OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Hollywood, California
<GM the Rick comes out to the top of the ramp with a mic>
Ok, as all of you know, Chris Cole lost a retirement match to Davin Moreland last week. While the match was a non-title match, which means Davin is NOT getting the intercontinental title handed to him, obviously with Cole gone, the title is vacant. Starting next week, we are going to hold an eight person tournament to fill the vacancy. Our first round matchups are as follows <GM the Rick points to the OOTron>:Firewoman vs. Spin Hansen
The Amnesiac vs. Chris Evans
Zane Myers vs. Tytan
The Dead vs. Blitz
Ok, so there you go, it’s set, I am not changing it, if you are not in it, don’t complain to me about it. Enjoy the show.ALEXANDER DARLING vs. DAMON WRATHDamon Wrath is already in the ring and no one seems to care about him until “There Can Be Only One” booms throughout the arena and the fog machine kicks in near the entrance. The blue spotlight starts circling the arena as AFI’s “Prelude 12/21” starts to play. Alexander and Alexis Darling make their way out in full slow-motion douchebaggery entrance, but shockingly it’s not getting the complete hatred it normally gets. The Darlings wait as they like to do until “Princes of the Universe” by Queen begins to play. It’s not quite a mixed reaction as the Darlings make their way down to the ring, but there are small pockets of fans that are not wishing Alexander and his sister dead tonight. Alexander slides under the bottom rope and sneers at Damon Wrath as Alexis makes her way around the outside and grabs a microphone from the Anglo-Saxon Announce Table. Well that will probably get the fans to turn on Darling most likely. Alex takes his perch on one of the turnbuckles as Alexis hands him the microphone.
Alexander: So, I told the world to be prepared for a new era of Run DEA and unfortunately for Mr. Wrath over there, he gets to be one of the first victims. It’s time for the birth of the next great tag team in the OOWF. So, hit the music…“NOTORIOUS” blasts over the speakers and out from the back steps the former 3-time OOWF World Champion and longest reigning OOWF Onslaught Champion in history, Davin Moreland with Samantha Darling. And again, it’s not entirely a hostile reaction here in Hollywood, California as Davin and Samantha are making their way down the aisle and into the ring. The sisters meet up and head to the far corner while Alex hops off the turnbuckles and hands the microphone over to Davin.
Davin: Davin Moreland would like to thank Alexander Darling for the microphone. And Davin Moreland would also like to thank Alexander for coming to Davin Moreland with this idea. The tag team scene in the OOWF has been sorely lacking since the Division Killers and Davin Moreland’s’ brothers got unceremoniously and cheaply beat in a loser leaves town match. So now that Alexander and I have decided to come together, we’re putting notice out to every other tag team in this company.Alexander: IHOP, Heroes, kz, Team From Down Under…Davin: All nothing but victims. Except for you Gator and Outback. You want to run my brothers out of town and call Run DEA out. Be careful what you ask for mates. Your day of reckoning is coming.Alexander: It’s been said before, but it’s time to say it again. We are Run DEA. Try and Fucking Stop Us. Now get Hi-C Saki out here so we can get this over with.A stagehand comes out from the back and he’s trying to explain what’s going on to Hi-Vo Sakamoto. He seems to finally understand it as we hear the announcement that this has been changed to a tag team match.
*Bonus Match*RUN DEA (w/Alexis & Samantha) vs. DAMON WRATH & HI-VO SAKAMOTOAnd since everyone is already in the ring, it doesn’t take long to get this match started as Davin gets to start this out for Run DEA and Damon Wrath is starting this out for his team. Mel Creech calls for the bell and we are underway. Wrath goes for a lockup, but Davin is having none of that and he takes Wrath over with a DEEP ARMDRAG. DW gets back to his feet and he looks pissed as he charges Moreland. Another DEEP ARMDRAG. Steamboat would be proud of Moreland with those arm drags. Davin holds onto the arm as he pulls Wrath into his corner and he makes the tag to Alex. Darling leaps over the top and comes down with his knee on Damon’s arm. And now it’s Alexander’s turn to work as he whips Damon to the ropes and he connects with a picture-perfect dropkick. And Damon goes flying back all the way to his corner and he reaches up to make the tag. Sakamoto looks confused but he reaches down and makes the tag.
HVS goes for the lockup, but Alex slips around and grabs a waist lock and he takes Hi-Vo down to the mat. He floats over the top of Sakamoto’s back and he rolls Hi-Vo back to his feet before taking him right back down with a snap suplex. He doesn’t let go as he rolls and he picks Sakamoto up again…SLINGSHOT SUPLEX. And once again, Darling holds on as he rolls back to his feet. HVS gets taken up in the air once again and brought right back down with a BRAINBUSTER. Darling gets to his feet and walks to his corner and he tags in Moreland.
Davin is in and he’s playing with Hi-Vo as he kicks him trying to get him back to his feet. Sakamoto is shaking the cobwebs loose as he gets back to a vertical base and he stares down Davin. DM gives the universal motion to bring it, and HVS is more than happy to try as he starts throwing a variety of spinning martial arts kicks as Davin ducks and weaves his way around the strikes and finally Hi-Vo looks like he tires himself out and DM damn near takes his head off with a LARIATOOOO. He shakes his head as he leans down and picks him up before tossing him into his corner. Damon Wrath looks like he wants no part of this match, but Davin doesn’t seem to care as he takes HVS’ hand and forces a tag before backing to the center of the ring. Creech calls for Wrath to enter the ring.
Damon is tentative as he starts to circle Moreland, but Davin calls for a test of strength and Damon has really gotten stupid as DM kicks him in the stomach as he comes in. Moreland doesn’t waste time as he lifts him up into a power bomb position…RUNNING POWERBOMB INTO THE CORNER and DW may be dead. Davin shakes his head as he drags Wrath to his corner and he tags in Alex. Darling and Moreland begin to work over Damon with a multitude of double-team moves that would even make the MCMG proud. Davin whips Wrath hard into the corner and then he follows it up by whipping Alex in after him. Darling connects with a clothesline as he slides out of the ring and holds Damon up just as Davin charges in and connects with a sick MAFIA KICK. Wrath falls to the mat as Davin now slingshots Alex back into the ring who twists in mid-air and hits a kick right to Wrath’s face.
Finally Sakamoto is back in the ring as he tries to attack Davin from behind. Moreland shakes that off and hits a Savate Kick on HVS as Alexander begins to climb the ropes. Davin lands some punches on Hi-Vo as Alex gets into position. Darling is up on the top rope as Davin lifts Sakamoto up and he places him on Darling’s shoulders on the top rope…DARLING BOMBSHELL and Sakamoto may be dead.
Now Wrath has gotten back to his feet and he’s hammering away on Alex from behind, but Alex fires back with two nasty back elbows and we can hear him yell, “Fuck You Larson.” And then a PELE KICK from Darling sends DW staggering. A right from Moreland spins him back towards Alex who picks him up on his shoulders and he tosses him off towards Davin who is in the perfect position for a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER. Wrath rolls to the outside while Alex and Davin turn their attention back to Hi-Vo Sakamoto. Alex lifts him up and places him across his shoulders; hand across the throat just as Davin hits the ropes…DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER.
Okay, enough is enough but it doesn’t look like Run DEA is done as the Darling sisters have rolled Wrath back into the ring and now Davin is standing behind Sakamoto while Darling is in the same position relative to Wrath. Alex and Davin lock the legs and grab their opponents by the back of the head…DUAL RUN DEA CURBSTOMPS. And it’s still not over as Davin grabs Sakamoto’s legs and he steps through and turns him over; Alex does the same as he puts his hand through DW’s legs and turns him over…
SHARPSHOOTER and MONEY CLIP and it don’t take long at all for Wrath and Sakamoto to start tapping. Creech doesn’t seem to care if anything that happened was legal, but he calls for the bell and this one is thankfully over. And it looks like the new team has new music as Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing in the Name” starts to play. If Davin and Alexander continue to look that good, the OOWF Tag Team Division just got a whole lot tougher as they put on a clinic tonight.
WINNERS in 6:13…Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling…
Run DEA!ZANE MYERS vs. TYTAN“The Fight Inside” by Red fires up and Tytan, looking slightly confused as he makes his way down the ramp, virtually ignoring his pyro as he makes his way into the ring. “What the Cat Dragged In” comes over the PA, and the Zaniacs go crazy for Zane Myers as he makes his way down the ramp. Myers is trying to shake hands with everyone in the building so this looks like it's going to take a while. Referee Mel Creech takes a hit off his flask as he relaxes in the corner. FINALLY Myers gets to the ring, and he does a 4-corner pose (we see Tytan mouthing “You've got to be fucking kidding me”) and the Zaniacs go, well, zany. Myers looks back finally to the ring and Creech, without moving, says “You about ready?” Myers nods and Creech sort of lazily calls for the bell...and WE'RE UNDERWAY!
At the bell, Myers charges across the ring at Tytan, stunning him with a clothesline. Myers hits the rope and hits a Hogan Leg drop and covers...that doesn't even get a 1 count. Myers goes to attack again, but Tytan simply grabs Myers' arms and crushes him with a head butt. Tytan follows up with some brawling punches, backing Myers into the corner. Tytan assaults Myers with some back elbows and some knees and some shoulder blocks. Myers is weakened, and Tytan puts him on the top turnbuckle. He's going for the Ultimo Ending already, but when he pulls Myers off, Myers reverses to a DDT, much to the delight of the Zaniacs. Creech eventually decides to maybe start the double count. Myers is up first at “1”.
Myers walks over to Tytan and pulls him up, and then plants him with a Delayed Vertical Suplex. Myers covers again, and again, he doesn't even get a 1 count. Myers pulls Tytan up again and nails him with a German Suplex. Myers follows with an elbow drop and covers again. This time he gets an actual 1 count. Myers pulls up Tytan again, but before he can get a hold of him, Tytan hits a Belly-to-Belly Suplex on Myers. Myers gets up groggy, and Tytan hooks him in and plants him with a Slingshot Brainbuster. Tytan appears to have come back to us here on Earth apparently, and he starts stomping on Myers like he's Randy Orton. At one point he tries a cover, and it gets a quick two. The stomping resumes, and eventually Tytan grabs Myers' legs...he's going for Corporate Red Tape! And...he gets him turned over!
The Zaniacs are pleading for Myers to come back...and he looks like he's Zaning-Up! He's got the Power of the Shaky Arm, and bah gawd, he gets to the ropes, forcing Tytan to break the hold. The crowd goes apeshit. Tytan turns to press an attack on Myers, but Myers Shoulder blocks him, and then hits Tytan with a straight kick to the face; which wobbles Tytan slightly. Running High Knee Lift by Myers and Tytan is reeling, and leaning against the ropes to hold himself up. Myers poses for the Zaniacs, and he gets Tytan on his shoulders! He's got him in the TORTURE RACK! Myers is sporting the “Lex” look and it looks like Tytan is in big time trouble and is fading. But somehow, Tytan finds the Power of the Shaky Arm deep within him and comes to life, finally diving for the rope as Myers gets near one. Creech is late in breaking the hold (obviously) and Myers is able to pull him away from the ropes! He's got him! This is going to be a HUGE upset! Suddenly, with one last surge on energy, Tytan is able to break his legs free and slips out the back door! LUNGBLOWER from Tytan sends Myers to the mat, and Creech is going to “count” again. At “2” both men are up again, and they start slugging it out with haymakers in the middle of the ring. Finally Tytan appears to get the best of it, and Myers ends up in the corner. Standing Dropkick by Tytan in a great show of agility! This splats Myers against the corner and he's woozy. Tytan sits him on the top turnbuckle and gets on the second turnbuckle himself. He's got Myers hooked! ULTIMO ENDING! This puppy's done.
WINNER in 10:08 by Pin fall...TYTAN!
FIREWOMAN & CHRIS EVANS vs. CONCRETE TG & BLITZAll four wrestlers are in the ring, and we are underway! Evans and Blitz start, locking up in the center of the ring. Evans immediately gets control with a headlock, taking Blitz over. Blitz escapes, trapping Evans with a head scissors. Evans shifts his position and slowly raises out of the head scissors. He then nails Blitz with a seated dropkick to the face! Blitz rolls back into his own corner, tagging in CTG as Evans brings Firewoman into the ring.
Firewoman locks up with CTG, who goes behind for a hammerlock. Firewoman flips CTG over with a snap mare, but CTG holds on, rolling Fire through and maintaining the hammerlock. Fire goes for the mare again, but CTG simply drops her down on her back as she raises up for the throw. Fire makes the quick tag into Evans, who immediately charges and is taken over with an arm drag! Evans is back and feeds into a second arm drag! And a third!
Fire reenters the ring, and is met with a springboard dropkick from Blitz that sends her to the outside. CTG slams Evans into position, then takes Blitz over with a suplex that he finishes as a 450 splash. 1…2…NO! Fire tried to make the save, but Evans kicked out in time, so Fire takes the opportunity to completely level Blitz with a super kick as he returns to his feet!
With Blitz down, Fire drags Evans to their corner and tags herself in. She immediately takes Blitz over with a hip toss, then locks in an ARMBAR~! Blitz winces in pain, but insists he doesn’t want to give up. Blitz makes it to his feet as CTG gets the crowd support started. As the fans start to get behind Blitz, Fire sweeps out his legs, taking him back to the mat, keeping the arm bar locked in. Blitz makes it to his feet again, so Fire walks them to a neutral corner, running the ropes, and taking Blitz over with a Japanese arm wizzer, landing with the arm bar solidly in place in the center of the ring. Blitz again makes it to his feet, so Fire grabs the free arm and takes him over with a Tiger Suplex, bridging for the pin attempt! 1…2…NO! Blitz rolls out, but fire maintains her hold on the arm as she brings Blitz into her corner, tagging in Evans.
Evans comes off the top with a double axe handle on Blitz, then pushes him into their corner for some double team rights, lefts & kicks. CTG comes in, which distracts the ref long enough for the double teaming to escalate. This infuriates CTG, who again attempts to come into the ring, further distracting the referee, allowing for an illegal switch that brings Fire back into the ring. Fire locks in a chin lock, but spits in CTG’s face across the ring. CTG re-enters the ring, of course garnering the ref’s attention one more time. Fire stands Blitz up, Evans enters and they take Blitz out with TOTAL ELIMINATION! Fire goes for the cover…1…2…NO! as CTG makes the save, dragging Blitz towards their corner. The referee is escorting Evans out of the ring as Fire goes back to work on Blitz’s arm, but Blitz pops up, rolls out and makes the hot tag to ‘Crete! The crowd goes wild with the tag!
Crete enters and is ON FIRE with rights to Fire’s face when the referee steps in to inform CTG that HE DIDN’T SEE THE TAG! CTG argues with the referee as Evans puts Blitz on position for a power bomb. Firewoman comes off the top with a missile dropkick to Blitz who goes down to the power bomb immediately following. Fire hits the ropes as CTG exits, and Evans backdrops Fire over, who lands an assisted flipping leg drop on Blitz. The ref goes down to count as Evans knocks CTG off the apron. 1…2...3!
WINNERS in 14:34 – Firewoman & Chris Evans
KZ vs. IHOPIHOP makes their way to the ring first. Surprisingly they come out to the ring alone, no Dorothy Mantooth, no Amnesiac, no Fezzik, no Monkh. SYB leads the way to the ring and he and Skurge climb between the ropes and SYB gets a mic, whose idea was THAT?
kz…….I beat your ass this week in the hallway, and I will do it again right here, in THIS VERY RING! You think we are scared of you? <camera pans to Skurge who is looking at SYB like he is insane> WE. OWN. YOU! So I’ll tell you what, I am changing this match, tonight, this match will be a NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH! <Skurge’s jaw drops open> Now GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE RIGHT NOW SO I CAN KICK THEM AGAIN!SYB drops the mic and Skurge grabs him and looks at him incredulously. KZ is announced and they come out to the top of the ramp, then storm the ring. Moose and LD slide under the bottom rope and Skurge immediately grabs LD and throws him into the corner and blisters him with chops. SYB grabs Moose and throws him over the top rope to the floor, then follows him out of the ring to the floor. SYB turns and looks at Skurge who is still fighting with Williams in the corner, then steps out onto the apron. Moose is back on his feet, and he sweeps SYB’s legs, sending him to the mat, then the floor. Moose pulls SYB to his feet and sends him into the ring post face first. Moose pulls a small chain out of his pocket and wraps it around his fist and HAMMERS SYB in the face until blood runs down SYB’s face onto his chest.
Inside the ring, Skurge whips Williams to the opposite corner and follows, but LD stops and tries a back elbow at the charging Skurge, but Skurge puts on the breaks, ducks under the elbow, grabs Williams and hits a belly to back suplex! Skurge covers, but Williams kicks out before the one count and both men get to their feet. Collar and elbow lock up, this time Williams catches Skurge with a chop and sends him to the ropes. Williams ducks and Skurge leap frogs him and bounds off the opposite ropes, but LD is ready for him and catches him in the jaw with a super kick that snaps his head back! Skurge hits the mat and LD covers, but Skurge kicks out at one.
On the outside, Moose pulls a horribly bloody SYB to his feet and lifts him up and drops him chest first across the guard rail, then tears off his Yankees jersey to reveal the “kz” brand. This seems to piss SYB off considerably and he hits a low blow on Moose that doubles him over. SYB gets to his feet and hits a running knee lift that sends Moose to the floor, then grabs a chair and waits for Moose to get to his feet, then WARPS the chair on his head! Moose falls to his knees. SYB rummages under the ring for something and comes out with a cheese grater! Uh oh, we have seen this before. SYB takes the grater and repeatedly runs it across Moose’s forehead! Moose falls to the floor, and as he starts to get up, we see blood dripping off his forehead. SYB connects with a kick to the ribs that sends Moose to the floor, then SYB climbs to the apron.
Inside the ring, Williams pulls Skurge to his feet and hooks him for a suplex, then hits a snap suplex, taking Skurge to the mat hard, then rolls through and locks him in a dragon sleeper, ramping up the pressure and trying for a submission, but Skurge manages to get his feet beneath him and he gets to his feet and hammerlocks Williams free arm and hits a Devil Windmill Suplex with a bridge for a two count! Williams kicks out and Skurge grabs a side head lock, but Williams shoves him to the ropes and catches him with a knee to the mid-section, then sets up the Canadian Destroyer! But Skurge backdrops LD out of the ring to the floor! LD slams his lower back on the apron, and falls to the floor face first. Skurge grabs the ropes and slingshots himself over the top, and drops a leg on the back of Williams’ head. The move hurts both wrestlers, so they stay down.
On the other side of the ring, SYB has a chair and is waiting on the apron for Moose to get to his feet, when he does, SYB leaps, but Moose catches him with a handful of powder to the face! SYB staggers around half blinded by the powder, the powder and blood mix to make a horrific paste on his face. Moose throws SYB into the ring and as he gets to his feet Moose measures him and drops him with a right. Moose does this several times, causing the crowd to boo loudly. They are actually ROOTING for SYB. Unfucking believable.
On the other side of the ring, Skurge and Williams are both slowly to their feet. Skurge charges at Williams, but LD takes him down with a drop toe-hold that sends Skurge’s head into the corner of the steps! Skurge immediately grabs his head and writhes in pain. Folks, I don’t think that was planned. We finally get a look at Skurge’s head and he is hemorrhaging blood. The referee makes the dreaded “X” and medical officials rush from the back.
Inside the ring, Moose is taunting SYB, ducking SYB’s wild swings and peppering him with shots to the face. Finally Moose gets a little too close, and SYB hits a jawbreaker! Moose hits the mat grabbing his jaw, and finally SYB clears his vision and calls for the HEBREW HAMMER! But LD sees this from the outside and slips into the ring with a chair and SLAMS SYB on the back of the head, spins him around, kicks him low and hits a CANADIAN DESTROYER! SYB is dead! Moose gets to his feet and snarls and locks SYB in the ji-endo, tearing at his face as he applies it. To his credit, SYB never quits, though he does pass out, so the referee calls the match.
WINNERS in 13:39 – kz
After the match, Moose refuses to break the hold and LD adds to SYB’s misery with several stiff kicks to the face. Finally the crowd erupts as a horribly bloody Skurge slides into the ring with a chair and chases kz off. Skurge falls to one knee, barely able to maintain consciousness. He checks on SYB as The Amnesiac, Fezzik, Monkh and the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth make it to the ring and help them both to the back.
SPIN HANSEN & THIM REYNOLDS vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY & DH MAGNUSSON – Onslaught Rules MatchSpin and Thim make their way to the ring first and step between the ropes. The unlikely pairing of Seamus and Thim is announced next and they head to the ring as well. As they step between the ropes, Thim says something to the referee and he walks to the Seamus and DH corner and starts to check them for foreign objects. The referee pulls brass knuckles, a chain and a blackjack from DH, and a small roll of barbed wire, a slapjack, a fork, and a flask of whiskey from Seamus. The referee tries to take the flask from Seamus, but Seamus threatens him with his life. Seamus stands back in the corner sipping his beverage while DH yells that the referee should check Spin and Thim. Thim checks out completely clean, but when he checks Spin, he finds a roll of quarters, a collapsible riot baton, a small lead pipe, and some flash paper and a lighter. By the time the referee gets all the weapons from the participants, there is a nice pile of plunder in the middle of the ring. A ring attendant comes in and cleans it all into a garbage can, then leaves the can at ringside. I am sure that won’t come into play later. The referee reminds all four men that this match is contested under
onslaught rules. He calls for the bell, and we are under way!
Thim and Magnusson start things off, they slowly circle and are about to lock up, when Spin yells something to Thim, distracting him for just a second, allowing DH to catch him with a forearm to the side of the head that drops him to one knee. DH hits the ropes and connects with a kick to the side of Thim’s head that sends him to the mat. DH drops an elbow across his chest and covers, but Thim kicks out before there is even a one count. Magnusson pulls Thim to his feet and scoops him up for a slam, but Thim slips over Magnusson’s shoulders and lands on his feet. He spins DH around and ROCKS him with a European uppercut, then connects with several kicks to the sides of the knees and ribs, then finishes him off with a spinning clothesline that nearly takes DH’s head off his shoulders. Thim drags Magnusson toward his corner and reaches out and makes the tag to Spin. Spin steps between the ropes, but before he can do anything Magnusson breaks free and crawls across the ring and makes the tag to Seamus.
Seamus steps between the ropes and charges at Spin, but Spin catches him with a chop to the chest, then an arm wringer into a hammerlock that takes Seamus to the mat. Seamus works back to his feet and tries to reach behind his head and grabs Spin, but he can’t. Finally Spin breaks the hold and grabs a side head lock, but Seamus immediately sends Spin to the ropes and tries a shoulder block on the return, but Spin takes Seamus to the mat. Spin hits the ropes again and Seamus gets to his feet and fakes a clothesline, Spin ducks, but Seamus catches him with a stiff kick to the thigh, then grabs him and hits a side Russian leg sweep.
Once on the mat, Seamus reaches out and tags in Magnusson, DH comes in and drops a knee across Spin’s chest, then hammers him in the face with rights and lefts drawing a warning from the referee. Magnusson pulls Spin to his feet and shoves him into the corner and puts a boot on his throat, choking him out. This draws another warning from the referee and a sneer from Magnusson. DH pulls Spin out of the corner and grabs a groggy Hansen by the throat and CHOKESLAMS him to the mat! Magnusson covers, but can only get a two count.
DH tags Seamus back into the match and Seamus grabs Spin and holds him for a big boot from DH. DH charges, and predictably, Spin moves out of the way and the boot catches Seamus flush on the jaw! Spin clotheslines DH over the top rope and tags in Thim. Reynolds comes up behind a dazed Seamus and traps him in a rear naked choke hold! Seamus tries to stay on his feet, but Thim pulls him to the mat. On the outside DH tries to get back into the ring, but Spin stops him on the outside, spins him around, and blasts him with a clothesline!
Inside the ring, Seamus struggles, but Thim has the move cinched in tight. After a few more seconds of fighting, Seamus starts to fade and the referee calls for the bell.
WINNERS in 10:19 – Thim Reynolds & Spin Hansen
Thim releases the hold and Seamus rolls out of the ring. On the outside, Magnusson grabs a chain from the can o’plunder and NAILS Spin between the eyes dropping him to the floor. Thim leaves the ring to help his partner, but Seamus blind sides him with a shillelagh shot to the skull. Thim falls to the floor and Seamus wears out the shillelagh on his back and ribs. Magnusson is putting the boots to Spin as well. Finally they stop and start up the ramp, but Seamus hasn’t forgotten the boot to the face. When DH turns around to say something to Seamus, Seamus BLASTS him in the face with the shillelagh and leaves him sitting, stunned, on the ramp as he heads to the back.
MATTE vs. THE AMNESIAC vs. THE DEAD – Non-Title Onslaught Championship MatchAlice in Chains’ “I Can’t Remember” starts up and out walks The Amnesiac and begins to slap hands and work the crowd. The Amnesiac gets about half way down the ramp when Matte walks out dragging his belt behind him, he walks right by The Amnesiac and gets into the ring and pops down in the corner and begins texting on his cell phone. Referee Hightower walks over to Matte and begins to explain to him that he should wait until his ring music starts before he comes down…Matte just shrugs his shoulders and goes back to his cell phone… The Amnesiac gets into the ring and jumps up to the second rope to jester to the fans…”Doomsday Clock” starts up and out comes The Dead…crowd gives a decent size pop and The Dead raises his arms and points to his new shirt…there are even a few signs in the crowd for The Dead…
The Dead makes the ring and Hightower calls for the bell. The Dead locks it up with The Amnesiac while Matte continues to text on his phone…TD Irish whips TA to the ropes and catches him with a shoulder block. TA goes down and TD follows him to the mat and grabs his mask and wrings him into a side headlock. Matte finally finishes up his text conversation and stands up in the corner. He takes off his flannel shirt and places it and his phone in the corner.
TA works his way up to his feet and Irish whips TD to the ropes and catches him in a sidewalk slam. The Amnesiac floats over and covers The Dead but it is a quick kick out at 1 and both men are up and met by Matte with a double clothesline. Matte rebounds off the far ropes and hits The Dead with knee drop to his head. The Dead rolls out of the ring and onto the arena floor. Matte is up and catches TA on his way up with a swinging neck breaker. Matte covers, Hightower counts….1…..2….and The Amnesiac kicks out.
Matte pulls TA up and shoots his to the ropes and heads to the other ropes bounces off but wait…The Dead grabs his foot. Matte goes down…The Amnesiac leaps over Matte and catches The Dead with a baseball slide sending The Dead into the guardrail. TA is out on the floor and hits The Dead with a knife edge chop…the crowd yells “whooooo”, The Dead grabs his chest but TA chops him again…The Dead cringes in pain and grabs TA and whips him toward the ring steps…TA reverses is and TD hits the steps hard, shoulder first…The Dead bounces off the steps and slumps down…
TA slides back into the ring to a waiting Matte who kicks TA as he tries to get to his feet. TA does manage to get to his feet and trades punches and chops with Matte until Matte catches him with a knee to the midsection that doubles TA over…Matte grabs TA by the head and the trunks and drives him into the metal ring post…Matte in control now grabs TA and slings him to the far corner…Matte follows him in with a Stinger splash…TA crumbles to the mat and Matte climbs the turnbuckle to deliver a flying elbow. Matte for the cover…1…2….The Dead races up the other turnbuckle and flies…frog splash…on both Matte and The Amnesiac…ohhhh the impact, all three men are hurt…ref starts the count….1….2…3….4…5….6…The Dead kips up…7…The Amnesiac grabs the ropes and pulls himself up…8….9….Matte staggers up and turns right into a spear by TA…both men tumble through the ropes and onto the floor…both are up and fighting…The Dead bounces off the ropes and flies over the ropes landing on both men…once again the three of them are scattered on the floor… Matte is bleeding…
The Dead is up and holding his rips…He is leaving it up in the ring tonight. TA is up and Hightower is once again counting…1….2….3…4…TD slides into the ring…followed by TA…TD bounces off the ropes, but TA leapfrogs over him, TD hits the other ropes and TA The Dead with his “Pure Amnesia”…TA covers…1…2…and Matte in with a double axe handle to the back of the head to TA for the save.
Matte pulls TA up and delivers his own DDT “The Nevermind”…Matte pulls TA up for a super-plex, he has him up in the lights…bam…The Dead hits Matte with a “Close the Casket” while he has TA in the super-plex…Matte goes down losing control of TA…The Amnesiac tumbles over the ropes and onto the floor…The Dead covers Matte…1…..2……3!
WINNER in 32:00 - The Dead
POE vs. STANK – Non-Title OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match"Skin" comes over the PAs, and the crowd goes wild, as Stank appears at the entrance. He comes down the ramp, focused as always, and rolls into the ring. The lights darken, and "Misera Cantare" starts. Poe rises from below the stage, with Selena wrapped around him. She unwinds, and then follows him as they slowly walk to the ring. Not quite Undertaker-slow, but slow enough. Finally, they arrive at the ring, and Poe removes his duster and bloody towel, handing them to Selena. Stank sneers in disgust at the ephebophile, and Selena barely holds the towel between two fingers. Poe points to a chair in the corner, and asks her to sit there, and not move or get involved. She nods obediently and sits, as Poe walks calmly up the steps and enters the ring. The referee calls for the bell.
The two big men stare each other down. After an uncomfortably long period of time, the two lock up. Not in the way folks normally do, where they just, you know, lock up, but more like two bighorn sheep colliding. The two engage in a test of strength, or really, a test of wills. Each man gives ground, but then gains it right back. Finally, Poe seems to get a bit more leverage, and gets Stank back into the corner. He lands several right punches and a few kicks, until the referee counts, and gets to four. Stank is doubled over a bit, so Poe grabs his head and pulls him toward the center of the ring. Poe starts to get try to lift Stank up for a power slam, but Stank counters with some hammering blows to the back as Poe bends down to lift him. Poe is down on one knee, and Stank hits him with a knee to the face. He grabs Poe's arm and whips him into the ropes. Poe hits the near, then the far ropes, and runs to the center, where Stank is waiting, grabs him, and belly-to-belly suplexes him with a loud echoing thud. Stank goes for a pin, not with any real belief that Poe is out of it, but more to establish that he can. Poe is of course up at one. As Stank, rolls away, Poe gets up and is ready for Stank to turn. When he does, Poe gets some more punches in. He drives Stank back to the left ropes, and then whips him over to the right ropes. He follows him over that direction, and when Stank bounces off, Poe is ready with a big clothesline, that sends him over the ropes and onto the floor, with another echoing thud. Stank follows him out, and grabs the arm. He tries to Irish whip him into the steps, but Poe reverses, and sends Stank in instead. We're going to need to replace those, as there is now a big Stank-shaped dent in them. Good thing this is the last match. Poe "helps" Stank back into the ring. Stank lays there a minute, wondering if all those rumors he's heard about "post concussion syndrome" are actually true, when Poe, who has been standing on the apron, launches himself over the top rope, and hits a big Leg Drop. He pins Stank, one...two...NO! Stank recovers enough to get a shoulder up. Poe is somewhat impressed, but not enough to stop and applaud. He gets Stank in a chin lock, and cranks way down on it. The referee does the obligatory check to make sure it's not a choke, and asks Stank if he would like to quit. He, of course, says no. Stank moves to the right, to the left, loosens Poe's grip, but then Poe tightens it. This happens two or three times, and the finally Stank gets his legs bent in front of him, knees up, and pushes hard back. Poe goes over onto his back with Stank on top, and the referee counts one...two....NO! Poe kicks out, but has to release Stank to do it. Poe tries to catch his breath, and Selena leaps up from her chair and onto the ring apron, hoping to distract Stank to give Poe a breather. Stank glances her direction and smiles. He turns toward Poe, as Selena's distraction doesn't work. Poe shoots Selena a look that makes her jump down from the apron, but it appears that her presence may have been, ironically, just enough to fire Stank up even more. He charges at Poe, driving him back into the ring post hard with a huge Corner Splash. Their combined weight causes the thud to echo through the arena, and the crowd gasps. He grabs Poe and leads him to the center of the ring for the Oklahoma Slam. He goes for the pin, and this has to be it, no one can take all that power. One...two...NO! Poe gets a shoulder up. Stank and the crowd are both stunned. Stank has clearly had enough, and tries to go for the Southern Comfort once again. He grabs Poe from behind and pulls him up, locking in the full nelson. Poe wriggles an arm free and swings an elbow back to Stank's head. Stank dodges it, and re-applies the hold, and this time it sticks. He pulls Poe down, and gets him into position and cranks down on it. Poe struggles and momentarily Stank's hold weakens, but he locks it in again. Poe struggles to get toward the ropes, and Selena reaches up and pushes the rope toward him. He snarls at her "Get back!" and she jumps back. Poe struggles more and gets closer, closer....and GRABS ON! The referee begins the count, and at three, Stank breaks the hold. He walks the ring, as Poe tries to get the blood circulating again, but it's not enough. Stank comes on strong, and gets him up, into the Stank U! He goes for the pin and it's one...two ....THREE!
WINNER in 35:11 - Stank
THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER vs. BRYCE LARSON & NAYR – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match“Bulletproof” Bryce Larson and Nayr the Halfling Luchadore make their way to the ring first, slapping hands and greeting the fans. They vault into the ring and pose on the turnbuckles, drinking in the cheers. The fun and games stop, however, when the Team From Down Under enters the arena. Outback Jack and Gatorbait, accompanied by Wally B. King, pause at the top of the ramp and hold the titles high, then stride confidently to the ring. Referee Angelo Barros gives the combatants their instructions, displays the belts to the crowd, and calls for the bell.
Nayr and Gator start off for their teams. They circle and lock up, and Nayr snaps off an arm drag. Gator rolls to his feet and Nayr catches him with a second arm drag, then nails him with a dropkick as he gets up. Gator falls back against the ropes and Nayr rebounds off the opposite ropes and clotheslines him out to the floor. Nayr lands on the apron and springboards off the middle rope into an asai moonsault that drives Gator into the railing and deposits Nayr in the crowd. Nayr waits for Gator to get up and vaults the railing into a DDT, but Gator snatches him in mid-air and spears him into the apron. He slides into the ring to break the count, then scoops Nayr up and slams him on the floor. Gator climbs onto the apron, gets a running start, and drives an elbow into his sternum. He stuffs Nayr back into the ring and follows him in.
Gator runs Nayr face-first into the TFDU corner and makes the tag. Jack comes in and they stomp Nayr down to the mat before Gator exits. Jack drags Nayr to his feet, sends him across the ring, and plants him with a power slam. He hooks the leg, and gets a long two count. Jack sends Nayr across the ring again, but Nayr slides between his legs. Jack turns around and gets nailed by a dropkick. Nayr dives towards the Heroes' corner but Jack grabs his ankle and drags him back. Nayr spins and hits him with an enzugiri, then dives again and this time makes the tag to Bryce.
Larson sprints across the ring as Jack gets to his knees, and drills him with a knee to the temple. He rebounds off the ropes and dropkicks him in the back, then drops a leg across the back of his neck. He rolls Jack over and covers, but only gets one. Bryce sends Jack into the Heroes' corner, follows him in with a splash, and makes the tag to Nayr. They work Jack over in the corner with punches and kicks, then lift him onto the top turnbuckle. They climb up and set up a tandem superplex, but Gator sprints across the ring and makes it a Tower of Doom. Jack hits the mat hard and rolls to the outside, and Gator rolls to his feet and pounces on Nayr. He gets some shots in until Bryce hooks him from behind and tries to lock in a Dragon Sleeper. Gator fights free, but turns around into a springboard clothesline from Nayr. Gator staggers, but doesn't go down, so Bryce lines up a super kick. It rocks Gator, and before he falls Nayr hits a second one, then both men combine for a third, completing the Shinobi's Rage! Gator falls, and the Nerds rejoice – until Barros points out that Jack is the legal man.
Bryce and Nayr turn to Jack, who is just sitting up outside the ring, and plan strategy for a moment. While they're doing that, they completely miss kz sprinting down the aisle and sliding into the ring. They finally pick up on the crowd's warnings and turn around, and are leveled by twin chair shots. Moose pulls Larson to his feet and nails him with a Heartpunch while Williams grabs Nayr and kills him with a Canadian Destroyer. Angelo Barros immediately calls for the bell.
WINNERS, by disqualification, in 9:42, Bryce Larson and Nayr.
After the match: Williams sprints across the ring, dives through the ropes, and levels Outback Jack. As soon as they hit the floor Williams starts throwing punches, and OBJ responds in kind. Meanwhile, Moose stomps on Bryce and Nayr, keeping them on the mat, until Gator catches him from behind with a low blow. Gator sends Moose to the ropes as Bryce gets to his feet. They hit Moose with stereo kicks to the stomach, then plant him with a tandem DDT. Both men get up and Gator kicks Bryce and lifts him for the Chomp, but Nayr takes him down with a chop block. Nayr rolls to his feet and Moose brains him with a chair. Moose waits for Gator to get up, but before he can swing OBJ grabs the chair. Moose turns around and takes a shot to the head, and the Aussies go to opposite ropes and turn him inside out with the Call of the Wild. Moose no sooner hits the mat than the TFDU are knocked through the ropes to the floor by stereo super kicks from the Heroes. Bryce and Nayr go to the ropes and Nayr rebounds, but Bryce is dragged out of the ring by Williams. Nayr sprints across the ring and dives at the TFDU, but they catch him and slam him through the Bohemian announce table. Jack and Gator circle the ring and advance on Williams, who downs Bryce with the ring bell and turns to face them. Moosehead Jack crawls out of the ring behind them. Williams goes high with a double clothesline as Moose goes low, tackling them from behind, and all four men start throwing punches. Bryce crawls around the ring and helps his partner out of the rubble. They slide into the ring and, after a moment to clear their heads, they sprint across the ring and springboard off the top rope, diving into the pile of bodies below. By this point, security and referees flood ringside and manage to separate the teams and drag them to the back.
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