OOWF Maple Leaf Massacre PPV

[mooseheadjack]

Maple Leaf Massacre
Live! From Woody Point, Newfoundland

OOWF World Title Match [/u]
Canadian Dragon vs. Niles Anderson

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
FF Capslock & Stank vs. 3Piece Set

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match [/u]
Firechild vs. Seraph vs. Capellan - WWE style 3-Way dance, first one to score a pin wins the match

Johnny Adrenaline & LD Williams vs. Blackdragon & SoulDragon – the person who gets the pin fall gets an Intercontinental title shot next week, if Blackdragon scores the pin, he gets to pick an opponent for next week.

UnderDawg vs. Corax
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Alt vs. Beast
Donovan Viper vs. Mark Vander
Outback Jack & GatorBait vs. Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG – third fall of their best of three series
Attitude Adjuster vs. Semaj B.
The Devil’s Brigade vs. wCw
Thim Reynolds vs. GimmickMan
Microplay vs. Uncle Entity vs. Morte
Eric O’Mac vs. Mr. Jealous
Mikey Styner & Dr. Murder vs. Endo & Mercury

[mooseheadjack]

Stank is limping toward FFC's & his locker room when SFJ#5 approaches him, mic in hand.

Stank - Oh sh(BLEEP!)t.

SFJ#5 - Lu... Stank. Any comments on the outcome of your team's last match with 3 Piece Set.

Stank - A kajillion SFJ's and we ALWAYS get interviewed by YOU.

SFJ#5 - C'mon cut me some slack. I'm just trying to do my job.

Stank changes his attittude

Stank - I'm sorry. My leg hurts. I don't have tag gold again and I could have saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico but I didn't take advantage of that opportunity when it arose.

FF Capslock shows up

FFC - Beat it B(BLEEP!)tch! Stank and I have to talk.

SFJ#5 - Did you just call me a (BLEEP)itch?

FFC - Sorry number 5. I didn't recognize you. All you SFJs look alike.

SFJ#5 - (BLEEP!) hole!

FFC -Hey! Don't you F(BLEEP)in curse at me (BLEEP!)

Stank - (BLEEP!) What's up with all this censorship?

SFJ#5 - Apparently we're billing ourselves as "family entertainment" in an attempt to gain a tv deal.

Stank - The f(BLEEP!)ck?I thought we had a (BLEEP!)in tv deal? What are all the cameramen for?

FFC - Dude, we broadcast on the internet.

Stank - Oh... (BLEEP!) if I knew.

SFJ#5 - Anyway... your comments on the result of your last match?

FFC - Well I think we (BLEEP!)in won but the (BLEEP!)in suits think they know so (BLEEP!) (BLEEP!) much.

Stank - (BLEEEEEEP!) would you give that (BLEEP!)in button a rest!??

Censor - I'm just doin my job.

FFC - Hey. Aren't you Steven Richards?

Richards - Look this is what I do when I'm not jobbing to no talent hacks.

Stank - Great. More WWE talent. Don't (BLEEP!) people have anything (BLEEP!) to d... I DIDN'T EVEN CURSE THAT TIME. STOP IT!

Richards - Sorry. Can't help it. I'm within my rights to push this button though when... HOLY (BLEEP!)

FFC chases Richards off.

Stank - Right to censor my ass. Next thing you know the godfather and Morley show up.

SFJ#5 - Can I PLEASE get a comment on...

Stank - Alright, alright don't get your panties in a bunch. Stripping 3 Piece Set of the titles is cool with me. Whether it's around their waists, or not, the titles will soon be ours again. Ax & Cole can kiss my ass! If they think this little leg injury is gonna hold us back they got another thing coming. After we take the titles back at Maple Leaf Massacre, 3 Piece set can resume sucking each other's (BLEEP!)s for all I ca... RICHARDS!

Steven Richards runs past with FFC close behind. Lots a bleeps can be heard as FFC catches him.

Stank - Man this place is nuts.

Ric Flair - Whooo! You want a sandwich?

Stank - RIC! Don't mind if I do!

Flair - WHOOOOO! TURKEY AND BACON!

Stank - WHOOOO! I'D PREFER ROAST BEEF & SWISS!

Flair - WHOOOO! YOU GOT IT.

Camera fades on Stank SFJ#5 and The Nature Boy enjoying a good sandwich, bleeps in the background.

[mooseheadjack]

3PS is in thier locker room. Ax is stalking around the room while Cole & Firechild are sitting.

Ax: VACANT!! This is bull crap. The Rick can't do this. A tie goes to the champs, we should still be champs.

FC: He's out to get us.

Cole: This may work to our advantage.

FC: Huh?

Ax: I'm listening.

Cole: Do you know what happens when we win at Maple Leaf Massacre?

FC: We party?

Cole: That's a given

Ax: I think I know......We become the first 3 time Tag Champs in OOWF History.

Cole: Exactly.

Ax: I just feel naked without those titles. Well I guess I might as well be naked then. I'll be in the shower, just send the ladies in when they arrive.

Cole: Will do.

FC: I'll go call Cindy and have her bring the broads.

Ax goes off screen into the showers, and Firechild leaves out the front door. Cole leans back against the wall.

Cole: (whispering) 3 time champs, 3 time champs....

Fade to Black

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline is casually walking in the back, pulling his golf bag. He strolls into the locker room and finds L.D. Williams.]

JA: L.D.!

LDW: [sigh] What do you want?

JA: Big match at Maple Leaf Massacre. You know, we've NEVER teamed up at a PPV before.

LDW: Ya see, I don't get it. Why is this a tag match? Why doesn't The Rick just make it a fatal four way or something?

JA: Hold on, man. Ya see, this works to our advantage. Those Dragon boys don't like each other, you know that. We got each other's backs...

LDW: Oh, we do?

JA: Yes... I know we haven't seen eye to eye over the last month or so, but we're still friends, right?

LDW: Johnny, I don't...

JA: Of course we are. Look, you hold up your end of the deal. I'll hold up mine. One of us walks out with an Intercontinental Title match. You know, you DO hold a win over Black Dragon.

LDW: That's right, I do.

JA: You're the man, L.D. I'll see you later.

[Johnny walks out of the locker room and right into Attitude Adjuster, Niles Anderson, and Ric Flair.]

JA: Oh, if it isn't the peanut gallery...

AA: Adrenaline, how the hell do you ALWAYS manage to back your way into the IC title picture?

JA: Hold on man, how many Intercontinental Title matches did you get?

AA: Well...

JA: You probably can't count that high, but the fact is, when all the chips were on the table, you couldn't beat me. That's why I'm me, and you're you.

NA: Huh?

JA: I'm a two time OOWF Intercontinental Champ.

AA: Well, I'm best buds with the OOWF World Champ.

JA: Well, I shot a round of golf with Phil Mickelson last week.

AA: Well, I drank a beer with my boy John Daly last night!

RF: I TOOK YOUR OLD LADY ON SPACE MOUNTAIN LAST NIGHT!

JA: But I don't...

AA: Yeah, that's right. WHOOO! Come on, Naitch, let's go get some sandwiches.

RF: Wheat bread, baby! WHOOO!

[As AA and Flair take off, Niles slowly walks away, staring a hole thru Adrenaline the entire time.]

[mooseheadjack]

*OutbackJack & GatorBait storm into the locker room, visibly perturbed... Wally B. King is bring up the rear, head hanging low as well*

OBJ: Well, DAMMIT, mates! Maybe WE should try coming out without music next week!
GB: Let's take a look at the Japanese transcript of this week's match to see where things went wrong this time...

*on the screen*
MOOSEHEADJACK or the concrete TG anti- OUTBACK jack or the GATORBAIT ring, pyro, music and superhero, it is not to the fair jack or the concrete the jack and the concrete head. Those enter into the right of the ring and the head in the corner; Those seem the business all tonight way. The concrete starts from GatorBait. As for those temporarily then it meets, it goes around each other in the center of the ring where the brim has been attached ties the elbow. The concrete obtains the drag of the deep arm, GB leaps just to that feet, the ring it is middle and it meets for the second time. The concrete the arm the clamp and the time arm pulls Gator in the contraction, and the corner of the couple. Attach to the American elk where it enters into the mat with the fireman, stops carries the duck under the arm and the arm, of GB and him and takes. My God! Struggle from the jack! The jack installs cruel forearm and Gator and the pound which is the surface of Gator. So, for the sake of. The jack pulls Gator in that feet, sends to the rope; The jack it follows to him, connects with clothesline of flight on the upper rope. Both person to outside. As for pulling Gator of the rising jack and 2 people cruel shock outside the ring is exchanged. As for the Outback jack they fight, in the place where, but the ring on the upper rope and the concrete throwing arrow which crosses jump it comes and the jack of that track/truck it stops. As for the rod jack of the concrete to the fence then you insert in the ring. At that time, American elk and Gator are quiet pounding; Gator pulls out the place where the jack which has the sudden piercing in the throat is good. When it rises because Gator enters into the ring with the apron you walk MHJ simultaneously to him, you try the fact that power is given to bomb Gator from the apron separated. Gator hangs on in the rope, the concrete finds the ring accidentally, hits to Gator of the magical using which shines, Gator becomes alternately, the jack pulls him from the apron separated, power bombs the table which announces him through the Algerian person. The jack the ring and him and slides to the concrete isolate Outback jack immediately. The American elk fills up, goes around the west of the jack low, BJ starts cooperating immediately with the American elk and the neck. The concrete sticks OBJ of the extreme kicking which hits him in corer. It fills up the concrete in the corner, the monkey repels the land of the jack of OBJ and that feet from the corner, being destroyed and by clothesline of MHJ, can. The concrete from the corner hits to sault of month, makes the cover, GatorBait makes that in the ring, divides calculation at 2 o'clock. Match brawl destroys as ring entrance and exit all 4 people. The judge tries the fact that in semi- frenzy it recovers behavior in the ring. As for sliding jack and Gator in the ring, both human their amount, with outside, the blood of of the opposite of OBJ attempt of the rod laying idle the mouth ardently with Concrete, concreteness you send eagerly in the stairway. The jack in kicks the low speed of Gator, goes because of DDT, OBJ hits against the ring, makes the level MHJ in the retention of large clothesline. When the jack obtains in that feet, simultaneously, OBJ and GB go to the opposite corner which sets the jack for calling the wildness! Gator leaving that angle when it goes, the concrete that feet it pulls him simultaneously from the clamp and the ring pulls out, and the cement mixer of the floor destroys. MHJ catches OBJ which goes low, hits to him of DDT. You insert the concrete in the ring, OBJ of MHJ foil ま embrace is raised, the concrete can take from the rope where clothesline of attack of the male deer has been attached. Because OBJ hits against the mat, MHJ tightens with the Indian dead lock, the concrete maintains Gator from the ring, the embankment is forced OBJ in order to come out. Winner of 22:44 Moosehead jacks and concrete TG

OBJ: I KNEW IT!... not only was American Elk there this time, but so were Monkey, Duck, and Male Deer!
GB:...
WBK:...
OBJ: They've definitely got us outmatched if they resort to those tactics!... And what's that part with the embankment forcing me to come out? I am NOT Viper!

GB: We really need to step it up next week, Jack... I'm sensing a little of the ol' Ultra-Violence brewing...
OBJ: Are you saying we propose a violent gimmick match to The Rick?
GB: Well, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know...

OBJ: Hey, cousin... why are YOU looking so glum?
*Ric Flair passes by the locker room out in the hallway, carrying a 6-foot sub and Whooing himself to multiple aneurisms*
WBK: THAT's why... he's taken two-thirds of my Canadian business already!

*fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

OBJ: They had 4 guys helping them. It was 6 against 2! That's a ratio of, um, 6 against 2, approximately.

GB: Can't argue with that.

OBJ: We need to think of a gimmick match that'll prevent those guys from interfering.

GB: But it's got to be a really hot match. The fans deserve it.

WBK: I think I know what to do...

[mooseheadjack]

*Wally B. King storms into The Rick's office and sees Ric Flair leaving... the 2 give each other a staredown as Flair reaches up to take a bite out of his Buffalo Chicken on Wheat sub... Flair leaves*

WBK: What's up with you talking to Ric? You KNOW he's trying to leverage in on my business up here in the Great White North!

GMTR: Peter North?!?

WBK: Anyways, I'm here on behalf of my clients, Outback Jack and GatorBait... they've proven to be at a standoff with MooseheadJack and Concrete TG, and I don't believe this can be settled with a standard catch-as-catch-can match

*The Rick half-chokes on his Italian BMT on Asiago Cheese bread*

GMTR: Since when have they had a match like tha...

WBK: That's beside the point... the fans of Montreal deserve to see one of the most memorable matches ever presented in the OOWF...

GMTR: No... no barbed wire... no rose thorns... no losers-get-stuck-with-Barry-Melrose's-mullet-hairdo-for-a-year match

WBK: Of course not... I was thinking of something hot and violent

GMTR: a drunken diva hardcore match?

WBK: even better... a Flaming-Table Triple-Cage match!

GMTR: Well, you did introduce me to the hot-ass flaming red-heads this past week... and we DID have fun on my table... YOU GOT IT!

*fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

<MHJ walks into the locker room where Concrete is on his cell phone, Concrete doesn't notice, so naturally Jack listens for a moment>

CTG: Yeah, I paid for the damage to the locker room, it was worth every penny <pause> yeah we swing back into the states on July 6th, Killington, Vermont, I think I have a couple of days after that....uh huh, yeah, Springfield? Where is that?...For real, well I'll be.....ok the Bi-Monthly, Science Fiction Convention, Bi-Mo-Sci-Fi-Con, right, and there are more who know what you do?....uh huh, ....uh huh......WHAT?....antlers? Man, Jack would probably like that, he likes to...

MHJ: <ahem>

CTG: Oh hey Jack, um how long have you been there, <to the phone> let me call you back, Jack is right here, yeah, grumpy, ..always. Ok, you too.

So Jack what's on your mind?

MHJ: Did you see the lineup for Maple LEaf Massacre?

CTG: Well, I know we are facing Jack and Gator again, we got their number...

MHJ: So you didn't hear the stips then.

CTG: Stips?

MHJ: Triple cage, flaming tables match, the only way to win is to put both guys through a flaming table.

<Long pause from Concrete>

CTG: E-GADS! That will truly be a stupendous spectacle! Flaming Gator and Barbequed Aussie served up with a side of righteous JUSTICE! We must prepare! TO THE HALL OF JUSTICE!!!!

MHJ: You mean the gym?

CTG: C'mon Moose, play along, I have those FMW King of the Death Match tapes

MHJ: <sigh, grumbling> Fine, to the hall of, to the gym damnit.

<Concrete swooshes out of the room, Jack shakes his head and follows>

[mooseheadjack]

(As Moose and 'crete enter the abandoned gym, Moose notices that the place appaers to be partially cleaned up - the offices have brand new computers, a map, and a framed pic of Moose and 'Crete staring down each other in the center of the ring, the AYUFF and the Establishment behind their respective leaders*)

MHJ: you've been busy...

CTG: (strangely not in character) I'm going to use this place as my base of operations, even after we're done here.

MHJ: So is this your "Hall of Justice"?

CTG: (Smirks) MY Hall of Justice - and with the money I'll pick up for guest appearances, this may end up being AYUFF headquarters

MHJ: Do you even expect the AYUFF to be there when we finish this?

CTG: ..... Do you even have the Establishment backing you anymore?

MHJ: ........

CTG: (sorting through tapes on a wall rack) FMW, IWA, XPW..... I don't think we can study exactly what we're facing at the PPV, but there's a few things we can work with in here. (tosses a copy of "Here is Greenwood" out the window) I swear, Viper has been PLANTING these in my video collection. (pulls out a tape of "Fist of the North Star" and this might give you some ideas too.

MHJ: no cartoons. (grabs a King of the Deathmatch tape) We've got a PPV to prepare for.

CTG: (slips into character) THAT'S the spirit, my superheroic sidekick! We will prepare to deliver FIERY JUSTICE to Outback Jack and GatorBait! They will PAY for their false accusations of conspiracy!

MHJ: "Conspiracy"?

CTG: (hands over some "translated" matches) These were dropped of for you at our locker room by Wally B King. He says he might have a lawyer at ringside if we continue to bring.... illegal assistance.

MHJ: (tries to read it) this doesn't even make SENSE

CTG: (to himself) neither does this tag team.
(to Moose) Now, my Superheroic Sidekick! TO THE DANGER ROOM (Whooshes out of the office and charges up the stairs)

MHJ: (doesn't care, grins at the tapes)

* the pic was taken at MWM 4/13

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan's face fills the screen. The shot wobbles a little, then Capellan steps back, and we can see that he's standing in his hotel room, with a bulging backpack tossed on his bed.

"Wilder, Birdman and I are heading out of town for some freestyle rock-climbing." he tells the camera, "And I'm recording this little video so that we don't have a dozen SFJs and a hundred cameramen trying to track us down while we're out there. Rick said something about 'Blair Witch sequels' if he let them do that."

Capellan drops onto the edge of his bed and shrugs,

"So I guess people are asking why I left the ring in my match with Firechild this week. I could've stayed where I was and won the belt ... and all I gotta say to that is: were you people listening to me? I told you Wednesday night wasn't about the belt. It was about beating Firechild. Something I was doing until he cut and ran.

And now this week I'm in a three-way dance with 'child and Seraph. I don't even know if it's a triple-threat, an elimination match, or what ... Rick left that little detail out. But what I do know is Seraph and Firechild got some weird-ass business of their own going on, that I don't want any part of. So you two boys kiss and make-up, or whatever it is you need to do, and make sure you both bring your best games Sunday night. Because you know I will."

Capellan stands, walks to the camera, and the screen goes black.

[mooseheadjack]

Just as the screen finishes fading from Capellan's little independant film entry, the screed begins to fade to white, and the signal starts to go fuzzy - interspesed by pops and static and some background white noise.

Climactic, WWE style music begins as we see a clip montage in grainy black and white of Firechild accross the span of his career in the OOWF. Beginning with His early days as a face in the fed. In the backgound we hear Seraph's promo from the last Mayhem being spoken over the clips.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am justice when I lay my vengeance upon you."

The last few scentences are punctuated with images of a bloody beaten-uo Firechild from his streetfight with Thim a few weeks ago - until... the last image, that comes up on the word "you" is a picture of Capellan looking confused from last week's double count-out. Static gets more intense and eventually takes over the signal, until we hear the last words from Seraph.

"you don't understand... but you will."

And with that the screen fades back out to white.

[mooseheadjack]

The scene is a House Show and...wait, what? They don't have cameras at House Shows? Wait...does the OOWF even have House Shows? No matter, we'll improvise...

The scene is at an actual House Show. The elderly are all over the places, looking at houses they have no intention of buying, probably only showing up for the promise of a free boat giveaway. Suddenly, for no reason, the lights go off and the spotlights (which they have, apparently) start circling the arena until they stop at the door to one of the houses. Cue "Make You High" by Cypress Hill and out from the house emerges one of the most bulbous men to ever don a singlet: Mikey Styner. And he has a mic for some reason.

Styner: Hey yo.

The crowd responds with an instinctive "Hey Yo" and then confusion at their instinctive response.

Styner: So I'm sitting back in my luxurious one room apartment when I get a call from some guy saying he's seen some of my work and wants to offer me a contract. So I accepted. And I made, like, twenty bucks selling this picture of a doggie that I drew when I was stoned out of my mind before the arthouse realized I wasn't an artist. Then they kicked my ass out the door. Coincidentally, I landed on this new up and coming wrestler on the way out and crushed his spine, so the OOWF people told me that they were going to sue my ass if I didn't come back to wrestling and perform in his place. So here I am.

Random Old Guy: But, the wrestling isn't scheduled to be here for a while.

Styner: Oh. Well, I'm still going to cut this promo for you guys, so pretend you know something about wrestling. So anyways, they tell me I'm teaming up with some guy named Captain Misdemeanor to take on some guys named Chronic and Tungsten...

Another Random Oldie: I don't pretend to know anything about wrestling, but I'm pretty sure you mean you're teaming with Doctor Murder and you're taking on Endo and Mercury...

Styner: And I'm pretty sure I am the wrestler here, not you. Anyways, all I know is that I don't care who I'm teaming with, Styner always brings the entertainment. Just don't expect a wrestling match...I don't do those. OOWF, I'm putting you guys on notice. Styner's here and going nowhere. Mikey Styner's you're hookup, holla if you have a turkey sub!

Some guy: Right here.

Styner jumps down, grabs the sub, and runs away, chased by a large group of the elderly. And the OOWF dies a little on the inside, as one of the worst wrestlers in the history of the business has arrived...

Scene Fade

[mooseheadjack]

*Hardbody comes to the ring for a long-awaited promo. The Canadian crowd loves the Unchained Melody entrance, and the applause finally dies down long enough for Harris to speak*

HH: It’s great to be in Canada, eh? I said it’s great to be in Canada (looks at his watch). Now, it's getting late here, what with your metric system for telling time and all. Let me tell you a story.

Crowd: Eh?

HH: A folktale.

Crowd: Eh?

HH: A fable.

Crowd: Eh?

HH: A usually fictional prose or verse narrative intended to interest or amuse the hearer.

Crowd: Oh.

HH: Okay. Once upon a time there was a big bad monster that liked to jump out of all sorts of things: duffel bags, bottles of champagne, Fred Savage’s closet. But this monster got tired of everyone running away from him, so he came to the OOWF.

Now in the OOWF, not everybody was afraid of a big dumb idiot who couldn’t read, write, or operate a doorknob. He was sad. So he did the only thing an ogre like him could do: he started listening to Alanis Morrisette.

*Some of the crowd cheers at the mention of the Canadian musical artist*

HH: Unfortunately, Alanis was too complicated for this monster. He listened to ironic over and over, but everytime Alanis asked, “Isn’t it ironic? Dontcha think?” the monster just sobbed to himself because he really wasn’t sure if all those events were ironic or not. It was a pitiful sight.

Then one day, the monster found some people who could use his wall-breaking and monosyllabic grunting skills for a use. One of these men was the king of OOWF-land, but he became king through evil, evil means, but this legend doesn’t concern the quest for the kingdom. But you’ll hear the tale one day.

*Hardbody pauses while vendors pass out cookies, milk, and pajamas to the thousands in attendance*

HH: Comfy? Good. Now this monster thought it would be a GRAND idea to make his name by attacking THE #1 KNIGHT IN OOWF-LAND, Brave Sir Hardbody. The monster drove Sir Hardbody crazy, popping out all over the place, hitting him with BIG MONSTER HAMMER CLUBS O’ DEATH when our hero wasn’t looking, and even making the gallant knight drink lots of poisonous water so he’d hallucinate and see the monster all over the place. The Poisonous Water also gave the knight a headache the next morning and caused him to urinate in a houseplant, but that’s no matter.

One day, Sir Alt challenged the monster to a duel, but the monster wanted a piece of Sir Hardbody, so the three of them were going to have a wondrous battle to prove who was the SUPERIOR DUELIST. After many days and nights, Sir Hardbody proved that he was THE SUPERIOR DUELIST by outDUELING the monster and Sir Alt in a SUPERIOR fashion.

*Hardbody looks up and sees the entire arena in a restful slumber, dreaming dreams of brave spandex-clad warriors. They are not sleeping from boredome, oh no; they’re resting because they now that a brave warrior will hit the legendary TO BE EDITED IN LATER and restore piece to the troubled kingdom of Canada.*

HH: And then Hardbody had lots and lots of oral sex with many Sexy Female Princesses, and he lived hornily ever after. The end.

[mooseheadjack]

Viper is sitting in the back watching the monitor.

DV: Corax, man! Check out this guy!

Cor: Oh, no. Not Hardbody Harris.

DV: Dude look at this guy. I can't believe him. He's amazing, man.

Cor: I thought you had gotten over this little idolization of him that you used to have after you drove him out of the OOWF months ago.

DV: Hey, I don't idolize him. I just respect the hell out of him. And I have to even more now. I thought I drove this fucker insane and cast him away from the fed at MADNESS. I thought he'd never come back, or at least, if he did come back, he'd be a total shadow of himself. I mean, remember that Oz shit?

Cor: Yeah, talk about going nuts.

DV: Exactly. And now, Harris is back, once again commanding the audience, once again being the guy all the fans love, once again being the guy who gets all the ladies (at least, the good looking ones. Have you seen the cows that 3 Piece Set hang with?), once again being the guy with the charm, once again being the guy with the dopest shoes...

Cor: Donnie. Stop. This is why the others call you homo.

DV: I'M NOT A HOMO! (not that there's anything wrong with that) I just know manliness when I see it.

Cor gives a strange look.

DV: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!

Cor: Uh huh.

DV: I can't help but respect this guy for going through the destructive force known as myself, and coming back psychologically unscathed.

Cor: I don't know, man. He has a russian FOB mouse follow him around wherever he goes. And anyways, you've got one up on him, anyways.

DV: How so?

Cor: Hardbody Harris is not a champion, and has never been champion. Not a Tag Team Champion like myself, not an Intercontinental Champion, like I will be, and certaintly not the World Heavyweight champion. He can wear all the nice shoes, and screw all the hot women, and get the fans to love him, but in the end, the guy is a loser. The guy can't win. He's a scrub.

DV: You're right. I may respect him, but I certainly am better than him by leaps and bounds.

*cel phone rings*

DV: Let me get this. Hello? Hello? No, my name is not 'Gene-O'. What the hell do you mean you got the penguin feathers, mustard, crazy glue, rope fiber, ox-tail hair, and cum stains out of my tuxedo? I don't own a tuxedo. And what the fuck kind of sick bastard would have all those stains on any piece of clothing?

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles walks into his lockerroom to see Beast punching things. And breaking them.*

Niles - What are you doing?

Beast - Warming up for my match.

Niles - Should've guessed. Anyways, I've come to say good luck with the match.

Beast - I don't need it. Even if I lose, I'll still be the last one standing. These 2 won't forget me.

*Attitude Adjuster comes into the lockerroom at this point.*

AA - You called for me?

Niles - Yeah, actually, I wanted both of you here. We have a meeting. There's just one more person we're waiting for.

AA - Who's that?

*At that point, Moosehead Jack comes in.*

AA- What the hell are you doing here?

Niles - He's the other person. I want you guys to know that we have Moose's back.

AA - Weren't you guys arguing in a hospital not so long ago.

MHJ - We patched things up.

Niles - the thing is, Moose and I are the original team. He's the one who brought me in. I figured, bringing him into our group as a mentor of sorts would be a good idea. He's not one of us, sort of an independent contractor.

Beast - I can deal.

Niles - Anyways, I'll leave you folks to get aquainted, I gotta get ready for my match.

*Niles leaves the locker room and almost immediately bumps into Johnny Adrenaline.*

JA - Woah, watch where you're going!

Niles - Who you think you're talking too?

JA - Hey, don't want no trouble man. Just saying...

Niles - anyways. Good luck with your match tonight. You'll need it.

JA - Same to you, bitch.

Niles - I got Dragon covered. I've beaten him before.

*Niles and JA go their seperate ways. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

RF: "You know something big man, I've seen you walking around backstage like you're a somebody. Well mister, listen to me when I tell you that you're not...you're a nobody, you're nothing. You're not even a has been! Now Niles Anderson...he's the champ! He's the man! Wo..."

*Dragon cuts Flair off with a pat on the back.*

CD: "Well if it isn't Ric Flair! The Nature Boy! the limosine riding, jet flying, wheeling, dealing, kiss stealing, son-of-a-gun!!! Well let ME tell you something Ric. You say to be the man you've got to beat the man...and that's what I'm gonna do. See at Maple Leaf Massacre, I'm not gonna just win the OOWF title for the 2nd time...I'm gonna beat Niles like he's never been beated before."

*Flair looks pissed off...*

RF: "You can't do that! Niles has..."

CD: "Niles has been beaten over and over again by you and AA as he calls you Daddy? Well that's great Ric really it is. And here in Canada we don't descriminate against you and your people. But while you and Niles are getting close watching sweaty man love tapes you've borrowed from Donovan Viper, I'm just sitting back and waiting for my chance to beat the holy hell out of Niles or anybody else that keeps me from the OOWF Heavyweight Title. So go ahead Ric, go ahead and call Niles 'the man' like you were going to..."

*Dragon gets up in Flair's face...*

CD: "...because I'm sure when he's cuddling you close late at night Niles proves just how manly he is on a nightly bases....WOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

*Camera fades to black with Flair having a tantrum.*

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF Maple Leaf Massacre
LIVE From Woody Point, Newfoundland

<the show opens with scenic views of the rolling Canadian pastures, and the majestic Canadian Rockies. As the camera focuses on the Canadian flag, angelic little girl voices begin singing the Canadian national anthem:

O Canada!
Our home and native land
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With ice-cold hearts we see thee bleed,
Violent beatings, no mercy!

<the scenes turn to images of OOWF brutality and blood>

With fear and pain,
O Canada, we stand on those we maim.

With joy the blood flows free!
O Canada, as violent as can be
O Canada, as violent as can be!

The girls break into laughter, which at first is sweet and joyous, but quickly turns into something dark and sinister, evil laughter gets louder and louder until a creepy voice whispers:

“Tonight, the Great White North will be stained red with blood. Tonight we witness, the Maple Leaf Massacre”

More sinister laughter as we fade to black>

Ross: Welcome to OOWF Maple Leaf Massacre! Live From Woody Point, Newfoundland! The OOWF continues its Canadian Violence Tour! Razz, tonight we have a fantastic lineup, we have three huge title matches for you and a colossal cage match!
Razz: Firechild defends his Onslaught Championship against Capellan and Seraph, Niles Anderson defends the OOWF world title against home country favorite Canadian Dragon
Ross: Don’t forget we will fill the vacant OOWF Tag Team Titles as FF Capslock and Stank square off against 3Piece Set; the winners take home the gold!
Razz: And finally the best of three series finale between Moosehead Jack and Concrete TG and Outback Jack and GatorBait, inside a triple cage!
Ross: The winner has to put the other team through a flaming table! Brutal! Razz, we start with two guys making their pay per view debut. Last week Styner and Murder won in relatively convincing fashion, think they can keep it up this week?
Razz: Well that will certainly be a lot more difficult for them, last week they faced two unknowns, this week they face off with an established tag team, Styner has the size, but I am going to go with experience in this one.

MIKEY STYNER & DR. MURDER vs. ENDO & MERCURY

Styner and Murder are two newcomers to the OOWF; they had a successful debut last week. This week they find their competition a little more difficult. Styner and Murder get the advantage to start. Murder attacks Mercury as he gets into the ring and they tumble to the floor on the outside. Outside the ring Murder whips Mercury to the railing, but Mercury leaps on top of the rail and springs backward and catches Murder with a back elbow right to the chin. Inside the ring, Endo attacks the mammoth Styner, trying to take him down with a series of clotheslines. Finally Styner has had enough and hits a black hole slam on a charging Endo. Styner wraps his meaty hands around Endo’s throat and chokes him out, Endo is helpless, the ref is helpless. Finally Mercury gets away from Murder, hits the ring and dropkicks Styner right in the back of the head. Styner slowly gets to his feet and turns around to face Mercury, Styner grabs Merc by the throat and lifts him high in the air. Endo saves his partner with a low blow on Mikey. Finally Dr. Murder gets back into the ring and charges at Mercury, Merc moves and Murder collides with Styner, knocking him between the ropes and to the floor. While Murder staggers from his collision with Mikey, Mercury scales the ropes and catches Mercury with a Dragon sault from the top rope. Mercury springs back to his feet and hits a suicide dive through the middle rope on Mikey who had just gotten back to his feet, knocking him back to one knee. Inside the ring Endo locks the claw on Murder. Dr. M tries to make it to the ropes, but the more he fights the faster he fades, finally Murder slumps to the mat, and the ref makes the three count.
WINNERS in 4:55 Endo & Mercury

Ross: Razz, you called that one dead on, Styner had the weight, but it could not over come the experience edge of Endo and Mercury. What’s next for these two?
Razz: Well the rumblings in the back are that these two plan to go their separate ways; they each have singles ambitions, so who can blame them? Take this match as a learning experience and move on.
Ross: Making the transition from singles to tag can be difficult, but Eric O’Mac has done it several times, he began his career as a singles wreslter, had a short, but fairly successful run in a team with Canadian Dragon, went back to singles wrestling, then teamed with the recently departed Carl Coolname in the very successful Revolution XX, and now finds himself right back in the singles mix, how does he keep doing that?
Razz: Well Eric is one of the most adaptable wrestlers I have ever seen, he can work any style of match with any opponent, singles, tags, it doesn’t matter. He has a tough task at hand with Mr. Jealous, a man who tends to fly into jealous rages over nearly nothing.
Ross: He gave Johnny all he could handle last week, let’s see how he fares this week.

ERIC O’MAC vs. MR. JEALOUS

Mr. Jealous gets to the ring first and threatens to pummel the referee, not really sure why, I guess he was jealous of the ref’s hairdo. Eric comes to the ring and surprisingly gets some cheers, well that doesn’t sit too well with Mr. Jealous so he grabs Eric and shoots him out of the ring to the floor and tries to pose for the crowd. Of course they boo him mercilessly, which sends him spinning into a rage. While Jealous is having a temper tantrum, Eric scales the ropes and connects with a missile dropkick that sends Mr. Jealous through the middle ropes and to the floor. Then to prove the fans right, Eric poses and the fans eat it up. Eric connects with a baseball slide that knocks Jealous back to the floor. Eric shows he is no face by grabbing a chair and slamming it across Jealous’ back and rolling him back into the ring. As Jealous gets back to his feet, Eric springs to the top rope and leaps at Jealous; Jealous catches him and turns it into a choke slam. Jealous dunks Eric like a basketball. Now Jealous takes over whipping Eric into the corner and following him in with a clothesline. Jealous pounds away at Eric until EOM is slumped into the corner. The ref threatens Eric with a disqualification and Jealous threatens the ref with the beating of a lifetime. While Jealous is arguing with the ref, Eric gets back to his feet, Jealous turns back to Eric and Eric kicks the taste out of his mouth with a super kick. Jealous staggers and Eric pursues him with kicks and punches. Jealous rakes Eric’s eyes and kicks him low. Jealous hefts Eric up for a power bomb, Eric reverses it in mid move and slides down Jealous’ back and rolls him up. For good measure Eric grabs a handful of tights and gets a three count.
WINNER in 9:15 Eric O’Mac

Jealous is quickly up to his feet and decimates Eric with a clothesline. Jealous then lifts EOM for a vertical suplex, then drops him down and catches him in a tombstone pile driver. Eric is out, and Jealous looks pleased with his handiwork.

Ross: My GOD! Jealous just tried to end Eric’s career! Razz have you ever seen a move like that?
Razz: Sure, Scott Steiner used to use it in Japan all the time.
Ross: What?
Razz: Never mind. Anyway, up next we have a really odd trio. Uncle Entity, Microplay and Morte all had essentially nothing to do for tonight’s pay per view, so they asked to be booked into a three way dance, apparently GM the Rick thought it was a good idea, so here we are!
Ross: Wait, you mean there was no cheating spouse?
Razz: No
Ross: No abduction and hints of rape?
Razz: No
Ross: None of them have incriminating photos of the others doing something in their past?
Razz: No, well not that I am aware of
Ross: And this isn’t because one of them thinks they have to be the man to carry OOWF or it could not possibly succeed despite ratings that show when they were off the show, people actually preferred watching it rather than watch them cut lengthy promos about how great they are and how the company could not possibly survive without them, even though the week they were gone was the highest rated show of the year?
Razz: What the? No, none of that, they just wanted to wrestle, just get into the ring and have a match.
Ross: Huh, that’s just crazy enough to work.

MICROPLAY vs. UNCLE ENTITY vs. MORTE

For some reason Jesse Garon decided to taunt Morte as soon as he got to the ring allowing Entity to sneak attack Morte and knock him to the mat. Entity mounts Morte and lays some stiff shots to Morte’s face. Microplay casually makes his way to the ring, but doesn’t look all that interested in getting into the match. Entity whips Morte into the ropes ad catches him with a knee in the midsection. Morte crumples to the mat, all the win knocked from his chest. Entity pulls Morte to his feet and scoops him up and slams him to the mat, then drops a series of elbows right on Morte’s sternum. Entity makes the cover; from the outside Microplay reaches in and drapes Morte’s leg across the bottom rope. Entity glares at Micro for a moment, then pulls Morte back to his feet. Morte stuns Entity with a chop to the chest, then levels him with a spinning heel kick to the face. Morte gets a running start, leaps to the top rope and dives to the outside catching Microplay by surprise and taking him off his feet. Morte slides back into the ring and pulls Entity to his feet, but Entity grabs Morte and hits a side Russian leg sweep. Micro gets back into the ring and immediately starts jawing with the ref. With the referee distracted, Garon tosses his guitar into the ring and Entity BRAINS Morte with it, knocking him cold. As Entity goes for the pin, Micro gets away from the ref and runs across the ring and slams his knee into the side of Entity’s head knocking him loopy. Microplay pulls Entity to his feet and hits a pile driver and rolls Entity out of the ring. Morte is just getting to his feet when he is leveled by a clothesline from Micro; MP climbs to the top rope and hits a flying elbow, hooks Morte’s leg, and a handful of tights and gets a three count.
WINNER in 7:49 Microplay

Ross: Well I was a bit skeptical, but BAH GAWD it worked, Microplay, as seems to be his M.O. as of late had to cheat to get the win, but once again a W goes next to his name.
Razz: and that moves him one step closer to a title shot, something both of the guys in our next match want for themselves as well.
Ross: I am sure they will both be watching the Onslaught title match later tonight with great interest, whoever comes out of that match as the champion, you would have to think a match with the winner of this one will be in their future.
Razz: I am going to put my money on Thim, he seems a little more focused lately, he has a little more of an edge about him.

THIM REYNOLDS vs. GIMMICKMAN

Thim and Gimmick circle each other to start, collar and elbow tie up, Thim works around behind Gimmick and takes him down Olympic style. Thim rides Gimmick, as Gimmick is trying to sit out of it to get back to his feet, Thim repeatedly nails him in the back of the head with some hard forearm shots, gets to his feet and hits a short dropkick to the back of GM’s head. Gimmick gets to his feet holding the back of his head and looking kinda irritated with Thim. Another lock up, Gimmick grabs Thim’s arm and reverses it around to a hammer lock. Thim is looking for a way out of it he reaches down between his legs and grabs GM’s leg, Gimmick falls to the mat and Thim drops a knee down right on the side of Gimmick’s knee. Thim keeps hold of GM’s leg and twists the knee, Gimmick makes it to the ropes, but instead of breaking immediately, Thim puts GM’s knee on the bottom rope, springs off the bottom rope and drops another knee across GM’s knee. The ref separates the two and gives Thim a warning. Gimmick backs into the corner and pulls himself up to a vertical base. As Thim heads to the corner to pull GM out, Gimmick stuns Thim with a European uppercut, as Thim turns and staggers, GM climbs to the middle rope and connects with an elbow to the back of Thim’s head. Thim sprawls across the mat. GM rolls him over and makes the cover, Thim kicks out at two. Gimmick pulls Thim to his feet and whips him into the ropes as Thim comes back, GM tries a SPARTAN PLUNGE but as he gets the hefty Thim on his shoulders his knee buckles and he falls to one knee. Thim lands on his feet and levels Gimmick with a diving clothesline to the back of the head. Thim takes a second and adjusts his elbow pad then mounts Gimmick, who is face down on the mat, and applies a cross face/cobra clutch/camel clutch type move, we are told it is called the Adjustment. Gimmick struggles for a moment, but them loses consciousness rather quickly. The ref has no choice, he calls for the bell.
WINNER in 8:29 Thim Reynolds

Ross: What a finisher! I have never seen anything like that have you?
Razz: Sure, Rikidozan used to use it back in Japan in the early 70’s in his legendary feud with Giant Baba
Ross: You’re making that up aren’t you?
Razz: Um, no, of course not! Rikidozan! You know, big guy, Japanese, anyway, how bout the Devil’s Brigade wCw feud! These guys have become bitter enemies rather quickly!
Ross: You got that right, but these two teams are so similar, Camby and Westgaard provide the power and O’Neil and Wilder are two of the best lightweights around today
Razz: That’s what makes their matches so much fun to watch, and I don’t expect tonight to be any different.

THE DEVIL’S BRIGADE vs. wCw

Wilder and Westgaard are in the ring first, The Devil’s Brigade come out and storm the ring like they are the Road Warriors or something. The second they touch the ring, the battle is on. Camby and Westgaard trade punches to the mouth, they seem pretty content trading haymakers. TO rakes Wilder’s eyes and tries to whip the rookie to the corner, but in one motion Wilder hits the top rope and springs backward and catches TO with a hurracaranna to the outside. TO barely gets to his feet on the outside when Wilder dives over the top and knocks him down again. Meanwhile inside the ring Camby and Westgaard square off face to face in the center of the ring, fists up, ready for a good old-fashioned fistfight. Westgaard charges in first and catches Camby with a right, both men grab the others by the throat and pound away, OMG it’s a HOCKEY FIGHT!! The crowd goes NUTS! On the outside Wilder pulls TO to his feet and lays a few wicked chops. TO turns and runs, trying to regroup. Wilder gives chase, TO runs full speed, rounds the corner, then using the ring post, spins through the ring and back out and catches Wilder with an enzuguri. Wilder sprawls forward and slams into the guardrail. O’Neil pins Wilder against the guardrail and pounds away. Meanwhile the fight between Camby and Westgaard has spilled out of the ring and they plod around ringside throwing everything they can at each other. Camby grabs a fans soda and throws it in Westgaard’s face, then grabs a chair and smacks it across Westgaard’s face; JWW drops to one knee, then gets back up smiling at Camby. TO realizes his partner might be in trouble so he turns to go help. When he does, Wilder gets a bit of a running start, then leaps to the top of the guardrail, runs the rail and catches TO with a bulldog to the floor. The four men battle their way to the top of the ramp, it is pretty clear they have no intention of getting back in to the ring, so the ref calls for the bell and rules the match a no contest.
WINNERS – No Contest in 5:02

Ross: wow, what is it going to take to contain these four men?
Razz: I’m not sure Ross, I would imagine a cage at some point, but I would really like to see some one on one matches between them sometime soon
Ross: Well I am just getting word from the back that next week we will have Wilder versus O’Neil and Westgaard versus Camby, one-on-one!
Razz: I like the sound of that!
Ross: Next up the red hot Semaj B takes on Attitude Adjuster. Semaj has been on quite the hot streak, and Attitude looks to stop another former AYUFF member
Razz: He certainly has his work cut out for him this time around, but never discount Attitude Adjuster, this guy is slippery as an eel, and just about as pleasant.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. SEMAJ B

Attitude Adjuster comes to the ring with Beast as his back up, AA feigns friendship with Semaj, offering his hand in friendship, Semaj doesn’t take the bait, so AA just shrugs and heads to the corner. The bell rings and both men come to the center of the ring, AA is talking smack and has that irritating smug look on his face, so Semaj slaps the taste out of his mouth, knocking AA to one knee. Semaj steps closer and AA begs off. When SB looks to the crowd, AA grabs his tights and yanks him hard, Semaj hits the corner face first. AA gets to his feet, rakes SB’s back and turns him around in the corner. AA climbs to the middle rope to do the 10 punch O’doom but since he is a heel, it never works, he gets to three and Semaj walks out of the corner and catches him with an atomic drop, AA stands there stunned, so SB comes off the ropes and levels him with a clothesline. AA bails out of the ring and tries to get Semaj to follow, But B sees Beast and thinks better of it. AA gets back into the ring and the two men lock up again, Semaj snaps AA off his feet with a deep arm drag, AA screams that it was a hair pull. AA gets back to his feet and tries to go to the eyes, but SB holds on to the arm, Semaj spins around the ring until AA loses his balance and falls, SB still has the arm, once again AA screams that is was a hair pull, the ref ignores it again. AA gets to his feet again, the ref moves to check SB, when the ref is turned; SB grabs a hand full of AA’s hair and pulls him to the mat. AA goes ballistic, SB lets go and AA scurries out of the ring, SB points and laughs. AA can’t figure SB out at all, and SB dominates for the next few minutes. The end comes when the ref gets knocked down after a suplex reversal by SB. SB hits the Live and Let Die, but the ref is down. SB waits for AA to get back up, but as he bounds off the ropes, Beast grabs a chair and slams it into the back of SB’s skull. SB falls in a heap. AA gets to his feet, sees the prone SB and locks on the claw. Since he was out anyway, SB was easy prey. The ref comes to and makes the three count.
WINNER in 15:22 Attitude Adjuster

Ross: I hope AA is happy with himself, he couldn’t get the win without Beast’s help, he is every bit as bad as Johnny Adrenaline!
Razz: Jeez, that again Ross, let it go!
Ross: Up next we have a special interview with the recovering Hellion
Razz: We all wish Hellion a speedy recovery; let’s hear what he has to say
Ross: We take you now, by live satellite feed, to Ridgefield Park, New Jersey for the first interview with Hellion since his release from a Canadian hospital. Take it away Scheme Gene.

**As the feed cuts in Scheme Gene is seated in a cushioned easy chair with Hellion seated to his right.**

Scheme Gene: Thank you gentlemen and, may I say, we've been watching the show on Pay-Per View and we’ve been enjoying the tremendous action thus far. Now if I may, I’d like to welcome Hellion to the broadcast, Hellion, thank you for inviting us into your home tonight.

Hellion: You’re welcome Scheme Gene, but I didn’t invite you; you’ve been calling all week begging for this.

SG: Heh heh, yes, well thank you all the same. Now if we can get right to it, how are you feeling?

H: How am I feeling….you came all this way to ask me how I’m feeling? I was in a Canadian hospital for two and a half fucking weeks. You couldn’t stop in and ask me how I was feeling then?

SG: They wouldn’t let us take the cameras up to your room.

H: Well, Gene, aside from five broken ribs, a fractured sternum, a punctured lung, a bruised heart, a sprained wrist, several broken teeth, facial lacerations and a concussion, I’m the fucking picture of health. The only thing that doesn’t hurt right now is my left ankle.

SG: Yes, that was an incredible cage match; I hear that it may be in contention for Match of the Year. That type of brutality normally only occurs when Moosehead Jack is in the ring.

H: Yeah, well contrary to what Moosehead Jack will have you believe, he’s never actually attempted to commit murder in a wrestling ring. Unless you count the fans watching, being bored to death, that is.

SG: Hahaha…..er…I mean…oh dear. So you feel that what happened to you was attempted murder? Isn’t that a bit extreme?

H: Look at where you are Gene. This isn’t WWE. I’m not a part time movie star. This is the OOWF. This isn’t made in Hollywood. When we hit the ring, we hit it full bore and Extreme is our middle name. Let me as you a question Gene. If four guys locked you in a room and beat you until your heart stopped beating, what would you call it?

SG: Yes, I see. But then why not just take legal action? I assume you have the attack on video?

H: Think about it dumb ass. It’s written into our contracts. This didn’t happen in some parking lot outside of a bar in Syracuse, New York. It happened in a sanctioned OOWF ring. Once you sign for a match, your legal avenues are limited. Besides, if I take legal action now, I may not be able to take revenge later.

SG: So that’s your plan…revenge?

H: Isn’t it everyone’s plan?

SG: I suppose, but when you get back in the ring, you’ll be by yourself. You don’t have a partner anymore. You don’t have any friends. You don’t have anyone to watch your back. Aren’t you afraid of another four on one attack?

H: Oh, I expect they’ll try another four on one. But you see Gene, just like everyone else; you don’t really know much about me. I do have friends. When I was in the hospital, someone did stop in to see how I was. I’ve been in constant contact with them since then and I am being encouraged to get back in the ring. So while I expect another attack, I’m not worried about it anymore.

SG: So you have a new alliance?

H: Alliance? No Gene, it’s not an alliance. What I had with the Ministry of Dawgness was an alliance. What I have now is a pure and simple friendship with someone who has, in some ways, stood in my shoes. In some ways, they know exactly how I feel. And I know I can trust them.

SG: So, in just two and a half weeks, you managed to make a new friendship that big?

H: Oh it’s big. It’s very big.

SG: Do you have anything else you’d like to say?

H: There’s an old saying that goes, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Well Corax and his new running buddies, as hard as they tried, they couldn’t kill me. When I come back, I will be stronger and when I rip Corax apart and make him choke on his own blood, the only person he can blame then is himself. I’m done and you can show yourselves out.

**The live feed cuts**

Ross: Strong words from Hellion, but really who can blame him, those four thugs tried to end his career, and nearly ended his life.
Razz: I am usually not an apologist for anyone Ross, but even I can see that that attack was a lot on the extreme side. And who are these big friends Hellion is talking about?
Ross: I have no idea Razz, Not a clue, all I know is that the fury of Hellion will be unmatched by anything we have ever seen when he makes his return.
Razz: Ross, when Jack and Concrete proposed the best of three series, I was expecting a good bunch of matches, I had no idea they would be this good, and I had no idea it would culminate in THIS!
Ross: Well, Jack left the door open for The Team From Down Under to pick their stips in the final match, and this is what they came up with, folks this will not be for the weak of heart.


OUTBACK JACK & GATORBAIT vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK & CONCRETE TG – Triple Cage Flaming Tables Match

All four men come out and take a look at the monstrosity that is the triple cage. The bottom cage is a 20 foot steel cage, the middle cage is smaller and sits on top of the first, it is a 15-foot high cage, and the final cage sitting on top of the middle cage is a 10-foot tall steel cage. The rules appear pretty simple; all four men start in the uppermost cage and fight their way down. The bottom cage contains a plentiful supply of tables, lighter fluid and matches. You win by putting both members through a flaming table. Once one member is through a table, they can still participate in the match.

All four climb to the top most cage, the bell rings and we are underway! Gator and Moose square off on one side Concrete hits a quick dropkick on OBJ and then heads for the door, OBJ follows. Concrete climbs on top of the third cage and OBJ follows him up there, as the two of them duke it out ON TOP of the monstrosity, Gator and Jack take turns slamming each other’s heads into the cage until both men are bloody. Gator leaves and climbs up to the roof of the cage with Concrete and OBJ heads back to the cage with Moose. On top of the cage Gator sweeps Concrete’s feet from under him, the back of Crete’s head slams hard into the top of the cage. With Concrete momentarily stunned, Gator lifts Crete and hits a diving CHOMP off the top of the uppermost cage, down to the roof of the second cage. Seeing that his partner may very well be dead, Moose catches OBJ with a spine buster bouncing OBJ’s head off the bottom of the cage. Jack leaves the cage and he and Gator slug it out on top of the second cage. MHJ attacks Gator from behind and slams him face first into the outside of the cage, then sets him up for a DDT on top of the cage. Concrete is slowly getting up, somehow. As Jack is about to hit the DDT, Outback Jack kicks the cage door open and it swings out and slams MHJ in the back of the head allowing Gator to backdrop Moose. Concrete is on his feet now and catches OBJ coming out of the top cage, CTG throws a dropkick that hits the cage door and swings it back catching OBJ in the face. OBJ hits the ropes, then falls forward out of the top cage. Gator mounts Moose and pounds away at his head. Concrete scales the top cage and waits for OBJ to get to his feet. As he does, Concrete comes off the top of the cage with a hurracaranna that sends OBJ flying, Jack tries to stop but slips over the edge and falls 15 feet to the top of the middle cage. Huge HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT chant breaks out, Concrete looks a little shaken, but true to form, Jack is already beginning to stir. Concrete starts to climb down the cage as he gets a few feet down, Gator gets off of Moose and rushes over and kicks at Concrete’s head, landing a few good shots, finally Concrete falls the remaining ten feet or so and crashes on top of the cage right next to OBJ. Gator turns around and a bloody Moosehead Jack is right behind him, Jack kicks Gator low and hits that DDT on top of the cage. Jack then starts to climb down the cage leaving Gator on top. Concrete and Jack are both to their knees trading punches when Jack gets there, Jack charges, Concrete ducks and Jack connects with a clothesline on OBJ that nearly breaks him in half. On the very top of the cage, Gator is starting to stir and climb down. Concrete, being the lightest of the four climbs down the side of the cage to the floor and grabs a chair. He gets back to the top just as Gator gets to the top of the cage; now all four men are on the second tier. Outback Jack is on his knees absorbing shots from Jack, he grabs him by the tights and pulls him into the side of the cage. MHJ falls to the top of the cage stunned. Concrete just gets to his feet on top of the cage when Gator and Jack DESTROY him with the Call of the Wild! Once again, Concrete might be dead. Jack and Gator toss inside the middle cage and close the door. Gator holds MHJ’s head next to the cage and slams the chair into his skull. Jack slumps barely conscious. On the bottom, Jack and Gator’s manager Wally B. King is busy directing local enhancement talent, they have a stack of 3 tables set up on two sides of the ring, presumably on is for Moose and one is for Concrete. Gator looks over the side, then grabs Moose and throws him off the top of the cage! MHJ crashes down through the stack of three tables finally coming to rest on the floor. The crowd erupts again. This time it is very likely that Moose is dead. Jack and Gator now turn their attention to Concrete, attacking him inside the cage and mercilessly bouncing him from one side of the cage to the other until Concrete is a bloody mess. They pull Concrete out of the cage and position him above the second stack of tables. Jack and Gator double goozle Concrete, they are going to choke slam him off the top of the cage through the tables below! In mid air Concrete shifts his weight and reverses the move into a double DDT! Outback Jack hits the cage face first; Gator hits the cage and bounces over, falling right off the edge of the cage, crashing through the tables below. MY GOD! Moose and Gator HAVE to be dead! But no! Moose is already on his feet, staggering over to what certainly should be the corpse of GatorBait. On the top of the cage, Concrete pulls OBJ to his feet and hits a shining wizard; Jack staggers backward, hits the cage, takes a few steps forward and eats a Concrete super kick to the mouth. OBJ slumps down to the top of the cage and just lies there bleeding and staring at the ceiling. Concrete starts climbing down the last cage to the floor. On the floor, Moose is digging through the rubble of tables to get to Gator, when he does, he grabs a chair and slams it down on Gator, just for the hell of it I suppose. Concrete gets down to the floor and they throw Gator into the final cage with the tables and the flames! Concrete sets up a table in the corner, sprays it with lighter fluid and sets it on fire, then rushes across the ring and climbs to the top rope. Meanwhile Outback Jack is finally working his way down the cage. Moose lifts Gator onto his shoulders; Jack and Concrete are going for the doomsday devise! Concrete leaps, but Gator ducks, Concrete crashes to the mat, Gator gets down off of Jack’s shoulders, turns, and super kicks Jack right in the mouth sending him sprawling back into the flaming table! MOOSEHEAD JACK is eliminated. Gator sets up the second table in the middle of the ring, gets it all good and fiery and waits for Crete to get up. OBJ makes his way to the ring and they wait, intending to destroy Concrete with another Call of the Wild, they charge, but Concrete moves and Gator ends up spearing OBJ. Concrete grabs Gator and power bombs him through the flaming table! GATORBAIT is eliminated. Down to just two men, Concrete and Jack both work to set up their own tables, Jack gets his on fire, Concrete just gets his set up and is pouring lighter fluid on it when Gator catches him with a ghetto blaster. Moose and Gator are both on their feet again, Gator swings wildly at Moose, Jack ducks and grabs Gator and destroys him with a heart punch. On the other side, OBJ has Concrete on the lighter fluid soaked table and is slowly climbing the ropes. As he jumps, Concrete moves and Jack flicks the match igniting the table, OBJ comes off the top and crashes through the flaming table! The ref calls for the bell it’s over! All four men lay bloody and spent in the ring.
WINNERS in 44:19 Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG

After the match, Wally B. King and paramedics come to the ring to check on the four men. After several minutes, all four are on their feet. The four meet in the center of the ring and exchange handshakes, even Moose shakes Jack and Gator’s hand after the match. The Canadian Crowd is delirious with joy after what they had just seen; the road crew attacks the cage like bees taking it down so the card can continue.

Razz: Holy Crap! That was freakin’ amazing!
Ross: How those four men are even able to stand is a testament to the physical toughness of OOWF superstars.
Razz: And how bout Moose actually shaking hands with Jack and Gator
Ross: Every once and awhile the man surprises me. Let’s hear what our FORMER
Intercontinental champion has to say.

[mooseheadjack]

[/i][Sexy Female Journalist #4 is standing by with L.D. Williams and Johnny Adrenaline]

SFJ: Johnny, L.D., you two will be teaming up later this evening in a tag team match in which the winner of the fall will receive an Intercontinental Title match THIS week on Midweek Mayhem. My question is, given your recent disagreements; will you two be able to co-exist?

JA: Honey, they don't pay you to think. They pay you to be pretty and ask questions. Don't over analyze the situation. Me and L.D. are just fine. Every married couple has their fights...

LDW: That's a bad analogy, Johnny.

JA: Well, okay, maybe it is. But the fact is that if one of us wants to get a title shot, it's in our own personal best interests to make sure our partner is out of trouble. We lose as a team. But we also win as a team.

LDW: Ya know, Johnny. Don't be throwing "team" around so liberally. We're barely friends anymore. Ya know, I don't think we can really go into this thinking "team."

JA: I'm just saying, L.D. You watch my back. I'll watch yours.

LDW: [sigh] Ya know, no offense, Johnny. But I think I can watch my own back.

[Williams walks off.]

JA: We're cool. He just gets like this sometimes... [/i]

Ross: I may not be an expert, but I would suspect that all is not well between Johnny and LD Williams.
Razz: Come on Ross, that is just idle speculation; you are just trying to instigate something between them since you can’t stand Johnny. Instead of spreading gossip, let’s talk about the white-hot feud between Mark Vander and Donovan Viper.
Ross: Razz, in all my years I am hard pressed to remember two men who just had such a vehement hatred for each other! These two cannot stand to look at each other.
Razz: They are like the British and the French or something, no one knows why it started, and no one can see it end anytime soon! Pure hatred!
Ross: Umm Razz, I think the French and British get along pretty well now
Razz: Well you know what I mean, start the match!

DONOVAN VIPER vs. MARK VANDER

Viper hits the ring first, keeping his eyes open the entire time for a sneak attack. He looks at every guy in a hoodie or baseball cap, and finally content, he slides into the ring. Vander’s music hits, and within a second he’s sprinting and leaping in the ring, throwing haymakers and uppercuts before the bell finally rings. The match now official, Viper strikes back with a football tackle, pounding away at Vander’s head with an almost unholy ferocity. The ref steps in to tell Viper to open his fists, but Viper shoves him aside and keeps bludgeoning Vander’s forehead until it starts bleeding. Satisfied, Viper stands up and pulls up his opponent by his already-crimson hair. In a flash, though, Vander turns the tables and takes Viper down with a leg trip, and it’s his turn to apply fists of fury. Viper is flailing to make it to the ropes and yelling to the ref to make the bad man stop. The ref tries to break it up, but Vander doesn’t listen and doesn’t stop until both men are equally gushing. Vander finally dismounts and walks away, but a sixth sense tells him that Viper is charging. A quick counter to a power slam gets two. Viper powders out, his head dripping onto the official cheap OOWF ringside mats (now with 12% more vinyl!), while Vander collapses in the far turnbuckle. The ref begins the 10 count, and Viper crawls back in at eight. Vander stands up, and they both charge at each other, their heads colliding in a brilliant firework-type display of sweat and blood. Neither man gives way, though, and Viper gets the advantage with a cheap knee to the kidneys. He starts kicking the kneeling Vander in the ribs, and Vander soon spits up a tablespoon of blood. Viper smiles and takes some of the blood and wipes it on his chest. The crowd responds by calling Viper a Homo, and some dude is audibly heard screaming about how Viper likes all the bodily fluids of men. Irate, Viper turns his back on Viper and begins pulling off the turnbuckle pad. He takes his time, though, which allows Vander to get back to his feet and blast Viper between the shoulder blades with a double axe handle, causing Viper’s throat to hit the exposed steel pin. Now blood drips from the former OOWF Champion’s mouth. Vander spins Viper around and sets him up on the top rope, obviously going for a superplex. While he holds Viper up in the air, though, it gets reversed and both men come crashing down, Viper on top. The ref counts to two before Viper tastes the blood on his tongue and gives up the pin, instead deciding to throttle Vander. Vander also wraps his hands around Viper’s neck, each man hell-bent on choking the other out. The ref tries to break it, but bloody spit is sent in the ref’s direction by both would-be stranglers. Having enough, the ref throws the match out, throws his arms up in the air, and leaves, obviously content with letting them kill each other. The bell keeps ringing, but the two don’t let up until they roll under the rope and out of the ring, crashing to the floor. Vander takes the brunt of the fall, and after a few seconds Viper makes it to his feet and reaches under the ring for a steel chain. Smiling, he wraps it around his elbow and waits for Vander to get up. When Vander finally stumbles to his feet, Viper sprints and goes for THE DEATH ELBOW, but Vander ducks it. Vipers forearm hits the ring post, and Vander spins Viper around and hits his tornado DDT Deal Breaker onto the floor! Missy, still wearing a brace around her neck from the vicious attack by Donovan last week, runs to the ring and helps Vander escape through the crowd. The rest of the Devil’s Brigade soon runs down the ramp to check on the unconscious Viper. They drag him to the back, and both men will obviously need medical attention.
WINNER: No Contest at 22:49

Ross: Good Lord! Don’t these two realize they are potentially shortening each other’s careers?
Razz: Realize it? They are counting on it! When you get it in your head that only one of you can survive, you will do whatever it takes to end the others career. Unless someone steps in and stops these two from butchering each other, well I fear they may well kill each other in the ring
Ross: Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that! Hopefully cooler heads will eventually prevail.
Razz: Like in the next match?
Ross: Well I am not too certain about that either. I would normally say I would not want to be in Beast’s shoes, having Alt and Harris mad at me, but Beast can hold his own, with ease
Razz: That is still a pretty tall order. The one advantage Beast has is that both men are angry with him.
Ross: How on earth is that an advantage?
Razz: Cause when you are angry with someone, you don’t always think clearly. Beast’s only chance in this match is to capitalize on a mistake made in anger by one of the others, if not, then he has no chance.

HARDBODY HARRIS vs. CHRIS ALT vs. BEAST

Hardbody Harris is out first, working the crowd who responds in kind, substituting the word “Eh?” into every pause of his entrance music. Chris Alt follows in kind, the appreciative Canadian crowd showing appreciation for a superstar who knows no borders. Harris and Alt shake hands in the ring and await the third man in the match, but after two loops through his music, Beast never shows up. The ref and the two grapplers shrug their shoulders, and the bell rings. Classic chain wrestling to start, as Alt and Harris trade-off on various hammerlocks and arm drags. Backslide by Harris gets two, and Alt counters into a flipping pin variation of his own for two. The Canadian crowd appreciates the technical skills, but they came for VIOLENCE and let the two workers know. They smile at the crowd and oblige, running to opposite sides of the ring to grab their weapons. Alt reaches under the apron and grabs a speed limit sign (written in kilometers, of course) and Harris pulls a garbage can from his end. He opens the lid and THE BEAST POPS OUT, killing Harris with a vicious chair shot to the head. Harris is out. Beast adds insult to injury, though, and several stomps to the back leave Harris in obvious trouble. Alt screams at Beast to get in the ring and “Come get some!” Beast obliges, and the ref officially adds Beast into the match. Beast and Alt circle each other, and Alt whiffs on a sign shot, allowing Beast to tag Alt with a vicious right hand. Beast Irish whips Alt off the ropes, Alt ducks the clothesline, but runs into an earth-shattering spine buster. Cover gets two. Beast picks Alt up and snake eyes him across the top rope, and follows it up with a meaty leg drop to double the pain on Alt’s throat. Harris stirs on the outside, and pulls himself up via the bottom rope, obviously still a little out of it. Alt fights back, hitting Beast with a European uppercut and a few chops across the chest, but Beast stifles the offense with a knee to the gut and a big suplex. Hardbody is up and he walks over to Beast, who blindly charges. Drop toehold by HH, followed by a pair of elbow drops to Beast’s spine. Hardbody heads to the top rope and tries to hit the #1 DOUBLE AXEHANDLE IN THE OOWF, but Beast moves out of the way and decimates Hardbody with a Samoan drop, causing Hardbody to fall out of the ring. At just this moment, Alt gets up and hits Beast with a flurry of punches and a beautiful dropkick. Beast is reeling against the ropes, and Alt takes advantage by heaving Beast off the ground for a beautiful German Suplex. Hardbody climbs back in the ring for the second time this match, brandishing a trashcan. He places it in a corner and goes to tell Alt something. They both laugh and go pick Beast off the ground. A double Irish whip is followed by consecutive clotheslines, and Beast sits in one corner of the ring, completely out of it. Harris reaches into the garbage can and pulls out a CURLING ROCK AND BROOM! The crowd is going nuts! Alt grabs the broom and Harris moves to the corner opposite Beast. With a skip’s precision, Hardbody slides the rock across the ring, and Alt controls the speed and path of the rock with vigorous sweeping. The crowd erupts as the rock smoothly sails into Beast’s rocks! Hardbody gestures to the crowd, and turns around to see Alt making the cover on Beast. Harris pulls Alt off at 2 ½, and it looks like the 2006 Olympics in Vancouver won’t be happening for these two. They trade punches, and Hardbody hits Alt with a crisp snap suplex. Alt reverses a Hardbody ONE AND ONLY attempt into a Spinal Contusion, but Hardbody makes his way out of that and hits a Fameasser! Cover gets 1, 2, and Beast somehow makes the save! Still holding his groin, Beast stomps away at Hardbody, but sees the curling broom and decides to beat Alt with it. He picks Alt up and hits him with a BIG HAMMER MONSTER CLUB OF DEATH on Alt, who crumples to the mat. Hardbody responds by breaking the broom over Beast’s head and bouncing off the ropes for a Bulldog. A suplex attempt is stopped by Beast, but a crisp reversal sequence allows Hardbody to nail a TO BE EDITED IN LATER~! on the monster, sending him over the top rope. Hardbody pulls himself up and taunts Beast, but doesn’t see Alt crawl over and roll Hardbody up from behind. Alt has the leverage, and the ref counts 1, 2, 3! WINNER in 27:12 - Chris Alt

After the match, Alt comes goes up the ramp and shrugs at Hardbody, who stands exasperated in the ring. Beast gets to his feet and thinks about charging Hardbody, but Mountie security holds him back. There’s still some bad blood to settle between these two.

Ross: Well, clear thinking didn’t get the win for Beast, it got the win for Chris Alt, he gets a title shot at Niles Anderson next week!
Razz: Alt kinda pulled the wool over Beast and Harris’ eyes on that one, that was a clever move though Ross, I gotta give him credit for that one.
Ross: Razz, who do you think will walk out of here tonight with the titles?
Razz: Well, to be honest, I am going with the two time champs 3Piece Set, you may not like them, but those titles are their lives, they will do whatever it takes to get them back.
Ross: Well, Capslock and Stank feel the same way; these two have a grudge bigger than Stank!
Razz: That’s big!
Ross: I thin Capslock and Stank have figured 3Piece Set out, they have given them more trouble than any other team in the OOWF so far, I think tonight they finally pass by 3Piece Set and claim their spot as the top team in the OOWF

FF CAPSLOCK & STANK vs. 3PIECE SET

More bad blood between two teams, 3Piece Set comes to the ring with chairs in hand. Not to be out done FFC & Stank come to the ring with bats wrapped in barbed wire, this doesn’t look good. Both teams meet in the ring and a standoff ensues. The ref warns both teams, and tries to get them to leave the weapons outside the ring. Capslock and Stank turn to drop the barbed wire bats over the top rope, and Ax and Cole charge. Capslock and Stank expected it, so as they turn and take chair shots to the head and shoulders, they also get in a shot to Ax and Cole with the bats. Capslock swings the bat at Cole’s head, Cole blocks it with the chair and on Capslock’s back swing he catches the ref in the face, slicing his forehead open! The ref is busted wide open! With no voice of reason, Capslock and Stank and Ax and Cole tear into each other. Ax low blows Stank and grabs the barbed wire bat and tears some wire off and wraps it around Stanks head and twists until the blood is flowing. Cole slams the chair down on Capslock’s head dropping him to one knee, as Cole lines up for another chair shot, Capslock nuts him with a barbed wire bat. The barbs tear at Cole’s groin and he collapses in a terrified heap. Capslock goes over and clubs Ax in the back of the head with a meaty forearm. Ax is down, Capslock lays the barbed wire bat in his groin and Stank is about to slam a chair down on it when Firechild hits the ring wit ha lead pipe and makes the save. Before he can do any real damage a masked man comes through the audience and attacks Firechild, leveling him with a juvi driver, then disappearing back into the crowd. Capslock and Stank look confused, the ref comes to and waves the match off, officials hit the ring to prevent further carnage.
WINNERS in 0:00 No Contest

In the ensuing melee of officials and wrestlers, GM the Rick makes his way out from the back and grabs the mic:

GMtR : Ok this has gone on long enough. You guys are not getting another match next week

<crowd boos and all four men look quite pissed>

Nope, instead, you two will have a cooling off period for a week and the titles will remain vacant. So next week, live from Val-des-Bois Quebec, Capslock and Stank, you two will face Outback Jack and GatorBait <crowd pops> and 3Piece Set, you two will face Moosehead Jack and Concrete TG <crowd pops again>

Now, to get around that pesky Canadian Law forbidding barbed wire, at the July 6th MidWeek Mayhem, live from Killington, Vermont, it will be 3Piece Set versus FF Capslock and Stank in a barbed wire steel cage match for the OOWF World Tag Team Titles, there MUST be a winner!

Oh, and just so neither of you get any fancy ideas, if you so much as lay a finger on a member of the opposite team, you will forfeit your spot in the title match. Got it?

Ross: WOW! GM the Rick is really laying down the law!
Razz: Two weeks from now a barbed wire steel cage match for the tag titles, sweet!
Ross: well let’s not get ahead of ourselves right now Razz; we have an outstanding title match up next. Firechild defends his title against Seraph and Capellan.
Razz: And we all know Seraph has gotten inside Firechilds head and is playing some serious mind games with him. Although that said, Capellan stands the best chance of winning the title.
Ross: How so?
Razz: Simple, Firechild is all consumed with beating Seraph, Seraph has an agenda against Firechild that apparently doesn’t include the title, Capellan wants the title more than anything, he stands the best chance to win the match.
Ross: Let’s head to the ring and test your theory.

FIRECHILD vs. SERAPH vs. CAPELLAN

Capellan and Seraph are in the ring, the champ is introduced hits the ring and walks right by Capellan and stands in front of Seraph and stares a hole in him. To be honest, the champ looks like crap. Capellan walks over and spins Firechild around and slaps him across the face trying to wake him up. Firechild knees Capellan in the midsection and throws him between the ropes, then turns back to stare at Seraph. Seraph just stares at Firechild, never saying a word, never changing his expression, meanwhile Firechild has worked himself into a rage. Capellan comes back into the ring and dropkicks Firechild in the back sending him into Seraph. Seraph catches Firechild and hits a sit down choke slam on the champ. Before he can even attempt a cover Capellan drop kicks Seraph in the face and sends him out of the ring. Cap knows he has to work fast, so he picks Firechild up in an airplane spin, after several revolutions he drops Firechild, FC staggers a moment then falls. Capellan climbs to the top rope and hits a 360 corkscrew moonsault on Firechild for a two count. Seraph gets back into the ring and catches Capellan with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex sending Capellan crashing into the corner. Seraph then watches Firechild slowly get to his feet. Firechild attacks Seraph with a fury, backing him into the corner and choking him with his boot. As always Seraph’s expression does not change at all. Capellan rushes over to the corner and rolls Firechild up, for a two count. The battle rages for over twenty more minutes, Firechild does everything he can to get to Seraph, but each time it looks like he may be getting an advantage Capellan makes the save of sorts. Seraph’s offense is centered mostly on getting Capellan out of the ring so he can taunt Firechild without saying a word, and Capellan is throwing everything at both guys but can’t quite keep them down. The end comes when Capellan is on the outside recovering after being pushed from the top rope by Firechild. Capellan crashed into the guardrail. Inside the ring Firechild tries to whip Seraph into the corner, but he scales the ropes and levels FC with a reverse bulldog. Seraph climbs the ropes again and hits a split legged moonsault. Seraph finally goes for a cover, but Capellan flies in from the top rope and drops a leg across the back of Seraph’s head. Seraph rolls out of the ring, Capellan rolls Firechild over on his stomach and hooks his legs like a reverse Boston crab, kneels down and hooks a full nelson on and lifts Firechild off the mat (I hope you guys can picture this move, not sure if it is an actual move or not, seems like it would be pretty cool, we should find a name for it) Firechild screams in pain, but can do nothing to escape. Seraph stands by the ropes staring a hole in Firechild. Looking directly into his eyes and screaming in pain, Firechild passes out. The ref calls for the bell, Capellan wins the title!
WINNER in 33:25 and NEW Onslaught Champion – Capellan

Wilder and Westgaard hit the ring and the three celebrate, Firechild is on the outside and looks like he is about to go insane with rage, Seraph walks up the ramp, still no expression on his face, and looks at Capellan, the faintest trace of a smile can be seen, but it quickly disappears when he looks at Firechild.

Razz: He did it! He did it! I told you Ross; I could just feel it was his night tonight!
Ross: I’ll give you that; you called the match dead on. Capellan will make a great Onslaught champion, I am greatly looking forward to watching this guy mature in the ring and give the fans spectacular matches week after week.
Razz: Well said Ross, well said. Another guy who has given us some spectacular matches as of late is Blackdragon, this guy has pretty much flown under the radar since winning the title from Johnny Adrenaline, tonight he has a chance at winning a unique match.
Ross: The match is under tag team rules, but the man to score the pin fall gets a shot at Dragon’s title, should Blackdragon score the win, he can hand pick his opponent for a title defense.
Razz: there are a lot of ways this one could go Ross, Johnny and Williams don’t appear to be seeing completely eye to eye lately, the Dragons once teamed, but they haven’t been on the same page in a long time, a title shot is a powerful thing this should be interesting.

JOHNNY ADRENALINE & LD WILLIAMS vs. BLACKDRAGON & SOULDRAGON

The Dragons get into a spat over who starts the match, and BD finally relents and lets SD get first dibs. Meanwhile, over in the other corner, L.D. and Johnny appear to be on the same page, and LD starts things. Lockup, and LD goes behind and gets a takedown, but SD spins out and gets a double leg takedown and rolls LD up for a quick two count. LD gets a drop toehold and immediately looks for the STF, but SD scrambles for the ropes. Ref calls for a break, and he gets a clean one, except for a right hand by Williams that drops SD to the mat. As the official reprimands LD, SD sells the punch by holding his jaw, going to the corner and tagging in BD, who is more than happy to come in. BD and LD grin at each other, trade a few verbal snipes, then lockup. What follows is a chain-wrestling clinic, two minutes of nonstop holds and counter holds, with neither man able to gain an advantage on the other. We get to a stalemate, and the smart Canadian crowd gives their approval. As both men acknowledge the ovation, Johnny blind tags himself in, to a chorus of boos. L.D. looks confused, but JA reassures him that everything is indeed under control. And of course, BD proceeds to completely outwrestle Johnny on the mat, culminating with a Dragon suplex, which BD bridges for the pin, and LD breaks it up at two. Tag to SD. SD comes in and continues the assault on JA. Double arm DDT, smoothly transitioned into a modified chicken wing with a body scissors. Again, LD breaks that up, and SD tags back out. BD back in, and he chops Johnny back into the corner. He sets JA on the turnbuckle and looks for a superplex. And he gets it, but however, SD tagged himself in while BD was executing the move, and SD looks for the pin. Johnny kicks out, and BD and SD get into another mini-argument. While they exchange words, JA tags LD, and Williams blindsides SD with a stiff forearm. LD stomps away at SD, then hits a nice snap suplex for two. Tag back to Johnny, and JA guillotines SD under the ropes with a catapult. JA then chokes away, much like the Pistons in the Finals. Williams and Adrenaline control SD for several minutes on their side of the ring, using a variety of legal double teams and good chemistry. However, at the fifteen-minute mark, SD reverses a DDT attempt by JA into a Northern Lights suplex, and LD breaks up the pin. JA tries to stay on the offense, but SD ducks a clothesline and hits a German suplex, and both guys are down. SD crawls for the corner, and Johnny makes the tag to LD. Williams comes across the ring to stop the tag, but he's too late. BD gets the tag. BD opens up on LD. Johnny comes in and is no help. Chops all around. BD tosses Adrenaline over the top. LD however hits a running knee from behind, and BD falls to the floor. Johnny tosses BD into the guardrail, then into the steps, then into the guardrail again. He rolls BD back in, and Williams hits the DDT. One, two, but BD is out at two. A few more minutes of teamwork from LD and JA, primarily focusing on BD's neck and back. And again, the offense comes to a halt as a result of a slip up by Johnny, ducking his head early for a backdrop, allowing for a sunset flip. One, two, and LD makes the save. BD looks for the tag, but Johnny drags him back out by the leg. BD gets up on his other foot and drops JA with an enziguri, and we have another race for a tag. LD comes around and pulls SD off the apron, triggering a brawl on the floor. BD gets to the corner and there's nobody there. He looks around, confused, and then turns right around into the ADRENALINE RUSH~! Johnny's got the cover. One, two, but BD is out at two! Johnny is pissed, rolling outside and grabbing a golf club. But the referee goes out and stops him. As they argue, SD and LD are still fighting on the other side of the ring. SD lines up LD on the apron for a chair shot, but LD moves and SD hits BD, who was just pulling himself on the ropes!! SD sees this and angrily tosses the chair into the ring and just walks off, abandoning the match and more importantly, his partner. LD puts two and two together and rolls in the ring and applies the STF to BD. BD fights it for a minute, and almost gets to the ropes. So LD breaks the hold and drags BD back to the center of the ring and reapplies the hold. The ref checks BD, and he appears to be out. He raises BD's arm once... nothing. Twice... nothing. But before he can do it a third time Johnny rolls back in with the golf club, and lines up a shot at a prone BD's face. The ref grabs the club and removes it from the ring, but Johnny turns around, LD is unable to defend himself because he's got the STF locked on, and Adrenaline kicks him right in the face. Johnny, who is actually the legal man, dumps LD to the floor and makes the cover on the unconscious Intercontinental Champion. One, two, three and Adrenaline STEALS the pin at 22:03
WINNER in 22:03 – Johnny Adrenaline

Ross: That Damn deplorable despicable disgusting Johnny Adrenaline! Williams had the win and the title shot and Johnny turned on his own partner to steal a win! Does this man have no morals at all?
Razz: I think Johnny may have bitten off more than he could chew here. Williams is going to be out for blood after this one, and LD Williams is not the man you want after you, Johnny, you better watch your back!
Ross: I hope LD Williams tears him to pieces.
Razz: Come on Ross, we are supposed to remain impartial here.
Ross: Impartial my ass, Johnny is scum pure and simple, there is no amount of beating that Johnny could ever endure that would change my mind on that either
Razz: Oooookay, hey we have a world title match up next! Niles defends the title against the immensely popular Canadian Dragon, Ross who ya got?
Ross: That damn Johnny Adrenaline, another thing about him….
Razz: Ross, I said WHO YA GOT, come on focus
Ross: Huh, oh, Canadian Dragon wins the title. But that damn Johnny Adrenaline, I would like to find a hot poker, a bucked of fire ants, an inflatable duck and….
Razz: Whoah!! Let’s head to the match

NILES ANDERSON vs. CANADIAN DRAGON

Dragon comes to the ring to a thunderous ovation; instead of his normal intro video we see footage of him getting the better of Niles in the eight-man match. The footage whips the fans into even more of a frenzy and by the time Dragon makes it to the ring, the building feels like it is shaking. When Niles music starts, the place goes silent, dead silent, as soon as he comes out the deafening silence is replaced by deafening boos. Niles smirks at the Canadian crowd and gets in the ring anyway where he sneak attacks Dragon getting the match under way. Niles dumps Dragon over the top rope and follows him to the outside. As Dragon tries to get back to his feet, Niles kicks him in the face. NA pulls Dragon up and bounces his head off the ringside table, then shoots him into the steel steps shoulder first. The fans look like they might riot soon. Niles walks over to Dragon and kicks him low, then casually rolls into the ring to break the count. Niles allows Dragon to crawl back into the ring, as he does, Niles drops a knee across the back of CD’s head and makes a cocky cover. Dragon rolls his shoulder at two and the place explodes. Niles pulls Dragon to his knees and starts taunting him, slapping him across the face. Dragon has had about enough, and in one fluid motion jumps to his feet and kicks Niles right under the chin, shutting his mouth and sending him flopping backward to the corner. Dragon charges in and catches Niles with a monkey flip out of the corner. Dragon is on fire now; CD whips Niles to the ropes and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Dragon then leaps to the top rope and connects with a breath taking moonsault. Cover gets two, as Niles is just able to roll his shoulder. CD locks on the Dragon sleeper, Niles fights furiously to escape, as he starts to fade, Attitude Adjuster makes his way to the ring, CD releases the hold and knocks AA off the apron with a dropkick. Beast makes it to the other side of the ring, CD rushes over to nail Beast, but Beast catches him by the throat and lifts him high with both hands. Hardbody Harris comes out and pulls Beast off the apron, Beast drops Dragon and as he falls smacks his chin on the apron. Beast and Harris brawl around the ring, AA comes over to help Beast, but Chris Alt comes out from the back and evens things up. Harris and Alt and Beast and AA brawl to the back. Inside the ring, Niles low blows Dragon and tries a SteeDDT but Dragon back drops Niles and locks on the dragon sleeper again in the center of the ring. Niles is fading fast! The ref checks Niles arm it drops once, twice, thre…Microplay comes flying in from the top rope landing a double axe handle right on Canadian Dragon, the ref immediately calls for the bell. Niles bails out of the ring, grabs his title and rushes to the back.
WINNER in 19:45 by disqualification Canadian Dragon

Officials come to the ring and get Microplay out of there, fans fill the ring with debris, they are furious, feeling Canadian Dragon had the title won. Microplay looks like he is genuinely afraid.

Razz: In all my years in this business I have never heard a crowd like THAT!
Ross: That was indeed something special, just imagine if that cowardly Niles Anderson hadn’t cheated to win and Dragon actually won the title!
Razz: That would’ve been OFF THA HOOK!
Ross: Niles got lucky with that one; I have to wonder if Corax will be so lucky against UnderDawg?
Razz: Well, I’m not so sure, Corax is tough as they come, but the dead dawg has a score to settle, a motivated UnderDawg is not someone to take lightly.
Ross: Looks like they are ready, let’s head to the ring.

UNDERDAWG vs. CORAX

Corax attacks from behind as his former mentor makes his way to the ring. Corax pounds away at UD dropping the big man to one knee. When it looks like UD is going to make a comeback Corax lays a stiff tajiri kick to UD’s face that sends him sprawling down the ramp. Corax grabs a mic cord and wraps it around UD’s throat and nearly chokes him out. Trying to maintain his advantage, Corax keeps choking UD and hitting him with brutal kicks to the face. Inevitably UD starts to get mad, and starts fighting back. As he does, Corax reaches under the ring and grabs a glass bottle and shatters it across UD’s head and face. UD collapses in a heap and Corax retreats to the ring. Officials rush to check on UD, they roll him over and blood is just pouring off of his head. They help him to his feet and start to help him to the back, about a quarter of the way up the ramp, UD stops, turns and charges back into the ring. Dawg slides under the bottom rope and Corax tries to put the boots to him, but it doesn’t do any good. UD gets to his feet and grabs Corax by the throat for a choke slam. Corax kicks UD low to escape, then takes him off his feet with a spinning heel kick. Corax pulls the big man to his feet and hits a series of German suplexes. Cover only gets one as UD rolls the shoulder. Corax pulls UD up and plants him with a DDT. Corax pulls Dawg to the ropes, and pulls his head under the bottom rope and leaves it handing off the apron. Adding a kick to the head for good measure, Corax grabs a chair and heads to the top rope. Corax leaps and hits an Arabian face buster to UD’s head; it looks like he broke UD’s neck! Dawg is in trouble. Corax slides out of the ring, looks around for a moment, then grabs the timekeeper’s bell and slowly climbs to the top rope with visions of Ricky Steamboat vs. Randy Savage all over again. As he gets to the top, a bloody and battered Moosehead Jack hits the ring and shoves Corax off the top rope. Corax flies off the top and crashes through the Kyrgyzstan Announce table. Jack grabs the bell from the wreckage, pulls Corax out and DDT’s him on the bell before rolling him back into the ring. UnderDawg didn’t see any of this, and he crawls over to Corax and drapes his shoulder across Corax and the ref makes the three count.
WINNER in 26:44 UnderDawg

After the match, Jack rolls into the ring with the mic, gets right next to Corax face and gives this warning:

“Corax, you attacked me with a chair last week, the way I see it right now we are even, but one day, we will settle the score. You keep putting your nose in my business and that day will come sooner than you think.”

With that, Donovan Viper, Niles and AA hit the ring to make the save; Jack bails out of the ring before they can get their hands on him. The camera focuses on Corax for a moment then fades to black.

Ross: What did Jack mean by that?
Razz: I have no idea Ross, are Moosehead Jack and the UnderDawg working together?
Ross: I have no idea! Folks that’s all the time we have tonight, for Razz, I’m Ross, goodnight!

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out OOWF MidWeek Mayhem! Live, June 29th, Live! From Val-des-Bois, Quebec, Canada! And be sure to check out the OOWF Territorial Beatings PPV, Live July 31st from Yellowknife, Northwest Territory Canada!

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[mooseheadjack]

*Sexy Female Journalist #4 is standing by backstage as Chris Alt, apparently having showered and in his street clothes, is on his way out of the arena*

SFJ4: Chris Alt! Congratulations on snapping your losing streak tonight with your clever victory over your friend Hardbody Harris and your mutual foe, Beast. The win earned you a shot for the World Championship against Niles Anderson this Wednesday at Mayhem. What are your thoughts?

CA: June 29, 2005. Mark it down on your calander, cause it's going to be a historical day for the OOWF and all of sports entertainment. That's the day that the era of Prime Time will officially begin. I'll see you Wednesday, Niles.

*Alt turns and leaves*

[mooseheadjack]

(Microplay, after having defeated Uncle Entity and Morte, is alongside Skeem Gene Okerlund in the backstage area):

Skeem - Microplay, what did you think of your...

(Microplay takes the mic)

Microplay - This is for all of the OOWF...I should be the #1 contender for the OOWF title, and no one else. My match tonight?? It was a joke. No one can beat Microplay, and i deserve a title shot.

Skeem - Microplay, i think you'll need to work up the ranks to become a contender...

Microplay - Is that right, Skeem??

(Microplay shoves Skeen Gene onto the ground and stares right into the cameras)

Microplay - This time, i'm going to get my OOWF title shot...whether it's Niles Anderson or Donovan Viper, i'm going to beat them all on route to my second championship reign...and that's that!!

(Microplay leaves the interview area, as cameras fade)