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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:06:46 GMT -5
(Athena approaches Firewoman carrying a tray that has a bottle of Midleton Irish Whiskey. She is followed by four of the most attractive dancers in the club. Two women and two men.)
Fire: What do you want? Can't you see I am trying to get a better view of the scenery?
Athena: Why try when the scenery can come to you.
(The dancers join her at the table. Fire smiles.)
Fire: True.
Athena: Consider it a gift from the boys and myself.
(She puts the bottle of whiskey down on the table.)
Athena: Congrats again.
(She smiles and then walks away.)
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:07:43 GMT -5
<we open to WWE Monday Night RAW, LIVE! From San Antonio, Texas. The cameras are still rolling after the dark match where John Cena and Randy Orton beat Seamus and Chris Jericho. Cena and Orton are in the ring, while Chris Jericho lurks on the outside, when we hear……>
NO CHANCE! NO CHANCE IN HELL!
<Vince McMahon comes to the ring and shakes John Cena’s hand, looks at Randy Orton a little suspiciously, then shakes his hand as well. The crowd roars for Vince and he eats it up. Finally the cheers die down and Vince speaks>
VM: As many of you know, this Wednesday night the WWE will present a special show in conjunction with the widely popular OOWF, LIVE! In Las Vegas, Nevada!
<the crowd cheers wildly>
VM: Now, some of you may know my connection to the OOWF, I have a………son who has worked there in the past, and our very own Chris Jericho is marrying the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion…….Firewoman
<the crowd boos this>
VM: Now, on to other matters. The two gentlemen in the ring with me right now will be facing none other than KZ
<deafening boos>
VM: <grinning at the boos> Yeah those two are a couple pieces of work aren’t they? Well folks, I have a treat for you. Here tonight, are the very same KZ! So boys, come on out to the ring!
<something that sounds a whole lot like Scarecrow, but is not for copyright reasons, plays and Moosehead Jack and LD Williams come to the ring. The crowd boos them loudly. Moose and LD look at one another rather amused by the whole spectacle. Vince starts to hand the mic to LD, then pulls it away quickly before LD can take it, and hands it to John Cena>
JC: Well look what we have here. KZ, one of the most feared teams in wrestling history. Moosehead Jack. This is the guy that eats barbed wire for breakfast! This is the guy who would beat up his own mother….
<Moose’s eyes narrow a little at the reference to his mother>
……just for the hell of it. <then turning to LD Williams> And LD Williams, one of the most technically sound wrestlers in the world. The man who has honed his craft to perfection. You boys have a reputation! And THIS WEEK John Cena and Randy Orton will step into the ring against the FEARED kz!
<getting his serious voice on> now, normally I would go on to say that this will be a WAR! <yelling> BONES WOULD BE BROKEN! BLOOD WOULD BE SPILLED! WE WOULD HAVE TO CALL IN THE NATIONAL GUARD, THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, CONTRA, THE EXPENDIBLES AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT COULD COME JUST TO STOP THE CARNAGE!!
<crowd roars>
……but that’s not what this is about this week, is it? That will have to wait for another time, maybe when you guys finally decide to step up and step into a WWE ring. This week, it is all about something I know Moose knows something about……..respect.
<Orton stops Cena, and slowly takes the mic from him and speaks>
RO: Let me make one….thing…..perfectly…..clear. For me…..this has NOTHING to do with…….respect. You see…….I am a third generation superstar. My reputation is above reproach. You two….you two mean NOTHING to me. This week……I am going to go out there…….and do what I do best. I am going to kick…..your…..skulls….in and walk out of that ring………victorious
<LD steps up to Orton and Orton tenses for a moment, then LD smirks and holds out his hand for the mic. Orton nods slowly and hands LD the mic, LD immediately turns and hands it to Moose. Vince, who is still in the ring, grabs a mic of his own>
VM: <looking at LD> What, he doesn’t talk?
MHJ: He will say all he needs to say in the ring this Wednesday. As for you two………<Moose smirks and eyes them> You’re right. It’s all about respect. We’ll see you two in the ring on Wednesday. Trust me
<kz turns and walks away and leaves the ring. Vince, Cena and Orton all watch them go and look a little confused. Jericho follows them to the back and we fade out>
<time passes and we see Moose, LD and Jericho riding in a limo, clearly back in Las Vegas>
CJ: So, where is Fire’s party? I can’t wait to see her! The four of us should tear the town up!
MHJ: First of all, you are not going to see Firewoman until the wedding
CJ: WHAT? I don’t think so
LD: Let me put it to you another way, if you go near Fire before the wedding, you will be in a bodysuit AT the wedding
MHJ: It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding
CJ: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO UNTIL THEN?
LD: Get out
CJ: WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE KICKING ME OUT OF THE LIMO?
LD: No, we are at your hotel
CJ: Oh
MHJ: We may see you tomorrow night at your party, depends if Fire’s is over
CJ: It’s still going on? Wow sounds like a blast
LD: Epic is kind of an understatement. I wonder if the tigers are there yet?
CJ: Tigers?
MHJ: Well, if they aren’t the Fire Dancer Strippers should be
CJ: Fire Dancer Strippers?
LD: Bye Chris
<the limo pulls off and we see Jericho standing looking angry on the curb in front of his hotel. More time passes and we see Moose and LD heading back into the party. They stop at the door man on the way in>
MHJ: If you see Chris Jericho, someone who SOUNDS like Chris Jericho, or even remotely LOOKS like Chris Jericho, he is not allowed in under ANY circumstances
Doorman: Yes sir
<they walk in, grab a couple of drinks and head back to the Five’s table>
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:08:39 GMT -5
(Tytan sees Eco sitting at a table by himself. He grabs a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.)
T: Eco.
E: Tytan.
(He sits down and pours two shots.)
E: What's this for?
T: Since we are about to goto war with each other. I figured we should drink to our former partnership and to the...
E: the blood two warriors are about to spill.
(They drink and pour another shot and toast.)
T: To those that will fall in battle.
(The process continues.)
E: The new alliances formed.
(Another drink another pour.)
They continue doing this as they try to drink each other under the table.
Fade
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:09:14 GMT -5
(Athena who is enjoying some of the festivities is interrupted by Wrath.)
Athena: This better be good.
Wrath: We may have a problem.
(He points to the table where Eco and Tytan are and how drunk they are but still continue.)
Athena: (notices Ravenna nearby.) Sorry but we may have a situation that would require your help.
(She points and Ravenna turns her attention from the dancer to what she points to.)
Ravenna: Damn...why now.
(She gets up and heads in the direction of Eco and Tytan.)
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:12:15 GMT -5
Moosehead Jack and LD Williams arrive back at the party. They sit down at the Five's table with Firewoman, Poe, A'isha, Selena, and Stank.
LDW: Miss anything good?
Sa-T: Poe kicked that football dude's head off!
MHJ: What football dude would this be, Mouse?
Sa-T: Ben Rothlis...hammer?
Aa-T: Rapistberger.
FW: Yeth...that! (firewoman is clearly drunk at this point and slurring words.)
Sa-T: Stankie disappeared into the Champagne room.
LD arches his eyebrows at Stank.
Stank: There's no sex in the Champagne Room. C'mon now.
Sa-T: He also said he was gonna make it rain, but he HASN'T! He doesn't know magic.
A'isha leans towards Poe.
Aa-T: PLEASE let me have another drink.
Poe: No.
MHJ: Speaking of drinks...
Moose motions for a waiter, who quickly makes his way over. (I wish he was wearing more than a banana hammock)
MHJ: We'll have your best bottle of bubbly.
Moose drops a huge wad of cash on the table.
MHJ: Money is no object.
FW: How did you...get tho mush money?
LDW: I stole Chris' wallet.
Poe: You stole Jericho's wallet?
LD nods with a smile.
LDW: He has more I'm sure.
Stank grabs the wad of cash and counts it.
Stank: Oh, we can have some fun with this...
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:13:27 GMT -5
*inside the Destroyatorium*
DDT is sitting at a table worse for the wear after the PPV match, DVD comes over and sits across from him.
DVD: Don't let this get you down, no one wins em all. You'll pick yourself up dust off and come back stronger than ever.
DDT nods in understanding. Wally comes over dressed for a night out.
Wally: Well mates you don't seem to be prepared we planned on being fashionably late, but this is pushing it.
DVD: We ain't going Wally, you boys have a good time.
Wally: Not going to free booze and ladies? Whyever not?
DVD: Three reasons: One my first day here that crazy fire broad knocked my lights out because she thought me mistaking her for a valet was disrespectful, and now she's living it up in a strip club, apparently hypocrite isn't in her vocabulary, Two Stank a man who swore to destroy D&D will be there with rules in place preventing us from getting vengeance, and that doesn't sit well with the big man.
DDT nods in agreement.
DVD: and Three she is one of The Five, a group of people whom damn near everyone in this company claims to hate, yet they put it all aside for a party, not us man. If you and the boys want to go, we won't hold it against you, but the bar here has drinks, and my rolodex has plenty of ladies in it, so we'll stay here.
DDT grunts and pounds his beer.
Wally: Well, I promised LD's Momma I would make and appearance, but I'll run what you had to say past Spin and Jack and let them decide for themselves.
DVD: Like I said you boys do what you want, but deliver a message to fire for me will yah Wally.
Wally: What's that.
DVD: Tell her I hope her wedding goes off without a hitch. Marriage is the worst punishment I could wish upon her.
DDT smiles as the camera fades.
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:14:06 GMT -5
**Back at the party, SFJ#5 approaches the Five’s table and stands there glaring at L.D. Williams.**
LDW: “What?”
SFJ#5: “You haven’t promoed in, like, two weeks.”
LDW: “I’ve been busy.“
SFJ#5: “With?“
LDW: “Wedding preparations.”
SFJ#5: “Seriously?”
LDW: “Do you have any idea how long it takes to fold all those stupid napkins?”
SFJ#5: “-”
LDW: “Don’t even get me started on the weights for the damn balloon center pieces.”
**SFJ#5 glares at Williams for a moment, and produces a microphone.**
SFJ#5: “Speak.”
LDW: “Woof.”
**The glare continues.**
LDW: “Fine…two things I need to address:
First, Matt Folz…From the day he entered the OOWF, I have been Folz’s biggest critic. I never doubted his ability, but I didn’t think he had the drive. I figured he was all about the money. I was wrong. Folz went hold-for-hold with me for a solid hour, in what may have been the greatest match of my career. If I could wrestle a match like that against an opponent like Folz every night, I would be a happy man.
Second, Stan Fulton - The bastard son of the Davin Moreland school of oblivious promos and Tytan’s gimmick-hopping master class. Little hint, Stan - that stuff works for Davin and Tytan because they have what it takes to back it up. Do you? Are you the man you pretend to be, who accepts defeat and comes back stronger? Or, are you and Sheik Whosis going to come up with excuses? Either way, if you want the Onslaught Title back, come and get it.”
SFJ#5: “What about your match this week - kz vs. Randy Orton and John Cena?”
LDW: “As Moose said, I’ll do my talking in the ring, except…John, Randy…matches like this are why Vince doesn’t pay for health insurance.”
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:15:11 GMT -5
Guy #1 comes back to the Three Guys Table.
Guy #2: So...
Guy #1: That chick that looks like Firewoman says she getting married to Chris Jericho at OOWF Midweek Mayhem in Las Vegas, Nevada, THIS WEDNESDAY (cheap pop!).
Guy #2: Really, I don't think they need our rub right now.
Guy #3: Should we tell him?
Guy #2: (to Guy #3) Nah. This is too much fun. (to Guy #1) So the Firewoman impersonator is getting married to Chris Jericho at Midweek Mayhem? That's pretty cool. It's a good thing we have tickets, because it sounds like the entire first two rows may be sold out because of that.
Guy #1: I wonder what the real Firewoman's doing right now.
Guy #2: Uhh, why?
Guy #1: Well, I did carry her to a bunch of great matches. And we did have some good chemistry together.
Guy #3: This is not going to end well.
Guy #1: I wonder if I still have her cell number...
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:16:31 GMT -5
Sitting at the Five’s table, but it’s just LD Williams, who is facedown. Stank is probably still in the champagne room, and Poe has taken the children home because of curfew issues.
MHJ: What guy?
FW: That one…over there….he keeps looking at me.
MHJ: Where?
FW: Those three guys at that table….
MHJ: You’re drunk.
FW: That doesn’t mean he’s not staring.
MHJ: Damn…is this the longest party ever?
FW: Longest AWESOMEST party ever. she holds up another shot glass for a toast in Loud Drunk Voice TO MY BROTHER! THE BESTEST BROTHER EVER!
MHJ: Cheers!!!!
FW: Seriously ……Moose …..Moosiepoooo ……..Jack………..Moosiepoo Jack…..
MHJ: Stop it with that….LD hears that and he’ll be calling me that for a week…
FW: I know you weren’t there for me growing up……why was that, anyway?
MHJ: The Whore kidnapped you and took you three states away, and I was 10….hard to drive…also getting my ass beat every night…
FW: Oh yeah….anyway………..you’re still the best…..you know………just………
MHJ: I think you’re done….let’s go……
FW: No, that cowboy over there is going to be off work soon……we have plans.
MHJ: DVD thinks you’re a hypocrite.
FW: He thinks I’m a HIPPO!!! Has he seen my body?
MHJ: HypoCRITE.
FW: Whatever….I’m not leaving until he does.
MHJ: Fine. You know, I don’t like your fiancé.
FW: You don’t like any of my friends…….you and Alex should—
MHJ: *standing very awkwardly* He is not your friend, and if you finish that sentence I’m going to heart punch you.
FW: --try and get along because you’re both very much ali—
Moose attempts a heart punch but he’s too drunk and ends up falling into her instead. She pushes him back into his chair.
MHJ: You should talk about your match.
FW: Why? I should be wrestling …. Who are the WWE main title holders?
MHJ: Does it matter?
FW: No. Rick put me in a stupid diva match with Alexis.
MHJ: Okay….seriously…..time to go….
FW: Go on…..Lucky will know when to send the limo…….
MHJ: How?
FW: Dunno…he always does….
MHJ: Fine….be careful. Do NOT do anything stupid...... otherwise your groom will get that look on his face....I hate that look.
FW: Mooooosie poooo Jack……..where is the fun in that.
Moose glares at her and tries to pick up LD.
MHJ: C’mon partner……..
LDW: Get yer hands off me….Moosiepoo Jack…..
MHJ: Great…
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:17:12 GMT -5
Ravenna follows Alexis reluctantly over towards where Eco and Tytan are.
Ravenna: What do you think we're gonna do if they decide to show their asses?
Alexis: Kick them. And while we're at it, I'm liking the new, cursing you.
Ravenna watches the men closely as they approach.
Ravenna: Sometimes, you're a real bitch.
Alexis: Aw, Rav, I never knew you cared.
Ravenna: Shut it. And if they wanna fight, keep Eco away from me. There's still hope for Tytan.
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:18:06 GMT -5
*The Moreland Party has appeared to have left the building, just as an INCENSED Eco comes barging into the club, followed closely by Dr. Super Mario, Attorney-at-law. They find out where Davin WAS sitting, but only find this card left behind: *Meanwhile, a very TALL limo driver walks in and makes his way over to Firewoman's table* vTld: Ms. Quinn? Lucky sent me to take you back. FW: Ms. Quinn. Huh. Last time I'll hear that! WOO-HOO! *The limo driver surreptitiously helps Firewoman into the limo, and she looks like she's falling asleep* vTld: Where's Moosiepoo Jack? FW: Oh..HA! He's uh...somewhere else... *They get to the hotel and he helps her out* vTld: Just wanted to say, Ms. Quinn...congratulations. I wish you all the best. FW: Well...that means a lot coming from you. *Lucky comes out of the hotel to help Fire back upstairs* vTld: Thanks, Lucky. L: Hey, saved me a trip. *fade*
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:18:42 GMT -5
This is still early Wed morning, not nearly 5pm Wed afternoon, kay? Lucky leaves the lobby for a moment to take care of a phone call, while Fire sits there, kind of blinking at the lights. Matt Folz enters.
MF: Fire.. Great party?
FW: Mm-hmmm.
MF: You know, you say you'll defend this title, but you have yet to sign the contract.
FW: Well, I don't need a contract. I said yes, and my word is.....something........what were we talking about?
MF: Contract. Sign here.
FW: You realize this is stupid. If you're hired by a company, then...oh whatever.
Firewoman takes the pen and scribbles her signature.
MF: Awesome. Now you should get to bed.
FW: Whatever. I don't take orders from you.
Firewoman gets up and wanders in a not-so-very straight line, and goes out the front door. She hails a cab that is nearby and takes off. At that point, Lucky comes back.
L: Where'd she go?
Folz shrugs his shoulders. Lucky shakes his head and leaves the hotel to try and figure it out.
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:19:18 GMT -5
The Three Guys at a Table walk up to Matt Folz, who just got Firewoman's signature on a contract.
Guy #1: Did she read that contract before she signed it?
MF: Nope.
Guy #2: Good job! Good to see one of the based rules of wrestling still holds. No one ever reads what they sign. By the way, will you sign this?
MF (without looking): Sure.
Matt Folz walks away.
Guy #1: What did he sign?
Guy #2: I'm his manager for the rest of his wrestling career. Except when I turn on him once he has a title belt.
Guy #1: Think that will hold up in court?
Guy #2: Nope. Especially since he signed it "Ha! You thought I'd sign this, didn't you?"
Guy #1: He actually wrote all that?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: What fun is that?
Guy #2: It's probably still legal. As his manager, I'll just put him under a mask as the man named "Ha! You thought I'd sign this, didn't you?" He'll be "Ha" for short.
Guy #1: And he can fight "Who."
Guy #3: Where?
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:20:01 GMT -5
*Stank is in the champagne room enjoying the happenings and goings on in there when what little light there is goes out. The girls let loose squeals of varying octaves. When the lights return, lying next to Stank on the couch is the Undertaker in a vegetative state.*
Stank - Who ordered the Caesar salad?
*Taker doesn't move as he stares up blankly at the mirrored ceiling, his mouth hung open with spittle dripping down the side of his face.*
Stank - Uh... ignore him ladies. He's not quite... himself.
*The ladies shrug their shoulders and soon the music starts back up. The ladies gyrate in rhythm to the beat and a few start to perform for the Understiff. Stank starts nodding his head in synch with the female applebottom wiggling in his grill, when he notices two other females mount Undertaker, rubbing their naughty bits all over his unresponsive body.*
Stank - Go Taker! Go Taker! Go Taker!
*The chant gains participants as Stank and the remaining females shout it with the beat of the music. Suddenly THROUGH CHAMPAGNE DREAMS AND CAVIAR WISHES IT'S KANE!!!!*
Stank - Oh shit.
*The ladies SCATTER as The WWE World Heavyweight Champion comes barrelling into the room. The lights have gone red and Kane has made a beeline toward Stank. Oddly, the ladies servicing Taker continue his lapdance unperturbed.*
Kane - YOU DARE DEFILE THE EMBODIMENT OF DESTRUCTION AND CHAOS WHILE--
Stank interrupting- HOLD up there HOMESLICE! HE interrupted MY good time! NOT the OTHER way around!
Kane - I DON'T CA--
Stank - AND FURTHERMORE.... I don't hear him complaining! This is probably the best time he's had since mile highing it with Michelle McCool however long ago.
Kane - He DOES look kinda happy.
*A small hint of a smile curves up at the corners of Taker's agape piehole.*
Stank - Seems like YOU have some apologizing to do.
Kane -
Stank - Saaay it...
Kane - I'm sorry.
Stank - I can't HEAR you...
Kane - I SAID I'M SORRY! OKAY?
Stank - Fine.
Kane -
Stank -
Kane - I've got nothing left for this promo. Where's your partner Poe?
Stank - I don't know. You didn't see him out there in the club?
Kane - Wasn't really looking for him at the time.
Stank - Well... I think he's still out there. I've lost track of time in here.
Kane - Okay.
Stank - Before you leave could you do something about the red lights?
Kane - OH sure... sorry.
*Kane raises his hands slowly then DROPS them rapidly igniting BALLS of FLAME in the corners of the room!! The fire slowly spreads across the fur lined walls, fixtures, and furniture placed nearby. Smoke begins to fill the room. Oddly the girls dancing on Taker's limp body continue their act.*
Kane - Ooops. Wrong hand gesture.
Stank - Welp... this party's over.
*Stank rises from where he sat and heads toward the exit while the entertainment runs past him shrieking.*
<FADE>
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:21:22 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/WWE Wedding Extravaganza Live! July 28th From Las Vegas Nevada
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. CHRIS JERICHO
It’s time for the first half of our upcoming bride & groom to step into the ring as this match has been a long time in coming. Alex and Chris have been linked for a while due to Alex’s history with Firewoman and Firewoman’s relationship with Chris. But the problem arises in that Darling and Jericho have never gotten along. So, let’s get this started and Alex makes his way down to the ring to Godsmack’s “I Stand Alone.” And he’s quickly followed by Jericho and “Break the Walls Down.” Both wrestlers are in the ring and we’re ready to go as Alex extends his hand for a pre-match handshake. Jericho looks at him and slaps the hand in a sort of shake type thing.
The bell rings and Alex and Jericho lock up and go through a series of reversals before AD takes Chris down with a side-Russian leg sweep and quickly rolls through into a front face lock. CJ fights back to his feet and sends Alex into the ropes and they meet with dual shoulder blocks and neither move. Alex pushes Jericho to the ropes and once again a dual shoulder block affects neither. And for a third time, Alex sends Jericho into the ropes, but this time Alex drops down to the mat as Jericho hits the opposite ropes and he gets back to his feet and nails CJ with a dropkick that sends him crashing to the floor. Alex quickly back to his feet and hopping back and forth before he hits the ropes and goes flying through…TOPE CON HILO and Alex lands on his feet to a big cheer.
He picks Jericho up and slides him back into the ring before stepping through the ropes and Alex gets caught with a kick by Jericho before they go through the motions of a match for the next few minutes. Back-and-forth action and it’s one of the best matches Jericho has been a part of in years and it looks like he’s really getting into the groove as he HITS THE LIONSAULT and makes a cover…
One… Two… Th…No, Alex kicks out. Jericho quickly follows up with move #596, an arm bar variation. Alex quickly spins around and gets behind Jericho…LUNGBLOWER connects and Darling heads to the top rope. He goes for a SWANTON BOMB but Jericho rolls out of the way and as they get back to their feet, Jericho slams Alex down with a clothesline and he’s going for the WALLS, but Alex fights it off and sends CJ crashing into the corner.
Both guys get back to their feet and meet in the center of the ring and start exchanging punches. Jericho gets the advantage and as Alex staggers, Chris goes for the CODEBREAKER, but Alex stops it mid-move and holds onto Jericho’s legs and he locks his hand in between the legs and quickly rolls Jericho over and has him locked in THE MONEY CLIP. Alex has got him locked up in the center of the ring and Jericho is in trouble. CJ is reaching for the ropes but Alex keeps pulling Chris back towards the center of the ring but he pulls too hard once and Jericho is able to twist Alex around and he pins him…
One… Two… No…Alex gets a shoulder up. Jericho gets back to his feet and hits Alex with a running step-up enzuriguri and he looks to follow that up with a bulldog, but Alex blocks it and gets behind Jericho…SLEEPER SUPLEX with a “bridge”…
One… Two… Three!!!
Alex gets up and raises his hand in victory, but the ref is quickly over and shoves it down and Alex looks confused. The ref explains what happened to the ring announcer… WINNER - Both men’s shoulders were down…the official result is a DRAW
The crowd boos this, but the ref’s decision is final and both Darling and Jericho look furious as they slide out of the ring and glare at one another before meeting up outside the ring and exchanging blows once again. Alex gets the better of it and nails Jericho with a hard right hand to the face and we can already see the eye starting to bruise. Security personnel quickly get out to break it up before it can escalate any further and Alex is escorted to the back with Jericho just a few moments behind him.
FIREWOMAN & ALEXIS DARLING vs. GAIL KIM & NATTIE NEIDHART
The WWE Theme plays and Gail Kim and Natalya Niedhart enter the ring to some boos. There are signs asking Gail to go back to TNA. They enter the ring and then the lights dim and strobes start to flash. Alexis Darling and Firewoman come out, and...they're BOTH wearing belts? Turns out they are current Shimmer tag team champions! (Fire's got her world championship belt on her waist and has the Shimmer belt on her shoulder.) Kayfabe leaps onto the ramp and starts to lecture them both. Alexis and Firewoman look at her, look at each other, and then double choke slam Kayfabe to the ramp. The crowd goes wild, and Gail and Nattie are probably wondering what they've gotten themselves into. Alexis and Firewoman get in the ring, and show off their belts, before handing them off. Looks like Gail and Alexis are going to start things off, so here we go.
Gail attacks and gets Alexis in a headlock but Alexis lifts her up and backward, making a quick cover. Gail kicks out easily, but appears to be surprised by a 'diva' that actually fights back. Alexis doesn't take long to pull Gail up by the hair and whips her across the ring. Gail pulls herself up using the ropes, but Fire gets a big roundhouse kick up to Gail's head that sends her back to the center of the ring, and right into Alexis's waiting arms. Alexis gets her in a chicken wing and raises her up. Fire climbs in and leaps to grab Gail's neck as Alexis lets go, and hits a DDT. She slaps Alexis's hand to tag herself in officially, holding Gail up by the hair. She helps Gail up and lands a series of European uppercuts, and finally sending Gail to the ropes. Gail bounces out, but instead of Fire capitalizing, Gail is able to leap and get Fire in a body scissors, transitioning into a victory roll. Fire kicks out at two and is PISSED. She hits a big bitchslap on Gail that knocks her across the ring, but unfortunately it lands her within reach of her partner, and Nattie makes the tag.
Nattie comes in a house of....well, like really energetically. She catches Fire with a few clotheslines, but Fire bounces back after each one. Nattie makes a move and hits a German Suplex, and then switches Fire around into a rear naked choke. Alexis is reaching out to be tagged in and is screaming, "You can't choke out the bride!" but Fire can't reach her. But Fire CAN shift her weight, so that Nattie's shoulders are on the mat. Nattie is forced to break as Fire rolls away. Both women stand, and Fire attacks, however, she's not all that rational about it (shock) and Nattie catches her and lifts her up to the spinning power bomb! Nattie goes for the pin again, but Fire gets her shoulder up. Nattie backs of and Fire grabs her hair down at the roots and first uses it to help her up, and second to shake her head hard. The referee gets almost to Five when Fire lets go of the hair, but she picks Nattie up and hits the Voodoo Drop. Nattie is out and Fire makes the pin, but Gail comes in to break it up. This ENRAGES both Fire and Alexis, since after all, these are only supposed to be friendly exhibition matches. Fire grabs Gail and gets her up on her shoulders while Alexis climbs to the top of the ring post and ... DOOMSDAY DROPKICK. The crowd is chanting OOWF! OOWF! That takes care of Gail. Fire tags in Alexis, who goes over to where a groggy Nattie is getting to her feet. She lifts her up as Fire climbs the ring post. Alexis props Nattie on the second rope in the corner, and ....MADE IN DETROIT? I know Fire's originally from there....okay, anyway, Nattie hits the mat with a thud and Alexis makes the pin. The crowd and Firewoman count a long, one, two...THREE!! WINNERS in 7:02 – Firewoman & Alexis Darling
Fire grabs the microphone: "That's what happens when you put Divas against real wrestlers." She drops the mic, she and Alexis high five, and leave, slapping fans hands all the way up the ramp
TEAM EVIL vs. CM PUNK & LUKE GALLOWS
“This Fire Burns” by Killswitch Engage plays over the OOTron as the arena explodes, with OOWF fans being partial to the Straight Edge Savior. CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Serena emerge from the back, with Punk impressed by the positivity and giving a little bow to the crowd. They walk to the center of the ring, where CM Punk takes a microphone.
CM Punk: I appreciate the reaction from a more enlightened crowd. Thank you. (Mixed reaction.) It’s especially poignant after you’ve been subjected to the drivel that emanates from so many depraved people in this company that claim they intend to save you. I speak primarily, as you can guess, of Juni “Ecosystem” Muyo. He goes out and recklessly assaults people, telling you all to change but never addressing the root causes. He’s got his religious crutch, telling him human beings are naturally flawed, whereas I see the truth. All the drugs, the painkillers, the alcohol, the pot, all the crutches that get you through your day have taken away your ability to talk.
PA: I know who you are…the leader of lost souls…
The bright red letters of “DEVIL” flash on the OOTron above as “Immortal” by Adema plays. Ecosystem and Tyler Vangarde appear atop the ramp, accompanied by Lauren Phoenix. Predictably, Eco is carrying his own microphone.
Eco: It’s the same shtick every time, isn’t it, Punk? And the sad part is, you neglect to realize just how very limited your vision is. Truth is, Punk, you’ve been blind to another kind of addiction, one you suffer from greatly. An addiction to power and authority, an addiction to preserving your precious earned spot, pushing you to perpetuate a political system in wrestling that allows you to get your main event fix.. And so I requested and received a special guest referee for this match. Wade?
“We Are One” plays over the OOTron as Wade Barrett comes out in a referee shirt…flanked by the other six members of the Nexus in traditional “N” garb, who all stand atop the ramp around Ecosystem. CM Punk suddenly looks particularly nervous in ring, as Gallows looks angry. Eco nods to Tarver, and the assembled group walks down to the ring together.
Barrett: Now don’t you blokes worry there, this is just a friendly exhibition match. Nothing to worry about here, I’ll be calling it right down the middle.
The bell rings, and Ecosystem and Punk start off. Punk keeps Eco at bay with a couple Muy Thai kicks, but Eco catches one and pulls him in for a short-arm clothesline. Fast two-count, Punk kicks out. Punk yells at Barrett for the fast count, Eco goes for a quick rollup, only a one-count this time. Punk kips up and nails Eco with a harsh upward forearm. Punk goes around the back and nails Eco with a backdrop suplex. Punk picks Eco up and whips him into the SES corner, where he NAILS Eco with the running knee! Tag to Luke Gallows, and Gallows starts putting the boots to Eco in the corner! The OOWF’s self-appointed messiah seems to be in trouble as Gallows stomps a pretty convincing mud hole as Serena cheers on.
Gallows drags Eco out of the corner, hooking his arms for a Gallows Pole, mostly because he’s from the WWE and expects to win with his finisher in three minutes. He lifts Eco up, but Eco shoots out his feet and catches Luke in the face with an elevated still dropkick, causing him to loosen the hold and freeing Eco. Eco then throws a couple hard kicks at the knees of Gallows, dropping him to a kneeling position. Spin kick to the back of the head, and Gallows is laid out! Eco stumbles over to the corner and tags in Tyler.
Vangarde is a HOUSE O’ FIRE as he runs in and catches a rising Gallows with a big bulldog. Bounds off the ropes on the opposite side, and the enforcer drops a knee on the first disciple’s neck! Vangarde attempts to roll Gallows into the Manifesto, but Gallows grabs the ropes immediately. This doesn’t usually deter Tyler, however. After some protestation from Punk, Barrett pleasantly suggests to Vangarde that he may not want to keep his opponent in a submission hold while he is holding the ropes. Vangarde obliges, going to the apron outside and waiting for Gallows to rise. Vangarde jumps up to the top rope—and he’s caught by Gallows, who slams him to the ground in a burst of strength! Gallows gets up and tags in Punk, who drops down on Vangarde for a pi—no! Anaconda Vice! It’s locked in! Barrett looks to Eco, who nods…and referee Wade Barrett is looking out to the audience?
Barrett: I say, that popcorn cart out there is mighty interesting! Why, I think I’ll go purchase some popcorn. Can’t see anything that happens in the ring, I’m afraid!
Wade Barrett walks to the outside slowly as the rest of the Nexus storms the ring, assaulting CM Punk and Luke Gallows! The two fight back valiantly, but Tarver catches Punk flush with a Knockout Punch and Gallows runs right into a Sheffield clothesline, followed by a knee drop from Darren Young. Tyler steps up to the second turnbuckle as David Otunga, actually contributing for once, places Gallows onto Vangarde’s back. Tyler follows through with the POWER TO THE PEOPLE SPINNING SAMOAN DROP! Eco nods at Gabriel and Slater, who place Punk on Eco’s own back crucifix-style in the manner Rey was once draped on Punk. Eco follows through with a nasty Go To Sleep to Punk as the audience boos.
Cole: Oh come on! This was supposed to be an exhibition! Dammit Eco!
Nexus continues to clear traffic, laying CM Punk out below one set of turnbuckles and Luke Gallows below a set across the ring. Gabriel goes up above Gallows as Eco rises above Punk. Serena climbs in the ring and grabs on Eco’s leg, but Slater holds her back. Gabriel follows through with the 450 as Eco hits his 630 Savior Splash! Eco goes for the cover on Punk as Barrett meanders back to the ring, popcorn in hand, and counts the 1…2…3. WINNERS in 12:22…Ecosystem and Tyler Vangarde!
Serena goes to tend to Punk as NEXUS and DEVIL pose together in the ring to the crowd’s booing and trash-throwing before heading up the ramp.
MATT FOLZ & BRYCE LARSON vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN
Edge and Christian appear through the smoke with a chorus of boos. "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" plays and Folz and Larson appear to cheers. The four all stare down, as Edge and Christian appear to think this is all beneath them. Folz does not take kindly to Edge's dismissive air, and let's him know it with a fast right slap to the face. Edge's eyes bug out (how can we tell??) and we're off. The bell rings, as Larson and Christian take their corners.
They begin with a lock up and Folz's musculature gives him the advantage as he pushes Edge in to the corner. Edge gets an arm out though and hits an elbow drop, then another and another onto Folz's deltoid, causing him to back off. Folz backs up and Edge positions himself for a Russian leg sweep, followed up with an attempt at a camel clutch. He can't get it quite locked in as Folz is able to get out of it, but not for long, as Edge grabs him and hits a basic suplex. Folz gets up quickly and charges, but Edge sidesteps him and then gets into position for the SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR!. Folz turns and Edge fires, but Folz isn't a stupid WWE wrestler. He sees it coming and sidesteps Edge who goes crashing into the ring post. Edge back out of the corner, and Folz grabs him, and stretches out the shoulder that just hit the ring post. He cranks back into a combination arm bar and abdominal stretch, applying the occasionally hammer fist to the midsection. Edge is stretched out, and trying to find relief, and the ref asks him if wants to quit, but no way is Edge going to tap to this indie wanker, he says loud enough for the mics to pick up. This enrages Folz who repositions him and hits the gut wrench power bomb. He makes a cover, but Edge is out at two. Larson is chomping at the bit to get in, so Folz obliges.
Larson comes in with Dragon's Fire chops and strikes and finishes up with Edge in the corner with a Dragon's Strike. He whips Edge out of the corner to the far ropes and clotheslines him as he comes out. Edge gets up slowly and Larson whips him again and this time when Edge comes out he flies with an elbow, sending Larson back. Edge backs up to the ropes and slingshots off with a cross body. Larson rolls it through though and gets a roll up pin, but he's grabbing the tights! The referee breaks it up and Edge gets over to the corner to tag in Christian. Christian comes in planning to do the usual fresh tag clothesline after clothesline offense, but Larson is ready for him with a big super kick. Christian reels backward and then circles back around and WHAM! Larson follows up with a second super kick! Looks like he's setting up for Shinobi's Rage, as Christian, who did drop to his knees on that one, struggles to stand, and Larson waits, sizing him up. Christian turns toward him, and Larson lets the third one fly, but Christian blocks it! He grabs the leg and launches Larson up, and they both fall backward, Christian with the face buster on Larson. He rolls Larson over for the cover, but only gets two. Larson rolls away, and Christian helps him to his feet, and sets up the Killswitch. Or whatever he's calling it these days. Larson however pushes out of it, as everyone does, and tags Folz back in.
Folz attacks Christian from behind, and hits a German Suplex, but throws him right into the referee. While the referee isn't looking, Larson throws a chair into Folz who goes to swing. but Edge sees it and comes flying in, spearing Folz. Folz drops it and crumples in the corner, while Edge and a recovered Christian look to each other and smile. Edge pulls Folz by the leg out of the corner to the middle of the ring, and Christian gets the chair. Christian places Folz's head on the chair as Edge rolls out to grab another one. Larson tries to rouse the referee, but no dice. Edge comes back in and raises the chair as the crowd screams boos. He pauses and starts to bring it down when Larson comes flying off the turnbuckle with a double ax handle to Edge's back, narrowly missing the chair. Great timing by the King of the Indies. Edge drops the chair and the referee picks THAT moment to finally wake up. He looks around and figures out who is legal. Edge and Larson leave and Folz and Christian go back at it.
Folz and Christian exchange blows and Christian lets loose with his patented Christian Slap, which spins Folz around. Christian again tries to set up the Unprettier, but Folz pushes out of it, hard. Christian hits the ropes and bounces off, right into Folz who's waiting with a Fisherman's Suplex. Christian's head bounces off the mat, and Folz goes in, but not for a cover. He locks in the Tazmission! He cranks it down and Christian reaches out for the ropes...nothing. Edge reaches out to try to get him...nothing.....Folz squeezes harder until Christian's eyes start to look like Edge's. Christian has no choice!!! He taps!! Christian taps to Folz!!! WINNERS in 16:48 – Matt Folz & Bryce Larson
TEXPRESS vs. HART DYNASTY
The Texpress - Chad Madison and Zane Myers - stride onto the stage and pause to bask in the adoration of the fans. They make their way slowly to ringside and climb into the ring to warm up as they wait for their opponents. WWE Unified Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty, accompanied by Natalya Neidhart, make their way onto the stage to a rousing ovation. The champions walk the aisle and climb into the ring, standing toe-to-toe with the Measuring Sticks. D.H. Smith and Tyson Kidd remove the belts and hand them to Natalya, who steps to ringside. Referee Angelo Barros gives the teams their instructions and calls for the bell. Handshakes all ’round, and D.H. and Zane head to their corners.
Chad and Tyson circle and lock up. Tyson grabs a headlock. Chad shoots him off. Tyson slides between Chad’s legs, hooking them on the way by and pulling Chad off his feet. He tries to tie him up, but Chad kicks him off. Chad rolls to his feet and ducks a kick from Tyson, and snaps him over with an arm drag. Tyson walks into a second arm drag, and then Chad pegs him with a standing dropkick. Chad pulls Tyson up in a front face lock and drags him to the corner to make the tag.
The Texpress send Tyson to the ropes and plant him with a flapjack. Zane scoops up his partner and slams him onto Tyson, and then goes to the ropes and hits a splash as Chad rolls off. Zane hooks the leg, but D.H. comes in to break it up at two. Barros ushers D.H. out of the ring, and Zane drags Tyson to the corner and tags Chad back in. Zane lifts Tyson for a vertical suplex and holds him while Chad comes off the top rope with a cross body. Chad hooks the leg, but there’s no ref as Barros is busy keeping D.H. out of the ring. Chad pulls Tyson up and makes the tag.
The Texpress take Tyson over with a tandem suplex. Zane sits Tyson up and applies a chin lock. Tyson works his way to his feet and elbows free and lunges for his corner, but Zane catches him by the foot. Tyson attempts an enzugiri, but Zane ducks it and drags him back to tag Chad. Chad leapfrogs his partner and drops his weight onto Tyson’s leg. He pulls Tyson up by the leg and snaps him over with a dragon screw leg whip, and then comes off the ropes with an elbow to the knee. He grabs the leg, but Tyson kicks him off. Tyson rolls to his feet and heads for his corner, but Chad catches his arm. Chad attempts an Irish whip, but Tyson reverses. He drops under Chad’s return trip, and dives to his corner to make the tag.
Chad puts on the brakes as D.H. storms into the ring. He throws a dropkick, but D.H. slaps it aside. D.H. scoops and slams Chad, and then sends him to the ropes and levels him with a clothesline. He backs Chad into the corner and works him over with forearms and chops. He sends Chad across the ring and drops him with a shoulder block. He scoops him up for a running power slam, but Chad shoves himself off behind him. D.H. spins around with a clothesline, but Chad ducks and drives a shoulder into his stomach. Chad goes for a suplex, but D.H. blocks it and reverses into a suplex of his own.
D.H. slings Chad into the corner and tags his partner. He pulls Chad out of the corner and lifts him for the Hart Attack, but Chad hits a double chop to the neck to break free. D.H. stumbles back, and Tyson springs off the top rope and pegs Chad with a dropkick. Tyson covers, but Zane breaks it up at two. D.H. launches himself at Zane and they tumble through the ropes. Tyson pulls Chad to his feet and hits an inverted atomic drop, followed by a diving clothesline. He grabs Chad’s legs and rolls him into the sharpshooter. Chad struggles, but Tyson has the hold cinched in. Barros asks, but Chad refuses to submit. Zane, back in his corner, yells for his partner to fight it, and the fans soon join in. With the crowd cheering for him, Chad slowly crawls across the ring until he can grab the bottom rope to break the hold. Tyson immediately lets go, sprints to the corner to tag D.H., and runs back to grab Chad. Tyson slings Chad at D.H., but Chad launches himself into a Thesz press. Tyson pries him off and the Dynasty send Chad to the ropes. Chad ducks under a tandem clothesline, and comes back with a double clothesline of his own. He dives for his corner and makes the tag.
Zane storms across the ring and levels Tyson with a clothesline as he gets up. D.H. gets the same treatment. Zane scoops and slams Tyson, who rolls to the outside. Zane sends D.H into the corner and hits an avalanche and makes the tag. He lifts D.H. as Chad climbs the ropes - Dropkick Device! Chad covers, and Tyson starts into the ring, but Zane cuts him off as Barros counts One…Two…Three! WINNERS, in 16:26, The Texpress.
SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. SHEAMUS
Sheamus's theme plays and the Celtic warrior comes down to a chorus of boos. The crowd is definitely biased towards the OOWF, but there's a buzz as they await someone who has not been seen for a while. Dropkick Murphys' version of "Fields of Athenry" fires up and the crowd goes ballistic, as WWE's OWN Celtic Warrior, Seamus, comes in. Slam dancing breaks out and Seamus takes full opportunity of the song to go around the ring high fiving and chest bumping fans. He gets in the ring finally and leads the crowd in singing the last chorus, which practically blows the roof off. After the song, he asks for the microphone, then takes a minute to size up his opponent.
SMcN: Look at ye......just LOOK at ye............what a cheap, pale...and I do mean pale....imitation of meself.
<*cheers*>
SMcN: I mean...really....I hear WWE has a bloke callin' himself a "Celtic warrior" so I turn on the telly...and there's himself...........not a scar on him.....not a mark on that......it's like he's a porcelain doll, in't?
*cheers*
SMcN: So...warrior....explain yourself......have you even ever BEEN to Belfast? Did you go to the parades and wave flags? Hell...have you ever even been out in the sunlight?
*cheers*
SMcN: Are ye even Irish, lad? Ye can't even spell the Gaelic right for your own name!
Sheamus-with-an-H has been standing there with that vacant look on his face, and grabs the microphone from Seamus McNasty.
SwaH: Shut yer gob, old man....Vince McMahon made me add the H because all these stupid fans wouldn't be able to pronounce it correctly.
Seamus McNasty mocks Sheamus with an H for "Vince McMahon made me," drawing laughter from the crowd.
SwaH: Besides....I've got a major contract with a national wrestling company.....while you're not even curtain jerking in bingo halls anymore.....
Seamus and Sheamus come face to face, but not for long as the BRAWL IS ON, with McNasty beating Sheamus all the way around the ring. He gets him backed into a corner and shoulder blocks him a few times before snapmaring him out of the corner. McNasty follows to continue his assault but Sheamus leaps to his feet and attacks McNasty with the Frenzy (chops followed by a back fist). McNasty holds his jaw, while Sheamus gets him in position for the Irish Curse (side slam backbreaker). Sheamus goes for the pin, but no dice, as McNasty kicks out easily. McNasty is favoring his back tough, and Sheamus sees his chance. He grabs McNasty's arms, and tries to set up HIS version of the Celtic Cross, but McNasty isn't as hurt as he looks! He counters with the Black and Tan (Unprettier)! He goes for a pin but Sheamus gets a shoulder up. McNasty applies a few more stiff rights, holding Sheamus down with his left hand. He picks him up by the shock of red hair and takes him over to the ropes. He sets it up and hits HIS Celtic Cross! He makes the pin again this time there's nothing Sheamus with an H can do. One...two....THREE! WINNER in 5:11 – Seamus McNasty
Seamus McNasty throws off the referee's attempt to raise his arm and instead grabs a microphone and stands over Sheamus.
SMcN: THAT'S a real Celtic cross, ye bastard.
McNasty's music hits and he and the fans celebrate up the ramp.
CHRIS EVANS & RAVENNA BLUE vs. KAVAL & MIZ
Sanctum members Chris Evans and Ravenna Blue are announced first and make their way to the ring. Evans is still a little banged up after his attack from Bryce Larson this past week, so Ravenna Blue will start the match. Miz and Kaval are announced next, and they make their way to the ring to a chorus of boos. Miz demands that he start the match and orders Kaval to the apron. Ravenna walks to the middle of the ring. Miz looks her up and down and smirks, grabs a mic and looks at Ravenna Blue
Well. Well. Well. What do we have here? Ravenna Blue. You know, in the WWE, women know their place. They stick to fighting women. I guess I must be such a chick magnet that you decided you wanted to share the spotlight with me………BECAUSE I’M THE MIZ…..AND I’M………AWWWWWWWWWEESSOO……..
Ravenna pops him in the mouth with a straight punch, a little uncharacteristic for her, then grabs him and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a perfect dropkick to the mouth. Miz hits the mat, but pops right back up, Ravenna takes him to the mat with an arm drag, and Miz pops up again, this time she takes him to the mat with a drop toe hold, then tags in Evans. Ravenna grabs Miz in a camel clutch and Evans bounds off the ropes and catches him with a drop kick to the face. Miz grabs his jaw and rolls to the corner where he remains on the mat, holding his jaw and looking stunned. Evans charges in and catches him again with a delayed drop kick to the chest. Miz rolls out of the ring and stumbles around the ring. Evans waits in the middle of the ring and challenges Miz to come back in to fight. Miz rolls under the ropes near his corner and tags in Kaval.
Kaval comes in and he and Evans lock up, Kaval pushes Evans to the corner and the referee calls for a clean break. Kaval takes a few steps back, then tries a kick to the side of Evans head, but Evans slips out of the way and rolls Kaval up for a two count. Kaval kicks out, sending Evans to the ropes, then kips to his feet and tries a clothesline, but Evans ducks it and bounds off the opposite ropes and tries a cross body block, but Kaval turns and catches him with a leaping spin kick to the face while he is in mid air! Evans slams to the mat, Kaval pulls him to a sitting position and catches him on the back of the head with a SHINING WIZARD. Evans collapses to the mat, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Kaval starts to the top rope for the WARRIOR WAY but Miz demands the tag. Kaval is not happy about it, but he tags in Miz.
Miz runs into the ring and covers Evans, but Evans kicks out at two. Miz pulls Evans to his feet and Evans is a little woozy, Miz slaps him hard across the face, then grabs him and sets him up for the SKULL CRUSHING FINALE, but Evans elbows out of it, grabs Miz from behind and hits the ZEUS’ FURY! Evans pulls Miz to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with the LETHAL VORTEX!!! Evans grabs his neck, then tags in Ravenna. Evans grabs Miz and hoists him onto his shoulders, Ravenna climbs to the top rope and leaps and catches Miz with SUPER DIAMOND DUST! Ravenna covers, Evans keeps Kaval at bay, and gets the one, two, three! WINNERS in 8:41 – Chris Evans & Ravenna Blue
SALVATION vs. JACK SWAGGER & DREW MCINTYER
Salvation enters flanked by Athena, tag belts held overhead. A roar echoes through the arena, with Tytan and Wrath having slowly and quietly assumed a role among the top unambiguous faces in the company. They play the pat well, slapping hands with the fans along the ramp before entering the ring and handing the tag belts to the referee.
“Down On Your Knees” plays as the former reigning men of Smackdown, Jack Swagger and Drew McIntyre, enter to a strong negative reaction. Both have their best Honest Men faces on as they quietly walk up the steps and go nose to nose with the OOWF tag team champions, before both teams head to their corners.
Jack Swagger and Tytan come into the ring to start off. Surprisingly, Tytan drops down to his knees and hands, assuming the amateur wrestling position. Jack nods and pulls Tytan up from behind and attempts a rolling German, but Tytan blocks and attempts to scoop Swagger around into a side headlock. Swagger responds by lifting Tytan up and forcing him to the ground. Swagger floats over into a front face lock, but Tytan fights upward from the hold after a few seconds, forcing Swagger into a neutral corner. Swagger rains down forearms to try to get Tytan to break, but the referee is the one who gets the big man out of the corner. Swagger gets in a cheap shot kick to the jaw, knocking Tytan off his feet. Swagger quickly runs to the opposite side of the ring and back, attempting a Swagger splash, but Tytan gets his knees up right into where Swagger’s sternum is coming down, causing Swagger to grasp his chest in pain and gasp for air. Tytan wraps his own standing front face lock on Jack Swagger, dropping him down into a Future Shock DDT, pissing McIntyre off and causing Drew to run into the ring to break up Tytan’s pin. Tytan hooks Swagger up for a variant crucifix power bomb, but Swagger slides out the back and grabs Tytan from behind into a rolling German, followed by another, followed by a third bridging into a cover. Tytan kicks out at two, and Swagger rolls him over for another—but Tytan reverses by shifting weight and nailing an Ace Crusher!
Quick dive to the corner, and Tytan tags in Wrath. Wrath charges Swagger across the ring, but Swagger sidesteps and flips Wrath over the ropes. The big man hangs on to the top however, pulling himself back up to the apron and nailing Swagger with a head butt through the ropes as he turns back around. Leapfrog rollup on Swagger, but the All-American American gets the shoulder up at two. Wrath goozles Swagger as he rises, but Swagger pulls his body up and drops Wrath into a cross-arm bar! Wrath is trying to wrench himself out, but Swagger has the hold locked in tightly! He begins to kick forward as Tytan and Athena begin playing cheerleaders on the outside. Wrath kicks forward two more times as the chants start—and wraps his legs around the ropes. Swagger releases the hold, slowly walking over to his corner and tagging in Drew McIntyre.
The Chosen One immediately targets the injured shoulder of Wrath, wrenching it into a Mark Henry Memorial Arm bar. Wrath uses his free arm to counter with a Steve Austin Memorial Punch To The Face, stunning McIntyre a bit. Forcing his weight upward, Wrath attempts to shift Drew’s hold into a DDT attempt, but the Sly Scotsman forces his way out and turns the hold into a neck breaker, wrenching Wrath’s arm and neck in the process. McIntyre catches Wrath around both arms as he flails upward. Drew has Wrath hooked up for the Future Shock DDT. As Drew falls to the ground, however, Wrath uses his arm strength to push outward and his head drops into Drew’s chest instead of the mat. Wrath gets up as Drew stumbles off the mat, the wind knocked out of him for a second—a situation not improved by a goozle from Wrath. WRATH OF THE GODS CHOKESLAM! Wrath steps up, looks over at Swagger, smiles, hooks Drew around the waist…GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB! Swagger runs in the ring to break it up, but Tytan has him scouted a second ahead and runs in, backing Swagger off. 1—2—3! WINNERS in 14:16….SALVATION!
Tytan and Wrath celebrate for a moment with Athena and their titles, before Wrath quietly helps Drew up. Salvation extends hands to their opponents, which Drew looks at skeptically, but accepts once Swagger does. Fans cheer as the five head to the back.
THE DEAD vs. R-TRUTH
The Dead enters the arena first, receiving a less-than-positive reaction from the fans as he walks the aisle. Dead stops at ringside to have words with some of team DEVIL’s more vocal detractors, and then climbs into the ring to await his opponent.
“WHAT’S UP?”
R-Truth dances his way to the ring, singing his theme song and pumping up the fans. He takes a tour around the ring to interact with them, and then climbs into the ring, still singing.
R-Truth: “What’s Up?”
Crowd: “What’s Up?”
R-Truth: “What’s Up?”
Crowd: “What’s Up?”
R-Truth: “What’s - URK!”
Dead, tired of waiting, super kicks the microphone into Truth’s face! Referee Junior Hale tosses the mic out of the ring and calls for the bell. Truth staggers back, and Dead rocks him with a European uppercut. He sends Truth across the ring and plants him with a power slam. He sits Truth up and applies a dragon sleeper. Truth gets his legs under him and works his way to his feet, and Dead drops him with an inverted DDT.
Truth bounces to a seated position, and there’s some blood on his face from the shot with the microphone. A WWE EMT starts toward the ring, but Kayfabe comes out of the crowd with a flying tackle to put a stop to that.
Inside the ring, Dead hits the ropes and nails Truth in the face with a dropkick. He drags Truth to his feet and sends him into the corner. Dead steamrolls after him, but Truth gets his feet up and kicks him in the face. Dead staggers back, and Truth hops onto the second turnbuckle and levels him with a flying clothesline. Truth hits the ropes and drops a leg across Dead’s throat. He covers, but only gets one.
Truth pulls Dead to his feet, sends him to the ropes, and throws him with a back body drop. Dead rolls to a sitting position and Truth plants a knee in his back and pulls back on his arms. Dead fights the hold and works his way to his feet, and Truth spins him around and takes him over with a suplex. Truth floats over and gets two.
Truth rolls Dead to his feet and sends him into the corner. Truth hits a series of chops and attempts an Irish whip, but Dead reverses and sends him back into the corner. Dead lifts Truth onto the top turnbuckle and rocks him with an echoing uppercut before climbing up after him. He tries for a superplex, but Truth fights back. Truth stuns Dead with a forearm, and then nails him in the face with an elbow that knocks him back into the ring. Truth repositions himself to leap, but Dead rolls to his feet and runs back up the turnbuckles, taking Truth down with an arm drag. Truth rolls through the landing and hits the ropes, coming back to level Dead with a corkscrew forearm. Truth stalks Dead, waiting for him to get up. Dead staggers to his feet and Truth goes for a scissors kick - Dead ducks it! Truth is off balance, and Dead tries to Close the Casket - Truth catches the kick! Truth sweeps Dead’s free leg, rolls him over, hooks him in a wheelbarrow, picks him up, and DRIVES him face-first into the mat. Truth hooks the legs - and Dead rolls a shoulder just in time.
Truth sends Dead hard into the corner. Dead bounces out, and Truth scoops him up and drives him to the mat. Truth goes to the top 450-NO! Dead springs to his feet and Closes the Casket in mid-air! Truth slams into the mat and gets tangled in the ropes. Dead drags the semi-conscious Truth to the middle of the ring and locks on the Deathlock. He wrenches back on the hold until Junior finally calls for the bell. WINNER, in 12:27, The Dead.
MR. E vs. EVAN BOURNE
The WWE has got to hope that their streak of crappy losses ends here. He comes out to less-than enthusiastic cheers. The crowd is solidly behind the OOWF, but there's enough indie wankers there that they give Bourne a good welcome. Mr. E enters and even though he's new, he's the home team, so they cheer more enthusiastically. The two shake hands in a rare display of sportsmanship, since, after all, this is all for fun, right? The bell rings, and they start with standard indie arm drag set. Back and forth arm drags and kip ups and exchanges of whips and rope work until both men break in the 'ready' position. There an appreciative cheer from the crowd, and both men nod at the crowd and each other, then slap hands again, and we begin in earnest.
Mr. E's size works well for him at first, as he's able to muscle Bourne into the corner. He attacks with some chops that Bourne sells like a WWE superstar. Mr. E whips Evan to the far corner, and follows him in, but Evans catches himself and jumps, so that E goes right under and hits the post. Bourne leaps and hits the Hurricanrana, sending E across the ring. He goes over and hits the standing moonsault, and then drags E over to the corner, and climbs the post. Already, Evan? He postures and starts to go for the SSP, but Mr. E was not quite dead yet. He Kips up, and grabs Bourne off the corner and throws him to the center of the ring. Now it's Mr. E's turn to fly, and he tries to hit the Mystery Attack, but Bourne rolls out of the way, and E kisses the canvas. E struggles to get up and Evan comes in with a round house kick that nearly spins his head around. Bourne lines E up again and hits the driving double knee drop, and this time makes the pin, but NO! Mr. E. kicks out at two, and we're not sure how. It's a.....never mind. Bourne doesn't care much as he knows his federation is counting on him. He grabs E by the hair (drawing a warning) and sets him up for the catapult to the corner. He sends him in, and then starts to follow with the drop kick, but hitting the corner does seem to have brought E to his senses. He dodges and Bourne dropkicks the ring post. Ow! E helps Bourne to his feet and to the center of the ring. ROCK BOTTOM! Really? Who knew Mr. E did the power moves? Now E heads to the corner again, and doesn't waste any time. He flies again, and this time he does hit the frog splash Mystery Attack. He rolls Bourne up, and Bourne kicks frantically, but can't break the hold. Of course, that's because Mr. E. is using the ropes to give himself a better angle. But the referee is at the wrong angle and focused on the shoulders, one, two...THREE! WINNER in 9:44 – Mr. E
STAN FULTON & DR. INFIERI vs. JOHN MORRISON & KOFI KINGSTON
The bright red letters of “DEVIL” flash on the OOTron above as “Immortal” by Adema plays and Dr. Infieri enters in a red mist, “Crusher” Stan Fulton following right behind with his sheikh associate. They walk down to the ring to a mixed-to-negative reaction and seem to show no signs of sincerely caring.
“SOS” plays as the Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston comes out to a tremendous reaction, followed by a posing and preening John Morrison. They are accompanied by their NXT Rookies, Michael McGillicutty and Eli Cottonwood, the giant causing the four to cut an imposing figure as they walk down the ramp.
Kofi Kingston and Stan “Crusher” Fulton are in the ring to start. Kofi assumes his usual fighting stance against the big man, throwing a couple “keep-back” punches in the general direction of Stan Fulton. In response, Fulton simply pops forward and knocks his 400+ body into Kofi, knocking him down as the crowd—and Kofi—laughs. Fulton looks annoyed, grabbing Kofi by the hair to lift him up, but Kofi spins around and catches Fulton with a kick to the jaw, causing him to release. Kofi kicks Fulton behind the knee, causing him to fall back to the ground. Kofi sets up for the Boom Drop, but the unusually agile Fulton rolls out of the way and Kofi eats mat. Fulton whips Kofi into the ropes, but Kofi does the Paradise Bounce with his arms off the top rope, placing him back in an in-ring standing position. Fulton charges Kofi, who drops the ropes down sending Fulton to the floor.
Kofi gets the tag to John Morrison who goes to the middle rope and dives with an attempted plancha to Fulton below, but Fulton sends Morrison with a pancake back flip into Eli and McGillicutty! Fulton rolls—and we do mean rolls—back into the ring and tags in Infieri as the referee counts to 5 before Morrison enters back in the ring. Infieri has already positioned himself on the outside apron, jumping off the top rope with a warrior’s way varient double kick to the back of Morrison’s head. He goes for the cover, 1,2, kickout! Infieri to the opposite corner, running punt attempt to Morrison, who reverses by throwing Infieri face first into the corner turnbuckles, then catches him coming back out with an electric chair! He lays out Infieri in position, then looks to the turnbuckles as the crowd cheers. He grabs the top rope, STARSHIP PAIN…does not connect, as Infieri rolled toward the turnbuckle post.
John Morrison rises woozily, having taken a harsh hit to his head, and is met with a stiff kick to the midsection by the Good Doctor. As the Shaman of Sexy keels over, Dr. Infieri has Morrison hooked. DOCTOR BOMB! DOCTOR BOMB! Morrison is pancaked out! Infieri goes for the cover, 1…2…3! WINNERS in 6:22…Stan “Crusher” Fulton and Dr. Infieri!
Dr. Infieri looks very pleased at his second major victory in four days, while Kofi and company look entirely unsurprised to see John Morrison job out in under seven minutes. Infieri and Fulton leave together to a negative reaction once more.
DAVIN & MORELAND vs. BIG SHOW & REY MYSTERIO JR.
Show and Rey are announced and come to the ring together, making quite the odd pairing indeed. They step between the ropes, and Show leans in the corner rather amused while Rey climbs the ropes and plays to the crowd. Davin and Moreland are announced and he comes to the ring, alone. Davin is clearly talking to himself and grinning like a Cheshire cat. Rey stops what he is doing and just stares at Moreland, Show laughs and shakes his head and steps onto the apron. The referee calls for the bell and we are ready to go.
The bell rings and Davin charges across the ring and nearly takes Rey’s head off with a clothesline. Davin gets down on the map and grabs Rey’s head and repeatedly slams it into the mat, nearly drawing a disqualification from the referee. Davin pulls Rey up and throws him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a high back body drop. Rey hits hard and grabs his back in pain. Davin pulls Rey to his feet and lifts him in a military press, and holds him up there for a LONG time, then just walks out from beneath him, letting Rey fall on his face and chest. Davin grabs Rey and pulls him up again and sends him to the ropes and tries a big boot to the face, but Rey slips under Davin’s leg and bounds off the ropes and catches him with a sit down press and lands a few shots to Davin’s face. Davin throws him off and gets to his feet staggering around a bit, Rey scurries to the apron and waits for Davin to turn around, when he does, Rey springs to the top rope and leaps and catches Davin with a drop kick to the face. Davin stagers and falls, getting hung on the middle rope. Rey plays to the crowd and bounds off the ropes for the 6-1-9, but as he spins, Davin catches his legs and slings Rey across the ring! Rey slides to his corner and reaches up and tags in Show.
Davin backs off for a moment and heads to what would be his corner, he looks like he is having a conversation with someone, then leaves the ring and goes to the apron, only to come right back into the ring. Moreland and Show meet in the middle of the ring and Moreland is talking up a storm. Show laughs for a moment, then reaches back and KILLS Moreland with an open hand slap to the chest. Moreland shakes it off and responds with a chop of his own. Show grimaces in pain, then responds with another slap. They go back and forth like this for a few minutes, until both their chests are bright red and bleeding and the crowd is literally almost too tired to chant WHOOOOOOOOOOO after each chop. Finally Show catches Moreland with a knee to the gut and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a goozle, but Moreland rakes the eyes and sends Show to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a POWERSLAM! The force of the landing literally knocks Rey to the floor, and stuns the crowd. Moreland covers, but Show manages to roll his shoulder at two.
Moreland pulls him to his feet and sends the big man to the ropes again and catches him on the rebound with a clothesline that sends Show over the top rope to the floor. Moreland gets a running start, leaps to the top rope with one jump, then turns and leaps on Show, sending him to the floor with a double axe-handle to the face. Show hits the floor and is dazed. Moreland rolls into the ring and once again heads to his corner, steps out onto the apron, then right back into the ring. Davin catches Show on the apron and he hooks him and is going to try a suplex into the ring, but Show blocks it and catches Davin with a head butt between the eyes that sends him back into the ring. Show steps over the top rope and lines up the PUNCH OF DOOM! Davin gets to his feet and Show POPS him with a left hook, Davin falls to the mat, Show covers, but Davin kicks out at two.
Show looks a little surprised, and a lot disgusted and reaches out and tags in Rey. Mysterio comes into the ring and waits for Davin to get to his feet and catches him with kicks to the legs, then heads to the ropes and tries a cross body block, but Davin catches him and hits a fall away slam that sends Rey into the corner. Rey tags in Show, but Davin charges across the ring and nails Show with a forearm to the side of the head that sends him off the apron, and crashing through the Nicaraguan Announce Table! Show’s head slams into a monitor and he is split wide open! Davin grabs Rey and sends him to the ropes and hits him with a big boot to the face, then pulls him up in another military press, and LAWN DARTS him out of the ring! Rey literally flies into about the fifth row, the fans scatter and Rey slams into chairs, then the floor! Rey Mysterio is DEAD!
Davin heads to his corner, goes to the apron, yells FINISH HIM! Then comes back into the ring. Moreland leaves the ring and pulls Show out of the wreckage of the table and hefts him into the ring. He pulls him up into the corner and hits repeated elbow shots to the gash on Show’s face, opening the cut even more until Show looks like he has been shot. Show realizes how badly he is bleeding and snaps. He fights out of the corner and hammers Moreland with punches and kicks, then sends him to the ropes and nearly takes him out of his boots with a SPEAR! Show yells like a wounded animal and calls for the CHOKESLAM! He waits for Moreland to get to his feet and goozles him, lifts him in the air, but Moreland reaches down and rakes the eyes, as Show releases him, Davin turns and DRIVES SHOW TO THE MAT WITH A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Moreland covers and gets the one, two, THREE! WINNERS in 10:17 – Davin & Moreland
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Post by BookerShark on Jan 11, 2011 17:22:10 GMT -5
KZ vs. JOHN CENA & RANDY ORTONJohn Cena and Randy Orton are announced individually and make their way to the ring, each coming out to his own song. The crowd erupts as they come out. Cena plays to the crowd while Orton smirks in the corner. KZ is announced next, and as Moosehead Jack and LD Williams come out, those cheers quickly turn to boos. KZ storms the ring and attack Cena and Orton. The fury of the attack quickly sends the two WWE stars to the floor. They confer on the outside and look a little confused about things. Finally they climb back onto the apron and John Cena steps into the ring and pulls his shirt off. The girls squeal. LD Williams steps to the middle of the ring and the two of them go nose to nose. They lock up and Cena slips behind LD and takes him to the mat and rides him in a wrestling move, then slaps the back of his head playfully then gets to his feet and plays to the crowd, laughing. LD Williams gets to his feet and when Cena turns around, LD kicks him in the gut and throws him into the KZ corner and tags in Moose. The two of them beat Cena to the mat with CANADIAN VIOLENCE! Randy Orton comes into the ring and Moose and LD charge him, Moose goes high with a clothesline while LD nails him with a spear. Orton rolls out of the ring and LD follows him to the outside. Moose pulls Cena out of the corner and tries to whip him to the ropes, but Cena reverses it and catches Moose on the rebound with his sit out hip toss. Moose pops up, and Cena gets in his face and does the “You Can’t See Me” thing, and Moose reaches back and punches him in the face, drawing blood from Cena’s nose and sending him to the mat. Moose leans over Cena and yells, “YES, I CAN FUCKING SEE YOU!” then stomps Cena in the mouth. On the outside, LD grabs Orton and throws him shoulder first into the ring steps. Orton grabs his shoulder and falls to the floor, but LD is right on him stomping his shoulder. He pulls Orton up and pulls his arm through the ring post, and pulls his shoulder right into the steel, sending the Viper back to the floor. LD rolls Orton into the ring and follows him, pulling him up, hammer locking his arm and scooping him up then dropping him shoulder first onto his knee. While LD is trying to destroy Orton’s shoulder, Moose has Cena in the corner and is blasting him with shots to the forehead. Cena staggers out of the corner and tries to fight back with a weak kick to the gut, but Moose launches himself at Cena and takes him over the top rope with a clothesline. Both of them hit the floor hard, but Moose is up first and grabs a wire and wraps it around Cena’s throat choking him until the referee threatens disqualification. Inside the ring, Williams wraps Orton’s arm around the ropes and twists it causing him to howl in pain. The referee is on the verge of losing control of this one, and warns LD to get out of the ring. He takes Orton and throws him to the floor while Moose rolls Cena into the ring. Cena is bleeding from a bad cut above his eye, Moose tags in LD and holds Cena while LD comes off the ropes and drops a knee into Cena’s ribs. LD pulls Cena to his feet and scoops him up, and hits a SITDOWN PILEDRIVER! The crowd goes silent as LD gets to his feet and stares down at Cena with disgust. Cena grabs his head and rolls on the mat in pain. On the floor, Orton is writhing in pain grabbing his shoulder. Moose hops off the apron and pulls Orton to the stairs, puts his face against the steel and grabs his arms and REPEATEDLY CURBSTOMPS him into the stairs! Orton slumps to the floor out cold, blood pooling around his head. Moose slips back into the ring and he and LD grab Cena. Moose LD whips Cena to the ropes and Moose catches him on the rebound with a Busaiku knee to the face! LD pulls him off the mat and hits a trio of German suplexes. Vince McMahon comes out to the top of the ramp and we can hear him yelling “WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?” Moose and LD are not done though. LD heads to the top rope, and Moose lifts Cena for a suplex. With Cena in the air, LD grabs his legs and they hit a SPIKE BRAINBUSTER!! OH MY GOD! CENA IS DEAD! LD covers him and the referee makes the quick three count. WINNERS in 15:55 – KZ Moose and LD are not done though. Moose slides out of the ring and grabs a table from under the ring and sets it up. He races around the ring and sets up a second table on the other side. Moose then pulls Orton onto the apron, while LD pulls Cena to the apron on the opposite side. Vince stands at the top of the ramp in shock as Moose lifts Orton and hits a LEAPING PILEDRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE! At the same time, LD KILLS Cena with a CANADIAN DESTROYER THROUGH THE TABLE! Paramedics rush to the ring with Vince close behind. Vince is livid and screaming that he wants Moose and LD arrested. Vince swears that neither of them will EVER wrestle again. LD and Moose laugh as they back up the ramp, pretty happy with the carnage they have unleashed. They get to the top of the ramp, and someone hands LD a mic You know, on Wednesday Vince, your boy Cena said this match was all about respect, and he was right. This WAS about respect……..or, should I say, LACK of respect. I’ll say this once Vince, you keep those two clowns you call wrestlers out of OUR ring. Next time, they won’t get off so easily.LD tosses the mic down and kz walks to the back while Vince seethes. DRINK & DESTROY vs. WILLIAM REGAL, SANTINO MARELLA & VLADIMIR KOZLOVSantino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov make their way to the ring and the crowd roars their approval. Conspicuous by his absence is William Regal. As they get to the ring, Santino grabs the mic: asa you can see, William the Regal is not here with us tonight. He isa at home with a case of the diarrhea <the crowd laughs at this>. So I thought to myself…..Santino, who can you get to makea the greatest team in the Dublu Dublu E even better. And I thoughta………GOLDDUST!Dust makes his way to the ring and joins his partners. “Alcohaulin Ass” plays and Spin Hansen, Outback Jack and Dynamite Danny Taylor make their way to the ring through the crowd. The crowd roars their approval as they come through the crowd and hop the guard rail. Spin, Jack and Taylor all look at one another and then storm the ring, and the crowd goes nuts! Spin catches Santino with thunderous rights and lefts sending him to the corner for cover. Taylor grabs Dust and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a boot to the face that sends him over the top rope to the floor. Taylor follows him to the outside and peppers him with shots to the face, then rolls him onto the Liechtensteiner Announce table. Meanwhile, Outback Jack comes face to face with the massive Vladimir Kozlov. Kozlov bellows and slaps his chest, Jack downs a can of Fosters, then sprays it in his face! Kozlov falls to the mat and Jack is on him, raining shots down on him until Kozlov rolls out of the ring and Jack follows. Outside the ring, Taylor climbs onto the table with Dust and looks like he is going to lift him for a slam, but instead of just lifting him and dropping him, he hits a STANDING SNAP POWERSLAM! Taylor completely leaves his feet and DRIVES Dust through the table! Across the ring, Jack catches a staggering Kozlov with a BOOMERANG to the back of the head. He climbs to the apron and waits for Kozlov to stand, then catches him with a BULLDOG on the floor! Jack and Taylor roll back into the ring. Spin sends Santino to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a big SPINEBUSTER, then pulls him up and DRIVES him to the mat with a POWERBOMB! Taylor pulls Santino up next and PLANTS him with the DYNAMITE DROP! Santino may be dead. Jack gets that look on his face, then pulls Santino up and hits the CHOMP! The crowd goes NUTS as Jack covers and gets the one, two, THREE! WINNERS in 8:01 – Drink & Destroy Drink & Destroy celebrate in the ring as the fans go nuts. They do the Steve Austin beer celebration which draws even more cheers from the fans. Finally they leave the ring and head to the back through the crowd. <Firewoman and Moosehead Jack are backstage, ready to walk Firewoman down the aisle after the last match. Fire is in her wedding dress (hidden from view mostly) and Moosehead Jack is actually in a real tuxedo. Not a tuxedo t-shirt.> MHJ: You ready?
FW: No. I want to puke.
MHJ: Aw, bridal jitters? Or just last night's bachelorette party?
FW: Fuck off.<Moose threatens a heart punch> FW: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
MHJ: Not as nervous now, are you?
FW: How did I get back to the Chamber?
MHJ: Dunno. I went to bed. Lucky, probably. So........I suppose i should say you look great or something
FW: Yeah, let's not.
MHJ: How many jello shots did you take off that Chippendale's ass?
FW: I did what?
MHJ: <checking to make sure no one is around> You look beautiful, sis.
FW looks around.... Thanks....you clean up pretty nicely too. Okay, thanks...but let's not make this a thing. Let's just get this over with.
MHJ: Wow, that's a positive attitude
FW: You know this isn't what ... how.....I just wanted to elope and not make a fuss.
MHJ: Well, it is what it is. You're just being a bride. It'll be fine....Let's go. POE & STANK vs. UNDERTAKER & KANEThe Brothers of Destruction are announced first, and the crowd roars as they both come out to Taker’s entrance, with some of Kane’s pyro added for effect. The two make it to the ring and wait in the center of the ring for their opponents. Poe and Stank are announced, and the Five members make their way to the ring, led by Selena, to deafening boos. They step into the ring and all four men, all of them giants, go nose to nose. This one may not be pretty. The referee finally manages to get Poe and Taker out of the ring and Stank and Kane will start things off. The bell rings and the two big men start trading haymakers. Kane gets the better of the exchange, but Stank rakes his eyes and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a big belly to belly suplex. Kane gets to one knee and Stank charges in and catches him with a boot to the side of the head that sends him to the floor. Stank immediately goes after him and slams him face first onto the Lebanese Announce Table. As Kane staggers away, Stank charges at him and clips his knee from behind sending him to the floor. Stank then pulls him up and slams him face first into the ring post, but doesn’t let him fall, instead he slips to the other side of the post and wraps his hands around the back of Kane’s head and pulls as hard as he can crushing Kane’s face against the steel. Kane howls in pain, and the referee threatens disqualification. Stank finally breaks and rolls Kane into the ring and follows and tags in Poe. Poe comes in and pulls Kane to his feet and throws him into a corner and hammers him with punches to the face. Kane is bleeding badly from his nose. Poe sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a straight punch to the nose, if it wasn’t broken before, it certainly is now. The world champion grabs his face in pain, but Poe doesn’t give him any rest, he grabs Kane’s leg and kicks the crap out of his hamstring, then puts his leg on the bottom rope and repeatedly drops a knee across the inside of Kane’s knee. Kane howls in pain and tries to crawl across the ring to make a tag. Poe pulls him to his feet and scoops him up and plants him on the mat, then tries a leg drop, but Kane rolls out of the way. Kane staggers to his feet and rushes across the ring and tags in Undertaker. Kane rolls out of the ring and grabs his face as he drops to his knees on the outside. Taker comes into the ring and looks a little annoyed. He and Poe lock up and Taker catches him with a knee to the gut, then tries a whip to the ropes, but Poe reverses it, Taker bounds off the ropes and takes Poe to the mat with a flying clothesline. Poe gets back to his feet and backs into the corner and tags in Stank. Stank comes in and catches a boot to the side of the head from Taker. Stank drops to one knee, and Taker grabs his arm and pulls him to his feet, wrings his arm and heads to the corner. In the mean time, Kane climbs onto the apron, but blood is still pouring from his nose and his eyes are starting to turn black and blue. Taker climbs the ropes and tries OLD SCHOOL, but Stank pulls him off the top rope right into a STANK-U! Stank covers, but Taker manages to kick out at two. Stank pulls Taker to his feet and calls for a boot in the corner, Poe gets his boot on the ropes and Stank slams Taker’s face into his foot. Taker falls to the mat and Stank tags in Poe. Poe comes in behind Taker and waits for him to get to his feet, as Taker stands up, Poe traps him in an ASP LOCK! Taker struggles and manages to land a couple elbows forcing the break just before he falls to his knee. Poe grabs Taker and goozles him for a choke slam, but Taker grabs his arm and falls back to the mat and traps Poe in the HELL’S GATE! Poe struggles for a moment before Stank comes in and frees him with a knee across Taker’s chest. The two of them pull Taker to his feet and send him to the ropes, lift him up, then hit a double ALABAMA SLAM! Taker’s head slams against the mat and he has just enough presence of mind to roll to the corner and tag in Kane. Kane comes in and swings wildly at Poe, Poe ducks him and shoves him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a HIEROGLYPH! Poe snarls and pulls the champ to his feet and hits a CRUCKIFIX BOMB! Poe tags in Stank, then leaves the ring and grabs Taker and runs him face first into the ring post. As Taker hits the floor, Poe grabs him and grapevines his legs and turns him over into the SCORPION! Taker howls in pain. Inside the ring, Stank pulls Kane off the mat and shoves him into the corner, then sets the big man on the top rope and hits the CRADLE TO THE GRAVE! As Kane lies face down on the mat, not moving, Stank locks on the SOUTHERN COMFORT! The referee checks, but Kane is out, he calls for the bell. WINNERS in 16:10 – Poe & Stank FIREWOMAN – CHRIS JERICHO WEDDINGThe arena has been reset in classic wedding style with an arch, white ropes and canvas, flowers, and white chairs. The guests are seated, with WWE wrestlers on one side and OOWF on the other, and all are in attendance, per order of GM the Rick and Vince McMahon, who are also there. There is a ramp from backstage to the ring, and the ropes have been removed, so that bride and groom don't have to climb in. <“No Chance” plays and Vince McMahon comes out, in a tuxedo. He grabs a microphone, clearly intending to be the master of ceremonies.> VMM: Ladies and gentlemen. My co-producer for this little event, GM the Rick, couldn’t be here, thanks to a vicious attack by his own people…and I send him all the best, because I know how terrible it is to be turned on by those who you have given a shot in the spotlight. <The crowd boos.> VMM: Be that as it may, I have to host this thing tonight by myself, despite some…..ahem….unprofessionalism from our guests. So without further ado….<Suddenly the OOWF theme plays, and GM the Rick is wheeled out by an assistant that looks suspiciously like one of the dancers from the nightclub they were all at last night. He gets wheeled into the ring with his microphone.> GMtR: Shut the fuck up Vince. This is my company, and my show. You all are guests, but I’ll take care of the co hosting, just like we planned.<Crowd cheers.> GMtR: And remember folks. Immediately following the show, you’ll be able to pre order the special deluxe edition of the OOWF v. WWE Wedding Extravaganza directly from OOWF.com!! Now let’s get this party started, I know the bride is excited.
VMM: As is the groom. So let’s start the music!<The wedding music starts. Chris Jericho comes in, accompanied by Lance Storm, his best man, and Edge, in matching tuxedos. They take their places and a hush falls on the crowd, as all eyes turn to the bride's entrance. LD Williams and Stank enter next, in matching tuxedos (that are not baby blue and crushed velvet) as well, and take their places. Finally, the moment has arrived, and Firewoman appears on Moosehead Jack's arm, at the top of the ramp, and there's a collective gasp as all assembled realize Moose is in a tux and Firewoman actually looks radiant in her dress. They walk down the aisle, with oohs and ahs and flashbulbs going off. Moose hands her off to Jericho.> MHJ: Hurt her, and you die.<Jericho nods and the camera catches a nice black eye leftover from his match with Darling. Firewoman sees it for the first time and turns to glare at Alexander. Alexander mouths "sorry" and Jericho tells Firewoman its okay.> VMM: I hate to interrupt this beautifully touching moment that weds our two great companies together, Rick. But I had arranged for some special musical entertainment, as part of my gift to the happy couple. “DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK!”<Eric O’Mac’s music comes on the P.A. system as the former OOWF Champion, clad in black tuxedo and black fedora, makes his way out to a mixed reaction. After he pasts the entrance ramp, a band comes out behind him and sets up on the entrance stage. Eric gets in the ring, and grabs a microphone.> E: Firewoman…GETTING MARRIED? Are you pregnant again?<Members of the wedding party hold Firewoman back from slugging him right then and there.> E: Now, now, Fire, I just came to pay my respects. We all know this wedding is missing something. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t give you a wedding gift? Just be glad I showed up to this event, ain’t that right Alex?<Eric tips his hat to Alexander Darling, who just kind of smirks.> E: So, Fire, I’ve put together the greatest compilation of songs to sing, for your wedding, and it’s all going to start…right now!<The wedding band, now completely set up on the entrance ramp, starts to play, complete with two backup players who aren’t identified. The band strikes up the tune from the Blues Brothers as Eric starts to sing.> <E: We are so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight! We would also like to welcome members of The Las Vegas law enforcement community who have chosen to join us here at Caesar’s Palace. We certainly hope you enjoy this show, and remember people, no matter who you are and no matter what you do to live, thrive and survive…there are some things that make people all the same. You…Me….Fire? EVERYBODY….EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY….NEEDS SOMEBODY. EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEBODY TO LOVE! SOMEONE TO LOVE. Backup Singers: SOMEONE TO LOVE! E: SWEETHEART TO MISS! BS: SWEETHEART TO MISS! E: SUGAR TO KISS… BS: SUGAR TO KISS… E: I NEED YOU! YOU! YOU![/i] <Suddenly the music changes up to a slower beat…The Backup Singers take off their masks, and it’s JOHNNY ADRENALINE AND FF CAPSLOCK! And its Barry Manilow’s Mandy!> E: Oh…..FIIIIIRE. When you came and you gave without taking….and I sent you away….Oh, Fire….when you kissed me to stop me from shaking….and I need you again….Oh Fire….<The beat once again changes…and it’s Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean!> E: Yeah, people always told me, be careful what you do…don’t go around breaking young girls’ hearts! And my momma always told me be careful who you love…be careful what you do…when the light becomes the truth….Firewoman’s….not my lover, she’s just a girl who thinks I am the one……but the kid’s not my son…..IT’S AA’S!<At this point, members of both wedding parties, the wrestlers, and the fans are less than approving. Stank says “I got this” and goes up to Johnny and Caps, grabs each one by their shoulder and ‘escorts’ them backstage, roughly. Edge does the same with Eric O’ Mac. And everyone settles back down, as it appears a disastrous wrestling wedding moment has been diverted. But then, Fire and Jericho look around and notice there is not a minister.> VMM: I see you've noticed there's not a minister. Well, I told Rick that I would take care of it, and while I did tease that I would get an Elvis impersonator, I was joking, and I really wouldn't do that to ruin your happy day. Fortunately, I didn't have to look far, because someone volunteered. I would like to introduce a former member of your OOWF family, who was more than eager to do the honors for you Firewoman....<"Right Here, Right Now" fires up, and it's Attitude Adjuster! What the....He makes his way to the ring, in true Vegas minister style. Firewoman, Jericho, Moose, and just about everyone on the OOWF side of the ring is shocked, and more than a few of them are a little ticked. Attitude Adjuster takes his place between Firewoman and Jericho. There is much commotion as Fire is clearly not happy about this, and neither is Jericho.> AA: You love birds....I know, I know...it's a surprise. I've been in Vegas since leaving OOWF, and well, the tables haven't been kind. I took a gig at a wedding chapel marrying people, and well...when I saw this show was coming, and what was going to happen, I called Rick and said I just had to be part of it. Rick didn't return my calls, so I was able to get a hold of Vince. Besides, it's not like I can get any work wrestling. Thanks to you, Fire, everyone thinks I'm a joke.
FW: *grabbing the microphone* Well, you can just forget it. There's no way in hell I'd let you anywhere near me and my wedding. Rick, get him out of the ring or this whole thing is off. <There is more commotion and discussion and upheaval. Fire looks like she may actually cry for real, not those fake tears she's so good at. Finally, LD Williams takes AA by an arm, with more 'physicality' than anyone anticipated and starts to walk him down the ramp and to the backstage area.> AA: Don't do it, Fire! We can work it out!! You know I'm the man for you, not him!! NOooooooooo.......
FW: Great....now we have no one to perform the ceremony.
Y2J: Rick, get on the phone and get someone here NOW!
Father Lou: I'll do it.<Father Lou gets up from where he was sitting near Seamus McNasty, and makes his way to the altar.> VMM: Well, get your ass up here ... oh, sorry Father... and let's get a move on.<Everyone readjusts again.> FW: Wait!! I don't have.....There's no one standing up for me......<Again, Fire looks totally lost, even as Jericho tries to tell her it's okay, when someone says "I'll do it." Everyone turns to look, and Alexander Darling is making his way to the front of the ceremony. Moose and Jericho both glare at him, but Firewoman smiles in a way that's quite possibly friendlier than she ever has at anyone ever, and says thanks you. Alexander nods at her, smirks at Moose and Jericho, who both decide to not make an issue of it, for Fire's sake.> Father Lou: Okay, we ready? Chris?
Y2J: Definitely. I've been ready.
Father Lou: Fire?
FW: Hurry. I think my hangover is coming back.
Father Lou: Fine. Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Marriage is a sacred union, and one not to be entered into lightly.
GMtR: Hey, uh, we're already going long, so let's cut to the chase.
Father Lou: Oh...right...well, there are some necessities I need to get to. Okay, first, off, who gives this woman--
FW: Seriously? Who gives me? NO ONE gives me, I am not a piece of property.
MHJ: Would you give it a rest? I do.
Father Lou: Uh...yeah...sorry, my child.... Okay, the next thing....oh, if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, let him or her speak now, or forever hold his or her peace.<Everyone looks around, and there's a bit of a threat in Fire's eyes, and people shift their feet uncomfortably. Father Lou waits a respectable amount of time, and then starts to speak, but he's interrupted by a cell phone going off? It's a midi version of HBK's theme "Sexy Boy." Everyone looks around and finally Zane punches Chad in the arm. He looks down and grabs his cell phone, and shuts it off.> CM: Sorry! Sorry.....uh.....carry on.....<Everyone has a good laugh, including the bride and groom, and so Father Lou starts to speak again. But he's interrupted again by the sounds of Van Halens "Right Here, Right Now." Attitude Adjuster reappears at the top of the ramp. He waits for the boos to die down, as even though Fire is a heel, the crowd was kind of set for this.> AA: I hate to do this to you, Fire. I really do. I mean, all you did was make me believe I was going to be a father, let me think that there might be something more for me than this business, maybe a family.......you, me, baby......but no....it was just your sick plot to make me look like a fool. And ruin my career.
And it worked. I got down on one knee in the ring to propose to you. Be a man, and take my responsibilities seriously. But, no. You CRUSHED my hopes and dreams just for your sick ideas of revenge. And finally...FINALLY.... I can get even.
Because you see, Fire.... you can't get married today. I'm really, sorry, Chris, but Fire can't marry you. <Nearly everyone on the stage looks like they want to kill AA, but they're waiting to see what reason he can give.> AA: Fire can't marry you, Chris....because she's ALREADY MARRIED!<There's a pause, and then everyone rolls their eyes, and laughs.> Y2J: Really? That's all you got? That's the lamest swerve in the book. Are you going to convince me you somehow kidnapped her, drugged her--
FW: Yeah, can we use a different scenario?<Alexander shifts uncomfortably with the kidnapping reference.> Y2J: --and married her?
AA: No, no, my good man. Well that's true, in the sense that it was I who married her. Just last night in fact. But I didn't marry her myself. I performed the ceremony. And while she was quite intoxicated, she was still there of her own free will.
Y2J: What? That's bullshit. Get off the ramp and out of the arena before I come down there and throw you out.
MHJ: I think we'd all like a chance to kick his ass before that.
AA: Right, whatever....I thought there might be some denial. Fortunately, my chapel videotapes all weddings both for sale and for keeping a record. Roll the tape.<The OOWFtron fires up and we get treated to a video of a VERY cheesy Vegas wedding parlor, and crappy organ music plays. Firewoman comes staggering down the aisle where a man is standing in the groom's position, back to the camera. The camera pauses.> Y2J: Big deal.. You probably had that doctored the same place Fire had her pictures doctored when she set you up.<Firewoman however, is not saying much, as it looks like she's trying to remember something. Her eyes get very wide suddenly, but only Moose notices.> AA: Oh, it's no fake, Chris...I'll give you a copy and you can check it out if you like. Wanna see who your blushing bride's true husband is? Play on!<The video shows Firewoman stagger and fall into the groom who tries to catch her, but he falls too, also completely plastered. Attitude Adjuster reaches down to help them stand, and the camera finally shows the groom's face. The crowd is, to say the least, shocked.> AA: That's right, folks. Last night, at my little wedding chapel, Firewoman married....ALEXANDER DARLING!<The shock gives way to a collective gasp. Firewoman looks at Alexander and he looks back at her, and clearly neither have any recollection of the night. Jericho is shocked and looks from the screen to Firewoman to Alexander and back. Moosehead Jack looks at Alexander like he wants to kill him, and Alexis Darling does too.> Y2J: Okay....you've had your fun. Fire....tell us all.....tell me.....this is a joke right?
FW: Well......
Y2J: Well.....WELL? That's all you have to say?
FW: I ... I don't really remember. We were at the bar, and it was.... well, it was almost like old times, so we were just drinking and.....then I woke up at home in the Chamber.
Y2J: There....see....she wasn't there....she doesn't remember....
FW: Well, the flowers look familiar......
Y2J: I don't believe this...You PROMISED you were going to stop being so irresponsible and impulsive....
FW: I know, but....... I didn't mean......
Y2J: No, you never do.....<Jericho looks around, and then decides to walk. He starts to storm out of the ring, and Fire tries to go after him. She grabs his arm from behind and he jerks away trying to throw her off, but we all know how persistent Fire is. She is relentless and Jericho turns around, fists clenched, and it looks like he's ready to swing, but we don't know if he would because Alexander Darling has grabbed his arm from behind and spun him around.> AD: I don't think so.<Jericho decides to take his free hand and punch Alexander. Alexander dodges it, then retaliates with his own punch. He lifts him up and Darling Driver's him through the catering table. Lance Storm goes over and grabs Alexander from behind in a headlock, which snaps Moosehead Jack out of his shock. He goes over to pull Lance off of Alex, but Lance pushes Moose away. Moose flies backward into Undertaker, knocking him off balance. Moose turns and sees a very ticked off Undertaker. Undertaker goes to throw a right, but Moose ducks it and Taker hits Davin instead. Davin staggers backward, steadies himself, then leaps at Taker, who sidesteps him. Davin lands with an elbow to Kane's back. Kane turns toward Davin, but LD Williams and Stank instantly appear and...well, eventually the entire WWE and OOWF roster in attendance are involved. The entire ring is in chaos, with chairs and wedding garland tossed around. Firewoman appears to be trapped under some debris and may have had her ribs stomped upon (again) as she's holding her side in pain. A hand comes out of nowhere and grabs hers, pulling her out. She looks up to see its Alexander Darling, who pulls her to her feet, and they run to the back. The camera cuts back to the chaos in the ring. Sheamus and Seamus are throwing haymakers as Father Lou steps in to help out McNasty. Ecosystem clotheslines CM Punk, while Luke Gallows goozles Tyler Vanguard. Folz and Larson exchange blows with Edge and Christian, and the Hart Dynasty brawls with Texpress. Chris Evans whips Ravenna Blue across the ring and she takes out both Kaval and Miz with double clotheslines. Alexis tries to go after her brother, but instead gets caught up with Nattie and Gail Evans who double suplex her. Lucky grabs her and pulls her out of the ring and they exit. Meanwhile Regal and Santino are pushing and shoving one another while Kozlov tries to separate the two and none of them see the bulrush of Spin, Outback, and DDT that sends them flying to the outside. Evan Bourne has climbed to the top rope and looks like he’s about to connect with his SSP onto one of the downed OOWF wrestlers, but Damon climbs the ropes and tosses him into the waiting arms of Tytan who kills him dead with a Samoan drop. Just as Drew McIntyre is about to spin Tytan around…CLOSE THE CASKET and The Dead takes out McIntyre. Davin gets back to his feet and picks up Mysterio once again and lawn darts him into the audience, again. Rey may be dead. Big Show spins Davin & Moreland around and goozles him, but Poe and Zane spin the giant around and take him over with a double suplex. We look around the ring and see Fulton is choking out Morrison & Kofi with his logging chain and that Infieri keeps Cena & Orton out of the ring while the OOWF continues to clear the ring. So the rest of the OOWFers have tossed the rest of the WWE Superstars out of the ring and have paired up as they were during the show, and once again the OOWF contingent is getting the better of the WWE Superstars. Vince McMahon is beside himself in the ring, yelling and screaming at GM the Rick about his personnel ruining the show, but Rick can smell the DVD sales. Finally, Rick gets sick of McMahon's finger in his nose, makes a mighty effort, and pushes himself out of the wheel chair. He staggers over to Vince and lifts him up, and power slams him through the wedding cake and the table underneath! Rick collapses from the effort. We fade with the sounds of the melee in the ring and the visual of Vince McMahon sitting in the destroyed wedding cake, and then cut to a shot of Moosehead Jack glaring towards the backstage area.> Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action! Be sure to check out the OOWF Judgment Eve 5 PPV, Live! July, 25th, from Tokyo, Japan! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem! Live August 4th! From Akita, Japan
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