OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Hollywood, Birmingham, England
*As Mayhem starts, the OOWF Roster is surrounding the ring. Some wrestlers look kind of pissed off. Others, such as Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster, look a little giddy in anticipation of what's going to happen.*
*THE LIGHTS GO OUT!*
*The lights are out for about 15 seconds before we hear anything resembling music....and then...*
DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK!!
*We get pyro, lots of pyro, as "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J comes onto the PA system, and the fans give a "welcome back" pop to the returning and NEW general manager, Eric O'Mac!*
*Eric O'Mac, wearing a nice Armani suit, makes his way down the ring, with the OOWF wrestlers starring him down. Some look apprehensive, some look downright pissed off, and others seem happy that Eric is the new general manager. As Eric gets in the ring, he asks for a microphone, soaking up the adulation from the crowd before he speaks.*
I said it two years ago - I said it when the OOWF first started this television revolution every Wednesday night - and I'm going to say it one more time - WELCOME TO MAYHEM IS ERIIIIIIIIIIIIIC O'MAAAAC!
And, you see, about 4 months ago, I wrestled my last match against Alexander Darling, and it was a great match, it was bloody, it was long, enduring, it emphasized what I thought the OOWF should have been about! But you see, I wasn't retired because I lost my last match. I wasn't forced to quit. You see, as a former Onslaught champion opponent of mine once said about me...I took my ball....and I went home! And when I announced that I was leaving the OOWF back in February, I got a lot of criticism! I was deemed a whiner. I was renounced as a quitter. They said I wasn't tough enough to take the rigors and pains of the pro wrestling business anymore!
But they all forgot to mention why I was leaving. They left out a little detail that might have changed a few opinions.
You see, by February of 2009, I was sick of the OOWF. I was sick of the General Manager. I was sick of the backstage bullshit. I was sick of favoritism. Basically, I was sick of it all. In fact, let's watch me and Rick talk about all of this a few months back.*The MayhemTron shows the following backstage segment, featuring Rick and Eric in Rick's office.*
Eric: Rick, I'm tired.
GMtR: Not my damn problem. You should have gone to bed earlier.
Eric: Not what I mean, Rick. I mean, yes, I am physically tired. I'm worn out. But I'm more than just physically tired. I'm tired of wrestling in general. You see, Rick, it's not what it used to be, anymore. The OOWF use to be pure entertainment. Pure wrestling. Something for everyone? Now?
It's a load of bullshit.
Rick, I can't get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and claim to enjoy what I'm doing anymore. I use to come to work with a smile. Now, like you said, I don't even show up.
GMtR: This is what I know...
Eric: I'm not finished yet, Rick.
I'm sick of a lot that happens in the OOWF. I'm sick of the politics. I'm sick of the selfishness. I'm sick of everyone trying to get themselves over. I'm sick of watching talentless hacks go over talented megastars. I'm sick of drama. I'm sick of television parodies. I'm sick of outsiders coming in to our little world. Hell, I'm sick of everyone having their own personal mouthpiece. I'm sick of everyone having their own personal locker rooms, sponsors, hell, I'm sick of all of it.
Now, Rick, you might think I'm a hypocrite. I do a lot of this same shit that I'm sick of. But that doesn't make it right. Hell, it's what's wrong with this damn company. I'm part of the problem. You hear me Rick?
Rick: Loud and clear.
Eric: No, I DON'T THINK YOU DO, RICK!
*Rick slides his chair back as Eric starts to stand over him.*
Eric: You see, Rick, I have nothing to fight for anymore. I have nothing to prove. I know that I'm the absolute best that there is in this wrestling world that we call the OOWF.
So to ask me to come to work, every day, and deal with the politics, the backstabbing, the fucking terrible angles, the fucking terrible television and movie promo parodies, the burial jobs, the bitching about the burial jobs, the locker rooms and personal interviewers? You are barking up the wrong tree, Rick.
It may come off as snobby. It may come off as self-righteous. But luckily for you and luckily for me, I don't need to worry about this shit anymore.
*And fade out and into Eric standing in the middle of the ring.*
Eric: You see, I was tired of all of that bullshit! And I wasn't going to come to work every day if it meant I was unhappy. You see, my last name is MCMAHON, and my dad is kind of a big deal in this thing we call "professional wrestling" and, as a result, I don't HAVE to do anything I don't want to. But I like the OOWF and I WANTED to be a part of it, but not if it meant going through some of the bullshit that would make WCW's backstage politics look like business as normal.
So, I left, and for the past four months, I've been living the high life. CLEAN UP ON AISLE COMMON SENSE! Mojitos on the beach, a different girl every night, I was living the dream!
And then I got that phone call. And I had to laugh.
You see, it was a representative from the OOWF Board of Directors. It seems the guy that I've basically hated since I had to give up the Onslaught Title 4 years ago due to a silly "divisional" change needed the same kind of break I needed. Only he is calling his break "a temporary reassignment to the PHWF."
And this board of director guy, he told me that my family's history as great promoters in the wrestling business made my "promotion" a no-brainer.
And I had to laugh again. And I said, "put me on a plane and fly me to wherever I need to be."
And here we are. Four months later, and all of the stuff I said then are still true now. You see, I'm STILL better than anyone on this roster. And that won't be changing anytime soon. But everything else? You are damn right it's going to change. I'm not going to deal with backstage bullshit. I'm not going to listen to threats. I'm not going to take it and I have that option now, because I'M IN CHARGE.
You see, things are going to be different from the last general manager. He claimed to have no bias? Bullshit. Everyone has biases. Including me. You are damn right I have biases and people that I like better than others.
To everyone that has ever been a thorn in my side, to everyone that has been nothing but a complete jackass - the tide has turned now and you probably won't like things now that I'm running them. If you are on my bad side, sorry about your damn luck.
But as your leader, and as your general manager, I have a duty to put on the best and most entertaining professional wrestling show out there in the world today, and I'm not going to hold that up any longer! So, fellow OOWF wrestlers, whether you like me or hate me, and I'm putting more stock into the latter, right now, I'm your superior. Just keep in mind one thing...
...don't cross the boss.*"Mama Said Knock You Out" comes back on the PA system as Eric O'Mac gets out of the ring and makes his way past all of the OOWF wrestlers starring him down on the ramp.
ANDERS DENIAL vs. MICK “THE JOB” JOBBERSON“Yeah, it’s a fucked up job but somebody’s gotta do it” by The Roots blares over the speaker system as Mick “The Job” Jobberson makes his debut appearance on Midweek Mayhem.
Russ: It’s a match of debuts here tonight folks as 2 men enter the OOWF ring at Midweek Mayhem for the first time ever!
Razz: That’s right, Russ. The Job is making his way to the ring right now to take on another one of the OOWF’s latest acquisitions, Anders Denial.
Russ: Anders may be new to Midweek Mayhem, but he put on an impressive display at the PPV the other night.
Razz: One of the most brutal showings I’ve ever seen. While Anders is new to the OOWF, it’s clear he is no stranger to the world of professional wrestling.Mick is about a quarter of the way up the ring ramp when his music stops. All of a sudden, a bell chimes and “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica starts playing. This startles The Job. He turns around and at the top of the ramp is the massive, mysteriously masked and dreadlocked Norwegian, Anders Denial. Before he moves any further, Anders produces a knife and cuts himself in the forehead, resulting in blood gushing instantaneously. Anders then walks up to The Job as if he were on a mission. The Job tries to get to the ring but Anders reaches him before he can. Anders Irish whips The Job over the guard rail into the crowd. He then jumps over himself and starts pummeling The Job before he lifts him over his head and chucks him back onto the ring ramp. The Job tries to get up but fails. He is also bleeding. The music continues to play while this exercise in brutality is happening. Neither opponent has entered the ring so the match has not officially begun.
Anders lifts The Job to his feet and drags him the announce table. Russ and Razz get out of the way as Anders slams The Job through the table. He then grabs one of the monitors and smashes it repeatedly over the limp body of The Job. Anders wipes some of the blood away from his brow and then attempts to wipe his hand clean on The Job’s chest. This is made difficult because The Job is covered in his own blood.
Anders lifts The Job to his feet again and Irish whips him into the ring post. He then proceeds to smash The Jobs head into the post again and again and again. Still the match has not started. Still the music plays. Anders won’t let the job hit the ground. He continues to hold him up while brutalizing him. Repeated chops to the chest. The Job is clearly unconscious at this point. Anders then lifts him over his head and hurls him into the ring. He follows suit. Finally the bell rings and the match has begun but “For Whom the Bell Tolls” continues playing.
Anders positions himself over The Job and starts chopping his hand as if to signal a move he’s about to do. It’s subtle at first but with each chop, Anders raises his arm slightly until he’s chopping it vigorously above his head, wandering around the ring, attempting to hype the crowd up. The Job regains consciousness and starts to get up. He clearly has no idea what is going on. As soon as he gets up, Anders backhands him. But this is no ordinary backhand. This backhand sends The Job flying, almost as if he was doing a standing 720 corkscrew moonsault. The Job crashes to the ground and Anders goes for the pin… 1… 2… 3! It’s over!!!
WINNER in 0:37: Anders Denial via pin fall
The ref is checks The Job’s pulse and waves for the paramedics. Anders exits the ring and walks up the ramp as paramedics rush past him. “For Whom the Bell Tolls” has reached its end and is fading out. Anders walks through the curtain and out of the arena at the precise moment the song fades to nothing.
Razz: Sweet merciful lord!!! What the hell just happened there?!?
Russ: To call that a decisive victory would be a gross understatement! Is The Job still alive?
Razz: I think the paramedics are trying to determine that.
Russ: Anders didn’t even let The Job get into the ring! That is quite possibly the most brutal beat down I have ever witnessed!
Razz: I thought Anders’ display the other night was brutal but this… this was simply grotesque![/i]
TYTAN vs. BEER BARONBeer Baron makes his way to the ring first and gets a nice ovation from the crowd, I presume they appreciate a man who appreciates beer. Tytan is announced next, and he comes out to the top of the ramp, evidently fresh out of a Danish psyche ward. He has a crazed look in his eyes as he looks around the arena, and soaks in the boos of the crowd. Tytan strokes the chain wrapped around his shoulders and slowly makes his way to the ring. As he gets halfway down the ramp, Beer Baron decides that he has had enough waiting and leaves the ring and tries to get the jump on Tytan. He catches him with rights and lefts, one shot opens the cut on Tytan’s head from his barbaric match against Poe on Sunday. As soon as Tytan sees the blood, he snaps. He grabs Beer by the throat and holds him, and HAMMERS him with straight rights to the face. After several shots, Tytan releases Beer and he falls to the ramp. Tytan takes the chain from around his neck and wraps it around his fist and connects with more shots to the face. It doesn’t take long before Beer is a bloody mess. Tytan loops the chain around Beer’s feet and drags the barely conscious Baron to ringside. Since Tytan has not been in the ring yet, this match is not official. Tytan pulls a table from beneath the ring and sets it up, then pulls Beer to his feet and POWERBOMBS him through the table. Tytan stands over Beer and looks down at him with an odd look on his face, then begins laughing maniacally. Tytan could probably finish him off at any time, but he is not done yet, he grabs a chair and waits for Beer to pull himself from the wreckage of the table then BLASTS him in the face with the chair. Beer spins around and falls to the floor face first. The crowd is booing loudly at this slaughter, and Tytan pauses to stare blankly at the fans in the front row, as he is staring at them, he reaches down and pulls Baron’s head back and drags him to the guard rail and forces the fans to stare at Baron’s blood soaked face. As he does, Tytan begins to scream “THIS IS POE’S WORK! THIS IS YOUR HERO!” The fans boo him louder and Tytan snarls at them, then scoops Baron up and hits the STEINER SCREWDRIVER ON THE CEMENT FLOOR! Beer Baron may be dead! Tytan laughs at his pain and rolls him into the ring and follows, finally making this match official. Tytan stands over Beer for a moment, then pulls him up and hits the ULTIMO ENDING. Tytan looks down at him and keeps shouting “GET UP POE!” When Baron doesn’t move, Tytan pulls him up again and hits a second ULTIMO ENDING! Finally, after the referee threatens disqualification he covers, and gets a fast three count, and this one is over.
WINNER in 1:11 – Tytan
Tytan is not finishes though. He slips out of the ring and grabs his chain and brings it back into the ring. He loops it around Beer Baron’s throat and pulls him to his feet, then throws him over the top rope to the floor. Tytan slowly pulls back on the chain, pulling Beer up, and off his feet. Beer claws at his throat and the blood squirts off his forehead, spraying on the people who were mocking Tytan just moments ago. Tytan looks up and has a maniacal look on his face when WHAM! Spin Hansen is in the ring with a chair! He slams it across Tytan’s back. Tytan staggers and releases the chain, then turns to face Spin and he nails him on the head with another chair shot! Tytan falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring holding his head and bellowing with rage. Tytan grabs his chain and backs up the ramp staring at Spin with hate and fury. The paramedics come to ring side, again, and tend to Beer Baron. He is loaded on a gurney and taken to the back.
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. IHOPIHOP, accompanied by the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, head to the ring first, and they seem to be in heated discussion about something:
Skurge: “Maybe we should use International House of Pain, eh? Then, if we lose, we can say it wasn't us and have the match stricken from our record.”
SYB: “Calm doon. It's Pantaloons and Lunchables. We can beat them with our eyes closed. They haven't competed in months. Imagine the ring rust they have.”
Skurge: “They’ve been back for a while.”
SYB: “No, this is their return match.”
Skurge: “Dude, you were at the pay-per-view. Cowboy up put their masks back on, and revealed they were really Team Aquafina.”
SYB: “Seriously? That doesn’t even make any sense. How do you reveal your identity by putting on a mask?”
Dorothy: “Don’t look at me, I don’t write this stuff.”
SYB: “Forget it. Team Aqualung aren’t the Cowpatties. This is their first match back.”
Skurge: “But-”
SYB: “THEY'VE BEEN GONE FOR MONTHS!”
Skurge: “Riiiiiiiiiight.”The argument continues until “God Blessed Texas” hits and Phantos and Lucios step onto the stage. The crowd erupts in response to the returning heroes. Phantos and Lucios take their time coming down the aisle, stopping to greet the fans along the way. They climb into the ring, and SYB immediately gets in Phantos' face. Skurge and Lucios stare each other down for a moment and then head to their corners as SYB continues to berate Phantos. Referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell and this one is underway.
Phantos stands calmly, nodding along with SYB's tirade and waiting for the inevitable. Finally, SYB works himself into enough of a lather and slaps him across the face. Phantos stares at him for a second, and then responds with an echoing chop. SYB screams and grabs his chest, stumbling across the ring. He recovers and turns around, and Phantos hits him with another one. SYB has another fit of overselling, and when he finishes, Phantos wrings his arm and drags him to the Team Aquafina corner and tags Lucios. Lucios takes over the arm wringer and drives his shoulder into SYB's a number of times. He flips SYB to the mat, still holding the arm, and makes the tag. Phantos comes off the second rope with a leg drop to the arm. He locks on a cross arm breaker and Skurge steps into the ring, which draws Barros' attention and allows SYB to break free with an eye-poke. Phantos rolls to his feet and moves in as SYB gets to his knees, and SYB hits a low blow just before Barros turns around. SYB spikes Phantos with a DDT and drags him to the IHOP corner and makes the tag.
Skurge stomps on Phantos, then pulls him to his feet and shoves him into the corner. He unloads on Phantos with punches, ignoring Barros' protests. Skurge winds the arm and pulls Phantos into a belly-to-belly suplex. He drags Phantos up and plants him with a vertical suplex, floating over and getting a one count. Skurge lifts Phantos for a pile driver, but he fights it off. Phantos drops to a knee and grabs Skurge around the waist, knowing instinctively that his partner is coming in to nail Skurge with a brutal lariat. Barros shepherds Lucios out of the ring, and Phantos dives to his corner to make the tag.
Lucios comes back in and steamrolls Skurge with a clothesline as he struggles to his feet. He pulls Skurge up and hits a slingshot suplex, then floats over for the cover. He gets two before SYB dives in for the save. SYB gets some kicks in on Lucios before Barros ushers him out of the ring. Skurge, meanwhile, drags himself to his feet with ropes, takes a moment to clear his head, and nails Lucios with a running knee to the head as he gets up. Skurge hoists Lucios onto his shoulder, walks to the IHOP corner, and drops him face-first on the top turnbuckle. He tags SYB and pulls Lucios to his feet. SYB goes to the ropes as Skurge lifts Lucios up – Smokehouse Combo! SYB dives on him for the cover as Skurge rolls out of the ring. Barros counts one...Phantos jumps over the ropes and Skurge comes in to block...Two...Phantos ducks a clothesline and nails Skurge with a superkick...Thr-Lucios kicks out!
SYB rolls to his feet and starts stomping away on Lucios. Phantos spins him around and nails him with a dropkick, lands on his feet and hits a second one before SYB falls, then goes to the ropes and pastes him with a baseball slide dropkick as he hits the mat. Phantos turns and sprints across the ring, hitting the rising Skurge with a clothesline that takes both men over the ropes to the floor. SYB gets slowly to his feet. He looks surprised as the crowd starts to cheer, but it quickly changes to a look of resignation as he realizes Lucios is standing behind him. SYB takes a deep breath and spins around, throwing a punch that Lucios catches. SYB struggles, but can't free himself, and Lucios uses his grip on SYB's fist to lift him off the mat. He pulls SYB onto his shoulders and plants him with a death valley driver. He slings SYB into the corner and tags Phantos as he gets back to the corner. Lucios lifts SYB onto his shoulders as Phantos climbs to the top rope – Dropkick Device! Phantos hooks the legs and rolls SYB up as Lucios sprints across the ring and dives through the ropes and tackles Skurge. Barros counts One...Two...Three.
WINNERS, in 13:27, Phantos and Lucios.
MATTE vs. THE AMNESIAC“I Can't Remember” comes over the PA and THE Amnesiac makes his way down the ramp to a light smattering of “oh yeah, that guy still exists” applause. He gets into the ring and tries to do some posing, but he's greeted with silence. In response, he leans against the turnbuckle and gets a faraway look in his eye. Uh oh. “I Hate Myself and Want to Die” replaces Alice in Chains and Matte slouches his way down to a strong ovation, and getting stronger each week. He even slaps hands with a couple of fans before rolling into the ring and slumping in the corner. Referee Junior Hale thinks this is good enough, and calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Amnesiac charges across the ring, and unfortunately for Matte he's too slow to care and stand up, so he gets smooshed in the corner by the bigger Amnesiac. Amnesiac hits a couple of back elbows before WHIPPING Matte across the ring into the far corner. Amnesiac charges in, and...Nobody Home! Matte easily rolled out of the way as Amnesiac plows into the corner. Matte grabs the back of Amnesiac's mask and smashes his face into the turnbuckle a couple of times. He shoves Amnesiac to the top turnbuckle and POWER SLAMS him off. Matte covers, that gets 2. A couple of big uppercuts to Amnesiac force him into the corner. Matte looks to whip him out but instead destroys him with a Short-Arm Clothesline. He slowly makes his way to the corner and climbs to the top rope. He leaps off for what looks like a Diving Headbutt attempt, but Amnesiac rolls out of the way, and Matte kind of landed on his head awkwardly; looking like his neck got twisted.
Amnesiac looks to pulls Matte but Matte counters back with a kick to the gut and a Jumping Leg Drop to the back of the head. He rubs his neck a little bit before pulling Amnesiac up...ALL the way up, and then annihilates him with a Pile driver. He covers, but they're positioned oddly in the ring, and Amnesiac's foot is under the ropes. Matte shrugs his shoulders and says audibly “whatever”. He pulls up Amnesiac again and just absolutely kills him with his finisher, the Nevermind DDT. Matte makes sure Amnesiac's feet aren't near the ropes and he covers for the inevitable 3-count.
WINNER in 6:25 by PINFALL...Matte!
Post-match, Matte continues to rub his neck as he gets his arm raised, and the crowd gives him a big ovation.
THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. KZLooks like AA's gonna tough it out and fight with the "hurt" arm. What a warrior. Johnny and Moose open things up and that goes badly for Johnny. MHJ works him over in the kz corner and tags in Williams. LDW opens up on Johnny with a barrage of kicks and chops, then suplexes him out of his boots. Then another for good measure, and Williams slides right into an STF~! AA breaks that up in a hurry, and Johnny bails. Williams feigns a suicide dive and AA gives JA a pep talk. Adrenaline gets his courage, slowly steps between the ropes... and tags in AA! Capps is confused, but Johnny says he's had enough for now. AA asks Williams to go easy on the allegedly hurt arm, so LDW of course grabs it and goes to town. Short arm shoulder breakers and a judo throw takes him down, and Moose is in with a leg drop on the arm. Deep arm drag to the arm bar, and Johnny slips in and pulls Moose off by the hair. That draws the ref's attention, and that allows Williams to sneak in and soccer kick AA's shoulder. Moose shoves Johnny to the floor and a big clothesline takes AA down. MHJ moves in for the HEART PUNCH, but AA gets a back elbow instead to slow kz down, and a stiff knee lift puts Moose down. Desperate tag to Johnny, and Adrenaline comes in and puts the boots to Moose. He chokes him out with the ropes, then a gourd buster. Johnny holds on and pulls him up into a neck breaker, but Williams steps in and kicks him in the gut instead. That allows Moose to drop Johnny with a pile driver. AA takes off the turnbuckle cover in a neutral corner while the ref's occupied with some kz double teaming, but JA blocks a full nelson by kicking Williams in the face and then getting a jawbreaker on Moose. MHJ blocks the ADRENALINE RUSH, so Johnny goes to the eyes instead. AA blind tags in and slaps on THE CLAW~! LDW breaks that up and we've got a donnybrook. Williams wants the DDT on AA, but Capps kicks him in the balls to block that. Moose pulls himself up, but Johnny charges, and Moose backdrops him HIGH over the top and to the floor. AA stalks Moose and slaps THE CLAW back on!! But Moose shoves him shoulder first to the exposed turnbuckle, and AA staggers back into the HEART PUNCH~! One, two, three.
WINNERS in 13:11: kz
DAVIN MORELAND vs. ALEXANDER DARLING*BOOM*
“There can be only one” blasts over the sound system and leads into AFI’s “Prelude 12/21” The entrance is back as the blue spotlight starts circling the arena and both Alexander and Alexis Darling step out from the back. Alexander is back in his black-and-white long wrestling pants with his name down the sides. The Darlings wait at the top of the entrance for the music to finish and the strobe light to begin flashing as “Princes of the Universe” by Queen kicks in. There are mostly boos throughout this capacity crowd here in Hollywood, England…but there are a few smattering sections of applause for Alexander as he makes his way down the aisle. Both Darlings ignore all of it as they make their way down to the ring, without any hint of emotion, Alex slides under the bottom rope and makes his way over to his perch on one of the turnbuckles. Alexis heads around the ring and swipes a microphone from one of the announce tables. It looks like Alex has some words before his match begins tonight. Alexis gets in the ring and hands the microphone to her brother before taking a seat next to him on the turnbuckle.
Alexander slides his hand through his hair before taking off his sunglasses. He brings the microphone up a few times, but no words are said. The crowd is getting a bit rambunctious as Darling continues to delay what he wants to say. Finally it quiets down once again as Alex brings the microphone back up to his mouth…
Alexander: It’s almost funny why I felt the need to come out here and address the current state of affairs. There was a time when I was on the opposite end of what happened on Sunday. It was me who took the knife and stabbed it into someone’s back and twisted it until the blood spilled. Hell, Davin was right to a degree…The crowd isn’t sure how to react so they are mostly silent except for some sections that try and begin a Run DLP chant.
I have turned on my share number of people. The Betrayer can claim it was about jealousy. He can say that once someone became too popular I had no use for them. But he’d be wrong. But that doesn’t surprise me, because Davin’s wrong about a lot of things. That’s the thing. He’s a liar. And he was more of a hassle than he was worth. But I stuck with things because my moronic brain-dead, drug-addicted waste of space of an older sister liked him.The crowd starts booing a bit more as Samantha Darling as they feel like sticking up for women’s rights or something.
See, you sit there in your seats and you boo me. Yet you cheer a liar, a backstabber, and a gigantic douche bag. The fact is, I’ve never hidden what I am from you, from my supposed allies like The Betrayer and his bitches, or any of the guys in the back. I am an asshole, but I’ve always been up front about that. Davin The Betrayer acts like he’s a man of the people and yet it was him who turned on Stank. It was “his” plan. We were just his lackeys or at least that’s yet another lie he feels like telling.The crowd is mostly booing now because well, they’re fucking morons and they believe Davin actually likes them…
So, Davin The Betrayer is also a liar. He showed up last night at some inbred hick house show and made some comments. I assume most of you have seen those comments, well because most of you and unemployed fuckwits who can’t even get a job in the service industry. His comments were straight lies. There’s no need to get into specifics on everything because you people don’t feel like seeing the truth. But I will inform of you a few facts that Davin The Betrayer purposely misled you on. First of all, he feels no sympathy for Stank. I wasn’t the one who continuously mocked Stank. That was Davin. His apology is meaningless. But that shouldn’t surprise you since Davin’s a liar. Then Davin had to go and make it personal. If he had just kept it business; I only would have beaten him. But not I’m going to have to take everything he holds dear.
Davin may have killed Run DEA with his actions on Sunday. But it won’t compare what I do to him. He likes to talk about how closely knit Run DLP is, but they will be nothing once I am finished with them. I don’t know what the future holds for DEA, but I do know that the future holds NOTHING but misery and loss for you Davin. I will strike thee down with my vengeance and you will never have felt anything like it before. I don’t plan to just make you lose. I plan to be the man who does something you claim cannot be done. Get ready to TAP, bitch.And now the crowd is really on Alexander’s case. The boos are so much louder because the fans have clearly gotten stupider.
See, Davin felt like making some disparaging comments about the relationship between my sister and I. Comments so reprehensible they don’t even deserve to be repeated. Yet more lies though. But if he wants to talk about disturbing relationships, I need Davin, brother-in-law of mine, needs to look A LOT FUCKING CLOSER to home. Do you ever wonder why Sammy ran away from home? Do you ever wonder about the passing looks…Suddenly the lights go out and the mic cuts off…
With the house lights out, blue and white lights start flashing throughout the arena as
Pull Me Under comes over the PA, cutting Darling off completely. He's pissed, but the crowd certainly is not; and as the heavy section kicks in with the pyro, Davin Moreland appears at the top of the ramp, arms outstretched and the crowd eats it up. Davin slowly makes his way to the ring, slapping and shaking hands with as many people as possible it seems. All this really serves to do is annoy Darling more; to the point where he's back on the mic...
AD: Hey asshole, feel like starting this match or what?Davin apologizes to his fans and makes a beeline to the ring, and does the DOUBLE JUMP OF EXCEPTIONAL ATHLETICISM into the ring, and the crowd eats that up too. Davin has a self-satisfied smirk on his face, and Darling is all business. Referee Mel Creech will be doing the honors this evening; and he sees no reason NOT to call for the bell, so he does...and WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Let the trash talk fly! It's a good thing this is a TV-14 program. Circling, talking, talking, circling, and the crowd just amps up the electricity. Finally, a lock up, and while the much smaller Darling holds his ground pretty well; it's academic that Davin ends up shoving him into the turnbuckle. Creech calls for the clean break after a second, and Davin gives it with a huge smile and a round of applause. Darling, clearly, is not happy and unwisely runs at Davin, who plants him with a SPINNING SPINEBUSTER. Darling lays on his back of a second before scooting under the ropes and to the outside. He's clearly pissed at himself and is actually talking to himself trying to form a new strategy. Don't take your eyes off the ring, Alexander! Because, here comes Davin with a No Hands Suicide Plancha! But I guess he was watching, because he rolls out of the way just in time, and Davin flies head-first into the barrier. Ouch. Darling doesn't hesitate and starts stomping away on the prone carcass of Davin before locking on a Surfboard Hold. Oh no, don't do it...MOTHERFUCKING CURBSTOMP on the outside! Darling gives one more good kick to Davin's face before rolling back into the ring.
Luckily for Davin, this is Mel Creech counting so, much to Darling's dismay, it's only a 6 count when Davin crawls to the ring and he came up bloody. Most people could have been counted out twice by now. Davin grabs for the apron to pull himself up, but Darling runs the other way, hits the far ropes and tries for a Baseball Slide, but at the last second Davin grabs one of Darling's legs and hits a Dragon Screw. That's gotta hurt. Davin manages to crawl into the ring, but Darling is back up already with another Greco-Roman kick to the face. He pushes Davin into the corner and snaps off a Hurricarana. Time for a cover, and that gets 2. Hammerlock for Darling, and after the required two shoulder slaps Davin reverses into one of his own. Davin tries for a Hammerlock Slam, but Darling slips out of and hits an arm-wringer before converting that into a Top Wristlock. Now it's Darling who is smiling, that is, until Davin destroys him with a Short-Arm Clothesline. To his credit, Darling hung on and was able to recover enough to put the Hammerlock back on while Davin is down prone. Darling seems to have a moment of inspiration and ends up converting the hammerlock into a legit Camel Clutch; a nice bit of mat work there.
Darling is pulling back on the Camel Clutch, and it seems to be having an effect and Davin is in big trouble! In fact, Creech is about to do the “drop the arm 3 times” spot, but Davin makes one desperate dive for the ropes and gets there. The crowd responds appropriately and Darling starts stomping and kicking Davin. Finally, having had enough of this happy horseshit it appears; Davin grabs one of Darling's feet, then the other. Darling falls and Davin drags him to the middle of the ring! It looks like he's about to apply the Sharpshooter, but Darling is able to kick him away. Darling kips up a stunned Davin and hooks him in before destroying him with a HUGE BRAINBUSTER! Darling covers. 1...2...thr...NO! Davin just kicks out and Darling is unhappy with the speed of Creech's count. Undeterred, he pulls Davin up and looks to be setting him up for a Darling Driver. Hand around the throat, this might be over; but Davin slips out the back and hits a LUNGBLOWER! Both men are down, and Creech is counting.
At the count of “2”, Davin is up first, but not too far behind is Darling, and they go at each other and it's slow haymaker “Yay Boo” time. After a half-dozen or so of these, Davin starts to take control, punching Darling into the corner. Knife-Edge Chop by Davin is followed by another one, and then HE rips off a Hurricarana of his own! Whoa. Davin covers, but it barely gets 2. Davin locks Darling in and hits a SPINNING POWERBOMB, and he hit that flush. Again, he can only get a 2-count. Davin pulls Darling up one more time and it looks like it's RGDC time! He's got Darling to his feet and Darling is able to shove him off! Now Darling sets up the Darling Driver! He gets Davin up, who REVERSES INTO A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Darling is OUT! Davin drags Darling to the middle of the ring...and LOCKS ON THE SHARPSHOOTER! It's only a matter of time now! Suddenly, Alexis Darling hops up on the apron and distracts Mel Creech with here charms, such as they are. Davin sees this and breaks the hold in order to get Creech's attention where it should be, when he gets hit with a LOW BLOW from Darling! SCHOOLBOY ROLLUP! Alexis hops off the apron and Creech turns around to see Darling rolling-up Davin! He starts to count! Darling has a handful of Davin's jeans! His feet are on the ropes! None of it matters, because Creech finally gets to 3.
WINNER in 14:59 by DARLING FINISH...Alexander Darling!
<we cut to the announce table>
Russ: We have just received word that Mick “The Job” Jobberson has been entered into the Intensive Care Unit at the nearest hospital. Doctors have released that while he is expected to survive, with the injuries The Job has sustained, it will be unlikely that he will ever set foot in a wrestling ring again.[/b]
THE HEROES GUILD vs. FIREWOMAN, CHRIS EVANS & DH MAGNUSSON – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title MatchFirewoman and DH Magnusson, of DEA, and Chris Evans are announced first and make their way to the ring. Fire seems to be giving the orders here, much like Tytan, she is also fresh out of a psyche ward. Doesn’t seems to matter though. The OOWF Campeonas de Trios champions The Heroes Guild make their way to the ring. Crete leads the charge and Larson and Nayr follow behind him. They slide under the bottom rope and pose on the turnbuckles, holding their titles high in the air. Crete hops off the ropes, and much like Fire, seems to take control of the situation. They talk about it for a moment and Crete will start things off with Fire. There’s some history there, so this should be a good one! The referee calls for the bell and we are underway!
Fire and Crete slowly circle and lock up and Crete grabs an arm wringer but Fire immediately counters it with a whip to the ropes. On the rebound Fire grabs Crete and tries a side slam, but Crete spins through and takes Fire to the mat with a hurracarana. Fire is quickly to her feet and connects with a drop kick to Fire’s mouth that sends her back into the corner. Crete charges in and monkey flips Fire out of the corner, but Fire lands on her feet, turns and tries a spinning heel kick on Crete, but Crete ducks, so Fire drops to the mat and sweeps Crete’s legs and pounces on her with a side head lock, but Crete bridges out of it and grabs Fire for a back slide, but Fire flips over Crete’s shoulders, and DDT’s Crete onto the mat! Fire hooks Crete and rolls him over and gets a two count. Fire reaches out and tags in Evans.
Evans springboards over the top rope and drops a leg across Crete’s face then pull her to a sitting position and peppers the side of his face with kicks, Evans hits the ropes and tries a low drop kick, but Crete moves out of the way and Evans hits the mat. Crete gets to his feet and waits for Evans to stand up, then knees him in the mid section, and hooks him for a vertical suplex. Crete holds Evans up in the air and makes his way to his corner and reaches out and tags in Nayr. Nayr hops to the top rope and leaps as Crete falls backward with a cross body on Evans! Nayr hooks the leg and gets a two count, but Evans manages to roll his shoulder. Nayr pulls Evans to his feet and sends him to the ropes, Nayr lowers his head a moment too soon and Evans flips over his back, lands on his feet, grabs him around the waist and hits a bridging German suplex for a two count. Evans pulls Nayr to his feet and throws him into the DEA corner and tags in Magnusson.
Nayr tries to escape, but Evans puts his foot on his throat and keeps him in the corner. The much larger DH Magnusson comes into the ring and hammers Nayr with several elbows to the side of the head, then hits a knee to the midsection, and a clubbing forearm to the back of the head sending Nayr to the mat. Magnusson stands over the fallen Nayr and stomps a mudhole on the back of his head, then pulls him to his feet, sends him to the ropes and nearly decapitates him with a boot to the face. Magnusson covers, but Larson rushes into the ring and breaks it up at two with a stiff boot to DH’s jaw. Magnusson gets to his feet and goes after Larson, but the referee gets between them. This gives Nayr time to get to his feet. When DH turns back around, he lunges at Nayr, but Nayr rolls between his legs and makes the tag to Crete.
Crete comes into the ring like a house of fire and hammers Magnusson with shots to the head, then sends him to the ropes and connects with a big back body drop. This brings Fire and Evans into the ring, but Nayr catches Fire with a chop that stops her cold. She turns to Nayr and hits him with a spinning elbow to the side of the head that sends him out of the ring. She follows Nayr to the outside and slams him on the floor then drops a knee across his throat choking him. Magnusson and Crete tumble out of the ring on the other side, and Magnusson ducks a clothesline attempt from Crete and grabs the back of his head and slams him into the ring post face first. Larson and Evans meet in the middle of the ring and a stare down ensues. The two high flyers are about to lock up when Magnusson slides back into the ring, with a chair, and SLAMS it across Larson’s back! The referee immediately sees this and calls for the bell.
WINNERS in 12:49 by disqualification – The Heroes Guild
After the match, Evans is staring at Magnusson, who is still holding the chair. Evans explodes and gets in Magnusson’s face, arguing with him. Magnusson pie faces Evans to the mat, and raises the chair, and looks like he is about to hit him, when Fire comes back into the ring and gets between them. From the top of the ramp Bryce Larson is watching what is going on in the ring intently. When Magnusson raises the chair, he takes a few steps toward the ring, but when Fire intervenes, he backsteps to the rest of his Heroes Guild members and they head to the back. Evans shakes his head and leaves the ring leaving Fire and Magnusson to talk through their differences.
THIM REYNOLDS vs. ECOSYSTEM – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match“Minority” by Green Day plays, and Ecosystem returns to a big face pop. These fans in the UK are happy to see one of the OOWF Originals return. He soaks up the cheers, until the music changes to “Lay Your Hands On Me,” and Thim Reynolds comes down, also to a huge ‘home town’ pop. The two men stare at each other while the referee reminds them of the rules for the Onslaught Championship. They both nod, fist bump, and the referee calls for the bell.
Our first segment of wrestling is a basic lock up/armholds/armdrags chain wrestling-fest for a few minutes. The two combatants break the chain and stand at the ready…and the crowd goes wild. They give each other the Head Nod Of Mutual Respect, and start off again. Lockup, arm hold, hammer lock, armdrags, back and forth. Break. Head Nod. Crowd goes even crazier. The referee signals to them to get on with it, and so they do. Lock up. Eco gets Reynolds into a hammerlock, but before we can continue, Reynolds reverses it into an arm lock, and kicks Eco right in the stomach, doubling him over. Reynolds follows up with an elbow drop to the back of the head, driving Eco down to the mat. He rolls Eco over and tries to go for an early pin, but Eco kicks out easily and gets to his feet. (Five minutes) He charges at Thim, who deftly steps out of the way, and drop toe-holds him into the ropes. Thim stands on Eco’s back, and pulls up on the ropes, choking him. The referee pulls Thim off and gives him his first warning. Eco gets off the ropes and runs at Thim, peppering him with open-handed chops. Reynolds is driven back with each one, then ducks at the last minute, coming around behind Ecosystem. He grabs Ecosystem and hits a suplex. He gets into position, and hooks the leg, and the referee counts one-two-NO! Ecosystem gets his foot on the ropes, using one of his rope breaks! Thim gets up as Eco stands, and taunts him for being pinned twice before ten minutes are up. Eco smiles. Thim runs at him and Eco grabs his arm as he passes by, whipping him into the ropes. Thim bounces off toward Eco, who ducks, and then hits a dropkick on Thim. Thim rolls out of the ring and onto the floor. The referee starts the ten count, but Thim gets back in at three. Eco grabs Thim by the hair, and tries to get him into a sleeper to set up his Endgame. Thim struggles, so Eco helps him to calm down with some elbows to the back and knees to the midsection. Finally he gets Thim into the hold, and squeeeeeeeeeezes…. The referee checks, but it’s a legal hold (fifteen minutes), Thim’s arms flail a bit, as he tries to free himself, but Ecosystem is not letting go, yelling “Who’s laughing now, fatboy?” That’s not fair, Thim lost weight on his hiatus! Ecosystem is satisfied that Thim is out of commission, and goes to complete with the inverted Twist of Fate portion, but Thim was playing possum! He pushes Ecosystem off him and into the ropes. Eco bounces off and Reynolds locks him into his own sleeper!! This should have been billed as “Battle of the Sleepers!” Reynolds keeps going round and round in the Neck Cracker! And he transitions into Neck Cutter! Eco is down. Half the fans are going wild, and a “Let’s go Eco/Let’s go Reynolds” chant starts up. Reynolds poses a bit for the fans, and then goes for the cover…one-two…NO! Eco gets a shoulder up. Reynolds can’t believe it, and protests to the referee. He doesn’t see Eco come behind him and chop block him to the knee. Eco steps back, and miraculously hits a desperate drop kick to Reynolds’ head. Reynolds is down. Not quite out, but down. Eco looks and climbs to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault. But he misses!!! Reynolds moved out just in the nick of time. Both men are down! Reynolds does the Patented Slow Crawl over to put an arm over Ecosystem, but just before he can, the buzzer sounds! TIME IS UP!
WINNER – 20 Minute Time Limit Draw
THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER vs. UNKNOWN TEAM – Aussie Challenge OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchThe Tag Team from Down Under marches out into the ring to “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC, to a solid pop. They climb into the ring, Outback Jack drinking a can of Foster’s as they do so. Gatorbait is carrying a microphone.
Gatorbait: We’re here to issue an open challenge to any British tag team that feels they have what it takes to beat us in a match.
Outback Jack: *Drinks Foster’s, belches*
Gatorbait: That’s Australian for “if they win, the OOWF Tag Team Championship is theirs”.All of a sudden,
this song, and two gentlemen walk out in wrestling gear, each waving a Union Jack. One is tall and lean, while the other is short and portly. The tall one has muttonchops, while the short one sports a bushy mustache and a monocle.
Tall British Guy: I say old chap, these Aussies are asking for a right licking, wot wot!
Short British Guy: Right you are, old bean. They seem to have
inferior taste in alcohol, I daresay.
Russ: It says here the tall guy is named Nigel Anderson Ducksworth the Third, while the short one is called Colonel Sherlock Wainright. Together, they’re called the Tag Team from Across the Pond.
Nigel Anderson Ducksworth the Third: Judging by these two, Australia seems to not have been worth colonizing, wouldn’t you say, old sport?
Colonel Sherlock Wainright: Well, what would one expect from a place colonized by criminals, old thing?Both men laugh uproariously, but they don’t notice Outback Jack and Gatorbait bearing down on them. Gatorbait lands some solid rights to Ducksworth’s head, and hurls the stunned Ducksworth into the ring. Outback Jack is hitting right left combinations to Wainright, backing him away from the ring. Gatorbait whips Ducksworth to the ropes, and clotheslines the hell out of him, while Outback Jack starts beating up Wainright with his own monocle.
Gatorbait starts stomping Ducksworth, while Outback Jack leaves Wainright in a heap by the guardrail and heads to his corner.
Referee Junior Hale decides now’s as good a time as any to officially start the match, and he signals for the bell. It rings just as Gatorbait tags in Jack. Gatorbait grabs Ducksworth in a full nelson, and Outback Jack starts punching his gut. Gatorbait lets go, and heads to his corner. Outback Jack picks up Ducksworth and bodyslams him. Elbow drop to the sternum, and Jack pins and gets two.
Outback Jack drags up Ducksworth and whips him into the corner where Wainright is now standing. He taunts and threatens Wainright, no doubt remembering Wainright’s crack about Foster’s. Wainright tags himself in, climbs through the ropes, and charges. Drop toe hold from Outback Jack, and Outback Jack puts Wainright in the Croc Hunter! Ducksworth staggers into the ring slowly, obviously intending to make the save, but Gatorbait has enough time to kick Wainright in the head before cutting him off with a monster kick to the gut. Wainright is already tapping as Gatorbait sets up Ducksworth- the Chomp! Ducksworth is DEAD! Meanwhile, the bell rings for the submission victory.
Outback Jack releases Wainright, but the Tag Team from Down Under isn’t done quite yet. “This is for insulting Foster’s!”, he yells. He stands Wainright up in the center of the ring. Gatorbait sets up on the other side of the Colonel. Both men run past Wainright, rebound off opposite ropes, and hit the devastating Boomerang/spear combination. Wainright is DEAD!
WINNERS in 3:31 – The Team From Down Under
“Thunderstruck” plays again, and the Tag Team from Down Under heads to the back to massive applause, kicking the Union Jacks (left on the floor after the initial beat down) to the side as they do so. As they head up the ramp, they turn around to acknowledge the cheers of the crowd. Bad move. Kz run from the back and attack Jack and Gator from behind, leveling them with clotheslines to the back of the head. Jack and Gator recover quick enough and soon all four men are brawling on the ramp and stage. Security, fearing yet ANOTHER international incident, quickly separates them and shepherds them to the back. The crowd boos this decision, and a LET THEM FIGHT chant breaks out, but to no avail.
THE DEAD vs. STANK – OOWF Intercontinental Title Non-Title Match“Skin” comes over the sound system and the monstrous pyro display goes off. “The Icon” Stank appears at the top of the ramp and makes his way to the ring to a thunderous ovation. He does some posing, but appears focused and ready to go to work. “Doomsday Clock” kicks in, and OOWF Intercontinental Champion The Dead makes his way through the pyro to a similar response from the crowd. He does his own posing, complete with the full 4-turnbuckle treatment and holding the belt up for all to see. K. He hands the belt to OOWF Senior Referee Davis Hightower, who holds it in the air. This match is for the OOWF Intercontinental Championship. Hightower checks both combatants and then calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Both men circle a little bit, and Stank offers his hand to The Dead for a handshake. Oh Stank, he's a face, but he's not THAT face-y. Is he? Well, no, because Stank had to duck a CLOSE THE CASKET try in response. Stank? Not happy. He runs at Dead and catches him, whipping him into the corner. Punches, lots of punches, lefts, rights, straight shots, hooks, uppercuts; and then he switches to some knife-edge chops and just lights up the chest of Dead to a bright red color and Dead slumps to the mat. Stank takes a few running steps backward to the opposite corner and then takes off running! He BLASTS Dead with a Stankonia 2.0, and this one might be over early. He covers and gets to 2 before Hightower notices Dead's foot under the rope. Good reffing, Davis. Stank says as much to Hightower before pulling up Dead. He gets him up and KILLS HIM WITH SHITFACED! Stank is in total control now and might be showing off a bit as he busts out the One-Handed Delayed Vertical Suplex (which is always a crowd-pleaser). It looks like Stank is going to the well again, hitting ANOTHER Shitfaced and then locking Dead in. Power bomb, Power bomb, STANKBOMB; and that might do it. Kind of a half-hearted cover, and The Dead manages to slip out and under the bottom rope onto the floor. Stank is surprised.
But not as surprised as the rest of us are when he hits the far ropes and runs full steam back the other way! He's not going to do a Suicide Dive is he? He's not. He fakes jumping over the ropes and then laughs his ass off as he hears the disappointment from the crowd. I think he yelled something like “You sure as Hell don't get that for free!” Nice. He rolls out to the floor more conventionally and goes to work on Dead, who hasn't done much since sliding outside and has really taken quite a little beating to this point. He pulls Dead up to whip him into the STEEL STEPS but Dead appears too weak and simply falls down a couple of steps short of the stairs. Stank goes to pick up Dead, but suddenly Dead reaches up and grabs Stank by the top and yanks down HARD. It just so happens that it's set up perfectly for Stank to go into the Steel Steps FACE FIRST! Ouch. Dead was playing a little possum but not much as he can't quite follow up yet, but is trying to pull and drag himself back into the ring. He gets there and rolls in, sitting up in the corner trying to recover. Stank starts to walk up the stairs holding his face and trying to shake the cobwebs out. He gets to the apron and starts to climb through the ropes, when suddenly Dead appears to get a burst of energy; jumping up to the top turnbuckle and landing a Leg Drop to the back of Stank's head! Stank bounces for a second between ropes before falling outside.
Stank starts to get his feet, but here comes Dead with a TOPE CON HILO which lays Stank out. Dead climbs up to the apron and takes off again with a Big Elbow Drop to Stank's chest, and he's hurting right now. Dead climbs back through the ropes and waits as Stank struggles to make the 10-count getting back into the ring. He does, but Dead's not about to let him stay on the apron. This time though, Stank shoulder blocks Dead through the ropes. Stank then immediately Stun Guns Dead on the top rope and he falls back. Stank climbs in and tries to cover right away and can only get 2. It appears that Stank is back in control again, as he pulls Dead up to his feet before killing him with an AA Spine buster. Stank signals that it's over, and pulls Dead up. He gets him on his shoulders and it looks like Stank-U time! He gets Dead up and...DEAD REVERSES INTO AN IMPLANT DDT! My goodness that was sweet. Dead crawls to the corner and tries to stand up as Stank starts to stir. Stank wobbles to his feet and turns around...and Dead throws the CLOSE THE CASKET, but Stank was playing possum! He ducks the kick and catches Dead and this the STANK-U! Stank covers, hooking the leg and gets the one, two, three!
WINNER in 14:16 by PINFALL...Stank
