OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 08-24-05

[mooseheadjack]

*the beast is hanging out, listening to music on his iParrot.*

B: hmmm... i wonder what other things this iParrot can do...

*beast start hitting buttons at random and smacking the iParrot upside it's head.*

iP: RRAAAARRRRRRKKKK!!! quit it! RRAAAARRRRKKK!!!

B: come on. this thing's gotta do something besides play music.

*beast gives the iParrot one last big smack on the side when suddenly the eyes light up and and shoot a beam onto the ground in front of him. it is projecting a hologram of woman. she begins to speak.*

Hologram Woman: general beast, years ago, you served my father in the evil twin brother wars; now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the prehistoric zombie robots. i regret that i am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack and i'm afraid my mission to the OOWF has failed. i've placed information vital to the destruction of the prehistoric zombie robots into the memory systems of this iParrot (last one available in the galaxy, i might add). my father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this iParrot safely delivered to him in dawson creek, british columbia, canada. this is our most desperate hour. help me, beast, you're my only hope.

*beast pauses for a bit.*

B: what the hell? what's with this broad? i served with A LOT of people back in the evil twin brother wars. this stupid bitch doesn't tell me who she is or who her father is. HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA FIND HIM??? and the information on this iParrot could be the key to defeating phil in our upcoming match, too! what a fucking whore!

*the beast storms off, noticably angered.*

(fade)

[mooseheadjack]

we see the Devil's Brigade being patched up after being attacked by the ever irritable Mooshead Jack

TO: watch ya fekking twat wit dat needle....dunna stab me fekkin eye out boyo!

Medic: I'm sorry mr O'neil, but with the rash of Muggings on the canadian tour, we're running low on anesthetics.

TO: just keep that fekkin ting away fom me eye. I wanna see evry bit a Moosey when we destray Him and CTG layta..

HC (Turns to Tommy, face still covered in blood): that goddam superhero sidekick and his loopy buddy have just opened a door they will not be able to close.... the gates have opened, and hell is coming for them and the Devil's Brigade is leading the Charge....

[mooseheadjack]

<MHJ and CTG are walking down the hallway, both carrying barbed wire baseball bats, when they are stopped by the intrepid SFJ27>

SFJ27: Moose and Concrete, what do you say to the Devil's Brigade claims that you opened the gates of hell and hell is coming for you, and they are leading the charge?

CTG: <laughing> WE opened the gates of hell? Listen, roid rage and mush mouth, what you did to MY friend Semaj opened the gates of hell, you brought all this on yourself. You did what even Moose couldn't do, you pushed me over the edge.

MHJ: Boys, it's real simple, you jump us, we jump you, that can go back and forth all week, that's fine with me, getting your blood on my hands kinda makes my day. At Midweek Mayhem, you better bring Satan himself if you think you are going to stop us. As a matter of fact, get rested, make your peace with your loved ones, kiss your momma goodbye, cause at Midweek Mayhem, you are gonna dance with the devil, and that NEVER ends well. Trust me

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster is at Ric Flair's Sandwich Shop (TM), chatting with the champ.

AA: So then we walk over to Capellan and ask if he knows where we can find a camera, and he laughs at us!

RF: WHOOOOO!!!!!!!

AA: Exactly! I mean, you can't cut a promo about cutting a promo without at least two cameramen.

RF: WHOO!!!!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!! (Ric starts to strut around behind the sandwich counter.)

AA: I mean, Johnny and I are pioneers. You don't see anyone else cutting promos about cutting promos, do you?

RF: WHOO!!!! (Ric rips off his jacket and tosses it on the floor, knocking over the mustard in the process.)

AA: You really understand where I'm coming from, Ric. You know, some of these guys think I'm just a jackoff who's promos are more important than his wrestling. And they might be right. But that's beside the point. They just don't understand how important promos are.

RF: WHOO!!!! WHOO!!!!! (Ric drops the elbow on his jacket, hitting the mustard bottle as well. Mustard squirts in all directions. Ric hops up, surveys the mess and elbow drops the mustard again.)

AA (wiping mustard from his face): My point exactly.

Ric stops dropping elbows and gets in the face of AA.

RF: WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

AA: You know, some people say WHOO!!!!ing isn't cool. You know what, Ric? I think WHOOOO!!!!ing IS cool!

RF: WHOOO!!!!!! By the way, is there a point to this promo? I mean, I have mustard all over my designer BY GAWD Italian shirt!!!!

AA: Nah. Just wanted people to see my new footer.

[mooseheadjack]

Underdawg is at a bar with Phil watching Attitude Adjuster's promo.

UD: I thought they pulled a mulligan on your promo with Ric Flair.

Phil: Yar, that they did, Scurveydog.

UD: Then why does it seem like he still has no brain?

Phil: Beat the molasses out a me. Yar.

[mooseheadjack]

(Mark Vander is sitting in a hospital bed, wearing a comically oversized neck brace. Alex Bensouir hands him a Capri Sun Juice Pouch (tm), and a straw....)

Alex: You're lucky you only sprained your neck. The doctor said a few more inches and it would have been broken!

Mark: Who's my opponent this week?

Alex: Opponent? What are you, stupid or something? You're not cleared to wrestle. You can hardly walk as it is! Rest up, and you'll be lucky to maybe MAYBE make it back sometime in October.

Mark: Alex, Missy is still out there. I'm not going to let Viper's sorry ass make her suffer any more than she already has. So get on your damn phone and find me a goddamn quack that will clear me to wrestle! You hear me?!

Alex: Mark....

Mark: Better yet. Call down to Dawson Creek. I'll do them one better. Not only am I going to say that I'm ready for Viper. I'm going to prove it. Neck injury or not, I'm NOT going to lay here in this fucking hospital bed for six months. I'm going to go out there and beat somebody's ass, every week from here until the PPV, and then, if he's half the man he claims to be, Viper will meet me one on one for Missy, goddamn it!

(Mark stands up and the pain immediately causes him to seize up and fall back down. Alex leans over.)

Alex: You sure about this?

Mark: Yeah. I'll just...protect the neck, you know?

Alex: Want another juice box?

Mark: Cherry if you've got one.

Alex: It's not cold.

Mark: Damn. Ok. Give it to me anyway. Kind of roll me over on my side.

(Fade to black....)

[mooseheadjack]

*The TFDU are in the ring, with Wally opening a large box.*

WBK: I thought you guys should practice a little on a live opponent. Like a sparring partner, you know?

GB: Wally, that's a life-sized Lance Storm action figure.

OBJ: You want us to practice on that?

WBK: Just get ready.

*WBK tips over the action figure and Randy Orton, appearing suddenly, rushes out to pin it. The Aussies destroy Orton with the Call Of The Wild, then pick him up for a 3D, followed by a Chomp off the top rope. OBJ sets up for the Croc Hunter, when the voice of The Rick comes over the PA system*

TR: Hold it right there, potsie. Infringing on old WWE characters is bad enough, but I'm not letting you infringe on old Raw Satire gimmicks.

WBK: Guess I should tell Tommy Dreamer to forget about bemoaning the lack of wrestling this week.

[mooseheadjack]

Alex Bensouir is inside on the phone while Vander is outside laying out.

AB: Listen, I don't care if all the people you interviewed are incompetent, I need a replacement assistant NOW! Can't you scurry through all the college job fairs and find one? What do you mean they won't take that kind of pay? We pay... Yes... But it's a goddamn internship! We don't have to pay a salary and give them benefits! Hold on. I've got another call.

Scheme Gene Okerlund? What's he doing calling me?

*clicks over*

AB: Alexander speaking.

voice over the phone: Hello, Alex.

AB: This doesn't sound like Scheme Gene. Who is this?

votp: It's a friend of your client's. I'd like to speak to him.

AB: Listen, Mark is very busy right now, and I handle all of his business affairs, so whatever you've got to say to him, you can say to me.

votp: Fair enough. hehe.

frantic female voice on the phone: MARK! HELP ME! PLEASE! Viper's a LUNATIC! Oh my god the things he's done! Please help me! I don't know where I am, but. Oh god. Stop Viper. Please, I can't take... stop... MARK! THIS GUY IS FUCKING CRAZY PLEASE FIND ME AND HELP ME!!!! (insane laughter is in the background)

votp: So Mr. Bensouir. Please forward this message to your client. I look forward to hearing from him. Hehe hehe haahaha...

*click*

Alexander looks at the phone a bit, shakes his head, lights a cigarette and puts the phone in his pocket.

[mooseheadjack]

Part one of two

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Dawson Creek, British Columbia Canada

Ross: Welcome to MidWeek Mayhem, LIVE! From Dawson Creek British Columbia! Razz this is the last stop on the OOWF Extreme Vengeance Canadian Tour, and what a tour it has been!
Razz: It has been a great summer and I gotta say the fans in Canada have been absolutely fantastic!
Ross: WE have a great show for the fans tonight; we have three big title matches for you tonight
Razz: and we have Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt squaring off again in their best of seven series, we have Firechild and Seraph taking on Firechild’s old running mates 3Piece Set
Ross: And we have the first ever, Taxi Cab Stomp match between Thim Reynolds and Capellan
Razz: I cannot wait for that one Ross, up first, we have Mark Vander, who suffered a stinger of sorts last week facing, well who IS he facing.
Ross: Vander requested a match against someone from the Rocky Mountain Wrestling federation; I think he might have gotten more than he bargained for.
Razz: He is nursing that neck back into shape to get at Donovan Viper, let’s see how his first match back goes.

MARK VANDER vs. HOLMES VAN DER BEEK

Van Der Beek is in the ring first, he is the reigning Rocky Mountain Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion and he is a HUGE 6’7” 345 lb black man, luckily for Vander he is a face and a pretty nice guy. Vander comes to the ring, then finally notices his opponent:

MV: –whoah, wait a minute, when I called Rocky Mountain Wrestling I said I wanted a SMALL guy for this match, looks like you are the champ, and by the way, no offense, but you are huge!

HVDB: <grinning from ear to ear> I AM one of the smaller guys, we grow ‘em big right here in DAWSON CREEK, BRITISH COLUMBIA! <huge pop>

MV: Ok, ok, Look Van Der Beek, this is just to make sure I am 100%, when I face that idiot Donovan Viper, I want to be sure I am at full speed, so uh, you know, you and I are cool and all that right?

HVDB: Hey, whatever man, let’s just do this [/i]

The bell rings and the two circle for a moment, they lock up but HVDB shoves MV backward rather easily. Vander looks a little surprised by the big man’s strength, but gets up to his feet and approaches again. Another lock up, this time Vander grabs a side head lock, HVDB lifts him off the mat and shoves him off, sending Vander flying through the air. Vander gets to his feet and looks around; the fans are not booing him, as much as they are cheering wildly for the home town boy. Vander cautiously approaches HVDB, they tie up again, HVDB whips Vander to the ropes, MV ducks a clothesline on the rebound and slides right under the bottom rope, HVDB follows after him and slides under the bottom rope, as he does, Vander rolls back into the ring and stands up, in one fluid jump, HVDB jumps to the apron, Vander grabs his head and guillotines him on the top rope. HVDB falls to the apron, then to the floor. HVDB shakes it off for a moment then gets to the apron, Vander grabs him and brings him in with a standing suplex, MV holds him in the air for several seconds then crashes to the mat and floats over but is only able to get a one count. Vander pulls him to his feet and hits a hangman neck breaker and makes another cover this time getting a two count. Vander backs off and lets HVDB get to one knee, then bounds off the ropes and hits the big man with a boot right to the side of the face. HVDB falls to the mat, Vander hits the ropes again and this time drops an elbow across his chest, another cover gets another two count. Vander pulls him up and backs him into the corner and unleashes a series of knife edge chops. HVDB takes a few of these then reverses Vander in the corner and unloads some of his own chops that echo through the arena. Vander’s chest is beet red. HVDB whips Vander to the opposite corner and follows him in with a big clothesline. Vander staggers out of the corner, and HVDB nails him with another clothesline, Vander pops right back to his feet, only to get taken down again, third time is the charm, and Vander bails out of the ring grabbing his neck and staggering around ringside finally collapsing against the railing. Officials rush to check on Vander but he waves them off. Holmes Van Der Beek plays to the crowd as Vander is slumped against the guard rail outside the ring staring at the bigger man. Vander gets to the apron; HVDB runs over and brings him in with a vertical suplex of his own, Vander slips out of it and lands on his feet, but immediately falls to the mat grabbing his leg. HVDB starts to go after Vander, but pauses; it looks like Vander may have blown out a knee. HVDB helps Vander to his feet and puts his arm around his shoulder for balance. As soon as he does, Vander spins and LEVELS the big man with a clothesline from hell! Before he can recover, Vander grabs him and hits a Dragon Suplex, then follows THAT with a tornado DDT out of the corner. Vander makes the cover, and gets the three count, pointing to his head following an impressive victory.
WINNER in 7:12 Mark Vander

Vander staggers out of the ring toward the back, grabbing his neck the whole way. He won, but at what price?

Ross: Well Vander got the win, but I think it is pretty obvious he is not 100%
Razz: I hate to say Vander got lucky cause he is one hell of an athlete, but had that been Viper, well that would not have been pretty
Ross: No question there Razz, I think Vander still has a way to go, but it is still small steps for him.
Razz: I just hope that Vander doesn’t get ahead of himself and try to rush back to the ring before he is ready.
Ross: Next up, Dr. Murder, The Evil Wizard’s newest charge takes on Uncle Entity, a man who is also making waves in the OOWF
Razz: This should be a good match between to hot rookies in the OOWF, Dr. Murder has been showing a little more aggression as of late, and Entity, will he is a great wrestler, but he also has a mean streak about him, if we can stay clear of interference in this one, it should be a great match
Ross: That’s a big if in the OOWF lately.

DR. MURDER (w/The Evil Wizard) vs. UNCLE ENTITY (w/Jesse Garron)

Both men stand face to face in the middle of the ring staring at each other, meanwhile their seconds, Wizard and Garron start jawing with each other, just when it appears that the managers are going to come to blows, Murder and Entity both put their arms out and gently push their managers toward the ropes. Apparently they both get it and leave the ring. Now Murder and Entity start arguing. The arguing quickly escalates and shots are exchanged, Murder gets the better of the exchange and grabs Entity and whips him into the ropes and nearly decapitates him with a clothesline. As Entity staggers to his feet, Murder grabs him and hits a MD Bomb and gets a two count. Entity escapes and rolls to a corner, when he stands up, Murder charges in and tries a Coroner Splash, but Entity sees him coming, times it perfectly and hits a running clothesline as Murder is in the air. Murder does a 360 and lands face down on the mat. Entity hops to the second rope and drops a leg down across the back of Murder’s head, rolls him over and gets a two count. Entity pulls Murder to his feet and sends him to the ropes; Murder tries a clothesline, but Entity ducks and locks on a cobra clutch. Murder starts to fade a bit, the ref comes in and checks on him and catches a thumb to the eye. Entity doesn’t break the hold and Murder really starts to fade now. The Evil Wizard enters the ring and attacks Entity from behind; it gets him to break the hold, but has little real effect. Entity turns around and threatens to kill Wizard, while Wizard is begging off; he doesn’t see Jesse Garron come in with his guitar. Garron EL-KABONG’s Wizard. Wiz falls to the mat, and Garron rolls him out of the ring and pummels him on the outside. Entity turns around and turns right into a spear from Murder. Murder covers, but there is no ref to make the cover! Garron is still pummeling Wizard on the outside when Microplay makes his way to the ring and decimates Garron with a clothesline. Inside the ring, Murder has Entity up for a vertical suplex, but Entity reverses it and pulls Murder up for the brain buster! Microplay slides into the ring with a chair and slams it across Entity’s back, Entity falls, bringing Murder down in the brain buster anyway, but he is too dazed to make the cover. Both men are down on the mat. The ref starts to stir, so MP leaves the ring and flees through the crowd. For some reason, GimmickMan is on his way to the ring, he stands staring into the ring, motionless. Dr. Murder is up first and staggers toward the ropes, he turns around and sees GimmickMan standing there, just as he turns, GM quickly tosses something between his legs. It appears that Dr. Murder didn’t even notice it. Uncle Entity sees it, it being brass knuckles; he grabs them and feigns injury. Dr. Murder turns away from GimmickMan and walks over to Uncle Entity, when he bends over to pull Entity to his feet, UE blasts him with the knucks and slides them back to GimmickMan, GM grabs them and turns and slowly walks back to the back. Murder is out; Entity rolls him into a small package and gets the three count.
WINNER in 11:04 Uncle Entity

Ross: Well it wasn’t pretty, but what else can you expect from these two? And once again, just what is GimmickMan doing?
Razz: I have no idea what is going through GimmickMan’s mind – if anything, is he aligned with Uncle Entity? Does he just dislike Dr. Murder that much? Did he have a heel turn we missed somewhere? Answers Ross, I need answers!
Ross: I am afraid there just are none Razz; I cannot even pretend to know what is going on with any of them
Razz: Well do you think we will see them involved in our next match? Wizard manages Mikey Styner
Ross: That is true, but I also see no reason why Uncle Entity would have any interest in helping out Eric O’Mac, but then again, who knows around here anymore! What….folks we are getting word that our next match has been changed to a best of three falls match, no word is given as to why, just the booker’s decision I suppose.
Razz: Who IS the booker around here? Does GM the Rick make all the matches?
Ross: Some questions are better left unanswered Razz, let’s go to the match

ERIC O’MAC vs. MIKEY STYNER(w/The Evil Wizard) – Best of 3 Falls Match

EOM comes to the ring and soon after out comes Mikey Styner with The Evil Wizard. EOM is seriously outweighed here, but his quickness will do him well against the slow lumbering Styner. EOM start the match off with some quick hit and run tactics. Kicks here, punches there. Basically nailing MS and escaping before MS can get a hold of him. Mikey seems to be getting frustrated but eventually gets a grip on EOM and nails him with a side walk slam. MS covers but EOM kicks out at 1 ½. Styner picks EOM up again and hit a Scott Norton style shoulder breaker and covers again EOM kicks out at two. Styner begins to punch away at EOM’s head showing quite a bit of frustration. After several punches Styner picks up EOM for a power bomb, but YOU CAN”T POWERBOMB O’Mac, as he reverses it into a face buster and Styner is down. EOM climbs to the top rope and signals for the 5 * frog splash, but as he does. Dr. Murder runs out all of a sudden and the ref turns his back. As EOM is about to nail the 5* EW jumps on the apron and nails EOM in the face with a powder and shove EOM off the tope rope. Styner Grabs him and hits his fat man splash for the 1,2,3. WINNER by pin fall at 6:28, Mikey Styner, Styner leads 1-0
In the brief hiatus between matches, the Evil Wizard’s crew of Microplay, Mercury, Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner put the boots to a helpless Eric O’Mac. After a few seconds of this, LD Williams, Moosehead Jack and Concrete TG hit the ring with chairs and chase off Microplay, Mercury and Dr. Murder. Eric gets back to his feet and the ref calls for the bell and our second fall is under way! Styner taunts Eric, EOM responds wit ha spinning heel kick that catches Mikey in the mouth and sends him staggering into a corner. EOM charges in and tries a monkey flip out of the corner, but Styner doesn’t budge, instead he turns and dumps EOM over the top rope. Eric lands on his feet and springs to the top rope. Mikey leaves the corner and turns around, and EOM catches him wit ha missile drop kick right to the face. Styner flails backward and hits the ropes, getting trapped in the ropes to boot! Eric stands in front of Mikey as the ref tries frantically to free the big man; Eric peppers him in the head with stiff kicks. The Evil Wizard tries to help but eats a kick to the mouth for his trouble. Finally the ref frees Mikey, Eric tries to take the big man over with a clothesline, but he can't get him over the top rope, instead, EOM slides between Mikey’s legs to the floor, grabbing the big man’s ankles and dropping him to the canvas. Using all his strength, EOM pulls Mikey out of the ring and lets him slam to the floor. Mikey hits hard, knocking the air out of his massive frame. EOM looks around for a second, then slips into the ring, scales the ropes and connects wit ha five star frog splash to the back of the prone man. Styner is gasping for breath, Eric slides into the ring and waits. Mikey has no chance of getting back into the ring, and ends up getting counted out.
WINNER by Count Out in 8:44 Eric O’Mac – Series tied 1-1
Styner asks for a test of strength, and surprisingly EOM accepts despite being outweighed by 240 pounds. They lock one hand, then EOM kicks Styner in the thigh. Once, twice, three times. Styner breaks the hold, EOM runs to the ropes and dropkicks Styner’s knee. A flying dropkick staggers MS into the ropes. EOM rushes to the other side, but Wizard grabs EOM’s foot. EOM stops to kick at Wizard, then charges Styner, who steadied enough to charge back and FLATTEN EOM! Styner picks up EOM by the hair and head butts him back to the mat. Styner walks away to talk with Wizard, then grabs EOM and punches him in the face. Styner needed Wizard to tell him to punch EOM in the face? Apparently so. Styner continues a…ummm. shall we say “meditated” attack, eventually going for the dreaded Vulcan Death Grip. Styner leans all his weight on top of EOM, working on the submission. EOM won’t submit, and eventually gets the fans behind him for the typical face arm-waving comeback. EOM with some elbows to break the hold, runs into the ropes, ducks the clothesline, slides under Styner’s legs and comes up with a dropkick to the knee. More kicks to the knee and EOM mounts the top rope. Flying Cross Body block and Styner goes down! Two count only, but EOM is on the offensive. Lots of high-flying offense keeps Styner confused, and EOM leaps on the big guy’s back for a sleeper. Styner’s down on one knee and looks to be going out. Wizard up on the apron and the ref decides to check on Wizard rather than raise Styner’s arm for the third time. The ref and Wizard have a nice long discussion of about the Canadian health care system, or at least long enough for Microplay to race down the ramp, leap to the top rope and CRUSH EOM with a FLYING ELBOW!!! Microplay rolls Styner on top of EOM, Wizard drops off the apron, the ref turns around and EOM tries but can’t kick out from underneath Styner’s weight. WINNER in 9:57 Mikey Styner, Styner wins 2-1

Ross: Nice win for Mikey Styner, it appears that his weight is just too much for Eric to counter
Razz: Yeah, that is a lot of weight to heft around the ring, especially for someone as small as Eric, its hard enough keeping yourself going for that long, but try doing it with a massive guy like that, no a lot of fun.
Ross: I wouldn’t know, and quite honestly I don’t WANT to know, but as long as we are speaking of big men, next up we have another massive man in Phil
Razz: And he takes on one of the most freakishly strong guys in the OOWF in Beast, if anyone can deal with Phil’s size, I would have to think it is Beast.
Ross: Phil has been improving as of late, do you think he has what it takes to beat Beast?
Razz: Sure, he has size, and once he learns how to use it, he can beat damn near anyone. That and he is a cybernetic ninja prehistoric pirate zombie from outer space
Ross: Riiiiiiiiiight, let’s go to the match ok?

PHIL vs. BEAST

Just as the ref is about to ring the bell Phil kicks Beast straight in the 'lower abdominal region'. The ref backs Phil off into the corner while Beast recovers and then calls for the bell. Immediately Beast charges at Phil but Phil JUST manages to move out of the way before Beast arrives but while he was there Phil had removed the turnbuckle pad and Beast goes down hard after crashing into post. Phil goes straight for the cover but Beast manages to kick out at 2 and a half . . . Phil covers again but this time Beast kicks out WITH AUTHORITY!!! Both men get back to their feet and lock up in the middle of the ring. Both men are trying to out-power each other but neither is able to gain the upper hand until Beast breaks the deadlock but head butting Phil. Beast whips Phil into the ropes and clotheslines him as he comes off - Beast drops an elbow and then connects with a falling head butt. Phil rolls under the ropes to get away but Beast follows him. Phil runs around the ring and rolls back in on the other side . . . runs straight across the rings and hits Beast with a flying clothesline as he's climbing back in. Both men are down and the ref gets to 9 before they manage to clamber back up the ropes. Both men slug it out in the middle of the ring, exchanging vicious rights and lefts with Beast finally gaining the upper hand - he attempts to whip Phil back into the exposed turnbuckle but Phil reverses and trips Beast at the same time. Beasts head goes smashing into the exposed turnbuckle, busting him wide open. Phil springs up onto the top ropes and hits the Nijitsu Drop onto Beast and just manages to cover for the one, two three and the victory.
WINNER in 9:17 Phil

After the match Phil leaves the ring and grabs his iParrot. As Phil puts on the head phones and starts to leave the ring, Beast sprints up behind him and levels him with a big boot to the back of Phil’s head. As Phil staggers forward and falls, the iParrot flies into the air, Beast makes a nice one handed grab, turns and kicks Phil in the mouth and heads to the back

Ross: THAT’S JUST NOT RIGHT! Those two are fighting over that iParrot like it is the greatest thing in the world
Razz: Have you HEARD that thing? Makes Bose sound like a dollar store transistor radio!
Ross: So that’s reason enough to try and kill each other?
Razz: And it stores like a million songs!
Ross: shortening each other’s careers for some electronic gadget
Razz: it has built in GPS!
Ross: Whatever happened to winning titles?
Razz: it can translate your voice into like 700,000 different languages!
Ross: The honor of holding a title high above your head, being the best!
Razz: It has a collection of over 57,000 of the greatest wrestling matches of all time, EVAR!
Ross: Really? Think Beast will let me borrow it?
Razz: I doubt it
Ross: Well then, I suppose we should move on to our next match. Canadian Dragon has not exactly been enamored with moving to the Onslaught division, at least not as much as we were initially lead to believe
Razz: Yeah, I know it is hard leaving the world title hunt, but I think Dragon can do special things in the Onslaught division, he considers himself one of the best wrestlers in the OOWF, as well as one of the biggest risk takers, well now is his chance to prove it!
Ross: Well maybe not tonight, tonight he faces GimmickMan, and, well to be honest, I don’t know what to expect from GimmickMan as of late
Razz: Not a whole lot, that’s for sure

CANADIAN DRAGON vs. GIMMICKMAN

Dragon gets a quick advantage with a series of kicks followed up by a leg lariat. Gimmick bails to the outside and looks at the entrance, as Dragon flies through the ropes with a suicide dive. Dragon rolls Gimmick back in and gets a two count. Dragon goes to lock on an arm bar, but Gimmick reverses to a roll up. Gimmick tries for a Boston crab, but can't turn Dragon over, so Gimmick tries to launch Dragon into the turnbuckle. Dragon manages to land on the top rope though and comes off with a cross body. Gimmick rolls through the move though and gets a two count of his own. Gimmick starts to work Dragon's knee, but an enzuigiri drops him down. Dragon goes for a Dragonsuplex, but Gimmick block and gets a butterfly superplex for two. Gimmick locks on a modified STF but Dragon makes the ropes makes the ropes. Gimmick sends Dragon to the corner and follows up with a knee to the back. Gimmick picks up Dragon and goes for a tombstone pile driver, but Dragon reverses, and nails Gimmick with the Canadian Destroyer for the pin. The ref calls for help from the back as Gimmick looks hurt as Canadian Dragon poses on the turnbuckle.
WINNER in 3:55 Canadian Dragon

Ross: That certainly was abrupt!
Razz: Canadian Dragon didn’t waste any time tonight, what was that like five minutes!
Ross: Something like that, I believe he will find some of the other Onslaught competition a little more challenging, but GimmickMan, well the man just shows NO emotion out there lately
Razz: You have to wonder what is going on in his head lately, but damned if I can figure it out
Ross: One thing that is pretty easy to figure out is that our next three competitors just do not like each other. All three want that shot at Blackdragon, but only one man will get included in a four way dance at the PPV
Razz: And GM the Rick hasn’t announced the other two guys yet, all we know is it is Blackdragon and the winner of this match, it could be ANYBODY!
Ross: Well I think Dragon is certainly up to the task, but beating any one of these three is certainly a challenge

LD WILLIAMS vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. MR. JEALOUS

Mr. Jealous and LD Williams are already in the ring, eyeing each other and waiting for Attitude Adjuster. AA’s music hits once, then twice, but no sign of AA. Finally, AA walks out with a mic in hand.

“Last week I was jobbed out my rightful Intercontinental title by some lame ass cameraman. And because of that, I now have to face Mr. Jealous and the Mama’s Boy, LD Williams.”

AA walks to the ring and looks at Jealous:

“Why don’t you step aside, Jealous. LD and I have some issues to discuss. LD, where’s your Mama? Is that your game? You can’t get the job done so you get your Mama to do the dirty work? You know what your Mama’s doing right now? Your Mama’s with Ric Flair RIDING SPACE…”

That’s all LD takes, nailing AA with a huge right hand. AA turns and stumbles with the blow, right into another right from Mr. Jealous. AA ping pong between the two, then eats a clothesline from LD. AA rolls out of the ring, but Mr. Jealous rolls out to follow and rams AA into the ring post. Jealous tosses AA back into the ring, but LD is quick to react and goes for the pin. Jealous hustles to break up the pin and questions LD. It looks like LD and MJ are about to come to blows, but AA slowly gets to his feet. Both LD and MJ notice, pick AA up, whip him into the ropes and destroy him with a double clothesline! For the next few minutes, LD and MJ take turns dominating AA, but each time they go for the pin the other breaks it up. Jealous finally reaches the breaking point and fires the first punch at LD. LD comes back, and MJ and LD erupt in a brawl. AA watches the brawl and rolls out of the ring. LD ends the action with a mean Spine buster! Goes for the pin, but MJ gets the shoulder up at 2. AA makes no effort to break up the pin. LD and MJ continue to brawl, and AA walks over to the Algerian Announce Table and begins doing commentary in some sort of unknown gibberish. MJ eventually gains the advantage, whips LD into the ropes and KILLS LD with the MONSTER!!!MJ stands up, staggers back and screams to his fans…and is pasted in the back of the head with a chair by AA!! LD’s down, MJ’s down. AA calmly walks back to the announce table, sets the chair back on its feet and points to his head to the fans. AA argues with the fans a bit longer, and suddenly the bell rings! AA turns to see LD laying on top of MJ, having survived the MONSTER and crawled over to the unconscious MJ for the pin. AA throws a Ric Flair-worthy fit outside the ring while LD collects himself and gets his arm raised in victory. WINNER in 13:28 LD Williams

Ross: What a match! LD Williams gets a shot at the Intercontinental title on Sunday at Judgment Eve!
Razz: Yeah, I’ll give him some credit Ross, he earned that one, but this feud between he and Attitude Adjuster and Mr. Jealous just seems far from over
Ross: Well as long as none of them is holding the title they covet, I can’t imagine that ever going away. That just shows, to me, what it means to these guys to be the Intercontinental champion, they are willing to put their bodies through hell to walk away with that title
Razz: Hey, speaking of putting your body on the line, is there anything Tommy Wilder won’t do?
Ross: No, I don’t think there is. This kid is absolutely fearless. I still cannot get over that bulldog from the top of the cage, some say he is suicidal, I say he is just fearless
Razz: I think he is bat shit insane to be perfectly honest, he has no regard for his own body, so what regard could he possibly have for his opponent’s body? That is a truly scary wrestler.
Ross: And I have to say, we all know wCw is a great team, but you have to give credit to Mercury and SoulDragon, they have come on strong lately as well, I only wonder how Mercury taking on The Evil Wizard as his manager is going to affect the team?
Razz: Well it all depends on how it is handled. It seems apparent that SoulDragon is not interested in having a manager, if they have that understanding going, then it could work, but it has been my experience that this usually doesn’t work out so well

wCw vs. SOULDRAGON & MERCURY(w/Random Appearance Guy & The Evil Wizard)

SoulDragon and Mercury hit the ring, flanked by Mikey Styner and The Evil Wizard. The three grapplers all stand in the center of the ring, heads bowed, EW walks up to each one of them and says something in there ears. wCw’s music hits and Westgaard and Wilder hit the ring. SD, Merc, and MS are still in the ring heads bowed while EW is now at ringside. JW and TW look at the three men warily; Finally MS walks between them, staring a hole through JW. While JW’s focus is on Styner as he crawls through the ropes to the outside, SD and Merc pounce on TW, and begin stomping a mud hole in him. JW comes to TW’s aid nails SD and pulls him off wilder and tosses him to the out side. JW then grabs Merc and Irish whips him into the opposite corner and help’s TW out to their corner. The bells rings, SoulDragon is up in his team’s corner and we’re under way. JW and Merc lock up and Merc eventually gets the upper hand after a short arm clothesline and begins to work over JW’s Braced left knee. The tides are turned when JW counters an attempted Boston Crab into a Small package for two. JW tags out to TW who comes in and nails Merc with a spinning leg lariat. Wilder bounds off the ropes but EW grabs his leg, stopping his progress. Merc quickly tags to SD who nails TW with a flying shoulder tackle. TW is down and SD begins to drop knees on TW’s neck and shoulder. SD Picks TW up and locks in a dragon Sleeper. JW in with a kick to the head to break the hold. Mercury in after JW and gets back dropped over the top rope. TW nails SD with a savant kick out of nowhere. SD is stumbling, JW bounds of the ropes and is about hit the cross check when EW nails JW in the neck with a lead pipe. TW sees this and crawls to the tope rope and launches himself at EW. Out of nowhere the massive Mikey Styner Steps in front of EW and catches TW mid air and in one smooth motion slams him to the floor. JW is back to his feet holding his neck, and both SD and Merc are in and nail him with a dual side Russian leg sweep.
SD. with the cover and its 1,2,3. WINNERS by pin fall at 9:47. SoulDragon and Mercury

Razz: Well it looks like Mercury’s backup certainly saved the day for the team!
Ross: It is scandalous that these teams cannot win on their own. wCw got jobbed tonight, GM the Rick is going to HAVE to do something about all this run in interference, this isn’t WCW and the days of the nWo!
Razz: Who?
Ross: That was Jim Neidhart, he had nothing to do with the nWo, he was one of the few.
Razz: Uhhhh, ok, how bout we move on to our next match
Ross: Ok, it’s another one of The Evil Wizard’s charges, Microplay; you think we will get a clean match here?
Razz: Well you also got to remember Donovan Viper has the Devil’s Brigade and Corax watching his back, and Moosehead Jack too I suppose, although I haven’t seen them two together in a few weeks now
Ross: ANYway, the point is, I don’t think we have had but one or two matches tonight where there was not copious amounts of outside interference, THAT IS NOT WHAT WRESTLING IS ABOUT!
Razz: You never saw ANY ECW did you Ross?
Ross: Who?
Razz: That was Jim Neidhart, he was never in ECW
Ross: Let’s go to the ring

MICROPLAY(w/The Evil Wizard) vs. DONOVAN VIPER

A short “You’re still gay” chant serenades DV to the ring. DV and MP commence with the stare down which MP abruptly ends with a huge slap to the face. DV slaps him back and MP starts throwing the rights and lefts. Shoots DV into the ropes, but misses the clothesline and, is taken down by DV’s. Two more clotheslines follow and DV is in control. Corner whip, but MP avoids the clothesline and rolls DV up for a quick 2. DV runs into a toe trip and a drop kick to the side of the head. MP drops a pair of elbows to the back of the head then turns him over for 2. DV fights his way back into the match, but the Evil Wizard distracts him on the outside. MP hits a pair of swinging neck breakers and a second rope elbow to the throat for a two. MP argues with the ref and EW chokes DV for a moment. MP maintains the offensive advantage until DV rolls through with a cross body for two. MP axe handles him back down and boot chokes him in the ropes. He taunts the crowd and EW slaps DV twice behind the ref’s back proclaiming MP the better and future champ. DV begins to regain some momentum after a 2 count inside cradle followed by an over head suplex and they go punch for punch until MP thumbs the eye and hits a jaw breaker. He sets up for the sling shot clothesline, but DV pushes him in the mid air and his grip slips. MP lands on the apron though and ducks DV’s charge with a shoulder to the gut. MP attempts a sunset flip, but DV frees his leg, turns and pulls MP into the Sidewinder~!!! Cover gets 2 as EW pulls the ref out of the ring. They argue for a moment and this allows Mikey Styner to interfere and drop DV with a chain assisted right hook. MP gives MS a look, but climbs the ropes and nails the picture perfect elbow drop for the academic three count.
WINNER in 9:44 Microplay

After the match The Evil Wizard calls his crew to the ring, again, for a four on one beat down, MS hits Viper with an avalanche in the corner, but before they can do any permanent damage, Tommy O’Neil, Harper Camby and Corax hit the ring, The Evil Wizard’s crew bail out and live to fight another day

Ross: more interference, I am shocked!
Razz: That seems to be the way it is in the OOWF these days Ross, if you don’t have someone watching your back, you are doomed, its gang wars baby!
Ross: If I want that I will move to Los Angeles, this is the OOWF, where civilized wrestling should be the norm!
Razz: Ok Ross, I am sure that if we had a bunch of stiffs like Lord Athol Layton and Lord Alfred Hayes wrestling squeaky clean matches we would be selling out arenas all across Canada, from Nunavut to Prince Edward Island!
Ross: It’s about respecting tradition! It’s about doing things the right way!
Razz: Lemme ask you something Ross, you think Moose and Concrete and The Devil’s Brigade are going to do things the right way in the next match?
Ross: No I do not. I think they are going to try and annihilate each other
Razz: See, and isn’t that way more fun that watching two guys exchange the eight hundred or so variations of the arm bar? Relax, watch the blood flow in our next match

THE DEVIL’S BRIGADE vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK & CONCRETE TG

TDB are out first and hiding on either side of the entrance ramp. CTG and MHJ are blindsided and the brawl is on. HC slams CTG on the entrance ramp as TO peppers MHJ with some right jabs. Left hook o’ Irish Doom, is ducked and MHJ runs TO into the barricade. HC drags CTG to the ring and in an impressive display of strength; military presses him from the floor, over the top rope and into the ring. TO takes a breather in the crowd as MHJ limps to the ring. The bell has rung and HC is taking it to CTG with some shoulder blocks in the corner followed by setting CTG on the top rope. CTG punches free, but HC stuns him with an upper cut and manages to superplex him off. MHJ breaks up the pin fall then turns around into that wicked TO left hook and drops like a sack of nickels. The ref orders him out, but MHJ picks TO’s ankle and pulls him down for some mounted punches. HC abandons, CTG for a moment and pulls MHJ off TO. CTG recovers enough to roll HC up for two. HC destroys CTG with a clothesline and tags TO in. Standard heel beat down with quick tags and isolation follows until CTG attempts to make a come back and TBD destroy him with a reverse 3-D after knocking MHJ off the apron. MHJ shoves past the ref and begins beating the hell out of TO. The ref has totally lost control as all four men brawl back to the outside. TO sends MHJ head first into the steel stairs and they hit a dual choke slam on CTG on the exposed floor. A bloody MHJ tackles TO and they fight while HC scrapes CTG faces on the concrete until he comes up a bloody mess. HC goes to power bomb CTG through the English Announce Table in what truly would be one of the few times that thing ever got destroyed, but MHJ shoves a now bloody TO into HC and CTG lands relatively safer on his butt. Shaking away the haze and blood obscuring his visions CTG destroys the distracted HC with a Cement Mixer~!!! through the table. Holy Shit indeed. If HC’s neck is not broken, he’s one of the toughest sons of bitches I ever saw. Back in the ring, TO is getting the better of MHJ, but blood lust boils within CTG and he has a Cement Mixer~!!! for TO as well. Pulling TO to his feet, he holds him and MHJ kills him with the Heart Punch. As TO slumps, MHJ puts the exclamation point with a DDT and the cover.
WINNERS in 21:08 Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG

Ross: I am going to be honest with you, Concrete TG scares me lately, he has the look of a man possessed in his eyes
Razz: Well he said The Devil’s Brigade pushed him farther than even Moosehead Jack could, and that’s saying something
Ross: You can only push a man so far and then he snaps, and if Concrete hasn’t snapped yet, I fear he is awful close, they keep pushing and they may not like the results
Razz: Honestly, I don’t think they care
Ross: They will, trust me
Razz: What?
Ross: What?
Razz: Did you just say trust me?
Ross: So, what of it?
Razz: Nothing, never mind. Hey Ross how many Coal Miner’s Glove lumberjack matches have you seen?
Ross: Not many, the last one I remember is back in 1978 in the Mid-Atlantic territories, Blackjack Mulligan and Angelo Mosca had one, one of the bloodiest matches I have ever seen
Razz: Well word is that’s what we have next as Corax and Hellion take their feud to the next level!
Ross: I don’t think that is where they needed to go either

[mooseheadjack]

part two

CORAX vs. HELLION – Coal Miner’s Glove Lumberjack Match

For probably the first time in wrestling history, the lumber jacks begin fighting amongst themselves before the match begins. Hellion begins the official contest with a little chain wrestling goodness, but Corax not likey that much and ends it with a rake of the eyes. Corax takes over for a moment by choking Hellion in the ropes and stomping the back of his head. He kicks Hellion out of the ring and MP breaks free of the carnage long enough to put the boots to him. Corax climbs the turnbuckles, but BD jumps up and shoves him away from the pole. JA and AA wrestle him down from the apron and beat on him while Hellion crawls back in. The two brawl near the pole as the lumber jacks continue wearing themselves out on the floor. Hellion rips a page out of Corax’s book and sends Corax to the outside with a climb up the ropes Shining Wizard. JW cross checks the poor bastard almost through the barricade. Hellion can nearly touch the Coal Miner’s Glove, but DV stops him then pulls him from the top rope into a brutal Sidewinder~!!! JW is out on the outside as TDB carry Corax back to the ring. TW and Capellan try to attack but are blindsided by Dr. Murder and Phil who just kind of tripped into them. BD kills AA with a DDT on the floor and turns right into a UD boot as NA ducks it. Corax stomps at Hellion a few times before hitting a brain buster suplex. For good measure he pulls him up and does it again and makes the climb. TW grabs his foot, but he kicks him free. Hellion recovers just enough to bump the ropes and crotch Corax. Hellion then loads the bigger man up in a crucifix and launches him with a modified Razor’s edge nearly to the center of the ring. LD pulls JA off of BD and spins him around for a DDT on the floor. NA blasts UD in the face with a chair then catches DV from behind with a shot as well. NA bails after CTG dispatches with UE and sets his eyes on him. Meanwhile, Hellion retrieves the Glove and after feeling he has sufficiently bloodied Corax, sets him up for the Gates of Hell~!!! TO comes out of nowhere and drops him with a left hook then slips the glove on his fist and decks him again. He manages to give the glove to Corax before being tackled by TW and Capellan. Corax bloodies Hellion with the Coal Miner’s Glove then slaps on the Trickster’s Trap to ensure that he passes out.
WINNER in 22:49 Corax

Ross: How on earth did the referee maintain control there? I can’t believe that the ref didn’t throw that one out!
Razz: That was pretty brutal, man; Corax just pummeled Hellion into oblivion!
Ross: That feud scares me, the depths these two are willing to go to just to inflict pain is down right scary, I hope GM the Rick has the sense to keep these two apart and let this feud die a quiet death, before one of these men die in the ring!
Razz: Well I wouldn’t go that far Ross, they know what they are doing, I say let em fight until it is all out of their system so they can move on and hopefully have productive careers
Ross: At the rate they are going there is no way either of them can have a productive career.
Razz: Well that remains to be seen, Ross I want to talk about our next match, Firechild and his mentor Seraph take on Firechild’s old running buddies 3Piece Set. After the last few weeks it certainly appears that Firechild wants nothing to do with them or his old ways
Ross: It certainly seems that Firechild has turned over a new leaf thanks to Seraph, tonight, I believe, is the start of a new direction for Firechild, and one that will bring a lot of success with it! I just hope that 3Piece Set can learn something from Firechild, that there is no need to cheat and live a life of debauchery to get ahead

FIRECHILD & SERAPH vs. 3PIECE SET – Cage Match

Firechild and Seraph enter in a blaze of white light, lilting themes of contemplation and look of serenity on both their faces, tempered with what could be seen to be determination. The lock arms in the ring and appear to be meditating as AX & Cole's music hits, and a obviously pissed 3 Piece Set march down to the ring, sliding straight in and starting a beat down on the contemplative pair as the Cage descends. Ax & Cole stay in charge as Seraph and Firechild seem slow to adapt to the page, Seraph being taken down with a 3D pretty quickly, and Firechild seems to decide to try and chain wrestle his way out of trouble, eschewing the violence of the 3PS. This works OK for a minute, until he runs the ropes with Ax, doing and RVD roll over his back and running straight into a VISCIOUS clothesline from Cole. They beat him down for a few minutes as Seraph climbs to his feet, and Ax rams him headfirst into the cage as Cole produces a pair of handcuffs and cuffs him to the cage in one corner. Seraph breaks this up a second too late, ramming Ax headfirst into the cage and busting him open. Seraph & Cole go at it, trading blows as Ax gets to his feet, kicks the helpless Firechild a few times, appearing to be more than a bit amused by his continuing serene expression and turns back, to assist Cole in the beat down of Seraph. Ax & Cole beat the living hell out of Seraph, busting him wide open and culminating in a Headliner leaving him sat at Firechild’s feet, looking desperately towards his apparently unconcerned pupil. Firechild holds his gaze and calmly clicks the locks on his cuffs, rubs his wrists and stands up. Seraph looks on uncomprehending as Ax & Cole make overplayed expressions of shock & awe. Firechild holds Seraph’s gaze and helps him to his feet, Seraph still not understanding even as Firechild kicks him in the gut and drops him with a VISCIOUS Wings of the Phoenix, as huge grins open up on Ax & Cole’s face, and Ax rolls over Seraph for the 1-2-3.
WINNERS in 12:32 3Piece Set

As the cage ascends to the ceiling Cole drags Seraph upright and continues the hellacious beating as Ax rolls outside and throws Firechild a chair and walks to the back.
Firechild gets on the mike as the barely conscious and betrayed Seraph looks at him.

“You thought that I had turned away from all I was, and was your loyal, even you loving pupil?”
He delivers a kick to the midsection. Leaving Seraph retching.
“You sought to save me from myself, from the 3 Piece Set?”
Chair shot straight to the head, leaving Seraph lying in the ring.
“You overstepped yourself Seraph, and you will pay for your folly. You try to save my soul; well your penance will be the same as all other false prophets.”
Firechild hits Seraph square in the face, a gout of blood flying across the ring. He licks Seraph’s blood from his fist, and smiles. He & Cole drag Seraph to the stage where Ax has emerged with a crude crucifix and propped it against the wall.
“Seraph, you have failed, I am, always was, and shall remain, the Angel of the Abyss, the dark heart of the OOWF and I want you t know, you have failed and the cause of your failure is me.”
Seraph looks at Firechild with a look of terrifying hurt and betrayal, now tinged with something we have never seen before…rage.
Ax & Cole drag Seraph up the crucifix and bind him there. Firechild produces two foot long cords and binds them around Seraph’s wrists, and Seraph screams in anger.
Firechild douses the whole scaffold with kerosene, then accepts the mike and his old lighter from Ax.
He gets right in Seraph’s bleeding, agony ridden face and asks.
“So Seraph…..Master. Do you know what it is to burn? Well you will….”
He smiles, stands back and tosses the lighter onto the kerosene and Seraph goes up like a stack of kindling.
The 3 Piece Set link and raise their arms in front of the bonfire as the arena is bathed in silence and then march of, reunited once again in evil intent.

Officials rush out with fire extinguishers and douse the flames almost immediately, even though the flames only lasted for a few seconds, there is no doubt Seraph is badly injured. GM the Rick escorts 3Piece Set out of the arena, as it appears the fans are about to riot.

Razz: wow.
Ross: OH. MY. GOD! Razz, in all my years in wrestling, I have NEVER, NEVER! Seen a more despicable, heinous, disgusting act! Firechild destroyed his mentor!
Razz: I have never seen an attack that brutal! They crucified him!
Ross: Folks, that was just the most repugnant thing I have ever seen, I hope, I sincerely hope, that Firechild and Ax-Man and Chris Cole are all suspended forever! They tried to kill a man!
Razz: That certainly was a brutal attack, but to be honest, The Devil’s Brigade may have actually killed a man and apparently nothing happened to them so I wouldn’t hold your breath
Ross: I just sincerely hope that Seraph is ok, folks if we get any kind of update, we will let you know as soon as possible. Razz I gotta admit, calling the rest of the night is going to be rather difficult
Razz: Yeah, after you see something like that….wow. But, hopefully we can get focused on our next match, match three of the best of seven series between Chris Alt and Hardbody Harris
Ross: This has been a fantastic series so far, I expect more classic wrestling from these two.

CHRIS ALT vs. HARDBODY HARRIS – Best of Seven Series – Match 3

Stiff handshake to begin things, neither man letting go and the two men exchange words. They lock up, and Harris grabs a headlock, shoved to the ropes. Alt leapfrogs and looks for a hip toss on the way back, but HH counters with a backslide which gets an early two count. Harris poses to the crowd. Another lockup, and this time Alt grabs a wristlock, which Hardbody promptly oversells. Into a hammerlock, and HH goes to the ropes to break. Harris moves back in and Alt sends him to the ropes, but HH counters on the way back with a crazy wraparound rollup which gets another early two count. Harris comes back as Alt gets up, but CA hooks his legs and flips over for a pin of his own. HH is out at two. Harris pops up, and Alt catches him with a high dropkick that sends HH tumbling to the floor. HH shakes the cobwebs, slaps hands with some fans at ringside, kisses a baby, signs fifteen autographs, and donates this match's paycheck to charity... ALL before rolling back in to beat the ten count. Back at it, and Harris takes Alt down with a drop toehold and stomps at the knee a few times, CA counters with a trip of his own, and bounces right into a headlock. HH fights to his feet and tries to suplex Alt over, but CA blocks. HH can't shove Alt off either. He finally manages to hook Alt's left leg, get some leverage that way, lift him up and drive Alt knee-first into the turnbuckle. HH works the leg for several minutes, and tries for a figure four. Alt kicks him off into the ropes, and then rolls him up with an inside cradle on the rebound for a two count. HH punches away as both men get up, but stops too long to pose, and Alt ducks the haymaker, grabs the arm, and takes Harris down with an arm drag. Alt immediately grabs the arm, wraps it around HH's neck, and traps Harris in the middle of the ring. CA releases the hold and goes back to the hammerlock. then a body slam on the arm. Short arm scissors, but HH makes the ropes. Alt hits a Tiger suplex, but HH's legs fall onto the middle rope, and the ref breaks it. CA goes to stomp at Harris, but HH grabs his foot and takes him down into a modified ankle lock, moving up the leg to work the knee. Alt makes the ropes, and Harris sweeps him down again and goes for an Indian Death lock. CA manages to roll thru the leverage though, and Harris breaks the hold. Half crab by Harris, but Alt powers out and grabs his own, and HH grabs the apron and pulls himself out of the ring. But Alt greets him with a crazy springboard corkscrew plancha, drawing a huge ovation from the crowd. Alt sends Harris to the post shoulder first, then to the guardrail, then to the steps. Alt charges Harris, but HH backdrops him, and Alt's knee hits the steps hard. Harris rolls in to break the count, then rolls back out. He crotches Alt on the guardrail, then kicks the exposed knee into the steel rail. Harris rolls Alt back in, covers, and gets two. HH stays on the leg. However, Alt reverses an Irish Whip, and goes to leapfrog again. But with the bad wheel, he can't get as much elevation, and HH's head meets Alt's groin, and CA crashes to the mat. Harris looks around for a second, and the ref checks on Alt. HH finally pulls the official aside, but Alt was playing possum and rolls Harris up!! One, two, and Hardbody escapes at the very last second. Alt gets up smiling, but Harris is not. And the brawl is on! They exchange punches, neither man getting the upper hand, until Alt gets a double leg take down and mounts Harris for some more punches. HH pulls his legs back and hooks Alt's shoulders and gets a pin. One, two, and Alt kicks out. Harris pulls Alt's legs out this time, opting for a catapult. But Alt lands on the second rope. Alt fakes a move, and Harris ducks. But when HH turns around, Alt hits a picture perfect high cross body block. But Harris rolls thru it! One... two... and Alt is out yet again. HH looks for the Fameasser, but Alt moves and looks for the Tiger suplex again. This time, however, Alt opts to go with a standing double chicken wing, and Harris is ready to submit. But before he can, Alt's knee buckles on him, and he breaks the hold and hits the mat. HH pulls Alt up and looks for the One and Only, but Alt counters that and looks for the SPINAL CONTUSION~! Harris blocks that though, and tries the TO BE EDITED IN LATER~! And Alt counters that by dumping Hardbody to the floor. Harris pulls himself up on the apron, and Alt kicks at him, but HH grabs his leg and crotches him on the second rope. Alt gets twisted in the ropes, Harris takes a few shots at the knee, and the ref has to free him. Harris tries to set up a sunset flip, but then Alt gets a closed fist in, and Harris gets turned around on the apron. Alt tries to suplex Harris back in, but his knee buckles again, and Harris falls on top. Alt's left foot is caught under the bottom rope, but the ref doesn't see it, and makes the three count. WINNER in 55:42: Hardbody Harris (HH leads series 2-1)

Ross: Now THAT is what wrestling should be all about! That was, once again, one of the best matches I have ever seen!
Razz: That was something, and now Harris has a 2-1 lead, you gotta ask, is Alt done?
Ross: No not at all, I wouldn’t say so, Chris Alt is one of the most gifted athletes in the OOWF, he is only down one, this is far from over
Razz: Well I am selfish, I hope it goes the full seven; these matches have been OFF THA HOOK!
Ross: My sentiments exactly. Next up Razz, what on earth is a Taxi Cab Stomp Match?
Razz: Well from what I have gathered there will be a circle of taxi cabs in the parking lot, and Thim and Capellan basically try and beat the other into submission around and on the cabs
Ross: My GOD! And who thought this was a good idea?
Razz: That would be Capellan

THIM REYNOLDS vs. CAPELLAN – Taxi Cab Stomp Match

Thim wanders into the parking lot, and we see a ring of Taxi cabs with their headlights illuminated, in the middle of the circle a referee stands waiting for the competitors. Thim wanders into the circle and looks around for a moment, after a minute or so of waiting Thim begins to laugh and tries to explain to the ref that Capellan is not going to show, then one by one the taxi’s begin blowing their horns, each one adding to the sound until it is a deafening roar. Thim looks around but because of the bright lights he can’t see beyond the head lights. We hear something thump on a cab roof then seconds later Capellan flies through the air and takes Thim down with a flying clothesline. Thim sprawls to the ground, the horns stop and the match is underway. Capellan mounts Thim and pounds away. The referee is there only to count a three or register a submission. Capellan pulls Thim up to his feet and slams him face first into the hood of a cab. Capellan rolls Thim over and bends him backward across the hood of the cab and clubs away at his chest, with Thim stunned, Capellan takes a few steps backward and charges attempting a flying bronco buster, Thim straightens up and catches Capellan and turns it into a power bomb on the hood. Capellan slams into the hood and immediately grabs his back in pain. Thim takes a moment to regain his composure and staggers a few steps away from the cab, big mistake, Capellan regroups amazingly fast and leaps off the hood and tackles Thim to the ground. Capellan gets to his feet and puts the boots to Thim, to escape; Thim grabs Capellan’s leg and takes him to the ground hard. Thim is quickly on top of Capellan and tries to lock on the Adjustment, but Capellan slips out of it and gets to his feet, Thim is on his knees when Capellan charges, Thim falls to one side and drop toe holds Capellan, Cap’s head slams into the headlight of a cab, shattering the cover and leaving a deep gash in Capellan’s head. Capellan is stunned and slumps to the ground. Thim gets to his feet and grabs Capellan by the back of the head and slams him face first several times into the grill of the cab, Capellan slowly falls to the ground, leaving a bloody streak on the chrome. Thim takes over now, sitting Capellan upright against the grill of another cab, Thim gets a running start and slams knee first into Capellan’s face, slamming the back of his head into the chrome. Capellan is dazed and fighting to remain conscious. Thim pulls him to his feet, scoops Cap up and plants him on the ground in front of another cap, then climbs on the hood and drops and elbow across Capellan’s chest. Thim makes a cover, the ref counts two, and somehow Capellan rolls his shoulder. Thim looks mildly annoyed, but rolls Capellan onto the hood of another cab. Thim sets Capellan up and is appears like he is going to power bomb him through the windshield! Capellan shifts his weight in mid move and grabs Thim and falls backward WITH A DDT THROUGH THE GLASS! Thim’s face slams into the glass; Capellan breaks through the glass ass end first. Both men lay there for a minute, Capellan is eventually the first one to move, he grabs Thim by the back of his head and pulls his face out of the glass, Thim has a hideous mask of blood and glass. Capellan stands Thim on his feet on the hood and hits a release belly to belly suplex that sends Thim flying off the hood and landing HARD on the ground. Capellan waits and Thim slowly gets to his feet, as he does Capellan charges and springs off of a cab and hits a DRAGON KICK! Thim falls backward against a cab. Capellan rushes in again, this time Thim gets a boot up that catches Capellan right in the jewels. Capellan gasps for breath and falls to his knees. Thim grabs Capellan's head, puts his knee on the back of Cap’s head and drives it into the ground. Cap looks dead. Once again Thim goes for the Adjustment, but Capellan somehow frees himself. Thim yanks Capellan to his feet and suplexes him onto the hood of a cab. Thim goes for another cover, and once again Capellan kicks out. Thim tries to lift Capellan for another suplex, but Capellan slips over his shoulder and lands on the roof of the cab, when Thim turns around Capellan springs and hits a sunset flip off the roof of the cab, the momentum takes them all the way to the ground, making it more like a power bomb. Capellan covers, but this time it is Thim’s turn to kick out. Capellan tackles Thim around the waist and shoves him back against the grill of the cab with a broken window. Thim falls to his knee clutching his back; Capellan grins at Thim’s pain, then grabs Thim and rolls him onto the hood of the cab. Capellan grabs Thim's legs and drags him part way up the windshield, Capellan then turns over Thim and lock on the Walls of Jericho, putting intense pressure on Thim’s back AND grinding his face into the broken glass! Thim fights it for a few minutes then realizes there is no escape, so he is forced to tap!
WINNER in 28:41 Capellan

Ross: That was sick!
Razz: Man, that was something! Thim is gonna need another vacation after that!
Ross: And Capellan, who was just barely cleared to wrestle, may have another trip to the hospital in his future.
Razz: That was insane! He had his head jammed into the glass!
Ross: Tonight has been one of the most brutal nights in……..what’s this? We are getting ready for our next match, a fatal four way for the tag titles, why are Niles Anderson and his boys Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster in the ring?

*Endo and Morte are in the ring awaiting their opponents. All of a sudden, Lil Jon's "What You Gon Do" blares over the loudspeaker. World Champion Niles Anderson comes out in all his glory with Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline in tow. He takes his time getting to the ring, playing to the crowd. AA and JA are feeding off the negative energy. Finally, they get to the ring and Niles picks up a mic.*

Niles - Morte, Endo, the time has come to make a decision. Join me or join that piss ant Moosehead Jack.

*Endo goes to take the mic from Niles to give him an answer, but Niles pulls away to enormous boos. He just smiles that cocky smile at the crowd.*

Niles - Now before you say anything, let me paint a picture for you. Picture this: Endo, Morte and Niles - Together again. The havoc we could wreak on the industry. And this time without that failure helming the whole thing. As the New Establishment, we would run this show! And then you'd be friends with high-profile names like Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster! Think of the women you guys would score just having them in your company!

AA - Yeah, you can't go wrong hanging with the #1 PROMO TEAM IN THE OOWF!!! We're better company than Mr. Cooper!

JA - Woot Woot! Raise the roof!

*JA raises his arms as if he's raising the roof at this comment and starts strutting continuously across the ring. He doesn't let up even after Niles starts talking again.*

Niles - Not only that, but you'll have The Beast popping out everywhere with your interests in mind. Plus, he has an iParrot. And he might even let you borrow it! How much better can it get? This much: you'll have a champion in your midst, and nobody fucks with the champ! Well, except those mysterious masked men who were in no way shape or form us 3, because they targeted me too! I'm a fighting champ.

Or, you could hang out with Moose: Mr. I've-never-won-a-title-and-now-I-share-
tampons-with-that-pansy-ConcreteTG-and-
that-flamer-Donnie-Viper (and in this case, there is something wrong with that). So now, I hand you the mic because, as you can see, the choice is simple.

JA - Woot Woot! Raise the roof!

*JA is still strutting across the roof with his hands in the air. Niles motions to hand the mic to Endo. Endo looks at the mic, turns to Morte and the 2 share a smile. Endo turns to face Niles again and takes the mic.*

Endo - You know Niles, for a guy who hasn't mentioned me in a promo pretty much since I joined the Establishment, you got balls. I'll give you that. And as good as your offer is, I gotta say... I think we're gonna stick with Moose.

*At that comment, Niles jaw drops. AA looks horrified. And JA is frozen in his Raise-the-Roof position as he can hardly register what he just heard. Niles then grows an evil smile. He takes the mic back.*

[/b]Niles[/b] - That's fine, I can respect that. Good luck with your match. Let's go boys...

*Niles takes AA and JA and they leave the ring. Endo and Morte go back to waiting for their opponents.*[/i]

DRINK & DESTROY vs. THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER vs. THE ESTABLISHMENT

All three teams are in the ring and the bell rings, immediately the ring erupts into an out of control brawl, surprising everyone in attendance. Ok not really. Being the champs, Capslock and Stank naturally take the brunt of the attack; The Team From Down Under and The Establishment actually work together for a moment. Endo and Gator whip Stank to the ropes and connect with a double spear. Meanwhile on the other side, Morte and Gator have Capslock pinned into the corner and are taking turns laying hard kicks into their mid section, they pull Stank out of the corner and whip him to the ropes and try a double clothesline, Stank ducks and rebounds with a clothesline of his own. Endo and Gator attack Stank dropping him to one knee, before they can do much damage Capslock recovers and grabs Gator and tosses him over the top rope. Stank grabs Endo and ships him to the ropes and catches him with a boot to the chest sending him over the rope to the floor next to Gator. Stank gets back to his feet and he grabs Morte, and Capslock grabs Jack and they both press their opponents over their heads and toss them over the top rope to their partners below. Capslock and Stank celebrate in the ring to the cheers of the fans. On the outside the Establishment and The Team From Down Under argue and of course come to blows. Endo and Jack square off and try to take each other’s heads off with clubbing shots, Morte and Gator trade chops, which Gator gets the better of, then grabs Morte and whips him into the steel steps. Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Capslock and Stank slide out of the ring and join the fray. Immediately both teams attack the champs, the Endo and Gator grab Stank and slam him into the guardrail, as Stank struggles to his feet, Endo and Gator hit the CALL OF THE WILD on Stank!! What the hell? On the other side of the ring Capslock grabs Jack for a choke slam, Morte recovers from the stair shot, runs, leaps off the steps and lands a tajiri kick to the back of Capslock’s head. Capslock drops Jack and falls to the floor. Jack pulls Capslock up and drops him across his knee, holding the massive Capslock there, Morte jumps on the Apron and leaps dropping a knee across Capslock’s chest ESTABLISH AUTHORITY! With the champs out on the floor, The Establishment and The Team From Down Under slide into the ring and try to kill each other. After several minutes of action inside the ring Capslock and Stank are struggling to their feet outside the ring, inside the ring, the ref is down. Outback Jack has Endo trapped in one corner and is punishing him with stiff kicks to the midsection. On the other side of the ring GatorBait whips Morte to the ropes, but Morte shows his agility and slides under the bottom rope and taunts Gator from the outside, Gator follows Morte and slides under the ropes, but as he lands, Morte slams him across the face wit ha chair. Gator falls to the floor face first; Morte adds a couple more stiff shots to the back of Gator’s head for good measure. Inside the ring, Jack backs out of the corner and waits for Endo to stagger out toward him, when he does, Jack grabs him and tries to apply the cross face, Endo fights it, but Jack gets him to one knee, As Endo starts to go down, Morte slides into the ring and CREAMS Jack with a chair to the face. Jack falls backward, out, and Endo recovers and puts the claw on Jack. Blood is flowing from Jack’s face, the match is over! But there is no referee. Capslock and Stank are both recovering and on the apron. Morte charges them with the chair, but Capslock and Stank catch him and throw him over the top rope, Morte crashes to the floor and writhes in agony. Stank gets into the ring, sees the chair lying on the mat, grabs it and SMOKES Endo in the back of the head. Capslock grabs Endo and throws him out of the ring, they pull Outback Jack to his feet and DESTROY him with the Pound of Flesh, Capslock covers and Stank rouses the referee who comes to enough to make the three count.
WINNERS in 33:02 Drink & Destroy

After the match 3Piece Set hits the ring and attacks Capslock and Stank. Ax stomps away on Capslock and Cole chokes out Stank in the corner. When both big men are down, Ax and Cole pull their weapons of choice, the handcuffs, out of their boots and cuff the champs to the ropes. Just then, Firechild walks to the ring, to a huge chorus of boos, carrying two barbed wire baseball bats. He hits the ring and hands them to Ax and Cole; they grin maniacally and proceed to beat the snot out of Capslock and Stank, leaving them bloody unconscious messes in the ring. As 3Piece Set and Firechild are leaving the ring, Johnny Adrenaline, Attitude Adjuster and Niles Anderson hit the ring, they grab Endo and Morte and pull them to their feet, Niles grabs the mic:

NA: I gave you the chance, I GAVE YOU THE CHANCE, and you two are too dumb to jump on a good thing when you see it. So the way I see it, the way it is, is this, if you are not my ally, you are my ENEMY. Destroy ‘em boys.

With that, AA grabs Endo and drops him with a DDT, Johnny kicks Morte low and KILLS him with an Adrenaline Rush. For good measure Niles picks them up and delivers a SteeDDT to both of them. Niles is screaming at them both “WHERE’S JACK NOW? WHERE IS HE?” On cue, Moosehead Jack, Concrete TG, LD Williams and Eric O’Mac hit the ring, Niles and his boys flee pretty quick. Niles and Moose lock eyes on the ramp as Niles backs toward the entrance.

Ross: Where do we even START with that match? Niles gives The Establishment an ultimatum, then attacks when he doesn’t like the answer, 3Piece Set decimates the tag champs, or the absolutely brutal match that Drink & Destroy managed to win?
Razz: There is no action like the tag team action here in the OOWF Ross, there are eight teams very capable of wearing the gold, you throw in the tension between Moose and Niles and all that and we are sitting on a pressure cooker that could explode at any second!
Ross: I cannot believe the nerve of Niles and his crew, and to thing we get the “privilege” of seeing Johnny face Blackdragon next, lucky us.
Razz: You STILL have it out for Johnny?
Ross: The man is still a sorry excuse for a competitor, a man I have no respect for because he has no respect for this business; I hope Blackdragon kicks his carcass all over the ring.

BLACKDRAGON vs. JOHNNY ADRENALINE

The official checks both men before the bell, and finds a pair of brass knuckles in Johnny's boot. Adrenaline feigns innocence, but the ref is having none of it. So while JA argues with the ref, the bell rings and BD uses the opening to jump the challenger. Release German suplex. Then a Magnum-like belly to belly suplex. Clothesline and another. The champion looks for the DKO Drop early, but Johnny hooks the ropes with his feet to block, so BD simply shoves Johnny over the top, and JA lands face first on the floor. Baseball slide knocks Johnny to the guardrail. Suicide dive, but Johnny hits the deck, and Blackdragon, meet guardrail. Guardrail, Blackdragon. JA rolls in to catch a breather and break the count, then rolls back out to go on the attack. Hotshot on the guardrail and Adrenaline dumps Dragon into the front row. Johnny grabs a handful of popcorn from a fan, then dumps a beer onto the champion, which gets Ross on commentary all riled up. JA drops BD chest first back into the ringside area, then hits a snap suplex on the floor. He rolls BD in, and before he can roll back in himself, one of the fans he took the beer from throws another one at Johnny. JA no-sells it though, has a few words with the fans, then goes back in, where Dragon meets him with a dropkick that sends Johnny right back to the floor. Dragon charges for the suicide dive again, and again, Johnny moves. But this time, BD was bluffing, reaches thru the ropes and pulls Johnny back in by his hair. As JA screams like a little girl, BD slaps him around the ring for a bit. Brain buster variation gets two, as does a power bomb with a roll thru. Johnny, however, goes to the eyes to break the flow, and drops BD with a nice inverted DDT, which gets two. JA goes to a front face lock, using the ropes for leverage, but the ref sees it and breaks the hold. So Johnny resorts to just choking the champ out using the middle rope. JA charges for the kill, but BD moves, and Johnny goes crotch first into the middle rope. Dragon pulls Johnny away from the ropes and looks for a Sharpshooter, which Johnny fights off, so Dragon adjusts and goes for the Dragon Lock, and JA scratches and claws his way to the ropes to avoid that. T-bone suplex gets a long two count. BD looks for a German suplex, but JA elbows to block, so Dragon pushes him to the ropes and rolls him up, but Johnny grabs the tights and rolls thru. One... two... and Dragon is out just in time. BD looks for another power bomb, but Johnny gets a questionable shot in low, and hits a butterfly suplex for two. JA sets up for the ADRENALINE RUSH~! but BD counters with a gourd buster. DKO DROP~! but Johnny reverses to a neck breaker. Johnny rolls out and grabs a chair from ringside, and the referee grabs it from him once he re-enters the ring. As Johnny and the referee argue, L.D. Williams hits the ring, and grabs the chair from the official. L.D. takes a huge swing at Johnny, but Adrenaline ducks and Williams BLASTS Dragon by mistake! The referee calls for the bell as Adrenaline hightails it up the ramp.
WINNER – No Contest at 23:13

Ross: LD Williams blasted the ref!
Razz: Was it on purpose though? Why would he save Johnny?
Ross: Well I don’t think he would but…..we are getting word from the back that at Judgment Eve, the other two participants in the Fatal Four Way Intercontinental title match will be Corax and Johnny Adrenaline!
Razz: Wow Ross! That is gonna be one hell of a match! Four great athletes vying for one title, I can’t wait!
Ross: Speaking of big matches, next up, UnderDawg gets his long awaited shot at Niles Anderson, Razz I am going on record and saying that Niles Anderson’s title reign ends tonight!
Razz: I think you give the champ too little credit, he ALWAYS finds a way to win

NILES ANDERSON vs. UNDERDAWG

Collar and elbow to start things off and UD easily shoves NA away. NA locks up again and another shove. NA kicks the ropes in disgust then walks up and slaps UD in the face. I’m sure he wasn’t thinking straight right there, so UD hits him with a wicked upper cut to realign his thought process. Irish whip into the corner followed by a huge clothesline. As NA falls forward, UD scoops him up and snake eyes him before rebounding off the ropes and mauling NA with a big boot. NA rolls out for a breather and UD follows him out. A little punch exchange and UD shoulders NA for a hot shot into the ring post, but NA squirms free and shoots him shoulder first into instead. NA rolls in to break the count and as UD gets in NA attacks the arm with arm ringers and elbows to the shoulder. UD punches free and tries to rally, but NA drop kicks him in the knee and kicks him in the hurt shoulder before hammer locking the arm and sending him crashing into corner. NA then grabs his arm and jumps to the outside, snapping the Big Dawg’s arm over the top rope. NA with some more arm related offense including a triangle choke as a counter, but bad shoulder and all, UD counters into a modified power bomb. He can’t capitalize as his arm dangles lifelessly to the side. NA hits another low drop kick and a diving clothesline to knock UD off his feet before grinding his foot into the shoulder. He attempts an arm bar, but UD fires back with big left hands and even goozles him, but the left hand wasn’t made for choke slamming so in mid air NA counters into a roll up for 2. A little more back and forth and UD finally gets some sustained off until NA counters with the Regal Cutter out of nowhere for 2. Setting up, he drills UD with the STEED DT~!!! and gets the 3 count. He celebrates, only to be told that UD got his foot on the ropes. NA grabs the ref by the collar, but releases him when he threatens to DQ him. NA turns around into a two handed choke slam. UD slashes the throat and the end is near folks. Wait, it’s Viper! Chain Assisted Death Elbow~!!! to the back of UD’s skull. Sidewinder~!!! on the ref before he can call for the bell. Viper grabs a chair and bends it over NA’s skull as he gets back to his feet. UD zombie sits up only to catch bent steel to the face. Security fills the ring and restrains Viper but not before he takes a few of them out as well.
WINNER by DQ in 33:24 UnderDawg

Ross: That DAMN Donovan Viper! What a scoundrel, UnderDawg had the title won!
Razz: Viper is not making many friends here in the OOWF, he better be careful, the Devil’s Brigade can only bail him out so much
Ross: well when he gets his ass handed to him, I for one will enjoy it. Folks, that’s all the time we have tonight, for Razz, I’m Ross, goodnight!

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Judgment Eve PPV, Live August 28th from Coeur ‘d Alene, Idaho! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF MidWeek Mayhem August 31st, live from Joe, Montana!

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[mooseheadjack]

Backstage the OOWF camera crew (ninjas and all) are trying to keep up with the EMTs as they rush a charred and unconscious Seraph to a waiting ambulance.

Seraph looks like he's suffered serious burns to 80% of his body - on top of the horrendous beatdown and crucifixion is carefully lifted into the back of the meat wagon where one EMT joins him and the other two close the door and head for the cab.

The last scene we see is the back of the ambulance as it pulls away and puts on the lights and siren heading toward Dawson Creek's miserable excuse of a hospital. as it does the camera pans around to see a whole host of OOWF superstars (surprisingly breaking kayfabe) looking on in shock and horror at the work of 3pcs set.

[fade to black]