pulls the cloth wrapped cue ball from his pocket. He turns toward the fray between KZ and Empty team when a chill hits the air. In walks a bloodied Seamus McNasty, and he brought back up... the OOWF World Champion... Poe.
Seamus eyes Stank. Spin walks up next to Stank and puts his arm on the big man's shoulder. Poe walks further into the room and casually glances at the fight between the two tag teams. The four men who aren't fighting for the moment just stare at one another. Spin slowly walks behind Stank to the big man's other side, not taking his eyes off of Seamus McNasty, who now wields a shillelagh. McNasty has waited long enough and CHARGES! Spin cuts him off and the two hosses go at it, while Stank stands and eyes Poe who doesn't move. Spin and Seamus brawl away from the OOWF Champion and Stank, getting caught up into the fray with KZ and Empty Team.
Moose has pried himself loose from Outback Jack and spies Stank and Poe standing nearby as neither of them move. Stank takes his eyes off of Poe for a second and locks eyes with Moose. Rage FLASHES in the D&D leader's eyes as he BOLTS for Moose SPEARING the red haired demon awkwardly into the side of a table. The edge of the table has damaged Moose's back, and Stank intends to do more damage as he rains down blows to Moose's head, coming back with blood from each strike. Stank sole focus is on destroying Moose before his head snaps sideways from a BIG BOOT delivered by Poe! Stank falls as Poe stands over him. The OOWF Champion barely has time to process what's happening before a logger chain is wrapped around his throat from behind, held by Spin Hansen. Spin drags Poe away, as Gator leaps over Stank, landing on Moosehead Jack who was still recovering from Stank's attack. Seamus McNasty has dislodged himself from Outback Jack and is raining down shillelagh strikes onto Stank. LD Williams is crawling in the corner a little worse for wear. Moose's flailing hand has found his trusty barbed wire bat and he brings it up, smacking Gator off of him. Outback Jack looks over at Williams, but decides to help out Stank, tackling Seamus McNasty and ending his assault. Stank rolls over and spies Williams in the corner. The two men lock eyes.
Stank sits up as Williams pulls himself up to his feet. Stank rises from the floor and stumbles towards Williams. LD motions for Stank to bring it and the big man obliges as the two former World Champions exchange haymakers.
Meanwhile Poe has grabbed a hold of the chain, yanking Spin in and delivering a vicious short-armed clothesline, ending Spin's assault and buying Poe a little time to catch his breath. The OOWF champion looks over just in time to see Stank hoist LD Williams up and STANKBOMB him onto a nearby bench, knocking LD out cold! Stank roars in triumph just as Moose hops up onto the big man's back and locks in the JIENDO! Stank flails about, periodically reaching up to try and pry Moosehead Jack off.
Gator lies unconscious on the floor and Seamus is engaged in combat with Outback Jack. Poe straightens up to his considerable height and glances at the door where Selena is peeking from around the corner. He motions her to stay put as Spin, regaining his bearings jumps up and... goes to help Outback with Seamus? Okay.
Meanwhile Stank is losing consciousness. He backs Moose into a wall HARD... several times in fact, but Moose maintains his death grip, snarling for Stank to give it up. Stank doesn't give up, however as moments from fading into the black he spies his cloth wrapped cue ball, settled on one of the few remaining intact tables and makes his way there. He grabs the ball and WHIPS it up SLAMMING it into Moose's face! Blood POURS out of Moosehead Jack's ruined nose, but he still hasn't released Stank, squeezing the Jiendo even tighter in fact. Stank goes down to one knee which does him no favors as now Moose has better positioning to do what he's trying to do. Stank can feel the life going out of him as he whips the cue ball up and again it SMASHES into the face of Moosehead Jack! Moose loosens his grip for a split second before locking in even tighter. Stank swings up again, but there is no power behind the strike as the cue ball falls out of the napkin and rolls over toward Poe who seems content on observing the violence for now.
Stank is now down on both knees and is going limp when suddenly Moose lets go. Stank falls the rest of the way to the floor fighting for breath. He looks over and sees Outback Jack and Spin beating the ever loving shit out of Moose. Poe sees this as well and starts towards the action. Stank pushes himself up on his hands and knees. Poe takes two steps as Stank calls out from the floor.
Stank - Poe.
Though it was barely audible, Poe hears it and stops in his tracks. He turns around as Stank slowly rises to his feet.
Stank - Don't. Just don't. This doesn't have to involve you. And I want to see you try and destroy Alexander Darling. The odds of you accomplishing that become even less if you engage us.
Moose is incapacitated having succumb to the two on one beatdown. Spin turns his attention to Poe who has his back turned to him as the OOWF Champion faces Stank. Outback Jack makes his way over to Gator.
Stank sees that the odds are much more in his favor considering there are three conscious D&D members and only one Poe. Poe recognizes this as well. Stank walks over by Spin and looks down at Moose who stirs on the floor. Stank spits blood onto Moose's face, then he and Spin walk over to Outback Jack who is pulling Gator to his feet. Spin goes to the other side of Gator as he and Outback walk gator out of the locker room. Stank turns and looks at Poe standing in the middle of the carnage. Poe eyes Stank.
Poe - There is no... try. I will finish the boy.
Stank - Good luck with that.
There would seem to be nothing further to be said. Stank stumbles his way out of the room, as the camera pans over to a bloodied Moosehead Jack, breathing heavily and lying on his back staring angrily up at the ceiling.
<Fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:08:03 GMT -5
Firewoman enters the Hallway of Random Encounters dressed for a run. She starts jogging towards the exits, when Chris "Lionheart" Evans approaches and begins jogging along side.
FW:......
C"L"E: Hey....goin' for a run?
FW: YOU, sir, are a genius.
C"L"E: Want company?
FW: No.
C"L"E: Well, Ultimo Inc hasn't done anything since our response to their--
Firewoman stops
FW: What? Our?
C"L"E: Yeah, our....Did you not see?
He holds out an iPOD to show the OOWF Podcast
FW: We have a podcast?
C"L"E: Just watch....
Firewoman watches the podcast, then looks at Evans.
FW: Are you crazy or just stupid?
C"L"E: Yeah, your welc-- wait, what?
FW: This isn't your fight, dumbass.
C"L"E: But....If I want to be a member of RunDEA, that makes it my fight. I need you guys to know I'm a team player, so I--
FW: Okay, so the answer is "stupid." Just stay out of it. Steele is mine.
Firewoman begins jogging again, and Evans stands for a second, then jogs to catch up
C"L"E: So if Steele is yours....why haven't you done anything?
FW: I've done lots....
C"L"E: Like?
FW: ......
C"L"E: .......
FW: .......
C"L"E: ......
FW: Look, you're on a need-to-know basis, Cubheart. And so you know, things are in the works.
C"L"E: Whatever.....
The two have reached the exit, and hit the streets. They run along in silence for a while.
C"L"E: So.....talked to Tyson?
FW: Why would you ask me that?
C"L"E: Well, I know OOWF keeps moving him to be in hospitals in town. You'd think that wouldn't be medically good....
FW: Well, he's not that serious.
C"L"E: So you have talked to him.
FW: Look, he's got Ultimo's target on his back, just like you do now, for not minding your own business, so we agreed it would be best to keep him where we could keep an eye --
C"L"E: Wait, we? RunDEA is paying for it?
FW: Partially, but Chris and Lance are helping. And he'll be fine. It's not related to...what we thought. It's just a --
C"L"E: So you were wrong.....
Firewoman shoots him a look of death and picks up the pace. Evans stays behind, but eventually catches up, and picks up the hint that that part of the conversation is over. This continues for a while, but Evans can't stand the silence.
C"L"E: So, that was some bombshell.
FW: What, NOW?
C"L"E: Moosehead Jack's long-lost relative.
Firewoman stops.
FW: What the fuck are you talking about?
C"L"E: Hey, chill. You probably didn't see that either. That Jeremy guy from Vegas is Moose's brother.
Firewoman stares at Evans for a minute, and then begins to laugh. A real laugh, not her usual maniacal giggle. She starts jogging again, but is still laughing. Evans looks at her with confusion, and then starts to laugh a little too, and follows.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:08:25 GMT -5
<we fade into Poe's destroyed locker room, which also looks like a MASH unit. Selena is flittering around trying to help Seamus, LD and Moose, she seems to be half repulsed and half enthralled by the blood. Moose is sitting against a wall holding ice on his nose and eye, Seamus is power drinking while wrapping up numerous cuts, and Selena is wrapping LD's ribs and lower back. After a few minutes of silence, Moose pushes himself to his feet, limps across the room and grabs his barbed wire baseball bat and heads to the door. Poe, who had been surveying the damage, moves slightly in front of Moose keeping him from leaving, Moose just looks at him> P: I would never tell you what to do MHJ: ........... P: But you can barely walk, and you look like shit, perhaps the best course of action is to wait. They will be expecting retaliation MHJ:........... P: Didn't do any good did it? Ok, fair enough. <Poe steps aside and Moose walks out of the locker room without a word. Seamus and LD see this and start getting to their feet as well> LD: Poe, it was a good effort, but its not going to stop him. You won't stop him, I won't stop him, hell, I am not sure there is anyone who could stop him. P: So where are you going? LD: Gonna make sure he doesn't get killed. If he is going to fight, we are going to be there too <LD and Seamus leave the locker room and head down the hall, after a moment's reflection, Poe turns to Selena> P: My goddess, stay here, and please try to put some order in this place again S: You're going to come back bloody aren't you? <Poe shoots her an evil grin and heads out into the hallway> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:08:43 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM* <A heavily medicated Jeffrey From Las Vegas is holding court in the middle of the room as IHOP hangs on every word> JFLV: Jack didn't have a lot of friends growing up. SYB: Shocking. JFLV: Oh yeah. One of the neighborhood kids would come over and Jack would wind up cutting both of them and the parents would freak out. He was a real sick fuck. Skurge: Nice to see things haven't changed, eh? JFLV: Seriously. I had a pet gerbil that went missing. I wonder if Jack knows where it went. SYB: Oh, he totally knows. Skurge: He suuuuure does. JFLV: It wasn’t just the blood. I mean, this is a guy who had a huge crush on Tatanka and who dressed up as a vampire because he loved blood so much. SYB: Wow Skurge: Just Fezzik: Fucking The Amn: Wow DM: Wait? Tatanka? JFLV: Yeah, he wrote him a letter saying how much he loved him. He even sprayed his cologne in the envelope and everything. SYB: FAG! JFLV: Well… yeah. But that’s a story for another time. The Amn: So Jeffro, when are we going to see the brothers reunite? JFLV: As soon as possible. I want to shake his hand. SYB: Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug! Skurge: They suuuure do, Mr. From Las Vegas. JFLV: In fact, I’m going to see my little bro right now. I’m sure he’s got nothing else on his plate right now. <Jeffrey From Las Vegas heads toward the door as the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth calls after him> DM: Jeffrey wait! He might not be in a welcoming mood. JFLV: Relax babycakes. What’s the worse that could happen? *FADE* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:09:19 GMT -5
<Moose is storming down the hall toward the Destroyitarium, LD Williams and Seamus McNasty trail him, each holding weapons that he picked up along the way. Poe trails slightly further behind the trio. Moose is just down the hall from the Destroyitarium when we hear a voice> V: YO! BROSKI! HOW BOUT GIVIN’ YOUR BRO A HUG! <Moose stops dead in his tracks, but does not turn around. Williams and Seamus turn around and stare at Jeffrey From Las Vegas. Jeffrey continues down the hall, clearly still very heavily medicated, self-medicated it looks like. He stops at Poe first> JFLV: HEY! You know Jackson? Y’know, Moosehead Jackson? Y’know, BEAT IT! HOOOOO <Jeffery tries to do a moonwalk and nearly falls> THAT is my BROTHER! <Poe stares at him but does not say a word> JFLV: You know where that sumbitch is? BROTHERS GOTSTA HUG! <Poe motions down the hall with a little nod and Jeffrey seems to get the hint> JFLV: HEY! THERE HE IS! THANKS BO! HEY! Lemme ask ya something, whythey call you Bo? HEY! I KNOW! You drove that car! YEAH! The General Tiger Chung Lee or sumthin. Just a good ole boy, never leavin the farm, as a boy he couldn’t draw, gonna be taller than his paw, wears a sailors uniform. HA! I LOVE THAT SHOW <Jeffrey From Las Vegas staggers down the hall. Seamus starts to reach out to stop him, but LD grabs him and just shakes his head. Seamus steps back and looks at Jeffrey like he is seeing a condemned man> SM: Dead man walking <Jeffrey doesn’t notice but finally gets to Moose, who still hasn’t turned around.> JFLV: MOOSE YOU OL WASCALLY WABBIT! I WAS JUST TELLIN’ SYB SOME STOR….. <Moose slowly turns around with a look of death on his face. Jeffrey stops in mid sentence, immediately sobers up, and turns white as a sheet. Moose doesn’t say a word, instead he buries the barbed wire bat into Jeffrey’s midsection, doubling him over, then stands him up, and stakes a swing at his head, catching his forehead and ripping it to shreds. Jeffrey falls to the floor screaming in pain. Moose immediately starts HAMMERING him with the bat until blood is pouring from gashes all over his body. Moose is not done though, he pulls Jeffrey to his feet and slams him into the wall. As Jeffrey staggers forward, Moose growls and KILLS him with a heartpunch. Jeffrey’s mouth drops open and he sinks to his knees. Moose grabs the bat again and hits him across the chest, sending him to the floor. Jeffrey is whimpering in pain, but Moose is not done, he pulls some of the barbed wire off the bat and wraps it around his fist, and repeatedly punches Jeffrey in the face until the man from Las Vegas is still. Seamus, who had been watching the beating, turns away and takes a deep drink. Moose pulls Jeffrey to his feet, sets him up for a double underhook piledriver, and DROPS him on the floor. Jeffrey’s neck twists awkwardly, and one of the stagehands, looking on in horror, immediately yells for medics. Moose gets back to his feet, doesn’e even bother wiping the blood from his hands, grabs his bat and looks at LD, Seamus and Poe, then turns and heads down the hall toward the Destroyitarium> <Moose gets to the Destroyitarium and kicks the door open, and amid the wreckage sits Stank, Spin, Jack and Gator. They are also nursing their wounds. Moose walks right into the bar and goes nose to nose with Stank.> Stank: You won’t fucking quit will you? <With that Moose jams the bat into Stank’s midsection and grabs the big man in a side head lock and gets a few good shots in with the barbed wire wrapped fist. Spin, Jack and Gator rush in as well and grab Moose, but LD, Seamus and Poe come into the bar as well. There is a momentary standoff between the six of them, but Stank lifts Moose and drops him on the bar, then drops an elbow to his throat. Moose rolls off the bar, and lands amid the broken glass. Stank leans over the bar to grab Moose, and Moose comes up with a shard of glass from the mirror and takes a swipe at Stank, narrowly missing his throat!> Stank: YOU SON OF A BITCH! <Stank is about to go after Moose again and Poe, Seamus and LD are moving toward Jack, Gator and Spin when a shotgun blast stops all of them. The camera spins around and we see GM the Rick standing there with legitimate Riot Police. The leader of the Riot Police is holding the shot gun that has just been fired into the air> GMtR: ENOUGH! E-fucking-NOUGH! I am NOT going to sit here and watch you kill one another. You want to do it in the ring? FINE! But you are not going to turn backstage into the OK Corral! Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Poe, Moose, LD and Seamus, you can leave peacefully, or these gentlemen can remove you – BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! <Poe considers this for a moment, then looks at Moose. They stare for a long moment, before Moose gives a slight nod, drops the shard of mirror and walks from behind the bar and heads toward the door. Poe, LD and Seamus follow. As they are leaving through the Riot Squad, GM the Rick has one more thing to say> GMtR: AND I SWEAR TO CHRIST if I hear ONE more thing from ANY of you tonight, ANY physical violence, ANYTHING, I am coming back here, and I am gonna CRACK SOME SKULLS! <Moose grins an evil grin and leaves, heading back to where he came. As he heads down the hall, we see Jeffrey From Las Vegas being loaded onto a stretcher. Moose grabs the stretcher and slams it into the wall, knocking Jeffrey to the floor, he pulls him up and BITES HIM! Moose drops him to the floor and drops several knees down across his chest. The screams of the medical assistants bring GM the Rick out of the Destroyitarium with the Riot Squad in toe. Rick is yelling for them to get Moose. Seamus and LD grab Moose and pull him off of Jeffrey and they head back down the hall to Poe’s locker room. Poe remains in the hallway stopping GM the Rick and the Riot Squad> GMtR: Poe, I am going to ask you nicely, move. Poe: And I am going to tell you nicely, once, let it go. Nothing good will come from you taking this any further. <GM the Rick and Poe stand nose to, well, chest, for a moment before Rick turns to the men and tells them to head back to his office. Poe turns to leave, and Rick stops him> GMtR: He is your problem now, YOU better keep him under control <Poe smirks, then laughs at GM the Rick, shakes himself loose, and heads down the hall> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:09:54 GMT -5
Poe, Moosehead Jack, Seamus McNasty, and LD Williams have all returned to Poe’s locker room. Selena greets them as they enter.
SG: That was quick.
Seamus walks over to his small surviving stash of whiskey and pours a few glasses.
SM: We got interrupted by the GM.
Seamus offers a glass to Poe, LD, and Moose and they all take one. Selena sees Moose’s hand and holds it, looking at the blood all over it.
SG: Whose face was this?
MHJ: Jeffrey from Vegas.
SG: Jeff from what?
LDW: That jackass that hangs out with IHOP.
SG: Like that narrows it down.
Poe sets his now empty glass down hard, grabbing everyone’s attention.
Poe: So…Moosehead Jack…apparently you’re my problem now.
MHJ: According to our wise and noble GM yes, I appear to be.
Poe: I’m apparently supposed to control you.
MHJ: Yes…I suppose you are.
A few moments of silence pass before the five erupt with laughter (yes, even LD).
SM: To quote a wise Irishman…well, at least he had an Irish name, Dan Patrick. “You can’t stop ‘em, you can only hope to contain ‘em.”
LDW: You sure that was Dan Patrick?
SG: Who’s Dan Patrick?
Poe: Moose…
Everyone quiets down.
Poe: I do ask that you think a little more strongly about your tactics. Rick won’t touch either of us. You know it, he knows it. But…
Poe stares at Moosehead Jack, who stares back.
Poe: These traded beatings will accomplish nothing. You need a plan; a decisive one.
MHJ: Yes I do.
Moosehead Jack finishes his whiskey with an ‘ahh.’
MHJ: Seamus, LD old friend…it’s back to the drawing board.
SG: This is gonna be sweet.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:10:13 GMT -5
Seamus McNasty stands in a shower stall with his hands against the wall and the shower pouring down across his head and shoulders, the red water washes off of him and down the drain. He coughs up some blood, spits and begins to laugh. From outside in the locker room a female voice yells into the shower
FV: “You OK?”
Seamus: “A million bucks!”
FV: “That’s not what it used to be.”
Seamus: “Nether am I.”
Seamus reaches up and touches his head only to gingerly pull his hand away as he winches in pain
Seamus: “You may want to call the Doc and tell him I need some stitches…”
Seamus: “Good times…”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:10:35 GMT -5
*Fade in* to The Heroes Guild locker room, where they are having their first meeting since Bryce Larson became an offiical member...
Concrete TG: Citizens, I'm am happy to have everyone here. Everyone. The whole crew, as I envisioned it...The Heroes Guild! Citizen Larson, welcome...home.
Bryce Larson: Thanks, Gryfon. It's good to be home, and it's good to have my true tag team partner back.
Nayr: Yeah, when can we cash in your tag team title shot?
CTG: Citizen Paladin, there is much work to be done first. We have the Trios championships to defend, and Bulletproof Bryce must now face the man betrayed, Davin Moreland.
BL: Yeah, I saw his comments. Needless to say, he isn't happy. Like I care.
CTG: You better care. He's a top notch professional wrestler, and he's obviously out for revenge.
Blitz: What do you plan to do, Bryce?
BL: Um, win? Yeah, let's go with that.
CTG: This is easily the biggest match in Citizen Bulletproof's OOWF career. We will ensure he is fully prepared.
BL: This is the biggest match in my life. I've gotten wins over Phantos, two Darlings and took Chris Evans to sixty minutes. I'm excited to get in the ring with Davin. He's carved out a legend for himself, and it's well deserved.
B: Yeah, but he seems really mad...
BL: Yeah, poor Davin. Poor Run DEA. They spend all their time and energy coming up with new schemes and deceptions, They were ripe for this. And they deserved it. That's justice.
CTG: My Guild, this isn't the justice I've sought in the past. But when Citizen Bulletproof approached me with this plan, I had to acknowledge one thing. Evil does not play fair. Evil does what it takes. Bryce Larson did what it takes. He isn't the hero we're used to, but he is a hero.
N: So wait, you knew about this? When I was upset, down, nearly depressed, you knew? When I wrestled my ass off, you knew? The Gauntlet, when you dressed as Doink? Was THAT part of the plan, too?
CTG: Citizen Paladin, do not get ahead of yourself. Your match with Bryce was true athleticism, true competitive spirit. Bryce and I hadn't spoken about such a plan at that point. I believe Bryce is the man to shed some light on this.
BL: I was at a crossroads. I had been approached by several possible partners, but Davin peaked my interest. He was the OOWF World Champion at the time, and is the cornerstone of Run DEA. After our match, I knew you were the right partner for me. But I also knew that The Heroes Guild needed some edge, some attitude. So I charted this course on my own, then involved Gryfon later. Beating Phantos, Alexander, Samantha and going broadway with Evans all helped the cause. It also helped me win respect among the members. I've seen it from the inside. I saw Darling Man's true intentions, but couldn't say anything until the endgame unfolded.
N: You mean you were a double agent? Like Sydney Bristow on Alias?
Damon Wrath: She's pretty.
BL: You're right Damon, she is. Nayr, I guess you could say I was a double agent. Like most double agents, I wasn't that way at first, but once I talked to Gryfon, that's where we took it.
N: Tell me the whole Mary Jane thing is legit. You and her never...you know?
BL: We didn't. I stepped in because Darling Man nearly ruined it for you. No one else could have fixed that, save for Darling Man himself. And we all know Alexander isn't doing something that will make someone not named Alexander Darling happy. I was worried about that one, but I'm glad it worked out.
N: And work out it has!
BL: Good job, midget.
CTG: My Guild, back to business. We all have matches to prepare for this week. Let's hit the gym and get some ring work in.
N: Bryce, can we work on a few double team moves? For old times sake?
BL: I don't see why not. But what say we all drink some Mountain Dew first!
*Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:10:57 GMT -5
Moosehead Jack is SITTING~! in Ric's Sandwich Shop, trying to ignore his wounds from this week's very active Hallway of Deathly Encounters. He sees Firewoman walk in and instantly tries to be invisible, but it doesn't work, as she makes a bee-line for him, laughing.
MHJ: I am so not in the mood for this...
FW: Soooooo.....big news, eh? I hear we have a long lost brother? Should we have some cigars?
MHJ: I would love a cigar, but there is no brother.
FW: Well, not anymore. You pretty much destroyed him.
MHJ: He was bugging me. Kind of like you are now.
FW: Aw, a threat. How--
At that precise moment, a strangely familiar-looking mic stand walks up to get Firewoman's thoughts on her upcoming match.
SFLMS: Firewoman, I'd like to get your thoughts on this week's match?
FW: No kidding. Do I know you? You look familiar?
SFLMS: (nervously) We have never met, but I've been a big fan.
FW: Fine. Here's the deal. A triple threat match is nothing to take lightly, and I assure my opponents....I am NOT. Cole, I'm not sure why you are even IN this match, but I don't care. I will run right through you to get to Tytan, so stay out of my way.
And as for Tytan, who has been blessedly silent this week, I guess you and the rest of the Ultimo, Inc. group have learned that you don't fuck with ME, and you don't fuck with RunDEA. I look forward to punctuating that. I don't even care that it's not a title match. All I care about is hurting you. That would most definitely sparkle with me.
SFLMS: (shrinking back a bit from Firewoman's intensity) Thanks, I think that's good....
MHJ: Wait....I got it. You're Kelly Kelly, from WWE.
FW: She is?
KK: I am.
FW: Oh yeah, I recognize the cringing.
MHJ: Yeah, that's what reminded me too. What brings you to these parts?
Kelly Kelly begins babbling on about something, it really doesn't matter what. Moosehead Jack is amused, but not by whatever Kelly Kelly is babbling on about, but Firewoman's reaction.
KK: ... so, I needed some extra money, and Vince said it was okay if--
MHJ: Really.
FW: Vince said it was okay? Did Rick?
KK: Who?
FW: Who? The asshole who may have hired you?
KK: I guess.... I don't know....
FW: No, you don't know. You are part of the problem in professional wrestling. Talentless vapid bleach blonde Barbie dolls who couldn't make it on the pole, so now you invade MY world, and think you can jump around the ring in a bikini and that constitutes wrestling.
KK: Hey, that's not fair. I can do .... things.
FW: Like?
KK: I can do a cartwheel.
FW: Not in those heels, you can't.
Kelly Kelly is all angry now, and her nose wrinkles up as she throws the microphone down with the required feedback noise.
KK: Stand back everyone.
Everyone obliges. Kelly Kelly goes to do her Really Good Cartwheel in heels, but as she comes around she's caught by a barbed-wire wrapped baseball bat, that Firewoman has "borrowed" from Moosehead Jack. Kelly Kelly doubles over, and Firewoman swings it down with a crack to the back of her neck. Kelly Kelly goes down (and didn't we kind of suspect that all along?) and Firewoman gets her into position....one, two, three...FIRESTOMP! For good measure, she picks her up and powerslams her through the nearest table.
At that moment, Bryce Larson wanders in.
BL: Wow, is that Kelly Kelly? She's fantast---
But he doesn't get that much out, before he gets greeted by the barbed wire bat to the stomach, and then to the back of his head. Firewoman picks his head up by the hair as he lays there, writhing in pain.
FW: Swerve Davin? You aren't fit to be in the same ring with him. And don't forget before you go dismissing all of RunDEA, Hero-in-Training, you haven't stepped foot in the ring with me, yet.
And then she finishes her Firestomp on Larson. She stands for a moment, regaining her composure, or some would say, her senses.
MHJ: Feel better?
FW: No. I'm just getting warmed up. Here. Thanks.
She tosses the bat back at him, kind of hard though, so Moose has to dodge it. He glares at her, as she also tosses a cigar at his feet.
FW: Congrats on your new bundle of joy. Tell Jeffery I said hello.
Firewoman storms off, as Ric tries to figure out how to clean up the latest carnage.
Ric: WOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:11:39 GMT -5
<We catch Firewoman coming out of GM the Rick's office. She stops at the door then turns around and yells something into the office> FW: AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU SAY! I AM NOT PAYING A FINE! THAT BITCH HAD IT COMING TO HER, SO YOU, HER, AND JERICHO CAN ALL KISS MY ASS! <Fire slams the door as GM the Rick yells something incoherent from inside. Fire is standing there with her arms crossed staring down the hallway, fuming with rage. Suddenly, she lets out a screech, spins around ready to swing, and grabs the back of her arm. We see Moose standing there puffing on the cigar Fire dropped at his feet> FW: FUCKER! YOU BURNED MY ARM! MHJ: Guess I didn't see you standing there FW: Bullshit MHJ: Does that count as trying to set someone on fire? You know the rules, NO FIRE! Right? <Fire stares daggers into Moose, doesn't say a word, and walks away. Moose laughs, then heads into GM the Rick's office, plops down in the chair, and puts his feet on GM the Rick's desk> GMtR: Oh no, please, make yourself comfortable <Moose just puffs on the cigar> GMtR: So, you going to tell me what the FUCK you think you were doing? MHJ:<inhales deeply, then blows a cloud of smoke at GM the Rick> Well, I was trying to slit Stank's throat GMtR: That's not what I am fucking talking about, and you know it MHJ:<takes another deep drag> Can you be more specific? GMtR: YOU ALMOST KILLED A CIVILIAN! THE MAN IS IN HE HOSPITAL! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING? MHJ: Dispelling a rumor? <GM the Rick stares at Moose, dumbstruck> GMtR: You have no remorse for what you did, do you? MHJ: Nope, not a bit <another puff> I would do it again in a second. GMtR: I cannot fucking believe this. You put a man in the hospital....... <Moose suddenly lunges out of his seat and puts his hands on GM the Rick's desk, nose to nose with him> MHJ: And it's something you better get used to Rick, there will be a lot more joining him before kz is through <Rick sits stunned for a moment, then works up some nerve> GMtR: Now you listen here Moose, I don't know what kind of vendetta you have against the world lately, and I don't care. You want to take it out on the wrestlers here? That's fine, they can defend themselves. But I will be DAMNED if I am going to let the wrestlers around here beat up on civilians and women who can barely walk and talk at the same damn time! Now, whether you, Fire, DEA, or the rest of the locker room want to admit it or not, I AM THE DAMN LAW AROUND HERE! MY WORD IS LAW! You don't like it? Seek employment elsewhere! <Moose sits back in the chair, takes another long draw off the cigar, flicks the ashes on the floor, and stares at GM the Rick for a moment, with hatred in his eyes> MHJ: You know Rick, if I thought that were true, even for one second, I would drag you from behind that desk and give you a beating that made what I did to Jeffrey look like an amateur wrestling match, just so the firing was worth my while. But you and I both know that isn't going to happen. GMtR: Don't fucking push me Moose <Moose inhales deeply again and lets out another cloud of smoke> MHJ: Tell you what. Just to show that I am a peaceful man, how about I go to the hospital and visit 'ol Jeffrey and make sure he's well taken care of? Would that make you happy? GMtR: Are you serious? MHJ: It's the least I could do GMtR: Fine, but if you step out of line, ONCE, so help me......... MHJ: Yeah yeah, take that up with Poe, after all, I'm his problem now, right? <GM the Rick stares at Moose, then explodes> GMtR: OUT! OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW! <Moose gives a sinister laugh, puffs on the stogie and leaves the office heading down the hallway> <We cut to a hospital room, and thanks to the large logo on the wall, we see that we are in the Springfield, Colorado Hospital. We see Jeffrey lying in the bed, tubes running everywhere, he is barely conscious, his eyes flickering and his voice weak as he tries to talk> J: Look I appreciate what you are trying to do here, but really I just need some rest...... <The camera turns around and we see SYB in full clown gear, standing there trying to make balloon animals, but they all end up looking like penises. SYB is a mix of absurd with his huge bow tie and horrifying with that awful flap of skin hanging off his face> SYB: Hey now! Cheer up! Dorothy said what you needed was a dose of SYBO the CLOWN! I kinda feel like this is partially my fault..... Jeffrey: Partially? You got me high on god knows what, and told me to go find Moosehead Jack, and then to tell him we were.........brothers? SYBO: hey hey, let me sing you a song. Come and listen to a story about a man named Jack A big hairy bastard, used to jobbin on his back A miserable jerk who likes to sit and brood He met his match from a fine Jooish dude SYB that is, Hebrew Hammer, He's afraid of me Well the first thing you know, ol' Moose is gettin scared Williams and Poe said run away from here Said, you want none of him, that you can plainly see So he packed up his bags, cause Moose is afraid of me SYB that is Beat his ass, he saw stars J: You really think that is a good idea? I mean really? The guy almost killed me, and I saw what he did to you SYBO: Hee Hee! Fuck him! Without that barbed wire bat, he is nothing, he is weak! He is afraid! He knows what I can do to him! What WE can do to him! I wish he was here right now, why I would show HIM a thing or two! <Just then a doctor comes in wearing a mask and pushing a cart of instruments. He doesn't say anything but wheels the cart to the bed> Jeffrey: Oh thank God Doc! Hey, I have this constant pain in my side, think you could take a look at it and see what is going on, Dr............. Doctor: Jack, Doctor Moosehead Jack <With that, SYBO lets out a scream, and Moose grabs a bed pan and THUNKS him in the melon with it! SYB falls to the floor, but Moose is not done yet, he pulls SYB to his feet and throws him across the room then follows him with the same bedpan, and cracks him in the skull again. SYBO goes down (again) and this time Moose pulls him to his feet, hooks his arms, and hits a butterfly piledriver on the floor! Moose grabs a bottle of......something, whatever you like, ok? Off the cart, and waits for SYB to get to his feet, then SHATTERS the bottle across his face! SYB cries in pain and sinks to his knees, grabbing his face in pain as blood runs between his fingers. Moose pulls him up one more time, and hits not one, not two, but THREE heart punches, then drops him on the floor with a DDT, right on the broken glass. SYB makes a gurgling noise, and loses consciousness. Moose turns around and sees Jeffrey reaching for the nurses call switch, but Moose pounces just in time and slaps his hand over Jeffrey's mouth and DRIVES elbows to his face. Jeffrey is semi-conscious, and in no condition to do anything now. Moose gets off the bed and slowly walks to the cart, where he picks up a scalpel. Moose stares at the instrument with the razor sharp edge, then slowly looks at Jeffrey, then SYB. Moose grins and heads toward SYB, grabs him off the floor and tilts his head back. Just before he cuts, however, we loose our feed and...... fade> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 21:12:05 GMT -5
The monitor with OOWF-TV goes to snow. Selena jumps to her feet and screams a bloodcurdling scream at the monitor. Poe looks up from the book he was reading.
Poe: Goddess?
SG: The stupid TV thingie went off just as Uncle Moose was cutting SYB!
Poe: That's most unfortunate. I know you love Moosehead Jack's work.
SG: We should go to the hospital. We can see it first hand.
Poe: No goddess. There will security swarming the place by the time we got there. Besides, I'm sure GMtheRick will be sending for me any moment.
There's a knock on the door. Poe walks over to the door and opens it. Erlana is on the other side.
E: GMtheRick would like to see you.
Poe: You're timing is impecable.
Poe follows Erlana to GMtheRick's office with Selena marching behind him. They enter the office and Poe takes a seat in front of his desk. Selena stands beside Poe. GMtheRick is slamming shots of whiskey.
GMtR: Poe I...
Poe: You need say nothing. I saw what Moosehead Jack did.
GMtR: So what are we gonna do about this?
Poe thinks for a second.
Poe: Personally, and I know I speak for Selena as well...I'm gonna enjoy it.
GMtR: What in the blue Hell...
Poe: Think about it. Fans love a good bloodletting. As long as kz, Moosehead Jack in general, continue his streak of violence, ratings will be up.
GMtR: And so will our insurance.
Poe: So will your advertising. We sell violence. It's what we do. It's our job to provide said violence, and it;s your job as General Manager to handle any ramifications that may occur.
GMtR: But the civilians inv...
Poe gets out of his chair, placing his knuckles on GMtheRick's desk, cracking them in the process loudly, shutting GMtheRick up.
Poe: You will do your job as you are required to do when hired by the OOWF Board of Directors. You will not cry to us about how we do our jobs. We know what got us here and we wil continue to do so and the fans wil continue to eat it up, buy the merchandise, buy the tickets and pay your damn salary.
Poe inhales deeply with a slight snarl.
Poe: So shut your hole; fill it with booze if you need to. Quit your whining and do your job. When Moosehad Jack's thirst for blood is satiated, he will stop...or at least slow down. I suggest if you have a problem with it, you keep him busy. Give him fresh targets to destroy. That is your job. I have a match to prepare for. I'm YOUR World Champion. That's my job; not to cater to your bitching like a schoolgirl who has the wrong purse.
Poe offers his arm to Selena who takes it with a wicked grin.
Poe: Now if you'll excuse me, as I said, I have a match to prepare for. I believe you probably have some calls to make to the hospital and OOWF's insurance providers, sponsers, and attornies. Oh, and don't forget to answer the calls for more ads in next week's show. It's been a true pleasure. Namaste.
SG: Nevermore...drunk old dude.
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