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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:25:41 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Dawson Creek, British Columbia, Canada!
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match [/u] Niles Anderson vs. UnderDawg
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match [/u] Blackdragon vs. Johnny Adrenaline
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match [/u] Drink & Destroy vs. The Team From Down Under vs. The Establishment
Best of Seven Series – Match 3 [/u] Chris Alt vs. Hardbody Harris
~ NEW ~ Steel Cage Match [/u] 3Piece Set vs. Firechild & Seraph
~ NEW ~ Non-Title Taxi Cab Stomp Match[/u] Thim Reynolds vs. Capellan
~ NEW ~ Coal Miners Glove Lumberjack Match[/u] Corax vs. Hellion
The Devil’s Brigade vs. Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG Microplay vs. Donovan Viper SoulDragon & Mercury vs. wCw LD Williams vs. Mr. Jealous vs. Attitude Adjuster Canadian Dragon vs. GimmickMan Phil vs. Beast Eric O’Mac vs. Mikey Styner Dr. Murder vs. Uncle Entity
Card subject to change, but will it? Tune in to find out!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:28:40 GMT -5
*Scene opens inside The Team From Down Under's locker room*
Stank - Suckas got to know. Why? Why did you two run down to save us?
Outback Jack - Well, mate... you see that's where you're wrong. We didn't interfere to SAVE you lunks.
Gatorbait - Roight... we still don't loike either of you two.
FFC - Tie the kangaroo down, sport.
*Stank OBJ and GB all turn and look at FF Capslock.*
OBJ - Whut's that?
Stank - Yeah Lock, what gives? I'm trying to have a serious conversation here?
FFC - Hey, I'm sorry, sheesh. It just seemed like a tie the kangaroo down moment.
Stank - Could you just be SERIOUS here for a second.
FFC - What are we doing here? Let's just beat them up and go get a drink.
GB - Whut's That? You wanna tussle?
FFC - Oh AGAIN with the F#CKING tussling... No... I want to FIGHT!
Stank - Whoa Whoa WHOA! NO ONE is fighting anyone right now. We need answers!
*The camera backs out of the locker room as the audio of the arguing teams fades to the background. The camera pans over to Endo and Morte listening just out of earshot of Drink & Destroy and TTFDU.*
Endo - They're plotting against us.
Morte - Sounds more like they're about to fight.
Endo - Perhaps.
Morte - I want my mask back
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:32:51 GMT -5
a member of the elite crack-squad of invisible ninja cameramen is slowly following the sound of murmuring into a dark recess of backstage. As the camera finally zooms in and the picture comes into focus we see the back of Seraph on his knees speaking to someone as if praying...
S: What is it that you are trying to tell me? What is the message written in crimson? Where is the reward I was promised? Where is the reward of the righteous?
I follow your tenants and I am mocked; I pursue justice and I am scorned. I bring back the lost sheep to the flock and the wolves follow me back to the pasture They pounce on me and tear my flesh.
Terrors overwhelm me; my dignity is driven away as by the wind, my safety vanishes like a cloud.
And now my life ebbs away; days of suffering grip me.
Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pains never rest.
I am thrown into the mud, and I am reduced to dust and ashes.
I cry out to you, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.
You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me.
You snatch me up and drive me before the wind; you toss me about in the storm.
I know you will bring me down to death, to the place appointed for all the living.
Surely no one lays a hand on a broken man when he cries for help in his distress.
Have I not wept for those who are lost? Has not my soul grieved for the misguided?
Yet when I hoped for good, evil came; when I looked for light, then came darkness.
The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me.
I have become a brother of jackals, a companion of owls.
My harp is tuned to mourning, and my flute to the sound of wailing.
The camera begins to zoom out and slowly pan to the right. The shot pans right though the wall into Seraph and Firechid's dressing room (invisible ninja camera men can do that) where we find Firechild (looking far more serene than one would imagine Seraph looking at this point) sitting with his back to the wall.
Can he hear what Seraph is saying? We don't know but as the camera zooms in on his tranquil visage we see that there is something behind the cold exterior - something out of place. The camera zooms in untill the screen is filled with Firechild's Eyes.
[Fade to white]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:33:11 GMT -5
*the beast looks at the match listing for this week's MM.*
B: pfft. phil? come on! that shit-dick doesn't even have an iParrot. like he's worth my time.
*beast chuckles and leaves.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:33:34 GMT -5
The fiddler sings the song of the day And nobody can see into his eyes. And nobody can hear the distant cry Of a falling soul.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:33:54 GMT -5
*Still in the TFDU's locker room - Wally steps forward*
WBK: Perhaps I can explain. Dudes!
Stank: What?
FFC: Dude?
OBJ: What?
WBK: Establishment, dudes.
Stank: What?
FFC: Dude.
GB: I forgot Wally was an expert in foreign languages.
WBK: Comes in handy in my profession.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:34:17 GMT -5
3Piece Set storms into The Rick’s Office.
Cole: Did you see what SOB did to us out there? We should be three time Tag Champs.
Ax: Your refs are incompetent fools. Why the heel can’t they make their own decisions instead of caving to outside pressure. This is your doing isn’t it?
TR: Looks like a little lover’s quarrel between you two and Firechild.
Ax: Real funny jerk wad.
Cole: Listen, I want Firechild & Seraph in a barbed wire steel cage and I want it now!!!
TR: You know the rules about the barbed wire here in Canada. I can give you guys a locked cage match but we have to leave the barbed wire out of it…..unless you want to wait until we get back to the States.
Ax: I’m not waiting I want them now. We’ll take the cage match. Then if there is anything left of them we’ll finish them off in the barbed wire cage.
Cole: There won’t be anything left of them. Not when I’m done getting my hands on that fairy traitor and is homo mentor.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:34:41 GMT -5
*Evil Wizard eEnters The Rick's office with Mike Styner behind him*
EW: I thought we agreed that Microplay would be in the title frame! I thought you guarenteed him a return to greatness dripping with gold!
MS: Gold!
EW: You remind me of a king I once knew, a sorry figure...
Saul he walks hand in hand with himself thinking; The king of the realm, a doomed kingdom sinking. He tells himself how the people adore him. One brave soul approached said, “you are a poor king!” “What words are these with which you tarnish my name? Explain yourself peasant or else feel my flame”
“Please spare my life sir, for it is only truth” They made eye contact before the guards were called “I am a good king”, said he, “Let this be proof” Behind Saul’s closed door Truth’s messenger was mauled.
“I have spared this fool’s ignorant existence For wise am I thus need not I assistance None shall work today to mark this occasion! When I was merciful without persuasion.” Meanwhile away from the crowds our hero lay, His flesh torn by dogs and his life far away.
I say now that Microplay shot get a title shot at the foul Niles Anderson should he defeat the pitiful Donovan Viper next week!
I demand it!
*Evil Wizard's eyes seem to turn red like fire for a moment. Then he is back to normal and laughs, Styner joins in with this and they leave*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:35:12 GMT -5
Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG are in their dressing room going over strategy. In comes a OOWF official.
OOWF Official: Concrete, you have a visitor out front.
CTG: Who is it?
OOWF Off: Says he is a relative of Semaj here to finally meet the man who was a great friend to Semaj.
CTG: Thanks. Moose, I’ll be right back.
(Concrete and the official leave the locker room, Moose starts studin film when Harper Camby walks in, Moose stands up quickly and stands face to face with Camby)
MHJ: Can I help you?
HC: The infamous Moosehead Jack. You don’t seem like the master manipulator that everybody in the back claims you to be. I think your reputation is a bit overblown.
MHJ: Well your reputation of being a big mouth prick seems right on.
HC: Did you see what I did to Underdawg in one on one competition? I could easily do the same to you. Last I checked Dawg beat you one on one.
MHJ: If you think you’re going to make a name for yourself by beating me then get in line. Plenty of superstars have come knocking at my door and all of them end up lying in a pool of their won blood. Some of them make me bleed and some of them get beaten like the piss ants they are. Come bring it, anytime, anywhere. I respect the fire I see in your eyes but will beat that egotistical smile right off your face. Trust Me.
HC: When you’re done screwing around playing superhero with your buddy I think we should go one on one. And when you look like I look and can back it up in that ring then you have every right to have the egotistical smile. When you face me one on one, you’ll understand. Trust Me.
(Harper walks out of the locker-room)
In the parking lot Concrete is walking!!!!! From the side of the screen Tommy O’Neil comes running in and nails Concrete with a lead pipe o the skull. Concrete goes down and in busted open. Tommy then applies a camel clutch like maneuver using the pipe to choke Concrete. A wicked left hook to the back of the head follows. Then Tommy bashes both legs with the pipe and applies the Gaelic Cloverleaf.
TO: How do ya lek tha you fekkin pusie.
Tommy releases the hold and lifts up Concrete’s bloody head.
TO: Semaj got in me waye. Doon mek the sim misteek he did.
Tommy walks away leaving Concrete face down in the parking lot.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:35:37 GMT -5
*Canadian Dragon is in a dark room.*
CD: "It's funny how things change. It wasn't too long ago, that I was being billed as the king of the ladder match. It wasn't too long ago that I broke my neck in a cage match. And it wasn't too long ago where Ultimate Hell and Hell In A Cell were matches the OOWF used to sell payperviews. But now my style is "better suited" for the Onslaught title."
*Camera cuts to a montage of Dragon's more dangerous bumps in gimmickmatches.*
CD: "You see the thing is, it's my fault. While I was on a cross country marketing campign I failed to see that the WWE was building up a tag-team specialists like Concrete as the next big thing. While I was out whoring myself to get fans in Canada to pay attention to the OOWF I failed to get involved with beating up everybody while wearing a mask, kidnapping, or being mysterious."
*Another cut to Rosssaying "After failing to win the World Title from Niles Anderson, Canadian Dragon has reportedly made it his mission to win the Onslaught Championship and elevate that title. It appears that in his eyes this title is worth more than Niles title anyway."*
CD: "You know what's funny. After losing the OOWF title without even getting beat, I get screwed out of a rematch. And then whenever I do, I get screwed over again. And yet I somehow no longer care about the OOWF title? I want to prove thatI'm the best pure wrestler? Fine...I'll prove once again that I can do things inside the ring that other's can only dream about doing. I will show everybody that I am the best wrestler in the OOWF....but rest assured that the nightmare for the people behind the scenes is just getting started."
*Camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:36:01 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline is strolling thru the backstage area and steps into the locker room where Attitude Adjuster is in front of a mirror tending the bruise on the side of his head.]
JA: That was bullshit, man!
AA: No kidding. I cut the promo of the year on Moose and L.D.'s mothers, and I don't even get booked to win the IC Title?
JA: A.C., we're on camera.
AA: OH! I always forget about Invisible Ninja Cameraman.
JA: Yeah, if HE would've been ringside for your match, you wouldn't have gotten screwed out of the Intercntinental Title! Who was that guy anyway?
AA: I'll say this, the guy that whacked me with that camera wasn't the same guy you beat up poolside last week. And if I find out who it is, they're gonna get their ass kicked.
JA: Well, you proved to the world that you're the better man. And this Wednesday night, Midweek Mayhem...? I'm gonna be the better man. MY Intercontinental Championship is coming back home.
AA: Right you are, Johnny.
JA: I'll give you the first title shot, what do you think?
AA: Man, the Rick will never go for that, you know that.
JA: Yeah, you're probably right. But think of the promos, man... Fine. We'll get you some gold somehow though, and I know just where we can get it from...
AA: Why do I have a feeling that we're on the same page here?
JA: Cause we are...
[fade to black]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:37:24 GMT -5
<Jack is still sitting watching King of the Deathmatch tapes when he hears a bang on his door, Jack gets up to investigate, when he opens the door, Concrete collapses through the doorway onto the floor>
MHJ: What the? Who the hell this time? Niles? Johnny? AA?
CTG<in a whisper> Devils......
<Jack stops to ponder for a second> DAMNIT! JAck storms out of the locker room
****** <Through the miracle of camera men we cut to the OOWF parking garage, we see TDB loading their gear in the trunk of their Lexus, TO is handing the gear to Camby, Camby is bitching>
HC: Jesus, we have been to every damn backwater hick town in Canada, is this shit almost over?
TO: Soon enough boyo
HC: Between the damn Canadians all over the place and fighting Moosehead Jerkoff and Concrete Superhero I am about sick of this damn tour.
<Camby is pushing something in the back of the trunk, the camer a pans around and we see MHJ approaching TO with a barbed wire baseball bat. Jack slams the bat into the back of TO's head, then turns him around and drops him with a DDT on the concrete.
HC: Hand me the last bag Tommy.
TO:......
HC: TOMMY hand me the last fucking bag!
TO: ........
HC: Damnit what the hell!
<HC turns around and eats a barbed wire baseball bat right between the eyes, Camby slumps agains the car>
MHJ: You like sneak attacks Camby? Well here you go <hits him in the ribs with the bat> You like playing games? You wanna mess with me? I have had just about enough. Here's a game for you, batter the fuck up! <With that Jack t's off and slams the bat into HC's face, Camby's eyes roll up in his head as blood pours down his face. For good measure Jack pulls Camby up and lays him half way into the trunk of the car and slams the trunk down on the back of Camby's head.>
MHJ: Now that I have your attention, this week at Midweek Mayhem, you two have pushed us both too far, you want blood? You got it. Trust me <Jack slams the bat down on an unconscious TO one more time them storms off>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:38:17 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris is in his locker room, just kind of sitting there. Fievel is spinning round and round until comically falling down on the floor.*
HH: I wonder why I even have a locker room? I never change out of my wrestling gear. I could stretch out in the hallway, or at my Pink Lemonade stand. Speaking of which, I need some bar money tonight. Come on, Fievel. Let’s make some dollars!
*Hardbody and Fievel leave when they run into Chris Alt, who is freshly showered after his win at Midweek Mayhem. Alt and Harris look at each other while Fievel chases a bouncy ball down the hallway.
HH: So, you squeaked out a victory tonight. We’re all tied up at a match apiece. It’s a best of five now, but I’m thinking I only need three to become the #1 CONTENDER IN THE OOWF!
Alt: Are you kidding? There’s no way this isn’t going seven matches. Have you ever seen a fictio…er, a legitimate sporting competition of this magnitude go less than the full amount? I bet it’ll be neck and neck the rest of the way.
HH: Hmm. You have a point. But who’s going to come back from behind and win the whole thing? Odds are it’s gon…FIEVEL! STAY AWAY FROM THAT LAUNDRY CHUTE! Mice. Alt, don’t ever hang around with ‘em.
Alt: Uh, sure thing. So, we’re doing pretty good at this mutual respect face v. face thing, huh/
HH (leaning close to Alt): Yeah, I’d so so…BUDDY.
Alt (nose to nose with HH): I agree…PAL.
HH (through gritted teeth): Whatever you say…CHIEF.
Alt (pointing a finger): As long as we have that settled…GAYLORD.
*HH and Alt stare menacingly at each other for a moment. Fievel comes back with his bouncy ball and looks concerned. Then, simultaneously, Alt and Harris start cracking up and slapping each other on the back.*
HH: Oh man, I LOVE Dane Cook. I’m so glad you picked up on that.
Alt: He’s unbelievable. Thanks for giving me the punchline. “Gaylord.” Now THAT’S comedy.
HH: Yeah. So, we’re friends. Let’s do what friends do.
*Alt and Harris high five in a traditional freeze-frame. Then, the camera star-wipes away to a music video of Harris and Alt doing all sorts of best friend sorts of things, set to the tune of the song ”Best Friend. These activities include hiking; canoeing; Alt throwing a pie in Hardbody’s face, then Hardbody suplexing him through a picnic table; Hardbody giving Alt a present, which turns out to be a Jack-in-the-Box that, when wound all the way, shoots out a boxing glove that punches Alt in the jaw while Harris claps in kid-like joy. Alt then throws it on HH’s nuts. Finally, the song ends with Hardbody and Alt sitting on a hill watching the sun set and the scene fades to black in the shape of a heart.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:38:41 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams has a cell phone, and is TALKING.**
LD: “Yeah Ma, I’ve got a match against AA this week. Him and Mr. Jealous.”
LD: “I have no idea. Some new guy. I’m pretty sure I’ve kicked his tail before. Or was that that Dr. Murder goof? Doesn’t matter, thry’re all the same.”
LD: “Yeah, like I’m worried about some freak who thinks he eats souls.”
LD: “Of course I know that AA’s the real target.”
LD: “Waddaya mean I gotta defend your…You already did that last week!”
LD: “Well, yeah, but…”
LD: “Ma…”
LD: “MA…”
LD: “MA!!!!! I can’t do that. This isn’t Guatemala….”
LD: “Yes, actually. I think they will notice if he stops breathing.”
LD: “Alright, maiming I can do.”
LD: “Look , I gotta go…”
LD: “Yes, Ma. I’ll say hello to Wally when I see – Wait. How do you know Wally?”
LD: “Ma, I did NOT want to know that.”
**Williams turns the phone off, stares at it a moment, shudders, and heads to the locker room to wash out his ears.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:39:16 GMT -5
*GatorBait and Outback Jack are seen in the background, eating some fried roo-tail sandwiches and drinking hefty cans of Foster's... they just overheard LD Williams' phone conversation*
OBJ: I guess his mother's got a soft place in her heart for Panda Pie.
GB: You're not telling me anything I don't already know...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:39:37 GMT -5
(CTG is getting patched up yet again as Moose returns from beating up the Devil's Brigade)
Moose: I figured you'd be awake
CTG: (grumbles, winces as they stitch up a spot)
Moose: I left them bloody and unconscious in the parking lot.
CTG: .... still got the bat?
Moose: dropped it off at the locker room.
CTG: I could finish this right now, I'm sick of fighting them....
Moose: Nah, save it for Midweek Mayhem.
CTG: ......
Moose: (holds up a tape) I found the barbed wire C-4 match you like. Come on, I'll buy you a sandwich on the way back. Once we're through this tape and a handul of FMW and XPW crap I found at your gym, we'll narrow down our list of executions for the Devil's Brigade and drop what's left of them off at Rick's office after the show. Trust me, that'll be the better plan.
CTG: ......I'd rather take them out now and get a REAL match
Moose: (smirks) no sense getting Rick all sanded over it.
CTG: (slides off the table) when we finish those two next week, Moose.... Tommy O'neill will be speaking coherently....
Moose: if we do it right, he won't be speaking at all.
(the two head back to the locker room to get back to studying tapes)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:41:40 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are walking backstage, each eating a sandwich, when they pass Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt coming out of the locker room.]
AA: Oh, look who it is, Johnny...
JA: Oh my God, Tude! It's THE NUMBER ONE FACE IN THE OOWF!!!! Should I ask for his autograph? [laughs]
AA: Oh, and Chris Altar Boy, too! Going out there and all that technical wrestling crap... Where's the brass knuckles? The loaded gloves? ... Best of seven series, huh? You mean you two can count that high?
JA: Where's your trophy, Hardbody? All big and shiny, proclaiming you THE NUMBER ONE SUPERIOR WRESTLER IN THE OOWF!!
[Harris and Alt just look at each other, shake their heads, and walk away, completely no-selling AA and JA's verbal onslaught.]
AA: What the hell, man?
JA: A.C., we didn't cut a promo telling them that we were gonna cut a promo on them. They weren't ready.
AA: Johnny, NOBODY is EVER ready when I cut a promo on them.
JA: Well, damn, man... let's have it then!
AA: You want me to cut a promo on them right now?
JA: Yeah, why not?
AA: Well, there's only Invisible Ninja Cameraman here, and an AA promo needs multiple shots.
JA: Let's find some cameras then...
[AA and Johnny finish their sandwiches and go down the hall looking for cameramen. AA opens one door and Capellan walks out.]
AA: You know where we can find some more cameramen?
C: Why?
JA: AA's about to cut a promo, damn it! And we need more than just this one camera.
C: You mean, Invisible dude is filming now?
JA: Of course...
AA: He's always filming.
C: So you mean this right here is you two cutting a promo... about cutting a promo?
JA: [looks at AA] Huh?
AA: [looks at JA then looks back] Well... yeah.
C: That's pathetic...
[Capellan laughs and just walks back into his locker room.]
JA: What's so funny?
[fade to black]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:42:04 GMT -5
(Niles Anderson is at Ric Flair's sandwich table trying to order a sandwich)
NA: Ok I want a pumpernickel loaf
RF: WHOOOO! Pump her! All night WHOOOOO!
NA: Right, anyway, pumpernikel, how bout some brie cheese with some black olives....ummm you got any lean turkey breast? And not that processed shit, the fresh deli stuff
RF: EAT FRESH!! WHOOOOO!!!
NA: and how bout some grey poupon to top that off
RF: Grey BY GOD poupon!!! WHOOOOO
NA: Yeah, ok that sounds good, maybe a pickle slice or something as well.....
RF: Kosher or Dill WHOOO.....MOOSE!
(Niles spins around and MHJ is just standing there staring at Niles)
NA: What the hell do you want? You are SO lucky Concrete saved your ass last week, I was just about to drop your worthless ass....
MHJ: That wasn't gonna happen was it?
NA: What? You think I won't? You think I am scared of you? I AM THE WORLD CHAMPION JACK, THE BEST...
RF: SIXTEEN TIME CHAMP! WHOOOOO THE BEST
MHJ: <looking at the lump on Niles head> No, you weren't going to do a damn thing, just like you aren't gonna do a damn thing now, your bitch boys aren't here, they're off cutting a promo about cutting a promo, so it's just you.....and.......me
NA: <glancing around nervously> Yeah, I'm not afraid of you Jack! You wanna go, we'll go RIGHT NOW!
MHJ: <Moose steps real close to Niles, Niles flinches a little, Jack speaks just low enough for Niles to hear> Not yet Niles, you got lucky last week against Concrete, but your days are numbered. One of these days you are going to find yourself across the ring from me, and when you do <Jack glances at the title across Niles shoulder> that title is mine, you know damn well that you can't beat me
trust me.
<Jack walks away leaving Niles visibly shaken and angry>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:42:26 GMT -5
The Rick is pacing up and down in his office.
"What the hell were you thinking?" The Rick demands, glaring off screen.
The camera swings round to Capellan, who lounges against the wall in a green dojo jacket.
"I was thinking my buddies needed help with that Saruman-wannabe and his band of orcs." Capellan shrugs, "I don't see you bitching about other run-ins, why this one?"
The Rick grimaces,
"My insurance premiums have already doubled since the incident with Semaj. I can't afford to have people getting in the ring when they aren't cleared for action."
"There's no problem then." Capellan grins and flips a sheet of paper onto The Rick's desk. "I've been cleared."
"What? Who?" The Rick snatches up the paper and scans it quickly, an incredulous expression growing on his face, "You've been cleared by an acupuncturist? I can't accept this!"
"You have to. He's a licensed medial practitioner, as required by my contract." Capellan replies, "And given the special clauses most people 'round here seem to have on their contracts, I'd say you're getting off light with this one." He pauses, "Speaking of people who have special deals, I want Thim, and I want him this week."
The Rick shakes his head,
"I can't do it. Thim only has to defend the Onslaught title once a month, and -"
"I never said anything about the belt." Capellan interrupts. "Thim may not have to defend his title more than once a month, but there's nothing in his contract that protects him from non-title matches, is there?"
The Rick slowly shakes his head. Capellan nods in satisfaction.
"Good. Then I want Thim, I want him this week, and - since this doesn't need to be under Onslaught rules - I want him in a Taxi Cab Stomp."
"Taxi - ?" The Rick breaks off, "Do you know what he could do to your neck in a match like that?"
"What he could do to me?" Capellan muses, then smiles, "Trust me, boss. That's the least of your worries. You should be thinking about what you're going to do on the PPV when Thim's not able to defend his title."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:42:47 GMT -5
*In the TFDU locker room*
GB: So Wally, we hear you know LD's mother.
WBK: She's the top collections specialist around.
OBJ: Nothing more than that?
WBK: Well, there are some things a gentleman doesn't discuss.
GB: Never stopped you before.
WBK: This time discretion is the better part of valor.
OBJ: Say it in English, mate.
WBK: You saw what she did to AA. I like to stay on her good side.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:43:21 GMT -5
*Phil is seen standing backstage with Sexxi Hawt Foreign Female Journalist #1138. He's got a big smile on his face and he's eating a delicious-looking brain-kabob.*
SFJ1138: Zo, Phil, you look wery 'appy vor somevone who cannot 'ave zere Parrot.
P: Yar. I be havin' no earthly idear, what ye be sayin' thar missy.
SFJ1138: Vaht?
P: Oh, yar. This be ridiculous.
*Phil puts his kabob aside for a moment and crunches into SFJ1138's head. She screams bubbly, never removing her gaze from the camera. Sexy Female Journalist #17 takes her place. Phil wipes blood and brain matter from his mouth and goes back to munching on his brain kabob.*
SFJ: So, Phil, you look very happy for someone who has had their iParrot taken away from them....
P: Yar. 'Tis true. I be finally on the winnin' path, I got to be showin' off me incredibly spinny n' flippy finishin' maneuver, and Ric Flair has started to expand his menu. He's now servin' kabobs! Sandwiches be good, but kabob's be better, says I.
SFJ: So, Phil, UnderDawg provided an excellent challenge for you and you've finally picked up your first clean win. How does that make you feel?
P: Kabobs aside thar, lassie, I'd have to say the only thing I be cravin' right now be the iParrot that Beast rightly owes me. Yar. But that'll have to wait for another day. I still be quite happy about me win, these here kabobs, an the brief vacation I took after that match with ScurvyDawg. That's a little nickname I be makin' up for 'im thar. Yar har har.
SFJ: Vacation?
P: Yar. I took a few days off an' sailed on down ta the Caribbean ye got yerselves here on this planet. It isn't the best Carribbean I ever been' carin' to be in, but it twasn't so bad. Twas the place I be discoverin' these kabobs in fact. Excellent kabobs they be havin' down thar. I cast a spell immediately to be bringin' Flair down thar ta sample them 'imself. Yar. We just hung out on the beach for a few days thar. He WAS bein' me sidekick for all of about 30 minutes when I debuted, if'n ye be rememberin'.
SFJ: Beach?
P: Yar. Twas a good thing Flair was wit' me thar, too. He pointed out something quite incredible. Thar we were, sittin' on the beach keepin' an eye out for booty of various types. Flair then nudged me and pointed out something running down the beach. I got out me trusty video camera and zoomed in. If Flair hadn't been thar, I woulda been missin' it... in fact, thar I be havin' the clip here with me. Yar. Roll that thar tape!
*Video footage of a bikini-wearing figure can be seen running down the beach at a distance. The figure is out of focus, but something can be seen on sitting on it's shoulder. As the camera zooms in, the figure becomes less and less blurry, until a sharp picture of a bikini-clad Beast can be seen running down the beach. An iParrot is seen on his shoulder. As Beast runs, his chest bounces furiously in his black, skimpy bikini top. Across each breast cup the words "SHIT" and "DICK" are printed. The Beast runs faster and faster, obviously in the midst of an intense work out, and then suddenly THE BEAST POPS OUT! He stops running down the beach and ducks behind a palm tree, embarrassed. He re adjusts his swim wear, looks around sheepishly and then runs the other direction down the beach. Laughter can be heard from Flair and Phil as the footage ends.*
SFJ: MY! How embarrassing!
P: Yar! The only thing more embarrassing for 'im would be if he'd a been exposing his shortcomings!
SFJ: Ha ha ha ha ha! You mean his tiny wiener!
P: Yo ho ho NO! I be talkin' 'bout his wrestling skills!
SFJ: Snap!
P: Yar!
SFJ: So, are you still mad at Beast for managing to get the last iParrot in the galaxy when he was responsible for destroying yours?
P: Yar, I sure be. What also soaks me beard is the fact that he be managin' to be gettin' one even though he's in debt to the OOWF deeper than a cosmic leviathan's lair and his credit rating be worse than, um... someone who be havin' really bad credit. Er... yar.
SFJ: So you are still mad then?
P: That's what I'd just been sayin'! Ye ain't be listenin' to a word I be sayin', 'ave ye?
SFJ: Mmmmm, kabobs smell good!
*Phil gets an irritated look on his face and lunges at Sexy Female Journalist's skull with his mouth. He eats her tiny little brains and leaves a gaping hole in her head. But then, out of the hole, THE BEAST POPS OUT! He's sporting a new tan with visible, bikini-shaped tan lines across his chest.*
B: You fuck-tard! Gimmie that tape!
P: It be in with the production guys! I'll be tellin' 'em to release it to ye if ye be givin' me that' iParrot! You don't even be knowin' all of the features!
B: Instruction booklets are for pussies! I bet YOU read instruction booklets, don't you? Pussy-cock!!!
P: Yar. That last one be horrible.
iP: Raaaawwrk! Pussy-cock! Pussy-cock! Rrrrraaawrk!
P: YAR!
*Phil's eyes glow with a burning rage! Or maybe they are robot eyes. Either or. Whatever. Anyway, Phil disappears in a puff of smoke and reappears behind Beast! Phil's telescoping arms wrap around Beast's neck and the two grapplers begin to brawl through out the back. They crash through a wall and into a supply room. They knock over a stack of ladders as they crash through another wall and out into the parking lot. OOWF security piles on them both from all directions and separates them.*
B: FUCK YOU PHIL!
P: You be the scalliest of wags, you scurvy-salt! Yar. That be worse than pussy-cock. This ain't bein' over Beast!
B: Yes it be, you moron, we're fading to commercial!
*Fade to commercial.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:44:30 GMT -5
(Uncle Entity is backstage)
Uncle Entity: So I gaze at the roster this week and see the name Dr. Murder next to mine. The newly factioned Dr. Murder no less.
Hey Doc, I want you to know something. The only reason you are in that faction is because I turned down the spot. That kooky old Wizard was literally begging for me to join. Seems he wanted a real savage and I fit the bill perfectly.
But you? Hardly. Your what's called the consolation prize buddy. I'll prove that this Wednesday.
And I also see you have that little twerp Mercury in your group. Jesse Garon and I turfed him from our posse months ago. He'll be of no help to you.
And if any of your other boys try to interfere, well, I got JG here and, for a little added protection. I have talked Gimmickman into watching my back as well.
(Gimmickman appears behind Ent and folds his arms, staring into the camera).
So I'lll be ready for you or any of your stablemates you Hawkeye Pierce wanna-be.
(fade out)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:45:31 GMT -5
The lights dim. Some Kind of Monster plays over the speakers, lights flicker then PYRO! as the Tag Team Champs walk out to the ring to a loud pop from the crowd! Stank is wearing Morte's mask obviously stretching it. FF Capslock grabs a mic.
FFC - Well folks here we go AGAIN! You know I'm starting to think Rick has it in for us because we keep getting booked in these 3 and 4 way dances. It's not that I mind so much cause whatever the challenge my partner and I will always come out on TOP!
*Crowd cheers*
FFC - But C'mon! Yet another 3 way dance? This time with Titty-ef-dew and the Establisment-lite? I think the deck is being stacked against us. What's next? FFC and Stank vs the tag locker room in an Octoganal threat big bash bonanza match? Well go right AHEAD. It won't MATTER! The result will remain the SAME! We will STILL walk out the Tag Team CHAMPIONS!
*Crowd cheers*
Stank - The fans have spoken. The results are in. WE are DRINK & DESTROY! Emphasis on the Destroy! We're the biggest, toughest, most BRUTAL Tag Team in the OOWF! We're the Tag Team CHAMPIONS for a reason! It has nothing to do with luck and everthing to do with what we are about! We come out here to beat up people. Our pholosophy is as simple as that. You get in this ring with us... WE HURT YOU! If you fans are entertained... fine, but KNOW THIS. We fight out here EACH AND EVERY night, because it's FUN to us FIRST! That's right! Every bruise, every broken bone, all the sweat, the BLOOD, regardless of whether it's OUR blood or our opponnents, WE LIKE IT! So whether it's the AUSSSIEs or The Establishment you will FIND OUT why DRINK AND DESTROY hold THESE straps! Tell em big man!
FFC - YOU BETTER...
*Suddenly over the loud speakers the theme song to "Masters of the Universe" plays and out comes Skeletor to the ring.*
Skeletor - Uncle Skullstein! Where have you bean?
*Stank and FFC look at one another. Stank looks back at Skeletor*
Stank - You talking to me?
Skeletor - Uncle Skullstein why do you sound different? I thought Man-at-Arms had banished you years ago?
Stank - Say what?
FFC - Dude, this is Stank not your Uncle.
Stank - Yeah. This is just a mask - see?
*Stank tries to take Morte's mask off but it's stretched really tight and stuck around Stank's big head.*
Stank - dammit!
Skeletor - You fools! I may have been born at night, but not last night. Skullstein I'd recognize that foul stench anywhere. Stop playing with your face and tell me where you have been all this time?
Stank - Listen! For the LAST TIME! I am NOT your UNCLE!
*Skeletor approaches Stank who is struggling with getting Morte's mask off. FFC is trying to help. Skeletor pulls at FFC who is tugging at the mask and fighting off Skeletor at the same time. Stank is pulling at the mask as well when we hear a RIPPING sound and the mask is free. Stank and FFC stare at the ripped mask when they and the crowd hear a loud scream from the back.*
Morte - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*The Crowd, Drink & Destroy and Skeletor all look toward the entrance ramp.*
Skeletor - You fool! You're not my Uncle!
Stank - oh shit.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:46:01 GMT -5
Seraph enters the locker room to find Firechild cross legged on the floor, crying.
S: What is wrong my pupil?
FC: At Mayhem, we are to face my old allies, now turned to enemies in a steel cage match, and I am afraid Master.
S: Afraid, but what can hurt you who have learned so much under my care?
FC: I am afraid that I cannot take such a match again, that it is against all the you have taught me to stand for. I am fearful of the wrath of my wayward brethren.
S: They are no brethren of yours anymore, my son. And be mindful that sometimes the righteous must put the iniquitous to the sword, for the greater good. As we shall.
FC: I shall remember master, and under your guidance I shall try not to fear and to make you proud.
Seraph wipes away Firechild's tears, with care and it seems, the genuine affection of a father for his son.
S: It seems that at long last, my son, you understand.
He smiles, braodly for the first time in the OOWF.
S: I shall leave you to your meditations. I am so proud of you.
Seraph leaves, and the camera pans back to Firechild's face, serene and calm, and something else......
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 12:46:40 GMT -5
## The door of theRicks office opens and a fully suited and booted (and tanned) Thim Reynolds enters . . .
TR: Hi honey I'm home!!
tR: oh great, that's all I need . . .
TR: so what's been happening around here while I've been away then theRick? Not that I really care . . . I've been enjoying a well earned rest on a nice island in the Med. Sun, sea, women, cold beer and plenty of relaxation
tR: yea, whatever. You've got a match
TR: oh no . . . I've got another couple of weeks before I have to defend this baby again (Thim slaps the OO belt currently slung over his shoulder)
tR: true enough but this match isn't for your belt
TR: huh?
tR: yea. An old friend of yours, Capellan, has asked for a Taxi Cab Stomp match - he's cleared to wrestle again so I couldn't see any good reason to refuse
TR: a what!?!?? Taxi Cab Stomp match . . . what the bloody hell is that??
tR: ask Capellan it was his idea. I'm guessing that you have to stomp the hell out of the other guy using a taxi . . . sounds like fun
TR: FUN!! I've only just got healed up - I could get wasted again and I'm gonna have to defend MY belt again soon, what sort of shape am I going to be in to do that??
tR: not my problem Thim. If you'd been to talk about the match rather than swanning around in Europe maybe we could've sorted something out but you wern't - TOUGH!
TR: but . . .
tR: no Thim, no buts . . . you got yourself into this and now you're paying the price. Now GET OUT, there's a game starting
TR: God damn it . . . we'll see - I guess Capellan like looking at hospital ceilings
## Thim slams the door on his way out
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