MidWeek Mayhem (04/15) Live! From Springfield, AZ

[mooseheadjack]

<GM the Rick is sitting in his office working on the lineup when his door is kicked open. Unfortunately for whoever kicked it, it slams back in their face. The person punches it, only to have the same result. Finally the door is shoves again and SYB quickly walks in and kicks the door as it is swinging closed again and curses at it>

SYB: STUPID FUCKING DOOR!

GMtR: Can I help you?

SYB: Yes. Yes you can. I am going to make it simple. I want Moosehead Jack, one on one, in any kind of match he wants. Make it happen.

GMtR: No

SYB: Great. Now, what do you think it will be, taipie? Flaming barbed wire? Electric sodomy on a po……..wait, did you say NO?

GMtR: I sure did

SYB: WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I HAVE THE MATCH!

GMtR: Two reasons. 1. You are not ready for solo competition and 2. Moose would kill you.

SYB: Feh, I am not afraid of that pussy sumbitch. All I have to do is stay on his right side and that blind fuck won’t be able to see me.

<Kayfabe kicks the door open and it catches SYB upside the head sending him to the floor. Kayfabe glares for a moment then walks away>

SYB: OWWW! STUPID BITCH! I HATE YOU! Anyway, I want the match.

GMtR: Anyway. No

<SYB starts to whine which quickly gets on GM the Rick’s nerves, finally he looks up at SYB>

GMtR: ENOUGH! I am still not giving you a match against Moose. But if you want a solo match? Ok, fine, you are taking on TWO guys, sounds like a typical Saturday night for you

SYB: Haha smartass. That’s fine, who are they?

<GM the Rick shows SYB the lineup>

SYB: Oh.

GMtR: Yeah, oh. I suggest you get to training. NOW GET OUT!

<SYB leaves, but doesn’t slam the door, he seems a bit wary of it. GM the Rick opens the door, posts the lineup, then slams the door again>

*************************

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Springfield, Arizona

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Matte vs. Thim Reynolds

OOWF Intercontinental Title Tournament[/u]
Firewoman vs. Spin Hansen
The Amnesiac vs. Chris Evans
Zane Myers vs. Tytan
The Dead vs. Blitz

Poe & kz vs. Stank & The Team From Down Under
Run DEA vs. Bryce Larson & Nayr
Seamus McNasty vs. SYB vs. DH Magnusson
Skurge vs. Concrete TG

Card subject to extended Spring Training

[mooseheadjack]

Poe is backstage getting his obligatory check up after losing the match. Selena is half-hiding behind a curtain in the infirmary. Once the nurse finishes the check up, she leaves.

SG: Are you mad at me?

Poe: It was non-title.

SG: But are you mad at me?

Before Poe can answer LD Williams and Moosehead Jack enter the infirmary after the show ending brawl.

LDW: Poe.

Poe: LD.

SG: Master…

Poe: Selena, it is over and done. Do not beat a dead horse.

SG: Why would anyone beat a dead horse? I mean, I might poke it with a stick…

Poe: Selena…

SG: Sorry. Are you okay Uncle Moose?

MHJ: Never better. But I detect some tension back here.

Poe: There is no tension.

Selena walks up to and hugs Poe.

SG: I’m sorry.

Poe sighs.

Poe: It’s fine goddess…just do as your told next time.

Selena looks up at Poe and smiles.

Poe: So what’s the card for next week?

MHJ: The three of us against Stank and those bastards from down under.

Selena laughs…then stops.

SG: Wait…is bastard a cuss word?

LDW: In some countries.

Poe: I like this match; gives me the chance to let loose.

SG: I hope the censors are ready…do we have censors, what network are we on?

Everyone looks at each other and all shrug simultaneously.

[mooseheadjack]

*GM the Rick is SITTING~! at his desk when suddenly the door is kicked in, and Davin Moreland barges in, trailed by the dutiful Samantha Darling*

GMtR: Come in...

DM: Ha ha, very fucking funny Rick. Let me ask you something. Let's say oh...a 3-time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion and longest raining and 2-time Onslaught Champion RETIRED the current Intercontinental Champion. If by some stroke of bullshit logic he isn't awarded the title right there, wouldn't it stand to reason that he at LEAST BE IN THE FUCKING TOURNAMENT?!?

GMtR: You're in the tag d...

DM: FUCK you. That can wait. It's BULLSHIT how you're treating me...treating us. What happened to showing no bias, Rick?

GMtR: I've shown no...

DM: BULLSHIT! "Handed" the title? HANDED? I RETIRED the Champion, Rick! I EARNED the Title, at the very least, a spot in the fucking tournament. At the VERY least. You know, Rick. You would think that the role that Run DEA, and more specifically myself played in you KEEPING YOUR FUCKING JOB not too long ago, would have you treat Run DEA with at least the barest modicum of respect. In fact, you've done the opposite, and everything WE'VE done for you Rick...well...you seem to have forgotten that.

GMtR: Do you have a point?

DM: Yeah. There are still plenty of people here who would love to see someone else sitting in that chair. Watch your fucking step, or it will be sooner rather than later. And if you don't think it can happen Rick, keep doing what your doing and take that fucking chance. C'mon honey.

*Moreland and Darling leave. After they're out of earshot...*

GMtR: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

In the RunDEA Suites, Firewoman is sitting. Not SITTING~! just sitting. Evans comes bounding it.

C"L"E: Holy crap, this has been the best week. The Hall of Fame, Wrestlemania, Raw, and now this! We WON!

FW: Yep.

C"L"E: So, you see? You'll put in a good word for me?

FW: I'll think about it, okay?

C"L"E: And wow, we are both in the IC tournament. Hey, think we would compete against each other?

FW: It could happen.

C"L"E: Well, I really want to thank you, for giving me this opportunity, for taking me along this past weekend, for introducing me to--

Firewoman merely looks down, as Evans thinks about the topic that he and all members of RunDEA have kind of agreed not to discuss.

C"L"E: Um, I mean...so, if we did meet in the tournament....

Firewoman looks up at him with a bland expression and dead, emotionless eyes

FW: Then I would beat you.

C"L"E: Oh..well--

At that point, Dr. Sidney Freedman comes in, followed by Alexander Darling.

DSF: Congratulations, Li...uh, Firewoman. Still don't want to use your name?

FW: I'd prefer not.

DSF: Well, I think, given your outburst in the coffee shop with Moosehead Jock.

FW: Jack.

DSF: What? Oh yes....Moosehead Jack. Anyway, we need to adjust your Tegratol. And I think, given the other things in the past few days, maybe an anti-depressant is in order.

FW: You're the doc. I'm going to hit the showers.

Firewoman walks to her private locker room and closes the door. Alexander nods to Evans.

AD: Scram, Cub.

Evans takes a moment before he realizes Alexander is talking about him, but once he does, he heads back to his locker room that's not in the Suite.

AD: So, Doc, I know it's slow going, but she's making progress, yes?

DSF: Now, I can't discuss her case...Patient confidentiality.

AD: Oh, no, I'm not asking for specifics. I'm just...well, she's like family, and I'm concerned.

DSF: I understand. Well, the drug therapy seems to be working.

AD: And the sessions?

DSF: Well.....normally I'd say I can't talk about what we say, but...she hasn't actually said anything. It's about an hour of silence, mostly. But that's somewhat normal, I'm sure it'll turn around soon. Congratulations on your win, by the way.

AD: What? Oh, thanks.

DSF: You know, I thought this was going to be ... well, I'm finding this assignment to be very entertaining. See you in the next town.

Dr. Freedman leaves the Suites, and Alexander stares down the hall.

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in* to GM The Rick's office, where GMTR is TALKING~! to "Bulletproof" Bryce Larson.

BL: Listen Rick, we got screwed out there.

GMTR: You guys won. In the main event--your first main event by the way--and you won.

BL: By DQ.

GMTR: Right. But you won.

BL: Right. But that WAS OUR FUCKING GUARANTEED TITLE SHOT!

GMTR: And you won.

BL: By DQ.

GMTR: Which is a win.

BL: By DQ.

GMTR: Right. They get DQ'd, so you win.

BL: Right. By DQ!

GMTR: Which, according to the rule book, is a win.

BL: We're just going in fucking circles now, man.

GMTR: Really? Who's on first?

BL: What?

GMTR: What's on second.

BL: What's on second?

GMTR: Yeah, why?

BL: Why?

GMTR: Why plays leftfield.

BL: What?

GMTR: We established that. What's on second.

BL: What's on second?

GMTR: Yes. What's on second.

BL: What...wait. Who's on second?

GMTR: No, who's on first. What's on second.

BL: First? Second? Whatever. I just want another tag title shot! I don't give a damn...

GMTR: I don't give a damn?

BL: That's what I said. I don't give a damn.

GMTR: That's the shortstop.

BL: Shortstop?

GMTR: I don't give a damn!

BL: I know! You obviously don't give a damn...BUT THAT WAS OUR FUCKING TITLE SHOT!

GMTR: Who's?

BL: MINE AND NAY--Wait, I thought you said who was on first.

GMTR: Right, but the title shot...

BL: Mine! And Nayr's!

GMTR: You just used it.

BL: Yes...Today.

GMTR: Today's the catcher.

BL: Catcher?

GMTR: Yes...Today.

BL: What?

GMTR: What's on second.

BL: What's on second?

GMTR: YES, WE FUCKING ESTABLISHED THAT YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK!

BL: What if I want another title shot tomorrow?

GMTR: Tomorrow? That's the pitcher.

BL: Pitcher?

GMTR: Yes, tomorrow.

BL: What about today?

GMTR: Catcher.

BL: Catcher?

GMTR: Yes.

BL: Wha? ...wait. Pitcher & catcher?

GMTR: Yes.

BL: Just like Davin & Alex!

GMTR: Wait, are you saying they're...

BL: Well, notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat!

GMTR: Yeah, but you don't think they're...

BL: I don't know.

GMTR: THIRD BASE!

BL: I fucking give up.

Bryce leaves GMTR's office as we *fade out*

[mooseheadjack]

A solitary light bulb swings side to side as “The Beginning is the End is the Beginning” by the Smashing Pumpkins begins playing. (the video is obviously not important, just the music)

After the fifteen second intro, a backlight lights illuminating the figure of a girl in a tattered dress. The camera immediately zooms to the meat cleaver in her right hand, dripping blood.

As the lyrics begin, the camera begins to pan up her body as we see that her dress and her skin are stained with blood. Her hair is drenched and stringy with what we can only assume is also blood.

As we get to her face, we see it is Selena. She stares into the camera. As the chorus begins she then raises her left hand, palm open to the camera. There is once again a red ‘V’ in blood. As the line “Does it make you happy…” starts, she smiles widely.

As the chorus ends, the swinging light bulb bursts and the scene goes dark.



OOC: Yes, I know this is a rip off of the River scene in Serenity. But it was cool.

[mooseheadjack]

*FF Capslock is DRIVING~! not driving, but DRIVING~! his VW Bus, exiting off of Route 5, and merging onto Route 14 towards Los Angeles. Lamb of God's "Laid to Rest" is BLASTNG~! not blasting, but BLASTING~! through the stereo speakers, as the Mojave Desert heat presses in, waging war against the VW bus's AC unit. Lock bangs his fist against the roof of the bus in rhythm with the death metal composition, ROARING down the highway at a blazing 70 miles per hour (Hey, it's a VW Bus.) Lock can just make out behind the noise of the band, the sexy female voice of his navigation system saying...

SFV - Continue on Route 14 for 20 miles.

Lock briefly glances at the map displayed on his navigation unit. He continues to shake his head and bang his fist to the music. The camera pans over FFC's shoulder where we see on the back bench a large duffel bag full of plunder, and sticking out from the opening, the butt of a rifle. On the empty passenger seat next to Lock lies a card mailer, not addressed to Lock, with a Route 14 address written on it. The title reads RYAN HARDCORE ENTERPRISES presents The Hills Have Thighs III Cum visit the set! This invite is for our GOLD members only!! There's a picture of the former OOWF resident porn hound in a rather provocative pose with Lauren Phoenix, Katie Morgan, Daisy Marie, and Audrey Bitoni, all wearing desert fatigues in various states of undress.

The scene cuts to outside the VW bus as it races down the desert highway toward the distant horizon, then fades to Stank sitting in the Destroyitarium, finally reading FF Capslock's note his partner left him weeks ago. Stank finishes reading the letter, let's out a heavy sigh, and folds the paper in half.*

Stank - He's got to be fucking kidding me.

Spin - What did he write?

*Stank hands Spin the letter then orders another beer. The Team from Down Under enters the Destroyitarium and they are WALKING~! not walk... I won't elaborate. You get what I mean.*

OBJ - Mates.

Stank - Jack. Gator. It's been some time. Where's Empty Team?

OBJ - Oh.. they're never too far away. It took some time for Gator here to calm down.

Spin - Because of all the crap going down with KZ?

OBJ - Who? Oh... No. No... we're having the time of our lives with those blokes... no... the passing of Steve Irbot hit Gator kind of hard, but no worries. I took care of it.

Stank - Took care of what?

OBJ - I got us a replacement Irbot. It cost me a pretty penny, but I think Gator here will be happy.

*In walks a pretty brunette with a blank stare, wearing a khaki, low cut, short sleeved, shirt, tight, khaki, short shorts, and black boots. She walks up to Drink & Destroy sitting at the bar, and with a fake Australian accent she says...*

PB - G'Day mates! CRIKEY! *hiccup* *boop* someone fetch me some WD-40!

Stank -

OBJ -

Gator -

Spin - Holy shit! It's..

Stank - ...Eliza Dushku

OBJ - What? No! There's this place Wally knows called a Dollhouse where they-

Lucky - RAPE!

OBJ - NO! not THAT! They kind of wipe their actives memories clean, then insert-

Lucky - RAPE!

OBJ - NO! The dolls, that's what they call them, they volunteer for the procedure-

PB - *bip* *CRIKEY!*

Stank - She looks an awful lot like Eliza Dushku.

OBJ - I don't see the resemblance mate, but this company, the Dollhouse--

Lucky - You mean the RAPE house!

OBJ - DOESN'T Firewoman miss her PET?

Lucky - I'm not her-

GB - It's a Sheila.

*Everyone turns and stares at Gator as he walks around the pretty brunette, admiring her... uh... curves?*

OBJ - I know mate... I was going to get us a Steve Irbot, look alike, but then they showed me this beaut and...

GB - I LOVE her!

Spin - You're not telling ME anything I don't already know.

Lucky - RAPE!

Stank - That's Eliza Dushku. You can't tell me that's not her.

OBJ - You sound like a broken record.

Lucky - RAPE!

OBJ - Speaking of which...

PB - *I'm Stephanie Irbot. *Hiccup* *bip* Whose this Eliza Douche you're going on about?* *bloop*

Stank - That's a terrible accent.

OBJ - Yeah... they said this doll glitches every now and then. I got her at a discount.

Lucky - You mean you RAPED her at a discount!

OBJ - STOP IT!

Stank - A doll, huh? That's what they call them? And you say they wipe their memories?

OBJ - Yeah.. damn expensive too.

Stank - Maybe they wiped Eliza's memories.

OBJ - It's not her, mate. As far as she is concerned... for all intents and purposes she's Stephanie Irbot.

Stank - ...be... cause... her mind was erased and replaced by a Steve Irbot personality?

OBJ - Yeah..

Stank -

Spin -

Gator -

Stank - Sounds kinda like-

Lucky - RAPE!

Stank - Please stop yelling that, but yeah... what he said.

*Stephanie Irbot slams a can down onto the bar.*

SI - Leaping Lizards! *bip* *yech!* That tastes TERRIBLE! *BEEP!* *bloop*

Spin - Who ACTUALLY gave her WD-40?

Bartender - Gotta admit... she's committed to the role.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is standing in his locker room.]

Dead: Now I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but...another week, another win!

Dead: Starting this week, the tournament begins for the now-vacant Intercontinental Title. First of all, I'd like to thank Chris Cole for everything he's done for this company. He was a hell of a competitor for a long time, and he'll surely be missed.

[The Dead pauses for a moment before he continues.]

Dead: This week I take on Blitz. I remember when I came to this organization and Blitz was a hell of a risk-taker. Lately, however, he seems to be nothing but a shell of his former self. This week I will continue to expose him, and CLOSE THE CASKET on his title chances. And then next week, all of my fans will get to see me do it again, whether it be against Tytan or Myers.

Dead: Like I said, Chris Cole was an extraordinary competitor, and whoever takes on this title needs to be the same way. Ladies and gentlemen, you're looking at the next Intercontinental Champion.

[The Dead smiles as the camera fades to black.]

[mooseheadjack]

<kz are sitting in the back sharpening the barbs on their barbed wire bats when SFJ13 walks in with a mic>

SFJ13: Gentlemen, you have been very quiet lately. Are you through with The Team From Down Under already?

LDW: Through? 13 do not make the mistake of taking our silence for ambivalence. Let me ask you this…..Are the Aussies still breathing?

SFJ13: Well…….yes, but….

LDW: Then we are not done. Not by a long shot.

<SFJ13 puts the mic in front of Moose’s face expecting a comment, but Moose doesn’t look up from what he is doing, after a long silence, he finally speaks>

MHJ: You smell that? It’s in the air. Like a coming storm. It’s the smell of blood. Jack, Gator, Stank this week, there will be blood. And Stank………I have something a little special for you too. Trust me.

<Moose goes back to what he is doing and 13 looks at LD with a strange look on her face>

LD: Drink and Destroy, I want you to remember something. You remember that it was YOUR actions that brought kz back together. It was YOU who unleashed this hell on the OOWF. The Aussies are just the first, DEA, The Heroes, IHOP, they will all fall in time. Jack, Gator, you are the first, you will not be the last.

<LD looks down at the barbed wire and grins and we fade to black>

[mooseheadjack]

In a not-so deserted training ring, DH Magnusson, Alexander Darling, and Firewoman are working on stuff, and it's not going well.

DHM: Dangit, Sparky, y'think y'can keep yer head in th'ring? I mean, I don't care so much if ya drop Alex there on his head--

AD: Gee, thanks.

DHM: --but OOWF management might.

FW: I know. Sorry, Alex.

AD: Hey, no problem. I didn't need those brain cells.

DHM: Look, you're th'one who wanted info on my former partner for this week's match. If you aren't interested in workin' then I'm not much interested in helpin'

FW: No, I'm interested. I'm just....

AD: (wiping sweat off his face with a towel) You need to just get back in the saddle, Fire. Quit moping over--

FW: (irritated) I'm not moping over anything.

AD: Or anyone?

FW: You're fucking annoying, ya know?

DHM: I don' much care if yer mopin' over yer love life or not, and neither does Hansen. So either get yer head in th'ring, or let's just hit th' bar now, and quit wastin' time.

FW: I'm fine. Let's try it again, Alex.

AD: Oh yeah. I think there's one place on the top of my head that doesn't have a bruise on it yet.

FW: Really? Point that out, and I'll be sure to hit it.

DHM: Well, at least that's a better attitude....okay, get after it. And remember, Spin'll want to kill you cuz he thinks it'll bug me.

FW: What, it wouldn't?

DHM: Enough yakkin'. Alex, if she won't defend herself, ya know what t'do.

AD: Yes!! Alright!!

FW: Yeah, do it and die....

The screen once again goes to snow, and the red Japanese character, and "HONOR" once again fade in to appear, and holds for a moment. When it has held just long enough, we cut back in to see Alexander on his back, and Firewoman in the corner.

FW: Sorry.

AD: You know, how 'bout we just stop this right now?

DHM: (laughing)) You do that t'Spin, and you'll win, no prob' Sparky. Be nice if you felt a li'l better though.

FW: I strangely enough feel fine. Never better.

Dr. Freedman comes in with Lucky. Doc: Good to hear, Fire. Did you do your homework?

Firewoman glares at Dr. Freedman

Doc: I guess not. Now is as good a time as any, as two of them are here.

AD: What homework?

FW: Fine. The doc here thinks that I should apologize to you both.

DHM: Huh?

FW: Well, someone with antisocial personality disorder often is dishonest, and--

Doc: Not "someone"....

FW: -- anyway Dr. Freedman thought that it would be a good part of my therapy to apologize for anything I have been dishonest about in my relationships with people I care about.

AD: You care about someone?

Doc: Now, Mr. Darling....

AD: I know, I'm just trying to lighten the atmosphere here. I mean, I know this can't be easy, but I don't really know if that is something Firewoman has done. I mean, if anything, she's brutally honest about--

DHM: Eh, no. Remember Attitude Adjuster?

AD: Oh yeah.....

FW: Yeah...so even though I apologized to you both for that at the time, I would like to once again apologize for that and any other times that I have been less than truthful in our relationship.

DHM: 'Kay. 'Pology accepted. I'm hittin' the showers. (DH Magnusson leaves)

Doc: You've known Alexander for a long time. Is that the only thing you've been uh...how'd you put it? "Less than truthful" about?

Firewoman looks at Alexander, who looks back.

FW: I'm sure there were probably little things through the years.

AD: Well, if there were, I'm sure it doesn't matter now.

FW: Yeah. So.....sorry.

AD: Uh huh. That was moving. Are we done here?

FW: I am.

Doc: Good job, Firewoman. Say, do you know what that "honor" thing is that keeps popping up during your promos?

FW: Huh?

Doc: When we get back to the suites, rewind OOWF, and I'll show you.

[mooseheadjack]

Chris Evans is seen walking around in his locker room doing some shadowboxing with some weighted handwraps. His SFJ soon joins him.

SFJ: Hey Lionheart, you got a minute?

E: Well, I'm a bit busy. Ah, what the hell, anything for you sweetie. Besides, I need a breather. So what do you need?

SFJ: The usual, checking on your thoughts for the next weeks’s match.

E: Well you know, Amnesiac’s no slouch. He’s a big guy, but he can fly. In a way, he’s kinda like Davin Moreland, only not nearly as talented as Davin is, I mean he’s not even close. With that being said, I’m looking forward to having a good match with him. And if I do happen to beat him, it’s a good chance that I’m gonna be facing Firewoman, someone who in my eyes is my closest ally in this place.

Now, will she beat me? Yeah, she probably will. But don’t get me wrong. Just because she my ally doesn’t mean I’m gonna just lay down for her like a little bitch, fuck no. Her being an ally isn’t gonna mean a damn thing during that match. I’m gonna go after her like she’s any other opponent, cause I need to push myself to be worthy of an organization like Run DEA. And most importantly of all, is that she wouldn’t want it any other way.

*fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is seen wandering the Bowels of the next OOWF arena they will be fighting in. He clothes seems more ragged and dirty then before his mask looks dirty as well. The voice over goes on as he continues to do his thing.)


Tytan: They wonder where I have been...they know I have been keeping quiet the last couple of days. I have my reasons....I am learning more about the monster that now is a part of me and begining to learn how to exist with it..

Now as far as you go Zane...first time we faced I made you bleed...second time we faced...I beat you....this time I face you I have no choice then to destroy you...Now it is all about oppertunity....A chance to get the title that was stolen from me because of her...second it is a chance to get my hands on her neck and destroy her....she is the one that helped put me here....she is the one that made me this way. She is the one that helped bring out the monster....that I will thank her for...but it will be that monster that will be her doom....she will soon feel my pain....she will soon feel my suffering...I will show her how it feels to have a chain dropped onto your head...and I will end this all once and for all....

(FADE)

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ55 catches up with Zane Myers in front of a strategically placed OOWF Banner "Zane, you've been awfully quiet over the past week or so. Are you worried about facing Tytan again?"

"Worried about Tytan? No. Tytan is tougher now than he was early in his career, but He and I will go out and have one heck of a match. As for where I've been, I've been spending time at the local children's home, checking up on all my Zaniacs who are having a tough time. "

"You're in the Interciontinental Title Tournament, any comments about that?"

"A chance to win a title is always appreciated. I've held a few belts in my time, so I know what it takes to get there. Tytan might see he and Firewoman in the finals as his destiny, but even the best laid plans of mice and men...."

"One last question, are you aware that Rick has people investigating you, trying to figure out who you used to be and where you were from?"

"I don't want to talk about that. I'm trying to make a clean start here, and I don't want my past to be held against me. One day it will come to light, but by then I hope to have established Zane Myers as the person people will remember."

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is sitting in what appears to be an office. It's actually a spare room in the RunDEA Suites sponsored by Aquafina that they have converted to be Dr. Sidney Freedman's office. She is watching OOWF-TV with Dr. Freedman. Let's ignore for the moment the whole doctor/patient confidentiality thing that is totally ruined with the presence of the ninja cam. So, as they are watching....

SF: Evans. He's fairly confident.

FW: Yeah.

SF: Firewoman the point of this is to get you talk about things rather than --

Then Tytan's promo appears. Firewoman yawns. Loudly. Then she sits up from where she's been slouching, and takes notice. Then she smiles. Then she starts laughing. Like, a lot.

SF: Fire... Tytan expressed a lot of anger towards you there. How does that make you feel?

FW: (in between laughs) It makes me feel FANTASTIC!

SF: Fire...no, no no,... that's NOT what we've been talking about.

The ninja cam decides to fade to black.

[mooseheadjack]

Poe and Selena pull up to the arena in Springfield, AZ (since there is no such place, let’s say it’s in the Phoenix metro area like basically every other city in Arizona). Selena gets out of the car and immediately leans against it.

SG: Wow, its hot here.

She then starts playing with her hair.

SG: Man I have a lot of hair.

Poe gets out of the limo as well, but doesn’t seem phased at all by the heat.

Poe: You remember Egypt don’t you goddess? This is nothing.

SG: I’m trying to forget nearly sweating to death in five minutes, thank you.

They’re about to enter the arena when a jeep full of hot blonde girls drives by honking the horn. There’s a University of Arizona banner on the back of the jeep.

SG: Is that the Arizona softball team? This isn’t Tucson.

Poe: The Arizona softball team deserves special mention. They could be in town to play Arizona St.

SG: Sluts.

Poe: They’re great champions, goddess.

SG: They’re still sluts.

Poe: Come, we need to set up our locker room. Surely Seamus won’t be long requesting a drink.

[mooseheadjack]

(Spin Hansen is in the Boiler Room, talking to a certain Shadowed Figure.)

SH: I can't complain about how well things have been going since I've been back. You beat some sense into me during that month off.

SF: You needed it. You were fine when you weren't Voldsohmet, you're fine now. All you need is to cause as much pain as possible to those who deserve it most.

SH: ... and those people are whoever I think deserves it most at the moment?

SF: EXACTLY. Speaking of which, I heard that Tytan AND Chris Evans figure that Firewoman will have no problem walking over you in the Tournament.

SH: I've beaten Firewoman before, I'll beat her again... and this time, it'll be HER who gets her fucking nose broken. Oh, and Evans? You haven't proven a goddamn thing here. You might think that you've got a huge set of stones and that you're the next big thing here, but until you quit hiding behind Firewoman you're NOTHING... and for assuming that she's going to be at me, you've made it onto my shitlist. Tytan? Someone needs to replace the latest thing that he's shooting into his ass with some arsenic. Asshole thinking I'll roll over because it's a foregone conclusion that D.H. Fucking Magnusson is going to run in and try to make things two-on-one. I can take them both. People have underestimated me in the past. Those people have been hurt... badly.

SF: Enough talking. It's time for action. Get your crowbar, you're going to visit someone.

(The camera fades...)

[mooseheadjack]

(Interior: The Rick's GM Office. Camera pans to see The Rick on his cell phone)

The Rick: Yeah, I'm excited too, I signed someone who could be a valuable assest to this company. We've known each other for a few years now, but he never worked here.(taking a sip from his GM's chalice) And he's a former champ too, but that was a while back....

KNOCK KNOCK

The Rick: ...Alright, I'll talk to you later, something just came up. Come in.

The Beer Baron: The Rick, how have you been?

TR: Baron, it's been a long time. Look's like life's been treating you well.

BB: I can't complain, you know, SSDD.

TR: Indeed. So, coming back to wrestling.

BB: Yeah, I know, it's been a while, but just some part of me thinks I have unfinished business to take care of.

TR: None of that "I'm getting too old for this shit", huh?

BB: No. That doubt was taken care of in the form of Gary Busey.

TR: Did he do that sweat lodge crap on you?!?

BB: Yes!

TR: I can't believe that crazy bastard's still doing that! I fell for that trick a few years ago. You tell him I say wassup next time and mention "grilled cheese flamingos". He knows what that means.

BB: I will, he won't stop calling me.

TR: Yeah, he does that. Alright, so I'm sure you're here to sign the contract. You agent Mike and my legal department wrote up a good one. Here ya go Champ, all I need is your John Hancock, and you're a part of the OOWF.

BB: heh, Herbie Hancock. (signing the contract) It's done. I'm baaaccck!

TR: Alright. You interested in a match this week? I can squeeze you in on the card before it's too late?

BB: Don't ya think that's too soon? It's been a few years since I've been in the ring.

TR: Naw, it's like riding a bicycle. I'll hand pick a random jobber that I have in the roster. Easy peezy, Japanesey. See you this Wednesday.

BB: Alright, Rick, I guess I gotta hit the gym, I mean bar. This is going to take a while to get used to.(walks out of the office)

TR:(opens a file cabnet and the camera reveals a well stocked file cabnet filled with booze. The Rick picks up a bottle and begins to pour in into his mug) It's Happy Hour! Time to get lit.

(Fade out)

[mooseheadjack]

*The Aussies are walking, drinking beer, and looking happy, when they are approached by Scheme Gene*

SG: Gentlemen, you seem to have attracted some attention!

*The Team From Down Under suddenly looks more like Empty Team*

Jack: We seem to have gotten credit for kz getting back together. Fine, let the traitor align himself with the puppet master. Feed of Gaitor and I will deal with them once and for all.

Gator: And Darling and Moreland have decided to go slumming as a tag team. Of course, they work so well together. Oh, wait, they don't; not that I'm telling you anything they don't already know.

SG: What about your match at Mayhem?

Jack: I would have advised Poe to back out, but I know he won't.

Gator: Actually, we know a lot about Poe. Maybe even more than kz knows.

SG: How can that be?

*Wally B King struts in, flashing his pimp roll*

Jack: Money talks, Gene.

[mooseheadjack]

Selena is watching OOWF-TV in Poe's locker room.

SG: Um...Master...

Poe: Yes goddess?

SG: The Team from Down Under claims to have information on you.

Poe comes up behind Selena and grabs the remote. He rewinds the promo and watches again (TiVo!)

Poe: I'm an open book. I'm sure they have nothing signifigant.

SG: But what about...

Selena motions for Poe to come down to her level and she whispers in his ear.

Poe: Well, besides that.

Selena tugs on his sleeve and he lowers again. She once again whispers in his ear.

Poe: Okay, or that too.

SG: What about...

Poe: That's enough goddess.

Poe strokes his chin.

Poe: Maybe I should make a few calls.

[mooseheadjack]

*FADE IN TO RIC FLAIR'S SANDWICH SHOPPE*

<SYB tries to imitate Flair’s strut on his way in but trips over his own feet. Flair looks out from behind the counter>

RF: JOOOOOO!

SYB: Hello Richard. My usual please.

RF: Pastrami on rye and a cream soda. JOOOOO!

<Flair goes back to make SYB’s lunch as Seamus and DH walk in>

Seamus: What have we here, laddy?

<SYB gets up from his chair before DH pushes him back down>

SYB: I got no beef with you guys but if you two you suck and are banneds wanna dance, I’m all ears.

<Seamus and DH exchange looks>

Seamus: That doesn’t even make sense.

DH: Don’t worry son. We’re not here to fight, we’re here to drink. Care to drink with us?

SYB: Sure. I just hope you ladies can keep up with me. I’m a professional drinker, you know.

<Seamus and DH can’t control their laughter>

SYB: Let’s see who’s laughing when one of us is passed out in a pool of his own piss and shit.

Seamus: Easy there, boy-o. Hey Ric, line ‘em up!

<Flair comes out of the back with SYB’s lunch, a bottle of cream soda, and a tray of whiskey shots>

SYB: <nervously> Say you guys wouldn’t wanna throw back something else, would ya?

Seamus: Like?

SYB: <softly> Mike’s Hard Lemonade?

RF: PUSSY! JOOOOOOOOO!

Seamus: Don’t worry, lad. Surely someone of your physique and physical prowess can handle a couple of shots.

SYB: I don’t know…

Seamus: TAKE THE FUCKING SHOT!

SYB: I…I….I… FUCK YOU!

<He smashes the cream soda in Seamus’ face and cracks DH over the head with the sandwich plate>

SYB: I drink what I want, when I want, how I want!

<Seamus and DH are knocked out in a pool of their own blood as SYB picks up his sandwich from the floor and begins to eat it as if nothing happened.>

SYB: <noticing Dr. Freedman> Oh hey doc, you want some?

<The doctor just sits there with his mouth agape>

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

We see a ranch setting. Horses in the foreground, rolling plains & fences in the background. "Cowboy" Chad Madison rides into view astride Skip, his loyal horse.

"After a long drive down the ol Chisolm Trail, it's time for me to head to a bigger roundup- the OOWF. Bustin' broncs is fun, but I'm ready to corrall opponents in the ring. So y'all get ready to Cowboy Up!

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is SITTING~! at the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent drinking coffee and chatting with Curt "The Golden God" Schilling, and they see this on OOWF-TV.

Apr 14, 2009 14:46:25 GMT -5 @madc said:

So y'all get ready to [blink]Cowboy Up![/blink]

*Curt makes a face and hops on his Sprint PCS Phone scrolling through his address book looking for Kevin Millar*

DM: I know, I don't like it either, Champ.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

(Chris Evans is still shadowboxing... and psyching himself up.)

CE: I WILL make it into Run DEA. I WILL prove myself to them.

(A crowbar SMASHES Evans on the head! To the surprise of absolutely no one, the man wielding it is Spin Hansen.)

SH: You WILL lie here in a rapidly-forming pool of your own blood... and you WILL listen to me. You haven't done a damn thing worthy of getting you noticed around here aside from being a fucking lapdog to Firewoman, who obviously doesn't hold you in very high regard.

Now I'm going to tell you this one time, and one time alone... don't run your mouth. Especially about people that you don't know. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

(Spin BOOTS Chris Evans in the head for emphasis.)

Next time, I won't be so forgiving.

(He leaves.)

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in*

Alexander Darling walks into the gym and sees Chris Evans lying in a pool of blood...

Alexander: HA!

Alex leaves and heads over to the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent where Davin Moreland and Curt "The Golden God" Schilling are fondly reminiscing Boston's two recent World Championships.

Davin: Well if it isn't Davin Moreland's tag team partner finally showing his face in the arena.

Alexander: Good to see you too Davin. And you Curt...hey, did you know you're standing in a pile of ketchup?

Curt chuckles as Davin starts looking up and down the hall to see if anyone is coming and as he listens intently, he starts cringing.

Davin: God damn it, Davin doesn't want to hear Gammy Ray being played too loud. Davin doesn't wanna hear Gamma Ray at all actually.

Alexander: Who does?

Davin: Davin Moreland is wondering where his partner has been?

Alexander: Davin Moreland's partner has been trying to find some info on the friendly doctor who is staying with Run DEA currently.

Davin: Davin thinks Alex should let Fire get the help she needs.

Alexander: We both know this isn't what Fire needs, but I'm going along with it for now. If it starts affecting her in the ring, something will need to be done. And speaking of the ring, have you managed to say anything about our opponents this week?

Davin: Davin Moreland has not. Davin Moreland doesn't think Bryce "The Backyard Dragonfly" Larson and Nayr "The Midget Virgin" deserve Davin's comments. Has Alexander Darling said anything about them? Maybe a little something about being finished by two elbows?

Alexander: How bout you go fuck yourself?

Davin: Can't Sammie's out shopping with Lexie and OGM SJ. And besides, it's so much more fun watching you get pissed off.

Alexander: And why is that asshole?

Davin: Because a pissed off Alexander Darling is a focused Alexander Darling. And instead of being pissed off at me for making the comment, get pissed at the Fake Heroes for thinking they're better than you.

Alexander: Don't you worry champ. I have more than enough anger bottled up and focused at Larson. His days are numbered. You just keep that hop-a-long cassidy midget away from me.

Davin: Not a problem partner.

Alexander: Curt, seriously, are you going to clean that ketchup up? It's like seeping into your shoe.

*Fade*

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is seeing walking through the under belly of the OOWF Arena with the good Doctor. This conversation is being done through an sign language interpreter since Tytan's communication skills are shot.)

Doc: So Tytan you brought me down here to talk what is it you want to tell me?

Tytan: Let's just walk for a minute.

Doc: Understood but you need to talk to me if you want me to help you? First off why are you down here?

Tytan: It's simple Doc. I am here because I belong down here....Tytan is dying more and more each day.

Doc: You are dying?

Tytan: No the man that was once Tytan is no longer here. The monster I have become is what now has taken it's place.

Doc: So what is the name of this monster?

Tytan: I am the Nothing...

Doc: Is that how you really feel?

Tytan: Firewoman...the hatred I have towards her....lead me down this trail....the suffering she made me feel when she dropped that chain onto my skull....killled the man that was once Tytan....

Doc: So do you blame her?

Tytan: I mainly blame myself for allowing me to....go down the path of Ultimo Inc....and becoming a guinea pig for Steele's experiments....So now I stay down here and trust no one.

Doc: Even Dr. Podvod?

Tytan: Diana..she is the only...one that saved me....the only one that can save me and make me back to my old self....

Doc: Where is she?

Tytan: I gave her the money that I had left from Ultimo Inc. and what she had and she promised to find away to make me better?

Doc: What if she is on the run again?

Tytan: From what?

Doc: She is the one that is belived to cause the explosion of the Ultimo Inc building.

Tytan: (Quickly) No! She did not do that! Diana would never do something like that?

Doc: Even to protect you?

Tytan: This conversation is done.....

(Tytan walks away leaving the Doc alone.)

Doc: Now how do I get out of here?

(FADE)