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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:33:05 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Hollywood, PA
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Poe vs. Firewoman
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] The Dead vs. Chris Evans
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] The Chickenshit Heels vs. kz vs. Run DEA
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Thim Reynolds vs. The Amnesiac
OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match[/u] Cowboy Up & Beer Baron vs. The Heroes Guild
Tournament For the Titles[/u]
World Heavyweight Title Final Spin Hansen vs. Tytan
Intercontinental Title Final Stank vs. Seamus McNasty
World Tag Team Title Final The Team From Down Under vs. IHOP
Onslaught Championship Final Concrete TG vs. Matte
DH Magnusson vs. Ecosystem
Card subject to scrapple shortage
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:33:57 GMT -5
*Run DEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Resorts*
Alexander Darling is relaxing on the couch with Olympic Gold Medalist and Dancing with the Stars Winner Shawn Johnson on one side and his exceedingly pissed off sister Alexis on the other side.
Alexis: Why aren't you more angry?
Alexander: Because I figured out what it takes to get ahead here.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: And what's that Alex? Because you totally should have won, but the stupid refs...
Alexander: It wasn't the refs. I just finally realized what I have to do.
Alexis: Enlighten us brother dear.
Alexander: Just this.
Alexander picks up the remote control and hits a button as the television comes to life. The ninja cam begins to focus on the screen as Alexander begins his voice over.
This is what is has come to. Here are my first words for next week's Mayhem.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:34:24 GMT -5
(Tytan catches the last bit of Poe's match from Mayhem.)
Tytan: (laughing) Poe...I take that as a coplimnet....immitation is the most sincerest form of flattery......so thank you for the compliment.....
But now....it's time for a more serious matter....you see Poe...partner....I have gotten in your head....you almost lost to the Beer Baron....he took everything you had....and then you had to use my move to beat him....what does that say for you....and now.....your friends are wanting you to rethink your current plan of attack...maybe they are starting to doubt you too....
It's starting to happen...Poe...one by one...they will question you....the monster you are becoming....the brat soon she will question you....You see Poe....I do know what I am doing...I did learn from Steele....remember what happened with Firewoman and her friends...one by one they ran into accidents....how easy your friends can run into the same problem....you can't protect everyone all the time....even Selena...and I bet that just drives you mad...more then you already are...(laughs)
Spin....this dance is now down to the two of us.....enjoyed the chain.....there will be more of that next time we face...you will get your chance at Poe....but I want him at the Pay-per-view...I have a plan for him.....so Mayhem take your beatings like a man and know that I will be the one that will be standing in the end...
Poe....your end is near....people seem to forget I don't want that title of yours...I want your life.....
(FADE)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:34:44 GMT -5
Firewoman is sitting quietly in Ric's Sandwich Shop, which is closed. She's got her trusty flask and her bag and appears to be ready to go, but is just kind of sitting there. She hears a noise.
FW: Your master and your nanny are going to be very cross with you.
Selena comes out of the shadows.
FW: Go away.
SG: You are up against Poe next week.
FW: You are smarter than you look.
SG: I don't get it. Why do you want to train me, if you're so afraid of Poe, then why offer to train me, which will just piss him off?
FW: Afraid? Is that what he told you?
SG: Well, he--
FW: Classic. Just classic. So what has he told you about his long list of valets before you?
SG: Well, nothing really. They all were disappointments in some way.
FW: Uh huh.
SG: You weren't his valet though.
FW: No, no I was not. So what do you think is going to happen with you?
SG: Huh?
FW: He eventually will trade you in, right?
SG: What? NO! I'm different!!
FW: Right. Where have I heard that before.
Firewoman gets up and walks down the hall towards the parking area where her bike is. Selena follows.
SG: No, he said I was special!
FW: Right. Ask Alexis how many times he told her that, eh?
SG: No, this is diff--
They get to Firewoman's bike. Firewoman attaches the bags, and then sits on the seat.
FW: Lemme tell you a story. It's a classic, actually. Once upon a time, there was a scorpion on the side of the river, and he desperately wanted to get across. A duck comes waddling up and the scorpion says "Hey! Miss Duck! Will you give me a ride across the river?" And Miss Duck looks at the scorpion and says "No way. You'll sting me and I'll die." The scorpion says "That's ridiculous! Normally I might, but I really need you to help me to get across the river, so I promise I won't. I'll be too grateful to hurt you. You have to trust me."
SG: Trust me....
FW: So Miss Duck thinks about it for a while, and finally she agrees. The scorpion hops on her back, and they begin to make their way across the river. Once they are across, the scorpion raises his tail and stings the duck. As the poison takes control, and just before she dies, she looks at the scorpion and says, "Why?"
Firewoman pauses. Selena waits.
FW: And he says "I'm a scorpion. That's what I do."
SG: That's terrible!
FW: Yeah. My dad used to tell me that as a bedtime story.
SG: Wow....but I don't get it.
FW: You will.
Firewoman gets on the motorcycle.
FW: Look, get back to your master. Let him train you if he wants. Just be careful.
SG: But why--
FW: Oh, and let him know one thing. I may not be quite myself these days. But that's not going to last forever. In fact, I'm going to take care of a few things that just might help. And I've got a very ... VERY ... long memory. I'll be ready for him next week. He should be ready as well.
SG: Um....
FW: Oh, one more thing, sorry. You should remind him, he's not the only scorpion on this side of the river.
With that, Firewoman starts her motorcycle, and goes screaming out of the garage and onto the street. Selena watches her for a moment, and then Poe appears from out of the shadows.
SG: She said--
P: I heard.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:35:12 GMT -5
(Ecosystem is having a CELEBRATION~! party with Super Mario.)
Eco: Whooo! Can you believe it, Mario? I'm undefeated in my return!
Super Mario: ATTSA GREAT!
SFJ#18: Excuse me, but why are you celebrating? You've only had one match so far?
Eco: One match? It wasn't just one match. I beat a WORLD CHAMPION!
SFJ#18: Um...of Maryland All-Star Championship Wrestling.
Eco: Did the title say World?
SFJ #18: Well, that doesn't--
Eco: DID THE TITLE SAY WORLD!
SFJ #18: Yes.
Eco: Whooo! I'm the greatest! Kicked the world champion's ass in my FIRST WEEK!
SFJ #18: Okay, "the" world champion is just an empirically false construction--
(The doorbell rings, and Super Mario gets it.)
Super Mario: MAMA MIA! IT'SA BRICK~!
(BRICK~! runs up to hug Ecosystem. Ecosystem is immediately flattened, because BRICK~! is a giant anthropomorphic brick, not a soft fat person.)
Eco: ITAI!*
BRICK~!: Sorry about that, man. (It helps Eco up.) How you've been?
Eco: I'm well. Been getting my doctorate in history. And you?
BRICK~!: Not doing well. Economy is rough for a giant anthropomorphic brick. Public relations didn't work out, I lost my construction job when I broke the scaffolding...
Eco: Have you tried football?
BRICK~!: Doesn't work. They think I'm a guy who's refusing to take off a suit.
Eco: Hey, why don't you accompany me to my match next week? I'm on a bit of a comeback tour--I beat the world champion in a non-title match already!
SFJ #18: That's factually inaccurate--
BRICK~!: Fantastic! Who do you have this week?
Eco: DH Magnusson. The most feared man in the company. Think I'm up to the challenge?
SFJ #18: Actually, he's been on a losing streak--
BRICK~!: Hell yeah! You can take him. Wait, question--was your match actually announced as non-title?
Eco: Well, not officially--
BRICK~!: So you're the World Champion?
Eco: Um...yeah! Yeah, I guess I am! I declare myself the Maryland All-Star Championship Wrestling World Champion!
BRICK~!: Wait, that doesn't sound like the same thing...
Eco: Minor detail!
Super Mario: MAMA MIA! Where'sa you title?
Eco: Um...Boog Ripken left with it.
BRICK~!: Well, let's go get it for you!
(BRICK~! picks up a sword and runs out the door.)
SFJ #18: Why do you have a--
Eco: (picking up a musket) ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS!
(Eco and Super Mario run out the door.)
SFJ #18: Is anyone else left at this party?
Guy#1: Yes.
Guy#2: It's fun.
SFJ #18: Just you two?
*English transliteration for the Japanese for "Ow"
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:35:52 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
<SYB and Skurge are WATCHING~! OOWF-TV>
SYB: Wow.
Skurge: I know, right? I can't believe we won.
SYB: No not that. I just meant someone actually uses movie references to get by.
Skurge: Seriously. What's the matter? Can't think of your own material?
SYB: YEAH~! Hey Alex, now that you're not in the tournament anymore, you can watch a million movies.
Skurge: Dude.
SYB: What?
Skurge: That's the best you can do?
SYB: Well it's either that or make a horrible Crocodile Dundee reference with The Team From... uhh... line?
Skurge: Doon Under.
SYB: Yeah! Doon Under. And I don't want to use a lazy crutch like that.
Skurge: Speaking of which, what do you think our odds are on winning next week?
SYB: Better than average.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:36:11 GMT -5
*FADE BACK IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
SYB: FUCK!
Skurge: What's wrong, eh?
SYB: I just lost my wrestling match on Facebook. MOTHERFUCKER!
<He throws his computer against the wall>
Skurge: Easy there, britherman. There's no need to get this upset aboot a fake wrestling match.
SYB: BUT YOU DON'T GET IT! THIS SHIT REALLY MATTERS! MY FAKE CHARACTER NEEDED TO BEAT THAT OTHER GUY'S FAKE CHARACTER!
Skurge: You don't think you're overreacting just a bit? I mean you know that's not real, right?
SYB: IT'S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMN IT~!
Skurge: I liked you better when you were quoting Anchorman.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:36:35 GMT -5
Poe and Selena are WALKING from the parking garage to Poe’s locker room. Poe: She’s trying to get into your head and it’s working. I’ve taught you better. SG: She makes sense though. You haven’t told me much about your past… Poe: I don’t like talking about my past. This is the present. Poe walks in to his locker room and is met with a loud *SLAP OF DISRESPECT*. The smack turns Poe’s head sideways. He looks to who smacked him with a look of hatred that soon goes away when he sees… SG: Mama Poe! S: It’s Soohad child. Poe: Mother… S: What is wrong vif you? That…man could have beaten you. You are not the monster I raised. Poe: I figured you’d show up here. Cobb’s Island got too boring for you? S: I vanted to see you. I almost wish I hadn’t with that display. The Hieroglyph should have finished him. Poe: You shoulda called. I coulda gotten you better seats. S: I had good seats. GMtheRick is a very nice man. Poe: Did you have sex with him too? Another *SLAP OF DISRESPECT* Poe: You really need to stop doing that. S: When you are monster who will destroy Tytan and that bitch, I vill. In fact, I think I vill travel vif you to the next show. SG: Road trip! Poe grabs the glass of whiskey always left for Seamus and downs it in one gulp.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:36:57 GMT -5
Bryce Larson & Nayr are shown outside of The Heroes Guild lockerroom, stopping before they enter.
BL: I don't want to go in, not right now.
N: Why not?
BL: We were so close...SO close. I mean my fucking god, what do we need to do!
N: Dude, rules are rules...you know that.
BL: Yeah, I know it, and I'm frustrated.
N: Hey, we've got a Campeonas de Trios title shot this week, this could be the big moment.
BL: I'm just tired of being "this close." I'm better than that...we're better than that...
N: Yes, we are. Let's do this...next week.
They exchange fist bumps as Nayr opens the lockerroom door. Bryce suddenly looks at the camera.
BL: And Ecosystem? I wrestled there, and it's definitely a WORLD title. It was defended in Spain once...really!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:37:15 GMT -5
*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room. SYB and Skurge are playing the WWF Wrestlefest arcade game while The Amnesiac reviews what little tape is available for his OOWF Onslaught Championship match against Thim Reynolds…
Skurge: DDT, bitch! SYB: Motherfucker! No way Roberts beats Earthquake. It’s fucking impossible. If this was real life, I’d just sit on your snake. Skurge: Yeah, I bet you’d like to sit on my snake. Not gonna happen, eh? SYB: Fuck off. You know what I meant. I can’t believe I lost again. Stupid fake wrestling. Skurge: Well, the OOWF ain’t exactly the Olympics either, you know. SYB: Dude. Kayfabe’s already pissed at you for the chat comment. Don’t push your luck. Skurge: Speaking of Kayfabe, is she babysitting our midgets or something? I haven’t seen them aroond lately. SYB: You haven’t been around to see them! I break my back on promos week in and week out to provide for this stable, and where are you? Huh? Off galivanting with your lady friends! Skurge: Whoa there, tiger. First off, “galivanting”? “Lady friends”? What the fuck is that aboot? SYB: Righteous indignation works better with those kinds of words. Skurge: Huh. Good point. Okay, secondly, you know where I’ve been. You know I’ve been busy and exhausted and that I just haven’t had the time or energy to dedicate to weekly promos like you have. SYB: Oh I see. You’ve been “busy.” Well then, that’s okay. I certainly don’t have anything better I could be doing with my time, you inconsiderate prick. Skurge: In fairness, asscock, you actually don’t have anything better to do with your time. SYB: … Skurge: Do you? SYB: … Skurge: See? SYB: Well, that’s hardly the point. Skurge: Look, I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately. I’ll try to be there for you more from now on. Amn: What the hell movie are you guys doing, Indiana Gay and the Temple of Homos? Skurge: What are you talking aboot? We’re not “doing” any movie. Amn: You mean to tell me that you made it through an entire promo without a single movie reference? SYB: Wow. I guess we did. Good job everyone.
*Just then, the music from the end of Slumdog Millionaire begins to play, and a bunch of Indian dancers enter the palatial IHOP locker room. A Bollywood-style dance number ensues as we…
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:37:44 GMT -5
<kz is sitting in the back, and look completely like shit. The huge gash in Moose's head from the chain shot from Gator is swollen and crusted with blood. LD winces in pain as he tries to get comfortable on the couch. Selena is trying to clean up some wounds when there is a knock on the door. Seamus gets up to answer it and SFJ13 stands there>
SM: Whaddya want luv?
SFJ13: I wanted to ask kz a few questions
SM: Not sure they feel like talking right now.....
LD: It's ok Seamus, let her in
<SFJ13 walks in and stops a little short staring at the wreckage of kz>
SFJ13: I just wanted to.....
LD: Hand me the mic and sit down, all you are going to ask is if this war with the Aussies is over, are we breathing? Are they breathing?
SFJ13: well......GatorBait is barely breathing, evidently he suffered a throat injury, they don't know the severity of it yet though
<kz look at one another and grin>
LD: Well then, that is one down isn't it?
MHJ: Its simple really. I am done with The Heroes. Larson and Nayr will have to wait. Aussies, you have our full attention right now. You won this battle, but the war is far from over.
SFJ13: When will it be over?
LD: When one team is carried from the ring in a body bag.
<kz just stares at SFJ13 and she shifts nervously>
SFJ13: What about this week? You face Run DEA and The Chickenshit Heels in a match for the OOWF World Tag Team titles.
<kz just stares at SFJ13 and she backs out of the room>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:38:06 GMT -5
*Newly hired "The Adjunct Professor" Tike Menay is in the waiting room of Hollywood Generically Hospital*
TM: Breaking news, OOWF fans! A spokesperson here, speaking off the record after being bribed with 2 bags of Combos from the vending machine, has advised me that Gator Bait is still in serious condition. I realize that some of you fans might not be familiar with my work for the Apter magazines, but let me remind you I wrote a 12 part series about the infamous Toledo incident in which a now former OOWF star, Blade, and Gator Bait were battling for...
*The Adjunct Professor is cut off, very literally, when a large hand wraps around his throat and lifts him off the ground. The camera pans back to reveal OBJ, with one shoulder heavily taped. Unfortunately for Tike Nemay, the other arm is doing just fine*
OBJ: Gator doesn't like it when people talk about the Toledo incident, and if he doesn't like it, I don't like it. Understand?
*TM nods, while turning blue and waving for help. The downtrodden people in the waiting room, most of whom look to be homeless, seem disinterested. OBJ releases the hold, perhaps satisfied with the response, or perhaps because he needs a good arm with which to drink beer. TM gasps for breath, but to his credit he forges ahead with an interview*
TM: Outback Jack, can you give me any information on your partner?
OBJ: He's still breathing, which is bad news for kz. They made the same mistake of not finishing the job that Blade made.
TM: But my sources tell me Blade retired from wrestling in good shape!
OBJ: Heard from him lately?
TM: Well, no, but...
OBJ: Meanwhile, we've got IHOP to deal with.
TM: Even if Gator is cleared, that shoulder looks like it will hold you back.
OBJ: Good point. Come with me.
*They walk over to the vending machine area, where oddly there's a beer vending machine. OBJ frames the vending machine with his hands a few times, paces off the distance carefully, and charges full speed into the beer vending machine with a massive shoulder block. The impact knocks both OBJ and the machine to the floor, and beer cans fly across the waiting room, where the downtrodden bums and derelicts grab them with great skill, almost exactly unlike the Mets defense. OBJ pulls himself off the floor, grabbing a couple of cans for himself, and rips the tape off his shoulder. He rips both cans open and chugs them both, then belches*
OBJ: Australian for physical therapy!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:38:27 GMT -5
Chris Evans is walking backstage. He passes by OGM and Dancing with The Stars champion Shawn Johnson, who is still carrying around her trophy.
Evans: Hey kid.
SJ: Hey Cubby.
E: *sigh* Yeah, anyway, just wanted to congratulate you on your win.
SJ: Hey thanks. Wasn’t really all that tough though, especially since those fucking chinks weren’t trying to cheat me out of something else.
E: Um…yeah.
OGM SJ starts talking a bit more about her dancing, which Evans shows very little interest in, when Evans sees Bryce Larson walking down the hallway, looking annoyed.
E: Hey kid, I’ll see you around the DEA locker room.
Evans goes up to Larson.
E: Yo Bryce!
L: Hey Evans! Whats up?
Larson and Evans give each other a fist bump of mutual respect.
E: Man, sucks to see you guys got screwed last night.
L: Thanks man, same goes for you.
E: Yeah, but I should’ve known that was coming. Payback’s a bitch, and DH let me have it, so I’d say that calls us even. But hey, at least I got my shot against Dead again. And you got a shot at the Trios titles.
L: Yeah, I guess. *sigh*
E: Whats wrong with that?
L: Nothing. It’s just that….I deserve so much better than this. And speaking of which, when are you ever gonna find a partner?
E: *sigh* It’s a work in progress, but I think I’m starting to win them over, mainly Fire. Burned Darling pretty good in chat tonight, and the others seemed to enjoy it.
Suddenly, Kayfabe comes flying out from out of the camera view and smashes Evans in the back with a chair. With Evans dazed and crouched down, she goes for an Orton punt to the head, which Evans counters by grabbing her foot. He trips the other leg and locks in the Ode to Canada! After about a minute of really cinching in the hold, Evans releases it and Kayfabe limps away quickly, cursing to herself.
E: Yeah serves you right! Ah, fucking bitch.
Evans turns back to Larson.
E: Yeah, so like I was saying, I’m starting to get in decent standing with DEA, with Darling being the exception of course.
L: Yeah, he can be like that.
E: Yeah, tell me about it. Hey, why don’t you try for DEA again?
L: Yeah, I don’t think so. Not after what happened between me and Moreland.
E: What happened? Oh yeah, that’s right. I kinda forgot about that little incident. Well, sucks that you’re still in the Heroes Guild. Maybe you and I could’ve teamed up at some point.
L: That wouldn’t be a bad idea, but considering the fact that we’re technically enemies, it probably wouldn’t work out right now.
E: Yeah, you’re right. Sucks though, because between the two of us, we could cause some serious damage in the tag division. You want those tag belts, right?
L: More than anything.
E: Well, you have two choices: you can either continue teaming with the midget and coming up just inches away from glory. Or…you can hook up with a winner and take the tag division by storm. I’ll let you think on that.
Evans walks away, leaving Larson to think about what Evans proposed.
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:39:04 GMT -5
*Stank walks out of the Run DEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Resorts with a rolled up paper in his hand. SFJ#6 approaches.*
SFJ#6 - THERE you are! ... ... What are you doing coming out of that place?
Stank - What do you want, Lauren?
SFJ#6 - Honestly I just want an interview. I finished one with Seamus McNasty a minute ago and do you know what he said?
Stank - You don't need to lie to me Lauren in order to get me hyped up to fight Seamus. As matter of fact... I'm headed his direction, right now. Drink & Destroy has some business to take care of with KZ, and I'm certain wherever KZ is... Seamus is there also. See how that's all tied up with a nice little bow? You might want to cover this unscheduled meeting.
*Stank walks off. SFJ#6 follows prompting her cameraman to continue filming Stank. She pulls out her cellphone.*
SFJ#6 - Oh my god THIS is more than I hoped for... you guys make sure you get EVERYTHING. This should be EPIC! I'm getting that number one spot!
*She ends the call and follows Stank down the Hallway of Random Encounters. Stank rounds a corner and heads a little ways toward the Destroyitarium. He knocks on the door and out walks Spin Hansen and Outback Jack carrying weapons. Stank turns towards the camera.*
Stank - I've largely stayed out of this little war between KZ and The Aussies. But now things are different. You actually tried to KILL one of MY men. Moose you tried to murder me a little while back. Tried to open my throat with a shard of glass. I'm not above violence when it's business, but this latest attack on Gator... I take personally. I don't know what bug or hair has gone up your ass Moose, or you LD... but this vendetta you've built up. This...?
This will not stand.
*Stank nods to Spin and OBJ and the three walk down the hall. SFJ#6 dials her cell.*
SFJ#6 - .... .... ... Get ready!
*Stank, Spin and OBJ arrive at Poe's locker room. Stank opens the door and steps in. LD Williams sits up from the couch at the sight of Outback Jack. Moose is about to light a charcoal to put in his hookah when he stops short. His wound begins to pulsate sickeningly, as his blood pressure rises. Seamus McNasty sits at the bar seemingly oblivious. Stank pulls out a ball point pen and unrolls the paper he was holding. The cameraman zooms in on it showing Davin Moreland's signature. Stank signs his name next to Davin's, then holds the document up against the wall, and JAMS the pen into it, pinning the paper in place. It appears to be a strongly worded letter... wonder what that's all about? SFJ#6 whispers loudly into her phone.*
********
*Thirty-five minutes later SFJ#6 is standing in the production truck looking over the footage. She breathlessly exclaims...*
SFJ#6 - Cue music.
*On the monitor we witness OBJ and Spin Hansen leap out from behind Stank, attacking both Moose and LD Williams respectively.*
SFJ#6 - Rewind that and put it in slow motion.
*The production crew do as SFJ#6 asks. The battle continues in slow motion to go along with the music. Seamus looks up from the bar and eyes Stank. Poe is nowhere to be found. Seamus jumps out of his seat and charges at Stank, TACKLING the big man out the door and into the hallway, inadvertently bumping into Chris Evans who happened to be wandering by minding his own business.*
SFJ#6 - Stay on KZ, Spin and Outback Jack.
*The camera cuts back into Poe's locker room where we see Moose SLAMMING his hookah onto the side of Outback Jack's head as the Aussie claws at Moose's wound, spilling fresh blood.*
SFJ#6 - Eww! Cut to LD and Spin.
*The camera cuts to Spin Hansen on his back. LD Williams has mounted the big man and is pummeling Spin with punches to the head. Spin tosses the smaller man off of him and pounces, but is cut off by TYTAN who tackles Spin, slamming him into the hard edge of the couch.*
SFJ#6 - Wow, That was unexpected. Go back outside and let's see how Lucas is doing.
*Stank has Seamus McNasty in a headlock. Evans rises from the ground, not appreciating getting bumped. Stank has his eye on Tytan inside Poe's locker room, having noticed the monster run past, and involving himself in this mess. Seamus lifts Stank off his feet attempting a back drop, when both men are pushed to the ground by Chris Evans. Evans satisfied, turns and is rudely shot to the ground as The Dead CLOSES THE CASKET~! on him.*
SFJ#6 - This is where things got interesting.
*The Dead looks at the three men in the hallway sprawled on the floor then looks into Poe's locker room witnessing the carnage within. He shrugs his shoulders and starts to walk inside, but his foot is grabbed by Stank.*
Stank - Stay out of this, Dead.
*The Dead looks down at Stank and pulls his foot free. Just as he turns his head to continue inside, LD Williams is THROWN into him by Spin Hansen, who has somehow managed to free himself from the monster Tytan. Dead and LD fall to the floor. Stank rises, looks down the hall spies Poe, Selena, and Poe's mom walking toward them. Stank quickly assesses the situation and bolts inside the locker room. Seamus rises quickly and bolts in after Stank. Poe accelerates his pace, telling Selena and his mom to stay back. Poe is a few paces from his locker room door when the wall next to him EXPLODES out as Spin and Tytan come CRASHING through it, bringing all three men to the floor!*
SFJ#6 - That was awesome.
*Inside Poe's locker room. Stank is BRAWLING~! with both Moosehead Jack and Seamus McNasty, as Outback Jack lies nearby recovering, trying to summon the strength to rejoin the battle. On his hands and knees, OBJ breaths hard and looks up, seeing a hand extended out to him. Outback follows the arm looking up further to see it is The Dead, offering to help him up.*
SFJ#6 - Now cut to Flair's Sandwich Stand.
*At Flair's Sandwich Stand, all is quiet as Firewoman and Lucky sit, enjoying coffee and donuts... well Lucky is enjoying the donuts... anyway, all is quiet when Tytan comes FLYING in from off camera SLAMMING into Firewoman's table and SPILLING her coffee all over herself and the newspaper she was reading. Selena bounds over to Firewoman.*
Selena - This is crazy!
*Before Firewoman can respond she is GOOZLED! by Tytan who shoots Selena a look, sending the young girl scampering off.*
Tytan - I've GOT you now BIT-
*Tytan's word is cut off by a swift kick to the balls, which shockingly doesn't phase the big man. He grins as he squeezes Fire's throat tighter! Firewoman manages to grunt out...*
FW - I... always knew.... you had... no... balls.
*Tytan roars as he's about to chokeslam Firewoman when from out of nowhere he is TACKLED by Alexander Darling. Spin and Poe were BRAWLING~! as Alex ran past. Poe looks to whip Spin into Flair's sandwich stand, but Spin REVERSES shooting the OOWF World Champion into the bin, spilling condiments everywhere. Selena runs over by her master, tending to him. Spin turns and walks toward where Alex and Tytan are fighting. He doesn't see Firewoman on the floor as he trips over her and falls into The Chickenshit Heels table, sending Attitude Adjuster's sandwich FLYING~! into the air and landing on Johnny Adrenaline. The Heels had been content on simply witnessing the shenanigans. But now Johnny is covered in lettuce, tomato, mayo, and mustard. Johnny rises from his seat, but Alan grabs his arm.*
AA - Waitaminute!
JA - What?!
AA - I don't want to be in THIS promo! It's too Hollywood! It wouldn't surprise me at all if this were Stank's promo. I told him... You NEVER go full Hollywood! Why I bet there's a You Tube video playing RIGHT NOW as theme music for this mess! That is if he picked a song that would last long enough to play through a thousand plus worded promo. Go ahead whoever is reading this. Restart the video if you think it helps draw you in to what's going on! I'll wait! Of course I'll wait! It's Stank's promo and I just LIVE in it! This REALLY burns me, you know? He probably STOLE the music from a movie playing currently in theaters! Predictable Stank... he's really off his game. Huh... I BET it's NINE INCH NA-
*Attitude's words are cut off as he's SPEARED~! out of his seat by KAYFABE! The two of them brawl off to the side as JA twirls his fist in the air shouting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"*
SFJ#6 - Cut back to Lucas.
*The camera cuts back to Poe's locker room where we see The Dead and LD Williams engaged in battle. Seamus McNasty has Stank in a guillotine choke. Moose just misses with a HEARTPUNCH~! as Outback Jack steps to the side, kicks Moose in the mid-section and DDT's him to the floor! Chris Evans FLIES in from off camera and smacks against a nearby wall. DH Magnusson follows up trying to pounce on Evans, but the Lionheart kips up and hits Mags with a roundhouse KICK! sending the New Jersey nightmare to the floor, holding his jaw. Meanwhile Stank summons the strength to lift Seamus McNasty onto his shoulders and deliver a STANK-U~! from out of nowhere! Stank remains on the floor, too exhausted to move. IHOP, with Indian dancers in tow, wander by the open door of Poe's locker room.*
Skurge - Okay he's in ther- WHOA! What the fook, eh?
Indian dancer - You said Poe was here!
SYB - Why do you care, anyway?
ID - HE IS POE!
*Skurge slaps SYB on the arm.*
SYB -WHAT?
Skurge - Look in there!
*SYB looks into Poe's locker room and sees OBJ on his hands and knees.*
SYB - Hey! That's Oh Blow Job!
Skurge - Excuse me?
SYB - You know... Flapjack Hack? Where's his partner, Skooter bit?
Skurge - Do you watch any matches besides our oon?
SYB - Course I do- HELLOOOO NURSE!
*SYB's tongue falls out of his mouth as Poe's mom is seen standing nearby. Skurge SLAPS SYB on the back of his head.*
SYB - OW! WHAT?
Skurge - Pay attention! Let's go take out Jack!
SYB - I don't want to get involved.
Skurge - Look Stank is out of it. He won't be able to help.
SYB - Okay if you think it best. Maybe we should wait for you know who to catch up with us.
Skurge - Who?
SYB - You know.
Skurge - I doon't
SYB - Well I don't know.
Skurge - How could you not know? You brought whoever up.
SYB - The GUY who's in our locker room half the time. He was just watching tape of that British fellow.
Skurge - Oh you meant THAT guy.
*That guy comes walking up the hallway, stopping by to introduce himself to Poe's mom, who scowls in disgust.*
SYB - HEY YOU! I saw her FIRST!
Amn - What do you MEAN first? You're just standing over there talking to Skurge!
*SYB goes to confront the guy when he is BOWLED over by Outback Jack! Skurge had his head turned and is surprised by the action. OBJ grabs Skurge and YANKS him into Poe's locker room!*
Poe's mom - Shouldn't you go help your friends?
Amn - Nah.. they've pretty much got it covered.
*The guy turns his head and notices Outback Jack has quickly returned to the hallway... and he brought a friend. OBJ and Moose, in a rare show of solidarity, forget their war with each other, as they STOMP SYB into goo!*
Amn - Oooh. Maybe I SHOULD help.
*That guy makes a move toward Moose and Outback, but doesn't get far when he is SLAMMED in the FACE because Thim's lockeroom door opens wide! The Onslaught Champion stands in the doorway yelling!*
Thim - What the BLOODY HELL is all this RACKET!?!
SFJ#6 - Cut back to Flair's
*The camera cuts back where we're just in time to catch Davin Moreland hitting a SOMEWHAT ROBUST DIAMOND CUTTER~! on Johnny Adrenaline!*
SFJ#6 - OHHHH! Rewind that and play it in slow motion!
*The production crew complies, synchronizing the move with the music. Poe has now advanced on Tytan and is about to strike when he is struck himself, with a chair held by Firewoman! It was an inadvertent blow, because she was aiming for Tytan just as Poe arrived. Poe turns slowly to face Firewoman, who shrugs.*
FW - Whoops. My bad.
*Poe snarls an unintelligible curse, but is grabbed from behind by Tytan, choking the World Champ with a chain! Where he got the chain who knows? What matters is he has it and Poe is fading. Through blurry vision, Poe can make out Spin Hansen coming his way. He grabs the chain, bends over violently and flips Tytan over onto Spin just as the D&D member arrives. All three big men hit the floor!*
Selena - LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLO! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLO! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FL0000000OOOR! AHHHHHHHHH!!
FW - Someone needs decaf.
*Meanwhile, kayfabe sits and eats a sandwich while watching Run DEA engage the Chickenshit Heels! She turns her head and sees some guy she doesn't recognize and Thim Reynolds brawling from down the hallway into the open area where Flair's sandwich stand used to uh... stand. From the opposite hall she sees The Heroes guild arrive on the scene.*
Nayr - What do you make of this?
Larson - I don't know. What the hell is going on?
*Kayfabe looks over in the corner of the open area where she sees Matte lying on the floor in the fetal position, apparently asleep. Concrete TG wanders over and shakes Matte's shoulder, not wanting the young man to get caught up in the chaos. Matte angrily swipes Crete's hand away as the camera cuts to Cowboy Up's locker room where Beer Baron is standing.*
Chad - Howdy.
BB - Hello.
Zane - Do either of you want to go out there and see what all the commotion is about?
Chad/BB - .... ..... .............
SFJ#6 - We can edit them out can't we?
*The film editor nods his head, as The Rick violently swings open the door to the production truck, walking in from the cool Pennsylvania air. He makes a beeline for SFJ#6. He looks pissed when he stares down at the monitor, catching the production crew editing the Shenanigans from earlier.*
GMtR - I just got off the phone with our insurance company, our lawyers, the families of several OOWF staff, and a couple of irate BOARD members! Did you CAUSE all of THIS??
SFJ#6 - Uh.... no?
GMtR - Too bad. Good stuff. Ratings will be through the roof.
SFJ#6 - Wait!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:39:36 GMT -5
**Matte is waking up in his hallway.**
Matte: Mmmmmm, is it Wednesday yet? I'm supposed to win a contendership match on Wednesday. Is it Wednesday?
**No one answers.**
Matte: Oh well, whatever. Nevermind. Just wake me up when it's my match, ok?
**No one answers, again. Matte stands up.**
Matte: What the fuck!? Would someone answer me?
**No one is in the hallway to answer.**
Matte: No one, really? You? No? Fuck you!
**He asks him, him, him, and him and none answer. An unlucky janitor walks through the hallway, taking advantage of Matte being up and around by sweeping where he usually sleeps. He notices Matte talking to no one.**
Janitor: Hey, are you alright? I saw your match, sir. Good job, I'll be routing for you next week.
Matte: You?
Janitor: What, what was that?
Matte: Ahh!
**Matte tackles the janitor against the wall, grabbing the broom and using it to choke him out. The janitor goes limp and falls to the floor. Matte beats his lifeless body with the broom until it breaks in two.**
Matte: I'll wake my fucking self up. Now get the fuck out of my hallway.
**He grabs the janitor by the hair and drags him around the corner, then goes back into his unswept spot in his hallway to sleep.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:40:40 GMT -5
<as the dust settles from the wrecked backstage area, Moose and LD pick themselves up from the debris, and untangle themselves from the broken bodies still out cold. They stand and look around and listen for the groans of the injured for a moment. They spot the lone table that has not been overturned, the coffee table, and limp over to it and each pours himself a cup of steaming hot coffee>
LD: Man......that was nuts
MHJ: yeah it was. I am hurting like hell, think I am gonna head to the training room and......
<just then Moose is interrupted by The Chickenshit Heels who have limped over to the table, still clinging to their titles>
JA: Well well, if it isn't kz, look AA it's kz, the deadliest tag team since the Legion of Doom
AA: They don't look like all that much to me
JA: Well listen up deadliest tag team, we're the champs around here, you got that?
LD: Look, this can wait till Wednesday, we just went through hell
JA: That's real good deadliest tag team, cause we're the champs around here
MHJ: Yeah, we heard you the first time, you're the champs. Drop it before we decide to do something about it
AA: What are you gonna do? Take our box o'promos and throw them into a dumpster?
JA: Where ARE the box o'promos anyway?
AA: I thought you had them?
JA: No, I thought you had them?
MHJ: And no, thats already been done
JA: Well maybe they are going to slam our arms in a car door and stomp our faces on the cement floor
AA: That would show US!
JA: Yeah! So, what's it gonna be deadliest tag team?
LD: None of that
AA: No? Now who are the chickenshits here? We already ran off one tag team, looks like another one is going to be sent running scared
LD: No, we are going to do something, just......not that
JA: Well then, tell me deadli.....
<Just then Moose and Johnny throw their scalding hot coffee into Johnny's and AA's faces. The Chickenshit Heels hit their knees grabbing their faces screaming>
AA: OH MY GOD THAT IS HOT!!!
JA: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?? IT BURNS!!!
AA: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO USE THE GIMMICK COFFEE I THINK MY SKIN IS MELTING!!
<LD grabs the coffee pot and SLAMS it upside Johnny's head, sending him to the floor. Moose grabs the metal tray of scones and slams it down on top of AA's head sending him to the floor as well, leaving both of them lying in a pool of hot coffee>
LD: So, were we still going to the training room?
MHJ: You know, I kind of feel better now, maybe we should head to the kitchen and get something to eat
<kz walks off as a stagehand sets up a fresh new pot of coffee>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:41:05 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling are DUSTING~! themselves off after the fracas. Davin spots the new pot of coffee and walks over to it, and sniffs it like one of those wine guys*
DM: *sniff* Sweet. Dunkin Donuts. We can have it. Alexander, you want a coffee?
AD: Uh...when do I drink...
DM: *cuts him off* Do. You. Want. A. Coffee?
AD: *sigh* Really?
DM: Yes, duh, it's already planned...get the FUCK out of here you skanky whore, or I will Diamond Cut you until your neck is broken!
*Kayfabe, who had approached from behind, slinks back into the shadows, shedding a tear*
K: Why he gotta be so MEAN?
*Davin hands a cup to Alexander and they walk over to the melting, bleeding carcasses of The Chickenshit Heels*
DM: Boys.
JA: What the fuck do you want? You and your boring-ass soap opera promos have brought a blight...
AA: A BLIGHT!
JA:...upon this fine company, and it forced us...
AA: US~!
JA: Yeah, he heard me. US, to come back and save the company from boring promos and technical wrestling. In the name of all that is holy...
AA: Ric Flair! Dusty Rhodes! Ricky Morton! Random Guy From the 60s no one knows about!
JA: We're keeping these belts at Mayhem. Neither the Deadliest tag team...
AA: Or the boringest!
JA: That's not a word, Capps.
AA: CORRECT ME??!?!? I'M ALREADY CORRECTED!!!
JA: Uh...line?
DM: I think you've made your point. Let's sum up. You're champs. We suck. You're champs. We still suck. You're champs, kz sucks and we suck. That about sum it up?
JA: You forgot the wrestler references which make the whole promo all the more funny.
AA: Box o' Promos!
JA: That too.
AD: K.
DM: What you did by desecrating Phantos and Lucios masks like you did, might have been worth a cheap pop...
AA: CHEAP POP~!
AD: Are you on your meds?
JA: It's...the Alzheimer's...just roll with it.
AA: Who am I? Why am I here?
DM: But to us...to ME, you might as well have spit on my mother. You fucked with family, boys.
AA: WHOOOOOOO~!
AD: So, of course that means, retribution.
JA: Beat us up? Can't you see I've got half a coffee pot stuck out of my head? We're already beat up.
AA: WHOOOOOO~!
DM: I see that. That's nice work there.
JA: Yeah, your boy LD did that.
DM: Well, he is a clever bastard.
JA: So what is it that you're gonna do?
AA: FAT BOY!!!
*Davin looks over to Alexander and nods*
JA: Wait a second...not more...
*Davin and Alexander toss their coffee all over Johnny and Alan*
JA: OWWW God DAMMIT DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT GIMMICK COFFEE?!??! AMATEURS!
AA: Johnny? Did I take a Viagra?
JA: No, Alan...no...that's just a blister...
*Davin and Alexander head off toward Ric's Sandwich Shop, presumably for a Number 9 Steak and Cheese Combo*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:41:25 GMT -5
*Blitz is walking down some hallway. He gets a heart attack, falls down and dies. Backstage Worker#1 walks by.*
BW1: Don't die on me, Blitz. You've got to wrestle this week.
B: I'm still on the card?
BW1: It appears so. Crazy, right?
B: Oh. Well, Moose will write me out. I have nothing to worry about.
BW1: Want to go lie in an abandoned closet for 2 years?
B: Sure.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:41:46 GMT -5
<Blitz slowly gets to his feet and looks around the hallway. He sees people talking, getting ready for the show, cutting promos and the like. Blitz walks around as if in a daze, no one seems to notice him. Finally he sees Blade and Ayaka standing there and walks up to them>
Blitz: What's going on?
Blade: You ready to come with us?
Blitz: Where?
Blade: The bus of abandoned characters
Blitz: I've been.........abandoned?
Blade: Seems that way.
<Heroes Guild members Bryce Larson and Nayr limp past Blitz and Blade having just pulled themselves from the wreckage of the Brawl, Blitz tries a high five, but they walk right by him. Blitz turns and yells for them, but they don't even notice>
Blitz: What the HELL?
Blade: They can't see you. They can't hear you. It's like you aren't even here
Blitz: why?
Blade: You aren't part of their promos anymore. And if you aren't part of the promos, you might as well not even exist. Come on, the bus is waiting
<The three of them walk down the halls, past The Chickenshit Heels, who are still on the floor writhing in pain. Blitz takes everything in one last time. Finally they get to the back door and Blade opens it, and we see a large yellow bus sitting there. Blitz looks at the windows and we see Endo and Morte looking out. Microplay and Hellion are talking, and Donovan Viper is yelling something about not being a homo. The door opens and we see FF Capslock is driving. Blade and Ayaka climb on the bus, but Blitz hesitates. FF Capslock motions for him to climb aboard. Blitz is about to get on the bus when GM the Rick shows up and grabs Bitz by the arm>
GMtR: Wait a damn minute. Just hold on. Not yet. We need you this week. Your OOWF career is going to last one more week. <GM the Rick looks at Capslock> You can come back Wednesday, but for now, he stays.
<Capslock nods and closes the door and the bus silently rolls away>
Blitz: Wait, how can YOU see me?
GMtR: Comes with the territory. I can see all. Now, you should probably come with me, we have something to discuss
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:42:12 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling are PROCEEDING~! to Ric's Sandwich Shop. As it so happens, kz is there ordering some delicious sandwiches, but they're waiting for them as Davin and Alexander order, and the silence is, dare I say, awkward. Finally kz gets their Sandwiches, and Moosehead Jack looks to add mustard to his. As he does, it squirts (predictably) everywhere, and some minuscule drops end up on Davin Moreland's shirt*
DM: Did you just squirt mustard on me?
AD: Dude, are you serious, you can't even...
DM: DID YOU SQUIRT MUSTARD ON ME?!?
MD: *gets the badass look* So what if I did? You gonna do something about it?
DM: Davin Moreland will give you 3 seconds to construct an apology and another 5 to deliver it to me. Then we'll see.
AD: Davin, this SO isn't worth...
*LD Williams cuts him off*
LDW: Don't. They need this.
AD: Huh?
DM: ...6, 7....8...Ready to die, freakshow?
RF: WHOOO~! Everyone evacuate to the nearest BAH GAWD exits! *He jumps from behind the counter and elbow drops nothing before running away*
AD: Over MUSTARD?
MHJ: I'm always ready to die, Davin. You should know that. If it's my time, it's my time. What about you, family man?
AD: The fuck?
LDW: Dude, shut up already.
DM: *thinks about it for a second* Life insurance.
*With that, Davin SPEARS Moose into the "Toppin's Bar", destroying it completely. Davin is just blasting shots to Moose's head, with lettuce and hot peppers flying everywhere. Suddenly out of nowhere, someone is imitating Randy Orton in time to Davin's punches*
SG: Doooge...Doooge...Doooge...Doooge...
OOWFWHCP: Goddess, we should find somewhere else to watch this safely.
SG: But they're way over THERE!
OOWFWHCP: Trust me...I've heard stories from the first two. Come Goddess.
*They leave somewhere, but meantime Moose has gained the upper hand, and is blasting Davin in the face with several pieces of Provolone.*
MHJ: EAT IT YOU SON OF A BITCH!
LDW: Really?
AD: Aren't you the one that said...
LDW: Yeah but "Eat It"? Provolone? I'd be all "ok"
AD: I know, right?
*Davin, after having taken a beating with the cheese slices, manages to get some distance when he Monkey Flips Moose into the Drink Display Fridge. Glass shatters everywhere and Moose stumbles up bloody and covered in chocolate milk. Davin crawls over to the now-destroyed fridge and takes a large shard of glass; and tries to go all New Jack on Moose, carving him in the forehead with it. Blood is just pouring from Moose, but obviously that doesn't stop him, and he summons some reserves from somewhere and shoves Davin into the broken glass part of the door.
Davin's back is impaled on the glass, but Moose is far from done, and he has to pull Davin from the door, and hits an Evenflow DDT on the broken glass. That was just brutal. Moose pulls on Davin, who is now gushing blood as well, and WHIPS him into the kitchen against the grill.*
MHJ: Remember this?
*Moose smooshes Davin's face on the hot grill, which is solidifying the blood and cause burns on his face at the same time. He grabs a spatula and just repeatedly smashes him in the head with it, until it looks like Davin's body goes limp. Moose smirks and starts to walk away*
DM: Hell no...
*Davin jumps to Moose and GERMAN SUPLEXES HIM THROUGH THE FRYOLATOR! Moose is just covered in hot grease, and you can see his skin boil and blister almost immediately. Davin grabs one of the fry baskets and starts to beat Moose in the head with it. Satisfied, Davin goes into the walk-in freezer. Meantime, Moose is playing a little possum, somehow, since he's alive and all. Davin comes into the screen with a 25-gallon box of Ice Cream, which is frozen solid. He goes to finish Moose off, but Moose SWEEPS THE LEG, and Davin smashes his face into the box...*
AD: THAT'S a broken nose...
LDW: You'd know.
AD: Shut up, ass.
*Miraculously now, both men are on their feet, and tading Haymakers back to the front of the shop by the cash registers. Both take a quick look, grab one, yank it out of the wall, and they BOTH SMASH EACH OTHER IN THE HEAD WITH A CASH REGISTER. Both men drop immediately and the registers bust open, and some nickels roll on the floor. Someone who looks an awful lot like SYB is leering around the corner waiting for everyone to leave.*
LDW: That's it then.
AD: All that. Over Mustard.
LDW: It wasn't over mustard, idiot. Call an EMT for your guy, would ya?
*LD and Alexander go their separate ways to presumably call for help, and the camera pulls back from the two men near death on the floor and...was that a fistbump?*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:42:47 GMT -5
<Moose limps back to Poe's locker room with the help of LD Williams>
LD: What the hell was that all about?
MHJ: Just something that has to be done now and then
LD: You are weird, have you finally had enough?
MHJ: For the moment.........maybe
<They walk into the room and notice the letter that Stank pinned to the wall before the brawl started>
LD: What's that?
MHJ: Dunno, that's what Stank left before he unjustifiably attacked us
LD: Unjustifiably?
MHJ: Did Gator die?
LD: No
MHJ: Then Stank needs to take his skirt off and quit being such a pussy
LD: So, what does it say?
MHJ: Something about things not being so good in the OOWF since its not Davin and Stank wrestling for the title, some garbage like that
LD: Sounds like Davin, but Stank? And why did he leave it here?
MHJ: No idea. I am going to take it to Rick
<Moose leaves and limps down the hall to GM the Rick's office, doesn't knock, but walks right in>
GMtR: Jesus Christ you look like SHIT
MHJ: Good to see you too
<Moose drops the letter on GM the Rick's desk>
GMtR: What is this?
MHJ: It appears to be a strongly worded letter
GMtR: What am I supposed to do with it?
MHJ: Read it I guess
<GM the Rick gives it a quick read>
GMtR: Why the hell do YOU have this?
MHJ: How the fuck should I know? It's your problem now, YOU do something about it
<Moose leaves again and walks down the hall heading toward the locker room again.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:43:08 GMT -5
Poe is surveying the damage to his locker room. Seamus is once again sitting at the bar. Poe picks up his hookah pipe and just stares at it, all bent up and cracked. Soohad walks over to him.
S: Your father gave you that. He bought it on his trip to Damascus.
Poe grins with a slight chuckle and tosses it.
Poe: Been meaning to get a new one anyway. Goddess…
Poe looks over to Selena who’s leaning in the doorway breathing hard/excited.
Poe: Goddess?
Selena’s actions have even caught Seamus’ attention.
S: Child, are you alright?
SG: Alright? Pfft, I’m better that alright!
SM: Oh gods…
Poe: Goddess, where you harmed in the fracas?
SG: Harmed? HA! I’m super. I’m awesome. That! Was! Awesome!
Selena looks over and sees the Ninja Cameraman. She rushes up to him and grabs the lens.
SG: Shawn Johnson! You thunder thigh midget! You are so on!
Selena kisses the lens.
SG: Betch!
Selena bounds back into the bed chamber. Poe watches her stupefied. He then looks to Soohad, who arches her eyebrows.
S: I’ve alvays liked that girl. She’ll make you a good bride.
Poe: Don’t start.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:43:30 GMT -5
(Ecosystem walks back in to the OOWF locker room carrying the MASCW World Championship belt.)
Eco: You know, I was kind of expecting more of a fight.
BRICK~!: Yeah, I've never seen a world champion just give away his belt.
Super Mario: I mean, there were three of us, one of us carrying a gun. Also, BRICK~! is a giant walking slab of brick who could potentially just fall on him and kill him.
Eco and BRICK~!: ...
Super Mario: I mean, MAMA MIA! ATTSA NICE!
Eco: There you go. (Eco picks up his coffee.) You know, I missed these amenities. The OOWF treats its wrestlers we--(spits out his coffee)--what the FUCK is this?
BRICK~!: Looks like prop coffee.
Eco: Prop coffee? Shit, someone probably needed this for their promo. Let me run this over.
(Eco runs out the door with the pot of prop coffee when he runs into The Chickenshit Heels.)
Eco: Hey guys, do you know who might need--
JA: GET THAT COFFEE AWAY FROM US!
AA: Seriously. Good comedy comes in threes, but this is ridiculous.
(Alexander Darling shows up, helping an injured Davin Moreland walk.)
AD: You are an idiot.
Davin: Moose had it coming. Stubborn asshole has the audacity to not apologize for squirting mustard on me.
AD: Do you realize how stupid that sounds?
JA: Hey! Here's our chance. (Johnny throws Eco's coffee into the faces of Davin and Alexander.)
AA: WHAT NOW? HUH? HUH? BURN!
(Alexander and Davin just stare at The Chickenshit Heels.)
Eco: --prop coffee. I wanted to know who needed prop coffee.
(Alexander jumps Johnny and starts wailing on him. AA jumps on Alexander, but Davin whips out a large shard of glass left in his pocket and whacks him over the head with it. Johnny kicks Alexander off into Davin, and they both fall to the side.)
Eco: Man, BRICK~!
(BRICK~! runs out of the door with Eco's musket.)
BRICK~!: Everyone CALM THE FUCK DOWN!
(The two tag teams look at the barrel of the gun and run. As they run away, Moose passes by them.)
MHJ: (sizing up Eco and BRICK~!) As little as I care for those guys.....no guns. Locker room policy.
BRICK~!: Gotcha. (Breaks the musket in half.)
MHJ: Good to see you back. I missed beating you within an inch of your life in that ring.
Eco: And I missed teaming with you back in the day!
(BRICK~! whispers in Eco's ear.)
Eco: And kicking your ass. That too. Grrr.
(Moose smirks and walks off.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:44:04 GMT -5
*Run DEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Resorts*
OGM & DwtSW SJ comes flying into the room looking very excited and hyper.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: OHMIGAWD, OMG...SHE DID IT!!! Wait, what are you guys watching?
Alexander: We're not "watching" anything. We're promo'ing.
Davin: Fuck that. This is....wait, teenage lesbians. Eh, it could be worse. Good call.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: Right. That's terrific...but can you believe it? The stupid illegal Disney whore agreed.
Alexander: Wait, WHAT? Poe is letting his piece of jailbait in the ring.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: I don't know if he's letting her or anything, but the spic called me a midget and told me it's on. I can't wait. I'm gonna send her back to where she came from. Stupid ...
Alexander: Are you about to cut a promo?
OGM & DwtSW SJ: Well, yea. I have a match at the PPV now.
Alexander: Then you know the rule.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: But that's pointless. And it makes no sense too.
Alexander: Shawnie, it's what we do now. Just accept it.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: Fine! Selena, this is what I have to say about you...
*To Be Continued*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 12:49:00 GMT -5
<Johnny and AA are standing there, amid the wreck of the Great Brawl promo>
AA: Damn Spot did a great job with the promos
JA: Everyone did. Did you see the one Tommy wrote? Davin and Moose destroyed Ric’s.
AA: I would say our work here is done then, we can take a break this week
JA: I could probably hit the links!
AA: And I could head to Vegas, got some interleague series to drop some money on
JA: Wait, we DID get coffee thrown in our faces…..
AA: Yeah I need to yell at Moose and Tommy about that, that HURT!
<just then Kayfabe walks up to them, and without a word grabs them by the ears and leads them to the OOWF banner where SFJ4 is waiting with a mic>
JA: ow ow ow ow ow
AA: MY EAR! THIS IS HURTING MY EAR!
SFJ4: I am here with the OOWF world tag team champions The Chickenshit Heels, Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster. Gentlemen, kz and Run DEA had some pretty strong words and actions for you today, what is your response?
AA: Well, I….uh……we…..<AA looks around desperately and finally sees the flash cards Kayfabe is holding> Oh there….at MidWeek Mayhem, LIVE From Hollywood Pennsylvania….<AA waits for the cheap pop that never comes> We are going to hit kz and Run DEA so hard, we are going to hit you really hard……wait, did I just say that? THAT’S TERRIBLE!
<Kayfabe holds up the cue card for Johnny>
JA: That’s right AA <squinting to read it> In voice like Randy Savage……<but not in the voice of course> oh yeah when the power of the chickenshit heels is unleashed on kz and Run DEA it’s gonna SNAP like a slim jim…..dig it……Why am I SAYING this?
AA: We have a reputation to uphold! And these promos are HORRIBLE! Come on Johnny, we need to go back to the locker room and come up with a five star promo
JA: We do?
AA: The number one promo team in the history of the OOWF can not leave with THIS as their last promo!
<The Chickenshit Heels storm off, and kayfabe smirks to herself, tosses the cue cards aside and sits back in the directors chair>
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