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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:44:43 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem!
Live From Dudelange, Luxembourg
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Alt
Onslaught Championship Semi-Finals[/u]
Uncle Entity vs. Nayr
Matt Daddy vs. Concrete TG
Chain Match[/u]
Moosehead Jack & LD Williams vs. The Black Dawgs
The Chickenshit Heels & Niles Anderson vs. wCw
The Team From Down Under vs. Grounded in Reality
Thim Reynolds vs. Canadian Dragon
Chris Cole vs. Mr. Jealous
Seraph vs. Microplay
Siriram vs. Eric O'Mac vs. Corax vs. Firechild
Drink & Destroy & Josh O'Neal vs. The Devil's Brigade & Shashwat Mishra
Austraroo & Fly vs. Mercury & SoulDragon
Card subject to a blight of locusts
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:45:10 GMT -5
[The Chickenshit Heels are sitting at a table eating sandwiches.]
JA: Where did Niles get all this money from all of a sudden? It's not like he's bringing in those big paydays... [looks around to make sure Niles isn't around] ...like he was when he was the champ.
AA: [with mouth full] Who cares?
[Camera pulls back to show a number of sandwiches, best described as a "shitload," on another table beind AA.]
JA: I'm just trying to figure it out.
AA: [with mouth full] Why don't ya figure out how to get that box open so we don't have to fight that ladder match at Madness.
JA: Well, yeah. That too. Speaking of which, you got Sir Charles dispatched for the day?
AA: [with mouth full] Yeah, I got him framing my shares of stock. We're part owners of this bitch!
JA: So whatcha wanna do about our little box friend here? We can still blow it up.
AA: [swallows sandwich] Well, we could try, but everyone knows that destroying the box would effectively end our feud with Drink & Destroy. So... someone would have to come along and steal the box from us again. And we don't want that, do we?
JA: No, but it would probably be good for ratings.
AA: [with mouth full again] We'll figure something out.
[fade out]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:45:35 GMT -5
A masked man enters the restaurant where The Chickenshit Heels are eating. He brandishes a sawed off shotgun and fires a round into the ceiling.
MM - NOBODY MOVE!
Everyone in the restaurant including TCH freezes.
MM - I'M LOOKING FOR THOSE CHICKENSHIT HEELS ADRENALINE AND ADJUSTER!
TCH quietly gather up there belongings and try to sneak out the back door when the staccato tones of Public Enemy's Raise the Roof break the silence. Johnny Adrenaline rapidly fumbles around trying to quiet his cellphone.
JA - whispering forcfully NOT now!
Too late as the masked man has a bead on their position. He fires a warning shot at the floor just in front of TCH!
MM - THAT'S FAR ENOUGH!
AA - Wha... wha... what do you want with us?
MM - GIMMIE THE BOX!
AA - You heard the man. Give em the box.
JA - No. We worked SO HARD to get this back.
MM - GIVE ME THE GOTDAMN BOX! NOW!
JA tosses the box to the masked man who then picks up the box and exits out the front door.
RS - Damn.
AA - You said it Ron.
JA - I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
AA - Well it was bound to happen at some point.
JA - It's just not fair! GUNS? WHY? It just doesn't seem right!
AA - Did you see how muscular that guy was?
JA - Yeah it HAD to be Josh O'Neil. This time he's carried that gung ho Marine attitude way too FAR!
Meanwhile Invisible ninja cameramen deftly keep track of the masked man. As he rounds the corner he grabs his cellphone, dials a number then removes his masked to reveal...
Camby - I got it Tommy! Now WE got something those pricks Drink & Destroy want. Heh Heh Heh!... I mean BESIDES the Tag Team Belts you idiot!... Meet me at the designated... ... YES THE TOWN BAR! WHAT'S with YOU?... ... OF COURSE I wasn't FOLLOWED!... Invisible WHAT?... Oh yeah... well... ... ok, I'll see you soon.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:46:54 GMT -5
Scene cuts to the local pub.
Harper CAmby Walks in and belly's up to the bar next to Tommy O'Neil...who's got several empty pints of Guiness in front of him.
HC- I got it Tommy....Where Ayaka?
TO- Sum fekkin nancy boyo <hiccup> made a pass a' 'er.....so sha droog the coont at the bak doo <hiccup>
with that a man comes flying in a window and crumples to the floor
Ayaka walks in with a smirk on her face.
HC- god you're amazing
TO- Did ya <hiccup> get da fekkin bax a' <hiccup> promos?
HC- you bet your Irish ass I did...
TO- good we gat da' belts....we gat da' promos....we gat da baddest, meanest lil'
lady watching ar backs....now all we need is to cunvice dat lil' twat missy ta ditch dem fekkin nancy boyos in wCw and we be set .
HC- damn straight.....BARKEEP THREE MORE GUINESS!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:47:21 GMT -5
"I warned you!" Missy has her hands on her hips as she glares at wCw. "I told you not to pick a fight with Niles Anderson's group!"
"Seems to me they picked a fight with us." JW remarks.
"We can handle the Heels, and Cap's gotta face Anderson sooner or later .... they're in the same division." Tommy hits the fridges and starts tossing out Red Bulls, "Want one, Missy?"
"Got a Lemon Russki?" Missy snarks.
"Chill, Missy." Capellan shrugs and cracks open his Red Bull, "We'll be fine. When's the last time those guys gave anyone a real beat down? The 'masked men' thing?"
"You can't prove that was us!"
wCw pause, then JW strides to the door and swings it open. AA and Johnny are crouched over, ears pressed to glasses.
"Uh..." Capps grins up at JW, "... you guys seen Ric's sandwich shop around anywhere?"
JW slams the door.
"Ow! My ear!"
"I'm not worried about you." Missy reminds Cap, "In case you haven't forgotten, the Devil's Brigade want to get their hands on me. While you're all off on your little 6-man bout of homo-eroticism, who's going to be watching out for my ass?"
"In those pants? The whole damn audience." JW mutters, making Cap nearly choke on his drink.
"Got it covered, Missy." Wilder flips himself onto a couch, "You come down to the ring with us, and you'll be fine."
"Oh yeah? And what if the Brigade come out and help the Chickenshits kick your asses?"
"They're the tag champs. Nobody in the tag divisions going to help them do anything. Not even Capps and Adrenaline are that dumb." Capellan, perhaps overconfidently, predicts.
Missy doesn't look convinced. Tommy, on the other hand, already has his mind on other matters,
"But if you're coming down to the ring with us, we gotta do something about the wardrobe." he gestures at Missy in her smart pants suit, "This yuppie thing may have worked for Viper, but you don't look like part of our team."
"I'm not part of your team!" Missy stamps her foot, "I'm just here because you're the only people stupid enough to get in Camby and O'Neill's way!"
wCw aren't paying attention.
"Dude, we could totally deck her out as a surf chick!"
"Bro, where are we ever going to find a surf shop in Luxembourg? It's land-locked."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:47:44 GMT -5
*TTFDU strolls into the WCW promo*
WBK: Pardon us, we were looking for Ladder. You guys seen him?
JW: Nope.
TW: Sorry, dudes.
OBJ(drinks Fosters & belches): That's Australian for...
Missy: Were you born in a cave?!!
OBJ: Yeah - how'd you know?
Missy: It's a figure of speech, you moron! Like asking someone if you were brought up in a barn, you know?
GB: Sounds like someone knows your bio, Outback.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:48:06 GMT -5
After TTFDU leaves.....
JWW: Dudes you guys know what we haven't done in a while....
Tommy: Went Street Luging?
Cap: went surfing?
Missy: Gotten laid?
JW: guys-your close....Missy what about Mr. Viper...according to him, before he got taken out by Mushmouth and the Roided Out Ape, he was giving you the ween all the time.....
Cap and Tommy laugh their asses off.
Missy: Shut THE FUCK UP......
Cap: maybe you do need to get laid.
TW: cause maybe, just maybe you'd chill out and relax then
JW: (holding back laughter): Tommy you have an extra parachute?
TW: yeah why?
JW: lets expand Miss- Crabby Ass here's horizons and go find something to jump off of.....
Cap and Tommy Get big grins
Missy: NO. FUCKING. WAY.
JW: OK, but remeber its St. Patty's day and O'neils Irish ass is gonna be full of guiness and Irish whiskey...
TW: and Camby's a juiced up Psycho ... <throws the Extra Chute at missy>
Missy: <stands up and grabs the Parachute> I really HATE you guys....
[Edited on 3-17-2006 by birdyman47]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:48:29 GMT -5
*GB and OBJ are at a pub, pints of stout in hand, with Ladder set up next to them*
Bartender: Now why do you have to have that ladder taking up space there on one of our busiest days?
GB: Well, there's a tendency for OOWF tag teams to get attacked by their upcoming opponents while they're trying to have a few drinks, so he's our insurance policy.
Bartender: What?
OBJ: Never mind all that, we need another round. But none for him, he's driving *points to Ladder*
Bartender(laughts politely): Ha, that's a good one, sir. The ladder's driving.
GB: He's just called "Ladder" not "The Ladder" - it might cause people to confuse him with "The Rick" if we called him that. Like Shane Helms and Shane McMahon, or Lance Cade and Lance Storm.
*bartender pours himself a shot, chugs it*
OBJ: And he really is driving. Although why Wally wouldn't let me drive the limo again is beyond me.
Bartender: Wally?
OBJ: Speak of the devil, here he comes now.
*Wally B. King struts in in a green pimp suit, hat and cape, with a shillalegh instead of his usual cane.*
Bartender: It's going to be a long night.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:48:50 GMT -5
-Chuck Norris and Matt Daddy are walking towards a hotel in Dudelange, Luxembourg.
MD: “Thanks by the way for coming to the ring with me last week. I don’t think I could have won that match without your support. Having you ringside really helps me keep focus during the match. I don’t understand thought how we were all laying on the canvas, practically KO’ed?”
Chuck: “Don’t worry about it partner. You did well, you cleaned up, you showed them who’s boss. If we keep this up, you just might win the strap. Imagine how good that thing would look wrapped around your waist. Think of how everyone in the locker rooms at the arena would look at you. Think of…”
MD: “I get it Chuck, but why would any of those things matter to me. Sure… I would be ranked #1 in the onslaught division, but what effect would that have on society. Would it end world hunger, would it give needy people jobs to support their families, would it stop international gun smuggling? The damn belt is nothing but a fashion accessory.”
Chuck: “That’s where you’re wrong Mr. Daddy… The title will give you some much needed publicity. Picture yourself as the next Bono or the next Paul McCartney. They’re superstars with international agendas. They are doing great things for the world and they’re getting recognition for it. Why? Because they are superstars! People care about them and here is the kicker… Large companies give them money to look good themselves. When you get the belt, you become famous and the companies will support your cause.”
MD: “Good point. You must be a Jedi or something. You always know just what to say to get me to see your point of view.”
Chuck: “Nope… I’m Chuck Norris. The Jedi got nothing on me!”
-They start to laugh. Chuck and Matt Daddy arrive at the front desk and start talking to the hostess. The hostess immediately recognizes Chuck and asks for an autograph. Chuck gladly signs.
Chuck: “Now then, I need to find someone’s room. I’m looking for a Nayr the Halfling Luchadore.”
Hostess: “Is that the first name, or the last name?”
Chuck: “I’m not sure. It might just be like a Madonna.”
Hostess: “I got it. He’s in room 801.”
-Chuck and Matt grab the key and head for the elevator. Matt hits the 8th floor button.
MD: “Hey… Do you know who I have to face for the next round?”
Chuck: “Yeah, It’s CTG. You’ll need a lot of time to prepare for that match. He already has a victory on you.”
MD: “Yeah, I know. That was the first time I was ever upset with my performance.”
Chuck: “You weren’t disappointed when you were beaten by the 16 year old?”
MD: “Look, he’s not 16. You’re just upset that he cussed you out. Chuck, don’t get personal when we get to his room. Just tell him that what he did was wrong and we’ll be on our way.”
Chuck: “Sure Matt, that’s what I’ll do.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:49:14 GMT -5
Missy has the parachute in her arms but she doesn't look happy.
"I can't believe you guys are making me do this!" she complains, "First I get dragged all the way to Europe by that psycho Ayaka. I hate flying. I hate heights."
"Missy, relax." Capellan soothes, "We're not bad guys. We're not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. But Birdy set up this jump before we knew you'd be around, and the three of us are going to do it. You can ride down in the elevator."
"When what's this for?" Missy brandishes the 'chute.
"We can't leave you at street level when we go up." Wilder explains.
"Since the Brigade might arrive and we'd be too far away to help." JW nods.
"So you have to come up with us, but there's a small chance that the Brigade will show after we've jumped, but before you reach the elevator. The 'chute gives you an option if that happens." Cap concludes.
Missy blinks.
"Your big idea to protect me is to have me jump off a building!?"
"Better that than Camby and O'Neill, right?" Wilder reasons.
"Argh!" Missy stomps off.
"She okay, you think?" Capellan asks.
"Yeah bro, she just needs some time to adjust." Wilder grins, "Once she's downed a few Dews, she'll lighten up."
Just then, SFJ#9(#9...) runs up:
"wCw! Can I have a few questions with you?"
"Sure sweetcheeks, what is it?" JW asks.
"There's word some people in the OOWF think you're just a bunch of goofballs." #9 begins, "How do you respond to allegations you're not taking this sport seriously?"
"Seriously?" Capellan slaps the belt at his waist, "Do you think I would have this if I didn't take this seriously? Do you think Tommy and Birdy would have been tag champs if they didn't take this seriously?"
"Then what about you wacky antics?" #9 persists, "Surely you can see why people would think -"
"Wacky antics?" Wilder interrupts, "Babe, we're just looking for a rush that'll match the high we get from hitting that ring."
JW nods,
"The OOWF means a lot to us, and we love being here. But one of the reasons we love being here, is that this job is the best job in the world."
Capellan speaks up,
"Where else could we go into the office and have thousands of people shouting our names? Where else could we get that rush? That energy? Trust me, every time any of us step in that ring, we're going to give everything we have. You bet your ass we take this job seriously: but we have the time of our lives doing it."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:49:38 GMT -5
*Sexy Female Journalist number 87 is standing by a table and drinking a cup of coffee. When Thim Reynolds walks by.*
SFJ#87: "Hey Thim! Wait a minute!"
TR: "What do you want Cindy? "
SFJ#87: "I know how you can avoid the Canadian Destroyer!"
TR: "REALLY?"
SFJ#87: "Yeah! All you need to do is not wrestle Dragon! I mean everybody keeps telling me Dragon is going to put me through a table, but as long as I don't interview him I'm safe!"
TR: "So let me get this straight, you want me to be a loser and not face Dragon?"
SFJ#87: "Ummm....didn't you lose the last two times you did wrestle Dragon?"
TR: "Shut up...this interview is over!"
*Thim walks away as Cindy looks on.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:50:24 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline is seen in the locker room when Attitude Adjuster walks in.]
JA: Well...?
AA: Done better, I know that for sure. I called Syracuse and Kansas, but Northwestern State? Gimme a break...
JA: George Mason?
AA: I know. I had Tennessee though. so I'm more pissed at Wachikita State or whoever the hell they are.
JA: Is that all you did this weekend? Bet on basketball?
AA: Yeah, so?
JA: ... Good, me too. I didn't wanna feel bad for taking the weekend off from trying to get our promos back. But since you slacked just as much as I did, I don't feel guilty.
AA: Did we ever find out who that masked dude was?
JA: If you check up about nine posts, you'll see it. But I don't know if we were supposed to know that yet.
AA: I hate trying to balance kayfabe and logic and all that shit.
JA: That's why we usually don't. Hey, I got a great idea.
AA: What's that?
JA: Let's get some sandwiches from OUR sandwich shop! It's been a bad weekend.
AA: Hell yes. Maybe we can even find the creativity to hype our big six man tag team match for this week. We're teaming with the champ!
JA: Well... former champ, but champ nonetheless. We don't have to tell him that, though.
[The Chickenshit Heels walk out and we fade out.]
[The Chickenshit Heels are finishing off their sandwiches and walking back down the hallway when they stop to look into an open door.]
AA: Johnny, check this out.
JA: What?
[Camera peeks in to show Tommy O'Neil passed out on the locker room floor, Guiness bottles strewn across the floor, obviously still feeling the effects of St. Patrick's Day. The Box O'Promos sits on a folding chair nearby.]
JA: You think we can get it?
AA: Sure, we can.
JA: What if it's a trap? Where's Camby?
AA: Probably sharing a needle with Bonds or something.
JA: And Ayaka?
AA: You know she's banging some guy somewhere. Go in there and grab that box, I'll cover you.
JA: Okay...
[Johnny tiptoes into the locker room and quietly picks up the Box O'Promos. However, as he turns to walk back out, he slips on a beer bottle and crashes to the floor, stirring Tommy.]
TO: Wha...?
AA: Come on!
[Johnny scoots out the door and brushes himself off.]
JA: That was easy.
[Before AA and JA can do anything else, Drink & Destroy show up at the end of the hall.]
FFC: HEY! The sons of bitches got there before we did!
Stank: Get em, Josh!
[Josh O'Neal takes off after the Heels, who haul ass down the hallway. Capps and Adrenaline turn the corner, and we suddenly hear a massive collision and the box hitting the floor. Josh stops, and Stank and Capslock walk up to him.]
Stank: What the hell happened?
[Drink & Destroy get a shocked look on their faces when, from behind the wall, Moosehead Jack emerges, Box O'Promos in hand.]
MHJ: The price you pay when trying to open Pandora's Box...
[Moose walks off sporting an evil grin as D&D temporarily calls off the dogs. Fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:50:47 GMT -5
<LDW and JAck are walking with the box o'promos>
LDW: Jack, what the hell do we need a stupid box of promos for? The other teams couldn't even open the damn thing.
MHJ: We're not going to open it.
LDW: We're not.
MHJ: No
LDW: Then why do we have it again?
MHJ: Cause others want it. And if we have it, and they want it, they have to pay OUR price.
LDW:<grinning> I like how you think Jack
<fade out>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:51:15 GMT -5
Stank - Well this is getting ridiculous!
FFC - You think this is just NOW getting ridiculous?
Stank - I'm just saying. We were all ready to take that box o promos away from TCH, then our opponents for this week steal the box before we can...
FFC - I know the rest.
Stank - I'm not finished.
FFC - I know. I'm just trying to save time here.
Stank - Hey this promo is skating on thin ice as it is. Don't you think we should pad it a little.
FFC - Well without the box o promos how do you expect us to do that?
Stank - ... ... ... We couldn't USE the promos when we HAD them. Remember? You spilled them all over the place. We gathered up the majority but there are still some missing pieces...
FFC - Yeah yeah I know.
Stank - I wasn't done.
FFC - But I already know what you're gonna say.
Stank - That's not the point.
FFC - What's the point?
Stank - ... ... ... I don't even know anymore. How are we gonna get the box back from that psycho, Jack?
FFC - Moosehead Jack can be reasonable.
Stank glares at FFC.
FFC - Ok.
Josh O'Neal walks into the locker room with the Box O Promos hanging around his neck.
Stank - What the f... How'd you get that back from Moose?
JO - They had a price. I paid it. Boy did I pay it.
Stank and FFC look at Josh quizzically.
JO - I don't wanna talk about it.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:51:36 GMT -5
<LDW walks into the locker room where Jack is sitting taping his fists and plotting mayhem> LDW: Where's the box of promos? MHJ: Josh O'Neal has it. LDW: Already? How? MHJ: We made a deal. LDW: Really. What's the deal? MHJ: If Drink & Destroy win the titles, we get the guaranteed first shot, in the match of our choosing, LDW: They won't honor that. MHJ<Pulling out a piece of paper>: That's why I got it in writing, Josh is part of their little group now, so he can make decisions. The shot is ours, now all we gotta do is wait. LDW: Or make sure D&D wins the titles. MHJ: LD I like the way you think. |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:51:58 GMT -5
Josh O'Neil is standing off to the side while D&D discuss things in hushed tones.
Stank - Look at em, geez.
FFC - He looks so... defeated.
Stank - What the hell do you think moose asked for?
FFC - Josh, you ok?
JO - I SAID I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!
FFC - Ok Ok. Don't get your panties in a bunch sheesh!
Stank - Hey you don't think Moose and LD... you know... DID somethin... to him?
FFC - What do you mean?
Stank - Anally
FFC - WHAT! Hell no! Moose and LD aren't Viper or... Beast! Speaking of... What are you doin?
Stank - This is the part usually when Donnie proclaims his heterosexuality.
FFC - Donnie is still in the hospital. The Tag Champs beat him pretty good.
Stank - Well... that ain't gonna happen to us.
FFC - Damn straight.
Stank - Hey maybe we should dedicate our next match to Viper.
FFC - Why the Hell would we do that?
Stank - Well that match needs SOME reason to exist. Avenging Viper's attack seems like as good a reason as any.
JO - HEY! VIPER IS QUEER! Not that there's anything wrong with that. BUT I DON'T HANG WITH SWEET BOYS!
FFC - I'm tellin you Stank. I LOVE this guy.
Stank - Does that make you a "sweet boy"?
FFC - Shut up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 16:52:17 GMT -5
Underdawg and Blackdragon approach Moosehead Jack and LD Williams
UD: So pompous. Playing around with the Box O Promos, overlooking our chain match this week, thinking you two will even be in any shape to battle for the titles. I thought you were smarter than that, Jack.
MHJ: Oh no, Dawg. Not overlooking you. Just laying out some future plans. Not like you two, who seem to go by the nose week to week. When's the last time you had a title shot?
UD: I don't need titles. I only need to kick ass.
LDW: Oooh. Tough words, UnderDawg. Sounds like you could have used the Box O Promos for yourself, big guy! Ha!
UD: Box O Promos? Me? The Original Dead Dawg? The wrestler from the depths of hell? The one who runs the yard? Bah!
MHJ: Well, your partner sure needs it.
Jack slams their locker door shut on the Black Dawgs.
UD: You know, Black. He does have a point.
BD: ?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:36:44 GMT -5
**Inside Moosehead Jack and L.D. Williams' locker room.**
LDW: "Actually Moose, maybe we should've held on to that Box O Promos."
MHJ: "Why's that?"
LDW: "Well, it'd piss Johnny and AA off, which is never a bad thing, and, since everybody wants the stupid box, they'd all be coming after us. Saves us the trouble of hunting them down."
MHJ: "And the title shot?"
LDW: "If there's nobody else breathing, we're kind of guaranteed a shot."
MHJ: "True, but look at it this way, D&D win the belts, we take them, and everybody comes after us anyway. Same result, more money."
LDW: (pauses) "That works."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:38:34 GMT -5
<Still in Jack and LDW's locker room...>
MHJ: you know, LD, just because we gave the box o'promos back to D&D certainly doesn't mean we can't just take them again.
LDW: What do you think the Chickenshit Heels would give for them?
MHJ: or wCw?
<evil pause>
LDW: Let's go find O'Neal
<LDW leaves the room, Jack begins to follow then turns to the invisible ninja cameraman>
MHJ: oh, and Big Dawg, you don't worry about us, we will be there at MidWeek Mayhem. If I were you, I would be a bit more concerned about your partner, he seems awfully....distracted lately. Can you really count on him? Something to think about.
Trust me
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:39:18 GMT -5
AA storms into the locker room and slams the door behind him. JA watches as AA stalks around the room for a second, grabs a chair and throws it to the ground, punches the wall and kicks a locker door.
JA: Dude, I've never seen you this angry. What's up? Is Ric's sandwich shop out of mayonnaise?
AA (in whining, mimmicking voice): Is Ric's sandwhich shop out of mayo? (stops whining). Hell, no! Is the damn Box O Promos. I built my entire career out of that Bag O Promos and now everyone is running around here acting like it's some kind of toy. Damn it, they're messing with my livelihood. Josh has the promos. We have the promos. The Devil's Brigade has the promos. Moose has the promos. D&D has the promos again. THEY'RE MY PROMOS AND I WANT THEM BACK!!!
JA stares at AA, startled by the seriousness.
AA: What! What are you looking at? I'm pissed!
JA: I know. You're starting to sound like a fa...
AA: Don't say it! I AM NOT A FACE! I DO NOT PANDER TO FANS! I JUST WANT MY BAG O PROMOS BACK!
JA: Damn.
RS: Hey!
AA: I know what I'll do. Fine, they want to play with the Bag O Promos in the Box O Promos, go right ahead. But I'm going on strike until I get my Bag O Promos back. No more fun and games. No more 5-star slapstick promos. Watch the ratings fall to the ground. See if I care. The OOWF is nothing without my promos because...
...AA Equals Ratings!
JA: Ummm...
AA: What!?
JA: That was a pretty good promo.
AA: Shut up!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:40:13 GMT -5
Scene cuts to The Devil's Brigade locker room.
Tommy O'Neil is still laying in a pile of Guiness bottles after his St. patty's day bender.
Tommy sits up....OOWF tag title in one hand...half empty bottle of Irish Whiskey in the other.
Tommy downs the rest of the bottle and looks around....
Sees a note on the door...
it reads....
Tommy,
Honestly did you really have to drink 19 pints of Guiness and a bottle and a half of whiskey?
I found some body around here that knows of a good "vitamin" supplier. Back in a while. Guard that box of promos so them fuckers in wCw or chubby and his lackey Adrenaline don't come after 'em.
they're sitting on the table.
HC
TO looks at the table, which is empty: fekkin <hiccup> Christ.....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:40:35 GMT -5
Nayr is in his hotel room watching Japanimation.
Nayr: Heh heh heh, look at the funny hair. Wait a second, green isn't a natural hair colour!
There is a knock on his door, Nayr goes to answer it.
Nayr: Holy crap! It's Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris: That's right, you little sixteen year-old freak. I'm gonna roundhouse kick you into next week!
Matt: Hold on, Chuck, hold on. Nayr, Chuck is a little angry about you cussing him in one of your promos.
Nayr: Wow, I can't believe it! Chuck Norris! Mr. Norris, can you sign an autograph, ummm, for my sister?
Chuck: Sure, I'll sign you an autograph, with my foot!
Nayr: You can write with your foot? Neato.
Chuck: I mean I'll roundhouse kick you, idiot.
Nayr: Oh.
Matt: Nayr, please apologise. It's not a good idea to have Chuck Norris as your enemy.
Nayr: Well, in fairness, I was temporarily evil at the time.
Chuck: Look here, that stuff may work in Japan, where they base wrestling on comic books, but it doesn't work here.
Nayr: Hey, I'll have you know that the quality of workrate in Japan is superb! Especially that cool acrobatic clown, whose name starts with an "A". (OOC- Moose, I was wondering about that guy too. I didn't know his name began with an "A" though, it was fairly incomprehensible to me.)
Chuck: Don't make me laugh! Japanese wrestling is for losers! Losers, do you here me? Now apologise, or else, well, you know *stretches leg experimentally*.
Nayr: Not until you admit that Japanese wrestling has redeemable qualities!
Chuck: Kid, do you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris! I don't need to admit anything, especially to some weird masked midget!
Both of them stare each other down. Nayr is beginning to flinch, when Matt pulls Chuck away.
Matt: Chuck, we'll settle this somewhere else. I need to prepare for my match against Concrete TG. Nayr, I must warn you, you've made a powerful enemy this day.
They leave, leaving Nayr looking worried.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:41:02 GMT -5
-Nayr is in his hotel room changing his pants when the phone rings. Darth Vader like breathing noises are on the other end of the phone.
Darth Vader voice on the other end of the phone: Nayr, are you alone in your room?
Nayr: “I guess so… Who is this?”
DVVOTOEOTP: “You don’t know me, but I know you very well. *breathing sounds* I know everything about everyone.”
Nayr: “Holy cow! I didn’t know that Jesus signed a contract in the Fed. Welcome to the squared circle my Lord!”
DVVOTOEOTP: “Don’t be an idiot… I’m not Jesus. *breathing sounds*”
Nayr: “Are you going to tell me something like “I AM YOUR FATHER””
DVVOTOEOTP: “Shut up kid. You’re in big trouble… You pissed off Chuck Norris.”
Nayr: “Hey… can you say “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” for me?”
DVVOTOEOTP: “DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?” *Breathing sounds*
Nayr: “Ani, Ani is that you?”
DVVOTOEOTP: “IT’S LIKE I’M TALKING TO A DAMN 16 YEAR OLD! This is FUCKING POINTLESS!!!… I’M HANGING UP!”
Nayr: “I was just yanking your chain. Why did you call?”
DVVOTOEOTP: “I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU! *voice calms down* I hope you understand that you pissed of *breathing sounds* Chuck Norris *breathing sounds* and the fact that I’m talking to you right now jeopardizes my own life.”
Nayr: “I understand that. The only reason that I’m not dead right now is because Matt Daddy was here to save my ass.”
DVVOTOEOTP: “He is the key to the puzzle, Halfling. He, and only he, can take down my operation. I need you to sabotage his match. I can't let him win the title and make a difference in the world. This is my world!”
Nayr: “Sabotage isn’t really my thing. Did you forget that I’m a face?”
DVVOTOEOTP: “I KNOW THAT! Never mind. Forget that I even called.”
-The phone clicks
-The camera fades out and fades back in to a street in Dudelange. Matt Daddy is trying to calm Chuck Norris Down.”
MD: “Seriously Chuck, you blew things out of proportions. What he did was wrong but you didn’t have to threaten to kill him.”
Chuck: “I didn’t threaten to kill him… I was just going to kick him in the face.”
MD: “Pot-aye-to, Pot-A-to, Chuck, It would have killed him.”
Chuck: “I don’t like that tone there partner. Don’t make me kick you too.”
MD: “I don’t know what’s been up lately. You don’t sleep at night any more, you don’t volunteer, and you don’t seem to care about anyone but me. You’re not going “brokeback” on me are you?”
-Chuck looks furious but then calms himself down
Chuck: “If you were anyone else…”
-Chuck Norris picks up a car and tears it in half.
MD: “What’s going on Chuck, I’m just trying to help.”
Chuck: “Nothing Matt… I just need some sleep.”
MD: “Look Chuck, I’m going to the gym to train for the Matt Daddy / CTG rematch. Then I’m going to watch some of his old tapes. Following that I’m going to adopt a kilometer of Highway. Get some sleep while I do that.”
Chuck: “That’s not a bad idea.”
Camera fades out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:41:25 GMT -5
<Josh O'Neal is walking down the hall, Box of Promos back around his neck on a chain...> JO: Geeze, Stank and FFC are gonna toss me out of the group if they find out what I did... but I had to get this box back! <Just then, LADDER comes flying through the air, taking Josh out! Justin Sane is right behind, yelling...> JS: I GOT YOU! I FINALLY GOT YOU! SOMEONE GET ME A REF! I'M GOING TO PIN LADDER! I'M GETTING MY REVENGE FOR THE HOTEL ROOM IN SINGAPORE YOU HEARTBREAKING SON OF A ..... Hey, what's this? <Spots the box around O'Neal's neck> JS: I don't think Shaq here would notice if I took this.... <Grabs the box, gives it a tug - Suddenly the chain holding the box comes free, and BOX OF PROMOS slams into Justin Sane's head instantly giving the Sanest Man alive a crimson mask that is 1.2 Muta! He goes down, in a heap, box on his chest!> <JW Westgaard is walks into the scene, case of Red Bull on his shoulder.> JWW: What the? THIS thing is back? <Looks around...looks at Sane.> JWW: Eh, what the hell.... <JW Westgaard sets down the Red Bull, counts 1-2-3. BOX OF PROMOS has pinned Justin Sane!> JWW: Guess I better take this with me... Hey Wilder! Tommy! I thought you threw this into the canal! <Wilder walks out of the locker room...> TW: Dude! Where did you get THAT? I thought I threw it into the river! JW: Canal. TW: Whatever, Mr. Travel Channel. How did you get it? <JWW Points at the wreckage behind him.> TW: Man.... I'm half expecting Al Snow and Raven to come after this next. JWW: We should put it somewhere safe. TW: Ooo! I know! We'll suspend it 30 feet above the ring, surrounded by a bamboo scaffold! With a giant X made from cables criss-corssing between the bamboo.... <Notices the look on JWW's face...> JWW: Geeze kid - I'm not THAT far gone yet.... But it isn't a totally crazy idea. Let's see the GM! wCw leave the scene> Justin Sane: Double-crossed! By a Box of Promos..... Rosebud! <Passes out again> <FADE> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 22:42:49 GMT -5
D&D&Josh are hanging out in a room of some sort. Their location is not important to the storyline so I've neglected to create one. Deal with it, readers.
S- You told LD Williams and Moosehead Jack that we'd give them first crack at our titles?! Wait...we don't have any titles...
FF- Let me just figure this out, Josh. If we win the Tag Team Titles, we gotta give our first shot to Williams and Headjack?
JO- Yeah.
S- This week we all have a match against the champions and an Indian, but its not for the titles.
FF- There's an Indian in this federation?
S- Two, actually.
FF- Woo woo or deeble dobble?
S- What?
FF- Feather or dot?
S- Oh. India Indian. And that's kinda racist, by the way.
FF- I'm not racist at all, my tag team parner is a colo...uh...african-american gentleman for God's sake.
S- Uh huh. Why do I hang out with you again?
FF- Because I'm irreverent yet fun?
JO- Yeah, he is both fun and irreverent.
FF- Thanks for the backup Josh.
JO- You got it, boss.
FF- Which Indian are we fighting?
S- Shashwat Mishra.
FF- Who's the other one?
S- Sriram.
FF- You mean Siriram?
S- Nope. He spells it "Sriram" even though everyone else writes it "Siriram" with that extra "i" in there. Its kinda annoying.
FF- When have you ever seen his name written?
S- Uh...uh...OH! On the line-up sheets. See. Look at this week's
But then look at this.
Isn't that wierd?
FF- That is wierd. It that the guy we're fighting?
S- No. I just thought it'd be worth bringing up. In case anyone who ever writes his name down watches OOWF TV.
FF- Okay so where was this conversation going?
S- Oh yeah. So when are we supposedly getting this title shot?
FF- I don't know.
S- Josh. Does Moose know something we don't?
JO- I was on the internet and I read that Moosehead Jack is secretly married to Rick's daughter. So maybe he knows some matches that are gonna happen that we don't know about it.
FF- That's interesting. Maybe we're getting a title shot.
S- Hmm. That is interesting. Almost as interesting as the Sriram/Siriram thing.
FF- Oh, let it go.
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