OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 06-01-05

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF World Title Rematch
Donovan Viper vs. Niles Anderson

Intercontinental Title Rematch
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Blackdragon

Onslaught Championship Rematch 2 out of 3 Falls
Thim Reynolds vs. Firechild

Onslaught Championship #1 Contenders 4-way
Canadian Dragon vs. Endo vs. Tommy Wilder vs. Seraph

#1 Contender's Tag Team Title Match - Winner gets a title match next week[/u]
Outback Jack & GatorBait vs. FF Caplsokc & Stank

UnderDawg vs. Capellan
Corax vs. Hellion
Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG vs. The Devil's Brigade
Uncle Entity & Mercury vs. Revolution XX
LD Williams vs. SoulDragon
Attitude Adjuster vs. Morte
Semaj B. vs. Mark Vander
Beast vs. Chris Alt
GimmickMan vs. Microplay
Hardbody Harris vs. Ax-Man
Chris Cole vs. JW Westgaard


I might change things, I might not, who knows the mind of the Moose?

[mooseheadjack]

Thanks to some fast work by their lawyers, the 3 Piece Set present a dramatic interpretation ahead of Midweek Mayhem. Any legal propblems from Mel Gibson or WWE are solely the problem of OOWF's network..........
---------------------------------------

Camera pans across a windswept moor, Firechild in full Braveheart gear (amended with the gorgeous Napier tartan) sits astride a horse, the Onslaught title over his shoulder.

FC: They say that Firechild is eight feet tall, lays groupies by the hundred and drinks whiskey by the case.

Ax&Cole sitting on the hill in street gear, looking somewhat confused.

A&C: Hear hear.

FC: They say that he throws planchas like a lucha and makes grown men tap like babies.

Tommy O'Neil wanders onto the set...

TO: This man can't be Firechild, I'm prettier than this man. And why are you pretending to be in Scotland, we know this is filmed on MY ISLAND for tax reasons.

Harper Camby appears behind him.

HC: Tommy, you're speaking normally, what going on......

Both men are levelled by blows Ax & Cole, utilizing the antique weapons strewn about for effect.

FC: Thanks.....

Now there are many men, Canuck Dragofly, Microdick, Thim, LD Williams, Westgaard, who say I'm an unworthy champion, who say I have no right to hold this, the Onslaught title which PROVES I am the best technical wrestler in the OOWF. Well, I say I do hold this title, and that proves I have the rigt, that I am worthy. I promised to make a mark in the OOWF, and I have done that. I have made a mark in the skulls of LD and Semaj. I have beaten everyone who hads faced me since I hooked up with the 3 Piece Set, I have broken the spirit and ambition of PreppyXX and finally I have defeated four of the brightest stars in the OOWF on the way to becoming the first, and likley ONLY Onslaught champion.

And I say this, that you can disparage my name, you can ruin my night out, you can bluster and challenge all you want, you can take my taxi, you can take my dignity, but you will never take MY TITLE.......

Ax & Cole cheer on the hill,

Ax&Cole: Or ours either, hell everybody's tried and they've all failed.

They toast each other with half full bottles of whiskey, then realise that Firechild isn't done.

FC: Thim, thats for the roster but this is for you. You who I despise more than any other. Thim, mild, mannered English physio. You make me sick. For a thousand years you've lorded it up over my people, despite you weakness, your sensibility, your arrogance.

Now, after months of being a cypher, a non factor in the OOWF, you see a title round the waist of a Scot and you can't help but bitch and whine for a rematch, despite that I beat you clean 1-2-3. How...... English of you. No wonder the whole world hates you almost as much as they hate the Americans.

Now Thim, you asked for this match and I'll beat you, clean and in Onslaught Rules three falls to nill just to prove what a whining English pansy you are, but next week, will you be man enough to face me in a streetfight..... because this isn't about the Onslaught title, this is about revenge for one thousand years of your kind.

Only, once you realise that I am the better wrestler, still Onslaught champion, AND the better fighter will you understand, will you be worthy of respect, becuase then Thim, even in your weak, cold, English heart, you might know what it is like to burn........

[mooseheadjack]

* AA stands alone in front of the OOWF banner, cutting an old school promo. *

All the time I’ve been here, I never had a problem with the champions here in the OOWF. Every one of them was a man’s man, a champion, honorable and respectable. But now I have an issue. There is a champion I don’t respect. And we, the entire roster of the OOWF, must do something about it.

Blackdragon, you are a disgrace to the OOWF Intercontinental title! Adrenaline and Concrete, as much as I’ve had feuds with them in the past, were honorable champions. They would do anything to hang onto the belt. Break the rules? No problem. Use interference? Sure. Foreign objects? Not foreign to them. Hell, I had my head abused by Adrenaline’s 9-iron more times than I can count. Pull the ref in the way of an opponent? Get counted out intentionally? Low blow the ref? Yes, yes, yes! Adrenaline would do anything to keep that title, and that is honorable. A man who would do anything to keep his belt.

And that’s why I have a problem with you, Blackdragon. You have this, this…thing. You think wrestling fair is admirable. Clean is good. Play by the rules. Ha! This is the OOWF, damn it! That’s not the way we roll. You think like that, and your title reign will be short. Of course in your world, staying down for the three count is probably the right thing to do. Grab the ropes? Call for a friend to break the pinfall? Grab the ref, for crying out loud! Don’t just lay there!

Before Blood, Sweat and Fear, Niles Anderson lay you out with a belt shot, then at the PPV I bust you open with brass knucks AFTER I’ve already been disqualified for doing the same thing to Mark Vander. And what do you do?

(AA holds his hand to his ear, listening.)

NOTHING!! I haven’t heard one word from you! So from this moment on, Black, I’m watching you, waiting for you to do something even remotely entertaining…honorable…redeeming of a champion. Call my bluff. Call me out. Challenge me! Because until you do, I will follow you, stalking you, ruining your baby-kissing, child-praising, autograph-giving title run. You will not turn the Intercontinental title into some Bob Backlund goodie-two-shoes eat your prayers and say your vitamins Sunday morning Lawrence Welk gospel hour!

Meanwhile, I will continue to show what the OOWF is supposed to be, starting this week in my match with Morte. Now I don’t know why The Rick put two good friends like AA and Morte in the ring together, but we’re going to give the OOWF fans what they came to see: cunning, cheating, conniving and lying. Because that’s what fans want. They don’t want to see 5-star, flippy-flying, plancha-this and lucha-that, OMG~! WORKRATE. NO! They want eye rakes, low blows, choking, biting, foot-on-the-rope-for-leverage action, and that’s what Morte and I are going to give the fans this week.

Got that, Black? Bad Guys Equal Ratings!

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline is walking the halls, plling his golf bag but seemingly naked without the IC Title sitting on his shoulder. He turns and walks into the locker room, where L.D. Williams is working with some dumbells.]

JA: L.D.

LDW: What do you want?

JA: I wanna apologize...

LDW: [looks around confused] Apologize? To me?

JA: Yeah. I'm sorry I cost you the match at the PPV. I was out there with good intentions. You can watch the video. I put your foot on the rope. I distracted Dragon. But my emotions got the best of me, and I clocked him with my three iron. And you lost. I'm sorry.

LDW: Look man, I don't know what...

JA: But, ya know, if he hts that moonsault, you would've lost anyway. At least he didn't pin you.

LDW: Maybe I would've moved. Maybe I would've kicked out. But then again, maybe not, ya know, I've seen Dragon beat guys with that moonsault...namely...YOU.

JA: You don't have to remind me of what happened. But let me tell you something. The Rick chenged the stipulations on the fly. From a straight up match to a No DQ match to a Falls Count Anywhere match. Even you gotta admit that's not fair.

LDW: Well...you just lost three times on Sunday. Oh wait, Beast whooped your ass too, so make that four.

JA: You got a problem with me, man?

LDW: In fact, Johnny, yes I do. It happens everytime, you bust your ass to get something, and you gotta admit, you also got some help to win that damn title, but you busted your ass nonetheless. But then, you win the thing, and you get complacent. You get lazy. You start throwing matches just to keep the title. That ain't how it works man.

JA: Oh and what do you know? You've held the title, any title, HOW many times? Oh, that's right, ZERO! So what the f*** do you know about it??

[L.D. gets right in Johnny's face and the two look as if they're about to throw down. Just then Revolution XX walks in the door.]

EOM: Sup guys?

CC: Did we come at a bad time?

[L.D. sets the dumbells in his locker and walks out, leaving Johnny steaming and Rev XX confused.]

[mooseheadjack]

Semaj and Thim ARE DRINKING~! again.

SB: ...ry Thim, the fact is the ref's word is final. I know you got robbed in your match with Firechild, but that's alright you'll get your chance at 'im soon enough. At least you get a opportunity for a title. SoulDragon and I put on a clinic out there on Sunday and whot do we get, nothing. The AYUFF is in bad shape these days.

TR: Semaj, the AYUFF is over. From here on out I want your word that your watching my back and my back only. You just had a great match with SoulDragon, what did he tell you when you asked him about coming back to AYUFF?

SB: 'e said that 'e needed to watch out for 'imself not anyone else.

TR: That's right mate, he's not going to come back. When was the last time you even spoke to Concrete or Blackdragon or Beast for that matter.

SB: I'm not giving up, the AYUFF is more than it's members, it's an ideal, one that is going to be corrupted by Alan Capps and Niles Anderson if I just stand by. AYUFF will survive this challenge and it will stand strong again...it has to.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tommy O'neill is getting ready for his match when a reporter walks in.... but it's not a Sexy Female Journalist. He looks disappointed, but then sees that it's....))

??: Nick E. Heyman, Ace reporter for the Daily World News. Tommy, how do you like the Devil's Brigade's chances this week against OOWF's superhero duo, Hurri-crete and Moosey?

TO: th 'ell? ye aksin wot I do t' the wankers we fassin this week? Na, ya thinkin I du'no who ya be, eh?

Nick E: I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

TO: ya be th' bloody colla blin' crasadah! doncha be aksin me anythin

Nick E: Can I quote you on that?

TO: ya be daft - Moose'ead n ya both be takin out this week

Nick E: (writing) "Tommy O'neill himself has been heard claiming that Hurri-crete and Moosey will take him and Harper Camby out"

TO: ^#&%^&#%#$^&~!!! (grabs a chair)

Nick E: oops - gotta make the afternoon edition (runs out of the locker room, Tommy in pursuit)

(EDIT OOC - sorry to Tommy, that's a really tough accent to type. Hope I did it some justice)

[mooseheadjack]

Todd "Difficult Queries" Grisham: You guys aren't going to do anything violent to me, are you? Or knock me off a ladder? Or eat something disgusting?

OBJ: Of course not. We're faces. Would faces do that?

GB: Actually, in OOWF you can do that stuff and still be a face.

TDQG: Anyways, what about your match?

OBJ: Well, things have been building up between us and them for weeks. We'll just have to get more violent.

TDQG: That's it?

GB: Well, we've been studying film, looking for those subtle little things that we think are important.

TDQG: Now that's the kind of scoop the fans get when I ask the questions! You've been watching film of Capslock and Stank wrestle?

GB: No, we've been looking at old episodes of Lost. Of course we've been looking at film of them wrestle.

OBJ: And planning to get more violent.

TDQG: I think we got that already, Outback. What else has your expert film review revealed?

GB: Well, the big question is whether our skill can offset their size advantage.

OBJ: And of course, when I spend time watching film, or even talking about it, I get hungry. *reaches inside his vest*

TDQG: OKIgotenoughhereguysGoodluckwithyourmatch. *Sprints down the hall*

OBJ *pulling out a Slim Jim* I guess he's one of those health food guys.

Steve: And like you'd tell a TV reporter any important tactics that your opponents might see before the match.

GB: Actually wrestlers do that all the time, assuming that the other guys don't watch the program despite the monitors all over the arena.

OBJ: Just like we're continuing to talk as if unaware of the cameraman over there.

Steve: I hope he doesn't mind if I have a snack, myself. *Pulls out some wriggling worms, eats a few. Offers rest toward the camera.* Want a bite?

*Scene goes out of focus. Over the sounds of retching* GB: Let's get out of here.

[mooseheadjack]

. . .

SB: I'm not giving up, the AYUFF is more than it's members, it's an ideal, one that is going to be corrupted by Alan Capps and Niles Anderson if I just stand by. AYUFF will survive this challenge and it will stand strong again...it has to.

TR: why does it HAVE to Semaj. I just don't get it. You don't even have a bloody name!!!

SB: that's not the point and . . .

TR: woah, hang on a tick. Hey barman, turn the sound up on the TV. I'm sure I just saw Firechild in a kilt!!!

SB: eh?
----
SNIP
FC: Thim, thats for the roster but this is for you. You who I despise more than any other. Thim, mild, mannered English physio. You make me sick. For a thousand years you've lorded it up over my people, despite you weakness, your sensibility, your arrogance.

Now, after months of being a cypher, a non factor in the OOWF, you see a title round the waist of a Scot and you can't help but bitch and whine for a rematch, despite that I beat you clean 1-2-3. How...... English of you. No wonder the whole world hates you almost as much as they hate the Americans.

Now Thim, you asked for this match and I'll beat you, clean and in Onslaught Rules three falls to nill just to prove what a whining English pansy you are, but next week, will you be man enough to face me in a streetfight..... because this isn't about the Onslaught title, this is about revenge for one thousand years of your kind.

Only, once you realise that I am the better wrestler, still Onslaught champion, AND the better fighter will you understand, will you be worthy of respect, becuase then Thim, even in your weak, cold, English heart, you might know what it is like to burn........
----

As the camera cuts back to Semaj and Thim they are both laughing so hard they are in serious danger of falling off their barstools.

TR: Oh my god did you see him!!

SB: 'e really doesn't 'ave the knees to be wearing anything like that

TR: even Ax and cole look embarrassed, and I'm not surprised.

SB: so 'es finally resorted to cheap shots trying to bait the auld enemy.

TR: and for what. I mean it's not as if he's got anything to crow about, being proud of being Scottish or anything

SB: well there was that one little battle

TR: yea but Mel Gibson has ruined that for them

SB: and they did beat us at football

TR: yea, once. But that was sometime in the prehistoric age and they can't even qualify now

SB: and they're pretty good at rugby

TR: . . .

SB: yea sorry, that one was stretching things a bit wasn't it

TR: and now he seems to think that for some reason he's going to be able to pull one over on me. He must be bloody mad.

SB: or just delusional looking at that video

TR: and tight, did you see that set. What did he do, pop down to the kids park or something? Still, at least he's accepted my rematch.

SB: two out of three falls against 'im is going to be tough though Thim.

TR: well of course it is. That's the whole point of the Onslaught Championship. Good, strong, tough, legal competition INSIDE the ring. And as far as his offer of a streetfight goes well sorry F C but I'll have to say no. It's not legal and it's not wrestling. There's no way I'm going to get involved in a match with you inside the ring and bring tables, ladders and chairs (Oh my!!) into play. It just isn't cricket - and it's certainly not bloody wrestling.

SB: but Thim, you can't turn 'im down. You'll look like a wimp to everyone.

TR: but I only said that I'm not going to face him in a match inside the ring, or in front of an audience either come to think of it. There's no way I want to continue to drag down the good name of the OOWF with any more of this garbage. But if he wants a fight before next weeks match then so be it. It's up to him if he wants to risk it . . .

SB: before?

TR: yes. Outside, backstage, in the street proper and before the audience arrive. It's going to be a risk though Firechild. Just think, after I beat your ass this week, if you're very lucky you'll end up in a number one contenders match next week. If you agree to this unsanctioned fight before the show there's no telling what sort of shape you're going to be in. You'll lose the match, your shot at the belt and any momentum you've built up.

SB: but doesn't that apply to you as well Thim? You could lose the title straight away . . .

TR: well yea . . . but I'm sure our kind and gracious GM will give the week off knowing what I'll have coming up.

SB: so do you think 'e'll go for it?

TR: probably not. Not got the stomach for two fights in one night . . . I mean look at him. He's wearing a DRESS!!! Barman, two more pints of bitter

[mooseheadjack]

Todd (Iron Guts) Grisham is running down the hall looking for a bathroom when suddenly....

"Dude! Grab floor!"

Grisham sprawls on the tile as Tommy Wilder, wearing a pair of roller blades, jumps over him doing a 720 method spin.

TW: Hey, you OK bud? Gnarly belly flop!

TG: I'm fine...Thanks! Hey! Mind if I ask you about your upcoming match? What do you think of having a shot for the #1 contender's spot for the Onslaught title?

TW: Honest? I'm a little blown away, dude - but this match should be a rock solid viking flip off the big wood, ya know?

TG: Um....not really....Is that a good thing?

TW: How can it NOT be? Look at the players in this thing! Seraph and I already have had a great match last PPV, and now you got Endo and Canadian Freaking Dragon! I KNOW I haven't seen everything Seraph can do, Endo is one dangerous cat - you know, suicidal, homicidal.... all that! And The Dragon? Man, He's one of the reason I CAME to the OOWF - to see how I match up, move for move! DAMN! This is going be top shelf!

TG: What do you think your chances are? Are you going to be the #1 contender?

TW: LOL! Man, you really try to stir stuff up, don'tcha? Look, I'm not plannin' on losing, but you can't predict who's gonna win a match like this, so you don't sweat it. You ever base jump?

TG: Um. No...

TW: You gotta try it! Talk about living on the edge! The OOWF is like doing a base-jump off of El Capitan. Once you get to the edge, if you start thinkin about your chute, the cross wind, or if you double checked your buckles, you are never gonna go for it. So you just take a breath, give up your life and step off!

TG: Give up your life?

TW: Yeah - old samurai adage dude - live each moment like it is your last! If you don't fear death, you can try ANYTHING. Like that jump I just did? 3" lower, you would have gotten a rollerblade lobotomy, dude! But you're OK, I'm OK, and I bet you heart is STILL going!

TG: 3 INCHES?! YOU COULD HAVE KILL.... <sigh> Anything else you want to say?

TW: Folks, this is going ot be one bitchin' match. Better record it, coause you are going to have to replay it in SLO-MO!

Hey Grish - stay there, I wanna try that jump again!

Grish? Where're you going dude?

[mooseheadjack]

*An exterior shot of Canadian Playland Chuck E. Poutine. The camera follows Female Journalist With an Unsightly Mole and Hairy Upper Lip into the establishment, and after scanning the kid-and-screaming-adult scene in front of them, they find two familiar figures playing Skee-ball: Hardbody Harris and, barely able to pick up one of the heavy wooden balls, Fievel. It's utterly adorable, but the hard-hitting reporter interrupts the fun for Hardbody's first interview since returning to the OOWF.*

FJwaUMaHUL: Well, Hardbody, it looks like you're having a good time after rescuing Fievel in your return match at Blood, Sweat and Fear.

HH: Indeed I am. I tell you what, Sexy Fe...er, Miss, Candaina Dragon gave me a run for my money. That ladder-climbing, journalist-mocking kleptomaniac brought the house down at the PPV. He almost stole one from me, and I wouldn't doubt if he stole the Onslaught Title--literally--before we leave Canada. Most importantly, though, thankfully my little buddy here is safe. Even better is being here, playing games, and enjoying french fries with cheese curds and gravy! Right, Fievel?

Fievel (in his cute little voice): You betcha! *He throws a skeeball up the ramp, getting just enough force for it to climb over the lip for 10 points. A ticket comes out of the machine, and Fievel claps and spins around in excitement*

FJwaUMaHUL: Well, now that you're back, do you have any plans?

HH: Well, first I'm going to start requesting my own interviewers. But you know what, my Mole Queen? I'm here to win and have fun. Everybody knows the lyrics to my theme song, and as pointed out, yes, I ironically lost my own loving feeling. It was gone. But, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, it's back. And I plan on having a love (a love, a love) for this sport like you don't find find everyday. The next few months you're going to see the Hardbody of old, the one that dominated the ratings, the rankings, the vaginas, and the hearts of everyone in the OOWF. You'll be sure to see the Championship and a smile on my face very, very soon.

FJwaOhFuckIt: Well, you're next match is against Ax-Man. You face him at Midweek Mayhem, and he may have been the one to start your slide. After losing two matches to him back in the winter, you haven't been the same. Any words for him?

HH: Hold on. *Hardbody bends down to Fievel and hands him a roll of tokens.* Fievel, go and play The Claw Game. Try to win a stuffed version of yourself or something. *Fievel bounds off, ecstatic and tripping all over the place. He's soooo precious.*

HH: Now where were we? Ah, Ax-Man. He's a tag team champ, isn't he? He's certainly made a name for himself, even if he couldn't win a match clean if he was fighting in a pool of Tide. It's just such a shame that a champion is going to have to be embarrased in front of an audience so big. I know you'll probably have your "3 Piece Set" with you, but we all know that you don't have a set where it counts.

FJwaMwhatever: Huh?

HH: He doesn't have any testicles. You see, it's funny because I made a play on the name of his faction in a manner that verbally took away his manhood so everybody could laugh.

FJweMyeah: Oh. Proceed.

HH: Ax-Man, we haven't crossed paths in months, and I'm sure you'll do whatever it takes to save face.

*Hardbody rolls his last skeeball up the ramp right into the middle jackpot hole. Hundreds of tickets come out of the dispenser. Hardbody takes them and walks over to the ticket counter, says something to the attendent, hands over his tickets, and waits for her to return. She does, and Hardbody holds the item in front of the camera.*

HH: Unfortunately for you, my friend, no matter what you do, it won't be good enough. Enjoy the gift, and I'll see you in the ring.

*Hardbody leaves the item on the counter and the camera goes over to see it. It's a pair of shorts, and written on the posterior in big block letters is "I WRESTLED HARDBODY HARRIS AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY ASS-KICKING." A graphic is displayed urging viewers to buy the product at OOWF buyzones everywhere.

[mooseheadjack]

concrete is in the locker-room, when there's a knock on the door. he opens the door to see a messenger there,

messenger: delivery for as-yet-unnamed-face-faction.

CTG: well, while i may not be working with the AYUFF at this moment, i do not believe it would be unjust for me to accept this package! give it here citizen!

MSNGR: whatever. just sign here.

concrete signs for the package and opens it. he sees it's a can of peanut brittle.

CTG: peanut brittle, ay? A HEROES SNACK!

concrete opens the can of peanut brittle and THE BEAST POPS OUT!

CTG: AAHH!! oh! CITIZEN BEAST!!

B: hey concrete. hows it going?

CTG: ah-ah. the name is HURRI-CRETE!

B: ok...

CTG: the world of OOWF has fallen on dark times since you've been gone. the just are forced to tag team with those who were once their enemy, and participate in hardy heroic matches like a barbed-wire steel cage weapons match, while the evil are allowed to run free and invade the AYUFF.

B: ...

CTG: but now, CITIZEN BEAST, with your return, a new light shall shine on the OOWF! a light of truth! a light of justice! the AYUFF will be brought back to it's former glory! the evil that has taken over our world with be punished, and run, cowering to the corners, like the cowardous criminals they are!

B: dude. you got weird.

B: now excuse me. i gotta make sure everyone knows....

BEAST IS BACK RAWWR!

[mooseheadjack]

Ax-Man is trying on his new pants while trying to look at his ass in the mirror.

Ax: You now I would’ve had these made with a foot or boot print on it as well.

FC: That’s because you’re ten times the marketing genius that softcock Harris is and ten times the wrestler.

Ax: does my ass look big in this?

CC: ahhh Man, will you stop that.

Ax: No way, these are my lucky dacks now, these were given to my by my number fan!

CC: number one fan, sshhh.

Ax: Any way I’m leaving them on for some lucky groupie to rip off with her teeth, man I can’t wait for this upcoming Mayhem, hows this for a catchphrase, “Where it all begins again”

FC: It’s been done, but why?

Ax: because this week it truly all does begin again, Softcock Harris I came into this company and made an impact, I made a name for self by destroy the number face, I made him tap and I pinned him to the mat like a cheap drunk groupie! Since then I’ve gone to the top, I’ve aligned my self with the two most bad ass drinking wrestlin’ and screwnin’ sons of guns the universe has to offer I’m one half of the longest reigning tag team champions of all time and this week at mayhem I’ll have solidified my legacy by making it 3 from 3 over the soft one. And Soft one since then you’ve only gone down hill!

FC & CC: Alright!

Ax: this week Harris I’m going to make sure you have the most appropriate entrance music in the OOWF, you might try to kick my ass, by I promise I will kick you fair and square in the Tallywhacker, and then your tallywhacker will go numb and you will have lost that lovin’ feeling, because as I stated before you will have a numb tallywhacker!

FC: Darn tootin!

Ax: and as for JW Westgaard and Thim reyonlds, you better protect your tallywhackers too, because you bitches are in the sets sights! I’ll get you Softy and your little Mouse Too!

Ax turns around and drops his HH shorts and proceeds to give the camera a fruit bowl!

Fade to black.

[mooseheadjack]

(once the cameras turn off (ha ha ha), Beast turns back to Hurri-crete)

Beast: okay, one more time here.... WTF?

CTG: (speaking normally) I got screwed into having to tag with Moosehead Jack. We're not allowed to attack each other, and..... (reads over a paper) the factions cannot attack either of us, under penalty of suspension. so, (grins, slips into character) The MIGHTY OBNOXIOUSNESS OF HURRI-CRETE IS THE ONE POWER THAT WILL SOON BANISH MOOSEHEAD JACK FROM THIS FAIR ORGANIZATION! (Pose)

Beast: ...... will I get suspended if I kick your ass?

CTG: No need, Citizen Beast! I have my own mission for you. I have been warned that Attitude Adjuster will try to take the AYUFF away from me! You had expressed interest in running our just faction. In my time of inprisonment I must ask one whom I trust in his power to smash through anything with nary a thought, appear from any receptacle (I owe you overtime for working with me at the beach that one time) and striking fear in those that oppose us, to take my place as leader of AYUFF and keep AA in line. Can I count on you for that, good citizen?

Beast: cut out the comic book speak and I'll think about it.

CTG: (Leans in) look man, I'm stuck with this for another five months. Someone's gotta keep the faction together. Help me out here....

[mooseheadjack]

(Uncle Entity and Mercury ar taping up)

UE: Try not to leave me hanging out there now. Try not to end up crucified against the ring posts or anything. We need a win. These fools are calling us rooks and newbs and everything else. I didn't spend seven years in the Macon County Federation to be called up here and labeled a newb.

(Mercury is watching "I Love the '80s" on the monitor)

Mercury: Oh yea, I remember that song, it was about Mozart!

(Furious, UE picks up a steel chair and takes out the monitor with it)

Mercury: What the?!

UE: You need to get your head out of your ass and concentrate on this match tonight! Have you seen the latest rankings? We're getting killed! Man up Max Headroom!

(UE storms off)

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#7 is interviewing "The Main Event" Chris Cole before the show.

SFJ: Chris, tonight you will be in singles action against JW Westgaurd. What are your thoughts?

CC: Well this is really a necessity at this point. As a team 3Piece Set has beaten everybody in our paths for months now. What is their left to do? Fight Outback and Gator for the 100th time, Revolution XX for the 200th time. Ax and myself deserve a break from defending these bad boys.

SFJ: Are you nervous about singles action?

CC: Not in the least bit. I may be the half of the longest reigning OOWF tag team champions and back in BTW I was also half of the first ever tag team champions but I was also BTW World Champion and entered the OOWF as a singles star. Hell my name is "The Main Event". Were do you think I got that from? Me and Ax have a good thing going right now. We are dominating like no other team has or will ever do again. But we are both far too talented to not be breakout singles stars in the OOWF. Hell, Ax beat Hardbody Harris on his first night here in singles competiton. Westgaurd will learn that I am anything but a tag team specialist. I am the all around complete wrestling package. My rise to immortality in the OOWF started with this reign as tag team champs but it will continue tonight against Westgaurd and it will keep continuing each and every week when another OOWF tag team or singles star gets mowed down for standing in my path.

[mooseheadjack]

<Moosehead Jack is seen in the back watching Chris Cole's promo, SFG1 comes up to ask questions>

SFG1: Moose you have been awful quiet this week, usually you are menacing someone or threatening doom and gloom on someone, why so quiet this week?

MHJ: Sometimes a man talks so much they fall in love with the sound of their own voice. That man tunes out all those around him so he can listen to himself speak. That man is a fool.

SFJ1: Um, so are you saying you are a fool? I'm confused...

MHJ: Of course you are. This week I decided to lay low, to watch and listen to what is going on around OOWF, to sort of get a feel for what is going on.

SFJ1: And?

MHJ: And what? Where do we start?

SFJ1: Ok, how bout the World title?

MHJ: Niles holds the title, but thus far, Niles hasn't been a real smart champion. Here is a man who had the full support of the Establishment, me, Morte, and Endo, and he insists on running with Attitude Adjuster. AA, it is no secret that you and I have never seen eye to eye on, well anything, I can see what you are doing, it's the same thing Niles is doing. You two are running around trying to gain support, on your own two man power trip, that is fine. Just be careful whose toes you step on, as fast as you rise to the top, you can be taken to the bottom again.

SFJ1: Are you threatening Niles and AA?

MHJ: Nope, I have nothing against Niles - for now. I am committed to making this team with Concrete work, just a friendly bit of advice.

SFJ1: What about the Intercontinental title?

MHJ: Well, I think LD Williams has a point, when Johnny doesn't have the title, he is obsessed with getting it back, then he wins the damn thing and he would rather be out playing gold or whatever the hell it is he does. Johnny better get his head on straight or he will never beat Blackdragon.

SFJ1: Do you think LD Williams can beat Blackdragon if he gets a shot?

MHJ: Hell yes I do, and that is not a knock on Dragon, that guy has a lot of talent, and he is tough as hell. But LD Williams, that guy is just waiting patiently, once he gets his chance, watch out. I know LD Williams, I respect the hell outta him, you haven't seen what the man is capable of yet, but you will.

SFJ1: What are your thoughts on the Onslaught Championship?

MHJ: Well, my take on that is this, you have a bunch of guys who are afraid to really get down and dirty, so they pretend to like this "clean" style of wrestling so they can try and win a title. I mean look who you have there, Canadian Dragon, wrestled UnderDawg in an Ultimate Hell match, and is fond of kicking women off of ladders, real scientific there. Hellion and Endo, damn, remember their brawls in tag teams? They used everything not bolted down to try and kill each other, Thim Reynolds, hey Thim remember a chain match against me? You didn't seem to have much of a problem using weapons in THAT match. Firechild - he set people on fire, enough said. Seraph, Capellan and Gimmick, well those guys, I really can't say much about, haven't seen a whole lot of them.

SFJ1: Fair enough, finally what abou the tag division?

Well, you know, earlier I said there are some people who fall in love with the sound of their own voice? Cole and Ax are two of those guys. They say they have beaten every team in the OOWF, that's funny, they haven't even FACED me and Concrete. And how bout Entity and Mercury? I don't like them, but they gave us some tough matches, you haven't beaten them either.

My point is, 3Piece Set, you run your mouths awful reckless, you have held the title forever, and you are a damn good team, but all it takes to end your little party is three seconds. Keep believing your own hype, keep believing you two are unstoppable, keep believing that, and the party will be over......trust me.

<Fade to black>

[mooseheadjack]

a camera man enters a locker room where Capellan, Wilder and JW westgaard are all shooting the breeze.

JWW: yeah that succesion of moves was sick as hell, I thought after the jack hammer i had Seraph pinned until you two crazy mother f-

JWW <looks at camera man> don't you ususally follow a SFJ around

Camera nods yes

Capellan: What did she get distracted by a shiny object in the HAll way?

camera nods yes again

all three shake their heads in amazement

TW: where do they find these bimbos?... she'll be here eventually


Capellan: anyways dude we had to show you up a little in that match <chuckle>

TW: yeah dude, ya gotta admit that was a killer match, and not just cause I won...

JWW: oh yeah it was a blas-

In walks SFJ#99

#99: Good evening gentlemen, JWW can I have a word with you about you match with Chris Cole?

JWW: sure hun no prob....just let me makes sure there are no shiny things in here to distract you...

TW: I'm out, gotta go get ready for my match...

Capellan: me too...peace

JWW: Alright guys good luck, about Chris Cole, he claims to be the Main Event and like to run his mouth..in fact His whole faction is like that...lotsa talk...now he mentioned he and Ax had beaten everybody...Moosey made some god points but , hows about this Chris? I beat you this week, then you and Ax against me and a partner of my choosing, in a non-title Onslaught rules tag match in the coming weeks?

#99 what makes you think Cole will accept?

JWW: since the Tag scene is SOOO monotonous for those guys since they sooo good, I figure a challenge from a guy in the ONslaught division and a partner of his choosing shouldn't be too big of a challenge for you, but rather a change of pace, that is unless they don't don't think they can wrestle a clean match.

JWW; any ways toots, i Gotta run they've Gotr some new words on the NHL front I gotta check out.

edited because 3PS already has a match for next week

[mooseheadjack]

Stank is SITTING~! in the locker room. FF Capslock approaches.

FFCaps - It is clear to me that we need to be smarter than we have been if we're to win tag gold.

Stank - Yeah, and we should trust no one.

FFCaps - I know what you're thinking and you're right. Moosehead has been talking about The tag titles like it's his birthright to hold them.

Stank - And it's clear he doesn't care how he get's them. He even posed a scenario where we soften up 3 Piece Set for him and his looney partner a while back, thinking we're too dense to notice any ulterior motive. I thought playing dumb would give us an advantage.

FFCaps - Yeah, well not anymore. A lot a teams are vying for the tag belts. It's time to switch up our strategy. We got the Aussie's next.

Stank - I am so sick of them. They talk about upping the violence as if that's supposed to scare us? We love violence. We thrive on it. They can up the violence to biblical levels and it won't matter.

FFCaps - Preaching to the choir, Stank.

Stank - Oh yeah? Well come Mayhem... OBJ and Gaitorbait will find the call of the wild... has been answered! Can I get an amen?

FFCaps - Amen brother!

[mooseheadjack]

Seraph is walking down the corridors of the arena when he is accosted by sexy female journalist 68.

SFJ: Seraph - Seraph - Hey You! What about your match this week?

Seraph continues walking and then stops, turns as if he's about to answer the question and then continues walking. He enters a dressing room and closes the door behind him. The SFJ tries to follow him in, but finds the door locked. A piece of paper is slid out from under the door, the SFJ picks it up and reads it aloud

"you don't understand.... but come tonight, you will."

[mooseheadjack]

## As both Thim and Firechild cough and struggle on the floor we hear in the background someone shouting - get another camera, GET ANOTHER CAMERA. The street fight has started, we've got to catch all this for the broadcast tonight, The RIck'll kill us if we don't.

-----------------------------

Thim keeps on at Firechild, battering the back with bits of shattered prop. Firechild gets to his knees and Thim takes a mighty double handed baseball swing with the solid steel F from the shattered OOWF sign and blasts Firechild across the FACE with it.

Firechild goes over like he's been shot, blood pouring from his face ands lies immobile.

TR: How do you like that, you cheating, underhanded scots scoundrel!

Thim bends over Firechild and gets in his face.

TR: The better wrestler? (kick) The better fighter (spits in his face) Who's laughing no...............

Thim's eyes cross as Firechild kicks him square in the stones and as his head comes down, he is met with a solid Glasgow kiss square between the eyes. Thim staggers back, one hand trying to ease the throbbing pain in his testicles the other holding his broewkn and blood gushing nose.

Firechild dropkicks him, right in the face, sending him staggering back over the scenery and falling over on his arse.

Firechils thows back his arms and bellows...

FC: YAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

Camera Man Two looks to camera man one, and says 'this is gonna be a long night....'

[mooseheadjack]

As the battle ensues Firechild and Thim are beating the living hell out of eachother - both men are busted wide open and covered in eachother's blood. Lead pipes, street signs, car fenders, various piceces of the hurribuggy even one OOWF HD Video Camera (and subsequent camera guy) are strewn around the back of the arena having been used as weapons of war.

Both men should probably be receiving medical attention right now for their injuries, but both are too incensed by rage to care about the damage they're doing to their bodies.

Firechild is on the ground caught up in the reflex-o-lock with Thim firmly in control - it loos as if finally Thim will get the win he deserves over the upstart rocker when out of nowhere Seraph flies into the scene and almost like lightning darts across the room hitting the propitiation on Thim.

Firechild is confused as hell once again by Seraph's interference on his behalf, but at this point he couldn't care less how he gains the advantage - he just wants to continue to inflict pain on Thim. He grabs a stretch of mic cable and walks over to Thim's limp body and procedes to choke him with the cable - when he is once again surprised by Seraph's interference. Seraph pulls him off of Thim and literally ties Firechild up to an equipment rack with excess sound cable.

Firechild begins to protest

FC: "Who's F*****g side are you on anyways? Let me out of this you F*****g psycho"

Seraph looks at Firechild with pity in his eyes.

S: "You were better than this. You used to be above this. I won't let you throw it all away."

Firechild looks at Seraph with a blank and confused stare, unsure of what to make of the ravings of this obvious lunatic - then Seraph takes notice as firechilds face turns from disbelief to panic. Seraph turns around and catches Thim in mid clothesline, reversing it into an armbar takedown. Thim and Seraph lock eyes as they come to the ground and Seraph says with almost a tear in his eye:

S: "Forgive me"

He then releases Thim's arm and quicker than than Thim can react, pounds the back of his head into the concrete floor, leaving Thim an unconscious mess. Seraph gets up and calmly walks away from the situation leaving firechild cursing and swearing at him in the distance.

[mooseheadjack]

Thim is slowly coming round with two people attending to him checking the wound on the back of his head. Meanwhile a couple of other people are trying to work out which circuit breakers need to be switched off to allow them to disentangle Firechild safely

Medic1: Careful there Thim, that's a bad gash you've got there. Looks like you're going to need a few stiches to close it up . . .

TR: uggh . . . strange, it feels so much worse than that

## Thim notices that Firechild is almost fully untied

TR: oh no you don't you b******

## Thim groggily rises to his feet shaking his head to try and clear his vision

TR: I don't believe it. You've got someone else here to help you . . . can't you just stand up and fight like a man you bloody Scottish thug

Thim charges just as Firechild get's himself free and moves . . . Thim crashes into the remains of the set bringing it down on top a camera setup.

Firechild backs off watching Thim carefully picking himself up from the remains of the set. The two now bloody and torn combatants circle each other . . .

FC: Thim, I've no idea what the hell Seraph is playing at. He's not doing me any favours

TR: do you really expect me to believe that . . . I know he's not doing it for the money, not unless you're paying him in moths.

Firechild lunges at Thims throat but Thim see the move and slams Firechild to the floor with a single leg takedown . . . Thim quickly rolls Firechild over onto his stomach and plants a knee into his back between the shoulder blades. Thim grabs one arm and basically sits on it, plants his foot between the shoulder-blades where his knee was and pulls the other arm, leaning back and stretching Firechild and trying to pull his arm out of it's socket . . .

Firechild is screaming and thrashing his legs trying to get out of the move . . . as Thim is leaning back a small puddle of blood can be seen forming dripping from the gash in his head. Thims eyes begin to glaze over and his grip weakens for a few brief moments allowing Firechild to break the hold . . .

[mooseheadjack]

Semaj is RUNNING!!! He comes across Thim and Firechild both groggily getting to their feet and looking to go at it again.

S: Thim, I saw Seraph on the monitor, thought you might need some help.

TR: Semaj, this is my fight. Just make sure nobody else tries to pull a stunt like Seraph did.

FC: I'm going to whup your tea and crumpet eating arse.

Firechild and Thim go at it again. FC gets the upperhand with a knee to the gut and then a DDT onto the concrete. He then goes and picks up a piece of pipe that and goes to strike Thim, but Thim catches him with a leg sweep. Firechild drops the pipe and the two men are trading blows on the ground. Semaj is watching the event torn between helping his friend and obeying his wishes. Then he sees Ax-man running towards the two men.

S: This is between Thim and Firechild. I will stop you from interfering.

Ax: Why would I interfere. I'm just hear to watch.

S: I'm not so sure abo---

Semaj is hit from behind with the OOWF Tag Team Title by Chris Cole.

CC: Stupid Bastard.

Cole and Ax mercilously doubleteam Semaj. They stomp away at him for a good minute, then they pick him up and double suplex him onto the concrete. They lift him again and boh drive his back into the wall. The wall cracks and Semaj falls to the ground in agony. Cole then lifts Semaj up for The Headliner and nails it right on the concrete. Semaj is out but Ax puts him in the figure four leg lock anyway.

Cole then walks over to FC and TR who are still grappling. He picks up the dropped pipe and he hits Thim once right in his spine. Thim stops to grab his back and that is just the moment Firechild needed to regain control. He quickly hits Thim with a forearm to the face and then gets him into the D-tuner.

Cole gets right into Thim's face and starts screaming at him.

CC: Don't mess with 3Piece Set bitch. We don't play games. When you mess with one of us you mess with all of us. This is what happens to punks like you.

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild cranks up the D-Tuner while Cole laughs in Thim's agony ridden face, and Ax holds Semaj in the Figure Four. Cole kips up, grinning from ear to ear, only to be attacked from behind by Stank & Capslock. He is beaten down, and swiftly takes a Stankonia on the cold, hard concrete, and Ax, unable to extricate himself from the figure four takes a pair of body slams from the big guys, and passes out from the pain (and the smell....)

Capslock & Stank grab the tag titles, and...

FFC: If you boys can't keep your eyes on the prize......

S: Then these are ours!

Firechild is watching this, trying hold a struggling Thim in the D-Tuner, when FF & Stank turn round and eye him.

FFC: Just so you don't get any ideas about gettin in our way.

Firechild takes an EVIL conchairto, with the tag titles (contitleto?), his eyes glaze over and he falls, face first onto the ground, blood pouring from his face...

Camera Man Three: Were gonna be hours cutting this for PG14..........

FFC & Stank drop the tag titles and walk off, but not to the showers, oh no.

Thim gets unsteadily to his feet, gets an evil look in his eye, and hefts a full bottle of Malt Whisky, picks up Firechild's dropped lighter and advances on Firechild with purpose.....

TR: What it's like to burn, eh?

Seraph can be seen over his shoulder, as yet unnoticed in the gloom caused by the shattered light fittings........

[mooseheadjack]

The mayor (or whatever they're called in Canada) of Shediac, New Brunswick happens to walk by the streetfight with a fellow councilman.

Mayor: See, I told you we should have followed the lead of those folks in Chevy Chase, MD and filed an amendment to the city charter prohibiting random streetfights between OOWF wrestlers.

Councilman: True, but at least these guys aren't the WWE. You know Vince McMahon, Jr.? The guy who screwed Bret?

Mayor: Forget that! Bret screwed Bret.

Councilman: Vince Screwed Bret!

Mayor: Bret Screwed Bret!

Suddenly the two politicians launch into a vicious streetfight. Of course, this being Canada and all, it's a 5-star OMG~! WORKRATE streetfight, but a streetfight nonetheless.