OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Springfield, Colorado
STANK & SPIN HANSEN vs. DAMON WRATH & HI-VO SAKAMOTOAngelo Barros is YOUR referee!
2/3 of Drink and Destroy smirk at Damon and Sakamoto hit the ring. Sakamoto offers to start, which Damon is more than happy to let his partner do. Hansen starts for his team, handing his partner some cash to get them some beers (this won't take long).
Sakamoto wants to lock up, and Spin obliges - shoving Sakamoto to the ropes. Sakamoto rebounds and is leveled with a clothesline. Spin stomps away, certainly enjoying his work. Damon tries to rally his teammate but Sakamoto can only twitch in response. Spin reaches back for Barros who warns him about using an official as a weapon. Hansen actually thinks about it a moment, but is interrupted by Sakamoto attempting a single-leg takedown, which gets a one-count. Hansen is about to swing at the ref when he hears Stank whistle to him. The beers are here! Stank takes a couple of sips before leaving both cups on the (STEEL) steps. Spin tags Stank in as Sakamoto staggers to Damon Wrath.
Wrath in now, dropping into a boxing stance. Stank smirks and mimics the gesture. Barros (futilely) asks them to open up the fists. The two of them trade punches, Spin coaching from his corner while he slams down his beer. Crowd really into this as both land a couple of blows. Cheers go to "oooh"s and "Ahh"s as Wrath lands a solid right cross to Stank. Stank shakes out his head, adjusts his jaw, and steps RIGHT up to Damon Wrath. Wrath turns to tag in Sakamoto but is grabbed by the back of the pants, spins him around and stuns him with the SHITFACED! Sakamoto hits the ring to help his partner, but is stalled by Spin! Sakamoto goes down to the SPINAL JUSTICE as Stank flattens Wrath with the STANK U. The count is academic.
WINNERS in 7:22 STank and Spin
After the match the two order more beer and grab seats by the Irish Announce table to watch the rest of the show.
CHRIS EVANS vs. THE DEADIron Maiden’s “The Trooper” leads Chris Evans to the ring, looking supremely confident and ready for battle against his post mortem opponent. As Evans stands in the ring, The Dead makes his way out to Smashing Pumpkins’ Doomsday Clock.
Evans and Dead stand toe to toe during the ring introductions. The announcer leaves and the referee calls for the bell. The Dead immediately begins unloading with rights to Evans’ head, and Evans responds with rights of his own. Both men are throwing repeated punches at each other, neither letting up! They pause for a second, and The Dead gives Evans the “hit me” signal. Evans nails him, but The Dead is on his feet. Evans motions for Dead to hit him in return, and The Dead is happy to oblige! They trade rights once more, and then start pummeling each other simultaneously again! Evans finally ducks one of Dead's punches, going behind and catching him with a Half Nelson Suplex. Dead comes crashing down on the mat and rolls to the outside
The referee begins the count out, but as soon as Dead makes it to his feet, Evans comes flying over the top rope with a Tope Suicido to the floor! The crowd goes nuts and The Dead is down! Evans gets back in the ring and the count begins. The referee makes it to eight, but The Dead is getting to his feet, so Evans slides outside, throwing Dead back first into the guard rail. Evans sets Dead up against the guard rail in the corner of ringside, and charges from over 20 feet away. The Dead shakes a few cobwebs loose enough to sense Evans coming, ducks and backdrops him over the guard rail! Evans crashes through two rows of chairs and lands hard on the concrete floor!
The Dead grabs a chair and tosses it into the ring, following up by throwing a second chair in as well. Evans gets back to the railing, and Dead grabs him, throwing him into the ring, too. Evans decides he wants to have a wrestling match. He sends Dead across the ropes with an Irish Whip. On the rebound, he catches Dead, rolls through and comes up with a single leg crab! Dead tries to crawl for the ropes, but reaches a chair first. He tries to swat at Evans, but the referee grabs the chair, causing Evans to break the crab.
The Dead argues with the referee, and finally gets the chair back. He turns around to swing at Evans. Lionheart has a chair of his own, and he swings at Dead! Both men crack each other over the head with a chair at the same time! They're groggy, but neither is going down. Instead, they continue swinging wildly at each other with chairs! The referee has to choice but to call for the bell.
WINNER in 9:12 - NO CONTEST
KZ & SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER & THIM REYNOLDSThe Team From Down Under and Thim Reynolds enter the arena first. The looks on Outback Jack and Gatorbait's faces make it clear that Empty team is in the house, while Thim looks, well, about as angry as he usually does. Their opponents, kz and Seamus McNasty, storm to the ring, ignoring the ridicule of the crowd. There's no face off and no trash talking – as soon as the six men are in the ring they start throwing punches and referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell as he looks for a safe place to hide.
Outback Jack launches himself at Moose, tackling him to the mat and laying in with punches. Seamus comes off the ropes with a big boot to the head to break that up, but then gets speared into the corner by Thim. Gator drops Williams with a clothesline and joins Thim putting the boots to Seamus. They whip him across the ring, but Williams anchors him in a dosey-doe and sends him back into the corner with a double clothesline. Seamus grabs Thim, and Gator stumbles forward into a belly-to-belly suplex from Williams. Williams starts throwing left hands and Gator responds in kind until they spill out of the ring to the floor where Jack and Moose are already brawling.
Seamus attacks Thim in the corner with punches and kicks. He sends him to the opposite corner and follows him in with a knee to the stomach, then hoists him into a spinning power bomb. Seamus hops onto the second turnbuckle and drives a fist into Thim's head, but before he can think about a cover, OBJ hooks his leg and drags him to the outside. OBJ gets some shots in until Williams levels him from behind. Gator sprints over to help, but Moose stops him with a drop toehold into the ring steps. Moose searches under the ring and comes out with his barbed wire bat. He lines up a swing as Gator gets up, but Thim slingshots himself over the ropes and drops onto Moose, knocking the bat out of his hands and driving him to the floor.
Barros, meanwhile, starts a count when he sees Seamus on the outside, but stops when OBJ stuffs Williams under the ropes and follows him into the ring. Apparently he's using Mel Creech's rule book this evening. OBJ staggers Williams with punches and sends him to the ropes, hooking his arm and spinning him to the mat to hook on the Crocodile Hunter. Williams struggles, and finally drags himself to the ropes, but OBJ refuses to break the hold until Barros threatens to disqualify him. Jack lets go and immediately starts driving punches into the back of Williams' head.
Outside the ring, Moose and Thim are still fighting over the barbed wire bat. MHJ lets go, sending the bat into Thim's head, and follows with a kick to the stomach and a DDT onto the bat. As blood pools under Thim, Moose checks on Seamus, who is pummeling a bleeding Gator, and slides into the ring. He bounces off the ropes and hits a forearm to the back of OBJ's head, sending him throat-first into the middle rope. Moose goes to the corner and removes a turnbuckle pad as Williams slowly gets to his feet. Kz send OBJ to the ropes and lift him for a flapjack, but turn and drop him face-first onto the exposed turnbuckle before reversing his momentum and slamming him to the mat. Williams falls on him for the cover, but is knocked off by a brutal kick from Thim. Moose attacks, but Thim, blood streaming from a number of cuts on his face, catches him by the throat and spins in a full circle before slamming him to the mat. Thim catches Williams as he gets up and plants him with a Dominator.
Seamus sends Gator into the ring post and follows him with an elbow, but Gator drops out of the way and Seamus hits steel. Gator staggers him with a low blow, then pulls him off balance and bounces his head off the post. Gator grabs a chair and climbs onto the apron, which attracts Barros' attention. As he argues with the ref, Gator tosses the chair to Thim who uses it to brain first Moose, then Williams. Thim sees Seamus get up and tosses the chair at him, but Seamus sees it coming and punches it, sending it into Gator's back and knocking him off the apron.
Barros turns back to the ring and sees Thim making a cover on Williams. He counts, but Moose dives in to break it up just before three. Moose attacks with punches, but Thim brushes them off, grabbing Moose by the throat and driving him back to the corner. As he pummels Moose, Williams catches him from behind with a double axe handle, then traps him in a standing half-nelson. Moose winds up and hits the Heart punch, and Williams hits a suplex into a bridge. Barros, giving up on the idea of who's legal, counts one...two...thr- Outback Jack breaks it up with a kick to Williams' head. OBJ stomps on Williams until Moose blindsides him. Moose rocks OBJ with punches, then goes to the ropes for momentum, but Gator reaches in to trip him up. Seamus lunges at Gator, but he sidesteps, slamming Seamus' head into the apron before stuffing him into the ring. Gator climbs onto the apron as Moose gets up, driving a shoulder into his midsection. Williams sprints across the ring and leapfrogs Moose, flipping over the top rope and dragging Gator into a power bomb from the apron to the floor. Williams turns around and OBJ hits a baseball slide dropkick that takes him right out of the ring and drives Williams into the ringside barrier. OBJ lurches to his feet, and Moose leaps of the apron with an elbow to his bleeding forehead. Moose grabs OBJ before he can fall and drops him with a DDT.
Inside the ring, Seamus gets to his feet and Thim launches himself across the ring. Thim tries for the Neck Cracker, but as he gets behind him with the sleeper, Seamus grabs Thim's head and hits a stunner. Seamus rolls to his feet with a hand extended to catch his shillelagh, thrown by Williams. Williams climbs onto the apron, drawing Barros' attention, and allowing Seamus to paste Thim as he gets up. Gator drills Williams in the back with one of the tag belts, knocking him off the apron. Gator moves in, but Williams grabs his trunks and pulls him forward, driving his face into the barrier. Barros looks around and sees Seamus pull Thim to his feet. Seamus hits the Black and Tan and Barros slides in to count One...Two...OBJ dives into the ring, but Moose drags him out again...Three!
WINNERS, in 17:46, kz and Seamus McNasty.
After the match: kz and TTFDU ignore the bell and continue trying to kill each other, spraying the first several rows of fans with blood. Seamus tries to join in, but Thim, surprisingly still alive, drags him back into the ring. The brawl continues until security, both the OOWF's and Springfield's finest, flood the ring. They're soon joined by most of the locker room, who finally manage to separate the six men and drag them to the back.
DAVIN MORELAND vs. BRYCE LARSON“War Machine” fires up, and the crowd gets to their feet to give “King of the Indies” Bryce “Bad-Ass Dragon” Larson a nice ovation. He nods politely to the crowd, and scoots into the ring in a no-nonsense fashion. He starts doing the CM Punk Wrist Warm-up thing in the corner as he waits for his opponent. “Notorious” fires up, and Davin Moreland appears at the top of the ramp with Samantha Darling. The ostentatious pyro goes off; and the boos from the crowd rain down from the top of the arena. Davin's in full douchebag-mode tonight, opting for the full four-corner pose before taking his place on the other end of the ring. A kiss for Samantha is good for some boos, and Fall River's Own Angelo Barros is trying his best to restrain a laugh. He sort of looks at both combatants, and calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Trash talk, and LOTS of it coming from these two. They end up nose to nose, until Davin gets a smirk on his face. He briefly turns away, but BLASTS Larson with a SLAP OF DISRESPECT! Davin is vociferously continuing his verbal assault, his whole body moving as he's screaming at Larson. Larson snarls and tries to charge, but Davin just delivers a straight right hand to the chin, which knocks Larson on his ass. Barros mumbles something about a closed fist, but Davin just cuts his eyes at him, and Barros backs away. Davin GOOZLES Larson, and pulls him to his feet. He gets a crazed look in his eyes, and just starts SLAPPING Larson in the face and screams at him. A lot is indecipherable, but the mics do catch something about “You don't punk out Davin Moreland”. After 5 or 6 slaps, Davin, by the throat, HEAVES Larson into the corner. Davin follows in with a HUGE SPLASH. Davin backs into Larson in the corner, and starts HAMMERING Larson with BACK ELBOWS! Davin just stares down Barros, who, by directive, isn't supposed to stop the match, but he does ask Larson if he wants to quit. Larson declines. One more big elbow connects, and Larson is bleeding from his mouth. Davin easily scoops up Larson, and PRESS SLAMS HIM TO THE FLOOR. Davin gestures to Larson that he's #1 on the way down, and goes to the far turnbuckle to pose and declare his greatness to the crowd, and they shit on this, appropriately.
Barros counts and surprisingly gets to 6 before Larson crawls back in the ring. Davin, seemingly unaware of this development, doesn't see Larson coming. Larson sprints across the ring and Shelton Benjamins himself onto the second turnbuckle, and tries to German Suplex Davin off the top! Davin is able to hang on, kinda, but in what looks to be a botched spot, Davin falls off the top right onto Larson. Davin rolls to his knees with a look of disgust on his face, and Larson bounces to his feet. Larson runs over and kicks Davin in the temple, which seems to rock the big man. Larson tries for a Springboard Back Elbow, but it didn't look right, and seemed to miss Davin completely. Larson rolls to his feet, and he is SERIOUSLY pissed off. Davin tries to get to his feet, and Larson runs over to try a Shitty Jericho Bulldog, but as Larson has the hair and tries to drive Davin down, Davin doesn't GO down. He just snaps his head up as Larson lets go and starts holding the back of his neck. Davin GLARES at Larson and stomps over to Barros and gets in his face. Again, hard to hear, but it sounds something like “He's trying to kill me!” Larson is FUMING and stalks Davin. And, he ROLLS HIM UP! 1...2...NO! Davin kicks out and gets quickly to his feet. Larson tries for SHINOBI'S RAGE, but the second Superkick appeared to land VERY square, and Davin falls to the mat awkwardly.
Larson looks dumbfounded, but recovers quickly, and rolls into a SINGLE-LEG BOSTON CRAB! He's got it locked in, and Davin looks as though he's going to kick Larson off with the free leg, but instead makes a dive for the ropes to break the hold. Larson breaks and Davin stands up. As Larson charges back in, Davin stands underneath the first rope, and Barros holds him off. Davin beckons Barros over, and starts having a spirited discussion with him; including lots of pointing to Larson, and Barros encouraging Davin through gestures to calm down. He mouths something like “I'll talk to him” and goes over to Larson. After a moment, Larson starts yelling, beginning with “YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!” Another few seconds go by, and Barros starts pointing his finger at Larson, and then at the OOWF logo on his shirt. The crowd is wrestless, and starts a “BOR-ING!” chant. Larson definitely notices the chant, and says something that looks like “Fine, whatever” to Barros. Barros has Larson stay in the corner while he goes back over to Davin and talks to him again. Davin gets a resigned look about him and says something like “Ok” and goes to a neutral corner. Barros stands in between them, and gestures them to fight.
Larson is staring DAGGERS at Davin as he stomps out toward the middle of the ring. Davin looks...hesitant? They lock up, and Davin easily starts to shove the smaller Larson to the corner. Larson looks like he slips out for a Drop Toe Hold, but instead, it looks like he just tripped Davin, and Davin stumbles into the corner, smashing his face into the turnbuckle. Davin starts shaking his head. Larson is PISSED and he charges into the corner after Davin. Davin turns quickly and just catches Larson in midair. He's got him in a BEARHUG! This gins up the boos again. Larson doesn't sell it for an instant, and starts elbowing Davin in the head! Davin drops him, but quickly locks on a hammerlock! Larson slaps his shoulder twice (as required by law) and spins to reverse it. Davin has other ideas and locks on an ARMBAR! Larson does the kip up thing to reverse it, but before he can, Davin lets go and locks on a CHINLOCK and drives Larson to the mat. The crowd chants “THIS IS AW-FUL!”, but Davin simply shrugs his shoulders as if there's nothing else he can do. Via the Power of the Shaky Arm, Larson powers out of the hold and kicks Davin in the gut to break it. But, Davin immediately hits the mat and starts rolling around holding his stomach. Larson looks confused, and dives on Davin to cover. Before Barros can even start the count, Davin shoves Larson off of him. Davin scrambles to his feet, and Larson rushes him, but Davin locks in an ABDOMINAL STRETCH!
Larson is trying everything he can think of to try to break free, but it appears Davin really has it on. Barros appears to check on Larson, and Larson, in no uncertain terms, tells him to “Fuck Off”. After about 3 minutes of this, Larson reaches behind Davin's head, and intends to flip him over his head, but all it looked like was Davin doing a standing somersault and landing on the mat. The crowd is VERY unhappy, and expected much more than this tonight. Davin gets to his knees, and Larson takes off running and tries for the Harry, Ron & Hermoine, but before we get to Hermoine, Davin splats to the mat after what looks to be a super-hard Shining Wizard. Larson is simply seething and goes in for a cover. Davin kicks him off at 1. Larson is SEETHING and goes back over to him, but Davin Sweeps the Leg, and scrambles to his feet, and locks on a SURFBOARD HOLD! After 3 more full minutes of this happy horseshit, the crowd is out for blood. During this, and unbeknownst to Larson, Davin is shrugging his shoulders and gesturing down at Larson. He says something that looks like “Sorry, not my fault”. Finally, Barros taps Davin on the shoulder, and Davin nods. MOTHERFUCKING CURBSTOMP! Davin hits the near ropes and DROPS AN ELBOW, but Larson MOVES! Springboard Moonsault from Larson! He hooks the leg, and Davin kicks out right at 2. Larson starts launching punches to Davin's face, and they look like they're connecting! After 3 or 4 punches, Davin GOOZLES Larson with BOTH HANDS, and gets to his feet. HEADBUTT draws blood right above Larson's eye! He then pulls Larson up...KHALI BOMB! Larson tries to scramble immediately to his feet as if nothing happened, drawing LOUD boos from the crowd. Davin spins him around by the shoulder...KICK-WHAM-DDT! A closeup on Larson shows his eyes look glazed over. Davin walks over to Barros and starts talking to him again, and soon after points to his wrist. Barros nods and points to Larson as he fixes the earpiece in his ear. Larson still appears out of it, as Davin pulls him up like a sack o' potatoes. He gets Larson up in Press Slam position...ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER! He waves Barros over as he flips Larson onto his back, grabs his legs, and LOCKS ON THE SHARPSHOOTER! Barros doesn't even check on Larson before he calls for the bell.
WINNER in 10:19 by SUBMISSION...Davin Moreland!
Davin gets right in Barros' face and starts pointing at Larson. Larson springs to his feet and gets in Barros' face too, saying something like “What the fuck was that about!” Barros tells Larson to “Get the fuck back to the locker room, before you try to kill someone else!” The fuck? Now Larson turns his attention on Davin, and gets in HIS face about something we can't really see. Eventually, Davin has enough, and just CLOCKS Larson with a Right Hook that nailed him in the temple. Larson collapses to the mat. Davin yells something to Samantha outside the ring, and she dutifully scoots into the ring with a mic.
DM: Rick. I need to see you in your office immediately.With that, Davin drops the mic and walks up the ramp with Samantha to the strains of “Notorious” just as Larson starts to come to. Larson spots Barros leaning against the ropes just looking at him with disdain.
TYTAN vs. FIREWOMAN vs. CHRIS COLE – Non-Title Three Way DanceThe first chords of “Master of Puppets” hit the sound system and the “Main Event” Chris Cole steps out and walks down the ramp…about midway down he stops and begins doing windmill style air guitar strums a la Pete Townshend…after a few minutes he makes his way into the ring
The entranceway goes dark and we hear the sounds of a computer keyboard and the voice over. “Perfection can be created…Ultimo Inc. presents Tytan, The Wrestling Prototype for the 21st Century.” Big pyro hits and out steps Tytan but there is no Diana, there is no Ultimo Inc. One can only assume they are still suffering the effects of the Run DEA beat down from earlier this week…Tytan makes his way down to the ring and him and Cole meet in the center to begin jawing.
Huge pyro pops and the arena is bathed in red lights, the entrance ramp becomes a wall of flame and Tony Iommo’s “Flame On” Blares out from the speakers. Rising up in the middle of the flames stands Firewoman. She steps through the flames and races down the ramp…Both Tytan and Cole turn to her just in time to be greeted by a double clothesline. She bounces off the ropes and covers Tytan with a Lou Thesz press. She rains down lefts and rights on Tytan forgetting all about Chris Cole who reminds her with a boot to her head, over she goes and up charges Tytan only to be met with a drop kick to his chest before he can even get to his feet.
Cole turns to Fire only to be caught with a roundhouse to the face. Fire follows Cole to the mat with a knee drop and rolls through to her feet. Standing up she comes face to face with a grinning Tytan who grabs her and pops off a fall-away slam. Tytan reaches down to grab Firewoman and gives her a face-wash on his boot strings, he stands with only one foot on her back pushing her down and hitting a double bicep pose.
Cole bounces off the far ropes and catches Tytan with a bulldog driving him into the mat. Both Tytan and Fire have forgotten about Chris Cole and both have paid for it. Cole picks Tytan up and plants him with a brain-buster. Cole goes for a quick cover….1…..2 and gets a boot to the back from Fire to break it up. Fire lifts Chris up and Tytan rolls out of the ring and onto the arena floor. Fire Irish whips Cole into the ropes and catches him with Hurricarana that leaves Cole draped across the second rope. Fire bounces off the rope and hits him with a bronco buster across his back…wooo ride em ‘cowgirl. Tytan remembers he is in a match and clocks Fire in the face and for good measure grabs Cole by the head and bounces his neck across the rope. Tytan then attempts to enter the ring but is met by a baseball slide that knocks him back into the guardrail. Firewoman follows Tytan out and proceeds to deliver rights and lefts on Tytan’s head. Both fighters are going to toe to toe outside the ring…ref is counting…Cole bounds off the far rope and flies over the ropes with a suicide dive catching both and falling to the floor to join the heap…ref is still counting…4….5…6…
Fire is up, Cole is up …Cole slides into the ring, Fire starts to slide in but Tytan grabs her leg and pulls her out right to the floor face first… Tytan steps up onto the ring apron and delivers a monster leg drop onto Fire…hurting his hip as much as Fire’s head…Cole steps onto the apron, breaking the ref’s count and delivers a kick to Tytan’s chest leveling him…Fire is on the floor, Tytan is on the floor…Cole is climbing the turnbuckle…what in the hell does he think he is doing?
Cole stretches out his arms and performs a Senton splash on Tytan from the top of turnbuckle…OH MY GOD! Let the bodies hit the floor…it looks like a train wreck ringside…Tytan is holding his sides, Cole is holding his back…Fire is showing signs of life as she reaches out for the bottom rope to pull herself up…oh man she is bloodied. The arena floor has no give folks and it looks like Firewoman may have suffered a broken nose…she’s back in the ring, Cole is up and staggers back under the ropes but before he can get up Fire is on him stomping his hands and back of his head…she pulls him up to his knees and hits with a shining wizard. Cole is down, he may be out…Fire heads to the rope but Tytan grabs her boot…she goes down face first on that already damaged nose…Tytan is through the ropes and picks her up…Fire is going up, time for a Corporate Fallout…Cole hits Tytan with a chop block that brings him down and sends Fire tumbling out of ring.
Cole pulls Tytan up and into The Headliner…bam he nails it…Cole for the cover…1…2..Fire struggles to her feet and through the ropes….3….she just doesn’t get there in time…Chris Cole wins…
WINNER in 18:47 – Chris Cole
Fire Grabs Cole and throws him out of the ring, she looks down at Tytan and delivers a standing Firesault…she then stands over Tytan, wipes blood off her face and slaps Tytan on the face leaving a bloody handprint across his cheek. She then slides out of the ring and walks up the ramp…Cole stands beside the ring, Tytan lies in the middle of the ring…this is far from over.
THE HEROES GUILD vs. IHOP – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title MatchIHOP is announced first. Their music plays, and Dorothy Mantooth and Skurge and The Amnesiac come out to the top of the ramp. A few seconds later, we see Fezzik come out, wheeling SYB! SYB is propped up on a hand truck, wearing a mask like Hannibal Lecter. He is securely fastened, and looks around like a crazed animal. We also see he is wearing a large protective boot. Achilles injuries are a bitch. They get to the ring and unstrap SYB and Fezzik lifts him and sets him on the apron. The Amnesiac and Skurge play rock, paper, scissors to decide who starts, Skurge wins. Finally, The Heroes Guild is announced, and they make their way to the ring, sprinting past the fans, slapping hands along the way. The three slide under the bottom rope and head to the corners, holding their titles high in the air while the fans cheer. Finally, this one is underway, looks like Blitz will start things for The Heroes, the referee calls for the bell and we are ready to go. Blitz charges at Skurge and slips behind him and tries to take him to the mat, but Skurge grabs his arms and keeps his footing. Skurge throws a couple of elbows that stuns Blitz, then hits the ropes and charges, but Blitz takes him to the mat with a drop toe hold, kips to his feet, bounds off the ropes and catches Skurge with a drop kick to the face. Blitz pulls Skurge up and tags in Nayr, then sends Skurge to the ropes and drops to the mat, as Skurge steps over Blitz, Nayr catches him with a leg lariat. Nayr covers, but Skurge kicks out before one. Nayr pulls Skurge to his feet and hits a northern lights suplex, and tries another cover, but Skurge rolls his shoulder at two. Nayr gets to his feet and tags in Crete, and they wait for Skurge to get to his feet, then nail him with a double drop kick that sends Skurge across the ring and under the bottom rope to the floor. Skurge looks annoyed for a moment, then slides under the ropes and locks up with the waiting Crete. Skurge catches Crete with a forearm to the side of the head, then blisters his chest with several chops. Skurge sends Crete to the ropes and nearly decapitates him with a clothesline. Finally, Skurge makes the tag to The Amnesiac. TA comes into the ring and sends Crete to the ropes and elevates him in a press slam, then drops him, but catches him with a knee to the face! A modified GTS! Crete’s head snaps back and he staggers across the ring and falls between the ropes to the floor. Blitz and Nayr come over for a conference, and inside the ring The Amnesiac gets a running start and leaps over the top rope and crashes into all three members of The Heroes Guild, sending them to the floor. The Amnesiac is quickly to his feet, he grabs Crete and sends him back into the ring, then follows and covers, but Crete rolls his shoulder at two. The Amnesiac pulls Crete to his feet and hits a belly to back suplex, then tags Skurge in again. Skurge climbs to the top rope and tries a diving head butt, but Crete moves out of the way, and quickly gets to his feet. As Skurge gets to his knees, Crete bounds off the ropes and catches him with a shining wizard to the side of the head, then falls on Skurge for another two count. Crete pulls Skurge up and throws him into the Heroes corner and tags in Blitz. Blitz steps between the ropes, takes a few steps back and gets a running start and catches Skurge with a high knee to the face, then tries a bulldog our of the corner, but Skurge holds on, reverses it, and drops Blitz with a belly to back suplex. Blitz crawls to the corner and tags in The Amnesiac, he waits for Blitz to get to his feet, then springboards off the top rope and catches him with a clothesline! TA covers, but only gets a two count. Both men get to their feet, and Blitz tries a kick, but TA catches his foot, so he hits him with a enzuguri! TA drops to one knee and Blitz hits the ropes again, and tries a cross body block as TA stands up, but TA catches him and reverses it into a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Blitz is OUT! TA starts to cover, but sees Nayr running into the ring to break it up, he catches him with a boot to the face, but he staggers backward into SYB! The referee counts that as a tag! SYB is the legal man! He struggles into the ring while The Amnesiac and Nayr tumble out of the ring and brawl at ringside. On the other side, Crete and Blitz are going at it, with Fezzik also getting involved. The referee is busy trying to sort that mess out as SYB struggles to get between the ropes. Blitz is on one knee now, SYB falls against the ropes to get some momentum, then KICKS Blitz in the head with that protective boot! What a boot! Blitz falls to the mat and SYB is about to cover, when the crowd boos loudly. Moosehead Jack sprints to the ring, slides under the bottom rope, grabs SYB and spins him around and DRILLS him with not one, not two, but THREE consecutive heart punches! SYB lurches forward a bit, and Moose clotheslines him! SYB falls backward, out cold, but lands RIGHT ON the unconscious Blitz! Moose takes off, the referee finally turns around and sees the pin and counts, one, two, THREE! Crete and Nayr stare into the ring dumbstruck! We have NEW Campeonas de Trios champions!
WINNERS in 16:09 and NEW OOWF Campeonas de Trios Champions – IHOP
Blitz, Fezzik and The Amnesiac drag SYB out of the ring and help him to the back, once again, he has no idea where he is, but now, he has a title belt with him. IHOP stop at the top of the ramp and hold up the titles while The Heroes Guild look on in disbelief in the middle of the ring.
DH MAGNUSSON vs. MATTE – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchMatte makes his way to the ring first, and as always, slumps into the corner and waits for his opponent to arrive. The OOWF Onslaught champion DH Magnusson is announced, and he comes out to the top of the ramp, and holds the title high in the air, all the while he is being showered with boos from the crowd. He laughs at their boos and heads to the ring, dropping the title off at the announce table. Magnusson steps between the ropes, and Matte still hasn’t moved. Finally the referee calls him out of the corner, and calls for the bell. Matte gets to his feet and walks to the middle, Magnusson tries a cheap shot with a kick to the gut, but Matte was playing a little possum. He catches Magnusson’s foot and immediately sweeps his leg, sending the big man to the canvas. Magnusson quickly spins to his feet, but Matte hits the ropes and connects with a clothesline to the back of his head that sends DH onto the second rope. Matte grabs the top rope and springs out of the ring, dropping a leg across the back of Magnusson’s head, sending him back into the ring. Matte immediately slides into the ring and covers, but he can only get a two count before DH rolls a shoulder. Matte pulls Magnusson to his feet and pushes him into the corner, and sets him on the top rope. Matte climbs up after him and hooks him for a suplerplex, but Magnusson fights out of it, holding onto the top rope with one hand and landing stiff shots to Matte’s ribs with the other. Finally Magnusson grabs Matte by the head and repeatedly slams him in the face with head butts until he falls off the ropes. DH stands up and tries an elbow drop, but Matte gets a boot up just in time, catching DH on the jaw. Magnusson staggers around the ring clutching his jaw, Matte gets to his feet, hits the ropes and chop blocks Magnusson sending him to the mat in pain. Matte pulls him to his feet and sends him through the ropes to the floor, then follows him to the outside. Matte pulls DH to his feet and tries a whip into the guard rail, but Magnusson reverses it and Matte hits shoulder first. This gets a warning from the ref, since technically, I suppose, that could be considered a foreign object. Magnusson shrugs it off and pulls Matte to his feet, lifts him high in the air and drops him crotch first on the rail, drawing a second warning. Magnusson then CLUBS Matte across the chest, sending him to the floor. DH smirks at the fans again, they are right in his face booing him, he grabs Matte by the hair and rolls him under the bottom rope into the ring. Magnusson takes his time and slowly climbs through the ropes, then drops an elbow across Matte’s chest and makes a lazy cover. He gets a two count, but Matte is able to roll his shoulder in time. Magnusson snaps at the referee about it being a slow count, then pulls Matte to his feet and delivers a short arm clothesline, but holds on to Matte and pulls him back to his feet. Magnusson tries to whip Matte into the corner, but Matte reverses the whip, then Magnusson reverses it again and sends Matte into the corner, right where the referee is standing! Matte and the referee collide, and both fall to the mat. With the referee down, Magnusson gets a sick grin on his face and slowly leaves the ring. DH rummages around under the ring for a moment, then comes back with his trusty crowbar. He gets back into the ring, and Matte is just starting to stir. As Matte gets to his feet, Magnusson measures him for a shot with the crowbar. Just then, the crowd erupts as Spin Hansen races to the ring. He jumps onto the apron and grabs the crowbar from Magnusson’s hand. DH spins around and glares at Spin, threatening to remove his head from his body. Spin remains on the outside taunting him. Finally, inside the ring, Matte is on his feet and sees what is going on, he grabs Magnusson from behind, spins him around, kicks him low and DRIVES him to the mat with a NEVERMIND DDT! Matte rolls DH over, covers, and hooks the leg, the referee is just now stirring enough to see what is going on, he crawls to the pin, and counts one, two, THREE!
WINNER in 11:59 and NEW ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION – Matte
Matte grabs the title and bails out of the ring. Spin slowly backs up the ramp, still holding onto the crowbar while Magnusson seethes inside the ring.
POE vs. ALEXANDER DARLING – Non-Title Weapons Match The music starts and a white strobe light begins to bounce through the arena. The first thing heard is ”There Can Be Only One.” That leads directly into ”Prelude 12/21.” The drum beat of Prelude hits and The Darling Twins take a step onto the ramp. They don't move until it finishes and a blue spotlight focuses on them. ”Princes of the Universe.” starts and Alexander and Alexis, sporting matching fuzzy boots and going through the whole slow-motion entrance; are carrying a very familiar looking trunk. They slide it into the ring, and start pulling out toys from the trunk: light tubes, clangy poles, rebar, baseball bats, a couple of window panes, and one particular blood-stained sledgehammer with an autograph on it. He holds the sledge with a sadistic grin, and looks up the ramp, bouncing back and forth on his feet. “Misera Cantare” fires up and the crowd gets to their feet to cheer the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. Poe and Selena Gomez appear at the top of the ramp with a Tommy Dreamer Memorial Shopping Cart, which is filled with all their toys from their shopping adventures this week. Poe empties the cart into the ring, and it's clear that this is already going to be ugly. Senior Referee Davis Hightower hands the belt to the outside, looks for a safe area in the ring, and calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Poe has selected a matching sledgehammer to go with Alexander's and they slowly circle each other. Darling feigns in and Poe jumps back, leaving a huge target open for Darling to throw his sledgehammer at. It hits Poe square in the chest, and could have crushed a lung. Darling quickly snatches up one of his light tubes, and SMASHES it over Poe's head, and Poe is bleeding. Darling hits a DDT onto the light tube remnants and goes for a quick cover. Poe kicks out right at 2, and he's bleeding like a stuck pig. Darling retreats to his pile-o-plunder and selects a window pane. He methodically turns back toward Poe, but Poe has wrapped his hand in a big bundle of Barbed Wire, and punches him in the face. Darling immediately falls backward, and Poe starts grating Darling's face with the Barbed Wire. That's just gruesome. Poe hooks the leg with the Barbed Wire pressed against Darling's throat. Darling kicks out at 2, and dives away from Poe, with the Barbed Wire still stuck to his throat. Poe stalks him, and EATS WINDOW PANE! Darling leaves the frame draped over Poe's head, probably hoping the jagged remnants puncture Poe's throat or jugular. Good idea. Darling lets out a primal scream as he rips the Barbed Wire from his own throat, and goes to check Poe's Pile o' Fun. He selects a spade, and promptly BASHES Poe in the head with it. Poe falls awkwardly to the mat, and fortunately, the glass missed his throat, but cut up his face and neck. Darling grabs a trash can, slowly gets to his feet, and hits a RUNNING 450 SPLASH WITH THE TRASH CAN on Poe! Darling then bashes Poe in the head with 2 elbows and looks at Hightower, who does nothing. Darling hops to his feet, enraged. He screaming that that was enough to stop his match with Larson, and Hightower is in full apology mode. However, neither of them are paying attention to Poe, who just HAMMERS Darling in the balls with a Clangy Pole.
Darling's eyes bug out, and he drops like a sack o' potatoes. Poe grabs a baseball bat, and just starts pummeling Darling with it; intentionally trying to break ribs and crack Darling's head open. Darling is literally pouring blood, so Poe decides to cover...1...2...NO! Darling kicks out, much to Poe's dismay. Poe turns to grab the baseball bat, and Darling NAILS Poe in the knee with the Rebar. Poe crumples to the mat, and Darling lunges while bashing Poe in the head with the Rebar. Poe looks unconscious. This doesn't slow Darling at all, as he takes the Rebar, and starts SLAMMING it down onto Poe's ankle...repeatedly. After 6 or 7 blows, bone must be broken at this point, so Darling drops the Rebar, finds his sledgehammer, and BLASTS Poe twice in the head with it. Darling STILL isn't done. He crawls over to the toybox, and apparently he left something in there. He fishes out a...scalpel? That's sure what it looks like, and he crawls back over to Poe's ankle, and...what is he doing? He's CARVING INTO POE'S ANKLE! He carves a $! He carves an A! He's doing initials dammit! Just as Darling starts in on the D, Poe DESTROYS Darling in the face with a light tube! And by the way Darling reacted, there might be a shard of glass in his eye. Poe struggles to his feet, and goes over to the barbed wire, and lays it flat on the mat. He hobbles badly over Darling, who still hasn't uncovered his face yet, and yanks him up, and gets Darling vertical...OBELISK ON THE BARBED WIRE! Darling screams out, but Poe eschews the cover.
Poe grabs a baseball bat, and he starts swinging for the fences on Darling, and he's targeting joints! Ankles, Knees, Wrists, Elbows, Shoulders, nothing gets a pass. Darling is gasping for air and looks like he might be going into shock! Poe covers! 1, 2, thre...NO! NO! NO! Hightower says Darling rolled the shoulder up! Poe is incensed and he's SCREAMING at Hightower. Poe is literally covered in blood, and you can't tell where it's coming from. Poe transform back into his calm demeanor, and goes back to inflict more damage on Darling, but instead, Darling SLAMS his sledgehammer into Poe's groin! Poe yelps and drops to his knees. Darling is having a hard time moving, never mind getting off the mat. Darling manages to roll to his knees as Davis Hightower's count reaches 6. The Barbed Wire is still stuck to his back. Darling crawls to the ropes to pull himself up, but when he turns around, he's NAILED WITH A HIEROGLYPH, and Darling tumbles out of the ring. Poe screams “COUNT!” Hightower complies. He's nearly at 8 before Darling even starts moving, and just as Hightower hits 10, Darling dives into the ring! Poe can't believe it, and struggles to get to his feet. He hobbles over to a baseball bat, and looks to swing for the fences again, but Darling rolls out of the way! Darling grabs a nearby light tube, and SMASHES POE IN THE FACE WITH IT! Poe falls on his back, holding his face, hoping there's no permanent damage done. Darling slowly pulls himself to his feet, and leans against the ropes, staring down at the bloody Poe. The crowd is as apeshit as it's been the whole match. Darling looks like he's going to cover, but instead, he takes a deep breath, and LOCKS ON THE DARLING MONEY CLIP! Poe is in the middle of the ring, and a rope break really isn't going to help him anyway. Darling finds the freshly carved ankle, and starts to twist it while the hold is applied! Poe tries EVERYTHING he can think of to get out of the hold, but after a full minute goes by; Poe has no choice but to tap out!
WINNER in 34:59 by SUBMISSION...Alexander Darling!
As soon as the bell rings, Darling collapses to the mat. Hightower flashes the “Dreaded X” sign repeatedly, and real-life EMTs flood the ring. Selena and Alexis are simply too shocked at the scene, and look on in horror as the gurneys are brought in to take the two warriors to the nearest medical facility.
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