OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Gaylordsville, Connecticut
[Cameras pan to a small village in the middle of nowhere. People are hustling about carrying around fruits and water. It pans into one of the small huts. On the floor kneeling before a bucket of water is Carl Coolname. He is washing his face and starts to talk.]
Coolname: "I am here in a small village in the heart of Brazil. Many may be wondering why I traveled here. As you look around you see people cooperating together to make life easier for them. They are enjoying life. They have no worries about war. They have no worries about fighting. It is more peaceful then how the OOWF has become since I’ve been able to sit back and watch. I have watched as people have stepped on the weaker to move to the top. Nothing like that happens here. There is no reason for it to happen in the OOWF either."
[Coolname gets up and walks out the door of the hut and stands in front of the people and watches them walk around.]
Coolname: "You see Chris, this is the reason you were my first target. You are so eager to fight me yet it was you that created me. Taking the opportunity to step on me and better yourself. You want me to fight you in a barbaric cage match? Why would I want to do anything like that? You see I am not intent on hurting you to ruin your career. You are merely a speed bump that needs to be removed on my way to the top."
[As soon as Carl finishes saying this, the jungle starts rustling and Brazilian troops run in and start shooting. They shoot like the villains in Batman and miss everything. The villagers group together and make a Mega Village Man and destroy all of them. Much rejoicing is heard as they celebrate their victory. Coolname smiles and puts his sunglasses on.]
Coolname: " Much like this little villagehas done to the government that has tried to enter, Alt, you will soon MEET THE RESSISTANCE!"
[Carl walks into the jungle and disappears.]CHRIS COLE vs. MARK VANDER vs. MIKEY STYNERCole sucker punches Styner at the bell and Vander jumps Cole from behind. Vander pounds the back and hits a suplex. Styner stomps at Cole and drops a HUGE leg drop. Cover only gets one, cause Vander pulls Styner off. Vander and Styner slug it out as Cole rolls to the floor to catch his breath. Vander with a running forearm and Styner is staggering around. CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL knocks Styner out to the floor. Cole seizes the opportunity and stomps away. Wizard comes around the corner, but Cole rears back with a right hand, and Wizard cowers away. Vander comes off the top and takes down both Cole and Styner with overhand chops. Vander hits Cole with a fall away slam on the floor. But Styner grabs Vander and nails him with a belly to belly slam. Styner rolls Vander in and gets a two count. Avalanche in the corner and Vander is hurting. Styner looks for a splash, but Vander moves. Cole sneaks back in and gets a quick rollup on Vander for two. Cole looks for the Headliner, but Vander rolls him up for a two count. Styner runs in and takes both guys down with a clothesline. Styner stomps at both guys, but Cole trips him up. Cole and Vander get to their feet, look at each other, and simultaneously stomp Styner in the balls! Wizard hops up on the apron to protest the lack of sportsmanship, and Vander decks him. Cole and Vander team up and set Styner up for a superplex, but as Vander climbs up to do his half, Cole hits a German suplex from behind. Styner comes off the top with a splash and Vander is DEAD! But Cole hits a running knee on Styner and steals the pin fall on Vander. WINNER in 9:02: Chris Cole
MICROPLAY vs. TOMMY O’NEIL vs. FF CAPSLOCKMicroplay, Tommy O’Neil and FF Capslock climb into the ring on opposite sides, eying each other warily…. O’Neil gestures over to Microplay and The Evil Wizard (at ringside), and it looks like we have an alliance forming! Yep! At the bell, Microplay and O’Neil jump FFC!
Capslock manages to fend off both men, shoving the smaller O’Neil off to trade punches with Microplay – advantage to the big man, and down goes Microplay! As he moves in for the kill, Capslock takes a shot to the knee from Tommy O’Neil, who then grabs hold for a DDT – but FFC blocks the move and picks O’Neil up belly to belly – and drops in a standing splash! Before he can get up, Microplay is over with a running kick to the head – Capslock doesn’t go down… Running knee strike…. Capslock to one knee, then Microplay hits a swinging neck breaker! O’Neil goes for the quick cover, pulled off by Micro – First pin fall of submission wins this one folks, alliances or not! Microplay gets in the Irishman’s face, backing him into a corner as O’Neil begs off – suddenly O’Neil rolls under the ropes FFC charges, splashing Microplay into the corner! FFC throws a back elbow, and a second, then he backs off for what looks like a second avalanche – but as he charges, O’Neil pulls MP out of the way – and FFC goes sternum first into the turnbuckle – Both Microplay and The Evil Wizard look at O’Neil in amazement – he just saved Microplay? O’Neil plays up the alliance and both men start working over the former Tag Team Champ – they look like they are focusing on the neck… Double-team DDT, swinging neck breaker with an elbow drop, and good old fashioned kicks and stomps. Every time FFC starts to fight back against one, the other makes the save – And the Evil Wizard directs traffic, and distracts the ref so MP and TO can guillotine FFC on the ropes! Microplay ties up FFC legs in an Indian Death lock, then Tommy O’Neil goes up top and drops a flying knee to the back of FFC’s head. Rolling FFC to his back, MP goes up for the Savage Elbow – BUT CAPSLOCK GETS THE KNEES UP! Tommy O’Neil goes for the running elbow, but FFC rolls clear and gets to his feet, fire in his eyes – TO is whipped to the ropes – running elbow! MP’s turn – running elbow! O’Neil is sent HARD into a corner, and he slumps to the mat. Microplay goes for a Flying Burrito, but is CAUGHT by FFC, who hits a belly to belly suplex! O’Neil is still down, so FFC picks up Microplay and power slams him down near the opposite corner… He’s not…. YES HE IS! FF Capslock is going up top! You will believe a fat man can fly! Before Capslock can splash Microplay into a body cast, The Evil Wizard jumps up on the apron to make his presence felt – he tries to grab FFC’s leg, and gets pie-faced to the floor for his trouble – but the interference bought O’Neil enough time to run across the ring and knock the big man’s legs out from under him, crotching FFC on the top rope! And now Micro staggers to his feet, O’Neil gesturing wildly toward the stunned opponent on the turnbuckle. MP looks at The Evil Wizard who starts yelling his support for whatever evil the Devil’s Brigade member has in mind… Microplay and O’Neil set up for a double team Death Valley Driver off of the top rope! They actually get FFC up! As the deliver the devastating move, O’Neil suddenly goes down – it looks like the weight was too much for the smaller man! MP takes the weight and DRIVES FFC to the mat! The crowd is stunned by this amazing display of power! MP takes a moment – he looks like he hurt his back on the move, and then raises both arms to the crowd, basking in their boos – O’Neil is trying to get up, still clapping for Micro, and asking for a hand up so they can finish FFC – MP pulls O’Neil to his feet, when suddenly - WICKED LEFT HOOK TO MICROPLAY! Microplay’s eyes roll back and he crashes to the mat, and with The Evil Wizard going in convulsions on the outside an amazingly healthy Tommy O’Neil makes the cover – 1,2,3! WINNER in 10:03 – TOMMY O’NEIL!
(A videotape arrives at the door of the Chickenshit heels)
AA: hey, someone sent us some pron!
JA: They didn't send you any munchies, though. I'm still hungry.
AA: That's okay, we can watch this, it'll kill time and we'll forget about food for a bit
JA: Yeah, but not about "eating"
AA: (puts the tape in the VCR) let's see what we get... the unlabelled ones aren't always the best ones.....
(the screen flickers to life, playing a few seconds of an obscure cartoon called "It's no Bullshit", where a corpse suddenly sits up in a coffin and dances, then moons the audience)
AA: dammit, this must be Viper's......
(JA's cell phone rings)
JA: Hello? Yeah, yeah, Donnie, we've heard it all before.... you didn’t send this? Who did? yeah, fuck you too, you like it! (hangs up)
(the screen blurs to static again before changing to a new scene - a lone figure in a poorly lit room, wearing a familiar hoodie, and face obscured by pixilation)
AA: WTF?
JA: hey, that's the dude who jumped us last week
AA: yeah, but look at his face!
JA: we thought Jillian Hall had problems....
Image: (speaks, but the voice is also disguised) greetings, chickenshits. I thought you might want to hear more to my motivations for attacking you at Midweek Mayhem
AA: Damn straight!
JA: He can't hear you man, shut up
Image: You see, it's not you I want to destroy. Like many people, my primary target is Niles Anderson. The reasons are many but nothing you need to hear right now.
JA: It's a six-hour tape, Jackass, and we're not going anywhere
Image: Since you two are the closest to Mister Anderson <somehow the tape echoes: "an-der-son"> I will make this very simple. At Mid-week mayhem you two will probably cheat in your matches. Regardless of their outcome, I know that you will meet afterwards for a sandwich at Flair's. At the very moment he starts spraying the chipotle mayo on one of your sandwiches, you will hear the distinct sound of an aluminum baseball bat strike a metal object. That will be warning number one. When Flair WOOs for the 9th time in his confirming of your order, you will hear this sound again. When You will walk away from the sandwich stand, I will strike you down. No amount of preparation will save you - except that you deliver Niles Anderson to me. If he is not at Midweek Mayhem, this is your fate. You will not catch me, you will not stop me. Nothing stops me anymore, for I HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO DIE!
<the screen turns to static, then after a few seconds, pops into an episode of "Teen Titans">
JA: That bastard thinks he can get away with that!
AA: Yeah, this was a cool episode, too... whoever's tape this was, he's gonna be pissed.....
JA: Not just that! AA, you realize this guy just TOLD us when he's gonna attack us?
AA: so?
JA: that means we can't get sandwiches at Midweek Mayhem! What're we gonna do?
AA: (shrugs) find out if Flair delivers
JA: ..........PHIL vs. BLACKDRAGON vs. HARPER CAMBYAll three men eye each other in the center of the ring, Blackdragon and Camby both look at the gargantuan Phil and decide that it would probably be in their best interest to try and take Phil out first. They charge in at Phil, backing him into the corner, Phil gets a big boot up that catches Camby in the face and sends him to the mat. BD lays in with some stiff knife edge chops, but they seem to have little effect on Phil, Phil grabs BD by the back of the head and head buts him right between the eyes and tosses him over the top rope to the floor. Camby by now is back on his feet, he catches Phil with a clothesline in the corner, and tries to whip the big man across the ring, Phil catches him and reverses it into a Yarplex that sends Camby flying under into the opposite corner. Blackdragon climbs the ropes and waits, when Phil turns around, BD leaps, but Phil catches him in mid air. Before Phil can turn it into a power slam Camby rushes across the ring and chop blocks Phil sending him to the mat. Blackdragon lands on top of Phil and gets a two count before Camby figures out what is going on and drops an elbow across the back of Dragon’s head. Camby pulls BD to his feet and tries a short arm clothesline, but BD catches his arm, goes behind and turns it into a backslide pin attempt. Camby is able to kick out at two. BD is up, Camby is up, Camby motions for BD to bring it, but BD hesitates. He sees Phil is back on his feet behind Camby, Phil grabs Camby and hits a torture rack DVD! Camby is out! Phil tries a cover, but as he gets down, BD explodes across the ring and drop kicks Phil in the face! Phil hits the mat face first, and BD immediately pounces on him and tries to lock on the cross face. After several minutes of fighting it, BD is finally able to lock the cross face on the big man. Phil yells in pain and looks like he is about to tap out. Before he can, Camby is up and kicks BD in the face breaking the hold. Camby grabs BD and throws him over the top rope to the floor. Camby than pulls the massive Phil to his feet and sets him up for a power bomb! No. Freakin. Way. Camby tries several times, but finally Phil reverses it into an Alabama Slam, slamming Camby’s head off the mat. Camby’s eyes roll into the back of his head. Phil staggers for a moment, which gives BD the opportunity to come off the top rope with a missile drop kick catching Phil right in the mouth. Phil tumbles over the top rope to the floor. Dragon scales the ropes again and quickly drops a falling head but on a barely conscious Camby and gets the three count.
WINNER in 11:49 Blackdragon
DONOVAN VIPER vs. DR. MURDER vs. SOULDRAGONSoul Dragon is first to the ring – smart move, since he’s the only one coming out alone. Dr. Murder and the Evil Wizard make their way down the isle, and are leveled by an SD plancha. SD throws Murder into the ring, and hits a springboard leg drop. Viper strolls down the aisle accompanied by Missy and Ayaka. SD pins murder to the mat and wails away with elbows and forearms. Murder manages to throw SD off and struggles to his feet; only to be speared into the corner by SD. Viper appears to be debating metaphysics with some fans at ringside. SD Irish whips Murder, but Murder reverses and follows SD in with a Coroner splash. Murder sets up a DDT, but SD reverses into an overhead suplex that bounces Murder off the turnbuckles. SD makes the cover. One…Two…Viper pulls SD off from the outside. SD opens the ropes and invites Viper into the match. Viper shrugs and goes back to explaining to the fans how it’s mathematically impossible for him to be a homo. SD has words with the referee, who starts counting Viper out. At six, Viper takes an interest and slides into the ring. SD drops an elbow on Viper’s back. SD to the ropes, tripped by Missy. Viper gets to his feet, and gets –ahem- murdered by a clothesline from the Doctor. Murder grabs Vipers legs to set up some sort of leg lock. SD hits a beautiful cross body that takes Murder down and levers Viper into the air. Viper lands throat first on the top rope and goes down. SD whips murder to the ropes and catches him with an elbow to the throat on the way back. SD picks Murder up and locks in a chicken wing. As SD moves into position for the omen driver, he eats a death elbow from Viper. Viper locks in the Viper lock, but Murder drives him to the mat with a bulldog. Murder drops an elbow. And another. Murder to the ropes, trip by Missy. Murder turns to yell at Missy and Viper catches him in a rollup. Kick out at two. SD drops an elbow on Viper as he’s getting up. SD backs Viper into the corner and chops away. Murder from behind with a Coroner splash, but SD ducks out of the way and Viper gets squashed. SD grabs Murder from behind. Viper clears his head and goes for the Death Elbow, but the Evil Wizard hooks the leg. Missy and Ayaka approach the Wizard to discuss his actions, which brings Mr. Jealous and Mikey Styner down the Aisle. Viper leaves the ring to even the odds. Inside the ring, Murder reverses into a full nelson. SD walks up the turnbuckles, goes up and over Murder, and drops him with modified inverted DDT. SD picks Murder up and plants him with the School of Dragons. The Ref takes his eyes from the stand-off outside the ring long enough to make the count. One…Two…Three. WINNER at 17:38 – Soul Dragon
After the match, Mr. Jealous exchanges punches with Viper on the outside. Ayaka swings at Styner, but Mikey catches the bat and yanks it away from her. The Evil Wizard makes a grab for Missy, but she sidesteps and kicks him low. Styner pulls Murder from the ring, and Mr. Jealous breaks off to help the Wizard up. As the four of them move toward the ramp, Soul Dragon soars over the top rope with a springboard plancha that takes all of them down. Viper and Co. step over the carnage and make their way to the back, with Ayaka pausing to retrieve her bat and swat Styner in the head with it. Mercury out, but he only manages to get a couple of shots in on SD before OOficials are out to separate them.
STANK vs. CHRIS ALT vs. ERIC O’MACEric and Alt meet in the center of the ring and start jawing at each other, both expressing their SUPERIOR SKILL, and gesturing wildly. Just when it appears that Chris Alt is about to break out the pie chart to show distinctly how he is the SUPERIOR WRESTLER, Stank makes his way into the ring and slams their heads together. EOM powders out, but Stank grabs Alt and sends him to the ropes and drops him with a big clothesline, then follows it up with a big elbow right to the sternum. Stank gets to his feet and is attempting to pull Alt to his feet when EOM springs off the ropes from the outside and catches Stank in the face with a leg lariat. Stank staggers back into the corner, EOM follows him in and tries to monkey flip him out, but Stank holds on. Chris Alt rushes in, and he and EOM both monkey flip Stank out of the corner and send him to the center of the ring. EOM and Alt leave the ring on opposite sides, Alt springs into the ring and drops a leg, and at the same time, EOM springs in and catches Stank with a big splash. EOM has the cover, but Alt drags him off of Stank and makes the cover himself, EOM drags Alt off and tries to make the cover, Alt drags him off again and the two stand face to face in the middle of the ring and argue about it. Alt loses his temper first and pops EOM in the mouth with a right hand, then whips EOM to the ropes and catches him with an Alt-erior Motive (a tilt-a-whirl power bomb) Alt covers, but Stank kicks him in the face and breaks the cover. EOM rolls out of the ring to regroup leaving Stank and Alt. Alt is in a fury, he lays into Stank backing him into the ropes with chops and punches. Alt tries a whip to the ropes, but Stank reverses it and sends Alt to the ropes instead, Stank catches Alt and has him set up for the Stank-U, but before he can hit it, EOM flies from the top rope with a kick to the face that turns it into a sort of Samoan drop. EOM pulls Stank off Alt and makes the cover, Stank kicks out and Alt rolls under the bottom rope. Inside, Stank is to his feet, EOM climbs to the top rope and leaps off trying for a hurracarana, Stank catches him in mid air and parades around the ring for a minute, ready to power bomb him to the mat. EOM shifts his weight and turns it into a thunderous DDT. On the outside Alt is getting to his feet, when Carl Coolname walks down to ringside and stands next to Alt, who hasn’t yet noticed him.. Inside the ring, EOM leaps to the top rope and hits a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! EOM hooks both legs and gets the three count.
WINNER in 14:29 Eric O’Mac
After the match, Alt turns and sees Coolname standing there, Alt immediately gives chase, Coolname takes off around the ring, then slides into the middle of the ring, as Alt slides in and gets to his feet, Coolname DESTROYS him with a clothesline, then pulls him to his feet, and nearly breaks his neck with a corkscrew DDT. Alt is out. Coolname gets to his feet and he and EOM come face to face, after several tenses minutes, Coolname smirks and leaves the ring.
UNDERDAWG vs. AX-MAN vs. UNCLE ENTITYUnderdawg comes out last and kicks some righteous ass with a serious of dawgbone punches to Ax and Uncle Entity, before sending Ax flying over the tope rope and onto the floor! He follows it up with a running clothesline to Uncle. Both men hit the floor, and brawl. Ax tries to jump off the apron, but both UD and Entity just move out of the way. Back in the ring, UnderDawg picks up Entity and tosses him again. He slowly goes to the outside and sends entity crashing back first to the stairs. Ax comes back and tries to hit UD with a chair, but the big dog blocks that. He picks up Ax and gives him a power bomb through the Canadian announce table! Underdawg goes searching under the ring and grabs a six foot chain! He turns around and just manhandles Ax with it as Uncle Entity does a great job of distracting the ref. UnderDawg seems to be tired of pounding on Ax, so he goes back in to the ring, and brawl with Entity for a bit more. Entity lays in some kicks to the ribs, and a face buster gets two. UD goes for a backbreaker, but Ax comes back in to the ring with a swinging neck breaker on Entity for two. Ax follows up with a DDT for two. He whips Entity into the corner and follows with a splash, but stays in the corner too long and UnderDawg follows up with a big splash on both men. Dawg tosses UE, but he manages to land on his feet. Entity grabs UnderDawgs feet and posts him, then smashes Dawg's knee into the post. Ax taunts Entity back into the ring and the two slug away at each other. UD looks like he has had enough and shoves both men down. Dawg has a limp but he hits a choke slam on Entity for two. Ax goes for a double-ax handle from the top, but gets caught by UD. UnderDawg looks to be going for another choke slam, but UE clips him from behind sending the three men down. with Ax somehow landing on Entity. UD grabs his knee as the ref starts the count...and UE can't kick out before the three!
WINNER in 9:44 – Ax-Man
MORTE vs. BEAST vs. FIRECHILDMorte and Firechild start things off; Beast kind of slips out of the ring and waits on the outside. Neither of the others seems to notice it. Morte tries a spinning heel kick but FC ducks, grabs Morte and hits him with a release t-bone suplex. Morte rolls through it and is up quickly, he catches a charging FC with a dropkick to the knee that sends FC to the mat. Morte grabs the leg and hits a couple of spinning toe holds, then drapes the knee across the bottom rope and drops a knee on the inside on FC’s knee. Firechild grabs his knee in pain, Morte pulls FC up and whips him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a roll through single leg crab that he turns into a STF. Firechild is in trouble. He is trying to reach the ropes, but can’t quite make it. Beast finally makes his way back into the ring, grabs Morte, pulls him off of FC and levels him with a short arm clothesline, then Beast drops an elbow across the small of FC’s back. Beast pulls FC up and sends him to the ropes and nearly takes his head off with a big boot. As Morte gets to his feet, he also eats a big boot. With both men down on the mat, Best pauses to celebrate for a moment, not a smart idea. Both Morte and Firechild come up behind Beast and catch him with a double low blow, then work together to take Beast over with a double belly to back suplex. Beast is stunned, FC and Morte pull Beast to his feet, Morte whips him to the ropes and catches him with the roll through single leg crab, at the same time, FC locks on a cross face, Beast is in a world of trouble. Somehow, Beast is able to reach the ropes with his one free hand and force the break. Beast slides under the bottom rope to regroup, Morte sails over the top rope first, but Beast catches him, then Firechild follows and sends Beast and Morte flying. Firechild is up first, as Morte gets to his feet, FC grabs him and slams him head first into the ring post, then shoots him into the ring and makes the cover. Morte is able to roll the shoulder at two. FC is favoring that knee slightly, and he backs into the corner waiting for Morte to get to his feet. Before he can do anything, an enraged Beast grabs both his feet from outside the ring, pulls FC to the mat, then crotches him on the ring post. Beast gets back into the ring and scoops up Morte and slams him hard to the mat. Beast hits the ropes and lands a flying knee drop across Morte’s sternum. Beast pulls Morte up and hits the BIG MONSTER HAMMER CLUB O’DEATH! For good measure, and to prevent interference, Beast pulls Firechild out of the corner, lifts him, and choke slams him over the top rope to the floor FIRECHILD IS DEAD! Beast covers Morte and gets the three count.
WINNER in 10:59 Beast
JOHNNY ADRENALINE vs. JW WESTGAARD vs. ENDOAs expected Adrenaline gets a large round of boos and JW Westgaard is the fan favorite. Surprisingly, especially to Endo himself, are the cheers received as Endo comes to the ring. Endo is accompanied by a pair of rats in a cage. Endo opens the cage, grabs one and bites the head off it. Adrenaline is grossed out, and tries to get Endo disqualified. Westgaard simply smiles and applauds. Apparently Wilder is giving JWW a new view of life. Endo stares out at the fans as they cheer (sick freaks!) and the ref calls for the bell to start the match before PETA shows up. Westgaard looks to lock up with someone, but Endo’s upset that the ref took the rat cage and Adrenaline’s already bailed to the outside. Westgaard finally decides to take out his frustration on JA, chasing him around the ring until JA ends up stuck between JWW and Endo. JA rolls into the ring, Westgaard gives chase, and Endo follows. JA rolls back out of the ring and runs around the outside, chased by Westgaard and Endo. They make three circuits before Endo gets distracted by a fan and stops. JA, looking back at JWW, doesn’t see the impending train wreck and slams into Endo! JWW stops just long enough to chuckle, then tosses JA into the ring. A few power moves later and JA’s begging off. JA crawls back into a corner, only to find Endo outside the ring in that corner. CLAW BY ENDO ON JOHNNY! But Johnny’s already in the ropes and the ref forces the break. JWW whips JA corner to corner, slamming JA chest first into the turnbuckles. Satisfied, JWW turns and east a hard right hand from Endo. Endo goes all HOUSE A FIRE ON JWW, finishing up with a smooth flying clothesline. Endo goes for the cover but JWW kicks out at 2. Endo gets a few more minutes of offense in, and soon JA recovers. JA cuts a deal with Endo and they double-team Westgaard. But that only lasts until Adrenaline goes for a pin on Westgaard. One, two…Endo pulls Johnny up by the hair and SLAPS ON THE CLAW! Endo pulls Johnny up by the head and has the former Intercontinental Champ in trouble in the middle of the ring! Adrenaline down to one knee and starting to bleed! But Westgaard is back up and hits Endo with a flying knee to the back. That breaks the claw, and Adrenaline rolls out of the ring. Westgaard hits a sweeping T-Bone Suplex and then destroys Endo with a series of belly-to-back suplexes. JWW goes for the pin, but they’re too close to the ropes and Endo gets his foot on the ropes. Westgaard picks up a crushed Endo and sets him for the POWER PLAY! HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES! Westgaard nails Endo in the center of the ring, but spots JA rolling into the ring. Westgaard goes after Johnny, who rolls back out of the ring. Westgaard catches JA, whips him around and is crushed WITH HIS OWN HOCKEY STICK! Johnny just devastated Westgaard with the hockey stick! JWW is out cold outside. Johnny slips back into the ring, hits an unnecessary Adrenaline Rush on Endo and gets the three count. WINNER IN 13:47, Johnny Adrenaline
MR. JEALOUS vs. CAPELLAN vs. CANADIAN DRAGONThe three combatants are sizing each other up, watching closely for the first move . . . the ref calls for the bell and simultaneously Capellan and Canadian dragon dive straight in with straight right hands to each other and Mr. Jealous drops to the floors and rolls backwards out of the ring and watches the action . . .
Capellan and CD are going at each other at 100 miles an hour combining some skillful chain wrestling with a few stiff right hands. All this time the ref is calling to Mr. Jealous to get back into the ring. After a double clothesline floors both CD and Capellan Mr. Jealous jumps back into the ring and covers Capellan but only gets a two count. He immediately goes for a cover on Canadian Dragon who also manages to kick out at two. He goes for another cover on CD but this time only gets a one and Capellan also manages to grab an ankle and pull him off. Mr. Jealous runs the ropes but on his way back notices that both Capellan and CD are well on their way to recovery and so chooses to baseball slide his way out of the ring. CD and Capellan both get back to their feet and look back and forwards from each other to Mr. Jealous who is discussing his choice of tactics with a very verbal audience. CD and Capellan nod to each other and Capellan runs the ropes and then heads straight back for CD. As he gets close Capellan leaps into the air and is boosted over the ropes by CD, crashing straight into Mr. Jealous and smashing him into the barrier. The crowd launch straight into their first fecal chant of the evening (thanks Joey) and both Capellan and Mr. Jealous are down on the outside but Jealous is making it to his feet first . . . he uses the barrier to haul himself back to his feet and lies over it catching he breath. CD climbs to the top turnbuckle and launches himself into the crowd, crashing down onto the back of the neck of Mr. Jealous with an insane leg drop. The crowd explodes again with another Holy Shit chant. Capellan begins to make it back to his feet, pulls the crushed Jealous up and rolls him into the ring. Rather than go for the quick cover Capellan pulls out a snap suplex on Jealous and immediately lifts him back up and whips him into the ropes. Despite being stunned Jealous files off the ropes and hits Capellan with a flying forearm and goes for another quick cover. Meanwhile CD has crawled his way back into the ring and manages to pull Jealous off and break the count at two. You can see Jealous beginning to boil after missing another cover. The three men get to their feet at around the same time and CD and Capellan begin whaling on Jealous. Jealous staggers backwards and catches Capellan with an elbow; CD grabs Jealous by the head and hits him with a knee to the face. After a big brain buster suplex CD climbs to the top rope and goes for the Dragon Sault but Jealous manages to just roll out of the way and CD crashes to the mat and grabs his shoulder. CD rolls out of the ring clutching his shoulder in pain. Inside the ring Jealous staggers to his feet but meanwhile Capellan has recovered, runs straight into the corner and springs back out with the Spinning Dragon Kick, hitting it full on. Jealous and Capellan crash down, CD is still outside the ring clutching his shoulder, but Capellan manages to roll over and finally covers Jealous for the one, two three at 23.05!!!
WINNER in 23:05 Capellan
MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. SERAPHAA is content to watch his opponents tear into each other before the bell rings. Seraph scores the first big move with a German suplex after countering a MHJ clothesline. AA breaks up the pin fall attempt, but begs off when Seraph confronts him. MHJ clubs Seraph from behind and tosses him shoulder first into the ring post. AA applauds MHJ then thumbs him in the eye and snap mares him over. Stiff kicks to the back follow and AA hits the Curt Henning like flipping neck snap for two. Seraph picks his spot and pulls AA down to the mat by the back of his head and boots MHJ in the gut. Seraph drops a knee to MHJ’s throat, and then holds his knee there as he pounds away. AA has a brief discussion with Razz and Ross while MHJ pushes past the ref and shoves Seraph through the ropes to the outside. AA excuses himself and puts the boots to Seraph until MHJ surprises him with a punch to the jaw and a hotshot into the announce table. Seraph punches MHJ in the gut from his knees, then whips him face first into the steel pole. AA watches as Seraph whips MHJ into the stairs and this time MHJ comes up bleeding. Seraph rolls MHJ back in and hits a sling shot leg drop. AA pulls Seraph out of the ring and hits a sling shot splash for two. AA then sets MHJ in the corner and gives him a few boot scrapes. He plays to the crowd, who serenade him with a chorus of boos, and then charges Moose. MHJ moves at the last moment and AA gets his foot tangled in the bottom rope. MHJ brings the violence and after some stiff punches and stomps, he drags AA out of the corner and drops him with a DDT. Seraph makes the save and he and MHJ exchange punches until Seraph whips him towards the ropes. MHJ uses the momentum to running knee lift AA through the middle and top ropes. Seraph attacks from behind, but MHJ counters and pulls him into a dangerous over head suplex to the outside. MHJ takes over on the outside while AA takes a breather. MHJ removes the padding (yep, every once and a while, we remember to put some down) and grates Seraph’s face across. AA has a discussion with the ref as MHJ DDTs Seraph on the concrete. A bloody Seraph lays motionless and AA scoots out of the ring. MHJ can’t find AA, so he drags Seraph back into the ring for a pin fall. AA breaks it up at the last possible moment with a diving axe handle. Quickly, he tosses MHJ out of the ring and covers Seraph who still hasn’t moved. MHJ pulls AA out of the ring and whips him hard into the barricade. MHJ pack in the ring and Seraph stuns him with a small package for 2. A jaw breaker and another roll up get Seraph another 2 count as AA sells the back and flirts with a young lady in the crowd. Seraph and MHJ are laying into each other with heavy blows to their respective cuts and the blood is splattering all over the ring. Seraph manages to avoid a sloppy haymaker and kick MHJ in the gut. Irish whip leads to a mid ring collision and both men are down. AA jumps in and pins MHJ for 2, then Seraph for 2. He looks at them both and rolls back out as they immediately begin slugging it out on their knees. MHJ head butts the crap out of Seraph before pulling him up for an attempt at another DDT. Seraph counters with a Northern lights and AA kicks him in the neck. He spins MHJ around for the Attitude Adjustment, but MHJ counters out of it for a DDT of his own. Seraph recovers and with a running leap, catches MHJ with the Propitiation~!!! AA thanks Seraph for the save by dumping him to the outside and pulling MHJ to his feet for an Attitude Adjustment~!!! AA covers, gets the three and bails the fuck out as Seraph barely misses breaking up the fall.
WINNER in 16:09 Attitude Adjuster
TOMMY WILDER vs. MERCURY vs. CORAXTW starts things off fast and furious (is it just me or does that movie come on every week on USA now?) with a split legged drop kick that staggers both of his opponents. Snatching Mercury by the head, he bulldogs him and in mid air, clotheslines Corax down. He then scoop slams Mercury on top of Corax and hits them both with a spring board somersault senton splash. Cover on Corax gets a 2. Mercury blindsides TW with an axe handle that sends him stumbling into the ropes. Mercury then whips Corax into TW and sends TW crashing to the outside. Corax walks right into a Flat Liner for two. Mercury pounds away at Corax neck for a few minutes before whipping him hard into the corner. Corner charge is blocked with a boot to the face and a drop toe hold into the turn buckles. Corax blasts Mercury with a drop kick to the back of the head and TW breaks up the pin fall. TW chops away at Corax then snap mares him over for a stiff kick to the back and a sliding clothesline in the front. Mercury attacks TW before he can pin Corax and punches and kicks away at him in the corner. Corax charges in and murders TW with a jumping knee to the jaw after Mercury steps aside. Mercury then catches Corax with a neck breaker for two. TW tests Mercury’s chin with a super kick, but can’t capitalize as Corax rolls him up. TW up quickly, but down even quicker from a Mercury drop kick. Corax nails Mercury with a standard jaw breaker, then another one across his up turned knees. Mercury is on Dream Street, but TW breaks up the pin fall with a diving elbow to the back. Mercury staggers to his feet and watches from the corner as TW and Corax lay into one another. Irish whip reversal leads to Corax catching a brutal tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Mercury breaks up the pin fall and hits the Lung Blower on Mercury after he kicks TW in the face. TW breaks up that count and they slug it out until TW is sent into the ropes. Mercury lines him up for an attack, but Corax goes back to work on the jaw with a Yakuza kick. TW assaults Corax and hits another backbreaker followed by a fall away slam. Cover gets two as Mercury gets back in on the action and tosses TW. TW lands on the apron however and drops Mercury jaw first across the top rope. Corax goes for the pin and TW nails him with a spring board knee drop to the back. Mercury dropkicks TW in the knee and begins working it over with stomps and a dragon screw leg whip into a knee lace. Corax breaks that up with a knee to the jaw, and then leg whips TW again. Corax scoops Mercury up and places him in the tree of woe. He whips TW into the corner, but TW uses the momentum to baseball slide Mercury in the jaw. Mercury is out and TW and Corax duke it out to see who gets to finish him. Corax kicks it up a notch with a pair of arm drags and a hurricurana, but TW won’t stay down. That is until Corax kills him with a Shining Wizard. Mercury musters up enough energy to make the save and pays for it with a reverse stunner and two (!) Shining Wizards. Mercury is DEAD!!! But Corax isn’t covering. Wait, he’s arguing with his invisible pal. This will not end well. He screams that his buddy swore he could get the pin fall off the Shining Wizard this time. While they (?) argue, TW spins him around into a fire man’s carry. As TW climbs the turnbuckles, Mercury recovers and with the remainder of his strength, power bombs TW from the top rope while Corax is still on his shoulders. Mercury covers Corax and a stunned TW is just a moment too late to break up the 3.
WINNER in 17:11 Mercury
THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER vs. LD WILLIAMS & THIM REYNOLDS – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchTR and OBJ start off. Lock up and TR forced into the corner. OBJ breaks clean and TR slaps him. OBJ slaps him back and TR staggers out of the corner. OBJ levels him a big clothesline and tags in GB. GB immediately boots TR in the gut and whips him to the ropes. TR ducks the jumping spin kick and rebounds off the ropes with a shoulder tackle. TR goes to run the ropes, but GB picks the ankle and TR crashes down to the mat. GB locks in a front chancery and knees TR a couple of times before tagging OBJ back in. OBJ with a kick to the shoulder and TR goes to one knee. OBJ works a top wrist lock and TR is slapping the mat in pain. OBJ transitions into a hammer lock, and TR elbows free before running right into a big boot. GB back in and he works the arm over with an arm ringer and an arm bar take down. Still holding the arm, GB drops a knee across it then pulls back. TR scoots and grabs the ropes. OBJ back in and grabs at TR but TR gets a jaw breaker and lunges for a tag. LDW in and ducks a big boot. He drop kicks OBJ in the knee and begins to dissect it as only YOUR current Intercontinental Champ can. After a few stomps, knee twist drops, and that move when you straddle a guys leg on the ropes and drop you but across their knee, he tags TR back in who does a little more of the same culminating in a painful looking half crab made even more remarkable because he’s exerting that much force with only one arm. GB has to break up. While the ref is occupied with him, LDW reluctantly enters the ring for a little double team action including an assisted knee breaker. Another quick tag and LDW locks in a variation of the STF with more focus on the knee. OBJ gets the ropes, and LDW yanks him back into the middle of the ring and drives his knee into the canvas. TR back in and stands on OBJ’s leg in the ropes while mocking GB. OBJ manages to fight his way back into this contest and hits an enziguri to TR’s arm instead of the head. TR sells it like he’s been shot and drops to a knee. OBJ lunges for GB and GB is able to cut TR off with a bulldog. LWD watches as TR gets rocked with a few stiff kicks and knife edge chops. A shoulder breaker into a cross arm breaker prompts LDW to come into the ring however to break up the submission. LDW staggers GB with a running knee to the jaw and kills him with a DDT. OBJ staggers in and clothesline LDW to the outside. TR drapes an arm over GB, but he kicks out at the last moment. TR is shocked and voices his concern with the ref. GB recovers and sweeps TR down. Jump on his back to GB locks on his Hooked~!!! submission. TR fights the pain, but GB has it locked in tight TR finally taps while LDW and OBJ slug it out on the outside.
WINNERS in 22:49 and STILL OOWF World Tag Team Champions – The Team From Down Under
22 MAN OVER THE TOP ROPE BATTLE ROYALParticipants are: Mark Vander, Mikey Styner, Moosehead Jack, Seraph, Microplay, F.F. Capslock, Phil, Harper Camby, Donovan Viper, Dr. Murder, J.W. Westgaard, Endo, Stank, Chris Alt, Underdawg, Uncle Entity, Morte, Firechild, Mr. Jealous, Canadian Dragon, Tommy Wilder, and Corax.
Bell sounds and we’re off. Corax, Camby and Viper hang close and beat on Endo while Doc Murder and Styner pound on Morte and toss him out in short order. Vander is over to pull Viper off and they brawl in the corner. Seraph and Firechild find each other and renew their never-ending rivalry. Uncle Entity gets involved there, and that draws Canadian Dragon into the mix. Corax leaves Viper and Camby and picks his spot to jump Wilder from behind, and Westgaard is there to save TW. Camby takes Endo over and out. Moose and Alt go at it. Jealous is over to beat on JWW a bit. Capslock and Stank pull Micro away from Murder and Styner and pound on him. All the while, Underdawg and Phil sit back in one corner and watch the proceedings. Finally, they feel like they’ve seen enough and grab Viper away from Vander and take turns beating on him. Camby is over to help, but Vander drops him with the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! Corax tries his hand, but gets yanked away by Stank. UD and Phil continue the assault on Viper, and Vander assists with it. Viper cowers in the corner, but UD hits the FIREPLUG DRIVER~! Phil tosses Viper over the top and eliminates him!
D&D and wCw work over Corax and Micro until Jealous makes his way over and brawls with Capslock. Dragon sneaks up behind Seraph and Firechild and dump them over. Seraph hits the floor, but FC slips back in under the ropes. Then Entity tosses Dragon over, but CD skins the cat back in. Phil inserts himself in the Moose/Alt fight. Vander hits the DEAL BREAKER on Camby and dumps him over to the floor. But Micro comes over and takes Vander out to the floor from behind! Styner and Murder sit back and make strategy, but mid-discussion, Stank and Capslock confront them. And the brawl is on! Stank-U for Murder is stopped by Corax with a low blow, and Corax helps Styner take Capslock over and out. Corax, Styner, and Murder looks to dump Stank, but UD is over and hands out beatings to the heels. Jealous presses Wilder over his head and looks to toss him, but JWW clips his knee to stop that. wCw tries to dump Jealous, but Corax is over and clotheslines Wilder over and out. Moose slithers away from Alt and Phil and sucker punches Dragon. Westgaard tries to fight off Jealous and Micro and looks for the Crosscheck, but Micro sidesteps and Jealous nails JWW with the MONSTER~! Micro quickly scoops Westgaard up and tosses him, drawing an aside look from Jealous.
Alt can’t lift Phil for Spinal Contusion, so he opts to simply shove him to the corner and pound away. Entity and Firechild decide to try to help Moose with Dragon, but Entity grabs Moose and tries to take him out. Moose wiggles free and looks for the Heart Punch. Entity moves, and Moose is grabbed by UD and takes the DAWGMISSION~! Styner avalanches UD and MHJ in the corner to break that. However, as Styner goes on the attack elsewhere, this allows Stank to toss Murder to the floor! Corax suddenly rolls out to the floor and begins talking to himself. Firechild drags Alt away and they slug it out, and Styner and Phil meet face to face in the middle of the ring, about a half ton of wrestler between the two of them. And the two hosses go punch for punch. UD and Moose get to their feet and see Phil and Styner going at it, look at each other, then decide to make their move. And sure enough, UD lifts Styner up and over the top rope to the floor, and Moose tries to get Phil over. UD tries to stop that, though. And as the struggle, Chris Alt comes flying in and takes ALL THREE guys – Moose, Dawg, AND Phil - out to the floor! Moose is pissed and yells at Alt, and Alt yells back. But the distraction allows Micro to come from behind and take Alt over and to the floor! As Entity and Dragon scrap on the other side of the ring, Jealous makes his way over and dumps both guys over at the same time.
We’re down to Micro, Stank, Firechild, Jealous, and Corax, who is sitting by the timekeeper still talking to himself. Stank looks around and doesn’t like his odds. So he goes on the attack. Punch for FC, boot for Jealous, and a power bomb for Microplay. Firechild runs back and takes the STANK-U~! Stank presses FC and tosses him to the floor. Corax suddenly hops out of his seat and grabs the chair, bringing it into the ring with him. But Stank sees him coming, and Corax drops the chair, begging off. But before Stank can get to him, Jealous comes over with a huge body block that takes Stank all the way over to the floor! Jealous looks at Corax and looks ready to strike, but Micro comes from behind with the chair. Jealous sidesteps him and MP BLASTS Corax in the face with it. Micro looks at Corax, then up at Jealous, then grabs Corax to toss him. Before he can pull Corax up, Jealous stops Micro with a hand on the shoulder. Micro looks up in fear and slowly backs off. And like a tiger unleashed, Jealous charges and nearly decapitates Micro with a clothesline, taking him out and over to the floor! Jealous looks down at Micro from in the ring, and Corax gets to his feet with the chair. Corax runs up behind Jealous and gets ready to swing, but stops. He starts talking to himself again and drops the chair. Corax begins yelling at himself, and Jealous turns around and watches for a moment before grabbing Corax and hip tossing him to the floor for the victory! WINNER in 25:13: Mr. Jealous
CARL COOLNAME vs. HARDBODY HARRIS – Non-Title MatchHarris offers a handshake to begin things, but Coolname just stares it off. Hardbody shrugs and pastes Coolname with a standing dropkick. Irish whip and a back elbow by Harris. Scoop slam, and he pulls Coolname up by the hair and gives him another. Elbow drop is measured and hit by the champion, and Coolname kicks out at one. Coolname rolls to the floor, but HH hits him with a baseball slide, sending CC to the rail. Harris beats on Coolname around ringside and rolls him back in. HH stops to play to the crowd however, and when he goes to get back inside, CC kicks him right in the face. Coolname chokes Harris with the ropes, then ties him up and punches away, and the ref steps in. CC moves in again, and Harris backdrops him over the top to the floor. HH runs down the apron and hits a karate chop across CC's forehead. The champion tries a pile driver on the floor, but Coolname backdrops out. Harris lands on his feet and gives Coolname an old fashioned eye poke when he turns around. Harris back in, and Coolname gets on the apron to follow. They slug it out, but Coolname grabs the tag rope and chokes Harris out. A sucker punch later and HH is down. CC climbs up top and hits a leg drop. One, two, and Harris is out at two and a half. Coolname goes to a bow and arrow, and Harris fights up and out of it, but Coolname gets a gut shot in and drops him with a DDT. Cover, and again Harris kicks out. Coolname sends Harris to the corner, then goes out and up to the top. He tries a Frankensteiner, but HH walks out of the corner and tries a power bomb. But Coolname rolls over the top and gets a rollup. CC grabs the ropes, one, two... and Harris kicks out again. Leg sweep by Coolname is dodged by Harris who counters with the BG MEMORIAL FACEPLANT~! Referee begins a count, and Coolname, with a bit of an oversell, rolls out to the floor. Harris gets to his feet at six, and Coolname comes back in with a chair. The referee grabs the chair away, and while he and Coolname have a discussion, Harris comes from behind with a head butt, then a vertical suplex. Harris sends CC to the ropes, runs to the ropes himself, but CC hits the deck on a flying burrito, and the ref eats it! Coolname grabs the chair and swings, but Harris hits the deck this time and gets a kick to the groin to stop CC's attack. The champion goes to the top rope, poses for his fans, and comes off looking for the #! DOUBLE AXEHANDLE IN THE OOWF, but Coolname PASTES him with super kick in mid-air, and both guys are down. CC comes to, sees the referee down and grabs the chair. Coolname lines Harris' knee up, but before anything can happen, Chris Alt storms the ring and goes batshit on Coolname. Right hands galore, and Alt grabs the chair and clocks Coolname with it. Alt lines up another shot, but now Moosehead Jack is in the ring and grabs the chair from Alt. Alt turns around and he and MHJ go face to face, Alt asking Moose to take a swing. MHJ looks around, then takes a shot, but Alt sidesteps it... and Hardbody Harris gets LEVELED as he is getting to his feet. Alt sees Harris down, looks back at Moose, and MHJ simply falls thru the ropes and leaves, Coolname not far behind him. The referee sees the carnage and calls for the bell. WINNER – No Contest at 14:43
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