|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:21:28 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Hollywood, Florida
OWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Poe vs. Tytan
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
The Dead vs. Stank vs. Chris Evans
OOWF World Tag Team Title Non-Title Match[/u]
The Chickenshit Heels vs. The Team From Down Under vs. Run DEA
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Thim Reynolds vs. Concrete TG
Cowboy Up vs. IHOP
The Amnesiac vs. Beer Baron
Firewoman vs. Spin Hansen
Seamus McNasty vs. DH Magnusson
kz & Matte vs. The Heroes Guild
card subject to.......stuff
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:53:18 GMT -5
(Tytan is seen after Mayhem heading down to the basement. One of the random Journalist tries to catch him to get in a word.)
RJ: Tytan....I know you can't speak but I was wondering...I can get someone to sign...but care to comment on your actions tonight.
Tytan: (Ripping the mic away) POE.....POE!!!! I told you your time was coming....and you were never going to know when I was going to do it......
RJ: Your talking......
Tytan: There is a time and place to say something with impact....now is my time......
RJ: Wow!
Tytan: Poe...you wonder why I did it....Simple....if you were a better partner and watched out for me then the little brat....I never would have ended up this way....but you were just like everyone else....you used me for what you needed and then walked away....when I wasn't of use to you....
So now...partner the time has come....for me to take something of yours....something you hold almost as dear as the little brat.....I want your blood....and then I will take your title....
You see that night....I blew up Firewoman's bike....you could have easily stopped me...but no...you let your partner....go a different path....right...wrong...now I have become this monster...I battled her...you never had my back...you were always on her side.....now the time has come for you to pay....and you can thank her....because she is the one that set the monster free....violence set violence free....and Poe...my partner....you will free every bit of it...I am not going to just beat you partner...I am going to kill you...my chain wants your neck and I will enjoy doing it....and if the brat gets involved I will hang her right next to you...
Now as far as you are concerned Mr. Moreland....you want to join this little party....I will be waiting for you....I am never that hard to find....
(Tytan then walks away and heads to the basement.)
FADE
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:53:39 GMT -5
Poe has just seen the Midweek Mayhem replay as well as Tytan’s promo. In fact, so has LD Williams, Seamus McNasty, Selena, and Moosehead Jack as they are recuperating from the event in Poe’s locker room.
Poe is pacing back and forth; breathing so hard it’s basically a snarl. LD is watching him pace from the couch next to Moose who’s smoking hookah and apparently not paying attention. Seamus is sitting at the bar, also watching Poe as is Selena as she drinks a soda next to Seamus.
The door to the locker room opens and That 70’s SFJ, Flower comes in. She barely says a word before Poe grabs the microphone from her hand and closes the door, which basically shoves her out of the room. Poe continues to pace, holding the microphone, bringing it to his mouth a few times before continuing to pace and snarl. Finally, he looks into the camera.
Poe: Tytan…you…
Poe paces again.
Poe: So you wanted my attention. YOU GOT IT. You wanan blame your failures, our failures as a tag team, you wanna blame it all on Me, Selena, Firewoman, Ultimo Inc, everyone it seems…except for yourself. I told you that you were green when we teamed up. You said you could handle it. Well, as my goddess called you, you quasi modo loser fuck, you apparently can’t.
Poe snarls and paces some more before looking back into the camera.
Poe: So you want a shot at me. It used to be about respect, but now you attack me from behind and threaten to lynch not only me, but poor little defenseless Selena. Be careful what you wish for…Kid. I am not your Black Cat, but I can make you mine if you wish.
Poe stops and his face glosses over. You can basically see the light go off in his head. He looks away and then cuts his eyes back to the camera. He speaks in a voice a tiny bit higher and quicker than usual.
Poe: This has happened before.
Moose sits up as Poe speaks with a concerned look on his face as if he’s heard Poe speak this way before.
Poe: My last protégé turned on me too, when I was World Champion nonetheless. There’s something about that thing.
Poe points to the belt sitting on the bar next to Selena.
Poe: You see Kid, the last protégé…well he had a plan. It was a good plan. And it worked. You, on the other hand, aren’t smart enough for that. You just attack me from behind, beat your chest like an ape, and run back to your hole.
Poe extends his arms fully and claps.
Poe: Bravo, dumbass. You’re in my world now. You saw my home, met Lenore, and spoke to one of my goddesses.
Poe shakes his head several times.
Poe: Tsk, tsk, this won’t do at all. Mr. Moosehead Jack.
Poe looks to Moose who looks at him back.
Poe: It’s time to end the Tytan.
MHJ: And how would you propose we do that?
Poe: Slaughterhouse style.
Poe goes to the back. Selena hops off her stool and follows.
LDW: Is he okay? What was that?
Moosehead Jack smiles.
MHJ: Poe doesn’t accept betrayal. Tytan’s gonna find that out the hard way.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:54:28 GMT -5
*SFJ 33.33 is interviewing TTFDU backstage*
SFJ: You guys must be frustrated by what happened out there tonight.
OBJ: As long as we have another shot at the Heels we can live with it.
SFJ: Well, you do, but Run DEA are also in the match.
GB: Then they'd better stay out of our way.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:54:47 GMT -5
A cab drops Firewoman off at the arena in Hollywood, AL, somewhat early in the morning, at least by wrestling standards. She gets out, stretches and sighs, and walks in. She winds through the hallways until she comes to GM the Rick’s office. She touches the knob, then waits, appears to be struggling with something, and then knocks, somewhat softly and hesitantly at first. When there’s no answer, she knocks a little louder. There is still no answer, and the familiar frown starts to grow while she pulls her fist back for a really loud knock, when a voice calls out “Come in.” She adjusts her facial expression and walks in. GM the Rick is packing up the office to go to the next town.
GMtR: Oh great. To what do I owe this?
FW: Well, I wanted to talk to you about next week’s card.
GMtR: Yeah, you and Spin. Cool, huh?
FW: Yeah, but it’s like third. Right before intermission, I think.
GMtR: So?
FW: So, I think…well, I think it should be moved up, and maybe make it a number one contendor’s for the –
GMtR: For the world championship?
FW: Huh? Well, no, that’s not where I was thinking, but sure, if you think—
GMtR: No. No no no.
FW: Ah. Okay. Well, then for the IC maybe, because I think—
GMtR: I don’t pay you to think, I pay you to get in the ring and put on a show. I decide how the show is organized. I’m still not certain you are ‘ready’ for any more responsibility now.
FW: But…I’m seeing the doctor you selected, and I’m taking my medicine, and—
GMtR: Yes, I agree, your behavior backstage has improved greatly, although your performance in the ring has been somewhat lackluster of late.
FW: I know, it’s just, some of those meds make me all spacey and….
GMtR: Dr. Freedman assures me, and the board, that is a temporary condition until you get adjusted to them. Until then, I don’t think I can give you anything like a championship run, or a place higher up.
FW: But that’s not fair. I’m doing everything you are asking. I curtain jerked for that stupid new cowboy, I wrestled the geek and the slacker without complaining. All I’m asking is—
GMtR: What’s on your face?
FW: Huh?
GMtR: You’ve got like a black smudge on your forehead?
Firewoman wipes it off
FW: I don’t know, and even if I did, that has what to do with this conversation? My point is that you punished me for no good reason—
GMtR: You crucified a man!! You burned his skin!! You almost set him on fire while you had another one tied up to watch!! I mean, even if only one of those by itself was not enough, the whole thing together is—
FW: Fine. I admit. That may have been a little overboard, but the point is—
GMtR: Overboard? Tytan is a babbling idiot of a monster now!! I have no idea what kind of trouble I’m going to have with him, and it’s going to be largely due to your feud.
FW: How were the buyrates, Rick?
GMtR: ……
FW: …….
GMtR: That’s not the point. The point is that you will wrestle where on the card I tell you to, until such time as Dr. Freedman, the board, and I come to an agreement that you can handle more. Do you understand?
Firewoman glares at him, and violent thoughts appear to cross her mind.
FW: Yes. I understand.
GMtR: Good. Look, don’t think I don’t see how much progress you’ve made. You’ll be back on top of the card soon if you keep it up.
FW: Great. Thanks.
Firewoman gets up to leave, and closes the door softly behind her. A dark look covers her face as she heads down the hall.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:56:47 GMT -5
(Spin is at Paul Roma's Pretty Fabulous Wraps...)
Roma: What do you want?
SH: Club wrap. Oh, with the sun-dried tomato wrap instead of the wheat one.
Roma: You've got it. Any drinks?
SH: A Mountain Dew Voltage. And Horseman size that for me.
Roma. Done.
(Spin sits down with this enormous Mountain Dew Voltage. Firewoman comes in, looking irritated. )
SH: Hey, Fire, over here.
(Firewoman looks at Spin, who holds open palms out.)
SH: This is just business. Honestly.
Firewoman: Let me grab my coffee and I--
SH: Don't bring coffee. You-know-who shows up every time you have coffee in here. I want this to be between the two of us.
FW: OK. Speak your peace.
SH: Do you have any idea what's going on between Davin and Stank? The whole open dialog between them confuses and infuriates me.
Firewoman: Do I look like Davin's keeper? Besides, why would I tell you any of that in the first place? You said that you don't respect me, you have an irrational hatred of ANYTHING Run DEA, and someone looking at you wrong confuses and infuriates you.
SH: All of those are valid points.
FW: Why don't you go ask your fearless leader?
SH: Can't find him. I heard your conversation with TheRick, by the way.
FW (looks even more irritated): Did you.
SH: I'm not going to say anything more than this... regardless of respect, personal feelings, broken noses, or whatever... I think it's bullshit that the Powers that Be here are doping you up and making you deal with that shrink. They should let you be yourself regardless of past actions. I know that I'm better off just being myself.
FW: Spin, do you really know what being yourself is? Since you started here, you have been a pyromaniac brawler, a copyright thief, a drunken ackey with a penchant for random violence, a devoted friend to a new wrestler, a student of some guy who seems to like the dark more than Poe, a face-painted whackjob, and now you're back to being a lackey / student of the shadow guy again. Who are you? Is this your new gimmick? "Make-A-Difference" FatHansen?
(Spin stands up and leaves without saying another word. He grabs his wrap from Paul Roma, takes a bite, and spits it out.)
SH: What the hell is wrong with this bacon?
Paul Roma: Bosses orders. It's not bacon, it's Fake'n™.
(He holds up a package of soy-based bacon substitute. There's a picture of Moosehead Jack on the front with a speech bubble saying "It tastes like real bacon. Trust me." on it.)
SH: You know that Jack is going to kill whoever in Marketing made that decision. Now make me another one with REAL bacon.
Roma: You'll have to get approval from TheRick on that.
SH (angry): Fine! I'm going to Wendy's! You've lost a customer!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:57:11 GMT -5
<SYB and Skurge are WALKING~! to GM The Rick’s office>
Skurge: This is horseshit, eh?
SYB: Totarry. We’re the chimps, we should get another title shot.
Skurge: And that’s exactly what we’re gonna tell him, chief.
<They cross paths with Firewoman as she leaves GMTR's office>
SYB: Hey Fire, you're looking smokin' today. Gimme a kiss, sweet thang.
<Fire throws a mock punch at him causing him to flinch and put his hands in front of his face.>
Fire: You're not even worth it. <She walks away>
SYB: Oh yeah... she totally wants me.
Skurge: Let's go, Casanoseva.
<The two walk into Rick’s office>
GMTR: Gentlemen, what can I do for you?
Skurge: Let me tell you something, Mr. General Motors The Dick…
GMTR: First off, it’s “Rick” or in your case <he looks at SYB> it’s “Mr. Scaia”.
Skurge: Listen Rich, I understand this company has a lack of three man teams but those chimps belts are ours. I made them!
GMTR: You might have made them but you did not win them. Right now they belong to Cowboy Up and Beer Baron. You’ll get another crack at them some day.
SYB: <looks around at the various photos on the wall> Hey it’s you and Tommy Lasorda!
GMTR: That’s right.
SYB: I hate Tommy Lasorda <he smashes the picture>.
GMTR: I’m really glad you did that.
SYB: Why?
GMTR: Because it gives me a chance to do this…
Skurge: Fuck that noise, I’m not going back to Canadian Stampede.
GMTR: Relax. You’re not getting fired. You won’t even miss your match at Mayhem.
Skurge: You mean OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Hollywood, Florida
GMTR: Shut up.
SYB: So what’s the deal, Big Boss Man?
Skurge: Dude, we’re not in Cobb County, Georgia, eh?
GMTR: BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! You think you can just get by on your talent? You don’t have enough talent to get by on talent! I’m tired of your antics. I’m tired of your stupid fucking movie quotes, your flying bacon, your “chimp” belts, your “tanks for nothing”. You’re not going to jail but you ARE going to give something back to the community. It’s why I decided to send you both to Sturdy Wings. The paperwork is in your palatial locker room. Now get the FUCK out of my office and good day to you both.
SYB: But…
GMTR: I said good DAY sir!
*FADE*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:57:44 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:58:02 GMT -5
(Spin is walking with a purpose to the arena doors. He passes the boiler room door when it BURSTS open and a black-robed arm flies out and pulls him in...)
Shadowed Figure: No Baconators for you, Hansen. You're gaining too much weight.
SH: Jesus, man. Who are you, my mom?
SF: No. (He holds up a barbed-wire bat.) I'm the guy who is going to beat you within an inch of your life if you don't start lifting again, though. Get to it.
SH: I fucking hate you sometimes.
SF: You agreed to follow my rules if you hit bottom, and you've had a pretty damn impressive streak of wins since you came back. I won't warn you again. Now MOVE!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:58:27 GMT -5
SFJ: Lionheart, any thoughts on your match tonight?
Evans: Yeah I do. Dead, I will admit I was wrong about saying I was gonna be at my best for this match. Pretty obvious our first match in this series of ours was the best so far. But as you did see in our matchup, this is no longer the friendly matchup it started out as. You slapped me in my face like a bitch, and I don’t let things like that slide so easily, as you saw in our match. I told you I would do whatever it took to win that belt, even if it meant ruining a great match like that. You’re lucky the ref was there, otherwise I'll admit I was gonna cave in your fucking skull for that bullshit you pulled.
It sucks that my anger got the best of me and our match ended that way. Things were just really starting to get fun. That’s why I’m glad I was given one last chance at your title by GM The Rick, albeit with one little change.
You thought things were tough when you had just me to contend with? Rick’s added another man to the mix now: the former Heavyweight champ and winner of this year’s OOWF tournament, Stank. Between the two of us Dead, I really don’t like your chances. You know the old saying; all good things must come to an end? Well Dead, your winning-streak seems to be just about up. Good luck this week man, you’re gonna need it.
*fade to black*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:58:48 GMT -5
**SFJ#47 approaches L.D. Williams.**
SFJ#47: “L.D., your attack on Dav-“
LD: “Save it. Davin likes to tell the world that he can take any title any time he wants. He likes to believe that the OOWF owes him something. He tends to overlook what he owes to the rest of us. See, there’s a reason Moose comes to me first when he needs backup. It’s the reason Stank was so excited when I joined D&D. The reason ‘Crete tried to recruit me to the guild. In fact, it’s the reason that on the very day Run DEA revealed their true intentions, both Davin and Alex came to me with offers.
Every title I’ve pursued, every team I’ve been part of, every challenge I’ve faced – one result: Success. I’m not as flashy as someone like Davin. I don’t want or need to be the center of attention. I just let my accomplishments speak for themselves. And whether Davin admits it or not, guys like me are the reason he has a company to work for. Guys like me are the reason he has a business to earn a living in. Guys like me are the reason guys like Davin Moreland can exist.
Davin, what happened at Mayhem was a reminder. Nothing in the OOWF is free. Nothing ever comes that easy, and you of all people should know better. You want the World Title? You want to get back to the top? Now, as always, you’re going to have to go through me to get there. We both know you’re capable of it. We both also know I can stop you. The question is, which one of us is more determined? Which one of us wants it more?
I’ll give you a hint…it’s not you.”
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:59:18 GMT -5
<the press is gathered in a small room in front of a stage. On the stage is a podium in front of an OOWF banner. After several minutes of waiting, GM the Rick walks through the door and steps up to the mic>
GMtR: Ok, thanks for coming out on such short notice, but I just got word from the board today that I would have to do one of these State of the OOWF addresses. Before I take any questions, I would like to make an announcement. Starting at the May 13th MidWeek Mayhem, Live! From Hollywood, South Carolina (for some reason everyone pops) we will be beginning the Tournament for the Titles. What this is is the top four contenders for each title will meet in a four way dance. The person eliminated first will get their title shot the following week. That week, the three remaining will face each other in a three way dance, and so on. The perk being that the last person standing gets to pick the stipulation of the match at the Territorial Beatings IV pay per view. In the case of the tag team titles, since there are so many at the moment, there will be two pools, A and B, with three teams each. They will run the same way, and the winner of the two pools will face one another for the title shot at the pay per view. We have done this before, so this should all be second nature. Now, I will take a few questions.
Bill Apter: How is Firewoman progressing?
GMtR: She is doing very well, to be perfectly honest, much better than anyone anticipated
Bill Apter: Will she be cleared for title matches and higher profile matches anytime soon?
GMtR: That hasn't been decided yet
Smokey Thompson: Are you aware of the rumors that Run DEA is working to have you removed as General Manager?
GMtR: I have heard the rumors. I am not concerned. If they want to try, let them. It makes no difference to me
Harlan Davis: I have a two part question, Have you heard anything from Sterling Glaw concerning the PHWF, and is the OOWF close to hiring his replacement?
GMtR: Mr. Glaw is doing a fantastic job officiating in the OVOOWF, and from all reports I have heard there has not been a single complaint about his officiating. As for his replacement, we are looking into creating an officiating advisory board that will oversee all the referees in the OOWF and make disciplinary decisions, and have the final say on hiring and firing new officials.
As for the PHWF, we are close to obtaining the intellectual property, name, and limited video library, although as of this moment, there are no concrete plans to revitalize the PHWF in any form, although that matter is still being looked into.
Bill Apter: From what I understand, when the operations were shut down, there were still a number of wrestlers officially under contract with the PHWF, some of those contracts are still valid, would that make them part of the OOWF?
GMtR:<shuffling through some papers> well, when the PHWF ceased operations On May 15, 2007 they had a roster of 20 competitors. Of those, 9 - Moosehead Jack, Concrete TG, Johnny Adrenaline, Spin Hansen, LD Williams, Attitude Adjuster, GatorBait, SYB and Nayr are active members of the OOWF. FF Capslock and Chris Cole are recent members of the OOWF who are currently inactive. There are seven former PHWF members who were, at one point, also members of the OOWF, Chris Alt is still in TNA teaming with Hardbody Harris and Ecosystem has taken some time to attend school. In addition to them, there was Donovan Viper, Gimmickman, The Knife, Ryan Hardcore and Kenji. All of them have standing invitations to return to the OOWF whenever they choose. The final two, Courtney Shaw and Tex have been contacted, but we never received any reply.
As far as the validity of their contracts, I don't know what decision was reached in that case. I know Chris Alt was released from his PHWF contract when he signed with TNA, and I would assume that part of the liquidation of the PHWF would be the termination of any remaining contracts.
Davey Simms: There were plans to have the PHWF replace the OVOOWF as the minor league affiliate of the OOWF, where the lesser known workers could get steady work, are those plans still in the works?
GMtR: To my knowledge, that is being considered, but nothing has been completed.
Smokey Thompson: Should the PHWF be revitalized, what would happen with the titles?
GMtR: Well, when the PHWF ceased operations, Johnny Adrenaline was the N-Sanity champion, the GOP, Tex and MGB - Gimmickman, were the tag champions and Chris Alt was the world champion. Should the PHWF resume, Adrenaline would remain the champion, that is, if he hasn't sold his title belt by now. If we could work out a deal with Tex and Gimmick, they could return as champions, if not, there would be a tournament. And even though Eric O'Mac was declared the champion, and Alexander Darling has possession of the title, Chris Alt remains the PHWF champion, and we have a verbal agreement with TNA that he would be allowed to be part of the PHWF so long as it did not interfere with his TNA schedule
Sasha Juarez: At MidWeek Mayhem this past week, Tytan threw an elbow at an official, and Johnny Adrenaline intentionally hit a referee to force a disqualification, will there be penalties levied against them?
GMtR: Each situation is being looked at. No decision has been reached as of yet. My assumption is that both will face a fine, but Tytan's will be far more severe than Adrenaline's
Davey Pheromone: Don't you think it is completely unfair that The Chickenshit Heels have to face TWO teams this week?
GMtR: Um, no, I don't. They are the champions, champions have three way dance matches all the time
O. Pinion Adapter - Yeah, in all my years as a wre....err...reporter, I have never seen such an egregious offense to a proud and noble team
GMtR: Seriously?
Davey Pheromone: I agree with my part......colleague on this one, this seems like VERY questionable treatment of the champions. Rather than punish them, they should be..........rewarded!
O. Pinion Adapter: YEAH! I mean......uh.......I think my brother in the media has a great idea there. I think you should REWARD them!
GMtR: Well, I COULD reward them with a weapons cage match against Run DEA, DEA is pretty pissed off about them posing as Phantos & Lucios
O. Pinion Adapter: THAT IS A SHITTY IDEA!
Davey Pheromone: YEAH! No WAY are we........I mean THEY.....going to go for that!
GMtR: Wait a second........you two look familiar........goddammit it's
Davey Pheromone: QUICK FLASHBULBS!
<With that Davey Pheromone and O. Pinion Adapter pull out some ancient cameras from under their trench coats and repeatedly set off the flashes while making their way to the door, temporarily blinding everyone in the room. They get out the door and run down the hall leaving GM the Rick and the rest of the press corp standing there in confusion>
Smokey Thompson: What is wrong with them?
GMtR: I have no fucking idea. Ok, that's all for today.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:59:41 GMT -5
*Conveniently, Davin Moreland is WALKING~! right up to SFJ 47 and LD Williams. Williams spots him first and immediately braces for a fight. Davin appears to consider it for a second and then waves him off and asks for the mic.*
DM: LD, I know why you did what you did, ok? But if you're going to sit here and bitch about not being respected, you can kindly go fuck yourself. Since I, Davin Moreland, defeated you for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship, Davin Moreland has shown LD Williams NOTHING but the utmost respect and deference. Davin Moreland has called you a great champion. Davin Moreland has called you the toughest son-of-a-bitch I've ever been in the ring with. Davin Moreland has gone out of his way to virtually kiss LD Williams' ass at every turn, because you know what? I DO respect you LD.
DM: And that's why I'm out here. It's easy for you to lump me in with everyone else. It's easy to say "Run DEA" doesn't respect me. In case you hadn't noticed, things are a bit different in ol' Run DEA lately. Maybe we're more humble because we're noticeably absent of titles right now. Maybe we're just sick of being everyone's scapegoat for everything that's wrong with the world. It appears to me, LD, that you haven't been keeping up with the changes, and it's easy for you and Moose and GM the Weak to pretend that nothing's changed.
DM: Stank and Davin Moreland...Stank and Davin Moreland have had an interesting relationship over the years. Stank and Davin Moreland used to be pals. We've tagged together, won together, kicked a lot of ass and put a lot of people in their place. Then, well, Hell On Earth. Remember that night, LD? The night Davin Moreland finally claimed his title that had eluded him for so long? Also the night that we turned on Stank and Team Rick in order to get us some recognition that we RIGHTLY deserved, and in order to get out of the shadow of those who chose to hog the spotlight for themselves.
DM: There was principle involved there, however, in retrospect, perhaps it wasn't the best time, and perhaps it wasn't done in the best way. That will be debated long after all of us are gone from here. Then Stank and Davin Moreland had some legendary matches which will go down in the history of OOWF as some of the most brutal ever to take place. And now? Well, for a while, Stank and Davin Moreland have had common foes, and Davin Moreland has attempted to bury the hatchet with Stank. Needless to say he's reluctant. I can't say I blame him.
DM: You seem to want to know, Stank, who's idea the events of Hell on Earth was? Myself and Lexie concocted the idea even before Run DLP and DEA merged into one group. Clearly something that big needed that much pre-planning. It was a different time, Stank, and things have advanced far beyond that point today. I'd like to think you'd at least consider working with Run DEA at some point in the future for common goals. I know we probably will never be friends again Stank, but, and I understand it's easy for me to say, I hold no ill will toward you Stank anymore. I'd say that goes for the rest of D&D, but We have a score to settle with TFDU, and that retribution will hopefuly be paid shortly.
DM: Finally, back to LD. You want to come out here and whine and complain and attack me from behind and then go hide behind Moose's skirt where you're most comfortable? Fine. What you ignore is that I came out to HELP your boy Poe, and take out that fuckshow Tytan. Then, to show your gratitude, you hit me with a Canadian Destroyer on the ramp. How about you guys, so tight as you are, come out and make the save for your boy? What about that? Why did *I* have to do it? Think about that. You only came out after Davin Moreland saved the day. So I said I could win the title any time. So fucking what? Davin Moreland CAN win the title anytime, and I've proven it, to Poe, and most importantly, to YOU LD. You can sit here and say "I want it more" as if that's an accepted fact, but unfortunately, you don't understand the desire which burns within Davin Moreland.
DM: LD, I brought that title to a different level. Davin Moreland elevated an entire stable on the strength of that title. Davin Moreland defeated the OOWF's best week after week for that title, and I am the ONLY 3-time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion as a result. All of us who compete for it are worthy, but nobody wants it more than I do LD. Davin Moreland's priorities for the time being may have changed, but my eyes are always on the ultimate prize. And like I said to Poe...anytime I want it, I can take it. And not you, nor anyone else can stop me.
DM: But don't you dare embarrass yourself out here and say that Davin Moreland doesn't respect LD Williams. Davin Moreland has said nothing BUT that for months now. You're speaking in propaganda, just like Moosehead Jack, just like GM the Weak. You all speak in phrases that stopped being relevant months ago. That's fine. I will continue to respect you LD, but got help you if you continue to DISRESPECT Davin Moreland. It will be your undoing.
*Davin walks away, as LD Williams and SFJ 47 wake up from their nap*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 11:59:58 GMT -5
(Tytan appears from the shadows of the basement his chain wrapped around his neck.) Tytan: Mr Rick....you think you have the balls to fine me....if that is so...come find me....and when you do maybe I will find...some room on the chain for your little scrawny neck....and that one I will have no problem snapping....so come on Mr. Rick (Tytan laughs) I will be waiting to snap into you.... Now partner.....Slaughter house style......calling on your friends already and you haven't even stepped in the ring with me....Coward.....you called me green....you said I was young....now you need your friends to end Tytan.....(Laughs)...maybe you really did pay attention to the war with her.....maybe you realized I am not as green as you once thought....Look I am standing alone....why aren't you?  You want to fight me....I am not hard to find....you want to kill me...what about someone that isn't afraid to die (Tytan finds a piece of glass and picks it up and begins to dig into his own flesh.)....maybe you don't understand....death may be a bit more quieter then the voices that are in my head.... Violence set violence free....and your time will come....there is a monster in all of us Poe....I want to see your monster....I want to see that side of you that the little brat won't even want to be around you... I'll be waiting for you partner...... (He returns to the shadows.) |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:00:20 GMT -5
Firewoman and Chris Evans are in the training ring, working on stuff. Evans has the Iron Man DDT Heavy Metal Belt sitting in the corner. Since they’re both from Storm Wrestling Academy, it is that kind of stuff. Except Evans is talking, when it's clear Firewoman is not in a talkative mood. In a darkened corner, Davin Moreland is watching.
FW: Can you stop, already? It’s not up to me it’s up to Davin and Lexie.
C”L”E: Well, can you ask them? I mean, you have an extra locker room.
Firewoman puts Evans in a headlock, and cranks down on it.
FW: We do NOT.
Evans flips Firewoman as a counter.
C”L”E: Look, they aren’t coming back. I mean, we were in Texas and they didn’t even come to the show. He didn’t even call you.
FW: Seriously. Drop it.
C”L”E: Fine.
The two go back to training stuff, but it’s clear that Firewoman is annoyed, as she’s only holding back just barely. They take a break.
C”L”E: So…
FW: Do you ever not talk?
C”L”E: We’re going to be in Hollywood, FL.
FW: Your point?
C”L”E: Well…..A whole bunch of other wrestlers live in Florida. Including—
FW: Who are you, Dear Abby? Tampa is clear on the other side of the state.
C”L”E: Fine, sorry. Sheesh.
FW: No, no…it’s okay. C’mon let’s get back to work.
They start exchanging moves again. Evans gets three good arm drags in a row, then Fire counters with an Irish Whip. Evans hits the ropes and latches on as Fire does a big boot to the air.
FW: Nice. Let’s try it again. I think I was too far away for it to look good.
C”L”E: Naw, I didn’t get turned around in time.
FW: Whatever.
So they start again. Armdrag armdrag armdrag, Irish whip. But this time, Evans misses grabbing the ropes completely and bounces forward, just as Firewoman, who is closer to the rope and has her back to him at first, turns and nails him with a stiff kick to the jaw. Evans goes down in a heap.
FW: Oops… Cubbie, are you okay?
Evans moans incoherently. Firewoman looks around, and a familiar smile creeps across her face. She looks around again, and doesn’t see Davin in the far corner of the room, as he suddenly becomes very interested. She flips Evans over, hooks his legs, and hits a beautiful Firestomp! She rolls Evans back over for the pin, and a referee magically appears. One-two-three!!
WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION, FIREWOMAN
FW: That’s DDT Iron WOMAN Heavy Metal Champion. (She kisses the belt) Oh yeah, that sparkles with me.
Firewoman grabs the belt, and gets ready to leave, asking the referee to help Evans to the trainers’ room, which he does. Davin Moreland steps into the light after they leave, looking thoughtful.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:00:40 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams is still standing with SFJ#47.**
LD: <sighs> “See, that's why I try not to talk to Davin – he doesn't actually listen. Davin, re-watch the tape. I never mentioned respect. I appreciate that you respect me, and I don't much care whether Run DEA does or doesn't. I also made it clear that you are as capable of beating me as I am of beating you – That doesn't sound disrespectful. In fact, only one of us was complaining about being disrespected, - and it wasn't me. Regardless, Respect, Run DEA, the World Title, and especially Moose, have nothing to do with this.
You seem to have convinced yourself that you're in a class of your own – that somehow the entire OOWF is beneath you and you can do whatever you want whenever you want. I disagree. You've beaten me - more than once – but I've had my share of victories in our matches as well.
The point is, Davin, that you and I are two different types of wrestlers. You're a centerpiece, while I'm a linchpin. Nothing wrong with either, and both are necessary. You just need to remember that just because you get more attention - and rightfully so, you earn every bit of it – it doesn't mean the world's yours for the taking. You know better than anyone that in this business you have to earn what you have night after night after night. If you want to return to your place on top of the OOWF, you have to go through me to get there – it's as simple as that.
Don't over-complicate things Davin. Sometimes it really is just about who can beat who.”
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:00:59 GMT -5
Chad Madison rides Skip into the arena. SFJ55 stops him
"Rick just announced a Tornament for the titles. Do you think he will allow Cowboy Up to enter?"
"He'd better, or that varmit'll have more trouble than a barefoot city slicker walkin' thru a rattlesnake pit. Bossman. Cowboy Up needs to be entered in this here rodeo."
"Not worried about his declaration concerning yours and Zane's pasts?"
Zane Myers was up from behind her.
"With the way all my Zaniacs have rallied around Cowboy Up, Rick will have no choice but to enter us, and grant us the title shot when we win."
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:01:26 GMT -5
<Fire takes her newly won DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title and wanders in to Ric's sandwich shop. She selects a table in the corner and sits with her back to the wall to prevent attacks. She takes a few sips and seems to be lost in though when a shadow falls across the table. Fire looks open and her mouth drops open and a mix of disbelief and rage crosses her face. The camera pans around and we see Moosehead Jack standing there, coffee in one hand, barbed wire baseball bat in the other, wearing a Henrik Zetterberg Detroit Red Wings jersey>
FW: WHAT THE FUCK!
MHJ: What?
FW: ZETTERFUCKINGBERG?
MHJ: Hey, gotta represent the D!
FW: I hate you
<Moose sits down, uninvited of course>
FW: No, please, sit down. Don't ask or anything
MHJ: Seems like no one is asking your opinion on much of anything these days, since everyone knows whats best for you and all
FW: Get off of it, I agreed to it
MHJ: Of course you did
FW: When you come here, do you just come here to annoy me?
MHJ: Is it working?
FW:<staring daggers at Moose for a moment> NO!
MHJ: Sure it isn't
FW: What the hell is with the bat?
MHJ: Hey, you never know when one of those Hero idiots may wander by, or......when there might be a title ripe for the picking <Moose glances at the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title>
FW: <catching his glance> If you think you can......
MHJ: Nah, not right now, I would rather beat the snot out of Larson or Nayr, since it seems like DEA couldn't get it done
FW: So, you want DEA to do your dirty work for you?
MHJ: Please. Larson made Davin look stupid, and yet for all the bravado and big talk of DEA, he is still walking.
FW: Yes, well, that is Davin and Darling's problem. I have my own things to worry about. Which reminds me, since you are here, tell me about Spin
MHJ: What about him? He is a tough bastard, you know that
FW: Yeah tougher because YOU are training him
MHJ: I am? Really?
FW: Oh please, hooded figure in the boiler room with a barbed wire bat? Who else could it be?
MHJ: Anyone?
FW: Uh huh, sure.
MHJ: I am sure Stank would be fine with me training Spin after what has gone down between all of us. That doesn't even make sense.........then again, neither does Lexie talking to Stank. What's next? You and Tytan going to become BFF's and hang out together.
FW: Go to hell. And whatever Davin and Lexie were doing with D&D.... that's between them
MHJ: Do you have a say in ANYTHING, or are you just content to be someone's puppet
<with the mention of puppet, Fire glares at Moose for a moment, then snarling, gets to her feet and grabs the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title>
FW: Fuck you
<Fire storms off leaving Moose smirking and sipping his coffee. He scans the lunch room and sees Spin and Stank walk in arguing about the benefits of bacon in a diet. In another part of the room Chad Madison and Zane Myers are eating sandwiches while Madison tosses pieces of bread out into the hallway to Skip. We hear SYB yelling something about there being a fucking horse in the hallway and him stepping in horseshit. Finally, Moose settles on the doorway where we see Nayr and Bryce Larson run into the cafeteria and right up to Ric>
Nayr:ohmygoddoyouhaveanymoreDew? ThisstuffissogoodIcan'tseemtogetenough, Ican'tfeel my teeth!
Bryce: Ric, we would like to buy all the Dew you have! nownownownownownownownownow!
Ric: whoooooooooooooo How much have you two had? Ric doesn't want yo be li-BY GOD-able for a caffeine overdose!
Bryce: Caffeine? Nah, the dew by itself isn't too bad, it gets a real kick when you mix a Red Bull with it! RED DEW BULL RUSH!
Nayr: BETICANDOBACKFLIPSOFFTHECOUNTERWATCHWATCHWATCH!
<Nayr leaps onto the counter and does repeated backflips to the floor, tweaking like hummingbirds, neither one notices Moose slowly get up from his seat. Moose skulks across the room to where the coffee pot is and grabs the empty pot in one hand. He leans the bat against the wall and walks up behind Larson, who is still trying to negotiate with Ric>
Ric: You may not like my prices, but you better get used to them, cause they are the BEST THING GOING TODAY WHooooooooMooose!
<Larson turns around and Moose SLAMS him in the face with the coffee pot! Larson grabs his head as blood runs between his fingers and he drops to his knees. Moose grabs the barbed wire bat, and CRACKS it upside Larson's head sending him to the floor.
Moose turns around and Nayr is on the counter ready to leap at Moose, but Moose takes the bat and sweeps his legs sending him to the counter then the floor behind it. Moose hops the counter and leaps at Nayr, driving the bat into his sternum. Moose pulls Nayr to his feet and whips him into the stainless steel refrigerator, then charges at him and tries to decapitate him with a bat shot to the head, but Nayr moves out of the way.
In the dining part of the shop, Larson struggles to his feet and staggers a few steps, blood POURING from his head. He sees the commotion in the back and crawls across the counter and grabs Moose from behind and buries a knee into his midsection then grabs a pan and smacks Moose across the face sending him flying.
The Heroes pull Moose to his feet and land matching stiff kicks to the gut doubling him over. Nayr grabs a wooden cutting board and slams it across Moose's back sending him staggering toward Larson, who goozles him and is about to chokeslam him when LD Williams charges into the scene and blind sides Larson with a forearm to the side of the head
Moose stands up and grabs the bat and goes after Nayr. Nayr leaps onto the sandwich prep area and leaps over the swinging bat of Moose a few times. When Nayr comes down he stomps on the mustard bottle squirting mustard all over his shirt. Moose momentarily looks at his shirt and snarls at Nayr. Nayr reaches down and grabs a handfull of lettuce and throws it into Moose's eyes temporarily blinding him. Nayr runs down the prep table and leaps and catches Moose with a shining wizard to the side of the head.
Meanwhile LD has Larson on the floor beating him mercilessly, there is blood everywhere. Williams grabs a pot from the rack and slams it down onto Larson's head, then grabs the wooden cutting board and SLAMS it into the pot. The thud echoes across the room and Larson slumps to the floor, out cold.
Nayr grabs LD and spins him around and catches him with a spinning chop that sends LD staggering and falling into the dish area where he knocks over a rack of plates and sends them shattering to the floor. Nayr comes in after LD and LD grabs a piece of broken plate and slashes at Nayr, tearing his shirt and leaving a bloody gash on his chest. The distraction is enough for Moose to come up behind Nayr and spin him around and hit a HEARTPUNCH! then drop him on the floor with a DDT! Nayr is OUT!
Moose helps LD to his feet and they look at the ruined kitchen and smirk, then head out, as they are leaving Ric stops them>
Ric: THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT IS COMING TODAY! INSPECT ME! I'M ALREADY INSPECTED! WHOOOOO!
<LD and Moose look at Ric and shake his head, then they head out>
MHJ: We should probably talk to Matte, make sure he is on the same page as us
LD: Good idea
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:01:55 GMT -5
*Sometime later, Stank walks out of GM theRick’s office wearing a sports jacket, a Drink & Destroy T-shirt underneath, blue jeans, and Doc Marten’s. Stank sort of tugs at the sports coat, and we can tell he’s not used to wearing one.*
Stank – Hmmph… at least he got one in my size.
*We follow Stank down the Hall of Random encounters without incident, and the big man turns and heads down another hall. He steps over Matte, who is napping on the floor and we follow him up some stairs to a darkened area behind a tall black curtain. The opening bars of Nonpoint’s “Skin” fire up, as Stank waits behind the curtain.*
Stank – I’ll never forgive Rick for making me do this. *sigh*
AD – You and me, both.
*Stank turns and looks down at Alexis Darling who is clad in a lovely Dolce & Gabbana silk dress.*
Stank – Hello. Fancy meeting you at a house show. You look nice.
*Alexis scowls*
AD – Thanks.
Stank – Rick roped you into doing this? I thought Shannon was-
AD – Our esteemed, soon to be GONE if I have anything to say about it, GM feels I’m not doing enough to fulfill my OOWF contract.
Stank – Right. I’m surprised you haven’t pulled the trigger on that info on him you obtained from the fallout of the war.
AD – Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind. Isn’t that your music playing? Let’s get this shit over with.
*Stank smirks, then walks through the curtain, out to the top of the ramp, to a loud pop from the LIVE crowd in the Cooper City Civic center in Cooper City Florida. Stank is all business as he walks down the ramp to the crowded ring. Stank rolls underneath the ropes and climbs the corner turnbuckles, raising his arms in acknowledgement of the crowd. A stagehand gives Stank a mic. Stank paces the near side of the ring.*
Stank – Cooper City, Florida… hello.
*Crowd pops at the mention of their town.*
Stank – As you can see behind me this isn’t Stank’s pub. This people, is a game show and apparently I’m your host. So welcome folks to the first OOWF… say it with me folks…
Crowd – WHEEL… OF… MISFORTUNE!
*Crowd POPS huge as NOT Wheel of Fortune music, but an eerily similar Wheel of Fortune theme music remake, cues up to the mutual satisfaction of the appropriate OOWF officials and Sony Pictures Television execs. Somewhere in Heaven, Merv Griffin groans.*
St. Peter – Hey! I thought I blocked that channel!
Merv – Gimmie a break, will ya? Can’t a guy keep tabs on the bastardization of his own show?
St. Peter – Merv? What are YOU doing up here?
*Camera cuts back to Stank*
Stank – Okay… well, the Wheel of Misfortune would not be complete without my lovely, reluctant co-host… ALEXIS DARLING!
*“Life is Beautiful” by Sixx AM fires up and out walks Alexis Darling to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Alexis could care less as she strolls to the ring, up the steps, through the ropes and over to the board with her arms crossed.*
Stank – Alright let’s meet our players and get started. Say hello to SYB.
*Crowd applauds politely*
SYB – I’d like to solve the puzzle.
Stank – I’m sure you would, but we haven’t gotten t-
SYB – New Jersey Turnpike!
Stank – Just tell us a little something about yourself, doofus!
SYB – Sure. I’m a fitness trainer out of Westfield New Jersey. I have my own energy drink called JOOse! sold in palatial establishments everywhere…uh.. let’s see. OH! I’m a SIXTEEN TIME Chimpanzee champion!
Stank – I don’t think that’s right.
SYB – Oh what the fuck do you know?
Stank – I know the balance of power in the US Supreme Court won’t change much after Justice Souter steps down. I know that Swine influenza is a respiratory disease of pigs caused by type A influenza viruses that causes regular outbreaks in pigs and that people normally don’t get swine flu, but human infections can and do happen as evidence by the burgeoning worldwide panic from current cases. I know the constellation Gemini includes the open cluster NGC 2158 near M35 and is exactly 1 billion, 3 hundred million, 6 hundred thousand, 7 hundred, and 82.433 years old. I know the difference between a nice Belgian pâté de foie gras and German liberwurst. I know lots of things.
SYB - …….
Stank – Moving right along, up next, he’s been on a nice little run here lately, he’s our new OOWF Intercontinental Champion, and my opponent at Mayhem, ladies and gentlemen… The Dead!
*Crowd applauds loudly.*
Stank – So Dead… or is it The Dead?
TD – Whatever floats your boat, man.
Stank – Okay Dead, so you got a couple of wins over me.
TD – Yep
Stank – You advanced through the IC tournament to win The Intercontinental Title.
TD – Sure did.
Stank – And now you have to defend that title against Me and Chris Evans.
TD – Correct.
Stank – Good luck to you.
TD – I won’t need it.
Stank – We’ll see about that.
TD – I guess we will.
Stank – You bet.
TD – Right.
Stank – Okay.
TD – OK.
Stank – OKAY! Up NEXT our last player is… for fuck’s sake… Alan Capps.
*The crowd applauds politely with a smattering of boos thrown in.*
AA – What’s up with that smattering of boos?
Stank – Nobody likes you, Alan.
AA – That’s not true. My bookie likes me plenty… and… Johnny likes me.
Stank – You sure about that?
AA – Flair likes me. Hell, Flair LOVES me.
*Crowd Woooos at the mention of Ric Flair.*
Stank – I see you’ve lost weight. Been hittin the gym?
AA – You know it! How else were Johnny and I going pull off yet another swerve of the year.
Stank – That’s not a category.
AA – And I bet you thank whatever god you believe in for THAT. Otherwise they would have to add a victim of the year. That’s one you would OWN EVERY year, my man.
Stank – You’re about to be MY victim of the year if you keep this shit up. Now tell the crowd a little something about yourself so we can get this shindig a’diggin.
AA – Well I’m one half of the greatest Tag Team to ever tag team in tag team wrestledom. More importantly, I am one half of the most stupendous, galactically awesome, promo team professional wrestling will ever produce.
Stank – Okay we’ve heard enough of that noise.
AA – I’m also a sales manager for a medical firm out of Wichita Kansas, a proud bachelor, an avid wine connoisseur, a successful gambler, a fifth horseman and-
Stank – Enough, Alan. Alright a thousand dollars is the top dollar value for our first round. We’re playing for cash this round and here’s our first puzzle. Our category is… A Thing. Apparently just before the show we drew numbers to see who will start and Schnozeltov you’re up first. Spin the wheel.
SYB – Schnozeltov, cute.
*Crowd applauds as SYB bends down and spins the wheel. It rotates swiftly as it clickety-clacks and eventually halts on a wedge stating “Heartpunch”*
Stank – ooooh I’m sorry, ya bastard.
SYB – What the fuck?
*What the fuck indeed, as Moosehead Jack slides out from underneath the ring, climbs through the ropes, and NAILS SYB with a mighty HEARTPUNCH! SYB falls to the mat, in a heap. Moose smirks and goes back underneath the ring.*
Stank – That’s unfortunate. Dead? Go ahead and spin the wheel.
TD – I… I don’t wanna.
Stank – Rick says he’ll strip you of the title if you don’t.
*The Dead grumbles something under his breath as he spins the wheel. It slows and just ticks off of “Kendo Groin Smack” to a wedge showing $200.*
TD – *Whew!*
Stank - $200. Not bad.
TD – Is there a “P”
*One tri-lon lights up towards the end of the second line of the puzzle board. Alexis saunters over and turns it to reveal a “P” The Dead spins again. The wheel slows to halt on “DDT Iron man Heavy Metal title”. The camera cuts to Firewoman watching the shenanigans on the monitor set up in her locker room.*
FW – The Hell?
*Camera cuts back to Stank.*
Stank – Ok Dead. Take a guess.
TD – Is there an “F”?
*Bzzt*
Stank – Sorry Dead… no... Alan spin it.
*Attitude Adjuster spins the wheel and it halts on $1000.*
AA – Sweet!
Stank – Fuck. Go ahead, Alan. Give me a letter.
AA – “T”
*One tri-lon lights up at the start of the second line. Alexis walks over and turns it to reveal a “T”*
AA – I’d like to solve the puzzle.
Stank – Are you fucking serious?
AA – I am. Is it New Jersey Turnpike?
Stank - …. …. …. Yeah.
AA – REALLY?
*From the mat SYB shouts… FUCK! THAT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT!*
*The crowd applauds as victory music cues up, and Stank walks over next to Attitude Adjuster.*
Stank – Congrats, dickhead. You won the first round.
AA – OOOOH this is SO EXCITING! Okay let see… I’ll take that Portuguese announce table for 20 bucks… the.. ooooh that ring bell look’s enticing, but 40 dollars is asking too much. That ring apron is a steal at $30... Is the cute blonde over there priced?
Stank – What the fuck are you doing?
AA – Screw it. Just put the rest on a gift certificate.
Stank - Alan, you know goddamn well there hasn’t been any shopping on this game since the late eighties.
AA – Well do I get a prize?
Stank – Bet. Russ, tell him what else he’s won.
Russ – Sure thing Stank. Ric Flair has just released his signature line of gourmet sandwiches, exclusive to Rick Flair’s Sandwich Shoppe. From smoked ham & cheese to tuna salad, every bite is the best.. thing.. going.. today. You will receive, absolutely free, one sandwich a day, every day, for a year, a prize package worth $2,565!
AA – I LOVE THIS GAME!!
Stank – We’ll see about that, after our second round. Back in a bit.
<Crowd applauds as we fade to commercial break>
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:02:29 GMT -5
AA is backstage during the game show break (see how great promo artists achieve continuity?):
AA: So what have we learned in our first week back in the OOWF, Johnny?
JA: That these title belts still fit perfectly around our waists.
AA: True. And that the level of promonating rises about 500 percent when we're around.
JA: Yep. And that the refs are still just as stupid as when we left. I mean, I give the nutcracker to the ref and he just DQs us. Hah! Next time I'll just do that before the bell.
AA: Good point. And I learned that LD Williams' Momma is still as fat and ugly as she ever was.
JA: Do you really want to go there?
AA: Yeah, good point. We'll edit that out in post-production.
JA: We're live, you idiot.
AA: ...
JA: Shall we just get to promoting this week's match?
AA: I think I just shit myself.
JA: Team From Down Under, Run DEA, you think you have an advantage on us because it's two-on-one? Well think again. Because we have the rules on our side. Because if you haven't looked, this is a non-title match. Which means we can't lose these (patting the belts). So bring your best stuff, because it just...won't...matter.
AA: Are you taking the fall this week or me?
JA: Probably you. But I haven't written the match yet.
AA: Do we get any offense in at all this week?
JA: I think you poke someone in the eyes. That's pretty much it.
AA: Cool! OK, I gotta get back for the next round of WHEEL...OF...MISFORTUNE! (cheap pop)
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:02:49 GMT -5
JA: Go get em, man. Win some more food!
[AA walks back on stage just before the show goes back live, leaving Johnny to schmooze with director-type guys behind the cameras.]
JA: So... how hard would it be to cheat on a game show like this?
Director-Type Guy: Shut it, Adrenaline. We know all about you two clowns.
JA: Thanks for the compliment!
[Johnny gets a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see GatorBait and Outback Jack all up in his grill.]
JA: Oh! Hi guys! Ya'll here for Wheel of Misfortune, too? Great show, isn't it? SYB and The Dead done got beatdown, and Alan won a bunch of food! Awesome stuff!
OBJ: Um, quit playing stupid, Johnny.
GB: That's natural for him, Jack.
OBJ: You got about five seconds to explain your actions from Mayhem before me and Gator kick the ever loving hell out of you.
JA: What had happened was... ya see.... um..... there was this fan in the crowd... and she uh.....
[Before Johnny can finish spitting out his bullshit and before TFDU can beat the shit out of him, Alexander Darling and Davin Moreland walk into the picture.]
AD: What the hell is going on here?
GB: Johnny here was just telling us why he got himself disqualified on Wednesday.
DM: Like you really had to ask?
OBJ: We didn't have to ask. We were just looking for an excuse to kick the crap out of him.
JA: Yeah! Got that? And then they said that after they kicked my ass, they were gonna find you two and kick your asses, too.
AD: They said that?
GB: Actually, no, we didn't say that, but um, we'll do it if need be.
DM: You ain't gonna do shit.
JA: OOH! You gonna take that?
All: SHUT THE FUCK UP, JOHNNY!!
[OBJ decks Johnny with a right hand, and Run DEA and TFDU brawl behind the cameras as Wheel of Misfortune comes back on the air. Johnny gets up, selling the punch, then walks off laughing.]
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:03:09 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
<SYB is bitching and moaning (again)>
SYB: WORST. WEEK. EVAR. First we lose our chimp belts because The Amnesiac thought it would be a good idea to kick me in the face when I was single-handedly destroying the Cowgirls and the Queer Baron, then that stupid fucking horse shits on my shoes, and then that douchebag Moose heartpunches me as I was dominating Wheel of Misfortune. I haven’t been this pissy since someone stole my Yentl DVD.
Skurge: Well this won’t help you oot, brither. Remember when The Dick told us aboot that Sturdy Wings place?
SYB: Oh yeah, I’m totarry looking forward to it. I love chicken wings, especially when they’re douched with a lot of sauce.
Skurge: Hey asscock, how would that be punishment?
SYB: Well maybe they would give us the wrong sauce.
Skurge: ...
SYB: Didn't think aboot that huh Mr. Smart Guy?
Skurge: No. No I did not.
SYB: So there.
DM: Solly, Sturdy Wings is where you're going for your community service. You're going to be a mentor for disadvantaged kids.
SYB: Kids?
Skurge: Relax. We talked to the judge – he waived your um, status and agreed to let you around children a-gain.
SYB: Score! I can't wait. I have so much to share with kids. My experiences of dominating the OOWF should delight those youngsters.
Skurge: Dude. You haven't had a singles win since.... since... shit. 2006? If that?
SYB: That's just the Zionist propoganda speaking again.
Skurge: What in the holy blue fuck are you talking aboot? This is your fucking mess we have to clean up!
SYB: Ah young Skurgedrick. You're seeing this as punishment, I'm seeing this as an opportunity.
JFLV: I'm seeing this as a buffet.
DM: Ew.
Skurge: What she said. Ummm, how is this an opportunity?
SYB: Like I said, we... I mean I can share my vast knowledge about everything with today's youth.
Skurge: Ah Christ, let's just get this shit over with. Let's go.
*FADE*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:03:29 GMT -5
*A bloody and beaten Attitude Adjuster is hauled off on a gurney, as The Dead celebrates his win. On the board we see the phrase "Give me a Hell Yeah" and $7000 displayed in front of The Dead's panel. As he is pushed up the ramp, we can barely make out AA moaning how much he hates this game.*
Stank - Wow Dead. It looks like your win streak continues.
TD - Yeah. I'm just glad I didn't hit that spiked brass knucks wedge.
*Stank looks down at his hand, as if noticing the spiked brass knuckles he's holding for the first time.*
Stank - Oh... oh yeah. Too bad for Alan. *tossing the knucks* Anyway you've accumulated $11,500 dollars so far. Let's see if you can win some more in our Bonus Round. Okay R. L. N. S. T. and E. are the letters we will start you out with.
*A bell chimes as one tri-lon lights up and Alexis Darling walks over revealing it to be an "E"*
Stank - Looks like one letter is up there for you. The category is a person. Give me three consonants and one more vowel.
TD - F
Stank - That's one.
TD - ... M
Stank - That's two.
TD - K...
Stank - Okay and one vowel.
TD - ... ... ... A
*The tri-lons light up and Alexis turns them - K A _ F A _ E *
Stank - Looking good. The category is a person. Ten seconds. Good luck.
*The Dead clears his throat as the countdown chime begins.*
TD - Uh... Kayfabe?
Stank - Only in the OOWF. That's right!
*The victory tune plays and the crowd applauds.*
Stank - Okay let's see what you have won.
*Stank starts to unfold the card revealing The Dead's prize when they are interrupted. The opening riffs of Iron Maiden's The Trooper blasts through the loud speakers and Chris "Lionheart" Evans makes his way down the ramp, toward the ring. The Run DEA prospect climbs through the ropes with a mic in his hand. He stands in front of Stank and The Dead waiting for the buzz from the crowd to die down as his music fades.*
C"L"E - I can't believe I'm not in this promo. I mean here we have the OOWF Intercontinental champion and ONE of his opponents at Mayhem. In case you all have forgotten. The IC title match is a TRIPLE threat match. I am in this match gentlemen and it would be in your best interests not to forget that fact.
TD - Look Chris. This isn't about you. It's the Wheel of Misfortune. So why don't you leave this ring before something unfortunate happens to-
C"L"E - Ah HA! HA! That's REAL funny, The Dead. REAL funny. But we'll see WHO'S laughing when I beat you *points at Dead* and YOU *points at Stank* and become the OOWF Intercontinental... Champion!
*Chris Evans drops his mic and exits the ring. He's about halfway up the ramp before Stank speaks.*
Stank - Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, Chris. You want to be in this promo so bad...? Come on back here and spin the wheel.
*Chris Evans turns around and points at his chest in a broad "who me?" like gesture.*
Stank - Come on. Don't be shy. Get your ass in here.
*Evans shrugs his shoulders and re-enters the ring. He stands behind the panel with $5000 displayed in front once occupied by AA, bends down, and spins the wheel. It rotates round and round, slowing to a halt, ticking onto a wedge which reads "Finish Him!"*
C"L"E - Okay. What's that mean?
*Evans turns, and The Dead CLOSES THE CASKET~! on him! The Crowd pops huge for this and screams even louder as Dead turns around from standing over his victim and is hoisted up on Stank's shoulders for a STANK-U~! BUT The Dead slips off and exits quickly from the ring, backing up the ramp with a smile a mile wide. He wags his finger at Stank and raises his IC Belt up high. Stank smiles himself, holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart in a "I was THIS close." gesture, as Dead's theme Doomsday Clock by Smashing Pumpkins blares out the speakers. The camera cuts between The Dead with his Title held high and Stank making the universal "I want the belt" gesture. Alexis Darling looks at her watch and yawns as the camera fades*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:03:56 GMT -5
Poe is seated on the couch in his locker room. Selena is sitting next to him with her hands on her lap looking giddy. Russ sits in a chair facing them.
Russ: Poe, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to have this interview with me. I’d been hoping to have a sit down interview with you for a good number of months now.
Poe: It is my pleasure, Russ. There are some things that need to be brought out into the open. There are too many whispers roaming these halls. A good mystery is paramount to a good show, but there’s a limit to them.
Russ: I do have to say, before we begin, that with all due respect to Miss Gomez, I was under the impression that this would be a solo interview.
Selena scoffs and then looks to Poe.
Poe: Selena, goddess, it is perhaps best you wait for me in the bed chamber. Once this is over, I will come for you.
Selena pouts, sticking out her bottom lip.
Poe: Goddess…
SG: Fine.
Selena gets up and stands before Russ.
SG: You’re a nimrod, Russ.
Selena goes back into the bedchamber and slams the door.
Russ: She’s a feisty one isn’t she?
Poe says nothing and stares at Russ. Russ is made uncomfortable by this and begins the interview.
Russ: You are now the OOWF World Champion after arriving here just about a year ago now. This is your third different World Championship, is that correct?
Poe: Yes, I was the CMLL Heavyweight Champion in Mexico when I was only twenty, and then won the World Championship for NOAH in Japan.
Russ: That’s quite an accomplishment.
Poe: It is. Thank you.
Russ: That leads me to your time here. You’ve had notable feuds with Davin Moreland and Stank, as well as a tag team war with Phantos & Lucios. Yet your goal for coming here was to destroy Alexander Darling, which you’ve failed to do…
Poe: Is that a question?
Russ: I’m just curious as to why you haven’t fulfilled that goal.
Poe: You don’t like him either huh?
Russ: Well…I try not to…
Poe: The overwhelming factor is that I got swept up in other things here in OOWF. The Boy kept his allies close around him and they took some of my attention. Then the World Title became my initial goal as I came to respect this organization. The Boy will get his, don’t you worry. But as for now, defending my World Championship is my primary goal.
Russ: One of Alexander Darling’s allies as you called them, that hasn’t yet stepped in the ring with you is Firewoman. Yet there seems to be some large history between you two. Do you care to elaborate on that?
Poe: No.
Russ: Not at all?
Poe: Our issue is that of a personal nature. What kind of man would I be if I disclosed this personal issue for the entire world to know?
Russ: So there’s a romantic history?
Poe: No.
Russ stares at Poe hoping he’ll elaborate. Poe stares back. Russ realizes he’s not getting anywhere and moves on.
Russ: Your current opponent this week is your former tag team partner, Tytan. Last week he attacked you from behind after your victory over DH Magnusson. You didn’t take that well, and normally you seem pretty cool, calm, and collected. So why the outrage?
Poe: There is honor among partners. I took Tytan under my wing. Some lessons he learned well. Others he did not. In the end, our partnership did not work out, but I respected him as a partner and welcomed him into my world. He has forgotten all that and turned against me. I don’t take that lightly.
Russ: In one of his promos, he made some rather disturbing threats against you as well as Miss Gomez. Do you care to share your thoughts on that?
Poe: The fact that he has repeatedly blamed Selena for the failings of Gods & Monsters both alarms me and amuses me. It shows his maturity level. Now, if he touches one hair on her head, he knows the repercussions he’ll face. And not just from me, although the freight train he sees coming towards him will indeed be me.
Russ: Your relationship with Miss Gomez has been a hot topic of speculation since you both arrived here in OOWF. Do you care to elaborate on your relationship?
Before Poe can speak, there’s a *bloop, bloop, bloop* sound and Super Mario Attorney-at-Law pops out of the floor.
SMAAL: It’s a me, a Mario! Do not a answer that a question. Admitting to a sexual relationship with a minor will a get you into a prison quicker than a lasagna can a stain your a shirt.
Poe stares at Super Mario Attorney-at-Law and then kicks him back down the hole.
Poe: Selena is a rare creature indeed. How a beautiful girl such as her can be so sweet and innocent, yet so evil and demented at the same time fascinates me. She is a complete Diaspora of traits and emotions like the which I have never seen.
Russ: That’s great and all, but on what level is your relationship?
Poe: You’re beginning to irritate me Russ.
Russ sighs.
Russ: Very well, I’ll move on…Moosehead Jack. You two seem to have a familiarity with each other that is quite surprising considering your relatively short time here and Moosehead Jack’s closed off nature.
Poe: Moosehead Jack and I have crossed paths before.
Russ: When and where was this?
Poe: Another place and time.
Russ sighs again.
Russ: We might as well end this interview if you’re not going to answer any of my questions.
Poe: I have answered them.
Russ: No you really haven’t.
Poe: Maybe you just aren’t intelligent enough to understand what it is that I am telling you.
SG: *from the bed chamber* Nimrod!
Russ: Okay, this interview is definitely over.
Russ stands up to leave.
Poe: You know the way out then.
Russ leaves and shuts the door behind him. Selena comes back into the main dressing room and plops down next to Poe.
SG: Yeah, I think it went well, okay.
There’s a commotion outside the door. Poe stands on guard and rushes to the door. He opens the door, sees someone running towards him and nails them with the Hieroglyph. He rolls the laid out body of the man over and looks down, as does Selena who pops her head out from behind the door.
Poe: Chris Evans?
Poe looks up and sees a female stage hand looking on in horror. She holds up a candy bar.
FSH: I stole his candy bar…
Poe glares at the stagehand. Selena walks up to the girl, takes the candy bar, and goes back into the locker room.
Poe: Namaste.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on May 18, 2009 12:04:21 GMT -5
Firewoman is still SITTING~! at Ric's Sandwich Shop when Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson comes bounding in like the big ball of energy she is. She sits down next to Firewoman.
OGM SJ: Hey!
FW: Hey.
OGM SJ: So...
FW: I'm not in the mood for a promo right now.
OGM SJ: Oh..... Ooo! Look on OOWF TV! It's that freak Poe, and ... hey, he's talking about you.
Firewoman looks and they watch Poe's video. Then they run Tytan's again, just in case we've forgotten what the deal is. Ah, wrestling logic...
FW: Wow. You know, if Tytan thought I drove him to insanity, he hasn't seen anything like what Poe's going to do to him.
OGM SJ: What do you mean?
FW: Poe doesn't take kindly to being defied. Actually, that's the understatement of the century.
OGM SJ: Huh?
FW: Ask your....uh, Alexander.
OGM SJ: Oh. But I'm supposed to ask you about--
FW: Really? How 'bout not now.
OGM SJ: Oh...okay.
FW: ......
OGM SJ: .......
FW: What's wrong?
OGM SJ: Well...I know I've been practicing my interviewing skills, and I really thank you a lot for letting me do your promos instead of Lucky....
FW: Go on.
OGM SJ: Well, gymnastics doesn't last forever, and I was trying to think about what I could do after that, that's still physical, you know? So I thought...i could WRESTLE!
FW: You. Seriously.
OGM SJ: Yes! I mean, what else would be more perfect?
Firewoman stares at her in disbelief for a moment, and then her gaze goes to the television replaying (of course) Poe's promo
FW: I've got a great idea. You know how that other promotion up north casts...well, non-wrestlers in matches during PPVs? Just for something different and maybe up the buy rates?
OGM SJ: Yeah... we usually think it's stupid.
FW: Usually it is. But THIS would be great. The in-ring debut of Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson against.... wait for it..... SELENA GOMEZ.
OGM SJ: What? No way, she's creepy.
FW: Yeah, she is. And YOU are Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson. The SECOND Olympic Gold Medalist in the ring, ever! It makes sense, you're both about the same age.
OGM SJ: Yeah.... YEAH, I am!! I could take that freaky little bitch!! Except....well, I don't know exactly what I'm doing.
FW: Not a problem. I'll train you.
OGM SJ: Omigosh....REALLY?
FW: Sure, it'll be fun. And Alexander will be happy because we're getting along.
OGM SJ: That is so awesome. You know, this is kind of...well, I really look up to you, and all that you've accomplished and...well, I know this Freedman situation is hard, but .... well, I think you're doing great.
FW: Okay, well, I have a lot to do for my match, and my therapy, and now to plan your training. Can we do the promo in a couple of days?
OGM SJ: Yeah, no problem. I can't WAIT to tell Alex. He'll be surprised!!
FW: He'll be something, all right.
OGM SJ goes practically skipping out of the sandwich shop. Firewoman sips her coffee and smiles to herself.
|
|
You want to fight me....I am not hard to find....you want to kill me...what about someone that isn't afraid to die (Tytan finds a piece of glass and picks it up and begins to dig into his own flesh.)....maybe you don't understand....death may be a bit more quieter then the voices that are in my head....