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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 3, 2009 16:52:31 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Tag Team Tournament - Round 1 Live! From Nazareth, PA
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Poe vs. Matt Folz
OOWF Invitational Tag Team Tournament Round 1[/u] kz vs. The Worlds Greatest Fag Team The Heroes Guild vs. The Dead & Ravenna Blue IHOP vs. wCw Gaelic Storm vs. Team TeAM The Midnight Sons vs. The Devil's Brigade Alexander Darling & Davin Moreland vs. 3Piece Set Firewoman & Stank vs. Outback Jack & The Amnesiac Team Fuel vs. The Dragons
card subject to scrapple overdose
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:39:21 GMT -5
The members of The Five are packing up to head to the next town. Firewoman is sitting calmly in a chair while they do.
Moose: Okay....we better get a move on before we have to get on the bus.
LDW: No...not yet.
MHJ: Huh?
LDW: I'm waiting for the Firewoman Lockerroom Destruction It'll be our first, and so it's special.
FW: No destruction.
LDW: No? I'm disappointed.
Poe: Gentlemen....(he fires a look over at Firewoman, who doesn't respond). As members of The Five, we no longer have to share our traveling with the unwashed masses of the rest of the production. We will all travel in my plane.
Everyone nods and gets ready to leave, except Firewoman who still sits there. Lucky comes out with her gear.
MHJ: You're uncharacteristically.....quiet.
FW: It'll pass.
MHJ: C'mon...I mean, I'm sure Poe will hold the plane for the rest of us, but the jury is still out on you.
FW: Very funny. No, Jericho had my motorcycle delivered. I'm taking that.
MHJ: Seriously?
FW: Yeah. I'm done with private planes. Besides, I have a stop to make. Make sure Lucky and Dr. Sid get there though, 'kay?
Firewoman grabs a small bag and leaves the rest for Lucky, and leaves.
LDW: Well...she seems to be okay with her loss.
MHJ: Uh huh.....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:39:55 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is being interviewed by one of the SFJ Brigade in the Destroyitarium immediately after Imperial Onslaught. He's looking like he's had ten kinds of shit beaten out of him but is glad to be sitting down for a moment.)
SFJ#17: Mr. Hansen, what are your thoughts after narrowly missing out on being in the Final Four?
SH: My thoughts? I think that it's about time to see if the jukebox in the corner still works. (He wearily stands up, walks over, throws a quarter in, and fires up a song...)
SH: Nice. Damn nice. My thoughts? I think that we all did a helluva job in that match. I was the first in and fifth from last out. I didn't do as well as last year, but by God, I made an impact. So did the rest of Drink and Destroy. My only regret is that I wasn't able to PERSONALLY dispatch Firewoman.
SFJ#17: At the beginning of yesterday's Mayhem, Drink and Destroy came out with Davin Moreland and Team EaT. Is this some kind of alliance?
SH: We're not allies. We're simply a few groups of disparate individuals who have a common goal-- seeing The Five fall. Do you really think that I would EVER ally myself with Davin Fucking Moreland? He's made it clear that he works alone, and I'm not gonna stop him from that. As for Team EaT? Did you watch Imperial Onslaught? I fought more with them than with anyone else. There's no alliance, but if I see anyone else here getting ganged up on by The Five, you bet your sweet ass that I'm going to be there to even the score. Same as the other guys.
SFJ#17 (whispering, seeming to forget the interview): Sweet ass? Isn't Sugar gonna be pissed that you said that?
SH: (also whispering) Let me put it this way... Spin Hansen regretfully announces the termination of relations with Sugar. We wish Sugar well in her future endavors.)
SFJ#17: Dumped?
SH: Like last night's Hamburger Helper. Seems that she's missing the Three Piece Set days... and Chris Alt. Not that I'm at all bitter. *Clears throat*
SFJ#17 (back to the interview): Moving on, what are your thoughts about the Tag Team Tournament?
SH: It's gonna be great to have D.H. as my partner again in this tournament. We've got the greatest assemblage of tag teams from the past gathered here tonight clashing with some modern legends. I can't wait to get in the ring and beat the shit out of that damned Pikey and the Roid Freak... it'll be just like old days.
SFJ#17: And your thoughts on how you'll do?
SH: We're going to dominate, plain and simple... and there's not a damn thing that you can do about it.
SFJ#17: Thank you for your time, Spin.
(Spin sits down and a very tall and familiar form sits down in the booth next to him as we fade...)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:40:22 GMT -5
(Ecosystem is getting taped up backstage by the trainers when the same SFJ#17 comes in.)
SFJ#17: Ecosystem! I have a question for you! Spin Hansen just declared emphatically that you two are not allies--just disparate individuals fighting against the Five!
Eco: Okay. Cool. Do you expect me to react?
SFJ#17: Well, with your big arm-raise and grin and all at the end of Mayhem, I sort of assumed--
Eco: I have all I want. I have the knowledge that there are others who will stand up against Poe and the Five. I don't need an overbearing alliance to stroke my ego and ensure my success. I am perfectly content knowing that it took Poe months to cobble together this grand alliance, and yet it only took me three days to find an even larger group of folks willing to oppose him.
SFJ #17: What about you and Matt Folz?
Eco: Excuse me?
SFJ #17: Is there anything going on there?
Eco: I mean, he's an attractive man, but no.
SFJ #17: ...I meant alliance-wise.
Eco: (smiles) Every day Matt keeps his title around his waist and away from the Five is a day I have done my job. In fact, every day that Tytan keeps his title around his waist and away from the Five is a day I have done my job. If that sounds like an alliance to you, fine. If it sounds like an old-timey wrestling stable protecting their titles, fine. But it sure isn't one made to benefit me, and I'm happy with that.
Well...except that Team TEaM needs a new M. But that's Matt's call whether he's willing to join the acronym.
SFJ #17: (jotting notes down) And any comment on your tag match?
Eco: Tytan and I intend to win, and we will win. In fact, I'm willing to--(phone buzzes)---excuse me. (Picks up the phone.) Hello? Yes, this is Juni. Oh my goodness! So good to hear from you. Listen, let me call you right back.
(Eco hangs up and hops off the table where he is being bandaged.)
SFJ #17: Where are you going?
Eco: Elsewhere. But pass a message to the Five for me.
SFJ #17: Yes?
Eco: Tell them I thought tonight was our first battle--but as it turns out, it may have just been our warning shot.
SFJ #17: (jots down) Got it.
Eco: Also, are you too cynical to ask me the obvious question?
SFJ #17: What?
Eco: How do I feel about Alexander Darling turning on Poe?
SFJ #17: Oh. I didn't even think--
Eco: I understand. You question my sincerity still. You know, I've given everyone in this company enough reason to doubt my shift in focus--but I'd like to think I've never been insincere.
SFJ #17: Well, all right. How do you feel about Alexander turning on Poe?
Eco: Can I tell you a secret? (He gestures for her to lean in.)
SFJ #17: (leaning) Okay....
Eco: Closer.
(The cameraman and SFJ #17 lean in further.)
Eco: Ready?
SFJ #17: Yes!
Eco: I feel...AWESOME!
(Eco grins and walks straight out.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:40:45 GMT -5
*Firewoman is riding her motorcycle heading east on I-68. Her bluetooth chirps to life and she answers.*
FW - Hello?
Stank - It's me. Where are you?
FW - I just left some backwater town called Hazelton. I'm near the Pennsylvania border.
Stank - We landed four hours ago. You should have come with us.
FW - I would not have been good company.
Stank - When are you ever?
FW - ... ... Touche'
Stank - Listen, call me when you get here. I'll meet you in the Hotel lobby and we'll go get a drink. We need to go over a few things.
FW - Like...?
Stank - You do realize you and I are tag team partners in this tag team invitational?
FW - Are we?
Stank - Focus Lisa.
FW - You don't get to call me that.
Stank - Don't start that shit with me Lisa. I get to call you whatever the fuck I want. I'm not the one to put up with your petty bullshit. This loner thing you got going is an unnecessary risk. Something else we'll need to discus-
FW - GOODBYE LUCAS!
*Firewoman ends the call. Seconds, later the bluetooth chimes again. Firewoman answers.*
Stank - DON'T fucking HANG up on ME.
FW - I don't NEED a lecture fr-
Stank - You're RIGHT!
FW - -om you Lu... wait. I'm right?
Stank - Yeah.. I apologize for my tone. I'm not trying to keep you on a leash. That's the last thing you or I need.
FW - Good.
Stank - BUT... my insight has value. Something you would be wise to consider.
FW -
Stank -
FW - I..
Stank -
FW - ...I hear you... I'll call you when I'm close.
Stank - Good.
*The camera cuts to Stank as he ends the call and pockets his cellphone. Standing nearby is Moosehead Jack. Stank picks up his large dufflebag and effortlessly swings it over his shoulder. He walks over to Moose and the two walk together toward Poe's limo where LD and the OOWF World Champion await. Moose has a grin on his face.*
Stank - What.
MHJ - Nothing.
Stank - What's with the shit eating grin Jack?
MHJ - You and my sister seem to be getting along nicely
Stank - What the fuck do you mean by that?
MHJ - Merely that you and she seem to be getting along. I know how difficult she can be.
Stank - It doesn't always have to be a battle when dealing with Firewoman.
MHJ - And that's my point.
Stank - Which is..?
MHJ - It DOES have to be a battle. We want the psychobitch, not a reformed sociopath. YOU would be wise to remember that.
Stank - I don't see it that way Jack. You were there when both Poe and Fire said to me they wanted a controlled chaos... that's why you guys asked me to join this group. Her's and your's for that matter, social disorder has it's place. But that place ain't with me.
MHJ - *Hmmph*
Stank - Don't worry Jack. I won't dilute her edge. On the contrary... I'll sharpen it.
*Stank hands his bag off to the limo driver, who promptly drops it due to its weight. Moose steps into the limo as Stank scowls at the driver who struggles to drag the bag to the back. Stank steps into the limo as the camera fades.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:41:08 GMT -5
(Spin is sitting down in the booth as the camera pans over to the large figure... who is none other than F.F. Capslock!)
SH: Great to see you in town. How are things at Hardcore Studios?
FFC: They're pretty good, but the paycheck that the OOWF Board of Commissioners waved at Ryan and I to come back wasn't anything to sneeze at?
SH: Didn't Ryan take all of your money? Why is it that you work with him, anyway?
FFC: It's a matter of numbers, Spin.
SH: Numbers?
FFC: Yeah. Two chicks... at one time. Aww, yeah. (He raises a drink.)
SH: Right. Now about Stank...
FFC: Yeah, I saw. I never thought that he'd leave Drink and Destroy. I thought he was better than that.
SH: Do you have any advice for me? Anything that one of the founders of this incarnation of Drink & Destroy can pass along?
FFC: Listen to that story that Steve tells about the time he took down Chimendez. That shit's hilarious. Let's see... stay away from the Castro Coladas... don't let someone steal your name...
SH: You had to bring that up, didn't you?
FFC: It's the closest that you've come to winning an OOWF award, isn't it?
SH: ... yeah...
FFC: Avoid any dealings with any medicine men or pandas... and fuck, man. You know what the hell you're doing. Kick some ass. Remember that there's a fine line between being serious and being TOO serious. You're going to do a helluva job.
SH: Good luck against KZ.
FFC: Beat the fuck out of The Devil's Brigade for me.
(The two clink glasses as the scene fades...)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:41:26 GMT -5
*SFJ6 is interviewing OBJ*
SFJ: Looks like you'll be taking on two members of The Five at Mayhem.
OBJ:I can't wait! I'd rather be in the middle of a fight than on the sidelines any time. Of course, I wish I knew more about my partner.
SFJ: The Amnesiac?
OBJ: Yeah, must be a new guy, or maybe some local indy guy trying to break in the OOWF. I'm surprised Eric put him in such a big match right away.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:41:48 GMT -5
*We open to a panoramic shot of Nazereth, PA. Slowly it tightens, eventually focusing on the Nazereth Speedway. The shot then tightens further, and focuses on a Dunkin' Donuts right outside the racetrack. The camera goes inside, and focuses on a small bolted-down table (because that's how Dunkin' Donuts rolls) and we see three blurry figures. The image sharpens, and we see Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling, sitting across from each other, with Samantha Darling-Moreland sitting in between*
DM:...
AD:...
SDM: C'mon, you guys have nothing to....
*They both glare at her before resuming their staring contest*
DM:...
AD:...
DM:...
AD:...
DM:...
AD:...
SDM: Fuck this. I need some coffee. Want anything honey?
DM:...
SDM: Ugh, whatever.
DM:...
*she gets up and leaves*
AD:...
DM:...
AD:...
DM: You gotta be fucking kidding me.
AD: I know, right. I'm as happy about this as you are.
DM: The last time Davin Moreland and you were together, we were jobbing to IHOP.
AD: Don't wanna make anyone in the division too strong, ya know.
DM: Oh. Davin Moreland knows.
AD:...
DM:...
AD: And, of course, against COLE of all people.
DM: Cole's not all bad. He's just misguided.
AD: Whatever, I hate him.
DM: So does Davin Moreland.
AD:...
DM:...
AD: Who do you think we get? Ax or Firechild?
DM: Knowing this place? Probably both. Have to put the kids over, you know?
AD: That's stupid.
DM: You're stupid.
AD: Fuck off.
DM: Go fuck yourself.
AD: I will fucking STAB you.
DM: Davin Moreland will make Alexander the Suck wish he was back on his knees for Poe the [redacted].
DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!
*They both kinda look at Donnie as he slowly backs away*
AD: We have to work together.
DM: Yes.
AD: We have to win this tournament.
DM: Have to?
AD: Yes.
DM: Why?
AD: Because go fuck yourself, that's why.
DM:...
AD:...
*Davin stares for another minute before cracking a smile and putting his sunglasses back on*
DM: *yelling* Baby! I need a coffee!
AD: *yelling* Me too, sis!
SDM: *yelling back* I hate you both!
*Davin and Alexander look at each other smiling, momentarily at least*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:42:12 GMT -5
Firewoman plops down at the table where Dr. Sid is also sitting.
Dr. Sid: Did you just get in?
FW: Yeah.
Dr. Sid: Did you take care of whatever it was?
FW: Changed my mind.
Dr. Sid: Really? Why?
FW: Look, Sid, you have an hour with me, right? Let's get to it. I have a splitting headache.
Dr. Sid: Hmmm....(flipping through his notes) You've often had these, especially when there's a lot of turmoil or conflict that you're working on....
FW: I have no conflict. I'm delighted to be in a conflict free zone.
Dr. Sid: I can't believe that. In the last month or so you've turned on friends old and new, and in shockingly violent ways. D.H. Magnusson said--
FW: I saw what he said. He thinks I'm the crazy one. I'm not the one that thinks I arrived here with the sole purpose of setting him up. (She turns to look for the ever present Ninja cam)
DH, I wasn't thinking of you when my brother finally convinced me that the past was the past, and we should put our differences aside. I wasn't thinking of you when Stank decided to join us. I wasn't thinking of you at all. You were merely collateral damage in a movement towards dominance. But don't worry. You're loyalty to me these past few years will not be forgotten, should you ever be in need of something from The Five. I appreciate it, and I know Moose appreciates it too.
Dr. Sid: Were you thinking of him when you kicked him in the face.
MHJ: (arriving to the table and sitting down) Twice.
FW: What are you doing here?
MHJ: Answer the question.
FW: No I was not. In fact, I don't even remember it. I remember we needed to help Stank leave the Destroyitarium. That's it.
Dr. Sid: You surely can't be denying that you did this.
FW: No, I saw the tape. I just don't remember it.
Dr. Sid: Really?
MHJ: Really?
FW: What are you doing here?
MHJ: Dr. Sid felt that we should have a little family therapy session.
FW: Veto.
Dr. Sid: Moose has filled me in on some of the aspects of your past that you've neglected to mention. I felt it would be of great benefit to me to help with your therapy if the two of you can talk together, because a lot of your issues seem to be a projection on your fears of abandonment that ... What is so funny?
Moosehead Jack and Firewoman have started laughing uncontrollably. It starts off quietly, but just gets worse, like when you know you shouldn't be laughing, but that just makes it all that much harder to stop. Dr. Sid becomes frustrated and slams down his clipboard onto the table.
Dr. Sid: I can't figure you out. This is either the toughest case I've ever had, or you're the stubbornest patient I've ever had. Or both. I set up this little meeting to help you, you know...
FW: (fighting back laughter) I know, I know...it's just... when you get the psychobabble out...
MHJ: Wait...doc....When you say set up this little meeting (also stifling laugther) what exactly do you mean?
Dr. Sid: Seriously? I found the room, and then had to scrounge around for some chairs and set up the table. Then I...
MHJ: Wait...You set up the table?
FW: By yourself?
At that precise moment, Lucky comes in.
Dr. Sid: Well, it's not like they're not easy to set up. All you do is...
As Dr. Sid is explaining how to set up the table, Firewoman and Moosehead Jack stop laughing, but get matching evil grins. They stand up, and Dr. Sid breaks off his communication and stands also.
Dr. Sid: Wait.. Where are you going? Our session isn't up yet.
MHJ: Oh, I think it is...
Dr. Sid: But I....no....when I said I set up the table.....I didn't mean...
Moosehead Jack circles to the side of the doctor, while Firewoman stays across the table. Moosehead Jack elevates the doctor for a flapjack, and Firewoman grabs his head for cutter. It's the DEATH DROP THROUGH THE TABLE! The doctor moans in agony, as Moose and Fire high five each other. Firewoman looks down at her psychiatrist.
FW: It's a shame, really. I kinda like you. You lasted longer than the other ones. But unfortunately, your services are no longer necessary. Lucky, if you could take care of cleaning this up for us? I have a meeting and a drink with Stank.
Lucky nods. Firewoman and Moose step over the wreckage, as Lucky clears it away to help the doctor up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:42:31 GMT -5
*Dr. Gag Halfrunt is watching the footage of what happened to Dr. Sid*
Dr. GH: Und that ist why amateurs should not try to analyze ze wrestlers!
*camera pans back to reveal Metrosexual Male Journalist #5*
MMJ: But Dr. Halfrunt, you've been known to provide psychiatric services to professional wrestlers, including Outback Jack.
Dr.GH: Vell, Jack, he's just zis guy. But ve have an understanding, between me and him and Wally. Also, he appreciates that I also have a relationship with LD's Momma.
*cut to The Five's locker room, where the ninja camera reveals LD suddenly switching to The Weather Channel*
SG: Uncle Moose, why did Uncle LD suddenly change the channel?
MHJ: He's Canadian, mouse. They like The Weather Channel.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:42:50 GMT -5
(Ecosystem walks into Dr. Sid's office where Lucky is helping him up.)
Eco: Lucky, I'd like you to leave.
Lucky: Really now? And who are you to tell me so?
Eco: I can clean this up, and I don't see any reason you need to remain. Firewoman is clearly done here.
Lucky: (getting in Eco's face) Somehow I'm not inclined to take instruction from a kidnapping coward. Want to make me leave?
Eco: Lucky, you know damn well I'm not going to hit you first. You also know you don't want to start a fight with me. Leave me here.
(Lucky glares at Eco and walks out.)
Eco: Hi Doctor.
Dr. Sid: (pained) She had so much further to go...
Eco: And yet she gave up on it. All your work, all your commitment, and she puts you through a table and leaves with her enabling brother.
Dr. Sid: It's...I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'm just so...
Eco: Angry?
Dr. Sid: Yes. And I know I shouldn't be--
Eco: Yes you should. Nothing in her condition made her do that to you. That was a cold, bloodless decision she made. Your problem is that in your rush to cure her of her ailments, you were too quick to assume that beneath all that, that she was and is a good person at heart.
Dr. Sid: ...
Eco: (pulling out a card) Here's my card. Call me when you want to start taking things a little more seriously.
(Eco drops the card on Dr. Sid and walks off.)
*Significantly later at a Taco Bell*
Tytan: Where were you?
Eco: Taking care of some business. (Eco reaches up and grabs Tytan's shoulders.) Listen. I owe you. From here on, I'm going to focus on us as a team, and we're going to go ahead and win those tag titles. I'm sorry I've spent the last few weeks going after the World Title, doing my own thing. I feel like I should apol--
Tytan: No.
Eco: No?
Tytan: First of all, I was off going after the Intercontinental Title myself.
Eco: I know, but I--
Tytan: Second, did you win the World Title?
Eco: Yeah, but just for--
Tytan: And are you back here now that you're done?
Eco: Yes, but--
Tytan: (pats Eco on the back) That's all I need.
(Eco and Tytan go up to the counter to order.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:43:13 GMT -5
Firewoman is WALKING~! in the hallways, and comes to a door that says "GM the Eric." She opens it loudly and storms in, which scares Eric O' Mac to death.
EOM: What the....oh...it's you.
FW: Yeah, it's me. I need something.
EOM: Of course you do. Well, I don't have time, I'm about 10 weeks behind in paper work and--
FW: Yeah, I'd like a paycheck too, now that you mention it...
EOM: Payroll is over....well, it was in this pile..... (he looks around the stacks of papers in the office)....it was here a minute ago....
FW Wow. If only Bennett could see you now....Never mind that for now, Eric. I want a match.
EOM: Huh? You have a match.... you and your new best friend Stank against--
FW: Save it. That tourney is a joke. Kz is going to win, the rest is just going through the motions. Do you realize that I am the only member of the Five to not have a belt?
EOM: I hadn't realized that.....wait....the Five? What are you talking about?
FW: Eric, Eric, Eric....are you so incompetent that you don't even watch your own PPV? The biggest Hell On Earth in OOWF history?
EOM: I DVRed it... I was getting to it...eventually...I just have all this stuff to do.
FW: You are truly incompetent, aren't you. My, I bet your daddy would be proud. Okay, let me make life easier for you. I want an Onslaught Championship match. So just make it happen. Okay? See you.
Firewoman gets up from the chair she had been lounging in, knocks over a stack of papers.
EOM: Dammit!!!! Those were production receipts!! I spent hours organizing those. I need to turn them in for reimbursement of damages to different arenas. If those don't get sorted, OOWF could be sued.
FW: Then after you make my match, get to sorting, Eric. Maybe you'll find our paychecks too.
EOM: Look....(standing up, and knocking over another stack)....Dammit...I can't make a match for you unless you want to forfeit the tournament. And that doesn't sound like your style.
FW: You're right, it's not. So make it for the show on the 14th, and I'll either pull double duty, or if by some small coincidence we're out--
EOM: I've had to put up with this diva shit of yours for two years now. I'm not doing it.
FW: Diva?
EOM:...
FW:...
EOM:...
FW: You know, I've put up with a lot from you, too, Eric. I put up with you in RunDEA....I put up with a beatdown in Korea.... I put up with a suspension after you interfered in my match under the guise of being a "referee." I told you once, Eric.... (she circles the desk, and he backs into the corner)... I have a very long memory.... and I can wait as long as it takes for payback. But guess what Eric...my wait is up.
EOM: You....you wouldn't. Get away from me....
Eric dodges around her, although she clearly let him given how she had him cornered, and he backs away from her toward the door
EOM: You are all talk, bitch. You've had all sorts of opportunity. You are all talk. You wouldn't lay a finger on me.
Firewoman smiles.
FW: No....you're right, Eric. I wouldn't......but they would.
Eric turns to realize he has backed right into Moosehead Jack and LD Williams.
FW: 'bout time you got here. You're late.
MHJ: And you're impatient.
EOM: And you're not getting a fucking thing from me you bitch.
LDW: Now, is that anyway to talk to a lady?
MHJ: That's no lady, that's my sister!
LD and Moosehead Jack laugh as Eric turns to face them. He turns right into The Most Devastating Move In All Of Professional Wrestling, the Heart Punch! As he staggers back, LD lifts him up for the Canadian Destroyer. Eric slams to the floor and is out cold. Firewoman steps behind him as Moose and LD pick up either arm. Firewoman takes careful aim and Firestomps him. Eric O' Mac is now out colder.
FW: You're right. Not a finger.
LDW: Well, now what are we going to do, without a GM? Moose, you wanna--
MHJ: Naw, I would suck at it.
At that moment, Lucky comes in
L: Fire, I was looking over your stats, and I think that...... what?
Firewoman, Moose and LD start to smile. Lucky starts to get nervous.
L: Seriously, what?
FW: Lucky, are you ready for the next phase of your career?
L: No. Not if it's got you three smiling.
FW: From Valet Lucky to....GM the LUCKY!
L: Really? (Moose and LD nod in agreement.) Wait... what do I have to do?
FW: First thing you have to do is get me an Onslaught Championship match on October 14th. I'll let you know the stips later.
L: Doesn't it come with it's own stips?
FW: It does, unless the GM changes it.
L: Oh....OOOooooooohhh!!!
FW: Exactly. Okay...here's your office.
L: But...it's a mess.
FW: It is. I suggest you work on getting payroll sorted first.
L: Um...Yeah, sure.....sure thing, boss! Thanks!
FW: No problem.
LDW: What do you want us to do with the trash, boss?
L: Huh? Oh....there's one of those big bins in the hall. Put him in there and roll him out to the loading dock, I guess.
Lucky looks pleased with his first official GM decision. Firewoman, Moosehead Jack, and LD Williams pick Eric O' Mac up, and toss him in a dumpster with wheels, and roll on down the hallway.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:43:37 GMT -5
Fade in to "Bulletproof" Bryce Larson, sitting at a small table. It looks like he has laid some green felt over it, and has playing cards and chips laid out in 2 places across from each other.
"B"BL: ...and a 6 gives you 11. Dealer shows a 10, no ace.
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: Hit me.
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: Jack...21!
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: Yes! 21 baby!
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: Dealer has 16...[Turns over another card, it's a King] ... dealer busts! Winner, winner, chicken dinnerQ
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: Nice. I'm doubling the bet this time.
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: [Dealing out the cards] 10 for the good man...dealer gets a Ace...6 gives you 16.
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: Shit. Shit! I hate 16! Eh, You're showing eleven, but no Blackjack. I gotta take a hit.
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: [Drops a 4] Twenty! Good call. [Flips over the dealer's down card to reveal a 5.] Dealer has 16... [Deals a 5, dealer has 21!] Dealer wins!
Bryce gets up, runs over to the other side of the table, and sits down.
"B"BL: What?! This is bullshit! I pulled a twenty out of my ass, and you get 21?! Fuck this!
Bryce flips over the table, and chips and cards go flying everywhere. Bryce then takes a chair and destroys the table with it!
"B"BL: Fucking cheater! This thing was rigged worse than boxing!
The camera pans out to see Chris "Lionheart" Evans, watching in on his partner, puzzled and concerned
C"L"E: [Softly, to himself but picked up by the camera, shaking his head.] Man, he took one too many shots to the head.
Evans leaves, and we fade out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:43:57 GMT -5
Selena Gomez dancing around happily, cluelessly in what she thinks is the empty V lockerroom, squealing in horror as she spots Matt Folz sitting in a chair in the corner.
MF (Smiling): Hello Selena SG: I-I know you. You're that mean guy who hurts people for money. MF: That's right, you're more cogent of things around here than I gave you credit for. SG: A-are you here to hurt me? MF (Laughing): No, no, even I have my limits, I don't hurt children. I'm just here to ask you to deliver a message for me. Please, have a seat.
Selena sitting nervously. MF: I want you to tell your Boyfriend/Master/Guru/Sensei/whatever, I want you to tell him I have a request for our match this week. It's very simple, I want a simple, one on one WRESTLING match. No chairs, none of his friends at ringside, just seeing who the better man is. SG: Why are you telling me this, why don't you just do a promo? MF: Because you, my dear, are his only weak spot. I've studied his tapes, he's got no weaknesses in the ring. But for whatever reason, he holds a certain affinity for you. I'm just here to demonstrate to him that if he refuses my request, I can get in WHEREVER I want, WHENEVER I want... just tell him to keep that in mind, ok Princess? He's not the only one who can play mindgames in this company.
Folz smirking as he walks away
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:44:17 GMT -5
As Matt Folz exits the V locker room, Poe is approaching him from down the hall.
MF: I was just looking for you...
Poe: Save it Folz. I had a feeling you'd pull something like this, sneaking into my locker room to harass Selena. You morons never learn.
MF: Relax Champ. I didn't touch her.
Poe gets in Folz's face.
Poe: Good, I never took you for a complete idiot. So what pray tell, was the purpose of this little...act.
MF: I just gave your girl a message.
Poe: Well, I'm standing right here.
MF: Forget the cliques, all the shenanigans, I just want a clean match with you. Let's see who the better man is.
Poe: I already know the answer to that, and that's what you were gonna get...but then you went in there.
Poe points to the locker room.
Poe: You wanted to play mind games...well you see Matt, that's my specialty. You've crossed into my world, and there's only two ways out.
MF: I'm all ears big man.
Poe: Kicking & screaming...and in a coffin.
The two men stare eye to eye.
MF: Champ...you should go check on your girl. She seems a bit nervous.
Folz patronizingly taps Poe on the chest as he walks away. Poe watches him leave with a sneer and a snarl.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:44:44 GMT -5
A short time later, Matt Folz goes back to his locker room. He opens the door and flips the switch and...nothing. He opens the door fully and the room is dark, except for a single lit candle near a corner. There is someone standing near it but Folz can't make out who it is. Finally, they turn into the light with a wicked grin. SG: Hi Fozzie. Two can play at this game. MF: Cute. You made your point little girl, now get out of my locker room before you old man has a coronary. Suddenly Poe lunges out another darkened corner and nails Folz with a Hieroglyph. Poe kneels over an unconscious Folz, as does Selena, holding the candle to illuminate their faces. Poe: Turnabout is...fair, wouldn't you say Folz? Message received loud and clear. You'll get your fair match on Wednesday, and just like now...you won't see it coming. Namaste. Poe stands out of the candle-illuminated shot. Selena grins wickedly and pours a bit of the candle wax on Folz's chest, reviving him. SG: Nevermore Fozzie. Wocka Wocka.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:45:13 GMT -5
*OOWF Arena*
The lights are low after watching Carl from Fresno systematically destroy Kiwi Joo. The crowd is excited for the main event featuring The Bay City Boyz against The Irish Airborne. Moments before the epic main event is about to begin, this starts to play...
and the accompanying video screen features highlights of Alexander Darling. The music plays for about 30 seconds before Alexander hits the stage with the very first "I" in the song. His twin sister joins him as they take in the cheers of the crowd for maybe the first sincere time in their lives. The smile on Alexander's face could light up the room as he starts bouncing to the music. They make their way down the aisle making sure to slap as many fans hands as possible before getting to the ring. Alexander slides under the bottom rope before rolling over and kipping up to his feet. He holds the ropes open for his sister who has grabbed a microphone for him. The song and the fans slowly begin to quiet down and Alexander takes a seat on the top turnbuckle with his sister standing in front of him.
Alexander: God damn is it good to be able to come out here and speak my mind once again.
The crowd gives a big cheer...
Seriously guys, I appreciate what you're doing for me, but I'm not sure I deserve it.
The crowd gets quiet as they sit on the edge of their seats...
Things have been tough for me for a while now and when push comes to shove, I'm not sure I've changed much from the guy you people hated with every fiber of your being. But that isn't to say things and circumstances haven't changed. Hell, it was only about a year ago I stood in this ring, a member of the only faction in this company's history to hold every single belt of worth at the same god damn time. But somewhere, somehow, Run DEA crashed and burned and I sat back and I watched it happen. I'm not sure I could have changed anythng, but it happened. A man I called partner turned his back on me and left me in the ring while you fans cheered for him. And then, a woman...no, a bitch I called family, stabbed me in the back. Lied to me. Kept things from me.
The crowd oooohs and ahhhhs...
So I was lost. I didn't know what happened so I went back to the one thing I swore I would never do again. I became a follower. I became a slave to someone I don't even like. Hell, the fact of the matter is I've been a bitch for a while now but that's done. It's finished. I've been willing to stand in the shadows. I let someone like Eric O'Mac think he was an equal to me. I allowed Davin Moreland to shine while I stood back and played the role I was asked. I became a puppet of a psychopathic redacted. Well, it's all over now. I will not hide behind egotistical fucks who get their place by nepotism. I will not play second fiddle to those I know I can beat. And I sure as hell won't call someone Master when I have proven I can take them in the center of the ring and snap their motherfucking ankle.
The crowd pops huge for the possibility of bones breaking...
Cheer me or don't, the fact is I'm going to do things my way. I am going to take my guaranteed title shot and I am going to take Poe down once and for all. And if he's understand this fact, let me speak in words he's sure to understand..."Trust Me" I am coming for you and I am going to take your belt. I hope that "fucking sparkles" for you.
It looks like Alexander Darling is just about finished when Alexis turns around and tells him something...
Right, Tag Team Invitational...Davin Moreland the Douchebag...I don't much like you. You may be family, but it doesn't mean I care about you. What I do care about is kicking as much ass as possible and taking names. 3 Piece Set may have been the original, but dead or alive, they never were able to match DEA. And while the name may be dead, the talent lives on. Cole, Firechild, Ax-Man...I don't care which 2 of you show up, hell, make it all 3 for all I fucking care. We will beat you. Period. And that will bring one step closer to getting my hands on one of The Five.
The crowd cheers once again...
So, once again. This is a new era. The Five may think they own the world right now, but it's not going to last long and I will be standing front and center watching it crumble. People have asked for Alexander Darling to step out from the shadows and enter the limelight. Well, the time has come and the world shines bright for the future for I am Alexander Darling and I will be the NEXT OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. Booyah, Poe!
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:45:55 GMT -5
*Before the fade can complete, this comes over the sound system:
Davin Moreland in streetclothes and wearing sunglasses (and holding a mic!) appears at the top of the ramp with a resplendent Samantha Darling-Moreland. The crowd cheers even louder as he calls for his music to be stopped*
DM: Cole and Ax-Man.
AD: What?
DM: Cole. Ax-Man. They will represent the 3PieceSet. Davin Moreland has inside information. Davin Moreland has sources.
AD: Fine, whatever. We done here?
DM: No...no...Davin Moreland doesn't think so...
*He and Samantha head to the ring as a murmur rises from the crowd*
DM: No Alexander Sisterfucker, Davin Moreland isn't done yet.
AD: Don't call me that, or...
DM: Or else WHAT Alexander Sisterfucker? You're gonna hit Davin Moreland. Davin Moreland realizes The Sisterfucker is dumb, but Davin Moreland didn't think The Sisterfucker was that dumb.
AD: What the fuck are you talking about?
DM: This week! Live at Midweek Mayhem! It will be, 4-time Campeonas de Trios Champion, 2-time Onslaught Champion and 3-time World Heavyweight Champion Davin Moreland, teaming up with Davin Moreland's old partner...uh...Alexander Sisterfucker...to take on 3PieceSet in what is sure to be an epic battle. Davin Moreland is sure that Alexander Sisterfucker would want to be 100% when taking on 3PieceSet, and advance through a tournament in which Davin Moreland and Alexander Sisterfucker should win easily, yes?
AD: Your point, asshole?
DM: Davin Moreland's point, Alexander Sisterfucker, is that Alexander Sisterfucker probably doesn't want to do anything that might potentially injure either half of that team. Unless, that is, you don't give a shit about the tag titles.
AD: I DON'T give a shit about the tag titles. Didn't you hear me? World. Championship.
DM: Yes, yes, that's cute Alexander Sisterfucker. Why don't you set your sights on something you're ready for. Davin Moreland knows what it takes to be a World Champion. Davin Moreland doesn't believe Alexander Sisterfucker has what it takes.
AD: Enough to kick your sorry ass, douchebag. C'mon champ, come try to kick my -
SDM: ENOUGH!
*Everyone looks at Samantha*
SDM: Lexie, come here.
*She walks over*
SDM: You two, cut the shit. You've got a match together; you're in this tournament together. Doing this shit isn't going to get you anywhere.
LD: We're not saying you have to like each other. Hell, you don't even have to look at each other. But you're going to work together. You're the two best wrestlers in this entire company.
SDM: And the OOWF Tag Team Championships are yours for the taking.
*Both Davin and Alexander look down before looking out into the audience, where they start chanting "DEA" and cheering, expecting a handshake or something. The tension builds until Davin lifts the mic to his lips*
DM: Fine. Play Davin Moreland's music.
*Davin immediately leaves the ring without looking back, as "Toxicity" starts up again. A startled Samantha soon follows, while Alexander says something that looks like "Look at this fucking douchebag, I'll kill him." Or something.*
*Now we *fade* for real*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:46:18 GMT -5
Matt Folz leaving a medical station after getting checked out after Poe's cowardly attack. Grabbing a nearby ninja cameraman.
"First, Selena, I realize you're about 10 years old, and think the Muppets are 'cool', but it's Folz, not Fozzie. Now, please, cover your ears, there's going to be grownup talk now.
Cute trick asshole, really, but just goes to prove my theory: You're scared to face me. I didn't grab a chair 10 minutes into our match last week and get myself disqualified intentionaly. And I didn't cheapshot my upcoming opponent in order to soften him up, YOU did. Are you really that scared of me in a clean, one on one match? I do hope you have the honor to live up to your word and give me what I want, because if you do, I'm going to beat you. See you Wednesday"
Fade out
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:47:00 GMT -5
*Fade in* to "Bulletproof" Bryce Larson watching OOWF-TV, seeing Matt Folz's promo...First, Selena, I realize you're about 10 years old, and think the Muppets are 'cool', but it's Folz, not Fozzie. Now, please, cover your ears, there's going to be grownup talk now. "B"BL: Oh shit, he did NOT just talk about my man Fozzie. Seriously? The camera pans out to show that Bryce is actually talking to someone this time, as Chris "Lionheart" Evans is sitting next to him.C"L"E: What? Fozzie? The Muppet, not Jericho's band? "B"BL: Listen, that sisterfuckin' bear is funny! You betta respect that bear! C"L"E: Sisterfucking? You're quoting Davin now? "B"BL: Is that where I heard that? Davin? I always liked that guy! C"L"E: No, you haven't always liked him. You manipulated him, used him for your own good, and paid a serious price for it. "B"BL: What the fuck are you talking about? Dude, you've been kicked in the head a few too many times...man. C"L"E: Wait. I've been kicked--you know what, are you sure you've been cleared to compete? "B"BL: Yup, got a doctor's note and everything. C"L"E: Who signed it, Dr. Phil? "B"BL: [Giving Evans a look that shows Bryce is genuinely surprised that Chris discovered the note was penned by Dr. Phil.] Yes, it was in fact Dr. Phil! C"L"E: [Shaking his head] You're not well. Not at all. Bryce is overheard exclaiming "Wokka Wokka!" as we *fade out.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:47:20 GMT -5
(Some time has passed since Eric O'Mac was unceremoniously dumped onto the loading dock. Drink and Destroy are relaxing in the Destroyitarium. The Destroyitarium itself is hopping—it's half-price drinks night—and a bunch of local Nazarenes are drinking, getting into the occasional fight broken up by Spin, and having a great time. The bar goes silent when an unexpected figure opens the door... George "The Animal" Steele!)
Spin: George! Grab a seat. It's not every day that we have a member of the OWWF Booking Committee in the house.
G"TA"S: DUH-DAAAH! DAAH DUH DAAAH!
(George tears open a bag of pretzels with his teeth and pounds his fists on the bar.)
SH: What's wrong?
G"TA"S: DAAAAH!
SH: What do you mean you haven't heard from him? He's not in his office?
(George hops off of the barstool, sticks his tongue out, and takes a bite out of it.)
G"TA"S: DUH DAAH DAAAH DUH DAHH!
SH: No shit. Jack? Mags? Come here. Eric's not in his office and isn't responding to phone calls. Let's head out. Oh, and George?
G"TA"S: DAH?
SH: Thanks, my friend. Next drink's on me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:47:46 GMT -5
*Firewoman pulls up on her bike in front of Deverey's Pub & Grill. The front window EXPLODES outward, a man wearing an old Run DLP T-shirt comes crashing through the plate metal glass, and is apparently the answer to Fire's question.*
FW - Yep. This must be the place.
*Firewoman dismounts from her motorcylcle and heads inside through the front door. Inside she spies Stank returning to the bar where he sits and orders another drink.*
Stank - I'll reimburse you for the window.
bartender - Uh... what about the pool table?
*Firewoman looks over at the pool table and can't help but notice that it's slightly uneven... oh and there's some poor bastard laid out in the middle of the pool table beside the uneven one, as if someone did their best to powerbomb the schmuck through it. This gentleman also appears to be wearing a Run DLP T-Shirt. Firewoman strolls over next to Stank and takes a seat.*
FW - And they say I have a temper.
Stank - You're late.
FW - I've been busy.
Stank - So I've heard. The marks in here watch OOWF TV. They kept whining. Asking me questions "Why Stank Why?"... I thought I made myself clear at Hell on Earth? Then those two idiots approached me for further clarification... fucking morons. Who the fuck do they think they are bucking up to me?
FW - Yeah well it's been a long day.
Stank - Indeed it has. Yo bartender the lady will have a Kil-
FW - WHISKEY... NEAT!
Stank - ?
FW - The last time I had a drink with you I'd lost my mind and ordered a Killians almost as if someone else were writing that promo, and randomly selected a beer off the top of his head which his girlfriend's white lady friends like to drink.
Stank - I hate it when shit like that happens.
FW - Me too. Kayfabe you have anything to add?
Kayfabe - Nope. I'm good. Bring on the pain.
*KF hops off her barstool and wanders off out of earshot.*
Stank - So... I knew you were going to dump Dr. Syd... but... Lucky?
FW - He'll make a fine GM.
Stank - He'll likely invite LAX to the Tag Team Invitational and book them to win the tournament.
Kayfabe - <from the back> OW! I'm good... really.
FW - He wouldn't do that.
Stank -
FW -
Stank - I always got the feeling Lucky hated the OOWF.
Kayfabe - Again... OW!
Stank -
FW -
Kayfabe - ... I'm good.
FW - Alright I'll talk to him.
Stank - Don't bother. I doubt the Board of Directors will allow Lucky to remain GM.
FW - Don't worry Lucky's got that covered. Is THIS what you wanted to talk about?
Stank - No actually I wanted to talk to you about how WE are going to run the table at the tournament.
FW - KZ is going to win the tourna-
Stank - UP til we meet KZ.
FW -
Stank - Jeebus Fire, you think just because KZ is in the Five we'll never get booked to face them? You think just because Poe is World Champ and I'm IC champ that you will never get booked to face him or I?
FW - Not as long as Lucky is GM.
Stank - And HOW do you feel about that?
FW -
Stank - You waitin for someone NOT in the Five to knock one of us off so you can take the belt from them?
FW -
Stank - Is that why the marks tell me you're angling for Folz's belt... because he's not one of the Five?
FW -
Stank - Don't get me wrong. Any one of us would be proud to hold the Onslaught Title but, if you're not willing to try and take on one or two of The Five then perhaps you should reevaluate being a member of the Five.
FW -
Stank - We are the Five, Fire... we are the ONLY Five. And if you can't step to any one of us. Then don't step to anyone at all. The Five are the ONLY that matter.. lesson number one.
FW - Oh so now you're teaching me.
Stank - I'm reminding you of the way of things.
FW - Oh really? Then how come you guys didn't face each other at the tournament of champions?
Stank - Because it wasn't a proper tournament of champions with you lacking a championship.
FW -
Stank - We don't need Folz muddying the waters.
FW -
Stank - We are the ONLY five, Fire.
FW - I'm confused... so you WANT me to go after Folz's belt?
Stank - Not if your sole reason for doing so is because KZ, Poe and I hold any other Championship you desire.
FW -
Stank - If you're not willing to do something that your enemies would gladly do then... what's the point? If you were to beat me for the Intercontinental Championship WE would still be The Five. You would have reinforced the idea just by doing so. Anything less than would be... less than... and call into question your count amongst The Five's ranks. Understand?
FW - Actually... I do.
Stank - Good.
*Firewoman takes a swig of her whiskey and a second later spits it back into her glass. She stares at the Devery Pub's bartender.*
FW - WHAT THE HELL was THAT shit?
bartender - Ezra Brooks. You said you wanted whiskey?
FW - Don't you have any other kind?
bartender - The only other brand we carry is Jameson's
*Firewoman looks up at Stank with a "Is this guy fucking clueless or what?" look on her face.*
FW - Then maybe you should give me that before you join the other guy lying outside your broken window.
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:48:19 GMT -5
Share Post On Facebook Re: MidWeek Mayhem (10/07) Live! From Nazareth, PA « Reply #25 on Oct 5, 2009, 7:25pm »
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:48:40 GMT -5
*OOWF Medical Station*
Matt Folz is getting a routine checkup on his recent attack from Poe when the doctor excuses himself from the room. Folz gets up and looks around the room when he hears the door shut. He turns around and sees two figures wearing masks dressed completely in black.
Folz: Another head game Poe. You really are a coward. Can't even...
Masked Figure #1: Oh shut up. If I was Poe, I'd be spouting poetry or some garbage. I'd also have a hot, nubile young...
Masked Figure #2: Not the time or place brother dear.
MF#1: You know, calling me brother dear kinda gives away who we are.
MF#2: Good, then maybe we can take these masks off. It's making me sweat.
MF#1: It didn't make you sweat when you were curbstomping the brat.
MF#2: Right, but that was fun. You should have seen her face. Poor little A'isha getting exactly what she deserved.
MF#1: You never did like her...]
Folz: Excuse me, over here...I'd like you both looking at me when I kick both of your asses. If you're the mysterious figure in black, I think I owe you a little something.
The two masked figures finally take their masks off revealing themselves, of course, as Alexander and Alexis Darling.
Alexis: That would be me. And you deserved it. You ever lay a finger on a member of my family again...
Folz: If the price is right...
Alexander: You really don't want to go there Folz. We just stopped by for a little chat, so be a good newbie, sit down and shut up.
Folz: Well, lookie who grew a set of balls. You sure you don't wanna call me Mast...
Before Folz can even finish getting the words out, Alex is across the room and he slams Folz up against the wall.
Alexander: Don't you even fucking dare. I want you to listen closely Matt. In another world, at another time...I might actually like you. We could be allies and run this company. You have something in you that reminds me of another young, brash world-class wrestler. But that time is history. It's a new world and it's going to be mine. So, do the smart thing and walk away from Poe. Concentrate on keeping the belt you have, because the fact of the matter is that I will be the one to take down Poe once and for all. If you try, you're just going to be a casualty of war.
Folz: Have you gone insane? Instead of fighting each other, you should be helping me defeat Poe.
Alexander: I am helping Matt. Walk away. This fight isn't yours. Focus on the fight that's coming for you. Poe is on another level than you right now.
Folz: And what makes you think you're better than me.
Alexander: That's simple Matty boy. I am Alexander Darling and you're not.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Oct 29, 2009 12:49:04 GMT -5
Poe, Moosehead Jack, LD Williams, and Selena are watching the last promo. Selena's mouth is sitting wide open as she was eating a sandwich. Moose is covering his mouth, trying not to laugh.
MHJ: Wow, they're idiots.
Poe's eyes are burning a whole through the screen. Selena looks over and sees the ninja cameraman. She pulls on Poe's arm a few times to get his attention. Poe finally looks down at Selena and she points to the ninja cameraman. Poe looks to the camera.
Poe: So you're Alexander Darling...you will ALWAYS be just the Boy. And now...
Poe snarls. Moose shakes his head, still trying not to laugh.
Poe: You're the brother of a dead woman.
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