MidWeek Mayhem (12/09) Live! From Toronto, SD

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Toronto, South Dakota

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Poe vs. Ecosystem

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Stank vs. Outback Jack

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
kz vs. Drink & Destroy

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match - Tytan is Special Guest Referee[/u]
Firewoman vs. Matt Folz

Seamus McNasty vs. Concrete TG
Davin Moreland vs. Chris Evans
Ravenna Blue vs. Bryce Larson

Card subject to Sioux attack

[mooseheadjack]

A ninja cam opens to show Evans and Larson. Evans looks proud of himself, while Bryce is...well, he’s Bryce. Pretty much goes without saying.

SFJ: Lionheart, why did you do that? Why did you turn on Firewoman and The Five?

Evans: Why’d I do that? Well, first of all, she put her hands on my partner, and I don’t take too lightly to that. I may be thankful for the fact that she got me into this company, but you don’t ever touch my partners, I don’t care who you are.

Second of all, it’s simply because we’re sick and tired of being treated as jokes around here. We’re one of the most talented tag-teams in the business today, and what do we have to show for it? Being +2. Not even officially part of a group, just…merely there. Nobody in The Five truly respected us…nobody really even cared if we were there or not.

You see, for the past few months, I had lost my way. I was so desperate to prove myself and to make an impact in this federation that I was willing to do anything to succeed, even if it meant selling my soul to that fucking Succubus, that estrogen Molotov cocktail, which I used to call partner.

I’ve been so caught up with being Firewoman’s personal bitchboy that I’d forgotten why I came here in the first place: to prove to the company, as well as the rest of the wrestling world that I am the future of wrestling, and I can’t prove my worth while reducing myself to the role of a pathetic lackey.

Sure, I’ve gotten some championship gold. So what? It means nothing to me if I have to sacrifice my honor and lower myself to that level to get it. Bottom line is, we were fools to follow her. Everyone she’s ever been associated with has been stabbed in the back, and The Five will be no different. If it got her an opportunity to move up in the company, she’d slit her own brother’s throat to do it.

As it is right now, we’re basically marked men now to The Five, especially from Moosehead Jack, seeing as how I just turned on his baby sister, but I don’t care. I may be beaten down, they might end my career, hell they might even make it so I could never walk again, but I’d rather fight and die with my boots on than to live on my knees as a lackey slave for one day further.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go meet up with someone on some personal business. Come on Bryce, let’s go.

Larson: Where are we going?

E: Can’t take The Five on by ourselves. We’re gonna go find us some backup, and I have a good feeling where to start. After that, we’re gonna go take care of that damn Moose and his pack of cronies.

Regardless of what happens, I do intend to make an impact, one way or another.

*fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

Tytan is smiling

(Tytan is just seem leaving the GM's office and gets stopped by Eco.)

Eco: So why are you so happy?

Tytan: Just say Christmas is going to come a little bit early for me.

Eco: Really how's that?

Tytan: I got my wish. I got the theRick to let me be the Special Guest Ref for the Onslaught Championship Match. I get to let to people that are on top of my Naughty List kick the living crap out of each other.

Eco: I like it Big Man.

Tytan: This is my way of helping out the cause. So Firewoman piss me off and we will see what happens. Matt buddy pal you say you have no loyalty that you are a mercenary. So really you don't need a title then. But I don't know. Maybe I will be Scrooge to both of you.

Eco: Someone needs to win though.

Tytan: Eco my friend, I already have. And to add to it you getting a chance to get your hands on Poe. Christmas is here for us my friend. Now, let's get some Taco Bell I am buying.

Eco: I can enjoy this.

(They leave together.)

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack is sitting by himself at the Destroyitarium bar, drinkinf Hennessey's as a shout-out to Ron Artest*

OBJ: So I get to face Stank in the ring. The man who brought me into Drink & Destroy, back when I was drifting without a purpose. I haven't forgotten that. But I also haven't forgotten how he turned his back on his brothers, to join with the people who crippled Gator. Some of the same people who stabbed him in the back after the war to save the OOWF.

There's only a few of us who've been here from the beginning, and they've pretty much all lost their way at some time along the way, except me. Some have gotten back on track. Some have emerged as people I can count on, like the Midnight Sons. Some have agendas that align with mine, like yer man Seamus, a tough bastard who knows what's going on with the Five. The same might be true for Eco and Tytan or Crete and Ravenna. But at next week's Mayhem, I only have to worry about one man. He may be the biggest man in the OOWF, but this crazy bastard doesn't give a shit! Make it an exploding garbage can match, or a Taipei fence match, tables, ladders, chairs, or whatever!

Oh, and by the way, Stank, I did try to let bygones be bygones. But at Mayhem, if you offer me anything I ask for, anything I want....I want my panda back, you son of a bitch!

[mooseheadjack]

The Five and their entourage (Lucky, and LD Williams' mother) go to a bar located near the arena. Of course, they have been tended to by medical as needed, and probably are on pain killers, so of course drinking is in order.

MHJ: Why are we here and not back at the Chamber?

Stank: Because Greg the Bartender is too depressed to pour drinks.

MHJ: Huh? Why?

Stank: Ask her.

FW: What?

MHJ: I thought you weren't going to break the bartender.

FW: What? I didn't! I didn't touch him.

Stank: And thus, he is depressed.

FW: Oh, whatever....

Time passes and the bar is actually more of a dance club. Some of the locals gravitate to the table. The Five keep turning people down though, being more concerned at least temporarily with their drinks, and they are several rounds into it. LD Williams' mother keeps elbowing him.

LDW: Dammit, what?

LDWM: Go on...just do it.

LDW: NO!

MHJ: What are you two on about?

LDW: It's nothing.

LDWM: Firewoman.....

FW: Yeah?

LDW: *through his teeth* Mooooooom... Shut up!

LDWM: He wants to ask you dance.

MHJ: Oh DOES he now....

LDW: No he DOESN'T.

MHJ: LD, do I have to have a chat with you about respecting my sister?

LDW: Shut up, Moose. Fire...

FW: Relax, LD. I don't dance.

Lucky: Huh?

Poe: Lioness....I seem to remember you being on the A-list of several of the hottest discos in Tokyo.

FW: I seem to remember asking you not to call me that.

Stank: Guys....

FW: Relax....it's fine.

The music changes from throbbing techno to the required occasional slow dance. Moose and Stank see an opportunity to continue needling LD.

MHJ: LD, it's a slow dance....

Stank: Yeah...Fire you can do that, right?

LDW: Shut up. My mother is not allowed to come out with us anymore.

LDWM: I didn't start it this time.

FW: Look, no offense LD, but I'm not dancing with you, or anything else, or anyONE else.

Poe: Really? Since when?

Lucky: *smiling drunkenly, as if he knows something that no one else does* Yeah, Fire... since when?

Firewoman kicks Lucky hard under the table.

FW: Since ... well, since Thanksgiving, and Chris and I....

LDW: Oh Chris....

MHJ: Chriiiii-iiiiiiiis

A round of mocking begins.....and lasts for way longer than any sober people would think was funny. Firewoman waits until they are done and then continues.

FW: We just decided that our relationship had changed and we were no longer comfortable with it's open status, so--

LDW: He..."we" decided.

Stank: I bet...

L: So they're makin' it legal.

MHJ/LDW/Stank/Poe: WHAT?

FW: Dammit Lucky!!

MHJ: You said....you said that was a fake ring.

FW: Okay...I know I said that.....

MHJ: So....you are......he is.......you.....Goddammit what is wrong with you?

FW: Huh?

Poe: Um, why don't we call it a night?

LDW: Good idea. C'mon....

Poe, LD, LD's mom start to leave. Stank decides he wants to stay and watch the show.

FW: I didn't--

MHJ: You did lie! You looked straight in my face and lied.

FW: Well, you weren't exactly bowled over with happiness and joy.

MHJ: That's because, number one, it's a STUPID career move....

FW: Yeah...you're concerned about my career. Really.

L: Actually, Moose, I calculated the odds, and --

FW: SHUT UP!

Firewoman throws her drink at Lucky, but forgets to let go of the glass as she does...or she meant to, it doesn't matter. The glass conks Lucky on the head. Moose stands up and begins yelling at Fire, and she gives it right back, and the dialogue doesn't matter, it's just a standard Quinn family spat. At first. Stank realizes that things are going badly, so he tries to intervene, but it doesn't work. He comes up from behind Fire and puts a hand on her shoulder, which is never a good idea in the best of situations. She wheels around, nailing him with an elbow. Angry at herself for hitting him, she turns to Moose, yells it's all his fault, and throws the bar candle at him. The hot wax burns his arm, and he snarls and flips the table over towards Firewoman. The two begin a classic bar fight scene, complete with broken glasses over each other's heads and patrons running in terror. Stank helps Lucky out, just as the local police department comes in. Moose calms down, but it takes Firewoman a little bit to calm down. They both get handcuffed and led out to waiting squad cars.

[mooseheadjack]

Stank - Lucky go see about bail.

*Stank looks down at Lucky who is seriously shitfaced, not due to Stank slamming his face into his knee, but from the numerous shots of Jamesons. Stank rolls his eyes.*

Stank - Lightweight.

*Stepping over broken tables and tip toeing on broken glass SFJ#4 approaches.*

SFJ#4 - I'm standing by with 3 time Tag Team Champion, multiple time DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion, multiple time Wrestler of the Year, longest reigning OOWF World Champion, longest reigning and current OOWF Intercontinental Champion, Stank.

Stank - Uh... Julie?

SFJ#4 - Juliet.

Stank - Can I call you Jules?

SFJ#4 - Look I've heard from the other Sexy Female Journalists about you, and that sounds like fun and all, but I take my job seriously. I'm not here for a date, nor am I an easy lay.

Stank - Ask your question then.

SFJ#4 - ... just like that? You're not even going to try?

Stank - If I were trying we would already be at my Hotel room by now.

SFJ#4 - Hmmph.

Stank - Your question?

SFJ#4 - You and the rest of The Five have been on a tear since you formed back at Hell On Earth V. How long can you sustain your dominance?

Stank - As long as we want.

SFJ#4 - Thank you for your time.

Stank - Wait.. that's it?

SFJ#4 - Yep that just about does it.

Stank - You call that serious jounalism?

SFJ#4 - Yeah. What else is there to say?

Stank - You don't want to ask me about my upcoming match against my former stablemate Outback Jack?

SFJ#4 - Not really.

Stank - You suck at this.

SFJ#4 - Why do you have something to say?

Stank - I've got plenty, but you don't seem to be interested in hearing it.

SFJ#4 - I guess I might as well since I'm standing here with a mic and camera crew.

Stank - Are you serious? This is how you--- Yeah you got a long career ahead of you..

SFJ#4 - Thanks!

Stank - ... just not in journalism.

SFJ#4 - You suck.

Stank - Nice comeback.

SFJ#4 - Thanks!

Stank - And gullible to boot.

SFJ#4 - I'm not whatever that means!

Stank - *sigh* Just stand there and hold the mic. Let me do the rest of the talking. Now Outback Jack, Jack of the Hinterlands, Back from Beyond Jack, and Knick Knack paddywhack give a dog a Jack... listen up cause I'm only going to say this once... you won't beat me. None of you will.

You see. There were a number of reasons why I left Drink & Destroy to become a member of the most elite, the most dominate, the greatest collection of champions the OOWF has ever witnessed. But primary amongst that list was you Knick Knack paddywhack give a dog a Jack! That's RIGHT! YOU!

Yeah you think I don't know about you... hiding behind Jack's other personalities. You never promo. You never wrestle... but I've seen you! You stole my beer! You ate all my pretzels! You cheat at Backgammon! YOU held the briefcase! YOU tripped the Shockmaster! YOU took Maven's Finisher and gave it to Carlito! YOU are reason there are only EIGHT planets in our solar system instead of NINE! Pluto says thanks by the way, AND worst of ALL....! Your dingo ate my baby!

But you know... I could almost forgive all of that if you weren't so damn... duplicitous. You accomplished all your ill deeds while hiding behind the other more vocal personalities of Outback Jack. WELL I'M ON TO YOU and I'm going to tear through every persona of Outback until I get to YOU! And once I've exposed you to the world, I'm going to SLAM you to the mat for the 1,2,3 and retain MY OOWF Intercontinental Title.

BE AFRAID Knick Knack paddywhack give a dog a Jack! Be VERY afraid.

SFJ#4 - I... don't what to say.

Stank - Cut to commercial?

<fade>

[mooseheadjack]

The next morning, we are in GM the Rick's office, as most of the OOWF has moved on to the next town.

GMtR: I hope you two are happy with yourselves.

FW: Usually...

MHJ: Thanks for your concern.

GMtR: Dammit....I don't know how Lucky got the charges reduced to "disturbing the peace" but it looks like you two dodged a legal bullet.

MHJ: Who knew Lucky was licensed to practice law in Wisconsin?

FW: Who knew he was so good at it? All we got is some community service. So we'll go to a hospital, shake a few hands....bing-bang-boom!

GMtR: No. NOT Bing-bang-boom. You two just don't get it. You can't go around destroying the scenery.

MHJ: God...please say you're not going to ground us again.

FW: I might just kill you for real this time.

MHJ: You'll try.

GMtR: ENOUGH! No, I'm not grounding you, because that ends up costing me more money. And I can't suspend you because the fans are popping big heel pops for you.

MHJ: Sucks to be you.

GMtR: So...you're going to serve your community service, but your going to help me out too. OOWF gets lots of requests for visit from our wrestlers and you're going to take care of one.

He scribbles down an address and hands it to Moose.

FW: What is this, some kind of Make a Wish thing? Visit sick kids on the holidays? Man, that's depressing.

GMtR: Your sympathy is overwhelming, Fire.

FW: No, I'll go, we should do more of that kind of thing, it's just--

MHJ: We're not doing it.

FW: Huh?

GMtR: Yes you are.

MHJ: We'll do whatever else you want, but not this. Not there.

GMtR: You will do this. You will do this and like it, and you will do this THERE and LIKE IT! You will be JOLLY and you will be FULL OF HOLIDAY SPIRIT. And...I feel that I can't emphasize this enough.

YOU WILL NOT DESTROY, BEND, FOLD, MUTILATE, OR OTHERWISE DAMAGE EACH OTHER, THE STAFF, THE AUDIENCE OR THE SURROUNDINGS.

FW: We got it, Rick.

MHJ: And if I refuse?

GMtR: If you refuse, then I'm taking the titles from everyone on the Five.

Moose and Rick have an uncomfortable stare down broken up by Firewoman in the surprising role of "voice of reason."

FW: It's fine, Rick. We'll do it.

Before Rick can say "Get out of my office," Moose slams out and punches a trash can down the hall. Firewoman follows.

FW: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Moose doesn't answer, taking his rage out on various inanimate objects as they head back to get their stuff.

[mooseheadjack]

Poe is sitting at the bar of Chamber V. He’s staring into a shot glass like it’s talking to him. Selena comes over and sits on the stool next to him.

SG: Hiya!

Poe: Hello Goddess

Poe never takes his eyes off the shot glass. Selena can immediately tell something’s wrong.

SG: What’s wrong?

Poe: Nothing. It’ll pass.

Selena hops off her bar stool and stands next to Poe. She drapes her arms around his neck.

SG: Omar…

Poe slams his shot and looks at her.

SG: You know I hate that. Makes your breath all stinky like rubbing alcohol.

Poe: I’m fine.

SG: No…you’re not. I can tell. Talk to me.

Poe looks behind him and sees LD Williams studying tape. Selena sees this and takes Poe by the hand, leading him back to their bed chamber. The Ninja Camera follows giving us a rare look inside.

There are two beds. One fairly Spartan looking. The other, plush and girly with Paramore posters over it.

Selena sits Poe down on his bed and then sits on his lap, once again draping her arms over his neck and looking him in the eyes.

SG: Now talk to me.

Poe: You’re not going to stop until I do are you?

Selena shakes her head ‘no’, leading to Poe sighing.

Poe: This isn’t as fun as it used to be. The fighting, the bloodshed, the pain inflicting…it’s almost becoming like work.

SG: You’re not enjoying it anymore? I still love watching you do it.

Selena flashes a bright toothy grin.

Poe: It’s not that, it’s the circumstances. I’ve been Champion for a while and being on top isn’t what it used to be.

SG: I thought you liked being on top?

Poe: But all this?

Poe cuts his eyes out towards the main room of Chamber V.

Poe: This is not my doing. I would never welcome Firewoman into any alliance I was apart of. Her being here…it…

Poe sighs. Selena pulls his face to look back at her.

SG: It what?

Poe: She reminds me that I have done things that even I am not proud of. This, the Five, is all Moose’s doing. It is his genius, not mine. I feel like I am supposed to lead something that is not mine.

SG: So it’s not all about you?

Poe: No, it’s not. I am the World Champion. It should be, but it’s not. Firewoman’s turned us into Degrassi High.

SG: PLEASE tell me you TiVo’ed it for me!

Poe: I did.

SG: Firewoman didn’t invite me to the bar. I had to stay here with Steve and What’s Her Name. They’re boring.

Poe: You couldn’t have gotten in anyway.

SG: I know, but still…

Selena pouts.

Poe: Goddess, I promise you, first chance I get, we’re going on a vacation, just us. Somewhere nice and away from all of this.

SG: To like an island where you can drink stuff out of pineapples with straws??

Poe: If you wish.

SG: But…you gotta face Ecosuck this week. In South Dakota.

Selena shivers in disgust.

Poe: My friend BC has family there.

SG: Poor bastard.

An evil grin comes over Poe’s face. He starts to laugh manically, which leads to Selena laughing.

SG: Dude, what are we laughing at?

Poe: Just remembering last time I was in the ring with Eco. I nearly kicked his head into the eleventh row. That was fun. As will Wednesday. I’m going to make that match look like a walk in the park.

SG: With less buffalo chips everywhere!

Poe laughs evilly.

SG: Yay! That’s the Master I know and love.

Poe: May the gods protect Ecosystem.

SG: Smile for the camera Ecosuck!

[mooseheadjack]

*SFJ #4 ventures into the Destroyitarium and finds Outback Jack, who is not surprisingly drinking beer*

SFJ: Outback Jack, have you heard Stank's recent comments?

OBJ: I'm glad he was paying attention. I've got even more news for him. While he was wrestling matches I was drinking Hennessy's.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is being interviewed by SFJ #42.1)

SFJ: Tytan you have no match this week your partner gets another shot at Poe and you took on the challenge to be the ref for the Onslaught Title, what gives?

Tytan: You see it is as simple as this. I hate both of them. A chance to play a game with Mattie is something I have waited for. And of course I am always up for a chance to mess with Firewoman.

SFJ: But what about the Tag-Titles?

Tytan: Depending on how I feel reffing the match at Mayhem it may be a way to send a message to Moose and reminding him WE are not finished with kz. I might be feeling generous and let Mattie have what he has been waiting for a chance to beat the snot out of Firewoman. I call the shots so it's what I want. In fact I might just let the two of them kill each other.

SFJ: So let your enemies destroy each other?

Tytan: Mattie is not my enemy. I will give him credit he worked smart and not hard. He understood what we preach. He used it to his advantage and it worked. But Mattie I want you to understand that there will be repercussions and they will be severe. Firewoman I don't like you in fact the only thing I actually admire is that you are tougher then your brother. But then again that really isn't that hard to do. But you are the one that can end up losing the most in this one. But you are one of the Five and I will put an end to you one by one, anyway I possibly can!

(Fade)

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is WANDERING~! through the hallways and happens upon a sad-looking and very bored looking Olympic Gold Medalist, Dancing With the Stars Champion and America's Sweetheart Shawn Johnson, who's leaning against a wall sipping a Vitamin Water and holding her microphone. She sees Davin and damn near attacks him*

OGMDWTSCAAS: OHMIGOD DAVIN HI!!

*She jumps up and gives him a hug, spilling water all over him. Davin just sort of stands there*

DM: Hi.

OGMDWTSCAAS: OHMIGOD Davin I'm sooooooooooooooooooo bored, ever since I got back from your Mom's, I love your Mom by the way, ever since Alexander brought me back I've just been sitting in that room doing NOTHING and it's like he forgets I'm even here and I'm just SOOOOOOOOO bored all the time, I'm about to go to Chamber V just so I can call Selena a dirty, greasy spic.

DM: Davin Moreland thought you were done with that.

OGMDWTSCAAS: BUT I'M SOOOOO BORED! OHMIGOD!

DM: Ok, well, I mean, where is Sisterfucker?

OGMDWTSCAAS: I don't KNOW I mean, even when he's HERE he ignores me, but now, he's just gone all the time.

DM: He's been having some injury issues, Davin Moreland thinks.

OGMDWTSCAAS: Oh that's right. I heard Lexie was getting him a Hoveround.

DM: Wait. You mean THIS kind of Hoveround?

*He points to the conveniently placed monitor*

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKPeYrrhIvQ&feature=related[/i][/u]

OGMDWTSCAAS: Yup, that's the one.

DM: *cracks a smile and stifles a laugh* Well, that's good.

OGMDWTSCAAS: So can I interview you?

DM: You are not Davin Moreland's interviewer.

OGMDWTSCAAS: PLEEEEEEEEEASE I'm so BOOOOOOOOORED!!

DM: Ugh...FINE.

OGMDWTSCAAS: YAY!

*She scrambles over to Davin with her microphone shoved right in his face, showing off how much she practiced.*

OGMDWTSCAAS: Davin Moreland, last week you were booed and got your ass kicked, and generally put on a terrible match. As a reward, this week, you're curtain-jerking in a match with New Face Chris Evans. Thoughts?

DM: Wow.

OGMDWTSCAAS: Your thoughts, Davin?

DM: Umm, first of all, any time the board wants to grant Davin Moreland request of a one-on-one title match with Fattapotomus in an enclosed structure, let Davin Moreland know. This week, Davin Moreland feels the need to refresh the fans' memories about Chris Evans. The Cubheart. One of That One's lackeys. One of the Ochocinco's lackeys. Incapable of independent thought in any way, and yet, here he is, the Cubheart, here to prove his facedom against Davin Moreland, the Uncrowned Heavyweight Champion, and the Champion for All the People.

DM: Davin Moreland was thinking..."Cubheart"...Where did Davin Moreland hear that before...



*Davin produces an original Care Bear Cousin Lionheart Lion from virtually nowhere*

DM: Ah yes. Cubheart. The Care Bear. See? Cubheart was a face all along. Cubheart is nothing more than a Care Bear.

*He continues to use the Care Bear as a prop*

DM: There is nothing wrong with being a Care Bear. What do Care Bears do? Well, they Care, of course. And we all know that Caring is Sharing. So Cubheart clearly likes Sharing. Davin Moreland likes Sharing too. In fact, Davin Moreland would love to be able to share the bottom of Davin Moreland's wrasslin' boots with Cubheart's face. Repeatedly.

DM: Put it this way. For some reason, we are expected to love and accept everyone just because they are face or heel. Davin Moreland, instead, remembers what people have previously done to Davin Moreland. Davin Moreland doesn't forget such transgressions even though he's expected to. Now, after Care Bear takes his beating like a man, perhaps then Davin Moreland would be willing to call it even and let bygones be bygones.

DM: Until then...Cock-a-doodle-doo, motherfucker.

*Davin hands the Care Bear to Shawn Johnson, who seems very excited by this, and Davin walks away*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

<we cut to the top of the Toronto, North Dakota Arena where Poe is standing staring west, the wind is howling and the temperature is frigid. Poe stands alone, lost in thought. After several seconds he speaks>

Poe: How did you know to find me here?

<the camera pans back around and we see Moose standing there in a long black trench coat>

MHJ: I just knew

<A long silence passes between them>

Poe: So, I am sure by now you heard what I said to Selena

MHJ: I did

<another long silence passes>

Poe: I just……

MHJ: Omar (Poe snaps around and stares at Moose as Moose uses his real name) When WE formed the Five, you knew what you were getting into. You knew who was going to be involved, you knew that certain things would have to be tolerated by all of us to make this work. That said, you are not bound to us. If you are not happy with the way things are going, you are free to leave, with no repercussions. That is the deal. Just remember, you either fight WITH The Five, or you fight AGAINST them.

<Poe steps close to Moose and speaks in a low voice>

Poe: She nearly undermined all I strove to accomplish once, I will not sit back and let her do it again. If I have to break her I will…….

MHJ: You will try, and you will fail.

<Poe looks at Moose with a look of shock on his face>

Poe: Are you saying I can’t beat Fire?

MHJ: Into changing her ways? No. But that is not what you should be focusing on now anyway, is it……champ. You have Eco, Eco has been screaming to the heavens that he is going to end the Five, this is your chance to end him. Forget about Fire, she is what she is. And if you keep brooding on her, Eco is going to get into your head

Poe: I hardly think that…….

MHJ: I don’t care what you think

<Again, Poe is stunned into silence>

MHJ: Look, DEA let personal issues ruin them. Not only could they not get along, they could not co-exist. I am not asking you to like Fire, quite honestly I am not asking you to give a shit about any of us. But know this, we have a good thing going, and the rest of us will not let it crumble because one member is unhappy.

<Poe eyes Moose reading his meaning clear as day, Poe suddenly lightens some>

Poe: There is a reason I have sought you through the years for guidance and advice. <Poe cocks his head and seems to hear something in the wind> Come, the spirits tell me there is a scene of great suffering close by.

<Moose nods and he and Poe leave together>

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem is at the Leganger Lutheran Church in Toronto, SD. www.leganger.org/)

Eco: (pacing up and down the pews) Poe, your spirits tell you of suffering. They alert you to potential danger. They seem to not have told you the arena is actually in SOUTH Dakota, but you can probably catch a bus.

I haven't been speaking out very much on my own recently. Maybe it's because I was too frustrated by Folz's betrayal. And make no mistake, it was betrayal. I disagree with my partner Tytan. "Work Smarter, Not Harder" only has meaning insofar as you're working for something you believe in, or even toward a goal that you've worked so hard to achieve. It's essentially acknowledging that sometimes the means can justify the end. Matt, no number of pieces of silver could justify what you did in our War Gmes match.

I think I want that title back from you, Poe. I think I would really like it. Symbolism matters, after all, and the dethroning of a champion who lives and breathes sadism in the way you do...well, it couldn't help but send a powerful message.

Of course, I still reaffirm what I've been saying for weeks. Tytan, partner, you deserve a belt. And sooner rather than later, I WILL force them to give us a tag title match. I wish Drink and Destroy the best against kz...I admit I am skeptical, but I wish them the best.

If you'll excuse me...(Eco goes to kneel in the pews)...given that I've been asked to stay away from your friends, Fire, I think I will just pray for your soul. See if that does any good. Can't hurt, anyway.

(Eco bows his head as the camera fades.)

OOC: Also, Eco's been quiet because it's Yale final paper week.

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose is walking down the hall and appears to be in a more foul mood than usual. He is stopped by SFJ13, who demands answers>

SFJ13: Moose, you and LD Williams defend the OOWF World Tag Team Titles against Drink & Destroy, who also won a guaranteed title shot against you at the November Pain 2 pay per view. What are your thoughts on this?

MHJ: My thoughts? My thoughts are this. Spin, DH, you two are worthy opponents, and you earned your shot at the tag titles. But one little thing I believe both you and our GM is missing. You want a shot at these titles, you USE the shot you got at these titles. No free rides. Cash it in and the shot is yours. Until then........forget it.

<Moose turns and walks away without another word>

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman has just returned from working out (upper body and martial arts) when she notices Selena Gomez kind of lurking about, like she wants to approach, but is trying to be nonchalant and inconspicuous about it. This amuses Firewoman a bit, so she decides to play along.

FW: Well, hello, Selena.

SG: Oh...Hi Auntie Fire. I didn't see you there.

FW: Uh huh. Did we not discuss the whole "Auntie Fire" thing?

SG: Oh...yeah... right. Sorry.

FW: So....you're not just loitering here. What do you want?

SG: Oh...well...I have to do your pre-match interview.

FW: Huh? Where's Lucky?

SG: Attending to some stuff from your recent legal issues.

FW: Oh yeah... Okay, shoot.

SG: Really? OMG~! Okay....um...wow, I'm suddenly nervous. Okay....um....first question.....why does Uncle Moose not want to do community service?

FW: You'll have to ask Uncle Moose that.

SG: Oh...um....okay.....so....I guess Evans and Larson are gone, huh?

FW: Yeah. You drop your benefactor, your mentor...the person who brought you into this company.... who gave you the opportunity to go to the next level...... and yeah. You're gone.

SG: Just like that?

FW: Just like what? I mean, Larsons has no sense right now, so I can hardly place any blame on him. But Evans? First you bitch because I don't interfere in your match, then you bitch because I do. Your lame-brained partner can't figure his way out of the ring so I shoved him out of the way. Big deal.

SG: That does seem like kind of a pussy move. Hahah!! I said--

FW: And I'd really like to know where this new found "respect my partner" sentiment has come from. Because when I was getting my ass handed to me backstage on a regular basis, Evans and Larson were seldom anywhere to be found. So, let them go. With my blessings. *Firewoman smiles a tad evily at that.*

SG: Oooo...I like the sound of that. But really...shouldn't Evans be in traction? Put in a guillotine? Something?

FW: I have been a bit distracted, but since Thanksgiving, I've been trying, really hitting my meditation.

SG: Biding your time...plotting your next move.

FW: Of course. Evans doens't need to worry. I will remember what he did. And he will be held accountable. If not by me, then one of my allies.

SG: Like Uncle Moose? Or Stank? Or....Master?

FW: Well,... I don't think that last one will happen any time soon. But that's okay.

SG: .....

FW: ....

SG: ....

FW: Something tells me this isn't actually my pre match interview, but a set up for what you really want to ask me.

Selena nods her head.

FW: Is it about Poe?

Selena nods her head again. Firewoman sighs, and then softens a bit.

FW: Go on. Ask. You get one chance, and then we aren't talking about it again.

SG: So......Master won't tell me. Is this because he stabbed you?

FW: Selena.....I'm going to be honest with you. He did not stab me. He was very angry that I would not join his stable at NOAH, and wanted to teach me a lesson. But no, he did not.

SG: Oh...so.....who did?

FW: One of his henchmen. I could never remember all their names, but I damn sure will remember his mask. And trust me, if I ever see it again, he won't walk away.

SG: But you've joined--

FW: I joined my brother. Poe was no more happy about this arrangement than I was, but I'm committed to making it work. And he appears to be too. So we can coexist. You good?

SG: Yeah....your match against Folz is--

FW: Later. I need to shower and eat and call Jericho.

SG: Ooo!! Can I be your flower girl??

FW: ....... really?

SG: Well........

FW: I'll think about it, okay?

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Scene opens with a blacked eye Gene, knocking on the door…

Gene: “Mr. McNasty, May I have a few words with you?”

From inside the locker room

Seamus: “Come in”

Gene: “Mr. McNasty, there is a lot of talk about you and your recent comments…”

Seamus: “First of all, it’s Seamus, second of all there is always a lot of talk around here, you would think people get paid by the word or promo…”

Seamus: “I could care less about the talk…who’s talking? John? Herself? Let the Manson family talk all they want…what do they call themselves now the 5? What the fuck is that all about?

Gene: “Well it’s from a….”

Seamus: “I mean there are 17 days until Christmas, 13 ½ Smurfs in every smoothie, 12 ounces of blow of a hooker ass, 7 deadly sins, 4 horseman, 3 amigos…

Gene: “ You forgot 5 golden rings…”

Seamus turns and stares at Gene

Seamus…..

Gene……

Seamus……

Gene: “ahum….sorry….”

Seamus…..

Gene looks down at the floor…shifts his feet from side to side…

Seamus: “ So you have all that but I can’t figure out 5…so I was thinking…maybe the Stooges…”

Gene: “ There were 3 Stooges.”

Seamus….

Gene…..

Seamus rubs his cheeks, runs his hands through his hair, cracks his neck back and forth and lets out a long sigh, before starring once again at Gene

Seamus……”huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

Gene…..

Seamus: “You know Gene there were 5 Stooges…there was Curly big, dumb guy with a hard head that’s Stank, then there was Shemp, still a big dumb guy with a hard head but not quite as good…that would be Poe…

Then when he left they scraped the bottom with Curly Joe, now Curly Joe is a lot like Moose…really dumb, really hard headed and really….well just bad, good at taking abuse but not so good…that puts LD in the Joe Besser role, because everyone kind of shrugged their shoulders and went whatever…and that is pretty much LD…whatever, much like Joe Besser he is kinda forgettable…”

Gene: “And Moe…you must have Firewoman slotted as Moe because she is the true mastermind behind the 5…”

Seamus: “Wrong again Gene…Firewoman is Moe because it rhymes with ho…”

Gene: “Now wait just a minute…what about Larry.”

Seamus: “You mean Lucky?”

Gene “No Larry, Larry Fine, I believe his real name was Louis Fienberg…”

Seamus: “I don’t think he’s real, your making him up”

Gene: “I’m making up Larry?”

Seamus: “No Lucky”

Gene: “That means there are six stooges.”

Seamus: “Huh, all I know is there is a locker-room full of em…”

fade to black

[mooseheadjack]

*Stank is sitting on the couch in the common area of Chamber V when Poe walks in deep in thought. Stank looks up from what he is reading and just kind of glares at Poe as he walks past. Poe senses Stank's stare and stops in his tracks.*

Poe - Something on your mind?

*Stank looks back down at what he was reading.*

Stank - Nope.

*Poe begins to walk away, but is bothered by the whole scene.*

Poe - If you have something to say brother... speak.

*Stank sets the book he was reading down and looks up at the OOWF World Champion.*

Stank - If you insist... I'll start by asking what the hell is the matter with you?

Poe - Excuse me?

Stank - I understand you're having a crisis of faith.

Poe - I am having no such thing.

Stank - If being the OOWF World Champion is too hard for you I'll gladly relieve you of that burden.

Poe - What are you talking about?

Stank - Furthermore if Fire's presence here makes you so uncomfortable that you feel like you can't hang out with the rest of us then I suggest you go back to Japan.

Poe - Why are you trying to provoke me?

Stank - Wake up Poe. Being a part of The Five is NOT about liking one another or making up for past transgressions. Hell I've beaten the snot out of Moose and LD numerous times. Come damn close to killing them. Moose has tried to kill me on a number of occasions. You and I have had our battles. Fire and I have had our battles. We've all spilled each others blood. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference. We are The Five. It's not about leadership. It's not about friendship... though that helps it's not required. The Five is a belief... no... it is law. We are the best and the only. That's it. We are together because we get off on proving it time and time again. The OOWF is full of victims for us to do with as we please. You don't have to worry about leading it. Who leads a storm? Who guides a river? The sun rises, rain falls, the Moon circles the Earth and the tides ebb and flow. All these things happen regardless of how we feel about them. All of these things happen no matter our station in life. It is likewise of The Five. The Five dominate. Period. That is the bill of goods you and Moose sold me on.

Poe -

Stank - You are the OOWF World Champion... BE the World Champion. Ain't no one in The Five stopping. you.

Poe - You don't understand.

Stank - I understand the law. I've subscribed to this. I'm all in. No matter what happens I am one of The Five. And like it or not... so is Fire. You need to get over that fact. Don't let your past dictate your now.

Poe -

Stank - I've said my peace.

*Poe looks at Stank a while longer not knowing quite how to respond. The camera fades as Selena walks up and takes Poe's hand into her own.*

[mooseheadjack]

Interesting

(Tytan watches all the promos on OOWF TV and smiles.)

Tytan: This is interesting. It seems absolute power can cause the fortress to crumble from the inside. Poe your own people are starting not to trust your leadership. Do you trust your own people? Maybe they are going to turn on you. They are starting to think what I have called you all along. When it comes down to it you are yellow. You need the five more then they need you. Maybe I need to ref one of your matches next. You talk about all the violence but in the end without it you are nothing.

And the worst part is...they know it too.

Eco this is your chance take what belongs to you. That title is your take it back. Moose, LD there will be a time and I know it will be sooner then later that those title will be taken from you.

But this week at Mayhem the first piece to the destruction of the 5. Firewoman will get destroyed by the man that turned his back on the Good fight. And Mattie don't think I forgot about it. I will get my revenge on you also. Maybe it will be at Mayhem too. To let the two of you kill each other. That's work smart not hard.

Let the games begin and let the pieces begin to fall. Five you just showed that there is a kink in the armor and now we must capitalize on it.

(FADE)

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams is sitting at Ric's, drinking coffee, when SFJ#47 approaches.**

SFJ#47: “Can you spare a few minutes for some questions?”

LDW:<shrugs> “Sure.”

SFJ#47: “First, what's your reaction to Team Fuel's betrayal of the Five?”

LDW: “Betrayal's a little strong, don't you think? I mean, Fire might feel that way, and that's her business, but the rest of us? Fuel were never part of the Five, so how did they betray us? I told Evans and Larson weeks ago that the only way they were going to become part of the Five – the only way they were going to move up in this company, was by deposing kz. I'm actually kind of surprised it took them this long.”

SFJ#47: “So you're not plotting revenge?”

LDW: “Oh, don't get me wrong – blood's in the water. Evan's and Larson are going to pay, but for laying their hands on Fire, not for some nebulous betrayal.”

SFJ#47: “Well, speaking of revenge, this week kz are facing the Midnight Sons. Your thoughts?”

LDW: “I have always respected Spin and D.H.'s abilities, regardless of which side of the ring we were on. And, truth be told, I admire the way they've stepped up against the Five. There's no question the Sons are going to take Jack and I to the limit. They may even beat us. At the end of the day, however, they don't stand a chance.The war will, as always, go to the Five.”

SFJ#47: “Finally, Seamus has referred to you as the 'forgettable' member of the Five. In fact, many people, including your partners, seem to forget that you're part of the group. What do you plan to do about that?”

LDW: “I don't want to infringe on The Amnesiac, but in the world I grew up in, being unnoticed was a survival trait. As Ma always says 'The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the quiet one slits your throat.' Let people think what they will. Let them forget all about me – it'll just make things easier when the time comes.”

[mooseheadjack]

Poe walks back into the commons area of Chamber V where Stank is still reading his book. Poe stands before him. Stank looks up from his book.

Stank: Somethin' you wanna say?

Poe: You know I do not disagree with your statements from earlier

Stank: Good to see you haven't totally lost your mind.

Poe: In fact, brother, I was hoping you would do me a favor.

Stank closes his book and sets it down. He crosses his arms and stares at Poe.

Stank: Depends what it is, I suppose.



A few moments later, Stank is escorting Selena through the halls of the arena. They come to a door and Stank knocks on it.

Alexis darling answers the door and takes a step back when she sees Selena and Stank.

LD: What do you want? I'm not letting you in.

Neither Selena nor Stank say anything. Selena holds out a single red rose to Alexis. Alexis eyes the rose and grins.

LD: This tired act?

SG: There are no true mysteries in life.

Selena then looks at Stank.

Stank: Oh yeah. Right.

Stank clears his throat.

Stank: Just beginnings, ends...and promises

Selena looks back at Alexis, smiles, and gives the peace sign.

SG: Smile for the camera

Selena and Stank then turn and head back down the hallway towards Chamber V. Alexis watches them, smells the rose, scoffs, and drops it to the floor, slamming the door behind her.

[mooseheadjack]

*Outside the Darling Locker Room*

Alexander opens the door and calls down the hall...

Alexander: Hey Stank.

Stank and Selena turn around and see Alexander standing there on his crutches.

Stank: You're not going to be stupid enough to try something now, are you?

Alexander: It might just be worth it to get my hands on his precious Goddess, but no, I'm not going to try anything right now.

Stank: Then say your peace and go back to your locker room.

Alexander: Ya know Stank, before Poe got here you told me and Alexis that if ever needed help from Poe and his goons you would be there.

Stank: That was before you two stabbed me in the back and formed your little Run DEA.

Alexander: Yes we did stab you in the back, but we never hid what our motivations were in this company. It was to become the most elite force in this company's history.

Stank: No matter who stood in your way?

Alexander: Nope.

Stank: Well then you reap what you sew.

Alexander: I suppose that's it then. You form your little group and think it makes you the top dogs in the company.

Stank: Yes I do. In fact, it's because of you that I know that. If I do recall, your exact words were those who hold the belts, control the power. Well, look around the company Alexander. The Five are the power.

Alexander: I know what I see today and it's just another guy running errands for big, bad Poe. It's funny...I always thought it would be you who stood for something. That you'd be the one to realize that all The Five are is just another arm of Poe's army. But you stand there...

Stank: Don't you dare tell me what I stand for. It's only because of what you and Lexie did for this company by standing against Bennett that I'm not charging you right now and making sure you don't even make it to New Year's Evil.

Alexander: If that's how you want it Stank, then that's how it is. But tell your Master that if he keeps trying to play games with my sister, I will do more than win his title. I will finish him once and for all.

Stank: Always a talker Alex, never a walker.

Alexander: We'll see Stank. Just remember though, I'm Alexander Darling, and well you're just another fucking lackey.

Stank snarls as Alexander hops back into his locker room.

*Fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is standing before the Randomly Floating OOWF sign, with her Onslaught Championship Belt slung over her shoulder.

Tytan, Tytan, Tytan. The depths of your stupidity are truly astounding.

When you have five incredibly dynamic and passionate athletes, as you do in the Five, tempers will flare. We are five of the most competitive and determined people in the business today. Past deeds will continue to color the relationships between the members, but there isn't really the drama you think you see. Show me siblings that get along all the time. Stank and LD and I get along well. And that just leaves your former partner. It's no secret, we've had our ... let's call them issues.

But what you need to worry about, Tytan, and the rest of your band of merry men, is that we are not, as many have predicted, turning on one another. Oh, you think you see a chink in the armor. I promise you, you are deluding yourself. Again. But that is your way. And that is why Poe found you not worthy, otherwise you might be sitting on top with all the gold, with the rest of us, instead of still trying to rally the troops to defeat us. And failing.

Where you see weakness? That is merely more fuel to add to the fire that drives us. If you want to relax, thinking it's a handicap... Well you go right ahead and do that. Relax. Pretend that the referee shirt will protect you from my wrath, or wrath of my allies, including Poe, should you call my match anywhere other than right down the middle. Pretend that what I did to your former handler isn't just a walk in the park compared to what I do to you. Sleep well.

She turns to walk away, and then remembers something.

Folz, don't think I'm discounting you. I know you'll be facing me, and I know you want this belt back. So come get it. But be prepared to pay dearly for it.

And yes....Evans. I haven't forgotten. When you least expect it, Evans.... when you least expect it. That will totally sparkle with me.

Now she is done and leaves, the camera still focusing on the OOWF banner.

[mooseheadjack]

Poe is standing in a hallway in the arena. A rondom SFJ (let's call her...Keri) approaches him.

SFJK: Poe, do you have a second

Poe: One or two, what do you want?

SFJK: There's been a lot of discussion recently about your relationship with Firewoman, your history with the her and Darlings, as well as your overall state of mind. Any comments?

Poe snickers.

Poe: Yes, people talk. This is all humerous to them. These blasted Ninja Cameramen stumbled upon a private moment between Selena and I. I do not wish to discuss it. As for my relationship with Firewoman is nothing if not professional. We have a history...a disturbing history. Things happened between us that should not have. I can not take these events back. I can not change them. We do not like each other. I dare say we hate each other. But she is my ally within the Five. She has no concerns of betrayel from me.

SFJK: Why should she be so certain?

Poe: Stupid girl. There would be no benefit to betraying Firewoman. In fact, it would be downright foolish, especially considering her penchant for being unruly.

SFJK: Tytan seems to think your relationship is the kink in the armor of the Five...

Poe: Tytan is an idiot, but everyone knows this. If he continues to press the issue and his luck...well he may need a visit from yours truly.

SFJK: Now, what about Selena's visit to Alexis...

Selena and Stank come down the hall, drawing Poe's attention away.

Poe: Brother Stank. Thank you.

Stank: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Stanks' attention is drawn to SFJ Keri. He takes her hand and kisses it.

SG: This hallway reeks of skank.

Stank grins at SFJ Keri.

Stank: Yes it does, yes it does.

Stank leads SFJ Keri down the hallway.

SG: The Boy threatened me.

Poe: Fret not Goddess. He will suffer like he never has.

Selena smiles widely, takes Poe by the hand, and leads him away down the hallway towards Chamber V

[mooseheadjack]

(It's snowing and blowing and otherwise bitterly cold outside the arena, but one of the SFJs and a Ninja cameraman are outside, bundled up and shivering as they take a smoke break. Their break is interrupted by the approach of a sleigh pulled by a small troupe of reindeer )

SFJ: (walks up to the sleigh as it comes to a stop, spotting two people in the sleigh - one she knows immediately) Concrete, you actually traveled by sleigh to this show?

CTG: Good citizen, the season calls for it! I felt the need to travel in a manner celebrating the holiday season, though the people who loaned me this sled thought it odd that I asked for the "flying" variety. They didn't have any, I was told I can only find those in the frozen wastes of Lapland.....

SFJ: *ahem* so who came with you?

CTG: I was informed that when one is about to embark on a mission, it's good to have a proper wingman. I've done some research and discovered that a genuine, honest, witty and hard-working man might of interest so I managed to procure the services of Mike Rowe, Host of Dirty Jobs and Narrator of Deadliest Catch.

SFJ: And he was-

Rowe: (smirking) down on the farm, rustling the reindeer. I was told someone here had a dirty job...

CTG: That would be Seamus McNasty.

Rowe: huh... appropriate name.

CTG: some say he's a dirty wrestler.

Rowe: He's not my type.

CTG: but Citizen Rowe, you were interested in seeing a dirty job-

(Kayfabe walks up to the sleigh and pelts Crete and Rowe with snowballs)

Rowe: >.< the hell was THAT?

CTG: One of the other reasons I needed a wingman.

Rowe: we're not even INSIDE yet!

CTG: True - I have an apology for Citizen blue. Citizen Rowe, please park the sleigh while I check in.

(CTG leaps out of the sleigh and dashes inside)

Rowe: .... and he leaves me hanging. *I* need a new wingman.

[mooseheadjack]

Matt Folz walking down the Hallway of Random Encounters, bumping into Eco and Tytan leaving their locker room.

(After an uncomfortable silence)

MF: Well, not going to pretend we're still friends. But Eco, I do genuinely wish you luck in your match.

E (Glaring daggers): Thanks, and suuuure you won't be at ringside right? (Sarcastically)

MF: I know this is of little comfort to you, but I give you my word, the Five have not hired me, you don't have to worry about me during your match.

Folz turning to Tytan

MF: Look, I understand you're pissed, and quite frankly, I don't blame you. But, you want revenge, take it out on me during a match between us, I'll give you one anytime you want. Just ref the match fairly, all I'm asking.