MidWeek Mayhem (03/25) Live! From Springfield, ID

[mooseheadjack]

<We cut to a hospital room somewhere in Idaho. We see a group of people crowded around a bed, softly weeping and urging encouragement to their fallen loved one. What appears to be a mother turns away and buries her face in an older gentleman’s shoulder and weeps loudly. The older gentlemen sets his jaw and looks down at the bed, but he cannot keep a tear from running down his cheek. The whole scene is deeply touching. Then we pan across the room and see SYB lying in bed seven of the intensive care unit, he has some tubes in him, but he is sitting up and doesn’t really be in any sort of danger. He is amusing himself by making lewd remarks at one of the daughters visiting the sick patient. Finally a doctor walks in, and SYB immediately goes limp (again) and puts on his “in the throes of death” act>

Doctor: Ok Mr. SYB, we got the tests back, and even though they seemed to be a complete waste of money, and were also completely predictable, you are NOT suffering from transmissible spongiform encephalopathies

SYB: Just give it to me strait Doc……….how much time do I have left?

D: Well, based on your charts, you have cracked ribs. For the life of me I cannot figure out how you convinced your insurance company that you should even be in the hospital, let alone intensive care.

SYB: GOD IT’S AS BAD AS I THOUGHT!!!

D: It’s cracked ribs. Really, we could use the bed for someone else…….

SYB: Please……..please, I need you to do something for me, in my final hours, I need you to do something for me…….

D:<sighing> Fine, what?

SYB: I want my Rabbi here for last rights. I want to confess before I die

D: It’s just cracked ribs!

SYB:<nearly weeping> OH WHY MUST SOMEONE SO HANDSOME LEAVE THIS WORLD SO SOON!

D: Fine……….I will see what I can do

<Time passes but the Invisible Ninja Cameramen remain. We see SYB, fully recovered, making lecherous gestures to the sick patient’s…………grandmother? This guy is twisted. Finally, the Doctor comes back, and with him is Rabbi Goldstein>

D: Ok, SYB, Rabbi Goldstein, as you requested…….Rabbi, if you could remember what we talked about…..

<Rabbi Goldstein just nods and pulls the curtain and sits on the corner of the bed. The doctor leaves, SYB has gone limp (once again) and is lying there motionless>

RG: My son, what is it you wanted to tell me

SYB: Rabbi, my time here is short, I wish to confess my sins.

RG: I am afraid we don’t have that much time

SYB: OH MY GOD IT’S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

RG: My son, do not be afraid, the pain is temporary……..the suffering is forever

SYB: Rabbi……..

<Just then Rabbi Goldstein stands up and his FACE FALLS OFF! IT’S MOOSEHEAD JACK! SYB reaches out and grabs the fleshy, bloody mask and holds it in his hand for a moment, then slowly looks up and sees Moose standing there, his face bloody, his eyes narrow with hate. SYB opens his mouth to scream, but Moose pounces on him before he can get a word out. Moose drags him out of bed and DDT’s him on the floor. SYB’s face splatters against the floor, and he struggles to keep consciousness. Moose pulls him to his feet and throws him in a wheel chair and he starts to wheel past the mourners.

As they pass, they all slowly turn, and we see that all of them are bloody messes, and the person in the bed is not really a person at all. It is a slaughtered pig. And it is laughing. SYB’s eyes get wide, and soon they are past it, into the hall. As they wheel down the hall, SYB reaches out for help, but no one will help him. He finally turns around and looks, and we see that Moose is in full doctor gear pushing him down the hall. They come to a doorway, and Moose gives the chair and extra hard push and it sails through the doors, and we see we are in the STAIRWELL OF EXTREME VIOLENCE!

Moose pushes the chair, and it tumbles down the stairs. SYB lies on the landing, trying to get to his feet, he looks up and sees Moose, now in full wrestling gear, carrying a barbed wire baseball bat. SYB struggles to his feet and takes a swing, but Moose easily avoids it and Moose catches him with the bat to the skull. Moose grabs SYB and throws him over the railing to the floor below. SYB is jerked to his feet, a barbed wire rope around his neck. He is pulled up just enough so his feet are not on the floor.

Moose appears out of the shadows with a scalpel, the same one SYB used to gash Moose in the neck. SYB struggles to free himself, but he is on the verge of unconsciousness. Moose gets closer, and despite SYB’s weak kicks, Moose grabs the flap of skin that was once SYB’s nose and CUTS IT OFF HIS FACE! SYB screams in pain as Moose holds up the trophy laughing. Then Moose EATS what is left of the nose! SYB again screams in horror. Moose’s laughter turns to a sinister rage, and he takes the scalpel and repeatedly slashes at SYB! SYB’s screams reach a terrifying level and he…….

Wakes up.

SYB sits upright in bed, soaked in sweat. He instinctively reaches up and grabs his nose, it is still there. He looks around the room, and it is the same room as his dream. A family mourns at the bedside of a fallen loved one. It is late, and the hospital is still. SYB leans back on his pillow, then feels his chest. He throws the covers aside and pulls his gown up, and we see slashes criss-crossing his chest. Out of the corner of his eye, SYB sees a dark shadow move across the room and out the door. He immediately grabs the call button and pages the nurse. She comes in moments later>

Nurse: Yes?

SYB: What’s wrong with me?

Nurse: Your chart says……..cracked ribs

SYB: Ok I want out of here

Nurse: Out of Intensive Care? Well that can certainly be arranged

SYB: No, out of the hospital, period. Bring me the papers and I will sign them, NOW! I will Dorothy Mantooth, she will pick me up, but lets do this NOW

Nurse: Sir, there is no need for…..are you bleeding?

SYB: NOW!

<The nurse shakes her head and leaves the room, SYB begins gathering his things, and flips open his cell phone to make a call to Dorothy>

<fade>

[mooseheadjack]

<SYB is PACING~! around the hospital with his officially licensed IHOP Motorola Q against his ear>

SYB: FUCK YOU DOROTHY, ANSWER!

<After 6 rings, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth finally picks up and the OOWF cameras are able to pick up both sides of the conversation>

DM: Hello?

SYB: <excitably> Dorothy, it’s Solly!

DM: I gathered that, sweets. I thought you were in intensive care. What’s going on?

SYB: I figured it all out.

<We hear Skurge in the background>

Skurge: OOT!

DM: Skurge says…

SYB: Fuck Skurge. I got big news here, Sugartits!

DM: Oh pardon me. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Now what’s the news that’s fit to print?

SYB: Huh?

DM: Not much of a reader, huh? Christ, if it was a Stallone movie you’d be all over it. What a douche.

SYB: Do you want to hear it or not?

DM: Shoot.

SYB: OK. I think Moose… wants to be in IHOP.

DM: <laughs> Wow you really must have hit your head something fierce this time.

SYB: Think about it. He helped us win the Monkey belts back and he’s always looking out for my best interests.

DM: Ummm… he sliced your Achilles.

SYB: That was just tough love.

DM: And the heartpunches and DDTs?

SYB: Just trying to make me a better wrestler, that’s all.

DM: Look. I don’t know how your doctor allowed you to get out of bed, but you’re crazy if you think Moose wants to join any stable, let alone ours.

SYB: I know Moose is one bad motherfucker and might have some anger issues but that’s what I like about him. He’s a rebel. He doesn’t play by someone else's rules besides his own, which he would never do. He plays by his own rules, nobody else's, not even his own.

DM: Yeahhhhh… listen up Jooker. Skurge and I will be heading out to the hospital in a bit and we’re going to see if we can finally get your face fixed.

SYB: Sweet! Hurry up though – there’s this old dude who’s been dying to give me a sponge bath.

DM: Don’t worry, we’ll get you out of there soon enough.

SYB: No I mean bring your wallet. This kind of service ain’t cheap, you know.

<Click>

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

(Ultimo Inc. has gathered in their war room. Everyone has recovered from their injuries. Lola's camera crew pans around has everyone has their chance to speak.)

Tytan: So Firewoman you sit and wait in anticipation for the next step in our little war. Well what you don't understand is that our war is over I took what I said I would from you. And then to top it off you were the one that beat yourself in our rematches. That was just the icing on the cake. You proved what we said all the long. You are your own worse enemy! This belt is mine and you used all your lives on trying to get it back. So, now you drop back down in the rankings and its time for the next challenger.

Steele: That means you Cole. Mr. "Main Event" at one time you may have been that, and one time you knew how to bring it. But, that was then and this is now. This is the new "Main Event" so if I were you I would even bother showing up come Mayhem.

Biggs: But just remember there are still things that have gone with out any repercussions. Those that have sinned will have to pay the Ultimate Ending.

Tytan: Just remember we are Ultimo Inc. and this is just business.

(FADE)

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in* to GM The Rick's office. GM The Rick is sitting at his desk, with Erlana in the background. Sitting opposite him at the desk are Bryce Larson and Concrete TG. Nayr, Blitz & Damon Wrath are present, too, sitting in the background behind Brce & CTG.

GMTR: Alright gentlemen, let's get this underway. Bryce, I've called you here and allowed you one representative, and you've chosen Concrete TG to fill that role. I think you made a wise choice.

BL: Listen, can we get this on? I want to move past this issue.

GMTR: Bryce, Davin Moreland has made some serious accusations against you. Accusations that I had no choice but to investigate.

BL: Accusations that are COMPLETE BULLSHIT! [Rising from his seat.] LISTEN--

CTG: [Pulling Bryce back into his chair.] Citizen Bulletproof, please don't make this worse than it already is. Please let the Commissioner Scaia--I mean General Manager Mayor The Rick--finish.

BL: Fine, Rick, please continue.

GMTR: Thank you Gryfon. Now...Bryce. Before we signed you, Erlana did some intense scouting--probably a little too much if you ask me--and she, nor myself for that matter, saw any evidence that you would ever place a fellow performer in danger in the ring.

BL: My reputation speaks for itself. I haven't hurt anyone in a match.

GMTR: I am aware of that. I've spoken with every opponent you've had here in the OOWF. And to a person, they have had no complaints.

BL: Except Davin?

GMTR: Well, except Davin, Alexander Darling, Alexis Darling, Phantos, basically everyone associated with Run DEA. Except Chris Evans. For some reason, he didn't follow suit with the rest of Run DEA.

BL: Great, so they're all in cahoots, and I'm fine.

GMTR: It's not that easy. Angelo Barros has officiated hundreds of matches here in the OOWF, and he's never, and I repeat, never been concerned for the safety of a performer. Except Wednesday night. His opinion, the most unbiased one involved in this situation, does carry some weight.

BL: Oh c'mon, he has to be in on it!

CTG: Citizen Bulletproof, Bryce, you're not doing yourself any favors. Again, I suggest you let GM The Rick finish.

Nayr: [From the distance.] Dude, cool it. Let the man finish!

BL: [Turning to Nayr, mad.] Midget...

CTG: [Directing Bryce back to GM The Rick] Bryce, please.

BL: Okay, fine.

GMTR: Listen Bryce, there are several angles I can take here. I'll be direct. Can you handle wrestling here?

BL: [Growing angry] Excuse me?

GMTR: I can't have concerned talent. When I place wrestlers in the ring together, they have to be 100% confident that their opponent will perform with complete safety in mind. We can't put on a show the caliber of what fans have come to expect from the OOWF without that confidence.

BL: [Rises to his feet, pushes CTG away.] Now, you listen to me, Rick. There is a reason I came so highly recommended to you. There is a reason that only members of Run DEA complained about me. There is a reason I have climbed the rankings as fast as I did. There is a reason the audiences buy into my matches. I am a complete professional. I know what I am doing out there. Ask Nayr, we wrestled a double overtime match that featured an insane stunt to the floor. Was he concerned?

N: Hell no I wasn't Bryce! I knew we could pull it off!

CTG: [To Nayr.] Citizen Paladin, please. [Back to GMTR] General Manager Mayor The Rick, I apologize. I'm doing the best I can here.

GMTR: I understand Gryfon, thank you. [To Bryce.] Bryce, I must say, I am satisfied thus far. I reviewed every single one of your OOWF matches, matches of some of your opponents, and matches from Davin. This past Wednesday is the only match with these issues. The only one. Was there any foul play? Honestly, I can't tell. I've sent the footage out to get an expert opinion.

BL: Well, I appreciate that you see what I see. That this is bull--

GMTR: Let me stop you right there. The bottom line is, I am not making any ruling until I hear back. It might take a week or so. In the meantime, the card for Wednesday remains the same. You will wrestle Davin Moreland as planned.

BL: Are we done here?

CTG: Bryce, please!

GMTR: We are done here, you're all excused.

*Fade out*

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is sitting in a room with the OOWF banner behind her for an interview with the Sexy Male Journalist. We only have one of those, so he doesn't get a number.

SMJ: Firewoman, there are several things to address...your recent behavior of random backstage violence, your orders to see an OOWF-hired therapist, your upcoming match with Stank and The Dead, the end of your feud with Tytan--

At the word "Tytan," Firewoman visibly bristles, but before she can say anything...

SMJ: So, you attacked Bryce for being unprepared in the ring.

FW: Yes, and nearly injuring my partner severely. I did. And I'd do it again. Bryce is lucky he wasn't in the ring with me. Davin has too much class, and tried to keep the match moving, despite Bryce's amateur performance. If I had been there? Bryce wouldn't have walked out of that ring under his own power, and that's a REAL promise, not a kayfabe one. Ask Tyson how I feel about amateur wrestlers. Ask...well, just ask around.

SMJ: And Solly? And Moose?

FW: Next question.

SMJ: ...

FW: ....

SMJ: ... Okay... (He is visibly uncomfortable) So....General Manager Rick Scaia has ordered you to see a therapist. Do you know when this is happening, and --

FW: It's not happening. I know my contract and my rights. And while I'm less than thrilled with my friends and partners jumping on this particular bandwagon--

SMJ: You mean Davin, Storm, and Jericho?

FW: (She gives him a look of death) If you keep interrupting me, at the very least this interview is over. At the most? You'll never model again.

SMJ: (Swallows hard) Um....Yes ma'am. So....

FW: Stank and The Dead. Stank misheard what I said. This is not surprising, given all the shot Davin has given him recently. I said the match was meaningless. Competing with someone of his caliber is not. So while I may have been temporarily distracted by other things, never fear, Stank. I am preparing for a match with you and my former partner The Dead. No one else is on my radar. Unlike some other wrestlers, when I come to the ring? I come prepared to do my job, and settle for nothing less than winning. When it comes to our match on Wednesday, Stank? The Dead? Trust me. I'm serious.

SMJ: (laughing a bit nervously) One could almost say you're "Deadly" serious.

FW: One could, but then one would sound like an idiot.

SMJ: (swallowing hard again) Um.....Well, the last thing on here is--

Firewoman grabs the microphone from his hands. He jumps up from the chair he's sitting in and walks quickly out of the shot, as Firewoman throws the chair after him. She smirks a little, and then addresses the camera.

FW: Tytan. Steele. You say our war is over? Well, I'm sorry to inform you of this....okay, I'm not really sorry. But our war is not over. It's not over until I say it is over. Oh sure, I have a match that doesn't concern you this week. And I'm focused on it. But there are just three words I want you two to remember. Anytime I want. See, just because you aren't the center of my universe, doesn't mean I haven't forgotten how you ran the Darlings off the road, or attacked Phantos and Lucios. It doesn't mean I've forgotten you blowing up my motorcycle for ... well, no reason, really. I have a very....very... long memory. And one day....it may tomorrow....next week...next month....hell, it could be next year. I will see an opportunity... no, I will make an opportunity. Because that's really what I do. And you know when that will be? Anytime I want.

She is interrupted by her Sprint Treo ringing. She checks the number.

FW: Excuse me, Tytan, I do have to take this.

Firewoman answers in Japanese, and then listens. She gives a few short answers, as a broad, evil smile spreads across her face. She hangs up.

FW: Whenever you open a vein, a dark angel gets her wings. Just remember. And it will definitely sparkle with me. Anytime I want.

[mooseheadjack]

In the Ultimo, Inc. suites, a phone rings. Lola, still sporting several LOVELY bruises, answers it. Her eyes grow wide, as she motions for Steele to come to the phone. He grabs it out of her hand.

Steele: You aren't supposed to call..................wait.....what?...............................well, where the fuck is she?.........................................................you call yourself a safe house?..............................................Look, I don't want to hear excuses. I want her found NOW, you hear me? The sooner you find her, the less likely you are to all be fired.

He slams the phone done.

Tytan: What is it?

Steele: Diana is missing.

Tytan: What? I thought she was back East on--

Steele: She was....I just checked two days ago.

Tytan: You don't think......

The scene fades.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is in an UNDISCLOSED LOCATION and is on his Sprint PCS Phone. This call will only have one-way technology, apparently*

DM: Yes, it's Davin Moreland....Davin Moreland sees...and how was it resolved? Uh huh....that's not really a resolution though, is it? Know what GM the Weak? GM the Weak's so-called "impartiality" has grown very fucking tiresome to Davin Moreland. GM the Weak wants opinions outside Run DEA? Here's a novel fucking concept for ya...ASK THE FUCKING LOCKER ROOM, DUMBASS! It should NOT be Davin Moreland's responsibility to have to prove donkey dick to GM the Weak. That's GM the Weak's job. Davin Moreland does not work for GM the Weak anymore. That means GM the Weak actually has to DO WORK. Oh...that's just fine, GM the Weak. All Davin Moreland knows is that GM the Weak is not providing Davin Moreland with a safe work environment. Davin Moreland should go to the State Labor Board and see what they have to say...Davin Moreland is sure the State Labor Board would be happy to shut down the event while they investigate....Davin Moreland wouldn't? Fucking try me, jackass....Fine. Know what? Fine...yeah...we'll do the match as scheduled....Davin Moreland will make sure GM the Weak will get GM the Weak's money's worth...

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*Scheme Gene is sweating profusely*

SG: Fans, against my better judgement, I'm here with Empty Team.

Gator: Relax, Gene.

Jack; Right, we're actually in a good mood.

SG: And why is that?

Gator: As much as we dislike KZ, they're not whining little bastards.

Jack: So we don't have to deal with anyone crying that we might hurt them. We'll settle our differences in the ring, man to man. The way it used to be around here. The way Fear Us wanted it to be, before, well...

Gator: Let it go mate. You can't turn back the clock, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.

Jack: That's true. But I sometimes think we got rid of the wrong members of Run-DEA. Or at least not the worst ones.

Gator: We can fix that later.

[mooseheadjack]

Moose, Seamus, Poe, L D & Selena are in their lockerroom when there is a knock at the door. Selena crawls off Poe's lap to answer the door. The other 4 brace themselves for a fight.

Selena opens the door:" Oooh, are you brave!"

Zane Myers steps in the room. "Pardon the interruption folks. I just needed to come by and introduce myself."

He walks up to Poe and sticks out his hand. "Champ, I'm Zane Myers."

Poe stares at him briefly "And I should care because?"

Myers steps back "You shouln't. But you're the Champ. The first person I need to pay respects to as the new guy is the company's top dog. "

Moose responds " Smart move. Earning respect around here isn't easy. It takes more than a handshake"

Myers "I know. But I gotta start somewhere." He walks the room, shaking everyone's hand before leaving quietly.

[mooseheadjack]

Zane Myers enters the Destrotitarium, finding all of its inhabitants gathered around the bar. He approaches the nearest man, who happens to be OBJ "Hello gentlemen. Zane Myers. Just came by to introduce myself and say hi."

As he makes his way around to shake everyone's hand, Stank speaks up. "Weren't you making nice with L D, Moose and their thugs?"

Myers stops in front of Stank "Like them or not, Poe has the belt. I'm not forming alliances, just trying to show respect to those who deserve it." He shakes Stank's hand last and heads for the door.

After he leaves, Wally speaks first "Long time since anyone left here on his own two feet. He didn't even have a drink."

[mooseheadjack]

D.H. Magnusson is STORMING~! down the Hallway of Random Violence, a not so invisible ninja cameraman in tow:

DHM: Y'shut up, quit cryin', an' do your damned job. Y'wanted somethin' special, quit bein' a goddamned little girl about...LARSON!

Bryce Larson turns around just in time to see the logging chain-wrapped fist screaming towards to head. The camera shakes as Magnusson launches a s flurry of punches, the back-jumping attack and chain quickly proving to be too much as DHM launches first into a wall and then through the catering table. (Somewhere, Davin Moreland weeps)

DHM continues the assault on Larson, screaming at him as he uses the chain in a whiplike fashion, alternating it with several kicks to the ribs.

DHM: Y'wanna work stiff on one a'mine? Y'wanna wanna be the big shot bad-ass, kid. Be a big shot! Be a bad-ass! Show me how much y'like hurtin' one the boys!

DHM grabs a piece of the broken catering table, throwing it on to the head of the downed indy superstar before taking a step back and charging in with a running stomp. As what's left of the table explodes under his feet, DHM grabs the camera again, shoving it in the man's bloodied and unconscious face. After a long moment he shoves it backwards, looping the chain around the man's neck and yanking him up.

DHM: Y'ever pull that amateur-hour bullshit on one'a Run-DEA again, and you're gonna start makin' people unhappy. Y'don't want that. Lesson over.

DHM shakes the chain loose, letting Larson slide to the floor. After a moment he turns to the INC.

DHM: You're done here. I gotta thing. Somethin' about Fire's anger issues.

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is sitting in the RunDEA Suites by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels watching tapes of her matches with The Dead, joined by DH Magnusson. She has just finished watching some tapes of Stank’s matches with Davin. Alexander Darling comes in, and looks around. He sees DH, who nods.

AD: Oh…..you ARE here.

FW: Sorry to disappoint you?

AD: No, no. That will just make this easier.

FW: Huh?

AD: (Alexander whistles) She’s here, guys.

Davin Moreland comes in, followed by a smaller guy in a suit, glasses, and carrying a very thick file folder. Davin sits down next to Firewoman. Alexander sits on the other side. The man sits across the table.

FW: What’s going on? Who is this guy?

DM: This, Firewoman, is Dr. Sidney Freedman.

FW: So?

AD: The therapist GM the Rick set you up with.

FW: Oh. Nice. Well, see you all later.

Firewoman stands up. Davin and Alexander stand up, place their hands on her shoulders, and somewhat ungently sit her back down. DH stands behind her.

DHM: C’mon, Sparky, just answer th’questions normal like, and it’ll all be over and done with.

DM: Davin Moreland insists. Davin Moreland is concerned for Firewoman’s well being. Davin Moreland is—

AD: Oh shut up. Fire, just get it over with. All you have to do is meet with the doc here once.

FW: (sighs) Fine.

SF: Great, let’s begin. Lisa, I—

FW: DON’T call me that.

AD: Really … don’t.

SF: Okay..fine…Ms. Firewoman I’ve gone through your file…it’s….well, it’s …..

DM: That huge stack of papers is Firewoman’s file?

SF: Yes. Actually it’s several files from the various therapists that she was sent to when she was with Storm Wrestling Academy. None of them seemed to last very long.

AD: Really? Why?

SF: Well, it looks like there were fifteen in all. Ten of them….well, they left the profession after one or two meetings.

DM: Seriously?

SF: Yes. Three of them lost their licenses for … ah, “inappropriate relationships with a patient.”

Firewoman smiles somewhat innocently. Alexander rolls his eyes.

DM: Davin Moreland would like to know what happened to the last two?

SF: (still looking through the files) Interesting. Nobody knows…..

FW: Great. You have everything you need, we done?

DM: Davin Moreland would like to know what we can do to help our dear friend, Firewoman.

FW: No, you don’t. You’re just trying to keep Rick off your back.

SF: It’s highly unusual to have an audience for a first meeting with a client. I think Li….er, Firewoman and I should talk alone.

AD: Oh, no no, doc. It’s vital that the three of us stay here. We want to guarantee your safety, of course, and make sure Fire sits here for this. Besides, we care about Fire, and want to see her…well.

DM: Oh yes. We wouldn’t miss this for the WORLD.

Firewoman glares at them, as they grin at her, and the smile politely at Dr. Freedman.

SF: Well, I suppose if Firewoman agrees….

Firewoman opens her mouth to say no, but Alexander puts his hand over it.

AD: She agrees.

DM: Totally.

Dr. Freedman looks through the files. Firewoman bites Alexander’s hand. He silently pulls his hand away and holds it with the other hand, glaring at her. Firewoman smiles at him, and then Dr. Freedman looks up.

SF: Well, according to this…wow. Ms. Firewoman, have you ever read this?

FW: No…what does it say?

SF: Well, all fifteen of my colleagues agree. Firewoman suffers from probably some sort of undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and psychopathy.

AD: What about intermittent explosive disorder?

SF: Never heard of it.

FW: Wrong show.

SF: Firewoman, tell me about your family.

FW: They suck.

SF: Can you be more specific?

FW: They suck a LOT. Look, Dad was a drug dealer, mom was a slut, and my brother was full of promises that he never followed through on. Hence, suck.

SF: Okay, well, we can explore that later.

FW: I am not a psychopath.

Davin and Alexander try to stifle laughter. Firewoman glares at them. Imagine them barely holding their laughter together throughout the rest of this. Even DH smiles occasionally.

SF: Well, I’m afraid that according to this handy antisocial personality disorder checklist…yes, you are.

FW: What? What checklist….

SF: It’s a list of characteristics that people with your condition experience. For example, one key thing is that “Patient is not delusional or irrational.”

FW: Well, that’s true, but that’s not—

AD: Nope, Firewoman has never ever been irrational. nope, no sirree bob.

DM: Well, Davin Moreland hasn't noticed any delusions, but Firewoman certainly behaves in an irrational manner.

SF: The patient is absent of any nervousness or psychoneurotic manifestations.

FW: Again, I don’t see how that—

DM: Psh, Davin Moreland calls Firewoman "Rocky" because Firewoman rocks back and forth so much.

FW: I think that was you, Davin. I don’t have any neuroses, doc.

AD: You don’t sleep.

FW: So?

AD: So…lack of sleeping, or insomnia, can be a neurotic—

DM: How does Alexander Darling know Firewoman doesn’t sleep?

There is an awkward silence, as everyone looks at each other.

SF: Okay, moving on…The patient is unreliable.

FW: I am very reliable. I am always there when my partners need me!

AD: Totally reliable. When Phantos and Lucios were losing a leaves town match, she was...oh wait…

DM: Well...Firewoman is reliable...if Firewoman is around or if Firewoman is paying attention.

SF: Patient is insecure, and a liar who can be trusted no more in her accounts of the past than in her promises of the future.

FW: I don't lie. If I say I'm going to destroy someone, I generally do it.

DM: Firewoman has never directly lied to Davin Moreland. Although, when Davin Moreland tried to get Firewoman to promise not to get fined anymore, Firewoman intimated she wouldn't. But didn't technically SAY Firewoman wouldn't

FW: That’s not a lie. And Davin shouldn't talk.

They glare at each other.

AD: And she’s never ever thought I was going to turn on her. Completely secure in our partnership. (Fire glares at Alex). Well.... you've never lied to me.

Firewoman looks at her shoes.

AD: Wait...what?

SF: Patient is lacking in either shame or remorse.

DM: Davin Moreland has never seen Firewoman show remorse. Although that's not necessarily a bad thing in our business.

AD: And believe me, there is no shame.

FW: You know, this is supposed to be my interview. And it’s over. (She gets up but DH whispers something into her ear.) Okay fine. Are we almost done?

SF: Almost…Patient’s antisocial behavior is inadequately motivated. She will commit all kinds of misdeeds for astonishingly small stakes, and sometimes for no reason at all.

FW: That’s totally not true.

AD: Totally wrong, she’s never attacked anyone unprovoked or for the smallest of reasons. I know I've never been put through a table for no reason whatsoever.

FW: You curbstomped me.

AD: Well deserved

FW: No it wasn't

AD: Was too

FW: I did nothing wrong

DHM: That’s not showing remorse.

AD: And can we go back to delusional?

DM: Sorry, but this one is perfect. Firewoman shows up late even though Firewoman knows that Firewoman will be fined. Firewoman sets things on fire even though Firewoman knows Firewoman will be fined. There's some sketchy incident in a bar in Finland or Norway, Davin Moreland doesn't remember which, that you may want to ask Firewoman about.

FW: I hate you all.

SF: Patient’s judgment is poor, and she never learns from experience, repeating over and over again patterns of self-defeating behavior.

FW: Totally fa—

DM: Davin Moreland feels this is a fair assessment and its unfortunate. How many times has Firewoman taken the bait from a Tytan or a Kincaid. Why is Firewoman now being friendly to Kincaid after he almost killed her? Davin Moreland is convinced that if Firewoman could learn and improve from Firewoman's experiences, Firewoman would be a World Champion. As it stands, Firewoman will be fighting Tytan forever, Davin Moreland thinks.

FW: Firewoman feels Davin Moreland needs another coffee cup upside the head….and what are you writing down?

DHM: Prolly somethin’ about ‘poor impulse control.’

SF: Patient is pathologically egocentric, and has no real capacity for love, although she often simulates affection or parental devotion.

FW: That’s not only wrong, it’s insulting.

AD: Wait, does lots of random sex count here?

DM: Davin Moreland doesn't know if Firewoman doesn't have the CAPACITY for love. That's more Dr. Freedman’s job. All Davin Moreland knows is that the only true emotion Davin Moreland has witnessed from Firewoman is sheer rage. Dr. Freedman should ask Firewoman about Phantos sometime. Phantos is a good friend of Davin Moreland's, and Davin Moreland worries that Phantos just served a purpose for Firewoman.

FW: Davin Moreland should shut the fuck up. Phantos is off topic for you.

SF: Um….moving on….Patient’s emotions are shallow.

FW: I’m feeling some very deep emotions right now (as she glares at Davin and Alexander)

SF: Patient lacks insight to a degree usually found only in the most serious mental disorders.

FW: Fuck you, doc, I’m done with this.

DM: Firewoman lacks insight, foresight, hindsight, website, Lite Brite....Firewoman is scary sometimes that Firewoman acts almost sheerly on impulse. It's almost as if there is a missing conscience.

AD: Uh…Davin…don’t….

SF: Patient does not respond to consideration, kindness, or trust.

DM: Firewoman does not. Davin Moreland has tried.

AD: Totally wrong, I’m almost positive she ALMOST said thank you once….I think…maybe?

SF: Drunk or sober, but especially drunk, patient is guilty of fantastic and uninviting behavior.

DM: Davin Moreland is unsure of the wording of your scenario but Davin Moreland does know that Firewoman gets either a) violent or b) amorous and there's no predicting which way it will go.

AD: No, that’s not true. She’s very inviting when drunk.

Again, another awkward silence as Davin and DH look at Alexander, who looks around. Firewoman stares daggers at both Davin and Dr. Freedman.

SF: Well, here’s one that the previous therapists said did not apply. Patient often threatens suicide but almost never carries it out.

FW: Finally! I have never--

AD: Well, but you kinda have, haven’t you?

FW: What the fuck are you talking about?

AD: Haven’t you said something like, I don’t care if it kills me, but you're getting taken down with me?

FW: Probably, but who hasn't said that in OOWF? That's not suicidal.

DHM: She’s right.

SF: Okay, moving on….um…..uh………The patient’s sex life is impersonal, trivial, and poorly integrated.

DH and Alexander begin to cough in an effort to cover up laughter. The effort fails.

DM: That pretty much sums it up, Doc. Even Firewoman's most "steady...ish" partner is married AND fucking someone else. Unhealthy, to say the least.

Kayfabe comes out and whaps Davin upside the head with a rolled up newspaper. Firewoman’s eyes shoot daggers all the way around.

SF: Okay, the last one … The patient shows a consistent inability to make or follow any sort of life plan.

DM: Firewoman seems to feed on hate and revenge...maybe hate for her upbringing? Maybe hate for her absent father? There's hate, and with hate comes the revenge, and the revenge comes in many different forms to many different people; but it all leads back to the same thing...Hate. Revenge.

FW: Oh, I’m formulating a plan, Davin….

AD: Okay, enough of this. Fire, it's clear you're not a psychopath.

FW: Thank you, Alexander.

AD: (leaning over to stage-whisper into Dr. Freedman’s ear) Do you have a sociopath test?

FW: Fuck you. Fuck all of you.

DHM: There ya go. Remember this in th’ring Wednesday, and you’ll kick both Stank and The Dead on their asses.

DM: Davin Moreland thanks Dr. Freedman for his time. What is the prognosis?

SF: Well, I think if Firewoman goes back to taking her meds we can set up a bimonthly session. I know with your travel schedules—

Firewoman at this point has had enough. She flips over the table (there’s a sale on that this week). Alexander, Davin, and DH jump back. Firewoman grabs Dr. Freedman by the collar, walks him to the door, and tosses him out of the room. She comes back in, grabs the file, sits it on another table, and sets it on fire, then storms to her locker room, slamming the door. It feels like the entire building rattles. Alexander has already started setting the table back up, while DH has gotten the fire extinguisher, and taken care of the burning pile of papers.

DM: Davin Moreland is glad he told Dr. Freedman to only bring copies of her files.

DHM: I don’t think twice a month will be enough.

scene fades

Checklist from Clecky, H. (1964). The mask of sanity 4th ed. St. Louis, MO: Mosby. I cite my sources

[mooseheadjack]

Dr. Freedman walks out & Zane Myers taps on the open door. "Sorry to interrupt, I was just coming by to introduce myself. I'm Zane Myers"

Davin ignores the extended hand "Davin Moreland wonders why a rookie would go greet Poe the kid toucher and Stank the no-seller and then come here looki for respect?"

Myers looks him in the eye "I'm not looking for respect. I'm here to show you respect. A 3-time World champ deserves respect." he turns to face Alex "And so does the future champ" Myers shakes everyones hand and starts to leave "I'll come by later to greet Firewoman. I gather by the looks of the place she isn't in the best of moods"

[mooseheadjack]

(As D.H. makes his way back from meeting with Fire, he's SPEARED into the wall by someone with his own set of anger issues, Spin Hansen! Spin starts raining blows on D.H. Magnusson, who fights back. The two fight back and forth until they reach a concession stand, where Spin gets the advantage and is able to hit Magnusson with the dreaded SWEET PICKLE RELISH SUPLEX! Spin wrestles the logging chain from the downed Magnusson, wraps it around his fist, and lays into Magnusson with a cavalcade of fists to the face. Magnusson is down, and Spin wraps the chain around HIS neck!)

SH (enraged): MAGNUSSON! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN SOMEONE ATTACKS YOU FROM BEHIND? You know what they say about the enemy of your enemy?

(He tightens the chain.)

What're you gonna do now, Magnusson? Crawl back to your crew like a little bitch and tell them that the big bad Spin beat you down? BRING IT. Send Darling. Or Firewoman. Or Davin Fucking Moreland. Send all three. I don't care. No amount of retribution's gonna change this moment, this one perfect moment, and nothing THEY do is going to get your Onslaught championship back... because you will NOT WIN in the qualifying match.

(He kicks the now-struggling Magnusson in the midsection before hoisting him up and hitting a CHOKESLAM into the remains of the concession stand! Magnusson is OUT, and goes limp. Spin turns to the camera.)

SH: And there's YOUR lesson for the day. A little something from Epictetus... "What thou avoidest suffering thyself, seek not to impose it on others."

[mooseheadjack]

*A few hours later, Davin Moreland is rooting through the drawers in his suite*

DM: Honey? Have you seen my...

SD: Keys?

DM: *smiles* Yeah, but not the regular ones...

SD: Oh yeah, hold on.

*She grabs a mini-safe out of the closet, dials in the combination and comes up with a set of keys that look like they've never been used*

SD: Here ya go.

DM: You're not supposed to have those you know.

SD: Well, isn't being the...I'm as close to being a Managing Partner as I can be without being one. Besides, those keys are half mine.

DM: *kisses her on the forehead* Touche'. Wish me luck.

SD: Here take this.

*She hands him a small medallion*

DM: St. Christopher Medal. Good call. What would I ever do without you?

SD: I shudder to think.

*He leaves and walks over to Firewoman's door. He knocks*

DM: Fire?

FW: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DOOR!

DM: *mumbles* this is off to a rousing start.

*Davin waits for a minute. Then he makes the sign of the cross before putting one of the master keys in the door lock. He pushes it open quickly and just does duck Firewoman unleashing a jumping spin kick at him. Davin slams the door closed, tackles Fire, and puts her in a hammerlock*

DM: You done?

FW: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE??!?!??

DM: Master Key, now relax and shut up.

*Fire squirms and screams and bites and claws and does everything she can to get away. She even fakes acquiescing a couple of times to try to get Davin to relax. Finally she's used all her energy and relents*

DM: You done?

FW: Fuck. Off.

DM: Fine. I'll make this quick, Lisa

FW: DO NOT FUCKING CALL ME THAT TOMMY!

DM: Whatever. Listen. Dr. Freedman? You ARE going to attend your appointments, you ARE going to contribute to your own treatment and for the love of God so help me you ARE going to take your meds or I will force them down your throat.

FW: Fuck you. Get out.

DM: Nice to see you're amenable to this arrangement.

FW: Are you deaf? GET THE FUCK OUT!

DM: Lisa

FW: DON'T CALL ME -

DM: Lisa, I can't sit idly by and watch you squander all your natural talent and abilities chasing your tail in this endless battle with Tytan...over NOTHING. It's not revenge anymore, it's rote, it's routine, and you're fixated on only one thing. It's time to think of yourself and how YOU can be a champion, because I know damn well it's what you want the most.

FW: Bullshit.

DM: At least, want most out of the business.

FW: *sighs*

DM: You're on a self-destructive path that will ultimately lead to your untimely demise. I can't let that happen on my watch. If YOU don't care, then I'm going to have to step in and care for you. Look at me. I'm as fucking crazy as you are. Sure, I have poor impulse control at times.

FW: Understatement.

DM: But look at what I've accomplished? I'm the 3-time World Champ. My whole life before I came here I was nothing but a jobber. I take my meds, I aid in my own treatment and look at this? I'm a champion.

FW: You aren't right now.

DM: Yeah, but I'll always be a 3-time World Champ. No one can ever take that away from me. I mean look, I dont drink much, I dont sleep around, I love the character I play...

FW: You don't know what it's like. You've always had a family to fall back on.

DM: It's true. I've always had my Mom. But my Dad was a sketchy motherfucker and as a result I haven't had a relationship with that whole side of the family. I could have cousins I don't even know about. At least you had a brother growing up.

FW: We're not talking about my brother who can't keep promises.

DM: Sometimes things are out of people's control, especially at a young age. It's called forgiveness, Fire. It's what you have to do.

FW: I don't have to do SHIT.

DM: No. You don't. If you want to be happy? Be relatively normal? Have a successful life? You have to forgive. Sometimes things aren't done intentionally. You should try to find your brother.

FW: You should try to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!

DM: I should. You're right. I'm done. So help me, if you backslide on this though, I'm REALLY done. Remember when you quit DEA?

FW: I DID NOT...

DM: You did, but that's not the point. You don't do what you need to with this? It will make that look like an argument over continuity.

FW: Get. Out.

DM: Fine. Think about it.

*Davin leaves, closing the door behind him. for a full minute you can hear things being thrown at the door from the other side*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Poe and Moosehead Jack are in Poe’s locker room enjoying some hookah the night before Midweek Mayhem. Selena comes in from the wearing her pajamas.



SG: I’m goin’ ta bed. I’m all excited about tomorrow.

Selena hops into Poe’s lap and wraps her arms around his head.

SG: Will you read me a story first?

Poe thinks and then grins.

Poe: Of course goddess. Have I told you the story of “The Black Cat”?

Moosehead Jack stops smoking the hookah and turns towards them. He knows Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Black Cat” all too well.

SG: Oh! Kitty story! Tell me!

Poe: Okay then goddess. Let’s see. There once was a man named Omar.

Selena grins at Poe’s real name.

Poe: Omar was a very successful man.

SG: He still is.

Poe: Yes he is. Well back then he had a woman in his life; the Darling Alexis.

Selena frowns.

Poe: the Darling Alexis had a pet black cat. Let’s call him…Boy.

Selena giggles.

Poe: Now you see, Boy worshipped the ground that both the Darling Alexis and Omar walked on. Omar in turn, was fond of Boy and treated him very well. Things were going swimmingly.

But then, things started to get stressful for Omar. His household became somewhat chaotic and Boy grew restless. He was constantly pawing the furniture and pissing all over everything.

SG: Bad kitty!

Poe: Eventually Omar got frustrated with Boy’s antics and punished him.

SG: Did it hurt?

Poe: I’m sure it did. But somewhere, down deep, it hurt Omar more than it did Boy…if that was possible.

SG: What did Omar do?

MHJ: Yes…what did Omar do?

Poe: Omar cut out Boy’s eye.

Selena shrieks and covers her eye.

Poe: Yes, it was a bit extreme. Boy never got over this and in fact, started to act out even more. So, finally, Omar did the only thing he could…

SG: Uh oh…

Poe: Yes…Omar hung Boy on a clothesline.

MHJ: So long Boy.

Poe: And that should have been that…but it wasn’t.

SG: Dun dun dun…

Poe: Things got worse for Omar. Boy got his revenge. Omar’s house completely burned down around him. Omar had nothing left…except his Darling Alexis.

SG: Poor Omar…

Poe: Ah, but Omar didn’t let that stop him. Omar rose from the ashes like the great Phoenix and reclaimed his rightful position in life!

SG: Yay!

Poe: But…

Selena stares at Poe.

Poe: Boy got reincarnated. Boy once again found his way into Omar’s life, thanks to the Darling Alexis who took him back into Omar’s home.

SG: Stupid slut.

Poe: Omar hated this new Boy immediately and tortured him without end. And then…one fateful day…

Poe thinks.

Poe: I believe it was a Wednesday. Boy got in Omar’s way on the basement steps as Omar and his Darling Alexis were descending into the basement. Omar was so furious he saw red. He grabbed the nearest thing he could, which conveniently was a hatchet…

SG: And he chopped his fucking head off?!

Poe and Moosehead Jack look at Selena amused. Selena then laughs.

SG: I said ‘fuck.’

MHJ: Language Mouse, language.

SG: Well…did he?

Poe: No, Omar did not cut Boy’s head off. Darling Alexis stopped him.

SG: Do I need to say ‘stupid slut’ again?

Poe: No, for you see, Omar had had enough of his Darling Alexis as well.

Moosehead Jack chuckles slightly as he knows what’s coming.

Poe: Omar turned towards his Darling Alexis and drove the hatchet into her skull.

Selena looks at Poe with wide eyes and her mouth agape.

Poe: Then Omar did the only thing he could do. He dragged her lifeless body down into the basement. He tore out the weak brick wall and threw her body in there. Then…he saw Boy watching them.

SG: Kill the kitty! Kill the kitty!

Poe: Omar quickly grabbed Boy before he could run away and threw him into the wall with his beloved Darling Alexis. Omar then re-bricked the wall, sealing Boy in with Darling Alexis’ rotting corpse for all eternity. The wretched Boy never saw the light of day again. The End.

Selena smiles and kisses Poe on the cheek.

SG: Thank you for the story Master. Good night. Good night Uncle Moose.

MHJ: Good night Mouse.

After Selena goes back into the bed chamber, Moosehead Jack turns to Poe.

MHJ: You do realize that’s not how the story ended…

Poe: It’s how this story ends…

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose excuses himself from Poe and heads down the hall, keeping his trusty barbed wire bat in hand just in case. Moose walks into Ric Flair's sandwich shoppe and grabs a cup of coffee, the place is completely deserted, except for one person. Firewoman is sitting at a corner table staring daggers into an innocent cup of coffee, trying to squeeze the life out of it with both hands. Moose smirks and walks over and sits down>

FW: Did I invite you to sit down?

MHJ: Did I ask to be invited?

FW: What the fuck do you want?

<Moose just stares at Fire with a strange grin on his face>

FW: What the fuck are you looking at?

MHJ: I am wondering the same thing myself

FW: Cut the bullshit Moose, what do you want

MHJ: It's sad really

FW: WHAT is sad? Do you EVER get to the point?

MHJ: You're going to let them run your life, aren't you?

<Fire stares at Moose, if looks could kill, Moose would certainly be dead. Fire snickers at Moose's comment>

FW: YOU are one to talk, look who you are hooked up with now, Poe, the puppet master extraordinaire

MHJ: Have you seen me do any of his bidding?

FW: Only a matter of time, it always is with him

MHJ: You disappoint me. You, of all people, should know a thing or two about relationships of.........convenience

FW: Fuck you. Davin is just trying to get me on track.

MHJ: Who's track? Yours? Or his? Face it, right now, you are feared. You think Tytan isn't concerned about you? Think again. People talk Fire, if you are willing to listen, you will hear the truth. Right now, Firewoman has a lot of peoples attention. They haven't seen this Firewoman since.........Japan.

<Fire snaps her head up and glares at Moose>

FW: You know NOTHING about Japan! You weren't there! This is NOTHING like that.

MHJ: Perhaps. Word travels fast. You hear stories.

FW: Yeah well, you can't believe everything you hear

MHJ: No. No you can't. But seeing.......seeing is believing, right Fire?

<Fire stares at Moose for a moment>

FW: Don't you have somewhere to be?

MHJ: As a matter of fact, I do. I think Stank and I need to have a little conversation. You want me to tell him you said hello?

<Fire just stares more daggers at Moose. Moose laughs and gets up and walks away. Fire goes back to staring at her coffee, trying to squeeze the life out of the mug>

[mooseheadjack]

Chris Evans is seen WALKING down a random hallway. He sees Matte, who is crouched down with the Onslaught title as a headrest, and just moping around. So basically, he’s in a normal mood.

Evans: Heh, and I thought I was laidback. I ain't got shit on you man.

Matte: Uh, who are you?

E: Huh? I’m Chris Evans. I’m taking you on for your Onslaught title tomorrow.

M: Huh, what?

E: You know, the thing you’re using as a headrest right now.

M: Oh, right, this thing. Whatever, I guess that’s cool.

E: Hey, you mind if I hang out here for a little while?

M: Hey, do whatever you want. Aren’t you with Run DEA though?

E: Yeah, kinda. Right now, I’m kinda in their doghouse for not going along with them in targeting Bryce.

M: I don’t really care.

E: Yeah, I figured that.

Evans hangs out in the hallway for a while.

E: Man, this is getting boring. How the hell do you do this all the time?

M: I dunno.

E: Man, I need something to do.

He sees Damon Wrath and Nayr walking down the hallway.

E: Heh, sometimes things happen just when you want them to. I’ll be right back.

M: Whatever.

Matte dozes off and falls asleep.

Evans walks over to Nayr and Damon Wrath. Wrath doesn’t seem to acknowledge Evans’ intentions, but Nayr does. He gets a scared look on his face.

E: Hey midget, whats with the face?

Nayr: Don't give me that. I know why you’re here. I didn’t do anything to her!

Evans plays dumb, as if he has no idea what Nayr is talking about.

E: Huh, what the fuck are you talking about? Did what to who? I just had a message for you. Some girl named Mary-Jane was looking for you. She said she was waiting for you in your locker room.

Nayr (excitedly): R…r..really?! Alright, I’m outta here. Hey thanks Evans, maybe you’re not such a bad guy after all.

E: Hey, I try my best.

E *to himself*: Heh, that guy is so gullible.

N (running): I’ll you guys around. See ya Wrath.

Wrath turns around to say goodbye. As he does, Evans readies himself. Evans then locks in a crossface chicken-wing on Wrath.

E: So, you think you could hit my closest ally with a cheap chairshot from behind and get away with it? Big mistake, assclown. And you call yourself a superhero. You fucking hypocrite!

Wrath tries to call for Nayr, but Nayr is too far away at this point to hear Wrath’s muffled cries for help. Wrath is fading, and with Nayr out of the area and the Heroes Guild locker room near the other side of the arena, there’s nobody coming to save him.

After about a minute, he repositions Wrath and kills him with a vicious Regal-plex.

After about another minute Wrath gets to his knees, gasping for air. Evans then gives him a stiff kick to the skull, nearly knocking Wrath unconscious.

E: Alright, time to finish this.

Evans then drags Wrath over to Evans’ OOWF Iron Man Heavy Metal title, which he threw to the ground shortly before his attack. He kicks Wrath in the stomach, hooks Wrath's arms and hits the Icarus Wings on the title!

Wrath is now bleeding from his forehead and groaning in pain. Evans picks up Wrath by the head and holds his chin up to get
his belt.

E: I’ll be taking my title back now. Don’t worry though, I’m not gonna go after Nayr, at least for right now. I was just after you as a result of your disrespect to Fire. The midget is safe; I have no problems with him.

He then lets Wrath’s head drop down to the floor.

Evans goes back down the hallway to see Matte, who is now asleep.

E: Ah, now that that little matter is taken care of, I think I’ll head back to the locker room now. See ya Matte.

M: *snore*

E: Oh yeah. Nevermind.

*fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

Narrator: It's March 24, 2009 at The Ivy in Los Angeles. The Ivy is THE restaurant to be see Hollywood's stars and for the stars to be seen. It's a seasonably warm spring evening in Los Angeles and one's of it's stars is siting at a table on the outside patio.

The camera pulls in towards the table.

This evening's star is The Beer Baron, movie star and former Heavyweight Champion of the world...[/b]

Beer Baron: Ahem, that's former THREE time Heavyweight Champion.

Narrator: My apologies. Former three time heavyweight champion of the world, who has been very conflicted as of late.

A waitress walks towards his table bringing his food.

Waitress: Okay, your grilled chicken pesto sandwich, and did you want anything to drink with that?

Beer Baron: No, I'm fine with water. Thank you.

Waitress: Enjoy.

Narrator: It's been almost two weeks since we've seen him walking off a beach front movie set with Gary Busey giving him advice before peyote had him talking to sand crabs. Gary Busey told him things that have been the proverbial gum on the bottom of the Beer Baron's shoe. He can throw those shoes, but then again, those may be very expensive shoes, and he doesn't want to get rid of them. Why am I telling you this? I don't know, I thought you were interested. Well, it has been close to 2 weeks since you've read about The Beer Baron. What? Wait, don't go away. Okay, look, just stay for 5 minutes. Sssssh. You sir, calm down, yes, I'm talking to that one guy who writes way too much and thinks he's the smartest person in the room. No, not you. Yes, you. What do you mean "I'm just a bus boy"? Yes, technically I am "busing tables", but sir, I am a man! Yo soy el hombre! Calmate! Look, I am the bus boy at the restaurante, but the original narrator is out sick. I am filling in tonight, being a team player and I am helping out The Beer Baron!

Beer Baron has his hand in his forehead in disbelief.

Beer Baron: Look, Mario, would you please just get to the part where my cell phone rings? Like we did in rehearsal?

Mario the Narrator: Okay, boss! Sorry, that guy who no one likes was talking. Ok, ooh look! My name is on the screen! Mario the Narrator. Muy Suave! Okay. You ready?(clearing throat) Just when the Beer Baron took a bite of his delicious dinner, his very expensive cell phone rang.

Ring, Ring, Ring

Mario the Narrator: No ring tone, just a normal ring for an expensive cellphone.

Beer Baron glaring at Mario, reaches for his cell phone

Beer Baron:Go.

Caller: Baron, baby. How are you? I haven't heard from you in a couple of days. Was wrap okay for Last Call?

Beer Baron: My wonderful agent, Mike. I was wondering when I would get a call from you. I'm good. Wrap was fine, we finished up quicker than I thought.

Mike the Agent: Quicker. Right, especially with Busey on set.

Beer Baron: A wildman. He's the real deal, I just hope the next time we work together, he'll remember me this time.

Mike the Agent: Yeah. Man's nuts. You know I used to represent him?

Beer Baron: What?

Mike the Agent: Yeah, about 10 years ago. He was bat shit crazy then too. But back then, you could at least count on him finally passing out after an all nighter. But with these Red Bull crack drinks they got now, he's wired 24/7.

Beer Baron: Yeah he was probably the best thing about that movie. If it wasn't for the money on that film, I would have turned it down in a heartbeat. They were just throwing money at people to be in that garbage script.

Mike the Agent: Everyone does that. You made your money for the year, now go on vacation somewhere. Have you been to Costa Rica yet? I have a friend who owns a resort hotel down there. I can get a great deal for you.

Beer Baron: Tempting.

Mike the Agent: Tempting, but...I know you and I know that tone you got. Where are you right now? It's loud.

Beer Baron: The Ivy getting dinner. Alright, it's something Busey said to me.

Mike the Agent: Sober or loaded?

Beer Baron: He was possibly in between. He brought up the old career.

Mike the Agent: Oh Jesus.

Beer Baron: Yes Jesus. Since we wrapped, I've been thinking about the old crew and the crazy times. I can't tell if I genuinely miss it or maybe I'm just allowing the past come up more than it usually does.

Mike the Agent: Well, Double B, look, we've been together for the past 8 years. We're a team. I want to do what's best for you and for the team. I just don't know how it's going to go if we go down that road again.

Beer Baron: Look, just make some calls and check out the interest level they may have in a former heavyweight champ. If they don't, end of story, and then I'm off to Costa Rica or someplace like that.

Mario the Narrator: 3 TIME CHAMP, boss!

Beer Baron giving Mario another glance out of the corner of his eye

Mike the Agent: Alright. I'll see what I can do for you. You know this is big, there's no putting one toe in the pool, this is a two foot leap in the deep end. I will call you in a few days. Stay out of trouble till then, love you Double B.

BEEP

Beer Baron: Okay, Mike, I'll talk to you soon, hey I have a call coming in.

Switching over lines

Beer Baron: Hello, this is Beer Baron.

Caller: Buddy-boy! It's me.


Beer Baron: Gary. I was just talking about you. How did you, never-mind. What's up?

Gary Busey: DO you have any plans this week?

Beer Baron: I am just relaxing. Can I...

Gary Busey: Yes you can. I need you to come over to stately Busey Manor. I need help putting up a couple of paintings and to move a couch so that it will be in the southwest corner of my office. Feng shui. My assistant is will be very busy on a special assignment, and I need some help. What do you say, boy-o?

Beer Baron: Yeah. Sure Gary. Anything. Tell me when and where and I'll be there.

Gary Busey: I'll call you tomorrow, my french bread pizza is on fire.

CLICK

Beer Baron: Waitress? I'd like a beer please.

[mooseheadjack]

Through the miracle of modern technology, with a possible assist from Davin Moreland's master key, a ninja cam has sequestered itself in the corner of Firewoman's locker room, as she prepares for her match. While the locker room itself appears a bit...dishelved, it seems that someone (probably Lucky) has tried reset what isn't broken into something resembling usefulness. On a low table, candles and incense burn, part of the pre-show meditation. However, Firewoman isn't meditating, she's talking to someone on the phone. Conveniently, she has set said phone to voice mail, so the Voice is picked up by the ninjacam's microphones.

V: So why did you call me? Everyone else busy?

FW: Phantos is getting the truck washed. Chris is trying to recruit more washed up wrestlers for Dumbest Angle Ever. And I'm kinda pissed off at my teammates right now. Plus I wanted an update on when you're coming back.

V: Miss me?

FW: Hardly. There's too many newbies around here to even notice. But I think I owe you an ass-kicking.

V: Yeah, you'll try. Actually I think we're about even.

FW: ....

V: ....

FW: Yeah, well, I was trying to do that pre-match thing, and just couldn't concentrate.

V: Yeah, I saw. Nothing like being ambushed by your partners. But...well, never mind.

FW: Spill it.

V: Well, I think you should listen to Davin. He knows what he's talking about. And I'm the only one who knows how much work you did outside of the ring in Canada, to get as far as you had, before.... except maybe the Darlings, but they weren't there, and would only see the before/after.

FW: Yeah, but Moose said...

V: Screw him. I don't know why you listen to him anyway. So what if he knows your history? Congratulations, he watched a video. *I* was there after Japan when you got to Canada. And while...yeah, I don't remember much of it, and probably was not much help--

FW: No, you weren't.

V: I also know what it's like to ignore things until they get so out of hand that you almost can't come back.

FW: (Dismissively) Fine, I'll think about it, okay?

V: Yeah, I know that tone. You are thinking of one thing, and one thing only. Revenge. Probably with something burning.

FW: Don't be silly. I'd get fined! Plus, I have a match against Stank and Dead. They're formidable enough alone, but together in the ring?

V: You don't think they'd team against you, do you?

FW: Why not? There's no love loss there, and everyone's been quoting Arabic philosophers around here lately.

V: Huh?

FW: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend?"

V: Oh, that. And you can claim your focus is where it should be all you want. I know you are looking to get even with Tytan and Steele. Just let it go.

FW: Oh, it's gone. Trust me.

V: Dammit, Fire, it's not. I know you've got something planned, and I'm asking you. Don't do it.

FW: Crap, it's after noon. I have to go check in, before I get fined again, and Daddy Davin yells at me. So...you're on the mend then?

V: Way to change the subject. Yeah. Not sure when I'll be cleared, but I'm making good progress.

FW: Alright, well....see you soon, then.

Firewoman hangs up, and goes back to trying to meditate, when there's a knock, and the door opens. Lucky comes in with some new chairs, and to tell Firewoman it's time to go. Scene fades as they head out.

[mooseheadjack]

*We walk in on Stank who is standing in the middle of the ring wearing blue sweatpants and a black tank top. He's holding a smaller athletically built OOVWF prospect in a standing Guillotine choke hold. Four other victims lie strewn all over the ring. Stank spies the Bartender as he walks down the ramp, drinks in hand. The prospect flails about in the choke hold for a few more moments before tapping Stank's massive shoulder. Stank releases the prospect causing the man to fall flat to the mat. Everyone is out of breath. Stank strolls over to the corner and grabs a towel, draping it over his head and wiping down the sweat and a little blood leaking out a stitched wound on the top of his head. He's breathing hard but otherwise nonplussed. The bartender walks over to ringside and hands Stank a drink.*

Stank - What the fuck is this?

BT - It's called Vitamin water.

Stank - You're fired.

BT - I thought it might be a tad better for you, after your workout, than say... Lowenbrau.

Stank - Dragonfruit? I think we've been down this road before?

BT - What? Too Viperish?

DV - I AM NOT A HOMO!

Stank - Nice to see you Donnie.

DV - Hey thanks!

Stank - Fuck you. I wasn't serious.

DV - Ass.

Stank - Cunt.

*Viper leaves*

BT - Anyhoo... you done here, cause I saw a promo earlier where I think Moose was looking to have a little chat with you.

Stank - Hmmph really?

BT - Yeah he had his arbitration stick with him... if you know what I..

Stank - Yeah I get it. I'm done her- WHOA!

*Stank turns just in time to catch an overly aggressive prospect mid-air, as the guy comes flying in only to get SLAMMED down to the mat by a vicious SPINEBUSTER! delivered by Stank!*

Stank - Wow now THAT'S what I'm talking about! You see that fellas?

*The various prospects lying about the ring moan and begrudgingly acknowledge the question.*

Stank - THAT guy is going places. I'll put in the good word for you kid... Kid? When he wakes up tell this kid I'll put in the good word for him.

BT - Did Rick approve you abusing the trainees?

Stank - I needed a workout. I wanted to prepare for my match tonight. I asked these guys if they'd like an opportunity to wrestle an OOWF superstar. They accepted.

BT - There are five of them.

Stank - Well we're talking about The Dead and Firewoman here... truthfully I probably could of used three more guys... maybe four accounting for Firewoman. That's the wildcard there... I fought her once when I was on the team champions team back when she was a rookie here. She had some skill, but Spin has told me some things... hmmm? Maybe five more guys...

BT - Well come on back to the Destroyitarium and I'll get Shannon to give you some of the good stuff.

Stank - ??

BT - Not even REMOTELY what I meant.

[mooseheadjack]

Hours before Mayhem, the entire roster has assembled at catering. In a scene more typical of a high school cafeteria, each table seats its own little clique. The camera pans to follow Zane Myers as he goes from table to table greeting the OOWF superstars. He greets The Heroes Guild, all the members of IHOP, Ultimo Inc, and has made his way to the 'unafilliated' table where Chris Cole, Chris Evans, The Dead, Matte each recieve a warm handshake. GM Rick walks up "I see you're kissing everyones ass in short order"

Myers "I'm paying the guys some respect. nothing else. I was meaning to see you today. I'm going to the Springfeild Memorial Hospital in a moment, Can one of the agents text me so I can be back in time?"

Rick is visibly upset "You're Leaving hours before a match?"

Myers remains calm "I was invited to read to the pediatric oncology ward. Couldn't turn them down, ya know?"

Rick "Ahh, well...sure. I'll make sure someone texts you so you're back in time."

"Thanks boss, my taxi there should be here shortly. SMH is only 10 minutes away. "

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Springfield, Idaho

ZANE MYERS vs. IGNATIUS P. FREELY

Freely is a local worker in the Idaho Championship Wrestling Association. He makes his way to the ring amid a smattering of applause from the crowd. “Insane” Zane Myers is announced, he is making his OOWF debut here tonight. He comes to the ring slapping hands with the fans, hugging children, and pausing for pictures. He climbs between the ropes and waves to the crowd, then shakes referee Hightower’s hand, then extends his hand to Freely as well. Freely looks reluctant, but shakes his hand anyway. Myers moves back to his corner and stretches on the ropes, the referee calls for the bell and we are underway! The second the bell rings, the look on Myers face changes and he charges out of the corner and SANDWICHES Freely in the corner with a clothesline. He pulls Freely out of the corner and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a massive power slam. Myers covers, but Freely manages to roll his shoulder at two. Freely steps out of the ring onto the apron while Freely tries to get his wits about him, when Freely turns around, Myers launches himself into the ring and sends Freely sprawling with a shoulder block! Myers is relentless, he pulls Freely to his feet and scoops him up and DRIVES him down with a shoulder breaker on the mat. Myers then leaves the ring again and climbs to the top rope, pauses for a second, then drops a big head butt onto the shoulder he just tries to break. Freely writhes in pain, and Myers covers him again, but once again Freely kicks out at two. Myers pulls Freely to his feet and whips him HARD into the corner, Freely hits hard enough to rattle the ring, then staggers forward a few steps. Myers grabs him and drops him across his knee with a pendulum back breaker, and keeps him there for a bit to think about it. Finally Myers shoves Freely off his leg and Freely rolls out of the ring to the floor. Myers doesn’t give him a moments rest though, he follows him to the outside and pulls him to his feet and runs him back first into the apron. Freely staggers away, but Myers grabs him by the head. Freely turns and rakes the eyes, earning himself a second to recover. Freely charges at Myers, but Myers catches him with a big back body drop on the concrete! Freely hits with a thud and howls in pain. Myers rolls him back into the ring, Freely tries to beg for mercy, but Myers kicks him in the mouth and pulls him up and sends him to the ropes, Myers catches Freely in a black hole slam, but instead of driving him to the mat, he drops him across his knee! Freely grabs his back in agony, and Myers gets to his feet and makes the familiar motion for a backbreaker! The crowd pops and Myers lifts Freely onto his shoulders into the TORTURE RACK! Freely tries to escape, but he cannot, and he is quickly forced to tap out.
WINNER in 4:18 – Zane Myers

After the match, the bell rings, and Myers turns to the referee and shakes his hand, then grabs a prone Freely’s arm and raises it and gets the crowd to give him a nice round of applause before Myers heads back to the back, pausing to thank the fans along the way.

IHOP vs. BLITZ & NAYR

Angelo Barros is YOUR Referee!

SYB and Skurge out first to a chorus of boos. SYB waves to everyone while Skurge snarls at the crowd. Pillar's "Front Line" reverberates through the arena as Nayr and Blitz dash to the ring, making the IHOP players powder for a bit while they hit the ring and pose for the crowd. The young Heroes back flip off their corners and pose again for the crowd as SYB and Skurge jump back into the ring and charge them. Nayr and Blitz see em coming - LOW BRIDGE! IHOP sprawls to the floor. The two heroes hit the corners on that side and point to their fallen opponents before Nayr shouts "HAVE AT THEE~!" And the two leap at IHOP with matching SUPER HERO CROSS BODY SPLASHES! Crowd is already well into this as Barros tries to untangle the pile of bodies on the floor. Nayr recovers first, grabs SYB and shoves him back into the ring. Barros shoos Blitz to his corner and sends Skurge in the opposite direction so he can at least start the match.

SYB and Nayr lock up to start. Nayr quickly chains to a headlock, but SYB pushes Nayr away. Paladin hits the ropes and slides between SYB's legs, avoiding a clothesline. Nayr springboards off the opposite ropes for a SOMERSAULT INVERTED DDT as SYB turns around. Quick cover only gets a one count and the two snap back to their feet. SYB holds up a hand for a test of strength. Nayr reaches and gets a knee to the gut. He then grabs Nayr's still-outstretched arm and wrings it tight, pushing to a hammerlock and forcing Nayr to his knees. He paintbrushes Nayr on the back of the head repeatedly, keeping Nayr in place. Blitz begs Nayr to power out, but Nayr is shaking his head. Blitz yells "It's a REFLEX save, doofus!" (crowd erupts in a "Geek!" chant). Nayr starts shaking his free hand and pushes up to one knee. SYB looks around and puts both hands to the hammerlock. Nayr ducks under the hammerlock and reverses the arm wringer! SYB screams and slaps at his shoulder, and Nayr pumps it a few times. SYB tries to swing in Skurge's direction but Nayr has him tight. He backs up to let Blitz tag in. Blitz vaults the ropes and swings into a dropkick, and Nayr releases SYB to send him tumbling back across the ring, Blitz hops up and executes a ROLLING THUNDER on SYB, Cover only gets a one count, and SYB dives to tag in Skurge. Blitz takes a couple of steps back as the big man legs over the rope and cracks his knuckles menacingly. Blitz looks over his shoulder to Nayr. "He's got REACH!"

Nayr shouts back, "but you are one size level lower than him, he can't catch you!" (Another "Geek!" chant erupts)

Blitz steels himself and charges Skurge. The big man tries to level the little guy with a clothesline but Blitz ducks! he hits the ropes and leaps onto Skurge's back before he can turn around. Blitz starts pummeling Skurge with cross face forearms, but Skurge doesn't seem all that fazed. (Nayr: "All you're doing is making him mad!") Skurge reaches over his head and ragdoll slams Blitz clean off his back. Arrogant cover gets two, and Blitz fails to escape as Skurge catches him by the back of the tights. He plants a few forearms to Blitz's back, then splatters him with a one-man flapjack. Skurge tags SYB back in. The big man snags his partner and drops him on Blitz WITH AUTHORITY! The tag-team cover only gets a two count. Blitz tries to crawl away, but SYB gets him with a WEDGIE. Blitz makes a weird "Squeak" noise and reaches for Nayr, eyes wide with shock (or pain). SYB pulls in Blitz for a Back Suplex, then another cover - and ANOTHER TWO COUNT! Skurge is not pleased and SYB takes a few seconds to pitch a fit about it. Skurge starts yelling at Barros, drawing him away from the action as SYB gets Blitz to his feet. JERSEY TURNPIKE and Blitz crumples. SYB covers, and Skurge points out the pin fall! 1, 2, - Nayr charges in for the save. Barros shoos him to the corner as SYB stands Blitz up for another JERSEY TURNPIKE but Barros sees SYB "winding up". The ref admonishes SYB and asks him if he did that before - SYB pleads innocence but the crowd begs to differ. SYB tells them all to shut up, and Skurge stands on the corner holding his ears. Blitz, meanwhile, is slowly getting to his feet. Nayr is BEGGING for a tag at this point while SYB is protesting. Blitz crawls for the corner as SYB backs up to sic Skurge on what's left of Blitz. Before Blitz can make that last lunge for his corner Skurge has him by the ankle! Blitz tries to get his other foot under him as Skurge turns him around and flattens him with a clothesline. He covers Blitz and spits in Nayr's direction, infuriating the Paladin! Nayr climbs through the ropes but Barros pushes him back, leaving Skurge draped over Blitz for what could have been a 10-count. The little warrior finally kicks out, and Skurge is livid! He pushes to his feet and reaches for Barros, forgetting about Blitz for the few seconds Blitz needed to finally HOT TAG TO THE PALADIN! Crowd erupts as Nayr hits the corner and lands a perfect MISSLE DROPKICK OVER THE REFEREE TO SKURGE! Nayr keeps moving as he rolls to his feet, bounces off the ropes and takes Skurge's legs out from under him! Skurge tries to stand and gets chop blocked! Skurge is screaming and cussing at this point as Nayr hits a corner, but before he can leap Skurge CHARGES the ropes. Nayr leaps over Skurge, somersaults (And STICKS the landing!) and gets Skurge on another chop block as he backs up. Nayr tags Blitz but climbs the corner first. Skurge is staggering to his feet, and just in time to take DDT OF WIND +3! Skurge is positioned perfectly to as Blitz follows up with a BLITZ FLIP! Nayr leaps in SYB's direction and hits a DRIVER OF A THOUSAND TRUTHS OFF THE APRON TO THE FLOOR! SYB is NOT getting up from THAT as Blitz covers for the win!
WINNERS in 9:17 Nayr and Blitz

FIREWOMAN vs. STANK vs. THE DEAD

Arena goes black, fog begins to rise and Smashing Pumpkin’s Doomsday Clock fills the night. Through the fog and under the black light out steps The Dead…The Dead looks around the arena, raises him arms once in the air and runs down to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope bouncing to his feet and up on to the far turnbuckle…The strobe lights begin, two load explosions pop with red flames and Nonpoint’s “Skin ” begins as Stank charges out of the back and down the ramp…Stank slides into the ring and steps right up to The Dead and putting his finger in his chest…Huge pyro pops and the arena is bathed in red lights, the entrance ramp becomes a wall of flame and The Cult’s "Firewoman” blares out as Firewoman races down the ramp to join the party already in progress.

Stank waste no time hitting The Dead with a stiff right, The Dead staggers right a right by Firewoman…back to Stank, back to Firewoman and then doing a Flair flop…Fire looks at Stank, shrugs her shoulders and hits Stank with a clothesline. Fire grabs TD by his hair to help him to his feet and connects with a swinging neck breaker…she regains her feet turns around and sees Stank as he shrugs his shoulders and returns the clothesline to her. Stank then turns to TD and standing over him drops a knee to the head. Stank stands up and finds Firewoman waiting for him. She gives him a chop to the chest and he trades chops with her backing her into the far corner. Stank gains the upper hand and gives her 3 quick shoulder blocks to the stomach. Fire is doubled over in the corner, Stank steps to the second rope and begins to hit her…the crowd joins the count…..2….3…..4….5… The Dead grabs Stank and delivers a belly to back suplex off the second rope.

The Dead steps over Stank and proceeds to put Stank into his Deathlock sharpshooter, he clinches it in and Stank reaches out for the ropes…Just out of reach…Stank shakes his head and screams…TD cranks it on and then Firewoman hits TD with a big boot to the head. Stank crawls out of the ring and begins to bend and flex his leg trying to get blood flowing back into the leg…Fire meanwhile grabs TD to pull him up but he comes up with a thumb to her eye…Fire wheels away holding her eye and stumbling away…TD follows her and hits her with a bulldog. He then follows it up with a front chancery. Fire is too close to the ropes and the ref calls for a break….1…..2…..3 and TD breaks the hold.

The Dead grabs Fire and pulls her up, Irish whips to the ropes and sets for a backdrop but he sets too soon and she leapfrogs him and bounces off the far ropes and catches TD with a Hurricanrana and grabs his legs for a pin…1…2…and Stank breaks up the count.

Stank brings Fire up and proceeds to pop off a pump handle slam. Stank goes for his own pin…1…2…and TD there for the save. Stank rolls off Fire and quickly regains his feet. TD goes for a clothesline but Stank ducks it and sets for TD, The Dead bounces off the ropes and into a sidewalk slam. Stank goes for another pin only to have this one broken up by Fire. Fire grabs Stank and whips into the corner…she flips and does a handstand into a flying elbow that catches Stank and drives him into the corner. Stank crumbles in the corner and Fire climbs to the second rope and drops down to deliver a driving drop kick ala’ Jeff Hardy. Fire regains her feet, standing over Stank she is quickly caught in a schoolboy roll-up by TD…1…2…and she kicks out. TD pulls her up and shoots her into the corner where she hits Stank. TD follows her in with a Stinger splash. Fire falls to the mat, and Stank falls face first onto Fire’s crotch. OHHH that’s gotta hurt, Fire is grabbing herself and rocking in pain.

TD Picks up Stank and pulls his up to the top rope. TD is attempting a super plex off the top rope. Fire has recovered enough and she races over to the corner and as TD superplexes Stank off the top rope Fire catches TD with a sit down power bomb…Stank is down, TD is down and Fire is going up to the top of the turnbuckle…she hits her Firesault on Stank…oh she nails him, She goes for the cover, The Dead jumps on top of her and the ref counts….1….2….3 ….oh The Dead wins!

He stole that one…he is up and heading up the ramp. Looking back he is pointing at Stank and laughing. Fire is on her knees in the middle of the ring trying to figure out what just happened. Stank is at the ropes shaking them, yelling at The Dead and inviting him back to the ring…
WINNER in 18:32 - The Dead

THE AMNESIAC vs. CONCRETE TG

Concrete TG is lead to the ring by the rest of The Heroes Guild, but they all head to the back as CTG chooses to eliminate the temptation for outside interference. The Amnesiac makes his way out next. With both men in the ring, Hightower calls for the bell and we get underway!

We start with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and CTG immediately gets control of Amnesiac's left arm, pulling it behind for a hammerlock. Amnesiac is able to spin out, but CTG connects with a small kick to the butt to let Amnesiac know he's still in control. Both men lock-up again, and CTG goes right back to the hammerlock. Amnesiac backs them towards the corner, turning them around and kicking off the turnbuckle, sending both men back. They roll through, and end up back on their feet--CTG once again holding Amnesiac in a hammerlock! Amnesiac, frustrated, starts throwing elbows back at CTG. CTG immediately knows what's going on, and ducks out of the way. Amnesiac rears back for one last big elbow, which CTG ducks again, turning Amnesiac around. This allows CTG to lift Amnesiac up for a body slam, with the arm still in hammerlock position. With Amnesiac down on the mat--arm trapped behind his back--CTG hits the ropes and drops a knee to the trapped arm! As The Amnesiac screams in pain, CTG comes off the ropes and lands a second knee to the trapped arm!

CTG picks Amnesiac up, immediately barring the already hurting arm. Hightower asks, but Amnesiac refuses to quit. Amnesiac makes it to his feet, pushing CTG into the ropes, where Hightower starts the 5-count. CTG breaks (of course!), and Amnesiac immediately connects with a stiff forearm to the jaw. Amnesiac immediately sends CTG to the ropes, rebounding off of the opposite ropes himself. CTG immediately grabs the top rope to stop his momentum, but Amnesiac has other ideas. Amnesiac adjusts to CTG's stopping, charging right at his heroic opponent--connecting with a clothesline that takes both men over the top!

Hightower starts the count, but both men are up before he gets to ten. Amnesiac is in a little better shape, grabbing CTG and throwing him shoulder first into the ring steps! He then sets up to whip CTG into the railing, but CTG reverses and Amnesiac goes back first into the railing. CTG charges...and connects with a SPEAR THROUGH THE RAILING! Both men are down as Hightower is down to check on them.

They finally rise to their feet, and CTG is slowly pulling Amnesiac towards the ring. They get back to ringside, and Amnesiac punches CTG in the stomach. CTG fights back with forearms to the head, and rolls Amnesiac into the ring. CTG climbs to the apron, and ascends the ropes. CTG comes off with a big splash, and misses!

Amnesiac capitalizes, putting CTG in position for the Pure Amnesia. CTG reverses, setting Amnesiac up for the Long Arm of the Law. He lifts, but Amnesiac spins out, turns CTG around, and connects with Pure Amnesia! 1...2...3!
WINNER in 14:45 - The Amnesiac

THIM REYNOLDS vs. SPIN HANSEN vs. DH MAGNUSSON vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY – Winner Gets an Onslaught Title Shot at the Pay Per View

Seamus is introduced first, but barely makes it to the top of the ramp before he's PEARL HARBORED by Reynolds, who makes his presence felt with a thundering forearm to the back of Seamus' head. The shot sends Seamus staggering down the ramp to the ringside area and Reynolds follows in close pursuit, charging and smashing the big man into the apron with a stinger splash! Seamus begins to buckle but doesn't quite go down, and Reynolds begins to stuff him into the ring, stopping only when the sounds of Alcohaulin' Ass blare across the arena, and Spin Hansen charges down the ring, tossing an empty bottle of Jaegermiester over his shoulder and launching at Reynolds! Reynolds is up to the challenge, and the two meet in mid-tackle, exchanging a blistering flurry of punches to the sides of each others heads. Hansen gets the upper hand, taking over with a series of huge overhand rights that stagger Reynolds back and into the waiting arms of McNasty, who hauls him headfirst into the ring just as "Calm Before the Storm" hits! Hansen spins around (no pun intended) to the entrance ramp screaming for Magnusson, as Referee Davis Hightower -maybe sensing this is a close as he'll get a chance to- calls for the bell. Hansen continues to scream for Magnusson, not seeing his former tag team partner hopping the far side rail and BLASTING him with a boomerang clothesline! Magnusson drops on top of him hammering him down with elbows to the back of the head, as McNasty launches Reynolds into the turnbuckle, following him close behind with a heavy elbow, before setting up the barrage! On the outside, Magnusson picks up Hansen and looks for a whip into the barricade only to have it reversed by Hansen , who follows up with running clothesline that takes both men up and over into the fans! Hightower is calling for them to get to the ringside area, but neither man seems all that interesting in listening as they continue their wild brawl to the back!

Back in the ring, a missed running boot from Seamus has given Reynolds the upper hand and he's capitalizing with a boot choke. Hightower finally turns his attention to the two men in the ring, quickly reaching a four-count on Reynolds before he steps back. Hightower pushes Reynolds towards the center the ring, reminding him that choking is a no-no as Seamus pulls himself back to his feet, back to the ring. Reynolds goes back on the offensive, grabbing Seamus and ramming his face into the turnbuckle as Seamus seems to be grabbing at his own right hand. Reynolds sees his chance and loads up McNasty for a huge backdrop suplex, but at the midway point Seamus nails him right to the top of the head! Reynolds drops like a stone, and he looks like he's been knocked out as Seamus drops on top of him! Hightower drops down to make the count, and Reynolds isn't even moving!

1..
2...
3!

WINNER of the upcoming ONSLAUGHT TITLE MATCH in 5:32 - SEAMUS McNASTY!

After the bell, Seamus rolls out the ring quickly and Hightower checks on the unconscious Reynolds he swings his hand out to the crowd, who go wild as a shower of what look like Half-Dollars fly out into the stands! Seamus take a moment to tap his temple to his fans before making the universal "Me Wanty Belt" gesture.





DAVIN MORELAND vs. BRYCE LARSON

There's a definite buzz in the crowd as the particulars for our next match are introduced. “War Machine” blasts over the sound system, and "The King of the Indies" Bryce “The Bad Ass Dragon” Larson makes his way down the ramp. The Heroes Guild marks (a.k.a. 7-year-olds) are cheering their heads off, but there is a definite sentiment of displeasure. There's a decent amount of boos raining down, no doubt due to the match between these two last week. “Notorious” replaces the music on the PA, and Davin Moreland, with Samantha Darling, appears on the top of the ramp. The ostentatious pyro goes off and they start to head down to the ring, but Davin whispers something to Samantha and she stays on the ramp. Davin heads down alone with an odd look on his face and...are those some cheers? That's weird. That segment of the crowd clearly believes Davin Moreland's side of the story. Interesting. Davin climbs into the ring quietly and gets into a corner. Larson is across the ring just seething and is waiting for the bell. Barros has a wary look on his face, but he calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY!

As soon as the bell rings, Davin rolls out of the ring and heads up the ramp shaking his head. Apparently, he's not interested in wrestling Larson tonight. He turns back toward the ring and gives the old “wave-off” gesture. Larson is dumbfounded for a minute and watches Davin back his way up the stairs. By the time he realizes what's going on, he thinks about going to chase after him, but by now, Barros' faster than normal count is already at 8. Larson just rests against the top rope, staring daggers at Davin as he and Samantha head to the back.
WINNER by COUNTOUT in :10..."The King of the Indies" Bryce “The Bad Ass Dragon” Larson


MATTE vs. CHRIS EVANS – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

“The Trooper” by the Iron Maiden begins to play and the challenger Chris Evans makes his way down into the ring. He gets into the ring and looks focused to take the OOWF Onslaught Championship. He’s in the ring, looking up the aisle for Matte when there is a slight pop in the crowd as Alexis Darling walks down the side of the ramp and makes her way down to ringside. She pushes some lackey out of his chair and takes a seat just as Nirvana’s “I Hate Myself and Want to Die” begins to play. Matte drags the OOWF Onslaught belt alongside himself as he holds his head down. He slides in and under the bottom rope and tries to crawl into his corner but OOWF Official Mel Creech calls him to the center of the ring. He goes over the Onslaught Rules for both competitors. He sends both guys to a neutral corner and we are ready to get this one underway.

The bell rings and Matte tries to get a quick jump on Evans by going for a single leg, but CE is able to avoid it and he goes for an elbow to the back of Matte’s head. Matte is able to roll out of the way though and he gets back to a vertical base and goes for a stomp, but Evans is too quick and he rolls behind Matte and takes him down with a schoolboy. Creech gets down to count, but Matte rolls through before he can even get a one count. And before Chris can get back up, Matte hits a running knee and Evans’ head slams back onto the canvas. And now Matte begins his offense; his slow, methodical offense to keep Evans speed and variety of offense quelled. Matte seems to be focusing on the lower back and legs in order to keep Evans grounded. Because a wise man once said, a tree cannot stand without roots and Matte looks like he’s going to test that theory tonight. Matte whips Chris hard into the corner but CE catches him coming in when he raises both knees. This might be the opportunity Evans needed to change the momentum of this match. Evans begins to take advantage with his creative, indytastic move set. He’s got Matte off balanced and he takes him off his feet with a STANDING HURRICANRANA. Matte flies all the way through and Evans reaches back and he hooks the leg…

1…
2…

Matte kicks out at 2 and a half and Chris is a little frustrated, but he stays on the offensive. CE picks up Matte off the mat and lifts him up and puts him right back down with a POWERBOMB. But Evans doesn’t let go; it looks like he’s going for the CHAIN OF OLYMPUS. He goes to get Matte up for the second power bomb, but Matte starts punching away and Evans has to let go. And as Matte falls off his shoulders, he grabs CE by the back of the head and pulls him down to the mat with a FACEPLANT. Now it is Matte’s turn to go on the attack as he takes Evans up and then right back down with a DOCTOR BOMB. He gets down and he makes the cover and Creech follows him down…

One…
Two…
Th…

No, Chris gets his shoulder up. Matte doesn’t let up though as he picks Evans and right back down with a SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP. But Matte doesn’t let go as he rolls through and he takes CE with him and lifts him with a vertical suplex and all the way back down. And again Matte doesn’t let as he rolls over and he picks Evans up for another suplex, but this time he just releases him and CE crashes to the mat. And now Matte follows it up and goes to lock in a KOJI CLUTCH. He gets it locked in, but Evans is twisting and turning and trying to fight over it. Matte is keeping up with him though and he’s got it worked in tight. Chris looks like he’s fading, but he takes one last burst and spins through and he gets Matte’s shoulders on the mat…

1…
2…
Matte has no choice but to let go of the Koji Clutch to avoid being pinned. He gets back to his feet and drags Evans with him, but Evans spins behind and he lifts Matte up on his shoulders; POSEIDON’S REVENGE with a bridge…

1…
2…
Matte gets a shoulder up, but just barely. And now it’s Evans turn to go on the offense, but he can’t maintain it too long as Matte fights back and now they are trading moves in the center of the ring. Body slams, suplexes, and every other toss imaginable are being attempted by these guys. Finally Evans gets Matte on the mat and he runs to the ropes and he leaps up and back with a LIONSAULT, but there’s no one home as Matte gets out of the way. That had to hurt and Matte is stalking CE now and waiting for him to get to his feet. Once Evans is up, Matte plants a kick right to his stomach and he lifts him up…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER. But Matte isn’t done as he lifts Evans back up by the hair and it looks like he’s calling the finish, but Evans still has a little fight as he starts punching away. Matte whips Evans to the ropes, but Evans jumps up and leaps off…ICARUS STRIKE and Matte is staggered and he stumbles back. Evans looks to follow up with his ICARUS WINGS, but Matte blocks it and he gets behind Evans and he nails him with a couple of hard elbows and now Evans is in trouble…too much trouble as he turns around and walks right into a kick to the stomach and it’s quickly followed up with the NEVERMIND DDT. And that’s all she wrote as Creech gets down to make the count…

One…
Two…
Three!

And the fat lady has sung tonight on Chris Evans chance to become the OOWF Onslaught Champion.
WINNER in 14:57 and still OOWF Onslaught Champion, MATTE!

THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER vs. KZ – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

kz enter the arena first to a huge chorus of boos. Moose is carrying his trusty barbed wire bat and Williams is taping his fists as they make their way to the ring. They warm up briefly and turn to face the aisle as “Thunderstruck” hits. Instead of Empty Team, however, Wally B King comes out carrying the tag team titles. Moose and Williams immediately turn around, and are blindsided by OBJ and Gator. Referee Mel Creech, handpicked for this match, calls for the bell and waves the beer vendor over.

OBJ levels Moose with a forearm, then rolls him to his feet and shoves him into the corner. He rocks Moose with European uppercuts and slings him across the ring. Moose reverses and follows him into the corner, but OBJ drops out of the way and Moose hits the corner hard. He staggers back, and we hear something break as OBJ punches him square in the face before pitching him over the ropes to the floor. OBJ turns around as Gator sends Williams across the ring. OBJ hoists him up and turns around as Gator sprints towards him. 3-D! OBJ covers, but Moose drags him off to the outside.

Gator pounces on Williams and starts throwing punches. Williams covers up and manages to throw him off. Gator rolls to his feet and tries for a running neck breaker, but Williams grabs the ropes to block. Gator is off balance, and Williams drives a shoulder into his stomach, then hits him with a slingshot suplex. He hits the ropes and drives a knee into Gator's temple. He flips him over and tries for the STF, but Gator kicks him off.

Outside the ring, OBJ and Moose exchange punches. Moose slips one and hits a drop toehold that sends OBJ into the ring steps. Moose jumps onto the apron, and stomps OBJ's face into the steel. Mel comes over to investigate, and Moose stands on OBJ's head to argue with him as blood starts to drip off the steps. Gator sees this out of the corner of his eye, staggers Williams with a kick, and sprints across the ring, spearing Moose and sending him flying into the ringside barrier. Moose gets up clutching his ribs, then snarls and grabs the barbed wire bat as he returns to the ring. Mel points out that even he's not that lenient, but while he's distracted Williams catches Gator from behind with a low blow. He scoops Gator up and drops him face-first on the turnbuckle, catching him before he falls and locking in a standing half-nelson as Moose slides in the ring. Moose hits the heart punch, and Williams snaps Gator over with a suplex. He bridges, but OBJ dives in to break it up just before the three.

Moose sees the blood coating OBJ's face and reacts like, well, Moose seeing blood. He launches himself at OBJ and starts tearing at the wounds on his forehead. Williams pulls Moose off, drags OBJ to his feet, and plants him with a DDT. Kz set up a tandem suplex, but Gator clips Williams' knee, taking him down and allowing OBJ to reverse the suplex on Moose. Gator grabs Williams and drags him onto the apron and tries for a pile driver onto the floor, but Williams blocks and fights free. Gator traps Williams' arms and nails him with a headbutt, then hits a Belly-to-belly suplex through the Scandinavian announce table!

Inside the ring, OBJ scoops and slams Moose, and kicks him in the head before going to the corner and removing the middle turnbuckle pad. As he turns around, Moose rolls to his feet and into a flying clothesline. OBJ staggers, but doesn't go down. Moose takes a wild swing but OBJ ducks, grabbing Moose and dropping him with a flapjack on the exposed turnbuckle. As blood pours from Moose's head, OBJ drags him to the middle of the ring and covers, but Moose kicks out at two. OBJ grabs Moose in a choke and bounces his head off the mat, then sits him up. He goes to the ropes and hits a diving forearm that drives Moose's head into the mat. Instead of covering, he flips him over and locks on the Croc Hunter. Moose struggles, spraying Creech with blood. Eventually, he manages to drag himself to the ropes to force the break.

In the remains of the announce table, Gator is the first to stir. He makes it to his knees, grabs a monitor, and smashes it into Williams' head. Blood starts to flow, and an unfortunate close-up shows the glass embedded in his forehead. Gator staggers to his feet and stumbles toward the ring. He sees Williams struggling to his feet and apparently he's been watching Spin's old matches, as he grabs Sven, the Scandinavian color commentator, and pitches him at Williams. Creech has something to say about this, but Wally comes over to discuss discounts and distracts his attention. Williams starts to get up again and Gator looks around for a weapon and spots the barbed wire bat. He grabs it and takes a wild swing, but Williams drops out of the way and comes up with a piece of broken table. He jabs Gator in the stomach and DDT's him onto the bat, and now all four men are bleeding heavily. As Gator tries to pry the wire out of his head, Williams stomps his head back into the wreckage and slides into the ring.

Moose sees Williams coming and drops to the mat, allowing him to level OBJ with the Boomerang. kz plant OBJ with a tandem choke slam, and Williams heads to the apron. Moose drags OBJ to his feet and lifts him for a wheelbarrow suplex and Williams springboards off the top rope mid-move and turns it into a Canadian Destroyer! OBJ is dead! Williams makes the cover and Creech slides in to count One...Two...Thr – Gator breaks it up with a Swanton!

Moose lets out a scream of rage and launches himself at Gator – who rolls to his feet and hits him with a clothesline – with the barbed wire wrapped around his arm! Mel is busy checking on OBJ of course, and misses this completely. Moose rolls on the mat struggling to breathe, and Gator drags Williams to the corner and starts smashing his face into the exposed turnbuckle. He pulls Williams to his feet and hits the chomp! Williams is dead! Gator makes the cover, and Creech counts one...two...thr-Moose drags Gator off!

Gator, frustration etched on his face, gets slowly to his feet. He turns to Moose, who catches him with a low blow before stumbling to his feet as well. Moose throws a punch, but Gator ducks and hits an atomic drop. He ducks past Moose and hits the ropes as OBJ lumbers up from behind. Call of the Wild! Moose hits the mat and OBJ scoops up his own partner, driving him into Moose with an inverted power bomb. OBJ collapses to the mat as Creech counts One...Two...Williams dives onto Gator but gets there just after Mel counts Three.
WINNERS and still OOWF Tag Team Champions, in 16:32, Empty Team.

After the match: Absolutely nothing. Nobody's moving except Mel, who's waving frantically for another drink. EMT's and officials hit the ring and clear the four men out, and the ring crew tries to mop up the blood before the next match.

TYTAN vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

Chris Cole enters the arena first, to “Master of Puppets.” He air-guitars down the ramp and gets into the ring, but can’t think of anything particularly witty or snarky to say about the town, having already exhausted every conceivable joke about Springfield by now. He poses in the ring, as the lights dim, and the sound of typing can be heard, followed by the voice of Diana Podvod saying “Perfection can be created…Ultimo, Inc. presents Tytan, The Wrestling Prototype for the 21st Century.” I wonder where Diana is these days? It doesn’t matter now though, as “The Fight Inside” fires up. Tytan rises up from under the stage, with overproduced pyro, and then makes his way to the ring, the Intercontinental Championship belt over his shoulder, not around his waist, where it belongs, followed by Jonathan Steele. Tytan gets in the ring and gives the belt to Steele. He gets nose to nose with Cole, the ref calls for the bell, and we’re off.

Cole and Tytan stand there for a while. Cole is smiling a smirky smile, and Tytan is looking down doing his best Drago impression. Enough time passes for the crowd to start up a “Boring” chant, which seems to wake up Tytan. He shoves Cole hard, so that he falls backwards, all the way into the ropes. Cole stands, steadies himself, smirks and walks up to Tytan. He stands for a moment, and hits a big right to the jaw of Tytan. The referee reminds Cole of the ‘no closed fist’ rule. Tytan turns back from where he was rubbing his jaw and grabs Cole. He picks him up, and holds him in a bear hug as he makes the slow walk to the corner. He picks up speed as he heads that direction and runs Cole spine first into the post. He sets him on his feet and keeps pressing his spine into the post, and his head backwards. The referee begins the count, and Tytan breaks it at 4.5, stepping back. Cole steps away from the post, rubbing his back, and Tytan lands an unexpected left that nearly spins Cole around. He grabs Cole’s arm and whips him into the far corner, then follows him in for a splash. He backs up, then runs in, but this time, Cole is ready and gets Tytan with an elbow. Tytan staggers back, and Cole runs forward, and grabs him for a belly-to-back suplex. Cole makes a quick cover, but Tytan is up at one. Cole “helps” Tytan up by grabbing his head under the chin, and, with a couple of European uppercuts for good measure, gets Tytan up and holds….holds….holds….for a seriously delayed vertical suplex. Tytan hits the mat with a huge thud. Cole makes the cover one…two…no, as Tytan gets the shoulder up. Cole sits back on his heels in disbelief. He glares at the referee, then gets to his feet as Tytan gets to his. Cole grabs Tytan’s arm and whips him again into the ropes, as he goes backwards to the rope across from him. But instead of impelling himself forward, he gets hung up by Steele, who grabs Cole’s foot. Cole turns around to swing at Steele, and the referee comes over to explain the rules to Steele. This gives Tytan his opening. He comes up behind Cole. Cole turns around and eats a chemically engineered super kick. Cole is down, and Tytan locks on the Corporate Red Tape. He locks it in hard. Cole reaches towards the ropes but he’s not close enough. The referee asks Cole if he’s done, and Cole growls “No” through clenched teeth.

Tytan has Cole right where he wants him, and starts to crank the hold more, when there is an outburst from the crowd. Everyone seems to be looking up, so Tytan does the same. A figure in black, with black wings, is descending from the rafters on a wire, Owen-style. Well, not quite Owen-style, as the figure lands in the middle of the ring, knocking the referee over. Ref bump! The referee goes down! Tytan releases the hold, and goes after the figure, who is much shorter than he is, and is very obviously female. Unfortunately, she’s wearing a mask, so we have no idea who it is! Tytan goes after her, and she leaps up to sit on the top turnbuckle. The mask hides most of her face, but her mouth is visible, and there’s an evil smile. Tytan lunges…and he’s met with a huge flash of flame, as the figure in black launches a FIREBALL right at his face. Tytan falls backwards, his hands to his face. The figure in black signals, stands on the turnbuckle, and “flies” upward into the rafters.

Everyone is down in the ring. Cole comes to first and surveys the scene. He grabs the referee and shakes him to bring him back to consciousness. Cole goes over to Tytan, picks him up, and hits The Headliner! He makes the pin and we are done. One…Two…Three!
WINNER in 21:15 and NEW OOWF Intercontinental Champion – “The Main Event” Chris Cole

POE vs. ALEXANDER DARLING – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match

It's time for the main event, and the crowd can't wait for this one. A white strobe light begins to bounce through the arena and the first thing hear dis ”There Can Be Only One.” That leads directly into ”Prelude 12/21.” The drum beat of Prelude hits and The Darlings take a step onto the ramp. They don’t move until it finishes and a blue spotlight focuses on him and ”Princes of the Universe” starts to play. Apparently the slo-mo machine is broken tonight, because we're not getting that part of the entrance. Nor is Alexander Darling wearing his gay fuzzy boots. No, instead he's just got a slight smirk on his face...a knowing smirk maybe? He climbs into the ring in a no-nonsense manner and just turns around and faces the ramp. “Misera Cantare” fires up, and the crowd goes nuts as Poe appears with Selena at the top of the ramp. As his pyro goes off, Poe decides to hold his title with both hands above his head. The crowd responds as Poe is clearly making a statement. Poe and Selena slowly walk down to ringside. Poe says something to Selena on the outside and she stays behind as Poe climbs into the ring. He stares down Darling as he hands his belt to OOWF Senior Referee Davis Hightower. Hightower holds it high in the air. This match is for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. Hightower hands the belt to the outside and calls for the bell.....WE'RE UNDERWAY!

Poe stomps over near Darling and looks for the tie-up, but Alexander, in true Alexander Darling fashion, is really ratcheting up the trash talk. It's hard to make out, but the discussion seems to be centered around tapping. Now Poe starts to give back as good as he gets, and both men are right in front of each other, just yapping away. Poe definitely calls Darling “Boy” here, but that's immediately followed by a lewd comment concerning Selena coming from the other direction. Poe immediately snarls and loads up with a big right hand, but Darling knew it was coming, and delivers a stiff kick to Poe's exposed ribs. As Poe bends to try to cover them, Darling hammers Poe with a sharp kick to the temple, which knocks the big man over. Poe struggles to get back to his knees, and Darling runs the far ropes. By the time Poe is to his knees, Darling is right there to nail Poe with a SHINING WIZARD, and Poe flops backward. Darling immediately covers. 1..2...NO! Poe rolled the shoulder just in time, but Darling isn't worried about that, as he just starts landing right hands to Poe's head. Poe's beaten to his back. Darling hits the near ropes, and hits a 450 SPLASH on Poe. 1..2..No, and Poe kicked out that time. Poe struggles to the ropes to pull himself up, but Darling lines him up for a Chop Block. Darling backs up a few steps and hits another Chop Block on the other leg. Darling scoots back looking for the trifecta, but this time Poe is able to catch Darling on his shoulder and toss him out of the ring. Darling falls awkwardly on the outside.

Poe seemed to expend a lot of energy with that move and again has to try to pull himself up by the ropes. Darling is starting to stir on the outside. Poe gets to his feet, and simultaneously faceplants onto the mat. It seems Darling grabbed Poe's ankles from the outside, and he's dragged him out to the outside. Darling looks like he wants to whale away with punches, but Poe blocks Darling's right hand, and starts unleashing right hands of his own. Darling stumbles backward. Poe growls and just SPEARS him right into the barrier! Darling is nearly crumpled by that. This seems to rally Poe a bit, and he gets to his feet and stands over Darling. His look can only be described as “contempt”. He grabs Darling and pulls him up. He hits a PILEDRIVER on the floor! Poe's not done, and he LAWN DARTS Darling into the Steel Steps, which knocks them over. Darling comes up bloody, and that's what Poe seems to be out for as he simply starts ramming Darling's head into the remaining step. Darling looks out of it. Poe isn't taking any chances, and he goes looking for a Steel Chair. While he's over there, Alexis Darling comes over and appears to be checking on her brother. Poe turns around and sees this, and Poe leers at Alexis and starts to walk toward her. As he passes by Darling, Darling, as if by magic, gets off the step and is holding his Sledgehammer! Selena sees this from across the floor and screams. Poe instinctually turns around, and eats a full swung Sledgehammer to the ribs!

Not to be outdone, as Poe is falling, he manages to catch Darling full-on with the Steel Chair! Darling drops like he's been shot. Meanwhile, Alexis is under the ring trying to dig out every weapon she can find, and is creating a nice little pile out on the floor. Poe has recovered from his sledgehammer shot and looks over at Alexis once again. She just starts repeating “stay away from me”. Poe apparently thinks this is funny, because now he has the knowing smirk. Just when he's almost within reaching distance, he gets blistered from behind with a Kendo Stick! Darling dove from where he was and lunged out to get that one shot in, and the Kendo Stick splintered. Darling crawls over to the Pile O' Toys to try to find a weapon that's in one piece. He selects a Baseball Bat, and as Darling stands, he sees Poe standing across holding a Metal Pipe. They each take a step toward each other and both swing, each landing a solid rib shot. Both men hit a simultaneous rub shot going back the other way, but still neither refuses to fall down! The crowd is going crazy! Both men load up one more time and land a same-time shot to the head! Both collapse to the mat and there's blood coming from both of their skulls now. Hightower stopped counting like an hour ago.
YOUR DECISION in 9:59 by DOUBLE COUNTOUT...NO CONTEST!

Post-match, the medics are rushed to ringside, and Russ talks in his serious voice. Neither man is responsive as they're wheeled up the ramp, with each of their valets obviously worried by their sides.

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the MADNESS V PPV! Live, March 29th, from Springfield, Oregon! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! April 1st from Springfield, California

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