OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Hollywood, Florida
THE AMNESIAC vs. BEER BARONThe Beer Baron enters to his theme, Led Zeppelin’s “When the Levee Breaks”. He gets some mild pops on his way to the ring. Next, The Amnesiac enters to “I Can’t Remember” by Alice in Chains. He gets a similar reaction, and referee Angel Barros wastes no time in calling for the bell.
Both men circle each other, then we have a lock-up to start this match. Since both men are built pretty similarly, neither one can gain a clear advantage. The lock-up is broken simultaneously for the two men. They circle each other, and this time Beer Baron calls for the test of strength. The Amnesiac accepts, and both men struggle, but this struggling halts when Baron knees Amnesiac in the gut a couple of times. As Baron breaks the hold, Amnesiac comes back with an arm drag that sends Baron to the mat. Baron gets up and charges, and is the recipient of another arm drag. Amnesiac goes for the pin fall but is shoved off before he even gets a one count. Baron gets to his feet in time to block a strike from Amnesiac. He manages to get Amnesiac with a couple of punches before Amnesiac blocks it and gets in a couple of chops. Beer Baron turns away in pain and Amnesiac goes for the ropes. He attempts a running clothesline, but Baron ducks it, runs the ropes, and nails Amnesiac with Das Boot. He pins Amnesiac for one.
Beer Baron picks up Amnesiac and Irish whips him to the ropes. The Amnesiac springs off the second rope into a cross body block. This gets Baron into a pinning predicament, though he kicks out at one. Both men get up, and Baron delivers a devastating neck breaker. Baron doesn’t bother pinning, but hauls up Amnesiac and attempts the Adios Muthafucka!, but Amnesiac fights it off and reverses into a back body drop. Amnesiac turns around and is looking for a pin or something, but from his prone position, Baron kicks him in the head. Now Baron will go for the pin, but he’ll only get a two count.
As both men are getting up, Baron nails Amnesiac with a European uppercut. He follows this with two more, and Amnesiac is reeling. Baron hoists Amnesiac into a fireman’s carry, and begins to spin for the Drunken Driver, but the Amnesiac reverses to land behind Baron. He grabs Baron in a reverse headlock and nails the inverted DDT. A pin attempt gets two.
Baron kicks out, but can’t come up with enough energy to get to his feet quickly, and Amnesiac stomps him back down. The Amnesiac flips him over and locks in a double leg Boston crab. A couple of minutes pass, then Baron finds the energy to reach for the ropes. The Amnesiac breaks the hold, hauling up Baron to attempt the Hangman’s DDT. He grabs the headlock and tries to lift Baron, but Baron finds some strength in reserve and doesn’t budge. Instead, he grabs a headlock himself and lifts Amnesiac up. For a couple of seconds there is a poetic tableau, with one steroid guzzling wrestler lifting up another vertically above his head. Then Baron drops him in a powerslam- it’s the Keg Stand. Baron pins and gets the three count.
WINNER in 11:12 – Beer Baron
DH MAGNUSSON vs. SEAMUS MCNASTYMagnusson is announced first and makes his way to the ring. The crowd boos him loudly, but he mostly ignores them and gets ready for Seamus. Seamus is announced, and he comes out, he is also booed loudly by the crowd, and he also ignores them. From the sound of things it looks like the crowd just wants blood and someone hurt tonight. Seamus steps between the ropes and the two men go nose to nose. It really seems like these two should be on the same page, but if you remember a few weeks ago, Magnusson kicked Seamus in the face and cost them a tag match. See? Continuity my friends. Magnusson and Seamus stand there and argue for a moment, then begin throwing haymakers. The crowd gets into the punishing blows, booing each man as he connects with a shot to the head. Seamus throws them off though when he ducks a swing and grabs and arm wringer and ducks under and takes Magnusson to the mat, then locks in an arm bar. He looks out at the crowd and taunts them, and they boo him even more. They want a fight and not wrestling dammit! Magnusson works his way to his feet and backs Seamus into the corner and the referee calls for a clean break. Magnusson cocks his fist back, and the crowd erupts. He looks out at the fans, then steps back to the middle of the ring. Clean break. The fans boo loudly. Seamus comes back to the middle of the ring and the two lock up. Seamus shoots in and takes Seamus to the mat with a double leg take down, then grabs a side head lock. By now, the fans sound like they may riot at any moment. Seamus works his way to his feet and shoves Magnusson to the ropes and DH takes him to the mat with a shoulder block on the rebound. Seamus pops up and Magnusson hits the ropes again, only this time Seamus takes him down with a deep arm drag, Ricky Steamboat style. Magnusson gets back to his feet and the two meet in the middle of the ring and argue once again. The fans get louder and louder expecting blood. Seamus and Magnusson look out at the crowd and sneer, then take a step back and…….shake hands? The crowd goes nuts at this. Debris litters the ring and security comes out and looks like they are concerned that the crowd is going to rush the ring. Magnusson climbs to the second rope and yells at the crowd daring them to do something. The more he yells at the fans, the more debris flies into the ring. The referee looks concerned. Seamus decides to do something about it. While he is on the second rope, Seamus charges across the ring and grabs him from behind and hits the CELTIC CROSS! Seamus quickly covers the stunned Magnusson, hooking the leg hard, and gets the one, two, THREE!
WINNER in 7:11 – Seamus McNasty
As Seamus heads up the ramp he turns to Magnusson who is standing against the ropes. They glare at each other for a moment, then Seamus nods, and Magnusson gives the slightest of nods as well. What was that all about?
COWBOY UP vs. IHOPIHOP make their way to the ring first, surprisingly, it is just SYB and Skurge, no Dorothy Mantooth, no Amnesiac, no Monkh, no Jeffrey from Las Vegas, no Fezzik, just the two of them. They step between the ropes and Skurge pats SYB down to make sure he doesn’t have a mic, SYB flips him off and no doubt questions his sexuality. Chad Madison and Zane Myers are announced and they make their way to the ring. Myers is first, and he is slapping hands with the fans the whole way down. Madison trails behind him, riding Skip. They get to the ring and Madison dismounts and ties Skip to the hitching post, why do we have a hitching post at ringside you might ask? The simple answer is Because Go Fuck Yourself That’s Why, the better answer is, we are the OOWF and we are awesome. The moment SYB sees the horse, he throws a fit and claims it is a foreign object. The referee ignores him, which pisses him off more and calls for the bell to start the match. As Zane slides into the ring Skurge charges across the ring and catches him with a stomp to the back of the head. He hits the ropes and catches him with a drop kick to the face that sends Myers to his back. Skurge quickly pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes and elevates him with a high back body drop. As Myers gets to his feet, he staggers backward into the corner and Skurge charges in and catches him with a clothesline. Skurge doesn’t let Myers fall, instead he grabs him and pulls him into the IHOP corner and tags in SYB. SYB and Skurge take turns blistering Myers chest with chops. SYB pulls Myers out of the corner and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a Thesz press, taking him to the mat and hammering him with shots to the face. Myers shoves SYB off of him and gets to one knee. SYB charges and tries a kick to the side of the head, but Myers sweeps his leg sending him to the mat, then drops a chop across his chest that causes SYB to yell on pain. Myers reaches out and tags in Madison and holds SYB on the mat. Madison climbs to the top rope and drops a leg across SYB’s chest, covers, but SYB manages to kick out at two. Madison tries to pull SYB off the mat, but he hits the JERSEY TURNPIKE! Doubling Madison over in pain. SYB throws him between the ropes to the floor, then tags in Skurge. SYB leaves the ring and taunts Madison on the outside. He gets to his feet with a look of rage on his face and takes off after SYB. SYB hauls ass around the ring and gets near Spike and SLIPS ON A PILE OF HORSESHIT! SYB stumbles out of control straight toward the horses ass! Oh Dear God No!.......
……Now, this is the part where I bet a lot of you think we are going to go with the obvious Police Academy joke and have SYB end up with his head up the horses ass. We COULD do that. But we are not going to take the easy way out this time…..
SYB manages to fall to the floor just before impaling himself on the horse (that is saved for Friday nights) and falls to the floor, covered in horse shit. He gets to his feet screaming for all that will listen. Then he turns to the horse, curses it, and smacks it on the haunch. The horse rears back and kicks SYB in the head! SYB falls to the floor out cold!
Madison slips back into the ring and Skurge grabs him and sends him to the ropes, Myers makes a blind tag to Myers and leaps over Skurge. Myers comes in and does the same thing. On the rebound, Skurge hits the mat, and Madison steps over him, and Skurge gets to his feet and readies a punch for the charging Myers, but Myers pulls up short. Skurge turns around and Madison POPS him in the mouth with a super kick! Skurge staggers backward and Myers hits a German suplex with a bridge for the one, two, THREE! Skurge rolls his shoulder just a second too late!
WINNERS in 13:11 – Cowboy Up!
After the match, Madison hops on Skip and rides to the back, waving to the fans. Myers slaps hands up the ramp. Skurge argues with the referee about it being a fast count, but to no avail. He leaves the ring and grabs SYB by the arm and drags him up the ramp to the back
KZ & MATTE vs. THE HEROES GUILDThe Heroes are announced and sprint to the ring, Bryce, Nayr and Blitz slide under the ropes and head to the corners where they strike heroic poses for the fans. “Scare crow” starts and Moosehead Jack, LD Williams and Matte come out to the top of the ramp holding barbed wire baseball bats. They storm the ring, with the bats, and immediately go after The Heroes. Moose swings for the fences on Nayr, but he ducks and sweeps Moose’s legs sending him to the mat, and sending the bat flying. Williams goes after Larson, but Bryce slips out of the ring. When Williams leaves the ring to go after him, Larson tackles him and the bat falls to the floor. This leaves Matte with the weapon, he has Blitz cornered against the ropes. Matte swings wildly a couple times, but Blitz ducks out of the way. Finally Nayr gets to his feet and hits a dropkick to the back of Matte’s head that sends him staggering forward. Blitz moves out of the way and Matte slams into the corner. Blitz grabs him from behind and hits a German suplex and bridge, but Moose is back on his feet and he breaks up the pin attempt with a boot to the face. The referee manages to restore some semblance of order and we have Blitz and Matte the legal men in the ring. Blitz pulls Matte to his feet and runs him head first into the turnbuckle then scoops him up and plants him on the mat with a slam, then reaches out and tags in Nayr. Nayr springs to the top rope and drops a leg across Matte’s chest and covers, but Matte kicks out at two.
Nayr pulls Matte to his feet and tries to send him to the ropes, but Matte reverses it, pulls Nayr back and reverses it into a Side Russian Leg Sweep. Matte mounts Nayr and hammers him with rights and lefts to the face. He pulls Nayr to his feet and hits an inverted atomic drop and shoves Nayr into the corner and tags in LD Williams. LD comes in and kicks Nayr in the gut, doubling him over, then lands some stiff knees to Nayr’s head. LD pulls Nayr to the middle of the ring and hits a snap suplex and floats over, but Blitz charges in and breaks it up before the referee can get to the mat. Williams gets to his feet and grabs Blitz from behind before he can get back out of the ring and DRILLS him with a forearm to the back of the head that sends him between the ropes. Larson takes exception to this and connects with a kick to the side of LD’s head from the apron. This pisses LD off. He pulls Nayr to his feet and throws him into the corner and demands that Larson tag in.
Of course Larson agrees and he steps between the ropes and walks right into some Canadian Violence! But Larson returns the favor. Larson gets the advantage and sends LD to the ropes, Larson doesn’t see Moose make the blind tag and catches LD with a power slams on the rebound. The referee sees the tag and tells Larson that Moose is the legal man. As Larson gets to his feet, Blitz reaches in and tags himself in, catching Larson completely off guard. With Larson distracted, LD gets to his feet and SPEARS him between the ropes. The two of them brawl on the floor and are joined by Matte and Nayr. Inside the ring, Blitz charges at Moose, but Moose elevates him and Blitz lands on his feet, Moose spins around and NAILS Blitz with a spinning elbow to the temple, staggering Blitz. Moose peppers him with a couple of punches, and Blitz tries to retaliate with a weak punch, but Moose catches his arm, pins it, HEARTPUNCH! Blitz lurches against the ropes and Moose kicks him, then DROPS him with a DDT! Moose quickly locks Blitz in the ji-endo! The referee turns away from the action on the floor long enough to see Blitz lose consciousness and calls for the bell.
WINNERS in 16:29 – kz & Matte
FIREWOMAN vs. SPIN HANSEN“More Human than Human” starts to play over the PA as Spin “Freakin'” Hansen makes his way down the ramp to a generally positive response. He climbs into the ring and bounces off the ropes a couple of times to warm himself up. “Firewoman” replaces the last song on the PA, and Firewoman stands (with Lucky) at the top of the ramp before making her way down. She gets the predictable mixed response that she's been getting for a while now as she rolls into the ring and stares down Hansen. Hansen is ready to launch himself across the ring, but Junior Hale holds him off and makes him go in his corner. Attention whore. When Hale feels he's had enough attention, he calls for the bell...and WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Predictably, Spin Hansen immediately charges across the ring at the bell. Also predictably, Fire hits the mat and trips Hansen, sending him crashing to the mat. Fire, working quickly, manages to wrap the big man in a Surfboard hold, and does indeed hold it for a minute before delivering a MOTHERFUCKING CURBSTOMP! Fire's going to try to end it right here as she flips Hansen over. She heads for the turnbuckle and takes off for the BFE...and Spin catches her in midair, mid-flip, and viciously PILEDRIVES Fire to the mat. That looked like it hurt. Spin takes a moment to recover before heading back over to Firewoman, who's not really in the zip code at the moment. He pulls Fire (by the hair, jerk) to her feet and hits a big BRAINBUSTAAHHHH~! On Fire, who looks like she's probably dead already. Hansen goes to work with some Stomp-related offense and then some Chinlock-related offense.
The crowd is unhappy with this turn of events and starts to shit on the rest-hold clinic and, although he's still winded, he acquiesces to their wishes and pulls Fire to her feet, before LAWN DARTING her out of the ring and into the barrier. Ouch. Spin considers going outside, but thinks better of it and rests up in the corner. It takes Fire a while to get to her feet, but she gets into the ring at 8. Hansen got his charge started late and eats a Dropkick from Fire. Spin staggers, and eats a Spirngboard Back Elbow from Fire. Fire's using the ropes to her advantage now, and Springboards off the top rope flawlessly into a Head Scissors Takeover, and Hansen falls with his throat across the 2nd rope. Thankfully, Fire doesn't suck and eschews any move that might be related to an Area Code. No, instead she does something about a billion times cooler, and hits a Double Jump Moonsault Legdrop from the turnbuckle, and drops the leg on Hansen's head as she lands on her feet on the outside. Hansen immediately flops off the rope and holds his throat. Fire scrambles to the apron and hits a Slingshot Corkscrew Double Knee Drop to Hansen's neck, and he reflexively rolls to his back. Fire heads for the corner and tries for the BFE! She doesn't see Hansen get to his feet however, and by the time she does she is upside-down and in the air...and eating a foot to the face which sends her into the ropes.
Hansen rubs the back of his neck before Clotheslining Fire out of the ring, and she hits the floor awkwardly. This time, Hansen gives chase and does some heavy damage using variations of barrier, steel steps and announce table related offense. Satisfied, Spin gives a primal scream and rolls into the ring, imploring Hale to count. He does, and has his back to the ring as he gets to 2. Somehow, Lucky has come across a huge stack of steel chairs, and starts tossing them one by one into the ring. He's got 3 so far before Hansen notices, and threatens to go exact some revenge on Lucky. However, Hale notices this and admonishes Spin for his actions, because clearly, it's his fault. Meanwhile, Fire shakes the cobwebs out and snarls, grabbing one of the chairs and laying Spin Hansen out with it. By the time she reaches her third chair shot, Hale has called for the bell.
WINNER in 13:29 by DQ....Spin Hansen!
THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. RUN DEA vs. THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER – Non Title MatchThe Team From Down Under enters the arena first, storming down the aisle with purpose. Run DEA is out next, and they also seem very focused. The two teams go toe-to-toe as referee Angelo Barros, looking very much like a guy who drew the short straw, tries half-heartedly to keep them apart. Alexander says something particularly insulting (surprise) and Gator slaps him across the face. Before long, all four men are swinging for the fences.
As the brawl rages, the tag team champions make their entrance, chairs in hand. They stop on stage, set up the chairs, and settle in to watch the action. Inside the ring, Davin sends OBJ hard into the corner and follows him, but OBJ throws up his hands.
OBJ: “Wait Wait Wait Wait WAIT!”
Surprisingly, Davin puts on the brakes. OBJ points at the Heels on the stage, and the light drains from Moreland's eyes. Without a word, all four men slide out of the ring and start up the aisle. TCH make the universal gesture for “Screw This” and turn to leave, but come face to face with Stank and Spin Hansen. Johnny and AA backpedal, and bump into their opponents. Dropping the belts, they turn around and get decked by OBJ and Davin. DEA grab Johnny, while the TFDU grab AA, and Stank and Spin drift backstage as they run them down the aisle and stuff them into the ring.
Johnny and AA are shoved to opposite corners and beaten senseless. A double Irish whip sends them to the middle of the ring, but they manage to stop just short of colliding. Davin and OBJ charge, and TCH push each other out of the way and roll out of the ring. Davin slams into OBJ and neither man moves. Davin dares OBJ to try again, so he comes off the ropes with a shoulderblock and again, neither man falls. Davin decides to give it a try and hits the ropes, but AA reaches in and trips him. Johnny and AA turn their backs to the ring to bask in the crowd's outrage, and Alex sprints along the apron and levels them both with a somersault plancha. He rolls to his feet and grabs Johnny, stuffs him into the ring, and heads to his corner.
Davin & OBJ call a momentary truce to send Johnny to the ropes and plant him with a flapjack. OBJ drags him to his feet as Davin hops onto the second turnbuckle. OBJ lifts Johnny for a powerbomb and Davin leaps – and levels OBJ with a clothesline. Johnny lands on top and actually gets a two- count before OBJ kicks out. Davin sends Johnny to the ropes and goes for the Really Good Diamond Cutter, but OBJ hooks his leg and causes him to stumble. Johnny collides with Davin and they end up on the mat with Johnny on top. Johnny gets another two-count before Davin kicks out.
Alex enters the ring to help his partner, but Gator cuts him off. While they're exchanging punches, AA slips into the ring. He tries to sneak up on them, but they turn and grab him in a double choke. AA responds with the legendary double eyepoke! He pitches Gator over the ropes and turns to Alex, but OBJ nails him with the Boomerang and sends him out to the floor. OBJ starts to follow, but Alex spins him around and lifts him for the Darling Driver. OBJ grabs the top rope and drags himself free, but Alex catches him with a forearm to the back of the head, then sends him into a big boot from Davin. Davin falls on OBJ for the cover, but Johnny drags him off at one. Davin gets to his feet and glares at Johnny, then smiles and points behind him. Johnny turns around, and Alex nearly takes his head off with a superkick. Alex flips Johnny over and grabs his arms – Curbstomp! With a sadistic smile, Alex holds on to his arms and repeatedly stomps his face into the mat. Barros threatens disqualification to no avail, and finally grabs Alex and drags him off.
Davin watches all this with a smile, until OBJ grabs him from behind and drives him to the mat with a German suplex. OBJ bridges, but Barros is busy with Alex and Davin breaks free. Both men roll to their feet and start throwing punches. Davin gets the advantage and sends OBJ across the ring, but Alex steps in the way of the return trip and gets leveled by the Boomerang. Davin sprints forward and hits OBJ with A Really Good Diamond Cutter, but sees Johnny drag himself on top of Alex and foregoes the pin to break it up.
Meanwhile, outside the ring, Gator is up first and stomps on AA, then sends him into the railing. He aims a kick at AA's head, but AA dodges. Gator's foot catches on the railing, and AA drops to his knees and delivers a low blow. Gator staggers back and AA slams his head into the railing, then drags him over to where the Posse are seated ringside. AA holds up a hand for a weapon and Abdullah the Butcher tosses him a fork. AA looks at in disbelief, shakes his head, and throws it back. Abby misses the catch and it embeds itself in Jesus H. Kidneypuncher who, already being dead, doesn't seem to notice. AA waves for another weapon, and Ric Flair, walking by with his sandwich tray, tosses AA a pastrami on rye. AA glares at him, but takes a huge bite of it, stomping on Gator while he chews. AA finishes eating and holds up his hand a third time, and Ron Simmons tosses him brass knuckles.
AA: “Finally!”
AA turns to Gator, who drives a fist into his midsection, followed by a rising uppercut to the jaw. Gator tries to set up the Chomp, but AA flails, and catches Gator in the face with the knucks. Blood spouts from Gator's nose and he collapses. Before AA can celebrate, a hooded fan hops onto the railing, sprints along it, and dives at AA – Driver of a Thousand Truths! It's Nayr! Nayr rolls to his feet, throws off the hood, and backs up the aisle.
Nayr: “Take THAT, evildoer. You can't use illegal weapons in-”
Nayr's eyes roll up into his head and he collapses, revealing Moosehead Jack behind him, barbed-wire bat in hand.
MHJ: “I can.”
Moose lines up another shot, and Bryce Larson tries to vault the railing to help, but L.D. Williams snags him out of the air and drives him to the floor. Kz drag the heroes to ringside and continue the beating. Cowboy Up appear at the top of the ramp and start to the ring, but barely make it a few steps before they are attacked by the chair-wielding IHOP.
Angelo Barros, showing either remarkable focus or total obliviousness, completely ignores everything outside the ropes and keeps his attention on the action in the ring. For that reason, Johnny drops off his radar when he rolls out of the ring to check on his partner, and Barros doesn't see Moose pull Johnny into the path of Larson's Shinobi's rage. Johnny stumbles back into Moose, who spins him around, nails him with a Heart Punch, and stuffs him into the ring. OBJ, propelled by Run DEA, trips over Johnny and falls into the ropes, where kz grab him and drag him out to the floor. Johnny stumbles to his feet and walks into Alex, who lifts him onto his shoulders – DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin covers and hooks both legs, and Barros counts the three.
WINNERS, in 17:26, Run DEA.
After the match: The battle inside the ring is over, but the one outside continues to rage. Skurge whips Chad Madison toward L.D. Williams, who lifts him up and turns around as Skurge sprints over to hit a 3-D. Zane Myers whips Nayr toward the apron and Nayr leaps onto it and into a Moonsault. Moose and SYB stomp Bryce Larson until Moose kicks SYB in the stomach and DDTs him onto Larson. Moose turns around and Gator kicks him in the face and kills him with the Chomp.
Inside the ring, Davin and Alex exchange a look, and Alex goes to the corner, climbs to the top, and dives onto Nayr and Myers. Davin sprints across the ring and dives over the ropes, hitting a no-hands plancha onto Williams and Skurge. The TCH, meanwhile, grab their belts and skulk toward the back as referees, security, and local law enforcement flood ringside and try to break things up.
THIM REYNOLDS vs. CONCRETE TG – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchBoth men are in the ring as Russ & Razz run down the Onslaught Championship while the ring introductions take place.
Russ: Razz, this is it. The Onslaught Title is on the line as Thim Reynolds defends against Heroes Guild leader Concrete TG.
Razz: You’ve got that right, Russ. The Onslaught Championship features the most unique set of rules of the entire OOWF. Remember, the wrestlers get three warnings for an illegal move—
Russ: Such as hair pulling, eye poking, using a closed fist or hitting a low blow—
Razz: And if those three warnings are used, you get disqualified.
Russ: Exactly, Razz! Plus, the wrestlers only get three rope breaks—
Razz: After that, you can’t use the ropes to break, and the ropes are in play to be used against you.
Russ: And if the Reynolds is intentionally counted out or gets disqualified, Concrete TG wins the title.
Razz: But that’s enough from us for now, Russ. Everyone’s in the ring, ready to go. Let’s do this!Angelo Barros calls for the bell and we are underway! Thim & CTG lock-up, and Thim immediately goes behind with a hammerlock. Crete struggles to reverse the hold, but Thim keeps a firm grip. Crete reaches for the ropes, and Thim looks back, surprised. Crete sees this opening and takes Thim down with a drop toe hold, immediately locking the legs in an Indian Death Lock!
Thim tries to push his way out of the move, but Crete just wrenches on the legs tighter, as Thim groans in pain. Crete then actually starts to
push Thim towards the ropes!
Russ: Razz, I think Crete is daring Thim to use his first rope break!
Razz: You’ve got that right, Russ. You’ve. Got. That. Right!Thim tries to break free, but the ropes become too tempting, and Thim grabs the bottom rope to force the break.
Ring Announcer: Thim Reynolds has been charged with his first rope break!Crete immediately releases the hold, and Thim struggles to get to his feet. Thim spent over three minutes in the Indian Death Lock, and is limping as he uses the top rope for support. Thim limps towards Crete who kicks Thim in the leg! Thim looks pissed, and spits right in Crete’s face. Crete gets mad, and kicks Thim again. Crete responds with a second spit to the face! Crete looks furious at Thim at this point, and levels him with three straight kicks to the leg. Thim responds by spitting at Crete three times! Crete immediately rears back and throws a punch at Thim. Thim ducks, but Crete stops short of the punch, smiling at Barros and then nailing Thim with a knee to the head. Thim drops to the canvas, and Crete goes right back to the Indian Death Lock! Thim reaches back towards Crete--no one is sure why—and Crete grabs and tweaks the arm! Thim quickly grabs it back, but is still trapped in the Indian Death Lock. Thim finally gives in and crawls towards the ropes one more time, using his second rope break.
Ring Announcer: Thim Reynolds has been charged with his second rope break!Just under ten minutes into the match, and Thim Reynolds is down to one rope break. Crete goes back after the legs, and Thim tries to get away. He’s unable to, and Crete is about to connect with a Dragon Screw Leg Whip when Thim rakes the eyes to avoid the move. Barros informs the ring announcer that Thim’s third rope break is gone. Thim looks confused, as he just used a warning, but the Ring Announcer makes the proper announcement, assuming Barros misspoke.
Ring Announcer: Thim Reynolds has been charged with his first warning!Crete goes back to the leg once more, but Thim immediately tries to punch Crete in the face. This time Thim ducks, and Crete rolls him up, putting all of his weight over Thim’s shoulders. Thim grabs the bottom rope as Barros counts 1…2…3!
Razz; Russ! Ohmygod Russ!
Russ: I know Razz, I know. Thim had another rope break left, but Barros must have been confused.Barros argues with the referee for a moment, and tells the announcer to announce ‘Crete as the winner. The Ring Announcer disagrees, but obliges the OOWF official in this case.
WINNER in 11:15 and NEW OOWF Onslau—
GM The Rick makes his way out, and interrupts the ring announcer.
GMTR: Hang on a minute unnamed ring announcer! Barros, I think you got a little confused out there. That eye rake by Thim was his first warning, NOT his third rope break. Therefore, I am charging Thim Reynolds with this third and final rope break, and ordering this match to continue!Crete realizes that GMTR is doing what is right, and doesn’t argue. Barros kicks himself as he realizes his mistake, and Thim immediately charges at ‘Crete, hoping to catch a quick fall. Crete sees him coming, side steps, and catches Thim in the ropes, climbing over and locking the Tarantula through the ropes!
Russ: Razz, Thim is out of rope breaks, so the move is legal!
Razz: This was so confusing, I thought the match was over, but it’s continuing!Crete has the Tarantula locked in, and Thim squirms about, finally getting out of the move. Crete goes right back towards Thim, who pokes Crete in the eyes! Crete is temporarily blinded as Barros motions to the announcer.
Ring Announcer: Thim Reynolds has been charged with his second warning!Crete tries to shake things out so he can see. When Crete looks up, Thim locks in the Neck Cracker, carrying it around into the Neck Cutter! Crete is down and Barros makes the count…1…2…3!
WINNER in 14:59 and STILL OOWF Onslaught Champion – Thim Reynolds
THE DEAD vs. CHRIS EVANS vs. STANK – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchMatch to be Added Later – it breaks down and ends up in a no contest
POE vs. TYTAN – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchA disheveled Tytan makes his way down the ramp to “The Fire Inside” and is followed by a chorus of boos on his way down. Tytan looks like he needs some meds or something. Seriously. “Misera Cantare” replaces the other song on the sound system, and the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion stands at the top of the ramp with Selena Gomez as the pyro goes off, and as they make their way down to the ring there is a monsterous cheer. However, as they approach the ring, suddenly Poe shoves Selena out of the way, and she falls with a pained expression on her face until we've seen why. Tytan has just leveled Poe with a Suicide Dive over the top rope and is just pummeling Poe with shots. Selena escapes to the far side of the ring and hides behind the timekeeper. Senior Referee Davis Hightower is screaming for Poe and Tytan to get in the ring, but that doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon, as Tytan is using the barriers near the ramp for his own amusement, and Poe is already bleeding profusely. Tytan drags Poe up the ramp, and hits a FINAL FALLOUT right on the ramp! Poe's already in trouble and this match hasn't started yet!
Tytan looks around the vicinity of the ramp for some toys to play with, and produces two steel chairs. He places one chair under Poe's head and grabs the other. It's looks like it's time for a Con-Chair-To, but Poe moves just as Tytan is coming down, and he blasts the chair and the ramp at the same time, which echoes through the arena and Tytan's arms are jello after that. He doesn't have time to think about it however, because Poe grabs Tytan and locks in THE GOOGLE PLATES a Gogoplata and now it's Tytan who is in trouble. Tytan tries to fight Poe off, but quickly fades and passes out. Poe rolls slowly to his feet and pulls the unconscious Tytan up so he an destroy him with an OBELISK ON THE RAMP! His neck's probably fractured in 15 places now. Oh well. Hightower is on the scene now, and is ordering Poe into the ring. Poe considers killing Hightower for a moment before complying and rolling into the ring, requesting a towel from Selena. As he's mopping blood off his face, Tytan is just starting to come to. Hightower, making sure to stay at arms length from the monster, orders Tytan into the ring. Tytan gets to his feet and starts staggering around, clearly not knowing quite where he is. He does lumber near the vicinity of the ring, and has the where-with-all to roll into the ring. Hightower, like any good referee should, waits for Tytan to get to his feel and makes sure he can stand on his own before calling for the bell. WE'RE FINALLY UNDERWAY!!
Poe flies across the ring, looking to end things with a HEIROGLYPH, but Tytan manages to catch his foot. Poe tries to sneak in an Enziguri, but Tytan ducks it, and hits a defensive Back Suplex, which sends Poe into the ropes. Tytan stalks now, and starts to stomp away on Poe, and finally stomping him out of the ring. Tytan rolls out this time instead of diving, and blasts Poe against the apron a couple of times before trying to whip him into the STEEL STEPS, but Poe reverses, and it's Tytan who takes the worst of it. This spurs Poe to do some housecleaning on the Beverhoudtsbergian Announce Table (Hi Mom!), moving monitors and coffee cups. Satisfied, Poe turns back to Tytan, but Tytan throws the top half of the steps at him! Poe falls backward and hits the floor, and Tytan now climbs to his feet and stands holding the stairs over his head. Suddenly, Poe trips him, and Tytan falls, smashing his face on the stairs. Poe, wobbly, stands up and drags Tytan to the announce table and stands atop it himself. He locks Tytan in, and delivers THE CRUCIFIXION THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Suddenly, the bell rings! The fuck?
WINNER in 6:41 by Double Countout...another OOWF NO CONTEST!
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