OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Toronto, South Dakota
<The Five are walking down the hall and appear to be heading to the ring when SFJ13 stops them and sticks the mic in Moose’s face>
SFJ13: Moose, you said you would not grant Drink and Destroy a title shot this week unless they cashed in their title shot. We haven’t heard from them this week, are you still planning on making it a non-title match, despite what has gone down between kz and Drink and Destroy in the past?
<Moose just smirks and hands LD something. Williams grabs it and takes off the purple velvet cover and we see it is a mirror>
LD: You see this DH and Spin? Take a good look at it. You see those two ugly mugs staring back at you? THEY are the ones that are responsible for what happened to GatorBait. You can blame me, you can blame Moose, you can say it was The Five. You can say whatever you want, but deep inside, you two KNOW what I am saying is the truth.
<Selena grabs the mirror and checks her hair then notices that the mirror is monogrammed>
SG: Who is SDM?
MHJ: Never mind that Mouse, we have to head to the ring
<The Five head to the ring and come out to the top of the ramp as a unit, Moose, LD, Fire, Stank and Poe with Selena. The crowd rains boos down on them, they smirk and ignore it and head to the ring. Since LD has already spoken, Moose takes the mic first>
MHJ: You know, a lot of people want us to fail. Hell, all of YOU want us to fail. When we walk out here, we can FEEL the hate from all of you. And I gotta say…it……..<Moose appears to break down a bit, is he crying? No. No he is laughing.> IT IS FUCKING AWESOME. <Moose gets a little frantic and points to the people in the crowd> YOU! BOO ME! YEAH THAT’S RIGHT! NOW YOU! BOO SOME MORE! ALL OF YOU! You see……your boos only fuel us more.
<Moose hands the mic to Firewoman>
FW: Tytan, my simple friend, once again, you have deluded yourself into thinking you are something you are not. First you thought you were a genetically engineered monster incapable of pain. I proved that wrong when I made you beg for mercy. Now? Now Eco has you believing you are a whole lot more clever than you believe. Work smarter, not harder. That’s a good mantra. If you believed it for one second, you would back the fuck off of The Five and concentrate on things that will not put an early end to your career.
<Fire hands the mic to Stank>
Stank: <pausing for the boos> Now, I could stand up here and tell you all the things you already know about my history with Outback Jack. I have explained it as many ways as I can, and yet, some folks still don’t get it. I made a career decision. I decided that I could shorten my career fighting AGAINST the elite in the OOWF, or I could take my spot AMONG the elite in the OOWF. That spot was no with Drink and Destroy, I am deeply sorry if you boys don’t get that, but that’s how it is.
Now. Speaking of shortening careers, The Five are not only the greatest collection of talent the OOWF has ever seen, but we are a damn magnanimous bunch of people <loud boos> being the holiday season, this is the time for forgiveness and brotherhood. It seems that we have been a little hard on a fellow wrestler in the past few weeks, and, well, in the spirit of the season, we would like to apologize and kick off this festive time of the year right! So, Alexander Darling, get on out here!
<Darling’s music plays and after a slight delay…….a midget in a hoveround comes out, in full Alexander Darling gear and rolls to the ring. He carefully gets out of the hoveround and limps into the ring, hits his pose, then stands there defiantly>
Stank: Huh. I thought you would be bigger. <The crowd is booing this loudly> Ok, Alex, look, I think we all got off on the wrong foot here. I mean, you led Run DEA, you know what it is like to be part of a collection of talent, sometimes it just rubs people the wrong way. So, on behalf of my Five brethren, I would like to sincerely apologize to you. And I think, you know, I think given all that has gone on between you and Poe, I think this would be the proper time for you and Poe to bury the hatchet.
<Poe raises his eyebrow a bit then moves to the middle of the ring and extends a hand to “Darling” the midget ignores the handshake and takes the mic from Stank>
“Darling” – No way. I don’t shake hands with NOBODY! Because, I’m Alexander Darling, and you…….you’re just not! BOOYAH BITC……
<Before he can finish, Poe nearly decapitates him with a HIEROGLYPH! Poe pulls the nearly dead midget off of the mat and lifts him and CRUCIFIX BOMB! Poe stands over him for a moment then takes the mic from the mat>
Poe: We are the Five. We are the
only Five. Our time is now, our world is right here. Ecosystem, I will deal with you tonight. Past sins will be dealt with. And you, boy, hear me well when I say this. There is nothing you can do………..nothing, that can stop me. I will do at New Years Evil what I should have done years ago. I will put you out of your misery.
Namaste
<Poe drops the mic and The Five, along with Selena head to the back while medics look at the midget who may be dead>
RAVENNA BLUE vs. BRYCE LARSON"War Machine" by Black Sabbath plays and Bryce Larson comes to the ring. He looks a little out of it, but does manage to eventually find his way, and looks about for his evil nemesis, himself. Fortunately, OOWF security confiscated all mirrors in the crowd, so he won't be distracted. "Snow White Queen" by Evanescence starts and Ravenna Blue walks out to massive cheers, and the arena is bathed in blue and white glitter lights (a la Goldust). Ravenna nods appreciatively to the crowd and gets in the ring. Larson tries to wipe the reflected lights off of him, and is starting to get quite agitated about it, when the house lights come back, and we get underway.
The two wrestlers lock up. Ravenna gets Larson in a hammer lock, and he flips out of it WITHOUT the required double shoulder slap. I'm sure the OOWF Board of Directors will say something about that. He pushes himself free, but Ravenna follows and flips him with an armdrag. Larson is insulted and runs at her again for a second armdrag. Larson gets up, and Ravenna stands ready. He tiptoes around to hide behind the referee, and Ravenna stands with her hands on her hips. The referee pushes him out from behind him and tells him to get in the match. Larson turns to argue, and Ravenna takes the opportunity to leap on Larson's back and hit a Lungblower. Larson rolls off on to the mat and Ravenna goes for a quick pin, but Larson kicks out at two. Ravenna backs off, and Larson kips up and charges with Dragon's Fire, getting her into the corner for Dragon's Strike. Ravenna crumples, and Larson jogs a circle in the ring and starts to run in for a clothesline, but Ravenna gets her elbow up right to Larson's Jaw. He staggers back and Ravenna, though winded, attacks. She throws him into the ropes and then jumps and lands a drop kick. She runs to the rope again, leaps up and hits a nearly perfect moonsault. She makes the pin, but Larson kicks out at two. Ravenna pulls him up by the chin, and she tries to head for the ropes to set up the Diamond Dust. But as she gets on the bottom rope to climb up, Larson pushes, and Ravenna falls out of the ring. Larson backs up and suicide planchas out. Both Ravenna and Larson are laying on the floor, and the referee starts the count, and we go to...NO! We do not go to commercial! We watch the whole count! The referee gets to seven and both wrestlers slowly get up and get in the ring by nine. The referee checks on their levels of consciousness and then signals to get it going. Larson sets up for his Shinobi's Rage. He hits one super kick, and Ravenna falls backward, but is still on her feet. He goes to hit the second and she grabs the leg, smiling. Larson smiles back and leaps up to hit the enziguiri. Ravenna is down and now it's Larson's turn to go for the pin. Ravenna gets a shoulder up at two. Larson drags her by the arm to the corner. She struggles, but Larson kicks her twice in her arm, right where that scar is. He climbs out of the ring, still holding her arm, and proceeds to wrap it around the ring post. Ravenna rolls away, grabbing her shoulder, as Larson gets back in the ring. He picks her up, for a suplex, but not just any suplex! He's going for the Transporter! He lifts her up, takes her all the way across the ring and flips, and Ravenna lands hard into the corner. Ravenna counts the birdies circling her head as Larson gets ready. He gets a gigantic running start from the opposite corner, but Ravenna dodges! Larson eats turnbuckle, as Ravenna pulls herself to the second rope! She grabs Larson around the head and dives and this time she hits the Diamond Dust! She makes the pin, and the referee counts one...two... THREE!
CONCRETE TG vs. SEAMUS MCNASTYSeamus sprints down the aisle, bringing the crowd to their feet. He slides into the ring and rebounds off the ropes, warming up for battle. Concrete TG steps out onto the stage and poses, drawing a positive reaction. He sprints down the aisle and slides into the ring as well, and then poses on the turnbuckles. Concrete hops down and marches to the center of the ring to stand toe-to-toe with Seamus, and then sticks out his hand. Seamus stares at the hand, and then looks Concrete up and down. With a shrug, Seamus accepts the handshake, then pulls Concrete close and says something before shoving him backwards. Concrete nods, and referee Junior Hale calls for the bell.
They circle and lock up, and Seamus backs Concrete to the corner. Clean break. They lock up again, and Seamus backs Concrete up, but Concrete braces a foot on the turnbuckle behind him and shoves himself forward, knocking Seamus down and rolling to his feet. Seamus gets up and eats a dropkick that drives him into the turnbuckles. Irish whip, and Concrete follows him into the corner with a stinger splash. Seamus stumbles forward, and Concrete nails a series of kicks to the legs. Concrete hits the ropes and plants Seamus with a bulldog, the rolls him over and covers. Seamus kicks out with authority at one.
Concrete rolls to his feet and hits the ropes. Seamus slaps aside a dropkick. He drags Concrete to his feet and hurls him into the corner, leveling him with a clothesline as he bounces out. Seamus tries for the Black-and-Tan, but Concrete shoves him off. Concrete rocks Seamus with punches and kicks, backing him to the ropes. Seamus reverses an Irish whip, hangs on, and pulls Concrete back into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Seamus rocks Concrete with a pair of European uppercuts, then sits him on the top turnbuckle. Superplex! Seamus floats over and Junior counts One…Two…Thr-Concrete rolls a shoulder just in time.
Seamus scoops and slams Concrete, and drives an elbow into his throat. He drags Concrete up and sends him into the corner. Seamus drives his shoulder repeatedly into Concrete’s stomach, then drags him out and goes for a power bomb. Concrete starts throwing punches at the top of the move, and Seamus, falls against the ropes. Concrete tumbles over and lands on the apron. Seamus stumbles away from the rope and turns around – and Concrete nails a springboard clothesline. Seamus gets to his feet, and Concrete hits a flying knee to the back, draping Seamus across across the second rope. Concrete rebounds – C-T-G! Seamus staggers back and Concrete springboards off the top rope into a hurricanrana. He hooks the leg and Junior counts One…Two…Thr-Seamus kicks out.
Concrete rolls to his feet and hits the ropes. He sprints at Seamus as he gets up, and is nearly decapitated by a big boot! Seamus lifts Concrete by the throat and hits a two-handed choke slam, but can’t follow up. He falls to one knee and tries to clear the cobwebs. Seamus gets to his feet and approaches Concrete, who rolls him up and gets another two count. Seamus snarls as he gets to his feet and grabs Concrete by the head. He hits a brutal head butt, and Concrete sags. Seamus pulls him onto his shoulders and plants him with a Samoan drop. Seamus forgoes the cover and drags Concrete to his feet. He sends the hero to the ropes, and Concrete ducks a clothesline. Concrete rebounds off the far ropes and tries for a crucifix, but Seamus blocks and reverses into the Black-and-Tan. Seamus rolls Concrete over and hooks both legs. Junior counts One…Two…Three.
WINNER, in 12:47, Seamus McNasty.
DAVIN MORELAND vs. CHRIS EVANSThis match should be an interesting one. Chris Evans is fresh off a face turn and has drawn the ire of the V. As a reward for his good deeds, he now has to face former associate Davin Moreland in this one-on-one battle. “The Trooper” fires up over the sound system, and Evans draws a pretty nice reaction, although there is a strong “Care Bear” chant from some of the older fans in the crowd. Evans looks...displeased, to say the least. Fall River's Own Angelo Barros looks on as “Toxicity” comes over the PA, and Davin Moreland (still conspicuously alone) makes his way down the ramp to his customary monster ovation (last week's crowd in Montreal notwithstanding. Everyone knows Canadians are crazy.) There is however, a sign in the crowd that says “Brian VanAlstyne says Davin is a heel.” He's next to a guy who's got an “I'm with stupid” sign and the guy on the other side says “I'm with Eli”. As a matter of fact, the fan holding the first sign is, indeed, the first NFL player to make $100 million with Down's Syndrome, Eli Manning. Davin laughs, does his customary double jump into the ring and nods to Angelo Barros who calls for the bell...and WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Davin smirks over at Evans general direction. Evans looks determined. Davin starts a “Care Bear” chant. Evans is displeased and runs up to Davin and locks up. Davin has a huge size advantage, and shoves Evans across the ring. Davin conducts the crowd to a louder “Care Bear” chant, although the children in the audience, who like Care Bears, generally, start a high-pitched “Let's Go Evans” chant. Evans dusts himself off, and starts to circle with Davin again. This time Evans fakes the lockup and tries the straight kick, but Davin catches his leg. Enziguri from Evans spins Davin to the ground. Chop Block gets him to the mat. Evans, working quickly, hits a Lionsault, and lands with his knees in Davin's back. Ouch. He struggles to roll Davin over, and can only get a 1 count. Davin struggles to his knees, and Evans gets some momentum from the far rope and kills Davin with an Olympic Strike! Evans eschews the cover and goes with THIS ONE'S GONNA HURT!
Evans channels Jericho with his “Tap you son of a bitch!” mantra, but it's no use. After about a minute, Davin powers his way up, although he's clearly favoring his right arm. Davin swings wildly with a big left hand, which Evans is able to easily duck. He grabs Davin's head as Davin twists around, and looks like he's going for a Bulldog, but instead takes Davin all the way to the ropes and hits a CYCLONE OF CHAOS! That might do it! Evans covers....1....2...NO! Davin is just able to roll the shoulder. Evans, dominating to this point, slaps the mat in frustration. He moves away and signals for Davin to get up. The crowd starts to cheer at this development. Davin slowly starts to stagger to his feet, and Evans signals for the JERICHO SPECIAL! Evans goes for the Codebreaker part, but Davin catches him by the legs! Evans tries to squirm free, but Davin yells “Davin Moreland will show you Jericho” and promptly locks on an old-school Liontamer!
Davin's knee is clearly putting a ton of pressure on Evans' head and neck, and it looks like Davin might just squeeze his brain out completely. Now Evans gets the “tap you son of a bitch” treatment. Evans is fighting hard and hanging in there, and finally, after a long ordeal, is able to sneak through Davin's legs and grab a rope. Davin uses the entire 5-count before breaking the hold, and Evans is bright purple and looks to be in a lot of trouble. Davin looks like he's going to wait, but then decides he's bored, and grabs Evans like a rag doll, let's say, a Care Bear, and hits a Slingshot Brainbuster on Evans. Davin doesn't cover, instead he yanks Evans up again for what appears to be a Delayed Vertical Suplex. He holds him up. And holds him. And holds him. He checks where his watch might be. He tells Barros to order a pizza. Finally, he delivers the Suplex. Evans is essentially dead. Davin goes to cover, but Evans is halfway under the ropes. Instead of pulling Evans away and re-covering him, Davin locks Evans in. He tries for a Spinning Powerbomb.
Evans is somehow able to slide out the back. Davin is mystified and turns around. BIG Dropkick sends Davin all the way into the ropes. He bounces off. HARD kick to the gut. Evans hooks the arms! ICARUS WINGS! Evans covers! 1....2....3! Davin rolled his shoulder too late! BIG win by Evans!
WINNER in 13:22 by PINFALL...Chris “Lionheart” Evans
FIREWOMAN vs. MATT FOLZ – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match – Tytan Special Guest RefereeTytan is announced first and makes his way to the ring complete with referee shirt that is a few sizes too small. He steps between the ropes and heads to the corner and waits for the participants to be announced. The challenger Matt Folz is out first, and he steps into the ring and smirks at Tytan, who, to his credit, remains calm as can be. The OOWF Onslaught Champion Firewoman is announced next and she comes out to a rousing chorus of boos from the crowd. She ignores them and heads to the ring, keeping her eyes on Folz and Tytan the whole time. Fire moves to hand her title to Tytan, then drops it on the mat. Tytan looks a little annoyed, but just shakes his head and picks the title up and holds it above his head, then hands it off and calls both participants to the middle of the ring and goes over the instructions, much to Firewoman’s annoyance. Fire turns and heads back to the corner, and Tytan follows her and insists on a pat down to check for foreign objects, well within reason for a referee. Tytan does, and Fire stares a hole in him the whole time. Tytan then checks Folz, although, perhaps not as thoroughly and finally calls for the bell.
The two slowly circle and lock up, Folz grabs a handful of hair and SLAMS Fire to the mat. Fire immediately pops back to her feet and yells at Tytan that it was a hair pull. Tytan shrugs and claims he never saw it. Fire is irate, and loses her focus for a moment. Folz slips behind her again and hits a German suplex with a bridge for a two count. Fire pops to her feet and Folz sweeps her legs taking her right back to the mat and covers again for another two count. Fire is clearly off her game right now. She gets to her feet and tries to get out of the ring, but Folz catches her and hauls her up for an Olympic slam, but Fire slips off his shoulders and heads to the ropes. Folz tries to catch Fire with a clothesline on the rebound, but Fire slides between his legs and under the ropes to the floor. When Folz turns around, Fire springs off the top rope and NAILS Folz with a flying forearm. Fire covers and gets a two count, that she is not happy with. Fire jaws with Tytan again, and Tytan just points to the “Official OOWF Referee” patch on his shirt. Fire snarls and turns her attention back to Folz.
Folz is back on his feet and catches Fire with a boot to the gut, then sends her into the ropes and follows her in with a running forearm to the face, though, it looked a bit more like a right cross to the jaw. Either way, Fire slumps to the mat grabbing the side of her head, and Tytan gives Folz a warning. Folz glares at Tytan but says nothing. As he reaches in for Fire, she grabs his tights and pulls him HARD into the top turnbuckle. Folz’s head snaps back and he staggers backward. Fire gets to her feet and charges out of the corner and nearly decapitates Folz with a Hart Attack clothesline. Fire covers and gets another two count, and once again she is not happy with the speed of the count.
Fire pulls Folz to a sitting position and keeps him there with a top wristlock, the entire time she is glaring at Tytan. Tytan dares Fire to hit him, and it seems to take all Fire has not to. Folz works his way to his feet and reverses the top wrist lock into an arm wringer, then pulls Fire in and takes her to the mat with a snap suplex. Folz floats over and covers, but Fire kicks out at two. Folz gets to his feet first and measures Fire and tries a running knee to the side of the head, but Fire pulls back in time and sends Folz to the corner. Folz hops onto the middle rope and appears to be ready to try a cross body when Fire charges in and catches him with a drop kick to the back that sends him over the top rope to the floor.
Fire slips out of the ring and pulls Folz to his feet and slams him onto the floor and climbs to the apron, it’s there that she gets a warning from Tytan. Evidently Tytan considers the floor a foreign object. Fire is furious and appears to momentarily go to her happy place to keep from tearing Tytan’s throat out. Meanwhile, Folz gets to his feet and grabs Fire off the apron and hits the OLYMPIC SLAM onto the floor! Fire writhes in pain, and, to show he is calling it down the middle, Tytan gives Folz a warning as well. Folz shrugs it off and rolls Fire into the ring and covers, but only gets a two count.
Folz pulls Fire to her feet and backs her into the corner and rocks her with several European uppercuts, then sets her on the top rope and climbs up after her for a superplex. Fire holds onto the top rope and fights for dear life. After several attempts, Fire leaps up and flips over Folz’s shoulder and hits a TOP ROPE POWERBOMB! Folz flies across the ring, the back of his head slamming against the mat. Fire rotates through the move a little too much and she hits the mat pretty hard face first as well. Both wrestlers remain down and Tytan starts the ten count.
While Tytan is counting, Chris Evans makes his way to the ring and slides under the ropes. Tytan keeps counting but does nothing, since Evans hasn’t done anything…….yet. At eight Folz gets to his feet, at nine, Fire is on her feet. The crowd roars as Evans moves toward Fire. Fire turns around and sees Evans and immediately gets into a fighting stance, but Evans stops short. He grins at Fire, then turns around and POPS Folz in the mouth with a super kick! Tytan sees this and immediately calls for the bell! Fire stands staring in disbelief as Evans flips out of the ring and heads to the back and Tytan hands Matt Folz the Onslaught Championship!
WINNER in 12:14 as a result of intentional champion disqualification, and NEW OOWF Onslaught Champion – Matt Folz
Folz grabs the title and starts to leave the ring, but Tytan grabs him and KILLS him with the TYTAN DRIVER! In the melee Fire grabs the Onslaught title and slips out of the ring and storms to the back.
KZ vs. DRINK & DESTROY – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchDrink and Destroy are announced first, to a thunderous ovation from the crowd. DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen make their way through the crowd to the ring. They circle ringside for a moment, slapping hands with the fans then roll into the ring and climb to the middle ropes, causing the fans to once again go nuts. Spin Hansen holds the briefcase high above his head, and each time he raises it, the crowd gets a little louder. After a slight pause, the OOWF World Tag Team champions kz are announced, and those thunderous cheers turn into thunderous boos. LD Williams and Moosehead Jack step out onto the stage and then slowly head to the ring. The champs step between the ropes and Moose grabs a mic.
Well, what is it going to be boys? We told you, no free rides. You want a shot at these titles? You hand that case over and use the one you have.<Spin takes the mic from Moose>
You know, the funny thing is……when we won this briefcase, it was for a guaranteed title shot when WE decided to cash it in……not when kz decided we had to cash it in. The OOWF championship committee saw fit to give us a title match TONIGHT and by god, we are going to use it tonight AND keep our guaranteed shot!Moose moves to rebut Spin’s sentiment, but Spin slams him upside the head with the briefcase! LD Williams charges in and tries a clothesline, but Spin ducks it and catches LD upside the head as well. The champions bail to the floor and try to regroup while Drink and Destroy taunt them, and dare them to come back into the ring. On the outside, kz regroups, calming themselves and coming up with a game plan. LD Williams rolls back into the ring and Moose heads to a corner.
LD and Spin lock up and LD catches him with a knee to the gut and tries to whip Spin into the corner, but Spin pulls up short before Moose can hit him. LD tries to attack from behind, but Spin turns and hits a drop toe hold and hangs LD on the second rope. Spin gets a running start, tagging DH in on his way, leaps and lands on LD’s back, choking him on the ropes. LD staggers to his feet and stumbles to the middle of the ring, where he is met by a big boot from DH Magnusson. Maggs covers, but Moose flies into the ring and drops an elbow across his head before the referee counts three.
Moose pulls Magnusson to his feet and rakes his eyes, then slams him face first into the turnbuckle. DH slumps to one knee as the referee escorts Moose out of the ring. LD Williams grabs Magnusson and hits a belly to back suplex, dropping DH on the back of his head. LD tags in Moose, and Moose charges in and grabs DH’s arm, then stomps the hell out of him on the chest and face. Moose drags DH to the ropes and chokes him on the middle rope, then turns and taunts Spin. Spin starts into the ring and while the referee is holding him back, LD runs down the apron and BLASTS DH on the side of the head with a knee, then uses his knee to choke Magnusson on the middle rope.
The referee turns back around and Moose pulls DH off the ropes and covers him, but DH kicks out at two. Moose pulls Magnusson to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a high knee to the face, then as DH turns to stagger away, Moose grabs him and PLANTS him with a reverse DDT, covers again, but Spin breaks it up at two. Moose tags in Williams and LD comes into the ring and waits. LD sends DH to the ropes and catches him on the rebound as he falls forward, Moose bounds off the ropes and BLASTS DH in the face with a Buisaku Knee! DH’s head snaps back and LD covers, but once again Spin comes in and breaks it up.
Magnusson is in trouble, LD pulls him to his feet and sends him into the corner and charges in and catches him with a flying clothesline, then as he staggers out of the corner, LD tags in Moose and Moose comes in and takes DH to the mat with a swinging neck breaker. Moose covers, but DH gets his foot on the bottom rope. Moose pulls DH to his feet and tries to whip him to the ropes, but DH reverses it and catches Moose with an inverted atomic drop. Moose staggers, heading to his corner for the tag, but DH grabs him from behind and drives him to the mat with a hangman neck breaker. Both men are down and DH is crawling toward his corner. Spin is chomping at the bit to get in and the crowd is roaring for the tag to be made. Moose dives and tags in LD Williams, as LD charges into the ring, Magnusson uses the last bit of energy he has left to make the tag to Spin Hansen.
The crowd comes unglued as Spin comes into the ring and catches LD in the face with a head butt. Moose tries to come back in, but Spin catches him with a back body drop, then as Moose gets to his feet, Spin charges and clotheslines him over the top rope to the floor. Spin turns around and LD charges at him, but Spin catches him with a SPINEBUSTER! He flips LD over and locks him into the WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT! Williams howls in pain as the referee asks him if he wants to give up.
On the outside, we see Moose grab the briefcase that has the guaranteed title shot in it and BLASTS DH Magnusson upside the head with it. Moose slides into the ring, and just when it looks like LD might tap, Moose SLAMS the case down on Spin’s head. The referee immediately calls for the bell.
WINNERS in 16:01 by Disqualification – Drink & Destroy
We’re getting word from the back that Alexander Darling has requested promo time tonight since he is out of action with a serious knee injury. He probably has a lot to say regarding his upcoming match at New Year’s Evil for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship with Poe as well as the recent “gift” Poe had delivered for Alexis Darling. This feud is way more than just a feud over the most prestigious title in wrestling; it’s become more and more personal. Darling himself could be blamed for firing the first shots, but at this point there is no one to blame for what these two men are putting each other and their closest allies through. But let’s hear what Alexander Darling has to say…
Godsmack’s “I Stand Alone” hits and Alexis Darling makes her way out first carrying Alexander’s crutches. After a few seconds, Alexander has still not come out. Alexis makes gestures towards the back and begrudgingly, Alexander comes out and he is in a
Hoverround contrary to what others coughDavintheDouchebagcough would say about Alex. A hush falls over the crowd as they realize just how much damage has been done to Alexander’s knee. The
Hoverround stops at the top of the ramp and Alexander looks like he’s going to try and walk his way down to the ring. The crowd is really getting behind him. It’s getting louder and louder as Alex stands…WHAT THE FUCK.
As soon as Alexander is on his feet, Poe attacks from behind with a chop block. Alexis is about to go after Poe, but she’s pushed to the side by a rushing Moosehead Jack and LD Williams who grab the crutches away from her. Moose tosses one of the crutches to Poe and he joins his sister and Stank in guarding the ramp from anyone trying to save Alex. Poe takes the crutch and starts slamming it into Alexander’s knee. The crowd is deathly silent as just the sounds of Alex’s screams can be heard. LD Williams lifts Alexander up and tries to send him towards Poe who grazes Alex with the HIEROGLYPH as Alexander’s knee could barely support any weight and he collapses once again. Poe motions to Williams who gets Alexander into position and locks in the Canadian legacy move…THE SHARPSHOOTER. Alexander is screaming as Poe takes the second crutch and he motions towards Alexis that her time is coming, but tonight it’s about Alexander as Poe slams the crutch into Alex’s knee once again. And again. And again. All while LD has him in the sharpshooter.
Finally the combined forces of Eco, Tytan, Moreland, Spin, Magnusson, Crete, and Blue overrun Moose, Stank, and Fire and run off Williams and Poe. But the damage is done and Alexander has sustained even more damage to his knee. One has to wonder if he’s even going to make it to New Year’s Evil at this point.
STANK vs. OUTBACK JACK – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchOutback Jack makes his usual entrance, stopping to greet some fans and share the occasional beverage. He climbs into the ring and opens a Foster’s, but his face turns to stone as the Intercontinental Champion steps onto the stage. Stank holds his championship aloft and waits as the crowd attempts to boo him out of the building, then stalks to the ring. Stank climbs through the ropes, tosses his belt to referee Junior Hale, and stands in the middle of the ring. Outback Jack, lounging in the corner, looks him up and down and finishes his beer in one long draught. He stands toe-to-toe with his former teammate and belches in his face.
OBJ: “That’s Australian for Trai-“
Stank cuts Jack off with a massive haymaker. He delivers several more, knocking Jack of balance and back to the ropes. An Irish whip and a clothesline put Jack down. Stank pulls Jack up, scoops and slams him, and hits the ropes. He goes for the Stankonia 2.0, but Jack gets his knees up. Stank topples sideways, gasping. Jack rolls to the ropes and pulls himself to his feet. He sees Stank getting up and goes for the Boomerang, but Stank senses it coming and drops to the mat. Stank gets to his feet as Jack rebounds, and Jack hits a shoulder block, but Stank doesn't budge. They stare at each other, and Stank points at the ropes. Jack rebounds and hits another shoulder block, and this time Stank staggers, but still does not go down. Jack hits the ropes to try a third time. Stank sidesteps and tries to set up a sidewalk slam, but Jack senses it coming and goes low, clipping Stank's knee and dropping him to the mat. Jack stomps on Stank, then falls on him and tries to lock on the Crocodile hunter, but Stank fights it off, sliding under the ropes to the floor.
As Stank tries to walk off the cobwebs, Jack starts to follow him outside, but Junior steps in front of him. Jack snarls something and Junior backs away, white-faced. Jack comes up behind Stank on the outside and Stank pivots, leveling him with a discus clothesline. Stank picks Jack up and drives his back into the ringside railing, then rolls into the ring to break the count. Stank returns to the outside and picks Jack up. He turns and rams Jack’s spine into the ring post, then shoves him back into the ring. Stank drags Jack to his feet and slings him hard into the corner. Jack strikes the turnbuckles sternum-first, and Stank is right behind him with an avalanche. He follows up with a series of shots to the kidneys and back. Junior tries to back Stank out of the corner, and Stank turns and stares him down. While they’re distracted, a ringside fan tosses a stuffed panda at the ring. It bounces off the turnbuckle in front of Jack, and he snags it out of the air. He stares at it and his eyes glaze over. Stank finishes with Junior and spins Jack around, only to eat a face full of panda. Jack slugs away at Stank with lefts and rights, then sends him to the ropes and hits a high back body drop. Jack mounts Stank and slugs away at him, then grabs the panda and grinds it into Stank’s face, screaming about wanting his panda back.
Stank throws Jack off and rolls to his feet. He ducks a haymaker and pins Jack’s arms from behind. He tries to lace his fingers into a full nelson, but Jack fights it. Stank lets go, spins Jack around and nails him with a belly-to-belly suplex. Stank pulls jack up and tries for a power bomb, but Jack backdrops out. Stank fights his way to his feet as they exchange punches and chops. Stank grabs Jack’s arm and tries to drag him onto his shoulders, but Jack drops behind him and turns the momentum into a German suplex. Jack bridges, but Stank kicks out at two. Both men roll to their feet. Stank ducks a punch and tries for the Stank-U again, but Jack shifts his weight and turns it into a crucifix for another two count. This time Jack is a little faster to his feet and catches Stank with a knee to the face. He sends the big man to the ropes and hits a drop toehold, falling on him to lock on the Crocodile Hunter. Stank struggles, and finally manages to drag himself to the ropes to break the hold. Jack gets up and starts stomping on Stank until Junior forces him back. Jack listens to the ref for a moment then steps around him and goes back after Stank, who pulls the top rope down and sends Jack toppling to the floor.
Stank slides out after Jack and sends him into the railing, then gorilla presses him and drops him on the floor. He rolls into the ring to break the count, then goes back outside. Jack grabs Stank’s trunks and yanks him forward, sending him face first into the railing, then gets to his feet and drives a knee into Stank’s stomach. Jack rolls into the ring to break the count, and back to the outside. As he approaches, Stank turns around with a chair and takes a wild swing. Jack ducks and grabs the ring bell off the timekeeper’s table. He pitches it at Stank, who swats it away with the chair, sending it into the ring where Junior narrowly avoids getting brained by it. That seems to be enough for him and he calls for the bell.
WINNER - NO CONTEST, in 16:52.
After the match: As soon as he throws the bell, Jack launches himself forward. He spears Stank and drives him to the floor. Jack starts throwing punches, but Stank rolls them over and gets in some shots of his own. Jack throws him off and gets to his feet. Stank charges and Jack drops a shoulder, levering Stank onto his back and dropping him onto the Slovakian announce table. Jack hops onto the apron and gets a running start, nailing Stank with a flying elbow and destroying the table. The rest of The Five, make their way to ringside as the Midnight Sons and team TEam come through the crowd. Officials and EMT’s step into the impasse, preventing a brawl and attending to both Stank and Outback Jack.
POE vs. ECOSYSTEM – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchIt's time for tonight's main event, and the crowd is hyped and ready. “Minority” fires up, and Ecosystem makes his way down to a huge, huge pop. He's wearing what should probably be called a duster, but it looks like a cape. He's here to save the day. He does some interaction with the crowd as Senior Referee Davis Hightower looks on. The mood in the arena changes as “Mausam and Escape” hits the PA. The OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, Poe (w/ Selena Gomez) makes his way down the ramp. He pays no attention to the boos and trash being hurled his way as he climbs into the ring. He hands the belt to Hightower who holds it high in the air. This match is for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. Hightower hands the belt to the outside and calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY!
Poe and Eco do some intense staring and circling at first. Finally they lock up, and Poe shoves Eco hard across the ring, but Eco lands on his feet and gives Poe a round of applause for his show of strength. Poe is enraged and charges at Eco, who hits a Drop Toe Hold, which causes Poe's face to smash into the turnbuckle. Eco charges in and hits a big splash causing Poe to stagger back. Eco grabs his head and hits Sliced Bread #2! Eco covers, and that gets a 2 count. Eco hits the far ropes and hits a Rolling Thunder! 1....2...NO! Poe just does kick out. Eco heads to the top rope. He takes off for a Moonsault and...NOBODY HOME! Crash and burn from Eco as Poe was able to slip outside the ring and regroup. Selena comes over to comfort her...whatever. But neither of them are paying attention to the regrouped Eco in the ring, who hits the far ropes trying for a No-Hands Plancha...and MISSES! Poe caught it at the last second, and was able to push Selena out of harm's way before finding a shady spot himself. Hightower starts a count.
At 3, Poe is able to get up, and he's not in a happy mood. He gets over to Eco, who landed head-first into one of the guardrails, and comes up bleeding. Poe appears to want to make that continue, and chooses to smash Eco's head into the guardrail approximately 87274328 times. I'm guessing by the 87284327th time, it was starting to hurt. Poe rolls in and out of the ring to break the count. He and Selena choose to clean off the Azerbajanian Announce Table. Eco is dead and bleeding like a stuck pig. Poe doesn't seem to care, and grabs Eco, hoisting him over his shoulder after its clear Eco can't stand on his own. He tosses Eco onto the announce table before climbing on it himself. Poe lifts Eco up...WAY up...OBELISK THROUGH THE AZERBAJANIAN ANNOUNCE TABLE! Someone call the paramedics, for Eco is surely deceased. Hightower breaks his count to check on Ecosystem, and looks very concerned. He says something to Poe and makes the Dreaded X sign to the back. Poe appears to follow directions after he slowly gets up, and grabs Eco like a sack of potatoes before tossing him into the ring. Poe actually slips trying to climb in the ring, so it takes him an extra second. Hightower is already in position before Poe makes a soft cover...1....2...thre...NO! NO! NO! NO! Somehow, someway, Eco got the shoulder up! Hightower just shrugs as Poe looks at him questioningly.
Poe gets to his feet and does some Orton-esque-type stomping. Yay. Poe then grabs Eco and whips him to the ropes before killing him with a HIEROGLYPH! Poe makes the academic cover...1...2...NO! Again Eco kicks out, and Poe can't believe he can't put Eco away! Poe grabs Eco again, and slaps him around heelishly, paintbrushing him before setting him up in the middle of the ring, and delivering a HELLAVATOR! Poe covers....1...2...thr...NO! AGAIN Eco kicks out! Poe can't believe it and gets in Hightower's face about slow counting. Hightower isn't interested, and points to his OOWF logo on his shirt. Poe isn't interested in Hightower's logo, so Poe gets in Hightower's face even more. Neither is paying any attention to Eco, who has lost at least 3 quarts of blood, but is now crawling toward the champ. Eco SWEEPS Poe's legs with his arm before locking in an ANKLE LOCK ON POE'S SURGICALLY REPAIRED ANKLE! Unable to really stand, Eco goes right into grapevining the leg! Poe is in tremendous trouble and Eco pulls back for all he's worth. However, the beating Eco has taken throughout this match makes that a bit less than it normally would be, and Poe is finally able to crawl to a rope and grab it. Eco is completely exhausted, so Hightower has to physically break the hold himself. Both men are down, so Hightower has to start a count. It's not until 6 before Eco can pull himself to his feet. Poe's not far behind but he is heavily favoring that ankle. Both slowly approach each other, and start a “Yay, Boo” punch spot, but it's not long before Poe gets the best of it and punches Eco all the way back to the corner. BIG back elbow by Poe appears to have knocked Eco unconscious again and he staggers out of the corner right into the waiting arms of the champion. Poe locks him in, and hoists him up to his shoulder...CRUCIFIXION! Nobody gets up from that.
WINNER by PINFALL in 14:59...Poe!
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