Midweek Mayhem
January 2, 2013
Russ: Hello everyone, from the jewel of Penobscot County, Old Town, Maine, Welcome to Midweek Mayhem. Tonight we welcome back someone who hasn't been around in a while, five time WCW Heavyweight Champion, the longest reigning WWF champion of the 90's, and the former Vinnie Vegas, Kevin Nash.
Nash: Now that's gratitude. I come back tonight to protect you from these two young ladies who threatened you earlier this week, and you insult me, thanks Russ.
Russ: I'm also joined tonight by the former FTW champion Razz.
Razz: I have to agree, Russ. You don't need enemies at this table.
Russ: Well, coming up tonight, new Intercontinental Champion DK Murphy in his first title defense faces the big Native American Ricky Soaring Eagle.
Razz: And the former Intercontinental Champion Matt Folz has a shot at revenge against the man who cost him that title Sunday night, Ecosystem
Nash: Plus a triple threat tag team match pits the Champions LD Williams and Stank against Banned from Everywhere and the Darling twins in a non-title match.
Razz: In what should be a great match Reverend Stan Fulton faces Drink and Destroy's Danny Taylor.
Nash: And what Russ would call a slobberknocker, with World Champion Firewoman teaming with her cousin Davin Moreland to take on Ghosthead and Chris Evans.
Russ: But we open tonight with a number one contenders match for the Onslaught Title as Rabbit Mask, Mai Muyo, and the sadistic Moosehead Jack square off for a title match against The Kai tonight!
Nash: Easy Russ, no way to win friends and influence people
Razz: You gotta give the edge to the veteran, two time Onslaught champion Moosehead Jack.
Russ: Pardon me, but are you nuts? The man just Sunday night piledrove his opponent through a table in the middle of the ring.
Nash: Sure, the man is sick, twisted, demented, and evil, but he knows how to pick and choose his spots.
Razz: True, true. But Mai Muyo has been on a roll lately except for her loss here last week to Moosehead Jack, and Rabbit Mask lost Sunday night to Comrade Sharkoff, of all people.
Nash: No doubt, Ecosystem's sister is a good wrestler, but is she ready for a match like this?
Russ: We'll see in a moment, let's get to the announcements in the ring.
MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. MAI MUYO vs. RABBIT MASK – Onslaught Contenders Match, Winner Gets an Onslaught Title Shot TonightEveryone is announced and in the ring. Moose is slumped in the corner when the bell rings, and Rabbit Mask immediately charges across the ring and catches Moose with a dropkick to the face that sends him to the mat, then the floor. Rabbit gets back to his feet and charges at Mai and tries a clothesline, but she ducks the clothesline. Rabbit hits the ropes, but instead of rebounding, he stops himself and slips out of the ring onto the apron. When Mai turns around, he springs onto the top rope and catches her with a leg lariat that takes her to the mat.
Rabbit grabs Mai and lifts her for one of his numerous head drops, but Mai slips free and turns it into a LUNGBLOWER! Rabbit howls in agony. Mai gets to her feet and hits the ropes, but Moose low bridges her and she flips over the top rope to the floor. Moose enters the ring and waits for Rabbit to get to his feet, then catches him with a forearm to the side of the head. Then lands repeated chops to his chest, backing him to the corner. Moose sets Rabbit on the top rope, but before he can climb up, Rabbit catches him with a knee to the mouth, then slams Moose’s face into the turnbuckle. Moose drops to the mat, Rabbit stands and leaps, catching Mai coming back into the ring with a cross body block for a two count.
Moose grabs Rabbit and pulls him off Mai and rocks him with a European uppercut, then throws him over the top rope. Rabbit lands on his feet, but Moose doubles him over with a knee to the gut, then pulls him between the ropes and PLANTS him with a DDT! With Moose flat on his back, Mai runs in and drops a knee across his chest, then hammers him with punches to the side of the head. Mai pulls Moose up and whips him to the ropes and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker for a two count.
Mai takes a page out of Moose’s playbook and throws him over the top rope, like Rabbit, Moose lands on his feet. Mai connects with a kick to the gut, then pulls Moose into the ropes, she has him set up and hits a PEDIGREE WITH MOOSE’S FEET ON THE ROPES! Moose’s face drives into the mat, and he appears to be OUT! Mai rolls him over and covers, but Rabbit breaks it up at two. As Mai and Rabbit fight, Moose rolls out of the ring and remains slumped against the stairs, in a daze.
With Moose out of it, Mai and Rabbit go at one another with a fury. Mai’s power gets her the advantage for a bit, but Rabbit counters with his remarkable speed. Mai lifts Rabbit for a powerbomb, but Rabbit flips off her shoulder and hits one of his devastating HEAD DROPS (the OOWF archives are down for some damn reason, so I couldn’t look it up). Instead of going for the cover, Rabbit climbs to the top rope and is going to try something amazingly flippy no doubt, he leaps, but Mai gets to her feet and DROPS him with the ENDGAME! Mai covers, one, two, thre…….
NO! Moose reaches in from outside the ring and pulls Mai out, then POSTS her! Mai falls to the floor in a heap, blood already running from her forehead. Moose slides into the ring and traps a barely conscious Rabbit in the JI-ENDO! Rabbit fights it, but there is nowhere for him to go, so he has no choice but to tap out. Moosehead Jack gets an Onslaught Championship title shot tonight!
WINNER in 16:25 – Moosehead Jack
Russ: THAT DAMN MOOSEHEAD JACK! He was barely involved in the match! He just stole Mai’s title shot!
Razz: Hey, Russ, all is fair in wrestling. Mai should have been aware that Jack was lurking somewhere
Russ: That man is evil. He has been back in the OOWF for, what, a month now? And already we have had a backstage brawl that nearly sent several men to the hospital, we had him and those jezebels Power and Glory nearly kill Davin Moreland – and ladies don’t think I don’t know that it was you behind my little detainment – we had Ghosthead try to blind Firewoman……this man is a walking nightmare of violence, everywhere he goes, things get worse. I personally hope the Kai ends our misery and puts Moosehead Jack out of wrestling for good!
Razz: Wow…..way to stay unbiased there Russ
Russ: This affects all of us, it affects me personally. The OOWF is my job. Moosehead Jack wants nothing more than to destroy the OOWF, and he thinks the way to do that is win the world title, and he may be right. I cannot sit idly by and not care if that happens. Someone has to stop him. Someone has to stop the Saints of Sinners
Nash: Speaking of which, Russ, one of your favorite people is up next.
Russ: These young Neal Twins have what it takes to be classic championship wrestlers, but their association with that sadistic freak Moosehead Jack has just made them into clones of him!
Razz: Not necessarily, Russ. They say they were like this long before they came here.
Russ: I refuse to believe that. I think that tonight we'll see Chad Madison and Zane Myers teach these young ladies a thing or two about respect.
Nash: Like it or not, Russ, these two have proven themselves to be able to hang with the big boys here.
Russ: Chad Madison to face off against Power, that's up next, let's go to the ring.
Chad Madison vs PowerTwo Steps from Hell erupts from the speakers and Power comes out to the top of the ramp and begins posing as her sister Glory skips down to ringside and shakes Razz and Nash's hands. Russ cowers back and Glory snatches his big ten gallon hat from his head and skips off backstage. Meanwhile Power climbs into the ring and poses and plays to the crowd as if they were cheering her.
Her happy mood comes to a screeching halt, though, as Big & Rich's
"Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" brings out Chad Madison, his own ten-gallon hat concealing the lumps he's taken in the last ten days courtesy of the Saints of Sinners. Although Chad and Power both took some serious lumps Sunday night in their tag match, evidenced by the bandages on their heads, Chad seems to be in better spirits now shaking hands, kissing babies, and flirting with all the women. Power is focused on giving Chad another beating, even though Chad steps into the ring and tips his hat at her. In spite of Referee Mel Creech's best efforts to keep these two apart until after the bell, Power gets close enough to snatch the hat off Chad's head and stomp it flat. Chad is now livid, and Power picks up the hat and mocks Chad by wearing the now misshapen hat in such a way as to make him look like a goober. Creech finally snatches the hat away from Power and calls for the bell.
No preliminaries tonight as Chad and Power are both tired of dealing with each other and just start brawling away in the middle of the ring. Power catches some of those spots on Chad's head, and one has to wonder if Chad might be battling with a concussion from the ways some of his punches seem just totally wild, or if it's the fact that Power has totally gotten under his skin with her accusations. Regardless, Power is able to get behind Chad and lock in a Full Nelson. And given Power's strength, the hold appears to be effective, especially when Power is able to reach around with her leg and drive Chad face first into the mat and reopen that head wound from Sunday night. Chad quickly makes his way to the ropes and Creech calls for the break, but Power just drags him back into the center of the ring. Creech insists on a break, though, and Power breaks at the last possible instant. Power grabs Chad by the hair and rubs his face in the mat, which starts him bleeding more and her eyes open wide and she begins pummeling him even more fiercely.
Power pulls up Chad and throws him into the ropes and misses big with a clothesline. She turns and Chad hits a picture perfect dropkick that Chad turns into the Triple Dropkick of doom! Chad goes for the cover but only gets a one count before Power presses him into the ropes and to the floor, where Chad appears to hit the back of his head hard. It takes Power a moment to realize what happened to Chad, but when she does she waits for Chad to begin to get up, then leaps to a nearby turnbuckle, and jumps onto Chad's shoulders outside the ring – Hurricanrana! Even the hardest core Texpress fan had to applaud that! The applause turns quickly to boos when Power picks up Chad and drive him shoulder first into the ringpost. Power tries to repeat the maneuver but Chad has the presence of mind to push Power into the post herself and she hits face first, busting her open again. Chad rolls in to break the count, then rolls back out to try to roll Power back into the ring, but Power has the presence of mind to deliver a shot to Chad's boys, and she rolls in to break the count, then rolls Chad into the ring part way, right near the corner post. Power pulls Chad to the corner post and introduces Chad's boys to steel, then stretches out Chad's ligaments by wrapping his legs around the posts. Power rolls back into the ring and starts to pick up Chad, but he's not done. He begins slugging away, trying to find an avenue of attack, but Power kicks Chad in the knees and he folds again. Power grabs a leg, spins around...Indian Death Lock! Power barely has it locked in before Chad scurries across the ring and grabs the ring ropes to force the break. Power releases the hold and lays in some knees to the legs to slow Chad even more. Power picks up Chad who again tries to fight back but he's at a point where standing is difficult, and his punches have no real power behind them. Power strikes back with a Greco-Roman thumb to the eye, then follows up with a Russian Leg Sweep..no, FLATLINER! And Chad Madison meets the mat head first again. Power flips Chad over, spins the legs..Reverse Indian Death Lock...no, MUTA LOCK! Power has Chad immobilized in the center of the ring and with nowhere to go, he has to tap out.
Winner in 18:45 – Power!Power quickly releases the hold, then grabs Chad's legs again and teases delivering another shot to Chad's boys, but decides against it and bails out of the ring and up the ramp.
Russ: That Jezebel did it again, stealing a win.
Nash: Far be it from me to judge Russ, but that was a reasonably clean win. I just think you're mad that you lost your hat.
Russ: That's a $120 Stetson, Kevin. I want my damned hat back!
Razz: Well, as far as the match goes, Power worked hard against Chad, who seems not to have gotten the rest to make things happen tonight. One thing you have to say about these Neal twins is that they never slow down, and win or lose, you know you've been in a battle with them.
Russ: Well, up next...
(
Two Steps from Hell erupts from the speakers again and Power comes back down the ramp holding Russ's hat, upside down, far over her head, while Glory makes a big deal about giving her the hat back. They stop in front of the announce table and Russ takes off his headset and demands his hat back. Power asks him if he is sure, and Russ yells GIVE IT TO ME!
Power turns the hat over and dumps the contents, apparently hot and spicy Bar-B-Q Sauce, onto Russ's head. The twins high five each other and Power heads up the ramp and Glory enters the ring, laughing and pointing at Russ, who leaves the ringside area dripping sauce all the way up the ramp.
Nash: Looks like extra sauce for Russ tonight, let's get to our next match.
Zane Myers vs. GloryGlory takes the announcers microphone and, pointing at Russ, says “Why is it that Texas doesn't fall into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma SUCKS, right Russ?”
A changeup tonight, as Little Texas’ [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbH60wCO-Yw
]"God Blessed Texas"[/url] brings Zane Myers to the ring, and although he's not a fan of Oklahoma, he seems to take extreme umbrage at the mistreatment of the OOWF's lead announcer. He gets straight in the ring and heads directly toward Glory, who pulls Referee Junior Hale in front of her. Hale asks Zane to please step back and Zane does, but not without laying the verbal smacketh down on Glory.
Hale calls for the bell, and Zane begins pursuing Glory, who tries to get behind Zane and attack those legs with sharp kicks. But Zane is keeping his back to the ropes, and Glory gets behind Zane only to find herself forced in the corner. Zane traps Glory in the corner and uses his hundred pound weight advantage to try to knock the wind out of the smaller but faster opponent. Zane whips Glory across the ring and goes in for the big splash! Zane picks up Glory for a big Press Slam that Glory tries to fight out of but Zane's reach is a bit much for Glory and she finds herself falling back to earth. Zane again throws Glory into the ropes...POWERSLAM that has Glory flailing. Zane holds up three fingers which means it's time to take Glory to SUPLEX SCHOOL. Zane picks up Glory and in rapid succession hits a Delay Vertical Suplex, Gordbuster and Slingshot Suplex!
Glory is dazed and slow in getting up, trying to throw punches at Zane but they're not having much effect at all as Zane picks up Glory for the TORTURE RACK! Running down the ramp is Power with a Kendo Stick and she begins whacking away at Zane's legs as Hale calls for the bell.
Winner in 9:45 By Disqualification – Zane MyersPower continues to whack away at Zane's legs as Glory holds the legs down. Power climbs to the top turnbuckle with the weapon but here comes Chad Madison down the ramp and Power and Glory powder out.
Nash: Well, the record books will show that as a split decision, but to me, Power and Glory took both of those matches.
Razz: They did leave their opponents laying in the ring, but you know Russ would be complaining about that.
Nash: Yeah, great not having him out here, isn't it?
Razz: Our next match is a match with a lot of history as Reverend Stan Fulton faces Danny Taylor.
Nash: Yeah, the roots of this one go back almost a year to Dance of Death 8 when then World Champion Crusher Stan Fulton along with the rest of the New Guard ended the career of Taylor's friend Outback Jack. It's something that I seriously doubt Taylor has ever gotten over.
Razz: Well, I know that his manager Victor Dinero has not gotten over it, but Danny I think understands that people can change, and the question is, has Fulton truly changed, or is this a scheme of some kind by Fulton. The only way we can find out is head to the ring.
Reverend Stan vs. Danny TaylorSomewhat different music Brings out the Reverend Stan Fulton for what should be a great match against Danny Taylor. Fulton comes out and shakes hands, blesses babies, and has kind words for everyone. He enters the ring, walks to the center of the ring, and makes the sign of the cross to all four sides of the ring, then begins applauding the fans.
POD's Here comes the Boom brings out Danny Taylor, who keeps his eyes squarely on Reverend Stan, not totally sure what to make of him. While Taylor works his way around the ring, he keeps his eyes locked on Fulton. Fulton walks over and opens the ropes for Taylor, and Taylor avoids that side of the ring and enters from the opposite corner. Fulton cautiously approaches Taylor in the ring and offers his hand, which he takes quite apprehensively. A few words from Fulton appear to soften the attitude of Taylor, and he gets a nod and a solid handshake. Fulton steps back, removes his robes, and referee Mel Creech calls for the bell.
The two big men lock up in the center of the ring, and the much taller Taylor finds himself forced back into the ropes by the bulk of Fulton. Fulton backs up, raises his hands, and makes the sign of the cross over Taylor. For the first time in this match, Taylor breaks into a very small smile.
Another lockup, and this one is more strongly contested, and Taylor backs Fulton into the ropes. This time Taylor tries to whip Fulton across the ring, but Fulton plants his feet and refuses. Taylor looks at Fulton, and both smile broadly and shake hands. The crowd explodes for this exceptional display of sportsmanship. The two lock up again in the ring and Fulton shows his speed as he drops down and arm drags the much taller Taylor. Taylor jumps up quickly and Fulton tries to beal Taylor but Taylro reverses and throws the rotund Reverend across the ring and Fulton ns right back into an arm drag and take down. Fulton works his way to his feet and pushes Taylor into the ropes. Fulton trys to throw Taylor across the ring, but Taylor reverses and before he can get set, Fulton put on a burst of speed off the ropes and hits a Dropline! Fulton goes for the cover but Taylor rolls the shoulder at 2. The display of amazingly solid chain wrestling continues and is totally appreciated by the fans who are screaming and clapping and shouting. After a few more exchanges Fulton is able to catch Taylor coming off the ropes in a Powerslam. Fulton picks up Taylor...Backcut Slam! The crowd counts along with Mel Creech
1
2
NO! Taylor rolls the shoulder again. Fulton picks up Taylor and throws him into the ropes but Taylor reverses and catches Fulton with an Exploder Suplex! Taylor doesn't try for the pin but picks Fulton up and locks in the TNT! Fulton fights and struggles to try to reach the ropes...when the bell rings?
Decision: 30 minute time limit draw The fans get to their feet and cheer both these men for a solid display of athleticism and sportsmanship, though neither man is totally satisfied, and both hold their hands up asking for five more minutes. Mel Creech shakes his head and heads for the back, and the ref gets booed...so what else is new? Fulton and Taylor shake hands in the middle of the ring and raise each others hands. Fulton blesses Taylor and the crowd, and the two big men exit the ring.
Razz: Too bad Russ isn't here. That was his kind of match.
Nash: It is amazing that those two have so much bad blood in their past, and yet they're able to come out here and put on such a classic exhibition. These fans just ate that stuff up.
Razz: Well, we want to remind our viewers that the next OOWF pay per view is...what is it, Nash?
Nash: That would be Dance of Death 9, live from Hell Michigan, January 27th, live on Pay Per View.
Razz: And next week we're in Davin Moreland country, as Midweek Mayhem originates from Walpole, Massachusetts. Speaking of Moreland, have we heard anything from him this week?
Nash: Not a word. The talk around the locker room is that the Saints of Sinners 2.0 may have actually followed through on their promise and ended the old GOAT.
Razz: Up next a grudge match as Ecosystem asked for this match after last week's disrespecting by Matt Folz.
Nash: Yeah, Ecosystem's never been known as a reasonable, rational man, but I gotta say what Matt Folz did at the end of the six man match last week against Drink and Destroy was outa line. Let's look at the last few minutes of that match.
Nash: Bowling shoe ugly, Razz. And lemme tell you, one person you don't want mad at you is Ecosystem. He's not known for being rational when he's mad. Granted, Eco did cost Folz his Intercontinental Title Sunday at the Pay Per View, but I imagine Eco's not done with Folz.
Razz: Folz and Ecosystem, let's head for the ring.
Matt Folz vs. Ecosystem”I know who you are, the Leader of Lost Souls” explodes from the speakers as Adema's Immortal brings Ecosystem to the ring, and the crowd shows an amazing amount of respect for the Grand Slam Champion.
Tomoyasu Hotei brings Matt Folz to the ring, and it takes everything Angelo Barrios has to keep Eco back. Finally Eco points to the crowd, telling Barrios he thinks he sees Demi Lovado. Barrios falls for it, and Ecosystem planchas over the ring ropes directly onto Folz and begins raining down blows. Eco picks up Folz and runs him into the ringpost, then rolls back into the ring and climbs the turnbuckle to the cheers of the crowd. Folz is nobody's fool, though, and rolls into the ring and schoolboys Eco off the turnbuckle and grabs a handful of tights to get a two count. Folz follows up with a knee to the gut and a T-Bone Suplex, again for just a 2 count. Folz charges back in but Eco counters with a Greco-Roman eye rake, monkey flips Folz, then leaps to the top rope and comes off with a Clothesline dive that sends Folz flying. The crowd begins cheering loudly, and Ecosystem points out to the crowd again thinking he saw Namie Amuro in the crowd. As Barrios falls for it...again...whatever plan Eco has goes awry as Folz reaches into his tights and pulls out a pair of Brass Knuckles, pounds them on the mat and pitches them to Ecosystem, and then falls down hard. Barrios turns around, sees Folz on the mat and Eco with the knucks, and calls for the bell.
Winner by Disqualification in 8:45 – Matt FolzEco is livid and starts to argue with Barrios but turns to see Folz laughing. Eco goes nuts and jumps on Folz and begins raining down blows which bust the big man open. In a fury Eco picks up Folz---ENDGAME! Out comes Reverend Stan Fulton with his ax handle and he grabs Eco around the chest with the ax-handle and begins speaking to him. In moments Eco has closed his eyes and is counting to ten and a much calmer visage comes over the face of Eco, and Fulton is able to get Eco out of the ring.
Razz: Well, Folz gets the win, but that's really not a good idea.
Nash: That's like poking a rabid dog with a sharp stick. Nothing good will come from something like that.
(Razz and Nash are interrupted as familiar music comes from the speakers and Russ comes out to ringside dressed in a denim shirt and blue jeans.) Nash: Nice of you to dress up, Russ.
Russ: These were the only clothes I had left that weren't damaged in some way by those jezebels!
Razz: Now, Russ, did anyone see them in your luggage?
Russ: No, but who else would do that?
Nash: Innocent until proven guilty, Russ.
Razz: Anyway, up next is an Intercontinental Championship match as new champ DK Murphy faces Ricky Soaring Eagle.
Russ: The young man has shown his worth in an amazing upset on Sunday over Matt Folz, and Soaring Eagle is one rough way to start your reign.
Nash: This kid Murphy has what it takes to be great, and someday he'll be a true superstar, but so does Ricky if he can keep his temper under control.
Russ: Let's go to the ring.
Intercontinental Championship Match
DK Murphy © vs. Ricky Soaring Eagle Iron Maiden's “Run to the Hills” brings out Native American Ricky Soaring Eagle. As usual Ricky is angry and carrying his tire iron to the ring. As he gets into the ring he threatens referee Davis Hightower with the tire iron and Hightower warns him he won't put up with any monkey business..
The Dropkick Murphys bring out new Intercontinental Champion DK Murphy with the belt around his waist like all good champions.
As Hightower calls for the bell Murphy extends a hand to the Native American. Ricky looks for a long time, then slowly extends his hand and takes the handshake....
Then pulls Murphy in for a series of clubbing blows that shake DK. RSE picks up Murphy for a big slam of some kind but DK powers his way out of it and comes down with a neckbreaker on RSE. DK tries to follow up but the Native American stops him with a Greco-Roman rake of the eyes. RSE presses the advantage with hard strikes and chops. RSE throws DK to the ropes and scoops him up for a sidewalk slam. RSE goes for the pin but only gets a two before DK rolls the shoulder. RSE again puts the shoulders down and only gets a two count. RSE yells at Hightower but Hightower reminds him of GM Selena's edict to not touch the referee. RSE turns round to find DK in his face with some hard shots of his own. The two big men brawl in the middle of the ring and only stop when RSE has DK backed into the ropes. RSE tries to throw DK across the ring but Murphy reverses and hip tosses RSE across the ring. As Ricky gets up DK hoists the Native American up for the LAST CALL! Murphy hooks the legs for the 1, 2, 3!
WINNER in 15:44 – DK MurphyMurphy exits the ring, grabs his Championship belt and slaps the fans hands all the way out of the arena as Ricky Soaring Eagle grabs his tire iron and chases Davis Hightower to the back...
Russ: This young man has a great future ahead of him here in the OOWF. Talent, ability, and power.
Razz: No doubt, Murphy's got what it takes.
Nash: Let's see how he does in his rematch against Matt Folz, without any distractions.
Russ: Folks, we thank you for joining us, up next, Triple Threat tag team action as the Tag Team Champions face two of their top contenders in the Darlings and Banned from Everywhere.
Nash: Ah, ah, ah, Russ, don't even think of leaving Texpress or your secret girlfriends out of this.
Razz: Nash, he said two of the top contenders. I don't think anyone could minimize either the Texans or Power and Glory's abilities.
Russ: Actually, I can. They're young, they're rash, they're impetuous, and sooner or later their shortcuts are going to catch up with them.
Nash: But that day's not today, and for such a young team, they're outperforming everyone's expectations. But why are we even talking about your girlfriends if they're not in this match.
Razz: Sounds like an obsession to me.
Russ: Triple threat tag action, let's get to the ring.
Triple Threat Tag Match (Non-title)
The Darling Twins vs. Banned from Everywhere vs. LD Williams & StankAll the lights go out and a single spotlight begins bouncing around the arena as
Sail begins playing and the spotlight finally lands on two shadowy figures at the top of the ramp. The Darling twins throw back the hoods on their hoodies and raise their arms to the cheers of the crowd. Alex strides forward with purpose, while Alexis slinks her way down the ring in somewhat of a slutty fashion. They climb into the ring and mount the turnbuckles and play to the crowd.
Insane In the Brain brings the whacky team of
Banned From Everywhere to the ring. Awesome Bill from Dawsonville is aboard Drunkey, while Justin Sane is atop Drunkette. Behind this whole mess is Ellie May from Elijay on her Likkercycle towing a cooler.
Chevelle's "Forfeit" brings the Tag Team Champions Stank and LD Williams out for this non-title match. They look across the ring at their opponents and just shake their heads.
Bill offers a fresh pint of refreshment to the Darlings, who politely decline, and so Bill downs the pint, less it lose it's zesty New Year's piquant flavor. He shakes his head and looks over at his opponents and walks over to shake their hands and offer them a drink. Big mistake as Stank and LD start pummeling Bill. The Darlings get involved and all at once it's a slugfest before Mel Creech can even call for the bell.
As Creech gets things sorted out it's Alexander who starts out with LD Williams. There's no love lost between these two as Alex tries to push back LD but LD isn't having any of that tonight and he muscles Alex into his corner and throws some shoulders into Alex's gut, then backs up as Stank grabs Alex's hair and lays in solid forearms into Alex's chest. LD tries to follow up but Alex fights his way out of the corner and rolls to Bill and tags him in.
Bill greets his good buddy EllieD with a hearty handshake that LD takes and uses to clothesline Bill into next week. LD reaches over and tags Stank, then throws Bill across the ring. They lock wrists to clothesline Bill but Bill slides underneath and vaults the ring ropes and lands on Drunkey's back.who takes off around the ring. Stank just sighs as Bill leaps off of Drunkey and jumps back into the ring...almost. Bill falls on his face as his boots catch the top rope. Stank picks up Bill and just begins clobbering away. Bill finally falls back into the ropes and bounces off with a hard shot that Stank wasn't expecting, and finally Bill reaches over and tags Alexis who climbs to the top ropes and hits a solid head scissors that takes Stank off his feet. Alexis tries to follow up but Stank clotheslines her out of her boots. Stank picks up Alexis to go for a Stank-U, but Alexis slips out and nails a Lungblower! Stank rolls over to LD for a tag and Alexis tag in Justin. Justin hits the ropes and tries for a Thesz press but goes nowhere...or does it? Seems LD was too close to the ropes and they both awkwardly tumble out of the ring. That brings Bill and Stank over and soon all six are brawling outside the ring, as Justin rolls back in the ring and hits the ropes and flies over the ropes, diving into the crowd...and Stank catches him and throws him back over the ropes and into the ring! Finally things break down worse as Justin stares down LD across the ring from him and screams DOUGHAWK!
All the lights go out, we hear the sound of a trumpeter playing reveille, a harp glissando, the sound of a plate glass window being smashed, and Carly Rae Jepsons Call Me Maybe being played backwards, and the Windows 98 startup sound. As the lights come up, LD is laying in the Darling's corner, Justin is standing on the top rope, the Darlings are under the ring near their corner (They've seen this enough to not get caught) and Bill is pouring PCPL down Stank's throat outside the ring. The Darlings see their chance as Alexis reaches in and tags LD, she grabs Justin off the turnbuckle and hits a BITCH KILLER! Alexis tags in Alex, picks up Justin and hands him to Alex sitting on the top turnbuckle – Darling Bombshell! LD and Stank are out and Bill tries to get into the ring but the ropes are too hard for him to manuever and Alex gets the three count!
WINNER in 19:45 – The Darling TwinsAlex and Alexis go to help Bill get untangled from the ropes, and all three go to help up Justin, who asks for five bucks. Alex finds a fiver somewhere. LD has rolled out to the floor, and he and Stank just shake their heads and walk up the ramp. After a celebratory round of PCPL and milk, the Darlings and BFE head up the ramp.
Russ: There, a match without ultra violence or blood.
Razz: Or in the case of Banned from Everywhere, without brains.
Nash: Jeez, Russ, why don't you and Jim Cornette just get a room. Times have changed!
Russ: Good wrestling never goes out of style.
Nash: Unlike your shoes.
Russ: in any event, it seems the Darlings are injecting themselves back into the Tag Team picture.
Razz: That's a crowded field these days, with no sign of easing up.
Russ: Folks, we want to remind you of our next Pay Per View...it's...
Nash: ... Dance of Death 9, live from Hell Michigan, January 27th, live on Pay Per View.
Razz: And next week we're in Davin Moreland country, as Midweek Mayhem originates from Walpole, Massachusetts.
Nash: Russ, while you were back there changing, any sign of the old GOAT?
Russ: Not a peep anywhere. It's unusually quiet, and one has to wonder if Moreland has been able to recover from that mugging he suffered at the hands of Moosehead Jack and Power and Glory.
Razz: Jeez, Russ, won't you let that poor horse die in peace?
Russ: I will not get off this at all, Razz. These three are going to be the death of this sport that we hold so dear. So Firewoman might have to face off against Ghosthead and Chris Evans all by herself.
Nash: She's a big girl, Russ. She knew what might happen.
Russ: Thanks for your voice of optimism, Kev. Let's get to the ring.
Firewoman & Davin Moreland vs. Ghosthead & Chris EvansThe lights darken and
Sevendust’s “My Ruin” comes on the Jumbotron as Ghosthead walks down the ramp. White fog pours from under the ring covering the mat and ringside as Ghosthead enters the ring. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and sits down awaiting his partner.
Iron Maiden's The Trooper brings Chris Evans to the ring. He climbs in and starts having words with Ghosthead. Both however exchange knowing looks in that no one has seen Davin Moreland since the Pay Per View.
“Firewoman” explodes from the speakers and anyone still in their seats jumps up as the World Heavyweight Champion comes down the ramp. She waits at the bottom of the ramp, expecting to hear Davin Moreland's music. When the music doesn't come, she looks at Referee Angelo Barrios, he shurgs and tells her to get into the ring. As she starts, Barrios turns to Evans and Ghosthead to get them back, but they blow right past him and launch a two on one assault on Firewoman. Things look dim even before the bell rings until...
Notorious fires up and out runs the Grand Slam and Six Pack champion Davin Moreland. Moreland plows into the pack and together with his cousin the four way brawl enters the ring. Moreland picks up Ghosthead and throws him across the ring and plants him with a big boot. Meanwhile Fire and Evans square off with hard shots and chops. Barrios is trying to get control of this match but it appears to get worse with each passing second. Evans rakes those still tender eyes of Firewoman and tries to pick her up, but Moreland grabs him by the hair and smashes Evans head into Ghostheads head. Evans and Ghosthead roll out of the ring and get into and argument when Firewoman looks at Moreland and she hits the ropes, Moreland presses her high in the air and Firewoman FLIES into both Evans and Ghosthead! Barrios appeals to Moreland but Moreland just rolls out of the ring and grabs Evans and rolls him into the ring. Evans opens up on Moreland as Ghosthead and Fire continue their brawl on the floor. Evans triesto get Evans up for the Way of the Future, but Moreland blocks it and sends Evans sprawling to the mat. Firewoman climbs up on the apron and jumps toward Ghosthead – Hurricanrana! Moreland picks up Evans and tries to sit him on the ring ropes, but Evans fights loose and unleashes a Cyclone of Chaos! Fire picks up Ghosthead and rolls him into the ring and she heads for the top rope...she launches the BEST FIRESAULT EVER! But as she hits the Firesault, Evans is there to trop a leg across her head and pick her up to try for a Way of the Future, but before he cang et the driver locked, Fire reverses it into a VOODOO DROP! Finally Barrios has had enough, the bell never sounded on this one, and he calls it.
DECISION at 11:45 – No ContestEvans is pissed, and considers for a moment heading back into the action, but thinks better of it and heads up the ramp. Ghosthead thinks a moment about going after Firewoman again, but follows Evans up the ramp as Firewoman and Davin Moreland play to the crowd.
Russ: Thank goodness Davin Moreland made it here. Can you imagine what might have happened if he hadn't made it?
Razz: Davin Moreland is the cavalry once again, showing up in the nick of time to save his cousing.
Nash: Big deal, no one won. That proved nothing.
Razz: Is Russ' pessimism rubbing off on you. Kev?
Nash: Nobody won. Big deal. Let's get to the main event, I know Russ is just dying to see this.
Russ: As a result of his tainted victory tonight, Moosehead Jack gets a match tonight against the Kai for the OOWF Onslaught Championship. And he doesn't deserve it.
Razz: Easy, Russ. Moose won fair and square, and he deserves the shot.
Russ: HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE!
Nash: You gotta love Russ and his fairness. Let's get to this championship match.
THE KAI vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchThe two are introduced, and Aisha accompanies the Kai to the ring. Moose remains slumped in the corner after the bell rings, refusing to come out for the handshake. He and Aisha glare at one another. She shakes her head and leaves the ring. Finally Moose gets to his feet and walks to the middle of the ring and just stares at the Kai. The Kai stares back and has a few things to say, because the Kai ALWAYS has a few things to say. Moose smirks then backhands Kai, sending him staggering back a step. After a second, he goes berserk and goes after Moose, but Moose bails out of the ring and heads to the floor. Moose makes his way around the ring while Kai rants and raves in the middle of the ring for him to come in and face him. Several times Moose starts to get back into the ring, only to bail when Kai races to the ropes.
Moose once again climbs onto the apron to get into the ring, only this time Aisha says something to him, momentarily distracting him, allowing the Kai to grab Moose and pull him into the ring. The Kai slams Moose in the face with a headbutt then sends him to the ropes and catches him with a fall away slam. As Moose gets to his feet, the Kai hits him with a supekick to the jaw that sends him staggering back into the corner. The Kai charges in and leaps at Moose and BLASTS him in the face with a flying forearm. As Moose staggers out of the corner, the Kai catches him with a crescent kick to the back of the head that sends him to the mat. The Kai covers, but Moose kicks out at two.
The Kai pulls Moose to his feet and hits a spinning heel kick to the gut that doubles Moose over, then drops a scissors kick across the back of his head and covers again, and once again gets a two count. This time Moose bails out of the ring and stumbles around holding the back of his head. The Kai leaves the ring and goes after Moose, and tries a whip into the steel barricade, but Moose reverses it and Kai’s back slams into the steel. Moose charges at him, but the Kai backdrops Moose, sending him into the fourth row! Moose crashes into the chairs, and it appears the referee is not going to give the Kai a warning for that since, technically, he didn’t use the chair as a weapon. Kai pulls Moose back over the guardrail and rolls him into the ring and covers, but once again Moose kicks out at two.
The Kai scoops Moose up and plants him on the mat, then climbs to the top rope for a SUPERFLY SPLASH but Moose moves out of the way and Kai crashes and burns. Kai’s knee hits the mat, and Moose is immediately on that, hammering it with kicks, and dropping several knees onto the inside of Kai’s leg before trapping him in a figure four. The Kai turns the hold and Moose immediately breaks it. The match goes on, the Kai works on Moose’s back, while Moose works over Kai’s knee. Both men use all three of their rope breaks, and Moose has used all three referee warnings. As the fifteen minute time minute winds down, things take a turn.
As Kai leapfrogs Moose, he lands awkwardly and he goes down in a heap. Aisha immediately jumps onto the apron to see if he is ok. The referee checks on him and Kai tells her he will be ok. Moose sneaks in and grabs Aisha by the hair, looks right at Kai, who has a look of horror on his face, and SLAMS Aisha in the face with a headbutt! Aisha falls off the apron to the floor and lands hard. The Kai gets to his feet and blindly charges at Moose, and Moose KILLS him with a right cross to the jaw! Moose stuffs the chain back into his pocket – the referee never saw a thing. Moose covers Kai, hooking the leg, and some tights just to be a dick, and gets the one, two, three!
WINNER in 14:14 and NEW OOWF Onslaught Champion – Moosehead Jack
Moose takes the title and rolls out of the ring laughing. He walks by Aisha, who hasn’t moves and looks down at her and yells “DECISIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES LITTLE GIRL!” then puts the title over his shoulder and stumbles up the ramp arguing with the fans. At the top of the ramp, Clio and Edra meet Moose and the three of them all cackle and mock the fans who are upset before they are escorted to the back to avoid a riot. Inside the ring the Kai is moving, holding his jaw. He remembers Aisha and slides out of the ring and checks on her and calls for paramedics.
Russ: Do I even have to say it?
Razz: Ok, that might have been a little over the line…..
Russ: A LITTLE?!?! That man has made a mockery of the Onslaught title! I sincerely hope GM Selena does the right thing and not only strips him of the title, but suspends him from the OOWF. We cannot allow animals like the Saints of Sinners to run roughshod over the OOWF. Just sickening.
Nash: Now I know why the Neil Twins like you so much Russ. You're such a shrinking violet.
Russ: Folks, stay tuned to OOWF-TV this week as we try to sort all these loose ends out. For Kevin Nash and for Razz, I'm Russ, goodnight.
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action! Be sure to check out the OOWF Dance of Death 9, coming to you Live! Sunday January 27th from Paris France! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem! January 9th, Live! From Walpole, Massachusettes. Did you see something you really liked? Post it here in the 2013 Awards Reminder Thread. Please join us for OOWF Chat on Wednesday nights! And be sure to check out the full OOWF Archive and read up on the 8-year plus history of the OOWF!
