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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:15:36 GMT -5
*Canadian Dragon is slouched in the corner in a dark room.*
CD: "Many men have spend many hours fearing about one thing. It's not death, or money...it's not even power. See, every man wants those things at one time or the other...but in the end all that they leave behind is a legacy."
*A quick cut shows footage of Dragon winning the OOWF Wolrd Title.*
CD: "See a wise man once told me that I would have a legacy of greatness. When I was in Japan I would stare at Everest and the people who wopuld attempt to climb it. I could feel there pain and sorrow. I knew what they wanted and why."
*Another quick clip to Dragon losing the OOWF title.*
CD: "But I never got the men who quit. The men who gave up. I never understood why they would sacrafice their legacy."
*Another quick cut shows Dragon locking the dragon sleeper on Niles.*
CD: "What is my legacy? Am I to be just another failure? Or will my legacy be one of greatness? These are questions I have asked myself many times...and they are questions you should ask yourself Niles.
*Camera cuts again to Niles holding up the OOWF title.*
CD: "Hold on to your legacy Niles. Soon it will be all you have. As a old friend once told you...trust me."
*Camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:16:02 GMT -5
*AA, JA, and beast are in the sandwich-torium.*
B:so guys, i had an idea on how to deal with concrete.
AA: oh yeah? what'cha thinking?
B: well, come with me.
*beast leads them over to the closet. he opens it up revealing phil sitting in there, still in the net.*
PH: yar!
JA: hey! it's phil!
B: yeah. so i figure i'll just walk up to concrete, then swing phil here like a bat and knock 'crete to next tuesday.
AA: but wont using phil let people know it's you under the mask?
B: who said anything about a mask? besides, those masked guys aren't us, right?
JA: oh. right. sure. but, we dont want concrete to know it's us.
B: fuck that. i say lets just start beating people up. maskless.
AA: i dont know if that's how niles wants to do things.
B: fuck that. i was stuck in wimpy little harbody harris' body for way to long. i'm beatin people up whether niles likes it or not.
PH: dont i be gettin a say in there here, yar!?
B, AA, & JA: NO!
PH: ...yar...
AA: i'm sure he'll be fine with it, but shouldn't you at least let him know first?
B: fuck that.
AA: okay...
B: oh, by the way...
*the beast crack JA in the jaw, knocking him to the floor*
B: that's for bring up the tatoo, asshole.
*beast takes the sack-o-phil out of the closet, swings it over his shoulder, and leaves the room.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:16:28 GMT -5
<Niles is seen leaving the golf course, Niles has his bag slung over his shoulder and seems pretty happy. After popping the trunk and tossing the bag in, Niles slams the trunk and turns, and walks right into Moose head Jack>
NA: WHAT THE HELL! I Told you to stay out of my way!
MHJ: <says nothing, just stares at the nasty lump on Niles head>
NA: <looking around nervously> What, what do you want Jack, I don't have all day.
MHJ: Nice little lump you got there <Jack reaches out and pushes on the lump>
NA: OWW Dammit!
MHJ: Niles, Niles Niles, I warned you, I warned you to stay out of my business. but you couldn't do it. You couldn't leave well enough alone and walk away, you just had to keep pushing.
NA: So? So what are you gonna do Jack? What are you going to do? I got Johnny, AA and Beast as my back up. what do you have? Concrete? That head case still isn't over Semaj, which by the way, I had nothing to do with.
MHJ: Right, of course you didn't. And don't you worry about who I have on my side, I have LD Williams and Eric O'Mac
NA: HA! Couple of also-ran losers. Williams coulnd't hold Johnny's jock and Eric is so pitiful his partner quit and left the business instead of teaming with him.
MHJ: And there is the Establishment, Morte and Endo.....
NA: Don't be so certain of THAT Jack, I have a little proposition for them, they could turn on you like <snaps fingers> that.
MHJ: Fair enough, there is one other man who I have decided to do business with though, someone youare fairly familiar with.
NA: Who, oh wait, let me guess, you are bringing back Grunt, or Kung-Fu LI, sorry Jack, not worried about them, nice try though
MHJ: <smirking> Oh no, you might know him as a former OOWF champion, you might know him as one of the toughest SOB's in wrestling, you might know him as ...... Donovan Viper
NA: <shaken for a moment, then regains his composure> Donnie Fairyqueen huh. So you have aligned yourself with some homo (not that there's anything wrong with that) who like to go around licking people, I'm real terrified Jack, you talk real big, but where is Donnie? How do I know you aren't lying, as usual, oh, or should I just "trust you?"
MHJ: <Jack motions for Niles to look behind him, as he does, Donovan Viper DESTROYS him with a Chain Assisted Death Elbow, Niles hits the parking lot, blood gushing from his head.>
DV: <leaning close to the barely conscious Niles> Next time I leave you laying, it will be in the middle of the ring, and that title will be mine. You started a war you cannot win. <Donnie glances up at Jack, then back to Niles> Trust me. <DV licks the blood from Niles cheek.>
Jack and Viper stand for a moment, then leave in seperate directions.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:16:53 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris is standing in front of a giant dry erase board that has names and arrows scrawled all over it. He stands back contemplatively and tries to make sense of it all.*
HH: Hmm. I’m standing back contemplatively and trying to make sense of it all. Things get real confusing when you’re trapped in some big dumb idiot’s body. All this fighting used to be real simple, but now everyone’s fighting each other, bad guys are fighting bad guys, bad guys are fighting medicine men, good guys are fighting animals, masked man are everywhere, somebody ate my porridge...I just don’t know where to begin.
*Hardbody looks at the chart some more and makes a few more lines.*
HH: Okay. Carry the six....I think I got it. I’m feuding with Alt for the championship that Niles Anderson currently has. Anderson has his little punks Adrenaline, Attitude Adjuster, and Beast (with that FANTASTIC tattoo). He always says that others are going to help him out. Beast has Phil in a net. Beast is also feuding with Underdawg. Niles defends his title against Microplay or Canadian Dragon or Donovan Viper every week, so I’m assuming they’re all good guys, or at least better than him. Moosehead Jack and Concrete hate Niles, but I always thought Moose was a jackass, but now he’s a tweener or something. And they’re teaming with Viper, who has his own little group, but they’re always fighting 3 Piece Set or The Devil’s Brigade or something. There are also two “Tommys” running around. Christ, this is more of a clusterfuck than all the nWo groups in WCW...wait, that gives me an idea.
*Hardbody picks up the phone, and then we fade out and cut back in a few hours later. Hardbody is sitting down in a little makeshift wooden stand. There’s a sign that says “PINK LEMONADE 25 Cents,” except the “e” is written backwards and it’s really cute. Underneath that it says “FREE RUBBER BRACELET!” with a smiley face after it. There’s a line of about five people waiting.*
HH: Okay, that will be 25 cents for the pink lemonade. And remind me again, son, what’s your name?
Gimmickman: I’m Gimmickman. Remember, you were once my mentor and you and I te...
HH: Right, right. So you’re a face, right?
GM: Yeah.
HH: Okay. Here...wear this white rubber bracelet. It’s good for a free 2 inch sub at Flair’s Space Mountain Sandwiches. But you can never take it off until you turn heel. See, I have the #1 WHITE BRACELET IN THE OOWF!
GM: OK!
HH: Next! Oh, hi Axe-Man! Lemonade for ya?
Ax: Yep. I’m buying one for Cole, too, so here’s 50 Cents.
HH: Here you go. Speaking of Fitty Cent, I hear he’s a real “bad dude.” Kinda like you. Here’s a black bracelet! As long as you wear it, you won’t be in any Iron Man Hell in a Cell matches. I swear. Here’s one for Cole.
Ax: Sweet! He likes when I buy him presents. Bye!
HH: Okay. I have grey ones for the tweeners and a rainbow one for Viper. And yellow if someone had cancer, but I don’t think Laner’s in the OOWF. Now, it’s just a matter of waiting...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:17:15 GMT -5
*Phil walks up to the lemonade stand*
PHIL: Yar, I'll be havin' me a glass of yer finest lemon flavored drink, thar, matey.
BEAST: (from off camera) Hey! Goddamn it. Get back in your net, right now!!!
*Phil makes a frowny face under his ninja mask, and looks down at Hardbody's stand.*
PHIL: I can't be havin' none right now. Sorry.
*Phil walks out of camera shot, a single tear dropping to the floor.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:17:44 GMT -5
Underdawg is seen walking with a white bracelet on his wrist and a lemonade in his hand when he finds Moosehead Jack. Moosehead does not have a bracelet on, and is not drinking lemonade.
UD: Do you know what you're getting yourself into?
MHJ: Going up against Niles and his crew? It won't be a problem. Half the roster despises them.
UD: No. I mean being in league with Donovan Viper.
MHJ: Trust me. I know what I'm doing. (SLEDGE HAMMER REFERENCE!!!!)
UD: I hope you do. Viper may be a powerful ally, but he is a snake. Don't think he doesn't realize that you're battling his soldiers this week on Mayhem.
MHJ: He is a snake, that is true. But he is also a venomous snake, as you may know. And venom is a good weapon to have on your side.
UD: Just make sure it doesn't come to bite you in the ass.
Oh, and by the way. If you happen to be in the way the next time Viper and I tangle, I won't hesitate to run you over.
MHJ: I wouldn't expect you to.
UD: Good.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:18:13 GMT -5
*Hardbody jumps from behind his stand and runs after the Magical Prehistoric Zombie Pirate Robot Ninja from Space*
HH: Phil, wait! Here's a complimentary glass of lemonade. All ya gotta do is slide this bracelet over your Go-Go-Gadget wrists. Oh, and please give this "HEELSTRONG" bracelet to Beast, okay? But no lemonade for him. He's a jerk.
Phil: Yar. I be liking these floaty things in this lemon drink. What they be?
HH: Braincubes. I knew you'd like 'em. Don't forget about the bracelets!
Phil (holding his head): Yar No! This be colder than a wintery evening in Antarctic Pluto! I gots me a braincube brainfreeze!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:18:37 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline are walking aimlessly down the hallway.
AA: Hey Johnny, why is it that no matter where we go, there’s always a cameraman with us?
JA: I know, it gets annoying. Last week I was in Florida on a “business trip”…
AA: Oh, the “For Her Pleasure” convention?
JA: Yeah, that’s what I was doing. Anyway, I’m showing off the “product” to one of my “customers” and one of those damn cameramen was in the room with me! I’m telling you, Paris Hilton has every right to complain!
AA: Gotta give those guys credit, though. Ever noticed that they’re all able to walk backward while keeping the camera still and not trip over anything? Heck, I can’t even do that walking forward!
JA: Yeah, and they never have to worry about being attacked by other cameramen either.
AA: Anyway, since there’s a cameraman, that means we must be doing a promo. So what are we supposed to be talking about?
JA: I know we’re NOT supposed to be talking about us being the masked men.
AA: That’s right, because that’s Hellion. Not us, definitely not us.
JA: Sooo…I’ve got Viper this week. That match doesn’t need any hype. Who do you have?
AA: I’ve got the fat boy, Mikey Styner.
JA: He needs help. Might as well give him a rub.
AA: What? Not like he needs it. Hell, Styner’s another one of those guys who got a Intercontinental title shot while we continue to get screwed by The Rick (not that there’s anything wrong with…wait a minute, there IS something wrong with THAT.). First off, he’s fat. He’s very fat. And his finisher is falling on people. He SIMPLY FALLS ON PEOPLE! Whazupwitdat? In fact, he kinda reminds me of a really, really, really, really fat Smark!
JA: Ah come on. Smark wasn’t that ugly.
AA: I mean, why do I have to wrestle this guy? He doesn’t even watch wrestling! He probably doesn’t even know who we are! This just sucks!
JA: Way to put a guy over, AA.
AA: Hey, I try my best, but this guy pisses me off. I think I have an idea, though. Today’s only Monday, right?
JA: Yeah, why?
AA: Remember the Blackdragon autograph session?
JA: Oh yeah, that was a good one.
AA: Well, I think it’s time that Mikey Styner final gets some interview time…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:19:16 GMT -5
<the conversation continues>
MHJ: Look, I kow you and Donnie have, issues, and I respect that, I'm not asking you to like the guy, I'm not asking you to team with the guy. Donnie and I have come to an understanding, we both want to see Niles suffer and bleed, that's pretty much the extent of it.
UD: That's all well and good, but you know he is a rotten SOB
MHJ: And I'm not? Look, I proved I had your back in the tag match, regardless of what goes on with Donnie, you and I are cool, it's all about destroying Niles when the time comes
UD: Well, I am not sold on Viper, he hasn't really faced me since he turned on me like a coward, he has an ass beating coming from me.
MHJ: Fair enough. <Jack starts to walk away, then stops and turns to Dawg> Big man, just think about this, when this breaks, and the blood starts to flow, just think how devastating a trio of Moosehead Jack, Donovan Viper and UnderDawg could be. Just think about the carnage we could cause. Just something for you to ponder. <Jack grins and leaves>
<UnderDawg watches him go, then an evil little grin spreads across his face, fade out>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:19:37 GMT -5
*beast is walking down the hallway, carrying phil over his shouldler, wearing his brand new spiffy black bracelet. he's mumbling to himself.*
B: grumblegrumble...no lemonade...grumblegrumble...stupid tattoo...grumblegrumble...
*suddenly the beast see's concrete standing around the hallway. he starts to walk over to him then stops when he notices that underdawg is standing around looking mysterious only a short 20 feet down the hallway. the sourpuss on beast's face now becomes a smile.
the beast walks briskly up concrete, swing his phil-filled net over his head. he reaches CTG and just slams him with phil, knocking crete out cold.*
PH: ow! that not be feeling to good. i not be liking being a weapon, yar!
*the beast immediately runs up to underdawg, losing no momentum, and gives UD a good phil-whack. UD falls but it's knocked out. the beast, while UD is off balance, quickly shoves UD into the net along with phil. throws the two over his shoulder and runs away laughing maniacally!
PH: yar, it be gotten a lot more mysterious in this here net alla sudden!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:20:07 GMT -5
*Stank knocks on The Establishment's locker room door. Endo answers and gets PASTED in the face by a steel chair swung by FF Capslock! Stank steps over Endo's prone body and enters the room where he sees Morte running towards him with a chair of his own. Stank catches the chair mid-swing, yanks it out of Morte's hands, kicks Morte in the gut, then clubs Morte across his back. Stank then goes for Morte's mask old-school style. Morte struggles but to no avail as Stank successfully unties and RIPS MORTE'S MASK OFF!*
*The camera tries to get into a position to see Morte's face but Morte turns away and runs out the locker room his hair and hands obscuring his identity.*
Stank - HA! You ready to continue this partner?
*FF Capslock continues putting the boot to a now unconscious Endo.*
FFC - *STOMP* Yeah let's go *STOMP* *STOMP*
*The camera follows the Tag-Team Champions down the hall. Where they approach 3-Piece Set's locker room. Loud bumps and crashes can be heard inside. FFC and Stank look at each other, pick up some conveniently placed lead pipes, then enter the room. There they catch the tail end of a battle just concluded in The Team from Down Under's favor as OBJ DDTs Cole on the concrete floor and Gatorbait is standing over an unconscious Axe-Man.*
FFC - Well, Well... lookee what we got here.
Stank - It looks like someone got the same idea as us.
OBJ - You got blood on your boots Capslock... It looks fresh.
FFC - It IS fresh. Caught me a Marlin. Goes by the name Endo. That must've been what he was smokin when he interfered in our match.
GB - So I take it you two paid The Establishment's locker room a little visit?
Stank - Yeah. It was short. YOU know how we do. We don't take shit from nobody.
OBJ - Neither do we.
FFC - So what was the plan Aussies? You bushwhack Axe and Cole then pay The Establishment and us a visit?
GB - Somethin like that... though we planned on saving you two for LAST.
Stank - Well... It looks like we saved each other some time.
*The two teams glare at each other... then Stank rushes GB, pipe in hand. GB catches Stank and SPINEBUSTS him to the floor. OBJ tackles FFC into the cameraman who ends up being pushed outside the locker room door. GB walks over, looks at the cameraman, then shuts the door.*
*Loud noises and fighting can be heard inside the locker room. The door rattles and bumps as 3-Piece Set's nameplate falls to the floor. There is a brief pause... then... GATORBAIT EXPLODES THROUGH THE CONCRETE WALL!*
*As it so happens, Beast is wondering by at that exact moment.*
Beast - HEY! That's MY gimmick!
FFC & STANK - Shut up, Beast.
*The Tag Champs walk through the opening dusting themselves off. Beast steps over Gatorbait and continues on his way. GB is OUT and the camera peeks through the opening to see Outback Jack unconscious on the floor, a lead pipe lying next to him.*
Stank - Yo... cameraman... over here... thaaats right. To ALL the other tag-teams in the OOWF. YOU want to come after us? GET IN LINE! ANY attempt to cut in that line... can expect to receive... what you just witnessed here.
Feel it, Fear it.
Smell it.
Run.
FFC - aaaaand WE'RE OUT!
Fade to black
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:20:33 GMT -5
*As Beast runs, laughing maniacally down the hall, Phil whispers to Underdawg.*
PH: Yar, it be gettin' mighty cramped in here. Tis remindin' me of a story m' cousin C3PO had told me about when he was on Cloud City. Are ye sure ye don't be needin' any spells thar ta help that lump on yer head?
UD: No, I'm fine. What the HELL is going on? Why are you helping Beast? I thought he owed you a new iParrot. You should be using all of your totally awesome powers to take that interstellar MP3 player out of Beast's ass!
PH: Yar. That be gross. I didn't know he kept them thar.
UD: You know what I mean.
PH: Well, ta be tellin' ya what's true, Beast caught me at a bit of a vulnerable moment. Ye see, I'm not feelin' all too confident about me abilities in that thar squared circle. All of the circles I'd ever fought in were well, circular. This be a strange planet indeed.
UD: You're talking to a 7 foot tall guy with a dog head, remember? "Strange" is subjective.
PH: Yar. Anyways, the closest I've come to a 4-sided ring was a 6-sided one. In the 6-sided ring a lot more moves are open to me. Ye wouldn't be believin' the stuff I can do with this 500 pound body, given th' right set o' circumstances, thar matey.
*Beast continues running down the hall, laughing loudly.*
UD: As soon as my head clears up, I'm busting outta here. You gonna help me or what?
PH: I'm afraid it be useless. I'm just not bein' a very good escape artist.
UD: Look man, I dunno if zombie/robot/ninja/ pirates have balls or what, but you better use a spell to grow some pretty darn quick, or you're gonna be stuck in this net for... wow, I never noticed how strong Beast really is. This is like 800 pounds he's carrying.
PH: Yar, not quite. I cast a spell that reduced the weight of anything put inta' this here net. Beast was complainin' of back spasms a few minutes after he be capturin' me tha first time.
UD: So, when does the spell end?
PH: Oh, whenever I be wantin' it to, I guess.
UD: (yelling) Well end the damn spell you prehistoric cosmo-tard!
*Suddenly, beast stops laughing and running.*
B: Hey! What's going on back there? I'll pull this net over. I swear I will!
UD: Phil says he has to go to the bathroom.
PH: Yar?
UD: Yeah, that's right. Unless you want piss all over your "awesome" new tattoo, you'd better find a rest room.
B: Oh bullcrap. Zombies don't pee. They use all the brain juice they ingest as fuel for their psychotic post-death rage. I'm not falling for that.
PH: But I'd drank some of that fine lemonade that the nice man, Hardbody Harris gave me back thar. I be havin' ta get rid of it at some point.
UD: He's right.
B: Sigh. Can't you hold it? Oh never mind, there's a restroom right up...
UD: NOW PHIL! DISMISS THE SPELL!
PH: YAR!!!!
B: WHAT THE?!?!
*Phil mutters a few secret words and all of a sudden Beast's knees begin to buckle. Beast repositions his feat on the floor and hoists the net over his head. He begins to laugh maniacally again.*
B: HA HA HA! You idiots! I break through fuckin' WALLS. 800 pounds means nothing to me!
UD: Oh yeah, well what about PISS IN YOUR EYE!?!?!
*Underdawg lifts his leg and hits Beast right in the face with a steady stream of dog piss. Screaming in surprise, Beast loses his grip on the net and Underdawg and Phil tumble out on top of him. Underdawg starts pounding Beast in the face and Phil joins in. Beast is left bleeding and unconscious on the floor.*
UD: Good work, Phil! I knew you had it in you.
PH: Yar! Thank ye thar Mr. Dawg. Now, te show me gratitude, I'll be castin' that spell ta fix yer head back inta a normal person's head.
UD: Hey! I told you no! Look man, you're feelin' a bit confused. I understand that, but I'm not your buddy. So stop trying to help me when I don't need your help! Alright?
*Underdawg begins to walk away, leaving Phil standing over Beast's crumpled, bloody body. Phil hangs his head low.*
UD: (poking his head back into frame) Oh, and if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention the pee-pee thing to anyone. Thanks.
PH: I'll be makin' sure ta cast a spell that'll make Beast forget about it too thar.
*Underdawg walks off. Phil's head is still lowered, but as he slowly raises it, an expression of sadness is not what he shows. Seething ninja-style anger is in Phil's eyes as he watches Underdawg, stride away from him.*
PH: So ye only be needin' me help when it be convenient to ye, thar Dawg? Well, we'll see who be helpin' who in our match come Midweek Mayhem. We'll be sein' indeed.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:21:03 GMT -5
[scene continues]
PH: yar, but for the first part o' me plan, i'll be needin' me all seein' eye o' agawhoseywhatsey.
*phil takes out his magic bag of goodies, opens it up and THE BEAST POPS OUT!!!*
PH: YAR!!! what manner of sorcery be this!!
*phil looks where just a second ago beast's unconcious body lay. the space is empty.*
B: not sorcery. popping out is just what i do.
PH: this place be gettin' weirder and weirder.
B: listen, i saw how underdawg was treating you. i know we got off on the wrong foot, but that was all an accident. underdawg was the real jerk. he was mean to you on purpose. what say we forget our troubles and go get him, huh?
PH: ah don't be knowin if'n i should be believin ya, yar.
B: no really. look, i hate underdawg, you hate underdawg. but i do have one condition though.
PH: what be that?
B: all you gotta do is use one of your spells to get this awful tattoo off my back and then it's just you and me against the big dogfaced asshole.
*phil thinks about it for a second.*
PH: ok. it be a deal.
*phil casts a spell and removes the tattoo. the beast takes a look in a mirror to confirm the tattoo is gone, then he CLOCKS phil in the face with a hard fist!*
B: HA! you big dumb you suck and are banned robot zombie pirate thingamafuck! i cant believe you trusted me! cant you see my black wristband? i'm a total heel! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! back into the net with you jerk-off!!!
*beast scoops phil up back into the net and starts running off, laughing again.*
B: HAHAHAHA! you're next underdawg, you dogfaced fuck!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:21:27 GMT -5
Seraph is seen sitting in the corner delicately painting his grey rubber wristband white while sipping a pink lemonade. Gimmickman walks by with his shiny authentic white bracelet and he and Seraph lock eyes.
The camera cuts quickly back and forth between ever closer shots of Seraph's and Gimmickman's eyes as the tension backstage escalates. Neither man says a word - until after what seems like the longest staredown since the last time the president was asked to answer an intelligent question, Gimmickman breaks the tension with a long draw on his glass of pink lemonaid. He then turns around to walk away only to find Firechild standing over him. Gazing at him with the not with malice, but with pity.
Gimmickman looks confused, not knowing what to make of the situation. Then from behind him he hears the unmistakable voice of the prophet:
Seraph: I know that he is using you gimmick man. I know that Entity has done horrible things to you. I see the pain - it's hiding there behind that blank expression on your face. I noticed how you lit up when Hardbody gave you that white bracelet and you thought for a moment that things were once again as they once were - but then you realized that he also was using you for his own agenda.
That is why you feel the pain Gimmickman - you allow yourself to be used. You feel the burden of false friendships, sour alliances and ill intentioned associates. But I can help you with that. Look at Firechild. Before I showed him redemption he was an angry child - taking out his rage in the ring, aligning with Axe and Cole - he himself was being used. But now he is free. And why? Because we were all created for a purpose gimmickman - to be free beings - to make our choices - but most importantly we are all given the choice of righeteousness, redemption and salvation from those who would seek to exploit us.
I can show you the way. I am that way, I am the truth, I am the light. I will help you open your mind if you will let me. Throw off the heavy burden of Entity's malice and take my yoke upon your shoulders - for MY yoke is easy and MY burden is light. The choice is yours - either way I'll be waiting for you in the ring this week. You may not understand all that I am saying right now - but come wednesday... you will.
With that, Seraph turns his attention back to painting his tweener bracelet white - the only appropriate colour for the conscience of the OOWF (in his opinion) and Firechild steps out of his way to let him leave. As gimmickman walks down the corridor we begin to fade out as we see Firechild's expression reveal something more sinister than anything his master may expect.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:21:49 GMT -5
(re-posted HERE since Ric Flair has now been brought back in... sorry about the lack of continuity before!)
***In the backstage part of the arena, Ric Flair is seen setting up his sandwich stand, but the stand seems to have doubled in size this week***
Ric Flair: WHOOOOO!!! Come and get ya' sandwiches, Fat Boys!... and now, wash it down with a refreshing beverage!!!
***The camera pans to the other side of the stand, where the Red Stripe Ambassador is clad in his full getup and his trademark plastered smile***
Red Stripe Ambassador: It's beer! HOORAY BEER!!!
RF: WHOOO! RSA: HOORAY BEER! RF: WHOOO! RSA: HOORAY BEER!
***The Team from Down Under walks by the stand, and Outback Jack hangs his head***
GB: What's wrong, Jack? OBJ: Man, I love that Red Stripe... and the bottle actually make me look attractive to more sheilas than usual... but I just signed an exclusive promotion deal with Foster's... I mean i love the quaff and all, but sometimes a man needs variety, just like why I keep Wally around all the time...
***Reggae music kicks in and Wally hops behind the stand and starts jamming with the Red Stripe Ambassador... and out of nowhere, Panda shows up, leading a conga-line of Sexy Female Journalists***
RF: WHOOO! RSA: HOORAY BEER!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:22:12 GMT -5
We cut to the George G. Georgeson Memorial Hospital, and then to a room on the 3rd floor. The camera pans over the patient's chart at the foot of the bed, where "Capellan" is written in large, block letters (because wrestlers are always admitted to hospitals under their ring names, right?).
The bed is empty, the sheets thrown back in a tangle and the saline drip knocked to the floor. A gust of wind from the open window stirs the curtains ... but of the man who should be in the room, there is no sign.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:22:41 GMT -5
Firechild is sitting in contemplation when his mobile phone bleeps in his bag (a off-white single strap number) to reveal that he has a voicemail --- (is it real or is it memorex?) --- He dials 901 and listens as Chris Cole begins to speak,
CC: Hey man, Flame, Chris whatever. I know weve been a bit distant recently what with you turning into fruitcake and all, but weve got a chance to regain our tag titles at Mayhem, but its a four way and I'd really love to be the first EVER 3 time tag champs in the OOWF, so if, for old times sake you'd like to, y'know do your thing, I'd apprecate it. I havent asked Ax about this cause, he's real steamed with you, but if you do us good, then we'd have you back man, but Im warning you, ignore this or do us wrong and I will see to it that we run you out of the OOWF and your freaky mentor as well, and you can rely on that, whatever brotherhood we had, is done.
Firechild puts his phone down calmly, and muses to himself.
FC: Gifts and threats Chris? The last refuge of a desperate man. Righteousness is it's own reward, but the profane must be held to account for their actions....
Seraph appears out of the shadows, his wristband now fully white.
Seraph: You know what youmust do, to sever the last links with your days of debauchery and truly become my pupil, this will be a week of judgment, as we nd what was begun with Ax & Cole and start again with Entity and Gimmick. They do not understand, my child, but you so nearly do, and you will......
Firechild: Yes. I will.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:23:10 GMT -5
*Beast runs by Ric Flair's sandwich stand and stops for a quick bite to eat. Flair notices Phil in the net slung over Beast's back.*
RF: Woooooo! Watcha doin' all cooped up in that net, FATBOY!?!? Wooooo!
PH: Yar, I remember ye. Ye used ta be an undead minion a'mine when I first be gettin' ta this here planet. How's them new brains I conjured ya workin' out thar?
RF: Woooooooo! Wooooo! Wooooooooooo!
PH: Once again, I've failed. Yar.
RF: Listen up! You didn't fail. I've never felt better! I've doubled my business since I was a zombie. I feel great... like the naitcha boy! Woooo!
*Flair does a Flair strut, bounces off of the net and continues to strut.*
RF: Wooooooooo!
PH: Yar, 'tis good ta hear, indeed.
RF: Now I've been from one side of this business to another. I've seen 'em all! I've fought 'em all. Heh. But I've always been the naitcha boy... I've always had goals, whether it was to be the champ, or fuck some kids's mom, or make the #1 SANDWICHES IN THE OOWF!....
HH: (off camera) HEY!
RF: ...I've done it all with style! I've reached my goals because I don't take crap... from NOBODY! That's why I am where I am today, a jet-flyin' limousine ridin', bread slicin', kiss stealin', inspirational speakin', wheelin', dealin' son of a gun! Wooooooo!
PH: Yar. Sounds ta be quite the life you be havin' thar, matey.
RF: YOU BET! And it could be yours too! Just set yourself a goal, and reach it! How are you gonna start fillin' arenas if you can't make one net empty? Woooo!
PH: Yar. Empty-net goals are for you suck and are banneds.
*Beast finishes his sandwich, starts laughing again, and runs off.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:23:51 GMT -5
(Uncle Entity and Jesse Garon are in the lockeroom spiking their lemonade with Vern's Moonshine and entertaining a few ring rats. Gimmickman enters the room). Uncle Entity: Hey! My man. What's up GM? these ring rats said they have some friends around town want me to get one for you? Gimmickman: No... UE: He speaks! (UE notices GM's bracelet) UE: White? What's up with that? I thought you had an allegiance with us! Oh, that's right, your user has abandoned you so now your character floats aimlessly through the OOWF as a pawn for whomever so chooses to write about you. Well, let me tell you some thing brother! Black is where it's at! Tell 'em JG! Jesse Garon: (In Elvish) Uh-huh. UE: Look GM, I like you. So I am going to do you a favor. I see you have that weirdo Seraph this week. We freaked him out real good when we dressed you up as him a while back. But this week I have a plan that will REALLY creep that weirdo out. JG: What you thinking boss? UE: I am going to make him into Mel Gibson! JG: Oh that's brilliant baby. Just brilliant. UE: Should it be "Mad Max" Mel or "Braveheart" Mel? JG: I got a better idea. (picks up the bottle of moonshine) How about "Man Without a Face" Mel? UE: Hehehehehehe... (Uncle Entity douse Gimmickman's face with moonshine and light it on fire for a few seconds then put it out. When they are finished, Gimmickman looks like this...) UE: Ahhhhh!!! BEHOLD! GIMMICKMEL!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:24:19 GMT -5
*underdawg is standing around, looking mysterious. suddenly the lights go out. after a few seconds they turn back on and in UD's place is the beast, with phil AND UNDERDAWG in a net over his shoulder!!*
UD: what?! but that's my trick! talk about gimmick infringment! fuckin-A man!
PH: yar.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:24:58 GMT -5
*Hardbody is standing at Flair's sandwich counter.*
HH: Um, I'll have a choped liver sandwich, please. Plain.
*Flair messes around behind the counter and pulls up a giant plate. Between two pieces of white bread is Beast.*
RF: Wooo! Chop BY GAWD Liver on white, HARD BOY! WOOOOOOOO!
HH: No thanks. I don't really like low-quality meat.
Beast: Shit-Dick!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:25:21 GMT -5
A few moments later...
*Phil is sitting, crumpled up in the net with Underdawg. He lunges at Underdawg and begins to throttle him with his telescoping, go-go-gadget arms. Underdawg begins punching Phil's hard, metal torso, but the close, cramped net, renders his blows ineffective! The abrupt movement knocks Beast against the wall! Suddenly, THE LIGHTS GO OUT!*
B: What's going on?
UD: *guurrrggle gurg glerrggrrll*
*The lights come back on. Phil is still strangling Underdawg in the net. Beast spins around, looking to see if anything has changed. Suddenly, THE LIGHTS GO OUT!*
UD: *Gggrrk- Hhhhey thhhhat's myy bitttt gggggrrglllbbll*
*The lights come back on! Phil is still strangling Underdawg in the net, who's face is turning a dark shade of brownish-purple. Beast looks puzzled. He whips around again, to make sure no one's sneaking up on him. Suddenly, THE LIGHTS GO OUT!*
PH: Yar. I be gettin' tired o' this flickerin'. 'Tis good that I used a spell and me deep, zen-like ninja powers ta cure me epilepsy.
B: Are you doing this you robotic, zombie dick?
*THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON! Underdawg is begining to lose consciousness.*
PH: Nah, there ya filthy cur! Ya keep bumping the switch over here on the wall!
B: Oh. Shit. Well. SHUT UP!
PH: YAR! Ye can't be talkin' ta me like that there sunny-jim! I be the #1 ENTERTAINING CHARACTER IN TH' OOWF!
HH: (from off camera) HEY!
B: QUIET! You'll listen to me because I am most definitely NOT chopped liver. And because you're my prisoner. And... um, just SHUT UP. Shit dick.
*Beast musters up a maniacal chuckle and starts walking off down the hall.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:25:45 GMT -5
Phil has let go of his robo-zombie vice grip. Underdawg is still coughing.
UD: Goddammit, son! You're one tough SOB.
Ph: Yar. Ye got te be tough to sail the 40,000 seas as I have.
UD: Why would you sail a boat when you're from space? Surely you have faster modes of transportation.
Ph: Yar, I like the relaxation of a cool ocean's day, and don't call me shirley. And me space vessell is actually slower than even an old spanish galleon.
UD: Really?
Ph: Ye think I got this ancient by going around the universe in light speed? When you're ageless as I, aye, ye've got a lot of patience, and time to ponder. Yar.
UD: Is that why you're conent staying in this tent? Patience?
Ph: Yar. Like my wise robo-zombie ninja wizard mega-radical pharoah once said. All we need is just a little patience. Yar.
UD: That's a Guns N Roses song.
Ph: Yar? You dare speak blasphemy upon my mega-radical pharoah? That man taught me everything I know. Yar.
Phil begins to choke Underdawg again.
UD: PHIL! QUIT IT! *cough* STOP!
Ph: And why should I stop for a dog-faced landlubber like yerself?
UD: I'll get Ric Flair to make a BRAIN SANDWICH!
Ph: Yar? A Brain Sandwich? That sounds mighty tasty. But how do you plan on pulling that trick off?
UD: Watch.
Just then THE LIGHTS GO OUT and smoke envelops the room.
Beast: SHIT-DICK! They're trying to escape again!
When the lights turn back on, Phil and Underdawg are still in the net, with Ric Flair now inside the net with them!
RF: Whoo?
UD: DAMMIT! Do you have that spell on the net again?
Ph: Yar. I like the spell. It's fun to cast. Now, leave me be as I eat this brain sandwich.
UD: That's not a sandwich, that's Ric's thigh.
Ph: Tis a tasty thigh.
RF: WHOOOO!! Ow! That hurts!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:26:17 GMT -5
Skeletor drives by Beast, Phil, Ric Flair, and Underdawg in his Land Shark. Ph: Yar, I sense the presence of a fellow magician. RC: You're really boney there, FATBOY! WHOOO!!! UD: Bones? *pant pant* where? B: Guys, shut up in there. Can I help you with something strange meatless man? Sk: This is truly one strange world I've gotten stuck on. I need to get my back to Eternia to get my revenge on He-Man! B: Ohhhkaaaay... Later, loser! Sk: Insolent fool! For this, you will taste the wrath of my havok staff! Just then Donovan Viper walks into the scene. DV: What the hell's going on here? B: I have no idea. DV: Nice job you've done with Underdawg there. UD: I'LL GET YOU VIPER! AND YOU TOO BEAST! DV: I have to say, Beast. Despite our history, and despite your allegiance to Niles Anderson, I'm really impressed with the work you've done here, capturing those guys in the net. B: Thanks Viper! I actually appreciate your kind words. How come you've never said anything nice to me before? DV: I was too busy running from you popping out of my microwave, my tanning lotion, my boots, my shaving cream... B: Gotcha. Ph: Yar. I sense the presence of a gay. DV: Fuck you man. Ph: No. I be talking about this one. DV: Oh. Yeah. Purple and baby blue? And such trimmed nails.... How do you get them this way? Sk: Proper grooming, really. That's why I need to get back to Eternia, to find my manicurist. And then take over Eternia! Heeheeheeheehee! DV: Fag.... Alright, Beast. Take care. Tell Niles 'Fuck You' for me. B: Will do! As Viper leaves, he kicks Underdawg in the net! DV: BITCH!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 19:26:45 GMT -5
*Canadian Dragon is walking down the hall when he comes across Viper kicking UD in the net.*
CD: "You know, one of these days some crazy chick from peta is gonna kick you ass."
DV: "Fuck you!"
CD: "Um no...but I do have an offer for you. You see, I share your goal of wanting Niles to lose his title belt. Now I don't want you to interfere, but you know just as well as I do that if nobody does a run-in I will beat Niles."
DV: "Hey man. Don't say run-in! That's breaking kayfabe! We're not doing that till next week!"
CD: "Really? I mean I got a TPS report on it but I figured that since it didn't have a cover sheet I didn't need to worry about it....and what the fuck is up with Phil?
DV: "Don't ask. So shouldn't we be fighting or something?"
CD: "Probably, but I have a meeting at this place that I need to get to. So I'd rather not."
DV: "Yeah, and I have to go have my eyebrows waxed...I mean I gotta go watch men's tennis. Ah fuck it, I gotta go!"
CD: "Yeah....and oh by the way. Say hi to Moose for me. Tell him everything is set."
*Dragon walks away as Viper looks on confused before kicking UnderDawg again and leaving.*
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