OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 10-11-06

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live From Battle Ground, Washington

Non-Title Match[/u]
Chris Cole vs. Thim Reynolds vs. UnderDawg

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Capellan vs. Ax-Man

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match - As Demanded By The Champions[/u]
3Piece Set vs. The Halfrican Americans

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Firechild vs. Canadian Dragon

Winners get an OOWF World Tag Team Title Shot[/u]
wCw vs. TCH

kz & Ecosystem vs. Drink & Destroy
The Devil's Brigade vs. The Team From Down Under
Concrete TG vs. Voltage
The Knife vs. SYB
Eric O'Mac vs. Blackdragon vs. Apocalyptic Existence

card subject to senate approval committee, uh, approval

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose and Williams are storming through the back when they catch GM the Rick out of his office>

MHJ: Rick!

<GM the Rick stops in his tracks and turns>

MHJ: What's the deal teaming us with Eco this week?

GMtR: Look, I know you guys have a history, so I suggest you work it out before Mayhem. That's all. It's not being changed, end of story.

<Gm the Rick turns and walks away>

LDW: See, I told you Jack, we are losing respect. We keep hanging around those...

Those WHAT?

<Jack and Williams turn around and see all four members of 3Piece Set standing there>

LDW: Had you let me finish, I was going to say those ass clowns in 3Piece Set

Alt: Lapdog, I think you are forgetting your place

LDW<giving Alt an icy stare> Alt, this is the last time I tell you this. You call me a lap dog one more time and I am going to snap your spindly little neck and feed you your ass,

Alt: Lapd....

CC: Alt, not now. So, uh, Jack, notice something a little odd here

MHJ: No, Cole, can't say I do.

CC: Well Jack, take a closer look, see I am a bloody mess. That is not supposed to happen to the champion. Now, I saw Altrageous, Harris and Firechild all come out and try and help, but you and Williams, well you sure took your sweet time now didn't you.

FC: Yeah Jack, what the hell were you waiting for? You were supposed to take out those wCw chumps and we could STILL be beating on UnderDawg

MHJ: First of all, Firechild, you speak when you are spoken to, is that Thim?<Firechild turns and braces for a fight, but there is no one there. Jack has a nice laugh at that> Second, we are not here to protect your sorry ass, let's get that straight right now. We can do business, but you Cole, and certainly not your little band of lackeys, you do not call the shots when it comes to us. Now, next time you think about runnin your mouth, think about who you have as an ally right now, and who you do not want as an enemy in the future.

<kz start to walk away>

CC: DON'T YOU WALK AWAY JACK! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, I AM THE CHAMPION!

<Jack stops and turns>

oh, did you see your match for next week?

CC: No

MHJ:<smirking> Don't expect us there either

<Jack and Williams leave to find Thim, in the back ground we hear Cole scream UNDERDAWG AND REYNOLDS!!! HE CAN'T DO THIS!!!!>

[mooseheadjack]

[Voltage and 'Concrete' Takaken Gryfon are lounging in CTG's locker room with Sabu and LADDER. There's an air of tension around, as well as the hint of alcohol. Well, Voltage IS Australian.]

Voltage: Look dude, I'm sorry! I didnt realise I was distracting the ref to your disadvantage. Most guys I know would kick their opponents in the balls while I distract the ref, not still try to fight clean!

CTG: I don't want to hear it. You've got to learn to be a face, and one of the main points is that you HAVE to fight clean. You don't deserve a title unless you can outwrestle the man!

V: Fair point. But I mean, he used dirty tactics, why not retaliate?

CTG: Because it's just not right, dammit! Oh god, now I've gone and sworn. Sorry kids!

V: But you called Firechild a 'sorry bastard' off camera...

CTG: Yeah, OFF-CAMERA...gah, I can't even stand to have you in my presence. How do you expect to be a HERO with actions like yours?

V: What about the Sandman? He's a face.

CTG: Who?

V: Forget it. Look, what do I have to do to get in? I resorted to clean tactics this week to impress you, and I nearly won the match before I was beaten by heel tactics from my opposition. Hell, I should have WON by DQ!

CTG: But you got involved in my match!

V: I was just trying to help you win. Nothing more.

CTG: Hmm, well you have shown promise.

V: AND I took a world-class beating last week from someone!

CTG: Tell you what, you may not be the best wrestler around but I think I see something in you. What we're going to do is have a match this week for you to train in the arts of being a face. No cheating, no weapons, just a good ol' fashioned non-Greco Roman wrestling match.

V: Under Duchess of Queensbury rules?

CTG: No.

V: Darnit, Dave Taylor's still looking for a job.

CTG: Were you listening to what I said though?

V: Is 'no' an acceptable answer?

CTG: No.

V: Then yes, I was.

CTG: What did I say?

V: Something about horseradishes.

CTG: [furious] YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION! Rule no.2 of being a face is that faces ALWAYS show their potential in the ring by being vigilant, awake, using the crowd to their advantage!

V: Got it! I pinched a crate of Lightning Bolt that Steven Seagal left behind in Ecosystem's locker room last week. Caffeine basically EQUALS vigilance! You want one?

CTG: You stole it? Uh, no thanks. LADDER?

[Voltage chucks one to LADDER, who nods in appreciation]

V: Sabu?

S: Latte-flavoured?

V: Uh, I'll take that as a no.

[Scene fades.]

[mooseheadjack]

*The Knife knocks on Ecosystem's door*

Eco- Yeah?

TK- Its me, sir, The Knife. May I come in?

Eco- Of course you can.

TK- Thank you. I have a question or two.

Eco- Shoot.

TK- I'm fighting SYB this week. What do you know about him?

Eco- Completely immoral. He's into gambling on sports and I think he might be a smoker.

TK- Ah. Well, I'll give him a good smiting then.

Eco- As well you should.

TK- I couldn't help but notice that you're going against the guys from Drink & Destroy. Aren't they good guys?

Eco- Listen to me. Drink & Destroy are advocates of excessive violence, alcohol abuse and womanizing. Does that sound like some good guys to you?

TK- But your teaming with kz to face them. I know for a fact that they aren't good guys.

Eco- Well, I don't get to pick who I tag up with. And if I have to work with two guys like kz to help rid the world of the evil of Drink & Destroy then so be it. It all helps the greater good, my friend.

TK- I think I understand. Thanks Ecosystem. Maybe some day we can team up to face some evil characters together!

Eco- I'd like that Knife. Perhaps we can.

[mooseheadjack]

[Voltage walks past the open lockerroom door where The Knife and Ecosystem are talking.]

V: Hey! Switchblade, Biodome. What is this, the Bad 80s Movie Convention? Oh, by the way, nice heel tactics Eco. Chair shot, real heroic.

[Voltage walks off.]

TK: What is he talking about?

E: Never mind, he's just bitter.

[Scene fades.]

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#36-24-34 catches up with Capellan backstage.

"How are you feeling after your first successful title defence?"

Cap shrugs,

"I feel like that was just a warm-up match."

"You don't believe Eric O'Mac has the skills to be a real contender for the IC title?"

"He has the skills, but his head's not in it." Cap taps the side of his skull. Some wag in the audio department dubs in a *THUNK THUNK THUNK* sound. "He's too busy trying to be a movie star or hanging around the sports forum or something to take this belt from me."

"What about your opponent for next week, Ax-Man?"

"Ax-man's a tough customer, and I'm not about to take him lightly, but I have no intention of letting this belt out of my hands." Capellan slaps the title.

"So you think you'll win?"

Cap looks amused

"I go into every match believing I'll win. If I go in thinking I won't, what would my chances be?"

The SFJ looks intrigued by this notion. That, or she's constipated.

"What about when you face someone you've never beaten. Someone like Underdawg, for instance? I know you and he are friendly; you even came to his aid against the 3 Piece Set this week; but when you challenged him last year he absolutely brutalised you."

Cap considers this.

"You're right. And you know, 'Dawg's had a bad run with title shots and getting double-teamed, triple-teamed, or just plain robbed of the match. So here's an offer, Big D. Two weeks from now. You and me, one on one. No DQ. Falls count anywhere. And if this belt's still 'round my waist – and Ax-man will have to KO me to take it – then I'll put the title on the line."

36-24-34 looks confused.

"But, why would you offer a title shot to someone you've never beaten?"

Capellan laughs,

"What would be the point of challenging anyone else?"

[mooseheadjack]

(Moosehead Jack is in a darkened room with a single light bulb, mid-promo.)

MHJ: ... You see, to me, it doesn't matter how many people you have in your group. You could have a hundred and you still would fall to KZ. Our name means "Joyous Destruction". We plan on taking great joy in yours.

Trus-

(Spin Hansen opens the door of the darkened closet, not realizing who's inside.)

Spin (yelling off-camera): Dammit, Lock! This isn't the bathroo... ooohshit.

MHJ: You've just made the biggest mistake of your life, Hansen.

(Spin and Moosehead Jack start brawling and the rest of Drink and Destroy hear it. Stank, FF Capslock, and the MYSTERIOUS FOURTH MAN IN A MASK~! rush in and pull the two apart.)

Stank: Save it for later, Spin. They'll get theirs soon enough.

[mooseheadjack]

*Sometime later FF Capslock walks into Drink & Destroy's locker room. A giggling sexy female journalist runs out of the room. FFC spies a large man dressed in a long trench coat and cowboy hat. There is a video playing in the background.*

FFC - Stank, I thought YOU said we were DONE with the cowboy garb.

Stank - What can I say? Chicks dig the coat and hat.

FFC - Ha. What are you watching?

Stank - This years OOWF Awards Ceremony on DVD. It was AWESOME!

FFC - That piece of shit ceremony? What are you talking about, AWESOME? That crap sucked!

Stank - Are you kidding me? I especially liked the Iron Sheik, and Thim's promo at the end was FUNNY AS SHIT!

FFC - You got the shit part right.

Stank - Dude, what the hell's wrong with you?

FFC - How could you POSSIBLY like that drivel?

Stank - Drivel?

FFC - Yeah I SAID IT... DRIVEL!

Stank - Dude!

FFC - NO Stank! I'M SERIOUS! That show was by far the most tedious, craptacular, WASTE of bandwidth EVER PRODUCED! The FUCKING IRON SHIEK? You're trying to tell me a company that regularly has the likes of RIC FLAIR, SABU, RON SIMMONS and fucking LADDER, couldn't afford to get us a BETTER host than IRON FUCKING SHEIK?

Stank - What are you talking about? Shiek was AWESOME!

FFC - HE WALKED OUT after our check BOUNCED! Real professional, that one. And what about that JAB at The KNIFE. Most likely to marry a HORSE? What the fuck was THAT shit about?

Stank - Since when do we give a shit about The Knife?

FFC - And fucking JOHN KARR showed up! WHAT THE FUCK?

Stank - Well uh...

FFC - HELL, they didn't even bother to LET US give our thank you speeches for the awards WE won. All in the INTEREST TIME?

Stank - At least they let Boogeyman present our reward.

FFC - Yet fucking THIM get's all the TIME in the WORLD to give a speech? For WHAT?

Stank - He won WRESTLER of the YEAR!

FFC - SO FUCKING WHAT! I'm TELLING you STANK that show GIVES ME a FUCKING HEADACHE every time I THINK about it! It EATS my SOUL! FUCKING CHYNA? XPAC? THE FUCK? Where the hell was Ruth Bader Ginsburg? And WHY THE FUCK wasn't SHE nominated?

Stank - For what? Most likely to induce your gag reflex after seeing her naked?

FFC - I'm telling you Stank, I LITERALLY want to VOMIT every time someone mentions that fucking show. NOT that ANYONE is mentioning it! What were the ratings? I mean was anyone besides US subjected to that GARBAGE? I FUCKING HATED THAT SHOW! HATE HATE HATE...

Stank - GEEZ LOCK! Settle the fuck down! Why are you taking it so PERSONALLY? It's not like you had anything to do with it creatively...

FFC - ...

Stank - ...

FFC - Ah...

Stank - Okay?

FFC - ...

Stank - Okay?

FFC - Yeah... alright.

Stank - Look... I'll get out of this gear and what say you and I go find Hansen and grab us a couple of brews? Alright?

FFC - Yeah... Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Hey look man... I'm uh... I'm sorry. I just get so emotional...

Stank - Hey hey, it's ok. You know? I mean we've been under a lot of stress lately with KZ and 3 Piece Set and Ecosystem calling me out and this Mysterious Fourth man in a Mask~! and all that shit. I totally understand us losing it every now then...

FFC - IT'S JUST THAT FUCKING AWARDS CEREMONY HAS GOT ME SO...

Stank - Alright! Alright! LOOK! I'm turning it off! I'm turning it off!

*FFC breaks down and weeps as Stank walks over to console him. Stank pats FFC on the shoulder*

Stank - There there now, it's over. C'mon buddy. C'mon let's go.

*Stank helps FFC up and they walk off in search of Hansen*

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan is WALKING~! As he turns the corner he runs into the Underdawg!

Cap: Big Dawg.

UD: Cap. So you want to offer me a challenge for your belt?

Cap: Yeah. I would.

UD: Heheh. Come on, Cap. You're really good. Hell, you're damn good. You can dish out a lot of punishment, but you can't beat me. Not in my yard. I decline your offer. Keep your belt for another week.

Cap: (serious and angry look in his face) Listen, Dawg. Do NOT condescend me. EVER. Just because I haven't doesn't mean I can't. I know I can beat you.

UD: No holds barred? Falls count anywhere? Are you sure about that?

Cap: I'm damn sure.

UD: All right. You've got the right attitude. Fine, Cap. You've got it. And you're right. You CAN beat me. But it doesn't mean you will.

Cap: You know I'll give it my all.

UD: I have no doubt about it. Tell you what. If I take that World Championship away from that bastard Chris Cole by then, I'll put that belt up on the line too.

Cap: If that's going to be the case, then I am damn sure am gonna beat you.

UD: Heheh. This is why I like you, Cap.

They turn and see the match list for next week's Mayhem posted on the wall.

UD: NON-TITLE?!!? We didn't even HAVE a match last week. I'm gonna fucking kill someone... Grrrr......

Cap: Hey Big Dawg, ease up on that temper.

Underdawg is fuming and starts barking rabidly as he disappears in a cloud of smoke. Wild and angry barking can still be heard as the smoke clears. Capellan looks at his Intercontinental Championship, first with concern, then replaced with confidence as he walks off.

[mooseheadjack]

Ax-Man is sitting down at Rob Feinstiens basement bar enjoying a fresh beverage.

RF: Well Ax-man you’ve got IC title match this coming this Midweek Mayhem, boy must be excited.

Ax: Excited, excited… If I were any more excited I’d be jumping out of my own asshole. At Hell on Earth, I went in there and beat those clownshoes, Sepearh and sirrrimaemmee . And let me tell you that was a walk in the park, because they seemed to busy exchanging flowers with each other. A black rose here, some Chocolates there and we all know what that leads too, boys just make sure it’s safe and legal. And well that just made it easier for me to walk back the winner with all eyes on me, the new number contender to the IC title.

RF: Well you didn’t do so well at the imperial onslaught.

Ax: Excuse me, Rob, I came like 5th.

RF: You were like the 30th entrant.

Ax: If you’ll excuse the pun I was ROBbed . Still last week I showed that rookie knife I thing or too.’

RF: I know such a nice young…man, a real blue chipper right here in the OOWF.

Ax: Well I sure as hell showed the whole world, the knife isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box.

RF: Well perhaps but what the current and defending IC champ, Capellan?

Ax: Yeah he’s top notch quality crayon alright a real nice aquamarine. Well poor old caps is going down in history, because he is going to have one of the shortest IC title reigns ever. In Fact future conversations regarding his time with title will go something like this…Ax-man begins carrying on like some bizarre Monty python sketch, doing both partsMan 1: Say do remember former IC champ Capellan. Man 2:Who. Man 1: You know he beat Altrageous at Hell on Earth for the title. Man 2: No, why that doesn’t ring a bell at all. Man 1: He lost the title to Ax-man a few days later. Man 2: Ohh that Capellan. Why the poor soul he never stood a chance did he. What ever happened to him? Man 1: That’s just sad story I can’t bring myself to talk about.

RF: Man you’re sick in the head.

Ax: Well, A, You like allegedly (OOC, because we don’t want to get in shit on this one) like little boys, so I query your ability to pass judgement on my mental state, and B, that little two man Monologue, from before that’s the general jist of what the future holds for Capellan.

RF: Two man Monologue? Do you even know what monologue means?

Ax: Yes I do? But any way get me another drink.

RF: Well what does mean? Southern comfort and diet coke boy.

Ax: I’ve only got one thing to say you right now, fade to black.

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem and The Knife are walking by the Heroes' Locker Room.)

Eco: Okay, we need to steal my Lightning Bolt case back.

The Knife: Steal it? But that's...is this for the greater good?

Eco: Kind of. They stole it first, we're merely reclaiming.

The Knife: But I thought you didn't want it?

Eco: So? It's still not theirs.

The Knife: So...we could give it to charity.

Eco: That's the government's job.

The Knife: But everyone should give all they can!

Eco: (sighs.) Okay, fine. We'll take it back, and then we'll drive it down to some vagrant druggie shelter, okay?

The Knife: Great! (The Knife opens the door to reveal a leaning LADDER.) Hi, Mr. Ladder!

Eco: Darn it. Take the drinks!

(LADDER leans over Eco as The Knife grabs the case.)

Eco: Oh, take his wallet too.

The Knife: But...that's not yours!

Eco: Yes, but he...owes me a wallet.

The Knife: Neither a borrower or a lender be. That's the Bible.

Eco: No, that's definitely Shakespeare.

The Knife: Are you sure?

Eco: (jumping up and down) YES!!! I'M SURE!!! NOW TAKE THE FREAKING WALLET AND LET'S GO!!!

(LADDER falls over on Ecosystem.)

The Knife: Are you okay?

Eco: Yes. I'm fine.

The Knife: Okay. I'm feeling morally conflicted myself.

Eco: Okay. Just take the sodas and let's go.

The Knife: Sounds good!

(Knife takes the sodas and leaves)

Eco: Wait...oh...in retrospect, that could have been clearer. You're too heavy, LADDER.

(LADDER creaks in agreement.)

[mooseheadjack]

Thim is walking down the hall and gets dragged into a darkened room...

from outside all we can hear is

WOOF......and the sound of violence.

MEANWHILE across the arena...

Firechild is in front of the camera with a somewhat distressed Christy Chavelle...

SFJ CC: ...it was just so horrible.

FC: I understand your grief Christy, and I wish I hadnt done what I did to LADDER, but a message needed to be sent. But just to make it up to you, heres a gesture of magnaminity from the 3 Piece Set.

Cole, Alt & Harris wheel in LADDER, shaking somewhat still with his IV tree, on a gurney.

FC: Now LADDER, id like to apologize for what happened last week, its just that Concrete's proselytising really got to me, and hey, I went a bit insane, y'know. But I'd like to make it all good. Now, I know you're on the mend, and I'd like to offer you a shot at MY Onslaught title, pending the GM's approval.

CC: And from the rest of the Set in support of Firechild's magnanimous decision, we'd like to make you an honorary member for the month...

Cole leans down and places a 3 Piece Set baseball cap on top of LADDER and the Set pose with LADDER and all their gold, for photos (paparazzi loaned from Johnny Nitro...), Alt & Harris slope off with some floozies as Cole & Firechild continue to pose

----

Ten minutes later, Cole & Firechild are walking down a hall with Christy and ninja cameraman, when Thim staggers out of a darkened room..

TR:...grabbed..me...

Cole & Firechild charge into the room and there is much noise of kicking some ass, and Thim and Christy follow with the cameraman,

Underdawg is laid out on the floor, all busted open, and Thim isn't in a much better state....

Firechild kneels down and pulls a piece of material from Underdawg's paw, and it matches one torn from Thim's shirt.

FC: Low down, piece of crap.

CC: You OK Thim? We couldn't let him get away with that, could we? No, we in the Set are honourable opponents, and we'll make sure this doesn't happen to you again. Were buddies after all, arn't we.

Thim looks doubtful, cradling his ribs...

FC: Yeah man, we want you to face Cole in full fighting mode..no excuses, and if we all look out for each other then no punks like CTG or Underpuppy here can take away our spot.....

Thim looks torn as Moose and LD show up looking concerned...

Moose looks from Thim, to Firechild, to Underdawg, to Cole... a really dark look crosses his face and he grabs Thim by the arm...we got things to do.

Firechild and Cole stand over Underdawg's beaten body with smiles of Seraphic (sic) innocence and cameraderie on their faces....

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is returning to the locker room after a long workout. Sabu is walking with him, sipping a latte. They enter the locker room to discover it ransacked, and LADDER is missing)

Sabu: (Frowns)

CTG: (searches through everything) I don't see anything important missing

Sabu: (Points to a corner)

CTG: .. oh that? the caffeine that Voltage stole and tried to give me as a gift? They can have that. We need to figure out where LADDER is.

Sabu: (Shrugs)

CTG: he can take care of himself but he's still hurt. And he doesn't seem to mind Voltage. That other new kid, knife..... I need to talk to him at some point.

Sabu: (digs through his gear, finds nothing missing)

CTG: (finds his wallet out, where someone placed a Polaroid of LADDER posing with 3Piece Set) ....?

Sabu: (looks, growls)

CTG: At least I know where LADDER is. We better go see if he's okay.

[mooseheadjack]

*The Halfrican Americans are CONVERSING!*

Nayr: And that's why I think that WWF Raw is the greatest wrestling game for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Also, the 1-2-3 kid has funny pants.

Fly: That all is extremely interest'n n all, but no one cares. Perhaps we should be rapping `bout our blingin' miznatch wit tha World Tag Tizzy Champions, tha 3piece Siznet, includ'n Altrageous n his bizzle B-U-Double-Dizzy tha newly turned heel Hollywood Harris.

Nayr: If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not. They are evil heels and I think this title match is all part of some evil scheme to beat us up.

Fly: Nayr, this is an opportunity at stardom hizzy with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin! The Halfrican Americans, OOWF Tag Tizzle Champions afta beat'n tha resident evil heel team of tha 3Piece Set! We would be huge! Fan favourizzles! Have hizzy endorsement contracts! We would be huge playas in tha OOWF!

Nayr: More like an opportunity at being beat up. Fly, don't you understand? There is absolutely no chance of us being tag team champions. Lets face it, even if we do somehow stand a chance of winning-

Fly: I know, theyll piznull a Chickenshit Heels n intentionally disqualify themselves wit outside help, n in tha process beat us up. But still, we have ta makes it at least seem like there's a chance of us winn'n in orda ta cracka interest fizzy fans n shit. Its our duty as active playas on tha OOWF rosta.
.
*Mr.Cheatum runs into frame*.

Mr. Cheatum: I represent the esteemed legal services of some guy, me, and some other guy. I order you to desist, as you are clearly breaking kayfabe which is the trademark gimmick of the Chickenshit Heels (besides bing chickenshit heels who always cheat and run away and furthermore this blabbering is the verbal equivalent of fine print on a legal contract and right now the average OOWF viewer has lost their attention span and run off in search of their chocolate froot loops and extra caffeine loaded Coffee Crisp so no one can understand what I'm saying and Jeb Tennyson Lund is an idiot.) It is my duty to warn you that if you continue we will fine your freakin' asses off and Mr. Capps will finally be able to finish the payments on his widescreen TV that he uses to play fullscreen dvd's and furthermore be able to buy that pet rock that he's wanted all these years and and the skyrocketing t-shirt sales have helped Mr. Adrenaline's financial situation but he could still use the money on account of promising to buy Ric Flair's sammitches for a month and the more money they get the more money I get because of my assorted blackmail schemes and therefore I am highly motivated to talk in such a blathering manner that this paragraph appears long and no one bothers to read all of it, therefore skipping potentially out of character statements oh no out of character is a flag word I'd better make this even longer so I should talk more I will launch a class action lawsuit can't even pause for breath people's attention would be drawn to the asterisks that some people use to separate action from dialogue in a promo so I can say deux est machina and will full certainty of ex posteriory that where is the body and furthermore, under Sections 1 and 2 of the Gimmicks Copyright Act that what you are doing is illegal and worthy of civil action.

Fly: Wizzy a second, even if this was all real wizzle I said would stizzill makes sense in tha dogg pound. Were scared of tha cruisin' mizzay but stizzill have ta feign optimism in orda ta git tha fans interest . You gotta check dis shit out yo. Thizzay could logically follow even if this shiznit was real .

Nayr: I get it! We can break kayfabe all we want because all our viewers will have lost interest!

Cheatum: No, you can't. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

Fly: Besides, tha average OOWF fan wants ta be just like us n pays attention ta all of our promos mah nizzle. We subscribe ta a very low age demogrizzles here.

Cheatum: So yeah, it was my duty to inform you of all that legal stuff. See ya! *runs off*

Fly *strolling into the Halfrican Americans' locker room*: Hmm. Thats certainly very interest'n and- wizzle in tha nizzle of Holy Halloween Harry is that?

*Scrawled all over the Halfrican Americans locker room is graffiti that says: "I AM l337 AND YOU ARE ALL n00bs! WEWT!"*

Fly: Wewt?

Nayr: It's the totally cool way of saying "w00t" as defined by urbandictionary.com.

Fly: I guess you would K-N-to-tha-izzow. Still, who would have done sum-m sum-m like this? I bet it was those evil goons, tha 3Piece Set gangsta style. Lets go confront them.

Nayr: Uh, this is so out of character for them. I mean, really. I haven't been here long but even I know they would never, ever, ever, graffiti a room with a message like that. Yo.

Fly: Still, lets go confront tizzle anyway.

*Fly rushes off with Nayr trailing behind in order to confront Altrageous and Hollywood Harris in a totally thrilling and hilarious promo that one of them will hopefully write on account of me being neither hilarious nor thrilling. Stay tuned to OOWF TV!!!*

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem throws open the door to a room with a single lightbulb.)

Eco: Jack!

Boogeyman: I'M THE BOOGEYMAN AND I'M COMING TO GET YOU!!!

Eco: Don't you work for some other company?

Boogeyman: Nope, I got fired.

Eco: No, I'm pretty sure you got hired again.

Boogeyman: I'll check the website.

Eco: Listen, doesn't Jack live in this room or something?

Boogeyman: No. There's like a billion of them.

Eco: Oh. I was just going to tell him that I was looking forward to working with him and that I really respect him as a wrestler. Also that he's a washed-up old hack and I have a 2-month long undefeated streak, so he better shove off. Mostly the first.

Boogeyman: Well, just email him.

Eco: Good idea.

(Ecosystem leaves the room and bumps into Firechild.)

Eco: Firechild! Have you seen Moosehead Jack anywhere?

FC: I don't know nothing about LADDER, kid.

Eco: LADDER? What happened to LADDER?

FC: ...Look, it's JonBenet's real killer!

Eco: WHERE?

(Eco turns around and Firechild runs away. Outback Jack walks into the hallway.)

Eco: HOW DARE YOU KILL HER!!! SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!

OBJ: What--

(Eco jumps up, grabs a floating steel chair, and smashes OBJ over the head with it. The Boogeyman walks out of the room.)

Boogeyman: Yeah. I thought I left that somewhere.

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline are in the back of the arena, cutting another Old School promo. A SFJ is there simply to hold the microphone. Apocalyptic Existence stands behind The Chickenshit Heels, looking tough.

AA: It’s been a week, and I still have my $5,000 right here with me, waiting for those chumps Harris and Alt to answer our challenge. All we want is one shot at those titles, one shot to deal with you two stealing our gimmick! I’m not going to repeat myself again! No one steals a Chickenshit Heels gimmick and gets away with it!

(AA starts counting his money, still loaded with small denominations of tattered bills.)

JA: Harris, Alt, last week you were lucky to get out of the ring with those belts. (Footage is shown of the end of the wCw/3 Piece Set match from last week, with the interference by Mierde del Pollo Rudos.) You couldn’t do in 15 minutes what the Mierde del Pollo Rudos were able to do in three seconds: Put wCw down for the count. And it seems that you still have issues with those masked men for posing as them and stealing the titles. In fact, it looks like you have a lot of people pissed at you right now.

(AA gets done counting his money and speaks up.)

AA: So why are you starting to piss us off even more? Last week we beat, we pinned in the middle of the ring, the Halfrican Americans. So what do you do? You ask for them in a title match! We offer you $5,000 for a match (waving the money around), and instead you decide to pick on a team we BEAT! Well, that’s all fine and good. Eventually, we’re going to get you two in the ring and we’re going to teach you a lesson in stealing gimmicks! (AA’s money starts falling from the bundle and to the floor.) And if we have to do it the old fashion way, like earning a title shot this week against wCw, we’ll do it! We nearly put them out of wrestling once, and we’ll do it again!

JA (picking up the money): AA, why don’t you get a cashier’s check or something for that money? Or at least upgrade it to $100 bills?

AA: Johnny, this is gambling money! I can’t exactly go into a bank and expect to get it back! That Senator Frisch’s gambling bill he tacked onto the port security measure is screwing up everything for us gamblers! I’m just trying to earn a living. Which reminds me (AA turns back to the camera), Harris! Alt! Becaue I have this money waiting for you, I wasn’t able to bet on college football this past weekend. I had a 100-STAR LOCK OF THE CENTURY on North Carolina, and you’re going to pay for the fact I couldn’t bet them!

JA: Uhhh, AA? North Carolina was an 18 and a half point underdog. They lost 27-7. You would have lost. Besides, I don’t think North Carolina can beat Temple right now.

AA: Wha? Whatever! I’m still pissed because I need action! Harris, Alt! Your days as champs are numbered!

(The cameraman turns off the camera.)

JA: By the way, have you lost weight?

AA: I think I dropped a couple pounds this week. Did you know that four laps around a football field is a mile? Man, that’s a long way!

[mooseheadjack]

JW Westgaard, Tommy Wilder and Capellan overhear the Chickenshit heels promo and steps in as their camera cuts out.

they've got their own Invisible cameraman in tow.


JA: By the way, have you lost weight?

AA: I think I dropped a couple pounds this week. Did you know that four laps around a football field is a mile? Man, that’s a long way!


AA is waving his wad of cash around.

JW takes his ever so handy hockey stick rears back and slashes the hell out AA wrist, causing to flail like A-Rod swatting at a tag and his money to fly all over the floor.

Johnny takes a step at JW, but Wilder & capellan step up and Johnny, being the Chicken shit heel that he is, backs down

JW: so this is how you guys get title shots? By buying them? That pretty fucking weak....

Capellan: in case you noticed wCw beat KZ for the titles...

Jw: You know, Something you two chauncy little bitches couldn't do while me and the kid were rehabbing.

TW: the Set Snagged those titles from us titles from us, not you two. you guys crashed and burned in the contenders match. We have a legit reason for being the #1 contenders.

JW: You two posers belong in the buffet line <gesturing to AA> and on the golf course. So go ahead and try and buy your shot.......cause we are gonna earn our shot and get the titles we deserve.

[mooseheadjack]

Capslock and Stank round a corner to see Spin Hansen being beaten down by kz. Capslock and Stank run in and chase them off.

SH- Ouch! Does this happen to faces a lot? I don't like it!

FFC- Yeah. Faces get the shit kicked out of them constantly. But I wouldn't exactly say we're faces.

Stank- We're not?

FFC- I thought we were tweeners.

Stank- Haven't we had this discussion 90,000 times?

FFC- I don't know. Have we?

Stank- Maybe, but we do have a problem here. Why did kz just run off?

SH- What do you mean?

FFC- Yeah. That's not like them at all. Why did they just run off? Unless they went to get more weapons.

Stank- Shit...

LD Williams comes smashing through the wall on a forklift pinning Capslock to the adjacent wall. Moosehead Jack smashes a barbed-wire baseball bat into Capslock's face. Williams pulls off the propane tank and tosses it down the hallway, as it sprays propane everywhere. Jack throws a lit zippo lighter down the hall and a huge explosion rockets Stank and Spin towards them. Williams and Jack duck and they crash into the forklift and FF Capslock.

LDW- Huh. I never thought that would work.

MHJ- Yeah...cool. Well we got all of them. They've tasted our wrath.

MFMIAM- Not ALL of us.

MYSTERIOUS FORTH MAN IN A MASK~! smashes Jack in the teeth with a yule log and blasts Williams behind the knees with it. While he's struggling MFMIAM runs to the wall and does a running moonsault off the wall onto LD Williams! Stank and Spin get up and the three of them put the boots to kz until they run off.

FFC- Way to go, Mysterious Forth Man In A Mask! Can you guys get this forklift off me now? I need to tend to my bleeding face.

SH- You gotta teach me that running moonsault off the wall.

MFMIAM- It cannot be taught. It cannot be learned. It is something you are born with.

Stank- You were born with the ability to do a running moonsault off a wall?

MFMIAM- No...I guess I learned it.

Stank- Then quit being such a cryptic ass. Just because you're wearing that mask doesn't make you sage-like. We all know who you are under there.

MFMAIM- I guess you have a point.

SH- I don't know who it is.

FFC- That's because you'd give it up in a second if you got tortured.

SH- Am I getting tortured any time soon?

FFC- Eh...you never know in this company.

[mooseheadjack]

<ecosystem finishes discussing some tidbit of strategy with The Knife and the youngster walks away. When he turns around, kz is standing there>

Eco: Jack.

MHJ: Eco

Eco: Something I can do for you?

MHJ: Well Eco, maybe there is. See word travels pretty fast around here, and I was hoping that you could shed some light on your comments that I'm a washed-up old hack and you have a 2-month long undefeated streak, so I better shove off.

Eco: Yah that was....

MHJ: Save it. Washed up? Listen Eco, while you cracked under the pressure of trying to lead The Establishment and ran away I stayed here, I fought and bled, while you ran off to soothe your bruised ego. Now, the Establishment is dead, and it will stay that way. Now the way I see it, you have two choices. You can show up for the match this week, do your part, we win, and you can go on having your little undefeated streak.

Eco: Or?

MHJ: Or, you can fuck with the wrong people and find yourself out of the OOWF again REAL quick. Let's not forget Eco, I beat you once, right now, we are cool. Keep pushing it and running your mouth reckless and that will change real quick.

<Jack walks away and LDW remains to glare at Eco. He flinches and Eco takes a step back. LDW smirks and leaves, leaving Eco standing alone until The Knife walks back up>

Knife: was that kz?

Eco: Yeah

Knife: talking strategy huh? I tell you Eco, I get a bad feeling about them. Are you sure you can trust them?

<Eco looks at Knife, but never answers>

Eco: Let's go get some of that energy drink

[mooseheadjack]

*Knife and Eco are walking down the hall, when Knife is suddenly locked into a sleeper hold by GatorBait, while a deranged Outback Jack hits Ecosystem with a dozen shots with a steel chair wrapped in barbed wire. Wally B. King struts up, clad in a purple pimp suit.*

WBK: Senseless violence makes me sad.

GB: Really?

WBK: Maybe not. Let's do this.

*OBJ slings Eco on his shoulders, and the Aussies walk away from an unconscious Knife*

[mooseheadjack]

*Tapping on the KZ locker room door causes LD Williams to open the door, revealing Wally B. King rapping on the door with his pimp cane.*

LDW: You're pushing your luck, Wally.

WBK: I'll take my chances.

*GatorBait steps up next to Wally*

GB: I'd say his chances aren't so bad, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.

*Moosehead Jack moves up next to LD Williams*

MHJ: And you are here because?

WBK: Well, good news and bad news. Good news is, we aren't here to pick a fight. Bad news is...

*OBJ comes running up and throws Ecosystem through the door, slamming his body into the far wall*

WBK: Your "partner" got played by 3 Piece Set.

GB: Sucks to be him, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.

[mooseheadjack]

Martial musis plays over a panning close up shot of the Onslaught title belt...

In bold letters, superimposed on the screen.

THE 3 PIECE SET, THE MOST DOMINANT AND ENTERTAINING FACTION IN PRO WRESTING HISTORY PROUDLY PRESENT, THE GREATEST TECHNICAL WRESTLER ALIVE TODAY, THE 3 TIME AND GREATEST OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION.

FIRECHILD

Firechild steps into a spotlight, Onslaught title over his shoulder,a Canadian flag in the other hand.

He speaks...

FC: I would like to thank my colleagues in the 3 Piece Set, and all my adoring fans for their unstinting support these past two years.

He mugs for the camera.

FC; I know I have always been a confidant, verbose individual, but with recently regaining MY Onslaught title, the title I made famous, I feel I am completely, unequivocally and undoubtedly the greatest Onslaught division wrestler ever.

He poses as if soaking up the adulatio of the crowd.

FC: Many have been priviliged to compete with me, from Alaska, Australia, the United States and even some filth from England....

He grimaces in distate.

FC:..so let it not be said I am not an equal opoortunity competitor. But I have this week, a competitor who is Canadian, and proud of it. Well, Canadian Dragon, recnetly you're old friend LADDER found that it does not pay to get in my way, and I feel it only fair to warn you.

Firechild tosses the Canadian flag onto the ground and douses it in lighter fluid...

FC: If this hurts you're national pride, then it is but a portion of the humiliation and suffering I shall visit apon thee at Midweek Mayhem.

He tosses a match onto the flag and it burns up...

FC: You're fate is assured......

[mooseheadjack]

Ax is sitting down at Rob Feinstains basement bar.

RF: Ax as my most famous patron, my other patrons are just dying to know, when are you going to take your vengeance upon the 3PS.

Ax: Hey I'm gotta keep the punters wanting, I can't shoot this too soon. Just like Hogan and Sting this has gotta wait until the time is right. I'm waiting, and all the pieces are falling into place. I'll soon be the IC champ, I'll finally be recongized as a great singles wrestler, I've got Nick Patrick to be the ref, Bret Hart the special guest ring enforcer and Tony Schivone on play by play. As for the Set them selves, well let me give you a little history lesson, and as we know history repeats it’s self time and time again. Boys a candles only got two ends and your burning yours in every direction possible, just like Bonaparte, Hitler and Bush the 3 worst tyrants of all time your fighting too many wars on too many fronts, The UnderDawg, The half Americans, OBJ, Gator bait, Remember lads keep your friend close and well in your case keep your enemies closer because my enemies enemy could very well be my alley the list is getting longer every week and I'm still there sitting right on top ready to knock you down off the shit thrones you’ve created right back down to earth. Don't believe me boys just ask Capellan real soon. He'll be able to tell you. Listen carefully boys time is nearly up, the time lapses between the tick and the tock, that's me and I'm getting closer.

Fade out.

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack stands by the broken door watching the Aussies leave, but not even bothering with Eco, LD Williams walks up next to him>

LDW: This wasn't 3Piece Set

MHJ: Nope

LDW: We got the Set treating us like lackeys, we have D&D questioning us, and we have The Aussies punking our partners and trying to play us for fools. Jack, what the hell?

MHJ:<after a long pause> LD, do you know where Thim is?

LDW: I think he is out back beating the crap out of one of the stagehands or something.

MHJ: Good. Let's go find him, I think its time we started getting some revenge.

[mooseheadjack]

**Moosehead Jack and L.D. Williams are on their way to find Thim when they come across Canadian Dragon.**

LD: "I'll catch up with you in a second Jack."

**Moose continues on as L.D. approaches Dragon, who drops into a defensive posture.**

LD: "Chill. You're not on the agenda right now."

CD: "Since when does that matter?"

LD: "Since you have a match with Firechild. I saw what he did to the flag. Even I don't go for that kind of thing."

CD: "What's your point?"

LD: "You get the chance, end him."

CD: "I plan on it."

LD: "Good."

**L.D. walks away to catch up with Jack.**