OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 11-16-05

[mooseheadjack]

MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Hooker, Oklahoma

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Phil vs. Microplay

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Beast

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
The Team From Down Under vs. Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude Adjuster

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Canadian Dragon vs. Corax

Steel Cage Match - No Escape![/u]
Seraph vs. Chris Cole

Taipei Death Match[/u]
Moosehead Jack vs. Hardbody Harris

Old-School Blue Steel Cage Match[/u]
The Devil's Brigade vs. Drink & Destroy

Onslaught Rules Tag Match[/u]
Thim Reynolds & Eric O'Mac vs. Austraroo & SoulDragon

Double Dog Collar Chain Match
The Establishment vs. UnderDawg & Blackdragon

Firechild vs. Uncle Entity
Mr. Jealous vs. Mark Vander
Chris Alt vs. Ax-Man
Saint Chaos vs. Mercury
Donovan Viper vs. Capellan
wCw vs. Dr. Murder & Mikey Styner

Card subject to verb confusion and dangling participles

[mooseheadjack]

*Moosehead Jack walks into The Establishment lockerroom after his match against Hardbody Harris. He instantly notices a cracked piece of concrete with a note attached to it.*

MHJ - What the fuck?

*MHJ grabs the note and reads it:

"This Concrete's cracked. It would be unfortunate for it to find out who did the damage."

MHJ crumples up the note and throws it away. He just stares at the piece of concrete. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

Johnny Adrenaline sees the card for next week's Midweek Mayhem and quickly dials his cell phone.

JA: Hey, AA, did you see the card? We've got a tag team title shot next week!...Hey, that's a viscious echo you got there. You sound like you're in a tunnel or something. Where are you? Lost? The bathroom stall? Again? Damn it, AA. OK, first you slide up the door handle...

[mooseheadjack]

The show opens and Thunderstruck hits the loud speakers, and out struts The Team From Down Under with Wally B. King in tow. The crowd is goin fricking bonkers as the tag champs enter the ring.

WBK: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you your OOWF Tag TEAM CHAMPS!!!!!


crowd = Batshit

OBJ grabs the mike: G'day....me and Gator here just wanted to come out and thank each and every one of for all of your support and pushing us to show everyone why we ARE the Champs!

Gator Grabs the mike, and downs a can of Fosters, and lets out a monstorus belch: THat's Austrailian for thanks!

After the the outstanding display of belching by Gator, Van Halen's Jump begins to play and wCw hit the stage, and make their way to the ring.

OBJ: hey boys, you kinda interupted us.

Tommy Wilder: sorry bout that man, but we heard you in the back and got a couple ideas. Firstly we also would like to thank the fans, we love nothing more than getting their asses out of their seats cheering for a great match.

JW Westgaard: Secondly we thought since, we always had some screwy finish to our matches We should come out here and offer a friendly challenge to you boys for those belts at the november pay-per-veiw.

Crowd = cheers at thought of ttfdu vs. wCW

GB: we're listening....

TW: but not just any old match, lets get these fans REALLY AMPED and......(crazy ass grin by Wilder) throw in stuff from the local Home Depot and make it a LADDER MATCH!

crowd = collectively creams themselves

the cheers turn to boos as Make you HIgh by Cypress Hill comes on and Mikey Styner and dr. Murder come out.

DM: What is this drivel about the fans? the Fans mean nothing! (crowd boos heavily) we beat you last week (pointing at TTFDU)....

OBJ: cause we got DQ'D you blooming idiot!

DM: nonetheless, now the desire for those belts will drive us to greatness, we deserve GOLD!

Styner: Gooooold!

All of a sudden GM The Rick appears & joins the party.

GMtR: Listen guys...I don't mean to sound salty, but don't get your panties in a bunch. That sounds liek a good idea, but....

with that Right Now by Van Halen comes on and The Chickenshit Heels interupts TheRick.

Johnny and AA come out all smiles and exhude bullshit from the get go.

GMtR: Dammit

AA (with sandwich drumbs all over himself): hey chief don't worry we'll keep it short. We beat wCw two weeks ago, so we want in on this little match too!

JA: yeah, and ......

GMtR: GODDAMMIT YOU two Piss me off!....hey dipshit, have you looked at the card for this week?

JA: well yeah,

GMtR: YOU ALREADY HAVE A TITLE SHOT THIS WEEK DUM DUM!!!!

JA: oh yeah, well when we win then we won't need to be in the ladder match!!!!!

AA: yeah!

GMtR: here's the deal any of you people interefere in any of these four team's matches, it'll be a cold day in hell before you get a title shot. Next week, we'll have ourselves a match, it'll be TTFDU & wCw (cheers!) vs. the morons and Styner and Surder. We'll se how that goes and maybe we can have ourselves a nice little 4 way ladder match at the end of the month!

we see wCw and TTFDU in the ring and they look quite pleased.

cut to commerical.

[mooseheadjack]

(Microplay is awaiting his rematch against Phil as Skeem Gene comes around the corner in the backstage area)

Skeem - Micro, we've talked about the match-up, but now it is about a week away. What are your chances against Phil??

Microplay - You're right Skeem, we have talked about the match-up. And it's plain and simple: I will make sure it is his last match in the OOWF.

Skeem - Micro, are you worried at all about losing the OOWF championship??

Microplay - Oh no, not whatsoever. The difference between my first title reign and my second is this: I WON'T lose the title this time.

(Microplay pauses for a moment, then continues)

After i'm through with you, Phil, it's on to Chris Cole. And his match will be NO different...And then there's that fool, Hardbody Harris, who took it upon himself to walk away from the OOWF title in the first place. It doesn't matter who it is though, because they WON'T stand a chance.

(Microplay cuts the interview short and heads to the backstage area, as cameras fade)

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack and LDW make it to the locker room where Thim, EOM and Endo and Morte are waiting after their encounter with 3PS from the Hepzibah thread>

MHJ: Thim, you and Eric are teaming up this week against the rookie Austraroo and SoulDragon, let's just put an end to them before they become a pain in the ass

TR: Works for me, I would love to snap Dragon's ankle, SoulDragon, Canadian Dragon it is all the same to me

EOM: That little punk, I am going to end his OOWF career before it can get started! You watch, Austraroo gets a five star on the floor. Squash that little punk like a bug

MHJ: Williams is gonna beat Beast senseless, again, for disrespecting him and the title

Thim: Beat his ass, you are the champ. Just like me or Eric is gonna be the Onslaught champ again

LDW: Damn right.

MHJ: And I am going to pound Harris face until all the little girls in the audience scream, and beg me to have mercy. Harris, you want a Taipei Death match with me? You don't have the sac

<just then Endo and Morte walk up to Jack and stare at him>

MHJ: What's up guys?

E&M: We say you talking to 3Piece Set, what was that all about?

MHJ: Look, calm down, I know you guys don't like them, it's all good, we have a common enemy, that's all. Trust me. Besides, I want a front row seat when you boys decimate Dragon and Dawg, double dog collar, you guys can prove that you are the team to beat in the OOWF.

<Endo and Morte look at Jack and then at each other and nod agreement, and with that, we are out>

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank is WASHING~! his hands in the restroom. He is thinking about how to handle The Devil's Brigade when he hears Attitude Adjuster talking from a nearby stall>

AA - Uh huh... Yeah... I know! Fricken Taco Bell! Yeah... now what?

<Stank stares at the stall through the restroom mirror>

AA - You mean this metal thingy? ... I don't know but I'll give it a try. HEY! What do you know... it worked! Ok now what... Oh right... *FLUSH!* Ok now what?

Stank - Dude what is your malfunction?

AA - Hang on a sec Johnny... Can't you see I'm on the phone? Shush! Go ahead Johnny... Ok I'm out the stall... Yeah to the right. Ok... I can take it from here. Thanks.

<AA flips his phone closed and is about to walk out when...>

Stank - EXCUSE ME! Wash your hands before you leave!

AA - What? No way! Do you see how long it took me to get to this point? I'm not going back in there!

<AA walks out... then pokes his head back in>

AA - And you STILL owe us an apology, you PROMO stealing INGRATE!

Stank - Did you just call me an INGRATE?

<AA runs away>

Stank - Chickensh*t.

<Stank dries his hands and exits the restroom. He heads down the hall and into his locker room where he sees FF Capslock writing vigorously on a sheet of paper.>

FFC - The Devil's Brigade... And Viper suck cock all night... I'm not a homo *erasing* Nah! Too many gay overtones. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Stank - Man you're still writing poetry?

FFC - It's Haiku. It relaxes me.

Stank - Did you see the match Rick put us in?

FFC - Yeah. I always thought the old school blue cages were more vicious than the current linked fence type.

Stank - Yeah and they're easier to climb.

FFC - I don't plan on climbing...

Stank - Oh yes you will!

FFC - What? Why?

Stank - Can you imagine the Pound of Flesh we can take from the Devils Brigade at that height?

FFC - Ok then why don't I deliver the Stank-U and YOU do the splash from the top of the cage?

Stank - Because it's called the Stank-U not the FF Capslock-U.

FFC - No. No. when I do it it's called the F-U.

Stank - But John Cena does the F-U!

FFC - Oh EFF YOU!

[mooseheadjack]

Mr Jealous was walking to the training room when he overheard 2 rookies talking about his match with Firechild& how much of a beating he took.

Jealous walked up to them & hovered over them, menacingly looking down into their eyes

Rookie: hi MJ how are you ? ( he muttered )

Jealous just looks at them as if about to speak, but says nothing

Rookie; I saw your match with Firechild sorry you lost !!

Jealous starts to have that look again & he gives one of the rookies the Jealous Rage (Steiner Screwdriver) . Then he sees the other one trying to run away but he turns around & he gives him The Monster.
Jealous just looks at them & brush himself down & walks away.

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams walks up to Chris Alt, who immediately starts looking around for a sneak attack.**

LD: "Problem, Chris?"

CA: "With the way you've been rolling lately, I figure it's inevitable that there's somebody hidden around here somewhere. What's with you lately man? I thought you were above all this sneak attack stuff."

LD: "Truth is Chris, so did I. But, I realized something. We've all got things we're good at. Me, I'm not good at shaking hands or kissing babies or any of that fan pandering stuff. What I am good at is hurting people, causing havoc, and generally being a pain in the ass."

DV: "I AM NOT A - oh. sorry."

**L.D. and Alt stare at each other for a moment, shrug, and continue as though nothing happened.**

CA: "And this has what to do with me? Beside the fact that you're Moose's errand boy, of course."

LD: "Nice Try. What it has to do with you is that you and your support buddy Beast helped cause it"

CA: "How?"

LD: "All the crap you've been spewing about being demoted. Don't think it's something I'll forget about Chris. I was gonna wait until you earned a title shot, but given your performance in big matches, I'll probably be retired before that happens."

**Alt Lunges at Williams, but is brought down by a baseball bat swung by Morte.**

LD: "There's a reason I don't use 'Trust Me' as my catchphrase Chris. At Mayhem I'll deal with your buddy Beast, and while Moose and Harris tear each other to pieces, I'll deal with you as well. Remember Chris…

**L.D. bends down and grabs Alt's hair, lifting Alt's face to stare into his eyes**


Fear. Me."

[mooseheadjack]

Uncle Entity: So finally it is done. Thim Reynolds. The only man I have never beaten in the onslaught division has been bested. Yo Thim! Can you here that? Well can you?

(Jesse Garon is off camera whispering, "You...tapped...out." Over and over again.)

Uncle Entitity: Ha! That's right Thim. You tapped out. And while I have beaten everyone in this division, I just can't seem, to beat them at the right time. On any given Pay-per-view I can deliver the goods to any memeber of the Onslaught division. So Canadian Dragon. with your horseshit "insane gimmick.

(Jesse Garon is heard off camera saying "Never heard that one before.

UE: One of these days. I'll be in the right place. At the right time. Oh and Canadian dragon, what happened to Thim can happen to YOU!

[mooseheadjack]

[Attitude Adjuster is seen eating yet another sandwich in the hallway, and Johnny Adrenaline enters the picture from the right.]

AA: Ooh, that's nice. How'd you pull that off?

JA: Well, you know how people always break into our locker room when we go to get sandwiches? Well, I just walked into their locker room while they were out getting Mountain Dew, or skydiving, or skateboarding on the Great Wall of China... whatever those idiots do.

[Shot pans out to reveal Johnny holding J.W. Westgaard's hockey stick.]

AA: Genius, man. We're heels, we can put that little item to MUCH better use than those dopes.

JA: I mean, it ain't nothin but a glorified golf club anyway, right?

AA: Yeah, and I've seen guys get messed up pretty bad on the ice with these things.

JA: Exactly... Ya know, I was thinking... after we win the tag team titles this week, I thought it might be kinda cool if we did our own ring introductions, ya know, kinda like The Load and his partner used to do back in the day.

AA: Wouldn't that be gimmick infringement, though? I mean, there's that President Kennedy guy I've heard about.

JA: Who?

AA: Ya know, on SmackDown Friday nights?

JA: Um... well, if nobody watches it, how will they know if we rp it off?

AA: Good point.

JA: Anyway, imagine it... "Making their way to the ring... at a total combined weight of 500 pounds..."

AA: Whoa, whoa... 500?

JA: Yeah, 500. It's an approximation, but ya know, my 229 plus your 271 or so equals 500. I CAN add, ya know.

AA: 271? I'm 242, lean and mean as always.

JA: [pats AA on the belly] You might wanna start cutting some carbs outta the diet if you want me to believe that shit.

AA: It's 242, Johnny. I weighed myself last week, remember?

JA: Yeah, and Ron told me what it REALLY said.

AA: He was drunk at the time!

JA: ...He WAS drunk, wasn't he?

AA: Exactly. Anyway, we got a week to work on that. In the meantime, let's take your new toy and go strategeeze for the Aussies.

JA: Stratageeze?

AA: Yeah.

JA: We'll have to work on that, too.

[fade to black]

[mooseheadjack]

## Later that afternoon Thim storms back into The Establishment locker room where only MHJ is left . . .

TR: GOD DAMN IT . . . did you hear what that BITCH Uncle Entity is bragging about

## Thim hits the nearest locker with a forearm/elbow smash putting his arm straight through the metal

TR: he's bragging to anyone who'll listen that he made me tap . . . no one make me tap, NO ONE!!!

MHJ: well Uncle managed it

## Thim storms over to Mooseheadjack picking him up by his shirt

TR: just who the hell's side do you thing you're on JACK?

MHJ: woah Thim . . you obviously but there's no point deluding yourself about it - you got beat

TR: god damn it Moose - just how long are my bloody ribs going to take to heal - I mean that crucifix is a painful move at the best of times but with three recovering ribs I didn't have a chance . . . I'dve been out for weeks it I'dve hung on any longer than that

MHJ: come one Thim, quit beating yourself up about it. You should be talking to theRick really. Why are you pulling a double duty when you're recovering from a serious injury - it's bullshit

TR: but what can we do about it?

MHJ: don't worry Thim . . . we'll come up with something

TR: we'd better because I don't intrend to be his bitch long, I don't matter what happens.

MHJ: say . . . you going top be OK for the tag match this week??

TR: yea, now worries. Best thing for me really - In my element with Onslaught rules and I've got a decent partner so that my ribs only have to work half a match . . . couldn't be easier. Say Moose, you fancy a beer before showtime?

MHJ: why not, I'm sure Ron is around here somewhere . . .

[mooseheadjack]

*Hardbody Harris is straddling a line of tape in his locker room. Chris Alt looks on, looking somewhat puzzled. Hardbody raises his fists to show us they're taped.*

HH: Chris, you're probably wondering why you're hear. I know I've been pretty quiet-silent, actually--since I forfeited the title to save Fievel last week. I hated being tricked. I hated losing the thing I've worked my whole life for. It was enough to drive me insane.

But you know what? I loved that I have the #1 HEART IN THE OOWF and that I would do absolutely anything for my de facto child and my BFF. I care about so much, Chris. My life's work and my family. The knowledge that I am the best and the belief that I couldn't do this alone. I'm torn, my friend. I don't know if I can beat Moosehead Jack, take him out of the equation, do anything to him if I don't reach back into my dark side. If I descend into the depths of my soul and tap what lurks down there, I could be the nastiest, meanest, most evil son of a bitch here. I could bleed Moose dry and take him out for good. Then I will know that I'm unstoppable.

On the other hand, if I go that deep, can I ever climb out? Frustration nearly ruined me before. Is hate a quicker path to insanity? I don't know. But if I remain the #1 FACE IN THE OOWF for this match, I may very well lose, and it may cost me dearly. But will it cost more in the end if I don't? I just don't know, Chris. I don't know.

This is what I need from you. I need you to come to the ring with me. Moose has his companion, but I need mine. I can't promise you anything, buddy, but this is something I have to do. For you. For Fievel. For the honor of my TRIK*D OWT TYTLE.

I'm straddling this line here. I don't know where I'm going to go, which side will pull me in. This is a tapei death match. Glue on our fists, broken glass on the glue. It's as animal as it gets.

But I can't go all the way, Chris. Not yet. So, watch me here. My right hand is being dipped into the broken glass. The sharp edges glisten with the promise of spilling blood. Nothing would make my right fist happier than to feel the shards splinter on Moosehead's forehead.

But my left hand, Chris, my left hand will remain clean. No glue, no glass, just five fingers that can wrestle and fight without the need for the macabre. If I so choose, I can drive out my demons and win the match the way I want to. If not...well, we'll see if it comes to that.

Moose, your fate lies in my two hands. I know which way you want me to go. You want me to try to destroy you by destroying myself in the process. And part of me wants you to suffer as I've suffered more than anything. But the Hardbody of old is clinging to humanity, and to save himself may just sacrifice the pride that he holds dear.

With my left hand, Moose, I build. With my right, I hurt. Where does your fate lie? And more importantly...where does mine?

[mooseheadjack]

**At the designated Undisclosed Location, San Chaos carefully flips through the OOfficial OOWF roster booklet (NOW AVAILABLE AT OOWFshop.com!)... he looks at each member of the roster carefully, his gaze stopping on Mercury**

San Chaos: [whispers] Mercury.... quicksilver.... its very touch could mean death.... shimmering liquid death, you cannot deliver my pain to another place. But to respect your speed, I will limit my weapon selection to counter speed......

[The camera pans left, revealing the wall of weapons, framed by votive candles. San Chaos' hands reach for a chain, the tape and the bag of broken glass]

San Chaos: I guard my hands againd the poison, then splash your remains to the crowd.

[San Chaos takes the three items and places them on a table]

San Chaos: Espiritu Anarchisto..... guide me forward.

[he grasps the bag of glass so tightly, shards tear through the sides and into his hands, making them bleed]

[fade to black]

[mooseheadjack]

<Alone, check. Dark room, check. Single light bulb, check.>

Hardbody Harris, you amuse me. You and Alt are like two little children who boldly do something wrong, then cower over the pending punishment. Harris, yeah, I made you look like a fool, I proved that you were too dumb to be champion, I proved that you didn't have the heart to be the champ. That title, the title you claimed meant everything in the world to you, the title that you worked so hard for, you bled, you sweated, you suffered agony to get your hands on that title. And in the end, you walked away from it. You looked like a fool.

Now days later, that humiliation still burns doesn't it Harris? You still get red faced, you get that warm sickly feeling when you think about it, when you go out, you know people are pointing at you and staring. You know they are thinking, "there goes the man that abandoned his dream, gave up the most important thing he could ever have, for a stupid mouse." They are all laughing at you, and you know it.

So you take that humiliation, you take the anger, and you challenge me to the most brutal match you can think of, you challenge me to a Taipei Death Match. In the heat of the moment it seemed like a good idea didn't it? A match where you could beat me bloody, a match where you could make my blood flow, a match where you could make them all stop laughing at you, you could finally go out without being embarassed.

But then, slowly, the anger went away and reality set in. You woke up one morning and realized what you have gotten yourself into. You asked for the most brutal match imaginable, with a man who simply does not care. And now you are panicking. Now, suddenly you worry about your image, you worry about your reputation. I know what you are thinking, you are thinking that if you wrestle me, like Alt did, you can beat me

<chuckles>

It doesn't work that way. Alt did the smart thing, and he caught me. It won't happen twice, and it damn sure won't happen in this match. Harris, maybe you don't understand the rules. To win this match, you have to keep me down, you have to knock me out so I can't answer the ten count. And to do that, you better be ready to go to that dark place, you better be ready to bring the hate, cause your stupid little wrestling moves are not gonna cut it.

YOU WANTED THIS! Right? This is what you want Harris, you want to get revenge, you knuckled up and challenged me to this match. Now you get your wish

<Jack raises his fists and shows that they are both takes and covered in glass>

Harris, by nature man is a beast. There are some, like you, who deny that, you put on airs of civility and want to be respected and loved. Me, I don't care. There is nothing better than letting that animal survival nature take over. Harris you go into this match with any trepidation, with any reserve, with any thought that this can be anything but the most brutal, violent, bloody thinkg you have ever done in your life, and I will destroy you. I will end your career, I will hurt you.

This is your doing Harris, you wanted this, it is time for you to face the devil in the ring.

Trust me.

<Jack punches the lightbulb shattering it and sending the room into darkness>

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan strolls into the backstage area.

"Hey bro." Wilder greets him with a Dew. "Haven't seen you since last show. Where you been?"

"Vegas." Capellan answers, "I was going to get in touch but the hotel didn't have internet access, even though their listing said it did."

"Cool bro." Wilder nods enthusiastically, "Vegas is a cool town. You do the coaster at New York New York? Or the four rides at the Stratosphere? They're awesome, dude."

"Nah, just took in a couple of shows, flew out to the Grand Canyon. Kept things light and relaxing."

"You slowing down in your old age?" Westgaard asks as he walks up, fresh from his promo in the ring.

"Hell no." Capellan grins, "But Viper got the better of me last week - however much help he may have had to do it - and I wanted to be fresh and ready for him this week. I don't know if this is a rubber match for us or if the Rick plans to keep throwing us together until Donnie flips his lid entirely, but I do know I'm going to be bringing everything I got to the ring this week."

"Viper does seem a little queer lately." Westgaard observes.

"I AM NOT A HOMO!"

"Dude, he means 'queer' like in odd." Capellan sighs, "Not like in gay."

"Oh ... well as long as we're clear on that." Viper looks bashful, then glares at wCw before turning to Missy.

"Come on Missy, let's go have lots of hot, completely heterosexual intercourse, just the way I like it!"

wCw watch Viper leave. Capellan shakes his head.

"Dude, overcompensating much?"

[mooseheadjack]

Back in Viper's locker room.

ML: Oh, Donnie, finally you've come around. I've been missing the taste of the viper.

DV: Dammit, Missy. Not now! That bitch, Capellan was right. I only beat him once out of three times. I must concentrate on beating his ass one again.

ML: You can't even beat on my ass for 10 minutes?

DV: Dammit, woman! Don't you understand how important it is that I destroy this bastard? How much I need to make sure that little bitch gets fucked?

Viper leaves the room.

ML: This little bitch needs to get fucked, too, Donnie...

ML:

[mooseheadjack]

<Wilder is getting ready for the match, humming "Bang a gong / Get it on" by T Rex - his hair is bright red, and he's wearing jeans and a Rolling Stones "Sticky Fingers" concert shirt>

SFJ321: So Tommy - you seem to be in a good mood this evening. Are you looking forward to wCw's match with Styner and Dr. Murder?


Wilder: Suzie, gotta tell you babe - ANY chance to go wow the crowd gets me going! But tonight, tonight is gonna be the start of something special!

SFJ: Special?

Wilder: Oh yeah.You know how close the Bird and I came to getting those tag belts? TWICE?

SFJ: Yes, but you didn't get them - why is this a good thing?

Wilder: Cause it is a SIGN, Suzie Q - a big, freaking, neon orange and green flashing SIGN.

SFJ: Of?

<JW Westgaard walks in>

JWW: Yeah, kid - a sign of what?

Wilder: That we can go higher man - to get the straps, we gotta be at our best, right? And since we didn't win, we're not at our best - got it?

JWW <Suspiciously>: And....?

Wilder: I figure I gotta be the weak link Bird - I mean, I'm the rookie - I'm still learning the ropes. So I gotta go bigger.

SFJ: Go bigger?

Wilder: Oh hell yes. Higher, faster. More air, babe! REALLY get the adreneline going - you know what I mean? Like the next PPV match!

SFJ: The Ladder Match?


Wilder: Not JUST a ladder match - MY FIRST LADDER MATCH! Man! Can't wait to get airborne! Even got a ladder all ready!

JWW: Kid - they'll have ladders.

Wilder <points>: LIKE THAT?

<Camera pans top a 28' professional painters ladder>

SFJ: Wow.

JWW: You gotta be kidding.....

Wilder: NOPE! That's my launch pad baby!

SFJ: But tonight - Styner and Murder -

JWW - Look sweetheart - the Kid and I are going to take care of those misfits. ASSUMING Gandalf or Merlin or whoever he is actually recoveres from what Moose did to him, that leaves 1/2 a brain between the three of them. We beat them once - we can do it again. Right Tommy?

Wilder <bouncing on his toes>: OH HELL YEAH! Murder, Styner - come on up guys - the landing might be a bitch, but you're gonna get a taste of BIG AIR while you enjoy the ride!

COME ON JW! LETS GET WILD!

<Tommy Wilder sprints off camera>

Westgaard: Damn.... Thought I've seen him rev'ed up before..... Murder, Styner? Sucks to be you.

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline come out to the ring. No music, no hijinks. Well, except Johnny does have a golf bag over his shoulder with Westgaard’s hockey stick in it.

AA: It’s a somber time in wrestling right now. Eddie, we all miss you.

JA: But there are two guys who miss you for more than your wrestling ability. You were the #1 PROMO MAN IN WRESTLING. We were just following in your footsteps.

AA: Your facial expressions, your pranks, your fun-loving attitude, your burritos! I mean, you made human bodily functions funny…twice in a year!

JA: Man, you lied, cheated and stole like no one else. Others tried. Hell, we try every waking moment. But no ones does it as well as you.

AA: So for you, Eddie, we have something special. Tonight, at Midweek Mayhem, we have a shot at the OOWF Tag Team titles against The Team From Down Under. Tonight, we dedicate this match to you, Eddie. We may not win the titles. We may not even win the match.

JA: But we will Lie. We will Cheat. We will Steal.

AA (pulling Westgaard’s hockey stick from Johnny’s golf bag): Looks like we’ve already started stealing. Nice job there, Johnny.

JA: This is for you, Eddie. Lie, Cheat, Steal. Just like you would do it.

The crowd surprisingly starts to applaud as AA and JA leave the ring. AA stops and grabs the microphone again.

AA: We love you, Hooker, Oklahoma!

The crowd now really gives The Chickenshit Heels a round of applause.

JA: You guys are great. One more thing, by the way. AA lied! You guys suck!

Crowd reaction instantly turns to boos. AA and JA walk out of the ring giving each other high-fives.

[mooseheadjack]

After their interview, JW and Tommy are walking by a monitor when they see The Chickenshit Heels Promo.

JW: goddamnit

TW: what?

JW: Adrenaline and AA stole my frickin hockey stick.

TW (eyes really big): WELL LETS GO GET EM!!!!!!!!!

TW goes to leave, but JW grabs him by the collar.

JW: WHoa there Hombre, save that for the match...we know where those two yahoos will be later on.

TW: Feeding their faces at Flair's sandwich stand?

JW: yup, lets go kick Styner and Murders ass

[mooseheadjack]

<Drink & Destroy walk out towards the ring to their theme music. Both are wearing black armbands with the initials "EG" on them. Stank grabs a mic.>

Stank - We are are the biggest tag team in the OOWF. But I want to talk about one man who was bigger than both of us combined... Eddie Guerrero.

Crowd Chants - EDDIE EDDIE EDDIE!

Stank - Eddie though you were small in stature you fought big. You entertained big... and there was NO way the WWE could hide that... try as they might.

FFC - So we dedicate our next match to you. You were one of a kind... special... and we will strive to make this ordinary cage match... anything but, just as you would have. Cause every match you were in, you fought hard to make it memorable.

Stank - There will be violence, there will be pain... but we are gonna fight BIG... We're gonna entertain BIG... and hopefully you'll look down on this match and think... well done.

D&D - VIVA LA RAZA!

<With that Stank and FF Capslock pound their fists on their hearts and point up to the sky. They each do the Eddie Shuffle then exit up the ramp, to the delight of the crowd chanting Eddie's name.>

Crowd - EDDIE EDDIE EDDIE!

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack is walking in the back when he is stopped by SFJ9>

SFJ9: Jack, can I ask you a few questions?

MHJ: ......

SFJ9: Err, ok, Hardbody Harris has been unusually quiet this week, do you think he will show up for your Taipei Death Match? And do you think he can beat you?

MHJ: A wounded animal is the most dangerous kind of creature on earth. When a beast is hurt, you never know how it will attack, it will do things that you normally would not see as a form of self preservation. You see, Hardbody Harris is a wounded man, not physically - at least not yet - but he is emotionally wounded. I made him look like a fool, I made him surrender his precious world title, I made him the laughingstock of the wrestling world. So, in an attempt to reclaim som pride he challenged me to the most brutal match he could think of, thinking beating me into submission will somehow make the people stop laughing at him.

SFJ9: So you think he will show up? And can he beat you?

MHJ: Oh, he will show up, if he were to back out now, he would be labeled a coward and his career would be over. And Harris, I know you are watching, I know you are staying quiet trying to throw me off. It is not going to work. See, you have fallen victim to your own stupidity. You know it, hell everyone knows it, you can't out violent me, you can out wrestle me, sure, but this is not a wrestling match now is it? You made the mistake of picking my strenght, and tonight, I am going to bleed you dry. Harris may think he can win, but he knows the truth, he knows he doesn't stand a chance.

Trust me

[mooseheadjack]

*TTFDU watches the Chickenshit Heels promo*

OBJ: Lie, cheat, and steal? Not a bad thought.

GB: Right.

*camera pans back to show them both holding boomerangs*

[mooseheadjack]

GB: Hey, Jack... your shoelace is untied...

OBJ: Exactly, mate... exactly...

[mooseheadjack]

D&D are walking in the back when they spy TTFDU weilding boomerangs. Stank and FFC look at TTFDU expectantly.

OBJ - Don't worry mate. We know... These aren't for you anyway.

FFC - Let's just keep it that way.

GB - Kookaburra wings... $6.99?

Stank - FORGET IT!

GB - okay okay!