OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (07/27) Live! From IXL, Oklaho

[BookerShark]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From IXL, Oklahoma

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Alexander Darling vs. Stank vs. Chris Evans

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Stan Fulton vs. JW Westgaard vs. Matt Folz

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match - Stips TBA[/u]
Brass Knuckle Kings vs. Texpress

Onslaught Rules Tag Team Match - El Lobo Sangriento Special Guest Referee[/u]
J-P Sparxx & Mai Muyo vs. Pykle & Moosehead Jack

#1 Contenders Match[/u]
Night Marchers vs. Regicide vs. Drink & Destroy

Attitude Adjuster vs. Firewoman
Davin Moreland vs. DH Magnusson

Card subject to BOOOOOOOMER SOOOOOOOOOONER!

[BookerShark]

~~~ Immediately after Mayhem ends in Dodge City, Texpress and BKK are STILL fighting. FOlz and Evans have joined the fray, but so has Danny Taylor and El Lobo Sangriento. Security has swarmed the hallway and after much efforting, has managed to seperate the combatants. General Manager Selena al-Takriti has come on scene. ~~~

GMSa-T: Stop Stop! I can't have Main Events ruined by this. Next Week, Live from IXA Oklahoma (Cheap Pop Already) The Brass Knuckle Kings will put the titles on the line again against Texpress!

Eric: NO! We already proved they can't beat us!

GMSa-T: Too bad, so sad. Already done.

Bryce: Then... We Want STIPULATIONS!

Eric: First good idea you've had in months. IF WE have to put something on the line, so should they

Zane: No Problem!

Chad: You Name it!

Eric: Put up something more valuable to you than these "Championships" ...
We'll put the titles on the line, you put your TEAM on the line.

GMSa-T: What?

Bryce: Yeah Yeah!

Eric: After we kick your asses next week. Texpress is DONE No more TAG TEAM. You two retards will never EVER ever team up again. EVER!!!!

~~~ Stunned silence fills the Hallway ~~~

Chad:

Zane: ..... Deal

~~~FADE!~~~

[BookerShark]

*OBJ and Danny Taylor are pacing backstage when Scheme Gene shows up with a microphone*

SG: Gentlemen, at Mayhem...

*OBJ grabs him by the neck*

OBJ: Not now, Gene!

[BookerShark]

*Stank is on the phone with Selena where we only hear his side of the conversation.*

....Yeah.... uh huh... ...

Uh huh.... ... sure... ...

yeah.... yeah that's cute Selena, listen... ..

I know listen... ... .... no. .... quick question. Where the fuck is IXA Oklahoma?

... .... ... uh huh... ... .. uh huh... ... ... I did google it.. ...

.. found links to an IXA in some foreign country, city, whatever...

.... I don't know... and links to some sort of Power Ranger.... ...

... .. oh... my bad.... Kamen Rider Kiva whatever the fuck that is... ... right...

... well it looks like a Power Ranger to me... ... uh huh... uh huh..

... no.. .. no ... NO! ... NO! DON'T you DARE put CHUCKLES ON THE PHO- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAY Chuckles.. ... ... ..

... juh? Got it. ... ...

... .. right.... put Selena back on the phone..... yeah put Selena back on the phone.... Chuckles....

.... put Selena back on the phone.... ... hello? Selena?..

.. why did you do that?.... all he says is juh... ..... I don't care.... I do not like him... ...

.... Justin is right here... ... he's busy.... I don't approve of Justin and Chuckles friendship... ...

If I may get us back on topic ... ..okay I still don't know where IXA, Oklahoma is...

.... are you kidding me?.... Hello?.... HELLO?...

DAMN IT!

*Stank ends the call.*

LDW - Well?

Stank - Fuck if I know.

Tytan - Let me try calling her.

Stank - I don't know why you would get more headway than I, but be my guest.

LDW - Jack could probably talk to her. You know where he went?

Stank - Nope.

Crusher - So are we just going to sit here, gentlemen?

Stank - Looks like that's the plan, Stan. At least until someone can tell us where to go. What did Ms Rodriguez find out?

Crusher - Nothing yet.

LDW - You should try the chicken pot pie here. It's pretty good.

Stank - Pass.

Crusher - It's like a hundred degrees outside. How can you eat that.

LDW - It's good.

Stank - You don't think the GPS was actually right and that intersection a mile back is actually IXA?

Crusher - No way. There was nothing there.

*At this point, Ms Rodriguez walks into the diner.*

Crusher - What's the word, Martha?

MR - Haven't found out anything.

Stank - Great.

LDW - Where did Jack go?

Fade

[BookerShark]

We see a random SFJ (let's call her Alicia) walking aimlessly through Kansas City International Airport as if looking for someone. Suddenly we hear "Huh! Juh Juh" and Alicia makes her way towards it.

Alicia finds Chuckles the Clown being beaten by airport security as Selena laughs in the background. Alicia makes her way over to Selena and pulls out a microphone from...somewhere.

SFJA: GM Selena, if I could have a word?

GMSa-T: Man, this airport smells a lot like skank.

SFJA: There are a number of wrestlers who have been unable to find IXA, Oklahoma...

GMSa-T: So? Not my fault they can't read a road map. I didn't book the show anyway, Ecosuck did.

SFJA: Well, are you gonna do anything about it?

GMSa-T: What am I supposed to do? Send out seeing eye dogs? That'd be so cool. No, get a GPS or something, I dunno.

SFJA: Where are you off to, by the way?

GMSa-T: Man, you ask a lot of questions.

SFJA: It's my job.

GMSa-T: Is it also your job to no the nasty with Chad Madison?

SFJA: I um, well, I, uh.

GMSa-T: You uh, sure, you uh, suck. Listen blondie...

SFJA: I'm actually a redhead...

GMSa-T: What. Ever. Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm going to spend it with my husband at our home in Hawai'i. You know what a husband is, right? One of those things you might be able to snag if you spend enough time with your head in their laps, because that's all you got goin' for ya. Yeah, one of those.

SFJA: So who is in charge of OOWF?

GMSa-T: I left someone trustworthy in charge for the day.

SFJA: Who?

Selena looks around, rubbing the back of her neck like she doesn't want to answer, but she does...quietly and through a bit lip.

GMSa-T: Moose. Head. Jack

SFJA: YOU DID WHAT??

GMSa-T: Relax, slut bag. I have one of my law dudes overseeing. What's the worst that can happen?

The PA comes on.

PA: Flight 219 to Honolulu is now boarding First Class passengers.

GMSa-T: That's me. Bye Loose Coos. Security dudes! You can put Chuckles in the cargo hold, k? Thanks!

Selena grabs her wheelie suitcase and heads towards the gate as Alicia looks to the camera with a shocked look on her face.

[BookerShark]

*Outback Jack is on his cell phone*

OBJ (belches): Steve Williams, Australian for good luck mate!

DDT:...?

OBJ: No, not the bastard who works for Microsoft and takes his kid to Hooters, the one who used to caddie for Tiger!

DDT:...?

OBJ: Right, I get them mixed up myself

[BookerShark]

CUT back to Stank, LD, Tytan, Fulton and Ms. Rodriguez. She’s been working/playing with her smartphone.

MR: “I think I have an answer gentlemen.”

LDW: “’Bout time. Where do we go?”

MR: “That intersection we passed. I checked the Road to Hell Tour itinerary. It’s not IXA like posted this week. It’s IXL. Which is that podunk crossroads in the middle of nowhere. Population 57.”

T: “We’re going to have a major show for fifty-seven hicks? Assuming every one shows?”

MR: “I’m only the messenger.”

S: “Well, gentlemen, our esteemed attaché gave us the info. Let’s turn this around. Stan?”

Fulton cranks the wheel and turns their vehicle around as we FADE.

[BookerShark]

*Eric O'Mac and Lauren Phoenix are driving in what appears to be the middle of nowhere. Lots and lots of corn. Corn is always interesting. Eric pulls over to the side of the road.*

Lauren: You HAD to make Chris, Bryce, and Matt drive the rental car WITH the GPS.

Eric: I assumed it would be a straight shot from one of those roads we took.

Lauren: This is why we should have rented one big Hummer or something and all road together.

Eric: They don't deserve to ride with us.

Lauren: Don't give me your whole spiel on the light and darkness. I don't play that at all.

*Lauren's phone buzzes and she flips it open.*

Lauren: Hmm.

Eric: Yeah?

Lauren: Martha Rodriguez and her crew were lost, but are on the right track.

Eric: So? How does that help us?

Lauren: I'm going to call Stank.

Eric: Don't you dare. And why are you receiving texts from Martha Rodriguez. Don't you remember her putting a bag of shit over my head?

Lauren: All of us NPCs keep in touch regularly.

Eric: Next thing you know, you'll tell me that you and Selena have an appointment to get french manicures.

Lauren:...

Eric: Oh come on! You know I don't get along with her. And Stank. Don't call Stank.

Lauren: Would you rather us sit here in the heat?

Eric: Yes.

Lauren: I'm calling him anyways.

Eric: Damnit.

*Lauren dials and through the magic of dual screens, we see Stank pick up his phone.*

Stank: Hello?

Lauren: Lucas, this is Lauren Phoenix.

Stank: Lauren, is there a particular reason you're calling me?

Lauren: Yes, it seems me and Eric are lost, and I've heard that you have directions to the town. Anyway you can help us out?

Stank: I'd really rather not. You realize Eric and I don't get along.

Lauren: Yeah, but I figured if Eric misses the show, then Selena will be pissed and we'll blame you for not helping us.

Stank: You think I care about that at all?

Lauren: Look, I'm going to put Eric on the phone.

Stank: No, no, no, don't you dare put Eric on the phone Laur-

Eric: Hello, Stank.

Stank: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, Eric.

Eric: ...Yeaaah, I didn't really want to talk to you either, Lucas.

Stank: Whatever. Where are you now?

Eric: There's lot of corn.

Stank:....

Eric:....

Stank:....That's all you are going to tell me.

Eric: The hell do you want me to say? That's the only landmark around. I'm not even sure if we are in Oklahoma.

Lauren: (in the background) We are in Oklahoma, Eric.

Eric: OK, we are in Oklahoma.

Stank: What's the last landmark you saw?

Eric: There was a diner about a mile down the road. Lauren wanted to stop and eat there, but I didn't really want to. Place looked like a shit hole. Plus there was this huge rental Hummer in the parking lot and these four douchebags and this one bitch got out. I mean, these guys looked like real fucking assholes, Lucas. One was the really fat guy, another looked like a roid freak, the third one had a ponytail and looked kind of foreign, and then there was this REALLY mean looking black guy...

Stank:...

Eric:...

Stank:...

Eric: That Hummer was yours, wasn't it?

Stank: Yup.

Eric:...

Stank...

Eric: Can I turn around and follow you?

Stank: If you hurry up...but if you park near us, we may have an international incident on our hands.

Eric: Fair enough.

*Eric shuts off the phone and turns the car around as we fade out.*

[BookerShark]

*Fade in to the locker room in the IXLDOME in IXL, Oklahoma, where we find El Lobo Sangriento LACING~! up a new mask as SFJ722 approaches…

SFJ: Lobo, is that you?

ELS: It suuure is.

SFJ: If it hadn’t been for your Voiceover Guy, I’d have walked right past. What’s with the new mask?

ELS: Have you seen the card for Mayhem?

SFJ: Yeah. You’re the guest referee for the big Onslaught tag match. Sparrx and Mai against Psykle and Moose.

ELS: Right. So, what do you think is up with the new mask?

SFJ: Well, it’s white with black stripes…or is it black with white stripes…hummm…are you dropping your wolf gimmick for a zebra gimmick?

ELS: Wow. It’s a referee mask to match my referee shirt.

SFJ: …

ELS: The shirt that I’m wearing.

SFJ: …

ELS: Right now.

SFJ: …

ELS: …

SFJ: I don’t get it.

ELS: Wow. Again. Can we just start the interview, please?

SFJ: Sure! This is SFJ722 coming to you LIVE~! from 39, Oklaho—

ELS: From where?

SFJ: 39.

ELS: Ooookay. Now I’m the one who doesn’t get it. Where is 39 coming from?

SFJ: It’s Roman numerals, silly. “I” is 1, “X” is 10, and “L” is 50. Since the “I” and “X” come first, you subtract them from “L”, which makes 39.

ELS: That’s some incredible logic. It’s way off the mark, but it’s still somehow really impressive.

SFJ: Thanks!

ELS: Why don’t you stand over there and check your Roman math while I handle the rest of the interview?

SFJ: Okay…but I used an albatross, so I’m pretty sure it’s right.

ELS: I really hope you meant “abacus”. (To camera) Hey there, Wolfpack. It’s your old pal Lobo. I gotta say, I’m really excited about my ref gig this week. I get to enforce the rules I love and scout my competition at the same time. It’s a great opportunity.

SFJ: (Counting on her fingers) I, II, III…

ELS: Now, to Mai, Sparxx, Moose, and Psykle: you all know the rules. You all know that I know the rules. You all know that you aren’t going to be able to get anything past me, so don’t try. Go out there and compete in the spirit of the match, and we’ll all get along just fine. If you fuck with me, I’ll knock you the fuck out. I’m not kidding about that.

SFJ: …IV?...

ELS: And for those Wolfpack members who are over 18, don’t forget to pick up my new t-shirt, “If you fuck with me, I’ll knock you the fuck out. I’m not kidding about that.”

SFJ: …V, VI, VII…

ELS: Wolfpack out.[/b]

*FADE*

[BookerShark]

*Stan parks the Hummer, off to the side of the road, next to Moose's Shelby Mustang, at the intersection of IXL Oklahoma. They are followed closely by Eric O'Mac's rental car which they parked on the other side of the street, opposite Stan and crew. Stank exits the passenger side of the Hummer and joins a small crowd of OOWF talent standing in the middle of the intersection.*

CM - CAR!

*After Chad Madison yells out the warning, the people slowly scatter to allow another car to pass through. Once it passes the small gathering returns to the middle of the intersection to take in their surroundings.*

DH Mag - There is NOTHING here.

Zane - Where's the show going to take place exactly?

Moose - Right here... where we're standing. Stank.

Stank - Moose.

E'OM - Are you fucking KIDDING me?

Moose - Eric.

EO'M - We are supposed to wrestle here...? In the middle of the street?

Moose - Well we were going to have the show at the IXLDOME in Oklahoma, but as far as I can tell, it's not actually in IXL Oklahoma.

Stank - Where is it?

Moose - Pennsylvania.

Zane - The HECK?

Moose - Oklahoma Pennsylvania to be exact.

*Chad is looking at a video on his cellphone.*

CM - El Lobo just did a promo from there.

Moose - Someone call him and tell him where we are... anyway I was going to wait until Fire got here to coordinate setting up the ring... but I like your idea better Eric.

EO'M - What... what idea?

Moose - Literally every match can be a street fight. No ring. Just us beating the shit out of each other surrounded by OOWF staff, talent, and the good people of IXL.

EO'M - You're out of your fucking mind.

Moose - This is news?

Chad - I hate the idea.

DH Mag - I kind of like it.

Stank - Me too.

OBJ - Don't agree with Moose and his lackey much, but I have to admit..

Stank - Shut the fuck up with that lackey shit Outback.

OBJ - *Beeeelch* That's Australian for "Make me."

*Stank starts for OBJ when LD Williams walks up and puts a hand on Stank's arm, stopping the big man short.*

LDW - Plenty of time for that later.

SF - Anyone seen the Commissioner and her boy toy World Champion?

Moose - They're still and hour out.

JP-S - YO! Where r we supposed to sleep?

Moose - There's a hotel about 30 miles west of here.

Jewel - I ain't staying in no raggidy ass hotel!

Moose - Sleep in your fucking car then, Missy. I don't care.

*Jewel crosses her arms and scowls while Sparxx consoles her.*

Moose - Ms Rodriguez, if you don't mind, I'd like for you to contact everyone who is not here to let them know where we are and what's going on.

MR - What is going on?

*Moose smirks.*

Stank - I know that look.

Zane - EXCUSE ME! Who in the blazes put you in charge, Moose?

Stank - Selena your GM did. Is there a problem?

Zane - Yes there is a problem! I have huge problem with that!

Moose - You want to come solve it?

LDW - Nobody is solving anything right now. I suggest we all go find a hotel and get some rest.

*Grumbling can be heard from amongst the gathering, but most agree and start heading for their vehicles.*

Stank - So Mr Interim GM...

Moose - Don't call me that.

Stank - You realize the power you've been handed?

MHJ - Don't need it. Don't want it. When Fire gets here I'll hand the reigns over to her... well... most of the reigns anyway.

Stank - I knew it. So you do have something in mind.

Moose - You'll have to wait and see.

Fade

[BookerShark]

*Eric, still fuming about the location of the arena, pick up his cell phone and calls Bryce Larson.*

Bryce: Bryce Larson Shovels and Grease Incorporated, Bryce speaking.

Eric: Where the hell are you?

Bryce: The IXLDOME.

Eric: Did you use the GPS?

Bryce: Nah, we decided to follow El Lobo. He seemed like he knew what he was doing.

Eric: Shit.

Bryce: What?

Eric: You're in Pennsylvania.

Bryce: No, we're in Oklahoma.

Eric: Yes, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania.

Bryce: Wait, I'm in two states?

Eric: No.

Bryce: Oklahoma and Pennsylvania aren't even near each other.

Eric: Thanks for the geography lesson.

Bryce: Look, if you are going to be snippy, I'll just put Matt on the phone.

Eric: Don't you DARE put Matt on the phone, you know I don't want to......HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, Matt, what's up?

Stank (in the background): Bastard stole my bit.

Matt: So, where are you?

Eric: In IXL, Oklahoma. You aren't.

Matt: We're in the IXLDOME.

Eric: Yes. In Pennsylvania.

Matt: No, in Oklahoma.

Eric: Yes. In Oklahoma, Pensylvania.

Matt: You are so confusing.

Eric: Oklahoma is the name of the city you are in, NOT the state.

Matt: Makes no sense. You want to talk to Chris?

Eric: *sigh*....sure.

Chris: Hey boss. Where are you?

Eric: In Oklahoma.

Chris: So are we! I don't see you though.

Eric: I'm tired of having this conversation.

Chris: Huh. Why is El Lobo putting his suitcase in his car?

Eric: Probably because someone just called him to tell him he is in Pennsylvania.

Chris: But we're in Oklahoma.

Eric: Oklahoma, Pennsylvania.

Chris: How can we be in two different states that aren't anywhere near each other?

Eric: Damnit, just tell the guys to get in the car and follow Lobo where ever he goes.

Chris:....you don't have to yell.

Eric: I'm not yelling.

Chris: I don't like it when you curse at me. It's kind of hypocritical. Jesus didn't do that.

Eric: I don't need the lecture right now, Evans. Follow Lobo, and when he get here, maybe, JUST MAYBE, I'll let you stay in the same hotel as the rest of the OOWF.

Chris: Where are you staying?

Eric: Not in that shitbag hotel. Might go find the nearest rental place and rent an RV.

Chris: Sounds kind of white trash.

Eric:....put Bryce back on the phone.

Chris: Bryce is driving.

Eric: Put him on anyways.

Chris: It's not safe to talk and drive.

Eric: It's not like we're texting.

Chris: That's dangerous too. I can let you talk to Matt.

Eric: I don't WANT to talk to Matt.

Chris: You know his parents probably said that during their divorce proceedings.

Eric: His parents are divorced?

Chris: I don't know. That was my attempt at a joke.

Eric: Stop attempting. Here, talk to Stank.

Chris: No, no, no, I don't want to talk to..............HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, Stank.

Stank: I'm going to fucking kill you.

*Fade out.*

[BookerShark]

*Fade in to the locker room in the IXLDOME in Oklahoma, PENNSYLVANIA, where we find El Lobo Sangriento—

ELS: You know what? Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

*Oh, come on, Lobo. This is really funny.

ELS: It’s really not. I’m heading to the airport. Coming?

*Sure. What about her?

SFJ722: …XXIX plus XLVX equals…Q?

ELS: She’ll figure it out, eh? She seems pretty bright. (Rolling his eyes)

*FADE*

[BookerShark]

Fade-in to Matt Folz and Chris Evans driving behind Lobo, while Larson takes a nap in the back of the car.

Folz: Alright, so lets go through this one more time. We’re supposed to be in Oklahoma, Pennsylvania?

Evans: Yep.

F: Who the hell decided that booking a place where the city is the name of a state was such a great idea?

E: Moose did.

F: Moose felt that it was a good idea to do that?

E: I guess so.

F: Why would he do that?

E: My guess would be leaning more towards the fact that he’s fucking Moose. He loves doing this shit.

F: Good point. But hell, if he wanted to do that, why not just book us in New York City?

E: ...

F: ...

E: ...Really?

F: What?

E: What part of “Moose booked this” did you not understand?

F: What do you mean?

E: Do you seriously believe that Moose would wanna be anywhere near New York City? Well, aside from the fact that there was a mass riot going on, in which case he’d wanna just stand there and revel in the anarchy. Oh, and if the city just decided to just cut their ties and just call for a public execution of the Mets starting lineup.

F: Heh, yeah, he’d love that.

E: I’m sure New York would as well.

F: Yeah, that place is a shithole.

E: ...

F: Oh what now?

E: I grew up in that shit-hole.

F: But I thought you were from Canada?

E: *sigh* How many times do I have to bring this up? I was originally from New York, trained with Storm, decided I liked Canada more, and stayed there.

F: Oh yeah. Well, you made the right choice.

E: Eh, I guess.

F: Eh, could be worse. I mean, you could have also liked the Giants.

E: ...

F: OH COME ON!

E: Just drop it, Matt.

F: But...

E: Drop it.

F: Come on, you know I didn’t mean...

E: That’s it, Matt! One more crack out of you and I’m cranking the Neil Young.

F: OH FUCK THAT! What’d I ever do to you? Just stab my eardrums if you’re gonna do that. That way I can distract myself from the pain.

*fade to black*

[BookerShark]

~~~ Meanwhile, on the road in Zane's 1965 Mustang ~~~

Zane: You know, we'll have something else to worry about this week.

Chad: What else could there be? Besides the match being for the Championships, the potential interference of Folz & Evans, besides the fact our TAG TEAM CAREERS are on the line AND Moose being put in charge and declaring EVERY MATCH this week a Street Fight? There's something else???

Zane: Yes. We're in Oklahoma.

Bridgette: So?

Zane: So we tend to get the support of 95% of the fans. We tend to be cheered worldwide.

Chad: Ahh. Gotcha

Zane: Here? It's worse than Shawn in Canada. We've NEVER been cheered in Oklahoma.

Chad: That's because they're all a bunch of backward hicks. Because the best thing about Oklahoma is seeing the state line in your rear-view mirror?

Zane: So a tough match, tough opponents, horrible decision making, and we wont have the crowd support to rally us in a pinch.

Chad: This is going to suck.

Zane: It won't be easy. But if we want to continue being the best tag team in the history of this business, then We had better be ready.

Chad: So... so why are we leaving IXL? shouldn't we be at the Training Facility working out or sparring? Or at the Media Center watching footage?

Zane: Better idea. Bridgette's idea actually.

Chad: Oh?

Bridgette: Yes. We're driving to Oklahoma City. I'm hitting the spas for a few days. You two are flying to San Antonio. Sleeping in your own beds. Re-focus. I'll pick you up at the airport Wednesday morning and we'll drive back to IXL (Cheap Pop) in plenty of time for MidWeek Mayhem.

Chad: SA? You mean.... The Alamo! Sea World! The Reptile Farm! Bill Miller Bar-B-Q!

Zane: Yes. Methodist Children's Hospital. The Tower of the Americas. Most importantly, Home.

Chad: What are we waiting for? Floor It Mister!

~~~ Zane hits the gas and we fade.... ~~~

[BookerShark]

*D&D have set up the Destroyitarium wherever the hell Mayhem is taking place*

OBJ: So I'll be on vacation for a couple of weeks and might not be able to post, so remember, I don't drink light beer.

*DDT nods*

*Kayfabe strides over looking angry, but she trips over Shotglass and faceplants like a Flair-flop (not to be confused with feeling fly like a G6)*

[BookerShark]

<We cut to the intersection at IXL where Moose is sitting on the hood of his Shelby, leaning against the window, drinking a beer, looking over some paperwork when Stank walks up to him. Without even looking up Moose reaches into the cooler and tosses Stank a beer, Stank cracks it open and drinks deeply. They sit there in silence for a moment listening to the silence of the middle of nowhere>

Stank: How can people live here?

MHJ: Not many people do

Stank: Yeah, I mean, WHY would anyone live here?

MHJ: Seriously?

Stank: Moose.......look around, there is NOTHING here!

MHJ: Seriously?

<Stank spins around looking in all directions, then looks at Moose incredulously> SERIOUSLY. What is here? Nothing.

MHJ: You don't hear them do you?

Stank: Oh shit. They are back? I thought They were the fans?

MHJ: They are the fans. But they are not Them. These They are different from those They

Stank: I have no fucking idea what you are talking about

MHJ: They are the fans. The idiot fans who scream for blood, unless you are bleeding one of Their idiot favorites dry. Then, They think you are the most vile, evil person in the world. They are idiots.

Stank: So.....who are these They......Them.......whoever the fuck it is in your head now

MHJ: No, these They are not Him. He would have me hunting down Mai and skinning her alive.

Stank: I see.......which scares the shit out of me. So......HE.......does not approve of this Onslaught thing?

MHJ: No, HE hates it. But for now, HE has to shut the fuck up. This is something I am going to do. When the time is right, I will listen to Him again, and it will be awesome

Stank: For the record, who is He?

MHJ: For the record, you would never believe me if I told you

Stank: Try me. I have run with you for over a year now, I know your sister. Honestly, nothing the two of you do surprises me at all

MHJ: Nah, you will never believe it anyway

Stank: Fucking tell me already

MHJ: Fine. He is.....<as Moose is speaking, a freight train roars past them. We see Moose explaining something to Stank, and Stank is visibly shaken. If it is possible for a large imposing black man to get pale, Stank has done it. The freight train finally finishes rumbling by and we catch the end> and it has always been like that. THAT is why I would end up in prison.

<Stank just stands there with his jaw hanging open>

MHJ: I told you you didn't want to know

Stank: Are you serious?

MHJ: Deadly

Stank: You may be the scariest motherfucker on the planet Moose

MHJ: Thank you

Stank: That was NOT a compliment

MHJ: To each their own <Moose cocks his head and listens to something as the wind blows a little>

Stank: What?

MHJ: Are you a spiritual man Stank?

Stank: You know I keep that shit to myself Moose. But, after what you just said, fuck, I feel like I need to find a church, so thanks for that

MHJ: So, you don't hear them?

Stank: There is no one here

MHJ: Do you not hear, or do you just not WANT to hear?

Stank: I am not a big fan of Creepy Moose

MHJ: Remember when we were in Budapest? When I went to Vlad Dracul's old castle? I could hear it in the wind. It was the sound of suffering. Places like that.....there was so much blood spilled there, so much pain, so much suffering. It's..........it's invigorating

Stank: You know, most people would find that hopelessly sad......

MHJ: No, there is something about that, something that brings strength. The same thing can be said here. This is Indian country.........do you know how much blood was spilled here? How much suffering there was? It lingers in the air. It lives on the wind, you can hear it, you can hear them. I could stay here forever.........in a way........I feel like I already have been here forever

<Stank just looks at Moose>

MHJ: You've seen the Shining, right?

Stank: Yeah, I will never be a caretaker at a fucking creepy hotel ever

MHJ: Well no, the black guy always dies

<Stank just glares at Moose>

MHJ: The end of that movie.....

Stank: Where he froze to death?

MHJ: No, the very end. Where he was in the 4th of July picture from 1921. He had always been there. He was always a part of the Overlook. I feel like that when I go to places like this, or Budapest, like I have always been there, and always will be there

Stank: So........you are saying you were Vlad the Impailer?

MHJ: No......hell I have no idea. Maybe I was him, maybe I was a victim, but I was there. I was here, I was an Indian who was slaughtered. I was a soldier who was slaughtered. I was a settler who was butchered. I was something, and it remains in the wind.

Stank: <shaking his head> I think you need another vacation Moose. But......on the other hand.......for you? Somehow that all makes sense.

<Moose finally smirks and tosses Stank another beer and completely changes gears, something Stank notices>

MHJ: You know, LD is only the second ever Six Pack Champion. We should go celebrate that. There has to be a bar somewhere around here that we can destroy. Let's go

<Moose hops off the hood of the car and tosses the paperwork in the car. Stank slams his second beer and tosses it aside and follows Moose and we fade>

[BookerShark]

~~~ Cut to inside the Methodist Children's Hospital in San Antonio Texas. As the camera comes down a hallway filled with laughter, it looks into various rooms. One room Sees Chad Madison playing video games with a couple of kids. Glancing into another, we see Danny Taylor "lose" an arm wrestling match with another kid, while Victor blows up some balloons. In another room, A couple of RNSFJ's are putting make-up on a some little girls And in another room, we see Zane reading to a larger group of kids, who are seated around him and listening intently.

As the camera reaches the Nurse's station, we see El Lobo Sangriento pulling t-shirts, caps & 8x10 signed pictures out of boxes for the nurses to distribute.

Almost as if on cue, Victor, Danny, Chad & Zane all come out of the rooms and meet up at the nurse station. ~~~

Zane: Danny, Vic, Lobo, I can't thank you enough for taking the day off to come out here. I know the kids all loved meeting you. It means alot to them, you know

Chad: I know I had a blast.

~~~ Danny puts both thumbs up ~~~

Victor: It was really a better atmosphere here than I expected

Lobo: I can tell you two make a big difference around here.

Zane: Thanks, I've always had a soft spot for these kids. I was even shocked our opponents this week tried to contribute to the cause

~~~ Zane turns and pulls a fruit basket off the nurse counter, and shows the card to the camera it reads " BKK is glad you aren't dead.... yet."

Danny shakes his head ~~~

Lobo: Wow.

Victor: Just Wow.

Chad: Well, we should be going. The bus is outside waiting, and we had the driver go and get some Bill Miller's Bar-B-Q for you to eat before you go back to the airport. We've got drivers there in Oklahoma City waiting to take you back to IXL.

~~~ Danny points at Chad & Zane and puts his hands up questioningly ~~~

Zane: We're staying here until Wednesday morning. We aren't this close to home often, so we're taking advantage of it while we can.

Lobo: I understand

~~~ The five men head out the door. Lobo, Danny & Victor climg in Texpress' bus and it pulls away. Chad & Zane stand there a moment ~~~

Zane: Well, I'm off to

Chad: (cutting him off) The Tower of the Americas. I know

Zane: (smiling) Join me?

Chad: Sure thing partner. But not too long. We do have a match to get ready for.

Zane: Oh don't worry, we'll be getting in plenty of work in on that.

~~~ fade ~~~

[BookerShark]

We’re in a high tech gym/training facility somewhere near IXL, Oklahoma. Psykle is working some mat wrestling techniques in the ring with a random local indy wrestler. IQ is watching on and giving advice. Psykle is listening to IQ and adjusting his moves appropriately. We see IQ signal for a five minute break, and the indy guy seems truly relieved. Psykle seems much calmer than we’ve seen him in a long time, and walks off with the indy guy to get a drink, joking around with him. IQ turns to the camera.

IQ: Ahh, hello OOWF Fans out there in OOWF TV Land. Once again, you are getting a look at the NEW Psykle. Leaner, meaner, relying more on technical skills than on brawling, more brains than brawn.

IQ looks over his shoulder and makes sure Psykle is still over with the indy guy.

IQ: But let’s be serious, I will always be “The Brains Behind The Brawn and The Mind Behind The Madness”…

IQ holds up a black T-Shirt with those words printed on the back in red, he turns it to the front, and we see IQ dress in a grey pinstripe Armani suit.

IQ: …and now you can proclaim that to all your friends, with this new t-shirt available only at OOWFShop.com. Get it now, while supplies last!

IQ lowers the shirt, and gets a serious look on his face.

IQ: OK, now that the business is out of the way, let’s talk about the real business. Yet again, time goes by and people overlook my boy Psykle. Lobo seems to have at least addressed all participants in the same manner, and since he’s only a referee in this match, I’ll let him get by this week as he doesn’t have much to say after the beating Psykle gave him last week. Sparxx? We haven’t really heard from him at all since he failed the IQ Test, not that I thought that a piece of crap had enough brains in his head to form a complete sentence, let alone pass the IQ Test. Then there’s Mai Muyo. Such a deluded child. Her religious beliefs blind her to the world around her, and she doesn’t even realize it. It should be an easy match this week. Of course, it being a tag team match, Psykle has to have a partner, and look who it is. Someone Psykle has a bit of a history with. Moose, you had your little splits, your emotional stability is in question, your psyche even seems to be a bit split at times, but one thing Psykle and I both know, is that in that ring, you are one tough son of a bitch, and I think Psykle and you can make for a good team if you can both put your history behind you long enough to tear apart Mai and Sparxx.

IQ takes a deep breath.

IQ: Now, on to the even bigger issue. Fire. Still no word on whether you are going to accept the match for the PPV or not. I understand you might have your issues with Attitude Adjuster right now, but don’t you dare ignore Psykle. We already know you have so many doubts in that pretty little head of yours about what you are doing, that you don’t even know how to handle your life. Hopefully your little vacation has got you back to being a real competitor, and you will finally accept the challenge for the Pay Per View. No-DQ, No-Countout, No Holds Barred. You and Psykle. Time to show the entire OOWF universe what a real Bloodbath in Paradise is.

IQ snaps his fingers, and the camera pans to the ring where we see Psykle and the indy guy. They had been joking around, but at the sound of IQ snapping his fingers, Psykle begins to pummel the indy guy, leading him into a crimson mask before we Fade To Black.

[BookerShark]

Camera cuts to a sleek black limosine, leaving the airport, and then follow it through a few turns. Then there's a cut to inside the limosine.

AD: No.

FW: Aw, c'mon....

AD: Enough already, geez....I do have a match in a few days. I need to get SOME rest.

FW: Fine.

AD: So...you believe me now?

FW: Yes.

They smile and then we cut to the limo pulling up to the IXL Arena in Oklahoma, Pennsylvania. They get out of the limo, and Firewoman's smile turns to a scowl.

FW: Where the hell are the OOWF trucks?

AD: Um...I don't....I don't know.

FW: Goddammit.....

AD: *sigh* And, just like that...honeymoon over.

Firewoman gives him a look and starts furiously punching numbers in her cell phone.

FW: Lucky? Yeah, I'm here.....yes, I am HERE....where are YOU?...........WHERE?.............What in the .....uh huh........uh huh........look, whatever, find Selena and.....................so who did she leave in charge......what do you mean I won't like......WHO???.........*sigh*.....alright...fine....we'll be there as soon as we can.

She slams her phone down, and looks around incredulous.

FW: You know...I was only kidding when I said that I was afraid of things falling apart while I was gone.......

AD: What happened....

FW: You aren't going to believe it. Get in the limo, we have to get back to the airport.

As they do, Fire begins to tell him the story of the mix up and half the show going to the right place and half going to Oklahoma, and it fades as the limo pulls away.

FAAAADE

[BookerShark]

A white limo pulls up alongside the Darling's limo at the IXLDome in Oklahoma, Pennsylvania. GM Selena gets out of the car talking on her cell phone, seemingly having a fun chat. Firewoman gets out of their limo, slams the door and is fuming.

GMSa-T: Ah, geez, I'm gonna hafta call you back.

FW: Are you back?! Are you General Manager again now?

GMSa-T: Yes and yes. Hi!

FW: Good I can yell at you.

GMSa-T: I'd rather you not...

FW: Where did you go?!?!?

GMSa-T: Home. Where did you go?

FW: Aruba. Why did you go home and leave my brother in charge of all people?

GMSa-T: Uh, d'uh, it was my birthday.

FW: You're the General Manager!

GMSa-T: You're the Commissioner and you got time off!

FW: We can't do it at the same time!! And Moose?! Really?

Selena shrugs.

GMSa-T: The only people on the roster who'd mess with Moose weren't here so I figured he'd be best to leave in charge.

FW: And do you know where most of the roster is?

GMSa-T: Um...here?

FW: They're in Oklahoma!

GMSa-T: So are we.

FW: The real Oklahoma!

GMSa-T: Dude, why are they there?

FW: I don't know!

GMSa-T: Oh. OH! That's why they were all confused and stuff when I left.

FW: How are we gonna fix this?

Selena has a "pondering" look on her face. Her eyes light up and she grabs her phone and hits a number on speed-dial.

GMSa-T: Omie! Hi baby!

FW: Gag me.

GMSa-T: Fire says gag her.

Firewoman glares at Selena and steps back towards the limo.

GMSa-T: Aw, you know me so well....yes, I do need something...it's kinda big...I need the jet....yes, the jet, everyone's in the middle of nowhere...yes I know this counts as the middle of nowhere too...hahahaha...okay, thanks baby. Love you. Mwah.

Selena hits the "end" button.

GMSa-T: Jet's on it's way to Oklahoma City. Fire, have the guys get the airport.

FW: What are you gonna do?

GMSa-T: i'm going inside and having a mani petti.

[BookerShark]

FW: Wait...Selena...that's not going to work.

GMtS: Sure it is. By the time they're dry, the guys will be here and--

FW: No, Selena...all the stuff...ALL OF IT...is in Oklahoma. There's not enough time to tear it down there, get it here, set it up here....

GMtS: Um....

FW: Also...there's only three of us here.....and a hundred or so staff, crew, wrestlers, in Oklahoma.....

GMtS: Um....

FW: C'mon...walk to the light.....

GMtS: Oh......right, it makes more sense to go ahead and...

FW: Right....

GMtS: Gotcha...but won't the arena people be a little ticked off?

FW: We'll reschedule the show, give them our apologies, etc.

GMtS: Right.

Selena dials again

GMtS: Omie? Yeah, change of plans. We're going there......I know it makes more sense, now...why didn't you say so? ...... Aww, that's so sweet....thanks Omie!

She hangs up.

FW: I think I may puke.

GMtS: Okay, so we're heading to the airport. Lisa, I'll need.....what?

FW: There are exactly three people allowed to call me that. You are not one of those three.

GMtS: Fine...whatever....geez, most people back from their honeymoon all relaxed and stuff....

FW: Have I punched you yet.

GMtS: ......

FW: Think about it...we'll wait......

GMtS: No.

FW: Okay, then. Off to I.X.L., Oklahoma.

GMtS: What's with the periods?

FW: That's the name of the town. I-period-X-period-L-period.

GMtS: Seriously?

FW: Yeah. The initials of the men who formed the town.

GMtS: Huh...alright, let's go.

Selena gets back into her limo and heads to the airport. Fire walks back over to Alex who has been just leaning against their limo, shaking his head.

AD: Was that fun?

FW: Kinda, let's go.

AD: I know I'm one....who are the other two?

FW: Huh?

AD: Allowed to use your name?

FW: Oh...Mrs. Moreland and Chad.

AD: ....I don't think I like that.

FW: No? How do you feel about the Mile High Club in Poe's plane?

Fire smiles and gets in the limo. Alexander thinks about it for a minute, and then smiles and gets into the limo as well.

[BookerShark]

*Davin Moreland's house. The side door into the kitchen opens, and we see Davin walking through, smiling, tennis racket over his shoulder. We hear a distant yell which is getting closer and closer. When Shawn Johnson comes flying through the door, we find the source.*

OGMSJ: YOU FUCKING CHEAT!

DM: Oh, stop it, Shawn.

OGMSJ: YOU CHEAT YOU CHEAT YOU CHEAT YOU FUCKING CHEATER!

DM: I am not a 12-year-old Chinese Gymnast.

*Shawn literally growls and goes after Davin. Luckily, Moonbeam has come in the room, and is able to catch her with one arm.*

SFJ420: Stop it.

OGMSJ: HE'S A FUCKING CHEATER!

SFJ420: Davin?

DM: She lost.

OGMSJ: YOU ALWAYS BEAT ME! NO ONE ALWAYS BEATS ME! I'M SHAWN MOTHERFUCKING JOHNSON! YOU MUST BE FUCKING CHEATING~!!

SFJ420: You really shouldn't swear in front of the baby, man.

*We see Samantha has just come in the room. Carrying Mickie.*

OGMSJ: She can't understand me. She's an infant.

SDM: You don't know that.

OGMSJ: Oh yeah? Watch this. *she marches over an screams in Mickie's face* YOUR FATHER IS A FUCKING DIRTY CHEATER!

MM: *waaaaaaahhh*

SDM: And that proved what, exactly?

OGMSJ: Proved I can make an infant cry. I feel a little better about myself.

*Davin walks over and takes Mickie, who instantly stops crying*

OGMSJ: Fucking figures.

SFJ420: STOP-

OGMSJ: Ok fine. Still cheated.

DM: Psh. I whooped your ass, little girl.

OGMSJ: You're like twice my size, ass.

DM: Still. You talk a lot of shit for someone who sucks at tennis.

OGMSJ: I DO NOT SUCK!

DM: Scoreboard.

*Shawn growls again before leaving. Moonbeam chases after her.*

SDM: So?

DM: So what?

SDM: How is it?

DM: How is what?

SDM: Your knee, dumbass. How is it?

DM: Oh? Uh...*thinks about it*...not bad, really. Back to where it was before the Moose match.

SDM: That wasn't exactly "good", if I remember correctly?

DM: No. But it's better than it was.

SDM: So, you're leaving tomorrow?

DM: Yeah. I guess Oklahoma. Or Pennsylvania. Probably Oklahoma though.

SDM: Why?

DM: Because Oklahoma has nothing better to do than to host an OOWF event?

SDM: Isn't their preseason starting?

DM: Who?

SDM: Oklahoma?

DM: Oklahoma who?

SDM: Ugh, I hate you. You're gonna do it, aren't you?

DM: Oklahoma whoooooooooo?

SDM: *sigh* Oklahoma Sooners.

DM: BOOMER SOONER! BOOMER SOONER! BOOMER SOONER! BOOMER SOONER! BOOMER SOONER! BOOMER SOONER! BOOMER SOONER! BOOMER SOONER!

SDM: Give me the child.

DM: Wha?

SDM: GIVE. ME.

DM: *hands her over* Oh. Here. Sorry.

SDM: You know you've got Mags Wednesday, right?

DM: I saw.

SDM: He'll have no trouble looking to kick your ass, you know?

DM: I know. But I know something he doesn't.

SDM: What's that?

DM: I may have hi-jacked the pizza rolls on the way to the arena.

SDM: Like, the catering pizza rolls?

DM: Uh huh.

SDM: So no matter what Mags does, he will get no pizza rolls?

DM: That would be correct.

SDM: None?

DM: Right.

SDM: ...

DM: ...

SDM: ...he's gonna be pissed.

*fade*

[BookerShark]

Poe's private jet waits on the tarmac as OOWF personnel begin to board. Inside Poe's jet, the first class area has tables next to windows with 3 chairs for each table. Let's say there's about eight of these. There's a curtain separating the first class area from the coach area, which has a number of seats for any additional personnel. As everyone boards, Selena stands at the front of the jet to address everyone.

GMSa-T: Okay everyone, thanks for being so patient and cooperative and stuff. Welcome aboard Twilight...

Crew#1: Twilight sucks!

GMSa-T: Nuh uh! Shut up!

Alexander Darling raises his hand.

GMSa-T: What, Alex?

AD: Why is Poe's jet purple?

GMSa-T: Like the purple pony.

Everyone seems to shrug at the same time.

GMSa-T: Read the Qu'ran! There's a copy under all the seats back in coach. Anyway, I know this has been a mess, but we're gonna get this all fixed. Once we land we have a lot of work to do to get the middle of nowhere ready for the greatest show no one will ever see. We'll have seven days of work to do in two days, so rest up while we're in the air.

Crew#2: Will there be food? We're starving!

GMSa-T: Um. Lemme see.

Selena knocks on the cockpit door.

GMSa-T: Wash? Did you bring Kahuna?

The pilot, Wash, comes out from the cockpit.


W: Yup, Kahuna's here.

GMSa-T: Awesome, yes, we'll have food. Kahuna!!

Kahuna comes out from the back.


Crew#3: You're the cook?

K: I'm the cook.

Crew#3: But you look like...

K: I'm the cook.

Crew#3: Why are you squinting?

K: It's what I do besides cook.

GMSa-T: What's the inflight meal, Kahuna?

K: All we could get on short notice. Grilled tuna steaks with a pina colada glaze.

GMSa-T: Awesome!

Kahuna eyes the crewman and heads back to the kitchen area.

GMSa-T: Awesome you could get him so fast, Wash.

W: Don't look at me, I was surfing with Zoe. She's not happy I had to bail.

GMSa-T: Is that hula girl I saw you with at my birthday party?

W: That's her.

GMSa-T: How pissed is she?

W: Oh god, oh god, we're all gonna die pissed.

GMSa-T: Aw.

Selena's eyes brighten.

GMSa-T: Wash has a girlfriend! Wash has a girlfriend!

W: So? You're pregnant.

GMSa-T: I am not! We use stuff.

W: Do you know what stuff?

GMSa-T: Wash!

Suddenly a man's voice booms through the cabin.

MV: EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

GMSa-T: Man, you brought Lee? Dude!

W: I had to, he's the only co-pilot I could get on such short notice.

Lee makes his way from the back.


GMSa-T: Hiya Lee.

L: Hello, darling, you're looking adorable as always.

GMSa-T: Thanks, Lee.

L: As for the rest of ya! Sit down! Shut up! Behave yourselves! And don't THINK about doing anything crazy in my head!

Crew#4: I hear voices in my head!

Crew#5: They talk to me, they unders...

Lee grabs Crewman #5 in a choke hold and drops him to the ground.

L: Anyone else wanna be a wise ass?

Lee looks around as everyone tries to not make eye contact. Firewoman tries very hard to not laugh.

L: No sex in the bathroom!

Chris Rock's head pokes out of the bathroom.

CR: There's no sex...in Poe's bathroom!

W: Alright everybody. What my co-pilot tried so eloquently to say is take yourseats, buckle up, and enjoy the flight. Selena.

GMSa-T: Have fun, Wash!

Selena takes her seat at the table with Alexander Darling and Firewoman, who both look at her strangely.

GMSa-T: What? This is the best seat.

[BookerShark]

Attitude Adjuster stands in front of an OOWF banner, dressed in jeans, cowboy boots and a T-shirt. He looks remarkable serious. And he has a microphone. Not that that’s meant anything recently. AA brings the microphone to his lips, smirks and

AA: What? What do you people want? You want me to make a joke? Say something funny? (whiny voice) “Pull something from the Box O Promos, AA!” Screw you all! You don’t know where I’ve been. You don’t know what I’ve been through. I don’t want to be here. This is the OOWF! Garbage wrestling! Disney commissioners. God damn f-ing soap operas. I don’t want to be here!

AA starts to pace back and forth, clearly agitated.

“I’m here because I have to be. Because this is where the money is. Not the OOWF’s money, mind you. Hell no. I can make more as a greeter at Wal-Mart than what the OOWF gave me. But the money is here. And I admit, I need the money. (whiny voice) “Oh, AA lost his money gambling. Poor AA!” No, I didn’t lose my money gambling. Unless you consider marriage gambling. That’s right, the wife took my money. Spent it all. Spent it on stupid crap like clothes and jewelry and expensive shit from France. There were more purses and shoes in the house than the OctoMom’s. And one day I woke up and she’s gone. And the money’s gone. And suddenly, my idea of retiring as a Hall of Fame wrestler…gone. So I call up my old buddy Johnny Adrenaline. Gone. Phone’s disconnected. Not taking my calls.”

AA turns his back to the camera, seems to compose himself, then turns back.

“So I made some calls. Reached some old friends. Told them what was up. And recently, someone called me back. With a job. A good paying job. Actually, a very good paying job.”

AA walks directly toward the camera, and stares directly into the lens.

“My job, my paycheck, Firewoman…is to put you out of wrestling. Permanently.”

[BookerShark]

J-P Sparxx is sitting on the side of the road near the infamous intersection as the sun sets. SFJ April comes over to them.

SFJA: Hey J-P, Jewel. What's up?

Jewel: We was TRYIN' ta have some alone time, hookah.

J-PS: Jewel, baby, be nice. April's been cool an' shit.

Jewel: Fine.

SFJA: So, about Myahem this week. Pretty crazy, huh?

J-PS: I dunno 'bout dis shit to be real, Apes. I'm teamin' wit a chick in a tag match with El Lobo Masked Dude refereeing the match, even tho he's da cat I be chasin'. An' ta top it off, there ain't no arena, an' there ain't no ring. Dis shit crazy, yo, knowwhatI'msayin'?

SFJA: Yeah, it's a messed up week, that's for sure. At least there's plenty of corn to eat.

J-PS: Ya know dey wipe their ass with corn too, knowwhatI'msayin'?

SFJA: They eat the corn and use the corn cobs, J-P.

J-PS: Still gross, knowwhatI'msayin'?