OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 08-10-05

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Okotoks, Alberta Canada

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match [/u]
Niles Anderson vs. Canadian Dragon

OOWF Intercontinental Title Three Way Dance [/u]
Blackdragon vs. Mr. Jealous vs. LD Williams

OOWF World Tag Team Title Four Way Dance [/u]
The Team From Down Under vs. FF Capslock & Stank vs. 3Piece Set vs. The Establishment

Dog Collar Chain Match [/u]
Hellion vs. Corax

*** Just Added ***
Best of Seven Series to determine the Number one Contender - Match 1[/u]
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Alt

Beast vs. UnderDawg vs. Phil
Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG vs. The Devil’s Brigade
SoulDragon & Mercury vs. wCw
Dr. Murder vs. Eric O’Mac
Attitude Adjuster vs. Mikey Styner
Uncle Entity vs. Firechild
Seraph vs. GimmickMan
Microplay vs. Mark Vander
Donovan Viper vs. Johnny Adrenaline

Card subject to hostile takeover

[mooseheadjack]

The OOWF has a new EVIL manager in town... the dark and brooding Evil Wizard.

Wanted: Sophisticated heels with a penchant for causing pain and being part of stables (no Bad News Brown/ Steve Austin types), grapplers/ technical wrestlers preferred although there is a role going for a (mostly silent) bruiser/ bodyguard type.

Apply by replying here.

-------

Name: The Evil Wizard

Height: 5' 10

Weight: Undisclosed

Face/Heel/Neutral: Heel

Build:Medium

Physical Description: A dark, robed figure who speaks with the voice of a thousand lost lives. Evil to the core.

Entrance Music: Comes out to "We Are the Dead" by David Bowie (from 'Diamond Dogs' )

Finisher and Description of Finisher:
Doesn't usually compete physically but can do psycho-magic! Finisher is the possession of a face opponent's soul.

Style(old school, technician, brawler, etc.): Manager

[mooseheadjack]

*the beast is looking at the posted sign of a new manager in the OOWF. he's got phil in a net over his shoulder. phil is also reading the sign.*

PH: yar, a magician who be possessin' souls. this guy be stealin both our gimmicks here.

B: seriously. ya know, i still got one of my proton packs left over from my last storyline. maybe i should give him a shot or two.

PH: ya be gotten me an' underdawg ta be worryin' about thar. stick ta the problems at hand, yar.

B: good point. alright. fuck this guy. now where's underdawg?

*beast runs off*

[mooseheadjack]

I will just clarify that there are only 5 positions in this here stable - no Beasts allowed, I can't abide their smell!

Here are the positions, faces can keep away or else I'll have your soul:

1. OOWF contender: Must be proven with a good track record and main event experience, ideally someone who wins by pulling on the trunks a lot!

2. IC contender: Up and coming mid-carder who would benefit from the push of being in a stable. Preferably light-heavyweight build a la Hennig/ Rude.

3. & 4. Tag-team: Demolition/ Powers of Pain style team to put in a strong challenge for the tag titles and look mean in the Survivor Series line-up.

5. Bruiser/ Bodyguard: Big tough henchman in the mould of a Diesel rather than a Gene Snitsky. To accompany Evil Wizard to the ring and help interfere in other stable wrestlers matches. Role might also involve occassional tag matches and jobbing to baby-face on route to major feud blow-off.

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles Anderson is looking at the ad posted by the Evil Wizard. He reads over it and shakes his head.*

Niles - Somebody wants to start another heel faction under my nose. I don't think this rolls in MY fed. I'm adding this guy to my black book.

*Niles takes a black book out of his pocket and jots something down on it, closes it and walks off. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

*A UPS man (in those SEXY brown shorts) walks up to the Evil Wizard and hands him an envelope.*

UPSMan: Delivery, sir.

*The Evil Wizard opens it up with his MAGIC and he sees 6 black "HEELSTRONG" bracelets, with a note that reads:

"These Bracelets Will Get You Chicks...EVIL chicks. Guaranteed. Give them to your stable. Also, Pink Lemonade around the corner."

[mooseheadjack]

Viper, Corax, O'Neill and Camby are looking at the bulletin.

:
1. OOWF contender: Must be proven with a good track record and main event experience, ideally someone who wins by pulling on the trunks a lot!

DV: That's me all right.

:2. IC contender: Up and coming mid-carder who would benefit from the push of being in a stable. Preferably light-heavyweight build a la Hennig/ Rude.

Cor: I suppose that's me. Although I am far from just up-and-coming.

:3. & 4. Tag-team: Demolition/ Powers of Pain style team to put in a strong challenge for the tag titles and look mean in the Survivor Series line-up.

TO: Sounds te be a bit like us, eh, 'Arpa?

HC: Mmm hmm.

:5. Bruiser/ Bodyguard: Big tough henchman in the mould of a Diesel rather than a Gene Snitsky. To accompany Evil Wizard to the ring and help interfere in other stable wrestlers matches. Role might also involve occassional tag matches and jobbing to baby-face on route to major feud blow-off.

TO: An' that 'un fits ye to a tee, 'boyo.

HC: It sure does. We got all five of that in the four of us here.

TO: Whecha tinkin' Dunnie? Ye tink we be needin' us a managa?

DV: Well, an extra hand to deal with finances, bookings, car rentals, and hotels could be useful.

HC: It would add our numbers, too.

Cor: He does fit within a Devil's Brigade theme, I suppose.

TO: But didn't ye two 'ave a managa back en de ministry?

DV: We kind of did, yeah. If you could call The Biscuit a manager.

Cor: Sure couldn't call him a wrestler.

DV: He couldn't even manage his way to the arena some days with all that drinking he did.

Cor: And remember how many fights we got in because of that oaf? I can't believe Underdawg would make us stand up for that guy.

DV: Man, I hated how he couldn't fight his own battles. And I bet this guy is the same way too.

HC: Plus, he's dark an mysterious, and he's got magic, like Underdawg. No sir, I don't like it.

Cor: Me neither.

TO: Ah don' 'ave time to listen to a meelymouthed cunt who'd 'ave us do 'is dirty work. We've got it enough wit Vipah 'ere always flappin' 'is yappah all de time. I couldna stand 'avin another bossy baastard 'oo's biggah den 'is britches.

DV: What did he say? I though I heard my name in there.

HC: Um, he said we don't need a manager when you're pretty much the head of this group anyway.

DV: Ah, yes. True dat, my scottish homeboy.

TO: Ahm Ahrish. Ahm not frum bluddy Scotlund 'ith dose bluddy kilts 'an 'aggis, 'an dose bluddy bagpipes.

DV: Hot Rod, yo! Nowhaddamsayin?

TO: Why's 'e speakin' in ebonics?

HC: Don't worry about it Tommy. So are we all in agreeance? No manager?

Cor: That's not a word.

HC: Fred Durst says it's a word.

Cor: You listen to Fred Durst? No wonder your band failed.

HC: Grrr....

Cor: Agreeance! Agreeance!

TO: Aye.

DV: Fo shizzle. All right, guys. I've got something to attend to.

Viper leaves (which leads to the Beast/Skeletor skit)

Cor: I know what you really said, Tommy. But he doesn't have to know that.

TO: No. 'e doosn't. Le's go get us sometin te drink.

HC: Let's get some lemonades. I hear they're handing out those neat rubber bracelets.

Cor: All right!

[mooseheadjack]

*Evil Wizard emerges for the first time. He is carrying an old dog-bitten book. The camera can just make out the faint title through the dust... "OOWF History". The Wizard strokes his beard and ponders over a profile.

EW: Yes, yes he will do nicely. I will help him crush Mark Vander in his up-coming match, I will help to bring glory once again to Microplay. Together we will crush all in our path to the OOWF title!

*Walks away studying more of the book, laughing to himself as he is leaving he stops to look at a poster of Gimmickman - he now bursts into a fullbodied, Machiavellian evil laugh as the sceen fades*

[mooseheadjack]

*Phil is walking around backstage, talking to himself.*

PH: Yar, that ain't bein' tha way I was hoping that would go. That little Microplay fella be one of the wiliest scurvy dogs under the stars.

*Underdawg comes wandering slowly by, looking ominous and furry.*

UD: Did you say something to me?

PH: Yar, I'm not thinking I did, thar matey. I'm not even sure who ye be.

UD: Don't you pay attention to anything going on in the OOWF except yourself? I'm Underdawg... I swear I just heard you talking about me, to yourself. You said "under dog" or "dog under" or something.

PH: Yar, that be pretty thin. Are ye sure ye' bein' ok thar? Yer head be lookin' kinda, well, fucked up if ye don't mind me sayin.'

UD: I have the head of a dog. Get over it.

PH: Yar.

UD: This coming from the guy who is a Zombie/Pirate/Undead Ninja.

PH: Don't be forgettin' Wizard, thar chum. I be havin' tons o' spells that could be fixin' yer head for ye.

UD: I'll pass.

PH: Suit yerself thar laddie. Yar. Ye haven't seen The Beast 'round here at all have ye? My match with him was very unsatisfyin'. He owes me a new mascot/MP3 player.

*Underdawg pauses for a moment and then walks off, ignoring Phil's question.*

PH: Hey, whar ye be goin' thar, matey? Nice talkin' to ya. Hm, I wonder if I should go'n tell 'im that his zipper be down. Nah, someone else'll tell 'im. Yar.

[mooseheadjack]

Underdawg continues to walk down the hall when he runs into Beast.

B: So, are you gonna go kick Hardbody's ass or what?

UD: Why?

B: For those mean awful things he said about you.

UD: Why do you care?

B: Nobody in this company deserves an ass-kicking more than that un-sexy no good dirty bastard Hardbody Harris. Especially after all those terrible things he accused you of.

UD: What do you take me for, Beast? I knew it was you in his body trying to get me into a ruse to beat on Hardbody after you guys returned to your bodies.

B: How did you know? Er, I mean, that's crazytalk! Um... LOOK! OVER THERE! IT'S PHIL!

UD: I would kick your ass now if it wasn't for the fact that I get to kick your ass next week. Oh, it is Phil. What do you want now?

P: Yar, ye two landlubbers be me opponents next Monday, yar. But the neither of ye have human brains fer me to snack on. Tis a pity. Yar.

Just then Beast attacks Underdawg with a lead pipe! He starts stomping away at the big dog mercilessly! Phil stands and watches.

B: How come you're not helping me, Phil?

Phil rips the lead pipe from Beast's hand and smacks him across the face with it, knocking him out!

P: Because ye took me iparrot/mp3 player, ye scurvy riddled ghoul. Yar.

Phil kneels down, zips up Underdawg's zipper: Ye don't want to be exposin ye kibbles an bits, ye big ugly dog.

He walks off while Beast and Underdawg are laid out on the floor.

[mooseheadjack]

Mr Jealous is walking down the corridor & meets Maria Brainsurgeon

MB; hi Mr J how are you ( in a blonde bubble mood)

MJ; (he intensley looks her up & down clenching his fists,still with the blood of Mark vander on it)

MB; (looking intimated)
what do you think about getting anther shot at blackdragon for the intercontinental belt but in a 3 way dance with LD williams ?

MJ; (turns & looks straight through her)
its a good day for exorcise!!

MB; (confusingly)
ok aaaahhhh

MJ;(SNATCHS THE MIC OF HER)
"BLACKDRAGON YOU GOT LUCK THE LAST TIME BUT THE MONSTER IS COMING FOR YOU & NO ONE CAN STOP HIM NOT LD WILLIAMS, THAT BELT IS MINE"

Mr jealous slams down the mic & walks away screaming he coming for you & i cant stop him

[mooseheadjack]

Dr. Murder is standing in the ring, with a mic.

DM. This week i'm facing Eric O Mac. I hear he's good, but i'm better. EOM's checking in to the hospital but he's not checking out! Eric your getting your flu shots but not your murder shots! So kiss your career good bye! I have a ace in the hole, a plan in the works, a hypo in the pocket. After this week, everyone will see what a force I am.

[mooseheadjack]

[Scene opens. EricOMac is sitting in the locker room on a bench on his cell phone.]

EOM: Yeah man, I'm excited too. One of the best ten wrestlers in the OOWF, and among the top 3 contenders for the Intercontinental Title? It doesn't get no cooler than that.

[We hear nothing. Just Eric nodding his head up and down.]

EOM: That's right man. After that being saddled to Johnny Adrenaline's ass for so long, it's awesome to be out on my own, doing what I beleive in. And having some allies like Williams ain't bad either.

[More nothing.]

EOM: Yeah, I know, next week will be tough...

[Eric spots someone coming into the locker room, wanting to interview him.]

EOM:...but yeah, more on that later dude. I have to call you back.

[Eric hangs up.]

Random Interviewer: Hello, Eric, my name is Pete Gillen, former college basketball coach, and current interviewer working for minimum wage. Can I ask you a few questions?

[Eric stares at him.]

EOM: Alright, I hang up my phone for that? That was a important friend of mine, and what in the hell did you say your name was?

PG: Pete Gillen, sir.

EOM: Wow. I can't beleive I am in your presence.

PG: Why, thank you.

EOM: I mean, it's not everyday I run into someone who couldnt keep a head coaching job at Virginia.

PG: That wasn't my call..

EOM: Shut up, man, ask yours questions, and keep your dignity.

PG: I lost my dignity taking this job, sir.

[Eric stares at him again.]

PG: Umm....Next week on MidWeek Mayhem, you face Dr. Murder, someone who promises to send you into the hospital.

EOM: Well allow me to say this. This guy says I'm good, but he's better. He promises to send me to the hospital. To kiss my career goodbye. Well, allow me to say this...who in the hell is Dr. Murder? And why in the hell am I facing him?

None of that matters, because the way I see it, it doesn't matter if you are Dr. Murder, Mr. Jealous, Mrs. Fatbitch or Captain Crapbag because every night, I'm going out there, for all of the fans, giving them 100% of my athletic ability, and I promise to put on one hell of a show!

And as for Dr. Murder, tell him he better be ready to bleed, sweat, and pay the price, because when you are up against Tha Mac...be ready for the Mac Attack.

[Eric leaves the room.]

[mooseheadjack]

"And in the beginning there was void, and amongst the void there took shape, and form and all things, and to the void all will return in time."

Firechild is reading to himself from a book of incredible antiquity.

Uncle Entity comes in and tosses the book from Firechild's hands, and laughs in his face....

UE: I don't give a crap about all this mumbo jumbo crap you've been on about lately boy, I'm on a run for the Onslaught title and you aren't going to get in my way.

Firechild merely sits there with a serene look on his face.

UE: What the hell? I used to have some respect for you, ripping it up, showing some real presence, but you've lost it lately man, your a fucking pussy and Im gonna destroy you at Mayhem, and take that title that you used to love SO MUCH....

Firechild bends down and retrieves his book and then stands and faces Entity.

FC: Do whatever you feel necessary child, but remember that patience and virtue bring forth greater rewards than vituperance and vitriol. You may not understand this, but you will, just as Ax & Cole will see the error of their ways. For was I not on the Road to perdition and have I not been saved and illuminated?
You will see in time.

Firechild straightens his clothes and walks off serenely, leaving a fuming Entity somewhat confused............

Entity turns to see Seraph behind him, a look of satisfaction on his face.

Seraph: You do not understand? But you will.....

[mooseheadjack]

[Attitude Adjuster is on the phone with Johnny Adrenaline. Lucky us, we hear both end of the conversation.]

JA: ...anyway, that sounds like a plan to me.

AA: Where exactly are you at?

JA: I'm in Jacksonville, Florida.

AA: Why?

JA: Long story. Look, I saw the card, why the hell do I get Viper this week? I don't wanna wrestle him.

AA: I wouldn't wanna be in the ring with that fag either.

JA: It's not that. Well, it is... but it isn't. It's just the principle of the matter. Can you talk to Rick and get me out of the match?

AA: I'll see what I can do.

JA: Yo Tude...

AA: What man?

JA: For future reference, the "Her Pleasure" ones really work.

AA: Gotcha. Talk to you later, Johnny.

[mooseheadjack]

(SFJ #77, The one with the monobrow, is interviewing Uncle Entity.)

SFJ: Uncle Entity, you have made it more clear lately that you have your eye on the Onslaught Title, why the sudden push for gold?

UE: Oh my nubile young friend, I have made a career out of hurting people. I've won some indie gold, lost some indie gold, but my biggest accomplishment on my way up the ladder was how many people I hurt along the way. And I hurt alot of them. I knocked out the Jet Black Panther's teeth with a Billy Bigmouth Bass. I ripped out Old Joe Macknife's spleen with a toothbrush. I even had a go with my own manager Jess Garon back in the day where I beat him so bad he thought he was the reincarnated soul of Jack Von Erich Jr. But once I arrived here, I kind of saw that the titles meant a little more, and I guess I wanted one.

SFJ: Speaking of Jesse Garon, he claims to be the reincarnated sould of Elvis's dead twin brother. Isn't that a bit strange?

UE: Strange? There are people running around this lockeroom jumping through walls and acting like pirates and there is even an animated mouse running round here somewhere. And you are calling JG weird? There is a white haired brotha who takes about ten xanex a night running round here getting people to join his cult and you think WE are the weird ones?

SFJ: You mean Seraph, you have a match against Firechild, who has been playing the "minion" role as of late. Think his new found serenity will be the key to victory for him?

UE: Srenity? This is wrestling girl. Serenity has no place. I'm going to draw the hate from Firechild, I know it's in there somewhere. It exists in every man and is even more prevelent in wrestlers. And after I make him hate again, I'll pummel that Kevin Sullivan wannabe he's running around with. And when that rookie Capellen gets out of the hospital, I'll send his ass right back. Then we have fellas at the top of our division who have no place being there at all. Like Gimmick for example. I have knocked that boy's screws so loose I don't know if they are ever gonna be on tight again. And it all leads back to Thim! He's put that finisher on me and I have felt its sting. And being a career rulebreaker myself I know when something is up and he's doing something I can tell you! And when I crack his code I will crack his skull! And become the NEW Onslaught CHAMPION! ARRRRRRGHHHH!!!!

(Uncle Entity storms off)

[mooseheadjack]

*phil is walking down the arena hallway, when he notices a chest filled with gold trinkets and and jewels and whatnot.*

PH: yar, there be treasure thar. me thinks it be best te bury it, lest someone else be findin' it, yar.

*phil walks over to the treasure chest. as he goes to pick it up a net falls on him from above.*

PH: yar! it be a trap! an' even though there be nothin holding this net down, i can't pull it offa me, yar!

Beast: that's right!

PH: yar! tis beast!

B: tis! and now i've got you! and dont think any of your wizard spells or robot gadgets will get you out of that net!

PH: yar, it be enchahnted?

B: nope. but it's a trap net. just like one would think you should be able to just pull it off of you, gadgets and enchantments dont work simply because you'll never think to use them. NO ONE EVER DOES!!

PH: ye be damned! if only i'd think to use a wizard spell or robot gadget! then escapin' i could be, yar!

B: yeah. too bad. now lets go. it's time for me to go collect underdawg.

*beast walks away dragging phil in the net. they walk off screen then we fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

*Hardbody Harris is standing in front of GM The Rick’s office, looking at the list of matches. He runs his finger up and down the paper and walks away in frustration, heading straight through the backstage area down the entrance ramp, and to the ring.*

HH: IF YOU WANT HARDBODY HARRIS TO SPEAK HIS MIND, GIVE ME A “WE WANT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR MIND!”

Crowd: WE WANT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR MIND!

HH: Well, then I guess I will! Let’s take a look at what happened moments ago.

*OOTRon shows Hardbody Harris is standing in front of GM The Rick’s office, looking at the list of matches. He runs his finger up and down the paper and walks away in frustration, heading straight through the backstage area down the entrance ramp, and to the ring.*

HH: IF YOU WANT HARDBODY HARRIS TO SPEAK HIS MIND, GIVE ME A “WE WANT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR MIND!”

Crowd: WE WANT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR MIND!

HH: Well, then I guess I will! Let’s take a look at what happened moments ago.*

HH: Okay, hope everyone is up to speed. Now, I was curious about which sucker I was going to beat this week, when I noticed something odd. MY NAME was nowhere to be found. Not on the back. Not as an asterisk. Nope, no match for Hardbody, the one who returned to his own body to defeat Beast at Territorial Beatings and become the SUPERIOR WRESTLER. I was in the mood, and I really felt like punching someone in the stupid face this week, so even though I could have just knocked on the door and asked him, I’d like to call The Rick out to the ring to explain himself.

*The Rick walks out to the ring pushing a cart in front of him, which obscures frm his midsection down. There are airholes punched into the cart, though, and every once in a while he quivers in pleasure.*

GmtR: So, Hardbody, you want to know why you’re not wrestling this week? Tell me something: why do you deserve to?

HH: Excuse me? I’m perpetually at the top of the OOWF Heavyweight title rankings. I’m both the SUPERIOR WRESTLER and the #1 FACE IN THE OOWF! I’m awesome. I wrote an article on the band “Toto” for my high school newspaper. What more do you want?

Gmtr: So, would you say that, more than anyone, you deserve a shot at the OOWF title?

HH: IndOObitably.

Gmtr: You spelled that wrong. Nevermind though. You see, I agree with you. You haven’t even gotten a title shot in your own body since you returned from your hiatus. You’re due. And coming up at the end of September is the 1 year OOWF Anniversary PPV. So what I was thinking was that...

*With that, Chris Alt’s music fires up and he makes his way to the ramp, sees the cart, and steps a bit away from it. Alt has a mic and is ready to go.*

CA: I know what you’re going to say, and even though Hardbody Harris is quite worthy of being named the #1 contender for the title at the Great Great Great Step Uncle In-Law (on your sister’s side) of Them All, need I remind you of how many times I’ve been screwed out of the title by Niles Anderson and his cronies? You know I will beat him, so you sho

HH: No, no. He was going to give me the shot. It’s not nice to interrupt.

CA: But you just int...

HH: What did I say? Now, let The Rick grant me the shot.

GmtR: Actually, Alt, you may have noticed that YOU didn’t have a match this week either. And the OOWF Board of Directors–Me, myself, and Jack Daniels–couldn’t decide who really is the #1 contender and most deserving of the title. And it obviously can’t be a heel, because really, who’s going to think that a heel v. heel matchup would main event the show of the year? So, you two babyfaces are going to get your chance at the top. This week at Midweek Mayhem, Chris Alt and Hardbody Harris will go one on one for a chance at the OOWF championship at the One Year anniversary show.

*CA and HH look at each other and nod*

GmTR: And whomever wins that match...will have to win three more. Because it’s a best of seven series over the next 6 weeks, boys. You’re going to beat each other up so bad, you won’t even want to make it to the PPV. Have fun!

*GmtR leaves, and Alt and HH stare at each other again. Alt blinks first. Harris wins the staring contest!*

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles see Beast walking down the hall, towing Phil in a net.*

Niles - Beast! Whats up?

Beast - Not much, just tending to some business.

Phil - Yar, me mind is incapable of enchantments at the moment because my thought process is blocked by the power of this net... Yar

*Niles just glares before turning to face Beast again with a puzzled face.*

Beast - Just ignore him. You'll thank me later.

Niles - Yeah... so where have you been?

Beast - Long story. Probably best I don't tell it. You'd probably heat me and then I'd be forced to beat your ass.

Niles - OK, I respect that. Listen, I think it might be good if we have a team meeting, to get ourselves on the same page again. I got title defenses up the ass plus an irate Concrete TG and an asshole Moose on my ass. So the more help I got, the better.

Beast - Just let me take care of this guy...

Phil - Yar, me tummy hankers for a brain.

Nile - Rrrright. Yeah, you do that and we'll meet later.

*Niles and Beast go their seperate ways. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

(Moose is already at the arena, and sees that his partner has not arrived..... or HAS HE?)

Moose: wonder if Rick suspended him.......

(Moose enters the locker room, where he sees TG's locker empty. However, leaning between two lockers is a slightly mangled chair with a big bloodstain on it)

Moose: ?

(looking the chair over, Moose discovers the huge dent has "Niles was here" scrawled on it in a red sharpie in a bloodless spot on the chair. an arrow points to the bloodstain. On another spot of the chair, a target has been drawn, apparently the part CTG wants to use on Niles next)

Moose: so how did this get here if he's not here?

(don't let the mis-continuity hurt your brain, moose)

Moose: HEY! Where's 'crete?

(how should *I* know? I'm just the narrator)

Moose: You just ruined the mood

(poor baby )

Moose: (grabs the chair and swings at the camera)

*Static, then black*

Moose: (heard in the black) dammit, my tag partner BETTER be cleared for the show this week!

[mooseheadjack]

Donovan Viper, Corax, and The Devil's Brigade are in front of the Rick's office, looking at the list of next week's matches.

Cor: Dog Collar Chain Match? What the hell? What does The Rick think I am? A hardcore wrestler?

HC: Well, being that you two can't complete a match...

Cor: I know, I know, but still. I'm trying to seperate myself from that loser, not get connected to him.

TO: Well, et looks like me and 'arpa's got Moose'ead an' Cuncrete agin. 'ow many times we've got te beat dem eh?

HC: The Rick must not like them too much if he insists on them getting crushed by us again.

Cor: Hey Donnie. You're fighting Johnny.

DV: Huh.

Cor: You guys still friends?

DV: Why?

Cor: Well, he's been hanging out with Niles as of late, and I'm sure he's one of the masked guys who stuffed you in the locker room during the Bludgening.

DV: That pretty much answers your question, doesn't it?

The Rick pokes his head out of his office as Viper, Corax, O'Neill, and Camby are leaving the match listings bulletin board.

TR: Viper! Get your ass in here!

DV: I can't believe this asshole has the nerve to talk to me this way... Ok, guys, I'll see you all later.

Viper walks into The Rick's office.

DV: What the hell do you want? Oh... What the hell are you doing here Attitude Adjuster?

AA: Well, I was talking to The Rick, and I was asking him to reconsider this match between you and Johnny. He's on vacation so he couldn't do it himself, and asked me to do this.

DV: Since when did you just change up matches because one of us asked you to, The Rick?

TR: Uh... Attitude here did a favor for me. (whispers under desk: A little to the left)

AA: So yeah, since you and Johnny are dear old friends, he wants to call off the match. He says there isn't any reason to fight.

DV: You mean besides the Bludgening? Besides being Niles' bitch?

AA: Well, ok, yeah, there's tho... I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. Anyways, I know you're a very competitve man, and would relish the chance to have a match to see who is the better ex-champion, but Johnny thinks it's in both of your best interests not to have this match. In fact, he wants me to give you this brand new Nike Tiger Woods Signature golf club set as a peace offering.

Viper puts his hand on AA's shoulder and smiles, making AA uneasy.

DV: Heheh. Listen Capps... No, I'll call you Alan. Listen... Alan.... (breathes heavily) You realize how stupid it is to have this bag of weapons around me? You know I could just say yes, take the bag, and then hit you over the head with the 9 iron and say "I lied", right?

AA: Oh... um...

DV: But I'm not gonna do that. Just give this message to Johnny, OK?

AA: You're not gonna lick me like you did to Niles, are you?

DV: No.

Viper SLAPS Attitude Adjuster like a bitch, bringing him to his knees! He then knocks over the golf clubs.

DV (towards the desk): Bye Wendy. See you this weekend.

Voice under the desk: (muffled) Bye Donnie! (muffled)

TR: Hey! I thought your name was Erlana!

[mooseheadjack]

[Scene continues]

AA: Erlana, er, Wendy... whatever the hell your name is...

W: What's the difference?

TR: Damn it, shut up and get back to work!

AA: See if I ever call your pimp again... in fact, take that back. I'm gonna call him right now to let him know what kind of trash his girls are hanging out with.

[AA pulls out his cell phone and begins to dial a number, but the phone rings before he can continue.]

AA: Hello...

JA: So... you talk to The Rick?

AA: Well, yeah.

JA: And?

AA: Well, it didn't quite go as planned.

JA: Damn it! Well, what happened?

AA: Well, The Rick actually offered to call off the match...

JA: How'd you manage that?

AA: Made a couple of calls...

JA: And?

AA: Well, he wanted to run it by Viper. So I decided to give him a gift, kind of an olive branch...

JA: What'd you give him, a dildo?

AA: Damn! That probably would've worked. No, I offered him a brand new set of Nike Tiger Woods Signature irons.

JA: Damn, A.C., you ain't never given me those.

AA: Well, you can have 'em. Viper knocked them aside and slapped me across the face. I'm supposed to pass the message onto you.

JA: Shit... well, at least I got a new set of clubs outta the deal.

AA: Johnny...

JA: Huh?

AA: I put them on your tab down at the pro shop.

JA: You son of a...

AA: [click]

[mooseheadjack]

<Moosehead Jack is seen WALKING down the corridor, apparantly looking for Concrete, as he rounds the corner he walks right into The Devil's Brigade and Corax>

HC: Well, well, look guys it's Moosehead Jack!

TO: Bloody fekkin wanker.

MHJ: What the hell do you clowns want?

Cor: Clowns? You talk awful big for someone with no back up.

MHJ: What makes you think I need backup against you three?

HC: Well, we have already beaten your ass in the ring, I guess we'll have to do it right here

MHJ: Is that so? You got lucky in the ring, and hell, lately you can't even beat a hockey player and a light weight. How you guys feelin after that ass whuppin?

Corax: You talk real big for someone whe wouldn't answer my challenge to an I Quit match

MHJ: Hard to answer someone when they are getting punked out every week by some guy in a mask. How's that workin out against Hellion anyway?

<Tense staredown by all four men, TDB and Corax slowly back Jack to a corner, Jack grabs a convienently placed piece of lead pipe and braces for the rush, before TDB and Corax attack Donovan Viper shows up>

DV: So, what's going on here?

HC: We're about to teach Mr. Trust Me a little lesson on who NOT to mess with ...

DV: Guys, now is not the time, we all have matches to get ready for.

TO: WHAT? You protectin' Moose 'ead Jack or sumfin?

DV: No, look, I have word that a few of those guys who jumped me are hangin around, I know where one is right now for sure. I'm thinking.....

HC: Hell yeah, payback!

DV: I'll catch up in a minute

<TDB & Corax glare at Moose then leave>

MHJ: Why?

DV: Jack, it is becoming more and more apparant that your enemies and my enemies are one and the same. No reason for you and I to go to war, at least not right now.

MHJ: Fair enough, I'm not offering the same to your boys Camby and O'Neil at MidWeek Mayhem though, just so you know, and I sure as hell know Concrete will be out for blood for what they did to Semaj

DV: Fair enough, they reap what they sew, although didn't you hate Semaj?

MHJ: Not enough to kill him, just enough to beat him bloody, I make no promises at stopping Concrete

DV: Do what you have to, Camby and O'Neil can take care of themselves

<Jack and Donovan Viper cast wary glances at each other and leave in opposite directions>

[mooseheadjack]

Wally B. King is talking to AA outside the Rick's office.

WBK: Look, after a long week on one's knees giving Lewinskys, if someone wants to spend the weekend hanging out at the mall, nail parlor, spa, and beauty salon with a platonic friend of the opposite sex, it's OK with me.

*"Wendy" comes out of the office*

Wendy: Talking about me?

WBK: Actually I was referring to Viper, but I guess the same applies to you.

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles Anderson is seen at the front of a classroom drawing intricate diagrams. Attitude Adjuster, Johnny Adrenaline, Beast and Sexy Female Journalist #74 are sitting down, observing Niles drawing intricate diagrams on the chalkboard, as if he is explaining some masterscheme. It's obvious the lesson has already begun. Niles dots an "i", draws one last line and then underlines the whole diagram.*

Niles - And THAT is how you can get to Quiznos and get me a toasted sandwich. So on your way now, missy. And once you get back with that footlong, I'll let you have a footlong too.

SFJ74 - If you already have a sandwich here, why are you sending me to get you another one?

*Niles just glares at her. He then goes closer to her.*

Niles - Don't think to hard, sweets, just be on your way. And don't forget the horseradish.

*Niles smacks her on the ass and she runs out of the room in a giggle fit.*

Niles - where do they hire these girls?

AA - What I want to know is why you're sending her to Quiznos when Flair makes the best sandwiches right here?

Niles - Ric is sick my friends. He took the day off. And also, even though she's not the brightest chip on the block, no need for her to hear our plans now, is there?

JA - Good point.

*Niles starts pacing in front of the classroom, as if he is conducting a military meeting.*

Niles - Men, we are at war. A bloody war at that. And we have to extend out greatest efforts to get out of this one.

AA - Hehe, he said extend.

JA - Hehe, if you spell "one" with a b and an r, you get "boner".

*Beast smacks the JA and AA on the back of the head.*

Beast - Jackasses.

Niles - Thanks Beast.... As I was saying, we're are war. We got people trying to pin The Bludgeoning incident on us. We got Concrete interfering in my busines. We got Donnie Viper *shudder* licking... my... face. *shudder*.

*Niles has a hard time getting past this point. He has the most disgusted look on his face and seems to be grasping his title across his shoulder more tightly than usual. Beast goes up and snaps his fingers in front of Niles face.*

Beast - Snap out of it, man. Geez, I lose my body for a few weeks and everything falls to shit around here.

Niles - Sorry. To continue, we got Moose being an asshole, but that's no surprise. Canadian Dragon is up to his old windbag self talking the talk, but forgetting that I've already become a better champ then him, simply by holding onto the strap longer than a week!

AA & JA - OOOOHH!!! SNAP!!!

*The 2 high-5 each other on that note.*

Niles - I thought you guys would like that. Anyways, the main reason I want to hold this meeting is to get Beast back into the fold. We've missed you man.

JA - Yeah, you could've been useful a couple weeks ago when we had some business to settle by beating up all #1 contend...

*Niles punches JA in the jaw to shut him up.*

Niles - but of course, since you weren't around, we couldn't go ahead with our plans. Because you were intricate to them. And I can't tell you how disgusted I was by the actions of these masked men who are wandering around beating up anyone of any value in the company. But onto the point. Beast, are you ready to take up your role as our enforcer again?

Beast - I'm back in, Niles. Ready to stomp whoever you need. Same deal as before?

Niles - Yep, we'll cover whatever damages you inflict.

Beast - BAM!!! Awesome stuff!!!

*At that note, Beast jumps up and smashes through the nearest wall.*

Niles - But I didn't adjourn the meeting yet?

AA - I think he just misses doing that.

JA - So whats the plan?

Niles - Well, without Beast here, I can't really go into details because he's part of it. So I guess I'll just eat this thing of pringles that is conveniently placed at the front of the classroom.

*Niles reaches for the pringles, pops the top AND THE BEA... oh, he just snacks on some delicious pringles.*

Niles - Man, these are good pr-AAAHHGGG *vomiting sounds emit from Niles mouth as THE BEAST POPS OUT!!!

Beast - Hey guys, whats up?

*Niles gets up from his collapsed state after vomiting up The Beast.*

Niles - Son of a bitch, that hurt man!

Beast - Sorry, it just happens.

Niles - Anyways, I think our first order of business is Concrete TG. He seems to have this idea in his head that I killed Semaj B. and that I'm behind the masked attacks. Now I believe Beast and Concrete aren't really on the best of terms anymore, so Beast, you're just relegated to asskicking duty. However, Attitude, you haven't really fully turned on him yet. At least, not that he can prove. Maybe you can talk some sense into him. I'm willing to let this incident with him smashing me in the head with a chair pass JUST THIS ONCE... simply based on the fact that I did kick his ass a couple times. And I believe in karma. I'm a good good man and I understand that maybe I had one chairshot coming.

AA - I'll let him know, Niles. You can count on my and Johnny.

Niles - Do you guys do everything together?

JA - Well... yeah.

Niles - alright, I'm out of stuff to say, so until things develop further, this meeting is adjourned. Meanwhile, I want all you guys to keep an eye out for those masked bastards. Someone has to aprehend them before they reek to much havoc on the OOWF. I will not REST UNTIL THEY ARE STOPPED!!!

*Niles almost turns red and looks like a vein in his forehead is about to burst with that statement. Then, he returns to his normal shade.*

Niles - Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a round of golf to play. Good day.

*Niles leaves the room.*

Beast - So, how do you guys plan on dealing with Concrete.

JA - Well, I figured we'd just put on some masks and do what we've done with everyone else on the rost...

AA - He means we're going to talk to him like rational human beings and tell him that violence is not the way.

*All of a sudden, SFJ74 comes into the room with a Quiznos bag. She looks confused at the lack of Niles in the room.*

SFJ74 - What? Did he decide to eat his other footlong?

*Beast goes over and pats her on the back.*

Beast - I think you have Niles confused with Donnie Viper my dear. Here, why don't you give me that sandwich.

Ric Flair - Oh no you don't... WHOOOO!!! I'm back baby!!! I'm the mayo-spreading, side of Italian wedding, Pastrami applying, Sandwich supplying SONOFAGUN!!! WHOOOO!!!!

AA - Yeah! Flair's back. Lets get some sandwiches.

*JA, AA and Beast go with Flair to the sandwich bar.*

JA - By the way, Beast, whats the deal with that tatoo?

*Fade to Black*