OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 10-05-05

[mooseheadjack]

<GM the Rick walks out to the bulletin board where the lineup cards are normally posted and posts this:>

The OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Lineup will be posted in it's entirety later. Check back for details.

As for now:

Hellion has asked for, and recieved, his release from the OOWF. Everyone here in the OOWF wishes Hellion the best in his future endeavors.

GimmickMan has asked for, and recieved his release from the OOWF. We at OOWF wish GimmickMan the best in his future endeavors

[mooseheadjack]

:Originally posted by mooseheadjack
GimmickMan has asked for, and recieved his release from the OOWF. We at OOWF wish GimmickMan the best in his future endeavors

The Devil's Brigade walks up and se the releases,

TO: luk a dis 'Arpa....Hellion, that fekkin wanka we put da hurtin on quit a few munts back quit....

HC: huh...go figure, so did Gimmickman.....lets go blow up his car!

TO: Helluva idea...i gut me sum C4 least week

HC (wicked smile): excellent

[mooseheadjack]

<Since there was a 1 pm Press Confereence scheduled, we see a podium with several mics set up on it outside of GM the Rick's door. Rick is fashionably late of course, but finally he emerges with a statement in hand, and reads the following>

On April 20th 2005, Concrete Takaken Gryphon signed a contract for a match with Moosehead Jack at the April 24th Blood on the Walls Pay Per View. This contract stipulated that should Moosehead Jack win the match, Concrete TG would be forced to team with Moose for a period of six months, ending on October 24th 2005. The contract also stipulated that should this team come to fruition, if either man were to break the contract by doing bodily harm on the other withing the space of the six month mandatory teaming, they would be suspended for a period of six months

On April 24th, 2005 at Blood on the Walls, Concrete TG lost the match to Moosehead Jack forcing them to become teammates for a period of six months, and triggering the physical contact clause in the contract.

On September 28th 2005, shortly after the MidWeek Mayhem - Imperial Onslaught, in Spread Eagle Wisconsin, there was an altercation backstage involving Niles Anderson, Johnny Adrenaline, Attitude Adjuster, Moosehead Jack and Concrete TG. In the ensuing brawl, Concrete TG hit Moosehead Jack with a steel chair, causing a mild concussion, and a cut that required 27 stitches.

The OOWF legal team has looked into the incident, and despite no evidence of intent on Concrete TG's part, the act was a direct violation of the letter of the contract.

It is my unfortunate responsibility to have to announce, that because of the actions taken by Concrete TG on the night of September 28th 2005, we have no choice but to declare Concrete TG in violation of his contract and therefore Concrete TG will be suspended for a period of six months. Concrete will be able to return to the OOWF, should he choose, on March 28th 2006.

Thank you, no questions at the moment

<as GM the Rick leaves the podium he turns and posts the lineup on the bulleting board>

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Hardbody Harris

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Mark Vander vs. LD Williams

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
3Piece Set vs. The Team From Down Under

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Canadian Dragon vs. Thim Reynolds

#1 Contenders Match - Winner gets a World Title Shot Next Week[/u]
Capellan vs. Donovan Viper

#1 Contenders Match to the OOWF Tag Team Titles - Winner Gets a Shot Next Week[/u]
wCw vs. The Establishment

Moosehead Jack vs. Chris Alt
Attitude Adjuster vs. Corax
Seraph vs. Firechild
Drink & Destroy vs. Dr. Murder & Mikey Styner
SoulDragon vs. Mercury
The Devil's Brigade vs. Blackdragon & UnderDawg
Eric O'Mac vs. Uncle Entity
Beast vs. Mr. Jealous
Phil vs. Microplay


Card subject to skulduggery and malfeasance

[mooseheadjack]

Viper and Corax look at the bulletings.

DV: Corax, ol' buddy. You did it. You ran Hellion out of the company.

Cor: I did, didn't I? That's right, Hellboy. If you can't take the heat, then get out of Corax's kitchen!

DV: He should've sided with us instead of Underdawg. Then he wouldn't have broken his neck, you wouldn't have had to give him the beating of his life at Hell on Earth, and he's probably still be here.

Cor: Damn skippy!

DV: Speaking of Corax's kitchen, I've got something for you.

Cor: Pudding?

DV: Even better. Ric?

Ric Flair comes in with a gooey sandwich.

RF: Chocolate Pudding Sandwich! Under 6 grams of fat! WHOOO!!!

Cor: Uh... thanks?

DV: Only the best for you, homie.

[mooseheadjack]

Underdawg looks at the bulletin.

UD: Me and Blackdragon against the Devil's Bridage? Interesting booking. What does Dragon have anything to do with...

Just then Underdawg get's attacked by Tommy O'Neill and Harper Camby

TO: Thes es fer keepin us frum bustin up DubyaSeeDubya afta de Onslaught, ye ugle mutt!

Just then Blackdragon comes in to even the odds! After some exchanged fisticuffs, Harper and Tommy leave.

HC: We'll get you!

UD: Thanks. Again.

BD: This time wasn't for Souldragon. This time was for you.

UD: Why?

BD: I don't know. It just seems right.

UD: Ok. Well, at least us being paired up next week against Devil's Brigade makes sense now.

BD: I haven't even seen the bulletin yet. We're being teamed up? Cool! Am I gonna have to keep watching your back?

UD: Funny.

[mooseheadjack]

Black Dragon shrugs his shoulders, the lights dim and a veil of fog rises from the floor. A moment later, UnderDawg has vanished, leaving Black Dragon utterly shocked.

BD: I wonder....

Sexy Female Journalist 221 suddenly appears.

SFJ 221: BD, a moment of your time.

BD: Can't you see I'm having an introspective moment here?

SFJ 221: But, I wanted to ask you about your new alliance with Under Dawg.

BD: Slow your roll little lady. Alliance? That's such a dirty word. Besides, it's just one match. I don't exactly see how that could be considered an alliance. It's barely a partnership.

SFJ 221: So you're saying that this is a one time deal then?

BD: I can't say for certain because I don't book the matches. I'm just taking it one match at a time until I get another shot at my IC title. So no disrespect to the Big Dawg. It will be my honor and pleasure to team up with one of the most dominant big men in wrestling today. But make no mistakes. LD Williams is at the top of my list. So do us both a favor LD and defend that belt around your waist to the best of your abilities. No golf clubs to the back of the head, no getting counted out on purpose, no ducking challengers. In fact, look at all the things Johnny did, and do the opposite. And don't do it because of me, or the fans, or the legacy of the title. Do it for you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a tag partner to track down. Maybe he'll teach me how to do that disappear in a mystical fog thing he does.

[mooseheadjack]

Harper Camby and Tommy O'Neil are running off after assaulting UnderDawg when they walk around a corner and strait into dual chairshots from Drink And Destroy. Stank picks up Camby and delivers the Stank-U on the concrete floor!

Stank- That's for the cheapshit elimination at Imperial Onslaught.

Capslock picks O'Neil up and he and Stank deliver a double powerbomb on top of Camby.

FFC- Drink And Destroy bitches! Who's your D.A.D!?

Stank- Who's your D.A.D?

FFC- Yeah, new catchphrase. You like it?

Stank- That fucking sucks ass.

FFC- Well I got to vindicate my elimination by Donovan Ass Viper, I'll think of a better one on the way there.

Stank- You know we do got a match we might wanna focus on.

FFC- Murder & Styner? Yeah, I focused on that for about six seconds and I came up with "free win." Now come on, we gotta get Viper.

Stank- Hey Devil's Brigade, have fun in your match against Dragon and Dawg.

FFC- Yeah...good luck Bro.

Drink And Destroy run off in search of Donnie Viper.

[mooseheadjack]

**SFJ221 catches up with L.D. Williams**

SFJ221: “L.D., I spoke to Black Dragon moments ago and he had some advice for you…”

LD: “ I saw the interview. Dragon thinks I should do the opposite of what Johnny did as champion. What’s next Dragon? You gonna suggest I breathe air too? I’ve already said I intend to be a fighting champion and I meant it. Anyone, anytime, anywhere.”

SFJ221: “At Midweek Mayhem, you’ll be making your first defense against Mark Vander, who is coming off a tough loss.”

LD: “Loss or not, Vander is one of the best the OOWF has to offer. His head may not be screwed on straight at the moment, but he’s still a heck of a competitor, and I won’t be taking him lightly.”

SFJ221: “One person you won’t have to defend against in the near future is Concrete TG. Do you have any thoughts on the Rick’s decision?”

LD: “That decision was a joke, and I don’t think it was entirely the Rick’s idea. Whatever is going on, we haven’t seen the last of Concrete. In the meantime, Moose knows where to get backup if he needs it.”

SFJ221: “But won’t you be busy defending the title?”

LD: “I’m never too busy to help a…friend, and I never have enough ass to kick. Besides, guys like Johnny, AA, and Niles aren’t exactly on my Christmas card list. If Moose needs me, I’ll be there.”

[mooseheadjack]

*Hardbody Harris is backstage, holding his title belt and eating Kettle Corn from a giant cardboard bucket. The camera swings around and we see that the OOWF TRIK’D OWT TYTLE is displaying a soft-core porn on the television screen in the middle of the belt. Hardbody is engrossed in the ongoing adventures of “Emanuelle in Space.” Sexy Female Journalist Uno…dos…tres…catorce! stands by with a microphone.*

SFJ Uno…dos…tres…catorce: Hello, hello.

HH: ssh….

SFJ: Okay, then. Hardbody you have a match this week versus John…

HH: ssh….

SFJ: But I want to know how yo…

HH: (turns the volume up on his belt)

*SFJ storms away*

HH: It’s good to be the champ. I love this belt. That’s right, Emannuelle…you’re queen of the galaxy.

[mooseheadjack]

[Fade in to Johnny Adrenaline in front of a blue screen.]

JA: [to AA off camera] Is that good? Am I centered?

AA: Yeah, and... action.

JA: The marquee reads "Johnny Adrenaline vs. Hardbody Harris: OOWF World Title Match." A match that would sell out the Superdome.

AA: Um, that wasn't a real good reference.

JA: Whatever, and this week, Midweek Mayhem, Hardbody Harris, your title reign gets cuts WAY short. Remember this?

[The blue screen shows a still of Johnny getting the pinfall on Hardbody in the tag match on Midweek Mayhem two weeks ago.]

JA: I pinned your ass, one...two...three. Clean victory, was it not?

AA: [still off camera] Definitely was, Johnny.

JA: And this Wednesday night, there's gonna be no excuses. No tag partner. Title on the line, live under those bright lights, right there in the middle of that ring. And Harris, I'm gonna pin you again.

[The picture on the screen fades out and then fades into a still close up shot of Hardbody's "Trik'd Owt Tytle."]

JA: A championship belt with a TV screen on it? You're really full of yourself Harris.

AA: He's full of something.

JA: With your porn and girls and all that bullshit.

AA: Hey, I like porn.

JA: Point is, after Wednesday night, and that belt rests on the waist of one half of the greatest tag team in the OOWF, the only thing thats gonna be on repeat on that screen is AA promos.

AA: Good thinking.

[Picture fades out of the "tytle" and back in on a still shot of the Trophyhouse wreckage.]

JA: And Hardbody, if you thought your silly little treehouse was f***ed up, wait until you see how bad I'm gonna f*** up your face in the middle of that ring. [Shot pans back to show Johnny with a piece of a handle off the trophy.] We took your trophy, we took your heart, and this week at Midweek Mayhem, I'm gonna take your OOWF World Heavyweight Championship.

AA: We're doin it for Niles!

JA: Damn right. [Johnny raises the roof as the video cold cuts to black. The audio lingers for a few seconds.]

AA: Speaking of cold cuts, let's grab a sandwich. Ya know, working the camera's fun. You should try it one time.

JA: You think I got a chance against Harris?

AA: We're a team now, and tag wrestlers don't win singles titles.

JA: Well, shit!

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#5 - Hold it still. I want to do a good job.

Stank - Well you got to pull on it here.

SFJ#5 - Here?

Stank - NOT SO HARD! You'll rip it.

SFJ#5 - It's not working.

Stank - Well blow on it. That ought to get it going.

SFJ#5 - Like this?

Stank - Harder

SFJ#5 - How about...

Stank - HARDER!

SFJ# - Ohh

FF Capslock - AHEM!

*Stank and SFJ# 5 whip around towards FFC. SFJ#5 holds her hands behind her back and Stank kicks his locker room door shut behind him.*

Stank - Uh... HEY there Lock. I... I didn't see you standing there.

FFC - What were you two doing... as if I couldn't guess.

Stank - Come again?

FFC - HA!

SFJ#5 - HEY! We were'nt...mmmph!

Stank - Oh YEAH! Can't put one pass you. No siree.

FFC - I suppose she's hiding something naughty behind her back.

Stank - Hey what can I say.

FFC - Well I'll just leave you two alone. Lock the door next time buddy.

Stank - You got it.

*FFC leaves*

SFJ#5 - Why did you cover my mouth?

Stank - This is supposed to be a surprise birthday party for Lock. You were about to give away the secret just to avoid a little embarrassment?

SFJ#5 - Well he better like his present. I can't get the pinwheel to spin.

Stank - I told you... you have to blow on it.

[mooseheadjack]

FF Capslock is walking towards his vehicle. When he gets there he sees a brand new custom paintjob and an envelope under the wiper. The paintjob depicts Drink & Destroy, 2 Time OOWF Tag Champs.

FFC: What did you do Stank (FFC opens the envelope and pulls out the card. He opens the card and hears a beep.) Oh shit

BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

The vehicle explodes into flames sending Capslock falling backwards. Harper Camby & Tommy O’Neil run into the picture. Harper nails Capslock with a chair across the skull and then O’Neil hits a wicked left hook with brass knucks. Capslock is busted open. Tommy & Harper lift up Capslock for a Triple Six in the Middle of the Parking Lot.

TO: ‘Apey bertde ya feri wanka

[mooseheadjack]

After several minutes of unconsciousness, we see FFC staggering to his feet, swearing under his breath. When he finally gets to his feet he turns around the there stands Moosehead Jack

FFC: <Startled> JESUS CHRIST! MOOSE YOU CAN'T SNEAK UP ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT!!! How long have you been there?

MHJ: Long enough

<awkward silence>

FFC: So what the hell do you want?

MHJ: Well, you and I have been cool since you got here, remember I hired you and Stank as mercenaries at one point

FFC: Yeah, I remember that, so?

MHJ: Hey, just to show my appreciation, and since it is your birthday I got you somehting <Jack hands FFC a bag, he opens it and pulls out a wrapping that has broken glass, blood stains, and what appearsto be chunks of flesh ground into it>

FFC: OH! HEY! Yeah, this is Grea...Moose what the hell is this?

MHJ: It's the wrapping I wore the night me and Concrete carved up The Devil's Brigade in our Taipei Death match, see that chunk of flesh right there? That is from Tommy O'Neil's forehead. And see that one over there? That is from Harper Camby's side. The blood is mostly theirs, there might be some of mine on there as well.

<another long awkward silensc>

FFC: Wow Moose, this is......this is truly disturbing

MHJ: I knew you'd like it. Trust me, you will finda use for it. <Moose slaps FFC on the shoulder and walks away>

FFC:<looking at the blood soaked wrap> twisted sumbitch.

[mooseheadjack]

*Canadian Dragon is sitting on top of a ladder when Sexy Female Journalists #42 walks by with a mic on a long pole.*

SFJ#42: "So how do you feel about predicting that Viper would win the Imperial Onslaught?"

CD: "Well you see, in a match like that only the truely dishonrable could win...so it wasn't a hard match to call. That being said, I'm moving on to my match with Thim."

SFJ#42: "Are you at all worried about losing?"

CD: "Am I worried? No. See even if I lose I know my time is coming. I will win that title. It doesn't matter if it's today or some other time...I will win the Onslaught title.

SFJ#42: "Ummmm...yeah....but what if you lose? I mean it's not like yourr win-lose record in title matches is good. Hell...it's pretty crappy!"

*CD grabs the pole and uses it to lift SFJ#42 on to a ladder beside him.*

SFJ#42: "I knew I shouldn't have worn my good panties!"

*CD using the mic poll to knock the ladder over, sending SFJ#42 crashing through Ric Flair's sandwich table.*

CD: "Eat Fresh bitch!"

*Camera fades to black.*

[mooseheadjack]

:Originally posted by Jodrell in random thoughts thread
Woah there preppy!!! Now just why in the hell should Thim duck out of this tournement and let that chumpstain Capellan in just because he forgot to get out of bed . . . what's in it for Thim?? We are prepared to swap Thims place for the World Title Shot that he was cheated out of last week

Signed,

Da Management

wCw walks up to the posted memos.

JW: what a whiny little bitch, who the fuck does this cake eater think he is? Cap you really need to whoop this guy's ass.....

TW & Cap: Cake eater?

JW: you know its an insult....

TW & Cap: ?

JW: goddamn it haven't guys seen Mighty Ducks? its cause he's a spoiled little bitch that thinks he can have his cake and eat it too...

Cap: gotcha...

TW: you gotta remember bud, we didn't grow up in minnesota where everbody's train of thought is a little off kilter due to numerous hockey stick shots to the head

Cap: or where your brains are frozen for 10 1/2 months out of the year.

JW (smiles): you got a point there, assholes

[mooseheadjack]

“Killing in the Name Of” blares out over the PA and 3 Piece Set make their way onto the stage. Firechild grabs a mic first

FC: Seraph. I am not afraid of you. I showed you once before that I can better you in mind games and now I’m going to show that I am better then you in the ring.

Ax: And as for the Aussies. Well we want to thank you for keeping our titles warm for us.

Cole: We have put together a little video package for you to remember some of the good times. Roll the tape.

The scene opens in a shot of the Australian landscape with kangaroos jumping and the 80 hit from Men At Work “Land Down Under” is the background for our video package. The film’s title appears “The Team from Down Under’s Greatest Hits”

January 5, 2005- Midweek Mayhem- Baldhead, Maine
3 Piece Set defeats The Team from Down Under

Video clips of the match. After the pinfall the words “this was even Ax & Cole’s first time tagging” appear.

March 9, 2005- Midweek Mayhem- Plain City, Utah
3 Piece Set defeats The Team from Down Under

Video clips of this match. Afterwards it reads “Still can’t beat us”

May 29, 2005- Blood, Sweat, Fear- Slaughter Beach, Delaware
Hell in the Cell Match
3 Piece Set defeats The Team from Down Under, Drink & Destroy, and Revolution XX

Lots of bloody shots of the new champs. “Even with all your friends you still can’t touch the Set”

July 20, 2005- Midweek Mayhem- Waywayseecappo, Manitoba, Canada
3 Piece Set defeats The Team from Down Under

“yadda, yadda, yadda”

The video concludes with shots of Outback & Gator flat on their backs.

Cole: Wow, that was a great video.

Ax: I think this might be Oscar worthy.

FC: 2 Thumbs Way Up.

Cole: Enjoy those title guys. History doesn’t lie. Next week the belts come back home where they belong.

“Killing in the Name Of” starts again and 3 Piece Set leave to a chorus of boos.

[mooseheadjack]

FF Capslock is walking down the hall with the bag that Moosehead Jack gave him.

FFC: Demented motherfu.... That guy's sick in the head.

The lights flicker.

BONG!

FFC: Oh for chrissakes! What now?

BONG!

Smoke rises. As it clears, Underdawg appears!

UD: Capslock. Drinking and destroying are two of my favorite things, you know.

FFC: Uh, ok.

UD: I come to wish you a happy birthday, and to give you this.

Underdawg hands FFC a package.

FFC looks down and says "Thanks!" When he looks up, Underdawg has dissappeared!

FFC: How does he do that?

FFC opens up the package to find an old bone.

FFC: I don't understand...

A door opens behind him, and Seraph's head sticks out.

Ser: But you will...

The door shuts.

FFC: THIS PLACE IS FREAKING WEIRD!!!

[mooseheadjack]

*Evil Wizard walks out with Mercury*

Mercury: I've carried you for so long now Sould Dragon! You make me sick! I've carried you like a baby, like Marty Jannetty, like... like X-pac. You suck harder than a whore who's rent is due, I'm gonna hand you your ass back to you on the end of my boot, you understand?

EW: I never liked him anyway...

Mercury: Yeah? And what about my Intercontental title shot, the one you promised me? Since I got with you you've been handing me deadbeats, tagging me up with that piece of garbage - well tonight I'm gonna take out the trash but next week - I want a title shot.

EW: And that's what you'll get, heh heh heh. The Rick hasn't seen anything yet!

*fade out, we next see the Evil Wizard in the Rick's office, he is clearly hiding something in his poket in a machiavellian manner*

R: Yes?

*Evil Wizard suddnly sprays something in the Rick's face, The Rick is knocked unconscious. The Evil Wizard starts to speak, for some reason in a German accent*

EW: Ven you vake up, you will grant MERCURY a shot a ve intercontential title, next veek.

*Evil Wizard looks around to see if anyone is coming*

EW: You vill also vink vat the one known as.... Moosehead Jack... is incredibly, INCREDIBLY attractive... you will want to sleep with him... HA HA HA HA HA Muwhahahaha!... now.... wake, wake...

R: Oh... I don't know what happened then.

EW: Nothing, nothing... I just came to see if you were still considering Microplay for the World Heavyweight title. He got 3 shots against Niles Anderson and he was SCREWED you understand, SCREWED. Now I want Microplay back in the title picture - I don't care if it's this week, next week or the week after but my man deserves to be champion. I want Microplay to get a shot at an event. A PPV. You got that?

R: Um... gee, I'll see what I can do. Now can you leave me be? I have a headache.

*EW leaves chuckling to himself*

[mooseheadjack]

<Moosehead Jack is walking down the hallway being his usual surly self when SFJ13 corners him with a microphone>

SFJ13: Moose, can I have a minute of your time

<Moose rolls his eyes and looks annoyed

SFJ13: Moose, did you hear me?

MHJ: Yes, WHAT! What do you want?

SFJ13: Your tag team partner Concrete TG has been suspended for six months after hitting you with a chair after this week’s MidWeek Mayhem, what is your reaction?

MHJ: My reaction? It’s a bunch of bullshit, that’s my reaction. You wanna know how much input I had on this matter? None. The OOWF legal team never came to me, GM the Rick never came to me to ask what happened, they just decided to take Concrete and suspend him. So, what happens to Moose? I don’t get a chance to regain the titles, that’s what. And there can only be one man behind this

SFJ13: And who would that be?

MHJ:<glaring at SFJ13> Are you serious? Obviously Niles is behind this. I mean what other sniveling coward would get HIS legal team involved in something that was none of his concern? I mean look at the past, Johnny, AA and Niles have all threatened litigation at one point or another. Niles, I warned you, and you kept pushing. Then you took it upon yourself to knock me cold, and put your brand on my chest. Then you cost me my tag titles. Then you get my tag partner kicked out of the OOWF. So then what happens? Just when he has me pissed off more than he even thought possible, he turns and runs, his tail between his legs like the damn coward we all know he is. Well I said this once Niles, and I will say it again, there is not enough land on this planet for you to put enough room between you and I. I know damn well you will be back eventually, and when you decide to grow a set and step foot back in the OOWF, I will be right here, waiting. And then, the most pain filled miserable days of your life will begin.

SFJ13: What do you do until then? What is next for Moosehead Jack?

MHJ: Well, we are pretty wide open right about now aren’t we? New divisions, new opportunities, new challenges…and for me? New people to wail on. Chris Alt, this brings me to you. See it was no mistake that you and I will meet this week. No, no. I saw my opportunity, and I decided to make the best of it. Chris Alt, the golden boy, the chosen one. Hardbody Harris’ best friend. Alt, you and I have crossed paths before, how’d that turn out for you? Let me refresh your memory, They had to stop the match to save your worthless life. I had you on the mat, pounding you with the heart punch. Think back to that moment Chris Alt, think back to February 23, the Semi-Finals of the OOWF Invitational. I held your life in my hands, I held your career in my hands, I could have ended both that night, on the spot. But I didn’t, I chose to let you go. Think back to that moment Alt, think back to the helplessness you felt at that moment

<The camera focuses tight on Moose’s eyes, which burn with intensity and hatred>

Think back to that night Alt, and ask yourself, what if this time, what if Moose doesn’t choose to let me go. What if Moose decides to end my career this time? The fact is Alt, you can’t win the big one, when it is crunch time, you always come up short. You couldn’t beat Niles when it mattered, you couldn’t beat Viper when it mattered, you couldn’t beat Harris when it mattered. And when it matters this week at MidWeek Mayhem……

You
Won’t
Beat
Me

You will choke again. You will choke again, but this time it won’t just cost you a title, it will cost you your career.

Trust me

<Fade out>

[mooseheadjack]

Homely Female Jounalist Hired For Diversity Purposes catches a desheveled looking FF Capslock in the hallway.

HFJHFDP- So FF Capslock, word around OOWF is that your birthday is coming up.

FFC- Yeah, and the entire OOWF has decided to celebrate by weirding me the fuck out at every opprotunity.

HFJHFDP- So you get to wrestle you're arch rivals on your birthday. How do you feel about that?

FFC- Arch rivals?! You'd think the ugly chick would be hired cause she was smart. Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner are not my arch rivals. I think I saw Dr. Murder in a hallway once and I sat in a seat adjacent to Mikey Styner on the plane to Canada. If that's how rivalries are born, bring it on fellas. I got peices of the fuck faces, The Devil's Brigade on some tape and a bone from UnderDawg. My car's been blown up. My partner's getting blown by a journalist in our lockerroom so I can't go back there so I don't know where to go. However I'm afraid of what will happen if I stay out here too long. What's next? An old hair-covered lollypop from Phil? An old jockstrap from Canadian Dragon? The Clap from Donovan Viper? This is horrible.

HFJHFDP- So Muder and Styner should watch their ass, huh?

FFC- Shut the fuck up! Now my catchphrase has been ruined by a dumb ugly bitch. Fucking fantastic.

HFJHFDP- Wait, where are you going?

FFC- I'm gonna go find a good hiding place and just cry untill Wednesday.

[mooseheadjack]

Stank - Ok it's done. Now take this and hide it in your locker room.

SFJ#5 - Ok but I'm not finished playing with the...

Stank - HERE! just TAKE the pinwheel. It was unecessary fluff anyway.

SFJ#5 - Ooooh goodie!

*SFJ#5 exits with FF Capslock's gift in tow. Stank turns to grab his gear out of his locker when there is a knock on the door*

Stank - Number five that better not be you.

*Stank opens the door when an arm reaches in and grabs Stank's shirt by the chest. Stank knocks the arm off and stares at Mikey Styner as he struggles with getting through the locker room door, his arm flailing*

Styner - MMMMMF! ERRRRGG! RRRRRFF! I'LL GET YOU STANK!

Stank - You having trouble getting through that door? My my... and they say I'M fat.

Styner - SHUT UP! It's just a little baby fat.

Stank - HA HA HAAHHAAHHAA! You GOT to be kidding. Is this about me eliminating you at Imperial Onslaught?

Styner - UUUUUUUHHH! When I get my hands on YOU!

Stank - I suppose this is why the loading dock serves as your locker room.

Styner - OH YEAH? Well... YOUR MOMMA!

Stank - Oh... no... you... didn't.

*Styner struggles with the door a bit longer before tiring himself out.*

Styner - I'm hungry. Where's Flair?

*Styner walks off*

Stank - God I hope he doesn't mean he gonna eat Flair.

*Stank walks out following Styner*

[mooseheadjack]

*Chris Alt is OMG WALKING!!! backstage when he's approached by Sexy Female Journalist #14*

SFJ14: Chris, this week, it's you and Moosehead Jack. We already had a chance to speak with Jack, and he reminded us of your inaugeral meeting back during the OOWF Invitational. He said he was victorious then, but this time, he will take not only a win but also your career. Is there anything you'd like to say?

CA: Ah, Moose. Master of revisionist history that you are, you seem to like to omit the fact that yes, while you DO technically hold a win over me, you never pinned me and I never quit. See, as I recall, my former tag team partner Carl Coolname threw in the towel without any prompting from me, Moose. You walked out of that match with a controversial win, but I'll give you that it was a win.

That was 8 months ago, Moose, and in case you haven't noticed, the landscape around here has changed a little bit. Carl Coolname isn't around to throw in the towel on behalf anymore. I'm not a rookie to the OOWF style of wrestling anymore. And most of all, Moose, I've been in the ring with you once before now, so I have a much better idea of what to expect. I think you're going to find this to be a much more even match than it was last time, Moose.

SFJ14: Chris, Moose also said that you're not capable of winning the big one, and cited your important title losses to Viper, Niles Anderson, and your own best friend Hardbody Harris as examples. He claims that just like you choked in those matches, you'll choke against him this week at Mayhem.

CA: Choke? Can't win the big one? Now, Moose... that's not very nice. See, when I first showed up around here... well, let's be honest, you were an asshole. But then you were forced to start hanging out with Concrete, and he brought out a side in you that showed that somewhere beneath that exterior, there's a decent human being hiding out in there somewhere. And Moose, I started having respect for you. But hey, respect doesn't win matches, and if you wanna make it personal, then it's go time, daddy.

I was planning on keeping it a friendly athletic competition, Moose. But since you seem to want to play prissy-go-mew-mew and make it personal, I've got nothin against tapping into the frustration that's been building in me and making this dance as hardcore as you wanna bring it. I'll see you in the ring, Moose. It's prime time.

*CA smirks confidently and takes off down the hallway*

[mooseheadjack]

<Moosehead Jack is back in a darkened room, lit only by a single bare light bulb>

Chris Alt, the more things change, the more they stay the same don't they? Eight months ago, you were a promising rookie, trying to rise through the ranks of the OOWF. Eight months ago, you had the world before you, you were the chosen one, the golden child. Eight months later, and what have you done? You have won a lot of matches, I'll give you that. But still not the big one. You are still the young kid who has his future in front of him - that is, until I decide to take that away.

Chris Alt, you have to understand something, you obviously don't understand how this works. You see, potential will only take you so far, and then, slowly, those around you begin to realize that you will never reach your potential. You will never live up to that hype. You will never be a threat that anyone feels they have to take seriously. So people begin to let you in close. Take Harris for instance, he is a pretty boy, but he's not stupid. Do you really think for one second, that if he thought you could beat him that he would let you so close to him? Not a chance in hell Alt. Harris knows, just like the rest of the world, that when it really matters, when it is all on the line, just like always, you will come up short.

Now Alt, you accuse me of revisionist history, but you seem a little unclear of the facts as well. I didn't need Coolname to throw in the towel, I had you right where I wanted you - helpless in the middle of the ring. You should thank Coolname, he saved your career that night. You were finished, all I had to do was roll your shoulders onto the mat and get the three count. The match was over. You know it as well as I do.

Chris, you say you are ready to take this to a whole 'nother level. You say you are ready to make this personal. You and I both know that is a lie. You say I changed when I teamed with Concrete. Really? Look at me Alt, I am ready, I am ready to beat you bloody, just for the fun of it. But I have changed? Have you taken a look at Concrete lately? Concrete is a blood thirsty animal. Was that the Concrete YOU remenber? Who has changed whom?

Think about this Alt, think real hard about what you are getting yourself into. You might pin me, but you cannot beat me. I am already in your head, you are already thinking about what I can do to you, what I HAVE done to you.

Are you ready to risk it all Alt? Because I am.

Trust me.

<Jack pulls the string and the room is enveloped in blackness>

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are watching Chris Alt's promo in their locker room.]

AA: Man, what's with this guy? Cutting these serious promos now. I liked him better when he and Harris were playing freeze tag.

JA: Welcome to Prime Time? Primetime Live? Is he gonna give an interview to Barbara Walters?

AA: NFL Primetime? Man, Berman and Jackson will run his ass out the studio!

JA: Prime Time Wrestling?

AA: Well, Johnny, that, uh, lke went off the air YEARS ago.

JA: Well, then what kind of Prime Time is that fool babbling about?

AA: I don't know. But I do know that it would be nice if Alt and moose killed each other in their match this week.

JA: Well, yeah, that'd be nice, but what REALLY's gonna be nice is when I defeat Hardbody Harris this Wednesday night and become the OOWF World Champion.

AA: Ya know, Johnny, that Trik'd Owt Tytle is a nifty little toy. I bet it would break Hardbody's heart if anything ever happened to it.

JA: Well, it is a... [looks up at AA as if he had an epiphany]

AA: Come on, Johnny, let's go grab a sandwich. We got some planning to do.

[The Chickenhit Heels walk off as we fade to black.]

[mooseheadjack]

*Fievel is sitting on the floor, drinking a Cheese Box and watching cartoons on Hardbody’s TRIK’D OWT TYTLE. Suddenly, one of the diamonds begins flashing red. Fievel finishes a sip of his Cheese Box and turns to Hardbody.*

Fievel: Um, your belt is bwinking wed.

HH: Ah! Good, I was wondering if that would work. See, it occurred to me that the Invisible Ninja Cameraman is always taping anything important. And over the last month or so, all my stuff has been ruined. My pink lemonade stand, my SUPERIOR WRESTLER trophyhouse...I was always none the wiser. But, you see Fievel, none of this is ever a surprise. The heels almost ALWAYS cut promos about doing bad things to faces before doing them. So I set my belt to DVR any promo that has to do with me so I could watch it at my leisure. I bet it was Johnny Adrenaline talking about AdranalINANE. Push that diamond, Fievel, and let’s watch.

*JA’s promo about doing some no-good things plays on the crystal-clear belt monitor. Also, new, scores, and weather from around the world are displayed on the OOWF Bottom Line!*

HH: Well, well. Looks like the Chickenheel Shits are looking to damage my custom title. Well, I’ll give them a little surprise…

*Hardbody grabs a bucket, which for some reason is right beside him, and fills it with Chinchillas, which happen to be scurrying around the locker room.*

Fievel: MY FRIENDS!

HH: Don’t worry. We’re just going to use them for a little fun, courtesy of the #1 PRANKSTER IN THE OOWF!

*Hardbody opens the locker room door slightly and sets the bucket of Chinchillas on top of the door. One nudge will send the little guys right onto whomever comes in. Hardbody sits in a recliner and sets Fievel on his lap. They continue watching cartoons.*

Fievel: That Tom is vewy mean to Jewwy! He’s always setting up twaps!

HH: Sometimes twap…er, traps aren’t so bad, my friend.