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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 17:56:49 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem! Live! From Embarrass, Minnesota!
OOWF World Title Match[/u] Microplay vs. Niles Anderson
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG vs. 3Piece Set
OOWF Intercontinental Fatal 4-Way[/u] LD Williams vs. Blackdragon vs. Mr. Jealous vs. Eric O’Mac
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] GimmickMan vs. Firechild
Hardbody Harris & Chris Alt vs. Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude Adjuster UnderDawg & wCw vs. The Devil’s Brigade, Donovan Viper & Corax Canadian Dragon vs. Uncle Entity Drink & Destroy vs. Dr. Murder & Mikey Styner Thim Reynolds vs. Hellion The Team From Down Under vs. The Establishment vs. SoulDragon & Mercury Beast vs. Phil Mark Vander Challenge
Card subject to conquest by pillaging hordes of Nordsemen
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 17:57:30 GMT -5
GM the Rick Press Conference
<We are outside the Embarrass Deep Freeze Frostee Pop Arena, GM the Rick steps to a podium surrounded by reporters. GM the Rick takes a long swig from his flask and sets about answering questions>
Sally Jenkins – WFUK GM the Rick, what is the latest on the arrest of 3Piece Set?
GmtR: Well, late last night, after MidWeek Mayhem OOWF lawyers, 3Piece Set lawyers and officials from Dawson Creek and police detectives from Minneapolis sat down to negotiate our next step. After several hours of exchanging proposals and ideas, it was decided that officials from Dawson Creek would not push for extradition back to British Columbia on attempted murder charges. They believe that the line between what we do in our business and the “real” world is too blurry to present formal charges. Minneapolis police are willing to wait to see if Seraph appears, they are following a few leads at the moment. Until a body is discovered, they have nothing concrete to pin on 3Piece Set. To keep them from fleeing, 3Piece Set and their lawyers have posted a $500,000 bond, and the OOWF has matched that bond as well. OOWF officials have also decided against suspensions at the moment, of course pending further investigation. We have also decided against stripping them of their titles. Since this was a matter that did not directly affect them procuring said titles, we feel there is no justification of taking the titles away. That said, Ax-Man and Chris Cole WILL defend their titles at MidWeek Mayhem in Embarrass, Minnesota against Moosehead Jack and Concrete TG, and at the request of GimmickMan, he will get a final shot at Firechild’s Onslaught Championship
Dave Permanos – WKYJ If 3Piece Set are found criminally negligent, will they be released or fired from the OOWF?
GMtR: It is standard contract language that if any athlete under contract with the OOWF is incarcerated for a period of more than five days, we have the right to terminate the contract without any severance or compensation. As of today, we have not made a decision on what course of action we will take should criminal charges be filed and 3Piece Set be arrested.
Craig Krunkelford – WZZP At this week’s Midweek Mayhem, Capellan and Thim Reynolds met in a 2 of 3 falls match, the winner was to get an Onslaught title shot at Hell on Earth. The third and deciding fall went to a double disqualification, will they meet this week to determine the winner?
GMtR: No, due to contractual obligations by both men, they are unable to face each other at this week’s MidWeek Mayhem, I have decided that at Hell on Earth, it will be Firechild or GimmickMan versus Thim Reynolds and Capellan. You may have also noticed that the Chris Alt – Hardbody Harris series also had an unfortunate inconclusive ending. We are approaching that the same way, at Hell on Earth it will be Niles Anderson, or Microplay, pending the outcome of their match this week, against Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt, a triple threat world title match. Ok, I have time for one more question
Cindee Pinkfolds –WBLJ Have you heard anything about Seraph? And how do you decide who becomes a SFJ?
GMtR: We have heard nothing on the whereabouts of Seraph, we have no idea of his condition, although we assume that based on the nature of his injuries, his condition is rapidly deteriorating. As I mentioned, there are some leads as to his whereabouts, but as of this morning, none of them have panned out. Given the nature of his injuries, and the length of time since his disappearance, we fear the worst. As for hiring Sexy Female Journalists, I would be happy to give you a private interview.
<With that GM the Rick and Cindee Pinkfolds leave the podium and head into the arena>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 17:58:02 GMT -5
Mr Jealous was walking about on the phone when Todd Boring pussly ask
TB;Mr Jealous cannn I have aaa Second of your tttim
Mr Jealous put the phone down & interupes Todd MJ:F**Ken hell man Spit it out
TB; time to talk to me about the fatal 4 way ?
MJ;boy there is nothing to say i will be champ that belt is mine & there is nothing they pussy's can do ...(MJ take a breather & starts to have that look in his eyes) Do you know how i will beat them TODD ?
TB: ya how ?
Mr jealous graps the mic & drop's it to the ground & pick's up todd & give's him the Jealous Rage, Mr jealous stands up & looks at what he done,
MJ:thats how ....
Mr Jealous walks away laughing to him self.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 17:58:25 GMT -5
Drink & Destroy stroll into the Rick's office. They witness Cindy Pinkfolds buttoning up her shirt. She leans over and gives Rick a...
GMtR - Hey! Don't you two know how to knock?
Stank - Damn Rick, when are you gonna put a lock on your door?
*Cindy gives the men a smile and walks out.*
FFC - Now Rick we wa...
GMtR - Hold on a sec... ... ... ok now I'm ready.
*Stank and FFC look at each other quizzically*
FFC - Uh... anyway, we want you to know that after beating the champs we think we should be put in a title match. By the way we hope you don't fire or suspend the Set. We like beating them bloody.
Stank - Plus I still owe Firechild the beating he really deserves.
GMtR - Stank you don't think kidnapping him and threatening his life was brutal enough?
Stank- He's still standing isn't he?
GMtR - What about assaulting me? Do you think you guys deserve a title shot after what you did?
Stank - That was three threads ago Rick. Let it go.
GMtR - You guys need to be worried about Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner. Not 3-Piece Set.
Stank - We can handle them. C'mon Rick. How about putting me in an Onslaught Title match with Firechild.
GMtR - YOU? In an Onslaught rules match? HA!
Stank - What? I can stick to the rules.
GMtR - It's not gonna happen Stank. Now if you gentlemen don't mind...
FFC - Wait what about our tag title match? We just beat the champs. Doesn't that count for anything?
GMtR - You may have beat the champs but you're not the number one contenders. Ti... The Team from Down Under are. Now I wouldn't look past Murder and Styner if I were you. Go cut a promo on them or something. Just go.
*Drink & Destroy exit. They see The Evil Wizard walk by.*
EW - Gentleman.
FFC - Wiz.
*Drink & Destroy walk the opposite direction. As TEW turns a corner we hear him say...*
EW - Excellent.
Fade to black
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 17:58:49 GMT -5
<MHJ pokes his head into GM the Rick's office>
MHJ: Rick
GMtR: What? WHAT! WHAT!
MHJ: Just so you know, me and Crete are the #1 contenders
GMtR: Yeah but the rankings....
MHJ: C'mon, since when did the rankings REALLY determine the #1 contender? You know that is only used if the champs have nothing to do.
GMtR: Yeah, you got a point
MHJ: So Cindee huh? Does, um, you "other" lady know about this
GMtR: Uh, no Moose, and let's keep it that way huh?
MHJ: Then I suppose we should talk deals then
GMtR: Damnit
<Moose closes the door and we fade to black>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 17:59:18 GMT -5
*Stank makes his way back to the Rick's office*
Stank - Hey Rick.
GMtR - GRRRRRRRRR
Stank - So I was watching the monitor... hell of a thing those ninja cameramen.
GMtR - Yes, I slipped up when I said The Team from Down Under were the number one contenders.
Stank - So it's true. Anyone can arbitrarily become #1 contender.
GMtR - IT'S NOT arbitrary... well... it kinda is BUT STILL...
Stank - We want to be number one contenders after Moose and Crete.
GMtR - It DOESN'T work like tha... FOCUS MAN! Murder and Styner!
Stank - FINE!
*Stank leaves. Before Rick has a chance to settle himself, TTFDU burst in!*
Outback Jack - ALROIGHT MATE! So When do we get...
GMtR - YOU'RE NOT NUMBER 1 CONTENDERS. I FUCKED UP!
Gatorbait - We're... we're not?
GMtR - No.
Wally - But you said...
GMtR - I KNOW what I said. I'm sorry. I was a little distracted by... an interview I was... conducting.
Wally - You mean Cindy?
GMtR - You KNOW her?
Wally - Yeah. It was a long time ago... in Thailand.
GMtR - Thailand... again?
Wally - What can I say? Business was good in Thailand.
GMtR - Alright. Get out.
[Scene ends]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 17:59:40 GMT -5
*Chris Alt strolls into the Rick's office*
CA: Hey, chief.
TR: JESUS GODDAMN CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW?
CA: I just wanted to say hi.
TR: ...
CA: Wanna go play hopscotch with me and Hardbody?
TR: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I SKIN YOU ALIVE AND FIRE YOUR ASS.
CA: Dude, I'm thinking you need more fiber in your diet.
TR: OUT!
CA: OK! Jeez!
*camera follows CA out of TRs office*
HH: Did he want to play?
CA: Nah. Bad time, I think.
HH: His loss. Let's go.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:00:02 GMT -5
(Microplay is in the backstage area alongside Skeem Gene Okerlund, anticipating his matchup against OOWF world champion Niles Anderson)
Skeem - Microplay, you've had numerous shots against the OOWF champion these days, and have fallen just short of getting the victory. Will it be different this time??
Microplay - Different?? It will be the same in MANY respects. I will beat him to a bloody pulp once again, but this time, i'm going to get the job done for good.
Skeem - You've certainly had some gruelling encounters in the past, that we know...
Microplay - And Niles has never been able to beat me clean, because he can't. This time, i'm going to take what's rightfully mine, and i will NOT lose.
Niles Anderson...your months aren't numbered, your weeks aren't numbered, your days......THEY, are numbered...
(Microplay stares hard into the cameras)
"This time, I won't just take your title, but i will take your LIFE.
(Microplay leaves the backstage area as cameras fade)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:00:23 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline are outside The Rick's office.
AA: Shall we go inside and join the joke?
JA: Are you kidding? We don't ride coattails. We make the jokes!
AA: Good point.
JA: By the way...where the hell were you last week? You left a gapping "Who drove the Hummer" hole in our promo.
AA: Dude, sorry. Other business called. Had to help a medical fraud investigation team document their Standard Operating Procedures. Where were you?
JA: Babysitting a bridge through another freakin' hurricane.
AA: Real life sucks, huh?
JA: No shit.
Ackward silence as both realize they've seriously broke kay-fabe.
AA: So you want to go get a sandwich?
JA: After 18 holes? Sure thing.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:00:44 GMT -5
*Adjuster and Adrenaline are about to go get their sandwiches when Drink & Destroy stroll by. They grab Johnny and Attitude and Push them into The Rick's office.*
GMtR - ARRRGGH! WHAT?
JA - Hey, That wasn't our fault!
AA - The nerve of those two.
GMtR - GET OUT!
JA - OK we're leaving, but since we're in here anyway can...
GMtR - NO!
JA - But you don't even know what I'm gonna ask?
GMtR - I don't CARE. The answer is still NO!
AA - Sheesh. Fine. We're leaving.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:01:09 GMT -5
*SFJ #1999 is standing in the backstage area with Phil. Phil has a sack over his shoulder and a large grin can be made out under his tight-fitting ninja mask.*
SFJ: Phil! We haven't heard from you in weeks. You and Beast have been showing up, fighting and then disappearing for the rest of the week. What's up?
PH: Yar. Feels good ta be talkin' to ye, fer sure thar, missy. Now I canneh be speakin' for what Beast's been up to but ye be rest assured it had somethin' ta be doin' with a can of tuna, 14 back issues of "Highlight's for Children," an unborn chicken an' his mom's vagina.
SFJ: Oh goodness.
PH: Tweren't nothin' good about it, says I.
SFJ: What is that over your shoulder, Phil?
PH: That be an excellent question. Yar. Spell components? Nay. Be it a sack full o' finely crafted ninja throwing stars? Nay. Be it Beast's mom's virginity? Yar, t'would be impossible... her father stole that from 'er when she was 5... No, what I be havin' in this sack be the reason I've been bein' so quiet up until now.
SFJ: You don't have Underdawg in there do you?
PH: Yar. No. T'would be retarded, that. No, in this sack I be havin' me very first product endorsement deal!
*Phil opens the sack and four Little Giant Ladders crash out onto the floor.*
PH: Yar! 'Tis th' Little Giant Ladder! When the makers of this 'ere fine product saw Beast and I crash through a wall a few weeks back, they immediately called me up an' asked if I'd be bein' interested in testn' out their ladders. See, bein' the toughest and heaviest competitor in all of the OOWF, they'd be figurin' I could put these ladders through their paces. ye' know, give 'em a good testin'.
SFJ: Wow... ladders.
PH: Yar yar YAR, now be waitin' just a moment thar, lassie. These be 24 ladders in one... an entire ladder SYSTEM. Thar be A-Frame ladders, 90 degree ladders, staircase ladders, extension ladders...
*Phil grabs one of the ladders off the floor and begins to fold it into many different, useful looking configurations. He folds all 4 ladders into a complicated, yet sturdy, scaffolding system. He pulls SFJ up on top of the structure with him.*
PH: Yar, when be the last time ye be feelin' this safe an' secure at the top of a ladder? It even be holdin' my mighty girth!
SFJ: Um what does this have to do with Beast, or your iParrot? Don't you want that thing back?
PH: Yar... *Phil looks off, mistily.* I do. BUT they just be comin' out with this new iParrot Nano. I be pickin' mine up yesterday. Doesn't be holdin' as many songs but...
SFJ: Well, where is it then?
PH: It be inside me. Yar. It be "nano," after all. It just be floatin' around in me body, playin' music... but alas, it ain't be like me ol' iParrot. No, not at all...
*A single tear rolls down Phil's cheek.*
PH: Anyway... if ye be contactin' yer operators now ye can be ownin' yer very own Little Giant Ladder systen fer 4 easy payments of just $89.95.
*Just then, Beast crashes through the wall knocking into the ladders! Fortunately, the Littel Giant Ladder System is so sturdy, that they do not fall! Beast tries to crash through them again, but to no avail! The vibrations knock SFJ#1999 off the top of the 15 foot high scaffold and onto the ground. her head splits open and brains leak out all over the floor.*
B: What the FUCK is going on around here!?
*Phil leaps down from the top of the ladders and confronts Beast.*
PH: YAAAAAR! Wanna buy a ladder?
B: Hmmm, they are rather sturdy, aren't they?
PH: Yar. Best ladder ye could be buyin'.
B: Well, I'd rather punch your face, actually.
PH: I'd rather be havin' me iParrot back... actually.
*They stare each other down for close to 15 minutes. Seriously. It was a really long time. Then Beast looks over onto the floor and yells "LOOK BRAINS!" Phil whips around to see SFJ's brains all over the floor. He lustily lurches at the carnage and begins to slurp up her skull juices. Beast pulls his checkbook out of his trunks, makes out a check for $89.95, throws it at Phil, picks up one of the ladders and smacks Phil over the head with it a dozen times until Phil is unconscious.*
B: Yup. These things sure are sturdy. Oh buy the way, that check'll probably bounce. Ha ha ha haa. HA HA HA HAAA HAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
*Beast folds the Little Giant Ladder under his arm and walks over Phil's unconscious body and out of frame.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:01:29 GMT -5
(CTG marches up to GM The Rick's office door, but before he can knock, he spots a sign hanging from the doorknob)
UNSANDING - DO NOT DISTURB! THIS MEANS YOU, POTSIE! The Rick
CTG: "Unsanding"? hokay.... (drops off a bill for $449 for 2 coils each of barbed and razor wire, a half-dozen metal chairs, two baseball bats, one Little Giant Ladder, matches, lighter fluid, and 15 bottles of "Vault" soda) He'll call me later... (walks off)
(fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:01:50 GMT -5
*Sexy Female Journalist #Ax^2+Bx+C=0 is interviewing The Beast.*
SFJ#Quadratic Equation: beast. the one advantage you had over phil was that you had the last iParrot in the galaxy. now with the introduction of the iParrot Nano, how do you expect to keep one step ahead of him?
Beast: he thinks the iParrot Nano is so cool cuz it's small enough to flow through his blood stream, but he gets so much less the fuctionality with it. see, that's the problem with space zombies. they're all style over substance. form over fuction. but phil thinks the nano is just soooooo cool he had to get one. who cares that the standard iParrot is only 50 bucks more and holds 5 TIMES THE SONGS. iParrots aren't about the songs, apparently. they're about the status.
and who the fuck wants a parrot flowing through their blood stream anyway??? my iParrot sits on my shoulder, like a fucking parrot is supposed to, and squawks, and repeats things, and holds 5 TIMES THE SONGS of the iyou suck and are banned Nano.
SFJ#QE: and i notice even through all that, you still bought a Little Giant Ladder off of phil.
B: never let it be said that the beast will let personal issues come between himself and a quality product. this thing is just the shit. best ladder on the market. and unlike that sellout phil, i dont need to be paid to say it. and with the debt that my evil twin brother monster put me in by signing a contract for me where i apparently pay the OOWF to work here, i've had to do alot of my home improvement work myself. cant really afford a contractor right now. and losing underdawg's power saw back to donovan viper all those months ago has made the projects quite difficult. since getting this Little Giant Ladder, i've been able to do the same work in half the time! plus, it'd hurt like shit when i slam phil over the head with it. it's a double win!!!
SFJ#QE: one last question. phil explained why he's been so quiet lately, what's your reason?
B: oh, i had to go jerk-off.
SFJ#QE: for 3 weeks?
B: baby, i last! why dont you come into my locker room here and i'll show you whats up...
SFJ#QE: INTERVIEW OVER!
*fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:02:16 GMT -5
[Attitude Adjuster is sitting in the locker room munching on a sandwich when Johnny Adrenaline walks in carrying a strap.]
JA: Hey, look what I found in the car...
AA: Damn it, we could've used that last week.
JA: Well, we did. But we never introduced it into the promo. We're slacking.
AA: Yeah, but we'll make up for it this week.
JA: How do you suppose we do that?
AA: You seen the card yet?
JA: Only card I saw today was a scorecard. Shot a 77, best round I've had in about five months.
AA: Get this, Johnny. It's me and you against Harris and Altar Boy.
JA: [rubs hands together in anticipation] Oh hell...
AA: That's right. After the beating we on them two clowns last week on Mayhem, they'll be ripe for the pickins'.
JA: Yeah, but what does that have to do with us making up for an open-ended promo?
AA: Johnny, are you really that airheaded?
SFJ#331: [peeking in from outside] Yes, even moreso than me.
JA: Shut up!
AA: Johnny, I'll just say this. We are going to cut the "superior" promo in the OOWF this week.
[AA and JA grin maniacally as we fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:02:38 GMT -5
*The Superfriends walk into a locker room that says Adrenaline/Adjuster without bothering to knock*
HH: Hey, you bike wrecking jerkoffs! Where are you punks?
CA: Doesn't look like anyone's here, Hardbody.
HH: Well, I think we should leave them a message.
CA: What do ya have in mind, buddy?
HH *digs through JA's and AA's bags and dumps cayenne pepper in their jock straps and smears Cheez Whiz on their trunks*
CA: You are a vicious, bitter man.
HH: I LOVED those bikes.
CA: Let's bail.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:03:02 GMT -5
Mark Vander is in his locker room. Alexander Bensoir is off doing business stuff somewhere else. Someone walks into the room.
MV: What the hell do you want?
Camera pans out to show us Donovan Viper.
DV: Oh, you know. The usual. To see pain, anguish, distress, and eventually insanity in your face.
MV: Hmph.
DV: What? Are you even going to try to get Missy back? I did this to fuck with you, man, but it doesn't seem like you care anymore. I mean, the torture that I give her isn't nearly as rewarding if you just show up every week to fight some no-name local jobber. Missy doesn't even fight back anymore since you don't seem intent on rescuing her from my evil, sensual clutches anymore. It's either that or she, you know... likes it. Haha!
MV: Why you little punk.
Vander gets off his seat to attack Viper then Harper Camby and Tommy O'Neill step into the picture. Vander steps back.
DV: Heh. That's what I thought you yellow bastard.
MV: So why are you here, Viper? To torture me?
DV: No, no, no. I'm just curious as to what you plan on doing about Missy, that's all.
MV: I don't know..
DV: I'll TELL YOU what we're going to do! I'm still pissed off that your pathetic self won our last feud. I'm pissed off that you handed me my ass months ago. I want retribution. I was the WORLD FUCKING CHAMPION. You were a two-bit 160 lb. corporate shill and a JOBBER. I want you in the ring, I want to wipe the mat with your face, and I want it at the Hell On Earth PPV.
MV: You've taken everything else from me, why not? Besides, my neck's not at 100% yet...
Viper SLAPS Vander across the face!
DV: YOU BITCH! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO TAKE MISSY BACK. ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? FUCK YOUR NECK. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A HUMAN BEING THAT I HAVE WRECEKED THE SOUL OF YOU MISERABLE GNAT!
MV: Yeah... Yeah... It is. So... All right Viper. You want me? You got me. But on one condition. You bring Missy. If I beat you, you release her, and you leave me the hell alone forever. At Hell On Earth, in Dayton, Ohio, I promise will break you. What you've done to Missy, I will do tenfold to you!
DV: That's the spirit, boy. Be angry with me. Fill yourself up with rage, and unleash it on me.
Viper and the Devil's Brigade leave.
DV: Oh. I have someone here who wants to see you.
MV: Missy? Is that you?
The masked woman in black walks up to Vander. A tear forming is visible from her left eye. She SLAPS Vander across the cheek and KICKS him in the gut! She leaves.
MV: What.... have they... done to... you?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:03:24 GMT -5
*The Aussies are watching the monitor in their locker room*
OBJ: That's a funny coincidence.
GB: What?
OBJ: Viper's ninja is also named Missy, just like that sheila he kidnapped, and she knows Vander too!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:03:51 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are watching Hardbody Harris deface their gear on a monitor at an undisclosed location. All we can see is a sunset skyline.]
JA: Why that no good sack of...
AA: Johnny, chill out. We've got them right where we want them.
JA: Yeah, you're right. But it's the priniciple of the matter.
AA: Johnny, we're mega stars, man. We can get new bags, new trunks, new everything. It's nothing, man. You want a sandwich?
JA: Yeah, I guess I could for another.
AA: I think the rope ladder's over there.
JA: Yo Tude... don't start the party without me.
[Camera follows Johnny over and the shot fades out to reveal AA and JA on top of Hardbody's 60 foot SUPERIOR WRESTLER trophy. Johnny climbs down the rope ladder as AA poses on top of the trophy. Fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:04:12 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris, Chris Alt, and Fievel are walking back from the locker room and are singing TV theme songs.*
CA: What about that mouse show?
HH: You mean the Disney one?
Fievel: F-I-E V-E-L M-O-U-S-E!
*Fievel falls down giggling. It’s adorable.*
HH: Heh, that’s right, little buddy. So, how do you feel about the triple threat OOWF Championship match at Hell On Earth?
CA: I can’t wait. Whichever of us wins, it’s like we both win! We’re gonna take what that stupid Niles loves most.
HH: His championship belt?
CA: Yeah. It’s not like he has a GIRLFRIEND for us to take!
HH: OH SNAP~!
*They high five. The screen freezes at the height of their jump, and then a second later they come down*
CA: So whattaya want to do?
HH: Hmmm….I suppose we could play Stratego.
CA: You ALWAYS want to play Stratego. I want to play Operation.
HH: Hmm. What about Mousetrap.
Fievel: HELL NO!
*Hardbody and Harris look down at Fievel and blink*
Fievel: Sowwy. That game bwings back bad memowies.
HH: Well, let’s go back to my trophyhouse and decide. I’ve got a ton of games to choose from. And I just got a snowcone maker!
CA: SCORE! I love your trophy house. It’s the bestest hangout two friends could ever have.
HH: Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do without it. It validates me as the SUPERIOR WRESTLER and is my anchor in life. It really is my pillar of strength. Like Samson and his hair, if something ever happened to my trophy I’d probably lose my abilities and will to live. I’d be a wreck. You know how some people kill themselves after losing a loved one? The loss of my trophy would probably cause me to go into a deep depression that would sap me of any strength and motivation I’d have to do anything, including winning the OOWF championship. The trophy is symbolic of my very being, of my very breath. Just the thought of it brings me joy. The idea of losing it is unbearable. See? I’m on the verge of tears now. Nothing can ever happen to that trophy. I swear, the day tha…
CA: Dude, are you done?
HH: I’m just putting over how important that trophy is to me. What’s the big deal?
CA: You’re being a bit melodramatic.
HH: Really? I want to make my emotions clear.
CA: Well, you did that about 3 minutes ago. Come on, forget about it. I see the trophy just off to the right. Let’s go there and play Jenga
HH: Jenga? I don’t like the sound of that…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:04:38 GMT -5
Johnny Adrenaline returns to Hardbody's trophy with a pair of Ric Flair Specials. HE finds Attitude Adjuster at the top of the trophy preparing a promo. It looks like AA is suffering from writer's block.
JA: What's the problem, "good buddy"?
AA: Yeah, I know. Doesn't this trophy just ooze with faceness? Is "face" contagious?
JA: I hope not. So what's up? Looks like you're trying to cut a promo.
AA: Well, you know Evil Wizard had the audacity to call me out. I mean, what's he thinking? Like he's gonna get a rub off me? I decide who gets rubs from Attitude Adjuster, not the other way around. Chris Alt, for instance. Where would he be if it weren't for me being in his Popcorn and Porn promo?
And then there's a second issue. How am I supposed to fight Evil Wizard? I'm a heel. He's a heel. I'm not turning face for his sake. And I've looked through all my Mid-South Wrestling tapes and can't find a decent way for heels to fight each other and remain heels.
JA: So Evil Wizard is out of the picture? No promo?
AA: NO PROMO FOR EVIL WIZARD! NO SOUP FOR YOU!...Unless one of them wins a title. Then it's worth kicking Wiz around again.
JA: But wasn't this just a promo?
AA: Oh...Can we find a more intersting topic to leave the viewers with? Something really heelish and old school?
JA: I think I have what you're looking for. Check this out.
JA turns to the camera.
JA: Boy, AA, this is a nice trophy. And Harris sure seems to care about it a lot. It would be just HORRIBLE if something happened to it.
AA: Like masked men knocking it over? I have my mask in the car. Should I get it?
JA: Ix-ney on the ask-mey! Remember??
AA: Oh yeah. Hellion is the masked guys. And Missy. I forgot.
JA: Idiot...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:04:59 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris stops walking and pulls out wallet from some crevice of his wrestling gear. He opens it up and takes out a picture of him and the SUPERIOR WRESTLER trophy at Mount Rushmore*
HH: Oh, trophy. I can't stop thinking of you. What keeps me going is that I know we'll have so many more memories to share for years to come.
*Alt looks at him strangely as they continue walking towards the trophy*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:05:23 GMT -5
**Eric O’Mac walks into the locker room where L.D. Williams is sitting** LD: “Eric! Thar ye be!” EOM: “Say What?” LD: “It be good to be seein’ ye, me land-lubbin friend!” EOM: “Why are you talking like Phil?” LD: “It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day me boy. We be supposed to talk like this, in honour of our theivin, rapin, pillagin’ friends.” EOM: “You know it’s going to piss Phil off, right?” LD: “With Johnny Adrenaline so busy hiding, this be giving me something to do.” EOM: “Yar.” This promo be brought to you by www.talklikeapirate.com
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:05:46 GMT -5
*Mikey Styner is at Flair's sandwich table*
Flair - wooo. Ohh man am I tired. The Intercontinental is the special for today. What'll you have, FATboy? wooo.
Styner - What's the Intercontinental?
Flair - Turkey, roastbeef, salami and liver pudding on a croissant.
Styner - ewww. I'll have roastbeef on rye.
Flair - HEY! Don't you turn your nose up at the Intercontinental. Do you see THIS BELT? I am the WWE Intercontinental CHAMPION baby! I've made a sandwich to immortalize the occasion. Oh HOW sweet it is! Now take the special. LOVE it or HATE it ...
Styner - Uh can I just have the sandwich I asked for please?
Flair - stupidyoungpunk... FINE! Roastbeef on rye. wooo.
*Mikey Styner takes a bite out of his sandwich. Just then Drink & Destroy wander by*
FFC - Congratulations champ I'll take the special.
Stank - Make that two.
Flair - Alriiiight! Now here we have two boys who know a good sandwich when they see one. WOOO!
Stank - Hey Styner. We got a match coming up against you and Dr. Murder. You're looking at a team that's not afraid of either one of you.
Styner -
FFC - Hey shorty. We're talking to you.
*Styner turns his back to leave. FFC walks over to Styner and flicks the back of his ear*
Styner - OW! QUIT IT!
*Styner turns and Stank flicks his other ear*
Styner - HEY! GRRRR
*Drink & Destroy collect their sandwiches and walk away. Styner glares at them then gives chase*
Stank - What's that noise?
FFC - You feel that? Is it an earthquake?
Stank - Oh SH*T!
*Drink & Destroy turn and see Styner bounding after them. Stank & FFC run down the hall as Styner gives chase. Drink and Destroy reach the end of the hall with nowhere else to go. It's a dead end.*
FFC - Uh oh.
*Styner rounds the corner and has D&D in his sights. He runs, rolls and BOWLS into D&D who topple like bowling pins complete with sound effects. Drink & Destroy are left lying. Styner casually reaches down and picks up Stank's sandwich. Dr. Murder wanders by and picks up FFC's sandwich. Murder takes a bite.*
DM - MMMMM this is damn tasty.
Styner - Ewww liver pudding.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:06:09 GMT -5
<MHJ in a room, lit by a single bulb. Jack is heavily bandaged and still has dried blood all over his face. In one hand, Jack has a knife, as he speaks he is scraping away the brand that Niles gave him, blood flows down his chest, Jack doesn’t even notice. There is a long silence, and finally Jack speaks>
Niles, you got me. I will admit, I didn’t think you had the balls to make the first move. I had you pegged as a coward, content to run your mouth and let your bitch boys do all the damage. I can admit it, I was wrong. You stepped up, you crossed the line, you fired the first shot. For once in your miserable life you showed some guts, for once in your life, you were a man. But Niles, you have no idea what you started.
Niles, do you honestly think this is over? Do you honestly think because you get the better of me once that I will just curl up and die? Conveniently go away and let you bask in your glory?
I don’t think so.
See Niles, once again, while I give you credit for being a man and landing the first shot, once again, you are not a very smart man. You had the chance to finish things early, but you made an unfortunate mistake: you left me breathing. Niles look at me, do you really think I care? You can hit me with chairs, you can rip my skin with barbed wire, you can break my bones <glancing down at his chest> you can burn my flesh. In the end, it doesn’t matter. As long as I have a breath in my body, even if I have to drag myself to the ring, I won’t stop. I won’t stop. Not until you suffer, not until you bleed, not until I take everything from you. Before this is over, I will take your blood. I will take your flesh and tear it from your body. I will make you suffer, I will make you scream. All that will come in good time. But first, I take what is most dear to you. I will take that title from around your waist.
Now Niles, I know what you are thinking, you are thinking I am a changed man. You say you are not afraid of me. That may well be true. Right now you are feeling pretty good about yourself. You got one over on me, you beat down Moosehead Jack.
<looking directly into the camera> But Niles, I make you one promise, you will see a side of Moosehead Jack that not you, nor anyone else has ever seen before. Niles I am telling you this, and I want you to think about this real hard. You can’t stop me. You can beat me, you can bloody me, you can break my bones. But you can’t stop me. You have no idea what you have unleashed, you have no idea what you are in for. You had the chance to finish me, you had a chance to end it all before it even got started. But you failed. You couldn’t get the job done. Now Niles, now I am out for blood, I am out for your blood. You won’t know when it is coming, or where, but I guarantee you this
You Are Mine…
Trust me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 18:06:30 GMT -5
*TTFDU is walking around the corner from the Best Friends*
OBJ: Many's the time when I was on walkabout in the Outback and the only things between me and starvation were the local rodents and...Oh, g'day mates!
HH: I thought I asked you not to talk about that stuff when the ousemay might earhay.
OBJ: Sorry, mate.
WBK: Hey, how's that trophy house of yours?
HH: Just as awesome as ever!
CA: He's got a snowcone maker.
GB: Well, you guys must be in a hurry to get over there, since it's such a great place for 2 best friends to hang out. Not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.
HH: That is so true! Later, dudes!
WBK: Have fun, and watch out for falling anvils.
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